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1 NOV 03: SAINTS AND SINNERS

Standing outside my laundromat Friday afternoon, two women came up to me and asked if I wanted to buy some candy. Talk about bad timing - selling candy on the brink of Halloween, when so many children will get it for free?!

"It's for school," one of the women explained about the candy sale. Isn't this interesting? So many schools are under pressure to stop selling "junk food" - yet the parents are encouraged to sell it outside the school, to make money.

So you may be wondering what sort of candy I offered to trick-or-treaters on Halloween. The answer - NOTHING. I left home around 5:15 p.m. Friday, and didn't get back until after 8:30. I did what so many people today want Christians like me to do -- run and hide.

My Halloween strategy for years has been to get out of the house and do other things. I don't celebrate the day for religious reasons - and yes, I avoid being a hypocrite by not eating devil's food cake, too.

(Which leads me to ask: if we're in the heart of the "Bible Belt" around here, why do Columbus and Phenix City Central High Schools have teams nicknamed "Devils" - yet no team is called Saints or Angels?)

The church I attend preaches against Halloween, explaining it serves only to promote the "dark side" of Satan instead of the things of God. We don't even have one of those "fall festivals" which so many local churches have. We had that a couple of weeks, in the form of church conventions - and the only "costume" men needed to wear was a suit and tie.

So when darkness descended on Columbus Friday evening, I was strolling in a park on the north side of town - far from home, and any pesky children begging for candy. If youngsters need handouts, the December toy giveaways by churches are only month away.

After the walk in the park, I had a discount coupon for dinner at Ryan's on Manchester Expressway. It's been several years since I ate there, and the restaurant has gone through quite a renovation. They HAD to make the aisles wider, of course - for all the overweight people eating there.

Ryan's used to call itself a "steak house" - but now the steaks are part of a "Mega Bar." Places like this draw such big crowds in Columbus that I think I know where the Georgia Lottery got the name for "Mega Millions."

Even though it was Halloween, Ryan's was filled with people - and from what I saw, no one dressed up in a costume. No one even pretended to be one of the high school softball players visiting town....

The Ryan's Mega Bar allows you to get as balanced a meal as you'd like - or as unbalanced. The dessert tables have so many good choices that your children might not sleep for a week.

One unmarked item near the meat area of Ryan's led me to ask a man what it was. "It's Bourbon Style Chicken," he explained - then assuring me after eating some, I COULD be able to drive home.

After dinner, I drove to Columbus State University. The plan was to relax and read in the Davidson Student Center - but the building was locked, and the lights were turned off at 8:10 p.m. For once I wanted to be a studious nerd, and C.S.U. wouldn't let me....

On the other hand, tonight it was finally time to head for Target and buy some candy. Yes, on November 1 - when smart people know they can get good chocolate at half-price. See you on December 26?!

One night after Halloween, today was "All Saints Day," Why the New Orleans Saints don't have a home football game every year on this date, I have no idea....

Now some other scattered weekend notes:

+ Auburn blew away Louisiana-Monroe on homecoming weekend, scoring 73 points! Nice try, guys - but some of us still remember how Southern California shut you out on opening night.

+ I stood in line at a Money Back store behind a man who told the attendant: "You think I'm going to take a $15,000 check to the bank? H**L NO!" He then walked out - but the attendant only laughed when I asked where that man was going with his $15,000 check.

+ About 100 Baptists held a rally in Montgomery to impeach U.S. District Judge Myron Thompson - the judge who ordered the Ten Commandments monument moved out of sight at the Alabama Judicial Building. The fact that Senators Shelby and Sessions haven't proposed this already should send them a message....

+ The sermon at the church I attend was titled: "Tolerance: The Twisted Virtue." Afterward our snack table had a container of Cinnamon Twist snacks - and people laughed when I said I felt a bit guilty about eating them. Am I the one who has the problem here?!

AHEAD THIS COMING WEEK: Complete coverage of the Muscogee County school tax question, including the
campaign option many have overlooked.... and the visitor who put down Columbus responds to my defense....

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© 2003 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.