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15 JUL 04: SUMMER CLEARANCE

Wednesday was a liberating day for me - as I finally began to recycle some of the electronic and computer gear that's cluttering my apartment. When it's all finished, I may be able to move my stacks of old magazines off the floor.

Have you heard about what Office Depot stores are doing? They're taking your old electronics and computer items from
now until about Labor Day - and recycling them for free! About the only way they could improve this offer is to give me blue book value as a trade-in....

The Office Depot recycling offer covers all aspects of computer-related products, from mainframes to scanners. They're also accepting television sets measuring less than 27 inches -- which I think are becoming to TV what short-bed pickups are to trucks.

This Office Depot recycling deal is exactly what I've been waiting for. I didn't want to leave my big, bulky old computer gear at the curb, because I wasn't sure the city of Columbus could handle the dangerous chemicals in them properly. And the gear is so heavy that if I dropped it in a landfill, the whole thing might cave in.

The Columbus Office Depot reportedly was jumping the gun on the published national starting date of Sunday, so I took my first recycling item to the store Wednesday afternoon. It was an "e-machines" computer monitor, which I happened to buy at that same Office Depot Friday, April 30, 1999. Even in electronics, there's a circle of life.

(Yes, I remember the very day I bought that monitor - because I bought an "e-machines" mainframe with it in a package deal. At last I was free to play Minesweeper in the privacy of my home, without a boss at work getting upset.)

The old computer monitor had sat idle for more than a year, because it started acting strangely. Some sort of power problem made my mainframe keep running, even when I tried every switch possible to turn it off. Does Georgia Power employ formerly convicted hackers?

So I carried my old computer monitor into Office Depot - and something predictable happened. The customer service person had absolutely no knowledge of the recycling offer. These office supply stores simply MUST start selling "USA
Today."

The customer service person admitted she was new on the job, so she asked a co-worker for guidance. That woman said Office Depot exchanges empty ink cartridges when you buy new ones. I already knew that - and as expensive as printing ink has become, I'd almost rather put chocolate milk in the printer.

Finally a manager came over who knew what Office Depot was doing. She let me drop off my monitor - and I promised I'd be back. Others may have "Fan Clubs," but I am now in the electronics elite.

I had only one regret when I returned home about giving up that monitor. I still had the original e-machines box stashed in a corner of the computer room. I should have packed the two together - but then the beanbag chair stuffed on top of the box would have nowhere to go.

Yet to come on my summer computer recycling tour -- a number of items a church member gave me in 1996, when I first began using home computers:

+ An NEC Spinwriter printer - one so heavy that I should have carried it to my trunk the last time Columbus had snow.

+ A separate "NEC Letter Quality Printer 3550" - which has so many attachments you can put on top, it just might double as TV's "Magic Bullet."

+ The grand prize of them all: a Compaq portable computer - portable as in the size of a large suitcase, with a small monitor built into one side and a detachable keyboard for typing. If anyone used this as a "laptop," their thighs would collapse from the strain.

(I'm still not sure if I'm going to turn in that computer for recycling. I think a museum in Silicon Valley would pay a good price for it, as a 1990-era souvenir.)

E-MAIL UPDATE: The treasurer of Judge Roxann Daniel's campaign wrote us again Wednesday. Take a deep breath, and let's see if Maxine Hardy rebuts Mark Shelnutt's denials of a proposed $10,000 payoff [12 Jul]

Despite predictions to the contrary, I'm back. Bloody and bruised, but still swinging. So you want to hear some positive reasons to vote for Judge Daniel? I have some:

(1) As I have made very clear to anyone who is listening, Judge Daniel and her husband, David, are dear friends to me and my husband. Over the years, we have supported each other in good times and not-so-good times. When my family learned, in December, 2002, that Roxann had been appointed to the Superior Court bench, we were thrilled. We knew there was no one more deserving. I was also a little apprehensive; I practice family law and I knew I would be arguing cases in front of Judge Daniel. I needn't have worried. In my very first hearing before her, Judge Daniel ruled against me and in favor of the opposing attorney, Ray Akin. Since then, I have never felt the slightest twinge of doubt that Judge Daniel would always strive to be fair and impartial, regardless of who is before her. I'm sure Ray would concur.

(2) Judge Daniel is a person of real character, which may not matter much in a U.S. President, but is a reassuring trait in a Superior Court Judge. It is probably not widely known in the community, but Judge
Daniel has had to deal with some of life's harshest blows, including the death of her first husband and the traumatically premature birth of her only child. (Garit is now 6 years old and entering 1st grade at Clubview. We are immensely grateful that she is now perfectly healthy, after being born almost 3 months premature.) Once, several years ago, Judge Daniel and I were returning from a long weekend at the beach with our children. As Judge Daniel drove and our children slept in the back seat, I spent a lot of time talking to her about all of my troubles. (It is true that Judge Daniel displays a "No Whining" sign prominently on her desk; nevertheless, she is an extremely patient listener.) Sometime during that conversation, she gave me a bit of advice that has helped me calm myself when I'm going overboard, driving myself into a frenzy with worry. She told me that the way for me to deal with my anxieties is to look for a way to serve other people. I know Roxann follows her own advice. She has always been a volunteer for worthwhile community projects. She has volunteered for Girls, Inc. (Girls' Club), Our House, Children's Tree House, and New Horizons, among other things. And when she tackles a project, she digs in and works; she's never just a name on a letterhead. I know about these things, because she tends to drag her family and friends in to help out, too.

(3) Roxann is a worker. Since she has been on the Superior Court bench, she has spent nights and weekends studying, reading pleadings, doing her own research, conferring with other judges across
the state, and meeting with citizens, not to mention conducting hearings and trials. In my office, my staff knows that we can depend on Judge Daniel's office to process our paperwork promptly and accurately. In the last year and a half, Judge Daniel has made a point of staying in her office late on Friday evenings, because she knows that attorneys and other citizens often have court-related business they need to take care of before the weekend. There is not a Superior Court judge who works harder than Judge Daniel.

(4) Here is something that almost no one knows about David and Roxann Daniel, because it's not something they intended to have told: for the past couple of years, whenever we go out together, David and Roxann make a point of looking for a soldier so that they can pay for his check. They want these young people who make such valiant sacrifices for their country to know that this community cares about them and is grateful to them. It's not a bid for votes because soldiers tend to be transient and often don't vote in this community; it's not a political maneuver because they've never made their practice known (until big mouth, here, decided to blab). I believe they do it because they are true patriots.

I can tell you more, if you're really interested.

Hmmmm - not one "Shelnutt" in there anywhere. Now that's the way to change the subject....

Maxine, we're sorry to hear you've been "bloody and bruised." Did Judge Daniel do that, when she heard you wrote us?

If Judge Roxann Daniel ruled against Maxine Hardy in a case, yet they're working together in this election campaign, it means one of two things. Either Hardy has a true spirit of forgiveness - or she knew deep down her client didn't have a prayer.

I can't help wondering if Judge Roxann Daniel declared Maxine Hardy a friend of hers, during that court case a couple of years ago. Mark Shelnutt says the judge openly called him a "supporter of my opponent" in court several weeks ago -- and if it was her idea of a joke, Shelnutt certainly didn't get it.

What's this line that "a person of real character.... may not matter much in a U.S. President?" Are we talking about Bill Clinton committing adultery - or George W. Bush lying about weapons of mass destruction?

I didn't know Judge Roxann Daniel has a "no whining" sign on her desk at the Government Center. Based on the e-mails we've received, she might want to make copies of that for all the Bobby Peters critics.

It's nice to know Judge Roxann Daniel volunteers for so many local charities. How she can do that while trying 250 cases a year is beyond my comprehension....

It's also nice to know Judge Roxann Daniel and her husband have paid for the meals of soldiers. But c'mon now - how many of those meals were at Coach's Corner, before Fort Benning made it off-limits?

(Come to think of it, other writers said Bobby Peters knew plenty of people at local restaurants - but they never said he bought anybody's dinner.)

Updated score in the Superior Court Judge race: pro-Peters messages 7, pro-Daniel messages 2 - and unanswered charges, too numerous to mention.

Meanwhile, WRBL played a clip of the much-discussed, little-watched NBC-38 "Rise 'n' Shine" debate Wednesday night. Bobby Peters openly accused Roxann Daniel of submitting a false application for the Superior Court Judge job. She replied, "There you go again!" And the host probably wished Duke and the Doctor were back on instead.

And did you see what happened when the Columbus Times hosted a candidates' forum? The Ledger-Enquirer reported both contenders for judge were there - but only about 15 people showed up! Maybe this blog IS getting readers, and answering everybody's questions....

BLOG UPDATE: We received an answer to the "Hook" mystery Wednesday. The Columbus Catfish management told us the team's longtime mascot is heading for Spain, and overseas college study. So much for making extra money there as a baseball scout....

I'm told the former mascot worked at Golden Park several years, going back to the days of the RedStixx. Maybe this explains why the big sign outside the Columbus Civic Center along 4^th Street still has a RedStixx logo on it.

The Catfish managers say they're looking for a full-time "Hook," after using several "interns" this season. Now wait a minute - what sort of job can you get, after interning as a mascot? Being soft and cuddly can't even get you engaged to Donald Trump.

Catfish management informs me several people already have expressed interest in becoming the full-time "Hook." Maybe we need a contest like "Survivor" to find the best mascot - with events such as a "Hook and ladder" competition.

Now let's catch up quickly on some other items from the last couple of days:

+ First Lady Laura Bush visited suburban Birmingham, for a campaign trip we're told focused on "family values." If a luncheon costing $500 a plate doesn't reflect family value, what does?

+ Columbus Police reported five men robbed "Guud-Ez Urban Wear" in the Mission Square shopping center, and took as much expensive designer clothing as they could. Imagine the headline if this happened in New York: "SEAN JOHN GONE."

(WXTX "News at Ten" reported the stolen designer clothing included T-shirts valued at $44 each. I assume you wear the dress shirt UNDER this T-shirt, because it's probably less expensive.)

+ People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals posted a billboard on Veterans Parkway, urging you NOT to attend the Ringling Brothers Barnum and Bailey Circus next week. Good - then PETA will let me attend the Dixie Deer Expo instead.

(If you have a hunter in your family, PLEASE be sure he or she doesn't get next week's big events mixed up. That bloody tiger hunt near Palm Beach was bad enough....)

+ Sherwood Presbyterian Church continued a week-long summer etiquette course for children. Maybe next year this should be expanded - to include all the drivers in Columbus who cut you off in traffic, and never use a turn signal.

+ Which local TV reporter is packing bags, for an upcoming move to Birmingham? I'm told the deal is basically done - and this reporter resisted the temptation to work with Jon Paepcke.

+ Instant Message to Columbus Catfish broadcaster Nathan Raynor: AGAIN you make local sports history! I'm sure you did Wednesday night -- as the first sportscaster here ever to use the word "penultimate" during a game. You DID major in English literature, didn't you?

(Sad to say, many people around here probably hear the word "penultimate" and think of a life sentence without parole.)

BURKARD'S BEST BETS: Milk for $2.99 a gallon at Lewis-Jones.... gas for $1.73 a gallon at EZ Shop on Veterans Parkway.... but "Gummi Lunch" on sale at Big Lots?! C'mon....

COMING SOON: Here come the protest marchers.... a close look at some bricks.... and that item about quarters we've promised to bring you....

To offer a story tip, make a donation or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post a reply.

If you quote from this in public somewhere, please be polite enough to let me know.

© 2003-04 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.

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14 JUL 04: GIVE 'EM THE HOOK

While many baseball fans watched the Major League All-Star Game Tuesday night, I sat at home stunned - yes, STUNNED! It's all because the Columbus Catfish openly are hiring a new mascot. We're waiting to hear which fish market
is processing the old one.

The Columbus Catfish sent out a news release Tuesday announcing they're looking for someone to fill the role of "Hook" the mascot. So what happened to the person who had that job?

+ Did he miss some games - and play Hook-ey?

+ Was it last year's General Manager in disguise -- and he decided to flee town again?

+ Did he take too many one-dollar beers from fans, on Thirsty Thursday?

+ Did Fort Benning somehow ban all mascots from Coach's Corner, too?

It's probably not easy being "Hook" the mascot at this time of year. Even though the Catfish play 7:00 p.m. home games, that outfit must be hot and steamy to wear - although I'm not sure if this makes the Catfish mascot grilled, broiled or oven-roasted.

(And another thing: which member of Catfish management decided to name this mascot "Hook" in the first place? That was probably the lamest movie Julia Roberts ever made.)

If you want to apply for the job of "Hook" the mascot, there are some things to keep in mind. For instance: you can't slap the umpire with a pie to the face - but Quizno's Subs are OK, because that's an official Catfish sponsor.

If you've been to Golden Park, you know "Hook" races a child around the bases at every Catfish game - and even though the mascot has a one or two-base head start, he always seems to lose. So if you take this job, you might want to join the pitchers on the treadmill once in awhile.

(And let's see - if I remember the mascot's outfit correctly, "Hook" can only give the fans a high-four.)

The timing of this mascot opening is rather awkward. Even though Tuesday was an off day, the Catfish are in the middle of their season. Besides this, several political candidates won't know until next Tuesday if they need the income....

THE BIG BLOG QUESTION on the Superior Court Judge race wrapped up Tuesday night - and after eight days of voting, it finished this way: Bobby Peters gained 11 votes. Roxann Daniel gained nine votes. And the two who chose "none of the above" might be the wisest of all.

Bobby Peters gained 50 percent of the votes in our question, while Roxann Daniel received 41 percent. BUT I must quickly point out this was NOT a scientific survey. For one thing, I never put on goggles once....

(If this race winds up close, I hope I don't get blamed for the outcome. Let the record show I never claimed the Big Blog Question was the same as "advance voting" downtown.)

Two new Bobby Peters TV commercials appeared Tuesday night - but did you read the fine print at the end? Ex-wife Susan Peters is NOT listed, but campaign Treasurer Mark Callahan is. Maybe this is a subtle hint to Roxann Daniel, to fire
HER Treasurer.

One noteworthy word in the new Bobby Peters commercials is "temperament." He supposedly has it, while Roxann Daniel does not. But hold on here - does this mean one of these candidates is "temperamental?"

If you REALLY want a negative judicial campaign, watch the Georgia Supreme Court commercials. Justice Leah Sears unveiled an ad Tuesday claiming opponent Grant Brantley lied about being nominated for a federal judgeship. Bobby Peters
leaves that sort of finger-pointing to his friends.

(By the way, didn't she used to be Justice Leah Sears-Collins? Did focus groups declare hyphenated names out - or does Grant Brantley have his own attack ad coming?)

Then there's the new Johnny Isakson Senate TV commercial - in which the Republican he's helped Democrat Zell Miller! What are we going to have next? Will Denise Majette show off an autographed picture of Ronald Reagan?

And Instant Message to Congressional candidate Lynn Westmoreland: About that ad calling yourself "the conservative you know" - well, since you're from metro Atlanta, no I DON'T know you.

Meanwhile, Georgia Secretary of State Cathy Cox predicted Tuesday 30 percent of eligible voters will mark ballots in the primary. So if some people seem to avoid candidates like the plague over the next few days, remember - they're the majority.

To offer a story tip, make a donation or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post a reply.

If you quote from this in public somewhere, please be polite enough to let me know.

© 2003-04 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.

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13 JUL 04: LET'S GET IT OVER WITH

The political debate was tempered Monday, perhaps by the death of Muscogee County Election Board member Ken Barfield. He wound up on the board after a public spat with local Democratic leaders -- so you see, next Tuesday's Superior
Court Judge vote may not mark the end of a career after all.

Ken Barfield happened to die on the first day of "advance voting" in Georgia. I have several concerns about this practice. For one thing, some pride-filled people might go around wearing "I voted" stickers for a week.

(And another thing: doesn't this invite blatant commercialism at the polls? It's a wonder Advance Auto Parts doesn't have a pickup truck outside the Government Center door.)

Things looked fairly busy at the Government Center, as people cast advance voting ballots. One man explained his family was going out of town next week - perhaps to the beach, to wash off all the mud from some of the local races.

You may be surprised to learn the blog received NO e-mails Monday about the race for Superior Court Judge. Either both sides have run out of accusations -- or they were busy researching, to find new ones.

Meanwhile, did you know Bobby Peters has a "wanna-be" candidate in Phenix City? Based on what I've found, this man must think it's the signs which make Peters so popular....

With all the fire in the Superior Court Judge race, it's easy to overlook other contests on next Tuesday's primary ballot. For instance, I found school board candidate Mary Walker's campaign bus Monday night parked at Buena Vista and St. Mary's Roads. If she wins with that bus, the widening of St. Mary's finally may become a reality.

Then there's the U.S. Senate race in Georgia. Rep. Denise Majette came to Columbus Monday, as her radio ads encouraged you to elect "the first African-American Senator in Georgia history." It's nice to see being a female doesn't
matter anymore....

As for Majette's Democratic opponent - Instant Message to Cliff Oxford: Why did you "approve" the TV commercial where it looks like you have a five o'clock shadow on your face? Are you growing an election beard, like sports teams do during the playoffs?

Now a few other quick things from a quiet Monday:

+ Cellar's Lounge on Victory Drive posted this message on its outside sign: "Dear Fort Benning: Don't blame us for the city drug problems." Why, that place probably doesn't even have a "pot" for cooking food....

(Cellar's manager Sherry Melton said Columbus police checked her lounge four times over the weekend, looking for Fort Benning soldiers. SURE they walked into a strip club, looking for soldiers - like people tune into Jerry Springer for his
"final thought.")

+ WRBL visited Rigdon Road Elementary School, where four teachers are instructing fourth-graders in a team concept called "looping." Don't confuse this with one teacher giving year-round instruction - which would drive some of us
"loopy."

(And all this time, I thought "looping" referred to the parking police making U-turns on Broadway all day long....)

+ Kravtin's novelty shop on Broadway announced it will close, after more than 80 years. What will tourists do now, if they want to buy Columbus souvenirs? Some people simply will NOT be thrilled with Cannon Brew Pub T-shirts.

+ Alabama Governor Bob Riley announced Mando America will move its North American headquarters from Detroit to Opelika. Apparently state officials didn't make the mistake of encouraging the move by putting "Come, Mando" on an invitation.

(Mando officials say they're moving south because they like the Alabama economy. Translation: no unions.)

To offer a story tip, make a donation or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post a reply.

If you quote from this in public somewhere, please be polite enough to let me know.

© 2003-04 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.

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for 12 JUL 04: REPORT CARD TIME

Have you read the annual report of the city of Columbus? I picked one up downtown this past week - and I must say the bridge leading out of town to Phenix City on the cover never looked nicer. Is there a message here?

A message from Mayor Bob Poydasheff in the report makes a vague reference to the Kenneth Walker shooting: "We have survived some challenges to our togetherness, some pressures on our unity, but we have moved forward economically and culturally by holding onto our basic unity of purpose," Translation: no Rainbow/PUSH boycott.

Mayor Poydasheff cites 20 points of achievement for Columbus in the last 12 months. One business he mentions by name is "Ritmo Latino, Inc., with a sharp new office on Victory Drive...." Yeah, and a nice portrait of a manager now in the
police mug shot drawer....

Mayor Poydahseff adds the last 12 months have brought "energy saving measures.... in the Government Center...." When you can only enter through a single security checkpoint, that DOES make it easier to cool in summer.

A message from City Manager Carmen Cavezza cites one theme of the annual report: "quality people providing quality service." We'd like to take a moment here and thank all the quality jail and prison inmates, who pick up our trash and trim weeds on the Riverwalk.

General Cavezza mentions one program I didn't know about before - a "Pavement Management System" for road projects. Remember: if you manage your pavement well, it's less likely to run away and find work elsewhere.

The Columbus annual report has a helpful little "who to call" list to help you contact the right city offices. When it comes to 911, 311, and "Contact 211," it has the 411.

(But what's this item on the 911 list that says "I want to confess"? Is the city trying to put Catholic churches out of business?)

The city report also has some fun factoids about how many people use city facilities and programs. For instance, there's "one tennis facility" used by 91,756 people. That's funny - every time I drive by Benning Park, it seems all the courts are empty.

(We should note the handball/racquetball courts at Benning Park never are mentioned at all. If you're like me and you've actually used them, please contact me - and maybe we can meet in a booth at Denny's.)

The city "stat sheet" breaks down how many people attended various events at the Civic Center. "Other - non ticketed events" listed include youth and adult hockey, the Georgia Baptist Convention, and "Misc." C'mon, folks - you can admit
the Jehovah's Witnesses were in town.

One big surprise in the Civic Center breakdown is that the Columbus Wardogs had only 8,689 people at games in 2003. That's an average of less than 1,100 per game - so I guess the team really needed to add that new hot tub near one end zone.

(It could have been worse, I suppose. The city operates Golden Park, yet the South Georgia Waves/Columbus Catfish aren't mentioned in the city report at all.)

Another revelation in the Civic Center report is how many big-name concerts drew lousy crowds last year. Foreigner was the worst of all, with only 1,298 showing up -- but given events with Fort Benning and Iraq last year, a distrust of
"foreigners" may have been understandable.

And can you believe the Beach Boys drew fewer than 2,400 fans at the Civic Center?! Maybe Columbus residents are too used to driving four hours to Panama City Beach, for shows like this....

BLOG UPDATE: Was Mark Shelnutt ever upset with what we posted Sunday, from Judge Roxann Daniel's campaign treasurer! In fact, Shelnutt predicts what Maxine Hardy wrote will cost her that campaign job. Of course, that's no big deal - since Hardy loses that job in eight days, anyway.

Your blog had a lengthy conversation by phone with Mark Shelnutt Sunday night. He had NOT seen Maxine Hardy's e-mail, explaining lightning damaged his computer. The way this campaign's going, we should be thankful Shelnutt didn't
blame Judge Roxann Daniel for the lightning bolt.

Mark Shelnutt told me the Roxann Daniel campaign "is sitting there talking about not slinging mud -- and now they're slinging mud, not at Bobby [Peters], but at one of his supporters?!" This is known in politics as the "friends of skunks must be skunks, too" theory.

"It's all a crock! It didn't happen!" Mark Shelnutt said of Maxine Hardy's claim that he offered her $10,000 last year, if she would persuade Judge Roxann Daniel to reduce a client's sentence. I didn't think to ask him if the actual amount might have been higher or lower....

Mark Shelnutt says he was "horrified and offended" by what Maxine Hardy implied about him -- and beyond that, it's "simply not true." So the burden of proof is now on the Roxann Daniel campaign, to come up with the secret microcassettes.

Mark Shelnutt admitted he's talked with fellow attorney Maxine Hardy over the years about cases, and even worked with her on some. Judging from this weekend, the next time they work together might be if their children happen to wind up on the same Little League team.

Mark Shelnutt also admitted she's asked for Maxine Hardy's help with some cases going before Judge Roxann Daniel, because he feels Hardy has "a better rapport" with the Judge. Oh, to know where these judges and attorneys go for drinks after hours....

In fact, Mark Shelnutt told me Maxine Hardy called HIM about two months ago for help in handling a case. I'm not sure how that turned out - but the attorneys remain to this day in separate offices.

"If something inappropriate happened on a case," Mark Shelnutt asked of the alleged 2003 armed robbery case, "why is she bringing it up now?" That's a good question - maybe because Maxine Hardy has a balloon payment coming due?!

"Why didn't she report it to the bar? Why didn't she report it to the police?" asked Mark Shelnutt of the alleged $10,000 bribe. He went on to note Judge Roxann Daniel never reported any wrongdoing, either. But as we know, timing is everything - and this week is a perfect time.

"You can believe I'm gonna follow up on this," Mark Shelnutt promised me. He agreed with my conclusion that Maxine Hardy implied he offered her a bribe. I'd say "see you in court" - but then again, these attorneys see each other in court all the time now.

Mark Shelnutt calls Maxine Hardy's allegation a desperate "red herring" attempt to get you to overlook "the real issues" in the Superior Court Judge race. We should note to some previous writers -- Shelnutt never declared friendliness at a restaurant an issue.

Mark Shelnutt says he's disgusted not only with the allegation by Maxine Hardy, but The Mass Media overlooking a different matter. Shelnutt claims Roxann Daniel's application for Superior Court Judge two years ago was filled with
distortions and lies. Of course, some people say Governor Perdue's statements about the flag were the same thing....

Mark Shelnutt apparently has a file folder ready to show me, with "misrepresentations" Roxann Daniel made when she applied for Superior Court Judge. Shelnutt reminded me during our phone call he was passed over for the job, as well as Bobby Peters. It's good to find people who don't have hard feelings about these things.

Want an example? OK -- Mark Shelnutt says the application for Superior Court Judge asked how many trials the applicants had brought to conclusion. That statement alone surprised me. The application had questions other than, "How many votes did you get for the Governor in Muscogee County?"

Anyway, Mark Shelnutt says Roxann Daniel claimed on her application she tried 250 cases a year. But Shelnutt claims Government Center records show Ms. Daniel only tried FIVE misdemeanor jury cases over several years, and none of them
were in Superior Court. Apparently watching Court TV for hours doesn't count.

But wait, there's more! Mark Shelnutt says Roxann Daniel was confirmed to practice law in 1986 - yet she claimed to work as an associate attorney as early as 1985. If engaged couples checked each other's backgrounds this thoroughly before getting married, the divorce rate might be a lot lower.

"She has a sign up there: experience - and she just doesn't have any," Mark Shelnutt argued. Now hold on a minute! Roxann Daniel doesn't say what her experience is IN - and last time I checked, she's been a Judge two years longer than her opponent.

Mark Shelnutt made more tough statements, aimed directly at Roxann Daniel's character. He says the Judge asked for attorney Dorothy Williams's vote in the courtroom during a recent case. Yeow - at least she could have had the bailiff sneak a pamphlet inside a briefcase or something.

Mark Shelnutt also claimed Judge Roxann Daniel's campaign signs "weren't in compliance with what the Secretary of State's guidelines were." I did NOT ask him what was wrong with those signs - but I was left with the feeling the words
"integrity and experience" on them are considered unethical lies.

Mark Shelnutt openly admits he considers Bobby Peters far more qualified for Superior Court Judge - and Shelnutt wonders what his personal actions have to do with the race. Maybe Mr. Peters should come out and announce he'll turn down $10,000 bribes, too.

Oh yes, about that sermon Mark Shelnutt gave on Men's Day at South Columbus United Methodist Church - he says the title "Whatever" referred to the Bible verse on thinking about "whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely...." In other words, anything but this campaign for Superior Court Judge.

(Instant Message to the TV reporter who brought up that sermon in a separate conversation with Mark Shelnutt: please don't accept my punchlines as facts - sometimes they're SUPPOSED to be funny.)

E-MAIL UPDATE: Even before I called Mark Shelnutt Sunday night, I received TWO follow-up e-mails from Maxine Hardy. I'll combine the two, since they go together:

I was pleased to see my message to you broadcast promptly and verbatim. I'm not terribly concerned about your reply; it stings a little, but I'm a bottom-feeding lawyer, after all, with dulled pain receptors. It doesn't seem that there are a great many people reading you, anyway. I hope that's a situation that improves (actually, I'm being sincere about this: I do hope your blog continues and grows).

I'm aware that Mark Shelnutt is involved with his church. I, on the other hand, am a heathen, as my pastor, Reg Hall, at Edgewood United Methodist Church, will undoubtedly confirm. I am very curious as to how Mark will respond when you contact him. I'm sure you'll let us know.

I do want to say that I am not accusing Mark of attempting to bribe the judge. What I am saying is that Mark had a client who had come into some money, but who was, unfortunately, incarcerated following his conviction for armed robbery. Mark asked me to speak to Judge Daniel about this client and he told me that I would be paid $10,000 if the client's sentence was reduced. I don't presume to know Mark's motives other than the obvious: to get the man's sentenced reduced.

I am very aware of the potential for a defamation suit, which is probably why my heart is racing as I write this. On the other hand, as every first year law student learns, the truth is an absolute defense to a charge of slander. I have held back on trying to make this information public because I didn't want to make unnecessary trouble for myself or my family. But I feel like a coward, because I know what is going on and I'm not saying anything.

So there it is. Go ahead and do your worst. Slice me to ribbons.

By the way: why aren't you reading the Ledger?....

As I was going about my regular Sunday afternoon routine with my husband and our cranky five-year-old son, it occurred to me that there is one more thing I want to get off my chest: I know, without any doubt, that this confession of mine is an entirely futile gesture. It's too little, too late, and my motives are suspect, at best. I'm not likely to convince anyone with this message or this venue, and I imagine that I've bought myself at least one sure enemy.

Now I'm going to try to quit obsessing about this, and do something useful with the rest of my afternoon.

Maxine Hardy, "bottom-feeding lawyer"?! Hey, I'm simply a blogger -- and I don't charge hourly rates.

Can a United Methodist be a "heathen," as Maxine Hardy calls herself? My Pastor probably would say yes -- mostly because she isn't attending his congregation.

Maxine Hardy may say she's not accusing Mark Shelnutt of attempted bribery - but as you read above, Shelnutt believes she certainly implied it. Considering how close their law offices are, I suggest extra police patrol Second Avenue between 10^th and 12^th Streets for the next few days.

Slice Maxine Hardy to ribbons - who, me? I'm just sitting here, feeling like Jim Ross announcing a World Wrestling Entertainment pay-per-view.

Oh yes -- why am I not reading the Ledger-Enquirer? Well, sometimes I do - but most of the time I don't need to. TV and radio stations read the most important points for me....

At this point, you may be wishing we had some other topic to discuss - and you'll be pleased to know we do:

just to set the record straight. cynthia worked for a bank and was cashing the checks for tosha miles who worked for the healthcare center. i don't have much more info as i am an outsider looking in as
well. FREE CYNTHIA SUBER!!!

Thanks for the clarification - and I've corrected the 9 July posting to reflect that change. It's my goal to make sure you laugh here as accurately as possible.

But what struck me most was this admitted out-of-towner's e-mail address: "FreeCynthiaSuber" at a domain name. A big civil rights "Dignity Day" march is coming up in Columbus Friday. Do you think she was arrested to give the guests something to talk about?

To offer a story tip, make a donation or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post a reply.

If you quote from this in public somewhere, please be polite enough to let me know.

© 2003-04 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.

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11 JUL 04: MAD MAXINE

The race to the Georgia Primary is in its final days - and one local campaign official may have had all she can stand. Look at what landed in our In-Box Friday:

I just happened to run across your website last night as I was researching other Columbus-related business on the internet. I had no idea that it existed, before. It is very entertaining and I think I'll be back.

I am the treasurer for Judge Daniel's election campaign. I will tell you frankly that Judge Daniel's campaign is giving very strict orders to all campaign workers to avoid saying anything that smacks of
mudslinging, so I could get in trouble with them for writing this to you. On the other hand, this has weighed heavily on my mind for some time.

I noticed a few weeks ago that Bobby Peters ran an ad in the Columbus Ledger with endorsements from a number of "former prosecutors." What Peters failed to indicate in that ad is that most of those "former prosecutors" are now criminal defense attorneys. There are a number of criminal defense attorneys who are very unhappy with Judge Daniel's decisions.

That is one reason Judge Daniel is assuring people that she will make fair decisions even when those decisions are unpopular. The real prosecutors in the District Attorney's office are not allowed to endorse either judicial candidate. My information, however, is that the District Attorney's office supports Judge Daniel.

The thing that most bothers me regards one of the criminal defense attorneys mentioned in that ad: Mark Shelnutt. Judge Daniel is my best friend, and Mark knows that. I am a lawyer, but I no longer practice criminal defense law. Nevertheless, Mark Shelnutt called me last year and asked if he could speak to me about one of his criminal cases. He offered me $10,000.00 if I could persuade Judge Daniel to reduce a sentence on one of his clients who had been convicted of armed robbery. I declined the offer and I immediately told Judge Daniel it. Mark did not get his sentence reduction from Judge Daniel.

Yesterday, I read in the Ledger that Mark Shelnutt is credited with organizing support for Bobby Peters. So what do you make of that?

Thank you for writing, Maxine Hardy - and yes, I DO hope you come back to visit the blog. But after the polls close July 20, things may not be quite as "entertaining" as they are right now.

I guess we now know why pro-Roxann Daniel e-mails have been scarce, in the Superior Court Judge race. Her supporters don't seem to know how to write mud-free messages.

Hopefully Maxine Hardy will NOT get in trouble for using her freedom of speech, and writing the blog. If she winds up getting fired by the Roxann Daniel campaign - well, I guess the judge will add that to her "right but unpopular" decision list.

(Instant Message to Attorney General John Ashcroft: If you want a court to uphold some of the censorship questions of the Patriot Act, you might want to head for the Government Center - fast.)

I personally have NOT seen the newspaper ad, where "former prosecutors" back Bobby Peters for Judge. I don't know whose names are on it. But keep something in mind - if any of them are parents and they've tried to learn the truth about
their children's misbehavior, they've probably acted as prosecutors. Not to mention judges and juries....

Maxine Hardy writes: "a number of criminal defense attorneys.... are very unhappy with Judge Daniel's decisions." Yet the Judge's commercials have NOT come out and said she's tough on crime. Maybe she's letting the suspects go - and the
attorneys are losing money they'd make appealing verdicts.

Can anyone else confirm Maxine Hardy's "information" that the District Attorney's office supports Judge Daniel? If so, this would be stunning -- since a converted Republican would be backing someone who had three big-name Democrats
endorse her on TV.

(This is why I'm anxious to check Election Board reports on campaign contributions. If someone has a donation from a "Mrs. Conger," that'll settle everything....)

But uh-oh -- I think Maxine Hardy is accusing Mark Shelnutt of bribery, with that $10,000 offer of "persuasion." I haven't even been able to get a Bobby Peters supporter to pay me two bucks, to get their letter posted.

So Mark Shelnutt is a big backer of Bobby Peters, eh? It happens when I visited Joseph Roberson's South Columbus United Methodist Church last month [21 Jun], Shelnutt was the guest "Men's Day" speaker at the early service I did not
attend. The title of his message was: "Whatever...." [True] Could that possibly be his ethics statement?

(Have I mentioned Pastor Joseph Roberson STILL has not called me, to "schedule an interview?" I could ask him some easy questions - like naming all the books of the New Testament in order.)

By the way, someone told us they saw a couple of Roxann Daniel signs on the sides of liquor stores in recent days. So Bobby Peters's name is next to the Boom Boom Room, Daniel's name is next to booze - why, you'd almost think all the Phenix City criminals of 1954 switched sides of the river.

So as we approach one week left in the race for Superior Court Judge, here's the updated e-mail count: Pro-Peters messages 7, pro-Daniel messages 1 - and potential lawsuits for slander 2.

(BLOGGER'S NOTE:> We decided not to awaken Mark Shelnutt late Saturday night to ask for a comment on Hardy's claim. But we'll certainly try to reach him Sunday, so he can reply.)

To offer a story tip, make a donation or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post a reply.

If you quote from this in public somewhere, please be polite enough to let me know.

© 2003-04 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.

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10 JUL 04: BACK ON TRACK

The sight as I approached the 11^th Street underpass Friday afternoon was unusual - and ominous. A couple of military transport vehicles were on the railroad tracks above my car. For a minute, I thought one side in the Superior Court Judge race finally had gone too far....

When military vehicles are on rails in downtown Columbus, it's usually a sign that something's coming. We noticed flatbed cars full of trucks and equipment about a year-and-a-half ago, and weeks later came the invasion of Iraq. So where did the weapons of mass destruction move now -- maybe Venezuela?

Former Fort Benning Commanding General Paul Eaton has just returned from a lengthy assignment in Iraq, training the country's new police force. Hopefully he left a taste of our area with the Iraqi police - such as the phone numbers of local
officials, to call and demand a pay raise.

Gen. Paul Eaton says it may take as long as five years for Iraq's new authorities to secure the national borders. On the one hand, this sounds a bit scary. But on the other hand, it means the U.S. military will be able to invade again if the wrong man takes power.

Gen. Paul Eaton says he never hugged so many soldiers as he did when he left Iraq. It's nice to see they're so serious about the mission - but wait a minute. Isn't there a "don't ask, don't tell" policy about comments like this?

Tonight I discovered an interesting way you can help Fort Benning soldiers. Captain D's restaurants are selling a "Fort Benning Feast" platter. Now THERE'S a clever way to stay off the post's "banned list."

If you buy a Fort Benning Feast for $4.99, Captain D's will donate one dollar to the Fort Benning MWR fund. That's a generous thing to do - but you'd think Fort Benning generals would have some qualms about taking money from something that sounds like the Navy.

Let's see what else is happening on a hot summer weekend:

+ Phenix City held a parade and celebration downtown, to begin marking 50 years since the clean-up of vice. I can't help wondering if someone from Columbus carried lottery tickets across the bridge, to remind people of the bad old days.

(The Dillingham Street Bridge was closed to drivers at sunset, for a nice fireworks show. I didn't know there were fireworks - and thought Phenix City was recreating the ban on visits by Fort Benning soldiers.)

+ The Phenix City fireworks was followed about 30 minutes later by a Saturday night display after the Columbus Catfish game. This means the Historic District has been able to watch three big fireworks shows in a week -- and not one of them involved election campaigns.

+ The new Youth Development Center in Columbus was named after longtime Juvenile Court Judge Aaron Cohn. How graceful of Superior Court Judge Roxann Daniel to attend the ceremony - even though she probably wishes right now it would be named after her.

+ The Columbus Wardogs hurt their playoff chances, by losing by two points at Louisville. We mention this especially for those of you who see the Wardogs billboards around town, and might think their season ended a month ago.

(You could tell the game with Louisville mattered by the level of whining by the Boomer 95 broadcast team. They made such a fuss of the shape of the Freedom Hall end zones and timing the players' dances, they completely missed a couple of
key penalties.)

+ Instant Message to the mom who had her little girl ride a bicycle with training wheels on the Riverwalk: That's a great idea! The Riverwalk is a good, safe place for youngsters to learn to use a bike. I only hope people don't get a wrong idea, and try to drive bigger "four-wheelers" there.

COMING SUNDAY: The highest-level complaint we've received so far, in the race for Judge....

To offer a story tip, make a donation or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post a reply.

If you quote from this in public somewhere, please be polite enough to let me know.

© 2003-04 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.

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9 JUL 04: NATHAN'S INFAMOUS

Thursday night's late news revealed a daughter of Columbus Councilor Nathan Suber was arrested on 12 counts of embezzlement. Before you label her a stupid criminal, consider this - she was arrested in the election year when the Councilor's seat isn't on the ballot.

CORRECTED: Cynthia Suber is accused of skimming check money from her friend's old employer, Statewide Health Care. I'd never heard of this company before, but the phone book shows it has seven Columbus offices. But if it has none in LaGrange, how really statewide IS this place?

(In the eyes of the law, this might be embezzlement. But for her bosses, this may have been a case of in-Suber-dination.)

Cynthia Suber's arrest for embezzlement comes only five weeks after the arrest of Sheriff Ralph Johnson's son on drug charges [2 Jun]. We never thought of this before -- achieving "One Columbus" by having all the officials visit their children in jail.

Details are still a bit vague about the arrest of Nathan Suber's daughter. I went to the Public Safety Center to check police records Thursday evening, but the officer at the window had no idea what this blog is. "You're with the Ledger?" he asked at one point. No - I may be in their nightmares, but I'm not with them.

I'll have to get approval from the night officer's higher-ups to examine Columbus police records. Unless, of course, someone on the force can smuggle copies to me in plan brown envelopes....

BLOG UPDATE: Bobby Peters apparently was not a happy man Thursday, over the mention of that campaign sign outside the Boom Boom Room. We're told the Superior Court Judge candidate considered it a "cheap shot." Hey, at least shots of his poster were on TV - while Roxann Daniel's signs were not.

Bobby Peters explained the big campaign sign went up on the outside wall of the Boom Boom Room because it's a "high visibility area." Yes, I guess that's true - but Kendrick's Pecans and a beauty salon are just as visible, on other sides of that intersection.

Bobby Peters added part of the building housing the Boom Boom Room is vacant right now. Hmmmm - I guess it can't be used for a USO canteen....

(It might have been even better for Bobby Peters if he had made that vacant space his campaign headquarters.)

I'm told Bobby Peters went on to say you should NOT assume the Boom Boom Room is endorsing his campaign, based on where that big sign is. That's an interesting admission -- because if you counted all the signs in this race, I'd assume Judge Roxann Daniel was only going to get 20 percent of the vote.

Bobby Peters apparently didn't stop there - reportedly saying the endorsements of his campaign by several church pastors have been overlooked. Of course, there may be a good reason for this. Pastor Joseph Roberson came under church review after he endorsed a candidate for Sheriff.... [21 Jun]

The former mayor may have a point, when it comes to selective mentions of endorsements. I noticed Thursday night two out of three bail-bonding companies close to Recorder's Court have Bobby Peters signs up. Maybe they'll make more
money if "Judge Peters" adds a one-cent sales tax to all bonds.

By the way, Instant Message to the Roxann Daniel campaign - could you explain something else about your current campaign ad? What "right but unpopular" decisions has the Judge made? Columbus has enough Baptists that they might be
popular after all.

Other notes now from Thursday -- well, I thought it was Thursday....

+ According to my atomic clock at home, it was NOT Thursday. It was Wednesday, February 17, 1909. When those clocks go wrong, they REALLY go wrong....

+ U.S. Senate candidate Mac Collins appeared at the opening of his Columbus campaign office - opening only 12 days before the Georgia primary. We like candidates who take their time with these decisions, and don't like to rush things.

+ Paul Voorhees of Ranger Joe's received an honorary membership in Fort Benning's "Ranger Hall of Fame." We commend him for this - but now we hope he finally explains why his shop isn't called Ranger Paul's.

+ Opelika city officials talked about plans for a major new recreation complex - only the Opelika-Auburn News web site
said the main center would have "64 square feet" of space. This must be for one really intimate game of racquetball....

+ Columbus Catfish managers insisted a trip to Bay City, Michigan by owner David Heller this week does NOT mean the baseball team will move there. We're relieved to hear that - especially since Bay City, Michigan in a "South Atlantic
League" wouldn't make a lot of geographic sense.

COMING SOON: A look at the city report card.... and brother, can you spare some quarters?....

To offer a story tip, make a donation or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post a reply.

If you quote from this in public somewhere, please be polite enough to let me know.

© 2003-04 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.

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8 JUL 04: BOOM BOOM BOBBY

What an interesting discovery I made while driving on Cusseta Road Wednesday night. A big "Bobby Peters for Superior Court Judge" sign has gone up just outside the front door of the Boom Boom Room! Don't you wonder how many customers THERE he can name....

First the Fraternal Order of Police endorsed Bobby Peters for Judge. Now it appears the notorious Boom Boom Room has as well! With backing this widespread, Judge Roxann Daniel may be in big trouble - but you have to wonder a bit if
Columbus is, too.

The Boom Boom Room was one of the businesses declared off-limits for soldiers by Fort Benning last week. We don't think the generals are allowed to make political endorsements - but where DO these candidates stand on punishing SOA
Watch protesters?

Given the news from that club in recent weeks, would YOU want an endorsement from the Boom Boom Room if you were running for office? Well, OK, there ARE strip clubs registering people to vote for John Kerry....

Of course, the managers of the Boom Boom Room are free to endorse whomever they wish. But with that big Bobby Peters sign just outside the door, don't you think school board candidates will be holding their breath for the next few days?

(I can see the owner's bumper sticker now: "I let people shoot each other in my parking lot - and I vote!")

To be fair, the Boom Boom Room might not be the worst endorsement Bobby Peters can have right now. Jose Ricci might be backing him....

That was stunning news to hear Wednesday morning - that Jose Ricci of "Ritmo Latino" fame had been indicted on embezzlement charges. If you heard a big sigh of relief in south Columbus, that came from Mimi Woodson's house. A potential Council challenger may be out of the way.

A federal indictment claims Jose Ricci embezzled more than $300,000 of the profits, while he did catering work for Aramark at the Columbus Civic Center. So if the cream sauce on your chicken seemed lacking, he might have skimmed that, too.

Jose Ricci was a founder of "Ritmo Latino Radio" last year - but Clear Channel Radio disclosed it will NOT take the station off the air because of this indictment. So Jim Foster's prayer for seven-day gospel music on WSHE-AM still hasn't been answered....

Attorney Stephen Hyles indicated Jose Ricci is NOT involved with Ritmo Latino Radio anymore. I guess that explains why that station is playing so much Spanish rap music on weekends now.

While Jose Ricci has emerged as a leading Hispanic businessman in Columbus, "Ritmo Latino" quietly has had some setbacks. Telecasts on TV-16 didn't last long last year. The newspaper "La Voz Hispana" hasn't had an issue in a couple of months. And the nightclub on North Lumpkin didn't do anything for Venezuelan Independence Day.

By the way, did you know the city of Columbus now has a Spanish version of its web site? I stumbled onto it the other day, while looking up some information. So if I send Mayor Poydasheff an e-mail in Spanish, he'd better not reply in Russian.

BLOGGER'S NOTE: Due to a very busy schedule Wednesday, we were unable to get to your e-mails. We'll try to fit them in over the next couple of days....

To offer a story tip, make a donation or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post a reply.

If you quote from this in public somewhere, please be polite enough to let me know.

© 2003-04 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.

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7 JUL 04: NOT REALLY OLD SCHOOL

Tuesday was orientation day for Muscogee County's "year-round schools." Considering the time of year when this occurred, I guess students and teachers have been on a fiscal New Year's break.

I knew I was forgetting some big event right after the Fourth of July, but I didn't know what it was until Tuesday night. Then a Publix brochure reminded me - it's back-to-school time. Yes, already. Those fireworks are the shopping centers'
way of reminding you to start stocking up.

I'm old enough to remember when back-to-school sales were barely mentioned until August 1. But nowadays in parts of our area, if you wait that late your children might be forced to take year-end make-up exams.

Which came first - the back-to-school sales starting earlier, or the traditional school year starting earlier? I think the sales came first. After all, the stores need the money more than most children need the extra hours behind desks.

The Publix brochure actually showed a start date for "back-to-school savings" of July 3 -- even before Independence Day, and only six weeks into the Muscogee County Schools' 11-week summer break. Before long, the "summer reading lists" in classy magazines will include math textbooks.

But what stunned me most about the Publix "back-to-school savings" brochure was the list of items on sale. I'm struggling to figure out what some of these have to do with school:

+ A "micro-dermabrasion kit." Well, I guess bored children can get under a parent's skin....

+ Four different coupons for hair color -- and not one picture of Christina Aguilera or Kelly Osbourne on any of the boxes.

+ Packages of Excedrin and Tylenol. Obviously for the returning teachers....

+ A coupon for "Ant Quick Kill Formula." Can't children kick ant hills and run away anymore?

+ A coupon for Polident or Poligrip. I knew the average age of college students was increasing - but THAT much?

BLOG UPDATE: My trip to Publix happened to take me past the Popeye's Chicken restaurant on Wynnton Road. The staff rebellion of Monday seemed to be over Tuesday evening, as all was quiet inside and out. Perhaps Olive Oyl showed up, and threatened not to go to the dance with Anybody.

I peered quickly while driving by Popeye's, to check the restaurant's staffing - but I didn't spot anyone at the counter. Maybe Monday's lesson was learned. Now the entire crew might be smoking outside the back door, because there's safety in numbers.

E-MAIL UPDATE: Someone sent me a message Tuesday asking, "Where are you now, Clymer?" But not long before that, Sarah Clymer DID respond to the potentially explosive comments in another e-mail [5 Jul] -- and keep in mind, I forwarded her the ENTIRE e-mail, including the part still unseen here:

Richard:

Welcome to the world of mudslinging politics! I just checked my email and would be glad to respond to Mr. Lowell's message. I was a 12-year resident of Columbus until recently, and formed my opinion of Mr. Peters based on knowledge of him through the media, my experiences working for a local law
firm, and my work with local government through a position that put me in constant contact with public health and public safety. I still have many friends in Columbus and we like to talk politics. Apparently Mr. Lowell's taste runs more to writing tabloid headlines. I especially like the fact that he claims he is not a Daniel supporter! Tell him next time he writes in to include his rank or paygrade so I can decide if he is worth suing.

Keep up the great blog and biting sense of humor.

Sarah

We DID have too much rain here this past spring, Sarah. Sadly, there's plenty of mud left to sling.

Please note how Sarah Clymer says she bases her opinion of Superior Court Judge Bobby Peters on "knowledge of him through the media." Craig Lowell's original e-mail indicated the knowledge went a bit beyond that -- and, well, (ahem)
may not have stopped at head knowledge.

Sarah Clymer's mention of work putting her "in constant contact with public health and public safety" tells me Craig Lowell knows at least some things about her. In a follow-up message to me over the weekend, Lowell wrote Clymer used to
work at the Health Department. She didn't order any of those bogus flu shots, did she?!

So it's check the paygrade first, then sue the bum? Then maybe I'm safe in this political spat. I won't say exactly how much readers have donated to the blog - but the United Way wouldn't dare put me in charge of the next fund-raiser.

A "biting sense of humor," eh? I simply MUST stop eating apple pie at the computer....

And now an e-mail on something completely different. Bill makes this suggestion:

You should have a blurb at the start of your page showing when you last made an entry. That way we wont have to re-read everything to see if anything new is added.

Personally, Bill, I don't mind if you re-read everything. Some people need me to explain my jokes two or three times, anyway....

I can understand Bill's request, yet I'm puzzled by it. Most of the time, I post items to this blog only once a day. That way, I really do feel like the newspaper some readers say I'm topping.

When I check the official blog page, there's a date of the latest post right above my little advertisement for my album near the top. So maybe that's the problem. People don't want the album, so everything around the offer is a blur.

To offer a story tip, make a donation or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post a reply.

If you quote from this in public somewhere, please be polite enough to let me know.

© 2003-04 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.

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6 JUL 04: KICKIN' CHICKEN

A big dispute erupted Monday afternoon at the Popeye's Chicken restaurant on Wynnton Road. Before it was over, several police cars had been called. Just imagine if the trouble had occurred at Dunkin' Donuts....

Here's how everything seemed to sort out: the manager of the Wynnton Road Popeye's says he fired an employee for leaving a rear door of the restaurant open, while taking a cigarette break. The manager considers that a security risk - and
you never know when a "bad soldier" from Fort Benning might pop up.

(Well, at least the employee stepped outside. If I want a "smoked meat," I'll go buy some beef jerky....)

After manager Al Panjawani fired the employee, three others on the staff at the Wynnton Road Popeye's staged a sympathy walkout. They apparently thought they would be shown the door next - and the rear one WAS open already.

As all this unfolded, Derrick Luttrell says he was in line to order some chicken. He claims manager Al Panjawani told him he would NOT be served because he is African-American. But hold on a second. Did he say "because you're black" - or "because of the back?"

Popeye's employees apparently started calling everyone they knew about what was happening. Staff members on their day off showed up. Then police and TV news crews showed up. About the only people who did NOT show up were the civil rights leaders - but in Columbus, they tend to wait a couple of days.

Al Panjawani insists he has nothing against African-American customers. After all, he says they make up 90 percent of his business at Popeye's. AHA! This proves it -- the difference between KFC and Popeye's is more than simply white and dark MEAT....

(Since I brought it up: have you seen the KFC commercial promoting the Dale Earnhardt Junior buckets? One woman wears a T-shirt that says, "I'm on the Dale Jr. diet." I've seen a lot of NASCAR fans on that diet - because they do nothing
but drink Budweiser on race days.)

Anyway: the tension on Wynnton Road ended with police making no arrests, and Popeye's closing for the day. Will the manager have anyone left to serve lunch today? Will there be picket lines outside his restaurant? And will Chick-fil-A down the street have a big sign, welcoming new customers?

We should note Al Panjawani owns only the Popeye's on Wynnton Road. The restaurants on River Road and Victory Drive are owned by others -- and if they're smart, they'll call Foxie 105-FM right away and arrange live broadcasts.

. A group of friends was discussing the events at Popeye's Monday night - and one of them dared to say: "Why isn't that manager running a convenience store?" I told him not even Hillary Rodham Clinton got away with a comment like that....

E-MAIL UPDATE: Thank you for a record e-mail day Monday - SIX messages! BUT I should note two of them cancelled each other out. A writer admitted she was confused by all the other things we've posted lately - which is understandable, because we get confused by all the finger-pointing as well.

The response to Sarah Clymer's endorsement of Superior Court Judge Bobby Peters still has brought NO comment from her. Instead, we heard from someone in the Army:

Bravo to you for not publishing "Craig's" accusation. I got an e-mail from this guy showing me what he wrote you. I guess he thought I'd be interested since I was married to Ms. Clymer and I'm the one who suffered at the hands of her and others involved.

You are absolutely right, without proof or evidence, which is darn near impossible to come up with in this kind of accusation, there is no way you can print it, regardless of it's accuracy.

Continue to do what is right,

Dave Daniels

Thank you, Dave -- so does this mean I escape detention at Guantanamo Bay under the Patriot Act?

I asked Craig for evidence about this still-mysterious accusation -- and while he can give me a long list of days and places, he admits it's largely based on hearsay. So most judges would dismiss what he wrote. Unless, perhaps, it helped them win an election.

Craig sent his own response Monday to what we posted here:

While I totally agree that you couldn't really print what I wrote you, in NO WAY was it a Pro-Daniel e-mail. I really just want some questions asked of the former Mayor that would make him more than a little uncomfortable, after what he and his wife did to my buddy. He is a rat and Columbus gets what it deserves.

Best of luck with the web site.

CL

All right then, Craig, let's clarify the Superior Court Judge scoreboard. It's now pro-Bobby Peters letters 6, pro-Roxann Daniel letters 0 -- and anti-rat letters 1.

If reporters REALLY wanted to ask Bobby Peters a question that would make him uncomfortable, I'd suggest trying a very different topic. Ask what color his hair REALLY is - since he's been blonde, gray and something in between.

Our next e-mail is only about politics a little bit -- as it's also about Sunday's Thunder on the Hooch event:

I'm not sure of any of the political booths at 'Thunder', however, I did spot Dave Eversman handing how campaign stickers and a couple of Alonza Whitiker supporters wearing campaign shirts.

Matt Rodriguez

Thanks for the report, Matt - and I must admit it shocks me a bit. You mean there are OTHER races on the ballot two weeks from now?

If you aren't aware, Dave Eversman is the Republican who's challenging Congressman Sanford Bishop in November. This should be a very interesting race - since Senator Zell Miller did commercials for Bishop in years past, but doesn't seem to like any Democrat now.

Alonza Whitaker is one of the two Democratic contenders for District Attorney. He might promise to run criminals out of Columbus, the way he made Gray Conger run to another party....

(BLOGGER'S NOTE: Because of time constraints, we'll have to get to some other e-mails another day....)

THE BIG BLOG QUESTION has changed as of Monday night. Given what you're writing about, I really have no choice for the new topic. Either I ask about the Superior Court Judge race - or find out if C-2 really is different from Coca-Cola and Diet Coke.

Our eight-day question on the U.S. Senate race in Georgia ended with a rather surprising outcome. Republican Herman Cain had a 71-percent majority of the votes! Maybe it was the color.... of his eyes.

Mac Collins received 14 percent of the votes in our Senate question, while fellow House member Johnny Isakson received NONE. That'll teach Mr. Isakson to walk into barbecue restaurants and talk down pork....

(And as for the 14 percent of you who voted for "other," yet did not leave a name in the comment section: are you from the pro-psychics lobby?)

Now some quick notes to wrap up a Monday, which was far from a holiday:

+ NBC-38 showed a half-hour late-night infomercial in favor of tort reform. It was prepared by "Georgians for Medical Liability Reform." The last time I heard doctors speak so persuasively, they were only playing them on TV.

(So where's the equal time for lawyers, who probably oppose this? I guess Grace Laquire is their official spokesman, when he appears on TV-16.)

+ The Harris and Troup County Sheriffs appeared in a TV commercial, endorsing Dan Lee for State Senate. Uh-oh - who does Seth Harp bring out to respond to this? Sheriff Ralph Johnson's an independent. Opponent Robert Taylor is a Democrat. And what IS David Glisson's registration, anyway?

+ Oh no! There's been a beheading on Victory Drive -- and I have the picture to prove it! This should settle it once and for all - it does NOT pay to have a big head about your business....

To offer a story tip, make a donation or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post a reply.

If you quote from this in public somewhere, please be polite enough to let me know.

© 2003-04 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.

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5 JUL 04: FREEDOM OF THE PRESS?

Finally! We have our first e-mail supporting Superior Court Judge Roxann Daniel - well, maybe. Craig wrote us over the weekend. But we have trimmed his letter a bit, for reasons which will be explained:

I wonder why Sarah Clymer, who lives in Florida, gave such a strong endorsement for Bobby Peters in his quest for another government job [25 Jun]....

So let's see. If my opponent's supporter lives outside town, then the opponent is disqualified and my candidate wins. This logic may work in politics, but it never would on Dr. Phil.

It's become almost normal for political candidates to seek financial help from wherever they can find it. Georgia state candidates might go to New York or California. After all, Columbus workers tend to grumble so much about their wages that they can't possibly contribute to a campaign.

Sarah Clymer's name sounded familiar to me when I saw it - but a search under "attorneys" in the phone book found no such name. But then again, I didn't find today's e-mail writer in the phone book, either. So maybe he's already gone into hiding in Tennessee, under an assumed name.

Craig's e-mail was titled: "Bobby Peters - you'll be afraid to print this." Well, actually I'm NOT afraid to print that. It only costs ten cents at the library....

But when it comes to POSTING the rest of Craig's e-mail - well yes, I am a bit afraid. He makes an allegation that's potentially downright slanderous, and he offers absolutely no evidence to support his statement. I'd rather not be sued right now -- and my album has NOT sold enough copies to pay for defense lawyers.

Let there be no mistake: I am NOT Matt Drudge. I tend to check sources and get facts accurate before posting something scalding-hot here. Why Drudge hasn't been sued by that intern he claimed had an affair with John Kerry, I have no idea.

This e-mail was so explosive that it demanded I go to the accused parties for a response. I forwarded the message to Sarah Clymer - but as of Sunday night, there was no reply. Maybe she's visiting Columbus from Florida for a few days to file an absentee ballot.

I knew where I was likely to find Bobby Peters Sunday - but sadly, my searching for him at "Thunder on the Hooch" proved empty. Perhaps I showed up at the wrong time. Or perhaps Mr. Peters is trying to be so nonpartisan, he's not keeping national holidays this year.

It turns out I didn't notice any booths for any political candidates at Thunder on the Hooch -- not even any for the political parties. Don't politicians around here get it? You're supposed to wrap yourself in the flag during election years.

I signed up to be a volunteer assistant at Thunder on the Hooch. I showed up for a one-hour shift at 4:00 p.m. My relief help didn't come until 6:45 p.m. That'll teach me to be the only person to put my name on a sign-up sheet.

I happened to meet a man with the Cataula Volunteer Fire Department during my volunteer time. I asked him if Cataula had anything big planned for the holiday - but he answered, "We don't have anything big in Cataula." Such police scandals thankfully are left to Waverly Hall.

Before I forget, here's the updated count of e-mails in the Superior Court Judge race. Pro-Peters letters: 6, Pro-Daniel letters -- well, I'm tempted to say a NEGATIVE 1....

To offer a story tip, make a donation or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post a reply.

If you quote from this in public somewhere, please be polite enough to let me know.

© 2003-04 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.

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4 JUL 04: FREEDOM OF RELIGION?

Did you see the fireworks show on Veterans Parkway Saturday night? People at Wilson Apartments fired all sorts of rockets, some of which exploded well above the trees - making it perfect for police to track down the shooters and make arrests.

Did you see my news conference Friday evening? Well no, I doubt you saw that. It broke out at the end of the workday, when co-workers suddenly started peppering me with all sorts of questions about my life. It was as if they considered me a secret Enron executive or something....

(Let the record show I confirmed the answer to one of their questions Saturday night - by getting dinner at Krystal.)

One of the questions at the news conference concerned where I attend church. It seems appropriate to talk about that on this Independence Day, when we celebrate our freedoms in the U.S. Of course, if you REALLY want to show freedom on this day, you'll put something besides hot dogs and burgers on the grill.

This summer happens to mark 25 years since I started attending Sabbath-keeping "Church of God" congregations. I became convinced as a teenager the doctrines taught in the United Methodist church of my youth didn't quite match the Bible. Perhaps the last straw came when a Sunday School teacher drove our group to a donut shop, without Bibles.

My high school years found me watching a 6:30 a.m. daily religious show with the late Garner Ted Armstrong before going to school. Answering another Friday news conference question: I had a portable TV in my bedroom then - so perhaps I WAS spoiled after all.

(I didn't quite grasp back then that Garner Ted Armstrong was having run-ins with the law, and disagreements with his father who founded the Church - the sorts of things which make a lot of TV ministries seem like real-life soap operas.)

While some of my classmates lived their "teenage rebellion" by trying drugs or turning to loud rock music, I listened to the short-lived "News and Information Service" all-news radio network and watched religious TV programs. Anything to help me get an edge on the high school debate team, you know....

While I read church literature for years, I never attended with the group offering it - but the opportunity came between my junior and senior years of college. I was a summer intern at a Topeka, Kansas newsroom, and I told the bosses I couldn't work on the Sabbath. This put the pressure on me - because what if an investigative reporter decided to follow me around?

The problem with attending this Church of God group is that they have few permanent buildings, and rent meeting halls every week. That's still true with my congregation in Columbus. If you don't go to the right building at the right address, you might hear a pitch for Gutter Guard. [True!]

Another problem is that this Church of God has a history of being secretive. Some branches only let you come to a service by the Pastor's approval or invitation -- AND after you answer a doctrinal question correctly. It's sort of like the CRCT exam for grown-ups.

But in the summer of 1979, the standard in this Church of God group was not totally strict. So when I called the headquarters phone number in California, the operator told me exactly where and when the group in Topeka met. I think this was before phone call monitoring, so she hopefully wasn't fired for it.

So my first Church of God service occurred at Croco Square, an east Topeka building used mostly for square dancing. As strict as this group was, I had the feeling the ministers would be against that....

Without a Pastor's approval to attend, I quietly went in the door to Croco Square that summer for Sabbath services - trying to avoid meeting anybody, finding a chair and reading a Bible until church time. After all, I never knew who might
report me and get me thrown out on my sportscoat.

I never shook hands with the Pastor once that summer - but a deacon in the church did encounter me and say hello a few times. Amazingly, he never showed me the door or threatened me in any way. For a group considered by some to be a cult,
it was a shock - a little bit of love.

(Even then, though, I began to get a taste of how different this church group was. One weekend, someone played the "Hawaiian Wedding Song" on a steel guitar for special "worship music.")

My "sneaky summer" ended with my return to college for my senior year. I would have had to drive one hour one way to attend a Church of God group each week - and that seemed too difficult for me. Silly youth that I was, I wound up doing that every Sunday to work at that Topeka newsroom.

It would be three more years before I started attending a Church of God group full-time, in Oklahoma. I did NOT try sneaking back into the church hall this time. Some groups are so small that you stand out, anyway....

Looking back 25 years, I'm struck by how bizarre Church of God groups have tended to present themselves and act. Sadly, sometimes they still do. They like to talk about freedom of religion -- but many times, it means freedom to ban you
from worshipping with them in the same place.

BLOG UPDATE: Speaking of the church I attend, I found out this weekend my Pastor owns a Ruger gun. Apparently he only uses for hunting and target shooting - because I've never heard him recommend using it when a driver cuts you off on the freeway.

I happened into a conversation with two church members who love to collect and talk about guns. One of them was the man who brought a pistol and 100 rounds of ammunition to the church picnic last weekend [29 Jun]. I finally had to admit
the only "45's" I own are vinyl discs....

To offer a story tip, make a donation or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post a reply.

If you quote from this in public somewhere, please be polite enough to let me know.

© 2003-04 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.

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for 2 JUL 04: GOLDIHOPS AND THE THREE BEERS

Once upon a time, way back in the Busches, there lived a family of three beers.

There was burly Papa Beer. "I just became stronger in Georgia on Thursday, so now I'm the 'head' of beers."

There was regular ol' Mama Beer. "If I stay moderate, I can belong to Mothers Against Drunk Driving."

And there was the low-calorie Baby Beer. "I'm so light, grown men made fun of me at a church picnic the other day."

One day the three beers sat down to guzzle - but Papa Beer was not pleased. "My beer mug is too warm!"

Mama Beer went to the freezer, but found one frosty mug shattering. "This beer mug is too cold!"

But Baby Beer said, "My can was kept in a cooler at a NASCAR race, so it's just right!"

"I know what we can do!" Papa Beer said. "Let's go bar-hopping on Broadway in Columbus - and when we're finished, the mugs will be just right for all of us."

So the three beers called SafetyCab and went downtown - but being typical Beers, they forgot to use their "church-key" on the door.

While they were gone, along came a young woman with beautiful long blonde hair. Since Kelli Franklin from "Cornbread" was busy touring, Ashley Powell was running a basketball camp and Candace Cook was covering news -- it had to be none other than Goldihops.

Noticing the door was unlocked, Goldihops went inside the three beers' home. "Eeewww, the smell!" she exclaimed when she reached the mug at the guzzling table. "This mug of beer is too strong!"

Goldihops saw the second mug taken from the freezer. "Ice is mixed in. This mug is too weak!"

Then Goldihops spotted the open can on the table. Since she was on a low-carb diet, she said, "There! This beer is just right!"

Goldihops liked the Baby Beer's can so much, she had two more - since no beer company ever came up with the slogan, "Bet you can't down just one."

"Yawn!" yawned Goldihops after the third can. "I'm tired. I think I'll sit down and watch a ballgame." But when she went to the TV room, she noted a lounge chair with beer stains. "Eeewww! This chair is too scuzzy."

Alongside was another chair, next to a table with "Beverage Digest" magazine and a bottle of anti-bacterial soap. "This chair is too neat."

Then along the wall, Goldihops spotted a sofa with a stack of souvenir NASCAR beer cans on top. "Oh boy! This one is just right!"

But the ballgame was a boring blowout, and Goldihops soon fell fast asleep. Not long after that, the three beers came home via SafetyCab from their bar-hopping on Broadway - and they could not believe their eyes.

"Look!" exclaimed Papa Beer. "There's a spill on the table! Someone's been touching my beer."

"Look!" added Mama Beer. "The freezer door is open! Someone's been touching MY beer."

"Boo hoo!" sobbed Baby Beer. "Someone was touching my beer, and they didn't even put the empty cans in the Big Blue recycling bin."

Poor Baby Beer. He couldn't even sing about a tear in his beer -- for there was no beer here.

"What?!" exclaimed Papa Beer again. "The TV's on. I missed who won the game - but somebody's been touching my chair!"

"Huh?" asked Mama Beer. "Someone DIDN'T touch my chair."

Then Baby Beer had an epiphany. "Someone's been sleeping on our sofa - and there she is!"

Goldihops awakened at the noise of all this. "Who are you?"

"We're the three beers - and who are you?"

"I'm Goldihops - and if you touch me, I'll have you put on Fort Benning's list."

"Oh yeah?" replied Papa Beer. "I'll take you before Judge Bobby - uh, Roxann - uh, who IS the judge right now?"

At just that moment came a knock at the door. Papa Beer stomped over and opened it.

"Hello. We're from the Jehovah's Witnesses, and we're beginning our convention at the Civic Center. Would you like some free literature?"

"Hallelujah!" cried Goldihops. "I wondered where you were. I didn't have any Watchtowers left!" She rushed out the door, running toward the next house in the Busches.

"What!? Why you little...." But Papa Beer suddenly stopped, because he saw he was around religious people.

"Do you have anything on converting to sweet tea?"

To offer a story tip, make a donation or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post a reply.

If you quote from this in public somewhere, please be polite enough to let me know.

© 2003-04 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.

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1 JUL 04: FOLLOW-UP CALLS

"I have a card I want to show you," my 75-year-old next-door neighbor said as I drove her through downtown Columbus Wednesday afternoon. If someone signed up this fixed-income woman for a Visa card with a $5,000 credit line, this could be trouble.

My neighbor pulled a small business-card sized item from her purse, and let me examine it at a stop light. "Is that a Medicare card?"

While the word Medicare was on it a few times, I quickly set her straight. "No. This is a refrigerator magnet."

My neighbor laughed at this answer, and pulled out another one with the words "Area Agency on Aging" on it. Just because you have a magnet about aging does NOT mean the AARP is stuck on you.

(Unless, of course, they make the magnetic strips on these cards extra-wide so older people can see them....)

You may recall my next-door neighbor never has enrolled in Medicare [4 May], and says she hasn't been able to get through by phone for information about it. You don't think older bachelors are dialing 1-800-MEDICARE to have a fling with the young operators, do you?!

It appears my next-door neighbor went to some sort of "senior health fair" and picked up those magnets. But based on what she showed me, she still does not have Medicare. If she's lived that long without it, she might get invited to the Republican National Convention.

During the Wednesday drive, my next-door neighbor also told me she got a call from Jimmy Peters with Bill Heard Chevrolet. He apparently was checking on that $1,000 Internet shopping spree she won in a promotion [16 Jun]. But why? So she could trade it all in for a used car?

My next-door neighbor must have given Jimmy Peters quite a talk. She put it this way to me (paraphrased): "I told him no, I haven't used that shopping spree because my daughter doesn't have a computer. I just wish you'd give me that $1,000, so I could spend it in stores here." Wow - flag-waving Bill Heard practicing oursourcing?!

My fixed-income neighbor still hasn't come up with the $2.98 she needs to get a money order, to obtain a catalog from the shopping spree company in Florida. But I'm a bit puzzled - because she had three bucks handy to pay for my gas during the trip.

Even more puzzling is this: I drove my fixed-income neighbor to a church food pantry, because the welfare office gave her a voucher for free groceries. But the pantry was closed - and my neighbor wound up paying cash for several bags of food at a supermarket. Is she simply playing dumb with me?!

My neighbor said she'd get "a couple of pounds of meal" at the supermarket - but she came out with much more, including a container of ice cream. I didn't know corn meal makes a half-gallon last even longer....

E-MAIL UPDATE:Hey, here's a change of pace - a letter that's NOT about Bobby Peters! Bill writes to inform us:

You can find out more details about the "Fair Tax" [28 Jun] at www.fairtax.org .

Thanks for the tip, Bill. I checked the web site of "Americans for Fair Taxation" Wednesday -- and it claims, "Everyone agrees the current Federal tax system is broken." Everyone? What about my neighbor who's so poor, she hasn't even bothered to file for a state refund yet?

The "fair tax" Senate candidate Herman Cain likes so much is described on this web site as a tax on goods and services. Countries such as Canada already have this - yet Canadians have voted for liberal governments for years.

"You don't need an expert to determine your Federal taxes," FairTax.org claims. Yet the web site also promises a full tax rebate for people with poverty-level incomes - so those people still might need an expert to add up a 12-month stack of sales receipts.

By the way, one of Herman Cain's opponents for U.S. Senate unveiled his first TV commercial Wednesday. Democrat Cliff Oxford says it's time for Georgians to "take care of ourselves first." We should note this same approach is taken often by thieves and bank robbers.

With an off day from Superior Court Judge jokes (the pro-Peters messages jumped to five, by the way), here's what else we came up with Wednesday:

+ Lee County Sheriff's officers reported a Fort Benning soldier was arrested in Phenix City, for having child pornography on his computer. We expect Fort Benning's commanders will respond to this by declaring at least eight web sites off-limits.

+ The University of Phoenix cut the ribbon to open its new Columbus branch campus, near Veterans Parkway. NOW will you guys please stop the Internet pop-up ads?

+ Chattahoochee Valley Community College held a live drawing during the Noon news - and former Phenix City Mayor Sammy Howard won a vacation in Destin, Florida. If former Housing Authority Director Chuck Roberts gets his wish, Howard will love that city so much that he'll never come back.

+ One block of Broadway was evacuated during lunch hour, because of a natural gas leak. It initially was traced to The Loft -- where the managers should remind the staff it's not Open Main Night, but Open MIKE Night.

(WXTX "News at Ten" updated the source of that leak -- putting it downstairs from The Loft, at the Olive Branch restaurant. I've seen chefs there turn up stoves so high, it's a wonder the menu isn't full of flambe dishes.)

+ The big Spectrum sign came down at 14^th and Veterans Parkway, replaced by a big Taco Bell sign. Big deal! Either way, you still can get gas....

+ Instant Message to the Sonic on Wynnton Road: About your sign offering a "J R BANANA SPLIT" - has Larry Hagman's acting career stooped THAT low?

SONG OF THE DAY: As of today, Georgia stores and restaurants can sell beer with a higher level of alcohol content - as high as 14 percent. We should celebrate this, by rewriting a tune I learned long ago while playing youth softball:

Stronger bottles of beer on the wall!

Stronger bottles of beer!

Take one down, pass it around....

(Hic!) (Thud.)

COMING SOON: Why settle for one beer when you can have three?....

To offer a story tip, make a donation or comment on this blog, please write me - but be warned, I may post a reply.

If you quote from this in public somewhere, please be polite enough to let me know.

© 2003-04 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.