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15 NOV 04: OUR PAL., YASSER

LAUGHLINE FLASHBACK: During the years when we wrote LaughLine for a national audience, the late Yasser Arafat came up frequently. If "60 Minutes" can do a retrospective on the Palestinian leader, so can we:

27 JUN 01: President Bush now has met twice with Israeli Prime Minister Sharon. But he has NOT met yet with Palestinian Authority President Yasser Arafat - and White House officials admit no such meeting is planned. Maybe aides still are trying to explain "Palestine" is more than just a city in east Texas.

16 JUL 01: Israel's Foreign Minister talked with Palestinian leader Yasser Arafat in Egypt Sunday. Shimon Peres admitted in the Middle East right now, "the atmosphere is sick and poisoned...." When WILL these Palestinians quit burning tires, and start respecting the environment?

We couldn't help noticing Israel's Prime Minister did NOT meet directly with Yasser Arafat. Ariel Sharon recently called the Palestinian leader a "murderer and a pathological liar." Well, it COULD be worse. Mr. Arafat could lead the Slobodan Milosevic Fan Club.

14 AUG 01: Israeli officials claim recent suicide bombings could have been prevented - but Palestinian leader Yasser Arafat did NOT act on a list of suspected terrorist leaders. Well, why should he?! If racial profiling is wrong in the U.S., it's wrong everywhere....

(Somehow we can't imagine Yasser Arafat playing golf. He'd yell "fore" - and four suicide bombers would come out of hiding.)

9 NOV 01: National Security Adviser Condoleezza Rice revealed Thursday President Bush will NOT meet with Yasser Arafat while they're at the United Nations. She claims the Palestinian leader is too close to some terrorist groups. Why can't the Palestinians do what U.S. residents do - and build a gated community an hour away from the terrorists?

12 NOV 01: Despite the talk of a state called Palestine, President Bush did NOT meet personally with Yasser Arafat while at the United Nations. The Palestinian leader had to meet instead with Secretary of State Colin Powell. C'mon, Mr. Arafat, compromise a little - and trim that beard better.

Yasser Arafat's United Nations speech did NOT sound peaceful. He accused Israel of engaging in its own form of terrorism. At least we can take comfort in one thing. Whether devout Jews or devout Muslims are involved in terrorism, no pork products are ever used.....

26 APR 02: Palestinian leader Yasser Arafat announced Thursday he's held a trial for four suspected killers of Israel's Tourism Minister - and they were all found guilty. In a related note, Los Angeles prosecutors may seek a change of venue in the Robert Blake case.

Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon told Thursday's "New York Times" he's willing to let Yasser Arafat leave his Ramallah compound - IF he moves from the West Bank to the Gaza Strip. This sort of dealing gives a whole new meaning to "Strip
poker...."

29 APR 02: The agreement reached by President Bush will allow Yasser Arafat to leave his Ramallah headquarters for the first time since last December. They had to be frustrating months for the Palestinian leader. Just when he had spring cleaning finished, the Israeli army barged in....

2 MAY 02: Yasser Arafat wasted no time speaking out, after the Israeli army left his compound in Ramallah. The Palestinian leader declared the Israelis are terrorists. Maybe so - but at least when the tanks show up, you KNOW they're armed and dangerous.

Did you see the little girl walk up to Yasser Arafat during the "Nightline" interview with him? The Palestinian leader kissed the girl, and even handed her a candy bar. There, you see -- Mr. Arafat's not THAT bad a guy. He could have given that girl a stick of dynamite....

3 MAY 02: Yasser Arafat finally came out of his West Bank compound Thursday, after Israeli soldiers kept him stuck there more than a month. But the Palestinian leader missed a golden opportunity to help rebuild the territories. All he had to say was, "I'm going to Disney World...."

Yasser Arafat received a hero's welcome from Palestinians, as he left the Ramallah compound. A group of peace activists stayed in the compound with him - and some of them went 34 days without a shower! [True/NPR] Procter and Gamble executives should have been there, to hand out souvenir bars of Zest.

7 MAY 02: President Bush admitted Monday he still considers Yasser Arafat a disappointment. He urged the Palestinian leader to show he believes in peace with Israel. For one thing, he could organize an Arab remake of the song, "We Are the World."

8 MAY 02: NBC News interviewed Yasser Arafat in the West Bank Tuesday. He said he signed several controversial documents to provide for "impoverished laborers," not terrorists. Well, let's face it - the labor of terrorism doesn't pay as well as it used to....

Yasser Arafat was handed a copy of the Israeli report supposedly linking him to terrorism. The Palestinian leader called it a "big lie," and let it drop to the floor. Aha! That PROVES Mr. Arafat can't be trusted -- he's a litterbug.

President Bush still has NOT met personally with Yasser Arafat. Instead, he'll talk today (Wednesday) with King Abdullah of Jordan. Of course, when most Washington residents talk about "Jordan," the issue is whether Michael will retire
again.

17 MAY 02: Meanwhile, Palestinian Authority leader Yasser Arafat said Thursday he wants to hold a Presidential election within six months. Of course, he'd also like the Israeli Prime Minister to have one - and lose.

Palestinian officials say they'll have a big problem preparing for a Presidential election. They claim Israeli soldiers destroyed the voter rolls in the West Bank -- the better to hide the people voting against Yasser Arafat.

29 MAY 02: Meanwhile, there's a new hot-selling food item in Egypt - cheese puffs with the image of Yasser Arafat on the bag! Apparently the cheese flavor simply explodes in your mouth....

The company making cheese puffs with Yasser Arafat on the bag says it's donating three percent of the profits to help wounded Palestinians. Scoff at this if you want - but how much is Kellogg's donating from Spiderman cereal to help rebuild New York?

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© 2003-04 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.