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10 NOV 04: BRADLEY PARKED

OK, what's going on here? Where was Brad Cotter Tuesday night? He certainly wasn't at the Country Music Association Awards - unless they made him sit near the back row, where Gretchen Wilson says she sat last year....

Brad Cotter of Auburn may be the USA Network's "Nashville Star," but he was nowhere to be found at Tuesday night's "biggest night in country music." You don't think he's already parked outside Jordan-Hare Stadium, for Saturday's Georgia-Auburn game?!?

Brad Cotter wasn't even nominated for the Horizon Award, given to rising talented country artists. But look on the bright side -- stars tend to be ABOVE the horizon.

Country artists from our area didn't do well overall at the C.M.A.'s this year. Newnan native Alan Jackson sat all night, as categories he used to win went to others. At least we can answer the musical question, "Where were you when the awards stopping coming?"

And there was a time when Marietta's Travis Tritt was a regular contender for Country Music Association Awards. This year he was missing again - as he's apparently still waiting for the Westville film "2,001 Maniacs" to come out, and dramatically change his career.

Not even country music radio stations in our area could win awards this year. What does it say when Syracuse, New York and Seattle are judged to have better country music than the South?

The C.M.A. Awards tend to have a different feel from other big-time award shows. For one thing, when the winners thank God and praise Jesus Christ, you're left thinking these celebrities really might mean it....

But back to Gretchen Wilson: she won the C.M.A. Horizon Award Tuesday night -- and a week from Friday she comes to the Columbus Civic Center, touring with the duo "Big and Rich." That's funny; those singers didn't look like pro basketball
players....

E-MAIL UPDATE: We tried to answer a question about a fiction book set in Columbus Tuesday. But now the original questioner has provided her own answer:

I found out a few days ago that the book "The Valley" is actually a brochure my company is putting out! Our boss laughed for 2 days when he found out that people in the office thought it was an actual book!

I'm sorry you went to all that trouble.

Betsy

Thanks for settling that, Betsy. At least you offered better service than Barnes & Noble - as the employee who promised to check her manager still hasn't called me back.

(But why do I have this strange feeling - like I was put on an Internet version of "Candid Camera?")

Of course, the news that "The Valley" is not a fiction book may bring a very different reaction. Budding authors may start writing their own Columbus-based novel. Let's see -- how about a judge named Peter Robert-son?

Now some closing words -- perhaps a mix of fact and fiction:

+ The first "Hands on Columbus" volunteer project was conducted, with crews building a new greenhouse at Muscogee Manor. How many single guys wish a "Hands on Columbus" would occur on Victory Drive, near one of those clubs?

+ Fort Benning announced it will tighten its security rules starting next week - including identification checks of every visitor. This will make things challenging for S.O.A. Watch protesters. They're not the kind of people who make fake I.D. cards, to get into bars.

(Fort Benning also announced Interstate 185 access to post will re-open next Monday, with a new security gate. If your car has a "Drive 1" license plate on it, I'd remove it as soon as possible..)

+ Students at Wesley Heights Elementary School staged a parade for accelerated reading students. At least THEY bothered to put on a parade around Veteran's Day....

+ The Atlanta Hawks lost their home opener to Cleveland, and now are 0-4 in the new season. If this keeps up, you may see fans throwing confetti at home games - only it'll be made of ripped-up season tickets.

+ Instant Message to the man who's calling Columbus TV stations, telling them NOT to mention Auburn as the Georgia-Auburn football game approaches: What if an Auburn fan calls, asking stations not to mention Georgia? Should we ignore this game completely, until everyone calms down?

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© 2003-04 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.