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1 NOV 04: GET OUT OF THE WAY

"What are you doing here?" several co-workers asked when they saw me at the workplace Saturday night.

"Avoiding the children begging for food," I responded in one way or another. Enough grown-ups do that to me the rest of the year.

You may call what children did over the weekend "trick-or-treating." My pastor calls it a bad lesson in morality - teaching children to "give me what I want, or you'll get it." Come to think of it, some politicians can sound that way.

Long-time blog readers know I don't celebrate Halloween. For some Christians, it's a controversial issue - and they secretly wish President Bush would dare to speak out against it, in the days before the election. Of course, if he did John Kerry probably would win....

The church I attend kept the hall open late Saturday evening, for families with children who wanted to avoid trick-or-treaters. I suggested we go all the way - and keep the hall open until 2:00 a.m., so we could all reset our clocks.

Several families brought snacks and games for the children to enjoy. In a way, we followed the example of bigger churches which hold "fall festivals" as a Halloween alternative. But the denomination I attend tends to oppose such things - perhaps because it didn't think of the idea first.

(Someone even brought a couple of faux pumpkins - the kind for decorations, which you can't carve. I didn't stick around to see if they were smashed on the floor, in a protest.)

For years I've tried to find creative ways to avoid Halloween begg - er, trick-or-treaters. Sometimes I go to work and catch up on things. One year in Atlanta, I went jogging down the Peachtree Road Race course at 6:00 p.m. Yes, I stayed on the sidewalks - but I probably shocked some diners at an outdoor café.

What strikes me is how Halloween has grown beyond a night for children in recent years. Now adults practically are expected to purchase costumes, go to parties -- oh yes, and buy beer. I suppose the beer makes it harder to figure out who's wearing what.

Is it only coincidence that our government wrote laws so November 1 cannot be Election Day? It's the "first Tuesday after the first Monday in November." Perhaps lawmakers realized there would be too much Halloween damage to clean up....

Sad to say, Halloween pranksters were out and about over the weekend. The Sunday night news reported someone was shot with a pellet gun in the Green Island Hills neighborhood. You know it's time for a change if the upscale parts of town
aren't safe.

BLOG UPDATE: Aha! You've just stumbled into another pop quiz - this one testing your knowledge of the candidates and issues on this Election Eve. Ready?

1. Which recently-elected future judge has a big sign outside his downtown home, endorsing Linda Pierce for Superior Court Clerk? Doesn't he realize the new round of romantic rumors this could start?

2. Which candidate for Alabama Supreme Court claims "liberals" are backing that state's Amendment 2? When did Governor Bob Riley become a liberal?

3. Who is running for Congress against Sanford Bishop - yet seemingly hasn't bothered to visit Columbus, because he considers that part of the district a lost cause?

4. Who is the independent candidate for Muscogee County Sheriff? Why didn't the District Attorney follow his example, instead of switching parties?

5. If you vote yes for the one-cent Columbus sales tax, does that mean you don't have to leave any pennies in United Way buckets anymore? Does it mean the "leave a penny" cups at convenience stores will disappear?

6. Which woman is running for a second term representing parts of Muscogee, Harris and Talbot Counties - while she also represents a hospital with no facilities in her district at all?

(Extra credit question: Where is the woman this state lawmaker beat two years ago? Does loyal supporter Jerry Laquire even know?)

7. If "W stands for women," does that mean "F" stands for females?

8. Who is the Harris County Sheriff, running for re-election? And why was a big sign supporting him on a vehicle parked across the street from the Columbus Public Safety Center last week?

9. How does Russell County Commissioner Cattie Epps really pronounce her first name? Is it pronounced the same as her squabble with Judge Al Howard?

10. Why does Colin Martin suddenly like the Columbus one-cent sales tax proposal, after he opposed others? Does Doug Kellett need to return to town, to straighten him out?

11. Does the candidate named "Countryman" have the support of friends and Romans?

12. Which candidate for District Attorney also is a church pastor? Why isn't he the candidate who "supports the Ten Commandments - period"?

13. Is the Lumpkin City Library a polling place? If so, will people be required to check their brass knuckles at the door?

14. If someone marked an "early voting" ballot last week, then died over the weekend, does the vote still count? After all, federal law says Election Day is "the first Tuesday after the first Monday in November."

15. If no major Presidential candidate has visited Georgia in months, do they really care about our state? Should we even bother marking a ballot?

E-MAIL UPDATE: It didn't take long to get reaction to Sunday's discussion of Adam Johnson's car colliding with a little girl on Oates Avenue. One reader even wrote us twice, to side with Sheriff Ralph Johnson when it comes to his son:

What was with the comment about the Sheriff keeping his son on lockdown until November 2nd? Please take note: THE SHERIFF'S SONE IS 18 YEARS OLD!! I could understand the community holding the Sheriff accountable had he been underage, but he's a legal adult!! Please put blame and responsibility where it belongs. Thanks.

People on Oates Avenue noticed a Muscogee County Sheriff's Department car arriving at the scene before a police car did - and they declared Adam Johnson received favoritism. Well, hold on a second. Did they REALLY want the Sheriff's officer to put Johnson on the ground and shoot him?

You have just got to be kidding?!?! How tacky. Use a little common sense and couth when writing this column. Just because something is an easy target doesn't mean you should take it. For God's Sake have some common decency and courtesy.

Everyone will repeat after me: This is a humor blog. This is a humor blog....

Yes, Adam Johnson is 18 -- but given his recent police record, whether he's a "LEGAL adult" may be open to dispute.

Will Sheriff Ralph Johnson be held accountable for his son's actions? That issue is left for voters to decide on Tuesday -- but to be fair, John Kerry never has brought up the alcohol arrests of President Bush's daughters, or one of them skipping college commencement.

As for that "easy target": you should see the punchline ideas which I did NOT post. Some civil rights leaders probably had thought of them already - and even may have uttered a few during Sunday church services.

Speaking of which: in case you missed it, Ed DuBose disclosed over the weekend he will NOT seek another term as President of the Columbus NAACP chapter. He says he wants to "see his family again." Why DuBose hasn't taken his family to rallies at churches is beyond me....

While Ed DuBose is giving up the Columbus NAACP position, he told WRBL he might run for a position with the Georgia state organization. Now hold on a minute! There's not only that family question - but does WRCG have the money for him to do a Saturday talk show on the road?

COMING TUESDAY: In keeping with our custom, NO politics on Election Day. We'll find something else....

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© 2003-04 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.