Friday, November 12, 2004


12 NOV 04: WELCOME SOUTH, BROTHER


Our BLOG SPECIAL EVENT continues now, as it was on this day 20 years ago that I officially moved into Georgia. The day started at a Holiday Inn in West Memphis, Arkansas -- and a shower so cold, I couldn't believe I was in Holiday Inn's headquarters city.


The direct route by car from Memphis to Atlanta in November 1984 meant a two-lane drive on a winding U.S. 78 through northern Mississippi. It also meant an introduction to "Academies" in small towns - opened as alternatives to desegregated public schools. How many of these are run by Southern Baptists, anyway?


The road to Georgia bypassed Tupelo, Mississippi. I decided I didn't have time to stop and tour Elvis Presley's hometown. Years later I stopped there on vacation one evening and jogged downtown - and by comparison, downtown Columbus could be a marathon course.


I stopped for lunch in northwest Alabama, and received a rude culture shock. I should have known I was in trouble at a barbecue restaurant when all the menu items were listed on decorative wooden pigs -- with not a steer in sight.


The barbecue sandwich I ordered tasted strange to me -- because growing up in Kansas City and living for years in Oklahoma, barbecue meant beef. Once I discovered this sandwich was pork, I felt like half the town was in the restaurant. And they were all watching me dump that sandwich in the trash.


(In the next town down the road, I didn't repeat that mistake - getting a safe chili cheeseburger.)


A large table lamp was lodged between the seats of my car on that Monday in November 1984. When I reached Birmingham, one of the ramps leading to Interstate 20 surprised me - and the lampshade ripped. When I moved to Columbus 13 years later, I settled for clothing and suitcases.


In late 1984 I-20 was NOT completely built across Alabama. That meant a detour of several miles between Birmingham and Anniston. It took several more years for me to realize a large number of Alabamians actually don't mind living behind the times....


The moving trip finally reached the Georgia line in late afternoon. And for the first time, I began to live on Eastern Time instead of Central. I still dare to say Central is the time zone God prefers - since the late news comes on at 10:00 p.m.


I stopped for fuel in Douglas County around sundown - and began to understand the busyness of Atlanta traffic. A long line of cars extended down a two-lane road from the I-20 exit. This was so long ago, I'm not sure this exit even had a Waffle House.


As part of my preparation for the move to Georgia, I contacted an Atlanta church pastor in the denomination I used to attend. He announced at church I needed a roommate for awhile -- and a single man offered to take me in. The fact that I was hired by CNN made me trustworthy, I guess. But remember, this was before Fox News Channel....


I followed the pastor's directions and a map, I found the duplex in College Park which would be my first Georgia home. But as I rolled into the driveway, the next-door neighbor on my left was handling a fierce-sounding dog -- and I couldn't tell in the darkness if it was leashed or not. I'd driven hundreds of miles, and now couldn't be sure of the last 20 yards.


After waiting a couple of minutes in uncertainty, I developed a strategy: drive up the road to a Church's chicken stand for dinner, then return to the duplex and BACK my way up the driveway. The dog would have to run around the car. And if all else failed, I could throw bones at it.


It turned out the scary-sounding dog WAS on a leash - and I was able to get out of the car, find the man's hidden key and get inside the duplex in one piece. I guess that animal was designed to get me used to Atlanta's southside. The duplex was
close to Hartsfield Airport, and in the flight path of all sorts of planes.


The first Monday night watching Georgia television in 1984 was memorable as well. Forrest Sawyer co-anchored the news on WAGA -- and the big 11:00 p.m. story was how the homeless would cope with the coldest night of the fall. I saw that and gained the false impression Atlanta was only slightly chillier in winter than Miami.


Down the dial on that Monday night, Bo Jackson had an 89-yard (I think) touchdown run for the Raiders in Seattle, running all the way into the Kingdome tunnel. And Atlanta's TV-69 was trying to copy MTV - only the VJ's didn't look anywhere as good as Martha Quinn.


My "host" in the duplex was out of town for the week on sales calls. So not knowing what else to do, I slept in his bedroom on my first night in Georgia - but on the floor, so as not to offend. Before you ask: it was MY germs that I was concerned about spreading....


Over the last 20 years in Georgia, I've learned many things -- yet I remain puzzled by many things:


+ I'm now familiar with most of the NASCAR drivers. But when I hear "a round of wedge," I wonder why they're carrying golf clubs in the cars.


+ I've learned Georgia tea comes both sweetened and unsweetened. But I still don't know how restaurants sweeten the tea in advance -- especially without opening all sorts of sugar packets.


+ I'm more careful making right turns after stopping at street corners - because many drivers feel like they HAVE to turn left into a right-hand lane.


+ I've discovered if you answer a phone and the first thing a caller says is "Lookee here," you're probably in trouble. But I still can't grasp why people say "hey" instead of "hello."


+ I now know college football games in the South are not games. They are mini-wars -- or "us versus them." Thanks, Larry Munson.


+ I've learned you don't step on a gas pedal -- you "mash" it. But no one has offered me "corn meal mash" yet.


But enough about my history - let's check some local events from Thursday:

+ The Columbus Salvation Army announced Target won't allow bell-ringers outside the store this year. If only those bells could match the rock music in the Target commercials....


(Target explains if the Salvation Army is allowed to have kettles outside stores, other groups trying to raise money will expect the same privilege. You probably can name some of them - Coach's Corner, the Traffic Light Inn, and everybody
else on Fort Benning's list.)


+ A Lumpkin police officer (perhaps THE only officer) told WXTX "News at Ten" the town is trying to crack down on juvenile crime. There's only one little problem. The juveniles get thrown in the Stewart County Jail, where they can jump
right out.


+ Instant Message to the organizers of "Christmas Made in the South": You're going to have a big crowd at the Trade Center, no matter what - but to be REALLY Southern, shouldn't the mouse in your logo be replaced by a cockroach?


BIG PREDICTION: I'm asking for it either way, in making a choice on this incredibly important contest -- but I'll dare to do it. I say Georgia Tech will beat Connecticut this weekend, and get even for the college basketball finals....


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