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28 MAR 04: A.F. x 2

Instant Message to "Team Down Under": We're glad to have you Australian football players in Columbus for the weekend - but did you happen to bring "Waltzing Matilda" with you? I've heard so much about her, but I've never been quite sure who she is....

Team Down Under is a group of football players from Australia, which take on the Columbus Wardogs in a preseason game today. Coach John Fourcade says he's treating it like the regular season opener - the same way Florida's football team tries to open the season with a pushover like Bethune-Cookman.

The Team Down Under-Wardogs game is billed on the Civic Center marquee as "Freedom Bowl II." So did I miss Freedom Bowl I last year? Was it one of those Pacelli High School games at Doughboy Stadium or something?

The visitors from the Southern Hemisphere have been billed as an Australian national team. While the players technically are from there, the title is a bit misleading -- because an online check I did found NO trace of an Australian arena football league. I'm not sure they even play the electric version.

The Australians have some budding outdoor teams and leagues, but they do NOT call our game "American football." They call it "gridiron" for short - which shows they're still about 30 years behind U.S. sports reporters.

The only arena football event I could find online involving Australia was an exhibition awhile back in Sydney. In fact, a "Team Down Under" which took on AF-2's Quad Cities team last March never had played the indoor version of football before. So don't be surprised if there's as much "yellow" on the field as on the unwashed cars in the parking lot.

(By the way, last year's Quad Cities game did NOT have a score kept. So if you're looking for a 100-point game today, watch Dallas play Orlando on the NBA telecast before going to see the Wardogs.)

There IS a New Zealand American Football Association, which has provided players for Team Down Under. They include a 335-pound lineman who has the nickname "Twinkle Toes." [True!] Give a U.S. lineman a nickname like this, and his agent might file a "defamation of character" lawsuit.

So what do the Aussies call "football?" Not soccer or even rugby - but a wonderfully wild game called "Australian Rules Football." I became hooked on this during college, when ESPN showed an hour of highlights every weekend. This was before arena football was invented, so it gave football junkies something between May and August besides NFL Films clips.

This happens to be the opening weekend of THEIR A.F.L. season in Australia - and the issue is whether the Brisbane Lions can win their fourth championship in a row. Compare that with the N.F.L., where the Detroit Lions might not win one in our lifetimes.

By the way, Team Down Under is not the only international "gridiron" squad visiting AF-2 franchises. A Japanese all-star team played in Louisville last weekend -- thus providing struggling sumo wrestlers an extra chance to make some money.

BLOG UPDATE: You'll be relieved to know there's a new back door on my apartment - with no window, but a much tighter fit. It even has a metal strip along the bottom, to make sure nothing undesirable gets in. So of course, two big cockroaches perched themselves on the kitchen wall Thursday night to taunt me, anyway.

And how about those Kansas Jayhawks - racking up 100 points on Alabama-Birmingham in the regional semifinals? My old alma mater takes on Georgia Tech for the St. Louis Regional title today. If the Jayhawks win, I'll be able to annoy people on both sides of the state line all spring.

BLOGGER'S NOTE: Don't expect many updates for the next week or so, because our SERIOUS spring cleaning is in its final stages....

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