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26 MAR 04: ON A MISSION FROM GOD
Did you see me sing selections from my debut album Thursday night, during the Valley Rescue Mission telethon? In a way, my prayers were answered - because TV-16 probably picked up a few extra viewers from the early basketball games being so boring.
Thursday night marked my first visit to WCGT TV-16 on Hamilton Road - and I was amazed at how small the station is. In fact, it's SO SMALL that the managers probably enter drawings to win double-wide mobile homes.
I arrived at TV-16 about an hour before my scheduled singing time, and found a few Valley Rescue Mission residents outside near a tent. They'd promised me a telethon in a studio, and for a minute it looked like I'd walked into a camp meeting.
"Do you like your hot dog crispy or not-so-crispy?" asked a man cooking franks on a grill. The man admitted he's been cooking in the dark for more than an hour - so I was thankful he didn't put a charcoal briquet on my bun.
One man admitted at about 8:15 p.m. the telethon's hot dogs and buns were "enough food to feed an army." Or maybe one night's attendance at the Valley Rescue Mission in mid-January....
Three groups of people answered phones during the Valley Rescue Mission telethon. During the time I was in the office building with phones - well, I'd rather not say it was slow. Let's just say TV and radio newsrooms get more calls on mornings when the forecast merely CALLS for snow.
I showed up early to volunteer my services as needed - and I filled in at a phone for one man who took a break. This was during the hour when the telethon was taking bids on a computer, and I took a call from someone asking if it was new.
Nope, it was a refurbished P.C. - since this is Valley Rescue Mission, not Best Buy.
After a couple of minutes with only one call taken, the man came back from his break. "Sir - you're fired," he told me.
"Thank you, Mister Trump," I answered.
I've learned the habit of warming up my voice before I sing - and as I went up and down scales outside the studio, a young woman asked me if I knew the "What are you going to sing today?' scale. I misunderstood her and answered, "Yes, I do know what I'm going to sing."
(She also said I could do a "do-re-mi" scale if I wished. Well, of course I could - and probably I should have. Doing jazzy scat singing up and down the scale might have offended some of these religious people.)
"You can get a parting gift," the woman added as she showed me a folding table on the lawn outside the studio.
"Well, hold on a minute. I'm not parting yet. I still have to sing." Was she trying to distract me out of being on live TV?
WMLF Radio's Jim Foster was the emcee of the Valley Rescue Mission telethon. But I'm sad to report he was NOT quite on the level of Jerry Lewis or Ed McMahon. For one thing, during the afternoon he asked when Leap Year is - apparently unaware February 29th occurred less than a month ago.
The Valley Rescue Mission telethon had a goal of $50,000 in pledges. But sadly, the donations came in slowly. After one hour, the tote board showed only $1,987 -- and then Jim Foster had to start competing with Elizabeth White wearing a St. Jude Dream Home T-shirt.
When I walked into the tiny TV-16 studio, the tote board still was below $4,000. I wondered if there was some "reality show" twist going on - and at the last minute, someone would rush in and tape a zero next to the right number.
"We haven't raised anywhere near what I wanted," Jim Foster admitted to Mission Director Gary Hartman at 10:35 p.m. Maybe the reason was on the schedule clipboard. I hardly saw any African-American people on the air - and I can't imagine the mission sends all those needy people to the House of Mercy.
The unofficial final pledge total to the Valley Rescue Mission was $5,437. Jim Foster promised he'd get a live on-air buzz-cut if the total reached $50,000 -- so perhaps most viewers decided they prefer his hair the way it is.
Some well-known names on TV-16 DID make donations during the telethon. Jim Foster announced $100 pledges during the evening from Mike Gaymon of the Chamber of Commerce and talk show host Jerry Laquire. But as far as I know, Miriam Tidwell didn't even donate any appetizers.
Maybe apathy is busting out all over Columbus. A Rainbow/PUSH Coalition rally Thursday night for the recall of Sheriff Ralph Johnson attracted only about 20 people. Was the rerun of "The Parkers" on Fox-54 THAT good an episode?
By the way, the "parting gifts" I picked up after singing my two songs were a Valley Rescue Mission pen, tote bag and large coffee mug. But some of my friends will be disappointed to learn there was NO music box playing the Mission's TV jingle.
BLOG UPDATE:Go ahead, hate me - when Alabama-Birmingham meets Kansas tonight in the NCAA men's basketball tournament, I'll be hoping Kansas wins. But I will NOT watch the game - since as your dictionary clearly shows, God comes before hoops.
I've seen my old alma mater K.U. play U.A.B. once before - not in basketball, but football. On a whim, I decided a few years ago to drive to Legion Field on a Saturday evening to see the teams play. I knew it would be a slow three-hour ride, with no interstate - but when Sylacauga feels like a big city, you know it's a boring trip.
I carried only a vague map of Birmingham, so I easily got lost downtown trying to find Legion Field. For one thing, the stadium isn't really downtown at all - so it was hidden by all the bank skyscrapers.
When I finally found Legion Field, I parked on grass a long way from the stadium - but I parked for free. This shows UAB is smaller than Auburn University - because on game days, I think the closest free parking spot to Jordan-Hare Stadium is near Loachapoka.
Because I started late and became so mixed-up trying to find Legion Field, I heard the first half of the Kansas-UAB game on WERC radio. For some reason, the Blazers didn't have a "radio network" - as if Columbus stations would broadcast their games. After all, no Columbus station carried Alabama-Syracuse Thursday night.
(By the way, how about what Dick Enberg called the "Bama Boys!" They bounced defending champion and Kansas-conquering Syracuse out of the tournament 80-71 in Arizona. It looks like for a couple of days, Alabama has TWO Phenix Cities - one of them with an "o.")
Having never been to Legion Field before, I walked all the way around the station trying to find the ticket window - and when I did, halftime was over and the window was closed. What was I going to do now? My Birmingham map didn't even
list any nightclubs....
But then a strange thing happened. I was motioned to a gate of Legion Field - and they let me in without a ticket, for FREE! The thing is, I wasn't even dressed like an N.F.L. scout.
Even though I missed the first half, the KU-UAB game wound up going to four overtime periods -- and on that night, the Jayhawks finally made a defensive stop and won the game. So you see, Kansas has momentum heading into tonight's
showdown in St. Louis. It's the speed of a melting glacier, but it's something....
COMING THIS WEEKEND: Do they really play arena football in Australia? We're going to check.... and oh yes, an update on my back door....
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