14 SEP 07: KING FISH

How can someone be both happy and appalled at the same time? When you watch a baseball team win a championship at home, and see hardly anyone in the stands to support them. It's as if Columbus residents saw dark clouds in the sky, and automatically assumed the Golden Park fence would cave in again.

BIG PREDICTION UPDATE: The Columbus Catfish proved me wrong Thursday night, but I don't mind at all. They won the South Atlantic League championship in three straight games, instead of four. They.... oops, I should say "consecutive" games. I was warned years ago that any news item with "straight" in it might be misunderstood as a statement about homosexuality.

The Catfish unplugged the West Virginia Power 6-0, to sweep the final series. The visitors had only four hits on the night - and I think the last time West Virginia was that powerless, President Kennedy tried to promote development in Appalachia.

The Columbus Catfish not only swept the best-of-five final round against West Virginia -- they were a perfect 5-0 in post-season play. But please, young readers, do NOT try convincing your math teachers that 2 + 3 = 1.

I admittedly was skeptical about whether Thursday night's game would be played. A rainstorm moved across South Commons around sundown, and delayed the game about two hours. Perhaps league officials realized the Golden Park puddles would only get worse in 24 hours.

When WXTX "News at Ten" showed the Catfish leading 1-0 in the sixth inning, I not only knew the game was still going - I knew I had to walk over to Golden Park and see history in the making. Apparently the 10:00 p.m. news isn't shown in local bars, because I was the only person who showed up that late.

The Catfish were in the middle of a three-run sixth-inning (ahem) power surge when I arrived at Golden Park. A few customers actually were leaving as I walked in - so I hope the management doesn't mind my coming in, as a relief fan.

(Leaving in the sixth inning of a championship game? I don't even think the snobby Los Angeles Dodger ever did that, during World Series years.)

This wasn't the first time I showed up ridiculously late to a sports event. During the late nineties I drove to Birmingham, to watch my alma mater Kansas play UAB in football. I had trouble finding my way to Legion Field after dark - but when I arrived at halftime, they let me in free. The game went to multiple overtimes, Kansas won, and I didn't feel like I missed much at all.

But anyway: Thanks to the man who brought a towel to Golden Park, so I could dry off my rain-soaked bleacher seat. Without that, I could have made it a "standing only" crowd - only with plenty of room.

I asked the man with the towel about the size of the seventh-inning crowd, and he told me about twice as many people were on hand at the beginning. Once again, the Golden Park attendance was NOT announced on the public address system - but I fear "Bikes on Broadway" this weekend will draw a bigger crowd.

The Catfish padded their lead in the bottom of the seventh, when right fielder John Matulia mashed a two-run homer. I've become such a longtimer in Columbus that I called them "Aflac runs" - you know, for insurance.

One fan brought a broom to Golden Park, rooting for a Catfish "sweep" of West Virginia. Hopefully that man left right after the final out - before he was hired to clean up the mess in the winning clubhouse.

When the final ground-out was made and Catfish players piled atop each other between first and second base, the Golden Park announcer immediately declared championship T-shirts were on sale "for 20 dollars." Twenty dollars?!?! When you can't get people into field-side box seats costing seven?

I heard during last week's semifinals that the Catfish players do NOT get bonus money for winning the South Atlantic League title. But they received T-shirts right away on the field - so all they have to do is add the words: "I spent six months in Columbus, Georgia, and all I got was...."

The championship trophy was presented at home plate by John Henry Moss, who's retiring after 50 years as South Atlantic League commissioner. Isn't that amazing? He's been a baseball commissioner even longer than Bobby Cox has been Atlanta's manager.

John Henry Moss noted the South Atlantic League broke an attendance record this year. We'd like to thank everyone in Lexington, Kentucky and Lake County, Ohio who made that possible - because from what I saw during the playoffs, Columbus had absolutely nothing to do with it.

The shiny silver trophy was given to Catfish manager Jim Morrison. Much to my surprise, I never heard the Golden Park staff play a single tune by The Doors this season....

Jim Morrison praised his team as not only good baseball players, but upstanding young men. That's reassuring to know - and come to think of it, they certainly don't have the arrest record of the Alabama football team.

I know there was a two-hour rain delay, and the championship wasn't clinched until 11:20 p.m. But the Golden Park crowd which stuck around to witness the trophy presentation MIGHT have totaled 400. That's why I'm appalled, as I write about an hour after the celebration. More people probably will show up next March, for the opening night ceremonies of Peach Little League.

We wrote here last week [6 Sep] that Columbus seems to be a city which loves to play baseball and softball, but not spend money to watch it. When the city wins its first pro baseball title in 21 years before a crowd which may not have topped 1,000, it doesn't make Columbus look good. And it dares West Point to build a nice new "Kia Stadium" next to the auto plant.

By the way, the Catfish become the second team in this part of Georgia to win a minor league baseball title this year. Albany's "South Georgia Peanuts" won the inaugural season of the South Coast League. But it's probably too late to arrange a "clash of the champions" series - because the Peanut players probably have started their off-season roofing jobs.

And the next stop up the ladder for some of the Catfish could be Tampa Bay's AA team. The Montgomery Biscuits are in the Southern League Championship Series right now -- and you don't hear anything about the Biscuits' attendance being in a jam.

So congratulations to our champions - and now a quick check of an otherwise-light news day:

+ Muscogee County school officials revealed an eighth-grader was found with a steak knife at East Columbus Magnet Academy. Suddenly that KFC commercial where a woman eats at a cubicle with a knife and fork doesn't seem so funny.

+ Eight people were named to Talbotton's first volunteer fire department. Yeah, like that town could afford to pay them right now....

+ Forecasters predicted the remnants of Hurricane Humberto could bring three inches of rain to parts of Alabama. That's nice, but that's not my big issue with this storm. I want to know if poker star Humberto Brenes put on his jester's hat and danced around, to celebrate having a hurricane named after him.

COMING THIS WEEKEND: Columbus becomes an animal kingdom....

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for 13 SEP 07: THE RIGHT STUFF

The price of crude oil went above 80 dollars a barrel for the first time Wednesday, closing at $79.91. I guess that'll teach me. I didn't e-mail a thank you card to OPEC, for announcing an increase in production....

The current price of gas across Columbus is higher than it was a year ago, when there was a series of big drops during September. I'd like to think the price will drop again before law - because football fans don't have as much reason to drive to Auburn on Saturdays, or Atlanta on Sundays.

I've tried my own experiment in fuel savings this summer, inspired by a news story I saw about United Parcel Service. Did you know UPS instructs its drivers NOT to make left turns? Of course, critics would say it merely reflects corporate conservatism by the management....

The theory is that United Parcel drivers burn fuel needlessly, when their trucks sit waiting to make left turns. So drivers receive computerized routes, to make sure they only turn right while making deliveries. And in this era of GPS devices, the home office probably can print computerized map of where the driver REALLY goes -- to catch him taking overly long lunch breaks.

If this fuel-saving idea works for UPS, I said to myself, why can't it work for me? So I started applying the "no left turn" rule on all my trips -- and I quickly found it can be challenging to do in Columbus. But at least it keeps me in the right lane of traffic, so all the speeders can hurry by.

I discovered getting to work from my home is as simple as making two right turns. But it meant turning onto 13^th Street downtown during morning rush hour. I added one more car to the crowd which is already there, and added a few minutes to my commute time. The regulars on 13^th Street will be pleased to learn I only take that route on holidays now....

The modified current route to work has me turning right at 11^th Street, then winding around from there to go up Wynnton Road. This way, the only slowdown is for a school zone at St. Luke School - not counting the days when my 13-year-old car doesn't really want to up the hill to Buena Vista Road.

Getting home from work turned out to be an even bigger challenge. Driving downhill on Wynnton Road can lead to a forced right turn from 11^th Street to Sixth Avenue. That points me in the wrong direction - and the only way to get back in the proper direction without turning left is to use Linwood Boulevard and Tenth Avenue. Is a 14-block detour really a savings in fuel?

After only one of those long side trips, I declared an exception to the "no-left" rule. I made ONE left, at Eighth Avenue near Recorder's Court. But to get home after turning onto Tenth Street, I still had to make right turns around a block - and that meant driving a block on Broadway. On many weekend nights, this could mean dodging assorted party animals.

(As one local TV newscaster explained the UPS approach: "Three rights make one left." In fact, I think that used to be the formula for callers to TalkLine on WRCG.)

So now the road home from work has not one exception, but two. I reasoned since Tenth Street is one-way westbound, a left turn toward my neighborhood would NOT require waiting on other cars. And on most summer afternoons, I've found you also never have to wait on any pedestrians.

Other trips around Columbus are a bit less cumbersome under the UPS method, but still curious. To go north on Veterans Parkway from my neighborhood, I have to make right turns around a block at Fifth Avenue. I've learned one interesting thing from doing this - the Ma Rainey House has hardly any visitors.

Driving to Phenix City is different as well, when you try to avoid making left turns. I turn right at Second Avenue, directly onto the Oglethorpe Bridge and the 280 Bypass. Based on the complaints I'm hearing about the renovation of Broad Street, maybe more people should try it.

But I've found there are times when occasional left turns still are necessary. When I'm leaving the Columbus Public Library, it's absolutely required - because otherwise "around the block" wound mean taking Interstate 185 from Macon Road to Buena Vista Road to go downtown.

(It's interesting that Atlanta-based United Parcel Service would develop a policy where drivers might have to go around the block - because if you've driven in Atlanta at all, you know it's almost impossible to go around the block in most parts of town.)

So what about the payoff? Is my gas mileage better? Comparing several receipts from this summer with last summer, there seems to be a difference. My humble Honda is up more than one mile per gallon in city driving, and 2.4 miles on the highway. So don't sit there and be skeptical - "right thinking" might be worthwhile after all.

E-MAIL UPDATE: Tuesday's main topic brought this, uh, special offer....

Richard..If you are in need of increasing your X rated vocab.just walk down the halls of any local high school..If these words were included on the SAT scores would improve.

Uhhhh - that's OK, thanks. I faced some of that when I was in high school, three decades ago. A group of us was heading to a debate tournament, when a provocative guy in the back seat asked me about condoms. I responded by asking why he was talking about condominiums - and the guy's mother who happened to be driving was so stunned, she almost ran off the road.

BIG PREDICTION: They'll need an extra game, but the Columbus Catfish will win the South Atlantic League title at home by Friday night. Then the city will try to arrange a victory celebration, similar to what the Northern Little League All-Stars had - only to find it can't fill one side of the Civic Center with fans.

Now let's take a trip around the Wednesday news bases....

+ The evening news reported Fountain City Coffee downtown will expand to a second location, and begin a partnership with Bruster's Ice Cream. That's just what java addicts have been waiting for - a double-shot double-dip.

(The news about Fountain City Coffee came as the Columbus Chamber of Commerce launched the second year of its "iWow" program, where small businesses are paired with successful mentors. So is this done like fantasy football - and if so, who wound up drawing the Amos family at Aflac?)

+ Georgia's Governor announced the Chinese construction company Sany Heavy Industry will build its first U.S. factory in Peachtree City. It's now accepting contributions of lead-based paint, for the walls and doors.

+ Instant Message to WRBL's Heather Jensen: Somebody's gotta ask it, so (ahem) -- why do you part your hair on one side on days when you anchor the news, and the opposite side on days when you report? Is this your idea of being fair and balanced?

(BLOGGER'S NOTE: We're posting extra-early so we can keep the Biblical Feast of Trumpets/Jewish New Year. A happy holy day to everyone keeping it!)

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12 SEP 07: CANDLES IN THE WIND

The torch was passed to me Tuesday night - and when I tried to use the other person's torch to light mine, both our torches went out. Six years after the September 11 attacks, the symbolism here was not good at all....

Your blog joined about 150 people at a candlelight vigil on the Columbus State University campus. A 15-minute program capped a day-long "Patriot Day" remembrance at the Cunningham Center for Leadership Development. So why didn't I see any current local leaders at the vigil, other than Police Chief Ricky Boren?

Tuesday marked the first time Columbus State University had staged a daylong Patriot Day remembrance event. It clearly showed the involvement of the Cunningham Center's Director, retired General Carmen Cavezza - right down to a flyover by a military helicopter. Too bad it happened during the vigil's "moment of silence."

The main speaker at the candlelight vigil was former Mayor Pro Tem Jack Rodgers. He read a list of "heroes" -- local law officers and Red Cross workers who went to New York or Washington for several weeks after the September 11 attacks. I'm still waiting for an award from the motel industry, for going ahead with my fall vacation in Panama City Beach that year.

Columbus Council was in session six years ago, when the World Trade Center and Pentagon came under attack. Former Councilor Jack Rodgers said his first thought when he heard the news was to pray. Most of Columbus seemed to agree with that - but church attendance returned to normal after a few weeks.

Jack Rodgers says on that Tuesday of terror in 2001, the attackers ruined "our picture-perfect country." Now hold on - picture-perfect?! I checked the archives, and the attacks occurred AFTER Chandra Levy disappeared in Washington.

Jack Rodgers noted President Bush was criticized in 2001, for not responding fast enough to the September 11 attacks. "But how was he supposed to react?" Rodgers asked the audience. Zell Miller could have answered that one - because he wanted to press the nuclear button and blow up Afghanistan.

The day of remembrance at Columbus State was promoted on several billboards around town, and the candlelight vigil began at 8:00 p.m. So the attendance of about 150 seemed disappointing to me. Maybe next year, the candle-lighting will be changed to a fireworks show.

I don't know how many people went inside the Cunningham Center during the day, to visit the displays there. I checked it around 7:30 - and was distracted immediately by a TV in the lobby. The trouble was, it didn't show the shocking "Patriot Day" events. It shocked me with a report that football's New England Patriots were caught cheating.

The Cunningham Center had a multimedia presentation to remind people about the events of September 11, 2001. The center of one room had a bent "I-beam" from the South Tower of the World Trade Center. It's amazing what this must have inspired in the last six years - such as the iPod, iTunes, iPhone....

Patriot Day was marked in a variety of other ways. Fort Benning hosted Georgia's "Freedom Walk," where about 350 people wandered around some grounds for as long as they wished. I could do this at Fort Benning any day of the year - but first I have to buy a set of golf clubs.

Alabama Governor Bob Riley watched dozens of new National Guard members enlist Tuesday. Then he declared Alabama is "the most patriotic state" in the country. It's certainly solidifying its label as a "red state" - and we can thank Coach Nick Saban for that....

E-MAIL UPDATE: Moving on to other topics, here's a reply to a short comment we posted Tuesday....

+ The Lee County Commission approved emergency money for several volunteer fire departments. It was either that, or order school board members to fight fires and justify those allegedly bloated salaries

I say "let 'em stop answering calls if they are suppose to be out of money"

clean house on all departments in the county..

jus maybe - that will give others a chance at doing it..

for Non-Profit organizations,, it seems they have the act of making threats.

Such kindhearted readers we have! We hope they have giant bottles of water stored in the garage, in case the fire crews take them up on their idea.

While we're there, an e-mailer's recent speculation became reality Tuesday. WRBL reported a Lee County commissioner was named the new Russell County engineer [4 Sep]. It looks like Governor Riley's crackdown on "double dipping" is melting like a double-dipped ice cream cone in August.

Now a quick check of other Tuesday topics in the news:

+ Columbus Mayor Jim Wetherington signed a new "sister city" covenant with Taichung City, Taiwan. Taichung City Mayor Jason Hu joined in the signing - and while I didn't see it, I hope the guest was allowed to make the initial remarks to Columbus Council. It would continue the great U.S. tradition of "Hu's on first."

(Mayor Jason Hu expressed hope that Taichung City's relationship with Columbus would be like "finding a long-lost brother." He might have a harder time finding a local Chinese restaurant with a Taiwanese name.)

+ A Manpower survey found Columbus could have the biggest job growth in Georgia as we approach the end of the year. Three in ten companies plan to add staff in the next three months, while no companies plan job cuts. So that store on Macon Road already selling Halloween items may add Christmas decorations in a couple of weeks.

+ Carver High School jumped to the number-one ranking, in the GHSA Class AAA football poll. When was the last time Carver had a top ranking like this? I mean, other than the highest number of students from housing projects?

+ The Columbus Catfish unplugged the West Virginia Power again, in the South Atlantic League finals. For the second night in a row, the score was 5-2. Now the series moves to potentially rainy Columbus - and the odds are 5-2 Golden Park will be fit for games before Sunday.

LAUGHLINE FLASHBACK: Tuesday night's candlelight vigil was planned much better than one we attended right after the terror attacks. We wrote about it in the LaughLine issue of 17 Sep 01:

An e-mail appeal urged people to step outside Friday evening with a candle, in a show of remembrance. One man in town arranged a last-minute candlelight vigil at that hour along the riverside -- but after welcoming everyone, he shut up and said nothing more. As the crowd stood around silently, we were thankful that man is not our President.

After a couple of minutes of silence, the vigil organizer left it to others in the crowd to do as they pleased. A few started singing patriotic songs we learned in our youth. But when others started singing the hymn "The Solid Rock," hardly anyone joined in. When it comes to "God and Country," most of this group put it the other way around.

Do you have a sure-fire big prediction to make about this coming weekend's football games? Show our readers how smart you are! E-mail us with your pick by Thursday afternoon!

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11 SEP 07: THE POSTMAN ALWAYS ____S TWICE

The man came down the walkway toward my door, and he was clearly upset about something. "So I said, 'S**t, f**k him.' He was p***ing me off." No, this was NOT another neighbor upset with that older man begging for money....

So who was filling the air with foul language on a Monday afternoon? It was the man delivering my mail. He seemed to say all those words on a cell phone, just before handing me a couple of bills -- and he said things I don't even say when high utility bills come.

I don't think the letter carrier expected me to be waiting for him at the mailbox. The cursing stopped when he saw me inside the door. He should have been thankful I didn't have a tape recorder rolling, or a notepad for taking names.

"How are you doing?" the letter carrier asked as he handed me the bills.

"OK. I hope your day gets better." Of course, maybe he was having a good day -- and he was saying all these things about the loser of a football bet.

This moment struck me as a first. I'd never heard someone with the Postal Service swear like this. But then, I've never followed a letter carrier into a front yard with a hungry dog....

If it wasn't for the letter carrier's cell phone, he probably wouldn't have used such foul language on his route. But maybe I'm being naive about that. The man could have been singing along with a rapper on an iPod.

But here's my point: have we become so careless with our tongues that we curse and swear anytime, anywhere - no matter who might be listening? Or have some people simply not been reading Reader's Digest, and increasing their word power?

I grew up in a home where my dad swore frequently, yet I was surprised when other grownups did it. A church pastor called my radio station one Sunday morning, after we broadcast his church's service - and he used the "H" word a couple of times in our conversation. And no, he wasn't warning me about what happened after I die.

These days, I hear one Columbus church pastor use that "H" word (you know, not "heaven") fairly often during services. He's described one fast driver as the definition of a "bat out of h**l" - when I usually think of them being above me in rafters.

Perhaps I'm simply too old-fashioned - too much of what detractors call a "goody two-shoes." Which I think is better than being a goody one-shoe, because it's easier to walk around....

We try to be G-rated here, so potentially offensive words are blocked out. But let's face it: our country isn't as G-rated as it used to be. And that's a shame, because we don't have to be that way. We can choose to use words which don't offend. Or would red-state conservatives dismiss a lack of "blue language" as politically correct speech?

As we all learn to hold our tongues, let's talk about items which made news on Monday:

+ Columbus Police arrested a father on charges of putting a gun in his son's backpack - a backpack which was taken to Waddell Elementary School. Somehow, the National Rifle Association still can't convince the Muscogee County School Board to allow these things at "show and tell."

+ WRBL showed Columbus EMT candidates in training at the Civic Center. One test involved dragging a mannequin across the floor -- which may have reminded some applicants of their high school proms.

+ The Columbus Fire Department asked the Muscogee County School Board for permission to use the old Baker High School for "training purposes." After years of dreams, ideas and proposals for using that historic building, it's coming down to this - possibly setting small fires in classrooms.

+ The Lee County Commission approved emergency money for several volunteer fire departments. It was either that, or order school board members to fight fires and justify those allegedly bloated salaries.

+ The Barack Obama Presidential campaign announced it's gained the endorsement of Congressman Sanford Bishop. In typical Bishop fashion, someone else had to do the announcing for him.

(Of course, this endorsement sets up a new tongue twister of the day: "Bishop Backs Barack Obama.")

+ The Columbus Catfish won the first game of the South Atlantic League finals, whipping the West Virginia Power 5-2. Imagine if that team moved to the south Atlanta suburbs - it could become the Tyrone Power.

+ Instant Message to WLTZ NBC-38: Start a new 6:00 p.m. newscast. Please. Quickly. That new gossip show "TMZ" you put on the air Monday makes "The Insider" look like respectable journalism.

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10 SEP 07: DINNER ON THE GROUNDS

If my memory is correct, this should have been the week that a Chinese acrobatic troupe performed at the RiverCenter. But I understand the performance has been postponed. I hope it wasn't because the acrobats had to stay home, and scrape lead paint off toys.

The RiverCenter made another announcement to its online subscribers over the weekend - one that could raise eyebrows. It's starting a trial dining program, where you can eat a fancy meal before or after selected concerts. And I mean fancy - as opposed to someone bringing Chick-fil-A party trays.

The RiverCenter admittedly calls this an "experiment" for six shows this season - called the "Act One Diners Club." If it catches on, they might actually accept Diners' Club cards as payment....

The Act One Diners Club is taking reservations right now for its first special meal, before next week's Four Tops concert. The "inclusive cost" with wine (I'm assuming this includes a concert ticket) is 75 dollars per person. Back when the Four Tops first made it big, 75 dollars was a lot of money.

For the 75-dollar price, the RiverMill Event Centre's chef will prepare a "trilogy of Angus beef, red wine poached salmon, braised beef short ribs and prosciutto wrapped beef tenderloin." Ruth Ann's Restaurant four blocks away will have a very hard time matching this.

(If all this isn't enough for you, the RiverCenter Patron's Room will have a cash bar. Who needs those special tax districts to improve downtown, when you're spending money like this?)

The Act One Diners Club already has recruited Chef Bludau from the Goetchius House to come up Broadway, to serve dinner at two shows. The menu for the Cleveland Orchestra's appearance next March includes a dessert of "Baked Alaska." You'd think this would be saved for a RiverCenter Sunday afternoon travelogue.

And the Meritage Café will serve a "blackened filet mignon" dinner in November, for the RiverCenter performances of "Hairspray." I'm assuming the salad will have specially-molded alfalfa sprouts on it, for the occasion....

Only one thing seems to be missing from these 75-dollar evenings at the RiverCenter -- but the e-mail makes no mention of visits by presidential candidates.

Why is the RiverCenter trying this top-dollar experiment at six shows? Its e-mail explains: "Though there are many wonderful restaurants in our area, it is sometimes difficult to get served, walk to or park at RiverCenter and get settled for the performance with time to spare." Translation: Some Broadway restaurants need faster chefs and servers.

The RiverCenter undoubtedly is a crown jewel in Columbus, and a cornerstone in the comeback of downtown nightlife. But could an offer like this wind up hurting some of the other businesses which can benefit from the RiverCenter's success? Or are Quizno's Subs across the street simply not good enough, for eating with a Motown group?

Speaking of downtown dining, I continue to be puzzled about why the former Krystal near 13^th and Veterans Parkway remains vacant. When farmers set up watermelon stands there on weekends, it simply doesn't look right....

P.S. I told my older brother about this RiverCenter dinner package Sunday night. He was surprised that a "Performing Arts Center" would even schedule a concert by the Four Tops - because a title like that makes him think of operas and classical symphonies. Imagine his surprise when I told him George Carlin would be there in October.

E-MAIL UPDATE: Sometimes the messages we receive are a little puzzling....

Richard!

If you're going to do color on the football games, you better recognize! Honestly, I don't know who is worse, you or the Ledger with that bogus headline about not fearing Steve Spurrier anymore. Let me help you! How 'bout that Granger Blake Mitchell and the Gamecocks risin' up righteous baby. And oh by the way, Mr. Spurrier is still the hottest thing patrolling the sidelines (at the ripe ol age of 60) since Steve Young!!! But I digress.

My husband kicked me out of the house after the game Saturday night for my "inappropriate" and "insensitive" post game. Those Dawgs are such sensitive creatures!

Well, all I'm sayin is ya'll need to show some respect to South Carolina.

Robbie

Well, OK - South Carolina beat Georgia, and has moved ahead of Georgia in the latest Associated Press poll. But in Sunday's entry, I didn't even mention the South Carolina-Georgia game. Since when did silence become a sin - well, I mean other than opposing al-Qaeda?

Let the record show I didn't talk about my old alma mater Kansas crushing Southeastern Louisiana 62-0, either. Some things make you want to giggle, but that doesn't always mean they have punch lines.

So what else do we simply NEED to talk about here, in the wake of the weekend? Let's take some guesses....

+ Which Columbus resident is complaining about Paul Olson yakking for more than 30 minutes, at a recent Columbus Council meeting? Is this yet another reason why WDAK needs to start a local daily talk show?

+ The Ledger-Enquirer analyzed the e-mail hoax which led to the Brookstone School lockdown. The front-page story didn't track down where the e-mail rumor began. But if you see police detectives looking over the computers at Pacelli High School, they might be playing a hunch.

+ The Prison and Jail Project began its annual "FreedomWalk" across southwest Georgia. This year's week-long march is protesting overcrowding in county jails. So how many marchers are willing to take in convicted burglars and identity thieves, and help ease the situation?

+ The 1960's band The Grass Roots performed before a good crowd at the Phenix City Amphitheater. After this year's drought, some people were anxious to see any sign of grass at all....

+ NBC Sports reported an advisory was issued to golfers about this week's P.G.A. Tour Championship in Atlanta. The drought has damaged some greens so badly that no practice shots will be allowed toward them. You know, it might be fun seeing Tiger Woods putt barefoot.

+ Instant Message to Evangel Temple: I think I've figured out the "Heroes" banner outside your building. You want to save the cheerleader and save the world - only in a different sort of way....

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9 SEP 07: CROOKED NUMBERS?

"That Cash Three game is crooked." That's what one man said in my earshot the other night, at a Columbus bar. And of course, we all know information is far more reliable at bars than on the Internet....

I heard this accusation at the little bar in my neighborhood where I've been playing poker on Thursday nights. This past Thursday was my best showing yet, as I finished fourth out of about 15 players. I was helped by the fact that a few opponents actually wanted to go out early - and go play poker with real money at the other side of the building.

One man who joined me in the "final four" was distracted by a game on a nearby TV screen. It wasn't the opening game of the pro football season - it was a Keno screen, where you allegedly can win $100,000 every four minutes. If the action is that dramatic, you'd think Keno would be shown on local cable TV.

Someone else in the bar suggested it would be easy for the Georgia Lottery to fix the Keno game. After all, the screen only shows computerized balls being shot at a game board. You never see which geek in Atlanta is holding the joystick, or which direction he's pointing.

The Keno fan seemed to agree with that suggestion. And that's when he declared, "That Cash Three game is crooked." This was news to me - since host Glenn Burns is one of the most trusted weather forecasters in Atlanta.

How could Cash Three be a crooked game? Without my even asking, the skeptic explained. "Sometimes the camera does a fade, right before they show a number. Have you seen that?" A couple of people said they had. I personally hadn't - and I actually watch the numbers drop, to practice my skills in speaking Spanish.

The skeptic of Cash Three went further, suggesting the machines sometimes slow down right before one particular number falls in the slot. So?! Drivers sometimes do that, to avoid three-way collisions on the J.R. Allen Parkway.

Then a nearby woman joined the conspiracy club. "When they took Cash Three off TV, I stopped betting on it." You may recall WRBL once stopped showing the Georgia Lottery completely for several months -- but I think the remaining 95 percent of Georgia still could watch it.

But the original skeptic who called Cash Three "crooked" doesn't think the Mega Millions game is. He explained it's run by "a company in California or someplace." Yet the drawing usually is held in Atlanta, in the same studio as Cash Three - so those tricksters have him outsmarted there.

I simply listened to this discussion, not challenging a thing. After all, I was on my best night of poker yet -- and one key to success is keeping your poker face on as long as you can....

But as I think about this claim now, it strikes me as strange. KPMG "certifies" every Georgia Lottery drawing, as well as Mega Millions. I assume that means the accounting firm ensures the games are conducted fairly. Maybe if their staff wore striped shirts, like referees....

Yet that skeptic at the bar probably would argue KPMG is under contract to the Georgia Lottery, so the staff isn't likely to blow the whistle on violations and lose income. So why doesn't he call a state lawmaker, and demand an investigation? Does he have a child in college on a HOPE scholarship?

BLOG UPDATE: Speaking of tricksters, we return now to the older man who needed four dollars from me after his roommate entered the hospital. After we posted Friday's entry, I happened to come across him as I walked to my car for grocery shopping.

"I never asked you what you needed the money for."

"Yeah, and I thank you for letting me have it...." Maybe he was off to play dodgeball somewhere.

So I became more direct, yet still quiet and polite: "So what DID you spend the money on?"

"I bought me some cigarettes. I smoke.... and I got me a beer." My neighbors who didn't give him money must read poker bluffs better than I do.

"Very well" was all I could say in response, as the older man walked away. But after I climbed inside my car and closed the door, I added a P.S. he didn't hear. "I'm not doing THAT again." Then I started repenting, as I drove up Veterans Parkway....

This man had come to my door Thursday, and led off the conversation with his roommate entering the hospital - and then he used my loan to buy cigarettes and beer?!?! I figured he'd want the roommate to come home from the hospital, not join him there for cancer treatment.

Shame on.... well, shame on me first. I should have asked what the man planned to do with that four dollars. If he had been honest and said he was going to buy cigarettes, I would have turned down colder than a Kool.

While I can't prove it, I suspect years of cigarette smoking led to a brain aneurysm which killed my mother before she turned 60. So I want nothing to do with cigarettes or cigars. May they never find a connection between cancer and chocolate chip cookies.

As I write this, the older man still hasn't repaid the four dollars. (You'll recall he promised to give me five on Friday.) I've learned from bosses and church pastors how to handle this. When he provides the money, I plan to politely thank him. But if when he asks for a loan again, the trap will be set - and I'll give him a lecture along the lines of Dr. Phil, only without the swear words.

With that drama to be continued, and best wishes to all for Grandparent's Day, let's send some Instant Messages....

+ To Auburn football coach Tommy Tuberville: After the way you let the clock run out in regulation and lost to South Florida in overtime, no one should ever call you the "riverboat gambler" again.

+ To Auburn radio analyst Stan White: What do you mean, "You can't commit five turnovers and win in this league"?! Last time I checked, South Florida played in the Big East Conference.

+ To the Georgia Tech football team: Wow - 69 to 21?! Were you playing Samford, or the staff of Sam's Club?

+ To accused Americus murderer Johnny Ray Cochran: Please don't do it. Please don't hire an attorney who will tell the jury, "If it doesn't fit, you must acquit."

+ To General David Petraeus: I'm glad you visited Fort Benning - but c'mon now. Why wouldn't you talk to any local reporters about Iraq? Are the reporters at the Boston Globe that much smarter?

+ To Usama bin-Laden: Don't tell me, let me guess - Just for Men?! I mean, someone so anti-Western simply can't be using Grecian Formula.

SCHEDULED MONDAY: Surprising new competition for downtown restaurants....

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7 SEP 07: UNITED WE STAND?

The United Way of the Chattahoochee Valley held its annual kickoff luncheon Thursday. The charity's new President and C.E.O. is Scott Ferguson, who told WRBL this year's $6.8 million goal should be easy to meet because the Columbus area is filled with "giving people." He apparently didn't pay attention to the recent property tax votes....

BLOGGER BEGGAR #11a: Should I count the same beggar two times, if he comes to my door twice? My older neighbor did Thursday evening -- actually the third time he's asked me for money in a month. He never checked back, after I promised to "think about" lending him money to pay for a gift of fish. Maybe he finally decided gifts don't have to cost anything.

"Charlie went into the hospital today," the neighbor mumbled. Charlie lives with the neighbor, and has been weakened by cancer to the point where he seems to be confined to a wheelchair. The lottery tickets I did NOT provide money for in August could have advanced him beyond needing a push.

I didn't quite hear the rest of the man's mumbling comment, because I had the TV turned up -- but he mentioned something about a few dollars. I smelled something was up when the next-door neighbor came by, and the man only mentioned Charlie being in the hospital. My dollar bills can't possibly be that superior in quality.

The mumbling neighbor then walked back to his apartment, without repeating the rest of the statement. I closed the door, since my air conditioner was running - but in a couple of minutes, he returned. Perhaps he was waiting for the coast to be clear, so his words could be.

"So Charlie's in the hospital...." I repeated - and the man at the door then filled in the rest. He needed about four dollars, like last month [16 Aug].

"I'll pay you five when my check comes" - and he told me it's coming today. A 25-percent return on a one-day investment beats throwing money into housing right now.

But since Charlie was in the hospital, I had an idea. Why not ask the other neighbors in the apartment complex to pitch in a little money to help? I wouldn't have to loan the man as much, there would be a sense of community compassion - and that sort of thing always worked for the Pound Puppies in the old cartoons.

I stepped outside and walked toward other apartments, where men were standing outside a bit like the guys next to the fence on "King of the Hill." I told them that the man's roommate Charlie was in the hospital, and needed some help. The men said nothing, and looked away like I was selling ballet tickets door-to-door.

"If you're going to be that way about it...." said the mumbling neighbor, who walked back into his apartment. I got the impression that he was more disappointed with my idea than the other people's tight wallets. He seemed to want help only from me - as if I look like Bill Gates's twin brother.

"I'll go get some money then," I said walking by the older man's door. Then the next-door neighbor walked up the sidewalk. "Charlie's in the hospital, and he needs about four dollars."

"Don't give that d**n fool nothin'," the next-door neighbor replied. So much for asking him to make a United Way donation.

"He needs to get a job," the next-door neighbor continued. But if the older man was on a disability check, as he told me last month, can he really do that?

"And if I see him showing up at your door, I'll tell him to leave.... I've got your back." As opposed to the other neighbor having my wallet....

But then my next-door neighbor added a line which truly put his foot in his own mouth, instead of the other neighbor's derriere. "Ms. Lola wouldn't have done that." This comment came from Lola's brother, who took over the apartment when she died two years ago. He didn't have my back years ago -- especially the back door Lola knocked on often for loans.

"But I recall," I finally answered, "how Ms. Lola knocked on my door about every month for loans before HER check came." She didn't mumble. She simply talked fast - but she also could talk loudly. Some months she received NO help from me, if I heard her talking to the other side of the complex about the Cash Three numbers she played.

My next-door neighbor didn't seem to know about this other side of his sister. But Ms. Lola repaid her loans when the paycheck or Social Security check came, and I noted the new older man did the same.

"He's paid you back?"

"He's done it once." I neglected to note here how the man quietly came to my door days later with five dollars. But he DID forget the two extra cents of gasoline he bought.

The next-door neighbor seemed satisfied by the fact that the older man had paid off his debt. I didn't bother asking if he was surprised - perhaps because he was still waiting for payback of his own.

A few minutes later, the older man came to my door a third time, and I gave him four dollars from my wallet. "And you'll repay me tomorrow?" The man said yes - but only later did I realize I never asked the man why he needed the money. Four dollars certainly wouldn't pay off Charlie's hospital bill.

Reflecting on this ten-minute dinnertime scene, I'm stunned by what happened. Is it possible that I'm the only person in the apartment complex who's willing to give this older man a loan? Even when his roommate with cancer is in the hospital? Is it possible my next-door neighbor is that hard-nosed with money? After all, he threw pennies on his front porch a couple of years ago for good luck.

What works for the Pound Puppies may work for the United Way, especially when you have corporate executives begging their employees to pitch in. But when I can't get my neighbors to give even a dollar to someone living alongside them - well, maybe that's why an old radio station boss scoffed at me when I applied for a sales job.

BLOG UPDATE: Now it becomes clear! A new ramp to the Riverwalk was built because a large section of the Riverwalk is closing. The city "ramped up" at Golden Park because another entry point in South Commons could be torn down.

Big signs along the Riverwalk warn the section from the Civic Center to Port Columbus will close today, and not reopen until March 30. I happened to jog through that section Thursday, and noticed multicolored lines spray-painted across the walkway -- too neat and organized to be painted by Columbus State University art students.

My theory is that major sewer work is planned on that part of the Riverwalk, between now and March. That's what happened a year or two ago, for the RoadAmerica call center on Victory Drive. But that work was finished in weeks, not months -- and this new project is near the South Columbus Water Treatment Facility, so who knows how slick and stinky it might be.

If the city is going to work on the Riverwalk between the Civic Center and Port Columbus, I suggest they finally install some lights on a wooden bridge in the center of the work zone. At night, that section is lit only by the moon - and sometimes not even by the bicycle riders who want to pass joggers like me.

E-MAIL UPDATE: Our mention of the "Clinton coronation tour" Thursday brought a comment, from someone who's witnessed it on TV....

Bill Clinton was on Larry King Live Wed night...He certainly is an intelligent man..He could talk circles around a question with no answer if he thought it might damage Hillary's campaign...

Now wait a minute! If the former President was that intelligent, he wouldn't have been impeached for.... hey, come to think of it, who IS Monica Lewinsky endorsing in the 2008 race?

(There's one TV talk show which the Clintons seem to be avoiding so far. Maury Povich might have a surprise woman, waiting for the results of a DNA test.)

Speaking of scandals, let's check some news headlines from Thursday:

+ An aide to the Phenix City Clerk filed a harassment complaint against City Councilor Ray Bush. The woman claims Bush told dirty jokes, and engaged in "improper touching." Just because it's football season does NOT mean touchbacks are fitting in every setting.

(A statement from Ray Bush claims the harassment complaint was "politically motivated." Does that mean embattled City Manager Bubba Roberts is involved in this? Are the dirty jokes on tape? And will John Boy and Billy play them on Rock 103?)

+ A Mobile County, Alabama judge was accused of going to the county jail and spanking prisoners. I'm not sure how cruel this punishment is -- but it's certainly unusual.

+ A federal judge ruled Georgia's new voter identification law is legal. You'll have to show a "photo ID" at the polls - unless you vote absentee, when it's NOT required. So the people who supposedly are too poor to have their picture on a card legally can be dumb enough to vote early.

+ Instant Message to Placido Domingo and Jose Carerras: My sympathies are with you. Take as much time as you need to mourn. Then I'd like to talk with you about an album idea I have - "Two Tenors and a Baritone."

SCHEDULED THIS WEEKEND: Are some Georgia Lottery games fixed? We hear from some skeptics....

This blog has thousands of visitors each month, from people in Columbus and around the world. To advertise to them, offer a story tip or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

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6 SEP 07: MISTER SEPTEMBER

This is Columbus -- Baseball Town U.S.A. Where Little League teams win world titles. Where high school teams across the river receive #1 national rankings. Where college teams have won national championships. And where minor league professional teams can only draw a crowd when Fort Benning soldiers are ordered onto a bus and driven in.

The Columbus Catfish opened the South Atlantic League playoffs at home Wednesday night - and I admit in recent days, it was all I could do to avoid calling them the RedStixx. It made me wish the old team and the current one had merged, to become the FishStixx.

With the Catfish surging late in the year to win the second-half Southern Division title, surely loyal Columbus baseball fans would show up for the playoff opener against Augusta, right? Your blog decided to go to Golden Park and find out - since no radio station has cared enough to broadcast the team's games in a couple of years.

I've told people for years that I live "a long fly ball from Golden Park." It's only a four-block walk for me, going under the Oglethorpe Bridge to be safe. Yet I must confess that before Wednesday night, I'd only attended one baseball game there. I'd found other things to do with my time in the evening - and let's face it, several online poker rooms are absolutely free.

I suppose I could have called the Catfish, and received media credentials as a blogger to sit in the press box. But I wanted to take in the game from a true fan's perspective - and besides, I don't have a laptop for real-time blogging outside my house.

So at 6:45 p.m. Wednesday night, I strolled under the Oglethorpe Bridge toward Golden Park. The first thing that struck me was how parking spaces near the bridge were empty -- while several people parked on the grass near the stadium fence, without even a driveway to lead them there. The parking lot at South Commons couldn't possibly be THAT crowded.

WRBL's Bruce Frazier noted during the 5:58 p.m. news (have you noticed it starts at two minutes before six every night?) that "tickets are still available" for the Catfish playoff game. There actually was a short line at the ticket window, but nothing huge. The only drama seemed to come from an older man inside the gate, who suggested to a little boy outside that five-year-olds might not be allowed.

The Catfish did NOT increase ticket prices for the playoffs. I could have had a "field box" seat for seven dollars - but I settled for a "grandstand" seat one row farther back for six. It was hard plastic with a back, instead of five-dollar aluminum bleacher seats. These prices must have been set before metal recycling prices went through the roof.

My seat in section CC put me four rows up from the field, and next to two older men. They attend several Catfish games each year, because you "can't beat the price." Considering Cottonmouths tickets for the coming season will start at 11 dollars, they have a point.

But enough of our pre-game coverage - how did the Augusta-Columbus playoff game go? We took an old-fashioned notepad and pen, so we wouldn't miss a thing. But I didn't take a glove, so a foul ball in the first inning whizzed right by me....

Top of 1^st: Columbus pitcher Heath Rollins starts strongly, sitting down Augusta batters 1-2-3. The pitching staff has almost a week of rest, after the Savannah rainouts - and top draft pick David Price from Vanderbilt remains the secret weapon, at three months of rest.

Bottom of 1^st: The big blue mascot "Hook" makes its appearance - and as he/she/it walks by, he/she/it gives me a "low five." Strangely, Hook's hands didn't feel as furry as I expected.

Catfish All-Star outfielder Ryan Royster is introduced, to some kind of rap song I can't understand. Since he's a white guy, should I automatically assume the rapper is Eminem?

The first inning ends scoreless - and then the crowd is told to "make some noise," to receive "free stuff" from Hook. I do. He/she/it responds, throwing me what turns out to be a tote bag with the logo of the "Our House" home on it. Now all I need is an abused wife, to autograph it for me.

Bottom of 2^nd: Matt Fields of Columbus clobbers a two-run homer, to put the Catfish on top. I have to "high five" someone in the row behind me, because the older men alongside me don't seem interested in doing it - either that, or they don't know how.

Top of 3^rd: Several fans yell "BAR-RY" at an Augusta batter with that name. I join in for a few pitches, and he winds up on base with a walk. Sometimes these "psych jobs" can distract the pitcher more than the batter.

Then Augusta brings up a second baseman named Juan Jean - and I wonder if he's a distant cousin of "Sean John" Combs.

Bottom of 3^rd: A child who looks to be about six correctly answers the "Aflac Trivia Question" of the night, knowing Columbus won its last minor league baseball title in 1986. No, he's NOT a boy genius - because I saw his mother coach him, and Mom admitted she saw that detail in the newspaper.

The child wins a little Aflac duck for his correct answer. I don't know if a wrong answer would have earned him that hungry goat from the commercials....

Top of 4^th: It's time for me to head downstairs to the concession stand. "Wet Your Whistle Wednesday" prices are in effect, with hot dogs selling for one dollar.

"Are they pork or beef?" I ask the woman behind the counter. I might as well have asked her the Aflac trivia question.

"They're all-MEAT," the woman says in a vain effort to reply. I haven't eaten pork products in decades, for Biblical reasons - but I noticed years ago how two cats I had jumped all over pepperoni slices from a pizza.

After selecting a three-dollar cheeseburger, I head to the next counter -- where beer and soft drinks also are selling for one dollar. I buy a 12-ounce cup of Diet Pepsi. A 20-ounce bottle at Golden Park would cost me $2.50, but that's still a bargain. The Georgia Dome sold 20-ounce Diet Cokes in the 1990's for four dollars - and during a Billy Graham crusade, of all times.

Bottom of 4^th: Not having missed any action with Augusta at the plate, I return in plenty of time to see Columbus designated hitter Quinn Stewart stroke a three-run homer. It's now 5-0 Columbus - and if I didn't know better, I'd think I was their good-luck charm.

The next batter after Quinn Stewart is shortstop Jairo de la Rosa, who is introduced with salsa music. He only hit .211 during the season - but at least you could dance to him, so I give him a high score.

The Catfish rally continues to the top of the order, and soon outfielder John Matulia is at the plate - introduced to some country song about Texas. This seemed ironic, because my college residence hall included a man from Tulia, Texas. Only his long "piece of lumber" was a bassoon he played....

Another two-run homer makes it an 8-0 game. This one comes off the bat of Catfish catcher Nevin Ashley - and if he keeps doing that, he'll replace the good-looking women in Ashley Furniture commercials.

But then someone in the rows above me spots something curious. Several Catfish players do NOT have their pant legs tucked in. A woman claims they're being allowed to wear "long pants" and facial hair through the playoffs. But don't worry - they're not sagging pants, so no one can arrest them.

Top of 5^th: It's time for some celebrity spotting. One person in the crowd is wearing military garb, and a patch indicating he's from Panama. Did he flee to Georgia with former President Carter, after that ceremony to expand the Panama Canal?

A woman also walks by, who looks a lot like WRBL reporter Heather Jensen. But she does NOT appear in the 11:00 p.m. news (which actually DOES start at 11:00) - so apparently she wasn't doing a story on all the empty seats at Golden Park....

The Catfish hired searchlights to attract fans to this playoff game - but there's no sign of a late-arriving crowd. In fact, the "crowd" seems only slightly larger than I've seen while driving or walking by Golden Park during the season. When I have open seats on either side of me for refreshments, and I'm in the fourth row, that's not a good sign.

Top of 6^th: Augusta finally scores a run, to make it 8-1. Then two children compete in the "dizzy bat race," where they try to run after going around a baseball bat ten times with their foreheads pressed against the knob. This is the alternative for youngsters to drinking one-dollar beers.

Bottom of 6^th: The biggest celebrity of the night shows up - Pastor Tom Weise of St. Patrick's Catholic Church in Phenix City. When I see a minister at a playoff game but no Columbus Councilors, is this a sign of impending doom?

The area's best-known Catholic priest tells the man seated next to me why he was so late in arriving at the baseball game. "You don't have to teach Sunday school, or Bible study on Wednesday nights." I knew someone would bring this up - how midweek prayer meetings and church suppers are more popular in Columbus than even baseball.

Meanwhile, the Catfish are mounting another rally - with a runner stealing second base in an 8-1 game. That doesn't seem very nice or sportsmanlike. And I'm sure Pastor Weise would disapprove of any kind of stealing....

Several people have brought their cell phones to the game. A man behind me tells someone he's "seen four home runs," including one which hit the "scoreboard in center field." In reality, there have been three homers - and the Golden Park scoreboard is in left field. Hopefully this man isn't phoning in live reports to ESPN Radio.

The sixth inning ends with Columbus in command 11-1 - and then I turn to another man behind me and ask the big question of the night. "Why aren't more people out here tonight?" The Catfish never announce the paid attendance - as if they're afraid the visiting team will laugh out loud at it.

The man behind me struggles for an answer to my question. "They need to have free admission for a month," he suggests for bringing in fans. Either that, or the one-dollar beer price needs to be promoted better.

"Would it be different if this stadium was on the north side of town?" I ask. The man behind me doesn't think so. He says few baseball stadiums are in high quality locations, even at the major-league level. After all, the new Yankee Stadium being planned isn't in Manhattan -- it's still in The Bronx.

Top of 7^th: A woman behind me gets a call on her cell phone. When the conversation, she says something about a game being "in the third." Why someone would call with reports from TiVo on the Philadelphia-Atlanta game during the afternoon, I'm not quite sure.

Perhaps this call explains the best answer to the lack of fan support for the Columbus Catfish. The caller seemed to be either at a softball game, or Little League "fall ball." Maybe Columbus is so busy playing these games that it lacks the time to pay to watch others do it. Which reminds me - how is that new indoor soccer team coming?

Bottom of 7^th: The score stays 11-1, and it's time for children to put on inflated suits for the "Gold's Gym Sumo Slam." Sumo-a-Go-Go restaurant missed out on a great promotion here....

Top of 8^th: Former Columbus State pitcher Bryan Baker comes on in relief for the Catfish, and keeps the score 11-1. The players he sits down include Augusta first baseman Brent Pill - who wound up more like a chill pill.

Final: The Catfish win 11-2, to take the lead in the Southern Division finals. The remaining games of the series will be in Augusta this weekend. If Columbus wins one more game, the Catfish will be back home next week for the South Atlantic League championship series. If they don't - well, for 90 percent of the city it will be business as usual.

Let's wrap up this victory report with some other things we spotted Wednesday:

+ Which local dental office received a visit from Georgia Bureau of Investigation agents? I'm told it was a "baby's daddy" search - and NO desperate Medicaid patients were rounded up, for transport to other locations.

+ Gas prices in much of Columbus went up by nine cents a gallon, for the second day in a row. Will someone please remind the store managers that the Labor Day weekend is over?

+ Georgia Public Broadcasting showed a program on an 1865 Civil War battle in the Columbus area. The program was called "The Last Ditch" - which I think travelers across Columbus now call the Chattahoochee River.

+ Instant Message to all the Republicans running for President: You guys need to write a book, and do it quickly - because to watch TV talk shows this week, the coronation of President Hillary Rodham Clinton may already be underway.

This blog has thousands of visitors each month, from people in Columbus and around the world. To advertise to them, offer a story tip or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 2768 (+ 154, 5.5%)

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© 2003-07 Richard Burkard, all rights reserved.

5 SEP 07: ZAP TO IT

No, we're not talking about a web site which reviews television programs. We're talking in essence about a proposal mentioned Tuesday by Columbus City Manager Isaiah Hugley - a proposal to expand how the police department uses "stun guns." For an African-American official to support this almost seems stunning by itself.

Columbus Council approved 50 new stun guns for the police department - and City Manager Isaiah Hugley told WRBL he'd like to see every officer have one. Well, I suppose it WOULD bring down the higher cost of ammunition....

(OK, you purists - I know Columbus Council actually approved 50 "Tasers," and there's some kind of difference between a Taser and a stun gun. But a Taser sounds too much to me like something plastic surgeons use to remove unwanted facial hair.)

If all goes as planned, the city of Columbus will spend $55,000 over the next several months to equip every police officer with a stun gun. I suppose the police still will need a firing range, for using guns as a last resort - but where do you test your stun gun skills? At that new poultry plant they're building in Phenix City?

A stun gun for every police officer is "our goal," City Manager Isaiah Hugley said. Hmmmm - maybe I'm understanding his comments here. There's Mr. Hugley, Mayor Jim Wetherington and Chief Ricky Boren. So the police have him outnumbered, by two votes to one.

This move toward providing a stun gun for every police officer points out a notable change in Columbus. Edward DuBose isn't powerful or active locally anymore - because if he was still Columbus NAACP President, he wouldn't stand for this. I'm wondering if Bill Madison missed Tuesday's Council meeting, because he was marching in front of a car repair shop again.

But we should also remember a suspect died a couple of years ago, after Columbus Police fired bean bags at him. A death like that hasn't happened here with stun guns, as it has in other cities. And if weakling TV reporters can survive being zapped, maybe those devices aren't all that bad.

The vote for additional stun guns came only hours after another homicide in Columbus, and a shooting in another part of town. But Police Chief Ricky Boren reassured viewers Columbus still is a safe city. Well, as long as you lock the door behind you when you hold a holiday cookout on the front lawn....

Chief Ricky Boren said "Operation Safe Streets" has led to 450 arrests in Columbus since late July. So if the pressure of public opinion doesn't bite local law enforcement, the Justice Department might - with a new lawsuit about jail overcrowding.

BLOG UPDATE: Columbus Riverfest officially was declared dead Tuesday. A short statement posted at the Riverfest web site announced the April celebration is being merged "with other community events in Columbus." Somehow I doubt those events include any NAACP banquets...

A threatened boycott of the 2005 Riverfest by civil rights groups was canceled at the last minute. Then the Historic Columbus Foundation called off this year's event, apparently because it was losing money. Now the only way you might see a "Big Pig Jig" in Columbus will be if the Arkansas Razorbacks football team stops here, on the way to Auburn.

The Riverfest web site says there will be a "community festival," directed by the Columbus Convention and Visitors Bureau. What this means for the future of the Historic Columbus Foundation isn't clear. It could stage a tour of Historic District homes -- but how many attorneys would risk a liability lawsuit, by letting strangers inside their offices?

The death of Riverfest was related to the announcement on Broadway Tuesday of a new "Uptown Coalition." If this combined lobbying group can't get new rules passed for outdoor musical performers, I don't know what will.

Five different agencies are joining forces in the Uptown Coalition. They include the city, the Convention and Visitors Bureau, Columbus State University - but for some reason NOT the RiverCenter. I suppose the staff there has its section of Broadway all figured out financially.

Richard Bishop of Uptown Columbus Inc. says the new coalition has a goal of bringing new events downtown every weekend. If all else fails, they can set up poker tables on the sidewalk along Broadway and have a weekend "Columbus Showdown."

One big new downtown event was announced Tuesday - as "God Bless Fort Benning" day is moving to Broadway in November. Until now, that event has been held in the Civic Center parking lot. This seems strange, because the cleaning crew will have two full weeks after the Fountain City Classic to remove the beer cups.

Many S.O.A. Watch protesters have visited downtown Columbus, on the night before their big Sunday rally at the Fort Benning gate. Combining them with the God Bless Fort Benning crowd could make things very interesting this November. Who needs to bring back the Auburn-Georgia football game, when you have a rivalry like this?

Tuesday was a busy day at Columbus Council, so we'll wrap up with some other highlights from there:

+ Gary Stickles was named the new city Public Services Director. It was a title he apparently never expected - so you could say he's "Stickled pink" to get it.

(Stickles was approved weeks after a controversy erupted about the nomination of Kenneth Cutts to be Public Services Director. The Courier reported Cutts "removed his name" from consideration for the job weeks ago - but he did it so quietly, you'd think he was making a surprise trip to Iraq.)

+ Plans were approved for widening part of Moon Road, in the Whittlesey Boulevard area. But construction won't begin until 2009 - leaving plenty of time for Moon Road residents to file their lawsuits, complaining about the loss of their front yards.

+ Former Columbus Council candidate Jeremy Hobbs expressed objections to plans for a skateboard park in South Commons. He declared the Victory Drive corridor an unsafe part of town - which apparently explains the move of God Bless Fort Benning, because we certainly don't want our soldiers put in any dangerous situations.

(Jeremy Hobbs offered Comer Park as an alternative site for a skateboard park. It already has some steep and dangerous slopes, so all the city would have to do is throw down some sheets of plywood.)

SCHEDULED THURSDAY: It ought to be the hottest ticket in town.... we plan to find out if it is....

This blog has thousands of visitors each month, from people in Columbus and around the world. To advertise to them, offer a story tip or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

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4 SEP 07: THE OTHER KIDS

OK, so one of my "Best Bets" was wrong. Jerry Lewis did NOT really choke up Monday, as he sang "You'll Never Walk Alone" to close his telethon. But Jack Rodgers didn't break down and cry on WRBL, either - not even when they showed Rodgers's old high school portrait for a 200-dollar pledge.

Jerry Lewis's fundraiser to fight muscular dystrophy is the Rose Bowl of telethons - the "granddaddy of them all," at 54 years old. Trying to collect money for some other charity on Labor Day can't be easy. But someone tried Monday night, by calling me at home after the telethon was over. For a moment, I thought MDA really was extra-close to a cure.

Yes, some telemarketers worked on Labor Day. A woman called me at about 7:15 p.m. seeking money for the "Kids Wish Foundation." The name immediately made me skeptical. It sounded too much like the famous Make-a-Wish Foundation - and besides, aren't all the needy children on Labor Day automatically Jerry's Kids?

The woman told me the Kids Wish Foundation was trying to raise money to fulfill wishes of 375 children -- and I could make a commitment of as little as 12 dollars. That wouldn't fulfill a very big wish. It might not even buy a fancy hamburger at Ruby Tuesday.

"Do you have a web site?" is a question I'm asking charity callers more and more these days. The legitimate charities are more likely to have one - but they're also more likely to have critics, who name the web sites as places deserving of massive spam.

A different telemarketer failed the "web site test" last week. He said he was looking up the site of the "American Association of Georgia State Troopers" - but then we were disconnected. It turns out there's an American Association of State Troopers, but NOT with Georgia in its name. And if the big police golf tournament has been called off, can I trust it?

But anyway: I handled Monday night's telemarketer carefully. I told her I couldn't afford to give to the Kids Wish program right now. Imagine what the desperate lottery players who failed to win the $330 million Mega Millions jackpot might have said.

A check of the Kids Wish Foundation web site later in the evening indicated it seems legitimate. It explains the foundation helps children with "life-threatening" conditions - as opposed to requiring doctors to specify a child won't survive to age 18. This makes some doctors look downright optimistic.

But while I was online, I did a Google search for "Kids Wish Foundation" - and found it's been under a cloud in recent years. A newspaper article from 2004 suggested about 90 percent of the charity's income is used for overhead and telemarketing. Simply not requiring telemarketers to work on Labor Day would save money in holiday pay.

Yet the watchdog site "Charity Navigator" offered more recent statistics, which were also a bit more friendly. The Kids Wish Foundation's income has doubled in the last three or four years. Uh-oh - mine hasn't, so I know I can't afford to give.

(I'm more likely to donate money to the church association I attend - but Charity Navigator doesn't have a rating for it. The web site claims it hasn't gotten around to checking that association yet. Thankfully, we haven't had a big ministerial sex scandal to get its attention.)

I was led to conclude the Kids Wish Foundation is a viable charity -- but it has some lousy timing, calling people only hours after the Jerry Lewis telethon. Unless, of course, it was trying to get donations on the telethon's coattails. For instance, from the people who wish Lewis would ask some Broadway star to sing "You'll Never Walk Alone" on-key.

E-MAIL UPDATE: Uh-oh - do we have another urban legend here?

little birdie says that the Russell County Engineer was asked to resign last week and did.

Also, afer his resignation, the Russell County deputies were sent to his office to make sure he had left the property.

Also, maybe the Lee County Commissioner will once again be the Russell County Engineer.

"Asked to resign?" WRBL made it sound last week like Richard Gohde practically was fired. So as e-mail to this blog go, this writer is downright polite.

I don't know if Russell County sheriff's deputies have to escort fired employees out of county buildings or not. They're public buildings, after all. But maybe they were concerned the county engineer might drive away in a county bulldozer.

Why would a Lee County Commissioner be interested in becoming Russell County Engineer? Based on last Tuesday's tax votes, you'd think a Lee County School Board member would be job-hunting right now.

This blog has thousands of visitors each month, from people in Columbus and around the world. To advertise to them, offer a story tip or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 2535 (+ 100, 4.1%)

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© 2003-07 Richard Burkard, all rights reserved.

3 SEP 07: YOU CAN GO YOUR OWN WAY

We wish you a happy Labor Day - and a safe one as well, for everyone who's traveling. If you're coming through Columbus, our best gas price is about 60 cents lower than it was two years ago. Yes, it's dropped 20 percent! So please stop all the whining about the U.S. military not accomplishing anything in Iraq.

We all need to be safe on the roads right now, because I've seen several recent examples of people who aren't. The death of an infant this weekend on Manchester Expressway was sobering. But other drivers are making moves which are just plain silly. And no, I don't have cable - so I'm not talking about Sunday night's NASCAR race.

When I moved to Columbus ten years ago, two men invited me to join them for dinner after church at Country's Barbecue on Broadway. They decided to lead me on a Historic District sightseeing tour, on the way to the restaurant - but something didn't seem right when they drove down Front Avenue close to the Space Science Center. Even I can recognize a divided four-lane road in a new city....

I asked the men when we reached Country's if what they did was legal. They'd driven northbound for a couple of blocks in the southbound lanes of Front Avenue. They wanted me to have a good look at the Space Science Center. But in the last ten years, I've done that simply by walking - not by risking a head-on collision.

That 1997 trip came back to my mind Saturday evening, as I drove northbound on the proper side on Front Avenue. Suddenly a car turned into the same two lanes, about a block ahead of me at Ninth Street. Was this driver from Britain - or from Marion County, where they might not have divided roads downtown?

Thankfully, there was a lane on Front Avenue for each of us. I moved to the right. The wrong-way driver stayed on his right side, then turned left into the driveway of the Marriott Hotel. So perhaps this was the other driver's idea of a shortcut - because that hotel seems to have much more scenery on the inside.

If you think that's strange, an even more bizarre sight rolled past me as I jogged down Front Avenue a few days ago. Someone crossed an intersection on the wrong side of the street, and with a cell phone on his ear. But that wasn't the strangest part. This guy was pedaling a bicycle....

I've heard of distracted driving behind the wheel of a car before, involving cell phones. But this man was holding a cell phone with one hand, while pedaling down Front Avenue controlling a bicycle with his other hand. Before you ask - why, of course he was NOT wearing a bike helmet.

Then there's the older woman whom I encountered on Broadway while jogging a few weeks ago. It was about 9:30 on a Saturday night, and she was heading southbound in the northbound lane. But her lights weren't on, and I don't think she even had any - because she was in a motorized wheelchair.

I caught up with the woman around Seventh and Broadway. I was jogging on the sidewalk. Her motorized wheelchair was on the bricks of Broadway. If I was able to catch her, the woman's motor may need a tune-up.

"Why are you on this side?" I asked the woman. I knew from a WRBL report several years ago that motorized wheelchairs are legal on Columbus city streets - and I don't think she even needs a license plate from The Ralston.

"You scared me!" the woman said in response to my question. Imagine if a car had turned into the northbound lane in front of her, after dark.

"I said, why are you on this side?" On the wrong side of Broadway, remember.

"I want to see what's coming."

Whether drivers could see HER was my main concern. "But on the other side, you'd be going with the traffic. And it's legal." On top of that, it would reinforce what we're supposed to think about older people - that they have decades of wisdom.

I jogged on home after that short discussion, so I don't know if the older woman switched sides of Broadway. She certainly didn't speed up her motorized wheelchair to harass me - which would have been the oddest case of "road rage" Columbus Police would have ever recorded.

There are safer spots in Columbus for riding wheelchairs. In fact, a new short path has just opened at South Commons - a ramp leading from Golden Park to the Riverwalk. I'm not sure why this ramp suddenly was built, after all these years. I mean, there aren't any signs naming it after retired Public Services Director Rufus Riggs.

I tried out the Golden Park ramp during a Friday evening run, and the angle was easy enough that I could run uphill with ease. But wheelchairs hardly ever roll around South Commons, so I'm assuming this ramp was made for bicycles. After all, real exercisers go up and down the Golden Park stairway - and prove they're real, by not using the handrails.

Yet bicyclists have been able to enter and exit the Riverwalk at the other end of South Commons, near the softball stadium. So is this new ramp really necessary, only four-tenths of a mile away? It's not like the Riverwalk is quite as busy as U.S. 80 in Phenix City....

E-MAIL UPDATE: We're not sure how we made the mailing list of an Oscar-winning film director. But we did, apparently because of a new movie with Columbus and Fort Benning connections....

Dear Film Members,

In the spring of 2004, I had just finished making my first film as a director and was looking for my second. I read Mark Boal's article, "Death and Dishonor." The story of Lanny Davis' search for his missing son, Specialist Richard Davis, made my heart stop.



I began doing a lot of reading - everything from small town newspaper articles to blogs that soldiers were writing about their experiences in Iraq. I talked to vets who'd just returned and some on their way back.



In this war, our men and women have to make impossible decisions every day. Sometimes those decisions work out just fine, other times they have terrible consequences. And they are almost always made in the blink of an eye.



I wasn't interested in how a bad person lived with making the wrong decision - I wanted to know how a good person lives with making the right one.



That's what I heard, over and over, as troops talked about the things that haunted them. They knew they'd made the right decision, they knew they would make the same decision again. But they were still having trouble coming to grips with it.



Ultimately what I wanted to explore was our responsibility. Whether we are for or against this war, those men and women are over there because we, our government, sent them there. And we can try and shirk responsibility or distance ourselves, but they are our troops, our men and women, our responsibility. What they are doing is in our name.



And that's what brought me to the story of David and Goliath.

Every day, for forty days, Goliath strode down the hill into the Valley of Elah, and challenged the King's bravest and strongest warriors, but no one would fight him. Until a boy named David came delivering bread, and said "I will fight the giant." The King offered David his own armor, but it was much too big. So, armed only with his sling and five smooth stones, David stepped into the valley to face Goliath. Goliath charged. David stood his ground and flung his stone, and struck the giant down.



An incredible feat of bravery. What the Bible doesn't tell us is how many boys the King sent into the valley before him. How many stories of brave young men were never told? How many aren't being told today?



So, I decided to take all that, boil it down until it could fit into a thimble and bury it deep in the heart of a murder mystery, set in Tennessee and New Mexico.



I want to thank Lanny Davis and his wife, Remy. They were the inspiration for this, and while the story changed, what they suffered in their search for the truth is more than any parents should ever have to bear. The movie is dedicated to the memory of their son, Richard, a good boy and a good soldier, who did everything his country asked him to do.



My best,

Paul Haggis

The director of "In the Valley of Elah" read the article about the killing of Fort Benning's Richard Davis in Playboy. So what do you know - maybe some men actually DO read that magazine for the articles.

"In the Valley of Elah" had its world premiere over the weekend at the Venice Film Festival. The online reviews I've read indicate Paul Haggis could be an Oscar contender for Best Director, and Tommy Lee Jones could be in the running for Best Actor. But Charlize Theron's comment that soldiers should come home from Iraq could earn her a "Jane Fonda Award" from veterans' groups.

"In the Valley of Elah" is scheduled for nationwide release on 14 September. So far, I've heard nothing about a special premiere in the Columbus area. But then again, Mel Gibson never came to town when "We Were Soldiers" premiered - and that's a much friendlier movie about the army.

We'll get into the Biblical side of Paul Haggis's e-mail on an upcoming Saturday. But now, let's attack a few Sunday headlines:

+ The high temperature in Columbus was only 81 degrees F., thanks to clouds and occasional showers. I kept my air conditioner turned off for the second day in a row -- and again showed I'm a loyal supporter of the "fan club" concept.

+ The Columbus Catfish clinched the second-half division title and a South Atlantic League playoff spot - because they were rained out in Savannah for the third day in a row. Today's make-up doubleheader to end the regular season has been called off as well. If I didn't know better, I'd think the Golden Park grounds crew had been moved across the state.

(But to be fair, WXTX "News at Ten" showed flash flooding in parts of Savannah. That city's had almost 12 inches of rain in recent days. It's rained SO MUCH that the city's famous "garden of good and evil" is becoming simply evil.)

+ Instant Message to Muscogee County Sheriff Ralph Johnson: I'm glad your deputies captured that alleged pipe bomber, and that no one was hurt. But that all happened before sunrise Saturday - and yet you didn't announce it until Sunday afternoon?! I think it's OK to reveal news on the first day of college football season.

BURKARD'S BEST BETS: Gas for $2.46 a gallon at Summit, 22^nd Avenue and Victory Drive.... 12-ounce bottles of Diet Pepsi Max for 50 cents at Zelmo's on Wynnton Road.... and Jerry Lewis choking up at least once as he sings "You'll Never Walk Alone"....

This blog has thousands of visitors each month, from people in Columbus and around the world. To advertise to them, offer a story tip or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 2435 (- 95, 3.8%)

If you mention this blog in public, please be polite enough to let me know.

© 2003-07 Richard Burkard, all rights reserved.