The Blog of Columbus, Georgia

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

13 FEB 07: TWO CENTS-ABLE?

The wheels are now officially turning for not one, but two one-percent sales tax questions in Columbus. Think of those two pennies as wheels on a bicycle, pushing Columbus forward - as long as you pedal as hard as you can, by dining out every other day.

Columbus Council didn't waste any time handling its one-percent sales tax proposal. As soon as Mayor Jim Wetherington presented it at Tuesday's meeting, the council voted to put it on the July primary ballot. The council election isn't until November -- so voters will have plenty of time to turn their love for the city into anger with its leadership.

(The mayor ought to thank the Ledger-Enquirer for that quick vote. Front-page headlines noting a 250-percent increase in the Columbus rape count may have sparked a call or two....)

Mayor Wetherington repeated his plan to divide the one-percent sales tax money into two parts: 70 percent for public safety and 30 percent for roads. Hopefully the roads will be paved first -- or else the money spent on new patrol cars will be wasted in repair shops.

Mayor Wetherington told reporters after the Columbus Council meeting that we've "got to stop the revolving door" in public safety personnel. This means the new precinct buildings planned with the sales tax money will have the usual door structure - and revolving door fans will have to go to hotels.

Jim Wetherington campaigned for mayor on a public safety platform. But he's added roads to the sales tax question because infrastructure is now one of the top two issues in Columbus -- and I can't wait to see Victory Drive widened from six to eight lanes, near Fort Benning.

Mayor Wetherington seems prepared to put his reputation in the forefront, in the city sales tax question. He told reporters: "I've spent my entire adult life trying to help the citizens of Columbus, Georgia." Well, except when he got caught in that revolving door and became a Georgia corrections commissioner....

As of Tuesday, Columbus had 14 public safety job openings. That's an improvement from a couple of years ago - but Mayor Jim Wetherington dreams of putting 100 more police officers on the streets. I didn't realize base realignment was bringing that many rowdy soldiers to Fort Benning.

(It was interesting to read the police officer job description on the city's web site Tuesday night. One physical requirement is that you must "be able to distinguish between shades of color." We'd like to thank the Rainbow/PUSH Coalition for demanding that stipulation.)

But the city's job vacancy list is revealing, because a nurse at the Muscogee County Jail can make a higher starting salary than a police officer with a bachelor's degree. The nurse has another advantage besides money - because she doesn't have to go undercover to handle needles.

We should note the proposed city one-percent sales tax is NOT being called a SPLOST. It's officially a "Local Option Sales Tax" - which seems strange to me, because who wants to vote for a LOST cause?

So what about that other one-percent sales tax? The Muscogee County School Board is working on that, because its current tax mandate expires in August. They can't clear the rubble and begin that new administration building soon enough....

The Muscogee County School Board voted this week for a list of projects to be prepared -- projects to be funded by a renewed one-percent sales tax. Hopefully school officials have learned from the last year or two. We're expecting computer boards to be in the principal's offices, instead of private restrooms.

But WRBL noted Tuesday night the school district sales tax may not appear on the ballot until September or November. That might be good, so voters don't confuse it with the city sales tax question. Good for the city, that is - because a lot of critics want the school part voted down.

Columbus Council candidate Jeremy Hobbs is a leading spokesman for "splitting the ticket" when it comes to local sales tax votes. He calls it "give a penny, take a penny." But if you take the penny away from the school district now, won't you be paying dollars later - for all those school magazine sale fundraisers?

Meanwhile, the Russell County Commission dared to discuss another tax proposal Tuesday - a ten-percent county gasoline tax. I thought the former mayor of Macon was the only elected official in the South who admired Venezuela's Hugo Chavez....

THE BIG BLOG QUESTION about a different kind of moneymaking venture ended Tuesday night. The vote was overwhelming, with 86 percent of you opposing a subscription fee for this blog. Thank you for confirming what I somewhat suspected all along - you're cheapskates, much as I am.

Only 14 percent of the voters were interested in paying for something on this blog - and that's only if it's "special content." So perhaps I have a slight chance of making the cover of the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue next year....

The outcome of this vote really didn't surprise me. We tried to offer a subscription joke service called LaughLine around the world for three years - and it was canceled in 2002, with less than a dozen subscribers. So yes, I know how Ron Paul and Dennis Kucinich feel this winter.

Several readers left lengthy comments and suggestions about this survey. They didn't leave PayPal donations, but at least they left something....

One reader suggested putting advertisements on the blog. Every time we post, we invite readers to advertise with us near the bottom of the entry. If businesses haven't noticed that by now - well, we'll try something different and more attention-getting today. Assuming bigger is better, this could work.

Another reader said charging for access to a blog takes "a healthy dose of.... self-appreciation." I think that's how politically correct people say "ego" nowadays.

Then there was the reader who voted for us to add paid special content, and declaring this blog "priceless." My computer thesaurus shows that word can mean "expensive" -- and admittedly, it has probably cost me a few nice invitations to parties.

That last reader actually became the focus of our updated Big Blog Question Tuesday night -- and this e-mail is the reason why:

Sir Richard:

I took the opportunity to vote and comment on the "Pay Blog question." I"m sure that you've seen them by now. But now, I would like to offer further thought - and issue a challenge!

I'm confident that your readers are just that! Readers They are not, per- se, Contributors. They are the kind that would "Never buy a cow, when the milk is free!" Case in point; "Hurt'sboro Mondays. Less than a dozen responded! [4 Jun 07]

I'm willing to wager if you posed a question about me; either pro or con, that there would be little notice taken! In fact, if a worthy number of votes were counted against me; I would be willing to quit sending submissions to your site!!

You have nothing to lose except a regular contributor, and it might indicate your effectiveness in arousing more than latent interest, and stirring people into action!

Constable R.J. Schweiger

This message is interesting, because of what someone else with an interest in Hurtsboro has told me in recent weeks. That person suggested we stop posting all e-mails from Constable Schweiger, because they only "feed his ego." Based on that theory, we should ignore all of the presidential candidates until the final debates next fall.

This blog firmly believes in freedom of speech -- and we've allowed our e-mailers to express that here for five years. Some have only written once. Constable R.J. Schweiger has written dozens of times. If we ban him now, should we do it simply because readers are annoyed? Or does an exaggeration about a dog's injury provide just cause?

Constable Schweiger admittedly has provided a financial donation to this blog in the past, as well as some interesting news tips. Without him, I might not know what happened at Tuesday night's Hurtsboro City Council meeting. Did the interim police chief with his record of speeding tickets come up? Or did that pack of mauling dogs walk in, and clear the building?

As we say at the poker table, the Constable is going "all in" with this message. So our new Big Blog Question asks you if Robert Schweiger's e-mails should be barred from the blog. Come to think of it, we might be able to connect the last question with this one. If Schweiger's e-mails are banned, he might buy advertising space to make comments instead.

BLOG UPDATE: Speaking of dogs, WRBL reported Tuesday night that Seale kennel owner Diane Brown was arrested for animal cruelty. She actually kept about 250 dogs - and animal control officers removed dozens more Tuesday, claiming the animals were ill. It's tempting to call Brown "one sick puppy," but she may have had 70 around her.

Now a quick check of other news, from a busy Tuesday....

+ The Columbus NAACP held the grand opening for its new office on Third Avenue. President Bill Madison told the noon TV news: "I hope you can tell I'm smiling...." A man standing near me said he couldn't - but maybe the TV camera keeps showing Madison's bad side.

(Mayor Jim Wetherington walked one block down Ninth Street from the Government Center, to attend the grand opening. He told WLTZ the NAACP is "for everybody." Somewhere in East Alabama, David Glisson's jaw must have dropped to the floor....)

+ Ground was broken at Fort Benning for the new "Maneuver Center of Excellence." I heard the name of this building, and thought the Army had brought Shaquille O'Neal to town.

(The Maneuver Center of Excellence is part of base realignment at Fort Benning. It's scheduled to open in September 2011 -- perhaps just in time to give SOA Watch protesters something new on post to protest.)

+ The Columbus area United Way campaign ended, with a record $6.95 million in pledges. The staff celebrated its victory by holding a "flip-flops in February" party. If this had been held ten days earlier, Presidential candidate Mitt Romney might have felt right at home.

+ The Lee County School Board voted in favor of a second high school in Smiths Station. The Opelika-Auburn News reports the new school could cost $50 million - so if you're looking for the real reason why Woodrow Lowe was fired as high school football coach, maybe it's a salary cap move.

+ Instant Message to Angie's Beauty Salon and Detail Shop on Cusseta Road: I sincerely hope you don't get those two mixed up -- and start spray-painting red highlights in a woman's hair.

SCHEDULED THURSDAY: Your e-mails are likely to dominate, as we have a backlog of them....

This blog had more than 43,000 visitors in 2007 -- up 53% from 2006! To ADVERTISE TO THEM HERE, offer a story tip or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 1131 (+ 33, 3.0%)

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

12 FEB 07: GOOD OR BAD?

We haven't played a question-and-answer game here in a long time. (No, last week's Super Tuesday quiz was question-only.) So let's play one today, which borrows from sports radio talk show host Todd Wright. I'll list several questions about various local topics. You guess if their current status is good or bad. This is so simple, even I could play it....

1. Radio news in Columbus. Good or bad?

2. A proposal to name a street after Councilor Red McDaniel. Good or bad?

3. The dog which was "mauled and injured" in Hurtsboro last week. Good or bad?

4. Columbus State University President Frank Brown. Good or bad?

5. The West Point City Council in general. Good or bad?

6. Retired baseball pitcher John Rocker. Good or bad?

7. The Muscogee County Deputy Tax Commissioner. Good or bad?

8. The job pool for the new Kia plant. Good or bad?

9. The economic stimulus checks we're getting from Washington. Good or bad?

10. The Carver High School baseball team. Good or bad?

Before we compare answers, let's check....

BURKARD'S BEST BETS: Gas for $2.82 a gallon at Circle K on Wynnton Road.... FREE short stack to mark National Pancake Day at area IHOP's (donations for Children's Miracle Network welcome).... and buy "Forever" stamps now, before the price goes up one cent in May....

OK, how did you do? Here are my answers, as of Monday evening:

1. Radio news in Columbus is BAD. That's because your blog confirmed Monday that Clear Channel radio has fired Val McGuinness -- who was the most authoritative radio news voice in the area. Then again, he was about the ONLY radio news voice in the area....

I woke up to WDAK for the last several years, hearing Val McGuinness present the news. But even though his picture is still on the station's home page, he apparently was let go in the last couple of weeks as part of a Clear Channel staff cut. If the entire Morning Show team had been fired, it would have been a Channel Clear-cut.

What makes Val McGuinness's departure awkward for WDAK is that he did many promotional announcements for the station. There was the "warm, fuzzy" message describing the Morning Show team. There were the reworked words he put on the "Beverly Hillbillies" theme song. And only two weeks ago, McGuinness did Super Bowl commercials for Charter Cable - so maybe he lost a bet on the game.

Val McGuinness has been a Columbus radio fixture for decades - and he might still be able to make a living as a commercial voice. In fact, one thing that annoyed me about WDAK is that McGuinness's taped commercials were played during his newscasts. You would never hear a respected journalist mixing things up like that - such as Paul Harvey.

A lack of Val McGuinness made Monday's Morning Show on WDAK sound, well, BAD. There was more news from TV anchors than from the radio announcers. And the radio people almost made me long for the days when WRCG's "Morning Magazine" played extended readings of proclamations by the mayor.

2. Naming a road after Red McDaniel seems GOOD on the surface - until you consider who's proposing this. The idea comes from Jeremy Hobbs, who is challenging McDaniel in this year's Columbus Council election! So Hobbs loves the man so much that he wants to kick him out of office?!

Jeremy Hobbs sent an e-mail addressed to Red McDaniel to news media throughout Columbus. It reveals Hobbs wants to rename Manchester Expressway the "Red McDaniel Highway." That seems fitting, because it has plenty of Red lights....

Jeremy Hobbs promises in the e-mail to carry on Red McDaniel's legacy - but he also writes: "After the election I planned a four-month training program with you so I could learn from the master himself." Can you imagine Barack Obama or Hillary Rodham Clinton writing something like this to President Bush? It's a wonder Hobbs isn't offering right now to pay McDaniel's moving bill.

3. The dog on Hurtsboro's Goolsby Street is GOOD after all. We finally heard Monday from Russell County Animal Control, and learned the animal described by Constable Robert Schweiger as "mauled and injured" last week had only a scratch. It's a good thing those poodles come with extra padding on the outside.

Animal control officer Jason Cooper told me a veterinarian checked the "injured" Hurtsboro dog, and decided it was OK. Yes, a dog and its owner were chased down a street - but the outcome was NOT as bad as the Constable claimed. Now if Hurtsboro's Mayor would reassure us about the rest of town....

4. Frank Brown is GOOD, if you appreciate free speech. I'm hearing some members of the Columbus State University science faculty complained to him about the "Christian Creation Conference" on campus, but he refused to stop it. Do those instructors want all religion courses canceled as well?

We stopped by the Elizabeth Bradley Turner Center Monday night to check on this conference, and the room was packed with about 300 people. The main speaker even realized some evolution supporters might be in the audience. "If you're a scoffer, we welcome you," he said - and then noted the Bible warns against scoffers.

5. I'll dare to say the West Point City Council was BAD Monday night. At least one council member wanted reporters to show up, seemingly to record another member getting lambasted by the audience. Now that's the way to bring harmony to local government....

This apparently started at the January meeting of the West Point City Council. Gary Harrison was sworn in as a new council member -- and after the short meeting, he walked up to the City Clerk and referred to him with a racial slur. What does Harrison think he is, a rap star?!

The West Point City Council held an executive session on the incident, and decided to censure Gary Harrison and remove him from some city committees. Council members say that's all city rules allow them to do. They can censure him, but they can't censor him....

But Council member Donald Gilliam told me Monday he wanted journalists to come to the February meeting, as if more action would be taken. What occurred was a special "town hall" session, where people discussed the punishment of Gary Harrison. WRBL didn't mention if anyone was hauled out of the meeting, for reading Harrison's comments on the record.

I can understand the West Point City Council wanting to clear the air about the Gary Harrison punishment. But the approach Monday night seemed on the order of a public flogging -- especially with a member urging reporters to show up. Where was this urging, when the executive session was held? Is this story good TV only when people are standing, yelling and pointing fingers?

Ann Gray of the local NAACP says she plans to organize a recall campaign in Gary Harrison's district. She also wants West Point city officials to undergo sensitivity training. After all, council members might utter a Korean slur toward a Kia employee and never know it.

By the way, you'd think Gary Harrison would have known better about using racial slurs. He's a retired firefighter - and traditional firehouse dogs show how well black and white can mix.

6. John Rocker has been BAD for years - and he was again on Monday. The former pitcher admitted on an Atlanta sports-talk radio station he was "taking the juice" in 2000. And I don't think that meant buying lunch for O.J. Simpson....

John Rocker claimed the commissioner of baseball knew he was taking steroids in 2000, but never did anything about it. But he neglected to mention the fact Bud Selig didn't really have to do anything about it. Selig had suspended Rocker two weeks for saying ethnic and racial slurs.

7. It's GOOD for Muscogee County's Deputy Tax Commissioner to get mentioned in the latest Ebony magazine. David Britt is named an outstanding young African-American leader. If he keeps up the good work, Britt David Park, Road and School might need to have their signs adjusted.

But what strikes me about 27-year-old David Britt is that he has two other jobs, besides the position of Deputy Tax Commissioner. This should teach the critics who think city employees are overpaid - especially the tax collectors.

Ebony magazine notes David Britt is also a weekend announcer at WFXE-FM "Foxie 105," as well as a realtor. Given the current economy, I can understand why ANY realtor would have a second or third job....

8. The pool of workers for the Kia plant seems quite GOOD. The online application process closed last week, and Kia announced Monday it has about 43,000 applicants. So what happens now? Will there be a new reality series called "West Point's Next Top Machinist," where people tighten lugnuts in front of a panel of judges?

Kia noted about three-fourths of the applications for the West Point plant came from Georgia. We'll see how many of them actually are hired - and how many Korean restaurants Troup County really needs.

9. The economic stimulus checks are BAD. At least, that's what Senator Richard Shelby of Alabama says. He told a meeting Monday he voted against the checks because they'll merely "increase our debt and deficit." Plenty of Alabama bloggers must have laughed at that - since they've accused Shelby of doing that very thing for years, with pork-barrel spending.

10. Let's see - your team was winless last year, then your ballpark is covered up in the off-season by a grade school parking lot. Yes, baseball at Carver High School seems to be BAD.

Carver is moving its home baseball games to Edgewood Park this season, because the old diamond was removed to make way for the new Rigdon Road Elementary School. Yet the Tiger coach predicted Monday his team would have a winning record. If Jarvon Fortson can hit twice in the batting order and pitch, that might happen....

This blog had more than 43,000 visitors in 2007 -- up 53% from 2006! To advertise to them, offer a story tip or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 1098 (+ 31, 2.9%)

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

Monday, February 11, 2008

11 FEB 08: DOGS DAZED

The annual Westminster Kennel Club dog show begins today at Madison Square Garden. Someday I'll understand why this isn't moved up a week, and combined with New York "Fashion Week." Wouldn't Paris Hilton fit in at both events?

Some East Alabama dogs are making news these days, but for very different reasons. This case reached us first:

Hurtsboro City Hall

P.O. Box 358

Hurtsboro, AL. 36860

Re. Dog attack

Jannie Jordan (Mayor Pro-Tem)

I'm contacting you, first hand; because it seems that you are the one the "mare" sends out to face the music on every occasion!

On the afternoon of 2/5/08 I was informed by a citizen that he had been attacked by a quartet of large dogs while he was walking on Goolsby Street. He managed to frighten the animals off - but not before his dog was mauled and injured!

Witnesses to the incident inform - that this is not the first time that these dogs have menaced with serious consequences!

Of course! There were no "Hurt'sboro police to turn to, so I had to rely on Russell County Animal Control to attend to the matter! When are you and the Council going to insist that our "police officers" at least pretend to serve and protect?

For your information - There's an ordinance in "Hurt'sboro, "That a kennel license is required for anyone to keep more than (3) three adult dogs on their property." Ho Hum! That ordinance, like so many others, lies unnoticed and never enforced! Or perhaps, , like the alcohol statute, it has been discarded - so it won't be a nuisance to you any more!

Sincerely,

R.J. Schweiger

Russell County Constable (Dist.#7)

First of all, this letter should prove one thing. The mayor of Hurtsboro still isn't being honest - because Robert Schweiger claimed a few days ago that would make him happy.

Longtime blog readers probably are not surprised by Robert Schweiger's knowledge of the kennel rules in Hurtsboro. After all, we learned through an e-mail from someone else last year that the Constable sleeps on top of dog cages at his home. Schweiger's critics probably would concede the dogs there are adults....

We called Russell County Animal Control to confirm this incident in Hurtsboro - but as of Sunday night, no one there had called us back. Perhaps it's because the staff has been busy with an even larger dog problem: a kennel in Seale with an estimated 400 dogs. And you wondered why Petco and Petland opened stores in Columbus recently?!

Neighbors have been complaining about Diane Brown's kennel in Seale for more than a year. But on Friday, WRBL followed Russell County animal control officers onto her grounds - and they seized dozens of dogs. If the Junior League wants to follow up its Follies with a production of "101 Dalmatians," we may be off to a good start.

Diane Brown insists she does NOT mistreat any dogs at her kennel in Seale. But the neighbors apparently suspect she's running a "puppy mill" of some kind -- and we all know how out-of-fashion mills are these days.

(Are there such things as "cat kennels?" Or are they simply expected to gather in the woods every so often for, uh, fun and games?)

If I'm not mistaken, dogs seized by Russell County Animal Control are still being taken to the Phenix City pound near City Hall. It's located a mere frisbee throw from the city recycling bins -- and the dogs seem to bark every time someone stops at the bins, as if they want to finish cleaning all the steel cans and plastic trays.

While my current residence has a "no-pets" ~~claws~~ clause, I have to admit I'm more of a cat person than a dog person. Cats are much more low-maintenance. They're no harm to anyone when they're outside. And cats don't chase you down the sidewalk when you're running, as if they think you're dinner.

But these two dog ~~tails~~ tales from Russell County are reminders that people should take care for animals under their care. It's probably best not to have too many of them. It's always good to keep them under control. And trust a runner on this -- dog leashes work best when the dog is attached to them.

Now let's chase down some Sunday news headlines....

+ Our Burkard Bulk Mail Index plunged to another record low, falling below the 1,100 mark. I hope Congress made sure none of the economic stimulus checks are mailed to spammers....

+ WRBL reported the demolition of the Baker Village Apartments is ahead of schedule, and should be finished in early spring. For some reason, I don't hear about any rush to sell commemorative bricks from the buildings - perhaps out of concern criminals might throw them through windows on Benning Drive.

+ Two new Muscogee County schools were dedicated. But did I hear it right - Eagle Ridge Academy is named after a nearby golf course?! Was the name "Maple Ridge" trademarked? Was "Double Bogey Ridge" ever considered as an option?

+ The RiverCenter presented the national touring production of the Billy Joel musical review "Movin' Out." So which challenger for Columbus Council brought this show to town?

+ Columbus State won in women's basketball over Francis Marion 113-108 in double overtime. It was the highest-scoring women's game in Peach Belt Conference history, and it came at the end of a stretch with four games in seven days. So don't be surprised if some of the Lady Cougars run in marathons during the off-season.

+ Birmingham native Steve Lowery won a Famous Phone Company's Pebble Beach PGA golf tournament in a playoff. It's Lowery's first PGA tour win in eight years - so he should send Tiger Woods a thank-you card, for taking a week off.

+ Instant Message to the Atlanta Symphony Orchestra: That has to sting a little --losing the Grammy for "Best Orchestral Performance" Sunday night to the Nashville Symphony. I really didn't know Nashville HAD a symphony. But I guess it gives all those out-of-work fiddle players something to do.

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 1067 (- 64, 5.7%, record low)

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

Sunday, February 10, 2008

10 FEB 08: THE BROOKLYN SONGBIRD

"You may look around and say we've got a lot of empty seats." So said the emcee, at the start of a Columbus concert Saturday night. From what I've heard, those words could have been said at a lot of Columbus concerts in recent years - and to make matters worse, this one had free admission.

But if you missed the concert I attended, you missed something special. As we mentioned in a "Best Bet" Friday, Evangel Temple presented a concert by Christian singer Damaris Carbaugh. And yes, it was free -- with everyone simply asked to give a "love offering," which sounds like something Christian single guys might use as an opening line.

Perhaps Evangel Temple only had about 100 people because Columbus Christian radio stations don't play Damaris Carbaugh songs very much. In fact, the two non-commercial stations most likely to play her music don't identify the artists at all anymore. The stations complain the music is hard to find - yet they don't tell who's singing, so I can encourage them to make some more.

I was familiar with Damaris Carbaugh's music from listening to the "Moody Radio" Christian station in Atlanta. But I didn't know until Saturday night that she tried to be a secular music star for 17 years -- and wound up repenting of the desire to be "rich and famous." Some TV preachers who promise big blessings for $1,000 "seed offerings" still might need to do that....

Damaris Carbaugh has a powerful voice which could be quite at home on an opera stage, but she says she's focused on Christian music in recent years. And she learned how to enunciate her words from doing commercial jingles. Carbaugh explained advertisers are very picky about the words in jingles - so you don't think KFC does "chicken rice."

But Damaris Carbaugh is clearly a native New Yorker - as her grandfather was a Pastor in the South Bronx, and her background is with the Brooklyn Tabernacle Choir. She said she revised her final song a bit because the original performer was on the "folky side. I'm a Puerto Rican from New York - that's not folky."

(But Damaris Carbaugh didn't rub in that New York frame of mind on a Columbus audience. She didn't mention last weekend's Super Bowl even once.)

As you might have figured out by now, Damaris Carbaugh has a good sense of humor to go with her outstanding voice. So I'll defer to her, for a few notes about her life and experiences:

+ Carbaugh's mother, who calls her "my songbird," has Alzheimer's Disease. But the mother tells Carbuagh: "Don't be afraid to tell me a story twice. I'll enjoy it all over again."

+ She was such a church child that "my first playpen was a pew."

+ To the spiritually lethargic, she declared: "Maybe I came to remind you that you're dead."

+ But Carbaugh also realized her own battle against sinfulness, saying: "If I was God, I would have killed me a long time ago."

+ Carbaugh admitted she cries often, as she sings songs of praise. "I wish you could lose weight and cry."

+ She gave up secular singing after her last album failed to sell: "I think I sold six copies, and I bought all six." Really now -- do you want MY album to suffer the same fate?

But if you're planning to hop in the car and hear Damaris Carbaugh sing at Evangel Temple today - sorry, you missed her. She and her husband/sound operator have a 6:15 a.m. flight back to New York, as she strives to teach Sunday School at her home church every week. Apparently there are still some places where dropping in a video isn't good enough....

Saturday night's concert marked my first time inside the Evangel Temple sanctuary, and something struck me as unusual. The kneeling rails at the altar have tissue boxes on them. Either the ministers expect people to repent in tears - or they serve sticky bread during communion.

BLOG UPDATE: Speaking of religion - uh-oh, me and my big blog mouth. I didn't realize until Saturday that the Seventh-Day Adventists were trying to keep their involvement with those creation/evolution meetings a secret. But then again, the host Pastor admittedly didn't realize it's illegal to post yard signs about the meetings along Columbus streets.

A couple of yard signs for the series, "Did Darwin Murder God?" were planted on Second Avenue, in front of Greater Shady Grove Baptist Church. What do you think that church's members will think, when they see those signs today? Will they think their Pastor is pulling a surprise, and planning to file some kind of civil suit?

Guest preacher Hiram Rester explained Saturday that the literature for the creation/evolution series at Columbus State University is kept vague on purpose - because some people want nothing to do with Seventh-Day Adventists, thinking they're something like Jehovah's Witnesses. Trust me, this is NOT true. The Adventists are too busy in church on Saturday mornings to knock on your door offering literature.

Hiram Rester also noted some "ministerial alliances" have hurredly organized events to counter Seventh-Day Adventist campaigns. That's why the fliers for the series beginning tonight didn't reach mailboxes until Wednesday. Truly United Methodist Bishop James Swanson was right when he said years ago at the Three Arts Theatre: "Ministry can be a very competitive business."

So why didn't a flier for this creation/evolution series land in my mailbox? The host Pastor believes the bulk mailing intentionally left out a couple of zip codes in Columbus South. The lawyers in the Historic District must be holier than I thought....

We'll see how the meetings go, and bring you updates as warranted. Now let's see what else has our attention this weekend:

+ WLTZ visited Rutledge State Prison, where inmates are taking classes in Latin and Greek. That may seem odd, but look on the bright side - if they were learning Italian, they might leave prison and join the Mafia.

+ The Junior League of Columbus staged its "Follies" production for the first time in four years. Truly times have changed for me. When I was a boy, some of the young women in Junior League productions looked attractive - and nowadays if I asked any of them for a date, I'd be accused of cradle-robbing.

+ Instant Message to the Troy University athletic department: I guess they makes sense. I mean, your billboards already mentioning next September's football schedule -- they make a lot more sense than those signs asking me to order tickets to watch college baseball in Troy.

COMING THIS WEEK: A local elected official offers a challenge to all blog readers....

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 1131 (+ 19, 1.7%)

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

Friday, February 08, 2008

for 9 FEB 08: GO TAKE THAT MOUNTAIN

(BLOGGER'S NOTE: You may find this item humorous, serious, or a little of both - but we offer these thoughts from time to time, as we keep a seventh-day Sabbath.)

This past week of running had a couple of downright ordinary afternoons - as I struggled to make the one-mile mark non-stop. I wasn't sick, and the weather shouldn't have been that big a factor. Maybe I need to lay off the big boxes of soda crackers for awhile....

But last Saturday night's run was a very different story. A jog around downtown Columbus to the east edge of Phenix City led me to accomplish something I had never done in all my years here. I finally conquered one of the steepest slopes for walking and running in this area - one so steep that I haven't even seen skateboarders try it.

To park between the old MeadWestVaco building and the Phenix City Amphitheater, there's only one way in and out. The ramp to Dillingham Street at Brickyard Road has a very sharp angle - on the order of some hills in San Francisco. If it was a cheese, it might even be extra-sharp....

The "ramp to the Amp" is a lovely break for runners heading downhill, after going across the Dillingham Bridge. You catch your breath, and even use gravity to pick up a little speed. But running UP that ramp has been for me like "Heartbreak Hill" at the Boston Marathon or "Hospital Hill" in Atlanta's Peachtree Road Race -- only it's short and sudden, like running head-on into Michael Strahan.

For more than ten years, I tried and tried to climb that ramp at the end of a non-stop run on the Phenix City Riverwalk -- and time after time the ramp won. I was tired after about two-and-a-half miles, and the steep climb left me beaten and out of breath. You don't really need a hunk named Titan to play "American Gladiators."

(I was able to climb the ramp after running "re-starts" -- where I stopped to walk for a block somewhere along the way. But that's really not the same as doing it without a stop. It's a bit like the Georgia football team already saying it's undefeated in 2008.)

But in the last couple of months, my runs had been very strong and long - so last Saturday night the big moment came. The "urban running" course started at First Avenue downtown, went back and forth on the Columbus Riverwalk between 14 SUP>th and 18^th Streets, then across the 14^th Street Pedestrian Bridge to the Phenix City Riverwalk. No bloodshed there, so good....

The Phenix City Riverwalk allowed me to go downhill in two stages, from 14^th to 12^th Streets. That let me catch a bit of breath, and mentally prepare for the ramp. Thankfully, no one blocked my path to slow me down - and no stray dogs were roaming around, tempting me to turn back.

Then came the moment of truth. Using the balls of my feet, wearing two-week-new running shoes and keeping my head down to watch the sidewalk, I made it to the top of the ramp - after a non-stop run of about 3.1 miles! I slowed to a walk at the Dillingham Street sidewalk to rejoice in victory. So if you want to call me a wimp for not going non-stop all the way back to Columbus, go ahead....

I offer this success story for those of you who might be facing giant obstacles in your life. You might have a mountain of unpaid debt, a difficult job situation - or even an 18-0 football team, which might have hidden cameras spying on your practices.

My point is this: the largest hurdles in life ARE defeatable. I was reminded by a radio sermon Friday that it takes hope -- and the Bible says hope goes hand-in-hand with faith. The apostle Paul put it simply: "I can do all things in Christ who gives me strength." The Lord has more strength than even an extra-strength headache medicine.

I came up with the title of today's entry within minutes of conquering that ramp in Phenix City -- but then I remembered something. My Dad died seven years ago this month, and my stepmother asked that a country song be played at his funeral: "Go Rest High on That Mountain." While I don't agree doctrinally with all of the lyrics, I think the rest at the end of this life will be sweeter if you know you've had help conquering mountains along the way.

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 1112 (- 124, 10.0%)

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

8 FEB 08: LATER, DUDES?

The announcement was supposed to arrive Wednesday, but it didn't. So I figured the letter carrier would put it in my mailbox Thursday, but it still didn't show up. I mean, this is getting annoying - WHERE is my invitation to the Britney Spears Valentine party?!

OK, I'm kidding - that's NOT the announcement I'm waiting to see. I'm waiting for one of about 100,000 fliers that supposedly are being mailed across the Columbus area. They're promoting a series of meetings which begins this weekend at Columbus State University - but they might come across as a bit more judgmental than those "continuing education" pilates classes.

The Elizabeth Bradley Turner Center at C.S.U. will be the place for a series of presentations on "Creation and Evolution," beginning Sunday night. But please don't be fooled - this is a rare time when an event on a public college campus probably will be biased in favor of the creation side.

The series on the creation/evolution debate is being presented by the Seventh-Day Adventist Church. The C.S.U. campus was selected as the location because it has a hall big enough for the expected crowd. Those Christians at Beacon University don't seem to have enough faith to build one.

I've been attending a Seventh-Day Adventist congregation for about three months, so I've picked up some behind-the-scenes details about this big project. The main presenter will be an evangelist named Hiram Rester -- and of course, that means people will hear from a Sabbath Rester.

Hiram Rester reportedly asked for an over-the-top budget for his campaign in Columbus -- and was stunned when the regional conference of the Seventh-Day Adventists approved everything he suggested. Between church denominations seeking converts and politicians seeking votes, we might spend our way around a recession without government checks.

If you know anything about Seventh-Day Adventists, you know they're big on Bible prophecy. But Hiram Rester says people are more interested these days in the creation/evolution debate. Why look ahead to the end, when we're still not sure how we began in the first place?

The largest Seventh-Day Adventist congregation in Columbus has prayed a lot about this campaign. But some members have expressed concern about the publicity for it, and it goes beyond those 100,000 fliers. Some nearby Adventist groups apparently didn't even know the meetings were coming -- so maybe a prophetic message is needed more than ever.

I've also noticed the Hiram Rester campaign hasn't been mentioned at all on the Seventh-Day Adventist radio station in Columbus, WURY-FM. It's as if church leaders took that Bible verse about "let not your right hand know what your left hand is doing" a bit too seriously.

So if the 100,000 invitations to the big meeting reach mailboxes late, will anyone show up at C.S.U. Sunday night? That will be a lousy time to lure in Columbus State students -- not because the Cougars are playing basketball in the afternoon, but because the Grammy Awards are on TV that night.

But perhaps you've been waiting for something else to arrive in the mail. We're a week into February, and Georgia income tax forms still haven't come out. How many taxpayers are missing out on refund checks - not to mention how many businesses are losing big interest charges, from not offering "refund anticipation loans?"

Women with the Georgia Department of Revenue explained the delay to me Thursday. The state had to wait, until questions about the federal "alternative minimum tax" were resolved. Yet my federal tax book reached my mailbox a month ago - so does Washington have superior printing presses to Atlanta?

I should have asked the women from the Georgia Department of Revenue if the state is going to make up for the delay in mailing state tax forms. Shouldn't we automatically have an extra month to file returns, with the deadline pushed back to May 15? Peoples' schedules will be thrown way off, if they don't have their usual amount of procrastination time.

BLOG UPDATE: WLTZ presented an interview Thursday with the celebrity divorce lawyer we mentioned here recently [26 Jan]. John Mayoue said he wrote the new book "How to Survive a Georgia Divorce" because the state ranks among the five highest in divorce rates. And they say Alabama is filled with dysfunctional families....

Now for other legal (or perhaps illegal) briefs from Thursday's news....

+ The late-night news revealed several Columbus nail salons are about to have their licenses revoked, for violating state rules. One of them is Star Nails at Cross Country Plaza -- which means another storefront there is about to become empty for several years.

+ Reggie Richards revealed to WRBL she's resigned as Executive Director of Columbus South Inc. She promises to remain involved with the area, in an undisclosed new job with a steady paycheck. Oh no -- please don't tell me Richards is going to start dancing at the Pussy Cat Lounge.

+ WLTZ showed the sixth birthday party for Phenix City's Brackan quadruplets. They marked the day in kindergarten -- by dressing like rats to celebrate Chinese New Year. This may explain why most adults in Columbus skip this event, and mark Cinco de Mayo instead.

+ A second executive at Southern Union Community College entered a guilty plea in court. Joanne Jordan admitted lying to a federal grand jury. Some graduate needs to set up an endowment for an ethics major quickly....

+ The deadline passed at midnight to apply for work at the new Kia plant in West Point. If you still want a job there, you'll have to fly to South Korea and beg for it out of your own savings.

+ Jazz pianist Freddie Cole performed at Columbus State University. He's the brother of Nat King Cole - who, had he lived, today would have earned the nickname "Old."

+ The Georgia Senate voted to outlaw "sanctuary cities" which might provide safe haven to illegal immigrants. Countless ministers will respond carefully to this, by calling the places where they preach "worship centers."

+ Georgia basketball player Billy Humphrey was arrested in Athens, for underage drinking. It's Humphrey's second arrest of the season - and under college rules, you foul out on the fifth arrest.

BURKARD'S BEST BETS: Gas for $2.86 a gallon at Dolly Madison on Victory Drive.... FREE inspirational concert by singer Damaris Carbaugh, Saturday night at Evangel Temple (offerings welcome).... but where are the TV commercials offering sales on Chinese New Year fireworks?....

COMING SOON: A personal victory which took 11 years to achieve.... and a man's bisexual confession....

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 1236 (+ 26, 2.1%)

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

Thursday, February 07, 2008

7 FEB 08: SLIGHTLY OPEN SEASON

Instant Message to Columbus Council: It looks like there's a loophole, to get the water flowing again all over town. Simply offer an ordinance declaring all city fountains open to public swimming....

Georgia Governor Sonny Perdue announced Wednesday all outdoor swimming pools will be exempt from water restrictions this summer. Countless swimmers breathed a sigh of relief - because after all, this is an Olympic year.

The director of Georgia's Environmental Protection Division explained outdoor swimming pools in the maximum drought zone use seven million gallons of water a day. The total daily water use in North Georgia is close to 100 million gallons - but you still might want to put a weight limit on cannonball divers.

But while outdoor swimming pools won a water exemption, state officials said they're not ready yet to end the restrictions on fountains. For the "fountain city" of Columbus, this is a bit distressing. Without water running, several fountains look as strange as an Albert Paley sculpture in front of a library.

(Someone pointed out to me if the water doesn't start flowing through fountains soon, Garrison Keillor's next trip to Columbus will NOT have the fountain outside the RiverCenter reminding him of his prostate.)

A few fountains have kept flowing in Columbus all winter, in spite of the water restrictions. I'm not sure how Cheddar's restaurant gets away with the one outside its front door -- unless it's requiring all customers to go outside to fill up glasses.

Governor Perdue also announced outdoor watering can resume in the hardest-hit drought zone. But as they say in commercials, some restrictions apply. There's an alternate day schedule, from midnight to 10:00 a.m. You have to water lawns with a garden hose. And I wouldn't be surprised if violators have to paint their grass a dingy tan color.

Governor Perdue said the drought situation across the Southeast is NOT over yet. But Wednesday night's late news showed how the level of West Point Lake has gone up more than ten feet in recent weeks. Two factors are behind this: plenty of rain - and the January cold, which meant people didn't sweat and dehydrate as much exercising outside.

The announcement about reduced water restrictions came on the same day Governor Perdue signed a comprehensive water plan for Georgia. It divides control over water allocation into districts - so at least the protesters carrying empty buckets won't have to march as far.

But Governor Perdue may not be smiling completely about Georgia's water situation. A federal appeals court ruled earlier this week that an agreement giving Georgia more control over allocation from Lake Lanier was illegal. Alabama Attorney General Troy King made it sound like the biggest victory for his state since Nick Saban was hired in Tuscaloosa.

BLOG CORRECTION: A second look at our credit card receipts shows we put the wrong name on the restaurant where we bought a beggar lunch [30 Jan]. The Chinese restaurant on South Lumpkin Road actually is called the Sonny Diner - spelled like Sonny Perdue, not a sunny day. Sometimes you can tell which businesses are owned by Republicans....

Other events on South Lumpkin Road top the remaining Wednesday news:

+ The South Columbus branch library closed early, because of a leaking water line. The stacks of Columbus Times newspapers in the reference section simply were not absorbent enough to clean up a big spill.

+ WRBL reported burglars damaged Millie's Corner on South Lumpkin Road early Monday. This store and restaurant used to have a large watchdog on the premises. But manager Lefty Incarnacion says he's now been burglarized three times - so maybe the dog was stolen in the first crime.

+ "National Signing Day" in high school football found Carver receiver Jarvon Fortson stiff-arming Auburn, and signing a letter of intent with Florida State. I'm not sure what makes Florida State so much better - unless someone promised Fortson one of those clothing discounts at a Tallahassee shopping mall.

(The Rivals web site declared Alabama had the best high school signing day, and an Opelika-Auburn News reporter said Alabama beat Auburn out of all of the top five football prospects they both wanted. If the Crimson Tide can develop better-trained police dogs on the sidelines, look out....)

+ Kentucky escaped Auburn with a 66-63 win in men's college basketball. The attendance at Beard-Eaves Coliseum was 5,352, which Tiger broadcaster Rod Bramlett declared "the worst crowd I have ever seen for an Auburn-Kentucky game." He obviously doesn't go to Lady Tiger home games very often.

+ Which local office just discovered the reason why no faxes had arrived for six days - and solved the problem by changing its toner cartridge? Some repair person was cheated out of the easiest 75 dollars of the year....

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 1210 (+ 37, 3.2%)

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

Wednesday, February 06, 2008

6 FEB 08: B.O. PLENTY

It wasn't even 9:00 a.m. on Super Tuesday, and already someone was upset. "I just came from voting at Arnold Middle School, off Woodruff Farm," said the frustrated caller. He said he's voted there for more than a decade - yet after all this time, he doesn't know the school's name is Fort?!

But anyway: the caller claimed a line of voters at that school was kept waiting 30 minutes Tuesday morning. The reason - a woman with a hyphenated name, whose name on the identification card didn't match the election rolls. For one dash, many votes may have been dashed.

It's not clear as I write this if that delay really mattered, in Georgia's Democratic primary. Barack Obama won the contest across Georgia, and dominated the vote in Muscogee County by more than two-to-one. So Vivian Creighton Bishop can put on that apron today, head back to the kitchen and grill her husband a nice steak dinner.

Barack Obama won the Georgia primary despite a few complaints from Atlanta voters, that people called them with a bogus way to vote by phone. This is simply old-fashioned dirty politics - since the newfangled way would offer a bogus way to vote online.

Barack Obama was so dominant in Georgia that the Associated Press declared him the winner by 8:00 p.m. ET. So when I stopped by a Democratic "unity party" around 9:00, fewer than ten people were there. The "political wounds" with the Hillary Rodham Clinton supporters were healed quickly - probably by that universal health care plan.

When I found out the Democratic unity party was taking place a short walk from my home, the Blog Decision Desk determined a trip there was a must. And to think only 24 hours earlier, the Blog Decision Desk was used to eat a McDonald's double cheeseburger....

The Democratic party for unity took place in the basement bar of Bludau's restaurant on Broadway. So much for this being the party of the average working-class bum....

The highest-ranking person in the room when I arrived was Muscogee County Democratic Committee Secretary Susan Stephenson. She admitted she was surprised at my use of the word "rank" to describe Democratic organization.

Susan Stephenson preferred Bill Richardson when the primary race began, but wound up voting for Barack Obama. She told me the Democratic alternative would attract "all the anti-Clinton nuts." And you thought the Democrats didn't have any Karl Roves?!

Another woman at the Bludau's bar said the Presidential election may come down to supporting "the lesser of two evils of both parties." If this means Hillary Rodham Clinton is considered evil, I'm wondering how much healing really occurred.

The local Barack Obama victory party took place at the Coffee Beanery downtown. One of the newscasts showed a chessboard at a table - and from the crowd celebrating there, it seemed fitting. This was a classic battle of black versus white....

The local Republican watch party was held at Loco's on 13^th Street. This was surprising to me - to have Republicans so far south of the political "demilitarized zone" which is Manchester Expressway.

(In fact, Susan Stephenson quipped the G.O.P. might have had some "off-duty M.P.'s" at Loco's to guard them....)

Mike Huckabee won the Republican primaries in Georgia and Alabama. But Muscogee County Republican Chair Josh McKoon told the late-night news Muscogee County's military veterans voted strongly for John McCain. In fact, Huckabee was third in Columbus -- so those trips to churches playing "Onward Christian Soldiers" apparently wasn't good enough.

Speaking of which: did you see the sign posted outside Kingdom Metropolitan Worship Center on Airport Thruway? The congregation's leaders put up the message, "We don't endorse the Hillary Clinton campaign." That's the way to stop an Internal Revenue Service investigation - at least until President Bush leaves office.

The bishop at Kingdom Metropolitan Worship Center was annoyed that Hillary Rodham Clinton supporters went through the parking lot during Sunday's service, and left campaign literature on cars. But he really should be thankful - because I've been to theme parks where workers slap bumper stickers on the trunks.

There probably will be leftover Super Tuesday stories to come over the next few days - but here are some bits and pieces from the big primary:

+ The Columbus Public Library was the voting place for two different precincts: Clubview and Mack. This apparently confused a few voters - who thought the alternative to the Mack Recreation Center would be a McDonald's restaurant.

+ Carver High School was a polling place - and perhaps because of the strong turnout, the Jordan-Carver basketball game was moved to Columbus State University. We don't want any write-in votes for DeRon Furr.

+ Webster County voters approved a consolidated government. County offices will be merged with the city offices of Preston and Weston - potentially ruining one of the best-sounding local rivalries in the area.

+ For all the donations Republican Ron Paul received in Lee County, he received fewer than 600 votes there. The critics who called his campaign a "cult" may have been proven right.

+ Wasn't it ironic that while ABC and CBS presented Super Tuesday results, NBC chose to show "The Biggest Loser?"

E-MAIL UPDATE: As Presidential politics dominated Super Tuesday, a reader had a question which simply couldn't wait....

Richard, Please help! If anyone can get to the facts, it's you. My phone started ringing last night and is still ringing this morning about the Lee County School Board meeting of yesterday evening. Callers are telling me that our School Board is $60 million dollars in debt and will be $80 million dollars in debt when they build the new Smiths Station High School. (The present high school campus is to be turned into an elementary school) Unfortunately I didn't even know about the meeting until my phone starting ringing so I hope you can research this information and set the record straight. Maybe the callers are correct - but I like to get the "facts" before I repeat anything. I know this will be a busy day (Super Tuesday) but maybe you can fit this into your schedule. Thanks soooo much.

Columbus Blog Fan Club Member

P.S. Please don't get any crazy ideas about charging a yearly fee to read your blog (like Richard Hyatt is doing). Your information is too valuable for " those who couldn't afford it " to miss!

We went straight to the source late Tuesday, for an answer to this question. "I'm not aware of that," said Kimberly Dwyer, who is listed on the Lee County Schools' web site as "Interim Chief Financial Officer." If the school board would kindly remove that "interim" from her title, she might have a more immediate answer.

Kimberly Dwyer wasn't at the Monday night meeting on a new high school for Smiths Station, either. She promised to "check the financials" and call me back with an answer. That could mean the financial reports which the Lee County School web site promises you can inspect at the Opelika office. At the office?! Even President Bush released his budget plan online this year...

(By the way, the Lee County School web site could use some updating. My first call Tuesday was to the listed public information officer - but I was told Cindy Irvin has "gone back to the classroom." Couldn't a high school student in Beulah be offered some extra credit, to revise this?)

Now about that P.S. - I didn't realize the new "Richard Hyatt's Columbus" is going to be a subscription web site. He must have attended one of those seminars about getting rich from the Internet. But if he's not going to show pictures of attractive single women with his articles, I doubt it's going to work.

Yet another blog reader suggested to me recently that this blog actually SHOULD charge people to read it. The man who suggested it threw out a figure of five dollars a month - which happens to be what I charged worldwide for LaughLine several years ago. This reader must not be checking the government inflation reports.

THE BIG BLOG QUESTION dares to ask it: should The Blog of Columbus become a subscription service, with readers charged a monthly fee? You can vote yes or no - but also "maybe," to see some kind of special content. I'm not sure what sort of special content I could offer. For one thing, I don't play poker that often right now....

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 1173 (+ 40, 3.5%)

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

Tuesday, February 05, 2008

5 FEB 08: GIVE ME AN E!

The school day was shortened Monday at Phenix City Central High School. The principal said a construction worker building the Freshman Academy hit a power pole, and caused an outage. That doesn't sound freshman-like -- it sounds sophomoric.

(One student claimed to have heard at least ten shots, after the power went out in the high school gym. Those backhoes must have bad backfire problems.)

A few miles up the highway, Smiths Station High School had a full day of school Monday. And the faculty put on something unusual: a "pep rally for education." I figured teachers would be saving this for today - and holding the rally outside the opening session of the Alabama House.

One Smiths Station faculty member told WRBL Monday's event in the school auditorium was an "education celebration." I assume that means there was also a spontaneous poetry-writing contest....

(Another faculty member wore a T-shirt proclaiming: "I'm educated and proud." Some of us have learned it's better to admit how much you still don't know, and be humble about it.)

The third annual "pep rally for education" included music from a Smiths Station High School band, and a routine on stage by cheerleaders in uniform. Sad to say, there are corners of Columbus where this kind of thing happens often -- only it's off-limits for teenagers to watch.

But instead of watching the basketball team form lay-up lines, Smiths Station students showed off their ability to answer quiz questions. The only question I saw involved English. So was there also a "current events" test, filled with questions about Britney Spears?

Faculty members in Smiths Station High admit at this point in the school year, motivating students to learn can be difficult. We're one month into the second semester. The weather tends to be cold (although Monday was not). And the sick rumors about school shootings don't tend to get rolling until April.

But as I watched this "pep rally for education," it reminded me of something I'd seen before. It was a teen version of the rallies Muscogee County grade schools have, days before the spring CRCT exams. You know, where third-graders chant slogans about how well they'll do - and teachers offer prizes to the children who get the most sleep the night before.

Have we reached the point where students need mandatory pep rallies to pass tests and graduate from school? Well, maybe we're coming to expect it in all walks of life. Isn't that why the staff gathers at the front of Wal-Mart stores one morning a week?

(I once worked at a job where the staff had some kind of "team-building day," and everyone embroidered their own personalized railroad hats. At least the working mothers had children at home, who could appreciate them as gifts.)

The groundwork is being laid for a different sort of Smiths Station pep rally - a rivalry rally. A forum was held Monday night on building a second high school in the city. Superintendent Stephen Nowlin noted the current high school has 40 portable classrooms - and the more they can sell to Phenix City, the faster that new school will be paid in full.

BLOG UPDATE: In the "Super Monday" showdown we mentioned, my old school Kansas mauled Missouri 90-71 in men's college basketball So K.U. lost at Kansas State Wednesday, K-State lost at Missouri Saturday, then Missouri lost at Kansas on Monday. The hymn is "Will the Circle Be Unbroken...."

With our election day joke rules in effect (and somewhat limiting our topics), here's what we can talk about from Monday:

+ A group of protesters gathered outside a Columbus market, to protest the Colombian guerrilla group FARC. WRBL apparently knew about it, because its reporter showed up - but if someone had told Eve Tidwell, she could have organized a parade with a Fort Benning military band.

(The mostly-Hispanic crowd held signs reading: "No mas FARC." Ordinary Columbus residents driving by the protest probably said to themselves, "What the FARC?!")

+ Alabama State Senator Ted Little presented a $1,000 state check to planners of the "Korea-Vietnam Wall of Honor." This Phenix City wall has been discussed for years, but I've never noticed any construction underway. All someone has to do is drive to Americus and grab a truck full of bricks....

+ The Macon Telegraph reported the biodiesel plant in Plains which began construction last February isn't being opened, because soybean oil currently costs too much. It's actually cheaper to make gasoline than biodiesel fuel. Is Arab oil money buying farms across Illinois, too?

(If soybean oil prices stay high, Alterra Energy might rework the plant in Plains - and make fuel out of chicken fat. Now that's more like it! It seems much more Southern -- and there are enough restaurants in Columbus and Americus to provide the key ingredient for decades to come.)

+ WLTZ showed a commercial during "Oprah" for Dr. Jay Brodwyn - bragging about how well the chiropractor treats the Columbus Riverdragons. Yes, the basketball team which moved to Austin, Texas three years ago. At least the players turned their backs on Columbus as they left town.

+ Instant Message to the New England Patriots: Congratulations on winning the Super Bowl, and finishing undefeated! I mean, you MUST have won it. All those news reports claim the Giants won - but we all know how the New York news media twist and distort the truth, never getting the story right....

SCHEDULED WEDNESDAY: How Super WAS it?....

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 1133 (+ 29, 2.6%)

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

Sunday, February 03, 2008

for 4 FEB 08: THE SUPER-STRETCH

As we post this, Super Sunday is as good as over. Super Tuesday is just ahead. Which means, of course, this post is for Super Monday -- and I invite you to join me in rooting for Kansas to maul Missouri in "rivalry week" college basketball tonight.

So has anyone called you about Super Tuesday, and how you'll vote? No one has called me - unless you count a computerized research survey which phoned my home Saturday afternoon. Because it was my Sabbath, I hung up on it. But I admit I'm having second thoughts about a free cruise I hung up on a few days ago....

The Super Tuesday campaigning clearly is revealing the great Columbus divide. Have you noticed almost all the campaign signs north of Manchester Expressway are for Republicans, while the downtown campaign offices and signs back Democrats? This isn't simply redlining - it's red-and-blue-lining.

The biggest-name Republican to appear in Columbus before Super Tuesday is former Presidential candidate Phil Gramm. The Columbus native spoke over the weekend in behalf of John McCain - but he notably did NOT return to Wynnton Elementary School, where he announced his White House bid in the 1990's. If he doesn't have a historic marker on the grounds by now....

Both Georgia Senators Saxby Chambliss and Johnny Isakson have come out in favor of John McCain. But McCain's handlers were very careful, when he appeared in Georgia over the weekend - and did NOT have in stop for lunch at a Zaxby's.

As for the Democrats, Virginia Governor Tim Kaine made a weekend trip to Columbus to support Barack Obama. I honestly thought Kaine would back Bill Clinton's wife - because isn't Virginia for lovers?

It's our policy here NOT to have campaign posts on election days. So instead, we use this Super Monday to see how knowledgeable you are about Super Tuesday. Ready for our pop quiz? Good, because here we go....

1. Which candidate for President is a former Governor of Arkansas? And which candidate has failed to contrast her years of experience as Arkansas First Lady?

2. Which candidate makes himself look more Southern, by seeming to have one of his cheeks puckered in at almost all times?

3. Which candidate missed a golden opportunity to campaign at Fort Benning - because it has plenty of barracks?

4. Name the candidate who should have the most endorsements from local baseball players - especially catchers.

5. Which candidate made the fatal mistake of campaigning in Sumter County - which didn't work for Howard Dean in 2004, either?

6. Name the candidate who once was dubbed "America's Mayor" - but found people don't want him to become America's President.

7. Which powerful local political couple is endorsing two different candidates on Super Tuesday? Does the loser have to do all the cooking for the next four years?

8. Name the presidential candidate who is a former Baptist minister. Explain why he failed to attend last week's Baptist unity meeting with Jimmy Carter.

9. Name the Hollywood star who made a campaign trip to Columbus - and apparently never bothered to plug any of her movie DVD's.

10. Which Republican candidate's supporters claimed a TV web site's poll was biased, by leaving their choice out? Does that candidate's failure to come close to first place in any state prove there's a vast media conspiracy - or that people simply don't like the guy?

BLOG UPDATE: A couple of readers set us straight Sunday on the Sears Woods party controversy. Police arrested 18-year-old Darrion Douglas on the last weekend of January, after at least 400 people left some kind of activity on Benfield Court. If that many people are going to cheer for Miss Georgia at the Miss America pageant, you should rent a meeting room for it.

E-MAIL UPDATE: This message is somewhat related to that last item....

If you had a teenager at Peachbowl Lanes for an extreme bowling 10pm till 1 am birthday party like I did you discovered all the argument you needed as to why you don't need to be there. Even though the particular inside event was properly chaperoned the outside event involving 8 squad cars, a person held on the ground by police. Why is the REAL NEWS never in the paper?

Now there's an open-ended question. Some would say the birthday party is the "real news," because the Ledger-Enquirer only emphasizes the negative stuff. Those are the people who send e-mails over and over again, asking the media to mention Denzel Washington's visit to an army hospital four years ago.

But on the other hand, some would say the "real news" is the gathering of eight police cars outside Peach Bowl Lanes. All we need is that one-percent public safety sales tax, and they could start a league by next fall.

Another e-mail actually was sent before WRBL's special report on the "Hurtsboro Headache" - and wouldn't you know, it comes from the man some say is a walking headache unto himself:

Sir Richard:

You truly amaze me! Some of the info. you obtain is highly classified! How do you do it? On the other hand; even you run up against a stone wall now and then. So, here's a helping hand.

The Union Springs Herald printed an item on pages .#1/09 of their 8/15/07 issue. FORMER OFFICER MAY BE REHIRED It seems I was in error about Fuseal "Jake" Turner being discharged. Both the Chief and Councilman Anderson were so impressed with his ticket writing prowess that they advised him to resign rather than accept a suspension when he got into trouble. The reason - he would be eligble for remployment after a short absence. The "HERALD" couldn't get any information when he left, ony that "He resigned." But, when Anderson put Turner up for reemployment - the truth came out.

It seems that Turner was captured on closed circuit TV using a city credit card to put gasoline in his girl friend's auto. That's a "no-no" I guess! Turner said "I' was going to use the vehicle for undercover purposes." Anderson reasoned that "other officers on the force have done worse than he did." So far saner heads have prevailed and Turner has been "shipped" to "Hurt'sboro.

Richard, Richard, Richard! If you believe anything Bob Corwin tells you - you are as gullible as the "mare' of "Hurt'sboro.

Constable R.J. Schweiger

Using city funds to help your girlfriend certainly would raise ethical questions. Look what happened to the Mayor of Detroit the other day - only he's still married....

Officials in Union Springs still haven't called us back, about last week's accusations from Constable Schweiger about former officer Turner. Union Springs has about six times the population of Hurtsboro - which could mean the officials are much better skilled at keeping indiscretions quiet.

By the way, did you see the short soundbite from R.J. Schweiger in WRBL's report? Never mind that he wasn't properly labeled a Constable - he claimed if Mayor Sandra Tarver-Yoba would simply be open and honest about Hurtsboro's problems, "I would be happy." Aw, c'mon! Our blog has a collection of around 50 e-mails to prove he still wouldn't be....

We thank all of you who write us - and now let's check what other items we noticed, before we turned off the TV to avoid another Super Bowl:

+ Which local church congregation was surprised to have grade-school singers throw beach balls at it, in the middle of a service? And the sermon said absolutely nothing about building your house on sand....

+ Gas prices made a surprise Sunday jump across Columbus, increasing six to eight cents a gallon. This simply is unfair - to do this on the day when so many people lose money on Super Bowl bets.

+ Sumter Regional Hospital in Americus announced it will help pay for a new building by selling tornado-damaged bricks from the old one. The bricks can be purchased for 25 to 100 dollars. Perhaps the higher-priced bricks are for the employees who were laid off Friday....

+ West Alabama edged Columbus State's baseball team 5-4 -- so the second-ranked Cougars begin the season by losing three games in a row. We'll see if WEAM-AM's "In the Zone" panics today, and suggests Coach Greg Appleton be fired.

COMING THIS WEEK: The story behind a mass mailing, which could reach your mailbox Tuesday....

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 1104 (- 76, 6.4%)

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

3 FEB 08: BROCK AND BREW

"It's been a great four years," East Alabama TV reporter Brock Parker told me Saturday night. But after next Friday, the reporting work will end - and in Parker's words, "I still can't believe I'm going to be working for the enemy."

No, Brock Parker hasn't been hired by WRBL or WLTZ. He's joining the staff of Auburn University - and he's a loyal graduate of the University of Alabama. "I already told them," Parker said as he held out a class ring on his right hand, "this is NOT coming off."

A farewell party for Brock Parker attracted a good crowd in downtown Columbus Saturday night -- but a fellow Alabama grad sitting next to him told me he's like a "traitor" to take a job with Auburn. I tried to comfort her, by saying Parker might be an infil-trator.

Brock Parker is joining the Auburn University communications staff. "I'll basically be over the Auburn web site," he explained - but as a loyal Alabama grad, he promises on fall weekends not to go beyond saying, "War Tide" or "Roll Eagle."

Brock Parker found out about the Auburn University opening during the fall, at a Lee-Scott Academy football game. He explained what makes it so appealing, after about 15 years in broadcast journalism. "I'll work from 7:45 to 4:45 Monday through Friday, I'll hardly ever get called in - and I'll go from two weeks of vacation to six weeks." I clearly need to attend more Lee-Scott games....

The change of schedule especially pleases Brock Parker's wife, because they have a young child at home. He won't be working nights anymore - and he can train his little girl in how to properly say "Bah-mah."

The farewell bash for Brock Parker took place at the Cannon Brewpub on Broadway. It had been five years and a day since I was inside that restaurant, attending another man's farewell from a job. Only on that Saturday night, I was the only person to show up for him. I'd like to think it was because a space shuttle disintegrated that day - and not anything personal.

"Reel beer, honest food" promises the cover of the Cannon Brewpub menu. Which led me to ask some people sitting around me: "Is there any dishonest food?"

An answer came to one woman right away: "Tofu. That's dishonest." I might have nominated the "everything bagel" - because when was the last time you saw chicken inside one of them?

We opened the Cannon Brewpub menus, and I ordered the Chicken Platter for $11.99 - grilled chicken prepared in your choice of ways, along with two side orders. But the top item on the side order list had me baffled. "What are sun spots?" I asked the server. It couldn't possibly have been what might have developed in peoples' eyes outside Saturday afternoon....

It turns out "sun spots" are baked sweet potato chips. They turned out all right - but when they were served with my teriyaki chicken and steamed broccoli, I was baffled again. A cup of what seemed to be jelly was put next to the sun spots. I dipped a few spots in it, but it didn't change the flavor much -- not to the point of an eclipse, at least.

The Cannon Brewpub's grilled chicken seemed seared in spots to the edge of burning. But the steamed broccoli was done very well, in a bowl with melted cheese which was white instead of yellow. It was a great taste combination -- and if Ruby Tuesday's staff is reading this: the cheese cost me absolutely nothing extra.

A couple sitting near me decided to share a pizza for dinner - and the Cannon Brewpub served it on a stand eight inches above the table. The purpose for this stand seemed obvious to me. But the couple decided against being romantic enough to stuff each other's mouths with slices.

But let's face it, the Cannon Brewpub is known for beer more than food. "You can tell the New England Patriots fans," I told a woman next to me, "because they're bringing out the Brew-schi."

The local beer creations at the Cannon Brewpub range from "City Mills Wheat" to "Red Jacket Ale." Here's hoping that was NOT awarded to last year's Jordan High School champion basketball team....

One woman couldn't make up her mind about which beer to order. But that's OK, because the Cannon Brewpub offers a "beer sampler" - with seven shot glasses of their beers, including a non-alcoholic root beer. The woman liked several of them. But after sampling them all, she admitted: "Now they all taste the same." The staff obviously needs to serve cheese with this.

The evening at the Cannon Brewpub left me with other scattered thoughts as well:

+ The Cannon was a pioneer in the downtown Columbus renaissance, and is turning nine years old this month. It's outlasted all sorts of businesses - including Citizens Trust Bank, which closed its 11^th Street office when it moved to Macon Road. The Disco Fashions customers must have been outraged by that....

+ Two TV monitors were on as we dined. One had an ESPN channel showing assorted highlights from past Super Bowls. The other showed CNN's replay of Thursday night's Democratic presidential debate, with no captioning at all for following along. Wasn't there a basketball game on cable -- or even some channel covering New York Fashion Week?

+ A young man sitting next to me had an iPhone. I hadn't seen one in action, and was amazed at what he was able to do with a few flicks of his fingers. And talk about addicted - he barely noticed a woman rubbing the back of his neck.

+ A man near me talked about sharing a home with three or four other young men. This led someone else to exclaim: "You're living like a bunch of Mexicans!" Oh please - in college towns, this is called the buddy system.

E-MAIL UPDATE: Now for another party, that we admittedly don't completely understand....

I wonder if the parents of the young party giver in Sear's Woods will be held responsible for the mob the police broke up there last week end..Also, who is responsible for the liquor?

A search for "Sears Woods" on the Ledger-Enquirer's web site Saturday night turned up nothing on this case. And it couldn't possibly have been in Northland Neighbors - because the photos probably won't be ready for publication there until mid-March.

We have one more message, about a secret report we mentioned Friday:

Enjoy your work. See if you can find the reason no one in Columbus can know what the ratings are for the radio stations. This seems to be so selfish of someone. Keep up the good work.

If I call the Arbitron office, the staff isn't likely to give me an answer. I've read online that the company never reveals who asks for rating embargos. I'm more likely to get the numbers from a local "Deep Throat" in a parking garage.

Now let's see what else is making news on a warmer weekend....

+ Which young local man recently received a degree in nuclear engineering from Georgia Tech - and now he's working at a Publix store? Is it time to double-check that rotisserie chicken?

+ Mayor Jim Wetherington announced he'll ask Columbus Council this coming Tuesday to put the "public safety sales tax" on the July primary ballot. He again said he wants to hire 100 new officers, and put them "on the Riverwalk, downtown, in our parks...." So where are all the officers NOW? Maybe they're spending all their time guarding churches and shopping centers....

+ A weekend drive revealed downtown Columbus soon will have its own Dunkin Donuts. It will be built around 15^th and Veterans Parkway, but apparently will be combined with a Baskin-Robbins ice cream shop and an Arby's restaurant. Do you want the "Horsey Sauce" on your rocky road cone, or your Bavarian cream donut?

+ The Muscogee County School District hosted a "Reading Bowl." Students had to read dozens of books, then answer questions about them. Some of those students probably longed for Larry King to ask the questions....

+ The Army Corps of Engineers received permission to write new rules for water levels along the Chattahoochee River, from Lake Lanier to Florida. This should give Columbus a big advantage -- if they can send Fort Benning commanders to the Corps office with empty buckets.

+ The Opelika-Auburn News reported Auburn's University Village Mall was evacuated, due to some sort of electrical problem. And you wondered why so many of these malls have Radio Shack stores....

+ GPB reported Savannah moved its Saint Patrick's Day parade up to March 14. It's the first date change since 1940, and is occurring because March 17 falls during "Holy Week." Apparently the brewing of green beer with "holy water" is considered improper.

+ Brock Parker's Alabama lashed Louisiana State 81-72 in men's college basketball. The "highlight" of the game may have come when Alabama's Senario Hillman missed a 360-degree slam dunk. At that moment, something else might have hit 360 degrees - Coach Mike Gottfried's collar.

+ Emmitt Thomas was named to the Pro Football Hall of Fame. I'm going to take a guess here -- and assume it was for his years as a cornerback with the Kansas City Chiefs, and not those three games when he was Interim Head Coach of the Atlanta Falcons.

+ Instant Message to everyone who might be looking here for a Super Bowl prediction: Why? I mean, I've seen camels and gorillas on TV predicting this game - and their handlers would probably tell you the animals have a better track record.

SCHEDULED MONDAY: Our own version of a Super Tuesday preview....

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 1180 (- 154, 11.5%)

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

Friday, February 01, 2008

1 FEB 08: A HOUSE DIVIDED

At first I didn't catch the strangeness of it. A well-known local woman was on WRBL Thursday night, explaining how she was assaulted in a couple of ways by opponents of Hillary Rodham Clinton's presidential campaign. The woman said a critic threw a mop at her - which is strange enough, since machetes tend to be the alternative weapon of choice in an Army town.

Only later did I realize who was explaining the attack. The supporter of Hillary Rodham Clinton was Vivian Creighton Bishop -- the woman whose husband/Congressman is supporting Barack Obama. How much trash-talking went on in their house Thursday night, during that cable TV debate from Hollywood?

Vivian Creighton Bishop said the man who threw a mop at her was angry, because she isn't backing the African-American candidate for President. This historic Democratic primary may be revealing some interesting genetic patterns. At least in this family, love of gender matters more than skin color....

It turns out I'm a bit late to this family revelation. The Ledger-Enquirer did a story on the divided Bishop household last Sunday - nine days after the New York Times first mentioned it. Even in the Internet age, news still can travel slowly around here.

(There's a potential tiebreaker in this family - as the Bishops have an adult daughter living in suburban Atlanta. Or is she busy trying to make Cynthia McKinney the Green Party nominee?)

We checked a political web site Thursday night, and found no sign the Bishops have put any money where their split loyalties are. Their names do NOT appear in a database of presidential campaign donors -- but the data has not been updated since late October. So perhaps they started caring about the race at the same time the rest of us did....

(We couldn't resist trying other local names in the database. But "Hugley" and "Wetherington" showed no donations, either. Of course, they've been too busy raising money for other things -- like high school football billboards.)

If it seems like our area has been ignored by presidential candidates in the countdown to Super Tuesday, the campaign donor reports may explain why. The candidate receiving the most local money in recent months was John Edwards - with a combined $41,000 from Columbus and Auburn-Opelika. We hope the homeless people of New Orleans enjoy that leftover campaign money.

The online database also shows through last October, Duncan Hunter had more campaign donations from Columbus than Barack Obama. How much of Hunter's money came from members of the National Rifle Association, who went only by his name?

(The top Republicans for local donations were Fred Thompson in Columbus, and Ron Paul in Auburn-Opelika. This shows a big difference in the two metropolitan areas. Columbus likes folksy candidates, while Auburn web-heads love to go for Internet records.)

But back to that mop: Vivian Creighton Bishop's comment isn't the only complaint from the local Hillary Rodham Clinton campaign office. I'm told someone showed up at that office last week, making threats with hedge clippers. This person should put the clippers to much better use -- and look for ways to trim government spending.

These threat-making critics ought to calm down a minute and think. If Barack Obama winds up as the Democratic nominee, isn't Vivian Creighton Bishop likely to play the good Democrat and support him next fall? It's the U.S. version of that Saturday night comedy on GPB - "Keeping Up Appearances."

BLOG UPDATE: A new secret report on Columbus came out Thursday. We really wanted the secrecy to end, but our hopes were dashed. But don't jump to conclusions here - this report probably doesn't have the name of Zachary Allen anywhere in it.

The new report contained the fall radio ratings for Columbus. Arbitron surveys our area twice a year, in fall and spring. Radio stations want to be on top in some category or another, so they can charge top-dollar rates for commercial time. The low-rated stations are more likely to offer specials on herbal supplements with funny names.

But for the fourth rating period in a row, Arbitron put an "embargo" on the Columbus radio ratings. That means someone is vetoing the release of the numbers to the general public. I think we can safely remove Michael Soul from the list of suspects - because he'd want everyone to know WFXE-FM is on top again.

Arbitron doesn't have to reveal who ordered the embargo. But I'll repeat the guess I made last summer - that Archway Broadcasting is keeping the numbers secret. The managers there are good at that. Look how many days it took for us to find out WRCG had been vandalized.

So what else did we find out Thursday? Let's have a look....

+ WRBL reporter Tim Reid went to Hurtsboro "demanding answers" from city officials. But he admitted Mayor Sandra Tarver-Yoba would NOT talk on camera, and a City Council member was told by other Councilors not to talk at all. Anything you say can and will be used against you in the August election....

(Tim Reid even went to a Hurtsboro police car, and opened it! It was unlocked, with equipment inside. So much for Reid doing a follow-up story there -- assuming the officers ever get around to dusting the squad car for fingerprints.)

+ The Hogansville City Council held a second meeting in three days, and decided to fire police chief Guy Spradlin. He was accused of sending sexist and racially-derogatory text messages - so a "thumbs down" vote really is no surprise.

+ Knight Recycling of Columbus announced it will merge with Schnitzer Steel, after 100 years in business. I'll assume the managers had a magnetic attraction to each other....

+ The evening news reported Phenix City has the second-fastest growing school system in Alabama. It's growing so fast that the new "freshman academy" at Central High School will have its own gymnasium - and after the failure of that sales tax last year, that gym might double as a new grade school.

SCHEDULED THIS WEEKEND: It's party time.... both good and not-so-good....

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 1334 (+ 35, 2.7%)

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.