11 FEB 07: WORKING IN THE BACK

Sometimes we receive good suggestions for this blog - and sometimes we receive outright challenges. Take this e-mail from the other day:

Why do you not write an article in the Blog about the Illegal Aliens the Builders & Contractors are using to Build the Growth In Columbus...They are BREAKing the law, They need held accountable, Fines and exposure need placed!

You could even expose some of the places the Builders/Contractors pick up Illegals at.. Like Behind the Spectrum at Plateau dr. off Victory Drive...(Spectrum sits in front of The trailer park) Go early one morning during the week, just at break of dawn up to 9:00am and view for yourself.. very interesting it is!

How Laws are being broken and how So Many Legal Local Construction Folks are out of work because of this... do you turn you're head also,is this a joke to be made in your Blog??

People need to write, Call, Fax to D.C. and State Representatives.

Major,Major problem In Columbus Ga.

G. Waters

We wouldn't normally mention this -- but we can see right away one reason why Mr./Ms. Waters is concerned. So many illegal immigrants simply don't want to learn a proper use of the English language.

This blog examined Columbus construction and immigration last August [20-23 Aug 06]. We found the Columbus Home Builders Association has given its members guidance on staying within immigration law, with its workers and subcontractors. The only big crackdown we've heard about since then occurred at Fort Benning - so how much should the Justice Department fine the Army?

But since Mr./Ms. Waters suggested it, I got up early Friday morning and drove to the Spectrum at Victory Drive and Plateau Drive. One of the morning employees admitted to me immigrants often gather behind the store and wait for work. And with "no parking" signs in the back, they don't have to worry about being run over.

I parked my car next door at a closed loan office about 7:00 a.m., and saw the first three people show up behind Spectrum within minutes. They seemed to emerge from a mobile home park behind the back fence - and unlike some people outside Phenix City drug stores, not one of them asked me for a handout.

A man from Guatemala was in the first group of three workers. I knew enough Spanish to ask several questions, and learned he's been in the U.S. four years. But when I asked, "¿Legal o illegal?" the answer was lengthy and a bit hard for me to understand. This was where I wished Univision had bought TV-16, so I could have more advanced Spanish lessons.

The Guatemalan was joined before sunrise by a man who was picked up quickly by someone. I tried to snap a picture of the license plate, but it didn't turn out legible and I didn't write it down. Besides, what if the man was getting a ride to Columbus Technical College to take classes?

The third member of the early group was a native of Mexico. He told me he's been in the U.S. two years - legally. That's one thing I've noticed in the immigration debate: some people see a Hispanic-looking person and immediately conclude he or she MUST be an illegal immigrant. They could be from Puerto Rico - which still is a U.S. commonwealth.

The man from Mexico told me he takes whatever job he's offered - and is what I called a "Jack of all trades." No, I don't think he's really a Monterrey Jack....

The early group told me about ten to 20 people show up behind the Spectrum on Victory Drive six mornings a week, looking for work. They told me even U.S. natives show up there. So there you go -- some businesses might really be equal opportunity employers.

A pair of "workers for hire" came out from behind the Spectrum back fence shortly after sunrise. Their arrival brought another interesting surprise - because one of them revealed he actually could speak fairly good English.

That young man was looking for landscaping work. He says it's sometimes 11:00 a.m. before someone comes by to give him a job - but he says he's "paid cash" at the end of each work day. Before you call this an immigration dodge, consider this: do you deduct Social Security and Medicare, when a teenager in your neighborhood cuts your grass?

"It's raining, so there might not be work today," the young man admitted. It truly was a chilly Friday morning, with sporadic light rain and a temperature around 40 degrees. Yet people were outside, ready for work - and the person who challenged me to join them might want to consider sending a donation for cold medicine.

That young man from Mexico had been in the U.S. about six months. He talked about obtaining a visa, so he can work longer. But I know from personal experience that Visas don't always work around.... oh, I'm sorry. Enough about debit cards at Publix....

A third group of three immigrants from Mexico showed up behind Spectrum a bit later. On this chilly morning, they went inside Spectrum to buy and heat cups of chicken noodle "Instant Lunch." So at least the store is getting some business from these potential workers - even if it seems to lack in microwave oatmeal.

At 8:15 a.m. the rain came down a bit harder. Four of the seven remaining workers for hire walked under Spectrum overhangs to stay dry. The other three crowded under the open lid of a dumpster, near the back fence -- the dumpster where they threw their empty cups of Instant Lunch. If only they could read the dumpster sign which says "cardboard...."

Perhaps the young man who spoke some English was right. Perhaps no one would need these workers on a cold, rainy day. I was prepared to wait for a business truck to show up, but I decided to drive home at that point. I'd proven two things: that the e-mailer was right about where immigrant workers gather. And I was more of a weather wimp than they were.

As I think about what I saw, several conclusions come to mind. These seven or so immigrant workers aren't really that different from the "day laborers" who have gathered for years near the House of Mercy, or more recently on Cusseta Road -- people who might be homeless, and of any nationality. And if that small group on Victory Drive is "building Columbus," we need a lot more of them.

So to the e-mailer, I'd conclude we ARE open to jokes about immigration in Columbus. If you have some to send, I'll gladly Peru them -- uh, peruse them.

LAUGHLINE FLASHBACK: The late Anna Nicole Smith came up several times during the years when we wrote LaughLine for a national audience. Here's a sample of what we wrote about her....

2 Aug 02: Anne Nicole Smith comes to prime-time television this weekend, in a new "reality" series. Apparently we'll finally see how much of her is real, and how much is padded....

"E - Entertainment Television" has shamelessly borrowed from The Osbournes, for "The Anna Nicole Show." Cameras follow Anna Nicole Smith's every move day after day -- so you might be tempted to call it "Big Sister."

We've already been told one vital detail of "The Anna Nicole Show." At one point she declares: "I haven't had SEX in two years." [True/AP] Smith's photo must be posted at the front desk of every senior center in Los Angeles.

(Whaddya think - will "The Anna Nicole Show" be sponsored by the American Association of Retired Persons?)

Anna Nicole Smith's regular life may not be exciting enough for "E." We've read stories of the production staff filling her refrigerator with an energy drink, and encouraging Smith to get a sexy tattoo. It's hard to have a "sit-com" when the star does little more than sit.

The "E" channel is giving Anna Nicole Smith's show lots of publicity. In fact, the network's web site.... has an online game connected to the show - called the "Treasure Chest" game. Why do we suspect the emphasis is supposed to be on the "chest" part?

8 Aug 02: "Entertainment Tonight" showed a clip of this weekend's "Anna Nicole Show," with Anna Nicole Smith dressed as Little Bo-Peep. When we saw this tape, the first question was obvious. Little?!?!

16 Aug 02: Sunday night's episode of "The Anna Nicole Show" will show Anna Nicole Smith in a pizza-eating contest. And you thought this program was cheesy enough already....

21 Aug 02: A company in suburban Chicago has developed "Life Gems." Your loved one is cremated - then the carbon from the ashes is turned into a diamond. We suspect there's already an order waiting from Anna Nicole Smith....

22 Aug 02: A T-V movie already is in the works about the Enron scandal. It'll be called "The Crooked E".... Either this refers to the Enron corporate logo - or a cable channel owes Anna Nicole Smith a lot of money.

30 Aug 02: Sunday night's edition of "The Anna Nicole Show" finds Anna Nicole Smith in Las Vegas, with male strippers. This is one time when the strippers might provide more wholesome entertainment....

COMING MONDAY: What Target, Krystal and a box of brownies have in common.... plus it's a Hurtsboro Monday, too....

Today's entry was the result of a blog reader's tip. To offer a story tip, advertise to our readers or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

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for 10 FEB 07: PURELY VICTORIOUS

(BLOGGER'S NOTE: You may find this item humorous, serious, or a little of both - but we offer these thoughts on occasion, as we keep a seventh-day Sabbath.)

"If you want to pray with the angels, you'd better be 100-percent pure." So said a visitor to Columbus this past week - and no, he was NOT talking about the Angels who play baseball in Anaheim.

We're returning today to the Monday night lecture given at Columbus State University by Professor Shalom Paul, from Jerusalem's Hebrew University. He's a "Bible scholar," and he sometimes showed it by rattling off Scripture references from memory. He didn't even help the audience, by showing them on one of those modern overhead screens.

Have you ever dreamed of joining with the angels in prayer, as Shalom Paul mentioned? The ancient Essenes did - and they were so concerned about purity that they would bathe before their meals [6 Feb]. Nowadays, many moms and dads have trouble merely getting children to wash their hands.

But did you know not all angels are pure - that some actually sinned? Strange as it sounds, that's what the Bible says. No, they are NOT all right angels....

The New Testament apostle Peter says some angels sinned. A few pages over, Jude says they "did not keep their positions of authority." In King James Bible language, these angels had the "first estate." Sad to say, the lovers of Anna Nicole Smith soon will start fighting over a second or third one.

The angels who sinned apparently had high-ranking offices in heaven. Perhaps they were the equivalent of a Presidential cabinet, or even elected officials in our cities. So there - this sin scandal didn't start with the Mayor of San Francisco after all.

Many Christians believe the sin of the angels came from joining with an archangel named Lucifer long ago, in a revolt against God. The coup attempt did NOT succeed - perhaps because that play "Your Arm's Too Short to Box With God" hadn't come out yet.

Lucifer and the sinning angels were thrown out of God's heaven. Lucifer became Satan. The angels became his "demons." But contrary to what two local high schools suggest, there's NO Biblical evidence that they turned red or blue.

Those angels could have been pure, but they sinned. And what do you know - that makes them a lot like you and me. I can be pure, but too often I cave in to sin. I'm not even sure Ivory Soap still has a standard of "99 and 44-hundredths percent pure" anymore.

So since I'm not 100-percent pure, I need some cleaning up as well. And when it comes to sin, a physical tub bath simply won't do it. God might as well have written that country song by Sugarland - He's "looking for something more."

But the good news is that God provided us something more. In this case, it was Someone with more - a Son who lived a pure sinless life, then sacrificed that life. The apostle John wrote the Son's blood can purify us from all sins. For everything else, you might need "Spray and Wash."

So to rephrase what the professor said: if you want to pray with the angels, you'd better MAKE yourself 100-percent pure. That can start with a prayer, in fact - for God to purify you through His Son. Then God can help you walk a new course. And that course can lead to a dramatic finale, perhaps much like a British golf tournament....

COMING SUNDAY: Why some people stand outside a convenience store for hours at a time....

This blog had more than 28,000 visits in 2006, from people in Columbus and around the world. To advertise to them, offer a story tip or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

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9 FEB 07: TURN UP YOUR EARS

It's been a month since the number-one TV reporter in Talbot County left the area for South Carolina [7 Jan]. If Jade Hindmon is reading this, I'm sad to report we still have NOT been shown the inside of that renovated recreation center....

Even with Jade Hindmon's departure, there are other people who are trying to improve Talbot County. An e-mail the other day directed me to the web site of "Concerned Citizens for Responsible Government." Which leads you to wonder: if citizens wanted irresponsible government, would they really be concerned?

The Concerned Citizens for Responsible Government don't seem to update their web site that often. It's currently promoting a meeting on February 17 - but its list of recent "newspaper articles" includes letters to the Talbotton New Era from October 2005. And you wondered how slow Talbot County is....

But the C.C.R.G., to use the group's abbreviation, is not without some critics. I read one recent complaint that when the Talbot County Commission went into executive session, group members went to the door and tried to listen to the discussion. Someone really should be assigned the task of bringing playing cards, for times like this.

The complaint asked if it was legal for the C.C.R.G. to attempt to listen to closed-door meetings about personnel matters. Personally, I don't think there's a law against it - and if the Talbot County Commission finds it's talking too loudly, it can ask a high school student to play trumpet solos on the other side of the door.

(True confession: I stood at a closed door years ago as a radio reporter, and heard "private" details of a strike vote by the then-Kansas City Philharmonic. They made not only my newscast the next morning, but the newspaper. You'd think an orchestra would know when to be loud and when to be soft.)

If you really want to stay current on Talbot County topics, you should read the "community forum" section of the C.C.R.G. web site. It has lively message exchanges on everything from crime to farming. But from what I can tell, this year's cotton seeds have NOT been dug up by thieves.

We checked the C.C.R.G. Community Forum Thursday night. Some of the hot topics included....

+ Whether the Talbot County Sheriff should be replaced. Supporters of the sheriff say the crime rate currently is very low. Opponents argue the murder rate doubled last year - from one to two.

+ Building a "$20,000 website," to promote the county to potential businesses. Some people there apparently haven't heard of Myspace.

+ Moving some of the $107,000 budgeted for mowing grass, to fix county roads and bridges. This is a difficult choice - because what if the grass grows so tall that you can't see the road?

+ Whether Talbot County's workforce is a "family tree" of people related to elected officials. Maybe those officials are simply following the Columbus example of the Borens and the Hugleys.

BLOG UPDATE: I finally found out Thursday which team won the Super Bowl. Of all places, I learned Indianapolis won while watching the local Noon News -- as if a Colt should be my "Pet of the Week" or something.

But all I saw on the News at Noon was Indianapolis quarterback Peyton Manning wearing a "Super Bowl Champions" hat. So I still don't know the final score, or anything about what happened in last Sunday's game. For all I know, maybe Manning was injured during the game and replaced - and he STILL hasn't "won the big one."

Four days is the longest I've gone, without knowing which team won the Super Bowl. So if you really try, you can be ignorant about some significant things. But come to think of it, a lot of people can't name their local lawmakers -- and if you ignore the newspaper and TV news, that's pretty easy.

Let's put you "in the know" about some Thursday news headlines:

+ The Ledger-Enquirer reported the federal government could seize the old Baker Middle School building, because it's not being used for education. That's because federal money built that school years ago - so the Columbus Fire Department had better take good care of those federal grant-funded treadmills.

+ Phenix City School Superintendent Larry Dichiara held an "education summit," and said the district needs two new schools because of overcrowding. It's sad that so many scared people are abandoning Russell County teachers like this....

+ The evening news reported Columbus is now down to 17 open public safety positions. Come to think of it, we haven't received an e-mail from "IsOurCitySafe" since Jim Wetherington became Mayor - so maybe that writer was told to get to work recruiting new officers.

+ Columbus Police released surveillance tape, of someone who has robbed the Video Warehouse on Wynnton Road four times in the last four months. If that's not bad enough, he probably hasn't paid a cent in return fees.

+ The manager of Elite Tax Service in Columbus was arrested, after customers accused her of filing false returns and overcharging them. When a TV news crew tried to talk with Valerie Renfroe, she drove to a hospital and checked into an emergency room. Perhaps this is a defense strategy - to prove she's not heartless.

+ Yamaha announced its piano factory in Thomaston will close at the end of March. Hopefully it will end on a fitting note (pun) - with a classical pianist coming to play Franz Liszt's "Six Consolations."

+ Columbus State Senator Seth Harp told GPB's "Lawmakers" about two new bills legalizing Sunday alcohol sales across Georgia. Harp said he accepts one change, which would bar sales on Sundays before 12:00 noon. I can't wait to see Columbus stores advertise in Phenix City: "Get your booze one hour earlier."

+ The Georgia House voted to allow some exceptions to the state restrictions on tinted car windows. For instance, they would be allowed for private investigators. So rap stars may replace their bodyguards with a more "pro-active" approach....

+ Troy Public Radio's "Community Focus" presented guests discussing Alabama Arbor Week. It's coming up February 20-24, but a guest admitted not much is planned on February 20 because of the President's Day holiday. Huh - you can't plant trees on a holiday? It's a day OFF, not a day on?

(Well, then again maybe this approach makes sense. The Arbor Week group may be concerned people will act like George Washington on President's Day, and chop down trees.)

+ Instant Message to city officials in Plains: Did you even know you had a gang problem, before that bust in Americus? Did you know "P.G." spray-painted on buildings stood for Plains, Georgia? Or did you think someone was secretly filming a movie about Jimmy Carter?

COMING THIS WEEKEND: Talk about a contrast! We comment on angels.... and have a LaughLine Flashback on the late Anna Nicole Smith....

This blog had more than 28,000 visits in 2006, from people in Columbus and around the world. To advertise to them, offer a story tip or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

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8 FEB 07: BYPASSED BY MANY

The penny-pinching side of me tends to look for the lowest prices when I shop at most stores -- or even wait for sales before I buy. But a convenience store cashier once told me things eventually even out. I learned this lesson Wednesday, in a very strange way. It's amazing how the people with the least money can be the biggest spenders....

BLOGGER BEGGAR #1 (in 2007): I backed out of the parking space in the wrong direction. Instead of going north out of the Walgreens parking lot in Phenix City, I went south. A yellow arrow on the pavement pointed against me. A big car had to wait on me. And a man walking behind the big car wouldn't mind waiting on my error one bit.

"Do you have a dollar? Trying to get something to eat," said an older man wearing a Philadelphia 76'ers ball cap. He waved at me before he said this - and blocked my path out of the store. Either I would feed him, or Summit Hospital would.

I pointed to a nearby open parking space, parked the car a second time and got out. "Let's go in here, and I'll buy you something to eat," I said to the man. Just throwing money at problems doesn't work, you know -- and that's sort of how Democrats won the last Congressional election.

The 76'er seemed surprised that I pointed him toward Walgreens, as opposed to Church's Chicken next door. "They have food there?"

"Yes, they have food there. So we'll go inside and I'll buy you something to eat. That's good, isn't it?" I'd been practicing this sort of line for months, since some beggars seem to prefer the approach of a hilarious old Woody Allen movie - "Take the Money and Run."

"I'm not supposed to go in there," the 76'er said - but he kept walking toward the Walgreens door.

"Why can't you go in there?"

"Some folks in this store don't me in there. They think I'm stealing." By this time we were inside Walgreens - yet no employee screamed at the beggar, or pushed an alarm to interrupt the oldies music on the public address system.

The 76'er didn't know where the Walgreens food was, so I escorted him to a far wall. His first stop was the frozen food cases, but he passed by the frozen pizzas. Perhaps he realized he'd need help in heating it - and those heating pads in the medicine section simply aren't big enough.

"I want one of those cups of ice cream. Is that too much for you?" the 76'er asked. Actually, it IS too much for me. I never eat pints of Haagan-Dazs. They're too pricy, except for two groups of people. Wives of mayors who have late-night hunger pangs, like one I remembered in Kansas City years ago -- and beggars.

I didn't catch which flavor of ice cream the 76'er selected, but his desire for "something to eat" didn't stop there. "I'd like to get some cookies," he said next. Truly I could relate to this man - the classic single guy.

The cookies were on the other side of the Walgreens aisle from the ice cream. But the 76'er walked straight ahead to the end of the aisle, never looking for them. I told them to walk back the other direction -- and when he reached the right area, I said "stop." He stopped there, proving he can be a good obedient employee for somebody.

The cookie shelves at Walgreens had Chips Deluxe boxes on sale, at four for four dollars. One-pound bags of Chips Ahoy were two for three dollars, with a coupon. But the 76'er chose boxes of Chips Ahoy and Oreo cookies instead. Remember, he wanted something to eat - and never asked for an economics lesson.

"I'd like some soda," the 76'er said next - and back across the aisle, the beverages waited. But I stopped him when he pulled out a bottle of Sunny D orange drink instead of orange soda. That probably was better for his health. But at this point, I was wondering if his health already was suffering from being unable to read.

"That's it," the 76'er said - so we joined the short checkout line. No one inside Walgreens had stopped us yet, so I asked a bit more about the employees who supposedly don't want him there. The beggar said some staff members thought he was stealing merchandise. The pockets of his jacket certainly didn't look that large....

In only a moment, I checked out of Walgreens for the second time in about ten minutes. The cashier never asked a question about my return trip. Maybe she had seen the beggar before, and knew this routine. Or perhaps it was because I wore sunglasses the second time, so she didn't recognize my T-shirt and running shorts.

The beggar's four items wound up costing me $8.40. The four items I had bought minutes before cost less than half that price. There's a big lesson here for all Walgreens shoppers - read the circular before you start.

"When did you start begging for food?" I asked the 76'er as we walked out of Walgreens.

"Just today."

"Why did you start today?"

"A man let me down. He'd promised to give me work." The renovation of Broad Street in Phenix City can't start soon enough.

"Can I ask you for one more favor?" the 76'er said before we even returned to my car.

"That depends on what it is." I once bought a beggar in downtown Atlanta lunch when he asked for a quarter -- and after lunch, his request to me went up to a dollar.

"Can you give me a ride up to the Ramada Hotel?" I had driven out of my way to stop at Walgreens - so I might as well aid that seven-cent jump in gas prices, which parts of Columbus had Wednesday.

It had a been a long while since my car had a passenger, so I had to clear away the front passenger's seat. As I did, the beggar said, "Your words are making sense to me."

"What have I said?" By helping a man find food in a store, I wasn't exactly being Doctor Phil McGraw.

The 76'er never really answered the matter of what I said, but he knew what he liked. "It's been a long time since I had Chips Ahoys. You want one?" What do you know - a beggar who actually believes in "share and share alike."

"I've got cookies in the back, which I'll have when I get home."

"I really like Walgreens," the beggar responded. For someone who likes the chain so much, he certainly didn't know his way around the store.

As we drove north on U.S. 280, the 76'er explained a bit more about the Walgreens employees who don't want him inside. "Have you ever been in a convenience store, where the cashier thinks she's the boss hog?" No, I really hadn't. When you're ready with your money at the counter, it doesn't seem to matter.

"I like this road," the 76'er continued. "It's straight. It takes you straight to where you want to go." Take that, you critics of Phenix City government - the city at least got the 280 Bypass right.

"It's hotter than h**l," the beggar went on. "It's in the sixties. It feels like summer." So maybe his hat meant he really was from Philadelphia.

The beggar pointed out where the Ramada Limited hotel was - but I already knew that, having passed it many times. He also pointed out a big pothole at the driveway entrance. At this point, I reminded him I actually DO have vision - otherwise, I could not legally drive.

"A lot of folks around here, they wouldn't help me," the 76'er said as we stopped outside the Ramada Limited. But maybe the friend he was meeting there would. The beggar said there was talk of getting a job cutting grass. Those red-hot 60-degree temperatures can make it grow quickly, you know.

The 76'er was thankful for my help - and shook my hand twice as he climbed out of my car with his mid-afternoon snack. He said he liked me. I said it was because I bought food for him. He didn't exactly deny that. But I wonder if the number of people looking for handouts around that Walgreens will go up today.

That was only one of the highlights of my day Wednesday. The other occurred during breakfast - with an on-air challenge from WRCG's Robbie Watson. She wanted a clever caption for the story of the astronaut who's charged with attempted murder. The best I could do on short notice was: "LOONY ORBITER."

I called Robbie Watson and WRCG's "TalkLine" in response to her challenge - and was stunned when she said, "You are a stud!" That was an absolute first for me. And I'm so humbled by this title that.... hey, wait a minute! Isn't "stud" where horses go when they're old and retired?!

In the midst of all this action, there was a little news Wednesday as well....

+ A source close to the case told your blog several of the "To Catch a Predator" suspects arrested in Fortson last summer will enter guilty pleas next week. What are the rest going to do - claim all those cameras were using trick photography?

+ The new manager of the Dyas car dealerships in Lee County announced he'll build an "auto mall" at the new West Paces Crossing development near Auburn. He'll also change the name of the dealerships to Lynch. So "Dyas" is dying - but you'd better not say it's a victim of Lynching....

+ The evening news reported Georgia Governor Sonny Perdue has a role in the upcoming Tim Allen comedy "Wild Hogs." This makes two movie roles for the Governor in four months - so he's off to a good start toward leaving office in 2010, to become a prosecutor on "Law and Order."

+ Dozens of local high school football players made college commitments on "National Signing Day." This always leaves me disappointed -- because no one at the ceremonies signs them for the hearing-impaired.

+ Columbus State won a wild men's basketball game over Georgia College, 104-103 in double overtime. Georgia College could have won, but missed four short shots in the final seconds of the extra periods. Maybe "shorts" are out of style, in more than men's clothing.

+ Instant Message to Ryan's restaurants: Let me get this straight. Your commercials now offer "SteakHouse Classics" seven days a week?! I can remember when you WERE a steak house. Does this have something to do with the 30^th anniversary of "Roots?"

COMING SOON: An e-mail challenge to get up early in the morning....

This blog had more than 28,000 visits in 2006, from people in Columbus and around the world. To advertise to them, offer a story tip or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

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7 FEB 07: GOOD GUYS KEEP OUT

"You drive 90 miles to come here, and then they won't let you inside the courtroom," a woman muttered Tuesday in a Russell County Courthouse hallway. That wasn't the only inconvenience. The hallway didn't have a table with magazines to read, either.

Several years ago I read a church youth magazine, which suggested one way to have cheap fun was to go to the courthouse and watch criminals get arraigned. But I'm sad to report you can't do that in Russell County. Friends and relatives were barred from Circuit Court room #1 Tuesday. So you have to believe what suspects say when they walk out - or almost as scary, trust their attorneys.

Your blog went to the Russell County Courthouse Tuesday for a "Hurtsboro Special Event." Constable Robert Schweiger was scheduled for arraignment, on two municipal charges [17 Jan]. But I couldn't get a seat in court, because only defendants were allowed in the courtroom -- and I can't believe the Constable found so many of them in Hurtsboro.

The turnout was so large for arraignment day in Russell County that only defendants were let inside for the 10:00 a.m. session. The only way outsiders could watch the court hearing was by peering through a gap in the courtroom doors, or a small hole in one door. You might say it was the people's peephole.

"It's so easy to stay out of trouble," one man told me as he looked at the large crowd in the hallway. But the man's son had not. He faced his third arraignment Tuesday, this time for possessing drugs in his apartment. "Police had nothing to do with it," the father added without my prompting - thus giving away a potential defense plan.

(That father told me he did NOT plan to join his son at any more court arraignments. Perhaps your family can learn from this -- that "three strikes, you're out" can apply to more than sentencing.)

A woman was also in the hallway, apparently waiting on her daughter's arraingnment. The woman told someone nearby the daughter seemed to be "getting the 21 out of her." I've heard of the Terrible Twos, but never the Terrible 21's.

A few people waiting outside Circuit Court #1 knew who Constable Robert Schweiger was. "He's the man with white hair," said a woman from Electra Bail Bonds. I knew she worked there because she wore a T-shirt saying so -- the closest thing I'd seen in a long time to welcoming parties at the airport.

(Another woman wore a T-shirt for an agency called "Bond, James Bond, Inc." I'm not sure which is tackier - a bail bond company with that name, or Cascade Hills Church's recent series called "Bonding with James.")

"Mr. Schweiger?" I asked politely to several older men as they walked out of the courtroom. None reacted to me - leaving me to wonder if the Constable was being saved for last, so he wouldn't get to make a scene before dozens of ordinary citizens.

(Hours later, I recalled what someone in Hurtsboro had told me about Constable Schweiger - that he's hard of hearing. But I didn't want to speak too loudly in the hallway, because too many Sheriff's Deputies were in the courtroom simply waiting for action.)

At about 11:15 the arraignment session ended, announced by a lawyer leaving the courtroom. So a few attorneys were allowed inside. There are relatives, there are friends -- and then there are people who REALLY are concerned about your well-being.

(As I thought about it, maybe I could have snuck inside Circuit Court #1 after all. I wore a tie to the arraignment, and a couple of people in the hallway treated me like I was an attorney. "Dressing for success" can make people act like you're successful, even if you really aren't.)

So what happened to Robert Schweiger? I stopped one of the attorneys leaving court to ask, and happened to come across someone who had represented the Constable in the past. What a small world - and for that matter, what a small hallway in the Russell County Courthouse to find people.

Attorney Jeremy Armstrong told me Robert Schweiger's case was continued until February 28. The Constable apparently wants to represent himself, in appealing the Hurtsboro Municipal Court convictions -- but questions arose about that. I suppose one question is whether Schweiger's dogs could be called as character witnesses.

From his experience, Jeremy Armstrong describes R.J. Schweiger as "eccentric," and a person who tries to "shake things up." Perhaps the Constable missed his calling, and should have become a chef on the Food Network....

Jeremy Armstrong told me R.J. Schweiger seems to have good intentions in Hurtsboro, but the "good old boys" don't like the way he's going about making changes. When you report a business owner to the Alabama Department of Transportation about their parking spaces, I guess that would make someone upset.

(BLOGGER'S NOTE: That U.P.S. item from Robert Schweiger finally reached us Tuesday. We'll look at what's inside on our next "Hurtsboro Monday" next week.)

E-MAIL UPDATE: Today's e-mail to the blog is entitled, "ANOTHER RADIO CONTROLED STOOGE MEETS ANOTHER LIKE HIM SELF":

it is a shame that crimes can continue in times such as these, well meaning fools contribute to the demise of that it can never understand. it destroys and mutilates that has kept it alive. Radios in human beings exist by the hands of the us military. time stands still from it's beginning to its end, it is called the presence of this one in his name that i be. Such a world of governments in allied commonality. crimes against their humanity are hid in that called impossible by the hands of their government they give their lives to. Do not harm me, I have done no injustice to man or animal but only what was forced upon life to be done.

If you can help explain this message, please contact us. We don't think it's spam, because it did NOT include a hot tip in penny stocks.

I've never met anyone who actually had a radio inside his body. But I vaguely recall seeing a man on TV who had an FM music station playing on his metal teeth. I never found out if chewing tobacco made the music change in country.

Then there's the case of Oklahoma City bomber Timothy McVeigh - who said once after his arrest that the government had stuck some kind of radio transmitter up his (ahem) derriere. If that claim was really true, I wonder why someone in Washington didn't press a button and blow him up in prison.

Now for other curiosities which passed our way Tuesday:

+ An East Alabama blog hinted some Columbus area Winn-Dixie stores may be bought out soon by - be still my heart - Kroger! To borrow from an old song: I don't care how you get here, but get here when you can.

(Meanwhile, the Opelika-Auburn News reported the Kroger store on Second Avenue in Opelika is closing. It will be replaced with a new store at the Tiger Town shopping center -- so I may never drive by the "classic Southern" stores of downtown Opelika again. You know, like Bubba's Pharmacy....)

+ On top of that, a Lee County developer announced plans to build a large new shopping center along Interstate 85 at the edge of Auburn. "West Paces Crossing" reportedly will have five department stores and more than a dozen new restaurants - and if it has a Jack-In-The-Box before Columbus does, I'm demanding an investigation.

+ Columbus Council voted 9-1 to make Columbus Day a paid city holiday. Is THAT the real reason why Uptown Jam was canceled several years ago?

+ The Chattahoochee County Commission voted to give back about $300,000 which was taken from the Sheriff's Department budget last year. You know Glenn Cooper is a tough Sheriff, when he's able to outfight an entire police department....

+ The Phenix City Council voted to cut funding for historic preservation by $70,000. So Fort Mitchell will have to grow old on its own, I guess....

+ Americus Police reported a raid on "The Sports Page" bar found youths using drugs and alcohol. Officers reportedly found marijuana hiding in a pool table. Somehow, I fear they had to disinfect the cue brace -- because teens tried to smoke with it.

+ Carver jumped past Jordan 54-51, to clinch the region title in high school boys' basketball. First Carver had a big football season, and now it has a top-ten team in basketball. If it can recruit some actors for one-act plays, Columbus High REALLY will be sweating.

+ Instant Message to the contractor who boasted to WRBL about preparing for Fort Benning's growth, by building a new Shogun restaurant: How does putting it on Whittlesey Boulevard really benefit Fort Benning? Wouldn't a restaurant on Victory Drive save soldiers some gas money?

This blog had more than 28,000 visits in 2006, from people in Columbus and around the world. To advertise to them, offer a story tip or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

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6 FEB 07: I SEA DEAD SCROLLS

Our best wishes first to Jim Swilley, whom we read Monday is retiring as Pastor of North Highland Assembly of God. His successor will have tough shoes to fill - and may come in asking why the church isn't in the North Highland neighborhood anymore.

Columbus State University hosted an honors lecture Monday night, which Jim Swilley might have found interesting. A professor from Jerusalem talked about the "Dead Sea Scrolls." A good crowd turned out for this presentation - so while "drawing dead" is bad in poker, something Dead can still draw on campus.

If you're a regular blog reader (especially to our Saturday posts), you can understand why this topic interested me. The Dead Sea Scrolls are considered the most important religious discovery of the last century. Edgar Whisenhunt's book "88 Reasons Why the World Must End in 1988" apparently ranked farther down the list.

The lecturer was Professor Shalom Paul, who chairs the Bible Department at Jerusalem's Hebrew University. He also happens to be the chair of the Dead Sea Scrolls Foundation - and if you know anything about the Dead Sea, this group must be a very salty bunch.

This year marks six decades since the first seven of the Dead Sea Scrolls were found in a Middle East cave. Shalom Paul recalled the first three scrolls were sold by a Bethlehem antique shop for $100. Seven years later in 1954, they were sold for $225,000. Nowadays, they might be equal in value to Nick Saban's football contract at Alabama.

Shalom Paul described what he called a "gold in them thar hills" rush to search Middle Eastern caves, once the first Dead Sea Scrolls were found. But local residents beat archeologists to the best scrolls. Paul said archeologists could tell by the "packs of Marlboros" inside the caves. [True!]

Tens of thousands of Dead Sea Scroll fragments were recovered between 1947 and 1956, with nothing found since. The longest discovery was a 24-and-a-half foot scroll of the Biblical book of Isaiah. I'm not sure even pro basketball players could unroll that on their own.

Shalom Paul noted 90 percent of the Dead Sea Scroll fragments are in Hebrew, seven percent in Aramaic and three percent in Greek. He said this shows the people of that time were multilingual - so those of you complaining about signs in Spanish at Home Depot might want to shut up, and start learning.

Shalom Paul explained the Dead Sea Scrolls are significant because they're 2,000 years old, and show writings of scripture before the Bible as we know it was finalized. He called them books in a "pre-canonical stage." This is different from when Mario Andretti drove in the Indianapolis 500 - which was the "pre-Kanaan-ical stage."

Shalom Paul went on to say the Dead Sea Scrolls reveal the "matrix of Christianity." For instance, he said the practice of baptism has its roots in ritual bathing before meals by the ancient Essenes. But Paul took a real risk with his Columbus audience when he declared John the Baptist was "more accurately, John the Jew."

Shalom Paul calls them the "ever-alive Dead Sea Scrolls" - and his foundation makes sure of it by putting fragments of the scrolls on tour. The latest stop is Kansas City, beginning this month. But Paul said the scrolls can be displayed for only three months at a time. He didn't say why. Maybe one has a hidden restrictive covenant on it.

Shalom Paul revealed when the Dead Sea Scrolls are shown in San Diego next summer, the display for the first time will include copper scrolls currently kept in Jordan. Only a few scrolls were written on copper, and some people believe they contain hints for finding hidden treasures in the desert. Maybe THAT'S where those weapons of mass destruction from Iraq went....

It had been a long time since I attended a lecture such as this one. I learned many things from it - including a new "over-and-under" side game to play. I heard three cell phones ring during the presentation.

(BLOGGER'S NOTE: We'll have more from Shalom Paul's presentation this coming weekend.)

E-MAIL UPDATE: It's nice to have readers in high places - especially when they're the people we're writing about:

Hello Richard,

You have a great blog and I will take note of your cautions. Delta has begun to respond to fares rates as noted below. However, we must continue to monitor to see if the change in fares is permanent and reliability is there. The fares below reflect a drastic change over past fares.

Personal note: My son in the Air force reads this blog when he is deployed to the middle east to keep up with hometown news. Thanks.

Regards,

Don

Our thanks to Don Cook, whom we mentioned Sunday. Given his son's military service, I shouldn't be surprised at his involvement on the Columbus Airport Commission -- and this may give Atlantic Southeast Airlines reason to be very careful around here.

Don Cook's e-mail included an attachment from Columbus Airport Director Mark Oropeza, comparing Delta Air Line ticket prices for flights from Columbus and Atlanta. We weren't able to post it, but we'll e-mail it to anyone who asks. On average, the "price gap" is about 40 dollars. But as they say at that appliance store -- are these fares fairer?

The fare chart shows Delta had a great deal Monday for flights from Columbus to Boston. Buy tickets 21 days in advance for $258, and you'll beat the fare from Atlanta by 20 dollars. Add the cost of shuttle buses, and you might be able to use the savings for one night at a cheap Boston motel.

In contrast, the biggest price gap was for 14-day advance tickets to Philadelphia. A flight from Atlanta cost $270 Monday. From Columbus, it cost $373. As if they think "Southern heritage" supporters might go to the Liberty Bell, and attempt a coup?!

We also had a forwarded message sent our way Monday:

ALL THAT MONEY SPENT ON HIGH DEFINITION PLASMA...LCD...DSP...TO SEE RAINDROPS & PRINCE NOT PLAYING HIS GUITAR..........................STEPHEN KING ..........SKY -HIGH PYROTECHNICS INT.INC.

Blame the National Football League for this one. They should have known better than to have the singer of "Purple Rain" perform at halftime of the Super Bowl.

(Which reminds me of the best short movie review I ever read, from Eleanor Ringel of the Atlanta Journal-Constitution in 1984: "Purple Rain - down the drain.")

I was in a workplace Monday where people talked about Prince performing at the Super Bowl, about the rain in Miami, about the commercials - but no one talked about the game itself. That tells me it was boring, and I didn't miss a thing by turning it off and working on my tax return.

In fact, as I write this late Monday night, I still do NOT know which team won the Super Bowl. It's an experiment I do from time to time - to see how long I can go without learning some important bit of information. This shows if I'm overpowered by or overexposed to The Mass Media. And in this case, turning off TV newscasts after the weather works very well.

(And as long as I keep my radio on the FM religious stations and avoid their two-minute news updates, I might not learn which team won the game for years....)

Speaking of being "in the dark," let's look at other topics from Monday....

+ A construction crew broke an underground cable, knocking out power to Columbus Park Crossing for several hours. Things became SO BAD that some shop managers went to Lifeway Christian Store, to pray for the repair crew.

+ A convenience store on North Lumpkin Road was robbed - yet the videotape shown on WXTX "News at Ten" showed police officers smiling at the scene. C'mon now, the surveillance tape can't possibly be THAT funny....

+ The Columbus Better Business Bureau presented its annual "Torch Awards" for ethics in business. This year's winners include Northside Animal Hospital - where the prices had better be accurate, or the patients might bite.

+ ABC News "Nightline" visited the New York advertising agency which handles AFLAC commercials. CEO Dan Amos said business doubled in three years, with an agency which makes a big deal about being nice. It's a wonder the staff doesn't also do ads for Karo syrup....

(The female managers of this ad agency actually have written a book called "The Power of Nice," and contended to Nightline meanness in the workplace is "so last millennium." I presume these women never have been hired to do political commercials.)

+ Alabama Congressman Artur Davis announced a computer hard drive has disappeared from the Veterans Administration hospital in Birmingham. It could have information on 48,000 veterans. I think we can rule out Republicans doing this, since John Kerry isn't running for President again....

+ Instant Message to the driver of a car I saw in Phenix City, with a "BOOBAMA" license tag: I'll take three guesses....

1. You're a big Auburn fan.

2. You want Bo Callaway or Bo Jackson to be Barack Obama's running mate.

3. You have a serious problem with the American Medical Association.

SONG OF THE DAY: The evening news launched a new series Monday called "Does It Work?" It works in my brain - putting new words on the classic tune "Shall We Dance?"

Does it work?

Does the product do what the label said?

Does it work?

Or will you be so angry, you'll turn red?

Does it work?

Let's put some of these items to the test.

If they don't pass our muster, and their ads are full of bluster,

Then we'll discard them like they're jerks!

We don't want to waste our money,

So we'll see if they act funny.

Does it work? Does it work?? Does it work???

COMING WEDNESDAY: E-mail about radios.... which are inside your body....

This blog had more than 28,000 visits in 2006, from people in Columbus and around the world. To advertise to them, offer a story tip or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

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5 FEB 07: "LITTLE" BIG TOWN

Football?! You want to talk about football? I saw a touch football game Sunday afternoon at Midland Academy - but those guys probably didn't realize the N.B.A. game had been moved to WXTX.

BLOG EXCLUSIVE: I went to Midland Academy Sunday (and admittedly lost my way in the process) for Little League baseball, not football. After all, area college teams opened their new seasons over the weekend. You could tell by how sunny and warm it was, couldn't you?

Midland Academy hosted the final day of registration Sunday for Northern Little League - in the breeding ground of the 2006 Little League World Series champions. Yet surprisingly, no one was playing baseball outside the school. There was that touch football game, a few people working on soccer - and I guess it was too cool for children to go outside for parking lot street hockey.

Northern Little League President Curt Thompson told your blog registration is up more than ten percent this year, which is something he expected after last year's success. The final total may top 700 players - which may be enough to have a team for every merchant at Columbus Park Crossing.

But Curt Thompson says the growth goes beyond Northern. He told me the world championship "is having a positive impact on the city of Columbus" - meaning all leagues. For instance, Peach Little League has more children registered. So the walkers and runners around Lakebottom Park will have to watch their step even more than usual this spring.

You may have wondered if any of last year's Little League World Series title team can come back this year. Curt Thompson said two players were eligible, but neither will return. Mason Myers's family has moved to Atlanta - the closer to all those congratulatory events, I suppose.

Josh Lester could have returned to Northern Little League as well - but Curt Thompson says he's moved on to "travel ball." I think this is different from choosing basketball over baseball....

There was one big question on my mind when I went to the Northern Little League registration. Had the rules for choosing All-Stars changed in the off-season - in response to criticism by "The Courier" and others about last year's championship team being all-white? With no Rainbow/PUSH Coalition picket line outside the school, one might have assumed that....

That's where Curt Thompson told me something I hadn't realized before. The Northern All-Stars who won the world title last year were selected almost entirely by the PLAYERS - by the children, and not the grownups. If they can choose a lineup this well, I may hire them to manage a "fantasy league" for me.

Curt Thompson explained the All-Star selection process was turned over to Northern players a couple of years ago to avoid "all the politics, the negative side." But the manager and coaches were able to add one or two picks of their own. If Hollywood worked this way, maybe "Dreamgirls" would be up for Best Picture at the Oscars after all.

But Curt Thompson noted the Northern Little League had NO African-American players last year, for selecting All-Stars. He said that could change, because several African-American children were in lower-age leagues and are "moving up through the ranks." So if Muscogee County schools teach about Jackie Robinson during Black History Month....

Midland Academy was set up for more than Little League registration -- as Northern souvenirs also were on sale. Curt Thompson told me that's still going well. So if you're waiting for championship outfits to show up at Big Lots for half-price -- maybe you should try in June.

With registration finished at Northern Little League, this week is "tryout week." Everyone who signed up must go through two workouts, unless they signed up for T-ball. Those games can be the most fun to watch, you know - with children sometimes running in wrong directions, it's like watching a real-life "Simpsons" cartoon.

After the tryouts, next Monday will be the first "draft day" for the Northern Little League coaches. They'll select players for teams - and Curt Thompson admits there could be some trading along the way. As long as no child is swapped for a Stevie B's pizza party, I guess that's OK....

The Northern Little League web site is counting down to the season's opening night on March 9. That seems awfully early to me - but then, I played youth softball in the Kansas City area. Sometimes you didn't even turn on the air conditioner for the summer until June.

E-MAIL UPDATE: The hubbub in Hurtsboro seems to have eased in the last week. We've only received two e-mails from there - and of course, the Constable was a contributor:

HI-HO, Sir Richard:

Thanks for your Monday Edition! I'ts appreciated! I don't expect you to break your "routine" with this this submission but I wanted to touch on a couple of points - and fill you in on my next move.

I will be brief and to the point! In your latest BLOG [29 Jan] you questioned my lack of response to the claims that "Concerned" is making against me. Simply put - I will not dignify the vilification of my character by a anonymous author with a retort!!!

I have two questions? #1 - Why wont "Concerned" sign her name? #2 - Why doesn't the "Mayor" (notice the spelling!) speak for herself? It's PUZZELING isn't it.

Constable R.J. Schweiger....

So the "Concerned Citizen" does not want a name revealed, and R.J. Schweiger does not to respond to anonymous accusations. I think I've seen this somewhere.... yeah, in fact I saw it Sunday. Mike Matusow won "Poker Superstars III."

I thought I'd mentioned earlier why the "Concerned Citizen" wants to remain anonymous. He or she fears retaliation from Constable Schweiger - the way Schweiger supposedly retaliates against other people in Hurtsboro he doesn't like. After all, a man who "sleeps with dogs" could take them for hungry walks as well.

As for Hurtsboro Mayor Sandra Tarver - I guess I'll take part of the blame there. I have not contacted her about all of R.J. Schweiger's complaints, and she has not contacted me. Maybe she's so busy running the town that she doesn't have time to read the blog entries posted at the post office.

R.J. Schweiger sent us a second, admittedly "different" e-mail this past week -- with a recorded western song called "The Old Saddle Tramp." It's too big a file to post, but it's about a drifting cowboy with a soul that not even Satan would claim. I don't know if the Constable is singing it, wrote it, simply likes it -- or if he thinks it applies to the Hurtsboro Mayor.

(Constable Schweiger's e-mails also hinted a U.P.S. delivery was coming for me - but none had arrived as of Sunday night. Maybe the parcel service is waiting for a couple of other orders from Hurtsboro, to justify spending the gas money.)

We've received no comments from "the other side" in Hurtsboro in the past week. But then again, maybe that side is waiting for Constable R.J. Schweiger's upcoming arraignment in Russell County Court. If the town suddenly seems deserted Tuesday morning, try checking 14^th Street in Phenix City.

Now that we've handled Hurtsboro, let's check other highlights from the weekend:

+ Which business in the Bibb City area has a sign offering "free concrete rubble?" Not even New Yorkers were this tacky, after the September 11 attacks....

+ The Ledger-Enquirer had a front-page story on how Columbus gas prices tend to be higher than those in surrounding cities. That'll teach that newspaper - because the Petro station we mentioned Sunday knocked its price up a penny already.

+ The Columbus First Seventh-Day Adventist Church began a Sunday series on classes on having a "healthy lifestyle." The Adventists say should eat more fruits and vegetables, and keep meat to a minimum. Someday I need to ask them why Jesus didn't feed the 5,000 with figs and vegetarian baked beans.

+ A Clay County, Georgia teacher was suspended for shutting up a grade school student's month - with duct tape. This is what can happen when high school girls are allowing to wear duct-tape prom dresses.

+ The Atlanta Hawks beat New Jersey in overtime 101-99, on a last-second shot by Tyronn Lue. Whereupon his teammates yelled, "Lue-Hoo!"

+ Instant Message to everyone who survived the tornadoes in central Florida: I should have told you this sooner - but a man in my church congregation says everyone should leave the state. He says all of Florida should be left empty, so hurricanes and storms can ravage it. And he said this with a straight face - but for some reason NOT in one of his sermonettes.

This blog had more than 28,000 visits in 2006, from people in Columbus and around the world. To advertise to them, offer a story tip or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 4055 (- 68, 1.6%)

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© 2003-07 Richard Burkard, all rights reserved.

4 FEB 07: SHAPE UP OR.... OR....

You have to hand it to Don Cook - he's stirring things up, as chair of the Columbus Airport Commission. The airport has so few flights that a little "clear air turbulence" might be a good thing....

Don Cook persuaded operators of three other Georgia airports to write a letter of complaint to Governor Sonny Perdue. I'm not sure why they didn't e-mail his "Sonny-Do" list. But then again, I keep waiting for the Governor to give a speech listing everything on it.

Don Cook didn't mince words in an interview with WRBL. He said he's complaining to Governor Perdue because he's NOT satisfied with Atlantic Southeast Airlines. Now we're waiting to see if the Columbus Sports Council will follow his example, and write a letter complaining about the Catfish.

Don Cook says ASA's service is unreliable, with flights being delayed on a regular basis. Considering ASA only flies from Columbus to Atlanta, maybe he should call the control tower near Peachtree City and try some "lobbying" there.

Don Cook says he's tried to express his concerns about bad service to ASA and Delta Air Lines management, only to be told the managers ARE satisfied with how things are going in Columbus. Hopefully Cook understands the translation of that -- be thankful we're here, or we'll pull out like Northwest and US Airways did.

Don Cook is understandably frustrated, because ASA is the only airline serving Columbus. He says that results in higher fares, as well as a lack of concern for passengers. When the SunTrust Bank commercials look more like a professional airline than ASA, that's not a good sign....

The airport managers apparently want the Georgia Governor's help in bringing more airlines to places beyond Atlanta. But a statement from Sonny Perdue's office says there's little he can do, because airlines are privately-owned. And I doubt Korea Air Lines could be persuaded to fly from Seoul to Columbus, with connecting bus service to the Kia plant.

The Columbus Airport Commission has talked big in recent months - about meetings with new airlines for service, or developing a hotel on land near the terminal. While Don Cook isn't coming out and saying so, this letter to the Governor tells me the talks aren't going well. In fact, did anyone ask if Cook flew to Atlanta to deliver that letter personally?

But I fear if Don Cook isn't careful, his public complaining is going to turn against him. If Atlantic Southeast Airlines doesn't feel welcome in Columbus, it could decide to end service - leaving local airline passengers two choices: drive to Atlanta or Birmingham for flights, or wait for "Thunder in the Valley" pilots to show up in March.

I may have mentioned it before, but one thing the Columbus Airport sorely lacks is a connection with METRA. I know from personal experience that the bus line does NOT go to the airport, stopping at the old Wal-Mart building on Airport Thruway. It's a walk of several blocks from there to the terminal - and the city hasn't cared enough to put sidewalks on the airport side.

True confession: the difference in air fares is so high that I have yet to use Columbus Metropolitan Airport for flights. I've driven to Atlanta or taken shuttle buses there instead. But our airport IS a nice central hub for renting cars -- and a fast 12 dollars or so for downtown taxi drivers.

OVERHEARD OVER HERE: Two boys are running around the church hall, seemingly pretending to race with the toy motorcycles they held. Two adult men watch this, and one speaks for what both of them are thinking deep inside.

"Next Sunday, they race for the pole at Daytona."

Let's see what else is on our minds this weekend, other than keeping warm:

+ Auburn University trustees approved a 20 percent raise for President Ed Richardson. He's now paid $500,000 a year - but before you criticize him, remember one thing. Richardson doesn't have a shoe contract, like Tommy Tuberville does.

+ Fort Benning's newspaper "The Bayonet" reported on the post prayer breakfast. A chaplain told the audience he heard invisible voices of comfort several times, during his last tour of duty in Iraq. Well, the U.S. military "psy-ops" team has to practice on somebody....

+ Calvary Baptist Church on Old Moon Road hosted an evening of martial arts competitions, including karate and kick boxing. So what's the topic of the Sunday sermon - turning the other cheek?

+ The mayor of Macon announced he became a Muslim in December. Despite what the city web site says, he's changed his first name from Jack Ellis to Hakim. What's he thinking here - if you can't beat 'em, join 'em?

(Before you get overly concerned about the Macon Mayor converting to Islam, keep something in mind. It's been about 35 years since Lew Alcindor became Kareem Abdul-Jabbar - and Michael Jordan's jersey still sells much better.)

+ The Columbus Cottonmouths moved into first place in the Southern Professional Hockey League. Jacksonville was jolted 3-2 Saturday on "Teddy Bear Toss Night." Fans threw toy bears on the ice after the first Columbus goal was scored, for police to give to needy children. But where's the balance here? Did I miss the "Toy Colt Toss" on Friday night?

(The teddy bear toss occurred only hours after the North Columbus Wal-Mart held an electronics recycling drive. I hope no one at the hockey game got those events mixed up....)

+ Instant Message to the car with a Georgia disabled tag, which passed me on Weems Road by violating a double-yellow line: So what's your disability? Blindness, maybe? Or ADHD?

(Well, then again -- I did notice you pulled into the parking lot of an animal hospital. It must be frustrating that in 2007, veterinarians still don't have emergency rooms.)

BURKARD'S BEST BETS: Gas for $1.93 a gallon at Petro, Andrews Road and Cusseta Road.... summer sportcoats for $49.99 or less at Parisian.... and beat the crowds, by leaving the sports bars before 5:00 p.m....

SCHEDULED MONDAY: Coverage of a big sports event.... and our weekly Hurtsboro update....

This blog had more than 28,000 visits in 2006, from people in Columbus and around the world. To advertise to them, offer a story tip or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 4123 (+ 165, 4.2%)

If you mention this blog in public, please be polite enough to let me know.

© 2003-07 Richard Burkard, all rights reserved.

for 3 Feb 07: GOLD TO GO

(BLOGGER'S NOTE: You may find this item humorous, serious, or a little of both - but we offer these thoughts on occasion, as we keep a seventh-day Sabbath.)

Our new Saturday series with "voices" of famous sportscasters has some blog readers listening closely. This e-mail reached us about it this week:

I was recently (yesterday) told about your blog. I've enjoyed it so far. However, the Cosell MP3 clip broadcasting the return of Jesus Christ [27 Jan] had tears in my eyes! I'm glad I work from home or I may have been sent to rehab!

Thanks for the effort.

David Brown

Columbus, Georgia

Perhaps we should put some extra disclaimers on this series. Not only are these NOT the real sportscasters' voices - but they may spark religious discussions in an office, and be too lifelike for some people to believe.

We're also receiving suggestions about other voices to add to this series. This one comes from Ohio:

Al Michaels of "Do You Believe in Miracles!" comes to mind or maybe John Madden with the telestrator giving a lay of the land around the Mount of Olives saying "There's a big pile right here" as scrawls circles. Just don't make me listen to Don Criqui who will doubtlessly get the names wrong confusing Christ with the beast and the false prophet.

Buckblog

And here I thought it was Frank Gifford who was "Mister Mix-Up" in the broadcast booth. Many times I recall him saying something like a player going "across the 30 to the 37-yard line," when the player actually was stopped at the 32.

It's only fitting that we have a football announcer calling the second coming of Jesus Christ, on this Super Bowl Weekend. This one may never be able to call a Super Bowl -- because Eli Gold is busy with the University of Alabama on Saturdays. Does the Daytona 500 count as the next best thing?

BUT SERIOUSLY: Here's one more "public service" e-mail, for anyone who might be interested....

Hello, my name is Tonia and I am a volunteer for the National MS Society of Georgia and one of the community coordinators of the 2007 Columbus MS Walk.

The 2006 MS Walk, was the first ever walk that the National MS Society of Georgia has held in Columbus and over 53 people came together to raise funds. Not bad, considering the time we had to pull it together.

This year, we are aiming to beat that number. Our goal is $5000.00, but we are hoping to surpass that amount.

In March, we will be walking along with 1000’s of other Georgians, taking a step to beat this disease. The Columbus MS Walk, is on March 24 at Rotary Park on the Riverwalk.

Multiple Sclerosis is a chronic, unpredictable neurological disease that affects the central nervous system. The mission of the National Multiple Sclerosis Society is to end the devastating effects of MS and to help those with MS and their family. The National MS Society of Georgia provides services and programs to more than 8,500 individuals with MS, plus their family and friends affected by MS.

We are asking for your help on getting the word out about the Walk. We want the city to turn out to support us in making this one of the most successful walks in the state of Georgia ! With your help, we can do it.

For more information about the MS walk or about MS you can go to www.nationalmssociety.org/gaa or call 678-672-1000.

The page for the Columbus MS Walk is Here

With your help, we are one step closer to a cure.

Thank you

Tonia Hill

Columbus MS Walk Committee

This blog had more than 28,000 visits in 2006, from people in Columbus and around the world. To advertise to them, offer a story tip or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

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© 2003-07 Richard Burkard, all rights reserved.

2 FEB 07: KIDDIE COURT

A Russell County judge did something unusual Thursday - by holding a real court hearing at a grade school. I smell a new Saturday morning TV reality show in the making here....

Judge Michael Bellamy went to Oliver Elementary School, for the trial of a teacher accused of abusing a student. The case was heard in the school library - because a trial in the lunchroom would have been distracted by the smell of baking yeast rolls.

Judge Michael Bellamy decided to go directly to Oliver Elementary School, because several students had accused physical education teacher Odean Johnson of punching a classmate. By going to the school, he could determine if the children were telling the truth -- or trying to get a day off from class, to testify in court and get lunch at Tyler's.

WRBL reported the in-school trial took a surprising turn, when one of the three student witnesses admitted it was all a lie. One of the children apparently made up an abuse story, in hopes of getting Odean Johnson fired. For a grade-schooler to hatch a plot like this, he or she must be watching "The Office" too much.

After a morning of testimony from students, Judge Michael Bellamy decided Odean Johnson was NOT guilty of abuse. But I doubt he pounded a gavel after making this verdict - because as we all know, you're not supposed to make loud noises in a library.

When Odean Johnson was arrested on harassment charges last fall [29 Sep 06], she claimed she gave a "good-natured" punch to a student. The child who came up with this harassment story should have sold it better - by collapsing on the floor, as if he took a charge in basketball.

You may be surprised to learn Odean Johnson forgave the child who accused her of harassment. She explained it's the job of a teacher NOT to hold any grudges. OK, that's nice - but when she returns to work on Monday, I suspect the students will be counting the jumping jacks extra carefully.

But Odean Johnson's attorney was in a much less forgiving mood. Outside the courtroom - er, library room - Don Eddins said the children who made up the harassment story should receive serious discipline. Well, let's see: how close is Oliver Elementary School to Hurtsboro?

Don Eddins said many teachers live in constant fear that they'll be accused of mistreating students. I guess that's why the principal's office is the place with the five-foot-long paddles - or so the rumor goes....

Don Eddins added the acquittal of Odean Johnson is a victory for all Russell County schoolteachers. Eight faculty members were arrested during 2006. Johnson becomes the second teacher to be cleared. So now I'm wondering if some students are working with overseas terror groups. You arrest the smart people, then control the brains of the rest.

But what do you think of Judge Michael Bellamy's approach - having the trial of a teacher in a school library? This could start an interesting trend. For instance, accused illegal immigrants could be tried at El Vaquero -- and if they're convicted, at least they could enjoy one last U.S. meal.

BLOG UPDATE: National sports talk shows were yakking Thursday about an amazing comment from Alabama football coach Nick Saban. He used what some people consider a racial slur, in describing people from Louisiana. I'm only linking to it, not writing it - because I'd never even heard this slur before. At least not in "combination platter" form....

Nick Saban tried to explain he was telling a story he heard from someone else, which happened to include the "C-word." But he said it's "not language that I use or condone...." He doesn't use it - he simply repeats it?! That argument doesn't seem to work for people caught fencing stolen merchandise.

Nick Saban also argued he used the slur in remarks which were made "off the record." He should know better than to think he can use that as a "bailout" excuse. But then again, he's probably not following the federal trial of "Scooter" Libby.

Nick Saban has apologized for saying the "C-word" - so is that the end of it? Will Alabama Athletic Director Mal Moore discipline the football coach in some way? Or does this show once and for all who REALLY was put in charge with that big contract?

The news about "Nasty Nick" (as British tabloids would call him) came on the day Alabama football officially came off NCAA probation. It now has a full compliment of scholarships again - but probably will have a hard time using any in Louisiana.

Now for other items from a Thursday which was rainy, but thankfully not icy:

+ A blog reader's tip led us to WRBL's midday webcast - where it seems a blooper was NOT edited out, before it was posted. Is someone there making a second income, by selling funny videos to AOL?

+ The front page of the Ledger-Enquirer promised the premiere of its own 4:00 p.m. webcast. But I checked the web site around 5:00, and couldn't find it -- so maybe its idea of a "webcast" comes from TV news. If you tune in too late, you've missed it....

(Well, check that: the webcast WAS there at our post time. But you apparently need Quicktime on your computer to see it. And with my dial-up service, it's more like Slowtime.)

+ Officials from the National Infantry Museum told WRCG's "Talkline" construction of World War II Street at the complex is almost ready. The work crew probably was waiting for Thursday's rain, to make the road muddy enough for Jeeps to sink in properly.

+ The commander of the Third Infantry Division announced a temporary suspension of any soldiers leaving duty. Gen. Rick Lynch wrote in a Fort Stewart newspaper it's a "stop-loss stop-move" order. This is different from the dozens of U.S. Senators who are saying, "stop-period."

+ First Baptist Church held its annual "Sportsman's Dinner," with Larry Mize as the guest speaker. I'm not sure why a golfer was invited to speak at a Sportsman's Dinner -- unless he hit a lot of birdies and eagles last year.

+ Instant Message to anyone who might pay attention to what groundhogs "predict" today: If you believe in that AND what Al Gore says about global warming, you need some serious counseling.

COMING THIS WEEKEND: How I almost put a blog reader in "rehab"....

This blog had more than 28,000 visits in 2006, from people in Columbus and around the world. To advertise to them, offer a story tip or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 4312 (+ 202, 4.9%)

If you mention this blog in public, please be polite enough to let me know.

© 2003-07 Richard Burkard, all rights reserved.

1 FEB 07: WHERE DOES THE MONEY GO?

First the Muscogee County School District lost thousands of textbooks. Now it's "lost" more than nine million dollars for several hours. If this keeps up, we're going to find out the TV drama "Lost" really is set in the woods around Shaw High School.

But let's be fair: what happened Wednesday apparently was NOT the Muscogee County School District's fault. School officials say a bank error led to a delay in "direct deposit" checks for 3,961 employees. But why were some employees so anxious about this on a school day? Isn't lunch in the cafeteria nutritious enough these days?

A total of $9.6 million was missing from school district bank accounts for several hours. A bank computer error affected not only paychecks, but automatic deductions from bank accounts for things such as home mortgages. Unwritten checks like these explain why penmanship is declining in this country.

Columbus Bank & Trust handles the payroll for Muscogee County schools. C.E.O. Steve Melton took responsibility for the direct deposit delay in a TV interview - as he probably took a break from serving refreshments to the National Infantry Museum construction crew.

Steve Melton admitted a CB&T computer error occurred, in transferring money to Muscogee County School District employees. But give the bank some credit - it found the problem in only a few hours. At the Government Center, it might have taken months or years.

Steve Melton promises CB&T will cover any fees that customers might owe, because of the direct deposit problems. That's what he said on the record. I think that translates into: "The computer programmers will cover any fees...."

The direct deposit error by CB&T should have been fixed by 6:00 p.m. for all Muscogee County School District employees. So their bank accounts should have been fouled up only one day. And if you listen to teachers' unions, it's a wonder collection agents weren't waiting in the parking lot after classes.

Wednesday's foul-up provides evidence for the people who don't trust "direct deposit" programs of any sort. I first heard ministers at church warn against them in the 1980's, warning the programs were taking our country toward a dangerous "cashless society." Yet now they're part of denominations which accept payments by debit card - so do they need to repent?

Call me old-fashioned, but I heeded the ministers' warnings. I've never used "direct deposit" for any workplace paychecks. That way, the government hasn't been able to intercept my assets because they know I keep a seventh-day Sabbath. At least, that's what the warnings suggested -- but I'm still waiting for federal agents to raid Seventh-Day Adventist churches.

But SSSHHH - without the ministers knowing it, I admittedly signed up for an "automatic investment" plan. A little money was withdrawn from my checking account each month, and transferred to a mutual fund. I never went broke. The money wasn't seized. And I never was confused for someone laundering drug money.

BLOG UPDATE: Speaking of money, Columbus City Manager Isaiah Hugley announced Wednesday that one-time Finance Director Angela Cole has resigned from city government. Cole actually resigned Monday - but apparently she was allowed two days to clean out her cubicle, and sneak out of the Government Center basement with no reporters watching.

The City Manager says Angela Cole resigned voluntarily, as opposed to being fired. Maybe she was waiting for a better job offer -- maybe from an investment firm....

Angela Cole was raked over the coals by many government watchers, after the missing money from landfill fees became public knowledge last year. But she was only city Finance Director from 2004-06, and fees went uncollected before she took the job. There's an old childhood lesson here: run and hide before anyone notices something is broken.

Columbus Councilor Red McDaniel said Wednesday night Angela Cole was "in over her head" as city Finance Director. But this seems a bit hard to believe. You'd think a Finance Director would have to pass a mandatory calculus check.

Some people are saying the resignation of Angela Cole makes her "the first victim" of the landfill fee-asco. Was Mayor Bob Poydasheff's election loss THAT long ago?

E-MAIL UPDATE: We received some nice fan mail Wednesday, and this is only part of it....

What a wonderful BLOG!!! I found you accidentally when doing a search, trying desperately to figure out what happened to one of my favorite on-air personalities. I plan to visit you regularly.

Usually when I visit a BLOG I find a lot of extraneous information on issues that I can't relate to - everything you addressed was pertinent to me and my community - I didn't know you were out there! You are now on my "favorites" list.

BUT, I didn't find what I was looking for, could you please send me your "blurb" about Bear O'Brien from Rooster 106?

Thanks so much -

Denise Renn Matthews

We did that for Denise, sending an item from 22 Jan. I wonder if Bear O'Brien is at his new radio station in Montgomery this week - or if he's in Miami, rooting for Chicago to win the Super Bowl.

Since Denise brought up Columbus radio: the fall ratings for local stations were released this week. But for the second report in a row, the numbers were NOT announced to the news media. Arbitron put an "embargo" on them - which apparently means a station asked for them to remain private. You'd think WFXE "Foxie 105" would want everyone to know how they're still kicking everybody else....

By the way: if you're looking for some specific person or topic on our blog, we've found it works better to use a regular search engine. The search tool on our blog pages doesn't seem to do as well, apparently because this is an "old-style" blog model. A four-year-old blog template apparently is like still having Windows 95 as Vista comes out.

(We could upgrade to a new-model blog template - but that would mean dropping the rotating colors, which have survived two votes here to oust them. I'm surprised no one's written and accused me of being a Jeff Gordon fan.)

We're saving another nice e-mail for this weekend - and moving on now to other Wednesday topics:

+ Former Columbus Council candidate Geraldine Hollis went before a property tax review board. She denied owing the city back taxes, contending the city actually owes HER money for seizing some property after a fire. Hmmmm -- would Councilor Jerry Barnes dare propose a financial settlement with an election opponent?

+ Fort Benning admitted a wildfire developed on post, spreading smoke over downtown Columbus. The fire was contained quickly - perhaps using leftover waterboarding equipment from Iraq.

+ Valley resident Stephanie Kerry told WRBL her city needs an ordinance restricting gunfire. She said officials who want Valley to be a city should "put on the long pants" and act like it. Or if you're against the idea, at least put on a flak jacket.

(Stephanie Kerry complains her neighbors are shooting at squirrels in their backyards. But she should look on the bright side - terrorist groups probably just crossed Valley off their "to-do" list.)

+ A cross selling for six dollars at an Alabama thrift shop was traced to the Catholic Archbishop of Mobile. It was stolen from Oscar Lipscomb's car in late December - so is there any such thing as a "Super Bowl Week Miracle?"

+ Delta Air Lines canceled about 200 flights through the Atlanta Airport, because an approaching storm could bring icy conditions. That's the way to show the world you won that takeover fight with US Airways....

+ The Atlanta Business Chronicle reported an investment group wants to bring a WNBA franchise to the city. Some people are truly desperate for a winning pro basketball team....

+ Instant Message to WDAK's Scott Miller: Why are you so worried about the Columbus State mens' basketball team having "only 11 players?" Don't you remember how far Bobby Cremins took Georgia Tech years ago, by playing only six or seven?

This blog had more than 28,000 visits in 2006, from people in Columbus and around the world. To advertise to them, offer a story tip or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 4110 (+ 112, 2.8%)

If you mention this blog in public, please be polite enough to let me know.

© 2003-07 Richard Burkard, all rights reserved.