12 MAY 06: GRILL WORKS

It's estimated more than half of all U.S. families will eat out Sunday, on Mother's Day. Could any day be more revealing of a family's income level? If Mom gets a big meal at Krystal, that will be a clue....

We'll be offering our view of a couple of Mother's Day contenders over the next few days. We start with a restaurant one recent e-mailer declared the best place to eat in Columbus [2 Apr]. What makes this remarkable is that the place does NOT feature barbecue.

I've dined at the Buckhead Grill on Armour Road a few times over the years. The latest came with a group dinner a few weeks ago. The first bit of good news is that we all left unscathed -- considering The Fire House was still open down the street at the time.

Our group ate at several tables on the south side of the Buckhead Grill. Another group was dining outside on the lawn, on a comfortable spring evening. Does this mean the restaurant inspector has to check for ants crawling on the grass as well?

The area of our tables had a fireplace (not working), a very lifelike faux bird in a cage (also not working) -- and to my surprise, an overhead TV set tuned to pro basketball (working, but at least turned down). I didn't recall the TV being there on past visits. Do couples have THAT much trouble conversing these days?

(If Buckhead Grill really does attract an educated crowd, as that e-mailer suggested, you'd think that TV set would be tuned to something besides pro basketball. Switch it to C-SPAN, with captioning....)

Buckhead Grill clearly is a "take your time" restaurant. Even though it was midweek, our group had a bit of a wait before the server took our orders. Perhaps the chef wants a warning before an incoming massive attack.

The Buckhead Grill menu had a "Kansas City Sirloin" steak on it for $12.99. Being a native of Kansas City, Kansas, I could not resist. But hold on here -- back home, they're called "Kansas City Strip" steaks. Anything to avoid being lumped with The Fire House, I guess....

And on top of that, the Kansas City Sirloin was topped with mushrooms in a wine sauce. Back home, you wouldn't find this on a Kansas City steak -- unless perhaps it had a fancy French name put on it.

To be fair, the Kansas City Sirloin was tasty, well cut and tender. With a baked potato and vegetables on the side, it was a good value at $12.99. But a "side salad" cost me $2.99 extra - so Buckhead Grill DOES have a touch of Morton's of Chicago to it....

With a beverage added and an automatic 20-percent gratuity for our big group, I dined at Buckhead Grill for less than 23 dollars. Some people have a hard time partying in Atlanta's Buckhead neighborhood for that little.

A quick check at other tables found other diners in the group really liked the Chicken Marsala at Buckhead Grill. But I did NOT really tell them I was working on a blog restaurant review. This was a church group - so it's more likely to pick apart other preachers' wrong teachings.

SPAM-A-RAMA: Thursday's e-mail spam collection brought an item with the title: "WEATHER UNPRINTABLE." That's probably what some Columbus residents said, when the thunderstorms knocked down trees the other night.

Other than the storm cleanup, here's what made news Thursday:

+ Former Muscogee County School Board member Owen Ditchfield was named "Educator of the Year" at the Keep Columbus Beautiful Commission's annual luncheon. Ditchfield teaches these days at White Elementary School on Fort Benning - so he didn't go away mad, he simply went away.

+ The Columbus Delta Sigma Theta chapter promoted reading by holding "Delta Day" at the Mildred Terry Library. So which member marked Delta Day by reading to children from the bankruptcy code?

+ A funeral service was held in Americus for local civil rights leader and minister James Campbell. When a street was named in Campbell's honor in 2003, he told the Americus Times-Recorder: "As far as I'm concerned, it should have
happened a long time ago...." Don't you appreciate ministers with humility?

+ USA Today reported BellSouth has passed customers' phone records to the National Security Administration for several years. Now I know the government has a big deficit - because it's probably selling my number to telemarketers.

(Should we trust BellSouth, after learning it's handed personal phone records to the federal government? They keep offering "Fast Access DSL," but never told us about "Immediate Access NSA.")

+ WRBL presented a special 90-minute phone-in feature called "Sound Off on 3." Huh?! Didn't the Ledger-Enquirer take the name "Sound Off" first? Will the newspaper respond with an editorial saying, "Ticked Off at 3?"

+ The RiverCenter presented two performances of "Clifford the Big Red Dog." That had to annoy some University of Georgia fans - because for years, the only man worthy of that title was Vince Dooley.

+ Columbus State's softball team opened regional play at South Commons by quieting Queens College of North Carolina 8-0. The game ended after five innings due to the "mercy rule." When I was in junior high school, we called this "skunk rules" - but then, junior high school students aren't known for showing mercy.

+ Instant Message to the Georgia Republican Party: About your ad claiming "no one wanted to make tough decisions" years ago - really?! I thought Roy Barnes ran for Governor against Sonny Perdue....

COMING THIS WEEKEND: Wow, someone actually likes Mayor Poydasheff....

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11 MAY 06: THE DATING GAME

Uh-oh -- I don't mean to disappoint you with that title. This is NOT a post about me suddenly having a love life....

Our topic actually is the dates on products sold in supermarkets. WRBL revealed Wednesday night Rainbow Foods on Buena Vista Road has been selling baby formula which "expired" months ago. Perhaps the store's living up to its name - because rainbows really have no end.

The Georgia Agriculture Department inspected Rainbow Foods this week, and noticed baby formula on the shelves with a "sell by" date of February. I've heard of aged steaks and beer, but this seems a bit over the top for me....

Samantha Johnson of Columbus believes the baby formula sold by Rainbow Foods made her baby daughter sick. She admittedly didn't check the dates on the cans she bought, but later found they were three months past the expiration date. The lesson here is obvious - not all oldies are goodies.

One of the baby formula brands Samantha Johnson bought was Similac. I recall church pastors preaching against this years ago -- saying it's Simi-lar to mother's milk, but Lac-king in a lot.

The manager of Rainbow Foods says he tries to avoid selling outdated items in his store. But apparently some items are slipping through the cracks, and.... well, check that. We WISH they'd slip through the cracks, and wind up in dumpsters.

Searches for expired food in supermarkets used to be a favorite consumer topic on Atlanta TV stations. The milk could be two days out of date. The cheese could be a week out of date. And really now, does anybody ever buy those cans of lima beans?

Rainbow Foods is not the only supermarket with a dating problem. You may recall we spotted a Winn-Dixie store on South Lumpkin Road selling expired milk several months ago [8 Jan]. We have NOT been back since - so for them, it's a Loss-Dixie.

But sometimes, food items can mislead you with their labels. The Walgreens on Wynnton Road has cans of Pringles potato chips with offers to "win a camera." The giveaway ended last December -- but the imprint on the bottom of the can says the chips still are good until next November. Those are some strong preservatives....

E-MAIL UPDATE: Now back to Wednesday's numbers game on Georgia graduation exams....

+ as low as 496 in social studies. Isn't this a bit like the military allowing "precision bombs" which are four miles off target?

Isn't 496 a little arbitrary? Why not 495 or even 490? Who is to say there should be any standard? Just give them all a gold star, a certificate of participation (which someone will have to read to them) and a blue ribbon.

I'm wondering if I should take a different view of the state of our educational system and view it as thinning the pool of potential competitors in the job market.

I can see in the future employers providing remedial reading, writing and math classes to employees That's OK though. At least the graduates will feel good about themselves.

Buckblog

You make my point well, Buck - but after thinking it over, maybe I was being a little harsh. After all, being close to a hole in golf might get you a "gimme" from your opponent.

Remedial math classes in the workplace might be a good idea. It might have saved HealthSouth and Enron a whole lot of trouble....

But truth be told, some colleges have been teaching "remedial writing" for decades. My Reporting I class in journalism school was that way, as a surprised instructor spent the first three weeks giving the class review lessons in grammar. I felt a bit superior - until after graduation, when I had to write news bleary-eyed at 4:00 a.m.

(The only person I remember now from that journalism class was a seven-foot-tall guy who always sat in the back - and Paul Mokeski went on to play N.B.A. basketball for several years, instead of reporting.)

The debate about school standards continued Wednesday, with news that 85 Georgia schools and 40 Alabama schools fell short of the federal "No Child Left Behind" requirements. Things may be so bad that the children can't even read "Left Behind" books.

But Phenix City Superintendent Larry DiChiara contended it's unfair to label schools as "failures," if they fall short of the federal education standards. OK, then let's borrow from the Miss Georgia pageant - and label them the first runners-up.

Now let's check other items from Wednesday's news:

+ Severe thunderstorms moved across Columbus, with a recorded wind gust at the airport of 53 miles per hour. That was stronger than the local winds from Hurricane Ivan two years ago - and let's see some fast-talking car salesman try to top it.

(It was very dark over my home at 5:30 p.m., and WRBL noted it was a "green thunderstorm." That meant the color in the sky - not what happened to the grass when all the rain fell, or the leaves of the trees crashing onto roofs.)

+ Columbus Fire Chief Jeff Meyer told WRBL all of Georgia lacks sufficient helicopters and emergency personnel, in case a major disaster strikes. I can see it now - the first e-mail from "IsOurStateSafe."

+ Former Georgia School Superintendent Linda Schrenko pleaded guilty to two federal corruption counts, and was sentenced to eight years in prison. Schrenko was charged with diverting federal education money for personal use - and I sure hope her fellow inmates like that facelift she has.

(I'd forgotten Linda Schrenko was the first woman ever elected to a statewide office in Georgia. Now her political career is Schrenko-wrapped.)

+ Instant Message to "Mix 96.7 FM" in Auburn: Are you kidding me with that commercial? If I don't listen to your station, I "hate kittens"?! I'd have to hook a big antenna onto a kitten on a rooftop, to hear you in my neighborhood.

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10 MAY 06: THE GEORGIA 499

Tuesday was graduation day at the Teenage Parenting Center, the school for teen mothers and those expecting children. Relatives of the graduates must feel a bit awkward. Do you buy a gift for one person, or two?

(Congratulations, ladies - and remember: just because you've tapped out of TAP doesn't mean you're old enough to get drinks at the Uptown Tap.)

To graduate from a Georgia high school this year, the rules are a bit different than in the past. You might not need to score a 500 on all of the state exams in various subjects to receive a diploma. But if your child scores higher than 500 on video games instead, it might be time for a talk.

The Georgia Department of Education apparently is tired of hearing complaints from parents about seniors being denied diplomas, because they fell barely below 500 in an exit exam. Now they can apply for waivers in some cases -- which makes you wonder why Governor Perdue wanted that "65-percent" rule for education funding.

The new rules allow students to apply for a "waiver and variance" to possibly receive a diploma, if they score....

+ as low as 496 in social studies. Isn't this a bit like the military allowing "precision bombs" which are four miles off target?

+ as low as 494 in mathematics. Based on this logic, the right answer for "two times seven" could become eight.

+ as low as 493 in language arts. It took fewer than seven acts of plagiarism, to get that student novelist at Harvard in trouble.

Muscogee County school officials explained Tuesday the new waiver system is in place, if students can show "by some other means" they've learned the subject matter of a course. For instance, guys can prove they're skilled in geography if they actually read a map.

But somebody's got to ask it - why does Georgia need to blur the pass-fail line for its high school exit exams like this? I don't see the reason for it. And yes, I guess that makes me a textbook "hard-liner."

The Georgia Department of Education appears to be caving in to a group of whining parents, by allowing waivers for scores below 500. After all, the only place in NASCAR where going 499 can get you a win was that race in Talladega a couple of weeks ago.

Are we setting a wrong example for young people, by allowing them to get a diploma with a bit less than the minimum score? Not everything in life has this sort of "fudge room," you know -- well, besides driving above the speed limit on the
interstate....

Throughout my years in college, I strove for straight A's - and one semester I thought it surely had happened. But my instructor at a radio news internship gave me a B. When I asked why, he simply said: "I never give anybody A's." And critics probably called him a liberal journalist, too.

I could have run to the news media or filed a university grievance over that grade, to gain a 4.0 semester. But I accepted the decision, and lived with it. Besides, I was already IN the news media....

If it isn't clear, my point is this: without clear lines for success, don't Georgia schools risk making the boundary even fuzzier and blurrier? What if a student scoring 492 in math feels wronged? What if a baseball coach demands a waiver in the playoffs, after a close call at home plate?

The new waiver rule for Georgia exit exams is a classic case of "mercy versus justice." But part of me hopes a student who receives a diploma with a 498 score BECOMES a justice -- in case I'm dragged into court for some reason.

Let's draw a line for our discussion right here, and catch up on other items from Tuesday's news:

+ The Muscogee County Sheriff and Marshal went before a Columbus Council budget review session - and both said they need more personnel. It's starting to sound like the only place in Columbus which does NOT need more staffing is W.C. Bradley.

(City Manager Isaiah Hugley predicted the proposed fiscal 2007 budget will make personnel requests in coming years unnecessary. Others in Columbus are predicting somewhat the same thing - only based on someone else becoming mayor.)

+ A new agricultural science building was dedicated at Auburn University. It's named in part after Alabama Agriculture Commissioner Ron Sparks, who's running for reelection. Wow - Roy Moore doesn't even have this sort of clout at Christian schools.

+ Columbus High School floored Flowery Branch 3-1, and advanced to the Georgia high school boys' soccer finals. Let's see: first in boys' golf, second in girls' golf, finalist in boys' soccer, more Page One awards than any other school - you know, this "break up C.H.S." talk is starting to make sense.

+ Eufaula swept away Russell County in the Alabama high school softball playoffs. This was a complete surprise to me -- considering baseball coach Tony Rasmus was free for three days, to help the girls' team.

+ Auburn University backup quarterback Calvin Booker announced he's transferring to Georgia Tech. Somehow this doesn't seem fair. Shouldn't Georgia Tech have to give up a couple of high school signees to be named later?

+ Instant Message to the RiverCenter staff: Aren't you concerned about some customers getting confused? Thursday you're presenting "Clifford the Big Red Dog." Friday you're presenting Kathy Griffin, the big-mouthed red-headed.... naahh, I'd better stop there....

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for 9 MAY 06: BUFFONG AS IN WRONG

(BLOGGER'S NOTE: We're suspending all jokes for the day, because of the nature of today's topic -- and it's a topic which may be too sensitive for some members of the family to read.)

"I put him in his place," the woman told me about her first meeting with then-doctor Eric Buffong several years ago. But it was clear from her comments Monday that she doesn't believe Buffong is in the right place now - as in outside prison.

Your blog talked Monday to a woman who claims Eric Buffong raped her in his Talbotton Road office. "I'll call it a rape until Jesus comes," said the woman we'll call Gina (she does NOT want her real name used). It's officially sexual battery, due to one of the most controversial plea bargains Columbus has seen in years -- and Buffong pleaded no contest to it, instead of guilty.

Gina says she first went to Eric Buffong's gynecologist office "by default," because she had a dispute with another doctor over a $250 bill. She describes Buffong as being "fresh" at her first appointment - but Gina felt she had to keep seeing him because she had an "abnormal pap."

Gina became increasingly uncomfortable with Buffong, because of the way she handled her intimate parts during breast exams. She explained the doctor "manipulated it to excrete milk" -- and told her if it was possible, it was "a procedure he wanted to patent. He told a lot of lies." For instance, she now believes Buffong actually borrowed from an African procedure.

We technically cannot call him DOCTOR Eric Buffong today, because the 29-year medical veteran lost that title at the start of this year. The Georgia Board of Medical Examiners' web site shows his license was suspended in August 2004. It was not only because of a pair of arrests for sex crimes -- but an allegation of sexual battery from 1997, in North Carolina.

At the end of 2005, Buffong's medical license in Georgia "lapsed" - apparently meaning it expired, with no effort to renew it. But Gina told the blog Buffong is trying to regain a medical license in a northern state. The process there is on hold, Gina claims, pending a review of what happened in Georgia.

Eric Buffong was placed on two years' probation and barred from medical practice in April. So what is he doing now? Gina claims to know - and says he's on the road hocking the health benefits of "Tahitian noni juice," while still claiming to be a physician. He reportedly even made an appearance at a Baptist church in the Midwest.

It was clear from our conversation that Gina is watching Buffong very closely. But at this point, she has NOT filed a civil suit against him. "If I could find an attorney, I'd do it in a heartbeat," Gina says - but adds no Columbus attorney will touch her case. Apparently rape cases are exempt from insurance claims.

So with no civil suit pending, why would Gina contact this blog? She gave me several reasons:

+ She says women need to know they can go to the Board of Medical Examiners' web site (linked above) to file complaints against abusive doctors.

+ She says her story needs to be told as widely as possible. An interview with Gina appeared on WRBL last week, but she's concerned it aired too late at night for many people to watch.

+ She seems especially concerned Eric Buffong might practice medicine again someday, somewhere.

Gina has a seven-year-old child, who knows a little bit about what Eric Buffong was accused of doing. Because of that, Gina says they talk about the case only as the "capital R." She might not mind if Buffong fled to a place with a capital R - like Rwanda, instead of Russell County.

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8 MAY 06: A LIGHT DISCUSSION

Sometimes people in Columbus can find all sorts of things to fight about. The latest battleground may be light bulbs. Who should be lit? Who should not? And were too many people "lit up" at The Fire House club?

Did you hear what one parent said the other night, about possible cuts in the Columbus Parks Department budget? The parent argued a fall youth baseball season should have lights, while the Riverwalk's lights should be turned off. This parent must have never lived near Wrigley Field in Chicago.

The Parks Department faces big cuts in the proposed Columbus city budget, and officials say one way to save money is to drop fall youth baseball with night games. Playing games during the day apparently is out of the question during fall -- even though countless college football teams have done it for decades.

But it was the parent's comment of comparison which caught my attention. For one thing, it assumes nobody uses the Riverwalk after dark. Oh yes, some people do -- and they are NOT all thieves lurking behind trees and bushes.

It surprises some people when I talk about jogging on the Riverwalk after dark. In fact, for years I've done my best running at night -- without the sun in my face, without the heat of the day, without fashion critics noticing some of my T-shirts have holes in them.

My Saturday night run found several people on the Riverwalk, between South Commons and the Bull Creek bridge. The area isn't merely for exercisers, either....

+ Couples go there for romantic walks. Doing that between Staples and Sears at Columbus Park Crossing isn't quite the same.

+ Men like to fish along the riverbank well after dark. They actually believe WRBL's "Fish and Game Forecast" is accurate.

+ A small group of young men does skateboard tricks. Some day I should quiz them, to see if they've learned the words on all four sides of the Christopher Columbus statue.

But I have some news for the youth baseball parents - parts of the Riverwalk have been lacking lights for some time. A wooden bridge between South Commons and Port Columbus has none at all. Over the weekend, a little boy's blinking sneakers were all I had to go on.

We mentioned here last year that the stairway from Golden Park to the Riverwalk had no working lights [25 Mar 05]. More than a year later, they're still out. Which youth baseball league should get the medical bill, if someone trips and falls?

And at the risk of stepping on some toes, who told the parents they had to have TWO youth baseball seasons? I haven't seen a push to add a second football season - and we have an indoor football team in town through June.

There are parts of this country where young people get along just fine with only one baseball season. And it should be starting in southern Alaska any day now -- perhaps with no lights at all.

I know, I know - without a second youth season, we won't have national title-caliber baseball teams in our area. But do Riverwalk users have to be left in the dark to make this possible? Couldn't some teams be sponsored by Duracell flashlight batteries?

We'll see how this battle of light and darkness turns out - but now let's check items from the Sunday news:

+ The "Opelika-Auburn News" reported the key vote to privatize Opelika's Public Works Department came from a man who received money for his printing business from the company which took over the department. Sometimes Inc. and ink simply get too close together....

+ The Columbus Museum held a family fun day, in which people learned how to make artwork from glass. Some of those works can be multi-functional. Please make sure you clean the ashtray thoroughly, before baking a pie with it.

+ The Phenix City "Holy Rollerz" hot rod club held a cookout. Organizers say one benefit of a Christian car club is that it removes the "pressure to cuss." Yeow - my father only wanted me to say "uncle" when we wrestled.

+ The son of Columbus State University's golf coach almost won his first PGA title. Trevor Immelman bogeyed the 18^th hole at the Wachovia Championship, then lost in a playoff. At Wachovia, the second-place check probably cost Immelman three percent in interest.

+ Instant Message to Macy*s: The sign over the bargain basket said the towel cost $2.99. Your employee at the checkout insisted it really cost $4.99. Was that towel made of petroleum or something?

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7 MAY 06: FIRE EXTINGUISHER

"They changed it to The Fire House," a friend told me at church this weekend, "and it became a FIRE house, all right." Well, that's not what the attorney for the nightclub says. He'd tell you the firing occurred outside, in the parking lot.

My friend told me he used to go dancing from time to time, when the controversial club on Sidney Simons Boulevard was known as Al Who's. I didn't ask this single man who his dance partner was. Our congregation has no eligible women his age - so even touching another woman there could be a sin.

This friend went to The Fire House club one time, after Al Fleming sold it and the name changed. "I sensed things didn't feel right," he told me. I wonder what the difference was - maybe the addition of rap performers?!

This friend is convinced the Holy Spirit told him to stop visiting The Fire House, because it was dangerous. I should have asked if he consulted Fort Benning, about putting club on its off-limits list for soldiers.

The Fire House is off-limits to everyone now, after a Muscogee County judge ordered it closed late Thursday. WRBL boasted of having the "only television reporter in the courtroom" for the hearing -- yet somehow it didn't even read the newspaper before Friday morning's newscast, and it had the decision on page one.

Prosecutors say Columbus Police visited The Fire House hundreds of times over the last few years. In Columbus, this means either a place is a real trouble spot -- or community policing happens a lot more often north of Manchester Expressway.

The owners of The Fire House plan to appeal the shutdown decision. Attorney Bill Mason told WRBL the club has a staff of 14 security guards. It's too bad they're all afraid to go outside, where the gunfire takes place.

My church friend is puzzled by the last shooting outside The Fire House, which led the District Attorney to file suit. "You've got a gun inside the club," he said, "and you pull it out and wave it because your brother wasn't let in for having a false ID?!" Well, maybe it was a matter of family togetherness....

My church friend wondered where the crowds which usually gather at The Fire House would go this weekend. I've heard some club owners on Broadway are concerned about that - but as long as they stage events with muscular motorcycle riders, that shouldn't be a problem.

We should note the former "Boom Boom Room" on Cusseta Road is available again. It's reopened as the "V.S. Lounge" - which I think means they're fighting versus the Fort Benning ban.

But the Carousel Lounge in Victory Drive may have taken the lead in the race to replace The Fire House. But it was only one shooting on a Friday night, so it's early....

E-MAIL UPDATE: Back in March, we went searching on Myspace.com for web sites by Columbus residents. We found only one which seemed close to a match -- and now the person with that site has written us:

Hello there. Someone Googled my name and found your site. I read it and noticed that you mentioned my screen name and blog on Myspace.com [20 Mar]. Here's part of what you said:

(No doubt the parents would have to check their children's blogs secretly. You know how many teens have told their parents in frustration: "You're in Myspace.")

The only mention of Columbus, Georgia I found was on a blog by a married woman in Ohio named "Secciness." I don't know why she chose that name - but I think it could apply to plenty of Southeastern Conference cheerleaders....

Here's what Secciness posted relating to our city: "You don't look cool if you lived in Columbus, GA all of your life, but have ATL next to your profile pic." At least she realizes Columbus is NOT an Atlanta suburb -- or is this a subtle slap suggesting we're backwards hicks?

I chose the name "secciness" when I was 17, and in college. It kinda stuck with me ever since. I was married at 23. Not that it's any of your business, but you seem to have made it your business by assuming I am an idiot. You called yourself commenting on one of my many blogs, and you didn't even read the entire thing to get the point of what I was trying to say. For your records, here you go:

Someone thought I was really from some podunk city near Cleveland and asked if I was just claiming the largest city near me to look cool on Myspace. So I told the guy that it's bad enough that I have to claim a city I don't like living in, but to insult me even further with an assumption that I'm superficial about where I reside is just ridiculous. Therefore, I used an EXAMPLE to make myself clear. My brain randomly searched through cities and voila! Columbus, GA popped up first. I've been to Columbus, GA and I've been to Atlanta, GA. I know what the h**l I am talking about when I write my personal blogs and I am not a prejudiced woman, so I am completely apalled at your ignorant remark. And the nerve of you to link your bull***t statements to my blog is slander to my name. Boy do I wish I would have come up with another city as an example for my blog... Now I have to deal with people like you who have nothing better to do than to bad-mouth complete strangers on the world wide web.

I am asking you to unlink my screenname from your site or delete the post altogether. If not, I guess I'll have to blog you in return. Have a nice life, Richard.

And here I thought Myspace had "friends lists" - not lists of enemies.

I apologize if two jokes make Secciness feel like I'm calling her an idiot - but I must ask where I declared her an idiot in what I wrote. In fact, I noted her realization that Columbus is not an Atlanta suburb. A recent survey found most young adults probably couldn't even find Atlanta on a map.

Since I've never met Secciness, I don't really know her educational background or cultural sensitivity. So one of my lines was a guess. If guessing is slander, half the contestants on "Jeopardy" should be jailed.

Whatever Secciness has written about our original post (note I did NOT link to it), it seems to be accessible only to preferred friends of her Myspace site. I suppose I could have asked to join -- but then the marshal's office might have shown up with a summons for Internet stalking.

Someone else who apparently came upon our March entry e-mailed us, short and to the point:

You're a F**kin Retard .

Say what you will about the cable news debate shows - they haven't quite turned THIS bad yet.

For the record: we have removed the link to the Secciness section of Myspace. But if she wants to blog about us, that's OK. After all, they say negative P.R. is better than no P.R. at all - unless you're a teacher who's just been arrested....

Let's move on to something a bit less controversial - that big bash ending today at South Commons:

Hey, that site you put on your site for that Fiesta Columbus tripped me out.

I will quote it for you: "Participation in Fiesta Columbus will be your chance to experience the traditions and customs of all the Hispanics and Latinos that live and work in Columbus, GA."

That doesn't seem to me to promote all cultures. And what happened to One Columbus that "Bob" promotes? Why do they want to single out hispanics and Latinos?

I'll go when they have Irish day.

It's appearing more and more like Mayor Bob Poydasheff is losing that One Columbus - as a sizeable majority joins the Jim Wetherington campaign.

I hadn't seen the part of the web site this writer mentions - but Robin Walker with the Columbus Civic Center assured viewers of Friday's noon news that Fiesta Columbus is the city's first big "multicultural" event. Maybe she's distinguishing the Hispanics from the Latinos?!

(And all these years, I thought the Columbus International Festival in August was a big multicultural event. It was big enough to be inside the Civic Center, after all - but the only thrills came from the Polynesians throwing fire sticks.)

My Saturday night run found some evidence that Fiesta Columbus is truly multicultural. A rapper was on stage, audible from a mile away on the Riverwalk - rapping something about, "Who wants the money?" One big guy did, but he missed that million-dollar kick at the Vipers game.

By the way: Robin Walker also noted Friday Fiesta Columbus has more rides than the Greater Columbus Fair. And to be fair, at least one of them DOES have a Hispanic-sounding name -- the Yoyo.

Who else can we slap while we're here? Oh yes, we have e-mail about the "'Stack' policy:"

Hey 5' 9",

Looks like you need to adopt the height/weight intro policy some radio sports talk shows utilize for callers. Request your readers provide their height and weight. It goes a little something like this. Hey Richard, Stuckey here! 6' 2" / 200lbs. It might sell!

Craig

As they would do it on The Dan Patrick Show on WEAM-AM -- ding.

Hmmmm -- selling height and weight on the blog?! Georgia Bariatrics might be interested in sponsoring it. But then, Secciness might accuse me of being prejudiced all over again.

Let's climb out of this cesspool as carefully as possible, with other news weekend news items:

+ CB&T sent notices to thousands of customers, warning their accounts have been "flagged" for a possible security breach. Those flags had better be red, white and blue - because otherwise, a lot of veterans are going to be upset.

+ A fund-raising event in Columbus featured a crowd of people at Kinnett Stadium putting on red clown noses. If they had sat outside for five hours without sunscreen, they would have looked about the same.

+ A concert at the Phenix City Amphitheater featured the "original Drifters." It's nice to see they're learning something useful, while they beg for money outside bus stations.

+ The former winner of a national Elvis Presley imitation contest performed in Thomaston. A man who went to this show tells me women in their sixties and seventies were swooning. It felt like their temperatures' rising - feeling like they might start slipping away....

+ Instant Message to WKCN-FM: Does it really make sense to promise your "two-minute music guarantee" in the middle of a NASCAR race? The caution flags didn't come out THAT often at Richmond. And if you start a song right before a big wreck, I guarantee listeners will be upset.

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for 6 MAY 06: LOST IN TRANSLATION?

(BLOGGER'S NOTE: You may find this humorous, serious, or a little of both - but from time to time, we offer things to reflect upon as we keep the seventh-day Sabbath.)

My daily Bible study was on a completely different topic this week, when I stumbled upon an amazingly timely set of verses. It spoke to the debate over whether the national anthem should be sung in Spanish - which reminds me: are they singing the anthem at ALL at Fiesta Columbus?

The passage I found was in the last chapter of the Old Testament book of Nehemiah. It talks about "men of Judah" marrying women from other ethnic communities. Half the children wound up speaking the language of the other people, "and did not know how to speak the language of Judah." Of course, this was before Berlitz tapes....

How did Nehemiah respond to children speaking other languages? The Bible gives his answer: "I beat some of the men and pulled out their hair." Hmmmm - this makes me a bit thankful opponents of immigration reform do NOT read the Bible every day.

Nehemiah's point was that marrying outside one's culture led to wickedness and sin. But my point today involves the language part. Some fundamentalists might use this section to declare English the only acceptable language in the U.S. - right before they encourage members to become missionaries in South American jungles.

But if you try to use that Bible passage to argue for an "English-only" country, I'd have to ask some questions. Wasn't the original Bible written in TWO languages - Hebrew for the Old Testament, and Greek for the New? As my pastor points out, people who say the Bible is "Greek to me" are only half-right.

And when Jesus said some strange-sounding words to God from the cross in Matthew 27, was that wrong? One Bible says it was a "mixture of Aramaic and Hebrew" - a bit like Spanish-language sportscasts, where a baseball player hits a "jonron." [True!]

Besides that, the apostle Paul apparently was multilingual. He surprised a commander in Acts 21 by speaking Greek. So much for the idea that leaders of religious groups are backwoods know-nothings....

And I won't even get into the touchy religious issue of "speaking in tongues," mentioned in I Corinthians 14. Sometimes that comes in handy outside church, you know - for instance, when singers can't remember the words on "American Idol."

I decided during my teenage years to make Spanish my main language of study in school. I could see the population trend building way back then. I don't think it's affected me in a negative way -- unless perhaps I snack on too many tortilla chips and salsa.

. Do you realize how many countries today have more than one national language? Belgium does. Canada does. South Africa does. And in modern-day Israel, many people speak English while the "official language" is Hebrew. The better to lobby for U.S. aid, of course....

To those upset about the national anthem being sung in Spanish, or concerned by some residents speaking mostly Spanish every day, I would ask: what are you afraid of? When you flee the country to retire to cheap land in Costa Rica, you'll still need to know it a little.

But there's good news for you fearful folks. The King James Bible also mentions a future time when there will be one "pure language." Yet we should note there's no guarantee that language will be English, either....

Other Bible translations suggest that passage of Zephaniah 3 is talking about a people with pure lips. Now THAT would be a refreshing change - although it means a lot of stand-up comics will have to change their acts.

BLOG UPDATE: I couldn't make it to the National Day of Prayer event at the Phenix City Amphitheater this year, but I'm told only about 50 people showed up. When more people gather there to hear a woman yodeling country music - and they did later that afternoon -- are we really in the Bible Belt?

I'm not sure why elected officials tend to keep their distance from National Day of Prayer events. The only one I'm noticed in recent years was Peggy Martin, when she was Phenix City Mayor. Whether she has a prayer this election year against state Senator Ted Little remains to be seen....

And Columbus city officials never seem to show up at the National Day of Prayer service. It's as if the Chattahoochee River is illustrating the separation of church and state.

It didn't help that the organizers of the Phenix City service wasn't listed at the official National Day of Prayer web site. Believers may be led to attend, but I doubt any of them are psychics.

But did you notice a little of the Phenix City prayer service appeared Thursday evening, on ABC "World News Tonight?" We mention this for the local ministers who want to add that to their biography, for speaking engagements....

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5 MAY 06: ONE-TRICK PONY

A Muscogee County court heard arguments Thursday about whether The Fire House club should be closed. WRBL reported more than a dozen Columbus police officers are expected to testify - yet there was no warning to double-lock all your doors, because a crime wave might erupt.

For some people, one issue matters -- and one issue only. We've come to know one of those people, by e-mails from the address "IsOurCitySafe." When he changes his address to "GoCSUCougars," we'll know he's finally satisfied.

The public safety advocate with his two signature names has fired up the messages anew in this election year. He's sent so many lately that we're declaring today "Is Our City Safe Day" on the blog. Besides, if we marked Cinco de Mayo, some other bloggers might boycott us....

Brent Rollins (at least that's the name he's currently using) sends some messages which are hard to post here. Take this spreadsheet about the Columbus crime rate:

The statistics below represent crime reported to the Georgia Crime Information Center (GCIC) and the National Crime Information Center (NCIC). These seven crimes are known as "Part One" crimes and were chosen by the Department of Justice because they felt the frequency of their occurrence would be an indicator of the criminal "climate" in a particular area. For more specific information about these individual crimes, see Definitions . For 1998 through 2000 figures, click here.

OFFENSE 2005 2004 2003 2002 2001 Number/Cleared*....

Murder/Non-negligent manslaughter

31/32 29/23 23/20 25/17 17/15

Rape 22/17 28/16 21/19 24/20 18/17

Robbery 450/79 405/117 353/101 377/109 431/142

Aggravated Assault

498/131 457/146 469/161 432/136 441/140

Burglary 2669/505 2298/379 2201/405 1941/405 1784/312

Larceny 8763/1332 8744/1444 9522/1532 8595/1379 8337/1476

Auto Theft

1683/183 1482/253 1218/214 1022/278 865/210

TOTAL 14,116 13,443 13,807 12,416 11,891

Brent Rollins's point should be obvious. If you're going to commit a crime in Columbus and get away with it, stop at the robbery stage.

So the number of "big-time" crimes (my phrase) in Columbus is up 18.7 percent in the last four years. But how do we explain the drop in 2004? Were all the criminals afraid, because the Third Brigade was home on rotation from Iraq?

(And yeow, the number of auto thefts has almost doubled in four years. I'm leaving my high-mileage car locked up tight, to prevent jealous SUV drivers from taking it.)

The e-mail campaign from Brent Rollins apparently has brought a bit of backlash. He sent this message, which really was written by one of his supporters:

We have got to vote these people out of office. Let's stop talking about it and go to the polls and speak with our voting power.

Also,

Let's not tolerate the violation of Brent's right to freedom of speech. I know first hand of what he is going through. Every time I wrote an article about the lack of pay and the high turnover rate at the police department, I was called into the office and the first thing that Luther Miller said was, "The Mayor(Peters) called me this morning because he saw your letter in the paper."

Stay strong Brent and don't carry their water......Keep the pressure on the "Dirty Dozen"!!!!!

It is time for a change, and it starts in the voting booth.

God Bless each of you.

T.G.

Hmmmmm - who would be violating Rollins's rights, and how? If the Ledger-Enquirer refuses to print all these messages, he could try Playgrounds.

To be honest, I'd forgotten about former Columbus Police Chief Luther Miller. You certainly don't hear about him anymore? Between him and Willie Dozier, I think Fraternal Order of Police President Randy Robertson is working on his third chief now....

I get the feeling T.G. worked with the C.P.D. in years gone by. But if Chief Luther Miller was quoting then-Mayor Bobby Peters, does that mean Miller didn't bother reading the Ledger-Enquirer?

Since T.G. brought up the lack of police pay: a Fort Benning job fair Thursday revealed Albany offers officers a starting salary of $28,500. By comparison, Columbus is below $25,000 - but strangely, Albany has had all the scandals of arrested officers and fired police chiefs.

One Fort Benning sergeant at the job fair said he would have to take a pay cut, to join the Columbus Police right now. Which begs a larger question - would he get better discounts at the P/X, or as a police officer at doughnut shops?

We know Brent Rollins watches the evening news from this next message:

Do our councilors think we are stupid? Do they think that getting on television and acting like the shortage of Public Safety personnel is new to them is going to fool us? What do they take us for? Morons?

I was watching the 6 o'clock news on WTVM and I actually started laughing when councilor Davis said "why haven't we done something to increase the amount of officers on the street ?"

WHAT ! ? What do you mean you didn't know it was a problem? We have been talking about the problem of recruiting and retaining public safety personnel for years. There was even a law suit about the issue. I guess its hard to see problems when you are staring at your colon all day and worrying about padding your own pocket book. I remember when there was a study saying that Columbus Police Department was underpaid compared to other cities in the U.S. its size. When this was brought to the attention of council, the response by Nathan Suber was "if they don't like it, they can leave." But, when council finds that the city manager and his assistants aren't being paid what other city managers are being paid, then they vote themselves raises because they are too valuable to lose. Whatever! A blind, two legged dog could do their job!

Uh-oh - colon-staring is back in Columbus. Maybe the Council and beggars around 14^th Street have something in common....

As for the police officers leaving - is it possible they're the only ones in recent years who have paid serious attention to what Nathan Suber says?

But hold on here - what's with this suggestion that a blind two-legged dog become Columbus City Manager? This seems a bit unrealistic to me. For one thing, that dog would have trouble cutting ribbons at grand openings.

Brent Rollins also is becoming a conduit for other people's complaints about city government. One message had several letters, which apparently were written to the Ledger-Enquirer. Then there's this:

.i think it's a travesty that our city leaders who sit in an air-conditioned office ALL day, make triple what our police, fireman, and EMS personnel make..... I don't really give a @%&* what the leaders are making but it's disgusting that the employees who are out in the heat, rain, etc. doing their very best to keep our city safe; have to work 2 & 3 p/t jobs just to make ends meet and in some cases make MORE at the p/t job than f/t as a police officer.

Do you want someone out keeping our kids, and the streets safe after they have been awake for 24 or more hours because they worked 2 jobs ? Not only are they putting their own lives at risk, but are obviously unable to perform at 100% for the citizens.

Our current Mayor doesn't know "jack" about the police dept. nor does he care. I hope and pray that Jim Wetherington takes office soon (oh, and no doubt he will be elected) because one thing you can count on, Jim Wetherington does care about the police dept. and will make sure that HIS officers are taken care of, and paid accordingly.

I wonder what would happen if the CPD went on strike ? Would the leaders come off their pedestals and out of the a/c to patrol the streets day and night ? I think not !

Kimberly Rowe

Registered Voter.

Two or three part-time jobs? The evening news this week found a Columbus police officer who works FOUR of them. If it's Tuesday, he must be bouncing....

While I appreciate the efforts of law officers, this letter begs for a question to be asked. Do officers really HAVE to work part-time jobs, to make ends meet? I've never earned a paycheck much higher than entry-level officers, and one full-time job has been sufficient for me. They're called "value menus," and they taste good.

(Of course, that's easy for me to say. Some of these officers are married and have children. But consider this: City Manager Isaiah Hugley's wife has two jobs as well -- and one of them requires regular commutes to Atlanta.)

If the Columbus Police Department went on strike, I doubt city officials would do that much patrolling. They don't have to do that - now that the 48^th Brigade of the National Guard is returning home from Iraq.

Police Chief Rick_ (fill in the blank if you wish) Boren suggested to Columbus Council this week that entry-level officers be paid about $32,000. But Brent Rollins sees a problem with this as well:

The idea of increasing the starting salary of new police officers is a good idea for recruiting new officers, but what about the ones who are hired and actually stay with the department?

As a private citizen, how would you feel about your company and how do you think it would affect moral if the following took place:

Person A and B are hired at the same time. During the first 7 years of employment, person A never receives any formal disciplinary action and never wrecks any of the company vehicles. Person A receives "good job" letters from his superiors and rarely misses work. Person B receives countless complaints from the companies clients, is suspended from work often due to failure to do his/her job, wrecks company vehicles, and has even been arrested. At the end of the 7 years, person A and person B are paid the exact same salary. To add insult to injury, person C is hired to be trained by person A and B and is paid the exact salary that person A and B have worked to attain in the 7 years they have been employed. Now I ask you, how long is person A going to continue to do a good job for the company when he sees the things that person B does and is still employed with the company? One of two things is going to happen. Person A is going to turn into person B or he/she is going to leave the company.

A set standard of raises needs to be implemented. At the end of the year, give the employee an evaluation. If he/she gets a good evaluation, give him/her a raise. If he/she does a poor job, don't give him/her a raise. Here is what will happen: Person A will continue to do a good job for the company so that the company will prosper. Person B will either start doing a good job, continue doing poorly and receive no raises, or be fired.

In order for a person to continue working for a company that allows the above to take place, that person must have a very strong desire to do that particular job because he/she feels as though they are contributing to society and making the world a better place or they have completely lost their mind.

Thanks,

Brent Rollins

This "hypothetical situation" about person C happens more often than Brent may realize. It's called the first round of the National Football League draft.

The evaluation approach to raises certainly makes sense. But hasn't this led to lawsuits in some city police departments, where the "B list" has claimed discrimination? It's because of the haggling that sometimes, "B" stands for blanket raises.

We're down to one last e-mail from Brent Rollins, and -- hey, stop that applauding, you supporters of Mayor Bob Poydasheff....

This last e-mail was sent specifically to our blog, after we commented on Monday's message concerning police probes of the Internet:

The agent said ABOUT 15 years....

The World Wide Web was invented by Tim Berners-Lee in 1989, with the first working system deployed in 1990, while he was working at CERN (the European Organization for Nuclear Research). He went on to found the World Wide Web Consortium , which seeks to standardize and improve World Wide Web-related things such as the HTML markup language in which web pages are written.

Tim Berners-Lee wrote the first web browser and the first web server . Tim Berners-Lee invented both the HTML markup language and the HTTP protocol used to request and transmit web pages between web servers and web browsers, in addition to coining the phrase "World Wide Web."

And skeptics say there's no value to blogging. You just received a free history lesson - and some of you might have thought a "web server" referred to an online tennis game.

OK, OK - we're "about" 15 years behind, then. But this brief history of the web is interesting for another reason. I don't see Al Gore's name anywhere in here....

It's safe to predict Brent Rollins will send many more e-mails between now and Election Day, and it's his right to do that. But after at least six messages in a week, I'm going to have to draw a line here. And I'm sure he'll understand - since police make suspected drunk drivers walk lines all the time.

After today, I'm reserving the right not to post some "IsOurCitySafe" entries. If you'd like to get on Brent Rollins's mailing list and read them all, e-mail the blog and we'll pass on your interest. After all, his "to" line suggests he sends them to 20 percent of Columbus already.

I'm taking this step because we know Brent Rollins's issue, we know what he wants done about it, and we know whom he's supporting in the race for mayor. If he suggests some potential laid-off parks department workers receive police training, that could be an exception.

So, Bob Poydasheff supporters - where are you? We're opening a door here to be a "fair and balanced" blog, and present your side in the public safety discussion. Perhaps you'll plan your strategy outside today - on the fairways, during the Chamber of Commerce golf tournament.

(The Poydasheff backers certainly need to do something. Jim Wetherington dominated two TV stations' "non-scientific polls," so I'm not even bothering to post one at this point. Even the bumper stickers on cars parked outside the Government Center are 1-0 for Wetherington.)

Now if Brent Rollins will yield back the balance of this blog, we'll check news highlights from Thursday:

+ Science instructor Chris Spraggins was named Muscogee County Teacher of the Year. But he wasn't at the annual banquet to accept the award, because he's in flight training with NASA in Houston. Suddenly that "free car for a year" prize doesn't seem so impressive.

+ The evening news showed the first traffic light in the Harris County town of Ellerslie. If they keep it to one light, no one will complain about it being out of sync during rush hour.

+ Sumter County Judge Rucker Smith was acquitted of beating his girlfriend at his home. Let's face it - prosecutors never presented any evidence that he misused his gavel....

+ An Auburn University committee held its first meeting, in the search for a new president. The way things have gone the last couple of years, I'm surprised this wasn't called an "interim committee" -- and I'll be surprised if it finds a leader before basketball coach Jeff Lebo is fired.

+ Instant Message to the driver of a white car, which I saw make a U-turn on Wynnton Road: Are you kidding - a U-turn during the NOON hour? In the middle of the block?? And you didn't even wait for "Mission Impossible 3" to come out, to use it as an excuse....

BUT SERIOUSLY: This additional e-mail reached us Thursday, and apparently is for whomever it may concern:

Smiths Station Resident Barbara Jordan's mother (made it to 89 years young) will be laid to rest on Friday in Columbus - , Strifler Hamby Funeral will hold services.

COMING THIS WEEKEND: What speaking Spanish and hair-pulling have in common.... and why I've made some people angry at "Myspace"....

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4 MAY 06: WHERE'S THE PARTY, AMIGO?

The first "Fiesta Columbus" opened in the South Commons parking lot Wednesday night - but it was clear right away that, as they love to say on TV, something is terribly wrong. All the rides and food booths WRBL showed had signs in English only.

Opening night events at Fiesta Columbus included the breaking of a giant candy-filled piñata. For those of you upset about the rallies for immigration reform, this could be a great stress release....

The opening-night activities in South Commons also featured a jalapeño pepper eating contest. If you missed this event, maybe Davis Broadcasting can stage another one for "Family Day in the Park" in June - and Church's Chicken would be the perfect sponsor.

A Wednesday evening jog on the Riverwalk found it is NOT fenced off around South Commons for Fiesta Columbus, as it was last weekend for Riverfest. Maybe that's designed to make things more authentic - with an open border at the river for
illegals.

Columbus Civic Center staff members say one thing which will make this event a "fiesta" is a strolling mariachi band. From what I recall about the Greater Columbus Fair, the rock music around the rides will make this band very tough to hear
-- even with blaring trumpets.

There's even a Chattahoochee Valley Vipers indoor football game at the Civic Center Saturday night, during Fiesta Columbus. Do you think they'll borrow an idea from the Cottonmouths, and wear green and red uniforms matching the Mexican flag?

Robin Walker with the Columbus Civic Center says Fiesta Columbus is designed to promote ALL cultures, not merely the Hispanic culture. Maybe so - but at least Riverfest was smart enough to add Kool and the Gang this year, for a "color balance."

But there was noticeably NO big crowd waiting to enter Fiesta Columbus when the gate opened Wednesday evening. Is it because the event is brand-new? Is it because critics are staying home, to protest the immigration rallies? Or are people quietly concerned about eating too many bean burritos?

The Columbus Civic Center has tried hard to promote Fiesta Columbus, even setting up a web site for it. But I understand its e-mails to the news media were four MEGABYTES big - for a one or two-page document! Talk about giving new meaning to "information overload...."

The Columbus Civic Center staff promises Fiesta Columbus will be an annual event around this time. Yeah, sure - just like the fair in the fall became a "Festival at South Commons" for a year or two.

Nobody asked me, but I think the Columbus Civic Center scheduled Fiesta Columbus for the wrong weekend. Why not hold it in mid-April, when Muscogee County schools are on spring break? Not all the teenagers are flying to Aruba for parties....

By the way - Instant Message to the East Alabama bloggers promoting a Cinco de Mayo boycott: Bill Heard Chevrolet has commercials on "Viva 1460" promoting a Cinco de Mayo sale starting Friday. Do you plan to stay away from the sale? Will you drive Fords instead - even if they may have Mexican parts inside?

In the best interests of "One Columbus," I'd better move on to other news items from Wednesday:

+ More than 100 Columbus police officers were honored at an annual awards ceremony. They all could receive a separate honor from the Fraternal Order of Police, for having the strength of character not to spit in Mayor Bob Poydasheff's face.

+ The federal government held meetings in Atlanta, about the impact of base realignment on Fort Benning. I didn't realize soldiers would have to look for housing so far away from post....

+ Inc. magazine rated the best cities in the country for small business. Auburn-Opelika is listed at #45, while Columbus is #361. This should prove it once and for all - Kroger stores matter.

+ Fayette County, Georgia high school student Paris Bennett was voted off "American Idol," finishing fifth. Music lovers enjoyed April in Paris -- but now it's May.

BURKARD'S BEST BETS: Gas for $2.71 a gallon at several stations downtown.... Walgreens 20-ounce sodas for 39 cents.... and the National Day of Prayer at 12:00 noon at the Phenix City Amphitheater, with FREE long-distance calls (if you know what I mean)....

SCHEDULED FRIDAY: A big-time e-mailer gets a day all to himself.... and he'd better make the most of it....

Your PayPal donations can build a better blog, and keep it independent-minded. To make a donation, offer a story tip or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post a reply.

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3 MAY 06: I CAN HEAR YOU BREATHE

It bubbled a little. It hissed every once in a while. And it certainly was leaking. No, I am NOT talking about my neighbors drinking beer on their front porches....

For several months my bathroom stool some kind of slow leak. The problem is in the tank area, behind the bowl area. I'd forgotten the proper name for this -- and was prepared to borrow from a TV commercial and call it a "doohicky next to the blinky thing."

The occasional air noises from the bathroom tank became annoying, and the added charges on my bill from Columbus Water Works only added to the problem. I really did NOT plan to celebrate "National Clean Water Week" this way....

I found a temporary solution to the leaky tank during the winter. I removed the cover for good, and wedged a flathead screwdriver into the old valve stem. That seemed to straighten the valve, stop the burping - and give cockroaches one less spot for roaming around.

But if I didn't wedge the screwdriver in just right, something else happened. The tank drained completely - and with no lid on it, removing the screwdriver to refill the tank made for an interesting show. Truly I was living in a "fountain city."

Realizing the screwdriver couldn't stay wedged in the bathroom tank forever, I appealed to my landlord last week for help. He had a pair of plumbers come out to check things early this week. When they back the truck through the front yard almost to the front door, you know these guys are serious.

(I'm not really sure why two plumbers came to visit, instead of one. Neither one of them even had a two-way radio or wireless phone to hold....)

The plumbers came Monday afternoon, as WXTX showed the rain-delayed NASCAR race at Talladega. I quickly learned one of them was a real red-blooded guy - as he stopped everything and hurried out of the bathroom, when I said there a wreck 20 laps from the finish.

The plumbers actually had to make two trips. Somehow they thought the problem was in the bowl part of the toilet -- the front part, not the back. But thankfully, I haven't gained THAT much weight in recent years....

The pair of plumbers brought a new valve on the second trip, and installed it inside the tank. The old valve attached to an old-fashioned plastic ball had screws which were badly rusting. I didn't dare try to unscrew them -- because my bathroom doesn't need its own fire hydrant.

The plumbers explained parts had simply rusted, so a new valve would make things run as good as new. They were correct on the first couple of flushes -- but Monday night I heard more noises from the bathroom. And no, the cockroaches were NOT rejoicing to have the lid of the toilet on again....

It turns out I have a new valve, but the same unstable tank! It isn't bubbling anymore, but now it makes some kind of air-line noise every few minutes. As of Monday night, the contractions were eight minutes apart -- and the labor officially has ended.

I'll wait for one or two water bills, to see if I'm actually still leaking water from the toilet tank. If I am, I'll ask for the plumbers to come back. If not, I may have stumbled upon a way to scare off potential burglars.

E-MAIL UPDATE: Now the latest round in a discussion which has brought this blog to a whole new level:

"+ Instant Message to WRBL's Darren Stack: OK, you made me curious [28 Apr]. Chuck stands five-foot-nine. Jon's in the lead at six-foot-one. And as for Sean - do you really think Fox News Channel would respond to a question like that?"

Tim Reid 6'5"

Chris Sweigart 6'3"

Blaine Steward 6'0"

Christopher Sweigart

News 3 On Your Side

News Reporter, WRBL-TV

I can hear the commercial now: "Watch News 3 -- we have a height advantage."

(This explains WRBL's new "Powerhouse Team" slogan. It's for the upcoming midnight basketball season.)

But hold on a minute - doesn't this list from WRBL actually go against the point Darren Stack made last week? At five-feet-nine, it's no wonder he's touchy about having a "short" nickname attached to him. Not to mention a weather guy looking up to the news guys....

In fact, I now vaguely recall Blaine Stewart making some remarks about Darren Stack's height months ago. They were together on the WRBL morning and noon news. Nowadays, Tammy Terry is the only thing preventing Tim Reid from a dramatic script slam dunk.

Another Tuesday e-mail concerned the new campaign commercial supporting Georgia's Governor:

Richard,

Perdue did have a TV ad in 2002; it featured a clip of Roy Barnes from their debate where in response to Perdue's question, "Why are children still dying in state care?" Barnes said, "Children die every day...." The ad looped that and slowed it down: "die every day, die every day."

Of course, Perdue was famous for his "King Roy the Giant Rodent" commercial, but I think that was Internet-only.

Thomas

I think you're right about the "King Rat" ad, Thomas. I don't recall the commercial about children dying every day - but since you brought it up: are Georgia children dying only every other day now?

It should be noted that the Sonny Perdue ad with Zell Miller's voice was NOT paid for by the Purdue campaign. The required fine print shows it's funded for by the Georgia Republican Party. This time, the G.O.P. actually seems to believe Governor Perdue has a chance to win.

SPAM-A-RAMA: This week's e-mail also brought a spam message with the title "JUGGLER EULOGY." All right, then....

Here lies the body

Of Juggler Joe.

He juggled lit dynamite,

And thus he did go.

(By the way, our "Burkard Bulk Mail Index" of spam e-mails topped the 10,000 mark for the first time Tuesday. Are that many companies offering little pills for improving gas mileage?)

Now for some less depressing items, from the Tuesday news:

+ Police Chief Rick (+/- "y") Boren told a Columbus Council budget hearing officers should have a starting salary of $32,000. Right now it's less than $24,000 -- but it could be worse. The officers could be in Memphis, being encouraged to walk their beats instead of driving. [True!]

(But Councilor Evelyn Turner Pugh warned it wouldn't be fair to give new police recruits a $32,000 salary, when current officers are making less. The answer to this seems simple - have the Fraternal Order of Police call new officers more often for donations.)

+ The manager of the Shogun Japanese steak house in Auburn was robbed. Police say he stepped out the back door of his restaurant for a break, and met an armed man - someone who sadly misspelled "show gun" and took it literally.

+ Phenix City officials announced H&L Metals will open a plant with about 20 workers in the Phenix Industrial Park. The company separates various kinds of metals - and unlike the people breaking into electric transformers, they're taking copper legally.

+ Two professional motorcycle drag racers visited Fort Benning. I assume they beat the Humvees in every heat....

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2 MAY 06: A DAY OFF, NOT A DAY ON?

Jimmy Johnson won Monday's rain-delayed NASCAR race at Talladega - and did you see how packed the stands were, despite the postponement? I don't think immigrants were the only ones taking a day off from work....

For the first time, Columbus actually had an immigration rally Monday. An estimated 400 people gathered outside the Civic Center - but from what I saw Monday evening, none of them were sleeping in line for the start of Wednesday's "Fiesta Columbus."

The crowd marched with signs and waved flags, along security fencing set up for Fiesta Columbus - and opponents of immigration reform thought to themselves, "If only southern Arizona was set up this way."

There was an element of election-year politics in the rally outside the Civic Center. A "Hispanic liaison" for Georgia Lieutenant Governor Mark Taylor attended - but I didn't notice any campaign signs promoting "El Grande."

Hispanic liaison William Viruet says many immigrants come to this country seeking the American dream - yet he contends government policies are "kicking them in the b**t." This doesn't seem fair, considering so many immigrants came here years ago to kick footballs and soccer balls.

Columbus Councilor and Puerto Rican native Mimi Woodson explained some immigrants have filled out the paperwork to become U.S. citizens, yet have been waiting "seven or eight years." Imagine how the new Fort Benning soldiers are going to feel, when they look for a nice place to live.

It's estimated 1,000 undocumented immigrants live in the Columbus area. If 400 attended Monday's rally, that means most of them stayed away. Were they afraid of U.S. government agents arresting and deporting them - or WHINSEC students reporting them to Latin American leaders, so their relatives would be arrested?

WRBL spotted a few counter-protesters at Monday's rally. One of them was military veteran and Puerto Rican native Moses Maldonado, who said immigrants should apply for U.S. citizenship legally. Of course, he probably has to wear his veteran's hat everywhere to avoid accusations that HE'S illegal.

It's not clear how many businesses in Columbus closed Monday because of the immigration rally. But I know a few immigrants did NOT stay away from work. For instance, the Columbus Catfish sent Miguel Sanfler of the Dominican Republic to the mound Monday night -- but then again, he WAS the losing pitcher.

And as I took a Monday evening jog on the Riverwalk downtown, I passed a crew and truck from "Outdoor Solutions." The workers looked Hispanic, and I tried to ask one about his working on the no-immigrants day. But then again, would you like total strangers coming up to you and demanding proof you're from Georgia?

Was it only coincidence or some grand design, that on the day of the immigrant walkout:

+ It was "Law Day" across the country? Well, I guess the crowd really wants the immigration laws changed....

+ AFLAC held its annual shareholders' meeting at the Columbus Museum? I'm not sure the late Elena Amos would have shown up.

+ GPB presented a documentary on the battle for the Alamo? Talk about a country that hasn't remembered....

+ The Georgia Lottery's Fantasy Five game had the first of five bonus-ball "Fiesta Nights?" They never have a "free at last" ball to mark Martin Luther King Day.

THE BIG BLOG QUESTION on "Poydasheff Court" closed Monday - and we're sorry, Mr. Mayor. In our court, the eight-member jury was unanimous. None of them say you deserve your own street. And the way things are going, the Public Safety Center could be renamed the "Wetherington Building" by Election Day.

Meanwhile, the most stunning political ad so far debuted Monday night on WXTX "News at Ten." It's for Georgia's Republican Governor Sonny Perdue - and has the voice of Democratic ex-Governor Zell Miller! They may have to build a zig-zag-shaped casket, when Miller finally leaves us....

(The ad was stunning for another reason. Sonny Perdue actually has a commercial on television! He didn't need that to win four years ago.)

So we have Andrew Young doing a commercial for Mark Taylor, and Zell Miller doing a commercial for Sonny Perdue. Did the Georgia legislature pass some secret law, requiring candidates for Governor to have puppets?

And who is left to speak for Cathy Cox? Jimmy Carter is available, I suppose - or she might try to convince people that she's related to Atlanta baseball manager Bobby Cox....

Now other bits and pieces from a potentially historic Monday:

+ A big fire erupted at the old Swift Mills on Second Avenue. The complex's current owners were pulling pinewood out of the floor, to resell it. Not even car dealers get this desperate, with their "everything must go to the bare walls" sales.

+ Russell County was placed under an outdoor burning ban, by the Alabama Department of Environmental Management. Those roaming thugs in Hurtsboro have to be upset - because one of their summer projects has to wait until November.

+ The attorney for Dr. Eric Buffong told WRBL if the gynecologist had been tried on rape charges, he would have been acquitted. So why did Mark Shelnutt agree to a plea bargain? This is like Rush Limbaugh telling Republicans to "go for it all and lose," before cutting his own deal.

CORRECTED:+ Newsweek Magazine issued new rankings of the country's top high schools. Auburn High School ranks 77th. Columbus High ranks 554th. And Russell County schools - well, lately they're just rank.

+ Instant Message to WRBL's Darren Stack: OK, you made me curious [28 Apr]. Chuck stands five-foot-nine. Jon's in the lead at six-foot-one. And as for Sean - do you really think Fox News Channel would respond to a question like that?

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1 MAY 06: MEXI-MELTDOWN

The Columbus Public Library held a "Day of the Book" event Sunday - which was also promoted as a "Dia de los Libros" in Spanish. I was there, and didn't see any protesters outside. Apparently the bilingual critics were at home waiting for the NASCAR race at Talladega.

This could be a tense week, in relations involving Hispanic-American residents. A mass "Day Without Immigrants" walkout has been called for today. I'll believe this really has reached Columbus if "Viva 1460" goes back to gospel music for a day.

A check of WHAL "Viva 1460" for more than an hour Sunday night found no mention of a Hispanic immigrant walkout. Instead, it was Spanish music as usual - and an announcement about Riverfest, about three hours after it closed. You'd think they'd know better than to perpetuate stereotypes about slowness.

The goal of today's walkout is to show the importance of immigrants in our country, and perhaps influence immigration reform legislation in Congress. Of course, members of Congress know all about walkouts. They took two weeks off for Easter, and they'll take a month off in August....

In the preparations for today's walkout, a new version of the U.S. national anthem came out - with adjusted lyrics, and in Spanish. It's upset some U.S. natives. But remember, it could have been worse - with Roseanne Barr singing it.

Former President Carter said the other night the national anthem should be sung in English at "special occasions." That's fine - but I have to ask why people are concerned about it being sung in other languages. "O Canada" has been sung in English and French at hockey games for decades, and that country's still in one piece.

Some Hispanic Columbus business owners are keeping their distance from these protests. For instance, Millie's Market on South Lumpkin Road remains open because the owner's background is Puerto Rican -- and that U.S. commonwealth hasn't even asked for Spanish-language versions of dollar bills.

(In fact, the owner is a New York native -- so he's what they call a "Nuyorican." Does that make his local children "Jajaricans?")

In response to today's call for a walkout, a Phenix City blog is suggesting everyone boycott "Cinco de Mayo" this coming Friday. Now this could be a challenge - getting people NOT to become drunk on margaritas and Mexican beer on a Friday night.

I wonder if the Columbus Civic Center staff is concerned about all of this. It's scheduled the first "Fiesta Columbus," beginning Wednesday at South Commons -- "the Greater Columbus Fair, fiesta style." Does that mean they add jalapeno peppers to the funnel cakes?

(No wait, I think I know the answer - pig races are out, Chihuahua races are in.)

E-MAIL UPDATE: We mentioned Sunday a message we hadn't posted yet from "IsOurCitySafe." We post it today, after making further inquiry about it:

The CIA and FBI report that Columbus Police Department is 15 years behind the times in investigating crimes involving the computer, child pornography on the Internet, and Internet predators.

Wow! If we are that far behind the times dealing with that one particular area of crime, how far are we behind in investigating other crimes?

I imagine if the city government would remove their left thumb from their butt and their right thumb from the head of the Police Department, we might actually be able to solve some crime and keep our kids from being stalked by online predators.

If the predators online find out that there is no one watching what goes on online in the Columbus area, where do you think they are going to move and hunt? That's right! Here where YOUR kids are. Do you think that online predators don't talk to each other and tell each other where the "best pickens" are? Its kind of like game hunters sharing with each other where the best deer hunting is. Columbus is wide open for hunters!....

Why don't you call your city councilor and ask them if the positions that have been cut and have remained unfilled for years at the Columbus Police Department are positions that could be used to keep your kids safe from online predators that are looking to do very, very, very bad things to your children....

Thanks,

Brent Rollins

This message is interesting for several reasons. For one thing, 15 years ago the Internet hardly existed -- much less child pornography on it....

Your blog asked Brent Rollins where we could find the CIA and FBI report. He told us Sunday this was based on a comment an FBI agent made to a Columbus police officer some time back -- and he contended the police still have no one assigned to computer crime. That would explain the officer we spotted at a library, checking e-mails.

As Riverfest wraps up for another year, we also have e-mail about one of our preparation jokes from Friday:

+ An evening jog through the "Riverfest zone" found plenty of preparations underway for this weekend's big bash. I counted 11 port-a-johns lined up outside the Space Science Center. Hmmm - 11?! Is there some weird contest planned, involving high school football teams?

If I remember correct...The space center does an ALL nighter the same weekend as "Riverfest" I'm think it starts Friday Morning.

If the Space Science Center had such an event, I couldn't find it on its web site Sunday. Perhaps it already had fallen into that black hole, called a computer "Recycle Bin."

The Space Science Center's web site seems to be in the middle of a major makeover. Click on the link for "special events," and there are none. You'd think at least they'd have the moon-rise times....

Now let's get caught up on other things you might have missed, while partying over Riverfest weekend:

+ Gentian Elementary School held an open house, to mark its 50^th anniversary. A lot of young people have been educated there over the years - and as best we know, it's somehow happened without a single teacher getting arrested.

+ An American Lung Association survey gave Columbus air quality grades of B and C - while Atlanta scored a pair of F grades, ranking among the ten most polluted cities in the country. They must not have done this survey when The Jerry Springer Show is on WXTX....

+ The Ledger-Enquirer announced a new column for brief reader comments, called "Sound Off." It took THIS long to figure out how to imitate "The Vent" in the Atlanta newspaper?!

+ A final check with the Georgia Secretary of State found local Congressmen Lynn Westmoreland and Phil Gingrey are unopposed in the Republican primary. Quick, somebody - check Dylan Glenn's house, and see if he's moved to another state.

+ A blogging buddy in Tampa contended he's being blocked from sending e-mails to Georgia with .dwg attachments. I don't understand why this would happen - since Georgia has loved its "Dawgs" for a long time....

+ Speaking of which: Georgia quarterback D.J. Shockley was drafted by the Atlanta Falcons. He was a seventh-round choice for a team with Michael Vick - so Shockley must have really impressed the scouts with his clipboard-holding.

+ Instant Message to Beacon University: Aren't you taking a bit of a risk, allowing bottled water in your library? Some Pentecostal might walk in, pray over the bottle and start a wild revival.

COMING SOON: What grade we give a restaurant with an F on the door....

Your PayPal donations can build a better blog, and keep it independent-minded. To make a donation, offer a story tip or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post a reply.

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 9321 (- 194, 2.0%)

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© 2003-06 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.