2 APR 09: Protect This Pig
All I needed was a gallon of milk. My time schedule was rather tight. So as I hopped in the car, I had an idea. Uh-oh - that's trouble. As a friend of mine likes to say, "When dumb people start thinking, you'd better start running."
The closest supermarket to my home is Piggly Wiggly in downtown Phenix City. I'd normally drive north to 13th Street, turn left and cross the bridge. But on this morning, I wondered if it might be faster to cross the Dillingham Street Bridge instead. There would be fewer traffic lights to stop me on Broad Street in Phenix City. The rough pavement might test my shock absorbers, but that was all....
Yes, I dared to give the Phenix City Streetscape zone a try. But as they say in television news, on this morning something went terribly wrong. Several somethings, actually - enough to make me wonder why someone doesn't try to organize a "Tour de Phenix" road course for bicyclists.
Problem #1: I turned from Dillingham Street onto Broad Street - to find a Phenix City police car blocking the road, motioning for people to turn around. The traffic was heading southbound only, with one of those "follow-me" cars. And I don't mean a Fort Benning jeep.
I could have crossed the bridge back into Columbus, but I decided this couldn't be a very difficult detour. So I went west on Dillingham Street - into a part of Phenix City I'd never visited before. I quickly discovered that 100-year-old bridge I rejected was far better than no bridge at all.
Seventh Avenue was a clearly-marked dead end at Dillingham Street, so I drove by that to Eighth Avenue. Problem #2: it also has a dead end short of 13th Street -- only a block farther away. Phenix City could use some of its stimulus money to buy a few traffic signs.
I went back to Dillingham Street and tried again. Ninth Avenue was next in the order. Problem #3: it winds around to intersect with Eighth Avenue. Maybe the inventor of GPS systems really knew what he was doing....
All the dead ends are there because a small stream winds across Phenix City, from Central High School to the Chattahoochee River. Perhaps I should be thankful it was still a small stream - because deceptively high water might have swept my car down to Eufaula.
After another trip back to Dillingham, success finally came. I turned right onto Tenth Avenue, at Franchise Missionary Baptist Church. I should have realized a major church would provide a "way of escape."
Problem #4: Tenth Avenue crosses that stream, but with a one-lane metal bridge. A one-lane bridge, only four blocks from Phenix City Hall? Suddenly the Streetscape work on Broad Street really seemed to miss the point....
Four cars went south in a chain, before a driver courteously allowed me to cross the one-lane bridge northbound. Some highways in metro Atlanta hint at that courtesy with signs saying, "Give gap take gap." But this is Alabama - the state of drafting race cars at Talladega.
Onward we went on Tenth Avenue to 13th Street. Problem #5: I couldn't turn right to go to Piggly Wiggly. A long slow line of cars had to advance to 14th Street. This felt like a morning commute in that other Phenix - the one with an O, in Arizona.
Turning east onto 14th Street, I thought victory was near. At Broad Street, I turned right again. Problem #6: the entrance to Piggly Wiggly was blockaded - and the only access lane was painted to exit, not enter. I didn't dare violate the "DO NOT ENTER" sign. The old Russell County Courthouse simply was too close.
Turning around again, I returned to 14th Street, turned right and drove past the courthouse to Third Avenue. Another right turn, and I finally was at an entry to Phenix Plaza and Piggly Wiggly. It was as if President Obama had made a surprise trip to Phenix City, to help Bear O'Brien give away a plasma TV.
Problem #7: Construction equipment blocked the main lane of traffic to reach Piggly Wiggly - and this was in the shopping center parking lot. Was Someone trying to tell me it's time to stop drinking milk for breakfast, and take up lattes?
"You have my sympathies this morning," I told the cashier at Piggly Wiggly after I finally walked inside to buy the milk and a couple of other items.
"It's hurting our business today," the cashier quietly agreed. But a few other shoppers were inside the store with me. Perhaps they were trapped, trying to get home to Fort Mitchell.
It turns out Tuesday's blockaded intersection of 13th and Broad stymied a lot of businesses. Today's Ledger-Enquirer reports a car salesman inside the closed area walked to the City Manager's office and personally complained about it. So there actually are times for these car dealers when NOT everybody rides....
City Manager Wallace Hunter says the blockade had to occur because of paving work at the intersection, combined with a break from the rain. So the barricades around Piggly Wiggly were NOT a last-ditch attempt by Wane Hailes of The Courier to get supermarket advertising.
But there actually was some good news about all this Wednesday. Phenix City Mayor Sonny Coulter declared the Streetscape work will be finished within two weeks. Who knows how many more Broad Street businesses will be finished, if it isn't?
BLOG UPDATE: The Wednesday night news offered more details about the end of Fiesta Columbus, which was first mentioned here. Robin Walker with the Columbus Civic Center said the real reason for the "non-scheduling" was that the carnival company's expenses increased. They went up SO MUCH that the merry-go-round is becoming murmury.
Robin Walker explained the carnival company's fuel costs increased by a million dollars last year, so it was having trouble getting game and concession staff members "to come out this early." But fuel prices are much lower now, compared with last spring -- so perhaps the price of giant stuffed dogs jumped as well.
E-MAIL UPDATE: "Slater" was in the subject line Wednesday, but then someone wrote....
ok...so what did the new Judge do to the Ledger Enquirer or Ben Holden??? An awful lot of energy is being focused there.
Now hold on here! Julia Slater is the new District Attorney. The part-time Recorder's Court Judge was the other person in those interview sessions.
Wednesday's Ledger-Enquirer made the District Attorney front-page news again. Julia Slater admitted Mark Shelnutt asked questions during an interview with a prospective staff member last fall, but "he did not conduct any interviews." This explains why TV networks call their interviews "exclusives" - because interlopers from other networks are locked out.
The Ledger-Enquirer also talked with a former staff member in the District Attorney's office, who admitted she's "so bitter" since leaving in February. You'll recall former prosecutor Gray Conger had his aides protected from dismissal, before Julia Slater took office. It only takes a little change to turn "prosecutors" into "persecuted."
But the Ledger-Enquirer also gave Georgia NAACP President Ed DuBose an opportunity to write an editorial reply. He noted the group Sisters Inc. liked Julia Slater enough to give her a "prestigious award" at a breakfast in March. If it's so prestigious, how come no one publicized it before? And why isn't that breakfast even listed as a "signature event" by the local Alpha Kappa Alphas?
Speaking of the NAACP, our best wishes to Columbus chapter president Bill Madison. He announced his resignation Wednesday, to take care of his ailing wife. The doctors' office handling her case had better be racially diverse, or we'll all hear about it.
(BLOGGER'S NOTE: We'll have no post Friday, as we take a "stand-down day" from blogging. We hope to resume regular posts over the weekend.)
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