16 MAR 09: From the Rear-View Mirror
Some days you have a blog topic in mind, but then an e-mail arrives which changes everything. One such e-mail reached our InBox Sunday morning....
Richard:
My name is Steven Gordon. I am a former resident of the Valley area (Valley/Lafayette, PC, Columbus). If my name is familiar, I write infrequently to Tim Chitwood, usually deriding Columbus about its inferiority to my new home here in San Antonio, Texas. As a former Columbusite, I have PLENTY to be critical about Columbus.
I read portions of your blog, and it boggles my mind to see that Columbus is still living like it's 1949. Still mired in the same cronyistic government politics, still wasting time trying to reform and improve its image (remember that awful slogan from the early '80s, "We're Talking Proud"? YUCK!), and still screwing around with its citizens with policies and laws that make no sense (I noticed that the lingerie shops that were everywhere are all but gone...HMMMM). Columbus has no idea of progress, and it will not let itself even come into the 21st century by being a "progressive" city. The textile industry, which built the Southeast, and for which my late mother worked, is all but vanished, and Columbus had the GALL to turn the former Eagle-Phenix Mills into (GASP! HORRORS!) CONDOMINIUMS for the rich employees at Total Systems? The Bibb and Jordan Mills burned to the ground, and the city of Columbus did NOTHING---ZERO, ZILCH, NADA---to preserve and save them, despite their having historic significance? Again, as I have always maintained, money---old rich (Bickerstaff, Flournoy, Hardaway, etc.) continues to run the city. Same old, same old...
Columbus, Georgia is, in my opinion, one of the most BACKWARD, REDNECK, and most ILLITERATE cities in the South. I am speaking as a native of Wisconsin, and a current resident of San Antonio. I only say this because I wasted, not by my own choosing, about 25 years of my life there. I had an overbearing aunt and grandmother who raised me there, and a family who didn't want me to have a better life by allowing me to live elsewhere (I was given the choice of going back to Wisconsin to live with my father, but that was used against me as punishment). My examples of the ridiculousness of Columbus include:
1) the banning of certain rappers to perform there (look up "Columbus Lewdness Law");
2) the restrictions of teenage cruising along the Beallwood Connector in the mid 1980s;
3) the desire for Columbus to be more like Atlanta, by trying to lure big-name concerts (all that Columbus can claim is Tim Wilson);
4) the sheer THEFT and RAPE of WRLD, "Boomer 95.3" from the fine citizens of Valley (Ask anyone now there at Boomer about "Sausage Boy", and I doubt you will get an answer-they may not even have the courtesy to give you dumb looks; they refuse to acknowledge Valley's presence or contributions)
5) AFLAC: my cousin is the claims supervisor there. One of the few good things that Columbus does have. The only other good thing: the 30-second drive across the state line to Alabama.
6) the refusal of Columbus to relinquish control of Ft. Benning, "Home of the Infantry". Yeah, right...as if every Army inductee dreams of being stuck in Georgia red clay backwoods for ten weeks.
7) my being kicked out of a gun and knife show at the Iron Works for competing with the city-owned and operated concession stand---for selling pizzas.
8) my all-time personal worst: being pulled over and harassed by two Columbus police officers for being a teenager, and having my license suspended because I had not purchased insurance-after being refused coverage because I did not want to pay $300+/month for using my car for "commercial purposes"---the aforementioned pizza delivery.
As you may be able to tell, I am less than fond of Columbus. I wish never again to set foot into that stinkhole of a city that should be nicknamed "The Buckle of the Bible Belt" or "Columbus: Second Banana to Atlanta (Well, now Third Banana behind Richmond-Augusta)" or "Columbus: the Tainted Peanut of the State of Georgia".
I have yet to come across any other city that has so many churches. And as for South Columbus...what a laugh. Baker Village has taken over that area, and I hope that any businessperson with any sense would stay out of SoCo. And as for Lance buying Tom's...now to get AFLAC to move its corporate HQ somewhere...say, I heard that real estate in South Texas is hot right now...I can go on and on, but I believe that you have the idea.
You have my wrtten permission and consent to use any and all of my email to your heart's desire in your blog. I want Columbus HUMILIATED, SHAMED, and made to pay for the crimes IT has committed against ME. In fact, I BEG you to publish this.
I want Columbus to BE the small town it so wants to be. No major ANYTHING.
Thank you for reading my post. Don't take anything I have written here personally, as I do have good friends and family there in Columbus. My comments, hatred and anger are aimed solely at that putrid excuse of a city, and primarily are from events that happened in the ever-increasing distant past. But by reading the news coming out of Columbus, it seems to me that things have not changed much, if at all.
Oh, go ahead and say it: I have issues. But don't we all. It is how we choose to deal with them that makes us who we are.
Please reply if you wish. Otherwise, I will look forward to reading more in your blog.
If someone has put Steven on the Chamber of Commerce e-mail newsletter list, I'd suggest it be removed first thing this morning....
There's so much to discuss here that we'll simply start at the top. Steven will be pleased to know Columbus is NOT exactly in 1949 anymore. Why, the city government channel is showing Columbus Council meetings in color now.
I wasn't in Columbus during the 1980s, so I don't remember the "We're Talking Proud" slogan. But I think when some people see the new Muscogee County School administration, they talk about arrogance....
It's not clear to me why Steven would need to visit a lingerie shop. But maybe he's looking in the wrong part of town. Victoria's Secret is at the mall, not on Victory Drive.
The Eagle & Phenix condominiums along the river have been in development for a few years. But I didn't realize until I checked an online newsletter that some people currently live in lofts now. After all, the Riverwalk still is fenced off at 12th Street. So maybe it's not ongoing construction - maybe the residents want a gated community.
The burned Bibb Mill still has its front facade standing, facing 38th Street. I've heard speculation that developers want to keep that, in some kind of rebuilding project. If it becomes the Bibb City IMAX theatre, it will prove the slogan about "what progress has preserved."
But how dare Steven declare Columbus a city of "backward rednecks?" Some of them are very forward-thinking - and if for some reason the NASCAR races aren't shown in high-definition, they call and complain about it.
The rap stars who used to be arrested at the Columbus Civic Center admittedly don't come this way much anymore. Unless, of course, they're surprise guests at homes on Buena Vista Road that convert into clubs on weekends....
Cruising by teenagers still is an occasional problem in Columbus. At first this was resolved when teenagers gathered on Sunday nights at the Civic Center parking lot. But this past summer, something else may have intervened - four-dollar gasoline.
Columbus does indeed have a few big-name concerts. Montgomery Gentry already has been announced for a July concert at the Civic Center. And next Monday night, Buckcherry will perform there - which I admittedly thought was something on the Sonic value menu.
Plenty of radio stations from coast to coast have been "lifted" from smaller towns to serve big cities. Davis Broadcasting operates "WKZJ Eufaula, K-92.7" from its main office on Wynnton Road. Yet when Tom Joyner came to Columbus for a Tuskegee-Morehouse weekend, I don't think he traveled closer to Eufaula than South Commons.
I get the feeling from this e-mail that Steven has not visited Columbus in a long time. For instance, who says Columbus is in "control of Fort Benning?" Based on everything that's happened since base realignment was announced, I thought it was exactly the opposite....
The "tainted peanuts" which have made national news didn't come from Columbus. The Peanut Corporation of America plant in Blakely, Georgia is 88 miles away - and the only good truck stop for peanut shippers is on U.S. 431 in Phenix City.
And what's this about Baker Village "taking over" Columbus South? If that's true, who took over the bulldozers which leveled that housing project last year?
At the risk of starting a two-city feud, perhaps we should use Steven's own words to do some comparing between Columbus and San Antonio:
+ It was San Antonio which gave the country Henry Cisneros - a mayor who cheated on his wife, and paid a mistress tens of thousands of dollars in hush money. In Columbus, elected officials seem to keep their indiscretions within the family.
+ In what location does money NOT "run the city?" Part of San Antonio's big money is in oil - and AT&T simply is the new name on an old phone company called Southwestern Bell.
+ San Antonio may not be filled with churches, but it's the home of a controversial church pastor. John Hagee has made some comments about Iran and Israel which could incite World War III - but the only people in San Antonio that political leaders in Iran and Israel are likely to watch closely are Tim Duncan and Tony Parker.
Yet Columbus and San Antonio do have some things in common. Both are big military cities. And San Antonio has the headquarters of Clear Channel Broadcasting - although somehow the San Antonio radio stations can afford to have local talk shows.
Steven obviously chooses to deal with his "issues" about Columbus by venting them to anyone who will give him half a chance. Hopefully someday he'll get that giant chip off his shoulder - but until he does, perhaps he shouldn't settle for one chip. Perhaps he should have a big bag of Tom's potato chips.
It's a good thing Steven wrote us, because the Sunday news didn't offer much:
+ A line of storms dropped about three inches of rain on Columbus. I went jogging Saturday evening in a light shower - and after more than three miles of running, I wound up with a T-shirt which still hadn't dried out 24 hours later. You prove you're overweight when you can't outrun a rainstorm.
+ Auburn University's men were left out of the NCAA basketball tournament, and received a top seed in the National Invitational Tournament. Only three teams were selected from the Southeastern Conference -- so that jealousy about college football seems to linger awhile.
(The only college from Georgia or Alabama to make the men's tournament is Alabama State - a team Auburn beat in December. What does Tiger coach Jeff Lebo have to do? Play games against his old college? Oh, never mind -- that's North Carolina.)
+ Instant Message to the woman who gave the children's sermon at St. Luke United Methodist Church Sunday: What do you mean, you went to the store to buy Joy and couldn't find it? I know Wal-Mart sells it. It's in the dishwashing detergent section.
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