11 MAR 09: Good Ol' Family Foam

Columbus Council approved a zoning change Tuesday that Councilor Mimi Woodson says will bring "good family restaurants" to the south side of town. Apparently McDonald's, Burger King, Subway and Huddle House aren't good enough?!

The zoning change will allow Columbus restaurants to serve alcohol if they're located within 300 feet of a park, church or school. Of course, some people would say this was happening already. They're the people who get hot dogs for lunch at convenience stores.

Lynnette Gross of Columbus South Inc. put it another way - the zoning change will bring "true restaurants" to that part of the city. If there's one thing I can't stand, it's a false restaurant. You know, the ones which serve faux gras....

Lynnette Gross explained under the zoning change, a restaurant will get a waiver only if 80 percent of more of its revenue comes from food sales. This has to be time-consuming for a manager to figure - unless a family of four is required to name three designated drivers.

But current restaurant managers in Columbus South seem pleased with Tuesday's vote. The owner of Al's Schnitzel Gashaus on Victory Drive predicted his business will increase 80 to 90 percent - and he's probably right. After all, can you name any good German or Austrian sodas?

(Yet here's the thing - we checked an old phone book, and found Al moved his Schnitzel Gashaus from Warm Springs Road a couple of years ago. Did he not know the alcohol rules? Maybe he thought being surrounded by sexy dance clubs would give him some cover.)

Speaking of which -- WRBL noted restaurants which get a waiver from the 300-foot rule will NOT be allowed to impose a cover charge. Is this really fair? How else is a "good family restaurant" supposed to pay for showing Ultimate Fighting Championships?

Another stipulation is that restaurants serving alcohol close to churches cannot hold "tournaments and contests." Sorry, you cannot guess how many times the pastor will say "hallelujah" in his sermon....

The late-night news revealed who might have inspired this zoning change. It was endorsed by Major General Jerry White of the National Infantry Foundation. The IMAX theatre at the new museum must be making the World War II movies as realistic as possible - including the scenes in pubs.

Jerry White is part of a year-old group which admittedly was new to me: the "Victory Coalition" of Columbus. Its mission is to reinvigorate Columbus South -- which is strange, because I thought Columbus South Inc. was set up to do that. Perhaps the coalition is designed to give prospective businesses a "we're at war" guilt trip.

Other parts of Columbus may gain more restaurants from this zoning change. The manager of Vallarta Mexican restaurant on Veterans Parkway admits there were delays in getting a liquor license, because it sits across the street from Beacon University. Is this why the old Garlic Clove went out of business - because prospective Pentecostal ministers prayed for it to be punished?

Only one Columbus Councilor voted against the zoning change. Gary Allen admitted he was concerned about the potential effects on public safety -- and he has a point. They're only talking about new restaurants along Victory Drive, not doughnut shops.

With our usual light mood restored, let's get caught up on news items from the last couple of days....

+ The Muscogee County School Board listed some of the projects it wants to do with a one-percent sales tax increase. For one thing, all gymnasiums would become air-conditioned -- which apparently means there's long-term savings from not mopping up sweat on the basketball court.

(Did you notice the priority list was presented under the theme of "renewing" the school sales tax? If it expired several months ago, is it fair to call it a renewal? I don't think librarians look at checked-out books that way.)

+ Columbus State University announced people in Chambers County will be allowed to pay "in-state" tuition rates. Of course, this assumes students can afford to commute from Lafayette to take advantage of those rates. Will C.S.U. offer them in-town gas prices, too?

+ WLTZ reported the Homeless Resource Network has helped more than 240 people seek shelter so far this year. This organization must be doing better work than ever - because the only person to beg me for money so far this year was a co-worker who needed a quarter.

+ Carmike Cinemas began a new Tuesday discount program, with popcorn and soda selling for one dollar. Nice try - but I can get a big cup of soda for 79 cents at Circle K, then walk home and watch YouTube.

+ An inmate escaped from the Limestone County, Alabama jail - only to be caught at a Tennessee strip club called the "Boobie Bungalow." [True/WTJB-FM] One distasteful definition of "b**b" seems to attract another....

+ Auburn edged Alabama 8-7, in a non-conference baseball game played in Montgomery. OK, so what can we do to have an Auburn-Georgia game at Golden Park? Or will they have to play at McClung Memorial Stadium, because that's where it all began?

+ The Columbus Cottonmouths talked about traveling to Atlanta to watch Sunday's NASCAR race. Did they watch it like typical hockey fans - and go home disappointed, because none of the drivers had a fistfight?

+ Michael Vick's mansion in Gwinnett County went up for auction - but only two people showed up to bid on it, and neither one had the required $160,000 down payment. It's probably just as well, since there might be annoying blood stains to clean up....

+ Instant Message to Yellawood: Enough is enough! That barroom brawl you're showing in Rotwood could corrupt our young people. Why, they don't even do that in most gangster rap videos.

The number of unique visitors to our blog is up 16 percent so far in 2009! To advertise to them, offer a story tip, make a PayPal donation or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 883 (- 70, 7.3%)

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

© 2003-09 Richard Burkard, all rights reserved.