3 JUN 08: HARD-DRIVING MAN

Any long road trip can be an adventure. When you're driving a 14-year-old car, it can become more anxious than usual. But you don't dare state that classic line from "Sanford and Son" years ago - "This is the big one, Elizabeth. This is the big one!"

BLOG SPECIAL EVENT WRAP-UP: I'm thankful to report my humble Honda made it all the way to Kansas and back, with hardly any problems. In fact, my first two tanks of gas on the interstates computed to 42.7 and 42.9 miles per gallon. That's what happens when you only pack one suit.

But on the second day of the trip, two hours from my destination.... well, I said "hardly any problems" for a reason. In the middle of Missouri, my speedometer went from 60 to zero in less than a second. It happened in Columbia, the home of the University of Missouri -- so the car might have known it was in Kansas enemy territory.

I wondered for a second if my Honda was dying -- yet it kept running, as the speedometer gyrated back and forth a bit. So the second thought was that it suddenly became demon-possessed....

Eventually the speedometer dropped to zero and stayed there. Yet my car didn't slow down at all -- which actually was a bit dangerous. The car does NOT have cruise control, and I had to control my right foot more than ever to keep from speeding.

After a few more miles on Interstate 70, I noticed something else had changed. The odometer stopped working when the speedometer did. So I had an Alamo Rent-a-Car situation -- you know, all the miles are free.

While the car kept running normally, I was obviously concerned. When it was time to stop for gas, I exited the highway in Boonville, Missouri -- and the "check engine" light came on as I did. Had my Honda finally had enough? Without any need for a GPS voice to tell me so?

I decided to fill the gas tank first, and check under the hood. All the fluid levels were fine, except the oil stick was a bit runny and smoked a bit when I touched it. It wasn't even close to looking like a legendary NASCAR loser, such as Dave Marcis.

Thankfully, the gas station was across the street from a Dodge dealer. But not so thankfully, I arrived at 12:00 noon - and the service department in Boonville, Missouri shuts down for a one-hour lunch break. I didn't realize auto service workers had unions.

So I had a seat in the tiny "lounge area" of the dealership and waited for an hour. Then the service crew came back, and admitted it was too busy to help me that afternoon -- especially since I didn't have a Dodge. Honda needs to develop NASCAR team in a hurry....

The service team recommended a small family-run repair shop on the other side of Interstate 70 -- and despite my apprehension and almost turning my back on it, GAPS Tire served me well. In fact, the workers found something surprising: two extra quarts of extra oil in my crankcase. They were surprised I didn't blow a gasket. I should have demanded a rebate, for the pricy oil they drained.

In about an hour, GAPS Tire gave me my answer: the problem was nothing more than the speedometer. So I can brag for years to come that I drove so hard on vacation that the speedometer gave out - even though I hardly ever went faster than 70.

The speedometer came and went for the rest of the road trip. I noticed it tended to give out when my car battled to shift between top gears, even when I kept a steady foot on the gas. Maybe a tune-up would solve this problem. Maybe local repair shops can help me solve it, by sending tune-up coupons in the mail.

I was all set to take my Honda to a Columbus shop to fix the speedometer this week. But now that I'm home and hardly ever driving on a freeway, my speedometer is working fine. It's as if nothing ever happened - and as if I somehow traveled to Kansas and back by taking a shortcut of several hundred miles.

We mentioned on the road that we traveled to Kansas City for a niece's wedding. Because I was The Wedding Singer, I had one of the best seats in the church for taking pictures of the ceremony. But of course, I had to be discreet - no cameras as big as the pipe organ I sat behind.

The trip also included stops on Memorial Day, at the graves of my parents. My dad is buried in the Leavenworth National Cemetery, and I arrived too late for the special service. But the organizers made sure everyone knew it took place - with a noisy 21-gun salute at the end.

We spent a special day in northern Kansas -- visiting my younger brother in Topeka, and stopping at the Dwight Eisenhower Presidential Library in Abilene. There's one big difference between the Eisenhower complex and Jimmy Carter's special area in Sumter County. Mr. Eisenhower's teeth aren't painted on a giant peanut.

If you don't mind, we'll get back to local news coverage Wednesday. (Blame a distracting three-overtime playoff hockey game for that.) But let's bring closure to this big road trip with some little notes we jotted down along the way:

+ College Park, GA -- down the street from where I lived for years, a sign says: "Caution: Blind Drive." You'd think the state legislature would pass a law to stop that.

+ Nashville, TN - Why is the football stadium for the Tennessee Titans named LP Field? Don't people in the "Music City" know MP-3's are in vogue now?

+ Paducah, KY - the city with a "Stone Mountain Carpet Mill Store." I didn't stop to tell them Stone Mountain doesn't have any carpet mills.

+ Southern Illinois - Interstate 57 passes the Rend State Prison, which has a few outside baseball fields. But I assume when a home run is gone, it's really gone.

+ Olathe, KS - the city with a "Black Bob Road." I quietly wondered how that street gained its name. In Columbus, there would have to be a "White Fred Avenue" intersecting it at some point.

+ Bonner Springs, KS - where I exited the Kansas Turnpike to hear Kansas City Royals radio announcer Bob Davis declare a Minnesota pitcher is used "in situational situations." Somehow, I think that describes us all....

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