2 JUN 08: SLEEPY TIME DOWN SOUTH

Maybe it's because we left town on a road trip. Maybe it was due to Memorial Day last Monday, followed by Jefferson Davis's birthday today. But things have seemed much too quiet in this year's Alabama Primary season. No finger-pointing? No tough accusations? Surely the Presidential candidates haven't taken all the good insults.

Tuesday is primary day in Alabama. Yet over the last several weeks, our InBox has been quiet about the local races - almost too quiet. When more people are commenting about high school yearbooks than local politics, something strange is going on....

We received a hint several weeks ago that one particular Russell County race might turn raucous. We received postal mail with allegations about Commissioner J.D. Upshaw, which he quickly denied [30 Mar]. But no more accusations have reached us since - and no wild videos of Upshaw's preaching have been posted on YouTube.

Commissioner J.D. Upshaw is being challenged in the Democratic primary by Hurtsboro Constable R.J. Schweiger. Schweiger may be known better for his e-mails to this blog than his work as Constable - yet he hasn't written us for a couple of months. Either he's been very busy campaigning, or that former Hurtsboro police officer finally had him arrested.

(We actually went to the Alabama Court web site Sunday night, to see if the promised arrest of R.J. Schweiger ever happened. But we were unable to log on, as the site apparently made some adjustments in May. Perhaps the court system borrowed from prime-time TV, and now requires a million-dollar password.)

There actually are three Democratic candidates for Russell County Commission District 7. R.J. Schweiger and J.D. Upshaw are joined on the ballot by Larry Screws. We're not sure what's most unusual about Screws - his work in local schools, his arrest in 2006, or the fact that his name lacks two initials.

There's another Russell County Commission race which you'd think would gain even more publicity. Ronnie Reed is trying to reclaim the seat he lost two years ago, because of an old felony conviction in Columbus. That conviction is now expunged from Reed's record - so this race may come down to how long voters hold grudges.

Ronnie Reed has been busy in recent months forming a Russell County chapter of the "Alabama New South Coalition." Amazingly, the political group endorsed Reed for county commission! This is almost as shocking as Muscogee County Republican Chair Josh McKoon serving on the board of Common Cause, as it investigates Ed Harbison.

Ronnie Reed is challenging Pastor Johnnie Robinson, who was appointed to the Russell County Commission seat by Alabama's Governor. But the four-way race also includes Isaiah Sumbry - and in east Alabama, that's almost like having a Kennedy on the ballot. Almost, because it's easier to imitate the Kennedy accent....

Democrats across Alabama have three choices, to challenge U.S. Senator Jeff Sessions. One of them is listed on the ballot as Mark "No NCAA" Townsend. When a candidate's big issue is how college football champions are crowned, you have to wonder about.... well wait, this IS Alabama.

So what about Alabama's Republican primary? There's even less buzz about those races - either because there are few real races, or the candidate running against Senator Jeff Sessions isn't even good comedy relief.

There are no competitive Lee County or Russell County races involving Republicans. But Barbour County Republicans have six choices for replacing retiring Rep. Terry Everett. So which ones have promised a Congressional investigation of the county's new school superintendent?

E-MAIL UPDATE: Around here, football truly is never out of season....

Richard,

Did you hear Steve Bartkowski is coming to town? And he's still way HOT after all these years. Check out the Billboards, Bartkowski's billboard ranks right up there with the "Trust God", way to go Second Harvest! Maybe he'll help me clean up the old Welcome Center for a small fee....

But seriously..... Where is Dee? Was Friday really her last day? RW

I noticed those billboards, too - as Bartkowski will be the guest speaker at Thursday's "Feed Columbus" luncheon downtown. But how old is that photo of the former Atlanta Falcons quarterback? A color picture could tell us if he's really still hot, or ember gray on top.

(Be careful now, RW - ranking Steve Bartkowski too close to God could be trouble. After all, the only Atlanta Falcon quarterback to start in the Super Bowl was Chris Chandler.)

Assuming you're asking about Dee Armstrong: I think she's supposed to be on the TV job one more month. But before rumors start, I'll make a prediction right now - I do NOT think Dick McMichael is coming back to replace her.

Now for other things you may have overlooked over the weekend....

+ Columbus Police reported the Captain D's restaurant on Victory Drive was robbed at gunpoint. The fish which smacks people in the face with its tail must have been patrolling another location.

+ Country singer Dierks Bentley headlined the annual "Denim and Diamonds" fund-raising concert at the Columbus Civic Center. The price of your ticket probably determined which fashion item you wore.

+ The Columbus Catfish were grounded by Greenville 7-6. The Catfish now have lost ten games in a row - and I feel guilty about listening to Kansas City Royals games on radio during vacation, because I probably brought home a jinx.

+ Alabama was eliminated from the NCAA baseball tournament. It's one thing to lose a game to East Carolina -- but to lose 16-1?! Does Nick Saban need to give pep talks to ALL the sports teams in Tuscaloosa?

+ Instant Message to WBOJ-FM "103.7 The Truth": Have you listened to your new Sunday morning Christian music show "Sonrise?" It had a commercial this weekend for a hangover medicine -- and the ad didn't mention anything about prayer or repentance.

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