Wednesday, June 07, 2006


Who possibly could have guessed it? Who could have written a script this way?! A well-known Bible-backing candidate for Alabama Governor lost Tuesday - and on the day of "triple six" at that....

Former Chief Justice Roy Moore lost by a wide margin to Governor Bob Riley in the Republican primary. This may baffle some Christians, who figured God would give victory to believers who took moral stands. But then again, maybe God wanted Moore to run for Congress.

Governor Bob Riley told supporters he's ending a "culture of corruption in Montgomery, Alabama." From the campaign ads I saw, it apparently has moved to Chambers County - with all the lobbyists and lawyers feuding there.

Bob Riley will face Lieutenant Governor Lucy Baxley in November. Baxley had a comfortable lead over former Governor Don Siegelman - which will allow him to pay more time to something a bit more important: staying out of federal prison.

Don Siegelman cast a vote in suburban Birmingham, then hurried back to his federal corruption trial in Montgomery. You'd think he would have cast an absentee ballot - but maybe he never expected prosecutors to have six weeks' worth of evidence against him.

Lucy Baxley's campaign for Governor is unusual in several ways. For one thing, she's a remarried divorcee - and her first husband is campaigning FOR her! I'm not sure Tom Cruise ever did this, when Nicole Kidman was nominated for Oscars.

Then there's the Libertarian candidate for Governor. Loretta Nall submitted petitions with more than 10,000 signatures Tuesday to get on the November ballot. But she needed more than 40,000, so she'll have to be a write-in. Maybe that's why her party selected a Nall, and not a Grabarkewicz or something....

Did you see how well Larry Darby did, in the Democratic primary for Alabama Attorney General? He was getting about 47 percent of the vote at our post time. Was this a big pro-atheist, anti-Jew vote - or a big "tell Al Sharpton to mind his own business" vote?

If Larry Darby should win the Democratic nomination for Attorney General, wouldn't that be the kiss of death for the party's entire statewide ticket in November? All the Republicans would have to do is show his picture, with flames like hell-fire in the background....

The most lopsided vote of the night in Alabama was for Amendment One - the constitutional amendment defining marriage. The office pools can start today, on when a judge will declare it unconstitutional.

As for races in "OUR part of Alabama," the big showdown was between Democrats for State Senate District 13. Kim Benefeld unseated incumbent Gerald Dial - and we'd suggest both candidates use Dial, to remove all the grunge of that race from their reputations.

(So in the battle between big-money lawyers and fat-cat lobbyists, the lawyers won -- and you should never underestimate the people who shine shoes for a living in Smiths Station.)

The biggest surprise of the night almost happened in another State Senate race. Russell County Commissioner Peggy Martin edged Thomas Saunders, thanks to the final precincts. Martin dreams of taking on incumbent Ted Little -- but she almost smacked into something big right in front of her.

In Russell County races, the coroner's job was won by "Pee Wee" Sumbry. We all hope he's prepared to take this job - so it doesn't turn into Pee Wee's Big Adventure.

Alford Harden won the race for Russell County Probate Judge, to replace Al Howard. So how soon can be take office - and then move his office, to make room for all that security equipment?

Smiths Station High School had no long lines of voters Tuesday, compared to the general election of two years ago. The split into three polling places apparently worked - either that, or the voters really wanted to see someone run against Sheriff Jay Jones.

But the Loachapoka polling place had problems - as voting was delayed for an hour, because the equipment couldn't be set up properly. Hanging chads are one thing, but loose-hanging table legs can be downright dangerous.

You'll have to check other news outlets for final numbers, and whether we have to update any of these jokes on Thursday. Meanwhile, here's what else happened Tuesday....

+ Our best wishes to Columbus Councilor Red McDaniel, who's out of the hospital and recuperating after major surgery. The last thing we want to see is Red turning blue....

+ Columbus Council held a public hearing on the proposed budget. The President of the Firefighters Association appealed for full funding of public safety, telling WRBL: "When people call 911, they want to see a blue police car or a red fire truck." Now hold on -- I have nothing against those lime-green fire trucks.

(By the way: which city government employee wants to start the rumor that Red McDaniel became sick to protest the current salary plan? As silly as that rumor would be....)

+ Auburn University alumni answered phones, during the Georgia Public Broadcasting pledge drive. Every time I see this, I'm puzzled - because it's like Columbus State University and LaGrange College graduates don't watch public television at all.

+ Russell County High School pitcher Kasey Kiker was taken by Texas, in the first round of the baseball draft. Kiker boasted he actually started his day with a Chick-fil-A chicken biscuit and some fishing - so he's already on the lookout for those endorsement deals.

+ Instant Message to whomever runs the new Zelmo's Zip-Up convenience stores: Do you have a mascot - maybe a Zickle-Me Zelmo?

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