Thursday, July 29, 2004

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29 JUL 04: WE'RE IN THE MONEY



So, you may be asking, have I been watching the Democratic Convention? Four years ago, in my LaughLine.com era, I took careful notes - but this year I've ignored it. After all, I know who they want me to elect. Why listen to 100 different speakers tell me to do it?



John Kerry accepts the Democratic nomination for President in Boston tonight. He'll be introduced by former Georgia Senator Max Cleland - and as confidently as Cleland has been speaking, I suspect he's already drawing a floor plan for the Secretary of Veterans Affairs office.



Rep. Calvin Smyre of Columbus has been chairing the Georgia delegation at the Democratic Convention - but I haven't seen his name on any schedule of speakers. Maybe he's been too busy coordinating rides to parties sponsored by big-money
donors....



Speaking of big money: a competing local blog led me to a fascinating web site several months ago. "FundRace" allows you to check which people in your zip code have given money to presidential campaigns. Strangely, the only other online service I know like this lets you check for convicted sex offenders.



With the Democrats finishing their big bash, I wondered Wednesday which Columbus residents are supporting John Kerry's campaign. FundRace is current through May 31 - and the donation total stands at $14,850. Is that all?! Why, you can find more money lying around the Columbus landfill....



FundRace can post details on presidential campaign donations, because they're on file with the Federal Election Commission. You have to provide a name, address, occupation - and perhaps a blood type, in case candidates want to suck you for more in four years.



It turns out 14 Columbus residents have given the $2,000 maximum to either the John Kerry or John Edwards Presidential campaigns. Almost all of them are either attorneys or attorneys' wives -- which could give a very different meaning to "class
action lawsuit."



The campaign records can leave you scratching your head a bit. James E. Butler donated $2,000 to the Kerry campaign -- while "James Butler Jr." at the same post office box gave $2,000 to Democratic rival Wesley Clark. Either one wealthy house is divided, or Mr. Butler jumped from a sputtering tank to a rolling bandwagon.



Then there's the family which runs Bill Heard Chevrolet. "W.T. Heard" donated $1,000 to John Edwards's Presidential bid - while "William T. Heard" gave $2,000 to President Bush's campaign! Well, he DOES sell two-door models....



Some other Democratic donations caught our attention, for a variety of reasons:


+ Illges Road "barber" Gloria Gibson gave $1,000 to the John Kerry campaign. Her biggest campaign wish may be simply to touch his hair.



+ Rep. Calvin Smyre gave $1,000 to the Kerry campaign. Which reminds us -- did Mr. Kerry ever take a stand on which Georgia flag he prefers?



+ Homemaker Susan Stephenson donated $951 to Howard Dean's campaign. We don't know why she gave such an odd number. Maybe one of his screams distracted her, as she wrote the check.



+ Fort Benning Chaplain Carl Rosenberg gave $500 to Wesley Clark's campaign -- which probably was followed immediately by a series of messages on (ahem) "stewardship."



+ Local NAACP Director Edward DuBose donated $50 to Al Sharpton. Maybe it's time to ask WRCG Radio for a raise, to host that Saturday talk show.



+ Al Sharpton also received $25 from Rainbow/PUSH Chairman William Howell. Given that move, maybe the big failure of those Sheriff recall petitions shouldn't have been so surprising.



(At least these civil rights leaders gave something. Pastor Wayne Baker worked to bring Al Sharpton to Columbus last December -- yet he's not on the donation list at all. Apparently "Spirit Filled Ministries" is different from "Wallet-Filled.")



By the way, I couldn't help noticing John Kerry is accepting the Democratic nomination on the same day a "sales tax holiday" begins across Georgia. Governor Sonny Perdue is pretty sneaky, isn't he?



(BLOGGER'S NOTE: Don't worry -- we plan to give the Republicans their turn when their convention comes around.)



COMING SOON: We discover a "whore" in Auburn.... and all we had to do was go online....



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