BURKARD'S BLOG
I searched on the Internet, and found no one keeping a blog about events in Columbus, Georgia. (Well, other than a 15-year-old high school student, and who knows how much he pays attention to the news?) So being the hip web-savvy guy that I am, I decided to start a blog of my own - chronicling happenings in the town I've called home for almost six years, as well as my experiences in it.
But be warned.... I used to have a humor service called LaughLine.com, so my views may be a bit amusing. And the views are my own -- no one has paid me to present theirs. Not yet.
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27 APR 03: DON'T YOU LOVE SURPRISES?
A big surprise showed up at my door around 4:30 Friday afternoon - a plumber, to fix my bathroom leaks! Considering it's been about a month since I reminded the landlord of these things, it seemed like a miracle from heaven.
The plumber wrestled with the leaky bathtub, as a crew did about a year-and-a-half ago. He even went around to the other side of the problem, and checked under the kitchen sink. Thankfully, the cockroaches usually hiding there were on their best behavior....
The plumber used some technical language, to say he'd have to come back the next day. He left a few screws and tiny pieces on a shelf in my medicine cabinet for safekeeping. But as I write, he still hasn't replaced the dozen or so items he removed from under the kitchen sink. C'mon - I really did do spring cleaning there.
I spent Friday night with the bathtub still dripping - and only one handle for BOTH sides of the bathroom sink, as the other had broken off. I remembered Atlanta water restrictions, and invoked the "alternate spigot rule."
The plumber returned as promised around 9:00 a.m. Saturday, joined by another man. I'd just awakened then they arrived - so I didn't think to ask if the other guy was called a "plumber's helper."
A second round of work ended with TWO sink handles, but still a drippy bathtub. Apparently the seals have worn out, and the plumber must return Monday to "tear out some tiles." Of all the times to go back to the full-time overnight shift....
The surprises continued at the weekend service in the church I attend. It started when our Pastor offered a "P.S." at the end of his sermon - which in our congregation stands for "Personal Speculation."
The Pastor said he'd been thinking about Jonah - and was starting to conclude he was DEAD when he spent three days and three nights inside the great fish. This didn't sound right to me at all. And sure enough, Jonah 2:1 says he prayed from INSIDE the fish! Unless, maybe, Jonah was a Mormon....
My dilemma at once became: how do you correct a Pastor who's wrong about the Bible? After all, this man's been preaching close to 40 years -- and even worse, he often criticizes people who say Old Testament books like Jonah should be ignored.
The answer to this dilemma came to me, without my even trying. The Pastor walked over after the service to the audio table where I'm stationed, to ask a favor. I shook his hand, said hello - but dared to open the Bible to Jonah 2, saying, "I can't agree with what you said." In case you ever face this challenge, I never thumped my Bible once.
"I stand corrected," the Pastor said after reading over a few verses - then actually had me turn up the microphone at the lectern, so he could announce to everyone chatting in the hall what he'd found. He never named me as the source of the information. If he had, some people would have drafted me to run for Pastor - while others would have told me to get lost, for insulting a "man of God."
Surprise #3 came Saturday night, with Riverfest in full swing near my home at South Commons. I walked over to Kimball's restaurant on Third Avenue for dinner about 9:15 p.m., after a twilight run - and was told they're only open until 8:00! They didn't extend hours during Riverfest? Not even to sell discounted funnel cakes??
Another mini-surprise came as I walked to Kimball's - as a man stood and hollered in a parking lot on Second Avenue. Only later did I realize he was shouting, "PARKING PLACE!" Since it was the Villa Nova package store's lot, I almost walked over to him to say he'd had one too many beers.
The surprises even stretched into this Sunday morning. I went out for breakfast - and came home to find a shattered, blood-strewn tortoise shell in the driveway not far from my back door. The gangs in this neighborhood must have a small budget....
Other brief items I've meant to mention from the past few days:
+ Russ Hollenbeck, the man Doug Kellett loved to call "a-k-a Jerry Garcia," was named the permanent host of WRCG's "Talkline." With his T-shirts and ponytail hair, conservatives might flock to WDAK like never before.
+ The Saturday night WRBL 11:00 p.m. newscast had NO sports section. Regular sports anchor Jack Rodgers was busy
leading C-P-R courses at Riverfest, while Thomas Forester seems to have disappeared. Is he finally getting a hair transplant or something?
+ The Sunday radio broadcast from Eastern Heights Baptist Church featured a message by a young man as nervous as you'll ever hear. He kept asking things like, "Anybody here ever of a man named Noah?" Then it was Cain and Abel, then Job. For a man telling us to "step out in faith toward God," he sounded like Peter ready to sink in the water.
+ In a "Yahoo Pyramids" game room, someone commented the cards were bad. To which we replied, "Yeah. I haven't spotted a single Iraqi yet."
(Not long after that, one person in the game room wrote he/she was from southwestern Ontario. I couldn't resist replying, "I didn't bring a breathing mask to the computer, so please be careful.")