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15 NOV 04: OUR PAL., YASSER

LAUGHLINE FLASHBACK: During the years when we wrote LaughLine for a national audience, the late Yasser Arafat came up frequently. If "60 Minutes" can do a retrospective on the Palestinian leader, so can we:

27 JUN 01: President Bush now has met twice with Israeli Prime Minister Sharon. But he has NOT met yet with Palestinian Authority President Yasser Arafat - and White House officials admit no such meeting is planned. Maybe aides still are trying to explain "Palestine" is more than just a city in east Texas.

16 JUL 01: Israel's Foreign Minister talked with Palestinian leader Yasser Arafat in Egypt Sunday. Shimon Peres admitted in the Middle East right now, "the atmosphere is sick and poisoned...." When WILL these Palestinians quit burning tires, and start respecting the environment?

We couldn't help noticing Israel's Prime Minister did NOT meet directly with Yasser Arafat. Ariel Sharon recently called the Palestinian leader a "murderer and a pathological liar." Well, it COULD be worse. Mr. Arafat could lead the Slobodan Milosevic Fan Club.

14 AUG 01: Israeli officials claim recent suicide bombings could have been prevented - but Palestinian leader Yasser Arafat did NOT act on a list of suspected terrorist leaders. Well, why should he?! If racial profiling is wrong in the U.S., it's wrong everywhere....

(Somehow we can't imagine Yasser Arafat playing golf. He'd yell "fore" - and four suicide bombers would come out of hiding.)

9 NOV 01: National Security Adviser Condoleezza Rice revealed Thursday President Bush will NOT meet with Yasser Arafat while they're at the United Nations. She claims the Palestinian leader is too close to some terrorist groups. Why can't the Palestinians do what U.S. residents do - and build a gated community an hour away from the terrorists?

12 NOV 01: Despite the talk of a state called Palestine, President Bush did NOT meet personally with Yasser Arafat while at the United Nations. The Palestinian leader had to meet instead with Secretary of State Colin Powell. C'mon, Mr. Arafat, compromise a little - and trim that beard better.

Yasser Arafat's United Nations speech did NOT sound peaceful. He accused Israel of engaging in its own form of terrorism. At least we can take comfort in one thing. Whether devout Jews or devout Muslims are involved in terrorism, no pork products are ever used.....

26 APR 02: Palestinian leader Yasser Arafat announced Thursday he's held a trial for four suspected killers of Israel's Tourism Minister - and they were all found guilty. In a related note, Los Angeles prosecutors may seek a change of venue in the Robert Blake case.

Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon told Thursday's "New York Times" he's willing to let Yasser Arafat leave his Ramallah compound - IF he moves from the West Bank to the Gaza Strip. This sort of dealing gives a whole new meaning to "Strip
poker...."

29 APR 02: The agreement reached by President Bush will allow Yasser Arafat to leave his Ramallah headquarters for the first time since last December. They had to be frustrating months for the Palestinian leader. Just when he had spring cleaning finished, the Israeli army barged in....

2 MAY 02: Yasser Arafat wasted no time speaking out, after the Israeli army left his compound in Ramallah. The Palestinian leader declared the Israelis are terrorists. Maybe so - but at least when the tanks show up, you KNOW they're armed and dangerous.

Did you see the little girl walk up to Yasser Arafat during the "Nightline" interview with him? The Palestinian leader kissed the girl, and even handed her a candy bar. There, you see -- Mr. Arafat's not THAT bad a guy. He could have given that girl a stick of dynamite....

3 MAY 02: Yasser Arafat finally came out of his West Bank compound Thursday, after Israeli soldiers kept him stuck there more than a month. But the Palestinian leader missed a golden opportunity to help rebuild the territories. All he had to say was, "I'm going to Disney World...."

Yasser Arafat received a hero's welcome from Palestinians, as he left the Ramallah compound. A group of peace activists stayed in the compound with him - and some of them went 34 days without a shower! [True/NPR] Procter and Gamble executives should have been there, to hand out souvenir bars of Zest.

7 MAY 02: President Bush admitted Monday he still considers Yasser Arafat a disappointment. He urged the Palestinian leader to show he believes in peace with Israel. For one thing, he could organize an Arab remake of the song, "We Are the World."

8 MAY 02: NBC News interviewed Yasser Arafat in the West Bank Tuesday. He said he signed several controversial documents to provide for "impoverished laborers," not terrorists. Well, let's face it - the labor of terrorism doesn't pay as well as it used to....

Yasser Arafat was handed a copy of the Israeli report supposedly linking him to terrorism. The Palestinian leader called it a "big lie," and let it drop to the floor. Aha! That PROVES Mr. Arafat can't be trusted -- he's a litterbug.

President Bush still has NOT met personally with Yasser Arafat. Instead, he'll talk today (Wednesday) with King Abdullah of Jordan. Of course, when most Washington residents talk about "Jordan," the issue is whether Michael will retire
again.

17 MAY 02: Meanwhile, Palestinian Authority leader Yasser Arafat said Thursday he wants to hold a Presidential election within six months. Of course, he'd also like the Israeli Prime Minister to have one - and lose.

Palestinian officials say they'll have a big problem preparing for a Presidential election. They claim Israeli soldiers destroyed the voter rolls in the West Bank -- the better to hide the people voting against Yasser Arafat.

29 MAY 02: Meanwhile, there's a new hot-selling food item in Egypt - cheese puffs with the image of Yasser Arafat on the bag! Apparently the cheese flavor simply explodes in your mouth....

The company making cheese puffs with Yasser Arafat on the bag says it's donating three percent of the profits to help wounded Palestinians. Scoff at this if you want - but how much is Kellogg's donating from Spiderman cereal to help rebuild New York?

To offer a story tip, make a donation or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post a reply.

If you quote from this in public somewhere, please be polite enough to let me know.

© 2003-04 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.

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14 NOV 04: MAIL IT IN

We're getting plenty of e-mails these days - which means we have plenty of readers. Thanks to all of you! And we start today with an idea for public safety:

Hey Richard,

I have seen Columbus police officers directing traffic at churches around town. I guess they are doing it for the extra money. Well maybe they can direct all those crazy carts that get pushed around the aisles of Wal-Mart. The "Thin Blue Line could even wear those thin blue vests. "How may I help you?"

Enjoy your site...keep the colors!

ME, MYSELF AND I

Thanks to Me, it works for all of us - no wait, that wasn't how that slogan went....

I've noticed Columbus police doing traffic work outside churches, too. They come in handy at mega-churches like Cascade Hills, where drivers are exiting onto River Road. But for some reason, I never see them putting tickets on double-parked cars at Fourth Street Baptist.

Do police direct traffic at churches "for extra money?" If they're using police cars and they're in uniform, I really don't think so. They would be doing it while on duty - and the worshippers might not be in a mood to give them tips, after putting offerings in the collection plates.

M.M. & I. (what IS that ticker symbol, anyway?) has an interesting idea, having officers direct traffic inside Wal-Mart. For long-time officers, it might bring back some memories - back to when K Mart was king, and people crowded around
"blue light specials."

But I'd be more concerned right now about the cars outside Wal-Mart. Consider the next six weeks at smaller stores like the one on Airport Thruway. Maybe police should treat this like "Thunder in the Valley" in reverse - and have people park at the airport, then take shuttle buses.

(And officers wearing those vests - well, it would give the phrase "thin blue line" a new meaning....)

Our BLOG SPECIAL EVENT also received a couple of replies - and boy, were we embarrassed to see them. First:

Richard,

I noticed that there was a discrepancy in your time. Did you mean 1984?

"Two months later in October 2004(1984?), the late CNN Headline News manager Paul Amos called and offered me a job. I didn't have to think about it long - because by this point, I had become THE radio news department. One person working long days and split shifts - sort of like some gift shops will do it for the next six weeks."

Just Axin...

Very good, Mr. Axin - you chopped me down to size.

I've been writing the blog late at night for awhile - and as politicians love to say, "mistakes were made." I've corrected the one he noted from 11 Nov. The CNN Networks had copy editors to keep writers like me in line - but as you may know, I'm a single guy....

(So sloppy has my writing been that I never explained something I promoted on the blog two weeks ago: the "orange thing hanging from my mailbox." On Halloween weekend, I didn't put a jack-o-lantern outside - I left a pamphlet explaining the pagan origins of Halloween. No one took it. Perhaps the thought of reading scared some children away.)

By the way, Saturday marked 20 years since I started at CNN Headline News. I still have the sportcoat I wore to work that Tuesday, and I thought about wearing it to church this weekend for the fun of it -- but I now know lime-green jackets in November don't really look right.

I've lost track of almost all the people I worked with when I started at CNN. This year, I've been thrilled to restore a friendship online with fellow writer, now public radio reporter, Lisa Napoli. We're open fans of each other -- but I keep waiting for her to call me for that exclusive interview.

Here's one more e-mail about my trip down memory lane - taking my memory [12 Nov] to task:

Bo didn't go to the NFL until 1987, and you claim to have watched him on MNF in 1984? He was still in college, where he won the Heisman in 1985.

Just an FYI.

mm

As I wrote on a message board awhile back, especially fitting for the new millennium: "Roman numerals. They're M-M-good."

MM is right - I had my Monday night football games mixed up. I don't "know Bo." But then again, it's hard for me these days to believe Bo knows the sweet potato pies with his name on them.

I admittedly stopped and puzzled for a moment over what I actually saw on that Monday night in 1984. That's because I remembered seeing Atlanta newspapers around the same time, analyzing a wrong turn Bo Jackson made in a close college game. The fact that they still analyzed it the following Tuesday told me how slow a sports day it was.

A check online just now showed Bo Jackson had a 91-yard at the Seattle Kingdome in November 1987. Since then the Kingdome has been imploded - and if what I hear is accurate, Jackson's arm muscles have fallen to around his waistline.

Since we're talking somewhat about Auburn football - can someone explain why Tiger players were spinning hubcaps in the stands, at the end of Saturday's Georgia game? I certainly hope no trustees bought them sports cars....

Now let's breeze through other items on a breezy fall weekend:

+ "Ritmo Latino" radio returned to the air - only it's the title of a Saturday night show on Georgia Public Broadcasting. So at least the continual commercials for nightclub concerts have stopped....

+ An afternoon drive past the Sports Page bar found two people spray-painting words on the lawn. C'mon now - you can't have end zones for parking lot touch football, that close to traffic.

+ The Columbus Cottonmouths beat Winston-Salem 4-2 - and there were more than 200 penalty minutes in the first period alone. Isn't it nice to see Coach Jerome Bechard has learned from his mistakes, and isn't passing them on to his players?

+ Instant Message to Cascade Hills Church: I know you're trying to be hip and impressive with your "Real Time" telecast. But when you use fancy sound effects to show a phone number during the middle of the sermon, you're distracting from your pastor - not to mention getting on my nerves.

To offer a story tip, make a donation or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post a reply.

If you quote from this in public somewhere, please be polite enough to let me know.

© 2003-04 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.

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13 NOV 04: A COLOR-FUL DAY

Instant Message to the Georgia Bulldogs: Don't let that big BLUE wall hit you in the tail on your way out of town - the one that stopped you cold most of the day....

Auburn overwhelmed Georgia 24-6 in today's "Showdown in the South." You know the game's lopsided when you turn on the Georgia radio broadcast, and Larry Munson isn't even worrying about his team anymore.

(With no disrespect meant to the Auburn broadcasters, I chose to listen to the Georgia version of the fourth quarter. After all, Larry Munson is about 86 years old - and any broadcast could be his last.)

Carnell Williams surprised the Jordan-Hare Stadium crowd, by throwing a touchdown pass for Auburn. And you thought Cadillacs only go airborne in movie chase scenes....

Georgia quarterback David Greene had one positive accomplishment, setting the Bulldog record for career passing yards. He passed Eric Zeier - but we should note, Zeier took his college success and turned it into a Sunday brunch talk show.

As the final seconds ticked away at Jordan-Hare Stadium, some Auburn fans began chanting: "We want 'Bama." I think that's what plenty of sports journalists have said over the last couple of years - especially while Mike Price was coach.

(This crowd sounded so "cocky," I thought they were fans of South Carolina....)

Our thanks to CBS's Verne Lundquist for reminding the country that it's almost one year since the infamous trip to Louisville by Auburn officials and trustees. With a couple more wins, those men could see their worst nightmare - Tommy Tuberville running for Governor.

How big a game was Georgia-Auburn? The eBay web site showed a man in LaGrange selling four tickets for $1,200. At that price, you might as well pitch a tent and live in that row of the stadium for a couple of weeks.

Before you ask - no, I did NOT watch all of the Georgia-Auburn game. I keep a seventh-day Sabbath, so I didn't turn on the game until after sunset when I returned home from church. All you college football worshippers should have an easy time making the transition one of these days....

BIG PREDICTION UPDATE: Hooray! I called it - the Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets beating Connecticut 30-10 Maybe U-Conn should have put in Columbus freshman Ketia Swanier, as a distraction.

Away from sports, we have other colors to discuss -- such as black and white. Some people apparently are upset with the Columbus Convention and Visitors Bureau, for not posting the Universoul Circus on its web site calendar. Is this a racial thing? Or was the circus supposed to check in downtown first?

The Universoul Circus concludes its visit to Columbus Sunday. It's holding two evening performances in the Civic Center parking lot, as the Cottonmouths play two games inside the building. Couldn't these two attractions combine -- maybe with clowns in hockey outfits having a fistfight?

I suppose some will consider the weekend events at the Civic Center another example of a racially-divided Columbus. But keep one thing in mind - that goaltender's mask could be hiding someone with dark skin.

Speaking of touchy race subjects, somebody has to ask this - why was Davis Broadcasting's weekend Radiothon broadcast on all of its stations EXCEPT FM-92 "The River?" Don't rock fans care about needy local children, too?

It's a dirty little secret of FM radio that rock stations such as "The River" tend NOT to play minority artists. I remember staff members at my college's student station letting a Kansas City rock station manager have it in the late 1970's on that
issue. Of course, then he left for a bigger-paying job in Chicago....

Davis Broadcasting had a unique opportunity to blow up the stereotypes, and promote "one Columbus" with its Radiothon. Instead, the fund-raiser was restricted to its "urban" stations and left off "The River." So does this prove there aren't any poor white children in Columbus?

(It's tempting to ask why Davis Broadcasting has to appeal to the public for money in the first place. You'd think Foxie-105 and K-95.7 would bring in enough money to buy gifts for young people in our area - or do D.J. Chip and Shay Baby have THAT big a salary?)

THE BIG BLOG QUESTION asked you about colors for the last week - and it ends with 70 percent of you saying we should keep our "rainbow" color scheme (14-6). If this causes health problems for any of you, we suggest printing out each entry. We assume you have a black-and-white printer to do this....

One man left a comment with our question, warning us of the dangers we'd face turning the blog into Auburn or Georgia colors. If we had to choose, we'd be more likely to use University of Kansas colors - which have both blue and red. People might even think we love the United States of America.

COMING SUNDAY: We'll get caught up on e-mail.... some of them correcting me....

To offer a story tip, make a donation or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post a reply.

If you quote from this in public somewhere, please be polite enough to let me know.

© 2003-04 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.

12 NOV 04: WELCOME SOUTH, BROTHER


Our BLOG SPECIAL EVENT continues now, as it was on this day 20 years ago that I officially moved into Georgia. The day started at a Holiday Inn in West Memphis, Arkansas -- and a shower so cold, I couldn't believe I was in Holiday Inn's headquarters city.


The direct route by car from Memphis to Atlanta in November 1984 meant a two-lane drive on a winding U.S. 78 through northern Mississippi. It also meant an introduction to "Academies" in small towns - opened as alternatives to desegregated public schools. How many of these are run by Southern Baptists, anyway?


The road to Georgia bypassed Tupelo, Mississippi. I decided I didn't have time to stop and tour Elvis Presley's hometown. Years later I stopped there on vacation one evening and jogged downtown - and by comparison, downtown Columbus could be a marathon course.


I stopped for lunch in northwest Alabama, and received a rude culture shock. I should have known I was in trouble at a barbecue restaurant when all the menu items were listed on decorative wooden pigs -- with not a steer in sight.


The barbecue sandwich I ordered tasted strange to me -- because growing up in Kansas City and living for years in Oklahoma, barbecue meant beef. Once I discovered this sandwich was pork, I felt like half the town was in the restaurant. And they were all watching me dump that sandwich in the trash.


(In the next town down the road, I didn't repeat that mistake - getting a safe chili cheeseburger.)


A large table lamp was lodged between the seats of my car on that Monday in November 1984. When I reached Birmingham, one of the ramps leading to Interstate 20 surprised me - and the lampshade ripped. When I moved to Columbus 13 years later, I settled for clothing and suitcases.


In late 1984 I-20 was NOT completely built across Alabama. That meant a detour of several miles between Birmingham and Anniston. It took several more years for me to realize a large number of Alabamians actually don't mind living behind the times....


The moving trip finally reached the Georgia line in late afternoon. And for the first time, I began to live on Eastern Time instead of Central. I still dare to say Central is the time zone God prefers - since the late news comes on at 10:00 p.m.


I stopped for fuel in Douglas County around sundown - and began to understand the busyness of Atlanta traffic. A long line of cars extended down a two-lane road from the I-20 exit. This was so long ago, I'm not sure this exit even had a Waffle House.


As part of my preparation for the move to Georgia, I contacted an Atlanta church pastor in the denomination I used to attend. He announced at church I needed a roommate for awhile -- and a single man offered to take me in. The fact that I was hired by CNN made me trustworthy, I guess. But remember, this was before Fox News Channel....


I followed the pastor's directions and a map, I found the duplex in College Park which would be my first Georgia home. But as I rolled into the driveway, the next-door neighbor on my left was handling a fierce-sounding dog -- and I couldn't tell in the darkness if it was leashed or not. I'd driven hundreds of miles, and now couldn't be sure of the last 20 yards.


After waiting a couple of minutes in uncertainty, I developed a strategy: drive up the road to a Church's chicken stand for dinner, then return to the duplex and BACK my way up the driveway. The dog would have to run around the car. And if all else failed, I could throw bones at it.


It turned out the scary-sounding dog WAS on a leash - and I was able to get out of the car, find the man's hidden key and get inside the duplex in one piece. I guess that animal was designed to get me used to Atlanta's southside. The duplex was
close to Hartsfield Airport, and in the flight path of all sorts of planes.


The first Monday night watching Georgia television in 1984 was memorable as well. Forrest Sawyer co-anchored the news on WAGA -- and the big 11:00 p.m. story was how the homeless would cope with the coldest night of the fall. I saw that and gained the false impression Atlanta was only slightly chillier in winter than Miami.


Down the dial on that Monday night, Bo Jackson had an 89-yard (I think) touchdown run for the Raiders in Seattle, running all the way into the Kingdome tunnel. And Atlanta's TV-69 was trying to copy MTV - only the VJ's didn't look anywhere as good as Martha Quinn.


My "host" in the duplex was out of town for the week on sales calls. So not knowing what else to do, I slept in his bedroom on my first night in Georgia - but on the floor, so as not to offend. Before you ask: it was MY germs that I was concerned about spreading....


Over the last 20 years in Georgia, I've learned many things -- yet I remain puzzled by many things:


+ I'm now familiar with most of the NASCAR drivers. But when I hear "a round of wedge," I wonder why they're carrying golf clubs in the cars.


+ I've learned Georgia tea comes both sweetened and unsweetened. But I still don't know how restaurants sweeten the tea in advance -- especially without opening all sorts of sugar packets.


+ I'm more careful making right turns after stopping at street corners - because many drivers feel like they HAVE to turn left into a right-hand lane.


+ I've discovered if you answer a phone and the first thing a caller says is "Lookee here," you're probably in trouble. But I still can't grasp why people say "hey" instead of "hello."


+ I now know college football games in the South are not games. They are mini-wars -- or "us versus them." Thanks, Larry Munson.


+ I've learned you don't step on a gas pedal -- you "mash" it. But no one has offered me "corn meal mash" yet.


But enough about my history - let's check some local events from Thursday:

+ The Columbus Salvation Army announced Target won't allow bell-ringers outside the store this year. If only those bells could match the rock music in the Target commercials....


(Target explains if the Salvation Army is allowed to have kettles outside stores, other groups trying to raise money will expect the same privilege. You probably can name some of them - Coach's Corner, the Traffic Light Inn, and everybody
else on Fort Benning's list.)


+ A Lumpkin police officer (perhaps THE only officer) told WXTX "News at Ten" the town is trying to crack down on juvenile crime. There's only one little problem. The juveniles get thrown in the Stewart County Jail, where they can jump
right out.


+ Instant Message to the organizers of "Christmas Made in the South": You're going to have a big crowd at the Trade Center, no matter what - but to be REALLY Southern, shouldn't the mouse in your logo be replaced by a cockroach?


BIG PREDICTION: I'm asking for it either way, in making a choice on this incredibly important contest -- but I'll dare to do it. I say Georgia Tech will beat Connecticut this weekend, and get even for the college basketball finals....

To offer a story tip, make a donation or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post a reply.

If you quote from this in public somewhere, please be polite enough to let me know.

© 2003-04 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.

11 NOV 04: A 20-YEAR VETERAN


It was the 11^th month, 11^th day, 11^th hour - not in 1918, but 1984. Twenty years ago today at about 11:00 a.m., I said farewell to Oklahoma and began a move to Georgia. It was a classic trade -- red dirt for rednecks.


Our story really begins in the summer of 1984. I'd spent more than two years doing radio news in Enid, Oklahoma, and the situation was going downhill quickly. When the management cuts costs by asking the on-air staff to clean bathrooms, that's not a good sign....


I found out CNN Headline News in Atlanta was looking for news writers, so I mailed a resume and some writing samples. For those of you younger than 25 -- this was before the Internet. Back then, "e-mail" could have meant an enormous package.


I was a bit surprised when CNN Headline News expressed an interest in my work, and asked me to travel to Atlanta for an interview. The network even paid for my airline ticket -- well, half of it. The assistant to the boss forgot to buy me a ticket back to Oklahoma My credit card saved me from potentially staying overnight at Ted Turner's house.


The one-day round-trip between Oklahoma City and Atlanta marked my first time in an airplane. It was such a new experience for me that for awhile, I couldn't figure out the right way out of the Hartsfield Airport transportation mall. Yes, you DO have to go up an escalator....


CNN covered my cab fare to midtown Atlanta from the Atlanta airport, for an interview and a writing test. This test was done on an electric typewriter - the ones with ribbons you can only find now at locally-owned office supply stores, before
they go bankrupt.


Two months later in October 1984, the late CNN Headline News manager Paul Amos called and offered me a job. I didn't have to think about it long - because by this point, I had become THE radio news department. One person working long days and split shifts - sort of like some gift shops will do it for the next six weeks.


My new boss wanted me to start in Atlanta as soon as possible, but I had to give two weeks' notice at the radio station. I also had to prepare for the move - but I had some practice. The apartment complex required people to take dishes out of the kitchen cabinets every month, for bug spraying.


I still have a farewell pen-and-pencil set from KXLS-FM, given to me on my final Friday evening November 9, 1984. I also still have memories of a last trip to the newsroom the following night - and finding all the tape cartridges were removed.
I never have called the Smithsonian, to check into that....


With a mover arranged and everything in some semblance of order, I left Enid for Georgia on that Veterans Day Sunday morning. As I drove east on U.S. 64, the AM radio had Christine McVie singing, "I've been down, I've been used/ Now I know that I just can't lose." The words seemed fitting for me -- even if they were incredibly out of context.


I stopped for exercise at Oklahoma State University, on the way to Atlanta. This was when Jimmy Johnson was coaching O.S.U. football and becoming a famous name - and long before a NASCAR driver named Jimmy Johnson made many sports fans forget him.


I allowed two days for the drive from Enid to Atlanta, since a good deal of the trip would involve no interstate highway. My Sunday night stop for rest was a Holiday Inn in West Memphis, Arkansas. This was back when Holiday Inn's headquarters was in Memphis, not Atlanta - and WAY back, when it was considered a discount motel.


In November 1984, the Dow Jones Industrial Average stood at around 1,200. The Atlanta Falcons' quarterbacks were Steve Bartkowski and Mike Moroski - and I can't really say they "stood," because a losing season meant they were running around and getting sacked.


This BLOG SPECIAL EVENT continues tomorrow, with our arrival into Atlanta. But now let's check local highlights from Wednesday:


+ WRBL found a curious survey downtown, asking people for opinions on the Columbus Riverwalk. One question asks if you consider it the heart of the city. I suppose it could be - and I think that makes AFLAC the city wallet.


+ A bridge was delivered to Phenix City, to link two sections of that city's Riverwalk. I jogged on that path Wednesday night, and found a police officer guarding one of the sections. We don't need any engineering students from Georgia Tech coming here, and pulling pranks.


(The bridge was driven to Phenix City, after it was built in Fort Payne. Is this a case of "a bridge too far?")


+ Former Phenix City Mayor Peggy Martin was one of several new Russell County Commissioners sworn into office. At the pace she's moving up the political ladder, she may become Alabama Governor around age 90.


+ The Ledger-Enquirer reported Columbus Council voted to buy a mobile home park near Oxbow Meadows. Isn't this a great idea? People will be able to visit the new Infantry Museum, and feel like they're living a cut above soldiers in battle.


+ Instant Message to the Columbus Civic Center staff: Why didn't you post any information about the Universoul Circus on your web site until Wednesday afternoon - only hours before the opening performance? Didn't you notice that big tent in your parking lot?


COMING SOON: A "LaughLine flashback" recalling what we wrote about Yasser Arafat, who died (finally) Wednesday night....

To offer a story tip, make a donation or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post a reply.

If you quote from this in public somewhere, please be polite enough to let me know.

© 2003-04 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.

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10 NOV 04: BRADLEY PARKED

OK, what's going on here? Where was Brad Cotter Tuesday night? He certainly wasn't at the Country Music Association Awards - unless they made him sit near the back row, where Gretchen Wilson says she sat last year....

Brad Cotter of Auburn may be the USA Network's "Nashville Star," but he was nowhere to be found at Tuesday night's "biggest night in country music." You don't think he's already parked outside Jordan-Hare Stadium, for Saturday's Georgia-Auburn game?!?

Brad Cotter wasn't even nominated for the Horizon Award, given to rising talented country artists. But look on the bright side -- stars tend to be ABOVE the horizon.

Country artists from our area didn't do well overall at the C.M.A.'s this year. Newnan native Alan Jackson sat all night, as categories he used to win went to others. At least we can answer the musical question, "Where were you when the awards stopping coming?"

And there was a time when Marietta's Travis Tritt was a regular contender for Country Music Association Awards. This year he was missing again - as he's apparently still waiting for the Westville film "2,001 Maniacs" to come out, and dramatically change his career.

Not even country music radio stations in our area could win awards this year. What does it say when Syracuse, New York and Seattle are judged to have better country music than the South?

The C.M.A. Awards tend to have a different feel from other big-time award shows. For one thing, when the winners thank God and praise Jesus Christ, you're left thinking these celebrities really might mean it....

But back to Gretchen Wilson: she won the C.M.A. Horizon Award Tuesday night -- and a week from Friday she comes to the Columbus Civic Center, touring with the duo "Big and Rich." That's funny; those singers didn't look like pro basketball
players....

E-MAIL UPDATE: We tried to answer a question about a fiction book set in Columbus Tuesday. But now the original questioner has provided her own answer:

I found out a few days ago that the book "The Valley" is actually a brochure my company is putting out! Our boss laughed for 2 days when he found out that people in the office thought it was an actual book!

I'm sorry you went to all that trouble.

Betsy

Thanks for settling that, Betsy. At least you offered better service than Barnes & Noble - as the employee who promised to check her manager still hasn't called me back.

(But why do I have this strange feeling - like I was put on an Internet version of "Candid Camera?")

Of course, the news that "The Valley" is not a fiction book may bring a very different reaction. Budding authors may start writing their own Columbus-based novel. Let's see -- how about a judge named Peter Robert-son?

Now some closing words -- perhaps a mix of fact and fiction:

+ The first "Hands on Columbus" volunteer project was conducted, with crews building a new greenhouse at Muscogee Manor. How many single guys wish a "Hands on Columbus" would occur on Victory Drive, near one of those clubs?

+ Fort Benning announced it will tighten its security rules starting next week - including identification checks of every visitor. This will make things challenging for S.O.A. Watch protesters. They're not the kind of people who make fake I.D. cards, to get into bars.

(Fort Benning also announced Interstate 185 access to post will re-open next Monday, with a new security gate. If your car has a "Drive 1" license plate on it, I'd remove it as soon as possible..)

+ Students at Wesley Heights Elementary School staged a parade for accelerated reading students. At least THEY bothered to put on a parade around Veteran's Day....

+ The Atlanta Hawks lost their home opener to Cleveland, and now are 0-4 in the new season. If this keeps up, you may see fans throwing confetti at home games - only it'll be made of ripped-up season tickets.

+ Instant Message to the man who's calling Columbus TV stations, telling them NOT to mention Auburn as the Georgia-Auburn football game approaches: What if an Auburn fan calls, asking stations not to mention Georgia? Should we ignore this game completely, until everyone calms down?

To offer a story tip, make a donation or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post a reply.

If you quote from this in public somewhere, please be polite enough to let me know.

© 2003-04 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

9 NOV 04: BOOK 'EM

An e-mailer challenged us a few days ago - and we're still trying to track down the truth about her tip:

I've heard there is a fictional book coming out in 2005 that is supposed to be set in Columbus. Have you heard anything about that? I think it's called "The Valley", but I'm not sure....

I've heard at my office that although it is fictional, it's based on actual events and people. I don't know which people though.

Betsy

Sorry to say, Betsy, I didn't know about this book until you e-mailed me. I tend to only check the books thrown on my porch - like the Yellow Pages.

I called Books-a-Million Monday night to ask about "The Valley." Trouble is, that place has ten pages of books with "Valley" in the title. It may stun some readers to say this - but it appears the Chattahoochee Valley is not the only one.

The woman at Books-a-Million didn't see anything on her list about a new fiction book called "The Valley." While I was on the line, I should have asked about other fiction books - like the exit polls from last week's election.

Next I called Barnes & Noble - which again this year is NOT listed in the Yellow Pages under "Books." Instead, its listing is under "Magazines." So I guess 90 percent of the shelves in this store are simply for dress-up and show....

The woman who helped me at Barnes & Noble knew nothing about a fiction book called "The Valley," but she promised to check a manager and call me back. The manager may have been smarter than most of us - waiting until Monday to walk down the sidewalk to the new H.H. Gregg store.

A check of Amazon.com didn't bring a good answer, either. I did find a book called "The Valley" - but it's a top-dollar title about the porn movie industry of southern California. So if this new book is set on Victory Drive, there could be a
lawsuit....

The idea is interesting, though - a fiction book "based on actual events and people." Imagine the possibilities:

+ A steamy novel based on the rumors about Judge-Elect Bobby Peters - "Valley of the Dolls."

+ A crime drama about undercover drug work by the Metro Squad - "Sweet Valley High."

+ A book with golfer Larry Mize as the main character - "How Green Was My Valley."

+ A soap opera about students at Brookstone School - "Valley Girls."

As time has permitted in recent years, I've tried to shop around my own book proposals. I have a faith-based children's book with a heroic bear - but my name's not Katie Couric or Madonna, so publishers aren't interested.

I've also dreamed of writing a book about Spanglish - mixing English and Spanish words in the same sentence. For instance: the Spanish word for Internet is "red." So if someone passes out literature claiming the web is filled with Communists - you read the "red" is red.

Now some other all-English things from Monday:

+ The morning low was 50 F., with the forecast calling for upcoming mornings in the 40's. Have you noticed how it always gets cold around here after we go back to Standard Time? Stay on daylight time, and things might be different.

+ Stewart County Sheriff Larry Jones admitted there actually have been three escapes from the county jail this year. This is getting so bad that Westville ought to offer money to the escapees - then put them on display in 1850-style stocks.

+ Columbus State University confirmed the fall semester has a record-high enrollment of 7,224 students - 62 percent of them female. Hey, wait a minute! It's 62-percent female?! Maybe I DO need a Master's Degree....

COMING THIS WEEK: A fascinating idea about police and Wal-Mart.... and our Blog Special Event, marking 20 years in Georgia....

To offer a story tip, make a donation or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post a reply.

If you quote from this in public somewhere, please be polite enough to let me know.

© 2003-04 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

8 NOV 04: FEAST AND FAMINE

"Excuse me, sir," the man well up the hill of the parking lot said. I had just finished loading groceries in my trunk -- so there was only one important concern for me on this cool November day: how fast the ice cream might melt before getting home.

The man wearing a bulky Notre Dame jacket had my attention - but as he walked down the hill toward my car Friday afternoon, he suddenly became tough for me to hear. Only on the fourth try did I grasp what he wanted. Too bad he didn't want a ride to the football game at Tennessee -- that would have been easy to turn down.

"Can I have 50 cents?" Oh no - another beggar. This makes three in seven weeks! Haven't these people heard President Bush say the economy is getting better?

Regular readers should know my drill with beggars by now. "What do you want it for?" I asked of the man's request for 50 cents.

"Get something to eat," he said. Only once or twice has someone come out and admitted to me they wanted alcohol - which may mean they'd had too much already.

I should mention at this point that this beggar was NOT in Columbus. I was outside the Opelika Kroger store - so come to think of it, he'd probably need 50 cents AND a Kroger-Plus card to afford something to eat.

"Let's go inside, and I'll buy you something to eat," I suggested to the man, throwing a last item in my back seat and closing the door.

"I can't," the man answered. A supermarket full of groceries -- and he can't eat ANY of that food? Certainly someone at the deli could have made a copycat sandwich from the Subway diet.

"I want something over there," the beggar explained as he pointed down Opelika's Second Avenue. There's a Sonic Drive-In within walking distance of Kroger. Maybe if I went with him, we could talk about Philly Cheese Steak Toasters
like those guys in the commercial.

At this point I might have offered to drive the beggar "over there" for something to eat. But Columbus Police are urging people NOT to pick up strangers in the wake of three recent killings. What if a serial killer had moved up the highway -- sneaking past Smiths Station while two-thirds of town was in line to vote?

"We can go in right now and get you something to eat...." I repeated to the beggar.

"Forget it," the man said -- and he moved on to another customer, approaching a car near mine. So often I hear people talk about being tolerant of this sort of person. So why can't they be tolerant, and show a little flexibility?

As it happens, Kroger stores are involved right now in the annual "Auburn-Alabama Food Fight" -- a campaign to collect canned goods for food banks. If this man truly was hungry, he could go to a food bank for help. But sometimes it seems beggars can't eat unless they hold money in their hands first.

E-MAIL UPDATE: We had an interesting reply Sunday to the message which inspired our current Big Blog Question:

I have been reading your blog for about a month now. I'm so glad I found it, this is the best entertainment I have found on the web in years :0)

As for the colors, DON'T change it! I love seeing the colors change as I read your comments. The reader who is afraid of having a seizure because of that, well, seems like they may need their meds changed. I have an epileptic daughter, and subtle color changes like that don't cause seizures. And all the times I visit your blog, I have yet to see any flashing color changes, except when I go to vote on the current blog question, and that ad at the very bottom ("if this banner is flashing, you're a winner!") is flashing... but if you know it's there, you can easily avoid it.

Keep up the comments, and please keep the colors!

Thanks,

Jennifer Moore

Jennifer, your words truly are humbling. It's hard to believe this is more entertaining than all those online fantasy football leagues.

I admit I don't know much about epilepsy, or what can lead to seizures. An encyclopedia check Sunday night revealed one common form is called "Jacksonian epilepsy" - which may explain some of Michael Jackson's fancy dance steps years ago.

Now let's check other items from a gorgeous Sunday:

+ Convicted murderer Daryl Kitchens turned himself in, nearly a full day after jumping over a fence and escaping from the Stewart County Jail. Perhaps Kitchens discovered the Lumpkin library was closed, and he simply got bored.

(Somebody's gotta ask it - why is a convicted murderer being held in the Stewart County Jail? Are state prisons too full to hold such criminals? Can't Governor Perdue get inmates to build more prisons, the way Roy Barnes promised he'd do years ago?)

+ Atlanta Falcons backup quarterback Corey Schaub was arrested on assault and battery charges. I fear Schaub has been watching "CSI: New York" too much -- and he decided this is his only way to be a "Vic."

+ A magnitude four earthquake shook parts of Alabama, centered southwest of Tuscaloosa. Who would have guessed the chance of Alabama attending a football bowl game would cause such shock waves?

+ Instant Message to the new H.H. Gregg store: OK, you did it. I bought one of your 18-dollar microwave ovens. But that section of the store dealing with "fabric care" - some of us can remember when that was called the laundry.

(And to Columbus Park Crossing, where H.H. Gregg is located - as big in size as this shopping center has become, when do you plan to start holding a marathon in the parking lot?)

To offer a story tip, make a donation or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post a reply.

If you quote from this in public somewhere, please be polite enough to let me know.

© 2003-04 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

7 NOV 04: BAIT AND TACKLING

Uh-oh - was Saturday yet another example of the "two Columbus" divide? People on the north side went to Callaway Gardens for the Steeplechase. People on the south side went to McClung Memorial Stadium for the Fountain City Classic. The only thing which probably brought them together was the grand opening sale at H.H. Gregg.

I didn't go to Callaway to watch horse racing in a big, funny hat. But I saw the impact of the Fountain City Classic. At 15 minutes before the kickoff, Veterans Parkway was backed up more than five blocks with game traffic. Well, unless most of those people were stopping at Chester's Bar-B-Q for lunch....

Just when I figured the Fountain City Classic was over, I ran right into it Saturday night. While jogging around 6:30, I came upon several cars at the Rotary Park boat ramp. I'd never seen so many vehicles there - but then again, I hadn't
checked the solunar tables in the newspaper for the day.

I soon realized this group of cars had nothing to do with fishing. For one thing, I didn't see any boats. The drivers parked at Bulldog Bait and Tackle for the Fountain City Classic - only they had a very different definition of tackle.

In the dimly-lit evening, it appeared several cars were parked ON the boar ramp - so anyone planning to enjoy an afternoon on the Chattahoochee River would have to go somewhere else. I know some people who would tell them to park the boat and go hunting, anyway....

Rotary Park is next door to Bulldog Bait and the boat ramp - and several drivers decided to park on the grass for the day. Does this happen at other big events in town? Will Peachtree Mall shoppers park on the airport taxiways over Thanksgiving weekend?

"Who won the game?" I asked a group of people standing next to their cars as I jogged by. I think someone repeated my question, but they didn't give me an answer. Maybe they'd had too much beer by that time to remember - or they only came
for the bands at halftime.

I hadn't heard who won the Fountain City Classic, so I asked another family parked next to a picnic table on the grass at Rotary Park. "Albany State," they answered matter-of-factly - thus giving themselves away as Fort Valley State fans.

(It turns out Albany State DID beat Fort Valley State 20-19, thanks to a botched extra point in the final minute. Since the game was close, I wonder if they renamed "The Stomp After the Romp" at the Civic Center "The Chill After the Thrill.")

I kept jogging down the Riverwalk, turned around at 22^nd Avenue and made a return trip to Rotary Park. By now one car had backed from the boat ramp almost onto the Riverwalk. I guess the driver was ready to leave. If the Bulldog Bait owner had been there, he would have been ready to see the driver go.

I crossed the boat ramp around the cars, finishing my best non-stop run in two years. But as I walked on past Port Columbus, headlights approached me on the Riverwalk. A police vehicle to clear out the park? Nope - a regular car with an
antique tag! At least he didn't have enough beer in his system to drive off the pavement....

Apparently this wayward driver entered the Riverwalk by taking a wrong turn at the Port Columbus parking lot. Had he driven any other way, the wooden bridge on the walkway probably would have caved in - and as dark as it was, I would have fallen through and wound up soaking wet.

It turns out Rotary Park wasn't the only place which people turned into a parking lot. WRBL reported more than 20 tickets were issued for cars parked at Porterdale Cemetery -- a few apparently parked right on top of grave markers. Maybe
next year, the game should be on Halloween weekend....

Was the South Commons parking lot THAT crowded, that football fans had to park at cemeteries and on the grass at city parks? Was planning for the Fountain City Classic that disorganized? Or was game coordinator Calvin Smyre getting even for Columbus having a Republican mayor?

What happened at the Fountain City Classic leaves me wondering how Columbus handled crowds for the Auburn-Georgia football game at Memorial Stadium years ago. Did trains full of fans really go through South Commons then - and really let them out there?

E-MAIL UPDATE: Here's a question we haven't received before:

Aren't you concerned about the changing colors on your blog? I may have an epileptic seizure. Please turn it off.

Afraid of flashing colors.

My apologies for having a blog which makes some people afraid of flashing colors. Before now, more people have been afraid of what I'd write about skin colors.

The changing colors have been on the blog from the beginning - mainly because I wasn't sure what colors to use when I started. Call it a classic example of a singly guy who can't commit.

(But let's make one thing clear right here - the "rainbow effect" of the blog is NOT a subtle message that I opposed the same-sex marriage question on the Georgia ballot.)

The changing colors cause a different sort of problem for some blog readers. With some versions of the Internet Explorer browser, the blog page constantly shows as "updating" something in the corner. The blog never appears as "done" - which in a way is good, because I want you to come back tomorrow.

(Then there was the e-mailer who told me he never noticed the colors changing at all. He claimed he found what I wrote much more interesting....)

THE BIG BLOG QUESTION now is based on this e-mail. Should the fancy color-changing stay or go? I'll also take your comments on what colors we should have here. Call this "Extreme Makeover: Blog Edition."

Let's catch up now on a few loose ends from recent days:

+ A public hearing on widening part of Buena Vista Road brought a protest from Brooke's Florist owner Paul Olson, because his business would have to move. That'll teach him to oppose that one-cent sales tax question....

(On the other hand, Olson said the only place he could move his business is "north Columbus." Aw, c'mon - there are plenty of open spots on Victory Drive. And if Fort Benning's ban continues, a few strip clubs might come open soon.)

+ Two men at the church I attend already were talking about the 2008 Presidential race. "We know SHE'S gonna run," one man said. Since when did Hillary Rodham Clinton become the only female politician in America?

(The man went on to ask, "Who are WE gonna run?" I then stated the official church position that we're non-political, and don't take sides - and both men stood there like I'd walked onto a smoking porch and talked about lung cancer.)

+ Alabama beat Mississippi State - and Crimson Tide players dumped a drink bucket over coach Mike Shula's head. The reason - 'Bama is now "bowl-eligible." If this is all it takes to do a bucket-dumping in Tuscaloosa, times there truly have been bad.

(What a nice surprise to find Alabama football back on local radio. The games are now on WSHE-AM, the "Southern gospel" station - and in recent years, the Crimson Tide almost didn't have a prayer of winning most weeks.)

+ Instant Message to the Lux Day Spa in the Phenix Crossing shopping center: When you opened for business there, did you know you'd wind up next door to the "80 Proof Package Store?" Aren't you a bit concerned about customers going in the wrong door?

(A "day spa" and a package store side-by-side - if that doesn't reinforce every redneck stereotype about Alabama, I don't know what does....)

BURKARD'S BEST BETS: Milk for $1 a half-gallon at Kroger stores north of Columbus.... Gas for $1.84 a gallon at American Eagle on the 280 Bypass in Phenix City.... but $2.01 a gallon at a BP station on Cusseta Road?! Which OPEC country owns that one?....

COMING MONDAY: I run from beggars, but I can't hide....

To offer a story tip, make a donation or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post a reply.

If you quote from this in public somewhere, please be polite enough to let me know.

© 2003-04 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

5 NOV 04: MAIL CALL

After a busy, eventful, historic week, I'm ready for a blogging break. Today I'll let your e-mails drive the discussion - and we have several to consider, starting with a big surprise from a Judge-Elect:

Good afternoon sir,

Don't usually write but got a call that I made your web site again today concerning a "beautiful lady with long brown hair". [2 Nov] It is nice to know I have someone watching the place. If you see anyone breaking in, please call 911. (unless it is a lady with long brown hair then call me so I will be
sure she gets in)

I am not really sure who you are talking about. I did help a lady get her son out of jail the other night, and her husband met us at the jail. People come and go all the time here. My motto: we doze but never close.

People get arrested at all times of the night and my phone rings at all times of the night to get them out. (after January you probably wont see any ladies with long brown hair or long hair of any color coming in to get someone out of jail)

As you know I both practice law and live in this house on first avenue. Sometimes I sit at my law office computer late at night wearing my legal briefs working on cases for the next day. But after almost 25 years at the same location, most people know where I am and walk in all the time or ring the door bell.. A gentleman banged on my door trying to get in last week at 5:00AM. The police came and he was drunk and said he wanted to borrow Bobby Peters phone to call someone to come downtown and pick him up. (he had long brown hair also)

There is a record of that call.

I also invite you to drop in sometime and lets talk in person. We are evidently neighbors and should get to know each other better. Plus I don't want you to strain your eyes trying to see in my law office or for you to run in a ditch while taking your eyes off the road to watch me.

If this mysterious lady is as beautiful as you describe, I can't imagine her coming to see a hard working antique lawyer with high mileage and grey hair, except for legal assistance. I am single and the thought sounds nice but only a dream.

Just thought I would set the record straight.

Hope everyone got out and voted today.

Thank you.

Bobby

Thank YOU, Mr. Peters. Who knows what sort of people will knock on your door once all the Columbus State University art students move downtown?

When someone is as well-known as Bobby Peters, he doesn't need to organize a "neighborhood watch" program. His friends and foes combine to take care of that....

What a shame that "ladies with long hair" won't be at Bobby Peters' door come January, to get people bailed out of jail. But attendance at Superior Court suddenly might increase.

(Hmmmm -- but then the women Judge-Elect Peters IS dating will be easier to spot. Maybe they should kiss good night down the street, at the Urban League office.)

So if you're drunk at 5:00 in the morning and you need a ride, you knock on Bobby Peters's door?! That's what happens when you shake so many hands running for Mayor, or even walking through a restaurant - everyone thinks they know you personalty, even if they don't.

(Wouldn't it be interesting to hear the record of that 5:00 a.m. call? Come to think of it, why isn't there a TV show playing blooper calls to 911?)

Don't worry, Bobby Peters - I'm not straining my eyes checking your First Avenue law office/house/rescue mission. I make sure I only drive by on weekends during the day. I'm less likely to run into another car then.

(What do you think - should I pay Bobby Peters a personal visit? I promise it would be at 5:00 p.m., not 5:00 a.m. - and he'd have to provide the long-haired women, because I don't know any available ones.)

I like Bobby Peters' motto, by the way: "We doze but never close." That could apply to some news web sites - especially the ones which don't spot spelling or grammatical errors for days.

Let's move on now to Wednesday's discussion of the collision on Oates Avenue, Sheriff candidate Robert Taylor and NAACP President Edward "probable cause" DuBose:

I would be able to take Robert Taylor more seriously as a potential candidate if I could actually understand what he was saying. I also disagree with Taylor's decision to make the Kenneth Walker Case his primary issue during the election. I agree, the Walker case is long overdue some sort of justice, but I don't think it is going to be found by running an experienced, trained and dedicated Sheriff out of office just to put someone in there who has never served one day with the Sheriff's office....

Thank you for pointing out the obvious with Ed Dubose's statement, he is doing the same thing he was raising holy terror about the Sheriff's Department doing following the Kenneth Walker case. Ed Dubose has made a habit of spreading his opinion through the community anytime a potential "race issue" comes about, yet he seems to be ignorant of the laws that he is demanding be enforced. I would suggest Mr. Dubose educate himself on the limits of the law before his next press conference. I have to say I was thrilled when I found out that he isn't going to run again for President of the local chapter of the NAACP. I can assure you I won't miss him in the news or at the city council meetings.

Thanks for your daily blog, I do enjoy it immensely.

CTR

You're welcome, Mr./Ms. R. But let's get to the more important issue here - have you seen any women with Bobby Peters recently?

Personally, I can understand why Robert Taylor focused on the Kenneth Walker case in his campaign for Sheriff. I can think of only one other issue he could have mentioned - and we still haven't heard anyone claim they were wrongly arrested at a church on Sunday morning.

But hold on here - what's the problem with Edward DuBose spreading an opinion, while being ignorant of the law? Don't callers to radio talk shows do that all the time -- not to mention some hosts?

CTR may not miss Edward DuBose at Columbus Council meetings - but as DuBose gives up control of the Columbus NAACP, we still might get to see him again. Isn't he big enough to be Mark Taylor's running mate, in a campaign for Governor in 2006?

Our last e-mail is on something completely different. Was someone trying to upstage WTVM's coverage on Election Night?

Richard,

I'm not sure if you caught Gretchen's last cut-in from Democrat HQ , but I happen to know the name of the rude obnoxious person that was disrupting her live shot. He is Dan Masters from the former B101 and current "voice of GCW". I noticed that he was in one of Kristi's earlier live shots at the Republican HQ and was reportedly acting a bit disruptive to her as well. I thought I'd pass on that little tidbit.

We're keeping this writer anonymous -- in case Dan Masters tries to disrupt HIS live events. Say, by knocking on his door at 5:00 a.m. asking to use the phone.

I did NOT see the live report disruptions our e-mailer is talking about. I was simply stunned by how a quiet, calm campaign headquarters suddenly becomes loud and noisy when someone starts talking into a TV microphone.

Assuming our writer is accurate, this is truly strange. Someone actually went to BOTH party headquarters on Election Night? Some people look for free food wherever they can....

So is this what Dan Masters is doing, now that B-101 FM has become "The Beat?" Is he trying to become the host of a Columbus version of "Punk'd"?!

But then again, maybe Dan Masters is trying to get attention for GCW - which stands for Georgia Championship Wrestling. World Wrestling Entertainment had something like a "Smackdown the Vote" promotion this year. Masters may be trying to smack down the reporters.

Georgia Championship Wrestling is trying to start a tradition of weekly cards on Saturday nights. They're held at the "Sports Arena," between Cooper Creek Park and Manchester Expressway. This seems like a good location - because we don't want patrons of the Columbus Symphony going into the wrong building.

(Before you doubt there's a Sports Arena near Cooper Creek Park, keep one thing in mind. The late, great wrestling announcer Gordon Solie called the TBS studio in Atlanta a "television sports arena....")

What does it say when Georgia Championship Wrestling has TV commercials appearing during the 6:00 p.m. news, as it did Thursday night? Did this troupe get grant money from the W.C. Bradley Foundation or something?

But anyway -- I've never met Dan Masters, but I'd give him a warning right here: be careful whose live reports you're trying to interrupt. Blaine Stewart might take you to the nearest top rope, and throw you over it.

COMING NEXT WEEK: A Blog Special Event, as we mark 20 years since we moved to Georgia....

To offer a story tip, make a donation or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post a reply.

If you quote from this in public somewhere, please be polite enough to let me know.

© 2003-04 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.

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4 NOV 04: LOVE YA BLUE?

The Columbus Trade Center hosted a Georgia Department of Labor "Career Transition Expo" Wednesday. The timing of this expo was all wrong -- because public safety officers couldn't change their schedules after Tuesday's tax vote to show up.

Somebody's gotta ask this - was Tuesday's election in Columbus a giant vote against law officers? The Marshal lost. The Sheriff almost lost. And with the one-cent sales tax failing, even some male police officers might start selling Avon products to supplement their incomes.

Mayor Bob Poydasheff said city officials are reviewing their options, in the wake of the LOST failing. Did they start doing this only Wednesday? It seems City Manager Carmen Cavezza was considering a "Plan B" before the vote - by applying to
work at Columbus State University.

Mayor Bob Poydasheff told WRBL one alternative to the sales tax money is a "minimum real estate tax." He did NOT explain exactly what that is -- but if they count the spot where I park my car as "minimum real estate," that may be the last
straw.

Not even the promise of lower property taxes persuaded Columbus voters to endorse the one-cent sales tax. Perhaps it hurt the city that this vote occurred on an 80-degree (F.) day -- because it made voters appreciate a property tax freeze that
much more.

So what should Columbus do, to find the extra money it needs? There are several possibilities:

+ City employee cookbooks are on sale at the Government Center. Put them inside Barnes and Noble, and charge double the price.

+ Call Paul Olson, a main opponent of LOST. He opposed the city's "Plan A" - now it's his turn to show one.

+ Take the more radical approach - by cutting public safety more, and having Fort Benning declare about one-third of the businesses in Columbus off-limits.

While we're still reflecting on Tuesday's vote - how about the surprise in Russell County? Commissioner Tillman Pugh was voted out of office for Gordon Cox. We suspect this race came down to one key thing - and most people probably would agree Administrator LeeAnn Horne-Jordan's a lot better looking than Pugh.

Signs endorsing Commissioner Tillman Pugh were all along Crawford Road over the last few weeks. I don't mean small yard signs, but big ones posted by businesses along U.S. 80. You don't think Pugh lost because he was mugged at a store
outside his district, do you?

Georgia voters will have one more ballot to fill out during Thanksgiving week. Deborah Bernes and Howard Mead will meet in a runoff for State Appeals Court Judge. I do hope all the election workers please spell Mead's first name right this
time, so we can settle this....

The Appeals Court Judge race keeps growing more puzzling to me. Howard Mead claims he gave up private attorney work for public service, while Deborah Bernes is a "high-priced criminal defense lawyer." So how on earth can Mead afford all those campaign commercials?

Then came word from a Columbus woman that Jesse Jackson taped a phone message endorsing Howard Mead for Judge. I heard this message, and it mainly mentions Mead endorsing a change in the Georgia state flag. I thought only the rednecks were going to wave a state flag in somebody's face....

And that's another overlooked item from the Georgia elections. Where was the state flag protest at the polls? Instead of punishing Governor Sonny Perdue's party, the Republicans gained full control of the legislature. Of course, this may give Lieutenant Governor Mark Taylor nothing to do for two years except campaign.

BLOG UPDATE: Wednesday brought news that Mayor Bob Poydasheff wants the Georgia Bureau of Investigation to review Adam Johnson's collision with a child on Oates Avenue. That's what the NAACP wanted - and maybe we'll get results in time for the next Sheriff's election in 2008.

(If the Mayor really wanted to be daring, he'd appoint a local independent investigator - and Robert Taylor's free for awhile now.)

Now let's wrap this up and get some W's - oops, I mean Z's:

+ An evening run along the Riverwalk was so warm and humid, it felt more like July 3 than November 3. I mean, it was stickier than those giant cinnamon rolls they sell at major airports....

+ The Atlanta Hawks opened a new basketball season, by losing to Phoenix by 30 points. Maybe this team would be better off booking games against Phenix City Central....

+ The Archway Broadcasting building on 13^th Street was named after the late Chuck McClure. I think the staff should bury a memorial time capsule under the plaque on the wall - with copies of the Washington Times, Wall Street Journal, and one shredded Ledger-Enquirer.

+ Instant Message to the new H.H. Gregg store: Are you kidding me? Microwave ovens on sale for 18 dollars?? Which yard sale are you competing against?

To offer a story tip, make a donation or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post a reply.

If you quote from this in public somewhere, please be polite enough to let me know.

© 2003-04 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

3 NOV 04: LOST 'CAUSE....

What must Colin Martin be thinking today? He opposed a tax increase years ago, and it passed. He supported the Columbus one-cent sales tax on Tuesday's ballot - and it lost. Maybe he's become a local version of the "curse of the Bambino."

The one-cent local option sales tax was rejected by Columbus voters, by a 60-percent majority. Voters said no even though it was endorsed by several former mayors AND the Chamber of Commerce. The only "LOST" people in Columbus seem to want is that new TV show.

The defeat of the LOST means Columbus's city sales tax will stay at seven cents - and we all know what that means. Phenix City residents still have a one-percent reason to drive across the river to shop.

City officials warned us about what might happen if the LOST, well, lost. For one thing, public safety employees may have to go without a raise. But at least based on Tuesday's other results, those workers can hire Ken Suddeth to run a successful fund-raising campaign.

Ken Suddeth lost the Muscogee County Marshal's office to Democrat Greg Countryman by a wide margin.. With a last name like that, Gretchen Wilson and Brad Cotter may perform at the Columbus Civic Center more often....

Muscogee County Democratic Chair Frank Myers said Tuesday night Ken Suddeth has only himself to blame for losing the Marshal's office. We're not sure if that means the fund-raising drive to buy new weapons, the distortions of his war record -
or not buying front-page ads in the Ledger-Enquirer to counter all those negative headlines.

(Oh yes: our most recent BIG BLOG QUESTION asked for your opinion on the Marshal's race - and it wound up dead-even for Ken Sudden and Greg Countryman. I'd call it a "flat-footed tie," but many law officers consider "flat-foot" an insult.)

Columbus voters almost kicked out the Sheriff as well as the Marshal. Ralph Johnson won narrowly over Robert Taylor - and who knows what might have happened had Columbus police actually found beer in Adam Johnson's truck the other night.

Robert Taylor actually led Sheriff Ralph Johnson on the voting scoreboard most of the evening - but the incumbent received most of the late-arriving votes and won. We seem to have a political lesson here: minority precincts are located much closer to the Government Center.

(That reminds me - Instant Message to Pastor Joseph Roberson of South Columbus United Methodist Church: I recall you referred to him as "Sheriff-Elect Taylor" earlier this year [21 Jun]. Maybe you should stop the prophecies, and stick to
building that bow tie collection.)

Does Ralph Johnson's win mean he's been vindicated for his handling of the Kenneth Walker case? Does it mean he's not to blame for the driving record of his son? Or does it mean voters looked at Robert Taylor, and wished he spoke as well as
Jay Jones?

We have some leftovers to clean up in the Adam Johnson case on Oates Avenue. Police now say the Sheriff's son was given a "field sobriety test" at the scene of last Friday's wreck, but it was negative. Of course, most drivers who get trucks
stuck in fields usually are NOT sober....

Edward DuBose of the NAACP says Adam Johnson's two trips to court this year should have qualified as "probable cause" for a full D.U.I. test, and perhaps his arrest. He claims there's a "high probability" Johnson was "drunk or high." I think
there's another word for this reasoning - but isn't that word "profiling"?!

But we digress: Back at the election, Democratic Party Chair Frank Myers admitted Tuesday night he's giving up the position - and he says it's partly because he's tired of Muscogee County votes splitting so much along racial lines.

On the Alabama side, Smiths Station High School was a mess on Tuesday. A planned day off from school was cancelled due to Hurricane Ivan, and that was the city's only polling place. At least the football team could have held a scrimmage,
while voters were waiting.

One potential voter admitted he surrendered, after needing an hour simply to find a parking place at Smiths Station High School. The last time something in Smiths Station had this large a turnout, I think it involved an ungated rail crossing.

We also heard a complaint about voting at Columbus's Blanchard School. A man said there was a 45-minute wait to vote in the "A-J" line, while the other divisions of the alphabet had no waiting at all. We never realized Irish folks like the
"O'Reillys" avoided this part of town....

Now some other quick election notes before we go take a nap -- and we'll have more to say on Thursday:

+ Johnny Isakson easily defeated Denise Majette, to win Zell Miller's seat in the U.S. Senate. Now he'll be able to teach Sunday School on the other side of the U.S. Capitol.

+ Republicans won control of the Georgia House, to go with the State Senate. Put that together with the Isakson Senate win, and a G.O.P. revolution in Georgia politics is complete -- despite also those "I'm not running yet, REALLY" ads with
Cathy Cox.

+ Gray Conger held onto the District Attorney's job, defeating former assistant Alonso Whitaker. Since Whitaker is a minister, we'll see if his sermon this weekend is about forgiveness - or how the majority in Jerusalem abused Jesus.

To offer a story tip, make a donation or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post a reply.

If you quote from this in public somewhere, please be polite enough to let me know.

© 2003-04 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

2 NOV 04: FALL FALL-IAGE

(BLOGGER'S NOTE: We promised a politics-free blog for Election Day, and the Adam Johnson story seems too close for us to mention it. Come see us Wednesday about that - and we'll have Big Blog Question results then as well.)

Monday felt more like May 1 than November 1 -- but it certainly is starting to look like fall. A sunrise jog on the Riverwalk found one small area near the Trade Center covered with tiny leaves. I'm not sure which comes first there - the burning away of the dew, or the blowing away by work crews.

It takes a bit of caution for a jogger like me to head down Broadway at this time of year - because leaves can be spread across the sidewalk in the Historic District. If residents don't have time to clear the path, maybe they can tip a prison inmate to do the job for them.

My concern about leaves on the sidewalk is that they might be slick, and a runner like me might slip from a lack of traction. Or then again, maybe I'm getting so old and my pace is so slow that it doesn't really matter....

Look down along the Riverwalk and you might see leaves - but looking up Monday, you might have had a surprise. Holiday wreaths already are hanging above the walk downtown! Are Columbus State University art students that bored?

I'm assuming the wreaths went up along the Riverwalk before Monday morning - which means Christmas wreaths were in place before Halloween. Why don't we put these two big days together, and use a wreath to hang a witch or something?

A few people told me Monday this start of the Christmas emphasis "gets earlier and earlier" every year. Well, perhaps it only seems that way. Years ago, the downtown Atlanta Macy's store started putting up a Christmas display in mid-September. Sadly, I can't remember if the economy was slumping that year or not.

The change of seasons was especially on display at pharmacies Monday. The Halloween candy was marked down 25 to 50 percent. The Christmas candy already was on shelves - probably with the same expiration date, only costing twice as much.

(At least the Eckerd Drug store on Wynnton Road realized something was missing - and had ONE stand mentioning Thanksgiving....)

E-MAIL UPDATE: This note came in response to Monday's pop quiz - but we don't think it falls under Election Day politics:

Speaking of romantic rumors.... I think I saw that pretty mystery woman Bobby Peters is supposed to be dating about 2 weeks ago on his front porch. She looked like she could be a model or something. She had long brown hair and was extremely beautiful and we could tell she wasn't there on business. I
wonder what she sees in Peters?! But it definitely was NOT Linda Pierce.

P. Owenby

Thanks for the tip, P. These are the times when I wish I could give away free web-cams to every reader....

Are we absolutely sure this mysterious woman wasn't at Judge-Elect Peters's house "on business?" After all, they could have been doing some estate planning - joint estate, in this case.

(Long brown hair, huh? Hmmmm - I think that eliminates Amy Giuliano....)

What does this mysterious woman see in Judge-Elect Bobby Peters? It could be many things. The man has a great sense of humor, a fun personality - and perhaps before long, a pretty good city pension.

Now other selected shorts, from a Monday warm enough to wear some:

+ Rick Boren became Columbus Police Chief, after 33 years on the force. Some of us can remember when he went by "Ricky" Boren. If he was in Russell County law enforcement, he still might have that name....

+ Columbus Police warned three recent homicides could be related -- and they advised people NOT to offer rides to people they don't know. At last! I can turn away a beggar, without feeling any guilt.

+ Employees at Goldens' Foundry at the edge of downtown staged a one-day strike, in a dispute about overtime pay. If the managers give workers too much, they might have to change the name to Tins'.

+ A check of the Columbus Yellow Pages confirmed the downtown hotel across from the Trade Center is becoming a Marriott, instead of the current Wyndham. I'm not sure what's delaying the official change. Perhaps a shipment of The Book of Mormon hasn't arrived yet.

(You may not know the Marriott hotel chain is owned by Latter-Day Saints members, and a Book of Mormon is placed with a Gideon Bible in every room. I'm not sure how far this will go in downtown Columbus - but the coffee at Houlihan's Old Place soon could be a lot weaker.)

+ The Opelika Library began a one-month program, where you can pay fines by donating items for military "care packages." Patrons even are invited to drive up from Lumpkin with their brass knuckles - because they might come in handy during fighting in Fallujah.

+ Instant Message to the CVS store on South Lumpkin Road: About that sign on your front door -- either you don't know how to spell "gallon," or you don't know the Spanish word for milk is "leche."

COMING WEDNESDAY It's Election Day, and I'm stuck working extra hours at the office....

To offer a story tip, make a donation or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post a reply.

If you quote from this in public somewhere, please be polite enough to let me know.

© 2003-04 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

1 NOV 04: GET OUT OF THE WAY

"What are you doing here?" several co-workers asked when they saw me at the workplace Saturday night.

"Avoiding the children begging for food," I responded in one way or another. Enough grown-ups do that to me the rest of the year.

You may call what children did over the weekend "trick-or-treating." My pastor calls it a bad lesson in morality - teaching children to "give me what I want, or you'll get it." Come to think of it, some politicians can sound that way.

Long-time blog readers know I don't celebrate Halloween. For some Christians, it's a controversial issue - and they secretly wish President Bush would dare to speak out against it, in the days before the election. Of course, if he did John Kerry probably would win....

The church I attend kept the hall open late Saturday evening, for families with children who wanted to avoid trick-or-treaters. I suggested we go all the way - and keep the hall open until 2:00 a.m., so we could all reset our clocks.

Several families brought snacks and games for the children to enjoy. In a way, we followed the example of bigger churches which hold "fall festivals" as a Halloween alternative. But the denomination I attend tends to oppose such things - perhaps because it didn't think of the idea first.

(Someone even brought a couple of faux pumpkins - the kind for decorations, which you can't carve. I didn't stick around to see if they were smashed on the floor, in a protest.)

For years I've tried to find creative ways to avoid Halloween begg - er, trick-or-treaters. Sometimes I go to work and catch up on things. One year in Atlanta, I went jogging down the Peachtree Road Race course at 6:00 p.m. Yes, I stayed on the sidewalks - but I probably shocked some diners at an outdoor café.

What strikes me is how Halloween has grown beyond a night for children in recent years. Now adults practically are expected to purchase costumes, go to parties -- oh yes, and buy beer. I suppose the beer makes it harder to figure out who's wearing what.

Is it only coincidence that our government wrote laws so November 1 cannot be Election Day? It's the "first Tuesday after the first Monday in November." Perhaps lawmakers realized there would be too much Halloween damage to clean up....

Sad to say, Halloween pranksters were out and about over the weekend. The Sunday night news reported someone was shot with a pellet gun in the Green Island Hills neighborhood. You know it's time for a change if the upscale parts of town
aren't safe.

BLOG UPDATE: Aha! You've just stumbled into another pop quiz - this one testing your knowledge of the candidates and issues on this Election Eve. Ready?

1. Which recently-elected future judge has a big sign outside his downtown home, endorsing Linda Pierce for Superior Court Clerk? Doesn't he realize the new round of romantic rumors this could start?

2. Which candidate for Alabama Supreme Court claims "liberals" are backing that state's Amendment 2? When did Governor Bob Riley become a liberal?

3. Who is running for Congress against Sanford Bishop - yet seemingly hasn't bothered to visit Columbus, because he considers that part of the district a lost cause?

4. Who is the independent candidate for Muscogee County Sheriff? Why didn't the District Attorney follow his example, instead of switching parties?

5. If you vote yes for the one-cent Columbus sales tax, does that mean you don't have to leave any pennies in United Way buckets anymore? Does it mean the "leave a penny" cups at convenience stores will disappear?

6. Which woman is running for a second term representing parts of Muscogee, Harris and Talbot Counties - while she also represents a hospital with no facilities in her district at all?

(Extra credit question: Where is the woman this state lawmaker beat two years ago? Does loyal supporter Jerry Laquire even know?)

7. If "W stands for women," does that mean "F" stands for females?

8. Who is the Harris County Sheriff, running for re-election? And why was a big sign supporting him on a vehicle parked across the street from the Columbus Public Safety Center last week?

9. How does Russell County Commissioner Cattie Epps really pronounce her first name? Is it pronounced the same as her squabble with Judge Al Howard?

10. Why does Colin Martin suddenly like the Columbus one-cent sales tax proposal, after he opposed others? Does Doug Kellett need to return to town, to straighten him out?

11. Does the candidate named "Countryman" have the support of friends and Romans?

12. Which candidate for District Attorney also is a church pastor? Why isn't he the candidate who "supports the Ten Commandments - period"?

13. Is the Lumpkin City Library a polling place? If so, will people be required to check their brass knuckles at the door?

14. If someone marked an "early voting" ballot last week, then died over the weekend, does the vote still count? After all, federal law says Election Day is "the first Tuesday after the first Monday in November."

15. If no major Presidential candidate has visited Georgia in months, do they really care about our state? Should we even bother marking a ballot?

E-MAIL UPDATE: It didn't take long to get reaction to Sunday's discussion of Adam Johnson's car colliding with a little girl on Oates Avenue. One reader even wrote us twice, to side with Sheriff Ralph Johnson when it comes to his son:

What was with the comment about the Sheriff keeping his son on lockdown until November 2nd? Please take note: THE SHERIFF'S SONE IS 18 YEARS OLD!! I could understand the community holding the Sheriff accountable had he been underage, but he's a legal adult!! Please put blame and responsibility where it belongs. Thanks.

People on Oates Avenue noticed a Muscogee County Sheriff's Department car arriving at the scene before a police car did - and they declared Adam Johnson received favoritism. Well, hold on a second. Did they REALLY want the Sheriff's officer to put Johnson on the ground and shoot him?

You have just got to be kidding?!?! How tacky. Use a little common sense and couth when writing this column. Just because something is an easy target doesn't mean you should take it. For God's Sake have some common decency and courtesy.

Everyone will repeat after me: This is a humor blog. This is a humor blog....

Yes, Adam Johnson is 18 -- but given his recent police record, whether he's a "LEGAL adult" may be open to dispute.

Will Sheriff Ralph Johnson be held accountable for his son's actions? That issue is left for voters to decide on Tuesday -- but to be fair, John Kerry never has brought up the alcohol arrests of President Bush's daughters, or one of them skipping college commencement.

As for that "easy target": you should see the punchline ideas which I did NOT post. Some civil rights leaders probably had thought of them already - and even may have uttered a few during Sunday church services.

Speaking of which: in case you missed it, Ed DuBose disclosed over the weekend he will NOT seek another term as President of the Columbus NAACP chapter. He says he wants to "see his family again." Why DuBose hasn't taken his family to rallies at churches is beyond me....

While Ed DuBose is giving up the Columbus NAACP position, he told WRBL he might run for a position with the Georgia state organization. Now hold on a minute! There's not only that family question - but does WRCG have the money for him to do a Saturday talk show on the road?

COMING TUESDAY: In keeping with our custom, NO politics on Election Day. We'll find something else....

To offer a story tip, make a donation or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post a reply.

If you quote from this in public somewhere, please be polite enough to let me know.

© 2003-04 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.