Sunday, July 18, 2010

18 JUL 10: From Mall to Mauled

Some might call the Columbus Civic Center the C.C.C. But this weekend, the key letter is D. Saturday night was the annual "Denim and Diamonds" concert. And tonight, fans want to see Down and Dirty Defense -- even if the game is indoors.

The Columbus Lions play for the Southern Indoor Football League title this evening against Louisiana. For some reason, no one is calling this game the SIFL-Bowl. If it was called the Southern National Indoor Football League, that would have been even better - the SNIFL-Bowl.

The Lions are led into the arena by quarterback Chris McCoy - a man who lives a surprising double life. WTVM revealed the other day McCoy is also the general manager of Peachtree Mall. So if you were wondering where to find SIFL championship T-shirts Monday morning, the answer should be obvious....

Chris McCoy oversees Peachtree Mall's operations by day, then practices with the Columbus Lions in the evening. McCoy has been known through the years as a running quarterback - which may explain why there's no ad for Aéropostale along the boards at the Civic Center.

If Chris McCoy's name sounds familiar, it's probably because of his college football career. He set a record for rushing touchdowns by a quarterback, while at Navy. So why isn't he at Columbus Park Crossing, managing the Old Navy store?

But when I heard the name Chris McCoy, something else came to mind -- a collegiate scandal. McCoy was allowed to graduate from the Naval Academy, after (ahem) making love to another student. The female student was expelled - which may prove some quarterbacks simply have great protection.

Chris McCoy received probation from the U.S. Navy - and he reportedly had to do a lot of extra marching before he graduated from Annapolis. Come to think of it, maybe that's how South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford came up with his lie about walking the Appalachian Trail.

Chris McCoy was signed by the Green Bay Packers after playing for the Navy. But that apparently didn't work out, and the native of Morris, Georgia now is in Columbus. Maybe it was the thought of playing in Wisconsin in December and January - and that's why McCoy has two climate-controlled workplaces.

Chris McCoy was named SIFL Offensive Player of the Year. Fellow Lion Damian Daniels was named Defensive Player of the Year. Even the Special Teams Player of the Year plays for Columbus - kicker Trey Crum. The mention of that name makes me want to head for the kitchen and clean my toaster.

The Columbus Lions have come close to winning indoor football titles before, but never have. So I assume Coach Jason Gibson motivated his team this week by showing highlights of the Buffalo Bills from the 1990's....

Standing in the Lions' path tonight is the defending SIFL champion, the Louisiana Swashbucklers. Aw, c'mon - who came up with that nickname, a drunk car dealer?

The Louisiana Swashbucklers play their home games in Lake Charles, at an arena dubbed the "Smugglers' Den." You almost expect the coach to talk about having ten "yarrrrs" to go.

The Louisiana Swashbucklers are so into this theme that their roster includes a defensive lineman named John Paul Jones. Of course, most people hear that name nowadays and think he should be performing with Led Zeppelin....

It will be interesting to see how large a crowd the SIFL Championship game draws. Columbus is considered a big football city. The game time has been set relatively early, at 6:00 p.m. ET. And July usually is a month when church pastors go away on summer vacation.

The SIFL actually will have a second event in Columbus Monday. Awards will be presented to players, as the teams hold year-end meetings. The league should have had six teams this year, but wound up with five. If any more teams evaporate, the scoffing about global warming finally could end.

Now that you're ready for the big game, let's check some timely tailgating topics from the weekend....

+ Online reports indicated a drunk driver ran over several mailboxes on River Road. This wouldn't be happening if River Road Elementary was a year-round school - because police would have a radar post there at most hours of the day.

+ WRBL revealed details of the Columbus city settlement of a hotel-motel tax dispute with Orbitz. The travel website will pay the city $450,000, then be immune from paying taxes for ten years. I'm left wondering where city attorneys got this idea -- from playing Monopoly, or Dungeons and Dragons.

+ Harris County Commissioner Joey Loudermilk was appointed to the Georgia Board of Education. Loudermilk is an executive with Aflac - so I assume biology students won't have to worry about dissecting ducks.

+ Carol Porter campaigned in Columbus for Georgia Lieutenant Governor. Her husband DuBose Porter is running for Governor, but did NOT appear with her - so please don't tell me they have a plan to save money on state employee travel.

+ Georgia gubernatorial candidate Nathan Deal claimed "real women" support him -- apparently compared with Sarah Palin endorsing Karen Handel. Those plastic surgery rumors simply won't go away....

+ Instant Message to Kingdom Minded Entertainment: I hope your weekend show with "clean Christian comedy" went well at the Cunningham Center. I try to do the same sort of thing here - which explains why I haven't mentioned Mel Gibson here lately.

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