12 OCT 08: SLOWLY DOWN THE ROAD

"This is one of the worst intersections in town," a man in a back seat said. We were on Whittlesey Road, approaching Veterans Parkway - but I suppose things could have been a lot worse for a Friday afternoon. We made it through the intersection in only two traffic lights.

And here's another thing which eased the headache - neither that man nor I were driving. We were aboard a METRA bus, on the "Rose Hill/Columbus Park Crossing" route. The fact that one bus takes you through both locations shows you how tight the public transit budget is....

It had been years since I climbed aboard a METRA bus. But I did it Friday, to pick up a rental car for my vacation (more on that below). A bus ride costs $1.25. A taxi ride from my home to the airport might cost 10 to 15 dollars, would have no other passengers - and might be such a wild ride that I wouldn't dare read a magazine en route.

The Uptown trolley arrived to pick me up around 1:30 p.m. - and I made two mistakes immediately. I stepped aboard, not seeing an older woman stepping down. That's complete discourtesy on my part - and I can't exactly blame it on youthful enthusiasm anymore.

The second mistake came when I paid the fare. The trolley driver tried to tell me I only needed to pay 55 cents in the Uptown area. But I paid $1.25, which the METRA web site shows is the regular fare. I was heading well away from Uptown, so I think it was actually.... well, you know.... much more fare.

(I joked to the trolley driver that I was leaving him a tip. He certainly didn't try to unlock the box to give me a refund.)

The "Uptown Express" trolley sounds fast, but the title is misleading. It takes you to the METRA Transfer Center on Linwood Boulevard, but via a meandering route. And the route doesn't even go down Broadway - as if Streetscape left the road too narrow for an old-fashioned-looking trolley.

I'd call the Uptown Express the "scenic route," but some of the trolley stops aren't really all that scenic:

+ Fifth Street and Fifth Avenue. It's helpful for residents of the Booker T. Washington Apartments -- but you probably shouldn't tell tourists the stop is named after the victim of an unsolved homicide.

+ Tenth Street and Sixth Avenue -- as in the Public Safety Center. Suspects who post bail at Recorder's Court have to take a one-block "walk of shame" there to board the trolley.

+ 14^th Street and First Avenue. You miss TSYS by one block, but Downtown Elementary doesn't need as many school buses.

It took about 23 minutes for the Uptown Express to take me from Fifth Street to the METRA Transfer Center. This is why the people in Columbus don't dare borrow the Atlanta title, and call it RAPID transit.

At the Transfer Center, I switched to the Rose Hill bus - but you have to choose the bus carefully. That route now alternates between an Airport Thruway course and a Columbus Park Crossing course. It made for a dramatic moment at that busy intersection of Whittlesey and Veterans. If the driver had not turned right, I might still need to call that cab to pick up my car.

After 40 minutes on the Rose Hill bus, I reached the place I wanted - a rental car office on the other side of the Airport Thruway Wal-Mart. A trip I could make by car in 20 minutes wound up taking me 70 minutes on METRA. And I can't really say I took the "green alternative," since the bus runs on diesel fuel and not natural gas.

The long slow ride reminded me of several reasons why most Columbus residents don't seem to take METRA seriously. There's no bus stopping inside the gates of Columbus Airport. Routes miss prime locations like the Civic Center and Trade Center by a block or two. And there's no service today, on a Sunday - deferring to church buses, which might deliver passengers faster.

Have you visited our other blog? It starts with poker, and adds much more. Check out "On the Flop!"

E-MAIL UPDATE: With the Hurtsboro city election settled, guess who has emerged from seclusion....

"Sir" Richard:

Well, another election day has come and gone in "Hurt'sboro with the expected results. Teutonia Burns put up a token struggle, but Ray Tapley prevailed. He will take the "throne" in November.and I expect Burns to fill one of the vacancies on the town council.

"Mare" Yoba has already spoken for the position of Mayor Pro-Tem That means that she will only be a heartbeat away from regaining control.

Ray Tapley isn't new to "Hurt'sboro politics, he is married to former mayor Mary kate Stovall, and held the position of Clerk Magistrate for several years. He and "Judge" Ken White were an unscrupulous duo, and ran the "court" in contempt of Alabama law!

Now, another group has reared its head within our boundaries. A group calling themselves HELP is trying to establish a hysterical (oops! I mispelled historical) district in our garbage strewn town I guess they have been sharing a "Pipe" with our Mayor-Elect

I don't know what he's smoking - but he has conjured up quite a scenario to reincarnate "Hurt'sboro.

This effort aimed curtailing individual rights in the inerests of emminent domain is being met with strong opposition. But, in "Hurt'sboro nothing fails to amaze me!

Constable R.J Schweiger

We admittedly did NOT have time Saturday night to do any fact-checking on this message. But I noticed the outgoing Constable on WRBL the other night, saying Hurtsboro should set a good "foundation" of local services before pursuing Historic District status. Which is weird, because I think Robert Schweiger is still trying to find the right dynamite to blow up the town.

(You'd think Robert Schweiger would want to help with a Historic District project in Hurtsboro. After all, he seems so knowledgeable about local scandals and closed businesses....)

BLOG SPECIAL EVENT: Oh yes - why DID we pick up that rental car? Because we leave today for our annual religious conference, based on the Biblical Feast of Tabernacles. We'll be away for more than a week - yes, during "prime time" for local political campaigns. So if you have something juicy to offer in the next ten days, you might try contacting "Saturday Night Live."

This year's conference promises to be the most unusual we've ever attended. We're heading to an event called Season of Our Joy, at a Tennessee state park. It promises Hebraic dances and "Torah studies" as opposed to the Bible - but strangely, this outdoor setting in Tennessee is NOT offering a raccoon hunt.

We'll be staying in the nearby city of Paris - a place made famous years ago in a country song by George Jones and Tammy Wynette. They sang about the charms of three famous cities. But in their case it was "Rome, Georgia; Athens, Texas; and Paris, Tennessee."

I've actually visited that OTHER Paris once, during a fall church trip. That overnight stop in 1996 included a sunset ride to the observation deck of the Eiffel Tower, "gendarmes" with machine guns at the main rail station - and a traveling companion who had her choice of wonderful restaurants, but insisted on finding a McDonald's for dinner.

In recent years, we've invited guest bloggers to fill in during our vacation. But this year, we're doing something different. I turned 50 in August, without doing the golden anniversary "retrospectives" TV stations or newspapers often do. So we'll offer excerpts from my life story in the days to come. Don't worry, I'm NOT attaching any boring Powerpoint slide shows.

Look for pieces of our autobiography here, beginning Monday. Now before we fill the car with luggage, let's get caught up on some last-minute headlines:

+ Just in time for vacation, gas prices dropped sharply across Columbus - down as low as $3.25 a gallon at Marathon on Second Avenue. But then, many of us don't have enough money left in the retirement account to fill up SUV's now....

+ The Columbus Police Department began a new billboard campaign to fill its upcoming 100 open positions. The "Protect Columbus" signs show how times have changed. The last time billboards were put up about public safety, people were told to call Columbus Councilors and complain about it.

+ Columbus Police reported two young men were arrested at Kendrick High School on "peeping tom" charges. These guys must not have heard about that magazine cover with Angelina Jolie....

+ Tuskegee topped Morehouse 42-27 in their annual college football classic at A.J. McClung Memorial Stadium. Cars filled the South Commons parking lot during the afternoon - yet somehow the skateboard park was as busy as ever. Mom and Dad must drop the teens off at the Villa Nova package store across the road.

+ Arkansas ambushed Auburn 25-22, for the Tigers' third conference loss. Whom does Coach Tommy Tuberville fire now -- both his rotating quarterbacks?

+ Georgia Tech escaped with a 10-7 win over Gardner-Webb. The close score probably shouldn't be surprising -- since the Yellowjackets obviously played two colleges with combined teams.

+ Instant Message to the Alabama Public Service Commission: Did I read that right - you ordered Alabama Power to get rid of the commercials with the talking birds? Simply tell them to wear the rainbow-colored wigs all the time, and viewers will pay attention.

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