10 OCT 08: CELEBRATE ME HOME

"WELCOME GAITHERS" said the flashing sign at the entrance to the Columbus Civic Center Thursday night -- a sign directing traffic to Lumpkin Boulevard for parking. I didn't realize the Gaither Vocal Band had so many members....

A big crowd showed up at the Civic Center for Thursday night's "Bill Gaither Homecoming" concert. But earlier in the day, I had a much smaller homecoming -- one that was a bit dramatic, because I wasn't sure what would happen. I might be welcomed. I might be told to leave. And I wasn't even asking about withdrawing my investments.

Regular blog readers know I took a leave of absence last October, from the church congregation I attended for years. But Thursday, I decided to return there for the "Yom Kippur" Day of Atonement service. If Bill Gaither's team had scheduled a 3:00 p.m. sermon by Jake Hess's preacher son Chris, things could have been different....

To my knowledge, no other location in Columbus offered a Day of Atonement service - well, except for the two Jewish synagogues. But I'm not Jewish. And I'm not sure what I would have done if someone ultra-Orthodox had shown up, and offered a live goat to be sacrificed.

I should explain here the background of my church congregation. It's part of a sect with a history of being fundamentalist and restrictive. Some branches won't even let you attend a worship service without an invitation - as if they expect Monty Python's Spanish inquisition to show up at any moment and start taking names.

The congregation I attended for years doesn't tend to be that restrictive - but the ministry has made it clear that loyalty is critical. When our report here on the annual church picnic brings a long corrective session with the pastor, you can guess how critical it is....

A small spinoff group in Montgomery welcomed me for a few special services during the year. But I decided to stay at home Thursday, and see what would happen. I might receive a friendly welcome, be told by a minister to leave - or the congregation would have decided the U.S. is doomed to collapse, and fled to the Middle East.

To make sure my return didn't cause a major stir, I timed my arrival at the meeting hall for about 15 minutes before service time. No one was outside to welcome anyone. Of course, that also meant no one was outside to see if I was on the list of approved members.

I opened the door, and things started well. An older woman remembered me and shook my hand. Her infirm husband who requires a walker blocked my path for a moment, but he eventually recognized me and shook my hand as well. He is NOT used on security detail....

Then came the best handshake of all - as the deacon who happened to be presiding over the service was glad to see me. The Local Elder was away. And in an unusual turn, the Pastor was away as well. The two men who might have been most concerned about me were missing - proving in church as in the markets, timing is everything.

Several regular members came over to my chair and greeted me. One or two wondered if I had been attending other congregations. I told them yes, but didn't get into too many details. They might have given me on-the-spot lectures on all those groups' doctrinal errors.

The service was short, by this association's standards - as we watched a DVD sermon, and finished in 75 minutes. DVD sermons aren't really unusual for this sect. And unlike Cascade Hills Church, someone other than the regular pastor is trusted to present them.

I tried to quietly walk out after the service, much as I did coming in. But an older man raced over to stop me. Sometimes you can be too quiet for others' good....

The older man walked outside with me, and talked about my year away from the congregation. He admitted he's felt something wrong with the group. "The love's not there anymore.... not like it used to be." Did you notice I shook hands a lot, as opposed to hugging people?

I told the older man his concern might be due to the fact that the ministers define "love" solely as the Ten Commandments. While the commandments are good, you have to do more than stop stealing or murdering in front of a woman to have a real romance with her.

At that point, another man walked outside - and he shook my hand in friendship as well. That man had a stern e-mail exchange with me last fall, after I decided to take a leave of absence. For one thing, he correctly noted the phrase "leave of absence" isn't in any translation of the Bible.

So did we talk about the sermon or the meaning of the special day? Nope - this third man wanted to talk presidential politics. He doubts Barack Obama will win. And he says even if the Democrat does win, some people will be disappointed if the Obama cabinet isn't filled with African-American people. I can hear the talk show hosts now, calling it the Black House....

After that brief chat, I walked to the car and drove home. To borrow that old phrase, sometimes you really can go home again. At least, as long as the pastor isn't there to ask a set of doctrinal questions along the lines of a junior high school confirmation class.

With peace prevailing for one day, let's send some Instant Messages -- and to save gas, they're all heading to The Landings shopping center....

+ To the Edward Jones investment office: Thanks for making me feel a bit better. I noticed you have NOT installed a diving board on the roof.

+ To Caffe Amici: How did you get that veal selection you boast about? Are those the calves which are too puny for Cowboys Steak Saloon?

+ To Stevie B's Pizza: Aw, c'mon. ESPN is about to show a college football game - and you switch the TV set to Wheel of Fortune?! I mean, just because the analysts were questioning the firing of Auburn University's Tony Franklin....

BURKARD'S BEST BETS: Gas for $3.45 a gallon at Zelmo's on Weems Road.... Southern Kitchen chocolate chip cookies for $1.89 at Piggly Wiggly.... and the stock market to have an up day sometime this month....

COMING THIS WEEKEND: We announce our latest Blog Special Event, that's been years in the making....

Our number of unique visitors is now up 31 percent from last year. To advertise to our readers, offer a story tip or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

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