Monday, July 17, 2006


The Democratic candidates for Georgia Governor had their final debate before the primary Sunday night - and I'll confess, I did NOT tune in. I wondered what could be said which was new or different from last Wednesday's debate. Well, other than some new one-liners from Mac McCarley....

It's our custom here to NOT bring up politics on election days - and instead use election eve to quiz you on your knowledge of the races and contenders. Ready?

1. Which candidate calls himself "The Big Guy?" Does he get in trouble with children during December, for claiming this title?

2. Which candidate for Lieutenant Governor used to oversee the Christian Coalition? Why has he seemingly forgotten the Bible verse about turning the other cheek, based on his commercials?

3. Why have the candidates for Columbus Mayor been reluctant to endorse anyone in the State Senate race? Are they afraid the wrong endorsement might prevent future sales taxes from getting on the ballot?

4. Which candidate for Secretary of State came to Columbus and held a "Rally for the Receipts?" How many people misunderstood this, and showed up with receipts from the old Rally's restaurant?

5. Name the candidate challenging Sonny Perdue in the Republican primary for Governor. Is the real reason why he can't get a debate scheduled with Perdue based on the flag he wants to drape around his lectern?

6. Which candidate urged voters to sign his web site petition against high gas prices? Did he pass it on to the President of Iran, so the Middle East tension driving up world oil prices would stop?

7. Where do the candidates in the State Senate race really live? Should they have thrown housewarming parties for voters, to prove it?

8. Name all the candidates running for Georgia Agriculture Commissioner. Explain why some of them have posted campaign signs in the middle of Columbus, where there are no farms.

9. Why hasn't Cathy Cox simply called herself "The Little Gal?"

10. Which candidate for Lieutenant Governor sounds like he should be operating a poultry plant in Pine Mountain - except he apparently doesn't?

11. Which county commission candidate seems deeply worried about people seeing seven-month-old pictures of bathrooms?

12. If you have trouble getting a ride to the polls, should you call the old "Georgia RideShare" number?

13. Name the candidate for Governor who's charging admission to his Primary Night party -- even though he reportedly has millions of campaign dollars left to spend.

14. Which candidate is tugging at people's emotions, with his commercials describing a recovery from polio? Should his doctors be running for office instead?

15. Where has Dylan Glenn gone - and for that matter, where is he living now? Could it be that he rented his house to Ed Harbison?

16 Who is posting signs in Chambers County saying, "Chuck in November?" Don't they realize Chuck Leonard lives in Columbus?

17. Should politicians be punished for talking about "sins of your fathers and grandfathers" - especially if they aren't ministers?

18. How many candidates stood just outside the campaigning boundary line around the Columbus Public Library during advance voting and yelled, "Vote for me?"

19. Which local candidate is described in ads as "a really good man?" Does this mean his opponent is just fair, or excellent?

20. Which morning radio newscaster has said on the air Georgia School Superintendent Kathy Cox is running for Governor -- when she's not?

E-MAIL UPDATE: While you ponder those questions, some of our readers have other things to consider. Our first message is about two places in Columbus:

Q1. Have any muskrats been found, dead or alive, in the vicinity of Cherokee Ave?

Q2. Anyone been to the second floor of the Taj Mahal -I mean the library-in early evening? The temperature, at least in the CD/DVD/Talking Books Section, was many degrees HOTTER. Not Hot as Hell, you understand, but hotter than other parts of the library. $40 million should provide for a proper air conditioning system. Right?

Remember, if the excesses represented by the Taj are 51% the responsibility of the Library Committee and the School Board, they are 49% the responsibility of Mssrs Burdeshaw and company and his Architectural Mafiosi.

Speaking of the library, apparently one of the so called Friends of the Library (definitely not friends of the citizen or taxpayer) was quoted in the Ledger as saying we will need a library building in the next 10 years devoted to (I guess) changes in learning technology. Maybe she should go ahead and lobby to have Burdeshaw working on a retrofit inside the existing Taj Mahal, cause there's no way in H**l I will vote for more library space at this time.

You should know that our fancy schmancy library board is planning for a 18,000 square foot facility to replace the Terry Library on Veterans Parkway. Maybe they can generate some extra funds to pay for good air conditioning by leasing out part of the building to Backyard Burgers or Starbucks.


I must admit I'm puzzled by Question 1. If anything, I'd think the construction work on Cherokee Avenue would have found some dead fish in the canal.

I visited the Columbus Public Library last week, but did NOT go up the stairs. Maybe the CD section is set aside for women -- since they're more likely to turn up thermostats, while men turn them down.

And I never realized an "Architectural Mafiosi" built the main library. Every time I drove by the construction site, I don't recall seeing anyone wearing sunglasses and a trench coat.

Yes, I DID know about the plans for a new Mildred Terry Library on Veterans Parkway. All that extra space will beat the cramped conditions there now. The public access computers are so packed together that you can help the person next to you win at online poker.

It might be nice to have a Backyard Burgers at the new Mildred Terry Library. After all, the only one in the area right now is on Airport Thruway -- and it's blocks from anyone's backyard.

Our next letter has to be edited a bit, because we're still trying to verify part of it:

Regarding your Lee County correspondents comments about the Mayor and the Smiths Station Water Authority [14 Jul]: The mayor of Smiths Station is not a member of the Board of the Smiths Water and Sewage Authority. The SWSA does not come under the control of the mayor or the city of Smiths Station. The Board members are appointed by the Lee County Commission. The SWSA serves a very large area outside of the city of Smiths Station. The original incorporation documents of the SWSA state that the subscribers are the owners of the system. That's really odd since the subscribers (customers) do not get to elect their own Board. Lee County commisioners who live in Auburn, Opelika, etc. get to appoint the board members.... Smiths Station Resident

Thanks for clarifying that, Mr./Ms. Resident. Of course, the way Smiths Station is growing, it soon could conquer everything in the authority's territory - and then that missing "Station" in the name will have to be added.

Our review of Sunday news found people needed to use plenty of water because....

+ The high temperature in Columbus hit 100 degrees F. for the second day in a row. If it hits 101.3, I'm going to feel "Da Beat" - well, make that just plain beat.

+ Several Columbus gas stations showed surprising resolve, and kept their prices at around $2.71 a gallon. Maybe the managers think the reports of Iranian weapons hitting Israel are simply disinformation.

+ The Associated Press reported the state of Alabama will start issuing identification numbers to all public school students. To some people, this will sound like a George Orwell novel come to life. To some teachers, this will sound like a great math problem waiting to happen.

+ Instant Message to the Tiger Station convenience store on U.S. 431 between LaFayette and Opelika: You're kidding, right? I mean, that sign offering fried bologna sandwiches. Do you also sell funnel cakes covered with chocolate chips?

BURKARD'S BEST BETS: Half-gallons of ice cream for $1.99 at the Opelika Kroger.... for unbiased analysis of campaign attack ads.... and any walkway where trees offer shade....

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