Friday, October 29, 2004

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29 OCT 04: A NICE BLOCK



Today would have been my mother's 80th birthday. She was born in the Missouri Ozarks - but before rumors start: no, she did NOT marry her brother.



Our family business was located in "the bottoms" area along the Kansas and Missouri Rivers, between the two downtown Kansas Cities. My mom would drive through there in the summer when I was a boy, and warn me to keep my window up. She never explicitly said why, but people in that neighborhood fit the area's name - the bottom rung of life.



What would my mom think if she could see my last few years in Georgia? So many beggars have approached me that sometimes I think they've hidden a G.P.S. device in my car, and they plot ways to track me down.



Take the other afternoon, outside the Bradley Library. As I drove out the exit to Wynnton Road, a woman with a limp and using a cane crossed the road in my left-turn lane. The sidewalk was on the other side of my lane - but as I so often say of
non-thinking pedestrians: why walk on the sidewalk when you can walk on the street?



"I'm sorry, sir," said the limping woman as she passed my car window, "do you have five dollars?" FIVE dollars? Are beggars drinking lattes instead of regular cups of coffee now?



The woman explained she needed five dollars to get something to eat - and as it happened, I had a few minutes left in my lunch break. I offered to drive her up the hill to Wendy's for lunch, and she accepted. No, she did NOT give herself away at
that moment by breaking into a sprint.



I had met this older woman before outside the Bradley Library [30 Apr] - and she turned down my offer of Wendy's then. But this time, she accepted. What do you know? Sometimes beggars really CAN'T be choosy.



"I want three bacon cheeseburgers," the woman said as we started the drive up Wynn's Hill. Apparently she's a regular - though somehow I doubt her escorts into the restaurant are.



"How long have you been begging?" I asked the woman.


"For awhile," she answered - sounding as vague as a candidate for President.



"How long? Weeks? Months?"


"About two months," the woman said - so apparently she took a summer break, after approaching me in late April.



"Welfare doesn't treat me right," the woman continued. She eventually told me she gets a welfare check for about $500 a month. But at least her relatives probably won't have to worry about paying the "death tax...."



I must confess this older woman did NOT smell very nice. Either she had alcohol on her breath, she hadn't bathed in days - or that new Britney Spears perfume isn't worth the money.



It was a short drive up the hill to Wendy's - and as the woman got out of my car, I confirmed she has both a wooden leg and a wooden cane. Maybe she can't afford food because she's too concerned about termite treatment.



As we entered Wendy's, several of the personnel said hello to this woman like they knew her. She ordered three bacon cheeseburgers and fries - and I settled for one "double stack with cheese." Come to think of it, she made me look like the
starving one....



I returned to the Bradley Library Thursday for the lunch hour, and the limping woman did NOT show up in my sight. If she begged me for lunch money again, I was prepared to remind her slavery was abolished in the U.S. about 140 years ago.



BLOG UPDATE: Your blog now has been contacted by Ed Richards, the main assistant to Marshal Ken Suddeth. Richards told me he's handling the messages for Suddeth - and it's nice to see someone is screening those firebomb threats.



Ed Richards wanted to respond to some comments Marshal challenger Greg Countryman made on WRBL. Countryman claimed the Marshal's department suffers from a "lack of specialized training." I'm not sure exactly what that means -- but I'm sure someone could come in and offer Spanish lessons, if Eduardo Diaz can't.



Ed Richards told me the complaint about a lack of specialized training was "ridiculous" and "way out in left field." He went on to say Greg Countryman has exactly 684 hours of training. When the campaigns are checking each other's day-planners, this is one serious race.



Ed Richards admitted the Marshal's Department is small, and lacks the staff that other law enforcement agencies do. There's an easy way to correct that -- but this time, I think Marshal Sudden should get city approval for a fund-raising
campaign.



Meanwhile, a separate e-mail to the blog promises to look into the matter of Eduardo Diaz. The only clue I have to the writer's identity is the acronym "SSPVLC." I admit I don't know what that stands for. I have enough trouble remembering what all the letters in AFL-CIO mean.



THE BIG BLOG QUESTION ended late Thursday night, and wasn't even close. You are unanimously against Columbus State University doing what LaGrange College is doing, and starting college football (3-0). Scott Miller is too busy handling Troy University games, anyway.



One writer in our poll expressed concern that college football at C.S.U. might attract more students - and the university really doesn't have room for more. The good news is that the situation could change in a couple of months. Wouldn't the
emptied Bradley Library make a great college dorm?



Now some quick kicks to wrap up the week:


+ Someone left a flier at a Columbus restaurant showing three black faces. It suggests African-American candidates for Marshal, Sheriff and District Attorney are banding together to take over all law enforcement positions. Whoever prepared this flier must not have heard the news - come Monday, the Columbus Police Chief will be white.



+ Auburn Police were called to the university library, because a man was flashing people. Apparently this guy doesn't quite understand what it means to "expose yourself to great literature."



+ A check on Victory Drive revealed Drive 1 of Columbus has closed - the car dealer Fort Benning put on its "hit list." If I was Carl Gregory, I would be VERY careful....



+ Georgia Tech gave away a second-half lead in Thursday night football, and lost to Virginia Tech. If these teams are going to play each other every year in the Atlantic Coast Conference, shouldn't they have a special trophy? Since they're
both "Tech" schools, have them battle for a giant beaker or something....



+ Instant Message to State Senate candidate Mark Trammell: OK, you "support the Ten Commandments - period." So will you try to make adultery against the law in Georgia again? And how will you enforce the one on coveting my neighbor's house and field?



BURKARD'S BEST BETS: Gas for $1.84 a gallon at Dolly Madison on Victory Drive.... Milk for $1.99 a GALLON at Publix.... but sorry, no one's come up to me and offered any flu vaccines....



COMING SOON: The first e-mail our blog has received about a book....



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