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8 AUG 04: THE BOMBS BURSTING IN AIR
The calendar might as well say October 8, as nice as the Columbus weather is this weekend. The last two evenings have been as cool and comfortable as the announcers on Q107 try to sound....
It was so comfortable Saturday night that I went outside and had my best run in almost three months - almost two miles non-stop. I have to confess, when it was over I said to myself, "It just feels great running a one-point-eight."
My running course took me south on the Riverwalk, from Golden Park past Rotary Park to nearly 22nd Avenue. But on the return trip north, unexpected trouble developed - as the Columbus Catfish game ended. No, I did NOT come across
drunken baseball fans trying to find their cars....
The Columbus Catfish have fireworks shows after every Saturday home game this season - and this one happened to start as I jogged by South Commons on the Riverwalk. When I heard the first couple of booms, I guessed they might be playing
a loud rap song between half-innings.
But no - suddenly explosives were erupting practically over my head, and my jogging course was taking me directly toward them! I hadn't seen a fireworks show from this close an angle since my Dad dared me to hold a sparkler on Independence Day as a boy. To this day, I'd rather use a cigarette lighter than a book of matches....
Looking back, I could have stopped my jog to enjoy this unique view of the fireworks - but the runner in me decided to plod on. After all, my session had gone well and I had other Saturday night things to do. Truly it's a fine line between
stubbornness and stupidity.
As it happened, earlier in my run I was thinking about CBS News anchor Dan Rather. It's been two decades since critics laughed him to scorn for ending his evening newscast with the word, "Courage." Yet our country's needed a lot of it in the last three years - and for some reason, no one's asked Rather to start saying that word again.
My evening run suddenly became a courage test, as I kept going while fireworks went off above and to the right of me. It was like every John Wayne war movie I'd ever seen - only my green shorts weren't khaki, and I didn't have a helmet on.
I swung to the outside of the Riverwalk (nearest the river) as the fireworks continued. Suddenly I saw a glowing spent shell on the ground, just to the other side of the walk! What would happen if one rained down on me? I can't call WRBL's
Problem Solvers, like that woman did with the baseball through her windshield - since Dave Marshall's left town.
(Come to think of it, they had an archery competition next to Golden Park at the Civic Center Saturday night. Did that fireworks show ruin anybody's aim? Or did any fans heckle the contestants, and make things even worse?)
The Golden Park fireworks seem to be lower-grade than other shows use. There's a lot of emphasis on extra-bright flashes and extra-loud booms. So loud, in fact, that I was thankful to hear the attendant ask for my order at dinner after the
run ended.
It was fascinating to hear the fireworks have an effect across the Chattahoochee. About three-quarters of a second after every explosion, a reverberation could be heard on the other side of the river - like the boom was bouncing off a giant dumpster. It was as if every mobile home in south Phenix City was shaking on its foundation.
I had stopped for three "walking blocks" between jogs during the course - but I didn't dare do that now. I kept my head down and ran past the fireworks zone, all the way to the stairs ascending to Broadway. Thanks to God for the strength to do that - which shows I can get away from aggressive beggars anytime I need to.
My running began at Golden Park as the Catfish game headed for the seventh-inning stretch -- and the fireworks began as I jogged home. Either I ran longer than I expected, or the Catfish decided on "Scout Night" to keep the boys' attention by having only two outs an inning.
The Columbus Catfish clearly do NOT fence off part of the Riverwalk for fireworks shows, the way it's done for "Thunder on the Hooch." Maybe the team doesn't expect people to be down the hill from Golden Park at 9:30 p.m. on a Saturday
night -- or it thinks a ball game matters more than romantic lovers.
I survived this adventure with several "morals to the story." First, the Catfish are asking for a big lawsuit if their fireworks get out of control. Second, I now know a little bit of what Fort Benning's Third Brigade is facing in training at Fort Polk, Louisiana - only the soldiers can't go through it merely in a T-shirt and running shoes.
E-MAIL UPDATE: We're taking suggestions for the funniest person in Columbus, or at least the one with the best sense of humor. But our first nomination is quite surprising:
Randy Robertson, President, Fraternal Order of Police
Give him a call, have a conversation with him about Columbus, trust me, he'll leave you in stitches!!
Oh really?! This e-mailer didn't sign the message - so we're wondering which member of Columbus Council sent it.
And what else is happening on this gorgeous weekend? Let's see....
+ The Columbus Northern team lost the regional finals to Morganton, North Carolina. That means no trip to the Little League World Series - but maybe now they can come home and play games in Rigdon Park on the south side, to help promote One Columbus.
(Perhaps it's just as well the Northern All-Stars aren't heading to Williamsport, Pennsylvania. The Columbus parents would have been offended by the Asian players bowing down to "the god of Little League" - a statue beyond the center-field fence.)
+ The Midnight Basketball league had its final weekend of the summer at Shirley Winston Park. The winner of the slam-dunk contest actually jumped over a woman's head! If he had mistimed this, it would have set a record for the most witnesses to a sexual harassment case.
(I've asked this before and I'll ask it again - if I can see highlights on the 11:00 p.m. news, why is it called the MIDNIGHT Basketball league?)
+ Instant Message to Parkhill Cemetery: What's this I hear about you stopping Sunday funeral services? If I die on a Sunday, would that be a violation of the Sabbath commandment?
COMING MONDAY: The Republican wrangle road trip....
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