16 MAY 09: Is This Funny or What?

(BLOGGER'S NOTE: You may find the following item humorous, serious, or a little of both - but we offer these thoughts from time to time, as we keep a seventh-day Sabbath.)

For more than six years, our primary goal for this blog has been humor. But because most of our humor is tied to current events, it opens the door for potential problems. Let's face it - about the only people around here who might sue over elephant jokes are the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals.

Even though we try to be humorous, any blog focused on the news is bound to receive hot tips. Sometimes the information is legitimate and newsworthy. Sometimes it's not. But at least one e-mailer a few years ago was honest enough to put "gossip" at the title of her message to us.

We've also become aware that some of the tips we receive come from people with issues to push, or axes to grind. They believe the mainstream media is ignoring them, so they come to us. You know what they say in the Internet age - any old web portal in a storm.

We try to be light, but the issue-pushers want to be heavy. They want us to really "push the envelope" with some of the things we post here. Trouble is, people who push the envelope too far risk having it go over the edge of the table....

The top of this blog says our observations are "often humorous." Yet sometimes we wonder about the sense of humor some issue-pushers have. They seem to consider it funny to tear down the reputations of other people - including people who may not be locally famous at all. I'm left wondering if they stand outside jails, trying Don Rickles insults on incoming inmates.

Perhaps I've brought this on myself, with some of the topics we've pursued here over the years. We felt they were stories worth telling, which should not have been overlooked. Other people admittedly considered them tabloid-level - but you know, the old "Christian Science Monitor" was tabloid-sized.

We don't want to stifle readers from sending us interesting story tips for this blog - but is it too much to ask that you have a little more compassion toward other people? A good standard is Philippians 4:8 of the Bible. It suggests thinking on things which are "true.... honest.... just.... pure.... lovely...." The last one admittedly can get me thinking about good-looking cheerleaders.

Asking this blog to probe serious accusations against other people admittedly is uncomfortable for me - especially if the people are trying to live private lives. So from now on, we may ask tipsters why others need to know about their tips. Weird Internet games of "tag, you're it" really don't count.

We had this topic in mind long before we saw Friday's "CBS Evening News." It had a story about a young woman who died in a terrible car crash, yet has had pictures of her body spread across the Internet. People who spread such things should stop and ask: would they want THEIR private pictures passed around this way? Oh wait - some already do that on Facebook.

The number of unique visitors to our blog is up more than 14 percent so far this year! To advertise to them, offer a story tip, make a PayPal donation or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

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The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

© 2003-09 Richard Burkard, all rights reserved.

15 MAY 09: Viva es Muerte

Census numbers indicate more than 8,000 Columbus residents are Hispanic. Yet that community has seen a stunning string of setbacks over the last 60 days. They lost a "Fiesta" at South Commons. They lost a nightclub in the Ritmo Latino raid. And I have yet to see a picture of Mimi Woodson wearing a sombrero for Cinco de Mayo.

The latest casualty for Hispanic Columbus is the end of its most powerful radio station. Richard Hyatt's web site revealed Thursday WHAL-AM "Viva 1460" will stop the Spanish-language music Monday. It will become "Fox Sports Radio 1460" - perhaps inspired by former Mexican President Vicente Fox speaking at Emory University's commencement.

(Oh yes - "muerte" in our title is the Spanish word for dead. But my favorite Spanish word is the translation of "to receive." Recibir can be pronounced "racy beer.")

Clear Channel Radio isn't hiding the change online. The Viva 1460 web site already has been updated, and Spanish-language items were removed during the course of Thursday. Of course, the site should still have plenty of Hispanic names - such as baseball's Albert Pujols and basketball's Pau Gasol.

Viva 1460 still carries the call letters of the music format it replaced. This week marks six years since WHAL-AM began as "Hallelujah 1460." It was replaced by Spanish-language music in April 2006, several hours earlier than scheduled - so I'm not sure if there was ever a benediction.

The time seemed right in 2006 for a Spanish-language radio station in Columbus. The Hispanic population was growing, with businesses for them opening along Victory Drive. Someday I'll figure out why La Cocina Cubana is located way out Macon Road - as if the prison on Schatulga Road is filled with Mexican drug-runners.

Yet for some reason, Viva 1460 apparently didn't gain a following. The two radio rating reports from last year didn't show WHAL-AM with any listeners at all. It's as if Hispanic residents feared their rating diaries would be handed to federal immigration agents.

I've enjoyed listening to Viva 1460 for its Sunday afternoon "salsa classics." It also broadcast international soccer matches, such as the 2006 World Cup - where people falling asleep during games could be awakened by the announcer yelling "Goooooooooooool!"

The good news for Hispanic Columbus is that another radio station still broadcasts in Spanish - WTMQ-FM, or "Tropical 88.5." It plays a large amount of salsa and meringue music, yet it doesn't sound quite right on my radio. The audio sounds badly filtered -- almost like they broadcast from the back of a minivan.

But there may be bad news regarding Tropical 88.5. The station's web site wouldn't come up Thursday - and when we called the station several times for a comment about Viva 1460, no one answered the phone. Hopefully they're not secretly broadcasting from a hideout for the Ricci brothers.

As for Viva 1460's replacement -- is Columbus big enough for two sports radio stations? WEAM-AM seems to have found its footing, mostly broadcasting ESPN Radio. Fox Sports Radio tends to be a runner-up network -- and it succeeded on WRCG about as well as Doug Graham did hosting "Talkline."

The program schedule posted online indicates Clear Channel Radio is supplementing Fox Sports Radio with a big talk-show name. Jim Rome will be on during the early afternoon -- and I'm not sure how long he could tolerate Coach B.R. Johnson as a co-host.

. I hope Clear Channel Radio will use WHAL-AM to broadcast teams you can't hear in Columbus now. The Atlanta Thrashers disappeared from WRCG this past season. Georgia Tech games have been missing from Columbus radio for years. And I'd think the Columbus Lions would like to prove they actually have a winning record.

Now instead of some appropriate flan for dessert, we'll offer a check of the Thursday news:

+ Fort Benning hosted a job fair, and WRBL estimated about 2,000 job seekers showed up. The bad news for many of them is that the Army is meeting its recruitment goals right now.

+ Pine Ridge Elementary School in Harris County bragged announced all its third-grade students passed the CRCT exam this year. For doing this, the children apparently were rewarded with nothing more than a longer recess. At Rigdon Road Elementary, somebody would be going to Disney World.

+ Habitat for Humanity announced board chairman J. Ron Terwilliger has pledged $100 million to the organization, effective when he dies. Habitat calls this a "legacy donation" -- while I'm not sure Legacy Chevrolet can afford to donate a car to the Teacher of the Year.

+ Chrysler announced hundreds of dealerships nationwide will lose their affiliation, due to bankruptcy. Glynn Smith Chevrolet-Jeep in Opelika will have to drop the Jeep name. Now the sales staff is even more thankful that Bill Heard Chevrolet went under first.

+ Instant Message to Calvary Baptist Church Pastor Don Wilhite: After that health problem at The Gardens of Calvary, can I assume you'll no longer preach about having a "fire in your belly" for the things of God?

SCHEDULED THIS WEEKEND: Why would we bring up Panama here? See if you can figure it out....

The number of unique visitors to our blog is up more than 14 percent so far this year! To advertise to them, offer a story tip, make a PayPal donation or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

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The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

© 2003-09 Richard Burkard, all rights reserved.

14 MAY 09: Terry Meetings

Wednesday evening marked the end of an era in the downtown Columbus area. The last book was checked out of the old Mildred Terry Library, at Seventh and Veterans Parkway. But staff members didn't seem to be crying about it - as no Terry towels were in sight.

The Mildred Terry Branch Library was used for 56 years. But I didn't realize until I checked the library web site Wednesday night that it originally had a very different name - the "Colored/Fourth Avenue Library." It stuns me how many people who don't want the former name applied to them anymore still refer to Veterans Parkway by the latter name.

The old Mildred Terry Library admittedly was cramped for space, especially after public access computers became common. The first time I walked inside, it reminded me of a high school library -- well, except there were small computer monitors instead of a large TV set atop a cart.

The good news is that a larger Mildred Terry Library has been built next door. It's scheduled to open 2 June. But the bad news for some people is that even though it's along Veterans Parkway, there's no sign of a park anywhere around it.

The new Mildred Terry Library will have 50 public access computers, up from the current 29. Pictures posted online indicate it also will have a spacious meeting room for community events. And there will be a separate children's section -- so patrons playing online billiards won't be distracted anymore by youngsters singing rounds.

The construction of the new Mildred Terry Library is on the spot of the old library's parking lot. That's caused a few headaches, as patrons either had to park along Seventh Street or at the Columbus Career Center across the street. Thankfully, library patrons weren't required to sign up for part-time Census jobs....

Once the new Mildred Terry Library opens, the old one will be torn down. Directors say a "reading garden" will be prepared there, and open in late August. It's a wonder children haven't started the process already -- by climbing on the eight-foot-tall pile of dirt at the street corner.

While the new Mildred Terry Library is almost ready for use, it's still not fully paid off. The library web site shows about $1.4 million more is needed in donations or grants. Before you get bright ideas - no, I don't think you can take care of this by holding books for 20 years and paying the accumulated fines.

You'll be able to help pay for the new Mildred Terry Library in two weeks, when items from the old building go up for bids in a "silent auction." Since it's a library, the big surprise would have been if the auction was NOT silent.

I'll never forget my final visit to the old Mildred Terry Library last week. Because I don't have a working computer printer, I went there to get the online coupon for a KFC Grilled Chicken dinner. But I needed to download "coupon printer" software, which only an administrator could approve - and the staff didn't know how to do it. Apparently the "Software for Dummies" books were checked out.

A staff member pointed me to one library computer where people had printed out chicken coupons during the day. But someone else was using it, so I chose to wait on her - a wait which wound up being 45 minutes. Well, at least I had something to read....

After 45 minutes, the woman stood up to leave the "coupon computer." I stood about five feet to her left, ready to use it - but a woman standing to the right stepped in, took the computer and told me she'd need it for an hour-and-a-half. My attempt to be courteous apparently was overpowered by my greed for free food.

I simply smiled at that point, walked out of the Mildred Terry Library and drove to a different library to print the chicken coupon. And of course, since then KFC has called off the free offer and started offering rain checks to customers. The way this adventure has gone, that rain check will wind up in a neighbor's mailbox - and he'll need me to drive him to KFC to enjoy it.

-> Our other blog starts with poker, then goes in directions you might not expect. Visit "On the Flop!" <--

E-MAIL UPDATE: As it happened, a blog reader wrote us Wednesday about a different library....

Today I observed a lady using the bathroom at the gate entrace to the main library off Boxwood.Thanks goodness she was on the grass right off the sidewalk.I told a security guard at the side entrance what was going on ..He walked about 10 ft looked over the hill and said we have trouble with her all the time..Later I saw her enter a truck and she was so drunk she couldn't stand up..The security didn't do anything in the 10 min before the truck,but laugh with another guard about why the truck picked her up..I was in disbelief..Then I get upstairs by the magazines and there is same greasy long haired dirty man sitting in his usual everyday chair facing the front of the building..There were teens roaming every where..They were so loud on the elevator I could hear them going all the way to the second floor...If people don't have manners and respect then they should be escorted off the grounds ..I was just wondering if SPLOST covers the salary of these security guards..

There you have it, friends -- another reason why Josh McKoon is fighting in court for a park behind the library. Plant the right number of trees, and our reader never would have seen some of this.

We checked the library web site Wednesday night, and found no specific budget in the online annual report. But then again, the latest posted annual report is for 2005.... [True!]

I would guess the library security staff comes under the "operating budget," which is largely funded by property tax millage. Perhaps the Library Board should put a prod on the guards to be more pro-active - and bring in a stylist to offer patrons free makeovers.

We promised to catch up on other e-mails today. Here's one about the political scoop we apparently broke here Tuesday....

Richard, I was quite amused about Johnny Ford wanting to be sent back to Montgomery. If I lived in Tuskeegee I'd want to be sent to Montgomery or elsewhere! Tuskeegee looks like a third world country! If it weren't for the VA Hospital there unemployment would probably be close to 100% and the only money there would be from welfare and food stamps. If I'm not mistaken Johnny Ford has spent much of his adult life either as Mayor of Tuskeegee or in other elective offices representing his city. My question is: How has Tuskeegee's status improved during his years in public office? Why does the town still look so bad? It's too bad that thousands of veterans from the Columbus area have to travel to Tuskeegee for many services that are not provided by the VA Clinic in Columbus. I certainly don't mean to suggest that Johnny Ford is responsible for all of that town's problems but he certainly has had a leadership position there for many years and not much improvement can be seen.

Ooh boy - first this blog made part of Hurtsboro upset with me, and now you're trying to spread the cancer....

I've made a few visits to the Tuskegee University campus, and consider it nice and attractive. And the city has a chance to promote tourism, with the Tuskegee Airmen Memorial at Moton Field. Maybe the V.A. bus should add a history tour, and pick up patients at the National Infantry Museum.

As for how Johnny Ford has improved Tuskegee over the years - remember the groundbreaking thing he did, which Phenix City later copied and Columbus is still unable to do. Yes, Ford led the rush to Sunday beer sales in convenience stores.

But it was former President Bush who prodded then-Mayor Johnny Ford to action, during a trip to Tuskegee three years ago. Remember how Mr. Bush called for potholes to be filled on U.S. 80? [26 Apr 06] Mr. Ford then declared he needed federal grant money for the work. Hey, maybe I should try that - the next time someone writes us with a tip requiring hours of investigation.

Let's drive east on U.S. 80, from Tuskegee to Phenix City....

Phenix City's new speed limit's signs are up on broad st.

when you make a left onto Broad coming from Columbus a sign of 35 is there, not very far behind that one is one 20 - around the NEW Red Light District and then another one around the Police station is for 35. 35 is too fast for the narrow lanes anyhow.

When traveling south on Broad - keep an eye on the brick planters off to the left, that is where the patrol cars are parked between, all that sticks up are the lights on top of the car (was wondering why the planters were built).

Aha - so this is one place where Phenix City police officers are NOT "on their feet." They simply can't outrun those fast drivers.

By the way, Phenix City officials said during Monday night's town hall forum that the Streetscape work was finished at $10,000 under budget. Uhhhhh - after the budget for the project went up HOW many times?

Our last e-mail finally brings us to Columbus -- sort of:

How could the Ledger omit that the winner of the Best Ranger competition is a Columbus native?

Perhaps the newspaper didn't know. I understand the parents of Sgt. Blake Simms contacted a TV station with that information. But the official Army news release only mentions Simms as being from Fort Benning - and at events like that, Columbus can become a Benning suburb.

We thank all of you who read this blog and write us! Now let's see what else interesting happened Wednesday....

+ A groundbreaking ceremony was held for the "rails to trails" project, creating what Columbus Planning Director Rick Jones calls a "linear park" across the city. I think he mispronounced that name, and meant to call it J. Smith Lanier Park.

(Did you see the line of people wearing white shirts at the ceremony, standing on bicycles? They're apparently police cadets - and they'll be riding bikes until another car dealer goes out of business, and has to liquidate its inventory.)

+ The Georgia Board of Regents approved plans for a West Point campus of Columbus State University. Classes begin this fall - and I assume one of them will be "Korean as a Second Language."

+ The Quitman County Sheriff admitted some people are using River Bluff Park in Georgetown as a "lover's lane." Steve Newton said security cameras have caught at least two men using a restroom stall for (ahem) lewd intimate acts. There's an ingenious approach for fighting same-sex marriage -- stop the same-sex sex.

+ Pacelli pounded Washington-Wilkes in the second round of the Georgia high school baseball playoffs, sweeping a doubleheader. The Georgia High School Association should have shown Pacelli some mercy - by having the Vikings play Washington in the first game, and Wilkes in the second.

+ Instant Message to all the men defending Miss California USA: Why are you paying so much attention to her "Christian" message about marriage, while ignoring that skimpy swimsuit she wore during the pageant?

The number of unique visitors to our blog is up more than 14 percent so far this year! To advertise to them, offer a story tip, make a PayPal donation or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

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The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

© 2003-09 Richard Burkard, all rights reserved.

13 MAY 09: Sky-Scrapped

OK, now I can admit it - from the beginning, I was skeptical The Phenixian ever would happen. It simply seemed too grand for Phenix City. Too fancy. Too elite. A downtown Motel 6 seemed more appropriate....

Phenix City Mayor Sonny Coulter said out loud Tuesday what many residents already suspected - it appears The Phenixian high-rise condominium project has been canceled. In fact, Coulter declared it "dead." They don't even put that label on former city managers in Phenix City.

Mayor Sonny Coulter based his statement on the fact Ronnie Gilley Properties seem more interested in other projects around Alabama right now. But I thought big investor George Jones came to Columbus in April. You mean he didn't stop at Phenix City Hall, before singing at the Civic Center?!

We mentioned earlier this year that Ronnie Gilley wanted to build an entertainment complex along U.S. 431 in Phenix City -- one of several in the state that would offer electronic bingo, similar to Victoryland. But Alabama Governor Bob Riley doesn't seem thrilled about such things. I don't think he even made a friendly wager on the Alabama-Utah Sugar Bowl.

We tried checking the Ronnie Gilley Properties web site Tuesday night, to see if The Phenixian was still mentioned there. A Google search indicated it was - but we couldn't open the business's site to be sure, and our security software picked off a "Trojan" as we tried. A Troy Trojan, we can only assume....

But we did find the minutes of a February Phenix City Council meeting with the Downtown Redevelopment Authority. At that time, an official said the developer's "obligation to the city" had expired. I'm not sure what that means - but at least Troy University has held a fancy land takeover ceremony.

Yet a big sign still stood Tuesday at the site of The Phenixian, along the Phenix City riverfront. If Mayor Coulter's statement is accurate, is it OK for hunters to start using that sign for target practice?

The Phenixian was supposed to be a keystone of Phenix City's downtown renaissance. Troy University plans to build a new business school in that same "Triangle" area. Yet while old apartments have been torn down, construction on that school has yet to begin. Troy is waiting for the money to build first - explaining why no Troy professors serve in the Obama administration.

The Phenixian's developers promised in January 2007 construction would begin that summer [17 Jan 07]. But delays occurred, reportedly because the deal required federal approval. At least the city couldn't blame THAT one on the Broad Street renovation.

Phenix City officials have nothing in mind at the moment to replace The Phenixian. But I think we can rule out one idea right now -- a statue of former mayor Jeff Hardin.

BLOG UPDATE: We now return to that lengthy set of questions the "13^th Street Businessperson" of Phenix City mailed us. Here's one we made sure to ask about after Monday night's town hall meeting....

Did this city float a bond dated February 1, 2009 for 7.85 million dollars? The city clerk said she did not know anything about this [24 Mar] neither do the taxpaying citizens of Phenix City.

City Finance Director Stephen Smith described it to me as a refinancing of old bonds. Part of the money involves general obligation bonds. Part of the money involves that controversial "Triangle" land downtown - which if the city isn't careful will become like a Bermuda Triangle, where great ideas go to die.

Phenix City Manager Wallace Hunter told me a new city bond issue is coming soon, to pay for water and sewage repairs. Maybe that's why I received a surprise call Tuesday night from a Columbus investment specialist, promoting municipal bonds with a ten-percent payoff. I thought I gave that business card Monday night to the city Personnel Director.

Why do we have 3 surplus city vehicles (sedans) parked in south Phenix City at Fire Station No. 3?

Now now - even if the vehicles had been SUV's, they still could not have handled the crowd which met for a town hall meeting at a church.

I learned at the forum that Phenix City's Fire Department has been going door-to-door, doing a survey on city water lines. It apparently is the south side's turn for the survey right now - and the City Manager didn't promise to put firefighters on their feet, the way he has with police officers.

You were elected by citizens (very few) to serve in a part time capacity as per the City Charter. Why do some of you loiter around City Hall all day. That is not what the charter calls for. You were supposed to hire a city manager who is capable of overseeing the day to day operations of the city!

Oh really now - how does this businessperson know Phenix City Council members are "loitering" all day? Unless, of course, this person is taking frequent business breaks to do it himself?

Phenix City Council members had nothing but praise for City Manager Wallace Hunter at Monday night's forum. But then again, how are they supposed to know he's capable if they don't make surprise inspections?

We admittedly did not get answers to six other questions the 13^th Street Businessperson sent. A couple seemed very wonky for a HUMOR blog to address, and a few required more inside information than we could understand. Perhaps this Businessperson should organize his OWN town hall to get those answers -- maybe at a public school, so no annoying ministers feel led to give prayers.

E-MAIL UPDATE: Since we're not really The Blog of Phenix City (although we seem to have become that by default), let's hear from someone about Columbus....

I was really under the impression based on the Ledger-Enquierer reporting that safety would improve downtown after Columbus BID and Uptown Columbus merged. Instead it appears to be deteriorating.

During the past 10 days more or less:

Columbus crime: Aggravated assault, robbery in downtown Columbus....

Mother, daughter robbed at gunpoint outside of Country's BBQ....

Columbus crime: Jason Blackmon charged with having gun in Big City Club

Perhaps the criminals are changing tactics - moving away from those Saturday night brawls on Broadway.

We have several more e-mails, which we'll try to address Thursday. But let's see what else is making news....

+ Columbus Council held a four-hour marathon discussion on a proposed "overlay district" for Veterans Parkway north of Moon Road. Several business owners apparently oppose the idea - but simply can't bear the thought of moving across the county line, and saying they're located at the edge of Cataula.

+ Fort Benning announced Commanding General Michael Barbero will be replaced in June, after only seven months in charge. Doesn't this change seem awfully fast? You almost wonder if Barbero complained about the menu at The Fife and Drum.

+ The Ledger-Enquirer presented its annual "Page One" awards to top local high school students. In keeping with recent cuts at the Ledger-Enquirer, all the speeches were Twitter-length.

+ The Macon Telegraph reported a woman stabbed another woman, after stealing her "hair products." This suspect must not have heard that old TV jingle - sometimes you need a little Finesse, sometimes you need a lot.

+ The evening news showed the Columbus State University men's golf team, which is growing "Fu Manchu" beards until its playoff run is over. If Tiger Woods learns how well this works, all the talk of a slump could end at the U.S. Open.

+ Instant Message to Double Churches Elementary School: A career day? OK. Illustrating it with work vehicles? OK. But who had the bright idea of bringing in a hearse? Was that a little something extra from the Metro Narcotics Task Force?

The number of unique visitors to our blog is up more than 14 percent so far this year! To advertise to them, offer a story tip, make a PayPal donation or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

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The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

© 2003-09 Richard Burkard, all rights reserved.

12 MAY 09: Talk for the CURED

"GOT QUESTIONS GET ANSWERS" said the sign outside a Phenix City funeral home Monday night. The sign even directed readers to a church. But on this night, the questions were more about "down below" - like city water lines.

Pine Hill Baptist Church hosted a town hall forum on Phenix City issues. Despite the concern expressed by a blog reader here Monday, four City Council members attended. Mayor Sonny Coulter was absent -- perhaps to guard against radical atheists barging in and taking everyone hostage.

The town hall forum was organized by CURED - the Citizens for Unification, Revitalization and Economic Development. When group members were asked to stand, only about ten people did. Based on statistics presented during the forum, these might be the only people in South Phenix City earning more than $50,000 per year.

There was a surprise scene-stealing appearance at the town hall, by former Tuskegee Mayor Johnny Ford. He told the forum he lost last year's mayoral election because his opponent knew how to use the Internet. Ford apparently thought "Myspace" referred to his office at City Hall.

"To get results down in Montgomery, Alabama, we've got to run for public office," Johnny Ford declared at the forum. Translation: no one has hired him as a lobbyist.

Johnny Ford once served in the Alabama House, and he told the town hall he's "considering" a campaign for State Senate against Myron Penn. Well, check that - Ford ended his talk by saying, "Send me back to Montgomery, Alabama." So much for calling this a "listening tour."

Until Johnny Ford took the microphone, the focus of the town hall was on Phenix City matters. The audience was invited to submit written questions to city officials. Your blog already had four pages of questions, mailed to us recently by the mysterious "13^th Street Businessperson." Since hardly any of them came up at the forum, he might be a minority of one.

We'll get to those questions, after we review the forum itself. It took place in South Phenix City - an area City Manager Wallace Hunter said has been "neglected." He promises to make it a top priority, in a list of projects he'll present to a City Council work session today. So finally something could flow to the south side besides flood water....

Wallace Hunter noted two major projects already are underway in South Phenix City. One is a 288-unit apartment complex along U.S. 431. It's valued at $16 million, or more than $55,000 per apartment - so basic cable had better be free.

The other big project in South Phenix City actually had its official groundbreaking Monday. It's a new instructional building at Chattahoochee Valley Community College. The giant parking lot where that building will stand won't be needed anymore - apparently because enrollment will drop, as students go to Troy University's downtown campus.

Wallace Hunter moved from Phenix City Fire Chief to City Manager only five months ago, but he showed an impressive knowledge of city projects and neighborhood needs. It was Councilor Arthur Sumbry who gave the most naive, yet funny answer of the evening -- explaining city cemeteries look bad because "the grass grew up too fast."

Phenix City's development consultant also spoke at the town hall. Judson Edwards said few retail stores have located on the south side because its per-person income is about $14,500 per year - less than half the national average. Yes, some areas can be too poor for Krystal....

The Phenix City Councilors at the forum gave short talks as well. Jimmy Wetzel declared Streetscape on Broad Street "completed." Well, save for some landscaping. And that traffic light outside City Hall isn't working yet. And part of me still suspects the road equipment is hiding along the Riverwalk, waiting for a big wreck.

Jimmy Wetzel introduced the new Phenix City Police Chief to the forum. Wetzel added several police officer positions currently are open - "and justly so." Hmmmm, how many other officers have been fired for misconduct?

(The City Manager added he's trying to get Phenix City police officers "on their feet," walking beats. Someone must have tipped him off to that new jump in gas prices.)

Russell County Commissioner Cattie Epps missed her scheduled time to speak at the town hall, but she spoke later. She revealed the old courthouse (now called the "Judicial Center") needs a new roof, because the current one is leaking. Huh?! Why can't they illustrate justice rolling down like waters?

Now to the 13^th Street Businessperson's questions. Some of them were addressed during the forum, while we had to ask others later:

The Thursday April 24^th edition of the Columbus newspaper reported certain statements which are certainly beyond my comprehension. Didn't the developer originally agree to donate the property if the inter-change was constructed adjacent to his remaining properties?

If this refers to land around U.S. 80 and Riverchase Drive, Councilor Max Wilkes told the forum the city is still "paying for the interchange." If the dispute goes to trial in July, the city will pay lawyers.

Is it true that the property the developer is offering the city in a swap along the Cochgalechee Creek lies within an an undevelopable swamp?

That may not be a problem - because Councilor Jimmy Wetzel announced at the forum that the city received a deed Monday to develop the land as a "watershed area." The city dreams of making it a south side version of Moon Lake at Idle Hour Park. So swamp-to-lake actually is an upgrade.

Jimmy Wetzel noted it might take a couple of years to develop the south side lake, because the Army Corps of Engineers has to approve the project. We don't those Florida Gulf Coast shrimp to starve, you know....

How many city attorneys does the city have on the payroll? Opelika, Auburn and even Columbus only have one but as I read the newspaper it appears that Phenix City has two, three, four or more. This certainly does not sound like stewardship of the taxpayer dollar.

Only one city attorney was introduced at the forum - Jimmy Graham. Perhaps his attorney wife Honey had another commitment.

When elected officials attend out of town meetings do their spouses accompany them? Who pays their expenses?.... How many Councilmembers attended the meeting in Huntsville? Did their spouses accompany them? How much of the citizens mone did the spend? Could they (individually) explain to the citizens what they learned?

First-year Councilor Michelle Walker told me the spouses can attend state conferences -- but Phenix City does NOT pay for them. And council members can obtain "discounts" to attend meetings like the one in Huntsville. I'm not sure what anyone would do in Huntsville besides go to a convention - especially after one day at the Air and Space Museum.

"There's different programs you can go to," Michelle Walker explained about the Alabama state convention for Council members. "Not all of us are just going down there and relaxing." No, I didn't ask how many Phenix City officials actually did....

The idea is that each council member goes to different breakout sessions, and then shares that knowledge with fellow Councilors. In local governments, that approach can be helpful. In some churches, checking other programs would be absolutely discouraged.

The Businessperson had many more questions, but a lack of writing time means some must wait until Wednesday. (Hey, maybe he'll go to the Phenix City Council work session and ask them personally!) Let's quickly wrap up other Monday news:

+ WRBL reported Columbus Assistant Fire Chief Jerry Fountain was arrested, for some kind of physical fight with his adult son. The Harris County Sheriff suspects the son was the aggressor - but this shows the value of firefighters carrying concealed axes.

+ Columbus State University unveiled a historic marker, at the site of its founding 51 years ago. It's on Talbotton Road, outside an old hosiery mill where Hannan Magnet Academy now stands. Isn't this great progress - going from making socks to making magnets?

+ The Valley City Council voted to loosen its alcohol rules, to allow beer and wine on city property. The Chamber of Commerce explains this will be helpful for the Kia plant in West Point. Well, we certainly don't want employees downing six-packs along the side of Interstate 85 after work.

+ Shaw High School retired the #91 football jersey of former star linebacker Philip Wheeler. Wheeler says he expects to start for the Indianapolis Colts this coming season - which is interesting, since the team depth chart currently is empty. Even Peyton Manning is going to have to prove something to their new coach.

+ Cleveland eliminated the Atlanta Hawks from the N.B.A. playoffs 84-74. Hawks radio analyst Dennis Scott praised Cleveland star LeBron James for "not crying about every call" anymore. Now if Scott can only persuade play-by-play announcer Steve Holman to do the same thing....

The number of unique visitors to our blog is up more than 14 percent so far this year! To advertise to them, offer a story tip, make a PayPal donation or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 479 (+ 18, 3.9%)

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

© 2003-09 Richard Burkard, all rights reserved.

11 MAY 09: Double Exposure

Some days it's fun being your local humor blogger. But sometimes it can be downright uncomfortable. For instance, I spent time on the phone Sunday night with a man who says he's trying to live a private life - but other people keep spreading rumors about him. And no, I was NOT on the phone with Mayor Jim Wetherington.

The son of former Phenix City Mayor Sammy Howard wants to make one thing clear: he was NOT fired from Cable TV of East Alabama, after hosting a phone-in talk show there. Craig Howard says he left by his own decision, on what he calls "good terms." He doesn't even want to face the people claiming otherwise at Thursday night's wrestling matches.

Craig Howard admitted his cable talk show became controversial, after he discovered a legal notice. It was a proposal in the Alabama Legislature to give Phenix City Council members a raise [24 Apr] -- but the bill never had the words "Phenix City" in it. The city is called a "Class 5 municipality," which I think is one level short of a full-scale pandemic.

Craig Howard says he dared to call the proposed raise for Phenix City Council members "deceptive" on his cable program. For some odd reason, several council members didn't like that and complained to his boss -- thus disproving one rumor. Yes, Howard's talk show DID have some viewers.

(The complaints from Phenix City Council members reportedly were passed along through Russell County Commissioner Ronnie Reed. Maybe he was hoping somehow to get a raise out of the deal, too.)

Craig Howard says his Dad and former mayor advised him to back off on his talk show, after he mentioned the proposed raise -- and so he did. But Phenix City Councilors were complaining Howard called them names. Imagine if Howard had taken the whole matter to Glenn Beck or Sean Hannity.

But Craig Howard says he was uncomfortable with the path the talk show was taking, so he looked for another job. He's found it now with a digital billboard company, and he'd rather live a private life. So the early leader for the next Phenix City mayoral election seems to be Jeff Hardin....

(You may be asking where that proposed raise stands. We checked Sunday night, and the bill is stuck in an Alabama House committee -- unless it floated away in last week's rainstorm.)

Craig Howard admitted to me he can't believe the "firestorm" that's developed here in recent weeks about him. Sadly, it's no surprise to me - and if Howard happened to be a youth league baseball coach, things might be even worse.

Craig Howard was absolutely sure who spread the rumor that he was fired. In fact, Howard named the man - but he'll be surprised to read today he was wrong. The rumor came from the man who has claimed to be "Russell C. Ounti" in snail mails to this blog. Today we feel prepared to name this mysterious writer - in other words, make him an Out-ee.

The latest letter from Russell C. Ounti reached us Saturday, in the nick of time to avoid today's two-cent postage increase. The slip of paper had correspondence relating to Craig Howard, with the addressee and signer were blotted out. But they weren't blotted out well enough - and the names were evident in the light of day. Well, the light of our living room lamp....

The note about Craig Howard was written to "Bob" - and based on earlier letters from Russell C. Ounti, we can only conclude that means former Hurtsboro Constable Bob Schweiger. You'll recall Schweiger sent e-mail to us declaring Howard a "loser" [19 Apr] From the latest note, perhaps he considers it a best-of-three match.

(By the way, the note was signed by "Ronnie." We can only guess which Ronnie it is. It might be fellow Democrat Ronnie Reed -- but I think developer Ronnie Gilley is too busy trying to salvage The Phenixian project.)

Do you realize what this revelation means? Russell C. Ounti has claimed to be a big backer of Hurtsboro's Robert Schweiger -- and wrote us last year urging a blog investigation of then-Russell County Commissioner J.D. Upshaw [30 Mar 08]. Now we've concluded he IS Robert Schweiger, who was running against Upshaw at the time! Maybe I've missed my calling, to be a political consultant.

Mr., ahem, Ounti gave us a phone number for calling Roy Greene at Cable TV of East Alabama, to get his side of the Craig Howard story. We left a message after an uncertain beep on the phone Sunday night, but there was no response. Then again, he could have been out repairing storm-damaged cable lines.

So an effort to expose one person in Russell County actually winds up exposing another. We gave Russell C. Ounti the benefit of the doubt for a long time. But now that another apparently bogus rumor has been passed our way, we'll put this in language an old Constable like Robert Schweiger can understand - the jig is up.

-> Our other blog starts with poker, then goes in directions you might not expect. Visit "On the Flop!" <--

BLOG UPDATE: Meanwhile back at the Council, Phenix City officials are heading to a church tonight. Another snail mailer doesn't seem pleased about that. Here's part of what the "13^th Street Businessperson" sent us last week:

Why are we holding Council meeting in a church (May 11, 2009) Why not make such presentations at Council meetings or at the Activity Center? Are such meetings scheduled at other city churches? Didn't separation of church and state have something to do with the establishment of the original 13 colonies?

"It's not necessarily a meeting," a woman at the Phenix City Clerk's office told us Friday. It's a "town hall forum" council members are invited to attend. Of course, the members who don't show up risk being branded as potential atheists.

The town hall forum at Phenix City's Pine Hill Baptist Church was organized by the "Citizens for Unification, Revitalization and Economic Development." I'm not familiar with this group -- but based on its name, it wants Phenix City CURED of something.

As for the U.S. history part of this letter: Some of the original colonies opposed the Church of England. But the Jamestown colony of the 1600s required worship at the Church of England -- so when Phenix City Councilors go to a Baptist church, they almost look progressive.

But our online search found no law against city councils gathering at church buildings. In fact, the relatively new city of Dunwoody, Georgia held council meetings at a United Methodist Church. But a new City Hall opens today -- so the balancing act of council members giving invocations probably will end.

Other questions raised by the Businessperson will be held until another day. We need to move on to Sunday's news headlines....

+ A late-afternoon thunderstorm dropped heavy rain on Columbus, and knocked WRBL's digital signal off the air. I wouldn't want to be the station managers today, reading all the angry e-mails from infomercial fans.

+ The Piggly Wiggly store on River Road began offering disinfectant wipes for all shopping carts. Staff members confirm it's in response to the swine flu outbreak - and if a store named Piggly Wiggly is this concerned about swine flu, maybe we all should be.

+ The annual "Best Ranger" competition concluded at Fort Benning. The final day of the three-day endurance event involved being dropped by helicopter onto the Port Columbus museum site, then paddling a canoe to post. Aw, c'mon - they could have made this tougher, by firing the Civil War cannons.

+ Our Burkard Bulk Mail Index dropped to another record low, below the 470 mark. If the spam count keeps dropping, can we REALLY say the economy is coming back?

The number of unique visitors to our blog is up more than 14 percent so far this year! To advertise to them, offer a story tip, make a PayPal donation or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 461 (- 38, 7.6%, record low)

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

© 2003-09 Richard Burkard, all rights reserved.

10 MAY 09: Party of Fife

If you're a mother, Happy Mother's Day to you. But if you're a manager at KFC, shame on you - because even before your free grilled chicken dinner coupon offer was canceled, they would NOT have applied today. Do you really think mothers are better off eating greasy chicken dinners at Church's?

Perhaps you're still stumped for the right place to take Mom for dinner today. One of the newest and most unusual dining options is inside the National Infantry Museum. But to make it a real surprise, carry a picnic basket - because South Lumpkin Road can become so empty-looking that Mom might think you've lost your way.

I have to be careful with my words, when it comes to the National Infantry Museum's Fife and Drum Restaurant. An online complaint chain letter started a couple of weeks ago, after the Ledger-Enquirer called it "upscale and pricey." The word "pricey" appearing twice in a review was considered a slap. Well, OK - alongside "upscale," it's also redundant.

(The complaint letter called the newspaper review "irresponsible," unfriendly and prejudiced against Columbus South - somehow overlooking the sentences which said "worth the drive" and "the quality is there.")

On the night before the Ledger-Enquirer published Sandra Okamoto's review of The Fife and Drum, I made my own trip there for dinner. In part, I wanted to see if the hype about the restaurant was accurate. And admittedly, in part I felt guilty - doing my part to keep the museum from going deeper into debt.

Only a few people were in The Fife and Drum on a Tuesday night. You could blame that on the restaurant's out-of-the-way location, but that hasn't stopped people from visiting nice locations in Harris County over the years. Well, at least it didn't before they closed....

The National Infantry Museum's web site dares to call The Fife and Drum "upscale," as well as mentioning a "richly appointed dining room...." For instance, the restaurant's logo is on the back of every wooden chair. So if Valley Hospitality ever decides to transform it into another Houlihan's, the transformation may not lower prices at all.

The piped-in music playing at The Fife and Drum ranged from 1930s-era jazz to 1950s blues. Playing actual music from a fife and drum corps might have made the atmosphere too formal.

The Fife and Drum's dinner menu is limited, with seven entrees and no "special of the day." The appetizers include Tuna Wontons - which should make the South Korean government satisfied for making that million-dollar donation to the museum.

We went somewhat lowball downscale, selecting the single-br**st Sauteed Chicken for dinner at $15.95. We added a garden salad for $2.95 -- and when it arrived, the word which came to mind was "minimalist." This shows my background is in journalism. Army veterans might have used words such as "puny" and "pipsqueak."

The added garden salad was in a roughly four-by-four inch square bowl. Somehow I imagine the Waffle House salad bowls are bigger than this - and also happen to have a stack of lettuce extending well over the top of the bowl.

As for the main course, the Sauteed Chicken was uneventful but good. I didn't realize until I reviewed the online menu that it was drizzled with "sherry vinegar and extra virgin oil." New soldiers who dine at The Fife and Drum might snicker a little over that last part....

Perhaps because it was a quiet Tuesday night, the entree came out quickly. The fact that I'm a single guy carrying a magazine to read between courses doesn't cause other restaurants to hurry up.

I stopped short of ordering dessert, because the four options all cost more than five dollars. They include "Fried Doughnuts" for $5.95, served with hazelnut chocolate sauce. I could drive to Golden Donuts, skip the hazelnut and get a dozen for about the same price.

The most downscale moment of the meal came when I used a credit card to pay for dinner. The pen presented for me to sign the bill was a handout promoting Adoxa -- a prescription drug I later discovered is used to treat gonorrhea and chlamydia. It's as if the staff expected me to head to Club Paradise after dinner.

Perhaps because it was close to closing time on a weeknight (The Fife and Drum staff was removing table settings at 9:00 p.m., not 10:00), I went from sit-down to checkout in only about 40 minutes. Of course, this restaurant IS connected with the Army - so the chef may have put everyone on double-time.

With a diet cola and tip, dinner for one at The Fife and Drum cost me more than 26 dollars. For that price, I admittedly expected more than I received. And given the restaurant's location on the museum's second floor, I left with the feeling that it was added almost as an afterthought. If those dreamed-about other nice restaurants show up with lower prices closer to Victory Drive, it well could be.

-> Our other blog starts with poker, then goes in directions you might not expect. Visit "On the Flop!" <--

E-MAIL UPDATE: At least the National Infantry Museum is free. And we had to make an unexpected second trip there Friday, after this message reached us....

Richard, Have you visited the new National Infantry Museum near Ft. Benning? I read the recent article in the newspaper about the low attendance figures for the museum. So I decided to visit. Even though the Grand Opening was in March the main portion of the museum is not yet open and won't be until July. So I checked out the Gift shop (it didn't seem to have anything that isn't already available at the PX) and the OCS Hall of Fame. Then I went outside to check out the pavers. The public could purchase pavers for $250. each to honor their relatives, friends,etc. Was I ever disappointed! You can barely read most of them. I had seen the miniature replicas (which are given to the buyers) which have black letters on a light beige paver (very readable). The actual pavers at the museum are black letters on a dark gray stone. Many of them are very difficult to read. I mentioned this to several of the museum volunteers and employees. They told me that they have had a number of complaints about the pavers and that some purchasers are extremely upset. I've also been told that the original contractor that was hired to do the pavers was fired and someone else was hired to finish them. But of course I didn't read anything about this problem in any of the Ledger-Enquirer articles. If the pavers are difficult to read now can you imagine how they will look in a few years! Also, I assumed the pavers would be on the main walkway but instead they are on the side of the museum.

Would appreciate you checking this out and getting a comment from the retired general who is in charge.

The newspaper article quoted the general as saying that not enough money is coming in to operate the museum and pay expenses. But it explains the Army is giving 2.3 million dollars a year to the museum for housing its collection! I wonder what the annual operating budget for the museum is. And would the Army have saved much of that money by having the museum stay on Ft. Benning instead of relocating outside of the post?

On the day I visited there seemed to be more volunteers working than museum visitors.

Yes, the memorial pavers are on the side -- and it appears there's still plenty of room for you to add one. There are several marker numbers with no pavers around them at all. So if a server at The Fife and Drum provides exceptional service, this could be a one-of-a-kind tip.

The lettering on the pavers admittedly seems hit-and-miss. Some appear more legible from a distance than others. But at least they're along the side of the sidewalk, so people aren't likely to trample on them. And people in Auburn will be glad to know there's no good place to leave Confederate battle flags, either.

By comparison, pay a visit to the "Olympic bricks" near Golden Park. The white-marble circles with corporate sponsors still are legible, 13 years after the 1996 softball tournament. And no one seems to complain about them being a full one-tenth of a mile from the ballpark's entrance.

Retired General Jerry White apparently was at the National Infantry Museum when we checked on the pavers, as a BMW sports car was parked in his marked spot near the entrance. And as we left the.... hey, wait a minute! A retired general who's so concerned about honoring the U.S. Army is driving a BMW?! Hasn't he heard about the European Union rising to plot against the U.S., in World War III?

We sent an e-mail about this issue to Jerry White Friday afternoon, as we're told that's the best way to contact him. But we had no reply by Saturday night. So you might say in our effort to get answers about pavers, we shot a brick....

Now let's stand at parade rest, for some weekend news headlines:

+ Columbus Water Works marked National Clean Water Week by holding public tours of the North Columbus treatment facility. Of course, visitors were told NOT to touch any of the equipment with their hands - not after what happened two weeks ago.

(Water Works officials say they plan to replace the collapsed six-million gallon water tank with two four-million gallon tanks. That's nice - but can you wrap them in a secure Glad trash bag or something?)

+ Columbus State University police arrested a former student suspected in a series of thefts. They caught the suspect by leaving a laptop computer on a library table. If someone would swipe an old Dell laptop, he must be crooked.

+ Columbus singer Keni Thomas gave a homecoming concert at the Phenix City Amphitheater. But I was disappointed at the size of the crowd -- only about two-thirds full when I jogged down the Columbus Riverwalk, even though tickets only cost five dollars. Maybe Thomas needed to serve "Cornbread" at the concession stand.

+ The Americus Times-Recorder reported Paula Deen will be the guest speaker at the June "Steak and Stake Banquet." Speaker?! Forget that -- I'd want Deen to make the dinner.

+ Auburn University held its spring commencement, and the guest speaker was former Tiger football star Bo Jackson. He dreamed of becoming the head football coach, but had to settle for this....

+ The Columbus Lions edged South Carolina 52-49. The game was played at Greenville's Bi-Lo Center - which is named after a supermarket chain, not the American Indoor Football Association's salary structure.

+ Glenwood won the AISA state baseball title, defeating Monroe Academy 12-11 in eight innings. Both teams wore orange jerseys in the final game - as if Sunkist was the official tournament soda.

+ Cleveland pushed Atlanta to the brink of elimination from the N.B.A. playoffs 97-82. In a stunning revelation, Hawks radio announcer Steve Holman admitted at the start of the fourth quarter he was biased. Suddenly his third-quarter statements that the Hawks "got too close" and "whistle city" developed were seen in a very different light - as white whine.

+ Instant Message to the judges at Saturday's "Miss Relay for Life Pageant": C'mon now, admit it - how many of you were tempted to ask that Perez Hilton question about marriage?

SCHEDULED MONDAY: Some "snail mails" about east Alabama lead to a few phone calls....

The number of unique visitors to our blog is up more than 14 percent so far this year! To advertise to them, offer a story tip, make a PayPal donation or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 499 (- 55, 9.9%)

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

© 2003-09 Richard Burkard, all rights reserved.

8 MAY 09: Great Southern Woodbats

The Thursday morning weather in Columbus was surprisingly rainy. My sunrise jog had to be delayed until mid-afternoon. The National Day of Prayer event had to be moved inside the Government Center. And even if Golden Park had a 7:15 p.m. baseball game, it would have been postponed before noon.

Yet inside the offices at Golden Park, there was an effort to spread sunshine Thursday. The owners of Columbus's new team in the Great South League disclosed plans for a summer baseball season. If it wasn't for that team, sports fans would have to root for skaters at the skateboard park to organize roller derby teams.

The Columbus franchise officially gained a nickname Thursday - the Woodbats. So much for signing up Blaze Recycling as a team sponsor....

You see, the Great South League requires baseball players to use wooden bats. High school and college organizations permit metal bats -- which saves money for teams, but some say also increases the risk of fielders getting injured. Injuries with wooden bats can be eliminated, if batters wear gloves to guard against splinters.

The owners of the Columbus Woodbats announced the first home game at Golden Park will be Wednesday, 3 June. Tickets will sell for only five dollars -- which tells me if you ask for "five-dollar footlongs" at the concession stand, you might be seriously underbidding.

We're told the Columbus Woodbats will play 32 games in June and July. But the Great South League's official schedule makes you wonder a little about that. For instance, the Woodbats are listed with four games against "TBA." I don't think that stands for Tampa Bay - so this may be the big moment your church softball team has been waiting for.

The schedule has the Woodbats and Columbus Lions playing competing home games on the same night twice in June. And a Father's Day weekend homestand occurs at the same time as the Aflac Outdoor Games. But look at it this way -- they're trying to reduce the overcrowding at "Family Day in the Park" any way they can.

The Woodbats also announced Golden Park will host the league championship series in early August. At least they told us in advance about this. That small- college conference tournament came to town and left so quietly, I almost thought it was run by undercover police officers.

The Columbus Woodbats already have commitments from several young players. Two of them are Casey and Cyle Rasmus - as in the brothers of Colby. So why isn't father Tony the head coach? Will he be busy working as Colby's personal agent?

The Woodbats are owned by the nonprofit Columbus Baseball Foundation. General Manager Jim White told WRBL this is one franchise that will never be moved. Talk about famous last words! If a minor-league pro team expresses interest in Golden Park, the Woodbats will be gone - at least to Ragsdale Field at Columbus State.

Columbus Baseball Foundation Chairman Bo Callaway said we need the Woodbats because "you can't have a great city without baseball." How London and Paris achieved it, we're not really sure....

The managers of the Woodbats promise to bring "good clean fun" to Columbus this summer. I presume that means Manny Ramirez will NOT appear at any home games.

So how are the last residents of Golden Park doing? The former Columbus Catfish are now the Bowling Green Hot Rods. They drew 6,886 fans to their first home game in a new ballpark, and had more than 3,200 in the stands last Friday night. Wait until the crowds figure out it isn't really lawn bowling.

But back to the weather, as we check other Thursday news:

+ A downtown Columbus event marking the National Day of Prayer was moved indoors, to the chambers of Columbus Council. Based on the video clip I saw of people praying, Bert Coker could learn some things about appealing to the mayor for change.

+ Heavy rain fell on Montgomery, forcing the Alabama Legislature to move from a flooded Statehouse to the old state Capitol. Every Phenix City resident who shops for groceries in Columbus to save on sales taxes should take personal responsibility for this....

+ Northside High School's Christine Powell was named Muscogee County Teacher of the Year. She teaches English and journalism, she's not even 30 - and after looking at her picture, you start to understand some of the news reports about teacher-student affairs.

+ Richard Hyatt's web site revealed the Columbus High School yearbook is being dedicated to former principal Susan Bryant. Bryant is serving a one-year suspension of her teaching license.-- but if I remember my high school years correctly, some of the pages had to be submitted to the printer last December.

+ WRBL reported the Harris County School Board hired Dr. Craig Dowling of Rockdale County as its new superintendent. Dowling is a father of seven - and if all seven had attended Thursday's board meeting, they might have been a majority in the audience.

+ Great Championship Wrestling marked its fifth anniversary. I presume the card in Phenix City marked this properly - with grapplers pulling out serrated cake-cutting knives, and using them against each other.

+ Cleveland clubbed Atlanta again in the N.B.A. Playoffs 105-85. WEAM-AM must have realized another rout was coming, because it didn't bother carrying the Hawks radio broadcast at all.

+ Instant Message to Church's Chicken: Aw, c'mon - a chicken restaurant selling corn dogs?! Why, this makes about as much sense as doughnut shops bragging primarily about their coffee. And we all know.... oh wait. Dunkin Donuts does that often.

SCHEDULED THIS WEEKEND: An empty place with questionable brick work.... and it's only two months old....

The number of unique visitors to our blog is up more than 14 percent so far this year! To advertise to them, offer a story tip, make a PayPal donation or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 554 (+ 15, 2.8%)

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

© 2003-09 Richard Burkard, all rights reserved.

7 MAY 09: Left? Right? Left?

Today is the National Day of Prayer. But don't expect Columbus's "guest minister of the week" to be at the Government Center. He has a morning flight out of Atlanta - and local conservatives will want to know he DOES already have a ride out of town.

BLOG EXCLUSIVE: Expect controversial preacher Jeremiah Wright to return to Columbus in 2010. The board of St. John A.M.E. Church voted Wednesday night to invite him back for next year's revival. The vote was unanimous - but then again, it was done in the sanctuary as everyone attending a revival service watched. And no one moved earlier when a minister asked "all the gossipers" to stand up.

Yes, your blog went to the final night of the four-night revival meeting with Jeremiah Wright. To be honest, that was my plan all along - stopping Sunday to check for protesters, then returning on the last night to hear him speak. That's because I've heard traveling evangelists use the theory that "I can say whatever I want, because I'm leaving town...."

But surprisingly, the minister who did the most "unloading" Wednesday night was NOT Jeremiah Wright. It was St. John A.M.E. Pastor Debora Grant. She admitted in closing remarks that some of the calls she took from "Christians" about Wright last year "made you want to throw up." Simply because they're called "fundamentalists" does not mean they're always fun.

It was Pastor Debora Grant who revealed she asked all members of St. John A.M.E. Church to give a 75-dollar offering for the revival. That comes to about 19 dollars for each of Jeremiah Wright's four sermons - or you could save money, and buy a sermon on CD in the narthex for ten. (True!)

It was Pastor Debora Grant who actually encouraged worshipers to take out their cell phones and invite people to the revival meeting - after the meeting had started. Men were urged to say, "There are gorgeous sisters in the house." That's the way to get your mind off a potentially controversial sermon....

And it was Pastor Debora Grant who thanked "our brothers and sisters" in the Nation of Islam. A few of them stood up-front during the service, presumably doing security duty. What did those Muslims think when the combined choir sang "The Solid Rock" - and repeated the words "On Christ" about a dozen times?

But here's the amazing thing: Jeremiah Wright was NOT all that controversial in his final sermon of the revival. The former Marine never came close to cursing our country. And when he referred to a Bible passage about men desiring sex with a man, he noted an objector "didn't call them perverts...." Wright stopped there -- but I thought for a second he might actually say something conservative.

Jeremiah Wright's closing sermon only dipped into political waters a couple of times. He made a passing sarcastic reference to Jena, Louisiana - a "nice town as long as the dark-skinned folks are kept in their place." Wright could have changed that to Auburn very easily, but he didn't....

It was "Ladies Night" at the revival, and Jeremiah Wright turned to what he admitted is a difficult chapter of the Bible. He said Judges 19 shows a woman treated by men as the "slaveholders who founded our country in 1787" treated slaves. Yeow - I thought slaves helped build the U.S. Capitol, instead of spending steamy nights with Dolly Madison.

Beyond those occasional moments, Jeremiah Wright stuck to Biblical points - and did it with a little mimicking of soul singers, some well-placed humor, and one sign he's learning to speak Southern. That sign came when he had everybody repeat the word, "urr-body."

Jeremiah Wright's sermon title borrowed from a phrase of Archbishop Desmond Tutu: "When the Church Fails Its Women." No, he did NOT speak out against congregations which fail to offer day care centers....

Jeremiah Wright offered three take-home lessons from Judges 19. The first one was: "Don't confuse the man of God with the will of God." I think plenty of conservatives who heard Wright's controversial clips on YouTube would say "amen" to that one.

Only a couple of local celebrities were in the audience for the final night of the revival meeting. Pastor Deborah Grant introduced State Rep. Carolyn Hugley - yes, the wife of the City Manager. No, I did NOT stick around to try for the "money shot" of Hugley shaking Jeremiah Wright's hand. Some Republican should have shown up to take this on their own.

Another local figure who was NOT introduced was former Columbus NAACP President Bill Madison. He attended with his reportedly ailing wife - but the only prayer for healing focused on victims of abusive relationships. Madison went to the altar for that prayer, but I don't know if he prayed for the NAACP Board or not.

When the benediction music ended around 9:30 Wednesday night, I admittedly was surprised. The only really objectionable thing I heard from Jeremiah Wright came when he criticized men who say women shouldn't preach. This comment may explain why the son of a Baptist minister is now part of the United Church of Christ.

-> Our other blog starts with poker, then goes in directions you might not expect. Visit "On the Flop!" <--

E-MAIL UPDATE: Today is also the "Big Gun Shoot" at Fort Benning, which we mentioned here Monday. A reader has a comment about that....

WTF are they thinking? Sounds fun until someone goes crazy as h**l.

Sam

But look on the bright side, Sam. Those makeshift state militia groups which want to protect us from Muslim sleeper calls need all the training they can get.

Now for other news from a day when it was hard to keep your powder dry....

+ An afternoon thunderstorm brought a mix of bad weather to the Columbus area. There was strong rain, pellets of hail and patches of heavy fog -- the heavy fog occurring in my car, as I tried in vain to get the defroster to clear my windshield.

(After the storms passed, the late-night news showed tape of a rainbow over the Aflac tower. Maybe it IS safe to move your investment money there again.)

+ Gas prices jumped above two dollars a gallon across Columbus. That hasn't been the norm since mid-November. And it may scuttle those plans to take an oil executive out, for a nice thank-you dinner.

+ The evening news reported Whittlesey Road between Veterans Parkway and Whitesville Road might not be widened from two lanes to four until 2012. Before rumors start - no, the city is NOT waiting for the Phenix City Streetscape crew to get finished.

(Have you noticed "Whittlesey" is a Boulevard east of Veterans Parkway, around Columbus Park Crossing - but west of there, it's simply a Road? But then again, Bay Avenue downtown isn't exactly near a bay....)

+ David Hall was named Columbus Police Department Officer of the Year. WRBL noted Hall is in charge of the police recruitment campaign - so this is a little like a sports team giving the "most valuable performer" award to a ticket salesman.

(The Courier's "Street Committee" claimed a few weeks ago that 90 percent of the newly-hired Columbus police officers are white. Come to think of it, Mayor Wetherington talked about improving security at places such as the Riverwalk and parks - but NOT Cusseta Road.)

+ Instant Message to the producers of Jeopardy: Thanks for letting a college student from Eufaula play Wednesday night. But if your crew can't spell Eufaula correctly, maybe someone on your staff needs to, well, get a clue.

The number of unique visitors to our blog is up more than 14 percent so far this year! To advertise to them, offer a story tip, make a PayPal donation or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 539 (+ 15, 2.9%)

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

© 2003-09 Richard Burkard, all rights reserved.

6 MAY 09: How They'll Spend Their Summer Vacation

Now that was unusual Tuesday evening -- a unanimous vote by the Muscogee County School Board. And it was something serious, as opposed to honoring a state essay contest winner....

The Muscogee County School Board voted unanimously to put the one-percent sales tax question on the ballot 15 September. The board voted on Cinco de Mayo, and the voter referendum occurs on the eve of Mexican Independence Day. So maybe Mimi Woodson is serving in the wrong governmental body.

The school board set a budget for money from the school SPLOST at $223 million. WRBL reports Superintendent Susan Andrews tried to reduce the budget by $24 million, but was rejected. This board clearly learned its lesson from the administration building - and it's planning for cost overruns right now.

The vote on the school SPLOST referendum came after the last in a series of public forums across Muscogee County. People at a Monday night forum reportedly expressed concern about schools being in disrepair. That meeting was held at Baker Middle School - and if they think that school is bad, they should walk over to the old one down the street.

Superintendent Susan Andrews told the last-night news all the response to the proposed one-percent school sales tax has been positive. Is that really a surprise? Opponents of the tax realize they weren't going to be able to talk Andrews out of it.

We noted several weeks ago the Superintendent is blogging, in conjunction with the SPLOST forums. A check of the comments Tuesday night found not everyone there seems to support the sales tax. One writer recently called a proposed new fine arts magnet academy "completely ridiculous." It sure worked on network TV about 30 years ago....

Superintendent Susan Andrews seems to dismiss other objections to the school sales tax by using the "that was then, this is now" excuse. The last superintendent and school board made those alleged mistakes with spending. Which leads me to wonder - has Dr. John Phillips become so ashamed by those comments that he's moved out of town?

The list of projects to be funded by a school SPLOST still isn't final. But the school board already has decided the top priority is a new Carver High School. Jordan High School would have to settle for an upgraded auditorium - while the principal appeals for Dick McMichael to remember his alma mater in his will.

It's curious to me that three of the 12 projects on the proposed SPLOST "Room to Learn" list involve athletics. The top item listed is air conditioning for all school gyms -- which I suppose will help athletes learn the skills to gain college scholarships.

The "school sales tax" wish list even has a line for "museum upgrades." Beyond the Columbus Museum, I'm not sure what that means -- unless the old Bradley Library is going to come full-circle, and display historic books.

Since this is an off-year for elections, I expect the SPLOST question to dominate the local political discussion this summer. In fact, the "back-to-school" selling job may last more than a month after the new term begins.

Now for some other highlights from Cinco de Mayo -- and with kudos to the Ledger-Enquirer, for jokingly calling it "Margarita Appreciation Day":

+ Columbus Council held a hearing on the fiscal 2010 budget proposal. A close look at the plan shows it includes money for nine new 911 dispatchers, to direct all the new police officers. Now hold on here - does this mean Mayor Wetherington expects crime reports to increase? I thought the officers are supposed to bring just the opposite...

(The Ledger-Enquirer reports the budget plan also includes a $16,000 raise for Muscogee County Coroner Bill Thrower. He's apparently ready to pronounce the recession dead at the end of June.)

+ The Auburn City Council called on Councilor Arthur Dowdell to apologize for plucking up several Confederate battle flags from a cemetery. Dowdell apologized for any "misunderstanding" of his actions, but NOT the actions themselves. In that same spirit, I hereby apologize for you not getting some of my jokes.

+ Georgia Governor Sonny Perdue signed a bill imposing larger fines on "super speeders." Well, it's about time! We need to bring those NASCAR races at Atlanta Motor Speedway under control....

(Governor Perdue was joined at the signing ceremony by a celebrity speeder - Andre 3000 of the musical group Outkast. You must be crazy to think you can drive as fast as your name.)

+ WLTZ interviewed former Hardaway High runner Eric Plump, who now is on the Savannah State University track team. But c'mon - a man named Plump is a runner?! With that name, he ought to be competing in the shot put....

+ Cleveland clobbered Atlanta 99-72 in the first game of the N.B.A. Eastern Conference semifinals. I didn't realize until Tuesday that Hawks assistant Mark Price is officially the team "shooting coach." Does this mean somebody else teaches players how to dribble between their legs?

+ Instant Message to the man who told Macon police he was robbed by two other men, while playing basketball at a park: The lesson here is obvious - avoid those double-teams.

The number of unique visitors to our blog is up more than 14 percent so far this year! To advertise to them, offer a story tip, make a PayPal donation or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 524 (+ 15, 2.9%)

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

© 2003-09 Richard Burkard, all rights reserved.

5 MAY 09: Cash In Your Chips?

A happy Cinco de Mayo to you. I couldn't believe my ears Monday evening, when the party seemed to start early in my neighborhood. But after a moment, I realized what was happening. Michael Baesden's radio show was playing a token merengue tune, while talking about Hispanic people.

It's probably not a happy Cinco de Mayo this year for the Hispanic community of Columbus. After all, Fiesta Columbus was cancel - oops, not rescheduled. Federal agents raided Ritmo Latino Nightclub and shut it down. And if that's not enough, Cinco de Mayo misses Margarita night at El Vaquero by a day.

When you go to a Mexican restaurant, exactly what are you eating? I'm talking about more than the dishes with strange-sounding names for lifelong U.S. residents -- and some of us still are trying to figure out how Taco Bell's "gordita" has less fat than a chalupa.

Many Mexican restaurants whet your appetite for dinner by putting chips and salsa at your table. But I was surprised to hear a man warn last year the chips at those restaurants "are fried in lard." This was a speaker at a religious conference, where people follow Biblical rules of "clean" and "unclean" meats. Those same people quietly are saying "I told you so" about the swine flu outbreak.

This statement about salsa chips was stunning to me - but it also left me skeptical. Tortilla chips sold in supermarkets don't list lard among the ingredients, and some of the bags claim to be "authentic." Well, not quite authentic enough to also list the ingredients in Spanish....

So was this conference speaker right? Is it lard that makes the chips at Mexican restaurants so appealing? Or is it the seeming lack of salt on the chips, which makes people with high blood pressure obsessed to have more?

Since it's "5/5" on the calendar, we contacted five Columbus area Mexican restaurants and asked about their chips. We quickly found this conference speaker didn't quite have his facts straight -- at least not around here. Of course, around here some people might save the lard for collard greens.

Our search for answers actually started a couple of months ago, when we dined at La Margarita in The Landings shopping center. We asked a server, who assured us the salsa chips were cooked in vegetable oil. We knew better than to ask about the refried beans....

The other "chip calls" (pardon the poker pun) were made Monday, with mostly similar results:

+ El Carrizo on Macon Road uses vegetable oil. Since "carrizo" means reed grass, I should have asked if they grow their own oil supply.

+ El Vaquero on the 280 Bypass in Phenix City uses vegetable oil. I assume this is true for all the other locations - since if anything, you might think the management would "fatten things up" for Alabama customers.

+ Vallarta on Veterans Parkway uses vegetable oil. They have to stay as mellow as Mellow Mushroom Pizza next door, you know.

+ Los Amigos on Whitesville Road was the lone exception. Asked if animal fat or vegetable oil is used, a man admitted: "We use both" - so not only convenience stores are watching the price of oil.

So in four out of five cases, lard is NOT used in salsa chips at area Mexican restaurants. The fifth one may depend on the best wholesale value - or perhaps the last medical checkup of the chef.

We should note the speaker who made the claim about lard in salsa chips lives in central Texas. The cooking rules could be different there than here. If there's 100-percent opposite thinking about barbecue beef and pork, that's certainly possible....

By the way, today also happens to be "Proclamation Day" at Columbus Council. The agenda includes special days to honor the Carver High School JROTC and the Toastmasters - but nothing to mark Cinco de Mayo. After the city's failure to mark Cesar Chavez Day in late March, Mimi Woodson may be daring some Mexican restaurant manager to run against her in the next election.

Now let's "sink-o" our teeth into the Monday news headlines:

+ Aflac held its annual shareholders meeting. Chairman Dan Amos noted the company's stock has rebounded from a big drop in January - so please stop comparing Aflac stock to that crash Carl Edwards had at Talladega.

+ WRBL reported Columbus city officials held a "Joint Information Center" meeting to prepare a possible response to swine flu. The meeting included the police and fire departments - to which I have to ask: why? Is someone expecting a stampede of scared patients out of St. Francis Hospital?

(Before some of you become confused - no, the Joint Information Center is NOT the new home building of the Metro Narcotics Task Force.)

+ Meanwhile, a court hearing relating to swine flu was held in Elmore County, Alabama. Some parents want the right to withdraw their children from schools for the rest of the school year, as a precaution. This could give new meaning to "accelerated classes."

+ Wacoochee Junior High School in Lee County reopened for students, nine weeks after a tornado. One teacher told WRBL the classrooms "look brighter now." That's what sunlight through holes in the roof can do....

+ Our Burkard Bulk Mail Index pulled back above the 500 mark, after falling below it Sunday. Either Yahoo's spam filters are getting better, or attractive women simply aren't setting up bedroom web-cams the way they once did.

The number of unique visitors to our blog is up more than 14 percent so far this year! To advertise to them, offer a story tip, make a PayPal donation or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 509 (+ 13, 2.6%)

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

© 2003-09 Richard Burkard, all rights reserved.