Thursday, February 18, 2010

18 FEB 10: Throwback Thursday

(BLOGGER'S NOTE: Because of a busy schedule and a necessary road trip, our regular blog format is changing for a few days. Today we continue our "Ten Years' Laughter" series, with items written for a national audience on in 2000. And our next scheduled post will appear Saturday.)

8 FEB 00: A survey shows students at the University of South Alabama support alcohol use in campus dorms and fraternities by those older than 21. Supporters of this idea call it the "drink your age" policy. Hmm. Is that one OUNCE for each year old? One CAN??

A gospel musical has been promoted in our town called "God Don't Like Ugly." Ads for this production appeared during The Jerry Springer Show! Do you think that's on purpose?!?!

9 FEB 00: AMF plans to ban smoking at all its U.S. bowling centers. What will smokers do now? Head to "back alleys" - and bowl there?

This move could spark a boycott by weekend bowlers. What's the fun in heading to the lanes, if you can't have a "Lucky Strike?"

An interesting new study from the Mayo Clinic finds people who think optimistically live as much as 19 percent LONGER than people who think pessimistically. You know what this will mean. The optimists will smile. The pessimists will grumble, "I KNEW I was going to die early!"

10 FEB 00: Those politicians in Washington will find anything to argue about. Right now, it's who should be House CHAPLAIN! According to , Majority Leader Dick Armey wants a Presbyterian. House Democrats say the top choice, a Catholic, is being ignored. They don't dare say "passed over." That might make Jewish voters upset....

Perhaps the best way to settle this is to have both preachers give a sermon to the House. The one whose message makes the most Republicans hug Democrats (or vice versa) gets the job!

11 FEB 00: A big model train show is coming to our town's National Guard Armory this weekend. But we think all moral, upright citizens should AVOID it. After all, would YOU want to be seen these days associating with "H-O models?"

Meanwhile, rumors are rolling of a [John] Rocker trade. Various reports have him leaving Atlanta, and going to Seattle or Tampa Bay. Wouldn't Rocker fit in better with the Chicago WHITE Sox?

The Georgia Libertarian Party argues that if Rocker IS found to be mentally ill, he should receive government disability checks! (True) Now THIS is a great idea. Dennis Rodman might never need to play basketball again....

14 FEB 00: Don't talk about hugging at the Reform Party.... A weekend conference in Nashville was closer to MUGGING. Party executives hollered, argued, and nearly had a fistfight. How nice to see former wrestler Jesse Ventura has made such an impact....

(The yelling was SO LOUD that it pinned Ross Perot's ears back!)

15 FEB 00: During a Monday drive, we noticed a sign by the road encouraging us to make RESERVATIONS for Valentine's Night. Only problem: the sign was outside a SHONEY'S Restaurant....

1> If you were planning a romantic night for your sweetheart, would YOU take her to Shoney's?

2> Is this the sort of place you'd think of, for taking dinner reservations? What's next - assigned seating at Captain D's?

16 FEB 00: A curious bill about children is being studied in Georgia's state legislature. It would allow new mothers to abandon their babies for three days after birth, WITHOUT penalty! We understand there's opposition to this idea - from USED CAR dealers. They fear THEY'LL be next....

Under the bill, the babies could be left legally at places such as fire stations. Well, this COULD save some money. Turn those high-pressure hoses on a cloth diaper - and it'll be clean in no time!

17 FEB 00: Vice President Gore went to Southwest Georgia Wednesday, and toured tornado-torn towns.... It happens that Georgia is one of the states with the next round of Democratic primaries, on March 7. You don't think Mr. Gore would dare to claim he invented the disaster area?!

Meanwhile, the women's college softball team in our town doesn't want to be known as a softball team anymore! They want the game to be known as "Fast-pitch!" This name-changing could work in other places:

+ "Soft money" - call those campaign contributions "FAST BUCKS!"

+ "Software" - with our computer, some of it deserves the name "Fast-Freeze!"

+ "Soft drink" - how about "Fast-Burps"?!

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