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29 OCT 03: STRIP SEARCH
I did a Google search Tuesday for "Columbus, Georgia" and "blog." It was nice to see this blog at the top of the list -- because when it comes to the Internet, any old geek can become your competition overnight.
The Google search led me to something else, though - a rather strong rant by a man called "The Godfather," who recently spent several weeks in Columbus on business. When his impressions of the trip begin with the word "GAG," you know he's not too thrilled.
The Godfather of a blog called "Why I'm Right" found plenty of things wrong with Columbus. Since I found no copyright notice, I'll quote his September 30 entry directly:
Ah, the foibles of business travel. I just arrived into my two-star motel next to the sewage treatment plant in this "it was nice in the twenties" central Georgia town that sits across the river from equally excitement-lacking central Alabama. I guess you have to take the good with the bad.
OK, did I miss something here? With all the nice motels opening around Columbus Park Crossing, who sneakily put one by Oxbow Meadows without sending out a news release?
So Columbus "was nice in the twenties," huh? Don't look now, mister, but the 2020's are only about 17 years away.
(Hold that thought about our area "lacking excitement" - we'll come back to that.)
There for a while I was jet-setting to the west coast, NYC, Boston, Seattle, Miami.... not too shabby. Now all of the sudden I am in my third straight week in Columbus Georgia. Which, ahem, isn't the most cosmopolitan city in the world. Unless your idea of cosmopolitan is illiterate Alabamians and buzz cut soldiers blowing their government subsidies in one of the many 9th tier strip clubs in this town courtesy of Fort Benning.
How can this man say Columbus is NOT cosmopolitan? Apparently he missed the corner of Victory Drive and Fort Benning Road - with all those different national flags waving.
And how does The Godfather know the strip clubs are filled with illiterate Alabamians? Did he spend his free evenings counting license plates in parking lots?
I take it a "9th tier strip club" is NOT a good thing - as in Dante's Inferno. Of course, some single Fort Benning soldiers might consider it a stairway to heaven....
They say Columbus is the strip club capital of North America, and I believe it. Basically as you drive around, this is what you see... strip club, liquor store, liquor store, liquor store, strip club, strip club, strip club, strip club, dead body...
IF Columbus has that many clubs, you'd think the city would have the excitement he says we lack. Apparently the dancers' routines are too stodgy and boring....
(And IF Columbus has that many strip clubs, why does my Pastor keep bringing up Miami's "South Beach" when he talks about sins?)
The Godfather is not the only person concerned about so many strip clubs in Columbus. I can't help noticing the radio ads for Clint's Furniture Gallery on Veterans Parkway - and how he never bothers to mention it's located right next door to the Cat Walk lounge.
From his description, you get the feeling our visitor spent most of his time on Victory Drive while in Columbus. He would have found a variety of businesses on other streets in town - and might have concluded this is the Chinese buffet capital instead.
(Yes, I DID notify The Godfather that I was going to comment on his blog today. If a war breaks out, we'll keep you posted -- but then again, North Korea still hasn't responded to my declaration of war from nine months ago.)