26 FEB 03: I KNOW WHY THE CAGED BIRD RATTLES

I slept well during the day today - but I heard several noisy reminders that spring is near. For one thing, there was the ceremonial first firing of the Weed-Wacker outside my window.

But that's not all - an occasional rattling could be heard, seemingly inside the walls of the apartment. In a way, I didn't mind this. If it happened throughout the night, burglars might think it's a ghost and be scared away.

I got up once or twice and banged on the bathroom wall - and the noise stopped for awhile. This led me to think the cockroaches along the baseboards had hit a record size.

Only after 4:00 p.m. did I discover what the noise was -- when a bird emerged from an aluminum pipe just above my water heater. Apparently the bird flew into the top end, and became stuck for hours. How do I stop this - by putting a "scare-cat" on the roof?

The disoriented bird flew around the apartment for a moment, then settled on the window sill in the computer room. I went to the front door, opened it and tried to lure the bird in that direction with whistling. That strategy didn't work - which I should have realized, since it doesn't work with single women, either.

After a couple of minutes, I carefully walked into the computer room - wearing a hat, on the theory the bird might see my bald spot and think it's a car....

My window screen in the computer room is VERY loose - and by pushing it out, the bird took the hint and flew off. I couldn't keep the bird. For one thing, my lease has a "no pets" clause. For another thing, all my plastic storage boxes are full of keepsakes.

(Imagine if I still had the cat I gave away to the Humane Society, before moving to Columbus. My spring cleaning would have been moved up a couple of weeks.)

Getting caught up on some items in the local and regional news recently:

+ Proctor and Gamble announced a $2 million grant to Tuskegee University - its biggest gift ever to a "historically black" college. We presume no Crest "Teeth Whitening Strips" were on display at the ceremony.

+ Phenix City's School Board discussed how to move from appointed to elected board members. One member warned if the entire U.S. Senate was voted out of office, the country would be in chaos. It makes you wonder how the U.S. survived between 1792 and 1800, when the first Senate met.

+ Columbus State University's basketball teams had "Fan Appreciation Night" - with FREE admission! If only they'd promoted the free offer as much as they promoted an auction last week, with a comedian I'd never heard of....

(There's one comforting thought about C.S.U. have free admission to basketball games. If no one shows up, the teams can't leave town the way the baseball RedStixx did.)