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13 OCT 04: THEY MUST BE GOING

The only sign of something different on First Avenue was a white wreath. It was attached to a door Tuesday afternoon, next door to Club Odyssey -- but thankfully, it had nothing to do with that same-sex marriage amendment on the Georgia ballot.

The wreath rested below a Ledger-Enquirer obituary, was taped to the glass door. James Richard Holt, who owned Holt's Barber Shop on First Avenue, died last Saturday. His funeral was Tuesday afternoon - where we hope no one was mean enough to make any "final cuts" about him.

Holt's Barber Shop sits so modestly near 12^th Street and First Avenue that it's easy to ignore. I've walked by it many times. But I never went inside, and I was never really sure if anyone did. Perhaps downtown executives have gone there on their lunch hour -- men who consider shorter sideburns an "extreme makeover."

The First Avenue business doubles as a beauty shop, so perhaps that aspect will continue. But will it remain a barber shop, with James Holt gone? Will some all-knowing consultant suggest it's the perfect spot for a tattoo parlor, so close to
Broadway nightclubs?

This death could be significant because of the changes downtown Columbus has seen in recent years. Will there still be a place for barber shops, in an area turning into an art-and-nightlife zone -- filled with people who often consider haircuts a sign of evil conformity?

A quick check of the Yellow Pages Tuesday night found there are only two other barber shops in downtown Columbus, besides Holt's. One is in a motel, and the other is "Donna's Corporate Barber Shop" on 12^th Street -- probably the perfect
place to drop a 3:00 p.m. shadow before a 4:00 board meeting.

A little more than a mile away, an even more surprising change in Columbus business occurred Tuesday. Miriam's Café was passed to a new owner, as Miriam Tidwell leaves the restaurant business. How can the organizer of "God Bless Fort Benning" do this? Has she forgotten an army runs on its stomach?

Miriam Tidwell told WRBL she's leaving the restaurant business after almost a decade, because her first love is helping cancer patients. Better to cook cells with radiation, than chicken with a wine sauce....

Miriam Tidwell will help her husband Jack run the Tidwell Cancer Treatment Center. Faye Simmons says she'll run the restaurant on 13^th Street, but keep the Miriam's name. Yeah, sure -- who wants to guess when it will become Faye's-Miriam's, like Rich's-Macy's?

. So what will happen to Miriam Tidwell's weekly talk show on TV-16? She'll probably have more time to spend on it. And who knows - maybe she'll start a series of debates on proper health care with "Duke and the Doctor."

To offer a story tip, make a donation or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post a reply.

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© 2003-04 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.

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12 OCT 04: REMEMBER MY NAME

"Columbus?" asked the big front-page headline in Monday's Ledger-Enquirer. I'm sure that will inspire some veterans' groups, who might want the entire area named Fort Benning.

The question was raised because Monday was the Columbus Day holiday. Some people like to raise the question about how Columbus obtained that city name. I'm personally more puzzled about Hatchechubbee - and how much the founder of that Russell County town weighed.

Did you hear what one man said about the holiday on the Monday evening news? "Columbus - he discovered the world, you know." He did?!?! Then where's his spaceship, and what planet did he come from?

The post office was closed for the federal Columbus Day holiday. So was Columbus Bank and Trust - which leads me to wonder if that hand-crafted table in the board room even has Christopher Columbus's portrait on it.

But it's puzzled me for years that a city named Columbus does nothing formal or official to mark Columbus Day. Why, I'm not even sure an Italian restaurant like the Olive Garden had a weekend sale.

There used to be a downtown music festival to mark Columbus Day weekend. But "Uptown Jam" was turned into a series of concerts on Broadway a few years ago -- because it turned out the real jam was financial.

Perhaps it's because Columbus Day has become controversial for some groups. An alternative "Native American Day" even has developed on the Alabama state calendar - where some residents probably misunderstood it Monday, and flew Confederate flags.

Some area school districts are closed for a few days - but most of them are NOT calling it Columbus Day. For instance, Harris County students are on a "Fall Break." Based on what happened Monday night, I think that's also what Atlanta's baseball team calls it now....

BLOG UPDATE: Muscogee County Marshal Ken Suddeth gave still more documents to WRBL Monday, about the private donations to buy new pistols. It's almost like he wants the station to bring in Judge Joe Brown and Judge Judy, to hear his case.

The new documents show there's still about $1,400 in an account for buying weapons for the Marshal's Department. Ken Suddeth promises the money will be used for the department. But if he's not answerable to Columbus Council, how can we
be sure? Does Mr. Suddeth really want all the voters visiting his office to check?

(By the way, Instant Message to WRBL: A "withdrawal" is what you do to take money from an account. A "withdrawl," like you're spelling it on the air - well, I think that describes some country music announcers.)

To offer a story tip, make a donation or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post a reply.

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© 2003-04 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.

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11 OCT 04: MARSHAL-TOWN

We're three weeks away from Election Day -- and the Muscogee County Marshal finds himself facing a state investigation. But Ken Suddeth probably shouldn't worry. The County Sheriff has been under a District Attorney's investigation for
months, and nothing's happened there.

While I was away, Columbus Council voted to ask the Georgia Bureau of Investigation to review the Marshal's purchase of handguns through private donations. The whole idea seems strange, doesn't it - asking people for money to help the city, without imposing a tax?

Muscogee County Marshal Ken Suddeth says he's not answerable to Columbus Council - and is answerable only to the voters. The way Suddeth's acting, if you didn't know better you'd think he was Marshal Dillon....

Marshal Ken Suddeth refused to turn over some records of the pistol project to Columbus Council - but he's now released them to the Ledger-Enquirer and WRBL. It turns out he purchased not only 15 pistols, but 28 badges. Aren't the targets at the police weapons range good enough?

(Think about that a second - 28 badges and 15 pistols. Which 13 people are NOT getting weapons? Does the Marshal's office have a secret unit that's skilled in kung fu?)

I watched WRBL's report carefully to see who donated money to the Marshal to buy the pistols - but no names stood out. Considering they're Glock pistols, I assume no donors had last names of "Heckler" or "Koch."

As of Friday, the G.B.I. apparently had not received the Columbus Council's request to review the Marshal's pistol project. After what happened with Grey Conger, the Council has to be careful with this - and not put the request on city
stationery....

I bring up the District Attorney because someone needs to say it: the probe of the pistol project smells full of election-year politics. The complaint first was brought up by Councilor Nathan Suber, who's opposed Marshal Ken Suddeth for years.
Come to think of it, did someone in the Marshal's office arrest Suber's daughter?

You may recall several Columbus Councilors tried to abolish the Marshal's office a few years ago - but voters turned that referendum down. Maybe that's where Ken Suddeth gained the impression he's answerable only to the voters. But then again, the voters didn't throw out any Councilors over it -- so maybe they simply aren't asking questions.

It almost seems like certain Columbus politicians have decided they can't beat Sheriff Ralph Johnson, so they're trying to oust somebody else. Maybe some political clubs have a "one rascal minimum" for keeping your position....

As you probably know, Marshal Ken Suddeth faces a challenger in three weeks. Democratic candidate Greg Countryman says his opponent lacks integrity. But if we vote for Mr. Countryman, will he show so much integrity that his department will lack 15 pistols and 28 badges?

Supporters of Greg Countryman say one deputy hasn't spoken with Marshal Ken Suddeth in two years. I can relate to this a little. It's called long stints on an overnight shift....

There's one matter of "integrity" Greg Countryman may be hiding in his pocket until the final days of the Marshal's race. It's Ken Suddeth's admission a couple of years ago that he overstated his military service record for years. We're not sure if he padded his record before or after President Bush did.

But an unresolved puzzle surrounds the Greg Countryman campaign as well. Several weeks ago, a campaign sign at Wynnton and Buena Vista Roads said he was endorsed by the Police Benevolent Association. A few days later, the P.B.A. words disappeared. Did Mr. Countryman really mean the Professional Bowlers Association?

Regular blog readers should know we do NOT make political endorsements. But at this point, Marshal Ken Suddeth seems to have some problems. Republican Mayor Bob Poydasheff wants his own party's candidate reviewed. And when a Greg Countryman sign appears outside the office of that non-partisan Bobby Peters, it's not a good sign.

To offer a story tip, make a donation or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post a reply.

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© 2003-04 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.

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10 OCT 04: THE REAL TAXI DRIVE

"I've got a man at the dialysis center," said the voice on the two-way radio, "but he says he wants a smoking cab." It makes you wonder if the dialysis staff bothers to check other parts of a patient's body....

I heard this two-way radio report in the back of a Yellow Cab, as I traveled toward home Friday after turning in my vacation rental car. There's nothing like renting a late-model Pontiac with plenty of extras and leather seats to make my ten-year-old Honda feel like a real clunker.

But I digress: the driver of this Yellow Cab was struck by this dialysis center call as much as I was. "Let him smoke those cancer sticks," the driver responded without turning on his radio.

"Well, at least his LUNGS are working right," I suggested. For how long, we'll see....

"I've let people smoke in my cab," the driver of this apparent "smoke-free" cab admitted. "Sometimes they give me better tips." The better for paying his medical bills....

(I should note I've removed several expletives from the cab driver's quotes. That way I won't risk losing any valuable NASCAR points.)

Somehow the discussion turned to my being single - and I admitted I wouldn't want to marry a smoker. During high school, I told myself I wouldn't date anyone who smoked, drank or swore. Silly me - I never realized I was ruling out more than 99 percent of the women on the planet.

"She could be the sweetest woman in the world," the taxi driver said semi-stunned, "but if she smoked, you wouldn't take her?!"

"Maybe that explains why I'm still single, at age 46." I'm not married, but I still can breathe heavily.

The cab driver was married once, but apparently not anymore. "Every day, she wanted to be with her family," he complained. Maybe if the driver had learned how to cook....

"I don't know why these people are looking for love," the driver continued. "There's no love out there anywhere." Maybe he should visit Cooper Creek Park -- where tennis games have "love" all the time.

The driver's comment about love had me all ready to become a Christian evangelist -- but he kept talking. "These church people talk all the time about love. But when you need help -- slam! They close the door in your face." You'd think they would wait to ask for an offering first.

I admitted to the cab driver some churches shouldn't be so harsh to needy people. But I also recalled a Bible verse which says if anyone does not work, he should not eat. Then again, I don't think the Valley Rescue Mission asks to see pay stubs at the door.

"I know about that verse," the cab driver said surprisingly, "and you're the first person I've heard mention it." He'd be surprised how many beggars on the street never have heard of it - not to mention don't want to hear of it.

The taxi driver suggested people who beg for help are legitimate. Then I mentioned the woman downtown who wanted two dollars for gasoline, but wouldn't show me her gas can [25 Sep]. He admitted you can't trust everybody - something you'd think he would have learned much earlier in an election year.

(That reminds me: THE BIG BLOG QUESTION during vacation asked you if I handled the woman's request for money properly. Only 14 percent say I was right to demand to see the gas can. But 43 percent voted for simply handing the woman two dollars. No, this group CANNOT have my home address.)

Even before all this, our first topic of conversation as we rolled down Macon Road was the number of drivers talking on wireless phones. "The thing is, a man can call his wife on a cell phone and chew her out ..." Can't wives do the same sort of
thing -- except maybe they'd ask husbands for bread and milk?!

"There ought to be a law against talking on cell phones while you're driving," the cab driver said. He said this while holding the steering wheel with one hand, and his two-way radio microphone with the other.

Then there was the cab driver who radioed his base saying, "Have some mercy on me. I've been at the courthouse almost all day." My driver was in no mood to offer compassion.

"Would you show any mercy on someone who drove 104 miles per hour?" At local speedways, they wouldn't - they'd challenge the driver's engine as illegal.

"Was this in a 55 zone?" I asked about the cab driver allegedly caught driving 104 miles per hour.

"Yeah.... and he was stopped in a country town," my driver answered. The lesson of all this: know your limits when you're behind the wheel - especially the city limits.

I asked the taxi driver at one point what happened while I was out of town - but he never responded. Either he didn't hear my question, or he confirmed I'm back in slow-paced Columbus.

With the cab fare paid, let's try to catch up on some things I've missed in recent days:

+ Phenix City held a Saturday night "rhythm and blues" concert at the Amphitheater - but as I jogged down the Columbus Riverwalk, the crowd didn't appear very big. If you can't pet any animals or ride a roller coaster, it simply can't compete.

+ A well-informed source tells me former WRBL reporter Jason Miles now is working at the top TV station in Memphis. I only hope he doesn't get his rivers mixed up....

+ U.S. Senate candidate Denise Majette called for a national lottery to pay for education. So why wasn't this suggested by CURRENT Senator Zell Miller - the godfather of Georgia's education lottery? Has he been too busy checking rock singers' clothing?

+ Tuskegee mashed Morehouse 56-8 at McClung Memorial Stadium, in what one ad called "the classic of all classics." Well, I guess it HAS been around longer than most golf tournaments.

(Denzel Washington attended the Tuskegee-Morehouse game to watch his son play. Too bad Cascade Hills Church didn't know about this - and ended its "Man on Fire" sermon series a week or two too soon.)

+ Tennessee went to Athens and stunned the third-ranked Georgia Bulldogs 19-14. So much for that funny cartoon I saw on the road for the Knoxville News-Sentinel - with a sign at the state line declaring Georgia "The POOCH State."

+ Instant Message to New Bethel A.M.E. Church on Victory Drive: How does this "calendar tea" you're having this afternoon work? Is there a different cup for every month?

BURKARD'S BEST BETS: Gas for $1.79 a gallon at two Citgo stations on U.S. 80 in Ladonia.... milk for $2.63 a gallon at Kroger stores north of Columbus.... free Festival at South Commons parking under the Oglethorpe bridge (don't worry, the birds won't drop anything)....

COMING THIS WEEK: We simply MUST address the Marshal's race.... and the frog in the computer room....

To offer a story tip, make a donation or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post a reply.

If you quote from this in public somewhere, please be polite enough to let me know.

© 2003-04 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.

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CLASSIC BLOG -- 25 FEB 03: HORNS-A-PLENTY

As I drove home from work this morning (still on the overnight shift), I waited for the light to change at 10th Avenue and Wynnton Road. I was first in line, and heard a horn honk twice behind me. At that point, I had several choices:
A> Wave - since people in the South are SO friendly.
B> Point to the red light in front of me - because some people in the South can be SO unaware.
C> Violate the red light to get out of the way - because some drivers in the South love to pretend they're on NASCAR teams.
D> Find a weapon and use it - since President Bush HAS authorized pre-emptive strikes.

I ignored the first honk, only half-awake and aware. The second time, I waved looking through my rear-view mirror. As I did, I discovered my light had changed to green - and I raced through the intersection. Sometimes you can prevent fiery road rage.

The driver behind me was in a white pick-up. As it happened, he followed my path through the 11th Street tunnel, leading to downtown Columbus. For those of you from other cities, it's like the Holland Tunnel in New York - except the politicians here haven't heard about charging tolls.

The pick-up driver happened to follow my line one block down 6th Avenue, 10th Street, then south on Veterans Parkway. I was not nervous through all of this. If he'd followed me into the driveway, then tried to sell me jewelry dirt-cheap, I would have been.

I waited for another light at 9th and Veterans Parkway - and I heard another honk. It was that pick-up driver, who had pulled up alongside. Now my guess was that the man was lost - but did he really expect to get out of my car back there, and hold up everybody?

In some other cities, I would have ignored the driver to my left so as not to be provocative. But I took a took a change and rolled down the window to hear him say: "That was my friend driving a semi I was honking at back there." Ohhhhh. Then who was he honking at, just before talking to me?

This is what annoys me about serial horn-honkers - and the man drove away before I thought to mention it. Car horns have no speech pattern, to help identify their meanings. If you wave in response, the honker may respond with (ahem) a few fewer fingers.

Speaking of repetition, I received a phone call this evening offering me a new MBNA Platinum Visa Card - for the second night in a row! I turned it down again. But if this keeps up, I may start saying yes - to build the most unusual deck of playing cards in the world.

Monday night the credit card telemarketer was male. Tonight it was a female. She asked questions about the cards I have now, while the man kept adding point after point about why the MBNA card was SO superior. That "Mars and Venus" stuff even applies in boiler rooms.

The female telemarketer didn't quite get it at first, though. She wanted to read me the long, boring "fine print" about the card that the man did 23 ½ hours before. As I explained to her: If my vital statistics haven't changed since last night, why should I assume your rules have?

To offer a story tip, make a donation or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post a reply.

If you quote from this in public somewhere, please be polite enough to let me know.

© 2003-04 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.

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CLASSIC BLOG -- 19 MAY 03: OUR SPECIAL GUESTS

Only minutes after my afternoon jog today, a man knocked on my door. He said he needed to make a phone call. I was stunned by this - partly because I thought I was the last person in Columbus without a cell phone.

All the man said he wanted to do was call the Booker T. Washington housing complex. Yet I stood on my side of the screen door, for seconds which seemed like a half-hour. Should I let in this total stranger? Should I ask for an ID card, and call police first?

(And after reflecting on it, shouldn't I prepare better for things like this -- and buy a cordless phone, that people can use on the porch?)

It was a moment of true mental anguish as I pondered what to do. The Christian side of me said, "Let him in." The TV journalist side of me said, "Didn't you watch those special reports on home invasions?" And the historical side of me wished BellSouth hadn't taken down all its pay phones.

Finally I decided to let the man inside to make a local call - AFTER he emptied all his pockets first. That way, I knew the man didn't have a hidden weapon. As he pulled out several dollar bills, it also showed me he didn't need to ask for dinner as well.

The man didn't have an easy time emptying his pockets, because he carried a lit half-cigarette in one hand. This guy could have "burned a hole in his wallet" in two different ways....

The man had to reach WAY down to empty his pockets - because his walking shorts were about five inches below his waist, and his boxers were quite noticeable. Yet he also had a wide brown belt tied around his shorts! To be honest, I do the same sort of thing -- except my slacks are so TIGHT around my waist, I only wear a belt so it looks right.

I seized the control of the situation at this point. "Pull your shorts up," I told the man, "and you'll need to put out your cigarette. This is a smoke-free house." It's amazing how much more powerful I feel, when Judge Joe Brown is telling off people on the TV nearby.

The guest left his cigarette stub on a front window sill outside and came in. "How'ya doing?" he asked.
"The phone's over here," I answered to hurry things along. The fewer things in the apartment he could examine, the more challenging it would be if he tried to steal stuff later.

But wouldn't you know it - the man had trouble dialing with my phone. It's a "touch-tone," only I have it set for pulse dialing. Georgia law still makes you pay more for touch-tone service - apparently a last-ditch way of promoting the slow, "Old South" way of doing things.

The second time the man dialed the 321 number, he got through - but the line was busy. With that, he thanked me and went on his way. Given my recent history, I'm surprised the man didn't invite me to join him at B.T.W. for a beer bash.

As it happened, another couple of special guests were in downtown Columbus today. They were scouting out the RiverCenter for a possible Presidential debate next year. Peter Bowden of the Convention and Visitors Bureau says he's trying to use ALL of downtown as a selling point. Well, the reporters will need all those Broadway bars to drink when it's over....

A Presidential debate at the RiverCenter truly would be prestigious for Columbus. It also would be historic. From listening to talk radio stations in town, it would mark one of the few times a Democrat could state his opinion publicly without being interrupted.

To offer a story tip, make a donation or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post a reply.

If you quote from this in public somewhere, please be polite enough to let me know.

© 2003-04 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.

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CLASSIC BLOG -- 12 MAY 03: SPEED-DATING

All I wanted to do was drive to Publix for milk, soda and stamps. But as I went to the car Sunday afternoon, a woman walked by saying or asking for something. She seemed to have food in her mouth, so it took about five times to understand her. Lesson 1: if a beggar can't speak clearly, his or her mind may be just as fuzzy.

Finally I determined the woman wanted a ride to 744 Broadway. Yet strangely, she walked SOUTH on First Avenue to talk with me about it - when 744 Broadway is NORTH of my apartment. Then again, this IS Columbus - named for a man who went west to reach the "Far East."

It's only a five-block drive from my apartment to 744 Broadway, so I agreed to let her get in. That's when the fast-talking started.
"I see you drink beer."
"I have...."
"Do you...." She interrupted to change the topic before I could explain the empty flattened can of Budweiser on the floor of the passenger seat was there because I picked it up Saturday night to keep from running over it with my tires. That's what women want, you know - a deep, detailed conversation.

"Will you let me finish, please?" I said to the woman - then said she had ADHD. She didn't know what that was, but she was acting like a co-worker who admits he has adult Attention Deficit Disorder. If that man ever met this woman, the fragmented sentences would be an English teacher's nightmare.

The woman in the car probably didn't have ADHD after all. As she explained, "I've had a couple of beers, it's Mother's Day...." Oh really?!?! What until Miller High Life hears about this - because those catfighting commercials might need some children added to them.

As we started the five-block drive to 744 Broadway, the woman asked more questions:
"Are you police?"
"No."
"Do you date?"
"Not in a long time." Questions like this make me wish I had a little more 20 years ago, though.

The woman then stated her name, which I admit I didn't catch. "I'm 37 years old, and I give good...." Weellllll, let's just say she didn't offer me her HEART. (Ahem)

I sat quietly and kept driving during this unusual introduction - so then the woman reached for my right leg, and my shorts. "What are you DOING?" I exclaimed. What episode of "Sex and the City" did she get this first-date idea from?

At this point we were on Broadway - and I hurried as quickly as I could. If ever there was a time the brick streets of the historic district needed paving over, it was now....

"Don't you want a date?" she asked, a bit surprised.
"No, I'm doing what you said you wanted. A ride to 744 Broadway." Lesson 2, which I should have realized long ago: a beggar seldom wants the first thing he or she requests. She wanted a ride - but apparently NOT in a car. (Ahem)

At this point we were in the 600 block of Broadway, and the woman started demanding I drop her off. I refused, noting 744 Broadway was very close. "That's not what I want," she argued. Why is it if men pull this stunt, they're guilty of a lack of commitment?

At last I slowed down the car at 744 Broadway, and she cursed me as she got out of the car. The whole incident lasted about two minutes -- and it showed why I'd probably fail at those "speed-dating" club nights.

(Come to think of it, this encounter was appropriate for Mother's Day. So many times I did what my late Mom asked me to do - only to be criticized for only doing it because she told me to do it.)

I finally drove on to Publix at Cross-Country Plaza - and found one pick-up truck driving BACKWARDS in a parking lot lane, and another running a stop sign in front of the entryway. That's why I'm glad I went ahead and bought the milk and stamps -- to prove I didn't have a wild nightmare.

To offer a story tip, make a donation or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post a reply.

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© 2003-04 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.

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28 SEP 04: K-WHY?

With apologies to a TV station in Los Angeles for our title -- I head on vacation today. I timed this 11-day trip perfectly, to ignore at least two presidential debates.

The church denomination I attend has convention sites around the world. The Columbus congregation normally is assigned to Panama City Beach, Florida - but several months ago I applied to visit Lexington, Kentucky instead. After four Florida hurricanes in two months, I'm looking like a genius....

But it was not an inspired sense of meteorology sense that moved me to visit Kentucky. Lexington is a "designated singles site" for our denomination this year. For a guy like me, it's a bit like Alabama legalizing crossbow hunting a few weeks ago.

So admittedly, I'm going to Kentucky partially in hopes of meeting new single people - and whatever might (ahem) follow from that. That is, if the women ALLOW me to follow from that....

There's only one problem with my grand strategy. A friend of mine at church told me several weeks ago that many single women are avoiding Lexington, and heading for Panama City Beach instead. I hope they took toolboxes to help repair buildings.

There's one other challenge I face in taking a trip to Lexington. It's the home of the University of Kentucky, or U.K. My alma mater is Kansas, or K.U. For my own protection, I'm only taking one Kansas T-shirt with me....

(At least I'm going there at the end of September. Kentucky is a lot like Kansas in one way - when college football season starts, it means one thing for the fans. The college basketball season is only a couple of months away.)

My figuring shows it'll take about eight-and-a-half hours to drive from Columbus to Lexington. It's interstate highway all the way - and I'm renting a car, so I won't risk having to get out and push my humble Honda up the Smoky Mountains in
Tennessee.

Which reminds me: have you heard the new radio ads for Callaway Gardens? They praise the park's location "in the foothills of the Appalachian Mountains." Is it really a good idea to connect the gardens with the Appalachians - and imply Harris County has all sorts of backwoods hicks?

So if you'll excuse me -- I'll post this, get some sleep, then finish packing and hit the road. I MIGHT be able to post blog entries from libraries in Kentucky. Presumably the public access computers are somewhere amid the stacks of books on
bourbon and racehorses....

To offer a story tip, make a donation or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post a reply.

If you quote from this in public somewhere, please be polite enough to let me know.

© 2003-04 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.

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27 SEP 04: TAXI DRIVE

A trip to Peachtree Mall stunned me Sunday - as ads promoting an upcoming movie were all over the place. I don't think Victoria's Secret ever has been allowed to advertise its TV fashion show like this....

Ads for the movie "Taxi" hung from the ceiling of Peachtree Mall, near Rich's-Macy's. Not simply one poster, but several of the same poster. I knew right away it had to be a movie, because SafetyCab won't be in business again for a couple of months.

The movie promotion didn't stop at the ceiling. A giant billboard for "Taxi" was on a stage. Little signs were on the Peachtree Mall doors. Even the trays in the food court had "Taxi" placemats on them! Some political campaign is missing out on a golden opportunity here....

I didn't walk from end to end through Peachtree Mall, but I saw enough at the west end to get the message. There's a new movie coming out called "Taxi" - and Jimmy Fallon and Queen Latifah must be switching names for it, because Latifah's name is below Fallon's head on the ads.

Yet here's what struck me as strange about all this: dozens of ads promoting a movie are in a mall with NO movie theatre inside it! Yes, there's the "Peachtree 8" across the parking lot from Penney's.-- but still, that's a discount house! Instead of "Taxi, October," they'll do well to have it by January.

(There were so many ads inside the mall that I started to wonder if "Taxi" was filmed in Columbus without anybody knowing it. Does someone hijack a cab in Atlanta, and drive it to Dothan?)

The makers of "Taxi" must have left Peachtree Mall a big tip to promote this movie so much. So why isn't there some kind of promotion with Columbus cab companies? You'd think only one of them would be "yellow" about accepting an offer like that....

Is this how the new owners of Peachtree Mall plan to improve it - by putting up annoying ads all over the corridors? I suppose it beats raising the rent for tenants. But where would a Parisian or a Penney's go - back downtown? Some bars on
Broadway would have to close, to make room for them.

Now some other items from an eye-opening weekend:

+ Which area grocery store is selling boxes of Cheerios with Canadian labels on them? I know this is happening, because one was passed on to me. Are cereals becoming like prescription drugs -- cheaper to import from Canada?

(And another thing: do the managers stocking Cheerios from Canada realize the second language on the box is French, not Spanish?)

+ A high wind watch was issued for Columbus, as Tropical Storm Jeanne moves north. Today should be a great day for a long run outside - but turning around and jogging home into the wind will be another matter.

+ Atlanta's baseball team beat Florida 6-3. Atlanta's football team beat Arizona 6-3. About the only thing missing in Georgia sports was having the Davis Cup semifinals at the Stone Mountain Tennis Center....

+ David Rainer was named "Fox 54's Idol" at the Bradley Theater. He now heads for the San Francisco "American Idol" auditions. If Rainer winds up in a "worst singers" TV show this winter, all the local judges should be required to get a
hearing exam.

(David Rainer is only 17, and now he'll go to San Francisco. If he doesn't make the cut for "American Idol," he might still attract interest from guys looking for boyfriends....)

+ Instant Message to St. Luke United Methodist Church: Did you really mean to do that Sunday? I mean, singing the song "Morning Has Broken" during the service -- only days after the former Cat Stevens was barred from the U.S.?

(BLOGGER'S NOTE: If you want to avoid the Cat Stevens version of "Morning Has Broken," I sing it on my album.)

COMING TUESDAY: Where I'm going, and why I'm going there....

To offer a story tip, make a donation or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post a reply.

If you quote from this in public somewhere, please be polite enough to let me know.

© 2003-04 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.

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26 SEP 04: EPPS, THEY DID IT AGAIN

Muscogee County Democrats opened a new headquarters on Macon Road Saturday. It's in the old Pier One Imports Building -- and we all know how well that worked for Judge Roxann Daniel during the summer.

Meanwhile, Russell County Democrats are trying to regroup from an important court ruling. A judge kicked Commission Chair Cattie Epps off the November ballot, even though she won the primary in June. Republicans now are racing the clock - searching for a way to get John Kerry disqualified, too.

Russell County Probate Judge Al Howard declared Cattie Epps ineligible for the November election because she filed campaign finance documents after the June 1 primary. This ruling gave an amazing new meaning to the religious song, "One Day Too Late."

Cattie Epps sued Probate Judge Al Howard, attempting to stay on the November ballot. For some reason, Epps never argued that the handling of election ballots has nothing to do with probate cases.

Al Howard admitted to the Ledger-Enquirer last month even if Cattie Epps was barred from the ballot, Russell County voters still could write in her name for Commissioner. We'll see if Epps tries to organize this sort of campaign. She'd help
her chances by changing her first name to "Cat" for a few weeks.

(I can hear Commissioner Epps borrowing an old Richard Gephardt line now - "It's your CAT-fight, too!")

Remember Al Howard's words several months ago, after Russell County Commissioners such as Cattie Epps voted to reinstate Administrator LeeAnn Horne-Jordan? The judge warned Horne-Jordan's backers risked a possible recall drive. It turns out there was a bigger risk - a man with both a gavel and a bad mood.

By the way, the chair of Russell County's Democratic Executive Committee is a familiar name - J.W. Brannen, who lost the mayor's race last month. If Cattie Epps winds up losing her Commission seat, Brannen might want to consider retiring to Lake Eufaula.

THE BIG BLOG QUESTION is back, based on the entry we posted Saturday night (just below this one). Now you can tell me whether I should hold beggars accountable for their claims - or whether my wallet pocket and heart have cast-iron buttons on them.

Now let's check other findings of the weekend:

+ The chief executive of St. Francis Medical Center resigned, telling the Ledger-Enquirer he had unspecified "management differences" with the board. You don't think someone actually suggested renaming the hospital "Hurricane Frances...."?!

+ Albany's City Manager told Police Chief Bobby Johnson to leave, only days after he announced plans to retire in January. Now I finally understand why Columbus Police Chief Willie Dozier doesn't want to talk on camera....

(The interim police chief in Albany happens to be named Bob Boren. Is this some new "police and fire games" competition or something?)

+ WXTX "Fox 54" held open auditions for a local version of "American Idol." One judge from Foxie-105 FM described some of the candidates as "great shower singers." Or as Simon Cowell might call them - losers.

+ Atlanta's baseball team clinched its 13^th division title in a row. Considering how much this team changed from last year, I think Bobby Cox finally should win the "Manager of the Year" award. If he doesn't, I think Cox should argue about it until he gets ejected -- since he's so good at that, too.

+ Auburn's football team breezed to a 33-3 victory over The Citadel. Coach Tommy Tuberville hopes to build on this next year, by finding a college called The Country-dell.

+ Columbus State's women's soccer team lost 2-0 to the renamed college "South Carolina-Upstate." Is this really a good name for a university? Won't jeering fans accuse all the players of taking "uppers?"

+ Instant Message to Buck Ice and Coal: Your "official" Confederate flag on Talbotton Road looks tattered and torn. Too bad all the street-corner vendors around town only sell the politically incorrect version.

To offer a story tip, make a donation or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post a reply.

If you quote from this in public somewhere, please be polite enough to let me know.

© 2003-04 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.

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25 SEP 04: NO CAN DO

She wore a white scarf over her head, and "ALABAMA" on her orange T-shirt. As I walked toward my car outside the downtown Taco Bell tonight, our conversation went something like this:

"Excuse me, sir?"

"Yes." The new season for beggars begins.

"Do you have two dollars? I'm out of gas. I've got a gas can around the corner...."

This is the Taco Bell-Spectrum combination store at 14^th and Veterans Parkway. "There's a gas pump right here. I can use my credit card...."

"Can't you just give me two dollars?"

"Well, go get your gas can, and we'll go to the pump and fill it up."

"But it's not here."

"I know. You said it's around the corner."

"But I'm waiting on my sister-in-law's brother [or somebody like that] to pick me up."

"Well, when he shows up, maybe he'll have the two dollars."

"But he DOESN'T have the money, you see."

"Oh. Well, how long will it be before he shows up?"

"I don't know."

"Well, I can wait until he comes."

"I don't want you to do that. Just give me the two dollars."

"And I'm saying we can fill your gas can at the pump now."

"But I'd have to go get it."

"Yes. You said it's just around the corner."

"But I don't want to do it until he comes."

"Then I can wait until he shows up."

"Just forget it. I'd don't need it."

"But if you don't need it...."

"Have a blessed night, sir."

"....Then why did you ask me for two dollars?"

"Never mind, sir! I said: have a blessed night!"

I stared at the woman in frustration for about five seconds. Then I walked on to my car, saying nothing. For the second time in 36 hours, my attempts to please a woman were rejected coldly - and neither of them had anything to do with a date, much less sex.

(For reasons we cannot discuss here, we will NOT get into details of the first incident. Let's just say this: some people seem to prefer objecting to things that are wrong, then have you make them happy by adjusting things to be right.)

Regular blog readers know I seem to attract beggars like Wal-Mart attracts lawsuits. So why did this two-dollar request end in a two-minute stalemate? Let's analyze the conversation:

1. To my knowledge, I'd never met this woman before. If I simply give her two dollars and walk away, her "gas can" might turn out to be a thermos jug to hold beer from Spectrum.

2. I've heard the "secret gas can" line before. It happened eight years ago at an Exxon station on University Avenue in Atlanta. The man at that case wouldn't even tell me where his gas can was. You never know when you'll come across an undercover C.I.A. agent.

(That gas trip was bizarre, as it seemed half the customers were on a happy hour from the asylum. Another man backed off in far when I merely waved hello to him.)

3. Beggars tend to see only one solution to their problem - and if your solution isn't exactly the one they want, it cannot possibly be done. So it's a lot like national energy policy....

4. Most beggars don't want anyone waiting around with them to get their need met. It's as if they're afraid they'll forget their story, and you'll catch them.

5. The scene of this discussion was walking distance from the House of Mercy - and beggars tend to show up in this corner of town. Yet somehow they don't seem to gather outside Columbus Water Works, asking for help paying their bills.

6. Why did this woman seem afraid to get a gas can filled before her relative showed up? Did she somehow think the fuel goes stale after 15 minutes?

By the way, I went to Taco Bell to end the fast I mentioned Friday. I loaded up for it Friday evening at Cici's Pizza on Macon Road - where you get a pizza buffet and a drink for only $4.75! This place must make all its profits from the
children playing video games.

(You can tell who the target audience at this restaurant is right away - because the TV sets tend to show nothing but Nickelodeon and the Cartoon Network.)

A children's birthday party was in progress as I dined on pizza. The youngsters sang "Happy Birthday," and one even added a second verse. Who needs a karaoke night when you have singers like these?

COMING SUNDAY: The Russell wrangle....

To offer a story tip, make a donation or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post a reply.

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© 2003-04 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.

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24 SEP 04: FAST AND SLOW

When the sun sets on this Friday, I plan to stop eating for awhile. Now don't get wrong ideas about this -- and start calling me "Mary-Kate."

Tonight is the start of the Biblical Day of Atonement, or what the Jews call "Yom Kippur." Believers go without food and drink for 24 hours. They'll also gather to worship -- as well as trade old jokes about offering to take each other out to lunch.

No, I'm not Jewish - but there are Christians who keep the Day of Atonement as well, and I'm one of them. It's our one "expected fast" of the year. The rest of the time, many people aren't fast to start fasting at all....

Please note the Day of Atonement starts at sunset, under the Jewish tradition. So if the rest of you can avoid going to restaurants until after 7:30 p.m., we believers would appreciate it. We'll be "carbo-loading" like marathon runners, from 6:00 on.

I've heard stories from friends over the year about how they have to prepare for a fast like this. Some coffee drinkers have to ease off the stuff for a couple of days in advance, or they develop headaches. And then people get so upset about alcohol addiction....

(Since I don't drink coffee, I can't really relate to what these people face. And in this era of Starbuck's and five-dollar cappucino, I also feel a bit wealthier.)

During a fasting time such as Yom Kippur, I don't develop headaches at all. The only big change is that I tend to get sleepy. Considering our church service doesn't start until 2:30 p.m. Saturday, I hope the Pastor doesn't mind if a few people snore during his sermon.

But here's the strange thing: I've found I can go jogging at the end of a fast, and travel a good distance. Someday I'll learn the hidden lesson of this - and stop nibbling on all those chocolate chip cookies between meals.

My most memorable Yom Kippur was one of the first I ever kept. It was the early 1980's in Oklahoma, and I hurried to down dinner at Taco Grande just before sunset. Yes, I had spicy Mexican food on a deadline - and 23 hours later at the end
of the fast, I felt nearly dead as a result.

(I'm not exaggerating about this. I was crawling on the apartment floor and throwing up in the final hour of that fast. Looking back, I guess I needed humbling much more than I realized.)

Did you hear about the major league baseball player who keeps Yom Kippur? Shawn Green of the Dodgers plans to miss at least one game this weekend for Atonement, even though Los Angeles is fighting for first place near the end of the season. Green's teammates may be hoping Barry Bonds converts to Islam, and makes a pilgrimage to Mecca.

How ironic that on the Day of Atonement, auditions will be held downtown to find a Columbus contender for "American Idol." Instead, believers will be at church or at home - being more like American IDLE.

So chew on these Thursday items for awhile, while I eat up and prepare my body for the weekend:

+ Georgia Insurance Commissioner John Oxendine announced he'll investigate whether other military bases pressured soldiers to buy expensive life insurance plans, like what happened at Fort Benning. So when do Benning's generals plan to add State Farm and Allstate to their off-limits list?

+ "What's New, Miriam?" on TV-16 spent a half-hour focusing on the Chattahoochee Riverkeeper. Miriam Tidwell showed she had a little knowledge about this topic - as she never asked any guest to reveal exactly where the river is kept. Jerry Laquire probably would have asked that.

+ Stuart Sappington won the Georgia Senior Amateur golf title at the Country Club of Columbus. Sappington broke a tie for the lead by hitting a hole-in-one from the 16^th tee! Is he really from Alpharetta, Georgia - or the Republic of Georgia, and trying to make the next Ryder Cup team?

To offer a story tip, make a donation or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post a reply.

If you quote from this in public somewhere, please be polite enough to let me know.

© 2003-04 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.

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23 SEP 04: I'D RATHER NOT

Hello, I'm Dan Rather. Well, I might as well be. I've fouled up enough things in the last few days that someone's probably asking the Drudge Report to demand my resignation.

You may have noticed a couple of corrected items in this blog this week, and that's bad enough. But the biggest blow yet came Wednesday, when I discovered I'd spread incorrect information at my regular job. At least it wasn't that chain letter
spam about Microsoft awarding money for an e-mail test....

Here's what happened: someone called my office twice recently with important information to pass on. I took down the important information, passed it on - but it was really meant for people in another state! This is what happens when people
move around the country, but never change their cell phone area codes.

The caller with the important information was confused because several states in the South have the same county names. So many Sumters, so many Clays, so many Lees - which I think are preferred around here over Levi's....

I tried to make sure the caller's important information applied to our area, and she said it did. But I blew it, because I neglected to double-check other sources to make sure it's accurate. I suppose that's why many people listen to two or three conservative talk shows a day.

If I simply had gone online to check the caller's important information, I should have discovered it did not apply to our area. But I believed the caller was accurate. After all, isn't the customer always right -- unless you're the former Cat
Stevens, and you're trying to fly to the U.S.?

With the CBS News debacle about Alabama National Guard records fresh in my mind, I decided during the day Wednesday I'd offer to resign from my job. Since so many co-workers want Dan Rather to quit, I might as well join him at the unemployment office.

(During the lunch hour Wednesday, I was even talking like that woman in the Office Depot commercial shopping for supplies. Several times I said to myself, "I am SO suspended....")

To make sure false rumors didn't spread about what I was doing, I offered my resignation as publicly as I could - well, short of doing it on the business phone intercom....

I offered to resign at an afternoon meeting on the job - but a surprising thing happened. Everyone around me said it wasn't necessary! Why is it that so many people who talk a hard line actually display a soft heart?

One supervisor explained I was different from Dan Rather's case at CBS News because no one was harmed, and I had not tried to defame anyone. Imagine if the caller had given me a hot tip about Bobby Peters....

I'm grateful that the bosses decided NOT to accept my resignation. But I still feel like Dan Rather, because I ran with information without double-checking it first. Now I know how the Fort Benning generals felt when they banned that closed
restaurant.

This is why I haven't joined the online and conservative crowd, pointing fingers at Dan Rather over those National Guard documents. I've spread incorrect information at times myself, usually without meaning to do it. Take the times I've
answered October 31^st greetings with "Happy Halloween," even though I can't stand it.

But before you point a finger at ME as well, listen to Bill Cosby's advice for a moment and "turn the mirror around." If you've ever spread incorrect information or rumors about anything, aren't YOU also a Dan Rather? And if you were fan of the old game show "To Tell the Truth"....

E-MAIL UPDATE: As if I wasn't feeling forlorn enough about all this, look at what the Wednesday e-mail brought me:

I NEVER stated or suggested that Chief Dozier has not been able to improve the police force. All I stated was that Chief Dozier was an excellent leader who had to deal with the obstacles of a manpower shortage and poor compensation which led to moral issues brought on by city leaders. I think it is important, if your goal with your website is to inform people, that you give them correct information.

Thanks,

Randy Robertson

President,

Fraternal Order of Police

Karl F. Eidam Lodge #9

Memo to self: don't drive over the speed limit for awhile - ANYWHERE in Columbus....

Thank you, Mr. Robertson, for clearing up any misunderstanding of what you said. This puts you ahead of Police Chief Willie Dozier - who still won't talk on tape at all.

(At least Randy Robertson didn't challenge one small part of what we wrote Tuesday. He IS a blog reader....)

Yet this clarification raises a question - wouldn't a fully-staffed, well-paid Columbus Police Department BE an improvement? At least the morale on the force would be better. And imagine how the unemployment rate would go down -- because officers would open up those second jobs for former mill workers with none.

Related to that: has Chief Willie Dozier been able to meet the concerns of law enforcement organizations such as the Fraternal Order of Police? You could blame Columbus Council for tying his hands. But look at what happened what Marshal Ken Suddeth asked for donations for new weapons

Oh yes, about the "goal of our website." That should be in the top-right corner of the blog when it comes on your screen. Sometimes what we write may inform you. Many times we try to amuse you. And hopefully we don't make you so upset that you break your keyboard in two across your knee.

(BLOGGER'S NOTE: Daily blogging may diminish in the next few days, as we prepare for a fall vacation....)

To offer a story tip, make a donation or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post a reply.

If you quote from this in public somewhere, please be polite enough to let me know.

© 2003-04 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.

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22 SEP 04: SUNDAY OR SINDAY?

Phenix City officials admitted Tuesday crime has increased on Sundays, since alcohol sales on that day became legal last year. The timing of this announcement couldn't have been better - four weeks after city elections.

The Phenix City Council decided to change the rules for Sunday liquor sales a bit. It won't be allowed at nightclubs anymore. This means guys will have to romance their gals on Sundays the old-fashioned way - with one milkshake and two
straws.

One business which will be affected by this rule change is the "Red Barn Game Room" on the 280 Bypass. The management admits it's upset with the Phenix City Council barring Sunday alcohol sales there. But look on the bright side - the pinball scores are likely to go up.

WRBL talked Tuesday night about the change with the manager of Phenix City's "O and J Lounge." Or as it now will be called on Sundays, the "OJ Lounge" - as in orange juice.

(Maybe these nightclubs should organize a protest of some sort. Get together with the used car lot owners, and you'll change Phenix City for the better.)

Phenix City Council members still will allow restaurants to sell alcohol on Sundays, under the "50 percent rule." More than half the business's income will have to come from food. And you can guess what that probably means - smaller portions, bigger prices.

Phenix City motels also will be allowed to keep selling alcohol on Sundays. After all, it would be too difficult for maids to knock on doors at 2:00 a.m. to lock up the mini-fridges.

Related to this, Phenix City police announced Tuesday they've suspended the licenses for Ann's Sports Bar downtown. I'd forgotten there even was a sports bar near the river. This may explain some of the weirdos I've seen walk inside Piggly
Wiggly, in the same shopping center.

Phenix City Police Chief Preston Robinson says they've recorded more than 80 criminal complaints at Ann's Sports Bar in the last year. Perhaps high-definition TV's inside made the hockey fights and boxing cards too lifelike.

Perhaps it isn't fair to connect them, but Ann's was located right down Third Avenue from the Riverview Apartments. With this sports bar closing, I hope the disputes between neighbors don't move back into the parking lot.

So with all this news, what's a Phenix Citian to do for fun? Don't worry - officials also revealed Tuesday they're negotiating to bring an International House of Pancakes to town! If the city can convince IHOP to show first-run movies during breakfast, Mayor-Elect Jeff Hardin will claim victory.

(So some of you Phenix City residents don't become confused -- just because it's called "International" House of Pancakes, that does NOT mean they'll serve a Yankee version.)

The proposed IHOP would be built across the street from Phenix City's Wal-Mart SuperCenter. And with a Zaxby's restaurant only a short walk away, this could become East Alabama's version of the Mall of America.

This reminds me of a question which has bothered me for years. So often I hear people talk about products "selling like hotcakes." But how fast do hotcakes sell, really? In Columbus and Phenix City, it would seem waffles do much better....

Now let's see what other great opportunities presented themselves Tuesday:

+ Ground was broken for the new National Infantry Museum and Heritage Park on South Lumpkin Road. The complex will have 200 acres - which is just about the right size for a morning run during basic training.

(The complex will have more than the National Infantry Museum. I'm hearing it could have an IMAX theater. And planners will include space for a parade ground -- a perfect place for SOA Watch protesters to meet every November.)

+ Mayor Bob Poydasheff told WRBL he has someone in mind to replace Columbus Police Chief Willie Dozier, and he plans to present that name to the Council within two weeks. Before rumors start, let's settle one thing right now - I am NOT the "R.B." the Mayor probably has in mind.

+ The National Rifle Association presented a 30-minute "infomercial" on WLTZ. It found so many things wrong with John Kerry that you wonder why an N.R.A. member didn't speak up to object at his last wedding.

+ Mike Gaymon's guest on WDAK radio's "Viewpoint" was the general manager of the Columbus Catfish. Now that's perfect timing - to bring on a baseball team executive three weeks after the season ends, and six months before the next one.

+ Atlanta's baseball team announced plans for its own 24-hour cable channel called "Braves Vision." It promises to show classic games from years gone up - which will be a great opportunity to chart Don Sutton's receding hairline.

CORRECTED: + Chattahoochee Valley Community College scheduled an evening of "Georgia Championship Wrestling" for Thursday. But sadly, the card may not include the bout many Russell County residents really want to see - Cattie Epps and LeeAnn Horne-Jordan vs. Tillman Pugh and Al Howard.

+ Health officials revealed a Columbus man is recovering, after testing positive for the West Nile virus. This doesn't seem fair. For one thing, Columbus is on the EAST side of the river....

+ Instant Message to Dr. Robin Pennock: Congratulations on being appointed Deputy Superintendent of Muscogee County Schools. Does this mean you'll get that $300,000 home in Russell County?

To offer a story tip, make a donation or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post a reply.

If you quote from this in public somewhere, please be polite enough to let me know.

© 2003-04 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.

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21 SEP 04: CODE OF SILENCE

Is he shy? Is he embarrassed about something? Why won't Columbus Police Chief Willie Dozier talk to TV stations on camera about his upcoming retirement? If his school district employee wife wants to write a statement for him to read, we won't object....

Chief Willie Dozier puzzled some local journalists Monday, by refusing to talk on tape about his retirement plans. Maybe he's following the example of that other law officer who's been in the news this year -- but why copy David Glisson?

Willie Dozier makes it sound like his departure October 31 is no big deal. But c'mon now - he's been in charge of one of Georgia's largest police forces for almost five years. And it's really not his fault if most of those officers moved to metro Atlanta for more money....

Blog reader Randy Robertson of the Fraternal Order of Police suggested Monday Willie Dozier's leaving because he hasn't been able to improve the police force. Columbus Council turned down one request for 25 new officers -- perhaps hoping 25 new neighborhoods would hold drug marches instead.

. It's interesting to compare the approach of some of the "top cops" in this area. Lee County Sheriff Jay Jones has been willing to talk with reporters for years, and handles it very well. Yet leading law officers in Columbus seem unwilling to go "on the record" unless their Miranda rights are read first.

Think about it - Police Chief Willie Dozier won't talk on TV about his retirement. Sheriff Ralph Johnson didn't want to comment much about the Kenneth Walker case. So it's no wonder when Marshal Ken Suddeth announced the acquisition of
new weapons, some Columbus Councilors demanded an investigation.

The retirement announcement by Chief Willie Dozier raises questions about his successor. Does Mayor Bob Poydasheff promote from within the force? Does he conduct a national search for a chief, which has caused controversy in Montgomery? Or does the Mayor simply post something at ChattahoocheeHelpWanted.com?

If Mayor Poydasheff chooses a chief from within the Columbus Police Department, the top contender could be Assistant Chief Rick Boren. That choice has one hidden advantage - the fact that wife Nancy Boren works at the Election Board, and the Mayor's term is up in two years.

One issue which could bubble up in the search for a police chief is the race issue. Willie Dozier is the first African-American chief in Columbus history. Will civil rights groups call "even up," and demand that job stay African-American for the next 165 years?

BLOG UPDATE: Monday was a day to bask in the glow of Kansas's big double-overtime soccer win over Auburn. But two things tempered my enthusiasm. It was a very busy work day - and besides, practically no one around me cared.

In our last posting I mentioned the sign at the entrance to Auburn's soccer complex - where no food, drinks, pets or weapons were allowed. Yet a few people brought in large cups of soda, and one person carried in a chihuahua! So much for today's college students being more conservative and traditional....

One of the few Kansas fans with me in the crowd at Sunday's women's soccer game planned the trip to Auburn long ago. He lives near Fort Walton Beach, Florida - so he was grateful his home escaped serious damage from Hurricane Ivan. By comparison, Pensacola may gather enough wood to set a world record for the biggest marshmallow roast.

After Kansas beat Auburn in the second overtime, a Tiger fan along the rail next to the field twice said the Jayhawks "got lucky today." Lucky?! Those psychologists are right - grieving people go through a denial stage first.

Now let's face some other facts, which we learned Monday:

+ Gas stations around downtown Columbus hiked their prices about ten cents a gallon. Did THAT many people from Florida evacuate here, because of the hurricane?

+ On the other hand, area Dairy Queen restaurants are offering FREE ice cream cones today! All you have to do is make a donation to the Children's Miracle Network. If this seems unfair, remember something - hardly anyone leaves a tip at Dairy Queen the rest of the year.

+ Instant Message to Alabama quarterback Brodie Croyle: The timing of your injury was really clever - but I regret to tell you Miss America 2005 Diedre Downs wants to be a CHILDREN'S doctor.

To offer a story tip, make a donation or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post a reply.

If you quote from this in public somewhere, please be polite enough to let me know.

© 2003-04 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.

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20 SEP 04: JUST FOR KICKS

Before we get to our main topic - our best wishes to Columbus Police Chief Willie Dozier. The city's first African-American police chief revealed in Sunday's Ledger-Enquirer he plans to retire soon. That way, he'll finally be free to admit if he thinks the Sheriff's Department is full of racially-profiling rednecks.

It's easier than you might think for a white guy to feel like a minority group. I certainly felt that way Sunday - when I went to Auburn University, and rooted for the visiting team.

I didn't realize until last Friday that my old alma mater Kansas was bringing a women's soccer team to Auburn. In fact, I'm not sure I realized Kansas even HAD a women's soccer team. When I attended Kansas, we did well to have intermural
soccer teams....

The first time I knew Kansas was playing soccer at Auburn came when I checked the Auburn web site, to see if the football game was still on for Saturday. After all, Auburn cancelled Friday's soccer match with Nevada-Las Vegas - and we all know how popular "Rebels" are in the South.

"You ought to go," a co-worker said to me when I mentioned Kansas was coming to Auburn. I told him there are plenty of things I "ought" to do. For one thing, he hasn't seen the stacks of magazines I haven't had time to read lately.

"It's free," the co-worker told me about the women's soccer matches. "They're that desperate for a crowd." Now this I couldn't believe. An Auburn sports event that's FREE? Why, it cost 20 dollars simply to park close to the football stadium on Saturday.

My old loyalties took over at that point - and I decided I had to make the trip Sunday to Auburn. That's loyalties, plural. Kansas Jayhawk sports - and the fact that I haven't shopped for groceries at Kroger in three months.

I encountered a surprising traffic jam on the way to the soccer pitch. Downtown Auburn was jammed with cars Sunday, during the noon hour Central Time. The only place in Columbus with traffic that slow at that time on a Sunday is Fourth
Street Baptist Church, with cars double-parked for more than a block.

Apparently the Auburn students were out for a Sunday drive because they were still savoring the Saturday win over L.S.U. The "rolls" still were on the trees at Toomer's Corner - and for all I knew, young fans may have been cruising ever since the final whistle, 18 hours before.

Thankfully the crowd of cars cleared once I passed Toomer's Corner. I was growing concerned the long line of cars was heading for the soccer field - and I was being set up for an ambush.

The Auburn soccer field is located not far from Jordan-Hare Stadium, but the two places are very different. For one thing, the soccer field has an old farm building overlooking it -- and the building doesn't have a single ad painted on it.

Sure enough, admission to the Kansas-Auburn soccer match was free. All you have to do is cross a bridge over a creek to reach the pitch. But a sign at the entrance warns no food, drinks, pets or weapons are allowed. That explains why no soccer fans from England were there.

By the way, Parkerson Mill Creek next to the soccer field was at a normal low level - so I guess Auburn University safely can have class again today....

(The only unusual thing I noticed in the creek was a big blue piece of wood. Did someone lose a ping-pong table when Hurricane Ivan came through?)

I looked around the crowd at the Auburn University soccer field, and quickly discovered I was a loner. No one else had on a Kansas cap or sweatshirt like I did. And the field only has bleachers on one side of it - so I couldn't even go to the other side, and get autographs of all the players.

Undaunted by my situation, I took a seat and started cheering for Kansas anyway. I quickly discovered I was making more noise than 90 percent of the fans in the bleachers. Perhaps that's because I didn't have a hangover from Saturday night's
post-game parties.

There aren't any cheerleaders on the "touch lines" at Auburn women's soccer games, rooting on the Tigers. Aubie the mascot didn't show up, either. Maybe he was committed to appear at a Sunday church service, to help illustrate the story of
Noah's ark.

So during the first half of the Kansas-Auburn game, I did a few short "rock chalk" chants as the Jayhawks tried to move forward. They had the better chances at scoring - but one led to a yellow card, when an attacker collided with Auburn goalie Megan Rivera. For you female readers: the cards women's soccer players get are a canary shade of yellow.

Halftime came and neither side had scored. So I walked back to my car for a swig of soda during the break. Since the game had no tickets, no "pass out" rules were in effect - and you might as well go have some tailgate food every time a
player is injured.

Not until halftime did I meet someone else who's a Kansas graduate. He didn't have on any Jayhawk gear - instead wearing a Pebble Beach golf course sportshirt. Well, that WOULD make him less of a target after the game ended....

"One of my buddies just donated two-and-a-half million" to Kansas, the man told me. "Another buddy is about to give a million for the second time."

This talk of high-rolling donors was far out of my league. "I'm still working on my first HALF-million."

As second-half play unfolded, I figured out what made this Auburn crowd different. Some students were there - but so were parents with young children, especially little girls. For a young family, any kind of free entertainment truly is a blessing.

I saw something in the second half I'd never seen at a soccer game before. A Kansas player threw the soccer ball in from the sideline by somersaulting - really a forward handstand, before the making the throw. This is what happens when a college has no women's gymnastics program.

(Either that, or this young woman must have enrolled at Kansas after appearing in the cast of "Mighty Morphin Power Rangers....")

Auburn began to have the better of the play as the second half wore on - but after 90 minutes, the game remained scoreless. In baseball, this is called an exciting "pitcher's duel." For too many baseball fans, this score in soccer is called a reason not to watch.

A tie game in college soccer means two ten-minute "sudden death" overtime periods. In the first overtime, a woman finally spoke up in the bleachers above me: "Please, somebody score." I didn't bother to ask if the woman forgot to bring
sunscreen to the game.

CORRECTED: I'm thrilled to report there was a happy ending in the second overtime. Kansas scored at 102:34 for a 1-0 win over Auburn! That may help the Jayhawks keep a top ten ranking.-- something I don't think the K.U. football team has had in about 20 years.

(BLOGGER'S NOTE: We have more to say about the Auburn soccer match, but we're out of time for today. Watch for that Tuesday.)

Now other quick kicks from Sunday:

+ President Bush toured the damage from Hurricane Ivan, spending some time in Orange Beach, Alabama. His aides obviously briefed him well about this trip - because the President never mentioned the city's ruined orange crop once.

+ A friend of mine at church revealed something strange about the recent storms. He says Hurricane Frances put half of Waverly Hall in the dark for awhile. Then Hurricane Ivan put the OTHER half of Waverly Hall in the dark for awhile. Now
the town is even - and hoping Jeanne isn't the tiebreaker.

+ The Atlanta Falcons remained unbeaten by stopping St. Louis. In a post-game radio interview, Coach Jim Mora Jr. declared Jay Feeley "is not a kicker. Jay Feeley is a football player." Maybe that's what's wrong with college football this
fall. Too many football players are kicking extra points.

+ Instant Message to Timberline Homes of Opelika: That is SO cruel of you - that sign you have outside promoting an "after-hurricane sale."

To offer a story tip, make a donation or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post a reply.

If you quote from this in public somewhere, please be polite enough to let me know.

© 2003-04 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.

19 SEP 04: OPENING UP

Saturday was a day which found many closed things re-opening in Columbus. For instance, gates were opened on Chattahoochee River dams to handle floodwaters from the Atlanta area. We're waiting for word about how many kayaks passed through.

The higher river level left the Phenix City Amphitheater flooded - hopefully cleaning away all the sinful stuff which happened there over the summer, like music concerts....

The Columbus side of the Riverwalk did NOT appear flooded, so I went for a Saturday morning walk there. The stairs to Golden Park were open -- but red tape blocked the bottom of the stairs at the Civic Center. Only later did I realize why this was probably done. Animals from the Shrine Circus may have been lying in wait to eat me.

The obedient side of me refused to climb over the red tape, even to walk up the flights of stairs. To set a good example, I'd turn around and walk back to where I entered. Besides, an even tan on each arm looks much better....

Only one thing delayed my turning around at the Civic Center. A woman was walking my direction with her beagle - a beagle rambling around without a leash, which suddenly decided to make me the center of its attention. It walked up to me and started sniffing my legs. I stood there wondering if I looked like a fire hydrant or something.

I tried to dismiss the dog by holding up my hands and showing a grit-my-teeth grin. The beagle backed off, and began running around me in semicircles - all the time staring at me. It's great practice if I ever have to deal with Hollywood
paparazzi.

"He wants to play," said the woman who by this point had walked by the stairway. The beagle kept circling me - totally ignoring the Civic Center red tape. It turns out we had not one rule-breaker here, but two.

The woman kept walking east, but the dog wouldn't let me go. It kept circling me, barking on occasion. I kept my position at the bottom of the stairs, turning around only to keep the beagle in my sight. If it lifted its leg, I was ready to do
the same - only to kick away.

"Are you afraid of it?" the woman finally asked. I refused to answer the question, instead offering what seemed to me the more obvious one.

"Are you aware of the new animal control rules in Columbus?"

"Yes."

"The dog is supposed to be on a leash."

"It's OK. I have my leash here." It was in her hand, it was purple - and it had nothing attached to it at all. She might as well have been carrying keys to a car she traded in five years ago.

"Perhaps I'm misunderstanding the rule," I told the woman, "but I think the dog is supposed to be ON the leash." It's sort of like explaining to the "Click It Or Ticket" cop that your seat belt IS buckled - and you're sitting on top of it.

"I'll put the dog on the leash," the woman said. Then she turned around on the Riverwalk, tracked the beagle down and put the leash on it. At last, they had made a connection - and I was no longer a candidate for brunch.

Long-time blog readers will recall I've had other encounters with dog-walkers on the Riverwalk, who let dogs run all over the place and think merely holding a leash is enough. Do these adults let their children get away with this at busy
supermarkets, too?

Since I didn't answer the woman's "fear" question, I suppose I should settle it here. If a dog is running loose around me, I do get a bit concerned. Enough stories have made the news of dogs attacking people, and even killing them. At least during a hurricane, I have time to hide in a shelter if I wish.

E-MAIL UPDATE: Our comments on the LOST (Local Option Sales Tax) last Sunday brought a surprising reply, from Fraternal Order of Police President Randy Robertson:

To find out about the F.O.P. and their support of this tax please go to FOP9.net.

Thank You

Thanks to YOU, sir, for alerting us to a web site which apparently only came online September 1. Don't be confused by that name, though. The Fraternal Order of Police is NOT taking over a TV station.

You have to click on the "President's Page" to find details of the mid-August Fraternal Order of Police vote to back the LOST. Randy Robertson writes Mayor Bob Poydasheff has promised to "solve all of the F.O.P. concerns." Maybe the Mayor will ask Oprah Winfrey to provide a free set of new squad cars.

Randy Robertson explains the Columbus Chamber of Commerce acted as a liaison with Columbus Council, to get an assurance LOST money would provide for "financial needs of law enforcement officers." Aren't there professional negotiators on the SWAT team to handle this sort of thing?

In addition, the F.O.P. web site reveals the Chamber of Commerce plans to do a study of the wages and benefits for all Columbus government employees. Maybe now we'll find out why the operator of the Government Access Channel makes more money than a police captain.

Randy Robertson promises the Fraternal Order of Police will continue its campaign for improved public safety benefits. For one thing, the F.O.P. wants "an end to Compression." Exactly how victims of muggings would have their bruises treated remains unclear.

Let's see what else we need to catch up on this weekend:

+ Alabama's Diedre Downs won the Miss America pageant. It HAD to be those eyes - which seemed to keep staring into the distance, like she was looking for the perfect man to date. Too bad I was stuck at home, watching television....

The Miss America final showdown came down to Miss Alabama versus Miss Louisiana. Given how the L.S.U.-Auburn game turned out earlier in the day, I figured the judges would give Miss Louisiana a couple of extra points.

(Miss Georgia made the list of ten semifinalists at Miss America, making this the best showing for our region in years. Maybe we need more hurricanes to move through, to get sympathy votes.)

+ Alabama Governor Bob Riley gave a pep talk in the wake of Hurricane Ivan - declaring, "Nothing can defeat an Alabamian!" Obviously he hasn't been watching Crimson Tide football games the last couple of seasons....

+ Columbus shut out Jordan in high school football 19-0, and the WOKS announcers counted only 27 Jordan players in uniform. Either a lot of Red Jacket players are injured, or the band suddenly is a lot more cool.

+ Kendrick spanked Spencer 33-14 at McClung Memorial Stadium. I walked by this game at quarter-time, and was stunned by how empty the stands were. After all, the students had two extra days to work on their homework....

(I look at empty stadiums like that for local games, and can't help wondering if the presumed interest in high school football around here is overstated. Golden Park seemed to have more fans on Thirty Thursdays.)

+ Fencing already is up around the west end of South Commons. Either preparations for the Festival are under way very early - or the Shrine Circus is concerned an elephant might escape.

+ Instant Message to the woman who called to express concern about Columbus flooding during a hurricane: We're 396 feet above sea level - so the storm surge would have a VERY long way to go.

COMING MONDAY: Look out, Auburn, my Kansas Jayhawks are coming....

To offer a story tip, make a donation or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post a reply.

If you quote from this in public somewhere, please be polite enough to let me know.

© 2003-04 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.

for 17 SEP 04: RIDERS OF THE STORM


(BLOGGER'S NOTE: We realize Hurricane Ivan has caused a lot of disruption for a lot of people. Our sympathies to those of you with repairs to make or power still out - and we suggest you bookmark this post for that time when "we'll all look back on this and laugh.")


You know there's a hurricane threatening the Columbus area when you walk into a restaurant for dinner - and EVERY TV screen in the place is showing the Weather Channel. Either something serious is coming, or everyone is bored by September baseball.


The Columbus area felt some of the force of Hurricane Ivan Wednesday night and Thursday. The rain sometimes fell so hard that it seemed the entire city was moving through the Fourth Avenue Car Wash.


Hurricane Ivan was so powerful that more than half of Alabama Power's customers statewide lost electricity. That's 700,000 homes and businesses - a lot of people to demand the company reach a contract agreement with electrical workers
quickly.


Alabama Power warned in advance some customers might lose power for two weeks because of Hurricane Ivan. Thankfully, this is a state where an electric can opener still is considered a luxury item.


Alabama sports officials prepared for Hurricane Ivan by cancelling all high school football games statewide this weekend. Many families will need that time for more important things - like driving their RV's to Auburn or Tuscaloosa right before
Saturday's kickoffs.


Beard-Eaves Memorial Coliseum in Auburn was turned into an evacuation shelter. The Red Cross was prepared to use dorm rooms, in case the arena reached capacity - but as we all know, that only happens when Kentucky's basketball team comes to town.


The Canterbury Nursing Home in Phenix City lost power for several hours - which allowed residents to talk about the "good old days" when hardly anyone had electricity at all.


So how was my day Thursday, as Ivan caused a fuss all around? Don't worry, I kept track for you....

8:20 a.m.: I head out the door to go to breakfast, amid light rain and gusty wind. The church I attend still is planning a special "Feast of Trumpets" service for mid-afternoon, so I'm treating it like a regular worship day. Besides, listening to FM religious radio means you never hear a school cancellation.


(That reminds me: Muscogee County schools are CLOSED Friday and Saturday! Hopefully this announcement will reduce the dozens of calls to radio stations -- maybe by two or three.)


A few small scattered limbs are in the streets of the Historic District - and one trash can is tipped over along First Avenue. Those jail inmates on garbage duty can be SO sloppy and careless....


I'd picked the spot for this special breakfast a long time ago. I've heard a lot about Booth's Corner Café in Phenix City - but hardly any cars are parked outside when I arrive. When school is cancelled in Phenix City, it seems like the entire town sleeps in until 9:00 a.m.


There's only one couple eating in the restaurant, and Fox News Channel is showing reporters live along the Gulf Coast on the TV. Jonathan Serrie looks like he's on a video-phone - yet he says lights are still on in downtown Mobile. Truly that's a Democratic city. They won't let Fox News use electric plugs.


(By the way: if Fox News Channel is so pro-Republican, why did they have reporters along the Gulf Coast at all? You'd think conservative reporters would be as far inland as Montgomery.)


French toast is served by the one-armed chef/manager - and then the power flickers for a moment, but stays on. "Thank you, Jesus," says a woman in the corner booth. Perhaps she only had a credit card for paying the bill.


As I eat breakfast at the counter, who should walk in Booth's Corner Café but Thomas Weise - the best-known Catholic priest in the area. But the power keeps flickering occasionally off and on, so I'm not sure if he crossed himself before walking inside.


"You'd think being next door to the power company, they could keep your power on," Pastor Weise says to the manager.

"Yeah," the manager answers. "I also thought I could get a discount on my bill."


The Booth's Corner Café manager says he called Lowe's Monday about an electric generator, but "they just laughed at me." I wonder how many businesses became so desperate, they thought about hooking up mice and treadmills.


Thomas Weise recalls 25 years ago this week, when Hurricane Frederic ripped through south Alabama. He served with a Catholic charity, which helped evacuees at the Mobile Civic Center. So mark your calendar now - when September 2029 comes, take your vacation somewhere else.


I count 11 times the power flickers off and on during breakfast - yet only later do I realize Pastor Thomas Weise never once said thanks to Jesus when the power stayed on, while the earlier woman did. So who IS the more religious person of
the two?


10:45 a.m.: As I rest at home, the first storm warning I've heard today comes from the National Weather Service computer system. The voice on the radio these days sounds very human-like - but someone should tell it the Lee County seat is not called "Oh-PELL-ika."


A tornado warning is issued after a possible tornado is spotted on radar in the "Holy Trinity" area of Russell County. Huh? You mean there's still something religious in Alabama the atheists haven't removed?


11:05 a.m.: The tornado warning siren sounds at South Commons. I move under my computer room desk for cover - only to find I don't completely fit. So much for feeling so good about losing ten pounds.


11:50 a.m.: After a second tornado warning ends, the phone rings. The Local Elder from church tells me the special service is cancelled. And here I was all set to point fingers at everyone else, for lacking faith and wimping out.


The decision to call off the service goes against what I was praying in the hours before. Doesn't the Bible have examples where God protected His people, when they stepped out in faith and didn't show fear? And this was well before someone
invented mobile homes....


Since my power is still on, I decide to go online. The denomination I attend has several congregations which offer "cybercast" services - but the one I visit in Indiana won't let me in due to some kind of "missing component." I'm paying Real Networks $9.95 a month, and they left something out?!


So here's a special Holy Day for the church I attend, and I have no place to worship. I decide to listen to various radio preachers during the day - and they could get the offering money my congregation didn't want.


12:50 p.m.: During one of these radio programs, I decide I should eat out for lunch - just as I would have gone out to dinner after the scheduled afternoon service. If I wait until 5:00, all the nice restaurants might be closed. And on a special day like today, a bag of Cheese Krystals doesn't seem quite fitting.


1:00 p.m.: "You're gonna get wet!" says one of my neighbors safely on a porch as I head out the dinner for lunch. I have on a jacket with a hood. He offers me an umbrella - but I point out the wind will only blow it the other direction and tear it apart.


(I'm foolish, you say? Well, I was still being faithful even if my church congregation was not. To borrow a phrase, I won't let any hurricane steal my joy. Panhandlers maybe, but not hurricanes....)


Broadway has plenty of restaurants, I reason, so I'll pick a place there for lunch. I drive past Minnie's at Eighth and First -- which appears to be open, but probably has its smallest lunchtime crowd in months. When you can actually drive down First Avenue at lunch hour without worrying about hitting cars, that's small.


But there's a problem with my choice of a restaurant area. Almost all the stores along Broadway from 10^th to 12^th Street seem to be closed, with fire hoses on the street. I don't notice any damage - so perhaps this is the city's way to make sure The Loft doesn't become a giant swimming pool.


While many restaurants are closed, an old reliable remains open - the "bus station" Country's near 14^th and Broadway. But the city's "streetscape" project makes me go practically around a block to park. Officials should be thankful hardly any TSYS employees live downtown.


After parking my car, I race for Country's in strong rain and wind - but when I reach shelter, I'm disappointed. It's the drive-through lane, and the two women standing outside are NOT guarding a door. Some smokers can't kick a habit, even in the worst of weather.


Through a muddy patch I walk to the FRONT door of Country's - and several people are eating there, but the restaurant isn't full. It turns out Country's plans to close at 3:00 p.m., because TSYS shut down for the day. So can we all pay our next credit card bills a couple of days late?


For some reason, the financial channel CNN-FN is on the big TV at Country's. But at a diner's request, it's changed to the Weather Channel. At the risk of losing some fans, I have to say it - drop-dead gorgeous meteorologist Alexandra Steele can show me a "warm front" anytime.


(In all the restaurants I've visited since Wednesday evening, I must note none of them had a Columbus station on. When bad weather comes, "First Alert" winds up in second place.)


One of the commercial breaks on the Weather Channel promoted United Methodist Churches, with their slogan: "Open hearts, open doors, open minds." Well, not quite - St. Luke's closed its school program for the storm.


The barbecue at Country's is as good as always - and as I leave, I tell the cashier it's definitely a "memorable day." She reluctantly agrees. Perhaps she only brought an umbrella, and didn't think about those high winds.


2:30 p.m.: At service time for our congregation, the rain almost has stopped and the wind isn't blowing too hard. I resist the urge to call the Local Elder and say, "I told you so." We're supposed to be "under authority" in this congregation.


3:15 p.m.: I post a few items to a church-related web site I have, and check for other online services. A San Diego congregation offers one at 5:30. Los Angeles has one at 6:00. I never guessed going to church would become like going to the multiplex.


4:05 p.m.: While waiting for one of these services to start, Pastor Terry Jefferson's broadcast begins on WHAL-AM. He says the only names given for churches in the Bible have cities in them, from the book of Revelation. Then why is HIS church called "Word of Revelation Ministries" - with no Columbus in the name at all?


Pastor Terry Jefferson goes on to say whether believers drink or smoke is "up to you" - then later calls it a shame that so many preachers today drink and smoke. His message was against church division, yet sometimes he sounds like his own
mind is in two parts.


4:30 p.m.: I call up an online service from Minnesota - but I show up in the middle of it. It turns out the 3:30 starting time on the computer screen was adjusted for my time zone from Central Time. Once again, you can't trust everything you read on the Internet.


The sermon speaker talks at length about the risk our country faces from climate change, a potential "super-volcano" off the west coast of Africa and mad cow disease. Truly a trip to church can offer comfort from stormy times....


5:30 p.m.: It's still relatively calm at the end of the online service, so I walk down the street to Spectrum for a snack. The Villa Nova package store has its mailbox blown off the wall, and seems to have part of its sign blown off as well. Across the street, it's a good thing baseball season is over - because Golden Park might have wet grounds for a month.


Inside Spectrum, an attendant says: "No one in Phenix City has any power." I tell her during the morning, some people did. She seems rather stunned by this. Maybe she meant the new mayor hasn't taken office yet.


(WXTX "News at Ten" reported about 6,000 Phenix City customers were without power Thursday night. That compares to about 12,000 in Auburn - apparently proving it pays for Phenix City to have only a two-year college.)


6:12 p.m.: Finally the power flickers at home for the first time. But it stays on all evening, despite a few momentary glitches at awkward times - such as right after I turn on the computer, meaning I have to let it restart for six minutes.


BLOG-BLAH-BLAH: Do you have a humorous "Ivan adventure" to share? Please e-mail us, and we'll share it with our readers....

© 2003-04 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.