The Blog of Columbus, Georgia

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

13 APR 10: Water on the Brain

The temperatures are only going higher from here -- but I heard a woman say something about that Monday night which left me stunned. She said you need to "hydrate your brain." That sounds like the sort of thing a bar would encourage on a "team trivia" night....

The statement about brain hydration was attributed to Tonya Douglass, the principal of Downtown Magnet Academy. It's one of many tips being offered for this big day in Muscogee County schools - the first day of the annual CRCT exams. This opening day is receiving so much hype, you almost expect Superintendent Susan Andrews to throw out the first pencil.

Tonya Douglass had more amazing ideas for CRCT preparation. She told WTVM "one of the most powerful things" students can do is "get a good bath" the night before a test. This must have something to do with science questions, but I'm not sure exactly what....

The Downtown Elementary principal explained the bath should be followed by a full eight hours of rest, so children can do well on the CRCT's. Isn't it amazing how these words of wisdom for second-graders are so often ignored by college students, during finals week?

The CRCT days have extra scrutiny this year, after an audit found evidence of cheating around Georgia. WRBL reported state monitors plan to watch over the testing at Davis Elementary and Muscogee Elementary Schools. Where is the outrage about this? Isn't this why Columbus now has 100 new police officers?

Davis and Muscogee Elementary were among 75 Georgia schools with a high number of erasure marks on last year's CRCT answer sheets. Georgia Department of Education computers apparently are sensitive enough to spot the erasure marks - while my computer still considers "blog" a SpellCheck error.

(The high number of erasure marks would have been no big deal - except someone at Davis and Muscogee Elementary was smart enough to change the marks to the right answers.)

Muscogee County School spokesperson Valerie Fuller said no changes are planned in CRCT exam security. As I understand it, one monitor is assigned to every school. One coordinator is assigned to every classroom. And low-scoring students in every classroom pick one smart child -- then offer a week of free desserts if she'll keep her desk exposed.

The evening news showed how carefully Downtown Elementary guards against CRCT cheating. Staff members covered the alphabet on the walls of classrooms with red paper. If they put drapes over U.S. flags before the social studies exam, the Columbus Tea Party will move from Sanford Bishop's office to Macon Road.

Grade-school students even had to clean out their desks, put the items in grocery bags and set the bags in a distant corner of the classroom. This never happened when I was in grade school. The only time teachers really cared about the inside of our desks was in the hours before Open House night.

The concern these days is more about teachers and administrators cheating on the CRCT's than students. Schools face a lot of pressure to make Average Yearly Progress goals. If they don't, children could transfer elsewhere -- and those schools will have to deal with all the parents who don't really care.

(Another goal Muscogee County children have to meet is matching the Georgia Performance Standards. Shame on you for thinking Georgia schools are backward - they all know how G-P-S works.)

But back to Tonya Douglass's suggestion about hydration: a check online found at least 60 percent of your brain consists of water. Scientists really do think the thinking process slows down from a lack of fluids. I thought it simply resulted in a drier sense of humor.

So maybe we're blaming local teachers too much for Muscogee County schools not making A.Y.P. year after year. It's not about "teaching to the test" or inspiring young people to learn. We simply need to give children chicken biscuits and tall water bottles every morning.

-> Our other blog starts with poker, then goes in directions you may not expect. Visitors from around the world read "On the Flop!" <-

E-MAIL UPDATE: We're always open to your ideas - but we're not sure how well this one would work:

Is there a way to list best laugh lines of the year- at the end of the year I cannot remember any of them. For instance, a running list submitted by readers, and posted on a page on the blog?

This reader is referring to our annual "Joke of the Year" contest. But I trust the readers to keep track of their favorites. And to be honest, a couple of times the Burkard Award winner hasn't been a joke I wrote at all [1 Jan] -- which makes me wonder if my humor is that bad, or Mark Shelnutt's prosecutors are that hilarious.

So feel free to copy and paste to your home computer some of these Monday news items (but please note our copyright)....

+ Seth Brown officially began serving as Columbus Crime Prevention Director. Brown indicated he will NOT spend any money until a set of standards for projects is in place. So please stop the rumors that the Wind Creek blimp over downtown is watching for drug deals.

+ The Anti-Defamation League named Downtown Magnet Academy a "no place for hate" school. It's only the second Muscogee County school to receive that title - so students at those other schools need to shut up and simply eat that nice lunch from the cafeteria staff.

+ Leaders of the Columbus State University Faculty Senate announced plans for a "no-confidence" vote next week on the President and Provost. If this sort of vote was taken on the kitchen crews of fast-food restaurants, Columbus might have only one McDonald's and Burger King.

+ Our Phenix City "snail mailer" sent a clipped front-page story from The Citizen-News, about how the Columbus area ranks seventh in the U.S. for potential job growth. But the article was from the 25 March edition - which may show the Postal Service isn't ready for all those base realignment families.

+ A middle Georgia prosecutor decided NOT to file charges against Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger But I smell some kind of plea agreement here - because the announcement came hours after the Steelers traded wide receiver Santonio Holmes to the Jets.

+ Instant Message to Domino's Pizza: Wow, did you ever miss the boat! You're the proper restaurant to sell a "double-down" sandwich, not KFC.

This blog had more than 55,000 unique visitors in 2009! To advertise to them, make a PayPal donation, offer a story tip or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 550 (+ 20, 3.8%)

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

Monday, April 12, 2010

12 APR 10: A Cloud of Dust

TRUE NEWS ITEM: Friday's tree pollen count at the Allergy Center at Brookstone was 3,716.

(SINGERS:) "Here he comes riding high in the saddle, making friends wherever he can....

A hero of the west, in a yellow shirt with vest -- Yella Fella, what a man!"

"There he is! You must be Yella Fella! I'd recognize that outfit anywhere."

"Yup, that's me. And I can tell from that badge you're the sheriff around these parts."

"That's right. I'm the man who called you over here."

"I read that telegram -- only mentioned trouble in Splitwood."

"Just take a look around here, Yella Fella, and tell me what you see."

"Well - looks like a typical Western town to me. You've got a saloon, a church, Mr. Walton's general store...."

"That's not what I mean. Look at the wooden sidewalks."

"Hmmmm. I wonder if they're YellaWood."

"Most of us with good eyeballs don't have to wonder, Yella Fella. They've turned a yellow tint in the last few weeks."

"So they have. Looks nice, doesn't it?"

"Yella Fella, under the powers invested to me as Sheriff of Splitwood, I'm placing you under arrest...."

"Arrest?! What did I do?"

"For endangering the health of the community. People say that yellow dust is making them sick, and they think you're to blame for it."

"C'mon now, sheriff. I've been probably dozens of miles away from here."

"There he is, sheriff. I'm glad you've finally captured that troublemaker."

"Nice to meet you, ma'am. But...."

"Yella Fella, this is our school marm, Miss Mitzi. She's a smart woman, and she's sure you're the one behind all the clouds of yellow dust."

"But Miss Mitzi...."

"'Fess up, Mr. Yella. I'm on to your schemes. You like those wood products made from.... what do you call it?"

"Pressure-treated pine."

"My very point, Sheriff. He chops down pine trees. The dust from those trees blows into town with the western wind It's all a publicity stunt for his business, but children in my one-room school are coughing half the day and rubbing their eyes."

"Sheriff, this woman has been reading too many of those newfangled textbooks. And besides, she's just plain been reading."

"Oh really, Yella Fella? Do you have a better explanation?"

"Well, Sheriff...."

"Well?!?!"

"Uhhhh - hasn't she noticed the blimp?"

"The what?! What's a blimp?"

"It's a big floating thing, like a balloon. Comes across the sky after dark. Somebody inside that thing is dropping yellow dust on this town."

"Yella Fella, do you really expect me to believe that?"

"Look for it tonight, and you'll have your answer."

"Miss Mitzi, it might be worth a try. Yella Fella has a pretty good reputation in this neck of the woods."

"I don't care, Sheriff. Just because he has that posse of singers riding around with him doesn't mean he can be trusted. Instead of that 'neck of the woods,' maybe his neck should be in the...."

"Now there, Miss Mitzi. Calm down your sweet little self."

"Sweet little self?! Sheriff, you're talking down to me like I don't have a formal education."

"I'd say you're getting too big for your britches - but out here in the West, women don't wear britches."

"Well, I never!"

"Didn't think so. Yella Fella, I'll give the sky a look-see tonight for that blimpie-thing. But if it's not there, I'll be looking for you first thing in the morning."

"Thanks, Sheriff. I appreciate that."

"C'mon, Miss Mitzi. Your young'uns probably have a writing project to do -- maybe with some of those long yellow pencils."

"Maybe we all need a science course, Sheriff!"

"Whew! That was a close one, Lemondrop. Let's skedaddle out of town by sundown. Time to split from Splitwood, before they make me split some rails with a chain around my ankles. Trouble is, now they'll call me 'Yella' for a whole new reason."

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 530 (- 26, 4.7%)

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

11 APR 10: The 2010 Ford Focus

The colors of spring are drop-dead gorgeous in my corner of Columbus this weekend. But one dominate color seems to be blue. The Civic Center hosted a blues festival. Downtown Columbus had a bluegrass jam. And a fender-bender on Dillingham Street Saturday night brought out flashing blue lights from two police cars.

The man who sparked the end of Sunday "blue laws" on alcohol sales in east Alabama also visited our area. Former Tuskegee Mayor Johnny Ford held a series of "bingo rallies" from Phenix City to Dothan. From what I saw on TV, people at the Phenix City rally must prefer blackout bingo - because the crowd was almost all African-American, and standing outside.

Phenix City Mayor Pro Tem Arthur Sumbry was among those standing with Johnny Ford. Sumbry told WRBL several people have told him to "jump out and start fighting" for electronic bingo. I assume these are people who have grown tired of driving to Columbus to buy lottery tickets.

Trouble is, not many Russell County residents seem interested in joining that fight. The turnout outside the new Russell County Government Center didn't appear to be more than 15 people. If that many people attended an old-fashioned bingo night at a veterans hall, almost everyone would go home winning something.

(If anyone attended Johnny Ford's bingo rally in Lee County, the Opelika-Auburn News web site hasn't mentioned it. Saturday's Tea Party rally in Auburn had more than 400 protesters - and they're so concerned about the federal government taking their money, they wouldn't dare put a quarter in an electronic bingo machine.)

Johnny Ford told reporters Alabamians should be allowed to vote on the legality of electronic bingo. He said it's a matter of "justice and jobs." Or in the case of big Victoryland winner Larry Langford, the criminal justice system costing him his job as Birmingham Mayor.

But TV news reports reminded viewers of something else - Johnny Ford is running for Alabama State Senate. In fact, Ford has made electronic bingo his top campaign issue. It's a wonder he hasn't recruited a grade-school chorus to sing, "You ought to vote for Johnny Ford, and Bingo is his name-O...."

Meanwhile, the fight over electronic bingo in Montgomery is taking on epic proportions. Alabama Governor Bob Riley issued a statement declaring he has "supreme executive power" to fight illegal gambling. I never thought the day would come when Riley would sound like North Korea's Kim Jong-il.

Governor Bob Riley wants Alabama Attorney General Troy King to back away from taking over the Anti-Gambling Task Force. King issued his own statement, saying the governor does NOT have unlimited powers. Since King is suing President Obama over health care reform, he's looking like the most unbiased man in the state.

Back in Columbus, did you see the blimp flying over the Frogtown Hollow Bluegrass Jam Saturday afternoon? It promoted the Wind Creek casino in Atmore, Alabama - a casino state officials can't touch, because it's operated by a branch of the Creek Native American tribe. If you're really desperate to lose money in a hurry, not all hope is lost.

I can't recall ever seeing so many ads for casino gambling in the Columbus area - not only Wind Creek, but the Pearl River resort in Mississippi that's closer to Jackson than Biloxi. These legal casinos seem to be seizing on the debate in Montgomery to go after new customers. The only other place to make fast money gambling in Alabama is on the Robert Trent Jones Golf Trail.

-> Our other blog starts with poker, then goes in directions you may not expect. Visitors from around the world read "On the Flop!" <-

E-MAIL UPDATE: Last Thursday a blog reader claimed a local state senator had a chance to become a hero. That reader doesn't seem optimistic anymore....

Sen. Seth Harp's "ETHICS BILL" is a sham. All of the good ethics bills died a speedy death. We think that was the plan. The good bill got publicity for campaign contribution limits and now that is dead. Perhaps the leadership thinks that the public will remember those good reforms that were publicized, and think they are in the bill that will pass.

This ETHICS SHAM and ROUSE, SB 17, is authored by Sen. Seth Harp.

Seth's "ETHICS SHAM" bill provides for a name change for the Ethics Commission, and a late filing fee, and some lobbyist changes. It is not directed at Ethics Reform.

Sen Harp's bill intends to let candidates hold on to contributions. House Speaker Ralston is handling that bill in the House. He has made it clear that he, too, like Sen. Seth Harp, does not want to have real ethics reform.

They do not want to limit campaign contributions. WHY! Because politicians can use their war chests, after they leave politics, as Glenn Richardson is doing. Are they all crooks?

Seth may make a lame excuse that the recent Supreme Court Ruling prevents campaign contribution limits, but legal analysis, [by legal eagles], of Harp's excuse, don't hold water. Again, he is way off base.

Instead of having a local man that we can hold up as an example of great and honorable work, we have one of our locals acting out a great pretense on a grand stage.

Seth and his cohorts are up to the same old tricks that plagued the House Speaker Richardson scandal- no campaign contribution limits. The same old people are contributing to the present House Speaker as contributed to the last one. The new Speaker raised $131,000 in just his first few days:

http://www.commoncause.org/site/pp.asp?c=dkLNK1MQIwG&b=4847583

Politicians are for sale. Legislation is for sale. The great pretense is at work. They have no shame!

The present "Ethics Bill", SB 17, is a sham. Sen Bill 17 is a pretense, and it dishonors the authors: Sen. Seth Harp and House Speaker Ralston.

Everyone should remember this when Seth runs for Insurance Commissioner- or does he just plan to retire with his war chest? As a blogger said it best:

"so if he [Sen. Seth Harp] opposes limits on campaign donations, he could leave the Gold Dome as a hero to his banker and a very wealthy man."

Hey, I remember that last quote -- and I should point out you can make unlimited donations to this blog. There's no tax deduction for it. But you don't have to worry about "buying my vote," because I don't even vote in our Big Blog Questions.

State Senator Seth Harp has other issues on his mind. He tells Dick McMichael's blog Georgia needs to balance its budget with a hospital bed fee and higher costs for state services. It could cost you more to file a state lawsuit - so if Harp loses his bid for Insurance Commissioner, he could go back to his law office and increase his rates to make up the difference.

Now let's see what else is blooming in the spring sunshine....

+ Columbus Police reported someone broke into a beauty salon on 17^th Street, and stole a variety of items - including several hair driers. If someone tries to sell you one on a street corner, it could be a Con-air job.

+ Kysor Warren held a hiring fair at the Columbus Career Center. Some people reportedly lined up at 3:00 a.m. to be interviewed - as if the souvenir ink pens would be gone in 30 minutes.

+ The new indoor "Skate Shed" held its grand opening, at the downtown Veterans Parkway bridge. The cool skateboarders may use the park at South Commons, but the skateboarders who want to stay cool this summer will be at the shed.

+ Oxbow Meadows held its annual "Reptile Fest." With the Columbus Cottonmouths eliminated from the playoffs, I assume at least one player stopped by to pose for pictures....

+ Mississippi kicked the Cottonmouths to the curb, winning the semifinal series in four games with a 6-2 victory. Things turned ugly when Columbus's Tyler Johnson received a game misconduct for "obscene language," while Dan Leslie was ejected for "abuse of officials." You simply cannot tell the referee his mother wears army boots anymore.

+ Robert Moore of Brookstone School was named Columbus State University's new men's basketball coach. Moore will face quite an adjustment in the weeks ahead. For one thing, some of the college players might not be able to afford a nice dinner.

+ Alabama players topped Georgia players 92-77, in a high school basketball all-star game at Phenix City Central High School. WTVM's highlights included a slam dunk contest for the guys - but where was the dunking contest for women? I think "first player to dunk wins" rules still would be exciting....

+ Instant Message to whomever was on stage around 8:30 Saturday night at the Frogtown Hollow Bluegrass Jam: I never saw you, because I was jogging downtown. But if the rock guitar I heard was really bluegrass music, it drowned out the mandolin far too much.

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 556 (- 26, 4.5%)

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

Friday, April 09, 2010

9 APR 10: Catchup on My Doorstep

Today is the final day of spring break in Muscogee County schools. Some students will prepare for next week's CRCT exams. A few might head to the Frogtown Hollow Bluegrass Jam downtown. And the truly bored students will try to stir up trouble at Hollywood Connection earlier than ever.

When a young woman knocked on my door one afternoon this week, I thought it was a "spring break" project of some kind. "Take your time, take your time," she said before I even reached the door. Uh-oh - the Columbus woman who makes random phone calls to do Bible studies works in the same way.

The woman I'll call Whitney explained she was involved in a "public speaking contest," hoping to win money to attend college. Who could have expected oratory contests to move out of high school classrooms and American Legion post meetings, and back into the mainstream?

But the "public speaking" Whitney was doing seemed a lot more like a sales pitch. She gained points in the contest by persuading people to purchase books or subscribe to magazines. And she carried a sign saying donations were NOT accepted -- so throwing money at her to run her off wouldn't work, the way it would with 90 percent of the beggars I meet.

Whitney told me all the purchases or subscriptions were one-time payments, with NO monthly plans involved. But I don't need another Bible to add to my stack, and I usually don't get around to finishing the few free magazines on my subscription list now. If I really want to check an article in "Time," I'll reserve time at a public library for it.

But I was more curious about the contest side of this offer. "If this is a public speaking contest," I asked Whitney, "shouldn't I listen to the other contestants - whoever they are - before I decide to buy from you?" This approach explains why deep-down, many conservative Republicans are frustrated by me....

Whitney responded by saying several other young people were scattered around the neighborhood, making similar sales pitches. She referred to one man some distance away by saying, "You can call him Mustard, because he's trying to Catch-Up to me." Trying to sell magazines with lines from a college basketball locker room didn't exactly work for me.

Whitney invited me to listen to a young man who walked by during the conversation, knocking on the door of the next apartment. But she introduced her competitor with a put-down of his native Baltimore. I remember that sort of public speaking "trash talk" from my high school years -- only it was done by fellow debaters, and I was considered weird for not joining them in it.

Whitney said I should buy something from her group because these young people are trying to make money without getting involved in drugs, or "coming to your back door." I think she was referring to criminal activity - not my late next-door neighbor, who pleaded for a loan every month when her lottery picks didn't win.

Whitney's hometown is near the Florida "gold coast" - which she claimed was home to "the Mickey Mouse gang, the Minnie Mouse gang, the Goofy gang. Did you believe that last one?" I had no way of knowing the answer. I'd need cable TV to watch the Disney Channel.

Whitney and her colleague clearly were from outside Columbus. So I asked, "Are you in high school?" They weren't. "So you're taking a year off after graduating, to raise money for college!?"

"I like you," the man said. "You ask a lot of questions." I wonder if he would have liked me, had my next question asked about licensing and city permits.

Whitney's sometimes-overconfident words were a bit entertaining, but I was in no position or interest to buy any books or subscriptions. So she left with no money from me, no points in the contest - and not even an evaluation slip telling Whitney to knock off the put-downs and be as gracious to her colleagues as she's supposed to be to me.

I was admittedly a bit suspicious of all this from the beginning. I recall stories of students traveling around the country selling subscriptions to make a living, while under the watchful eye of a shady supervisor. If they're coming to Columbus from other states during spring and they're not building Habitat for Humanity homes, handle them with care.

-> Our other blog starts with poker, then goes in directions you may not expect. Visitors from around the world read "On the Flop!" <-

E-MAIL UPDATE: The Georgia Christian Coalition President, whose news release inspired our latest BIG BLOG QUESTION, wants to respond to what we wrote Thursday....

Richard, thanks for the story. Like me, you have the carry the burden of a sense of humor that flies over so many heads..some would say slides under their feet.

The poll question itself provides the answer you'll receive...most will support a 300% tax hike on cigarettes.

The question is would they support a tax to control purchases of products because some group has decided they are unhealthy (the products, not the people). Some argue that anything that tastes good is unhealthy, causes global warming or cooling, depending on the decade, and will kill you. If that's true, explain why there are so many healthy, youth challenged, fat folks at buffets.

You failed to mention my answer to teen smoking - parental discipline. How about confiscating the kid's cell phone until high school graduation if he's found with tobacco breath?

You're right...parents will say.that's too harsh for a kid who is just endangering his health, and breaking the law.

Regarding Land's letter, I believe in using the bully pulpit (pun intended) for moral and social issues. This isn't one.

By the way, isn't it interesting that an organization whose personnel lobby for avoidance of all taxes has no problem encouraging taxes on others. Why not a sales tax on lottery income?

Jerry Luquire

Jerry clearly doesn't like the wording of our question. Perhaps he wants me to ask, "Should Georgia tobacco taxes be increased, even though it will hurt farmers and inspire health Nazis to tax your orange soda sky-high?"

I would have posted a link to Jerry Luquire's complete statement, had it been posted on the Georgia Christian Coalition's web site. But it's nowhere to be found there. In fact, the top "press room" item Thursday night was the naming of a new Georgia Christian Coalition President - and Luquire already has succeeded him.

Jerry Luquire's statement actually mentions two ways to combat teen smoking - not only parental discipline, but "strict local enforcement of laws against tobacco purchase and use by underage teens." That's more likely these days in Columbus, of course. But first, police have to clean up those rogue bridal shops.

While the Georgia Christian Coalition might not consider a tobacco tax a "moral and social issue," other Christian groups disagree. I heard an Adventist minister on radio recently compare smoking to the sin of idolatry - as if some people actually would walk a mile to bow down to a Camel.

How you vote in our question is completely up to you. I'll move on to the Thursday headlines....

+ A welcome day of rain washed away much of the pollen which had accumulated on Columbus cars and driveways. Yet the combined pollen count at The Allergy Center at Brookstone still was above 1,500 - and when the pollen count tops the attendance at Columbus Life minor league basketball games, that's a sad comment on our area.

(ABC News reported Atlanta's pollen count was above 5,000. Scientists figure that by collecting grains of pollen in a white box, then counting each one. Let's hope no University of Georgia pranksters shred Georgia Tech uniforms near that box.)

+ Authorities arrested two people in Shiloh, on charges of running a major marijuana operation worth more than nine million dollars. WXTX described the bust by state and Harris County officers as a "joint investigation" -- which probably prompted minutes of giggling by high school-aged viewers.

+ WTVM showed a music video made by dozens of St. Francis Hospital staff members. They dance and lip-sync to the Black-Eyed Peas hit "I Got a Feeling" - which I suppose is a break from the emergency room nurses saying, "I've Got a Pulse."

+ The Columbus Cottonmouths were mashed by Mississippi 4-2. If the Cottonmouths don't win two playoff games in a row in Biloxi, their season is over - and plenty of Columbus gamblers can tell them how hard it is to sustain a winning streak in Biloxi.

+ Instant Message to WLTZ sports reporter Jeremy Babin: You've been in Columbus HOW MANY months?! And you're still mispronouncing the name of the Cottonmouths head coach? Call him Jerome "BECH'-erd" too many times in his face, and the old "Boom Boom" side of him might come out.

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 582 (+ 24, 4.3%)

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

Thursday, April 08, 2010

8 APR 10: Brother Against Brother

The countdown in Atlanta is on hold, at T-minus-7. The T stands for turmoil, and the Georgia General Assembly has seven days left in the 2010 session. Lawmakers are NOT in session this week - showing while they disagree on a lot of things, they agree on the need to vacation at the beach.

Several Georgia legislature matters crossed our path Wednesday. The main event came with a phone call from the President of the Georgia Christian Coalition - a Columbus resident who told me he sometimes reads this blog at midnight. Hey, maybe that makes these jokes about as good as Jay Leno's.

Jerry Luquire told me the Georgia Christian Coalition is disagreeing with a branch of the Southern Baptist Convention, on one bill before the Georgia legislature. This news was stunning on its face. I guess this means the Christian Coalition leaders are "free will" Baptists....

Jerry Luquire showed Christian ethics, by passing along a letter the Ethics and Religious Liberty Commission of the Southern Baptists sent to Georgia lawmakers in late March. It endorses a one-dollar increase in the state tobacco tax, arguing primarily that it will reduce smoking by teenagers. Well, either that or it will increase teenage demands for "loans" from their parents.

The letter from E.R.L.C. President Richard Land notes Georgia's budget problems, and estimates the proposed "health impact fee" would bring the state.... hey, wait a minute! Where did that name come from?! It almost sounds like Southern Baptists are paying Democratic Party consultants on health care reform.

But anyway: the Southern Baptists contend the proposed one-dollar tobacco tax could bring Georgia an extra $350 million. Isn't this amazing? This commission wants the number of smokers to go down - but not so much that the state can't count on them anymore.

So why is the Georgia Christian Coalition opposed to this idea? Jerry Luquire suggested to me over the phone it's more Christian to oppose tax increases, than attempt to reduce smoking. So the choice here is clear -- support "sin taxes," or consider taxes themselves a sin.

A statement e-mailed to your blog by Jerry Luquire takes more of an economic perspective on the tobacco tax proposal. He says the Southern Baptist letter is designed to "promote health or environmental alarms...." I would think health is the bigger issue here - since I've heard no one suggest cigarette smoke is a factor in global warming.

Jerry Luquire fears a one-dollar increase in tobacco taxes will open the door for other state taxes -- promoted by "fanatics against sweets, popcorn, snacks and anything else that tastes good...." Oh no, not a popcorn tax! Aren't those boxes overpriced at movie theatres already?

"Have high taxes deterred teens from illegal purchases of alcohol?" Jerry Luquire asks in his statement. He then answers: "Ask any policeman." Hmmmm - I haven't heard Columbus police talk about establishing new beats around convenience stores.

Jerry Luquire goes on to note the tobacco industry "supports agriculture and thousands of employees...." This reminds me of one problem I've had with U.S. policies for decades. The federal government discourages opium growing in Afghanistan, while subsidizing some U.S. tobacco farmers. Yet for some reason, I never hear people call that subsidy a "death tax."

It occurs to me that another issue could be a factor in all this. The budget tug-of-war in Atlanta seems to have a tobacco tax increase on one side, and a proposed tax on hospital beds on the other. Southern Baptists are known for operating hospitals -- while I suppose the Christian Coalition could be more into faith healers and anointed cloths.

THE BIG BLOG QUESTION will let you ~~blow smoke~~ let off steam on this question. Should tobacco taxes be increased in Georgia, to help balance the state budget? While you vote on this, the Georgia Christian Coalition might want to work on other things. For instance, its web site still indicates we're in 2007.

-> Our other blog starts with poker, then goes in directions you may not expect. Visitors from around the world read "On the Flop!" <-

E-MAIL UPDATE: Before Jerry Luquire called Wednesday, another blog reader had a different legislative matter in mind....

Dear Richard,

This state and country are in dire need of campaign ethics reform. The many ethics bills that are put forward in the General Assembly are either not real ethics reform, or if they are ethics reform, they are lost in committee before they go for a vote.

As your audience may know, there are many procedural tricks that can be pulled to prevent a bill from passing.

Given that, all of the ethics bills died an early death except Sen. Seth Harp's bill, Senate Bill 17.

You will remember Speaker Ralston was chosen as Speaker of the House when the former Speaker, Glenn Richardson, left in lobbyist-payment-affair-disgrace. Well the Republicans decided they need ethics reform to overcome the misdeeds of their colleague and former leader.

Only problem is, they got sidetracked and decided to water down one bill and kill the others. Now, Speaker Ralston wants a bill that has no limits on campaign contributions. What is wrong with that- why shouldn't everyone be allowed to give whatever they want to politicians? Well, because purchasing legislation is a bad idea, particularly since legislation can be purchased by any group, if they have the right money for the new legislation. Should we have laws [that we must follow] because someone in a foreign country wanted that law for us? Or, should we have to follow laws that were promoted through contributions to PACs by radicals?

Are we to be left with obeyance to laws created by special interest groups -even foreign entities, perhaps through money hidden in Political Action Committees, PACS?

Speaker Ralston is now approving a bill written by Seth Harp that has no campaign contribution limits. After he finishes with it, he will send it back to Seth and the Senate for approval and then back to the House for final approval. We need limits on contributions. Rep. Richard Smith and Rep. Calvin Smyre want limits and signed on to the HB 920, by Rep. Willard, but it died a speedy death in committee.

There is still time- though they are in recess this week, they have a few legislative days left before they finish out this legislative year. If Speaker Ralston wants to put in campaign limits, and send it back to Seth, and if Seth approves it, it will then be voted on by the Senate. Seth could pull this off for our state!

Please, Everyone, ask Sen. Seth Harp, and all others, to support campaign contribution limits, as was in HB 920. Please ask Seth to support campaign contribution limits, and remind him that if he does he will leave the Senate as a hero.

Here is a link that will show names and phone numbers of each Representative and Senator. Please call legislators and ask them to support campaign contribution limits in this bill: Senate Bill 17. Let's help Seth leave the Senate as a hero among his constituency.

Of course, we should remember why Seth Harp is leaving the Georgia Senate. He's running for state Insurance Commissioner -- so if he opposes limits on campaign donations, he could leave the Gold Dome as a hero to his banker and a very wealthy man.

There's another potential advantage to removing the limits on campaign donations. It's the private sector's version of a "government stimulus" plan -- stimulating candidates for government office to spend at will.

As it happens, the Associated Press reported Wednesday Georgia House Speaker David Ralston received more than $137,000 in campaign donations within four weeks of his selection last December. Even Aflac donated money to him - and do we really want that duck tied down by state regulations?

Now let's allow Georgia lawmakers to resume their spring break in peace and quiet, while considering other Wednesday news:

+ Muscogee County Sheriff John Darr announced new features on the department's web site. Now you can look up the names of jail inmates and people under arrest warrants. But there are NO "mug shots" with the inmates' names, so the tabloid paper "The Joint" can remain in business for now.

+ A blown transformer reduced power at part of The Medical Center for several hours. A spokesperson told the Ledger-Enquirer "no critical areas" were affected by the outage - so if you were hoping for a computer glitch to reduce patient bills, forget it.

+ The Columbus Trade Center hosted a career fair for teenagers. WRBL reported the companies offering jobs included Domino's Pizza - which proves even in high-tech 2010, we still need low-priced laborers to hand-toss pizzas and drive delivery cars.

+ Columbus State swept Georgia Southwestern State in college men's and women's tennis, 9-0 and 9-0. From what I saw on WTVM, there probably were no disputes about line calls - not when there's a coating of pollen all over the courts.

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 558 (+ 13, 2.4%)

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

Wednesday, April 07, 2010

7 APR 10: Gimme a Hug-ley

"I see them at every corner I turn." So said a Columbus African-American leader Tuesday about the local police. And in an unusual turn of events, it was NOT a complaint -- or even a threat to demand a federal civil rights investigation.

The comment about Columbus Police on every corner came from the City Manager. Isaiah Hugley was the subject of a wide-ranging interview Tuesday on WDAK radio's "Viewpoint" - the sort of extended interview I haven't heard him give in a long time. It was good practice, for convincing the next mayor he should keep his job.

But the City Manager defended how Columbus Police handled the "mimosa-gate" case at Formal Elegance bridal shop last November. He said officers followed Georgia state law when it comes on alcohol licenses, instead of making an exception for a business owner. Hugley added the state law has NOT changed - but did NOT say how hard he's lobbied his wife about it.

On another public safety issue, Isaiah Hugley assured listeners Columbus Police will be well-equipped to keep the new Fall Line Trace trail safe. He said each officer patrolling the trail will have a squad car, a trailer, a bicycle and an ATV. Hmmmm - he said nothing about them having guns or handcuffs....

The City Manager explained patrol officers can use those various items, based on where an emergency occurs along the Fall Line Trace or Riverwalk. But I think there's a loophole in this system. What if a criminal is fleeing on a mountain bike? Are undercover agents planting hidden steel traps in the woods?

It takes money to fund all these things, of course - and Isaiah Hugley said he's confident Columbus will meet its budget projections by the end of the fiscal year in June. While he didn't come out and say it, the City Manager hopes the budget will be "in the black." Southerners hopefully know by now that can be a good thing.

But the City Manager noted he does NOT expect Columbus to wind up with extra money, to replenish city reserves. And the next city budget will need more money for its self-funded health care plan. So much for dreaming the health care reform act had a hidden "medical stimulus" section.

Because funds are still tight, Isaiah Hugley admitted most "one-time requests" from Columbus city departments for next fiscal year probably will be denied. Of course, there could be exceptions. For instance, if you've found another big company to move out of Ohio....

Another big topic during the WDAK interview was Columbus garbage collection. The City Manager admitted a proposal to cut back to once-a-week pickup has been.... well, he didn't say it was tossed in what guest host Becky Gordon called "the big hole." But it might as well be there.

Isaiah Hugley explained once-a-week trash collection would save a little money. But he's seeking a two-dollar increase in monthly fees instead, because reduced garbage service is not popular. Everyone who voted for the public safety sales tax set this precedent, and I hope they smile when future water bills come.

The City Manager gave one example of how garbage collection costs have increased. An entry-level garbage truck driver was paid $20,000 nine years ago, but now is paid $28,800. We especially post this for new TV reporters in Columbus - to give you an idea of how much your bosses really think you're worth.

Isaiah Hugley admitted trash fees would have to jump much more, if not for prison labor. Is it time to save even more money, and let inmates drive the garbage trucks? Let's face it - they're not the best vehicles for attempting a high-speed getaway on Veterans Parkway.

Those of you who have given up on Columbus radio missed an informative 40 minutes with the City Manager. It also included Viewpoint's guest host finally admitting something regular listeners have known for years - regular host Mike Gaymon from the Chamber of Commerce doesn't ask very tough questions.

-> Our other blog starts with poker, then goes in directions you may not expect. Visitors from around the world read "On the Flop!" <-

OVERHEARD OVER HERE: An 87-year-old man is enjoying lunch at the church building, and revealing details of a confession he made to the Pastor's wife.

"I told her I've had one affair in my life. And it lasted for 64 years."

Let's review other affairs of interest (not necessarily romantic) from the Tuesday news....

+ The Phenix City Council approved money for two new athletic buildings on the grounds of Garrett-Harrison Stadium. They'll cost about $1.2 million, should be ready for the start of football season - and finally give the Central High School Booster Club a place to store its fireworks.

+ The President of Chattahoochee Valley Community College asked Phenix City Councilors to reduce the speed limit to 50 miles per hour at the campus entrance. The entrance on U.S. 431 currently is posted at 65 -- which is really more fitting for technical college students, testing how well their auto repair projects worked.

(Dr. Laurel Blackwell admitted CVCC faculty and staff members want the speed limit at the entrance reduced to 50 miles per hour. But most students really are NOT asking for it. Of course they're not - they want to race away from boring lectures and final exams as fast as possible.)

+ WLTZ unveiled a revamped 7:00 p.m. newscast. It doesn't replay the "6:00 Report" anymore -- and the later newscast now is called "Alabama First News," loaded with stories about that state. Columbus residents either should watch at 6:00, or give a lot more money to GPB so "Lawmakers" can last year-round.

+ Instant Message to WTVM's Cheryl Renee: Congratulations! I heard you announce your engagement at the end of Tuesday's 5:30 p.m. news. So when can we start voting online for your wedding dress?

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 545 (+ 21, 4.0%)

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

Tuesday, April 06, 2010

6 APR 10: Passing the Police Baton?

A surprising e-mail was in my InBox Monday night. It was from a woman who's written the blog before - but for a change, she was NOT taking me to task for misquoting the Columbus mayor....

Executive to the Mayor Judy Thomas announced she's running for the District 9 city-wide Columbus Council seat Wayne Anthony is giving up. Yes, her title is Executive to the Mayor -- which doesn't sound as strange as Pope Benedict having a "Personal Preacher," but it's close.

A news release from Judy Thomas says she wants to use "the knowledge that I've amassed" as Executive to Mayor Jim Wetherington, by serving on Columbus Council. Translation: the current candidates for mayor have NOT promised Thomas a job next year.

Judy Thomas reveals in her news release that she's 64. Some people might make that age an issue - but keep something in mind. Compared with the last two Columbus mayors, that's youthful and exuberant. And Councilor Red McDaniel might call Thomas a "spring chicken."

I've heard people compare Judy Thomas to a "bulldog," in the way she sticks up for Mayor Jim Wetherington -- even keeping a close watch on Columbus Council meetings. It's a good thing Bert Coker is running for the school board, because Thomas might challenge his remarks in debates by calling in some of those 100 new police officers.

While Mayor Jim Wetherington is NOT seeking re-election, there's little doubt from Monday's news release that Judy Thomas will run for Council on his record. But there was one big problem with her statement - a failure to use Wetherington's "phrase that pays." You have to praise public safety in there somewhere....

Yet I couldn't help thinking Monday night of one of the e-mails Judy Thomas has sent this blog in recent years. It asked me to "keep my name out of your blog," after she spoke at a workshop titled "A Practical Guide to Union Avoidance" [19 Sep 08]. I left her name out - well, at least that day.

Judy Thomas is joining a crowded race for Columbus Council District 9. The other announced candidates are real estate agents Travis Chambers and Shep Mullin. So it's a fight between people who want to sell houses, and someone more concerned about protecting them from criminals.

Speaking of campaign surprises, I didn't realize until Monday that Russell County Commissioner Ronnie Reed is running for the Alabama House. He apparently announced his intentions months ago - but Columbus news media didn't mention it, so Reed must not have brought up electronic bingo.

Ronnie Reed is challenging State Rep. George Bandy in the Democratic primary. And as we all know, the only issue in Alabama politics this year is gambling. I don't even remember if Reed supported putting video games in the lobby of The Phenixian.

By the way, a blog about Alabama politics notes Rep. Lesley Vance is unopposed for re-election after the qualifying deadline. So much for voters being angry about his bill to give Phenix City officials big raises. The only one who might be upset never seems to sign his snail mail letters to me....

E-MAIL UPDATE: Another item in the InBox Monday night went back to last week's Columbus radio change....

Richard, I enjoyed reading the history of WRCG. I've been listening to that station since the early l980's. There was one mistake made, however. Russ Hollenbeck was the host of Talkline for one year in between Doug Graham and Robbie Watson.Talkline was always extremely popular and I believe PMB Broadcasting made a serious mistake when they refused to bring WRCG's most popular program back. The two most popular hosts of that program I believe were J. Edward Wilson and Doug Kellett. I think most of us regulars (daily listeners) realized the program was going downhill when a co-host was added to the program with Robbie Watson in her last year there. I have continued to listen to Bill Bennett, Neal Boortz, Clark Howard, and Kim Komando. But since they are now gone from the lineup I will certainly abandon WRCG after almost 30 years. Maybe the last listener to WRCG should turn the lights out! I do receive daily emails from Doug Kellett informing me about his schedule on various out of state stations. Since I bought a new car about six months ago which has satellite radio I must say I have really enjoyed listening to the classic country stations without commercials. Unless some other local station picks up some of the talk programs that WRCG had I will abandon local radio. Former WRCG and Talkline listener

That wasn't really a "mistake" made by Doug Kellett Friday. The "old Talkline producer" he mentioned actually was Russ Hollenbeck. But that's OK -- the name "Jerry Garcia" is far more likely to lead people here in web searches.

This listener's change to satellite radio reinforces our puzzle, about why Columbus stations don't try to sound more local. That approach probably helps WFXE-FM "Foxie 105" stay on top of the ratings. But even Davis Broadcasting has stations which rely on national hosts most of the day - and don't get more "local" than Paul Finebaum in Birmingham.

-> You can't win 'em all at the poker table. Find out what happened to us Thursday night at our other blog, "On the Flop!" <-

BLOG UPDATE: Sigh -- so near and yet so far. Duke downed Butler 61-59 Monday night to win the NCAA men's basketball title. And as a result, my dream of a second-place prize in the "My Bracket is Money" contest was blown up. I wound up 36^th out of 448 entries - and if Piggly Wiggly had run this like most poker tournaments, I still would have earned a little money.

The "Blog of Columbus" bracket wound up with the best pick percentage, with 70 percent of my choices correct. All that gets me is a random drawing among all the players to win an iPod. Had I won the $1,000 gift card for second place, I might have fixed the iPod I have - the one that still refuses to charge, so is more like an iDud.

Before I go dream about other things, let's check other Monday matters....

+ The high temperature in Columbus was 88 degrees F. If it stays this sunny and hot for a few more days, the yellow pollen will turn a sunburned bronze.

+ Hollywood Connection announced it now will close at 9:00 p.m. every day, including weekends. That should chase those unruly teenagers away - all the way to the Columbus Park Crossing parking lot.

+ An afternoon drive home from Montgomery led to a surprising low gas price. A Crown station on U.S. 80 in the Society Hill area has regular unleaded for $2.64 a gallon - which beat the best prices in Columbus and Montgomery. Sometimes it's a good thing, when news travels slowly to those rural spots.

+ Atlanta opened the baseball season by shelling the Chicago Cubs 16-5. The score was 6-3 after one inning - leading some fans at Turner Field to wonder if they were at Wrigley Field by mistake.

+ Instant Message to whomever runs the "Hillbilly Mall" along U.S. 80 in Macon County, Alabama: Does anyone ever act like Zell Miller, and complain to you about that name? Especially when they discover your "mall" is NOT a log cabin with a steel car port attached?

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 524 (+ 22, 4.4%)

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

Sunday, April 04, 2010

for 5 APR 10: Best in Show-Up

Many churches were crowded with worshipers and visitors Sunday. But only one could make the claim that it's the area's "Best All-Around" church. I'm not sure how you define that - but I'm assuming it does NOT offer special services for Jews and Muslims.

The station known for being the "News Leader" has been honoring the leaders of other areas in metro Columbus in recent days. WTVM's first "Best All-Around" awards were determined through online voting -- and yes, there was an award for best church. Did people vote based on the preaching? The music? Or the most effective air conditioning system, to keep everyone comfortable?

If you haven't checked the list of winners, you probably couldn't guess the Best All-Around church. It's not one of the big-name Columbus mega-churches, or even one with a TV broadcast. It's Smiths Station Baptist Church. Maybe it's because the church web site mentions regular blood pressure checks, but doesn't post any sermons.

To be fair: the Ledger-Enquirer's "Readers' Choice Awards" also has a church category. Last summer it honored three of the largest congregations in Columbus. But WTVM only honors one - and this one certainly was unexpected. Perhaps Smiths Station has the only area Baptist church encouraging members to watch TV newscasts.

Let's face it: both the newspaper and TV awards are popularity contests. If any business can get out the vote well, it's likely to win. I'm assuming that's what happened at Smiths Station Baptist - but I'm sure the "Best All-Around" plaque will look good next to a Ten Commandments marker.

How else do you explain another curious winner of a WTVM award? The "Best All-Around Criminal Defense Lawyer" for 2010 is none other than Mark Shelnutt -- who was too busy with his own trial in recent months to handle anyone else's cases.

This award clearly reflects the loyal support Mark Shelnutt had, during last year's trial where he was acquitted of all federal charges. But think about this - if Shelnutt really is the best criminal defense attorney, why did it hire someone in Atlanta to handle his defense?

By comparison, the Ledger-Enquirer has a generic "attorney" category -- and last year's top three were all relative unknowns. None of them have TV commercials or high-profile clients. And if they're not good enough to speak at news conferences announcing NAACP lawsuits....

There's also a disconnect when it comes to the top private school. Glenwood School celebrated winning Best All-Around -- but it wasn't in the top three on the Readers' Choice list. But then again, neither contest dared people to nominate the top PUBLIC school.

Let's face another fact here - these two contests are handled by television and newspaper sales departments. They hope a nice award will bring a nice self-promotional ad in response. That's why WTVM probably isn't concerned about the Robert Trent Jones Golf Trail failing to win Best All-Around golf course - since those courses are all over TV already.

Yes, I know what some of you probably are saying - you didn't win an award for Best Web Site or Best Blogger. OK, that's true. But that's because neither WTVM nor the Ledger-Enquirer has categories for such things. The Readers' Choice award for columnists comes close - but my blog is set up only for a single-column format.

(Check the Ledger-Enquirer's list for columnists, and you'll find Bill O'Reilly was named over Kaffie Sledge or Sonya Sorich last year. Hopefully the local ladies won't take that as a slap. It might convince O'Reilly to overlook the next big prom scandal in our area.)

With congratulations to all winners, let's wrap up other notes from the weekend:

+ Columbus Police told the Ledger-Enquirer a 19-year-old man was robbed in the South Commons parking lot, near Golden Park. Yes, there apparently was crime at Spring Fling - and not from that carnival booth claiming to offer steak and lobster.

+ Dick McMichael's blog interviewed Rep. Sanford Bishop about his vote for the health care reform act. Bishop says he can't understand why Georgia Governor Sonny Perdue "doesn't want health care for all Georgians." Now hold on - I think the governor is for it. He simply wants people to go broke paying doctors directly, instead of going through the federal government.

+ Georgia Attorney General Thurbert Baker told National Public Radio he's a "little bit disappointed" by calls in the legislature for his impeachment. He'd be even more disappointed if there were actually enough upset lawmakers to take a vote on the idea.

+ Georgia linebacker Montez Robinson was arrested in Athens on domestic battery charges. The Macon Telegraph noted it's his third arrest in six months - and as a defensive player, Robinson ought to know how "three and out" works.

+ Instant Message to the North American Air Defense Command: You have some explaining to do. Where was your "Easter Bunny tracker," to match your "Santa tracker" in December? Or does the NORAD staff repent of lying every year, during Lent?

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 502 (- 26, 4.9%)

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

4 APR 10: A Very Different Animal

When the calendar turns to April around here, it means several things. The temperature climbs above 80 degrees F. Pollen covers cars. And the late-night hollering begins outside my window. Saturday night, it was a drunk man threatening to beat people up -- which somehow they can't do when it's cold outside.

Since 2010 is an election year, April also means it's time for Alabama candidates to get serious. The primary is 1 June, so contenders had until Friday to decide whether or not they're running. Part of me expects the number of candidates to go up this year - for the people who think the world's going to end in 2012, anyway.

A curious last-minute filing occurred Friday in Russell County. Jeff Gibson entered the race for Sheriff, even though he doesn't seem to have any experience in that level of law enforcement. But that's OK -- I think Peggy Martin is the only Russell County Commissioner who's never been in that same situation.

For Jeff Gibson to run for Russell County Sheriff, he had to do something he didn't want to do -- give up his Columbus city job. City rules require city employees to resign their positions, if they're going to run for office. After all, we don't want candidates for Marshal wrapping their arrest warrants in campaign brochures.

Jeff Gibson worked 14 years with Columbus city government - most of them in animal control. So after all those years collecting dogs and cats, is he ready to oversee a Sheriff's Office? I suppose escaping humans don't run as fast as pit bulls, but still....

Jeff Gibson told WRBL he decided to run for Sheriff because "the love for the community of Russell County and the people of Russell County need my support and my concerns and my prayers." OK -- but if you're really that concerned about Russell County, why did you spend so many years on the Columbus city payroll?

The decision by Jeff Gibson means Russell County actually will have a race for Sheriff. Chief Investigator Heath Taylor announced he was running months ago, and he has large campaign billboards up in Phenix City. I wouldn't be surprised if Taylor has a case of Heath bars, ready to give away at community meetings.

Both Jeff Gibson and Heath Taylor are Democrats, so they'll clash in the 1 June primary. Well, maybe. Alabama election rules allow party leaders to control who appears on primary ballots. The Republicans disqualified a candidate for State Senate Saturday - so they'd better not use the phrase "up or down vote" anytime soon, when it comes to nominations.

(Why can't other walks of life have rules like this? If the NCAA basketball committee exercised this veto power, my alma mater Kansas would be playing in Monday's final round instead of Butler.)

Alabama Democrats are talking as if they won't disqualify any candidates this year - not even Jeff Gibson, whose experience on the surface seems questionable. State law allows practically any adult resident to run for Sheriff. In fact, I'm a bit surprised Robert Schweiger isn't running - because then the former Hurtsboro Constable finally could clear away the town's criminals.

In other news at the Alabama filing deadline, Josh Segall announced he will NOT challenge Rep. Mike Rogers after all. The Democratic attorney gave Rogers a fight in 2008 - but to borrow a campaign cliche, perhaps Segall can read the Tea Party leaflets.

And the Alabama Governor's race received new attention, because Democrat Ron Sparks shaved off a mustache he's had for more than 30 years. If the state Agriculture Commissioner can't run as an outsider, at least he can say he's partially a "fresh face."

As for Georgia politics, gubernatorial candidate David Poythress spoke to Muscogee County Democrats Saturday. Poythress squeezed the meeting into a Chattahoochee River fishing trip with two grandsons, which he reports ended with two trout. For some reason, he did NOT report how many local votes he caught....

-> You can't win 'em all at the poker table. Find out what happened to us the other night at our other blog, "On the Flop!" <-

BLOG UPDATE: A personal $1,000 dream moved within one step of fulfillment Saturday night. Duke downed West Virginia 78-57, to put the "Blog of Columbus" entry alone in second place in the "My Bracket is Money" contest. There's no way I can finish higher than second - so sports analysts probably have concluded the leader simply wanted it more.

The top prize in the Piggly Wiggly basketball bracket contest is $10,000. I can finish second and win a $1,000 gift card - but it all comes down to Monday night's final game. If Butler can beat Duke, I win. If Duke beats Butler, about 30 other contestants will jump above me - and since I'm a white guy, I face a terrible disadvantage when it comes to jumping.

It appears I'll finish first in one aspect of the contest, which has no prize attached - the highest percentage of correct picks. My choices have been right 71 percent of the time, yet I still won't be the grand prize winner. If this happened in NASCAR, a rule change would be announced this weekend.

(But maybe it's the story of my life. I think my date choices over the years have been right 100 percent of the time - yet I'm still single.)

I'd better stop bragging and get back to blogging - so let's check other weekend news and notes:

+ Hardaway High School held a barbecue for the junior class, because all but one member took the high school graduation test. Wow - imagine what could have happened if simply half the class had sold one magazine subscription.

+ WRCG kept its Saturday Spanish programming "Poder Latino" on the air, two days after abandoning talk radio for "True Oldies." Most of us can't tell if a Spanish-language song is an oldie or not - unless maybe it's "Rancho Grande."

+ WTVM and WXTX brought back Saturday night sportscasts, for the first time in more than a year. Maybe now fans will show up at Columbus State University baseball and softball games....

+ The Columbus Cottonmouths scored with 15 seconds left to tie the game, then scored at 19:02 of overtime to beat Mississippi 5-4. Yet the paid attendance for this playoff game was only 1,762 - so the crush of carnival fans at Spring Fling must be worse than anyone imagined.

+ The Columbus Lions lost to Albany in indoor football 56-41. This is a natural rivalry simply waiting to grow. How about the season's big winner taking the "520 Fight" trophy - made entirely of cotton and pecans from Stewart and Webster Counties?

+ Instant Message to whomever spray-painted the word "freedom" on a Lee County Red Cross van: Did you mean you're free to spray-paint the word anywhere you choose? Or do you want the next Red Cross mission to Haiti to end with all the Haitians moved to Alabama?

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 528 (- 35, 6.2%)

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

Friday, April 02, 2010

2 APR 10: Drug-Free, Not Cheap

The woman used dramatic tones, as she talked about her descent into drug abuse. It started with cigarettes, then alcohol, then experiments with speed at age 19. And this was years ago -- before Speed became acceptable as a cable TV channel.

Janice Johnson's dramatic testimony of abuse and recovery was part of Thursday's program at the "Drug Free, You and Me Conference" at the Trade Center. The three-day program for sixth-graders concluded its 20^th year. Should the first group have a 20-year reunion next year - at an alcohol-free restaurant, of course?

The Drug Free Conference has become a familiar event in Columbus. Sixth-graders go to the Trade Center to hear about the dangers of addiction - while they're given T-shirts with giant McDonald's logos, as if Big Macs and fries are not addictive.

But you may not realize the discussion topics go beyond saying no to illegal drugs. A Muscogee County School District news release shows this year's program also included a session on "exposure to sexually transmitted diseases." So speakers also don't want sixth-graders becoming dependent on Gardasil.

As they might say at Fort Benning, the price of a Drug Free Conference isn't free. WTVM reported Thursday the event is funded with $40,000 in federal grant money -- but that money could disappear next year. This is when you learn a dirty little secret: how much organizers of anti-addiction programs are addicted to money.

Federal grant money for events such as the Drug Free Conference will be handed out on a competitive basis next year. Critics who call President Obama a closet Communist need to explain that to me. Isn't classic Communism against competition -- unless you're trying to embarrass the U.S. track team or Canadian hockey players?

Suppose Columbus loses that $40,000 federal grant. I still suspect the Drug Free Conference would continue - and the evidence is on the T-shirts sixth-graders are given. McDonald's probably could be persuaded to, uhhhh, you know.... super-size its advertising.

I'd think the Drug Free Conference is also something the new Crime Prevention Director would want to support. Of course, that assumes the conference actually has been successful in steering teenagers away from illegal drugs -- and I've noticed most of the weird methamphetamine cases do come from Lee and Chambers Counties.

Which reminds me: what do you think of the new anti-meth billboards across Columbus? Some of them illustrate the effects of the drug with pictures of bathroom stools. Really now -- drinking too much sweet tea during the summer can put you there, too.

BLOG EXCLUSIVE UPDATE: When we found out WRCG was changing from talk radio to "True Oldies," one man came to mind right away. We wanted to know what a long-time host of "TalkLine" thought of this switch, and how historic the switch is. He replied with a two-part e-mail Thursday:

Hey..Are you kidding me? this isn't an April fool's joke?....

My first thought is how stupid to put a failed music format you took off one station and put on another. And then change the format of another in the group to Lite 103.7 when the Lite format was the biggest failure probbably in Columbus radio history when 107Q changed to Lite 107.3 in the early 90 ....

ok..here are some WRCG facts..

Ed Wilson first began Talkline in 1981 when he came over to the McClure broadcasting from WDAK. It was a re-creation of his popular "What's your answer program" on WDAK.

Ed Wilson left WRCG and Talkline to go to (WPNX) and the station known as 'Info Radio." That didn't last very long. Richard Hyatt then hosted talkline from early 1989 til early 1991 and I took over Talkine permanently from June 1991-September 2001. After that Doug Graham, my old Talkline producer who I called Jerry Garcia, and then Robbie Watson.

The station is one of the oldest stations in Georgia. I believe went on the air in 1928.

Scott Miller first joined WRCG, I believe, in 1981. I came in January 1987. I worked with Scott on the morning show until he left for WDAK in 1999.

As for when WRCG went full-time talk that is a little harder to describe. We were what they called full-service station back then. A mixture of news, talk, sports and music. It was an older format (Frank Sinatra and a lot of 50s, 60s music.) We gradualy faded out of the music over years and I think the last music played was in 1992.

It is my belief that terrible decisions since the sale by the McClure"s which caused a problem with the transmitter brought WRCG down. The format should have evolved to the FM dial (95.3) a long time back. I guess it is appropriate such a foolish move would be made on April 1.

With satellite radio, ipods, Internet music stations, there is really little reason to listen to music radio. Especially when local radio isn't very LOCAL.

To do the format of news/talk/sports correctly, you must have people working there who believe in the format and know something about it. It is currently the most listened too nationwide and the biggest revenue producer.

Doug Kellett

Doug may be a fill-in talk show host in Dallas and Louisville these days, but he clearly remembers a lot about Columbus radio. In fact, he may be the only person who still remembers the old Lite 107.3.

Doug Kellett clearly is unimpressed by the switch to oldies music on WRCG. He seems to think once a "Boomer" has gone bust, it shouldn't boom again.

True confession: when PMB Broadcasting bought WRCG and rumors started flying about the station's future, I secretly hoped the managers would restart TalkLine - and approach me about hosting it. I had big ideas for a local radio talk show. Why, I'd even be willing to have guests on both sides of an issue.

Doug Kellett makes an excellent point when it comes to a trend in broadcast radio -- relying on nationally syndicated shows or satellite channels to save money. In contrast, newspapers are trying to become "hyper-local" to remain relevant in an era of Internet updates. Even if it means auditions for stage plays are posted as "breaking news"....

WRCG didn't remove news completely Thursday. I was pleased to hear the WTVM afternoon news still on at 5:00 p.m. I can listen to it on headphones while I'm running - although looking around the sky for Kurt Schmitz's weather maps probably looks a little strange.

-> You can't win 'em all at the poker table. Find out what happened to us Thursday night at our other blog, "On the Flop!" <-

E-MAIL UPDATE: Our Thursday InBox also had a comment about the hottest video clip in Washington....

He needs help.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zNZczIgVXjg

About one minute into this clip from a House hearing last week, Georgia Congressman Hank Johnson expresses concern additional Marines on Guam might cause the small island to "capsize and tip over." Some people remembered Johnson unseated Rep. Cynthia McKinney, and wondered if sitting in that seat effects brain capacity....

Rep. Hank Johnson responded to the online buzz Thursday with a statement on his House web site. He says the comment about Guam was "obviously metaphorical" and reflected "subtle humor." In other words, Johnson wants me to invite him to become a fill-in vacation blogger.

I'm going to give Rep. Hank Johnson the benefit of the doubt here, and presume he was joking about Guam. After all, journalists sometimes talk about world hot spots and issues reaching a "tipping point" - and in my case, the tipping point is usually around 18 percent.

Meanwhile, Rep. Lynn Westmoreland visited Columbus Thursday to speak out against health care reform. He held a news conference at a tanning salon, because the new law imposes a ten-percent "tan tax." If ever an industry wanted a law with a "sunset clause," it would be businesses promoting indoor tanning.

Let's try some subtle humor of our own, on other Thursday news items....

+ Columbus had its warmest day since late October, with a high temperature of 82 degrees F. Trouble is, I celebrated the arrival of spring several days ago - by throwing one of the snowballs stashed in my freezer into the front yard.

+ The Georgia Department of Labor reported Columbus's unemployment rate went up in February to 10.4 percent. Didn't Mike Gaymon at the Chamber of Commerce say we'd come out of the recession before the rest of the country? Maybe we're heading into the "double-dip" of a recession earlier, too....

+ Raytheon unveiled its new "Warrior Integration Center" at Fort Benning. I'm a bit surprised Fred Phelps's protesters didn't show up at this event - because they oppose homosexual integration in the Army.

+ Radio talk show host Steve Harvey appeared at the Fort Benning PX, promoting a line of dress suits for young men. Harvey told WXTX boys should begin "dressing up" at an early age - especially since so many of them don't seem to know how to wear belts.

+ The Teresa Tomlinson for Mayor campaign ~~bragged~~ announced it already has $111,000 in donations. Some of that money probably is paying for her campaign headquarters in Midtown Columbus -- while some is held in reserve, for conversion into a new mayor's office.

+ Comedian Jerry Seinfeld performed at the RiverCenter - but unlike his last Columbus appearance, there was only one show. Seinfeld ought to appear more often on that "Marriage Ref" show he created, so people won't forget who he is.

+ The Georgia House voted to require driver's license exams be given in English only. Supporters say this will improve public safety - not to mention reinforcing the mispronunciation of Buena Vista Road.

+ Instant Message to whomever organized "Bloggers' Day" Thursday at the Georgia State Capitol: Ahem. Uhhhh, errrr - where was my invitation? Did you mistakenly assume every blogger carries an iPhone or a Blackberry, so you sent the notices by text message?

SCHEDULED NEXT WEEK: Mark Shelnutt wins an unusual award....

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 563 (+ 21, 3.9%)

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

Thursday, April 01, 2010

1 APR 10: Boom Goes the Dialogue

When a man tipped me off Wednesday night about a big local change supposedly occurring Thursday morning, I was skeptical. After all, I know what day of the year this is. Pranksters and liars tend to abound. In fact, I was wondering which government genius first decided to have Census Day occur on April Fool's Day.

BLOG EXCLUSIVE: An era ended in Columbus radio Wednesday night, as WRCG gave up being "News-Talk 1420" and "Two-Way Radio." The talk shows are heading out, and the sounds of the old "Boomer 95.3" are returning. So the Beach Boys are back, and they're kicking sand in Neal Boortz's face.

"We've had lots of requests to bring back Boomer 95.3," PMB Broadcasting executive Joseph Brannan told your blog Wednesday night. Those requests now will be honored on "Boomer 106.9" FM and 1420 AM, in a mix which will include Atlanta baseball and NASCAR races. I assume on NASCAR Sundays, the song before the race will be "Tell Laura I Love Her."

Joseph Brannan also noted what we mentioned earlier this year -- WRCG failed to show up in the last Columbus radio ratings report [31 Jan]. "It doesn't help to not have any ratings," Brannan admitted. So that could be another oldies tune WRCG plays a lot - one Billy Preston made famous....

The change to oldies music at WRCG quietly began Wednesday evening. PMB Broadcasting reclaimed the syndicated "Mike Harvey Show," which Boomer 95.3 used to have. When that dial position became "The Ride," Harvey was picked up by WGSY "Sunny 100." Harvey is bouncing around so much, he might as well be a local DJ.

The end of talk radio on WRCG means Neal Boortz and Clark Howard will be off the air in Columbus. But fans with good AM radios still will be able to hear them from Atlanta's WSB -- and I'm sure Howard will be able to help listeners find a top-quality AM radio for less than 50 dollars.

But not every talk show on WRCG will disappear right away. Joseph Brannan told me B.R. Johnson's "Past Noon" sports show will stay on the air. And Duke and the Doctor will remain "for the time being" - perhaps until they become faith healers, so a Christian radio station will want them.

The old WRLD-FM "Boomer 95.3" had Alan DuPriest as its morning voice. Joseph Brannan says instead of bringing him back, WRCG is turning on the "True Oldies Channel" and Scott Shannon - a New York radio legend who worked in Columbus in the 1960s. This means Shannon is as "true oldies" as his music....

But as I said, I was skeptical about this breaking news - and I specifically asked Joseph Brannan if this WRCG change was an April Fool's Day stunt. One of my college radio stations switched from edgy rock to disco music on 1 April years ago, in a daylong prank. Most of the people in my residence hall weren't fooled by it - but then, they didn't listen to that station much in the first place.

Joseph Brannan admitted PMB managers realized what day on the calendar this is - but he insists the end of news-talk radio on WRCG is legitimate. Brannan didn't know how long AM-1420 had that format. If Richard Hyatt once hosted "TalkLine," it must have been a long time....

The big immediate winner from this change appears to be WDAK. "Newsradio 540" is now the only news-talk radio station in Columbus. Neal Boortz and Clark Howard might have trouble squeezing into weekend slots there. And Kim Komando might have to commandeer an Army platoon from Fort Benning.

A lot of other Wednesday news items could have been our main topic today - and remember, it's our policy NOT to make up fake news stories on this day:

+ A former Columbus firefighter sued the city, claiming he was wrongfully terminated. Joshua Alford's lawsuit claims Mayor Jim Wetherington and other city officials looked at "adult materials" on city computers. So?! How else is the vice squad supposed to determine what "vice" is?

(City Attorney Clifton Fay issued a statement to WLTZ, claiming Alford was fired for viewing pornography on a fire department computer. If so, there's a lesson here for all of us - a link to "hot video" does NOT always mean a mill fire.)

+ Columbus Police told WTVM someone sprayed graffiti at the entrance to Northside High School, including (ahem) an outline of a male sex organ. C'mon now, folks - I don't think they include sex education on the CRCT exam.

+ Columbus Police showed WRBL a fleet of ATV's, which will be used to patrol the new Fall Line Trace trail. The "bicycle patrol" will ride them - even though this seems more like giving someone training wheels to go with a bike.

+ The Georgia House voted to expand the definition of "textbooks" to include e-books and similar digital devices. The day may be coming when five-year-olds enroll in Kindle-garten.

+ The Russell County School Board voted 4-3 to release all non-tenured teachers. Some of them worked as coaches on sports teams - but in a major surprise, baseball coach Tony Rasmus did NOT announce plans to become son Colby's personal batting coach with the St. Louis Cardinals.

+ Columbus State University announced plans for a Benning Technology Park, on university-owned land in the area of Interstate 185 and Victory Drive. Take that, you skeptics! A C.S.U. football team could build its own stadium, instead of renting Kinnett Stadium every year.

+ The Great South League announced the Columbus Woodbats baseball team will NOT operate this summer. Attendance at Golden Park apparently was too small last year. But look on the bright side - Little League tournaments now have a nice new place to play, without requiring parents to bring folding chairs.

(I recalled a quote from last May - when Woodbats General Manager Jim White assured fans the baseball team never would be moved. He didn't bother mentioning all that wood might be processed into mulch.)

+ Columbus State whipped West Georgia 17-7 in college baseball, giving manager Greg Appleton the school record for wins. Hopefully Athletic Director Jay Sparks is taking basketball coaching candidates to these games, to show what's expected of them.

+ Instant Message to Alabama State Treasurer Kay Ivey: Did I hear it right on the news - you switched from the Governor's race to the Lieutenant Governor's race because you could be a "more effective candidate?" Is that some kind of political code phrase for "better-known?"

LAUGHLINE FLASHBACK: Until the news broke about WRCG, our main topic today was going to be the 2010 Census. Instead, here's what we wrote about the last Census Day for a national audience in the 31 Mar 00 edition of LaughLine:

It's census deadline time! The Census Bureau wants you to return your form by Saturday. For those of you with long forms, we suggest stapling the check for the $100 fine to the first page....

The Census Bureau is going to great lengths to make sure everyone is counted. Thursday's Atlanta Constitution reported staff members actually went to a BRIDGE - and counted homeless people sleeping under it! We wonder if the Census staff will go back -- so the homeless folks can pay back those "loans" for dinner?

Didya hear what Minnesota's prison system is doing with the census? Inmates are being paid a DOLLAR, if they fill out the forms! If the Census Bureau had offered money to EVERYBODY in the first place, they might have been able to avoid spending money on those commercials....

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 542 (+ 12, 2.3%)

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.