Friday, May 20, 2011

20 MAY 11: She's Thinking Single, They're Seeing Double



If our title today seems familiar, you must know classic country music. It's adapted from an old song by Gary Stewart which involves drinking. But I changed the words, because for all I know our mayor could be a T.T.-totaler.



The issue here isn't music or alcohol at all - it's trash collection. Mayor Teresa Pike Tomlinson said on TV last week she's received a good response to a proposed reduction in city trash pickup [10 May]. But the response from Columbus Council Thursday was different - although no one was rude enough to declare the idea rubbish.



Public Services Director Gary Stickles showed a city map to a budget review meeting, showing once-a-week trash pickup would occur on four weekdays. Wednesday would be a "day off" - so garbage supervisors can join doctors and downtown business owners on the golf course.



When once-a-week trash pickup was suggested at public hearings in 2008, the "off day" for collection was Monday. This made a lot of sense of me, because it would end the confusion which often occurs on federal holidays. In fact, it would give prison inmates on work crews the feeling every September that they're really laborers.



But Councilor Glenn Davis was unimpressed by the proposed reduction from twice-a-week to once-a-week garbage collection. He warned it would produce all sorts of problems, such as rodents and "the smell...." If Davis wants to prevent something smelly, he should jog with me close to the Riverwalk some weekday morning.



(The mayor should explain to Glenn Davis the economic advantages of having "the smell" from once-a-week garbage collection. Sales of air freshener at grocery stores could skyrocket.)



Councilor Skip Henderson admitted to WRBL he only takes out his garbage once a week, so the proposed change would be nothing stressful for him. But he said it's a potential problem for other residents. If the members of "Muscogee Moms" demand a meeting with the mayor like real estate agents are getting today, that could be a sign of trouble.



But Skip Henderson raised another issue involving the two options for garbage collection in the city budget. He said even if service is reduced to once a week now, monthly trash fees still might have to be increased in a few years. In other words, you'd pay more for less - as if you're not already used to that with ice cream.



This explains why Columbus Council is considering an increase in the monthly garbage fee, while keeping twice-a-week collection. The fee could nearly double, from 14 dollars to 24 dollars a month. So the choice is clear: either pile up the dollar bills or the trash sacks.



In a rare speaking appearance on the TV news, Councilor Mike Baker admitted he's heard conflicting opinions about what to do what the Integrated Waste Fund budget problems. A lack of consensus on Council might lead to some kind of compromise. How about doing it like the water bill - and you're charged so much per trash bag?



Mayor Tomlinson admitted to the Ledger-Enquirer after Thursday's meeting her proposal to reduce garbage collection to once a week is in serious trouble. It might not be all the way to the Schatulga Road landfill yet, but it seems to be well east of Woodruff Farm Road.



THE BIG BLOG QUESTION has changed, to get your opinion on the garbage issue. Should the budget be balanced by reducing service to once a week? Should the monthly garbage fee go up? Or is there a better way to solve this problem - short of having everyone throw trash bags in the river?



The previous question on the future of the Muscogee County Marshal's Office closed Thursday afternoon. Our stupefyingly non-scientific poll found 13 voters want the office either eliminated or consolidated. Four want the Marshal's Office kept as is -- and I guess the other Marshal deputies were too busy serving eviction notices to vote.



The big question in our comment section was why Deputy Marshals have radar units to check for speeders. It's apparently allowed under Georgia law, since the Marshal and Sheriff have the same "duties, powers and authority...." Maybe the guns are pulled out when the number of "nulla bonas" is more like nil-a.



I'm going to let this week's e-mail mess related to the Marshal's Office rest/simmer today. With thanks to Richard Hyatt for the nice plug in his latest update, let's move on to other Thursday things....


+ Your blog confirmed Books-A-Million has finalized plans to open a new store at Peachtree Mall. I'm hearing the store will be located near Macy*s - which could pose a dilemma for shoppers. Do you buy the Paula Deen cookbook first, or the food processor?



+ The new Chick-Fil-A opened in Midland - but developers told WTVM there's not enough room around the restaurant to build a SuperTarget store. That's OK, folks. Some of us would be happy with a regular-sized Kroger.



+ All five members of the Bullock County Commission were arrested on felony charges. Alabama Attorney General Luther Strange says they spent county money on jail food without opening the process for sealed bids. Aw c'mon - what if Publix has a big one-week-only half-price sale?



+ Four Columbus High School students were arrested on charges of attempting a "senior prank" involving vandalism. Police believe the students pulled up a few memorial bricks, hoping to leave gaps in the shape of the number 2011 - which leads me to think there were "loose bricks somewhere" long before this week.



+ Developers of the Chattahoochee River whitewater course told WRBL the Eagle and Phenix Dam will be removed in stages over nine months, beginning in September. The dam will NOT be imploded - thus denying Fort Benning soldiers a wonderful training opportunity.



+ Mayor Teresa Pike Tomlinson hosted the first-ever "Bike With the Mayor" evening downtown. I know the mayor didn't want to take a city car in her pay package, but isn't this a little extreme?



+ North Carolina-Pembroke pinned Columbus State 6-0 in the opening game of the NCAA baseball playoffs. The Cougars only picked up two hits all day. Yeow -- that barely tops the total of Rebecca Black....



+ Reports from Canada indicated a deal is close to move the Atlanta Thrashers hockey team to Winnipeg. It looks like that new South Commons Ice Rink opened in the nick of time, to keep the Cottonmouths from moving to the big city.



+ Instant Message to the Auburn University library: Did I read this right - you're going to display some rare historic Bibles? To hear some ministers talk, I thought left-wing liberal universities such as yours didn't even allow them on campus.



SCHEDULED THIS WEEKEND: The mayor responds to what Tollie Strode wrote.... and waiting for the great earthquake (if there's no post Sunday, I might not be here anymore)....



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Thursday, May 19, 2011

19 MAY 11: Strode-Write?



It's usually not a good idea to walk into other people's arguments - especially if you're not invited. History is filled with cases of how badly that can end. That may explain why Maury Povich hasn't invited Arnold Schwarzenegger to provide a DNA sample for possible paternity tests.



But I dared to wade Wednesday into a fuss between Mayor Teresa Pike Tomlinson and another local website. It all started when Richard Hyatt posted an e-mail he says was sent to the mayor by 2010 campaign manager Tollie Strode. Hyatt wrote the e-mail was "circulating around the Government Center." That's what happens when city computers have Minesweeper removed from them.



Mayor Tomlinson took quick action in response to that post -- sending Richard Hyatt an e-mail reply Wednesday morning, saying she "never received" the message from Tollie Strode. The mayor called for a "public retraction." If Mike Gaymon could go to the Government Center and hold a news conference, so could Hyatt.



This is where I enter the story, because Mayor Tomlinson sent me a "CC" version of her message to Richard Hyatt. That e-mail was my first contact with this spat -- and for a minute, I thought the mayor had her Richards confused. My main topic Wednesday was more along the lines of stars falling from heaven, than combining in Columbus.



A quick e-mail exchange of my own led to confirmation from the mayor that she merely sent me a copy. Quoting part of it....



I wanted the media outlets and other blogs to know that Hyatt's blog was untrue. Sometimes one blog or outlet will republish another. No need to spread inaccurate information.



So there it is -- my own T-T C-C.



But Richard Hyatt insisted in a Wednesday update his "source is sound." He posted the header of Tollie Strode's e-mail to Mayor Tomlinson, dated Saturday afternoon. That led to another response from the mayor, which was C-C'ed to me-me my InBox as well:



Richard - It appears you have been duped. Whatever "header" you have was not attached to the writing you published. As I said, I have received emails from Tollie Strode, certainly. What you published however was not one of them. It appears to me that someone has "cut and pasted" any so-called "header" and completely rewritten and reformated what you printed as it is not what I have received from Tollie or anyone else. Again, it may well have been written by Mr. Strode. You will have to ask him. It was not however sent to or received by me.



I push the point because accuracy is important and whoever utterly manipulated the writing you have did so knowing that it was not sent to me. That amount of effort was exerted for a reason. I'm not sure what reason but I would imagine the newsworthy effect of invoking the Mayor's name. I request the retraction, as what you print is false, whether you understood it or not at the time of publication.



Hmmmm -- maybe Hyatt's mysterious columnist Mirabeau B. Lamar is behind all this....



It occurred to me after reading the second reply that there was a simple way to settle this spat. Ask Tollie Strode what he wrote - if anything. I don't know if Mayor Tomlinson or Richard Hyatt did that, but I dared to do it. Compare me with NATO warplanes over Libya if you wish, but I did.



So I e-mailed Tollie Strode a couple of questions, and this reply came Wednesday night:



Mr. Burkhard,



First, let me thank you for your inquiry.



Second, I read your blog often and enjoy your engaging use of facts and perspectives wrapped in comedic relief on a wide range of issues. It is my pleasure, indeed, to chuckle (and sometimes outright laugh) at your take on the events of the time. Thank you.



To your questions:



1. "Are you aware of the fuss that's developed over an e-mail supposedly from you to Mayor Tomlinson about the Marshal's Office?" RESPONSE: Yes, with a caveat. The e-mail that Richard posted was an excerpt of an e-mail that I sent to Mayor Tomlinson which also included a spreadsheet attachment.



2. "Is the e-mail really yours? Did you send it to the Mayor? Or has someone been hacking into your accounts?" RESPONSE: No one has hacked into my e-mail account.



Fondest Regards,



Tollie Strode, Jr.



Perhaps I offer comedic relief -- but this reply may relieve Richard Hyatt even more. The chances of a lawsuit have gone down substantially.



So let's sort things out: Mayor Tomlinson says the e-mail posted by Richard Hyatt was NOT sent by Tollie Strode -- yet Strode told me it was. Perhaps the section Hyatt quoted was in that spreadsheet, and the mayor has her aides screen all attachments for deadly viruses.



Mayor Tomlinson insists she never received Tollie Strode's message. Without access to her accounts, we have no way to verify that. Do mayors have spam filters for their InBoxes? Maybe Strode's e-mail is next to the one proclaiming she won one million British pounds in the Georgia Power lottery.



(I'll leave it to the mayor and Richard Hyatt to sort out the truth about "headers." It's not a World Cup soccer year, anyway.)



But there are deeper lessons we can learn from this case. Mayor Tomlinson again shows she'll respond personally and quickly to anything which might leave a wrong impression about what she's doing. Someone should award her an ax, and name her Firefighter-in-Chief.



It's also noteworthy that Tollie Strode (by his own admission, remember) e-mailed the mayor with guidance about the future of the Muscogee County Marshal's Office. Mayor Tomlinson wants an independent assessment of a possible merger with the Sheriff's Office. Strode may be trying to save the city $60,000 in costs with his "two cents."



Mayor Tomlinson said this week the Marshal's Office should be examined "less on emotion and politics." But if that e-mail isn't enough to suggest politics may be bubbling up, WRBL reported Wednesday night the mayor will meet with real estate executives Friday about the question. That may occur in an office, but a more fitting place might be a lobby....



Jim Evans of Fountain City Realty (in MidTown, of all places) says the current public safety structure isn't broken. He says landlords and property managers are concerned a consolidation of the Marshal's and Sheriff's Offices would double the cost of evicting someone. People want less government, but they somehow don't want to pay more for it.



Meanwhile, both elected officials in the middle of the debate were in the spotlight Wednesday. Marshal Greg Countryman said he was promised five new deputies from the Local Option Sales Tax vote, but he's only received three. Could Countryman use some other city employees currently wearing uniforms - such as staff members at Port Columbus?



Muscogee County Sheriff John Darr presented his first "Rising Star" awards to schoolchildren Wednesday. Darr says he plans to present three awards to youngsters four times a year. OK - but that means his timing was off a bit. Ceremonies should take place before the July primary, then in October before the general election.



-> Monday night was our best night in local live poker in months. Read what happened at our other blog, "On the Flop!" <-



BLOG UPDATE: What's the alternative to "Judgment Day" and Harold Camping? Fort Benning MWR is offering an option at Kings Pond this weekend -- a "Campout." I'm told in case that great worldwide earthquake occurs Saturday night, this event will be canceled.



Let's check other Wednesday news, which seemed to be dominated by business items....


+ WXTX reported Gateway Mitsubishi on Fifth Avenue has closed, after 28 years in business. This leaves Sports and Imports as the last new car dealership in downtown Columbus - and if that place doesn't start selling canoes and kayaks soon, it may be doomed as well.



+ More than 300 people camped outside the new Chick-Fil-A restaurant in Midland all day, hoping to win the traditional year's supply of sandwiches for 100 customers. The 5:00 p.m. news even showed people playing foursquare in the parking lot. Talk about old-fashioned! In 2011, aren't you supposed to use Foursquare to become the restaurant's mayor?



(One woman in the parking lot came from out-of-state to the new restaurant, and admitted this is her 72nd Chick-Fil-A grand opening. This is a hint to me that Chick-Fil-A could be a cult - with people simply following those cows everywhere.)



+ WRBL found a gas station on U.S. 80 in Ladonia selling regular unleaded for $3.43 a gallon. Take that, you skeptics! The arrest of the International Monetary Fund President finally has turned the trend around.



+ Columbus advanced to the Georgia high school baseball semifinals by whipping West Laurens 9-3. The next challenge will come from Thomson - and that's scary, because baseball fans know what that name could mean....



+ Instant Message to the household I noticed with a "Congratulations Northside graduate" yard sign outside: If the graduate is really smart, he or she will tell you to remove that sign Friday evening -- before your home becomes an easy target for burglars.



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Wednesday, May 18, 2011

18 MAY 11: Playing for Overtime



Local topics usually take the spotlight here - but today we're making an exception to that rule. When a hot tip comes about a big national news event, the journalist in me simply can't ignore it. And this tip deserves a "Spoiler Alert" notice as well. You might be planning to listen for live radio drama this weekend - and what Family Radio is doing could put "Guy Noir Private Eye" to shame.



BLOG EXCLUSIVE: As WFRC-FM in Columbus and Family Radio warn of "Judgment Day" this Saturday, your blog has learned the ministry's main teacher quietly seems to be planning for his "guarantee" to be wrong. In fact, programs are reportedly ready for several weeks beyond Saturday -- so your Memorial Day weekend motel reservations may be safe after all.



A source inside Family Radio's headquarters in Oakland informs me network producers received two signed memos from President Harold Camping, advising them to continue preparing segments for broadcast beyond "Judgment Day." This apparently means the network will NOT sign off Saturday night - unless that promised "great earthquake" knocks every other station off the air, too.



With the exception of Harold Camping's nightly "Open Forum" talk show, all of Family Radio's programming is recorded. Segments are prepared two weeks ahead for the U.S. network, and up to six weeks in advance for Family Radio Worldwide. So listeners in South America may be told until the end of June about massive destruction in their neighborhood which never happened.



Harold Camping has declared in interviews when it comes to Saturday's "guarantee" of Jesus's return, "There is no plan B.... I would be absolutely in rebellion against God if I thought anything other...." So the news that he ordered Family Radio production to continue as usual raises serious questions -- and could force San Francisco TV stations to surround his house with live trucks, so he can't escape.



But the curiosity doesn't stop there. My source claims most of the Family Radio ministry's employees do NOT believe Harold Camping's preaching about "Judgment Day" this weekend. Talk about giving a new meaning to the phrase "silent majority"....



(As you might guess, this source is among the skeptics. But I don't think this person has any reason to lie - because then he or she could stand at the heavenly throne on "false witness" charges, right next to Harold Camping.)



My source inside Family Radio also reports the entire staff is receiving this Friday off, as a "paid holiday." So what do you do on Judgment Day Eve? Is it like New Year's Eve? Do believers finally hold the party they were afraid to throw for Y-2-K?



But seriously: I suppose the believers on Family Radio's staff will use Friday for one last round of prayer, fasting and warning. Come to think of it, they won't care if the holiday is paid or not - because they expect the payoff to be a "treasure in heaven" on Saturday.



The Saturday staffing at Family Radio apparently has NOT been increased. You'd think the network warning of a massive earthquake rolling across all time zones would have special live coverage of the event. But then again, Family Radio did well to mention the 11 September attacks in one-minute news briefs.



We called the Family Radio headquarters anonymously Tuesday, and an operator admitted she did NOT know if the network would keep broadcasting after Saturday. You'd think that detail would be part of the "We Can Know" website....



My inside source adds Family Radio isn't exactly a joyful place, as Judgment Day draws near. "There is an oppressive feel to this entire place," I was told. Perhaps the staff is wondering what will happen next Monday, if Harold Camping is wrong. Will donations to the ministry dry up? Will they wind up losing jobs? Or will Camping go back to his calculator and suddenly discover he was one month off?



(That last option actually has been used by other "date-setters." Edger Whisenant published "88 Reasons Why Christ Must Return in 1988" - then added a reason and tried again in 1989. But Camping's followers say "the Bible guarantees" Saturday is the day. If only they made it a money-back guarantee for donors.)



My source asked for prayers for the Family Radio staff, as Saturday's momentous date approaches. In fact, I already was praying for Harold Camping. I'm praying he might repent of what he's been teaching, before he preaches a major U.S. radio ministry off the edge of a cliff - something the Bible reserves for swine.



That concludes our unusual national news report. We now return to our regularly scheduled local coverage....


+ The Phenix City Council voted to join in the Chattahoochee River whitewater project. It requires the city to pay Uptown Columbus Inc. $500,000 over five years. So let the debate begin - is this deal the raft, or the shaft?



+ The alleged "Al from Dadeville" was indicted by a federal grand jury on six new charges, related to the poisoning of the Toomer's Corner trees in Auburn. WXTX reported Harvey Updyke Jr. now faces two counts of desecration, and two more of "destruction of federal property." Federal?! Is the national health care plan somehow covering sick trees?



+ Columbus split a doubleheader with West Laurens in the Georgia high school baseball playoffs, forcing a decisive third game today. Columbus lost the first game for the second round in a row. Someone needs to change the schedule, so doubleheaders begin after the players finish class for the day.



+ Instant Message to Georgia Governor Nathan Deal: Come to think of it, why DID you bar a reporter with Atlanta's WAGA-TV from your bill signing the other day? I thought Republicans loved Fox news channels.



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Tuesday, May 17, 2011

17 MAY 11: Take a Bow



Columbus sits within a one-hour drive of Lake Eufaula - yet for some reason, neither Columbus nor Eufaula have a Bass Pro Shop. It's as if all the "Bass Masters" fly to Montgomery, and no one's told them Tom Mann's Fish World along U.S. 431 has closed.



But the Columbus area now has something for sportsmen that's one-of-a-kind. It's.... well, wait a minute. It's also for women. The more generic phrase these days is "outdoors enthusiasts." But the main selling point of this attraction is indoors, not outdoors. See what the Columbus Lions started, by holding outdoor practice sessions?



But I digress: Phenix City now claims to have the largest indoor archery course on Earth. The ribbon was cut Monday for an expanded Archery Connection on Lakewood Drive. Hopefully no one will shoot too far off-course, and hit one of the geese waddling around Moon Lake.



WTVM reports the new Archery Connection has 30,000 square feet of space. I assume it's set up similar to the new Columbus Ice Rink -- and its pro shop had better sell Arrow shirts.



(By comparison, the smallest Bass Pro Shop covers about 42,000 square feet. Those shops have their own archery department - which can come in handy if you're on one of those rivers where the fish jump over your boat.)



Archery Connection's new home offers several interesting features. Admittedly a few of them are new to me....


+ Video archery. That one is really no surprise. If they can make a game called "Grand Theft Auto," why not one with Robin Hood stealing bags of loot?



+ The "Indoor 3-D." Hopefully you can bring your own funny glasses to watch that.



+ The "35/20 Yard." I guess this is larger than the exercise area at Rutledge State Prison - the 10-to-20 yard.



Archery Connection will have a three-day grand opening this weekend, when visitors can try all these features for free. There was no word Monday on whether an appropriate celebrity guest would appear - former Atlanta Falcons quarterback David Archer.



The naysayers about Phenix City development ought to rejoice at this new facility - especially if it will draw visitors from far and wide for tournaments. But perhaps this new archery complex led to the unconfirmed rumors about Phenix City getting its own Target.



But think about the selling point this will provide for tourists. Fort Benning has a range for the U.S. Army Marksmanship Unit. Phenix City now has a state-of-the-art archery facility. Now all Columbus needs is an organized darts tour at bars.



THE BIG BLOG QUESTION about Columbus public safety may have gained the attention of the mayor. Teresa Pike Tomlinson announced Monday she's seeking an independent assessment of whether the Muscogee County Marshal's Office should be consolidated with the Sheriff's Office. That certainly beats having it settled with a gunfight on Tenth Street at high noon.



A statement from the mayor said the future of the Marshal's Office should be based "on the facts and data, and less on emotion and politics." Of course -- the same way last year's audit of the Parks and Recreation Department turned out....



Mayor Tomlinson estimates an outside assessment of possible cost savings from consolidation could cost $60,000. But Muscogee County Sheriff John Darr admitted the savings from a merger with the Marshal's Office "could be negligible." So this is a bit like a Columbus couple driving to Atlanta or Macon for marriage counseling.



-> Monday night was our best night in local live poker in months. Read what happened at our other blog, "On the Flop!" <-



E-MAIL UPDATE: Our apologies for a coding error, which kept our "write me" link turned off for the last few days. It should now be fixed -- but a reader who noticed that was able to write us about Monday's topic, anyway....



Hmmm, no email link this time? Afraid of the consequences? :-)



At any rate, I read a number of years ago in Dear Abbey that multiples of a particular product are considered one item. Otherwise, how would you count a 12 pack? 1 or 12?



It took me a while to find a reference, but here you go at Redlands Daily Facts.... where we are told that "Multiple identical items count as a single item, because we scan in just one of them, then hit a number key."



All in all, though, express lanes are basically a waste of time. They rarely work out faster than one of those self-checkout lanes, and too many stores do not allow their cashiers to police the number of items anyhow. So, what's the point of having them if they are not willing to enforce the limit?



Take Care,



John



The young man in front of me at Wal-Mart the other night seemed to think there would be a single scan. It didn't turn out that way, as the cashier seemed to scan all 26 bottles. Perhaps she was concerned the managers would be Similac Hyper-Sensitive.



This weekend incident finally may explain why you don't see "express lanes" at Piggly Wiggly stores. The managers may have decided no one will pay attention to the item limits. But that raises another question - if diapers are on sale this weekend and the ad says "limit four," can I buy eight if I have twin babies?



Let's see if we can take the "fast lane" approach to other Monday news:


CORRECTED: + The Muscogee County School Board rejected a proposal to have a second "celebration" for some 2011 high school graduates this summer. WRBL reported more than 100 seniors will NOT be allowed to walk across the Civic Center stage to get diplomas, because they failed state graduation tests. Maybe the parents can arrange victory slides across the Ice Rink.



+ Promoters of an online high school called Provost Academy held introductory meetings at the Mildred Terry Branch Library. Some parents say they'd rather have their children take classes online because of the risk of bullying. I suspect those children also cannot recite one line from a rap song.



+ WLTZ reported Liberty Bell Pool at F.D.R. State Park will remain closed this summer, for the second time in three years. This time private funding was offered to operate the pool, but it wasn't enough to cover all the costs. How big is this pool, anyway - if it requires so much in liquid assets?



+ The owner of LaGrange's WCAG TV-33 was charged with 30 counts of child pornography. If the charges against Peter Mallory are true, they're sad and sickening - and they leave me wondering what his station showed at 2:30 a.m.



+ Instant Message to Big Lots at The Landings: The box at the front counter says "Wii Competition" on it. Your sign says "Wii Compition." I hope your employees aren't testing discount reading glasses, before they go on sale.



SCHEDULED WEDNESDAY: New details about "Judgment Day" you may not read anywhere else....



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Monday, May 16, 2011

16 MAY 11: Wal-Mart Math



The Saturday night run was dreadful for me - only about one lap around the lake at Idle Hour Park. Why my stomach gained about five pounds in weight when I drove from Columbus to Phenix City, I have no idea....



The exercise was followed by a trip to the Phenix City Wal-Mart to get something for dinner. A nine-inch deli sandwich costs only $2.50. Maybe this explains why Blimpie is at the back of the store, while the deli items are near the front door.



I took my Chicken Philly Cheesesteak sandwich to the "20 items or less" checkout lanes at Wal-Mart -- except I walked behind one with a number blinking. That meant it was closing, and closing one shopper ahead of me. It probably was my fault - because I felt compelled to double-check one of the shelves, to prove my pastor didn't err when he mentioned Smuckers making peanut butter.



So I moved to another "20 items or less" lane to my immediate right, and found something which immediately didn't look quite right. A young man had his cart filled with plastic bottles. They were all the same thing - bottles of "Similac Sensitive" baby formula. It reminded me of another pastor's quip long ago: it's similar to mother's milk, but lacking.



But that wasn't the thing which fixated my attention. I counted the number of bottles in the cart, and there were 26. Yet he was in a "20 items or less" line. And there were NOT bottles from the Shakur family - you know, two-pac or four-pac.



Those 26 plastic bottles were as single as I am - and so I found myself with what Dr. Laura Schlesinger used to call a "moral dilemma." The young man in front of me clearly was violating the 20-item limit. Should I say something to him about it? Should I use a backdoor approach - perhaps asking if he was a math major in college?



I wound up with a good five minutes to quietly develop my strategy, as the 20-item line advanced very slowly. There's a reason why Wal-Mart doesn't call them "express lanes," you see....



As we waited in line, I remained silent - admittedly rejecting a faster option to my right, the "self checkout" lanes. All I'd have to do was scan one sandwich, and insert a five-dollar bill in a slot. But the way the evening was going, the machine might have broken down after concluding my bill was counterfeit.



So I developed my plan while waiting in line. I said nothing while the cashier helped the person ahead of the young man with 26 bottles. I said nothing as he put the bottles on the checkout counter. This was all about timing - in this rare case, not speaking until it's one step of your turn.



When the cashier turned to the young man with 26 bottles, I spoke up to her. "Before you start, I'm appealing for a ruling. This man has 26 bottles in a '20 items or less' lane." Remember, this was the Phenix City Wal-Mart. Columbus stores probably have a few of those 100 extra police officers on duty for moments like this.



"You can go in front of me," the young man quietly said. Yes, I could - but other people were in line behind me.


"I'm leaving it up to you," I said to the cashier. I went in this direction to put things in her hands, and not have a personal confrontation with the man. Those old "People's Court" warnings were in the back of my mind. And besides, the man's calculator simply might have gone haywire.



The cashier seemed stunned by my words, and said nothing for several seconds. Suddenly she was forced to play referee at 9:15 on a Saturday night. Finally she asked the young man: "How many bottles do you have?"


"Twenty-six," he said quietly. I'm not sure if this admission qualifies him to work at an accounting firm or not.



This confession brought several more seconds of thought. Finally the cashier rendered her decision. "I can't turn away any customers," she concluded - and she started scanning the 26 plastic bottles of formula. At that late hour on a Saturday night, I knew better than to demand an immediate appeal to a bank branch.



(The moment reminded me of a classic "year-in-review" parody by Miami columnist Dave Barry. He claimed a ruling on how to count multi-pack items at the express lane came from a divided U.S. Supreme Court.)



The young man pulled out what appeared to be a WIC voucher to pay for all that Similac, which slowed down the checkout even more. I quietly waited, accepting the ruling of the chair cashier. Thankfully I'd read the sandwich wrapper, which recommended heating it 90 seconds in the microwave once I returned home.



When my turn finally came, I explained my actions to the cashier. "If I had mentioned it to him in the line, he probably would have told me it was his blankety-blank cart and I should mind my blankety-blank business." Besides, his plastic bottles certainly were more lethal in a fight than my nine-inch sandwich.



"I'm just doing what I'm told," the Wal-Mart cashier told me. But a man behind me in the 20-or-less line was a bit more upset.


"You can report it to the manager, to get things changed," he suggested to the cashier. "D**nedest thing I ever saw." Wow - he must not watch Home Box Office, either.



But the Wal-Mart cashier insisted she was merely following store rules, by not turning a customer away. "That's not my decision. That's Sam Walton's decision." Isn't that amazing? His rules haven't changed, 19 years after his death.



I took home two lessons from this memorable Saturday night shopping trip. First: you can unload all you want in Wal-Mart "express lanes." Twenty-or-less can mean 26, and probably even more. Second: Chicken Philly Cheesesteak sandwiches have more cheese than meat, leaving their fat content ridiculously high.



Let's see if the weekend news left anything quite as memorable:


+ An evening thunderstorm knocked out power and left damage across Columbus. I saw two trees apparently blown down in South Commons Sunday evening. It couldn't possibly have come from hordes of riotous baseball fans attending tournaments at Golden Park....



+ The Ledger-Enquirer reported Stewart County has emerged as the top area for expanding Fort Benning. If this becomes reality, imagine the implications it will have. Modern tanks from Benning could be challenged by exploding anvils from Westville.



+ WTVM reported 81 Russell County teachers might not return next term, because of uncertainty with the Alabama education budget. Somehow I get the feeling Governor Robert Bentley won't be quite as generous with numbers as Wal-Mart cashiers.



+ Georgia Governor Nathan Deal signed the controversial immigration reform bill. Some civil rights groups already are calling for a boycott of Georgia-grown produce. For some reason, Deal's staff responded by forcing an Atlanta television station to boycott the bill signing. [True!]



+ WBOJ-FM "88.5 the Truth" afternoon host Garrett Lee won a local tryout for the new music competition "X Factor." Hmmmm - did his "X" come from ancient Greek?



+ Disney on Ice ended its annual appearance at the Columbus Civic Center. This year it presented "Toy Story 3" - filling the parking lot with families driving Infinitis and beyond.



+ Russell County was eliminated in the semifinal round of the Alabama high school baseball playoffs by Spanish Fort. If Alabama had an immigration bill similar to the one Nathan Deal signed, this could have turned out very differently....



+ Instant Message to the organizers of Arts in the Park: Lakebottom Park isn't the only one in Columbus, you know. You could rotate this event to other parks across the city. Or would that mean you'd have to put up with "Family Day in the Park" every few years?



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Sunday, May 15, 2011

15 MAY 11: He Likes Me, He Likes Me Not



Sleep time on Friday nights tends to be easy for me. But last weekend, I didn't sleep well on Saturday night at all. I personally think it was more due to the blog topic than the extra cup of diet cola I had near bedtime....



SUNDAY SOAPBOX: I was concerned about the nature of last Sunday's message from a civil rights activist, and how he might take my response. The answer came quickly - and much to my surprise, it cheered me up....



Richard,



It was an NAACP press conference, but other groups were involved in the reconciliation effort. I was talking about credit where credit was due. The men and women who decided to come together for the good of this city deserve the credit and the effort deserves much praise. Not simply the news conference deserves praise, but the people, the effort, the example and accomplishment. My criticism of you was that you could not find it within yourself to do so, as opposed to how critical you have been of civil rights activists and social justice advocates.



I do not know what black journalist you are referring to in Columbus that wrote about Georgia State NAACP President Edward DuBose's purple suit, but that could have been way before I came on the scene. Who knows? All I can say is I do not recall ever seeing Mr. D. in a purple suit. He might have several. If wore a purple suit to council or anywhere else, I wondered why it would be funny.



I am sure Courier publisher Wane Hailes appreciates your suggestion about reviewing rappers. I do not know about anything about the Courier reviewing "big local concerts," and it certainly seems I do not know as much as you do about these things. Maybe the Courier has a rap reviewer or big local concert reporter I have not met as of yet.



Could be one.



"C.A. Hardmon may have overlooked the fact that I've also used items from white rights activist Michael Weaver as joke material [16 Jul 10]. "



I do not know what you mean by items per se, but you seem to be alluding to the color of our skin when you say chocolate milk. The "chocolate milk" comment is nothing I think you it was necessary to apologize for nor did I ask you to apologize. You are running a humor blog as you have said. I simply brought it to your attention because I thought you might explain it.



I will say as an African American when you first see it in writing and you know the press conference we held that day was about a very serious issue and what we considered to be an injustice, it does really jump out at you. However, if I thought you were a racist I would call you one. I have no problem doing that when I have compelling evidence. Case in point, with all I said during the "white tablecloth issue" I do not think I ever called the Chamber president a racist.



Racially insensitive is one thing, racist is another - although racist are deliberately racially insensitive and offensive. I may not like the way you characterize us and challenge you, but I never called you a racist or ask you to apologize for anything you have said on the blog.



I accept what you say when you tell me you are into humor. I do not have to always like it or agree with it, but freedom of speech and the freedom to disagree are what help make this country great.



You have a lot more courage than a lot of others around here. You dish it out but aren't afraid to take it by letting a person have their say, even when the person submits lengthy response such as I do. I have to respect that. The Courier follows that same policy, which is a good thing. Your blog and the Courier mirror each other in some ways. The Courier has gone as far as to allow one of writer Laura Lowe to harshly criticize me in one issue for attacking Pops Barnes and calling myself Brother Love. I guy like me has to admire that hutzpah. When Wane Hailes surprised that way, I knew I'd be with the Courier for a long time.



Have fun, Richard. The people enjoy what you do. I like a good fight, a tough debate, and a worthy opponent so I'll pop up on you from time to time with a challenge. In my line of work I am a bit more serious than you are, but don't take it personal.



You are grammar police, fashion police, and a poker playing comedian. You are doing a h**k of a good job.



Again I am very sorry I missed you at the April 26th NAACP press conference. We will bump into each other one day at some event.



Until then, keep up the good work.



God bless,



Brother Love, Director



Grassroots Unity Movement for Change



Whew - I think I'm off the hook for at least 21 more days.



I've come to expect C.A. "Brother Love" Hardmon to be stone-cold serious in his messages and overall writing. So when he wrote last Sunday about my "ill-informed opinions" and not "personally caring" for what he's doing, that stung. Paul Olson kicked me out of his campaign office last November, but he didn't go that far.



I certainly felt an obligation to attend the late-April news conference with Mike Gaymon and African-American leaders. I dared to bring up the "tablecloth joke" here last December, then asked Gaymon about his actions in January. For all I knew, Gaymon might have stomped out when someone asked a tough question -- and the only one who asked questions during the news conference was I.



Writing a humor blog about topics in the news can be a delicate thing. It's especially true in a city such as Columbus, where racial sensitivities are never far from the surface with any issue. If I tried to repeat some of Mike Epps's recent jokes from the Civic Center here, I shudder to think what the reaction would be -- even before Epps sues me.



But my main goal is to write a humor blog - not really get into "a good fight" or "a tough debate." If I wanted those things, I'd attend Phenix City Council meetings a lot more often.



And what do you know - the latest issue of The Courier shows the tabloid has a new Entertainment Editor. Putting a toy crown on his head on Page One doesn't quite rival Carolyn Hugley being declared "Queen of the Legislature," but it's a start.



We have one more Sunday message, which has nothing at all to do with this....



Hey Richard, just ran across this on ebay and I immediately thought about you.



Thank you for doing that! But I clicked on the link too late Saturday night to make a bid for a 1988 Kansas Jayhawk basketball button. In fact, no one bid on it - which shows the cloud still hasn't lifted from that team.



My old alma mater won the NCAA men's basketball in 1988. But so many questions surfaced about recruiting violations that I never put a championship bumper sticker on my car. Come to think of it, I also never sent a "victory gift" to the Alumni Association.



I went back to Kansas, dear old Kansas, where our hearts are gay on vacation a couple of weeks after the final-round win over Oklahoma. Perhaps the student body was concerned about the recruiting rumors as well, because I bought a championship T-shirt at the Student Union for half-price. [True!]



While I still wear the 1988 title T-shirt, I still haven't pulled my 2008 Kansas championship T-shirt out of a storage bag. Don't ask me why. I guess I'm waiting for it to replace a worn-out shirt in my rotation -- and a long-sleeve shirt from big bad Texas is getting awfully close.



SCHEDULED MONDAY: I find a supermarket checkout rule-breaker. What should I do?....



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Friday, May 13, 2011

13 MAY 11: Too Many Stars?



(BLOGGER'S NOTE: Our apologies for the delay in today's post. Our blogging partner had the longest maintenance problem we've ever seen it have.)

Some things in the Columbus area run in cycles. Gas prices reach a peak, then go back down. Peachtree Mall adds a few stores, then loses a few stores. And we shouldn't have to point out Sonny Coulter coming and going as Phenix City mayor....



An old idea was recycled at a Columbus Council budget hearing Thursday: eliminating the Muscogee County Marshal's Office. Before we examine the details of this idea, we should note one thing - if Councilors can engage in recycling, so can you.



With Columbus Council staring at a smaller city budget for fiscal 2012, some residents apparently have suggested the Marshal's Office either be eliminated or combined with the Sheriff's Office. Hopefully someone is keeping score, to see how many of the people making this suggestion are facing subpoenas.



When WRBL promoted this story Thursday afternoon, I took a guess about which Columbus Councilor was leading the driver to end the Marshal's Office. Wow, was I wrong! It was NOT Red McDaniel - and come to think of it, he'd probably want things combined with Columbus Fire/EMT instead.



The Columbus Councilor proposing the elimination of the Muscogee County Marshal's Office is Jerry "Pops" Barnes. Talk about irony -- as Barnes unseated Nathan Suber, who led the last campaign to end the Marshal's Office at the turn of the millennium. Is Suber spiking those Krispy Kreme doughnuts somehow?



Jerry Barnes explained the Marshal's Office and Sheriff's Office should be combined because Columbus has "two organizations doing what one organization can do." Based on this reasoning, WRBL and WLTZ should announce a merger of their news departments sometime this weekend.



Jerry Barnes insists he has "nothing against the Marshal." But the Marshal saw things differently Thursday, as Greg Countryman told Councilors the criticism of his office smelled of politics. This is why cleaning crews need to spray air freshener in the Council meeting room after every session....



But to be honest, Greg Countryman has taken several steps with the Marshal's Office to score political points. He's shown off patrol cars with specially-equipped rumblers. Countryman also set up the Junior Marshal program for young people - so big that it's gained not only its own office on Wynnton Road, but an investigation of alleged scandal.



(Countryman also can show evidence he's saved the city money since taking office - since you don't have to pay a penny to feed a robot mascot.)



Marshal Greg Countryman also argued all uniformed officers should be "out there fighting crime," because the Columbus crime rate is so high. Of course, several Marshal's officers moved there from Columbus Police - so every time they pull someone over for a speeding ticket, it's a little like homecoming weekend.



Mayor Teresa Pike Tomlinson admitted Muscogee County is one of only two Georgia counties to have an elected marshal. But she called the proposed consolidation a "political football," because all arms of Columbus public safety are working well together. That's what happens when most of the top law officers endorse the same woman for office.



In a way, Greg Countryman has a vote of the people on his side. A referendum on abolishing the Marshal's Office failed in 2000. Besides, Countryman was unopposed the last time he was on the ballot -- and Sheriff John Darr's attempt to start a "Rising Stars" program looked like it came directly from Countryman's journal.



THE BIG BLOG QUESTION wants your opinion on this issue. Should the Marshal's Office be either eliminated or consolidated? Or should Greg Countryman's officers have the thrill of serving eviction notices all to themselves?



-> Sunday night's big online poker game left us with a wide range of emotions. Read what happened at our other blog, "On the Flop!" <-



BLOG UPDATE: Sure enough - I crossed paths again Thursday with the beggar outside Little Joe's Package Store on Sixth Street [9 May]. Part of me wanted to walk a different direction from Veterans Parkway, but my conscience about the mid-April encounter wouldn't allow it. Give me credit for at least having a conscience....



I explained to the man that I misstated my financial situation in the prior meeting, and actually had change in my pocket. So to make up for it, he received the change in my pocket THIS time - all of 11 cents. He thanked me for it, and didn't ask for anything more. He probably was too deeply in shock.



Let's check other comings and goings from Thursday....


+ Georgia Governor Nathan Deal signed the "billboard bill," expanding the cutting of trees to display signs along highways. Critics say that will end any plans for Streetscape work on Veterans Parkway between Fourth and Eighth Street. But look on the bright side -- Trees Columbus can post signs pointing to nice displays of nature on Front Avenue.



+ WLTZ showed a party at Fox Elementary School, marking ten years since it merged with Bibb Elementary. I can't help wondering if TSYS will do something similar in the months ahead - to celebrate being separate from Synovus Financial, should it go into bankruptcy.



+ Columbus routed Ringgold 7-3 to advance in the Georgia high school baseball playoffs. Ringgold was badly damaged by the late-April tornadoes, so the Columbus Sports Council arranged lodging for the visitors while Northside High School's coach provided meals. But you'll notice coach Bobby Howard only let Ringgold have one win in the series.



(Kyle Carter clubbed three home runs in the win. But a Ringgold batter smacked a homer onto the Columbus High School roof - as if he's trying to share the pain of what happened at home.)



+ Glenwood pasted Pike 4-0 to win the AISA state baseball title. The Gator baseball team has won three state championships in a row, to match the softball team. I think that means when the players date each other, they'll go Dutch.



+ Chicago knocked the Atlanta Hawks out of the basketball playoffs 93-73. Atlanta lost in the second round for the third year in a row - which makes me uncertain about whether coach Larry Drew will want his son "Drew II" to join the team or not.



+ Instant Message to whomever is behind 1-800-411-PAIN: Welcome to Columbus. Love your "salsa jingle" on Spanish-language radio in Orlando. So which station are you targeting for having programs originate from the "1-800-411-PAIN Studios?"



SCHEDULED THIS WEEKEND: Did my reply of last Sunday satisfy "Brother Love?" You'll read his answer....



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Thursday, May 12, 2011

12 MAY 11: Up - to Here With It



"Everything's going up," I've heard a couple of people say in recent days. And you don't have to look far to see they're right. If Bugs Bunny came to Columbus today and asked his famous question, "What's up, Doc?" he might get about six different answers.



Let's start with the temperature, which has been up to mid-July levels this week. Columbus broke a record for the date Wednesday, with a high of 94 degrees F. This is why I'm glad we have a new Ice Rink - although I fear the managers will start charging one dollar an hour simply to sit in the bleachers.



It was the warmest 11 May in Columbus since 1955. Yet again the air conditioner stayed off at my home. I'm still getting by with a large floor fan, pointed most of the time toward the computer room. The papers on my desk seem a little stickier when I touch them, though....



The hot weather can be dangerous, of course. Muscogee County Coroner Bill Thrower needed treatment at a hospital Wednesday, after he collapsed from heat exhaustion. He was released Wednesday night, with orders to rest for a few days. Hopefully none of Thrower's aides will recommend a few minutes on a cot at the morgue.



The good news is that a squall line is expected to reach Columbus, bringing rain and cooler temperatures for the weekend. Admittedly the forecasters on TV probably won't refer to it that way. "Squall line" is one of those phrases young people expect older people like me to say, to show how out-of-date we are.



If Columbus drivers weren't already hot under the collar from the weather, a trip to gas stations Wednesday assured it. The price of regular unleaded jumped about ten cents a gallon in many sections of town - as if we're already paying the higher salary for the new Parks and Recreation Director.



The price of gasoline reportedly went above four dollars a gallon in Taylor County. That's probably more likely to occur in a rural area -- whether your town is along an interstate highway serving truck drivers or not.



I read two reports of jumping gas prices online, and decided it was time to hurry out and fill up. The original plan was to wait for that promised decline in national prices to begin - but it's been looking like the reduction in Columbus city government actually might happen first.



After checking the price list online, I took a guess which turned out to be smart. I went to Phenix City, where prices had yet to jump and regular unleaded still was below $3.75 per gallon. There are times when the stereotype of Phenix City being "behind the times" can be a good thing.



I have yet to hear an official explanation for Wednesday's price increase. But my best educated guess is that the Mississippi River flooding could be to blame - especially if refineries in Louisiana have to shut down for a while. It's similar to the "Ike spike" after the 2008 hurricane. I only hope e-coli bacteria doesn't clog my gas tank in the coming weeks.



If that's not enough, I found something else Wednesday night that's gone up -- except most Columbus drivers probably will like this one. The speed limit on the Veterans Parkway bridge between 15th and 18th Street quietly has increased. It's now 40 miles per hour, instead of 30. Of course, that means many drivers now will cross the bridge at 50 or 55.



The Veterans Parkway bridge had a speed limit of 30 miles per hour since its opening - and I made it a habit to drive at that posted speed. It can be a simple pleasure at times to watch the world go by....



Some drivers grumbled about Columbus Police setting "speed traps" at either end of the Veterans Parkway bridge, to catch people going faster than 30 miles per hour. They thought that speed limit for a six-lane road was too low. Perhaps city officials finally decided they were right. Or perhaps their minds will change once all the families from Fort Knox fill the bridge this fall.



That's the "up and up" for the moment. Now let's send out some Instant Messages....


+ To Lumpkin Police Chief Ron Jackson: Did I see that right on WRBL - you keep an open Bible at the front of your desk? Do you turn to verses on "the unpardonable sin" when you're questioning possible suspects?



+ To the Social Security Administration: You're kidding, aren't you? Were there really 99 parents in Alabama who named their baby boys Bentley last year, after the new governor? Was there also a rush in the 1990s to name children Fob?



(At least there's a little bit of sanity on that list of Alabama baby names. Nicholas placed higher than Bentley -- obviously in the wake of Alabama's national football title.)



+ To Auburn University football coach Gene Chizik: At first I was surprised to read you're releasing a "memoir" in July. But I guess it's not too early - especially if Justin Bieber's been working on one.



+ To WXTX: Sorry about that - I missed your special report Wednesday night on making money from blogging. A late night at a local poker tournament kept me from watching. Ultimately, it didn't pay off either.



+ To Peachtree Cinemas on Manchester Expressway: I'll admit this may be a stupid question. But why are you showing the movie "I Am Number Four" at screen number seven?



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Wednesday, May 11, 2011

11 MAY 11: Last and Ten?



"I'm done." That was the simple greeting Tuesday from a Columbus business owner. It's not because he's about to retire, even though he's 79. And it's not because he makes his living cooking steaks or barbecue....



Long-time blog readers know we've followed Elijah Johnson since 2009, as he prepared for what he considers the rapture and the end of the world [22 Oct 09]. If his thinking is right, today marks ten days until Jesus comes again. If it's wrong, he'll have to worry about Social Security checks after all.



A large asterisk fills the 21 May square on the wall calendar at Johnson's Camera Repair in the Mission Square Shopping Center. Customers might guess it marks a relative's graduation or wedding. But Elijah Johnson believes the teaching on Family Radio that "Judgment Day" is a week from Saturday - and for once, it's not referring to a pay-per-view pro wrestling card.



The black hat on Elijah Johnson's head said "30 days" Tuesday. But he pointed me to the Family Radio website, which showed the real countdown at 11 to go. There could still be time for Coke Zero to send him a hat for the 21st....



(Johnson listens to Family Radio online, even though WFRC-FM in Columbus is owned by the network. It tends to dominate the noncommercial side of the dial on my home radios - as if it's attempting to cover up "The Truth.")



Elijah Johnson told me someone else is behind the "Judgment Day" yard signs you may have seen around the Columbus area. One along Veterans Parkway downtown was removed the other day. But there's still one at the west end of the Dillingham Street Bridge - facing the amphitheater, as if Russell County government workers are major-league sinners.



Two women walked inside Johnson's Camera Repair while I was there Tuesday. One needed a camera repaired before her daughter gives birth in three weeks. Elijah Johnson admitted later he's not sure what to say at moments like that. Does he tell them the baby is doomed to die by October, as Family Radio claims? Or does he quietly staple a tract to the bill?



(While 21 May is the alleged Judgment Day, Family Radio goes farther and claims God will destroy the world 21 October. President Harold Camping is literal about that - as opposed to the world ending for Auburn football fans when several 2010 wins are revoked.)



What concerns Elijah Johnson more is the attitude of one of his daughters. She plans to take a grandchild to Valdosta State University 21 May, because the grandchild might enroll there. "From my perspective, that's a complete waste of time," Johnson admitted. Many college students in their first semester probably would agree....



Some people who believe the Family Radio timeline have suspended all their future plans, expecting a big earthquake to roll from east to west around the world when they're raptured in ten days. Elijah Johnson expects to be at his camera repair shop as usual that day. He explained he's following the Bible verse, "Occupy till I come" - only he plans to escape that talk of a future city occupation tax.



I left Johnson's Camera Repair telling the owner I'll see him again, either "up there" or "down here." Elijah Johnson didn't like the way I put that, suggesting it was irreverent. Admittedly, I told a church pastor later in the day I'm focusing on "praying instead of packing."



Let's assume for a moment Elijah Johnson is right and all the skeptics are wrong. If believers are raptured in ten days and this world has five months to go, what will the people "left behind" do? Will Southeastern Conference football fans lobby to start the season two months early, so their Iron Bowl tickets in November don't go to waste?



We'll follow the countdown to.... well, whatever. In the meantime, here are other things which had our attention Tuesday:


+ What's this I'm hearing about ambulances being called to Aflac, because the fast pace in the call center is making employees pass out? The bosses need to stop showing Carl Edwards in the Aflac stock car as a motivational tool.



+ Columbus tied a record with a high temperature of 94 degrees F. Yet I hung tough and refused to turn on the home air conditioner. We Northerners know you simply don't turn it on before Memorial Day weekend



+ Columbus Council unanimously confirmed Dr. James Worsley as the new Parks and Recreation Director. WRBL discovered Worsley's salary will be about $6,000 higher than that of Tony Adams. Is that because Worsley has a doctorate? Or is it because he's so tall, and the city is paying by the inch?



+ Chattahoochee Council Boy Scout leaders told WDAK's "Viewpoint" they're buying the old SouthTrust bank building at 13th Street and First Avenue. How convenient! The next time there's a "Scouting for Food" drive, scouts won't need to make a delivery to Second Harvest - because beggars probably will camp out near the door.



+ Paul Hampton of Columbus High School was named Muscogee County Teacher of the Year. Hampton is a drama teacher - so I assume he was treated like a Tony Award winner, and given only 45 seconds for an acceptance speech.



+ While teachers were honored at the Trade Center, the Ledger-Enquirer presented its Page One awards to top high school seniors at the RiverCenter. Shouldn't there be some way to combine these two events? We could have both groups march down Ninth Street, and give each other a big hug.



+ The Georgia High School Association voted to expand to six classifications in the fall of 2012 - which will mean a "Class 6-A." As if the state legislature didn't already have enough work to do this summer, with redistricting....



+ Victoryland announced it will end regular live greyhound racing this weekend. But you'll still be able to bet on televised horse and dog races elsewhere - and no, you will NOT be allowed to change the channel to the Milton McGregor trial.



+ The Atlanta Hawks were shelled in Chicago 95-83 in Game 5 of their N.B.A. playoff series. It's a good thing there's already a Rose Garden in Portland, because Derrick Rose's fan club might start a campaign to rename the United Center after him.



+ WTVM/WXTX news anchors wore purple on the air, to mark World Lupus Day. So please stop the speculation it was a sneaky statement of solidarity with Edward DuBose -- you'll only annoy some people.



+ Instant Message to WXTX: OK, I guess I'll have to humble myself and watch the 10:00 p.m. news tonight. You apparently know more about making money from blogging than I do.



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Tuesday, May 10, 2011

10 MAY 11: Let's Get Small



"You're going to see a lot less government." That bold statement was made Monday by the mayor of Columbus -- but if you're tired of seeing police cars lurking around corners, I don't think I'd jump up and down to celebrate.



Mayor Teresa Pike Tomlinson faced questions about her proposed Columbus city budget on WLTZ's "Calvin Floyd Live." That quote about "a lot less government" was in response to a viewer who suggested other city services be cut instead of garbage collection. Some residents may be friendlier with the prison inmates on trash duty than we realize.



The mayor assured the caller her proposed two-percent cut in the city operating fund will lead to a lot less government being seen around Columbus. I think she means fewer service trucks will be on the streets -- and it will be fun watching tree-trimming crews show up on bicycles.



Mayor Tomlinson noted many city fleet vehicles are overdue for replacement, because they have more than 150,000 miles on them. I can relate to that. My humble Honda is now 17 years old -- but it's only at around 148,000 miles, because the odometer has been on intermittent for about three years.



When it comes to trash, the mayor said she's had a "great response" to her proposed cut to once-a-week garbage collection. Apparently she has yet to hear from lobbying groups which produce plastic bags....



Mayor Tomlinson noted some Columbus Councilors are proposing an alternative to reduced garbage collection. They would raise the garbage fee ten dollars a month, to 24 dollars. In other words, every bag of microwave popcorn you empty would cost 71 percent more to throw away. And then people wonder why Usama bin-Laden burned his trash?!



(One caller asked the mayor if she'll need to buy more trash cans. Not necessarily - think of it as a grown-up version of cup stacking contests.)



The mayor estimates a reduction from two trash pickup days to one per week would save the city $331,000. She admitted to a caller the city's Integrated Waste Fund could have even more money if businesses practiced recycling. And there could be other benefits. If bars required customers to put green and brown beer bottles in different bins, we might spot the drunks faster.



People with long memories will recall the City Manager's office suggested reducing trash collection to save money three years ago [8 Aug 08]. That idea went.... well, I was going to say it went into the garbage. But Columbus accepts white paper for recycling.



But now Mayor Tomlinson is forcing Columbus Council to face the garbage question and make a decision. Some political analysts might say she's verifying those campaign claims about being a strong mayor. Others may be wishing she went farther, and put this before Council in an election year.



And when Mayor Tomlinson uses phrases such as "a lot less government," shouldn't that silence the election critics who kept labeling her a Democrat? Or will Republicans conclude once-a-week garbage pickup means she's going soft on prison work crews?



As it happens, budget-cutting also was a priority Monday night at a Muscogee County School Board work session. Board member John Wells told WRBL state funding for the district is expected to drop as much as 11 million dollars. So if you teachers sitting in bars after work playing Keno, their schools might need the money.



John Wells says Muscogee County Schools might have to cut funding for nurses by six percent to balance the budget. We all know what that means - less Ritalin for grade-school students, and more Rite-Aid aspirin.



Under federal law, the Muscogee County School Board is forced to increase prices for school lunches and breakfasts. High-school students will pay $2.10 for lunch next term - making that 99-cent Tuesday two-piece special at Church's chicken look better and better.



In contrast to all this, the Columbus Water Board approved a bigger budget Monday. WLTZ reported it's about three percent larger because of sewer repair issues - and water bills may increase 2.9 percent next year. Maybe if enough of us agreed to use the bathroom only once a week....



-> Sunday night's big online poker game left us with a wide range of emotions. Read what happened at our other blog, "On the Flop!" <-



BLOG UPDATE: We confirmed Monday Vicky James has left the midday shift at WFXE-FM for a new job in Greenville, South Carolina. "Foxie 105" is advertising for a replacement -- so please do NOT start rumors about Donny Osmond moving down the dial.



So what do you think - should I apply for the midday announcing job at Foxie 105? We could have DJ Chip followed by Bloggie-Blog.



Here's what else we noticed on a rather muggy Monday....


+ Columbus Police told the Ledger-Enquirer a hit-and-run driver was arrested for driving 90 miles per hour on Second Avenue. And even more amazingly, it happened near 30th Street. If the driver had been heading down the big hill toward 18th Street and the Salvation Army, it might be understandable....



+ WRBL declared Columbus Parks Director nominee Dr. James Worsley received "the VIP treatment," touring all the city park facilities. By VIP, I guess that means Carver Park had the Sunday allocation of police cars.



+ Armstrong Atlantic State came from behind to collar Columbus State 8-4 in the Peach Belt Conference baseball tournament. Even though the Cougars played practically at home inside Golden Park, they were eliminated in two consecutive games. C'mon guys - Clayton State has the team called the Lakers.



+ Georgia running back Washaun Ealey was released from his scholarship, so he can transfer to another college. Ealey was suspended from the football team during the winter. Then Coach Mark Richt showed Isaiah Crowell the "missing man formation" on a recruiting trip. Richt's next job could be as a scriptwriter for a pro wrestling troupe.



+ Instant Message to everyone wondering why Monday's blog entry was posted so late: Beats me. I set the timer for 3:00 a.m. ET, as I usually do. I never expected "the cloud" to have a bad case of Monday blahs.



(BLOGGER'S NOTE: The jokes for today have concluded, but you're welcome to read on for thoughts about another Monday news item.)



BUT SERIOUSLY: Former Municipal Court Judge Haywood Turner died Sunday night -- a judge who certainly was colorful and controversial. And I suspect he's taking some secrets to the grave with him.



One of the most-visited days in this blog's history came when we were challenged to review Judge Turner's divorce papers, in light of an investigation by the Southern Poverty Law Center. It was a case where someone came to a humor blog with something that wasn't very funny -- and it led to one of our rare days when all jokes were suspended. You can review what we found in the blog posts of 9-10 Mar 09



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Monday, May 09, 2011

9 MAY 11: Hi Stranger, Send Money



It's graduation day at both Columbus State and Auburn University. In a surprise, Auburn's ceremony has moved outdoors this year to Jordan-Hare Stadium. C.S.U.'s spring commencement is tonight at the Civic Center. Either this event has become too big for the Lumpkin Center, or C.S.U. doesn't want anyone to miss the Cougar baseball team playing at Golden Park.



BLOGGER BEGGARS 3-4: Schwob Memorial Library sits in the middle of the Columbus State campus. As I sat on a bench outside the library the other day waiting to see someone, two young women who seemed to be students spotted me. No, they did NOT mistake me for a literature professor.



"Can I have a quarter, so I can get something to drink?" one of the women asked. They start training beggars at an early age around here....



The "beggar bags" which I'd normally offer at times like this were a long way from the Columbus State library. My car was at the usual place where I park for C.S.U. visits - the far northwest lot, near the Cunningham Center and soccer complex. There's never a problem finding an open spot there, and you don't need a new recreation center to get exercise walking.



I decided this was too long a walk to require of these women - and besides, the person in need told me she had the rest of the money for a soda. This would be one time when I'd hand over a quarter. After all, she might already have student loan debt up to her eyeballs.



The woman apparently had in mind a soda vending machine at the Schwob Memorial Library entryway - but I escorted her all the way inside, to the corner with Einstein Bros. Bagels. I knew it was there, after spending a few minutes earlier browsing around. The woman didn't seem to realize it was there - so perhaps she was a physical education major.



A cooler with all kinds of soda bottles sits next to the Einstein Bros. Bagels cash register at the C.S.U. Library. This is amazing to me, because food and drink were not allowed in libraries when I attended college. You might damage valuable and historic books and newspapers. But of course, this was way back when people read hardbound books and real newspapers.



The two young women quietly stared at the soda cooler for a long time. Then one explained to the beggar, "He's waiting for you to make a selection." At least she didn't accuse me of trying to make her obese.



With that matter settled, the beggar selected her soda - and sure enough, she had all but a quarter to pay for it. The worker at the Einstein Bros. Bagels cash register gave me credit for being generous. I didn't get credit for a free bagel, but I'm dealing with that....



The young women went on their way, not needing anything more. The person I went to see at Columbus State never showed up - but I wound up paying 25 cents for the trip, anyway. It could have been worse, I suppose. Plenty of college campuses make you pay to park.



That woman actually was the second encounter with a beggar I had in a three-day span. The earlier one occurred while I walked from the Mildred Terry Library toward home. I probably asked for trouble by traveling down Sixth Street, in front of Little Joe's Package Store. But this was at 11:45 a.m. - while the big crowd usually gathers 12 hours later.



"Do you have any change to spare?" a man standing outside Little Joe's asked. Like the young woman, he also wanted to "get a soda." As if Little Joe's had superior brands and value over Circle K a couple of blocks away....



I prepared for this walk by making sure NOT to carry a wallet. The library card I needed for my task was in a carrying case. That approach worked last summer outside Fourth Street Baptist Church [6 Sep 10] - but churches only tempt people to give money a couple of times each week.



So I explained to the man I had no money on me - and dared to explain it was because I might meet "beggars like you."


"I'm not begging. I'm asking," the man answered Maybe he's read the new city ordinance on panhandling better than I have.



"What's the difference?" I asked. I don't recall the man's complete answer as I write this, but the asking part had to do with the old phrase, "Ask and you shall receive." Not if you annoy total strangers in the process, you won't....



As the discussion continued, I suddenly realized something. I had a little loose change in my shorts pocket all along - so indeed I was carrying money. At that point, I should have disqualified myself for misspeaking and handed the money over. Come to think of it, that example might have set an even better example for this man.



Instead, I explained I lived a short walk from Little Joe's. But the man didn't accept my offer to walk a few blocks for a free beverage. After all, someone else might have been waiting behind a building to take his spot.



"You'll see me again," the man said as I started to walk away. In this neighborhood, it wouldn't be surprising. Some parts of Columbus have the "old money" - while this one seems to have the old poverty.



We received one e-mail Sunday. But it is of Sunday Soapbox length, so we'll hold it for a few days. In the meantime, let's check the weekend news....


+ WRBL brought back late Saturday night newscasts, but in a strange way. An apparently-taped weather update was followed by "The Benning Report," which normally is seen only on cable. I assume this was shown at bars on Broadway, as part of the effort to keep soldiers focused and safe.



+ Columbus Police reported a fight at 4:00 a.m. led to about a dozen gunshots outside the Checkers restaurant on Wynnton Road. This is why Checkers needs to add indoor dining - because the odds of producing a viral video would be much better.



+ The annual "Scott's Ride for Miracles" fundraiser began from The Medical Center. A team of local motorcyclists is traveling around the country for three weeks, and this year sharing "helmet-cam" video from the road. About all that's missing is a ballad by Simon and Garfunkel.



+ The national radio program "Sports Byline USA" originated from Fort Benning. This was surprising, because I thought that program shut down years ago due to the rise of 24-hour sports networks. The people in this area who can hear Sports Byline may be the Fort Benning communications specialists.



+ The Columbus Lions filleted Fayetteville 81-32. There have been questions recently about whether Fayetteville's franchise might go out of business. Certainly the Force could have saved some money on bus fuel this weekend, by not making the trip south.



+ The Atlanta Hawks tied their pro basketball playoff series with Chicago, by taking the fourth game 100-88. Josh Smith of Atlanta had a big night - with 23 points, 16 rebounds and only a couple of scoldings from radio announcer Steve Holman.



+ Instant Message to the Ledger-Enquirer: Sigh - I guess you win again. I mentioned the error in the "Columbus Parks and Rec" sign at Golden Park last spring [19 May 10], and nothing was done for almost a year. You mentioned it in "Chattahoochee Chatter," and it was fixed within days. Some people really DO still read newspapers.



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Sunday, May 08, 2011

8 MAY 11: Why We Fight



The original plan for today's entry has changed. A couple of lengthy Saturday e-mails will do that. Besides, it probably wasn't proper to bring out Usama bin-Laden jokes on Mother's Day - even if he seemed to be the mother of all terrorists.



SUNDAY SOAPBOX: We begin with last Sunday's featured writer here, who sent a follow-up message this weekend....



Richard,



Here are my thoughts in response to your May 1st comments posted on The Blog of Columbus, Georgia.



I agree that you get plenty of public announcements and agreement in Columbus, Georgia never acted upon. That is one reason why the press conference was important. I have criticized the Columbus news media a lot about not following through on controversial stories. Since we held a public press conference announcing our decision to move forward in reconciliation and unity the media should hold us to our word. If we do not keep up our efforts or keep our word the community should hold us all accountable.



If our word is not our bond and there is indeed more inaction than real action toward moving forward, the news media will bring all of this right back up as soon as the next real or exaggerated racially insensitive issue comes up. Then you will no doubt hear someone, probably you Richard, say the April 26th press conference was a dog and pony show. The media will certainly highlight our failure if we indeed appear to fail. Our efforts to unite the city will hardly get any media coverage compared to if we fail. That is simply the nature of the beast. We will not be judged by how we resolved this issue, we will be judged by the emergence of the next racially charged issue, which is something you just fight your way through.



Regarding civil rights activists not using a saying popularized by a conservative Republican president, I personally use "Trust, but verify" all the time. It is an Old Russian proverb. I even give U.S. President Ronald Reagan recognition for it when I do. He used that saying on Mikhail Gorbachev . It comes in very handy in my line of work. President Reagan also said, "All we have to do is act, and the time for action is now." I also like that one. The point is your assumption about what I would say or do is dead wrong. I even go as far as to tell fellow activists to keep an eye on me and I'll keep an eye on them so that neither of us gets caught up and strays off course. You have a right to your opinion, as ill-informed as it may be, but you do not know what you are talking about this time. I think President Reagan and the Russians were right on the money. Trust, but verify is wise advice. I have no problem bearing witness to the truth or calling it straight down the line. Your remarks seem to suggest we are naturally dishonest or hateful people. Actually, accurate facts and the truth are my stock in trade and my most effective weapons. I have to be straightforward because I challenge others to be honest and straightforward, which they usually are not. I really do not think you personally care for us or what we do very much for whatever personal reasons.



As far as me not mentioning former Mayor Jim Wetherington in my email, you are right. A lot of folks are not even mentioning Jim Wetherington's name these days. They know he got away with bloody murder as mayor. All the hard work and the tough decisions the current mayor are faced with reveals just how narrow-minded and limited in ability as mayor Jim Wetherington really was, and nobody really wants to talk about that because it makes the Wetherington critics right about him all along. However, as successful as our efforts were in dialogue leading to reconciliation, as important as all the players were in the effort, I do not think if Teresa Tomlinson were not mayor there ever would have been any agreement to move forward, which says a lot about both administrations and both people. The Tomlinson administration is more conducive to greater trust and community cohesion. Mayor Tomlinson is a straight shooter and a no-nonsense leader. Jim Wetherington was deliberately divisive and untrustworthy. His mind was closed and he maintained his power by deception, double-standards, and community division. A dark cloud hung over the Wetherington administration. The very climate of the city was all negative. Things are more positive now and looking better every day.



The people that do not understand the problems are never going to praise any efforts to resolve the issues community activists bring to the public's attention. There are those whom would have us be more of what they consider divisive than for us to come together to peacefully resolve these type issues. Division is more satisfying and more useful to them while unity is a direct threat. When activists point out racial prejudice or racism, these opponents will often use it in attempts to dupe members of the Caucasian community into believing that the only real problem that exists is us pointing to imaginary or exaggerated acts of racism. Racial bigots do not have a problem with racial discrimination; they have a problem with civil rights activists and what those activists bring to light. Racial prejudice could just as easily be the motive as anything else. It does not have to be the case, but it certainly is within the realm of possibility. You have to rely on the factual evidence and know the signs in drawing an intelligent conclusion.



We fight racial prejudice and hate, and critics are not satisfied. We work to bring about peace and understanding and show our divided community reconciliation can be accomplished, and the most they can do is criticize and try to undermine the effort. I notice you personally have had tremendous criticism over the years of outspoken community activists and civil rights activists, but now you cannot muster up a word of praise for the effort we have put forth to resolve this issue and move the city forward. All you can do is focus on what was said in an apparent effort to distract from what we are currently saying, which is unfortunate. We are used to fights over racially divisive issues in Columbus. That is hardly news. What you would think one would find very newsworthy is reconciliation and unity in the aftermath of racially insensitive conduct, which is something we never get in these situations. Now we have people coming together and you want to focus on what was said in the past. What good does that do anyone? It did not appear you were evoking the past to show how much had been accomplished. The remarks seem to be more about doubting our sincerity.



You mention to your readers the Urban League and Dr. Howell of Rainbow/Push have said anything. However, you know just as well as I do that neither one of those groups ever made any remarks throughout this issue. If you really wanted to know what they thought you would have called them and asked what they thought. You appear to be desperately trying to find some reason to believe the reconciliation is not genuine or sincere. What we have done is what some people around here did not want to ever see happen behind racially divisive issues. However, the unthinkable has happen. This model is going to be very useful in the future in bridging the divide and establishing peace.



Columbus certainly has its share of wannabe comics. You too are known to be big with the jokes. Your blog displays your special brand of humor, which is fine as this is a free country. Never the less, what is this about you telling your readers the Courier does reviews on rappers and that it has been months since you saw Edward DuBose in a purple suit? On one occasion when we held a press conference you called the African American participants chocolate milk. I do not quite get that. I have never seen Ed DuBose in a purple suit nor do I recall the Courier doing reviews on rappers. If Ed DuBose did wear a purple suit or the Courier did run reviews on rappers what of it? Is that so strange and bizarre? Just where are you trying to go with all that and just what are you trying to say? I hope one day you will get around to explaining to everyone why you think fans of your blog think those type remarks are smart or funny. I am sure your answer will be very interesting and very helpful in better understanding you and your blog. And you know as an advocate for social justice I am all for better understanding.



That is all.



Peace be with you,



C.A. "Brother Love" Hardmon



Starting from the top: give the Columbus NAACP credit for holding a "moving forward" news conference with the Greater Columbus Chamber of Commerce a couple of weeks ago. When Rainbow/PUSH boycotted Piggly Wiggly for several years, the end of the boycott never was announced publicly. I practically had to ask William Howell if it was OK for me to use a gift certificate.



Let the record show I saw NO dogs and ponies at the Government Center a couple of weeks ago. The security team at the ground-floor entrance is downright basic, compared to major airports.



But if anything, the "burden of proof" for change now rests with the Chamber of Commerce, not civil rights groups. The Chamber's leaders have to deal with their admitted lack of African-American membership. Who knows - Rep. Sanford Bishop might be invited to speak at an "Eye-Opener Breakfast" instead of Lynn Westmoreland.



I apologize for being "ill-informed" about a quote I admittedly never have heard C.A. Hardmon say, much less write. I further apologize for not contacting him in advance to ask if he'd ever mentioned that quote, much less credit President Reagan for it. But it wouldn't have felt right to call him after midnight on a Saturday night to approve jokes.



Perhaps it's time for all of us to drop the mindset that civil rights leaders are automatically Democrats. Nate Sanderson's rise to President of the Columbus NAACP certainly breaks that mold. It's now up to Georgia Republicans to respond - perhaps by having African-American candidates other than Herman Cain.



As far as I know, the Urban League and Rainbow/PUSH made no public comments about the Mike Gaymon "tablecloth joke." But I don't have regular contact with those groups, so I may have missed something. I contacted the Columbus Minority Chamber of Commerce for a comment, since it stood to benefit [12 Jan]. You'll notice there's been no merger announcement yet....



I certainly heard much more from Columbus Urban League President Reginald Pugh when he challenged Ed Harbison for State Senate. In fact (yes, I know I'm asking for it), that's when I first heard from C.A. Hardmon [11 Aug 08]. After the Urban League's recent funding problems, Pugh may have decided silence is more golden.



Now for the "lightning round," from C.A. Hardmon's last paragraph....


+ I suggested readers "try" The Courier for rap reviews [8 Apr], then suggested the tabloid include some [11 Apr]. After all, who else in Columbus reviews big local concerts? The May issue of Playgrounds shows it missed the Waka Flocka Flame show - but its staff somehow has the gas money to attend most of the big shows in Atlanta.



+ Like it or not, Edward DuBose used to be known in Columbus for his suits as much as his causes. Even African-American journalists noted he was fond of eggplant purple. I could have gone further last Sunday, and called that color "Kansas State purple" - but you see, I showed a measure of restraint.



+ Since this is the second time Hardmon has brought up the "chocolate milk" line in comparison to the Tea Party [12 May 10] and I apologized for it before [16 May 10], I'll engage in full disclosure: I drink skim milk for breakfast and dinner. If drinking "white milk" instead of black coffee exposes me as a racist, then at least my bones are firmer for taking the blows of punishment.



(I drank chocolate milk when I was young. The last time I did that was a couple of years ago, when I added chocolate syrup to bland-tasting soy milk. I'm perfectly willing to do this on a regular basis, if it somehow will contribute to One Columbus.)



C.A. Hardmon may have overlooked the fact that I've also used items from white rights activist Michael Weaver as joke material [16 Jul 10]. I asked Weaver several weeks ago for an update on that "legal action" he was "pursuing" last year against CCG-TV and the Columbus Public Library. He hasn't responded. NAACP leaders would have the cases in court by now.



I'll stop there, fully realizing this discussion probably isn't over. Let's move on to another hot topic....



Ricahrd, saw your blog on March 11th, if you have time, ride on out Buena Vista Rd toward Schtaulga rd. This is a controlled burn/smoke?



Prescribed burns under way....



Hope you have a better weekend then we on the East side ;)



Wow, it truly must be smoky on that side of town. For one thing, our "smoky dawn" blog entry was on 22 March -- so computer screens must be hard to read.



We eventually learned the March burn was conducted on city land, under state and federal orders. But this reader's link is to an article from The Bayonet, which notes dozens of wildfires develop at Fort Benning every year. Maybe it's time to stop smoking those wild hogs people find along the edge of town....



I didn't realize Fort Benning spends about $500,000 per year on controlled burns. In fact, this raises a question - why didn't specially-trained soldiers set fire to Usama bin-Laden's compound, and smoke him out for a bullet-free arrest?



That reference leads to our last e-mail of the day....



I was in Washington,DC when bin Laden's death was announced..The college students who packed the streets around the White House were so orderly and thankful. Prince Charles was in town ,but he didn't get the crowds and news coverage that the death of bin Laden got..



I arrived back in Cols with a plane load of young people who could have been going to a Scout convention,but they were all young soldiers..When the attendent recognized them for their service right before we landed the passengers applauded their bravery. Such young kids who were about to enter a life changing chapter of their lives..



Britain's Prince Charles certainly received secondary attention in the last few days. If Prince William and his new bride had honeymooned in Washington, things might have been different. It might have made a little more sense than watching Usama bin-Laden coverage on "Entertainment Tonight."



Maybe those Fort Benning soldiers should attend next weekend's "Scout Expo" at the Trade Center. They can explain exactly how many square knots it takes to pull your buddy across a swamp.



Our count of unique visitors is up nearly 24 percent from 2010! To advertise to them, make a PayPal donation, offer a story tip or comment about this blog, write me - but be warned: I may post your e-mail and offer a reply.



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The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.



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