17 APR 09: Watch This Space

As of Thursday night, Columbus was number 810,132. And no, that is NOT on the list of U.S. cities most likely to get a minor league baseball franchise.

That high number reflects where the Columbus city web site ranks in terms of Internet traffic. We checked the commonly-used site Alexa to learn this. Google and Yahoo usually rank 1-2. Maybe if the city posted YouTube videos of employees singing Broadway show tunes....

The city web site may not have a huge number of visitors -- but one person who stopped there recently was stunned by what she saw, and let us know it. We're admittedly editing out part of her lengthy e-mail, because it repeats points she's made before:

Is CB&T predating upon Columbus? It targeted and predated upon Hispanics- in a place where they thought Columbus would not find out what they were doing.

Have you noticed that the Columbus Consolidated Government is now accepting advertisements for the home page of the city's website?

Wonder how much they charge? Jim Blanchard has an advertisement for his Leadership Forum on the front and center of the Columbus city website with a revolving flash presentation of Colin Powell.

Has anyone told Colin Powell that the leadership at CB&T lead to a NY state removal of all business by CB&T in the state of NY because of their predatory lending practices to minorities?.... [3 Feb]

A company that commits predatory acts upon minorities, many of whom were said to have been taken advantage of by CB&T because they did not speak English well, Is this the right company, with its moral authority, to present Leadership training?

Since CB&T owns our local government is their former chair exempt from advertising costs? Does Blanchard even pay for use of our city website, or does he just have entitlement to free use of the city website at will?

Can you please ask the mayor why he is doing FREE ads for them- or if the mayor is securing proper payment from Jim Blanchard for his Leadership Seminar ads on our city website- just how much is Jim Blanchard paying for all of the ads that are done at taxpayer expense?....

Has anyone ever gotten the percentage CB&T is supposed to pay tax payers for holding those many millions of Columbus Consolidated Government Reserves, RANGING FROM $30-50 Millions at different times? Maybe the Columbus city website is a little like the tax reserves interest supposedly paid by CB&T- it is a secret- not subject to Open Records Requests? Only the mayor knows and he ain't talking?

In fact, we noticed the message promoting the Jim Blanchard Leadership Forum on the city web site last weekend. We didn't realize until then that retired General Colin Powell was speaking there this August - even though he was booked to appear months ago. Any earlier announcements were as quiet as Navy Seals, but apparently didn't work as well.

But let's get to the questions mentioned here. Is the city government web site "accepting advertisements?" Instead of calling Mayor Jim Wetherington, we e-mailed the site's Webmaster. This response reached us first:

It was an exciting event, with Colin Powell, coming to our Convention and Trade Center. The Convention and Trade Center and Civic Center are associated with the city.

If it offends you in any way, I will remove the link.

Don't worry, I'm not the one who's offended - I'm merely passing on the objection of someone else. But doesn't this reasoning open the door for outside promotions to "advertise" on the city web site? For instance, Disney on Ice appears at the Civic Center next week - and Tinkerbell could tap a wand right on City Manager Isaiah Hugley's head.

A more detailed response reached us a few hours later, from a different city employee:

Hey Richard, we are not selling advertisements on our Web site; however, we do display events that are hosted by CCG agencies and take place at CCG venues, such as events at the Civic Center, South Commons, A.J. McClung Memorial Stadium and Golden Park. The Trade Center is just another CCG venue site. If this had been booked at the Cunningham Center or any privately owned conference center we would not have displayed it on our site.

I've passed your concerns on to the City Manager, the Mayor and City Attorney for their comments and guidance, in case they have a different opinion. If they feel it is not appropriate to have it on our site, then we'll take it off.

I hope I've answered your question, but if you would like to discuss it further, please feel free to give me a call...thanks

Charles Tate

Director of Information Technology

Some of the "public meetings/events" are listed near the bottom of the city's home page. They include tonight's Civic Center concert by country music legend George Jones -- where he'll probably be hounded by angry Phenix City residents, wondering when his investment group plans to start building The Phenixian.

You may recall last year's Jim Blanchard Leadership Forum was held at Columbus State's Cunningham Center - and that's a point our e-mailer seems to be overlooking. Blanchard's name is on the forum, but it's really the Cunningham Center's event. After all, no one blames John B. Amos's family when someone dies of cancer.

In fact, my original thought was NOT that the city was doing a favor to Jim Blanchard or Synovus. I recalled the C.S.U. Cunningham Center is directed by former city manager Carmen Cavezza. Since he's also a retired general, he could "pull rank" in three different directions.

So it appears the city Webmaster posted the Jim Blanchard Leadership Forum message because it's in a city-operated building, and he did it at no charge for an arm of Columbus State University. He could have followed the lead of Columbus Water Works, and imposed a series of higher fees.

But then I started thinking about this. What would be wrong with the Columbus city web site selling ad space, anyway? Some city-operated METRA buses have ads outside them, selling Circle K "Thirstbuster" drinks -- drinks I doubt riders are allowed to bring aboard a bus.

Think about this some more. The Columbus Civic Center has all sorts of advertising inside its walls. And the outfield fence of Golden Park has several signs, which hardly anyone has seen for the last eight months.

So if various city-operated items already have advertising on them, why not the Columbus city web site? Imagine if someone had thought of this a year ago. We might have paid for new police officers through "Google ads" for weight loss plans.

But let's be honest here: if the city web site ranks below number 800,000 in Internet traffic, it might be hard to sell advertising for it. In fact, Alexa ranks the Synovus web site among the top 150,000 for visitors. If Synovus isn't promoting the Jim Blanchard Leadership Forum, the staff may be turning to the city in desperation.

While we were at Alexa, we checked the rankings of various other Columbus web sites....

+ Aflac seems to have the most visits, with a ranking around number 37,000. I guess those commercials with the duck really still are popular.

+ WLTZ ranks around 391,000 - but for some odd reason, it's connected to a web site showing tennis scores. Plenty of single guys probably love Stefanie Tiso, but not THAT way.

+ In a stunning surprise, Intown Columbus ranks around 660,000. Yes, the social blog about Columbus gets more visits than the city web site - so maybe it truly is the Republican alternative.

+ This blog ranks far below Intown Columbus, at around 2,666,000. But we score above Richard Hyatt and WDAK Radio - so we'd like to invite all those advertisers seeking a "well-informed audience" to e-mail us this weekend.

-> Our other blog starts with poker, then goes in directions you might not expect. Visit "On the Flop!" <--

E-MAIL UPDATE: Will the next accuser of Columbus city government please come forward....

Little ole Columbus, Georgia ranks number 22 out of 25...right up there with Miami and Los Angeles with the most vehicle thefts. It's just wonderful to see we are on the map for something. Is our city safe Chief Boren?

No. 22: Columbus, Ga.

2008 Rank: 22

2007 Rank: 22

# Thefts in 2008: 1,598

Rate of Thefts: 555.53

Notes: A vehicle theft rank of 1 is the worst. The rate of thefts is determined by the number of vehicle theft offenses per 100,000 inhabitants using the most current U.S. Census Population Estimates available. A higher rate means more thefts per capita

This ranking from the National Insurance Crime Bureau made the evening TV news Thursday, and actually includes the entire metropolitan area. By comparison, the New York City area was far down the list at number 206 -- but then again, New York probably scores higher in the number of subway pickpockets.

A Columbus police spokesman said local car theft is in decline. The "Hot Spot" report actually backs that up, as the area's rate last year was down 15 percent from 2006. See what happens when a more realistic version of "Grand Theft Auto" comes out?

As it happened, the Columbus Commission on Crime Prevention had a public forum at the central library Thursday night. The commission has developed five areas of emphasis -- one of them recreation. If you can stop young people from stealing the basketball during games, a good habit will begin.

We have one more e-mail, which we'll save for this weekend. Now let's sort through Thursday's facts and fiction:

+ The parent company of Peachtree Mall filed for chapter 11 bankruptcy. Yet the mall reportedly was a busy place Thursday night - as shoppers with income tax refunds simply can't wait for the "quitting business" sales to begin.

+ The chief executive of WD-40 spoke at Columbus State University. He probably taught a very simple rule of success -- oily to bed, oily to rise.

+ The owner of the fire-scarred Bibb Mill property announced plans for the future. Part of the grounds will be turned into "greenspace" to hold weddings and other outdoor events. Now we know the real reason why Josh McKoon is moving to that area of Columbus....

+ WRBL revealed Columbus Lions head coach Jason Gibson left the team during last weekend's road trip to Harrisburg, because his wife had a baby. Now you know why kicker Carlos Martinez was allowed to leave for an N.F.L. tryout THIS weekend - the precedent already was set.

+ The University of Alabama confirmed Ken Stabler will NOT return to radio broadcasts next season, even though he was cleared of drunk driving charges. Stabler probably has other plans -- such as a reserved seat on the "Madden Cruiser," to party with his old coach once a month.

The number of unique visitors to our blog is up more than 18 percent so far this year! To advertise to them, offer a story tip, make a PayPal donation or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 654 (+ 25, 4.0%)

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

© 2003-09 Richard Burkard, all rights reserved.

16 APR 09: Tea for 200 (or more)

A CNN headline Tuesday put the truth very well: "Every day is Tax Day." You'll likely pay some kind of tax to somebody today, whether it's through shopping at a store or writing a check for your utilities. It's simply that 15 April is the day when people whine about it the most.

For a change, the spotlight on this year's Tax Day was directed away from local post offices. Organized "Tea Parties" were held across the country, including one outside the Government Center Wednesday evening. But somehow, I think this was one time when the tea in the South was NOT automatically sweet.

I drove by the Government Center around 5:30 p.m. Wednesday, and a crowd was gathering at the eternal flame 30 minutes before the start time. A woman even was singing, to get people in the mood for a protest. That's probably the wrong time for a Republican woman to sing "Diamonds Are a Girl's Best Friend."

WRBL reported about 650 people attended the local Tax Day Tea Party. Why, this may go down as the biggest "TalkLine reunion" in Columbus history....

The point of the Tax Day Tea Parties was to protest high taxes and big government spending. Why do I have the feeling Muscogee County Superintendent Susan Andrews did NOT attend this event?

But from watching late-night news coverage of the Columbus rally, it was clear other issues were also on people's minds. One woman explained she's concerned about the "hidden tax, inflation" - hours after the federal government announced the biggest 12-month decline in consumer inflation since 1955. Prices even may be dropping for wheelbarrows, to hold those worthless dollar bills.

Then there was the sign outside the Government Center which read: "IN WITH GOD, OUT WITH OBAMA." I'll probably see this person downtown again in three weeks, on the National Day of Prayer....

The Redneckin blog attended a Tax Day Tea Party in Auburn, with an estimated 600 protesters. Since no harbor is close to the Auburn University campus, tea bags were dumped in a child's inflatable wading pool. This is what happens when the coaches of the college swim teams are paid in part with state money.

The Redneckin blog warned in advance that it's against the law to carry firearms at public protests, such as the Tea Party. I suppose that prevented some real "radicals" from showing up in Auburn. But the National Rifle Association will have to come up with a creative way to protect the Second Amendment from President Obama - such as a gun show with nothing but seltzer bottles.

Excuse me for asking a silly question - but where was all this Tea Party tumult last year? Weren't taxes high then? Wasn't government spending huge then? Or did Wednesday's protesters somehow conclude an M.B.A. President like George W. Bush knew what he was doing?

As it happened, Rep. Sanford Bishop was in Columbus Wednesday presenting the other side of the issue. He hosted a "Stimulus 101" seminar at the National Infantry Museum, on how the area can benefit from the federal stimulus package. Since the museum received a federal highway grant to improve roads around the site, it was almost a Tax Day love-fest.

Meanwhile, it was a busy Tax Day as usual at the main Columbus post office. WXTX "News at Ten" showed a live line of customers - so WRBL's web site apparently was wrong to claim the deadline to get a 15 April postmark was 8:45 p.m. The Postal Service still hasn't downsized quite as much as they're threatening.

So what did I do on Tax Day? I put God ahead of country, by attending a special worship service in Montgomery. The checks for federal and state taxes were put in the mail last week. I saved them for the end of Serious Spring Cleaning, since government agencies were cleaning my bank account.

To be honest, I didn't owe the U.S. government that much this year. But the check to the state of Georgia was well into triple figures - so everything on Governor Perdue's "Sonny Do" list had better get done this year.

-> Our other blog starts with poker, then goes in directions you might not expect. Visit "On the Flop!" <--

E-MAIL UPDATE: The man we consulted for Wednesday's main topic wants to add a P.S., after reading the e-mail which led us to call him...

Richard,

An FYI for the writer of the email about CTVEA and the Citizen. A subscription to the Citizen is only $25 per year, so there is really no correlation to a $60 annual increase for a $25 annual product. Advertising is the driving revenue behind the Citizen. The Citizen is offered to CTVEA subscribers as a courtesy only. If you call the Citizen at 334-664-0145 they will be glad to take you off of the mailing list. You do have a choice.

You can also get a lower rate with a basic package that includes only channels 2-13. I don't know what that rate is.

Hope this helps.

Craig S. Howard

So there you are, Cable TV of East Alabama subscribers. You can do without the weekly paper. But if you do, your cable rate won't go down. You'll be less informed about Phenix City. And the Boy Scouts will be disappointed with you, when the annual paper drive comes.

We're saving a couple of other e-mails for another day, so now let's check other mid-week wonders:

+ A source I tend to trust says "Easter week" sales at shops in the Columbus Park Crossing area were down only two percent from last year. And I imagine some business owner fainted in shock, when North Highland Assembly of God asked for 16,000 eggs.

+ Richard Hyatt's web site reported former Muscogee County Republican chair Josh McKoon has moved into Seth Harp's State Senate district. Somewhere, Ed Harbison began dancing around and shouting hallelujah.

(Hyatt seems to suspect McKoon will run for Harp's State Senate seat next year. Given McKoon's legal fight involving land around the Columbus Public Library, we know he'll be endorsed by the Georgia Garden Club.)

+ Georgia Lieutenant Governor Casey Cagle stunned political watchers, by dropping out of the 2010 Governor's race. Cagle cited health problems - and that's understandable. Presiding over 40 days of the Georgia Senate would give almost anyone indigestion.

(But wait a minute - Casey Cagle plans to run for a second term as Lieutenant Governor. Why is he healthy enough to run for that job, but not for Governor? Does Cagle think Democrats covet the top job so much that they'll forget his job exists?)

+ WRBL reported Columbus Lions kicker Carlos Martinez will miss this weekend's game, because he'll be trying out with the Kansas City Chiefs. This Kansas City native knows the Chiefs have a tradition of great kickers. There was Jan Stenerud, Nick Lowery -- and in recent years, the cheerleaders on the sidelines.

+ Instant Message to WLTZ: I see your 38.2 channel shows up on my screen as "D-2" now, instead of "Duce." Is it safe to assume World War II veterans called to complain?

SCHEDULED FRIDAY: Is the Columbus city web site up for sale? And is that a bad thing?....

The number of unique visitors to our blog is up more than 18 percent so far this year! To advertise to them, offer a story tip, make a PayPal donation or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 654 (+ 25, 4.0%)

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

© 2003-09 Richard Burkard, all rights reserved.

for 15 APR 09: Ink-a-Dinka-Don't?

If you understand today's title, you clearly are showing your age. "Inka Dinka Doo" was a favorite song of radio-era performer Jimmy Durante. I'm not sure he could get away with that title today - because members of the Inca native community might demand some of the profits.

But anyway: we came up with this title because there are some people who apparently don't want any ink - as in printer's ink. This e-mail will explain:

Richard, I read in Sound Off in the Cols L-E that one of the Columbus cable companies offers a senior citizen discount. The monopoly cable company serving the Phenix City/Russell County, Smiths Station area does not offer a senior discount and this past month increased their rate for Basic Cable from $45.61 a month to $50.60 a month (that's an increase of $4.99 a mo). Some of us are wondering if they are including in this price an amount for their newspaper since the cable owner also owns the local newspaper and it seems that the cable subscribers are all now receiving this paper in the mail once a week. Many of us would rather pay the $45.61 a month (or less) for cable and not receive their weekly paper. Before the cable owner bought out the newspaper you had to purchase a subscription to the paper if you wanted to receive it. Now you have no choice -- you get it even if you don't want it!

First of all, this price is stunning to me. Basic cable TV now costs 50 dollars a month?! Is this part of a plot leading to commercials for "only one dollar per channel"?

Call this a case of price shock on my part - because I haven't subscribed to cable TV in nearly 20 years. I pulled the plug partly to cut costs, partly because I wasn't watching it very much - and partly because I had roommates, and one asked me to add Showtime while he could barely pay the rent.

The writer is correct in noting Cable TV of East Alabama also owns The Citizen, the area's weekly newspaper. Maybe the Ledger-Enquirer needs to consider a combination like this for financial.... oh wait. Sharing an owner with the Opelika-Auburn News hasn't worked very well for WRBL.

(Since the two media outlets are co-owned, those cable listings in The Citizen every week had better be accurate. We don't want women tuning to a tear-jerky movie on Lifetime, only to wind up crying because everyone is speaking in Spanish.)

But is this a case where a newspaper is forcing up the cost of cable? To get some answers, we called a former Cable TV of East Alabama talk show host Tuesday. Craig Howard now is in the digital billboard business. Well, he's selling advertising - not climbing the ladder to change a couple of burned-out bulbs.

(No, I didn't realize Cable TV of East Alabama had local talk shows. If anyone else knew, Antonio Carter or Robbie Watson might be there now.)

Craig Howard says he's sure there is NO connection between the Citizen subscription and the cost of cable TV. He noted cable rates went up a year or two ago, shortly after the newspaper and cable franchise merged. So maybe this increase is due to the Streetscape work on Broad Street....

Instead, Craig Howard believes another "subscription" is to blame. He noted the higher fees cable systems have to pay to show channels. Even several broadcast stations impose fees now - but Howard says The CW network had a different sort of arrangement. Perhaps you can show it for free, if you can find the station carrying it.

Craig Howard also mentioned something you may not realize about "The Big Switch." Cable TV of East Alabama and other systems are picking up digital signals, but then are required to reconvert that signal back to analog. Baptist preachers would tell you this sort of "backsliding" comes with a price tag.

But Craig Howard says east Alabama TV viewers should look on the bright side. He believes the Cable TV of East Alabama basic rate is lower than one of the Columbus cable companies. We didn't have time Tuesday evening to check that. And if I had asked about "senior discounts," the call center workers probably would have talked much slower than normal.

To be honest, there are times when I long a little for cable television. Take last Sunday, when I wanted to watch the National Heads-Up Poker Championship. It took me 20 minutes to finagle my antenna to pick up WLTZ. The final outcome proves that old Hank Williams Jr. song true: a country boy can survive.

(Yes, my TV antenna is balanced atop a lava lamp. That lamp hasn't worked in decades. But maybe I should get it fixed - then turn it on and see if I can pick up GPB again.)

While I've concluded I need a new antenna, other viewers are frustrated with WLTZ for a different reason. Tuesday's Eufaula Tribune reported NBC-38 wants to replace Montgomery powerhouse WSFA on that city's cable system. Eufaula is in the Columbus TV viewing area - but I can't blame viewers who want to see news from Alabama, which is much closer than eastern Iowa.

We have an early deadline and post time due to a religious commitment, so we'll have to quickly wrap up Tuesday's top stories:

+ A natural gas leak forced an evacuation of Columbus High School. It happened in the area where Columbus Water Works has been repairing sewer pipes on Cherokee Avenue. Why couldn't the crew have struck oil, to make that school sales tax unnecessary?

+ Columbus Council spent hours in an executive session, but failed to reach an agreement to settle the watershed mess on Teak Drive. Residents wanted the city to take responsibility - but instead they'll have to get pumped up all over again in a month.

(One Teak Drive resident told WLTZ new problems have occurred during the watershed cleanup, as debris from sandbags is making allergies worse. So much for the city parks department proposing a beach party in the neighborhood this summer.)

+ The Valley Police Chief was placed on leave, after a teenager complained he was held for seven hours without any chance to contact parents or an attorney. Wow, times have changed in this country. I can remember when some teenagers would have traded their allowance for seven hours away from their parents.

+ Instant Message to Reynolds Bickerstaff of Waddell Realty: C'mon, 'fess up - what public office are you after? You've sent all these mailings, and now you have a web site with your name on it. But when your e-mail address includes "me.com," that practically gives it away....

The number of unique visitors to our blog is up more than 18 percent so far this year! To advertise to them, offer a story tip, make a PayPal donation or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 629 (+ 15, 2.4%)

ONLINE LOTTERY WINNINGS: $8,601,634 (details upcoming)

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

© 2003-09 Richard Burkard, all rights reserved.

14 APR 09: Tear Down This School

A big week begins today in Muscogee County Schools, as first through eighth-grade students take the exams known as CRCT's. Children had all last week off to rest and prepare - so they ought to do better than the Columbus Cottonmouths did in the playoffs.

The Muscogee County School Board began a busy week of its own Monday, with a special meeting and a work session. The biggest news was a decision to tear down Carver High School, and build a replacement. The decision comes five months before the school sales tax vote -- so education gambling is spreading like never before.

Muscogee County officials estimate a new Carver High School will cost $45 million, including a new auditorium. That nearly matches the cost of the Columbus Public Library on Macon Road -- so if Carver doesn't become a year-round school, a lot of taxpayers are going to feel cheated.

School district officials say the current Carver High is antiquated. A sewer line under the school cafeteria leaked last September. And on top of that, we're told the classrooms are too small. Hmmmm - are they really too small? Or are today's teenagers getting too big, due to obesity?

A new Carver High School is considered the top priority for a proposed one-percent school sales tax. But to "share the wealth," the tentative SPLOST list also includes 20 additional classrooms at Northside High. That new Northside auditorium will not be soiled by old-fashioned lectures on U.S. history.

The Muscogee County School Board decided to adjust the SPLOST proposal a bit Monday night. The language promising two new elementary schools was removed, because base realignment at Fort Benning might not require it. And we assume board members already have been told NOT to promise anyone a new park.

As it happens, the public forums on the proposed Muscogee County school sales tax resume Thursday night. Is it mere coincidence that none of the forums are at Carver High School? Or is it due to fear that too many adults in the old building might cause the floor's foundation to crumble?

The busy-ness for the school board continues today, with the first of two public hearings on becoming a "charter school." Not simply one charter school for Muscogee County - but making the entire district into a charter system. If only Charter Banks were still around, to handle the sales tax money....

School district officials explained Monday by becoming a charter system, Muscogee County could go around state rules and try different education ideas. Who knows - Dr. John Phillips might be hired as a top consultant.

The goal of charter schools is to try new approaches which might improve student learning. But Shaw High School Principal Jim Arnold may have raised eyebrows when he said there could be a change in "the way tests are administered." Open textbooks could lead to higher scores, you know.

BLOG CORRECTION: After further review, we have a reversal. It turns out Troy Bergeron DID play for the Columbus Lions last Saturday night in Harrisburg. In fact, he caught three passes and scored a touchdown. That's the chance I take when I'm in "Blog Overtime" - writing after 1:30 a.m.

-> If you missed Sunday's "Heads-Up Poker" action, check our thoughts about it at our other blog, "On the Flop!" <--

E-MAIL UPDATE: Several weekends of rough weather have one reader wondering....

I think the drive-in just north of Crawford (Field of screens) might need to show "twister" or "wipeout" for the Friday night speicals?

Welllll - maybe if they show one of those black-and-white grade-school films first, about how to hide under your desk.

If you really want to get ready for the next big storm, I recommend a trip to Peachtree Mall. It now has a "hurricane simulator" booth near FYE - where you drop in two dollars, and stand in 78-mile-per-hour wind gusts. It's perfect for the high school guy who wants to test his prom date's hair spray.

(All Peachtree Mall needs now is a tanning salon. Add that to the hurricane simulator and "Water Fingers" massage, and people won't need to vacation in Panama City Beach again.)

But seriously: the Monday evening news showed wind damage at Chattahoochee County High School - and revealed the county has no storm sirens at all. You'd think officials would have some sort of alert system worked out with Fort Benning. For instance, if a 21-gun salute goes on to 30 or 35....

Now let's see what else made news on Monday:

+ Michelin USA announced it will close the BF Goodrich tire plant in Opelika by the end of October. About 1,000 workers undoubtedly were stunned by the news -- and they'll be watching for the Michelin Man at Tires First on Milgen Road, but for a very different reason.

(Please show some sympathy for these workers. It would NOT be appropriate to walk up to them and say, "That's the way the ol' tire bounces.")

+ Richard Hyatt's web site reported the Atlanta Journal-Constitution has dropped veteran sports columnist Terence Moore. Moore was the Atlanta newspaper's equivalent of Kaffie Sledge - although if Moore's picture wasn't printed with every column, he probably would have been appreciated by more Caucasian readers.

+ The President of the University of Alabama spoke to area alumni at Green Island Country Club. The focus was on.... hey, wait a minute! Green Island?! In Columbus, not Phenix City?! Can't they renovate one of those abandoned supermarkets on the 280 Bypass into a nice banquet hall?

+ Instant Message to Hamilton Ace Hardware on Veterans Parkway: You're kidding, right? I mean, your sign - offering a free T-shirt with the purchase of pants. Did that get blown down the road from a boutique on Bradley Park Drive?

COMING SOON: Fifty dollars, simply to watch television....

The number of unique visitors to our blog is up more than 18 percent so far this year! To advertise to them, offer a story tip, make a PayPal donation or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 614 (+ 16, 2.7%)

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

13 APR 09: Ten Months Later

From what I saw, Sunday afternoon appeared to be a typical Sunday in South Commons. The Civic Center was empty, after being used for a worship service during the morning. The stands at Golden Park were empty - with only 900 fewer fans than there would have been if the Catfish still were in town.

But at mid-afternoon, several people were using the skateboard park at South Commons. I'd say the park has become a "hangout" for young people - except I don't think you "hang ten" with a skateboard, like you do with a surfboard.

The new Jonathan Hatcher Skateboard Park had its grand opening over the weekend. This may surprise some of you, who recall we mentioned the park was in use last summer [9 Jun 08]. The skateboarders either were there illegally, or conducting secret time trials.

The skateboard park was closed by the city last August, because construction was still underway. But the fencing came down in September, and it's been a busy place on weekends since last fall. Skateboarders apparently were able to jump over anyone still doing preparation work.

Several improvements have been made to the skateboard park over the last ten months. The area now has lights, and a nice black fence now surrounds it. No, I don't think any BMX biker has tried to get a running start from the Oglethorpe Bridge to jump over it.

(The city did something right with that black fence, you know. Spray-painting graffiti on it is practically impossible.)

So why did the city wait until last Saturday to hold the "grand opening" of the skateboard park? Good question - and Deputy City Manager Lisa Goodwin really didn't a good answer on the weekend news. She admitted the location has been "packed" on some weekends. But the skateboarders apparently forgot to bring a ribbon to cut and balloons to launch.

Columbus park officials say one thing will change with the skateboard park's grand opening. All boarders and bikers will be required to wear helmets. After all, the city now officially realizes they're there - so the city is liable for damages.

One mother of a skateboarder told WRBL last week Columbus needs a second skateboard park on the north side of town. In her words: "Columbus is BIG!" You can always spot the people who have never visited Atlanta....

But the skateboard park was put in South Commons for a reason. City officials hope it will help revitalize Columbus South. That may happen in the process of time - but for now, the closest restaurant for tired teenagers after a full day of skateboarding is Bludau's on Broadway.

-> If you missed Sunday's "Heads-Up Poker" action on TV, check our thoughts about it at our other blog, "On the Flop!" <--

E-MAIL UPDATE: Weekend messages focused on two Columbus favorites, both beginning with B. First there's baseball....

Many in this area who wanted to watch or listen to Saturday night's Braves-Nationals game were totally out of luck. Knology Cable didn't carry the game (Peachtree TV?) anywhere in its basic lineup, or at least I couldn't find it.

WRCG-AM is still inaudible at night, at least in north Columbus (the strongest station I could hear on 1420 was playing country music), and the Braves flagship at 640 AM can't be heard here at night either. Unlike last year, there didn't seem to be a local FM frequency picking up the broadcast.

The irony of it all is that I could listen to the Gwinnett Braves (on WDUN 550 AM in Gainesville)!

Inexcusable. Wonder how the Braves organization would feel about being so poorly represented in Georgia's second largest city.

K.S.

We checked the online TV Guide listings for Columbus Knology cable, and Peachtree TV was supposed to have Saturday's baseball game on channels 28 and 95. Maybe someone at the Knology office became caught up watching NCAA women's bowling on ESPN-U, and forgot to flip a switch.

It's strange but true: while Clear Channel stations carry major league baseball in Atlanta, the games have been on the former McClure Broadcasting stations in Columbus for years. WRCG's web site is posting daily summaries of Atlanta games. Now if someone would remind them Paul Harvey is still there, six weeks after his death....

One alternative for local major league baseball fans might be to try WMAC-AM 940 from Macon. I've picked up broadcasts there from time to time. The station's home page didn't promote that Sunday, for some reason. That's what happens when your team misses the playoffs for a few years.

Our online search for answers Sunday night led to a different surprise. We didn't realize the owner of the only AM radio in Americus has applied to move the station all the way to Gwinnett County. Are they sure all the Sumter County farmers have FM radios in their tractors by now?

Warning: the other e-mailed "B word" could make you hungry....

You have to try Ed's BBQ in Phenix City..The BBQ is good but the meats and veggies on the serving line make me proud to be from the south..Go across 13th St Bridge..watch for Phenix CB&T on the right..at the next cut in the median turn left..that ends at Ed's parking lot..happy eating

This bragging about barbecue apparently was inspired by our promise to talk about an area restaurant before long -- but it's NOT this restaurant. That cuts the guessing game to about 300 other locations....

I've admittedly never eaten at Ed's -- but I realize the mere mention of this restaurant is going to spark a debate. It's barbecue. It's the deep South. Plenty of people are loyal to their favorite. And I won't even go near the argument that real barbecue should be beef, instead of pork.

THE BIG BLOG QUESTION is moving this debate about the best barbecue to an online voting booth. Yes, we have a B.B.Q. about BBQ - and we've listed Ed's alongside four other familiar local names. If your choice isn't there, vote for "Other" and make your case in a comment. But please, don't start throwing ribs and squirting sauce bottles at each other.

Thanks for all your votes and comments - and now let's check other weekend meditations:

+ Which local pastor suggested during a sermon if the U.S. economy turns around completely, it will be the work of Satanic forces? President Obama had better settle on a regular Washington church in a hurry....

+ The full speaker list was announced for this year's "Jim Blanchard Leadership Forum." Retired General Colin Powell already had been named. He's being joined by General David Petraeus, Aflac's Paul Amos - and NBC News correspondent Norah O'Donnell, who may be able to offer executives good hairstyling tips.

+ Former Alabama Chief Justice Roy Moore said he'll decide by 1 June whether he'll run for Governor next year. Countless Republicans read his statement and said, "Does he still live in Alabama?"

+ Instant Message to current Alabama Governor Bob Riley: Do you plan a big welcome-home party for the crew of the "Maersk Alabama?" You certainly didn't call out the National Guard, in an attempt to rescue them.

The number of unique visitors to our blog is up more than 18 percent so far this year! To advertise to them, offer a story tip, make a PayPal donation or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 598 (- 36, 5.7%)

ONLINE LOTTERY WINNINGS: $1,801,634 (details upcoming)

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

© 2003-09 Richard Burkard, all rights reserved.

12 APR 09: Open Hearts, Open Doors, Open Season

"HALLELUJAH WE'RE FREE" proclaimed the sign outside Metropolitan Baptist Church on Fifth Avenue Saturday. The message admittedly surprised me a bit - because this mostly African-American church never posts that message on Juneteenth or Martin Luther King Day.

The message was a reference to "Resurrection Week," and many Christians celebrate Jesus's resurrection this weekend. But how many church leaders really feel free these days -- after several deadly shooting sprees, including a couple during services? You can see why sanctuaries long ago had preachers high above the congregations, where they could duck for cover.

I spent time this weekend with a local congregation which is growing concerned about possible trouble at services. It stems from a less threatening incident at a sister congregation a few weeks ago, when a beggar walked into an evening activity and asked people for money. He apparently only wanted an offering, but the next person might demand an outright tithe.

Several men gathered before the worship service to talk about how to protect the congregation. One key will be to watch people closely at the door. So if a greeter "presses the flesh," he'll also be pressing against your suit coat for unusual bulges.

The group talked about setting up a specially-marked row of seats for visitors and guests. This row would be in the back - because as I heard a minister say in Oklahoma years ago, the empty front row is to identify the members which show up late.

Putting the visitors' row in the back will guard against any disruptions during a service. For instance, someone might stand up and start talking loudly. Just because the congregation holds a special service on Pentecost Sunday does NOT mean the group is Pentecostal.

This congregation also has an open snack table at the back of the hall. To guard against moochers sneaking in for free food, the table will be covered during services and marked as off-limits. We suggested the sign say "meat of the Word" and point toward the speaker's stand.

Several members of the group said their goal was to use the minimal amount of force possible. One man said that's what people in martial arts classes are trained to do. I assume he hasn't had any training in "MIXED martial arts," because that seems like just the opposite.

If worse comes to worst, the church security team will try to hustle an unruly visitor out the door. If you want to debate a minister during a service, call the "Know Your Bible" panel Sunday mornings on WLTZ.

One thing struck me during the lengthy security discussion -- as none of the men suggested carrying guns inside the meeting hall. I've met plenty of people at local churches who would gladly volunteer for that duty. For one thing, it keeps them sharp for hunting season - and I think some of them keep guns in the church parking lot already.

I actually served from time to time on "security duty" with a congregation in Atlanta. The duty was little more than watching over a parking lot for 30 minutes on Bible study nights. And sometimes I actually found the Bible study so interesting, I forgot it was my turn to step outside....

But there's one fact in the back of my mind, as I consider what this local congregation is doing. It's part of a movement which had a deadly shooting spree in Wisconsin four years ago - and the killer came from within. He was a church member, who apparently lost control of his senses. So the local worshipers may be wise to hug each other a bit more fervently.

The recent gun violence isn't stopping other congregations from conducting business as usual. North Highland Assembly of God had an event for children Saturday, which boasted of 16,000 eggs. That new chicken processing plant in Phenix City must be more successful than we thought....

Meanwhile, Rivertown Church on Schomburg Road is using Easter to make another change. The congregation which eliminated Saturday evening services last fall is reducing its Sunday service length from 90 to 60 minutes. If Rivertown downsizes any further, people will compare it to the Ledger-Enquirer.

BLOG UPDATE: Speaking of which, the Ledger-Enquirer provided equal access Saturday. It let Muscogee County District Attorney Julia Slater give a front-page reply to a recent critical commentary. Wow, is Wane Hailes under pressure now -- because Piggly Wiggly's managers will expect the same treatment in The Courier.

Julia Slater wrote the families of victims allegedly shot by Charles Johnston "approve of my decision" NOT to seek the death penalty. Really?! The widow of Pete Wright seemed to say exactly the opposite on TV a couple of weeks ago [29 Mar], wishing Slater would seek capital punishment. And no, we don't mean what Seth Harp could face if he wins statewide office....

Julia Slater dared to bring up the record of former District Attorney Gray Conger -- writing he "sought death in 12 cases," but only put defendants on death row in two of them. Apparently the phrase "better to try and fail than never to have tried at all" only would make sense to Slater if she loses an election.

In fact, the District Attorney threw the Charles Johnston decision into Gray Conger's briefcase. Julia Slater said Conger didn't give required notice at an October arraignment hearing that he wanted to seek the death penalty. Slater faulted the Ledger-Enquirer for endorsing Conger without bringing up the matter -- while she was so busy campaigning that she didn't mention it, either.

We'd analyze this further, except we only wrote four jokes about Ben Holden's original commentary. So we'll suspend play with the score tied at four, and move on to some of the other weekend news:

+ A dangerous line of storms produced several Friday night tornadoes across the area. My power went out a couple of times while eating dinner - reminding me of the need to light a candle before dining, to add to the atmosphere.

+ A check of Troup County records revealed several companies have filed liens for almost two million dollars against Kia Motors. They claim subcontractors haven't paid them for work relating to the West Point plant. If you can't even pay the port-a-potty guy, people will think the entire project is going down the.... well, you know....

+ The Associated Press dug deeper into Rep. Sanford Bishop's "earmarks" in the latest federal spending bill. He obtained more than $70,000 for a Thomasville foundation which owes more than $120,000 in back payroll taxes. So much for effective government -- the earmark won't even pay off the debt.

+ The Columbus Lions won their fourth game out of five, handling Harrisburg 35-33. Star wide receiver Troy Bergeron was NOT in the Columbus lineup, and I could find no explanation for it. We hope he's OK -- and didn't sneak off the team bus in Philadelphia, to try out for the Eagles.

+ Instant Message to the woman I saw placing plastic eggs on the grass at Idle Hour Park in Phenix City: I've never seen that before - a Saturday night after-sundown Easter egg hunt. Did you assume someone was going to steal them all by Sunday morning?

SCHEDULED MONDAY: The big weekend event at South Commons.... and let's start a barbecue battle royal....

The number of unique visitors to our blog is up more than 18 percent so far this year! To advertise to them, offer a story tip, make a PayPal donation or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 634 (+ 13, 2.1%)

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

© 2003-09 Richard Burkard, all rights reserved.

for 11 APR 09: At Your Service

We receive notices from time to time of community events which may interest some of you. Here's one which came this past week:

Greetings all,

Attached is a flyer for an event that is happening on April 18th. If you would, please forward it to your contact list. I would really appreciate it. Its a great opportunity for special needs kids in the community.

Be Well!

Amy Bontrager
Community Outreach Coordinator
May Institute-Southeast Regional Autism Center

The event is designed to "help children with special needs become confident with law enforcement and emergency service providers...." Perhaps a similar program can be organized for local civil rights organizations.

But there's one comforting thing about this promotion. It's being held at the Northern Little League complex - which makes this the most positive e-mail we've had about local Little League in a long time.

The number of unique visitors to our blog is up more than 18 percent so far this year! To advertise to them, offer a story tip, make a PayPal donation or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 621 (- 76, 10.9%)

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

© 2003-09 Richard Burkard, all rights reserved.

10 APR 09: Hung Out to Dry

This is a big week of the year for many religious people. Some are in the second day of "Passover season," or the days of unleavened bread. Others will mark Good Friday today, then Easter on Sunday - which always leaves me wondering if that makes Saturday better, worse or about the same.

Some people who want to dress their best for these occasions might be a bit frustrated right now. That's because a Columbus dry cleaning business reportedly has been shut down by the state, with unclaimed clothing still inside. I don't think "being taken to the cleaners" is supposed to work like this....

WRBL reports Value Cleaners on Buena Vista Road was shut down by the state of Georgia last week. I'm surprised that state agents would shut down a dry cleaning business - unless that distinctive aroma inside had been replaced by the smell of methamphetamine.

The problem with Value Cleaners reportedly involves a dispute over "financial and repair work." It wouldn't be surprising if the two are connected. You know - a bad clothing press, leaving the management hard-pressed.

But there's a bigger problem for Value Cleaners customers. They say they paid in advance for cleaning, and have been unable to pick up their clothes. WRBL ought to borrow an idea from ABC News 30 years ago - and call it "Pantsuits Held Hostage: Day 10."

There was some good news for Value Cleaners customers Thursday night. The business will reopen Saturday, for people to collect their clothes - but it will reopen only for one hour, at 12:00 noon. For once, the storm sirens will sound for more than a test.

(Come to think of it, this will give "One Hour Martinizing" a completely new meaning....)

One question comes to mind as I consider this story. Should you pay up-front for dry cleaning work, as customers did at Value Cleaners -- or should you wait until you pick it up? Either way, the staff would be paid. At least if you're like me, and you forget to check your pockets for spare change....

There's one big advantage to waiting until pick-up to pay for dry cleaning. If something goes wrong, the customer has leverage over the business. Fix that busted button, or two B's will turn into three - as in the Better Business Bureau.

-> We skipped poker night Thursday, but our blogging about poker and life goes on. Check our other blog, "On the Flop!" <--

E-MAIL UPDATE: Here's a follow-up to this week's "Proclamation Day" at Columbus Council. We mentioned there was no agenda for the meeting posted Tuesday afternoon on the city web site - and that brought this reply:

Hi, Richard --

Sorry for my confusing the issue! The "event" on the first Tuesday of each month is not an official Council meeting. It is the meeting when the only activity is the awarding of proclamations issued by the Mayor. The official meetings are subsequent Tuesdays, except the third Tuesday when there is no meeting. We're all still trying to make sure we're doing the new schedule correctly, and hopefully, we'll get there. There was notice given to the Ledger about the proclamations, but it did not appear in Sunday's paper as does the Council agenda.

So bear with us and we'll all ultimately get it!

As you might have guessed, this reply came from someone in the mayor's office. But we still don't know what was proclaimed last Tuesday. If April was declared Blogger Awareness Month, there's clearly a problem here.

Let's see what else we've missed from the last couple of days....

+ A Tuesday evening fire damaged businesses at the Hilton on the Square shopping center. I drove by the scene on the way to a communion service, but wasn't sure what was going on. For all I knew, a customer may have fainted after finding a price that beat Columbus Park Crossing.

+ Russell County sheriff's officers made two arrests, after discovering an alleged meth lab. Officers say they were tipped off by unusual activity on a water meter. And let's face it - no one has a good reason to run lawn sprinklers right now.

+ The Russell County Commission rejected plans for a landfill on State Docks Road in Phenix City. You can understand why people living near the site were against it. The road isn't named "State Boondocks," after all....

(Columbus Councilor Mimi Woodson spoke to the Russell County Commission. She's concerned about the proposed landfill polluting the Chattahoochee River. But I'm still waiting for her news conference, to complain about that recent Columbus Water Works sewage spill.)

+ National Infantry Foundation Director Jerry White told WLTZ attendance is slowly improving. But he admits some early screenings at the IMAX theater had fewer than ten people -- so viewers had almost as much stretching room as the screen.

+ Georgia Governor Sonny Perdue announced a new Disney movie called "The Last Song" will be filmed in the Savannah area. There's speculation this movie will star Miley Cyrus - and if she's preparing to retire from show business at 17, something is sadly wrong in this country.

+ WLTZ turned on its digital 38.2 channel, as it prepares to show The CW. Right now it's showing a boring test pattern. At least it could have Al Fleming's picture on it....

+ Columbus golfer Larry Mize shot a five-under-par 67 in the first round of The Masters. He's two strokes off the lead, and three strokes ahead of Tiger Woods - so don't be surprised if Mize wears a bright red shirt today, in an attempt to psych Woods into confusion.

(Mize told WRBL he's been working on his swing since last September with Columbus State University golf coach Mark Immelman. Excuse me for asking this - but shouldn't Mize work with brother Trevor? After all, he won The Masters last year.)

+ Jordan-Hare Stadium in Auburn was named a potential site for future World Cup soccer matches. This was stunning news for Auburn fans - because Tommy Tuberville never would have allowed this sort of thing on his field.

+ Instant Message to the Taco Bell on Milgen Road: Is there a reason why you've put up a poster on perseverance -- not in the preparation area, but where people eat? Is this a sneaky message about the restaurant staff?

SONG OF THE DAY: By request, we post an idea which came to us several weeks ago. What if Hank Williams was alive today, in the age of Twitter?

COMING SOON: The nicest area restaurant you've probably never heard about....

The number of unique visitors to our blog is up more than 18 percent so far this year! To advertise to them, offer a story tip, make a PayPal donation or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 697 (+ 42, 6.4%)

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

© 2003-09 Richard Burkard, all rights reserved.

8 APR 09: Get Out of My House

A new TV crime drama premieres tonight called "The Unusuals." The timing is amazing, because this post is about several unusual events of the last few weeks. The biggest one is that spring cleaning is over, a record two days ahead of schedule. Then again, maybe I shouldn't admit that -- because now you'll expect well thought-out jokes.

As you may have noticed from recent posts, we undergo what we call "Serious Spring Cleaning" every year. Yes, we mean Serious. Ordinary cleaning wipes the loose hairs away from the shower drain. Serious cleaning puts that plunger in the sink, to scrape the lime stains off.

Serious Spring Cleaning actually has a religious basis to it. The Biblical feast of "Unleavened Bread" begins at sunset tonight, and believers are supposed to get all the leavening out of their homes. I've heard ministers over the years warn leavening could be almost anywhere. And for a single guy who enjoys chocolate chip cookies, I know how accurate that is.

It's sometimes been a final-day strain to get all the leavening out of the house by deadline time. Well-meaning friends and neighbors sometimes put hurdles in the way. Take the year in metro Atlanta when deadline day was a Friday -- and a former roommate insisted I use that day to call Clark Howard over and over again, to ask travel questions he didn't feel comfortable asking.

But this year - well, it's been unusual. I gained time on the cleaning clock early, and was able to coast to the finish line late Monday. Well, that's the unofficial finish line. Columbus city rules barred me from putting my last two trash bags at the curb until 7:00 a.m. Tuesday - so they sat on the front porch all night.

I have a system when it comes to Serious Spring Cleaning - going one room at a time, from the one least likely to have leaven to the one most likely. So we started in the bathroom, where bread crumbs normally are spit out with baking soda-free toothpaste.

But there are other benefits to Serious Spring Cleaning, and they begin in the bathroom. The biggest goal is the removal of roaches and their remnants. You know what I mean by remnants, right? Those black specks that make newcomers think you sneezed pepper all over your medicine cabinet.

While roaches might be hidden, cobwebs are in plain sight at the intersection of walls and ceilings. Despite a claim years ago on the radio by Dr. Science, I removed practically all of them this year without any pieces of furniture collapsing.

(This reminds me of one major difference between my springtime tradition and what many Christians do. They look for Easter bunnies - I go after dust bunnies.)

It's also a perfect time of year to organize all the clutter that develops in the course of a year. Some of it admittedly piled up on the chest of drawers in my bedroom, and is now in a proper place. Maybe one of these days, I'll actually read those changes in credit card terms....

Serious Spring Cleaning really gets down to business when we reach the computer room. Do you realize how many hours we spend there each year, simply preparing this blog? Not to mention how many games of Minesweeper we've lost, because we were stuck for a good punchline?

The TV news offered a great new idea this year for cleaning my computer keyboard. Take the sticky part of a "sticky note," and go between the gaps. The note part, of course, is left for writing something to someone you really detest.

The scariest moment of Serious Spring Cleaning came in the computer room. I vacuumed along a side - and heard a coin be swept off the carpet. That called for a final review of the vacuum bag late Monday. Feelings - ten cents' worth of feelings....

After all the paperwork and computer-related things are cleaned, it's on to the living room. There was a big change there this year, as a dual cassette deck which doesn't play properly anymore was moved into a storage box. It's still separated from one of my rarest keepsakes - a machine which records eight-track tapes.

Yet even in the most challenging rooms, we were able to move quickly this year. I'd like to think it's because I'm getting better at keeping things clean and organized year-round. But I know myself better than that - and note how much rain during March kept me indoors.

So thanks to a strong focus and bad weather, we had almost two weeks to clean the kitchen. There was plenty of time to organize a room which often can be a rush job. For instance, I was amazed to learn clear plastic drinking cups come in 11 different sizes.

The roaches especially love to congregate around my kitchen trash can, and in gaps around the stove. This year I had time to take an aggressive approach, and use insect spray on those spots. The pilot light of the stove did NOT produce any explosions - so maybe the spray is weaker than I thought.

The final official bit of leavened bread to leave the house was a box of six glazed Publix doughnuts. Well, it sort of "left the house" Monday evening - but I'm still in the house as I write this, complete with my stomach.

So the trash cans have been cleaned, the vacuum cleaner is temporarily without a bag, and the toaster is hidden in a closet for the next eight days or do. The unusual tradition of Serious Spring Cleaning has been accomplished. Now if the trees will kindly cooperate, and knock it off with all the pollen....

E-MAIL UPDATE: A conclusion we reached Tuesday quickly brought a challenge....

"Mayor Wetherington left open the possibility that the city will help pay for water damage to homes on Teak Drive. That's a topic for next week's Columbus Council meeting. There's no meeting today, apparently due to the Muscogee County school spring break -- unless they finally discovered they missed Caesar Chavez Day."

Richard -- remember that the Council schedule has changed, and there is a meeting tonight that will be devoted to the issuance of proclamations by the Mayor and Council. The City Government doesn't take a Spring Break as do the schools.

But if there was a Tuesday evening meeting, there should have been an agenda posted -- and none was posted at the city web site, not even Tuesday afternoon. Then again, maybe the city issued proclamations honoring undercover police officers.

The number of unique visitors to our blog is up more than 18 percent so far this year! To advertise to them, offer a story tip, make a PayPal donation or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 655 (+ 9, 1.4%)

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

© 2003-09 Richard Burkard, all rights reserved.

7 APR 09: Ticked on Teak

Wow, I feel a song coming on. On the sixth day of April, we were amazed to see -- 12-numbered watershed, 11 houses drying, ten pumps a-pumping, "nine" with live updates, eight new excuses, seven.... oh, I'm sorry. Some residents are taking this mess much more seriously than that.

The watery mess on Teak Drive near Schomburg Road still wasn't resolved Monday night. Indeed, ten pumps continued to drain water from an area which became a lake last week. Some people might be rooting for the draining to stop - in case they can go ice skating outside the next couple of mornings.

The Monday evening news revealed residents of the Foxfire neighborhood expressed concerns about Bull Creek watershed #12 (aka Charter Oaks) months ago. The 311 number for city services received seven complaints about it since last December. Teak Drive had 11 waterlogged homes - so isn't that a majority?

(Yes, we can say it - the concerned residents warned Teak would.)

Yet Mayor Jim Wetherington put an even stranger twist on the overflow in an interview with WRBL. He said a drain might not have worked properly due to a "beaver blockage." Beavers in the heart of Columbus? Why, that's about as absurd as rabbit-keeping in downtown Columbus. And that could never.... oh wait. My neighbor in the complex is doing that right now.

We checked online Monday night, and beavers actually are indigenous to Georgia. So it's possible one of them caused the blockage at Charter Oaks. May I suggest future watersheds be named after less tempting things for beavers -- such as former Columbus Councilors.

Mayor Wetherington also noted some people in the Foxfire neighborhood have seen people throw chairs in the watershed. That settles it - we need to increase police patrols on weekends with big college football games.

The mayor added some people even have witnessed water coolers being tossed into Charter Oaks lake. These Callaway Blue wanna-bes will never learn....

Mayor Wetherington left open the possibility that the city will help pay for water damage to homes on Teak Drive. That's a topic for next week's Columbus Council meeting. There's no meeting today, apparently due to the Muscogee County school spring break -- unless they finally discovered they missed Cesar Chavez Day.

In other flood-related news, Columbus Water Works agreed Monday to help pay for damage to a church on Winston Road. The pastor and his wife reported two sewage backups in four weeks. If it happens once at a church, that's demonic interference - if it happens twice, it's more likely a city agency.

On top of that, Georgia Power revealed it opened an extra gate at Lake Oliver due to all the recent rain. The utility promises to give advance notice, if another gate has to be opened - so kayakers have plenty of time to assemble at the scene.

Flooding remains a problem in parts of South Georgia. Homes are underwater in the Valdosta area, along the Withlacoochee River. Right now, the homeowners wish they could have been Without....

Hoping you're high and dry, let's check other discoveries we made Monday:

+ National Infantry Foundation Chair Jerry White complained to WRBL he's upset with low attendance, since the museum parade ground was dedicated three weeks ago. Should he really be surprised? The museum itself doesn't have its "grand opening" until June. And strolls down old-style streets certainly didn't keep Riverfest going.

+ Russell County Sheriff Tommy Boswell proposed using federal stimulus money to expand the county jail, and add 100 beds. Why isn't this being proposed at the Muscogee County Jail? Wouldn't that fit perfectly with those 100 new police officers?

(Sheriff Boswell explained the Russell County Jail currently is at its 312-inmate capacity. He warned overcrowding can spread infectious diseases. Boswell should tell this to the people trying to do away with solitary confinement.)

+ Shaw High School Principal Jim Arnold was named a finalist for Georgia Secondary School Principal of the Year. I'm not sure how they decide who's best at the high school level. Among grade school principals, it would come down to which one can paddle the hardest.

+ The Savannah Morning News reported a man was arrested for sparking a fire, by setting off fireworks in his motel room. Are you teenagers paying attention? This is NOT the proper way to end a prom night.

(You can tell this is a hopeless single guy -- because the "fireworks" in the motel room had nothing to do with romance.)

+ Instant Message to WRBL: Ohhhhh - now I get it. You canceled the 12:00 noon and 5:00 p.m. news so you could afford to send two of your anchors to The Masters golf tournament.

SCHEDULED WEDNESDAY: Our annual Serious Spring Cleaning wrap-up.... and believe it or not, it should occur at our usual post time....

The number of unique visitors to our blog is up more than 18 percent so far this year! To advertise to them, offer a story tip, make a PayPal donation or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 646 (+ 25, 4.0%)

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

© 2003-09 Richard Burkard, all rights reserved.

6 APR 09: Two Times, Two Lies

The forecast for this week includes a possible freeze. Yet there are plenty of signs of spring in Columbus. Azaleas and tulips are blooming. Pollen dust is covering cars. And in my little world, the beggars are coming out of hibernation....

BLOGGER BEGGARS #1-2 (of 2009): "Can you help me?" the man said from the sidewalk Friday afternoon. He stood at a popular "beggar's corner," near the door of the Money Back station at Fourth Street and Veterans Parkway. If people standing there have their way, you won't keep the "money back" for long.

"Can I get gas first?" I said as I walked to the car. I'd only walked inside the station because the gas pump showed something I'd never seen before: an "err 09" message. Was this a sign to me -- that stopping here was my biggest error of 2009?

The man on the sidewalk agreed to wait - but then walked over to my car as I started pumping. "Can you spare me some money?"

"How much?" After all, he might be a Synovus banker in disguise.

"About two dollars."

"What do you want it for?" I don't simply hand out money to strangers. The pastor where I attend church warned recently you could be "feeding a habit." And at stores such as Money Back, the Keno drawings come every four minutes.

"Get me something to eat," the beggar said in response to my question.

"I've got that right here," I said - and opened my trunk. During my fall vacation last year, a speaker offered an excellent idea for handling these cases. Have food in the car, ready to hand out to them. My "beggar bags" contain a box of juice and a small can of Vienna sausages. As long as the beggar isn't biased against Austrians....

I simply hand the beggar the free paper bag of food, and everything is settled - right? Wrong. "I still need more than two dollars," he said. I should have asked if he'd asked the Obama administration for a bailout.

The beggar then explained he needed more than two dollars "for board." This confirmed he wasn't with Synovus, because the board members need a lot more than that to avoid future layoffs.

"So you really don't need this," I said - taking the bag of food away from the beggar and putting it back in the trunk. His misleading request should have been a deal-breaker right there. I'll stop short of calling it the Bill Heard effect.

The man insisted he needed money to pay his board - so I asked where his landlord lives. "Benning Hills," the beggar said.

"C'mon, I'll take you there." Perhaps, I thought, I could work out some kind of deal with the landlord - naively forgetting we're in a recession.

Once inside the car, the beggar said his landlord lives "up Fourth Avenue." Wait a minute - that's not Benning Hills. Somehow the man misspoke. For a second time. Where did this man take political science classes?

"I really need more than two dollars," the beggar said several times during the short drive. Trouble was, he'd caught me at the end of laundry day. The dryers at my location still only ask for a quarter at a time.

"You've helped me before," the man said as we drove up Third Avenue. After giving it some thought, he was right. This was Wilbur, the man who had me buy a bottle of soda for him in 2007 [1 May 07] - so as Earth Day approaches, we have beggar recycling.

(After further review, we may also have helped Wilbur in the blog issue of 23 Apr 08. Our neighbors chased him away from the front porch then - which proves for some people, familiarity breeds contempt.)

"So what have you done to improve your lot?" I asked Wilbur a few times in various ways.

"Things have been tough, man," was the closest thing he gave to a serious reply. So tough, he's been unable to move to a new neighborhood to meet fresh customers.

Wilbur directed me to a house at 727 Veterans Parkway, which has an unpaved and muddy pseudo-driveway. He lives there with a man named O'Neal, who apparently owns the place. Since he was there on a Friday afternoon during basketball season, his first name obviously was not Shaquille.

"You can come in," Wilbur said after stepping inside the house. I declined, waiting outside the fenced yard for O'Neal to come out. Who knows what might be going on inside -- and I certainly didn't want cocaine dust on my newly-cleaned clothes.

O'Neal came out after a moment, and I explained what had happened so far -- including Wilbur's two lies. O'Neal somehow wasn't shocked by the lying. But when I asked how many dollars Wilbur needed for board, the shock was on me: "More like 20." This explains why Wilbur isn't working at a tax preparation office.

"He's about to give it to you," Wilbur told O'Neal. This beggar can't even open a psychic reading office, because that guess was wrong.

"No, I don't have 20 dollars on me - not unless he accepts credit cards." O'Neal muttered something to the effect that he didn't. Now there's the way to get people off those problems with overextended credit lines.

Two more people walked out of O'Neal's house during the course of the conversation - an African-American man and a Caucasian woman. Had I stumbled upon a "flophouse" here? As opposed to a "success-house" where people stay, like the Doubletree Hotel?

So Wilbur didn't need something to eat, he didn't live in Benning Hills -- and now his debt was ten times larger than his original request. And to think only half-a-block away, the historic Spencer House is long overdue for a paint job. Someone could hire Wilbur to do that work and stop his begging - well, at least for a week or two.

Wilbur begged at that point for any money I could give him. So I did some thinking out loud: "Do I reward you for lying to me, or say no and teach you a lesson?" You can guess Wilbur's response - straight out of that book of things you learned in kindergarten.

"This is about telling the truth," I said firmly to Wilbur. "So many beggars start with a lie, to get to what they really want." Hmmm - come to think of it, how many encounters at singles bars also work this way?

"You need to learn to tell the truth from the get-go," I continued. Yes, I used the word "get-go" - showing Southern culture really is rubbing off on me.

Refusing to give him cash, I cut short Wilbur's pleadings and returned to his original request. "It's food or nothing."

"I'll take the food," he said after a moment. I opened the trunk again, and handed him a bag.

"Now can I have a couple of dollars?" Wilbur missed his calling - and should be working as a lobbyist in Washington.

I explained the offer to Wilbur again: food or nothing, with no mention of money. It's as if he thought two dollars was my definition of "nothing."

With that, I climbed into the car to drive home -- but Wilbur had other ideas. After walking away a moment, he returned to my driver's door. "Can I have a loan of a couple of dollars?" Now he was starting to sound like a New York banking executive.

I climbed out of the car to address this proposal. "Do you expect me to believe that? Like I'm going to see you again?!"

"Yes, you will. You'll see me," Wilbur said with certainty. I didn't know if that was a statement of faith, a promise -- or perhaps a threat.

I told Wilbur no, and climbed back inside the car. But a moment after I fired up the engine, Wilbur walked around the back of the car and knocked on the passenger's window. If only a Columbus Lions cheerleader had this much interest in me....

"Can you give me a ride back down to the store?" Wilbur asked. Oh no -- and let him lobby me for four more blocks? Maybe I should have driven a couple of blocks in the other direction, and let him ask for money outside NAACP headquarters.

"No," I said. "It's only three blocks. It's good exercise." And on top of that, Wilbur might put in a little physical labor to get what he wants.

At this point, I honestly feared Wilbur would borrow from Beijing's Tiananmen Square in 1989 -- standing behind my car and refusing to let me leave the driveway until he received some money. But he didn't right away, and I quickly backed out to Veterans Parkway. Even beggars sometimes run out of ideas.

Believe it or not, this encounter with a beggar didn't surprise me in the least. That's because Friday was also car-cleaning day in our Serious Spring Cleaning -- and two years on that day, we crossed paths with three beggars [1 Apr 07]. If the number is down to one, maybe the local economy is recovering after all.

Oh yes - Wilbur is actually the second beggar we've counted so far this year. The first one was a co-worker, who needed to "borrow" 25 cents weeks ago for something from a vending machine. She hasn't paid me back, despite my seeing her several days a week. Maybe I should ask for her car title as collateral....

The number of unique visitors to our blog is up more than 18 percent so far this year! To advertise to them, offer a story tip, make a PayPal donation or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 621 (- 37, 5.6%)

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

© 2003-09 Richard Burkard, all rights reserved.

5 APR 09: C-Double-U Down the Dial

And you thought the "Big Switch" in local television wasn't supposed to happen until June. A couple of noticeable changes have been announced in the last few days. One of them might be called stealing - except it involves the station showing "Law and Order," so the managers probably would plead not guilty.

WLTZ shook up the Columbus TV landscape, by announcing it will start showing The CW Network in three weeks. And they're bragging about this?! CW is one of the few networks with worse ratings than NBC.

WLTZ will NOT replace its NBC programming with The CW. Instead, the new network is heading to a secondary digital channel, 38.2. We scanned our set Saturday night, and found that channel is NOT on the air yet. You'd think they might run test signals, with Calvin Floyd selling those meat smokers.

Adding a second channel might solve a scheduling problem WLTZ has faced recently. NBC shows on several nights were pre-empted by Atlantic Coast Conference basketball games, and moved to Saturday afternoons. A few Sunday National Hockey League games were pre-empted completely -- and callers probably reminded WLTZ the Cottonmouths have more fans than Columbus State basketball.

When WLTZ's big announcement was posted on the Ledger-Enquirer web site, a few people left comments of concern. They're afraid The CW will NOT be shown in high-definition, as NBC programming is. And if any show on The CW ought to be in high-definition, it's "America's Next Top Model."

But one station's gain of The CW means another station lost it - and the Ledger-Enquirer apparently didn't bother calling WLGA for a comment on the switch. Perhaps the newspaper assumed TV-66 was busy rounding up hours of infomercials, to fill the gap.

So in a BLOG EXCLUSIVE, we have WLGA's response to the loss of its network. We called the office Friday, and were answered with a news release saying TV-66 "will once again become a true independent station...." with an "all new programming line-up." Local churches which were kicked off the air for The CW might feel born again.

People with long memories might recall WLGA used to have several locally-produced programs, aimed primarily at Lee County viewers. It also showed faith healer Leroy Jenkins twice a day, offering his bottles of "miracle water." The Columbus area seemed to break the drought without that....

Mark this blogger's words - it's only a matter of time before one TV station in Columbus goes all-Spanish. The managers at WLGA might have the phone number of Univision in their Rolodex. In case all else fails, appeal to Mexico for an invasion -- at least of "telenovelas."

The WLGA news release also denies claims that the station and owner Pappas Telecasting have filed for bankruptcy. I'm not sure how that rumor started - especially since it has no local news at all, and WRBL is doing the cutting.

That's the other big development in Columbus TV - as WRBL officially ended its 12:00 noon and 5:00 p.m. newscasts Friday. But General Manager Otis Pickett promises a new "midday webcast" starting Monday, which you can watch anytime in the afternoon. For instance, while you're weaning away from the soon-to-be-canceled "Guiding Light" at 3:00.

We've mentioned WRBL will replace the hour-long "First Edition" newscast at 5:00 with reruns of "Two-and-a-Half Men." Otis Pickett bragged the comedy with Charlie Sheen is not available on cable. Right now, that's true - but it will appear on FX in 2010. Maybe WRBL can reclaim reruns of "The Andy Griffith Show" by then.

(By the way - don't you love a name like Otis Pickett? Shouldn't that be the name of a blues singer on WOKS Radio?)

Otis Pickett did NOT mention what will replace the 12:00 noon news on WRBL. TV Guide's online listings for Monday say only "paid programming." Either daily infomercials are coming, or Rivertown Ford's dancing turkey is trading channels as well.

The end of "News 3 Midday" marks quite a fall for WRBL. When that station had "The Rozelle Show" at 12:00 noon, the ratings were so huge that Atlanta newspapers even did a story about it. Now the station is waving a white flag and surrendering -- unless it plans a big surprise talk show announcement involving Eve Tidwell.

One post on a TV news message board this weekend dared to predict WRBL might shut down its news department completely. I'm skeptical about that. WLTZ's newscasts haven't advanced that far yet - especially not when Stefanie Tiso's name appears over a Columbus Water Works executive, which happened twice Friday night.

We have plenty of other things to review, from the last few days:

+ Residents of the Fox Fire neighborhood began returning home, after a blocked drain made a watershed overflow and flooded several homes. I noticed 2012 Muscogee County Sheriff candidate Mark LaJoye lives in that neighborhood - but so far, his web site somehow is NOT blaming Sheriff John Darr for the damage.

(Did you see the angry Fox Fire resident on TV, who challenged Mayor Jim Wetherington to "take off his tie" and come help his neighborhood? The man noted the mayor ran on a "public safety" platform. Well yeah, Wetherington did - but 99 percent of Columbus voters figured out that meant law officers.)

+ Georgia State Patrol officers joined police in "Operation Visible," catching speeders along Interstate 185. One person was clocked driving 114 miles per hour. I thought the Aflac racing team was in Texas this weekend....

+ Columbus police reported someone broke into the new Muscogee County School administration building, and stole construction equipment such as saws. C'mon, guys - there are better ways to oppose the school sales tax than that.

+ State Senator Seth Harp announced he plans to run for some kind of statewide office next year. Hmmmm - which one is most likely to regulate sales of alcohol?

(Richard Hyatt's web site reports Harris County Sheriff Mike Jolley already was planning to run for Seth Harp's Senate seat. Harp may have concluded that idea was.... well, you know.... Jolley good.)

+ WRBL reported the Randolph County, Georgia school board has become so divided that it holds two separate meetings. Two board members attend one, while three attend the other. If this group can hold "split sessions," so can high school students....

+ Port Columbus began a weekend-long celebration to dedicate its Civil War-era replica ship "The Water Witch." So do we call this a "new" ship, if it's modeled after one which is more 150 years old?

+ Missouri's Guido Hibdon captured the four-day FLW bass fishing tournament at Lake Eufaula. He won by five pounds by Tom Mann Jr. - who is NOT the son of the late Eufaula fishing expert. Given Mann's history, his son would have been named after one of his lures: Little George.

(Guido Hibdon fishes for "Team BP," as in British Petroleum. There, you see? Those billions of dollars in oil profits are NOT going to waste. They're helping keep fishermen in very nice boats.)

+ The Columbus Lions battered Baltimore 82-19. Yet the official league box score shows the attendance at the Civic Center was 0. Did WFXE-FM's concert at Golden Park scare THAT many people away?

+ Instant Message to WXTX: I've got a great idea! Next season, ask the new Georgia men's basketball coach to put on a uniform for a game - and make sure the back says "Fox 54."

SCHEDULED MONDAY: A place where people stay on Veterans Parkway, but it's not quite a motel....

The number of unique visitors to our blog is up more than 18 percent so far this year! To advertise to them, offer a story tip, make a PayPal donation or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 658 (+ 23, 3.6%)

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

© 2003-09 Richard Burkard, all rights reserved.