18 MAY 08: SONNY'S ARMY?

Saturday was Armed Forces Day. I don't know if the Georgia Republican convention at the Civic Center took time to mark the occasion. But if any delegates strolled too close to the National Infantry Museum, they might have come under assault.

The two-day Georgia Republican convention concluded Saturday in South Commons - a short drive from Fort Benning. So what was Governor Sonny Perdue thinking, when he removed state money for the National Infantry Museum with a line-item veto? Did he assume the convention would be at Green Island, where so many local Republicans live?

It didn't take long for e-mail to reach us about that line-item veto -- titled "Sonny Side Down":

Richard, thought you might enjoy this rare verbal blistering of an elected official courtesy a retired general. Well deserved blistering I might add. (see attached) Also, Know that the Gov retained 7.3 million for a horse barn and practice ring in his home town....More important than honoring Soldiers...don't think so. Of course this is in conjunction with 18 million for the "Go fishing" project

The attachment was a "letter to the editor" from National Infantry Foundation Chair Jerry White. I'll assume the Ledger-Enquirer will print it in full - but White's letter calls the veto of three million state dollars an "injustice." Yet for some reason, I didn't even hear of a convention protest by Jim Rhodes.

Jerry White's letter says the National Infantry Foundation asked the Georgia legislature for $15 million over three years. Last year's five-million dollar budget line was signed into law by the Governor. This year, it was not - but remember, state funds are tighter this year. They're so tight that Governor Perdue didn't fly down to the Republican convention in a helicopter.

Yet it's worth noting that the legislature did NOT approve another five million dollars for the Infantry Museum this year. It recommended only three million - so solely blaming the governor is a bit like blaming an off-key country song on the man with the loudest guitar.

Jerry White's letter also notes $78 million already has been raised for the new National Infantry Museum, out of a goal of $100 million. So a change is required in obtaining only three percent of the money. Maybe the foundation should borrow an idea from the Georgia G.O.P., and hold a fund-raising "victory dinner" honoring the Third Brigade.

Jerry White's letter says it's "baffling" and "disturbing" that Governor Sonny Perdue isn't personally supporting the National Infantry Museum project. With home prices in decline, you'd think the governor would sell off his Florida properties while he still can profit from them....

Governor Sonny Perdue explained his line-item veto of the National Infantry Foundation money Saturday, during the Georgia Republican convention. He said it's not a slap at soldiers, but a matter of whether the state should fund "locally-operated museums." Just because this museum has a donation from South Korea does NOT mean that government runs the place.

The Georgia Governor has objected to state money for other museums. One veto put the "Georgia Golf Hall of Fame" in Augusta at risk - and you'd think the members of Augusta National Golf Club would have deep enough pockets to bail that museum out.

Jerry White told WRBL Governor Sonny Perdue must think five million dollars is enough for honoring soldiers - but it's not nearly enough. Someone should calmly tell him state funding was kept for the Georgia National Guard....

But Jerry White's remark begs for an emotional response, especially in an "Army town" loaded with veterans. How much state money IS enough for soldiers? I'm not sure White would be satisfied, if Governor Perdue gave him a $100 million check today. But then again, grumbling about pay has helped make our armed forces so successful for so long.

Several Columbus companies already have made big donations for the National Infantry Museum, such as Synovus and Aflac. If people consider it a worthwhile project, they'll provide the missing $22 million. Governor Perdue simply is being a Republican - and passing the guilt trip on to the private sector.

For awhile this weekend, I wasn't sure how true-blue deeply conservative the Georgia Republican convention was. But finally it happened Saturday night - a sign some hard-right members were in town. They finally fired a cannon outside Port Columbus.

(I happened to be jogging near Port Columbus when the cannon went off - and heard a good amount of giggling before it fired. How many "cannonballs" did Republicans drink first?)

I live close to the Civic Center, and saw a few Republican campaign signs as I walked around the neighborhood. And every time I heard sirens, I assumed another dignitary was receiving a police escort to or from the airport.

The convention delegates supposedly booked more than 950 Columbus motel rooms. And I may have spotted a few of them Saturday night, as I picked up dinner at a restaurant on Victory Drive. They were older women - and a van was parked outside from First Baptist Church of Richland. Yup, they sure seemed like Republicans to me....

The main goal of the Columbus conclave was selecting Georgia's delegates and alternates to the Republican National Convention this summer. Did you realize they're opening that convention on Labor Day? Now there's a party truly desperate for union endorsements.

Unlike the Democrats, the Republican convention will NOT have "superdelegates." The G.O.P. already knows which officials are in power, without having to give them an extra ego-stroking title....

If Zell Miller appeared at the Georgia Republican convention this year, I never heard about it. In fact, Miller has been noticeably quiet this election year - after emerging as the G.O.P.'s surprise star in 2004. I hesitate to say he was a "trophy donkey."

THE BIG BLOG QUESTION concerning the Columbus Fire Chief ended Friday afternoon - and two-thirds of you (8-4) said Jeff Meyer should NOT have been smoking during a job interview with a possible deputy chief. Considering that interview occurred in a parking lot, the smokers who fish along the Riverwalk might want to start shopping for Nicorette patches.

It's now been a week since the mayor issued his "very serious" letter of reprimand to the Fire Chief. So has anything changed in the fire/EMS department? Has anyone been fired, demoted or otherwise punished? Or have crews been too busy, making sure water can be diverted from newly-running fountains?

Now let's see what else is happening this weekend....

+ The Muscogee County School Board kicked off its search for a new superintendent. Three potential search agencies were interviewed at a.... hey, wait a minute! Search agencies?! Wasn't the job posted on the Georgia Department of Labor web site? [17 Feb] Were the only applicants angry teachers?

(The three potential search agencies were considered NOT at the school district office, but at the Marriott Hotel downtown. NOW do you see why we need that nice new administration building? Otherwise, companies from Illinois will feel insulted.)

+ Chattahoochee County High School held its first graduation ceremony. The class of 2008 truly did make history - and they'll keep making it for decades, by facing the burden of organizing all those class reunions.

+ A morning fire caused extensive damage to Tyler's restaurant in downtown Phenix City. Thankfully, no one was injured - and the restaurant simply closed for the day several hours earlier than its usual time of 2:00 p.m.

+ Former Bad Company singer Brian Howe performed at the Phenix City Amphitheater. His hometown club Portsmouth won Britain's F.A. Cup soccer final earlier in the day - so he may have done well to perform any songs without drunken slurs.

+ Augusta edged the Columbus Catfish 2-1 in ten innings. So why did I see so many fans leaving Golden Park in the middle of the tenth, before Columbus could bat? Did these fans think it was a Cottonmouths game, with sudden-death overtime?

+ Instant Message to Fat Boys Farmers Market: About that sign offering "FRESH FL TOMATOES" - I'm sorry. But if a tomato is flat, I really don't want it.

SCHEDULED MONDAY: A big sit-in protest you might not have heard about....

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BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 761 (- 49, 6.0%)

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

© 2003-08 Richard Burkard, all rights reserved.

16 MAY 08: ALL THE NEWS WE CAN'T PRINT

Thursday must have been a frustrating day for the staff at the Columbus Ledger-Enquirer. An early-morning fire prevented the newspaper from being printed and delivered on time. And here's the worst part -- the fire happened too late to make the final edition.

The Ledger-Enquirer's production manager says the fire started around 6:00 a.m. in the pressroom. Flames developed in the dust collection system -- and when you're talking about thousands of copies of newspapers, the Swiffer Duster isn't quite swift enough.

Columbus fire crews needed around 30 minutes to bring the flames in the pressroom under control. You can't help wondering how fast the response would have been to the Ledger-Enquirer, had Fire Chief Jeff Meyer been awake....

Once firefighters said things were under control, the press run finished -- and some of the Ledger-Enquirer's managers helped deliver the paper. You'll notice the economic situation still is NOT bad enough for managers to sit at street corners on Sunday mornings.

. (Maybe this is something the Ledger-Enquirer should do more often - have its "stars" deliver papers. Single guys would dream of having Sonya Sorich come to their door. But some people might dial 911, if Kaffie Sledge showed up.)

But wait, you may be asking - why was the Ledger-Enquirer printing papers at 6:00 a.m. in the first place? The deadline apparently was moved back because a plane loaded with Third Brigade soldiers had a late-night return to Fort Benning. By comparison, our blog deadline can get pushed back by other things - like a big night of poker, or an inability to come up with good jokes.

(So don't you dare say the Ledger-Enquirer hates Fort Benning! They held up a deadline for a returning flight of soldiers - while they never seem to do that for a late Auburn or Georgia football game.)

Ledger-Enquirer managers were quick to point out the content of Thursday's edition was available online. But of course, that's the larger problem for newspaper managers these days - people getting news updates online, and not bothering to buy something in print. We'd rather get a cramp in our fingers from a mouse than get ink all over them.

The Ledger-Enquirer's media partner couldn't even give it aid. WLTZ may be "the most powerful news source in the Chattahoochee Valley," but it was beaten on the air to the newspaper fire by Troy Public Radio -- and by about five hours.

If you subscribe to the Ledger-Enquirer and didn't get Thursday's paper, don't worry. It should be delivered with the Friday paper - thus giving you a big advantage in figuring out Thursday's Sudoku puzzle.

In a way, the timing of this fire was good for the Ledger-Enquirer. Had it occurred Saturday morning, Republicans would have accused the editors of censoring stories about the state G.O.P. convention at the Civic Center.

BLOG UPDATE: The Columbus Board of Realtors responded Thursday to an e-mail accusation we posted Tuesday. A spokeswoman named Betsy said her group did NOT provide alcohol for last week's "Fun Day" at Psalmond Road Park. If you see a can saying "beer," the word "root" may be hidden under the ice.

"The National Board of Realtors will not allow it," Betsy told us about serving alcohol at events such as Fun Day. Serve "five point" beer, and a home buyer might expect five points at closing.

Betsy admitted someone may have brought a cooler with alcohol on their own to last week's Fun Day, but that was NOT supposed to be done. It was supposed to be a day for hot dogs and hamburgers, with teams playing softball and volleyball. If you want to drown your sorrows over unsold BRAC homes, go to a vacant house and sit in the kitchen.

E-MAIL UPDATE: Now to our next complaint -- and we followed the dictionary's example here, by putting beer before breakfast:

Once again the hard working middle class gets the whammy. Their kids will have no more free breakfas t in MCSD starting next year..The poor kids eat free any way,which they should...I wonder if free breakfast will be served at the new administration building?

I think on some days, the new school administration building WILL have free breakfast. It all depends on which member of the staff springs for the doughnuts.

Muscogee County School officials admit there's not enough money in the budget to renew "breakfast for all" for another term. But middle-class students still will be able to buy breakfast at school. But wouldn't it be more economical to eat breakfast at home? Simply avoid the high-priced cereal boxes promoting the new Indiana Jones and Speed Racer movies.

Rigdon Road Elementary School Principal Phyllis Jones confessed to the Ledger-Enquirer she had been skipping breakfast, before the pilot program for students began last summer. Perhaps she was settling for something even more expensive than a school breakfast - like a double-shot cappuccino.

Here are some other Thursday news items to chew on....

+ Muscogee County Sheriff Ralph Johnson kicked off his campaign for re-election. Johnson's job seems much more secure than it did four years ago -- and as long as his son stays in hiding and doesn't appear in public with Zachary Allen, that will continue.

+ Zephaniah Baker officially announced he'll run as an independent, against State Rep. Calvin Smyre. WRBL noted Baker will be only the third election challenger Smyre has had in 32 years. Isn't this amazing - a House district in Georgia where only two or three Republicans live.

+ WLTZ showed a graduation ceremony at the Teenage Parenting Program. The main color for the caps and gowns seemed to be white - because let's face it, a mix of pink and powder-blue would have looked too tacky.

+ The Army Corps of Engineers announced it will allow Lake Lanier to hold extra water through the end of May. Corps officials said water flow down the Chattahoochee River is at normal levels. It must be, because no one at that Columbus "kayaking rodeo" the other day seemed to be walking around on the rocks.

(Despite recent rains, Lake Lanier still is 13 feet below normal. If things don't change by Independence Day, runners in Atlanta's Peachtree Road Race may be showered with moistened finger towels.)

+ Auburn basketball legend Charles Barkley admitted to a Birmingham radio station he's forgotten to pay a $400,000 gambling debt to a Las Vegas casino. This is why Barkley never has lived up to his famous promise to run for Alabama Governor. He'd be labeled the candidate of deficit spending.

To offer a story tip, make a PayPal donation, advertise to our readers or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 810 (+ 25, 3.2%)

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

© 2003-08 Richard Burkard, all rights reserved.

15 MAY 08: MAGNUM GA.

Weeks of debate and lobbying came to an end Wednesday in Atlanta. Georgia's Governor signed a bill guaranteeing the right to carry concealed weapons into more locations around the state. Those competitors in the U.S. Olympic marksmanship trials at Fort Benning don't have to worry about dinner anymore.

The bill signed by Governor Perdue will allow you to carry a gun into a restaurant, if you have a "concealed carry" permit. I can see why the supporters of this bill would be concerned. If you complain to the chef about dinner, he's already armed with sharp knives.

As you might guess, pro-gun groups lobbied hard for Governor Perdue to sign this bill. They were apparently moved by the last big crime incident at a Georgia restaurant - which I think involved Kid Rock at a Waffle House.

But the Georgia Restaurant Association lobbied hard the other way, and opposes this new concealed carry law. After all, its members have been serving doughnuts and bagels with holes in them for decades - without any help from the public.

We should note the new Georgia law does NOT allow concealed-carry customers to drink alcohol at restaurants. So if they have guns, they can't have "silver bullets...."

The owner of Country's Barbecue told the late-night news he sees no need for a law about carrying concealed weapons in restaurants. Jim Morpeth recalled one incident where customers squirted bottles of hot sauce at each other. He did NOT say if they started with mild barbecue sauce, and worked their way up.

The Ledger-Enquirer asked local restaurant owners several weeks ago about this idea -- and at the time, Jim Morpeth said he might require all weapons to be checked at the door. Talk about a sudden change! Places which stopped accepting checks years ago might be requiring some before long.

(Even the manager of Cowboys Steak Saloon says he might require customers to check their weapons at the door. So much for this place being an authentic western steak house.)

The gun law signed by Governor Perdue also allows concealed-carry weapons inside Georgia state parks. This should settle the debate about allowing hunting at Franklin D. Roosevelt State Park in Harris County. Walk around with a hidden handgun, and the deer will never know what's coming.

Concealed-carry weapons also will be allowed aboard public transportation in Georgia. Opponents of this new law fear this could lead to more violence -- and it admittedly will sound strange, the first time there's a drive-by shooting involving a METRA bus.

The debate over concealed-carry weapons in Georgia may spark a lawsuit -- but it boils down to an old classic debate. Does the presence of guns make people safer, or make things more dangerous? The answer may ultimately come down to which way the barrel is pointed....

E-MAIL UPDATE: While some people keep grumbling about that big library on Macon Road, a reader noticed a change at a different library....

The Phenix City library is holding a fund raiser for their exciting remodelled library..They are selling T-shirts with the logo of the children's summer reading program.

They want anyone owning the shirts to have their picture made in some out of town location and send it to the library...

Cute idea !! Cute shirt!!

The T-shirt displayed at the library's web site is bright green, and invites you to "catch the reading bug." But this could meet with some resistance - as so many people caught the flu bug last winter.

The idea of snapping out-of-town pictures has been done in other cities. People have carried copies of the Americus Times-Recorder around the world, over the last couple of years - and their pictures of the newspaper have been published. In a town the size of Americus, slow news days can happen.

By the way, I'd forgotten this month marks ten years since the present Phenix City Public Library opened. As I recall, the drive to build it began because the old library wasn't accessible for disabled people. Ten years later, there may be a new issue - whether it's accessible for bicycle riders, trying to avoid burning gasoline.

Meanwhile, Wednesday's Ledger-Enquirer reported the Education Park Coalition will file yet another appeal regarding the land around the central library. Please note what Mayor Jim Wetherington is promising with the one-percent sales tax. He would put police officers in parks - but he's said nothing about putting any in greenspace.

We'll check out now, with other Wednesday news of note:

+ The Russell County Sheriff's office announced two arrests for a series of copper thefts. One of the suspects is Gregory Goode - and if he really stole air conditioners from churches with a last name like that, he should be ordered to change his name before entering prison.

+ WLTZ interviewed school board member and church pastor Joseph Roberson -- and asked him why he's against polygamy. I wonder if anyone else has ever asked him that question. But I think the residents of Baker Village Apartments limited their weirdness to gang membership and drug-pushing.

(WLTZ asked this question because the Oprah Winfrey Show focused on the fundamentalist church group in Texas, where men reportedly have multiple wives. As a lifelong single man, I only have one thing to say about this - don't they teach the principle of sharing?)

+ Columbus High School crushed Crisp County twice, in the second round of the Georgia state baseball playoffs. Was anyone really surprised by this? Mess with Blue Devils, and you could get burned to a Crisp.

+ Disgraced former Louisiana State quarterback Ryan Perrilloux told the Birmingham News he plans to enroll and play this fall at Jacksonville State. That team needs to have a good offensive line - or else he'll frequently be in Perrilloux's conditions.

+ Instant Message to Tedi's Coffee and SweeTreats in downtown Phenix City: Aw, c'mon - three dollars for a muffin?! A muffin with a hole in the bottom?! What do you put in it, gasoline?

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BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 785 (+ 26, 3.4%)

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

© 2003-08 Richard Burkard, all rights reserved.

14 MAY 08: SEE SAW BATTLES

There were hints at it online for weeks, but Tuesday it became official. The sports event which used to be the "ESPN Great Outdoor Games" is coming to Columbus this year and next. Except they aren't being called "great" this year. And I guess calling them "Pretty Good Outdoor Games" wouldn't sound quite right.

Aflac announced through a news release that it will sponsor the "Outdoor Games" at South Commons during the last weekend of June. Uh-oh -- we should set the ground rules right now. Absolutely NO duck hunting will be allowed....

The Aflac Outdoor Games will be modeled after the "World Lumberjack Championships" I used to watch on ABC when I was a boy. That Columbus guy who lost his toboggan hats for a TV makeover the other night could make a lot of money, by setting up a concession stand.

The main event of the A.O.G. (enough free plugs already) is the "Timbersports Series," with contestants trying to be fastest in eight different events involving trees. Which makes me wonder why this isn't called the Yellawood Outdoor Games instead....

Some of the eight Timbersports events have interesting names....

+ "Standing Chop." Atlanta baseball fans have been doing this for more than 15 years.

+ "Underhand Chop." In pro wrestling, this is called karate and subject to disqualification.

+ The "Single Buck." Nowadays, that won't even buy you a Wendy's Frosty -- which sadly means those "150,000 Frosties" commercials already are out of date.

+ "Hot Saw." If they're competing in Columbus at the end of June, I think they all will be.

The Hot Saw event actually allows contestants to use chain saws. These spoiled slackers! This is what happens when Little League baseball players start using aluminum bats....

The professional and collegiate Timbersports championships will be decided in Columbus. I presume the college entrants will be amateurs - and ineligible to win any saw-bucks.

But I was a bit disappointed to find one lumberjack event NOT on the A.O.G. schedule - log-rolling. Now that's fun to watch, as the loser winds up falling in water. And after what happened to those two little boys, having the log-rollers wear life jackets on the Chattahoochee River might make things more challenging.

The A.O.G. is not stopping with lumberjack events. There will be contests for dogs, such as distance jumping into pools and "agility tests" around tight poles. And before you ask - no, I don't think Aflac planned any dog events in honor of Michael Vick.

And because this IS Columbus, the A.O.G. is throwing in a bar-b-que contest. "The Pig Bowl" allegedly is sanctioned by the Kansas City Barbeque Society. Aw, c'mon - I grew up in Kansas City, where everyone knows true barbecue means beef. If the restaurant has wooden pigs all around the menu board, you run from it at all costs.

The Pig Bowl could wind up replacing the "Pig Jig" which was part of Riverfest. And to be fair, there are categories for beef brisket and chicken -- two areas where Country's Barbecue might run unopposed.

The Columbus Sports Council is selling advance tickets for the A.O.G. online right now. They're relatively inexpensive, at ten dollars for adults and five for children - but uh-oh, a daily "parking pass" will cost five more. And remember, the guards at the entry points could be holding newly-sharpened saws.

And if you go to the A.O.G., you might wind up on national TV. Highlights will be shown on the ESPN channels, but not until at least October. Other major sports take priority there, you understand - like the upcoming World Series of Poker.

These games sound like a lot of fun, and certainly will be different for Columbus. My only concern is about the event's timing. Aflac says this will allow people to "enjoy the great outdoors" - but it's in late June, when many residents are more likely to enjoy a good indoor air conditioning system.

And oh yes - they're holding these Outdoor Games on the weekend of the Miss Georgia pageant. At least now Columbus women should have some well-developed bodies to admire....

E-MAIL UPDATE: Aren't we all overjoyed about the reduced drought restrictions in Columbus? Aren't we delighted? Aren't we.... well, you should know our e-mailers better than that....

Well,the working middle class and elderly get hit once again..The "new" watering regulations state the even odd method,which is ok,but, from 12 midnight to 10AM...Only sprinkler systems can water at that time..So,the wealthy and the business owners make out like a bandit again.

C'mon now, be creative and industrious here. Go outside at 7:00 a.m., before you go to work. Hold a garden hose in one hand, your slice of toast with the other - and passing birds will enjoy any crumbs you drop.

We also heard Tuesday from someone in Columbus public safety - at least it seems that way:

Richard,

I have been reading your blog now for several months. It seems like you may be against the one cent tax proposed by the mayor this coming July. I know we have a few who in power who make public safety look bad. But there are far more of us who work hard at keeping Columbus safe that deserve that one cent. It is not like we are asking for more money because the old one cent will faze out and this new tax will replace the old. No one will be losing any money.

The local media is not publicizing this. Columbus's public safety deserves it.

Longtime readers we do NOT take sides in elections. During the 2006 mayor's race, we had items about the candidates which upset just about everybody. Call me an EOE - equal opportunity embarrasser.

Columbus Council actually took a second vote on the one-percent "streets and safety" sales tax Tuesday. Apparently some Councilors didn't vote on the resolution last week, and wanted to make sure they were on the record about it. So they weren't simply LOST - they were downright missing.

Money matters top our review of other Tuesday news....

+ The AAA reported Columbus now has the highest gas price in Georgia, at an average $3.74 a gallon. You don't think that person setting fires to cars works at a bicycle shop....?!

+ Mayor Pro-Tem Evelyn Turner Pugh admitted during the Columbus Council meeting she disagrees with the reprimand given Fire Chief Jeff Meyer. But she added she can't do anything about it, because the Mayor has authority over such matters. Of course, there's a way to find out what really happened - by electing Pugh's husband, so he can demand a State Senate investigation.

+ A drive down Broadway revealed one of the two Raymond Rowe's furniture stores is going out of business. The "store for homes" is holding a closing sale. That will leave the store across the street and down the block - which I don't think has been selling furniture for tents and apartments.

+ Columbus State University held its annual end-of-term banquet, and officially bid farewell to President Frank Brown. It turns out the timing of his retirement is terrible - as there's another "Big Brown" dominating the spotlight right now.

+ The Russell County Commission approved the use of grant money to put weather radios in dozens of churches. Simply turn up your prayers to match the loudness of the warning alarm.

+ Phenix City Central won the Alabama 6-A girls' golf title, in only its first year with a team. Maybe now they'll add Lakewood Golf Course to the Robert Trent Jones Golf Trail.

+ Instant Message to Fort Benning Specialist Jacob Snyder: Dinner is on me! For you and your family! It's not only because you're finally home from Iraq. It's because of that hat and shirt you wore on WLTZ - which could make you the second big University of Kansas fan in this area.

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BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 759 (+ 22, 3.0%)

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

© 2003-08 Richard Burkard, all rights reserved.

13 MAY 08: A ROUND FOR THE HOUSE?

People are coming to us with questions, as if we know all the answers. Here's the latest one to hit our InBox:

Is it legal or not to have alchohol in public parks and if not how did the Columbus Board of Realtors manage to do so for Realtor Fun Day this past Thursday at the park on Psalmond Road?

"No. Not at all," was the quick answer a woman gave me when we called the Parks Department office Monday. Wow, I can go to bed early for a change....

Well, wait - I should explain what led up to that phone call. This e-mail actually reached us over the weekend, so I went to the city Parks Department web site to find the answer. Trouble was, I couldn't find the answer. I could find pictures of a two-month-old tennis match at the Civic Center, but I couldn't find that.

Plan A: Search for "alcohol" at the Parks Department web site. But the nine matches have nothing to do with drinking in city parks. In fact, the top match involves alcohol excise taxes -- which looks like a pretty sneaky move to get conservatives to vote for that one-percent sales tax.

Plan B: Check for rules on using park shelters. Certainly the Columbus Board of Realtors would have rented a shelter for its "Fun Day" -- but then again, Realtors would prefer people buy shelter instead of renting it.

But there's no easy way to find the park shelter rules, from the city parks web site. The "downloads" section only offers guidance for using the softball fields at South Commons. Alcohol is shown as prohibited there - so there's no competition with Thirsty Thursdays at Golden Park.

(The South Commons section of the web site informs me that the Columbus Catfish is a farm team of the Dodgers, while the Wardogs and Riverdragons play at the Civic Center. None of that has been true for a couple of years - but it makes a 1970 picture of the old Municipal Auditorium seem almost fitting.)

You can't even print out a form to rent a city park shelter. But the downloads section lets you review a four-year-old list of summer "cultural arts" classes. Who would have guessed pottery classes are more popular than picnics?

Plan C: Begin scrambling through the various options on the parks department home page. I avoid the "therapeutics" option - although I've admittedly met plenty of people who consider alcohol therapeutic....

I learn the Riverwalk has a no-alcohol rule. It also says, "no swimming allowed" - and "children ages 11 and under must be accompanied by an adult." I think back a couple of weeks, and conclude the city should be safe from one family's liability lawsuit.

So that explains why I had to pick up a phone Monday, and call the Columbus Parks Department office for an answer to the alcohol question. The parks web site is incomplete in spots, very dated in others - and the policy banning skates and skateboards from South Commons parks will need a big change in a few weeks.

Now to the second part of the question: a Columbus Board of Realtors spokesperson did NOT return a message we left Monday afternoon. And if the board has a working web site, I couldn't find it Monday night. So what do you know - city government actually provided superior customer service.

Whether alcohol was served or not, I can't blame local Realtors for having a "Fun Day." The news about mortgages and home sales hasn't been much fun lately. In fact, I'm not sure they were in a mood to play any game which involved figuring points.

Now let's try to sort fact from fiction, concerning the Monday news:

+ Mayor Jim Wetherington said no one has complained to him about his decisions in the Zachary Allen investigation. Of course not - critics usually don't receive invitations to Government Center news conferences.

+ Men's Health magazine ranked Columbus the fourth-best city in the U.S. for bringing up a family. That's the good news. Of course, then comes the bad news - keeping the teenagers from moving to Atlanta when they leave home.

+ A few fountains came back on in Columbus, with state drought restrictions reduced. But WLTZ reported Uptown Columbus doesn't plan to turn on its fountains for a few days. For one thing, any homeless people sleeping in them have to be moved to better locations.

+ Former Georgia Congressman Bob Barr announced he's running for President as a Libertarian. He's moved beyond his favorite "L-words" in the U.S. House - using "liar" and "lust" to describe President Clinton.

(This actually makes two former lawmakers from Georgia to run for President. It appears Cynthia McKinney will be the Green Party's nominee, as she won Wisconsin's primary by a large margin. Put Barr and McKinney on the same debate stage, and the Republican and Democrat might have trouble making any speeches.)

+ Olympic trials opened at Fort Benning, for the U.S. pistol-shooting team. Some contenders have to hit a bulls-eye that's smaller than the period ending this sentence. Some women probably wish they had to deal with periods so small (ahem)....

+ Instant Message to WLTZ: How did you do that? Monday night's "11 at 11" began with the news anchors seemingly talking at double-speed, then a reporter from Macon talking extra-slow. If you're going for a speed record of "8 at 11," let's go all the way here.

To offer a story tip, make a PayPal donation, advertise to our readers or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 737 (+ 23, 3.2%)

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

© 2003-08 Richard Burkard, all rights reserved.

12 MAY 08: BOOM TOWN

So there I was Friday, doing some necessary shopping at a big department store - and I find a big surprise near the checkout lines. Boxes of fireworks are on sale. What better way for a guy to mark Mother's Day, than to go out in the backyard and blow things up in her honor?

It was Target where I made this checkout-line find. While some stands in Lee and Russell Counties sell loose fireworks off the shelves, Target is selling boxed sets -- looking a bit like boxes of cheeses or fruit in December. Except with these boxes, the damage would be done to parts of your body besides the waistline.

Fireworks sales were illegal in Georgia for decades -- but that changed in 2005, when the legislature legalized sales of sparklers. Target actually began selling them in that first year. I suppose it was an upscale alternative to Wal-Mart stores selling shotguns.

I admittedly don't know much about fireworks, but the boxed sets being sold at Target don't have what I consider sparklers. Isn't a sparkler something that glows and burns while you hold it in your hand? I mean, without any tobacco filling inside?

Instead, the boxes of fireworks have several long cylinders. The boxes never identify exactly what they are -- but a close check at the Georgia law shows they still might be legal. Small-scale "fountain" fireworks are allowed. And it appeared for a while they might be the only fountains operating in Columbus this summer.

We checked the Target web site for "fireworks" Sunday night, to see if these boxed sets were on sale online as well. They weren't. Instead, we found everything from balloons and party invitations to a "Vintage 4^th of July Fireworks Skirt." It's a good argument for why bottle rocket sales aren't legal in Georgia....

So let's assume the boxes of fireworks at Target are legal. Isn't Mother's Day weekend a bit early to be selling them? For one thing, I don't think firing them at cemeteries on Memorial Day will awaken any bodies.

(Yes, I know those Russell County fireworks stores have billboards up. But some of those billboards are up all year long - probably making Wanda the "Bang Bang Lady" a more familiar face than any county commissioner.)

This is another case of a department store rushing the seasons - putting anything "seasonal" on display, even if the next big holiday is weeks away. It explains Xmas trees being sold in October and Valentine's Day items on sale December 26. One of these days, they'll have "back-to-school" specials on sale at the Columbus Civic Center on graduation weekend.

But in this case, selling fireworks in the middle of May only risks weeks of disruptions in some neighborhoods. High school graduates will be celebrating with noisy late-night parties. And we'll know who to blame for this - well, other than the rock-and-roll and hip-hop radio stations....

E-MAIL UPDATE: Now from fireworks to the fire department. Our Sunday review of the Zachary Allen investigation brought this response....

Hi, Richard --

I don't mean to prolong the stories about the Zack Allen case, but I do want to clear up some misunderstanding about the use of the term "non-negative" when it comes to the drug testing that was done. When the test is done, the immediate results are considered to be "negative", in which case the matter is ended, or "non-negative" which means the sample must undergo further testing because there is something in the sample that leads the technician to believe there may be drugs present. Once those further tests are done (and that may take several days), if there are drugs in the sample, it is labeled "positive."

So when Allen was tested, there was something in the sample that showed the possibility of drugs. That's why it was called "non- negative". A negative results could not be ascertained, so further tests were done that showed "positive" for drugs.

Hope this helps!

Maybe Mayor Jim Wetherington can apply this terminology to the upcoming one-percent sales tax vote. Don't vote yes - decide to be non-negative about it, because there just might be something there you'll like.

We'll see if this day finds a new and improved Jeff Meyer in the Fire Chief's office. If I worked at a fire station, I would have spent the weekend making the ladders on the trucks as bright and shiny as possible.

There's apparently speculation inside the Columbus Fire Department that Friday's fallout will lead to Mary Simonton becoming a Deputy Fire Chief. The opening could come from another deputy being demoted. And of course, anyone who volunteers for this should be subject to a polygraph test....

. We didn't start this fire, so we'll stop it now by turning to other Sunday items:

+ A line of dangerous storms dropped more than four inches of rain at the Columbus airport. Big tree limbs fell on streets around Lakebottom Park - but morning exercisers didn't mind, and welcomed the chance to practice their hurdling.

+ WRBL showed an infomercial at 6:00 p.m. for the second Sunday in a row - leading me to believe it's no longer doing early-evening news on weekends. Either that, or the health experts in Iceland are even more "on my side" than the news team....

(Then when the "Nightwatch" came at 11:00 p.m., Steve Ring had to double as news AND sports anchor. I suppose weeknight news anchor Phil Scoggins has the right to a full weekend off.)

+ Columbus State University's baseball team received a #2 seed in the NCAA regionals. Instead of playing the regional tournament at home, the Cougars will have to play at Mount Olive College in North Carolina. The lesson here is obvious: prevail over the "Peaches," and you don't have to face the olives.

+ Instant Message to whomever torched three cars in the Historic District in the last week: Talk about mixed emotions. I mean, part of me wouldn't mind exchanging my 14-year-old car for something newer. It would be paid in large part with insurance money -- and it might impress the relatives on my next road trip.

BURKARD'S BEST BETS: Gas for $3.61 a gallon at Dolly Madison on Victory Drive.... greeting cards for 20 cents at the Fred's "going out of business" sale on Airport Thruway.... and a run on one-cent stamps today at local post offices, due to higher postage....

To offer a story tip, make a PayPal donation, advertise to our readers or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 714 (- 17, 2.3%)

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

© 2003-08 Richard Burkard, all rights reserved.

11 MAY 08: VALLEY SALVAGE MISSION

Think about it for a minute - would you want a well-known local personality to declare you "salvageable?" In front of the entire city? Especially when you've never spent one day in a rehab clinic?

Yet there was Mayor Jim Wetherington at a Friday news conference, describing Fire Chief Jeff Meyer as "still salvageable." It came as the mayor released a report on the.... uh.... well, WRBL's Jennifer Serda called it at 5:00 p.m. the "Zach Wages case." Those police lie detector tests and interviews were even more thorough than I expected....

Other reports correctly said it was the Zachary Allen investigation. An internal police report found Allen did have cocaine in his system, when he wrecked an EMS vehicle near Cross Country Plaza in late 2006 -- but it was only a trace amount. We will resist the temptation to say it was Kenneth Walker-sized.

Mayor Wetherington says the police report found NO evidence that Zachary Allen received special treatment from the Columbus Fire Department, because he's the son of Councilor Gary Allen. Be watching this week's Columbus Council meeting, when Bill Madison claims the special treatment had another basis - and it's not Allen's white shirt.

Yet the conclusion that Zachary Allen received no special treatment is based on his "test scores and training records" for becoming a firefighter. It says nothing to that crash on Macon Road -- and Allen resigned from the fire department one day after the collision. So he actually left too quickly for a cover-up to be started.

Documents filed after the November 2006 wreck indicate Zachary Allen tested negative for drugs, when he actually tested positive. Oops, I'm sorry -- the mayor's statement on the investigation first calls it a "non-negative drug test." I guess there are times when you're not supposed to say positive words about someone.

The final report indicates the mistaken drug report was a paperwork error, which was resolved after someone made an anonymous phone call to City Manager Isaiah Hugley in December 2006. In a way, this is refreshing - as someone tipped off a city official first, instead of a blogger.

Perhaps the biggest surprise in the police investigation involves a Deputy Fire Chief. David Starling denied writing a recommendation letter, when Zachary Allen applied to work with the LaGrange Fire Department. But it turns out two Columbus Fire Department secretaries wrote and initialed the letter for Starling.
I didn't realize Allen looked that attractive to the ladies....

Mayor Wetherington says Deputy Fire Chief David Starling underwent a polygraph test in mid-April about that letter of recommendation - and the examiner concluded Starling "was deceptive in his answers." What IS the legal definition of "recommend," anyway?

But the police report notes it's not unethical for Fire Department personnel to write letters of recommendation. So David Starling isn't even being reprimanded by Mayor Wetherington -- but Starling is hoping no one tries to drag him onto that Fox show "Moment of Truth."

The only person who seems to be directly punished for the Zachary Allen case is a Fire Department investigator. Monica Carstarphen presumed Allen's drug test was negative. For doing that, she's received a "Letter of Counseling." What does that mean - that she can share her story with troubled middle school students?

Yet Mayor Wetherington chose to issue what he called a "very serious" letter of reprimand to Fire Chief Jeff Meyer. He says there were "many mistakes made during this incident...." But based on the mayor's statement, none of those mistakes can be pinned on the chief. There doesn't even seem to be a Karl Rove here, to conspire a cover-up.

The mayor is leaving it to the Fire Chief to discipline members of his own staff. So Jeff Meyer may order David Starling to "fall on the sword" for the Zachary Allen case - or perhaps a Captain who let Allen drive a vehicle he wasn't trained in driving. That doesn't seem to stop some of those salespeople, who try to sell cars.

It turns out the reprimand for the Fire Chief goes beyond the Zachary Allen case. The mayor's letter reveals Mary Simonton was interviewed for a Deputy Chief position in a parking lot -- and while Chief Jeff Meyer was smoking. At least he didn't conduct the interview for a government job in some smoke-filled room....

Mayor Wetherington declares it "inappropriate" for the Fire Chief to be smoking during a job interview, because it showed "a disregard for Captain Simonton." I can't wait to quote the mayor at my next poker night -- and see if the cigarette puffers around my table have a response I can write in a G-rated blog.

THE BIG BLOG QUESTION will stop right here, and ask what you think about this. Is it appropriate for an employer to smoke, during a job interview? Should a boss be reprimanded if he does it? Does it show disregard for an employee? Or does it give someone in the Fire Department a taste of what he or she could face during an emergency in the middle of the night?

There's a third issue in the mayor's letter of reprimand, which admittedly is vague to me. Sergeant John Thomas apparently won a legal settlement from the city, because he didn't receive a job promotion in a proper way. The city had to "expend funds to make Sergeant Thomas whole." You simply don't call someone Johnny unless he specifically says you can.

The police investigation apparently did NOT get into the latest complaint against Fire Chief Jeff Meyer - that he offered an upset employee a job which didn't exist on the city payroll [18 Apr]. Perhaps it was the chief's first case of a "false alarm."

Mayor Wetherington's letter declares the Fire Department management's handling of policies is "entirely too lax." Yet the mayor told reporters he still has a "high level of confidence" in Chief Jeff Meyer. As long as he cracks the whip, and the whip isn't a gift from Marlboro....

The mayor admits he considered firing or demoting Fire Chief. But he concluded the Columbus Fire Department is "very knowledgeable in dealing with fires." That's nice to know - but the handling of personnel firestorms is something else.

There are many other questions we could ask about Mayor Wetherington's decision, and we still might if there's interest. But I'm admittedly surprised that Jeff Meyer escaped with only a reprimand. I suspect many people who voted for Wetherington are surprised as well. They wanted justice, not mercy -- forgetting his time as headmaster of a Christian school.

But as we suggested in April, this reprimand brings another issue into play. Will Columbus voters be less likely to vote for the one-percent sales tax in July, after seeing how Jeff Meyer and his aides were disciplined here? Will skeptics a new game of "cover-up" is under way - with the mayor covering the Fire Chief's, uh, you know? Instead of kicking that, uh, same place?

E-MAIL UPDATE: The message was titled, "That Kansas Coach..." This Kansas grad wondered which one....

Looks like he ate all those former Bama coaches that you mentioned and maybe a couple more from another conference!

OK, I think which one you mean -- since Kansas doesn't have a wrestling program, even for super-heavyweights.

Yes, Kansas head football coach Mark Mangino could be described as hefty. In fact, there were concerns about his health in the last year. But until the recent NCAA basketball program, there was little doubt he was the "big man on campus."

But there's a long summer ahead before college football season, so let's move on to other weekend news:

+ Who left a campaign sign for Russell County Commissioner Johnnie Robinson flat on the ground - at Fourth Street and Second Avenue in Columbus? Did someone decide against throwing it off the Oglethorpe Bridge, because that new dive team might find it?

+ WRBL showed Phenix City grade school students at Garrett-Harrison Stadium, for what was called a "wet fest." When Auburn has a water park and this is the best the Columbus area can do, the Chamber of Commerce's work still isn't done.

+ The Columbus Civic Center hosted an Aflac employee appreciation party in the morning, then turned around and held a Columbus Lions football game at night. I guess Dan Amos isn't making enough money yet to buy an N.F.L. franchise, and move it here.

+ Russell County School Superintendent Yvette Richardson said the high school baseball team will receive "clinics," in the wake of being placed on probation. Aw, c'mon -- do you really need a clinic in counting to 18 regular-season games?

+ Shaw High School opened the Georgia state baseball playoffs by sweeping Ola. Ola?!?! It seems more like adios to me....

(I had to go online to figure out where Ola High School is. It's a new school in the Ola community of Henry County -- but I couldn't find a good explanation for that name. You can't even blame it on that old Beatles song, "Obra-dee Obra-dah, life goes on.")

+ Instant Message to Yellawood's Jimmy Rain: You were kidding, right? I mean, when you talked about the Johnny Mack Brown Western Festival in Dothan -- and said the "good old-fashioned fun" included shootouts? There are some Columbus neighborhoods which might have a different opinion of that....

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BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 731 (- 18, 2.4%)

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

© 2003-08 Richard Burkard, all rights reserved.

9 MAY 08: BUBBLE UP AGAIN

We knew the watering restrictions in Columbus were ending. We knew people could start running their sprinklers next week. But one big question regarding the drought was still unsettled - until Thursday. Thank you WRBL, for resolving what sort of plastic jugs we can use to catch water from our neighbor's sprinklers.

No wait -- there was an even bigger issue on my mind. Would the change to "level two" watering rules mean the fountains could come back on? Columbus is still the "Fountain City," after all. And losing that title even faster than we did the "mill town" label would be an even bigger shock.

But there's good news about this question. Columbus Water Works Vice President Jim Patterson said Thursday fountains CAN come back on Monday, when drought restrictions for Muscogee County are eased. So please do NOT throw in your pennies for a few days - not until the water is refilled.

Fountains across Columbus were turned off last October, because of the severe "level four" drought restrictions. Some familiar local landmarks suddenly looked very different. The empty pools at Heritage Park on Broadway could have been mistaken for the new skate park.

A new pastime quickly sprang up developed in Columbus, to spot the watering violators. We noted one or two here -- as Cheddars restaurant kept its fountain on for several weeks, and even on holidays when it was closed. I don't recall any staff member ever declaring it a public drinking fountain.

In fact, there's one Columbus fountain that I don't think ever was turned off at all. It's inside a homeowner's courtyard, in the 600 block of Broadway. And I'm still not sure which Columbus Water Works employee lives there....

But enough rain fell across Columbus during the winter that the watering rules could change. In fact, another line of storms moved across the area Thursday night -- with high winds drying off the grass first, as if to make it need the rain that much more.

If Columbus Water Works is planning some kind of big ceremony next week to mark the return of flowing fountains, I'm not aware of it. Perhaps some small signal is planned instead. If you see water running outside the facility on River Road, it's a bit like seeing white smoke at the Vatican to proclaim a new pope.

You'd think this return to running fountains would call for a big celebration. Take the Columbus Chamber of Commerce, which has a dry fountain outside its office on Sixth Avenue. Have Mike Gaymon step outside, with a ceremonial magic cup....

(Of course, the Chamber of Commerce forgot to turn off its fountain last fall for several days. So after Mike Gaymon pours that cup, someone should arrest him -- to do a "jail and bail" fundraiser for a low-income assistance program.)

A map posted on the Columbus Water Works web site shows Harris County also will be on "level two" watering rules next week. But Troup County is still at the toughest "level four," even though it's the county with West Point Lake. It's as if people in LaGrange have giant swimming pools in their backyards, for fishing practice.

Yet here's the thing: a federal report released Thursday shows Muscogee County still is in a "moderate drought," and most of Harris County is considered in a "severe drought." So why is the watering restriction really changing? Did Georgia state officials get tired of Columbus executives calling them and lobbying -- a sort of Water Works torture?

E-MAIL UPDATE: Someone else wants to take on the questions a reader asked here Thursday....

Hi, Richard --

I just read your blog today with the e-mail from "John" who has such a long list of complaints. I'd like to address only two of them and try to clear up some of the misinformation he put out there.

The City Council, Mayor and City Manager have absolutely no control over the School Board, the Superintendent nor any function of the Muscogee County School District, and vice versa. The Council, Mayor and School Board are all elected officials, and the Council and School Board each has its autonomy. City Manager Isaiah Hugley (in an appointed position) might be able to talk with his sister Pat Hugley Green, and might be able to convince her to do whatever it is he may want her to do, but I doubt it. If you've ever had a sister or a brother who has some power (even if it's just the power of being the oldest kid or the youngest kid), you know that it's mighty difficult to get him or her to do anything they don't want to do!

And just one other piece of misinformation: If the voters approve a SPLOST, the proceeds cannot be used to pay salaries. The only way you can hire the police officers the Mayor is proposing is to have a LOST. As for the sunset provision called for by John: Do you also want the employment of these officers to have a sunset? Without the money from the LOST to pay salaries, you'd have to lay them off. That's even if the state law allowed a sunset date for LOST, which it doesn't. The LOST is adopted by referendum of the voters and can be removed by referendum of the voters.

Thanks, Richard. I didn't mean to "run on".

Columbus Council and the Muscogee County School District tried to have some "unity meetings" a few months ago. I don't know whatever happened to those. Maybe someone with the Council threatened to declare war, and stage a takeover of the new school administration building.

I have an older brother - and yes, he had some clout over me when I was young. But I'd better not say much more than that right now. I'm going to a family wedding in two weeks - and he might make me sleep on a couch in his home, instead of a bed.

Now let's see if other Thursday news inspires any questions or answers....

+ Columbus Police were called to a reported break-in at the new skate park in South Commons. C'mon, folks - I really don't think the rails on the stairs will be made of solid copper.

+ Mayor Jim Wetherington called a Friday morning news conference, to provide an update on the Zachary Allen investigation. This police probe was supposed to take 30 days - back in December. Even the Georgia Legislature could squeeze in a 40-day session in that time.

+ Alabama's state school board voted to change the rules for high school graduation. Students no longer will have to pass all five sections of a graduation test. They now can get a diploma merely by passing three. This is what happens when you have a string of Alabama college football coaches named Dubose, Franchione, Price and Shula.

+ WRBL reported the Russell County High School baseball team is being put on probation, because it played too many games. Yeah, right. Something tells me other coaches complained in recent years, because this team was scoring too many runs.

+ Australian Christian singing star Rebecca St. James performed at Cascade Hills Church. It was billed as a concert for "mothers, daughters and friends" - which is a pretty clever way of getting around the city rules on Ladies' Night promotions.

+ Instant Message to Arnold Middle School student Jack Hooper: Congratulations on being named this year's "Georgia Reader of the Year!" Some of your classmates probably even you, and couldn't even finish a "Weekly Reader."

To offer a story tip, make a PayPal donation, advertise to our readers or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 749 (+ 38, 5.3%)

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

© 2003-08 Richard Burkard, all rights reserved.

8 MAY 08: WHEN HAWK SQUAWKED

It's not clear who spilled the beans. It's also not clear why it was let out of hiding. But word spread via e-mail Wednesday about a voice-mail message, which a Columbus Police officer left on the phone of a Georgia state trooper. And it wasn't even a challenge to a bowling showdown, at the Georgia Police and Fire Games.

You may recall Captain J.D. Hawk was arrested last October for driving 103 miles per hour on Manchester Expressway [4 Jan]. After that arrest, word surfaced that Hawk called the State Patrol officer who pulled him over. Hawk's purported voice mail message was passed around town by e-mail. Imagine if the Ledger-Enquirer's Sonya Sorich did this, with calls from guys looking for dates.

J.D. Hawk called state trooper J.D. Perry, because a mix-up over court appearances led to Hawk being charged with contempt. So it was a message from one J.D. to another, when both could have used help from a different J.D. You know, a "doctor of laws."

Your blog has listened to the one-minute voice-mail message from J.D. Hawk. He tells J.D. Perry: "I don't have a problem with the citation, but I do have a problem with the contempt of court." As if the state trooper demanded that from a Recorder's Court judge? For all we know, the judge might have been surly from drinking burnt coffee all morning.

J.D. Hawk goes on to tell the trooper to defend himself on the contempt of court charge, he'd "have to bring some stuff out which is probably going to embarrass you and the court -- IN court." Hawk never explains what that stuff is. But wouldn't J.D. Perry have to go above the speed limit a little, to pull Hawk over?

J.D. Hawk was placed on administrative leave, because some people thought he had threatened the trooper. But Police Chief Ricky Boren revealed Wednesday the Georgia State Patrol and District Attorney decided it was NOT a threat. So that "stuff" may have been nothing more than photos of J.D. Perry on the beach, wearing only swim trunks.

Because the voice-mail message was declared non-threatening, J.D. Hawk has been allowed to resume his normal duties with Columbus Police. He's a patrol supervisor - and until that one-percent sales tax comes up for a vote, he probably doesn't want any officers driving 103 miles per hour in a patrol car.

So why would someone bring out the voice-mail message now? Could it be because J.D. Hawk was honored Wednesday, at a police awards ceremony? It's not like Hawk won a prize, for having the fastest car on the force....

The late-night news noted J.D. Hawk was honored for his years of service with Columbus Police. He could have moved out of town for higher pay, you know -- and become an Atlanta Hawk.

Speaking of that ceremony: congratulations to Columbus Police Sergeant Harvey Hatcher. He was named "officer of the year," for helping with the arrest of Courtney Lockhart. It's too bad Hatcher couldn't give an acceptance speech, because of that Lee County court gag order.

E-MAIL UPDATE: Someone apparently tuned in to the WDAK radio talk show "Viewpoint" this week, and didn't like what he heard. A copy of his e-mail to the station was passed on to us:

Gentlemen:

I have been listening this morning and it seems you have been either replaced by non newsworthy personnel or the Manager is intimidating you.

Why is he being pandered to?

Why are you not asking any real questions?

Did he write your questions for you?

1. Ask him where has the money from recycling that Goodwill claims it has paid every year to the city but is not listed on the budget? at least $150,000 in 2006.

Pam hodge wont answer, 311 wont answer, he has not returned calls, and Ron Smith wont answer

2. Why do we not offer a modification to the property tax, He as well as you admit we have grown and changed our requirements and have serious needs for revenue but we have over 15,000 homes paying less then $50 a year and another 1,000 + paying nothing, why not at least have a cost of inflation adjustment? The property tax was last voted on in 1993 when our budget was $50 Million, our budget is 10 times that but not change to the tax law. In 1983 and 1993 it was also a trick campaign against changing it to a fair tax system.

3. Why is he or the city council not doing anything about the outrage with the School board? too Many things to list...

4. Why are we losing the new industry battle to Auburn/Opelika, Harris County, Alexander City, Lagrange, Valley, West Point etc.... Business and Entrepreneurs have told me the council does not want too much competition in the Job/HR market driving up wages and requirements? (as in the councils friends and campaign supporters)

5. Why are we playing these games with library's and School buildings in one of the most prime retail/ central locations of the city? Parks, or something that might generate revenue could go there instead of a Admin Castle that is not for students.

6. Planning Zoning Board allowing builders and developers to exploit the city and its people for insane profits while they use illegal immigrant labor, don't believe me go to a site I do and I never see him. Why not make these developers more responsible for the infrastructure instead of making more millions?

7. Sidewalks, why not by schools, instead of by friends.

8. Gas insane prices but we collect trash twice a week? conserve some fuel and go once a week.

9. Public transportation, maybe rail network to Atlanta, Macon, Lagrange etc... (be creative) come one I thought he worked at MARTA

10. Rail to Trail, yeah nice plan but again is that what we need right now before we fix schools, fix police, fix the prison, fix blighted areas, create jobs, attract industry, fix the drug problems, clean out the corruption, etc.... Come on, complain about 1 thing but spend on another?

11. LOST is lost,

a) we could put writting to make it specifically the 70/30 rule

b) we could put a sunset provision on it to avoid violations and include check and balance

c) we could make a SPLOST to differ some money from the General Fund to the things needed for the Mayors plan

12. Why is the civic center so inefficient?

a) the city of Savannah, Knoxville, and Jacksonville are using the Civic Center as examples of what not to do, how not to run it, and where not to build it? What do you think we should learn from that?

13. How about the cover ups of council member's family, friends, and church leaders in the city? What about his controversies and alleged favoritisms?

14. Why did we build a skate park in an area plagued by drugs and crime? A place with insane traffic paterns and congestion? A place children can not get to easilly? A place with out suppervision? A place with any possibility of generating revenue? A place that is a half answer to the problem?

15. Why do we not create some creative solutions, ie cameras at stop lights, cameras in parking lots, doing something about the drugs from the powerfull in Columbus.

16. What about the divisive attitude of the community and city officials, ie continual Racist preaching in churches, racist speech at the NAACP, and the community, and city officials (to include you) support of Reverend Jeremiah Wright and his profane divisive speech?

Just a few things a reporter might ask not what I heard today from propaganda coffee talk commercials you guys asked him.

John

John may not realize who the host of Viewpoint is. He's Columbus Chamber of Commerce President Mike Gaymon -- and he's "newsworthy," but normally it's when he's being interviewed about local business.

When I talk about the lack of a local radio talk show in Columbus, I leave out Viewpoint on purpose. Every time I hear Mike Gaymon's show, the information isn't really "news." It sometimes borders on "schmooze."

I didn't hear this interview with (I assume) the Columbus City Manager. But I assume Mike Gaymon asked what he considers some tough questions -- like who Isaiah Hugley thinks should win American Idol.

John has brought a couple of these questions to this blog already, so we'll pass on those today. But as for Columbus Council not doing anything about the Muscogee County School Board -- City Manager Isaiah Hugley has a relative on the board. Maybe Patricia Hugley Green should drive to Phenix City, and join him for a church dinner.

It seems to me there's a good reason why other cities are gaining new industry. They're a lot closer to the Kia plant in West Point. But at least we now have three free-standing Starbucks coffee shops.

Uh-oh - John wants to put something that "might generate revenue" around the central library. That's the very thing the Education Park Coalition was concerned about, in its lawsuit against the school district. It feared "greenspace" might turn into stores handling greenbacks.

Which local schools are lacking sidewalks? As I recall, an effort was made in the last ten years to build new sidewalks around Muscogee County schools. Sad to say, the most recent mishap involved a walkway some think is too close to the river.

The sales tax resolution approved by Columbus Council this week gives John what he's demanding. It says: "To the extent permitted by applicable Georgia law, we hereby express our intent to use 70% of new LOST proceeds for enhancements to public safety and 30% for roads and other infrastructure improvements." Please note not one penny is promised for a park....

I don't have a clue about this allegation of a "cover up" involving a Columbus Council member. Mike Baker is so quiet that he seems to be in hiding, but I don't think that's a crime.

As for the skate park being built in South Commons, this may come as a surprise to many people - but young skateboarders already are there. I've seen them turn and jump around the Olympic monument from time to time for months, if not years. And if all else fails, they probably can find the park through Google Maps on their iPhones.

Several Columbus intersections have "red-light cameras" now - but police have promised NOT to use them to catch traffic offenders. And J.D. Hawk was pulled over on Manchester Expressway last fall without one....

And which Columbus churches already have "racist preaching?" The ones which marked African-American History Month in February, and not Confederate Heritage Month in April?

With a reminder that the City Manager has NOT paid me to be his spokesperson, let's check other Wednesday headlines....

+ Columbus Water Works announced drought restrictions in Muscogee County will be eased next week. People will be allowed to water their lawns ten hours a day, three days a week. It's not yet clear if the fountains will come back on - just in time for high school seniors to soap them as a graduation stunt.

+ WRBL watched a Russell County Sheriff's Department dive team stage a training exercise in the Chattahoochee River. The team found four handguns in water under the Oglethorpe Bridge. Those "Help the Hooch" cleaning crews need to work a little harder next fall.

+ Sonny Coulter announced he'll run for Phenix City Mayor -- the job he gave up four years ago, citing health problems. There's nothing like a new hospital in town to make you feel better....

+ Former President Jimmy Carter told NBC's "Tonight Show" he'll announce which presidential candidate he's supporting after the final round of primaries 3 June. But the Democratic Superdelegate noted his 15 children and grandchildren all support Barack Obama - so they must not think Grandpa would be a good compromise in a deadlocked convention.

(Jimmy Carter toured Los Angeles to promote his new book "A Remarkable Mother" - but he told PBS's Tavis Smiley he spent Tuesday morning on his Plains farm. Why do I have this feeling he's yet another potential customer avoiding the Columbus Airport?)

+ The NCAA accused Alabama State University of sports rules violations - not merely one or two, but 668 of them. Roger Clemens would like to thank this school, for making him look like a model citizen.

+ Atlanta Hawks general manager Billy Knight announced he'll resign in July. Knight wanted Coach Mike Woodson fired last winter - but he stayed, and the Hawks made the N.B.A. playoffs. If Knight can judge talent that well, maybe he should clean out his desk right now.

+ Instant Message to Joe Williams: Best wishes on your retirement from Randolph-Clay High School. Very few basketball coaches have the school gym named after them, as you do. Columbus State University hasn't even named a golf course the "Herbert Green."

To offer a story tip, make a PayPal donation, advertise to our readers or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 711 (+ 21, 3.0%)

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

© 2003-08 Richard Burkard, all rights reserved.

7 MAY 08: BADDER OR BETTER?

The e-mail was short, to the point, and puzzled me at first:

Are we sure Bad Company is coming? See http://www.badcompany.com

I realized some people are skeptical about the new Kia plant, but really....

But no, this was about something else. A rock band called Bad Company is scheduled to perform 17 May at the Phenix City Amphitheater. But if you click on that link above, you'll find a large statement declaring: "Bad Company is not touring." Of course, the copyright on the home page is 2004 - so maybe they've held surprise reunion concerts in small nightclubs since then.

The web site warns of "cover bands attempting to pass off as Bad Company." See, that's how you can spot the legitimate rock band. The sentence left a word out - "themselves."

The Bad Company web site also promises to take legal action against anyone misusing the band's name - including "musicians, promoters, agents and sponsors." That's why you should notice carefully what the Phenix City Parks Department's web site has done. That misspelling of "Bad Comany" must be an intentional legal defensive measure.

The Phenix City Parks web site tries to put an important distinction on who's performing in mid-May. It's "Bad Company featuring Brian Howe." Howe was not an original band member, but he claims on his web site he was the lead singer for ten years. Isn't that long enough to escape the statute of limitations?

Rebecca Harris with the Phenix City Parks Department certainly knows what she's getting in ten days. Harris admitted to me Tuesday there are plenty of bands with similar names. And she knew the original lead singer of Bad Company now performs mostly in Europe. Except Paul Rodgers is performing 17 May at Miami's main sports stadium -- and probably for more than ten dollars a ticket.

But Rebecca Harris defended the booking of Brian Howe, saying Phenix City still is getting a quality concert. In other words: she got something "Bad," and she thinks that's good....

The Phenix City Parks Department promotes Brian Howe as a rock singer who performs sold-out shows around the world. Sure enough -- one recent entry in Howe's online diary indicates he plans to move to Guatemala. That gives a completely new meaning to "Southern rock."

(Scroll down in Brian Howe's diary, and you'll discover he speaks openly against President Bush during concerts. The Third Brigade is coming home at a perfectly wrong time for him....)

Brian Howe's online calendar doesn't mention the Phenix City concert. But his diary says he's coming, to join "my Radio pal Chris Chaos." Chaos's blog at the WVRK-FM "Rock 103" web site doesn't seem to mention "Bad Company" - but his blog is so filled with pictures of nearly-nude women that I was a bit distracted.

In fact, none of the three FM radio stations welcoming the Brian Howe concert list it online as a coming event. Are they all scared of a possible lawsuit? Do they fear being known by the "Company" they keep?

I neglected to ask how ticket sales are going for the Brian Howe concert. But if he's really bringing an old-style rock band to Phenix City, I'll make a prediction right now. Plenty of fans will sit along the Columbus Riverwalk -- where they can smoke, drink and hear the loud music for free.

So to answer our original question, is Bad Company coming - the answer seems to be "yes and no." The Phenix City Parks staff should bring in The Original Drifters and the Coasters as well, so we can play a mass pop-music version of "To Tell the Truth."

By the way, is the Phenix City Parks Department missing on a good marketing opportunity? With so many concerts planned at the Amphitheater this year, the staff should sell the venue's name to Amp energy drinks.

E-MAIL UPDATE: Sunday's look at the campaign qualifiers in Columbus brought a comment about a race for judge....

Don't forget that Judge Turner no only pulled a gun on the highway,but he also left the bench while sentencing some of the School of the Americas protestors and sat with them in the courtroom gallery.

And looking back at those cases, how many Fort Benning supporters wish Haywood Turner had pulled out his gun THAT day?

Richard Hyatt's web site reminded me that Judge Haywood Turner made his second political switch during qualifying week. He first ran for judge as a Republican, then ran as a Democrat - and this year he's a Republican again. This is one creative way of illustrating a balanced judiciary.

Speaking of the campaign, it appears State Rep. Calvin Smyre in Columbus will face a challenger in November after all. Zeph Baker plans to announce his campaign next week, apparently as an independent. Baker says he's a "proven community leader" in his church. Now will he please name his pastor, so we can review all those sermons?

Now for another local issue, and a reader who's still not satisfied:

Mr. Burkard:

I was wondering if you have any follow up on the recycling program in Columbus.

I have been out of town and have sort of followed along and would like to commend you on what you had found [24 Apr] but it still seems incomplete.

As you stated there should have been about $150,000 paid from Goodwill to the city government some time in 2006. This of course is only one year and does not explain why we do not collect cardboard (which Benning sells for large amounts of revenue) or other plastics etc... according to the personnel at the Landfill tires, and most metal are not sold either.

Pam Hodge, Ron Smith, and Columbus 311 did not answer my or some other people's questions and Mr. Davis, Mr Barnes, Mr Allen, Mrs. Woodson, Mr. Mcdaniels, or Mr. Hugley were not available by phone.

+We are already spending money for collection, and Goodwill is selling the items. Why can +we not collect additional items to sell?

+Where is the money from the sales and what is it spent on?

+Why do we collect twice a week in such high gas price times?

+Busy work for prisons is not good enough we can be more efficient than a Pre-K teacher's answer for nap time.

+This would help the landfill, help the environment, and raise revenue.

+So what is the counter argument I really would like to know.

Goodwill is not repairing and becoming picky, what? [1 May] I thought the old saying of beggars can't be choosers stood for them. (I donate all of my use stuff, no yard sales, or trash I donate)

How much did Goodwill spend on Butterflies, seriously that makes me think twice about donating to them anymore. A company like goodwill I would expect to be frugal, and practical like my 91 year old depression era Grandmother. So why would they spend money on something like that? There are other things they could have used to be symbolic of creating jobs and training. Obviously they have too much money and good times, maybe they have extra from recycle sales kickbacks?

John

John may be able to get some answers, as Columbus Council goes through its budget review. Three public hearings on a "Taxpayer Bill of Rights" are planned in early June. And three new hearings on the proposed one-percent "streets and safety" sales tax are coming in two weeks. But even then, some questions might not be answered. Bill Madison with the NAACP has come to expect that.

But hold on -- John wants the city to collect more recyclable items, but do the collections less often? This could risk an additional expense he might not have considered. Extra repeated lifting could injure some inmates.

How much should Goodwill Industries spend on 2,035 butterflies? The Ledger-Enquirer beat me to this punch line last month, when it reported on an Oxbow Meadows program. Of course, butterflies should be free....

But we checked the web site of a northwest Georgia "butterfly farm" Tuesday night, and found you can buy 2,000 low-priced "painted lady" butterflies at a regular price of $5,900. Goodwill Industries used a Florida company, so its price might be lower - or perhaps it was a barter deal, for three racks of dress shirts.

We thank all of you who take time to write. Now let's write a little bit about Tuesday's top stories....

+ Columbus Council finally approved a resolution, to put the one-percent sales tax proposal on the 15 July ballot. This might lead to some unusual ticket-splitting. Voters could in effect mark a NO ballot against Mayor Pro-Tem Evelyn Turner Pugh - then turn around and vote her husband Reginald into the State Senate.

+ City Manager Isaiah Hugley proposed creating a "night court" for youth offenders, which would meet two evenings a month. Apparently the original night court isn't completely working - the court used for midnight basketball.

+ Smiths Station advanced in the Alabama high school softball playoffs, mauling Montgomery Jefferson Davis by a combined two-game score of 35-2. If it wasn't for "mercy rules" ending games early, a second Jefferson Davis might have unconditionally surrendered.

+ Instant Message to WRBL: Misspelling the Key Elementary School Principal's title as "Principle" is one thing. But showing on the screen "funeral arraignments" for those two drowned boys - four times?! Do you want the father and grandmother arrested, too?

To offer a story tip, make a PayPal donation, advertise to our readers or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 690 (+ 6, 0.9%)

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

© 2003-08 Richard Burkard, all rights reserved.

6 MAY 08: THE DUCK'S BILL

The Columbus Museum apparently was the happiest place this side of Orlando Monday. Aflac shareholders gathered for an annual meeting. They gave the company's top executives a big vote of confidence. And I doubt a single person demanded foie gras -- you know, duck meat.

Aflac pumped up the media volume for weeks, promoting the big "say on pay" vote. Shareholders could have decided the executives are overpaid, and called for a cut. But think for a minute - if they really felt this way, wouldn't they have sold their Aflac stock and moved on?

The "say on pay" vote was described as a ground-breaker in the corporate world, and a first of its kind for big business. But when the results were announced at the Aflac annual meeting, 93 percent of shareholders supported the pay structure -- making this big moment for democracy land not far from a Cuban national election.

Aflac's latest annual report shows the insurance company has about 80,000 "registered common shareholders." Out of that number, only 2.5 percent were opposed to the executives' pay. C.E.O. Dan Amos can expect a call today from Mayor Wetherington, asking how he can do that well with a sales tax vote.

(Why do you think that 2.5 percent is opposed? Are those the people dying of something besides cancer?)

WLTZ reported the shareholder vote means a total salary of $13.8 million for Dan Amos. That means he could become the last person in Columbus driving a gas-guzzling Hummer or SUV.

Dan Amos briefed shareholders on Aflac's financial condition during the annual meeting. Based on the annual report, the company's stock dividend has doubled since 2004. It's now 80 cents a share - which I think is a better deal than one slice of a large pizza from Domino's.

Here are some other interesting things we discovered in Aflac's report:

+ The company now is selling cancer insurance inside Japanese post offices. So you should think about more than having your stamp canceled....

+ The company paid $865 million in income taxes last year. So every little grant to a public library goes directly to Schedule A.

+ While Aflac has a lot of sales in Japan, it has a "penetration rate" in the U.S. of only seven percent. People may know the ducks, but they're not handing over the bucks.

E-MAIL UPDATE: The Aflac shareholders meeting may have caused the Columbus Museum to make some surprise adjustments....

Richard ,I told you last week I was going down to the Columbus Museum this week end to see the Phenix City display..It consisted of the blood soaked suit that Albert Patterson was wearing when he was murdered. A security guard told me it was being removed ahead of schedule for an event in that area of the museum. I don't think I would want to view it during a reception..The log book of the jail showing the arrest of Hoyt Shepherd and movie posters of the "Phenix City Story."...I was disappointed after all the publicity...



However,I was thrilled to view a collection of old black and white photos of the Columbus and Phenix City areas.This was part of a show of collections of area citizens. What a surprise to see people I recognized. The owner of the photos was there showing them off to friends. He said come to the CVS on Summerville Rd near the Publix and look at others on the walls..



The Columbus Museum is a real treasure for this area..I hope Ft.Benning visitors are told about it at local hotels.

Well, it's no wonder that bloody suit was moved. Aflac sells supplemental death insurance, after all....

Another good spot to see old photos of the Columbus area is at the Burger King on Wynnton Road. One of them shows a group which came to Broadway from the Butler area for a parade in the 1910's. Their "float" was pulled by a horse - and there were no Circle K's to fuel that motor on the long path home.

Even though this is supposed to be a humor blog, readers want to keep commenting on two drownings:

Richard, The TV news did in fact interview the father of the two boys that drowned near Oxbow Meadows and I saw an unusual interview with their father. He was smiling and also chuckled as he spoke of his sons in the midst of this tragedy. The newspaper said that he was a truck driver for Dolly Madison and was in New York. There is no other way to say it but these kids were not properly supervised. If they lived with their Dad's grandmother she is probably a senior citizen and shouldn't have that responsibility in the first place.

The grandmother said Monday she warned the two boys not to go farther than a park. Yet somehow they wandered down the Riverwalk to an off-limits area for swimmers, even though they couldn't swim. Something like this happened when I was young - and I actually believed a neighbor boy, who said my nice shoes wouldn't get muddy in his wet backyard.

The father, grandmother and their neighbors are talking about starting a petition drive, to make the area of the drowning more secure. They think the answer could lie in barriers along the riverbank. But have you noticed how tall fences along the Rio Grande don't seem to keep illegal immigrants away?

I hear a voice of grief in the family's calls for the city to do something in terms of prevention. The emotion of grief naturally wants to blame others, when catastrophes or deaths occur. But sadly, a shooting occurred Monday night between youngsters at an apartment complex playground. Metal detectors at playground gates would get expensive after awhile.

We'll have to hold a couple of other messages for another day, and now move to other Monday headlines:

+ Muscogee County Sheriff Ralph Johnson told WXTX "News at Ten" he's looking for high school graduates, to work at the county jail. Get those budding football players ready for college, by having them shove inmates around for a summer.

(Sheriff Johnson says he decided to recruit high school graduates for jail jobs to "think outside the pool." And the pay IS probably better than a lifeguard would make....)

+ The grand finale of "Walk Georgia" was held at Lakebottom Park. There were souvenir bottles of water to drink, and fresh fruit for munching - but who decided to bring in barbecue pork sandwiches? Was this a plot to make people fat again, in time for the fall walking drive?

+ The "SEC Celebrity Golf Classic" golf tournament brought famous football names to Columbus. One of them was Auburn quarterback Brandon Cox, who's wrapping up his senior season by playing in six charity golf events. When you're ignored in the National Football League draft, there's not much else you can do.

+ The "Ask Men" web site ranked the Atlanta Hawks the eighth worst pro sports franchise. Wow - imagine if the series with Boston had NOT gone to seven games.

+ Instant Message to St. Patrick's School in Phenix City: It's nice to see you earned "honorable mention" in that "Drive for Green" contest. But I wasn't really surprised by that. With a name like St. Patrick's, "thinking green" probably is expected.

(And how nice to be honored on Cinco de Mayo -- and show how green-gos can go green.)

BUT SERIOUSLY: When I started working in radio news during college, one of my role models was Paul Harvey. So it was sad to learn Monday that his wife of 68 years had died -- a woman who quietly wrote a lot of his scripts, and came up with ideas such as "The Rest of the Story." Considering all she did behind the scenes, it's no wonder Paul called her "Angel" all the time.

The funeral for Lynne Cooper Harvey is today, in suburban Chicago. My sympathies are with the family - and even with this loss, may Paul Harvey still have many "good days" to come.

To offer a story tip, make a PayPal donation, advertise to our readers or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 684 (+ 26, 4.0%)

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

© 2003-08 Richard Burkard, all rights reserved.