19 AUG 07: GOD, GUNS AND GRUB

The Pastor declared during this weekend's worship service that we'd had "the best church picnic ever." That's a pretty bold statement. But we didn't have any rain -- and thanks to the heat, I saw my pastor wearing a simple white T-shirt for the first time ever.

Our road trip last Sunday took us to in northwest Chambers County, for the annual church picnic. As usual, it was held at the home of our Presiding Elder - down the road from a couple of tall brick chimneys. No homes are attached, only chimneys. The wait for fire insurance checks must be longer than I thought.

Again this year, the main event at the church picnic was grilled barbecue chicken. But this year there was a switch -- as two small grills were used, as opposed to a giant-sized grill rented from a nearby bank. You'd think the bank could use that money right now, given the mess with home mortgages.

One man at our picnic has made several business trips to China, so he received plenty of questions about that country. Given the recent news from China, perhaps it's a miracle that he even showed up in good health.

This man admits he doesn't like to drive in China - and the taxis he's taken have been stopped at the entrances to major cities. How are you going to keep people down on the farm? You don't let them into town, that's how....

The lunch was scheduled for 12:30 p.m. ET, but it didn't start until about 1:00. I'm not sure what caused the delay. I mean, all I brought was diet cola - and arriving 50 minutes after the 10:30 starting time seemed "fashionably late" to me.

The pastor called upon a deacon to ask for God's blessing on the lunch - but in the process, he mixed up the first name of the deacon with the last name of the Presiding Elder. Well, he DID say this weekend that the church should be a "tight-knit family...."

The grilled chicken didn't get all the raves at the church picnic. The dessert table featured a tough choice between chocolate cake and fudge brownies. Since I didn't bring the brownies, both actually were popular and safe to eat.

The Presiding Elder's below-ground swimming pool had plenty of action, both before and after lunch. Yes, people were in the swimming pool less than an hour after lunch. But no -- so many people were in the pool that no one possibly could have drowned.

The Pastor and his wife did NOT join the crowd in the swimming pool. In fact, they snuck away before 3:00 p.m. They live a three-hour drive from the picnic site, in Macon - so maybe they were trying to save the church money, by not working overtime.

The Pastor and his wife missed what happened after 3:00 - as several men climbed out of the swimming pool, grabbed some guns and went to another part of the property for target shooting. Yes, the rifle range returned to the picnic this year after NOT occurring last year [23 Jul 06]. In 2008, I may suggest the picnic be moved to the Booker T. Washington Apartments.

We've documented the target practice at the church picnic before. This year, I dared to repeat for some women a famous 2004 quote from a co-worker: "You attend a redneck church, don't you?" They all laughed at that line - but none of them apologized for it. In fact, one said a woman who was absent is the best shot of all.

The trip to the picnic also allowed me to do some sightseeing along the way....

+ The renovated Chambers County Courthouse in Lafayette looks nice and modern - but for some reason, the clock on top seemed to be on Eastern time. Perhaps that comes with being listed in the Atlanta metropolitan area.

+ Down the highway, Chambers Academy must have serious enrollment problems. The basketball goals near U.S. 431 are so rusty, it's no wonder Lafayette High School has better teams.

+ We made our first trip to the Tigertown shopping complex in Opelika - but needed to make two passes around it to find the new Kroger supermarket. When Downtown Columbus actually has better signs giving directions to landmarks, something's wrong here.

+ Once we found Kroger, we were impressed - a 20-aisle store which seemed like a small-scale Wal-Mart Supercenter. One aisle had a wall filled with well-organized magazines - and no signs warning against loitering, like Piggly Wiggly stores have.

E-MAIL UPDATE: Let's move on to another church - Wynnbrook Baptist of Columbus....

I am curious as to your thoughts concerning Pastor Hicks' resignation. I have seen the comments in the ledger about them trying to bring him back.................

and I agree that he probably thought long and hard about it before he did. I don't know him personally but do know who he is by face. If I were the church I would wonder if I had taken advantage of him or just flat out burned him out. None the less...I do keep he and his family in my thoughts and prayers.............regardless of whatever the situation. He reminds me of the way Pastors use to be. He seemed to be everywhere all the time of friends I have in that church when there was a need.

This is one case where I don't really have many thoughts. Pastor Brad Hicks may have many reasons for leaving. I really don't think he's borrowing from football players, and holding out for a better contract.

Brad Hicks has been pastor of Wynnbrook Baptist Church for more than 20 years. I'd never met him until he officiated a wedding I attended last November. Pastor Hicks struck me as a bit on the stiff side - but then again, he might have had a bad session at the chiropractor earlier in the day.

Now let's take a quick look at some weekend headlines, which pastors might bring up in sermons:

+ The Saturday high temperature in Columbus was 97 degrees F. When I can actually tell a difference on my body between 97 and 102, is that a good thing?

+ The Columbus NAACP accused the Fire Department of not providing proper training to African-American EMT employees, so they can pass tests for promotions. But Fire Chief Jeff Meyer told WRBL several African-American employees had passed those tests - so maybe they ordered the right test guides online.

+ Columbus Rainbow/PUSH Coalition President William Howell spoke out about the local crime surge. He called on parents to watch their children - and amazingly, he didn't seem to blame local law enforcement for inciting any of the violence.

+ Whitney Cochran won the Miss Columbus pageant. She qualified for next year's Miss Georgia contest - and unlike some of the singers at the Peachtree Mall "American Idol" auditions, she didn't feel compelled to give a speech justifying her selection.

+ The last Columbus Catfish "Friday fireworks" show of the year didn't go off until 11:35 p.m. On top of that, it went off during a rainstorm. But I still think it looked better than the competition - because the occasional lightning overhead simply wasn't timed well.

(A Saturday night win over Asheville kept the Columbus Catfish in first place. And the parent Tampa Bay Devil Rays announced top draft pick David Price will join the team for the rest of the season. I somehow have the feeling more fans will show up simply for Price's autograph.)

+ Instant Message to Shaw High School softball player Misha Aldridge: I saw that home run you hit on the late news - but I couldn't help noticing you. With all due respect, why hasn't the football team recruited you to play on the offensive line?

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17 AUG 07: IF THEY RULED THE WORLD

Because of a road trip last Sunday (details coming soon), I had to miss the Columbus International Festival at the Civic Center. So can someone who went tell me if everything went smoothly? Or did a picket line show up, demanding all the performers show proof of U.S. citizenship?

A caller the other day seemed to have this summer's surge of crime in Columbus this summer all figured out. He said it's NOT ultimately a matter of drugs -- it's a matter of illegal immigration. At first this didn't make sense to me. For one thing, Columbus State pitcher Bryan Kilgore went to Hardaway High School. He wasn't recruited from the Dominican Republic.

The man I'm calling "Hank" explained unemployed people are turning to illegal drug-dealing to make a living, because illegal immigrants are taking their jobs. If that logic is true, I'd watch the food at the CharBroil restaurant carefully - because former W.C. Bradley workers might be spiking the greens.

Hank told me he knows of "two church deacons" who lost jobs to illegal immigrants, and are now selling illegal drugs to make a living. When I asked him to name the deacons, he refused -- so watch carefully this weekend, for anyone carrying collection plates in the wrong direction.

Hank works in the local building industry, but perhaps not for long. He says illegal immigrants are taking so many construction jobs that he might have to abandon a career of more than 20 years. Hank makes it sound like the Home Depot might go out of business -- or need to add special chisels, for splitting crack cocaine rocks.

But Hank is concerned about illegal immigration for another reason. He says "Mexicans" are moving millions of dollars out of Columbus every day, by wiring the money to Mexico. Maybe should Hank should go up to them today, and demand the money be re-routed - to help rebuild Peru.

Hank believes this is a perfect day to see the draining of the Columbus economy in action. Simply go to a Winn-Dixie store at 6:00 p.m., he says, and check the line of "Mexicans" at the Western Union counter. Speaking personally, I think that makes more sense than buying those "lucky candles" showing the Virgin Mary.

Hank is quick to say he does NOT blame the immigrants for doing what they're doing. He calls them "brilliant" for taking U.S. jobs and wiring money to Mexico, where the exchange rate from dollars to pesos makes their earnings go four times farther. But if this was true, wouldn't more U.S. families in border towns buy homes in Mexico and commute?

Hank believes this money shift to "Mexicans" can be stopped - but the Columbus mayor and Council don't seem to like his idea. Hank suggests companies be fined millions of dollars, if they hire illegal immigrants. Either local natives would get their jobs back - or businesses would go under, and a drug war in Columbus really would be on.

But it was one specific statement by Hank which struck me most of all. "In a year's time, everything in Columbus will be owned, run and controlled by Mexicans." Everything?! Why, we only have one Hispanic member of Columbus Council - and Mimi Woodson's background is Puerto Rican.

In Hank's frustration over his situation, he may feel like "Mexicans" are taking over Columbus. But a full conquest by August 2008 seems to be too big a prediction. For one thing, how many of them will have to pool their savings to attempt a takeover of Aflac?

Yet let's suppose Hank is right - that one year from now, Mexicans will own everything in Columbus. Imagine how different things could be....

+ Columbus Bank and Trust could have "Sombrero Friday" dress codes for its employees.

+ Al's Schnitzel Gasthaus could turn into El Vaquero #12.

+ Riverfest would return - adding a contest where people cross the Chattahoochee River on foot as fast as they can.

+ When the United Way campaign ends, the directors would have to shout, "Gooooooooooooool!"

+ Carmike Cinemas' multiplexes would have to show at least one Salma Hayek movie at all times.

+ Babe Ruth baseball - out. The Fernando Valenzuela League - in.

+ Country's "Barbacoa" would have to add habanero peppers, to a sauce that's already pretty hot.

Maybe you can add other items to this list. We're out of time to add more, so let's wrap up with some Thursday news headlines:

+ An author and retired general was interviewed on the WXTX Morning News - and said the "B-word" on the air three times in 15 seconds. Maybe it's just me, but I don't think Chuck Leonard looks like Don Imus at all.

+ The Columbus Catfish assailed Asheville 5-3, in the start of a big four-game baseball series. The Catfish now lead Asheville in their division by 1.5 games, and the series continues at Golden Park all weekend. So will Columbus fans come out to support a winning home team -- or ignore it like usual, and analyze Northern "fall ball" teams instead?

+ Instant Message to WRBL meteorologist Bob Jeswald: Now you're really confusing me. All week long you've shown sunrise times in the P.M., as in evening. Have we all moved to Antarctica - and if so, have we proven global warming once and for all?

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16 AUG 07: WON'T YOU BE MY NEIGHBOR?

Sometimes new neighbors come and go at my apartment complex, and I never learn their names. They keep to themselves, and I can respect that. But when new neighbors seem exceptionally friendly.... well, anymore I'm skeptical. Sooner or later, they're probably going to want something -- you know, like politicians.

BLOGGER BEGGAR #11: The older man has a beard and a big summer straw hat. He has a roommate with noticeable health problems. And he decided Tuesday afternoon to knock on my door - one day before the government disability check reached their mailbox. These 31-day months can be killers, and not only because of the heat.

"I wondered if you could help me get some gas in my car," the man said through the screen door. "And I want to buy him some tickets to play the numbers."

"Gas yes, lottery no," I answered after a moment. If I want to lose money playing the lottery, I'll do it myself - and cut out the middleman.

To be honest, I somewhat invited this older man to come to my door and beg. He said hello to me in passing one day last week, and I kept waiting for him to add something to it. "So many beggars come around here that I thought you might need something."

"No, that's all right," he answered. "But I'll keep you in mind if I need help toward the end of the month." Me and my big mouth.

The older man actually did a good deed for me two weeks ago, on my laundry day. He brought a hanging dress shirt to my door, after I dropped it unloading the car without realizing it. Some visitors to my neighborhood would have expected a five-dollar "tip" for that sort of service.

Given that good deed, I suppose it was only fair that I let the older man borrow money until "The Check" came. But regular readers know I don't do cash handouts. So I asked: "Do you have a can?" I used to have gas cans, but gave them up years ago - like when I gave up lawnmowing, and let the apartment managers do it.

The older man had no gas can - but thankfully we live about a block from a Circle K store. He drove his old car which looked like a mini-station wagon to the station, and I walked over to meet him. There have been some beggars for gas in Columbus who would only take money - not even a push to the pump.

I swiped my credit card at the gas pump and helped the older man through the button-pushing to get started. But it seemed like the man didn't quite grasp what was going on. "How much am I getting?" he said. He had said five dollars, back at my screen door - but with one swipe, the door was open for a potential credit line in the thousands.

"Use some discipline," I told the man. "You're at four dollars now." I then proceeded to show him the price and the gallon meters on the pump. This seemed like an awfully elementary thing to do -- but if he doesn't grasp paying at the pump with a credit card, for all I knew he may have never driven before.

Throughout this short project, I gave the man a short briefing on the begging which occurs in my part of town. Some of it has been posted here, but not all of it. Over the years I've seen....

+ A man at my door at 1:00 on a Sunday morning, selling a 12-pack of Budweiser. His wife was in the car expecting money, which he apparently had spent somewhere else. This was before the TV show "Cheaters" came on the air.

+ A woman at my window at 1:30 a.m., selling frozen steaks. She claimed she had just received them - perhaps from Outback, or perhaps from a dumpster out back.

+ A man in the courtyard at 7:05 a.m. on a Monday morning, selling colognes and Tylenol. Door-to-door salespeople have to beat the rush-hour commute, you know.

The man elected to stop with the price at $5.02. He promised to pay me Wednesday, after the disability check arrived. Sometimes my neighbors and roommates live up to their promises. At other times.... well, someday I'll explain a trip to Amsterdam that a woman begged me to take with her. The trip she decided not to take, after I bought the group's airline tickets....

So did the older man live up to his word? As I write this, no. He came to the door during dinner Wednesday night and promised to get me the $5.02 "as soon as we do a budget." If he had done that in the first place, he probably wouldn't have asked to borrow money for lottery tickets.

I want to give people the benefit of the doubt, when they claim to have financial needs. But I have to admit all the begging at my door and my neighborhood gets old after a while. It's as if people expect to be added to MY budget - and if I don't do it, the Salvation Army might have to do it anyway.

E-MAIL UPDATE: The summer crime surge in Columbus has many people asking questions. For instance:

Richard,

The other day an African-American lady that I know gave her theory about the increase in Columbus' crime. She believes that they are being committed by the influx of refugees from New Orleans during the evacuation of Hurricane Katrina. If this might be true, is there a way to find out how many of the murders have been carried out by persons that were born here in comparison to those that moved here?

Concerned in Columbus

As I understand it, reporters have asked Columbus Police about a "Katrina effect" - and officers have denied there's any connection. Besides, some people might not want you keeping a murderers' version of the "high school scoreboard."

Now a quick check of news from a wickedly warm Wednesday:

+ WRBL reported construction actually has started on the Kia plant in West Point. And the groundbreaking ceremony was, let's see -- ten months ago?! It takes much longer to deliver steel from South Korea than I realized....

+ Two Columbus State University women's soccer players were named to the pre-season All-Peach Belt Conference team. One of them is forward Gina Goforth - which makes me wonder if she's a mathematics major, so she can "Goforth and multiply."

+ Instant Message to the RiverCenter: I'm a bit concerned about one of your shows in September. How do we know the acrobatic troupe coming from China won't be defective? That tumblers won't fall off the stage, and hurt audience members? That the plates they spin won't have lead-based paint?

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15 AUG 07: HOW LOW WILL YOU GO?

The homicide count stands at 20. Detectives had to work on another shooting case from Monday night. So when Columbus Council held its weekly meeting Tuesday, one issue clearly brought more media attention than any other - how people wear their pants.

A woman told Columbus Council it's time to go after people who wear sagging pants in public. We try to keep this blog G-rated - so I will resist the urge to make any "crackdown" puns.

The woman says people who wear pants too low in public should receive tickets for indecent exposure. The timing of this idea is very interesting -- because city pools are closing, making it hard to balance things out with women's swimsuit checks.

WRBL taught me the proper street term for people who wear jeans with waistlines below the waist. It's "sagging." If this is banned in Columbus, we could lose any chance of ever hosting the Screen Actors Guild Awards - since they're called the SAG's for short.

The Frank Chester Recreation Center already is taking action on this issue. It has a policy that anyone wearing sagging will be ordered to leave. Of course, would you want to wear sagging basketball shorts in a game - when one jump for a rebound could bring them down completely?

(There's another way recreation centers could enforce this clothing policy. Make people in sagging clothes do pull-ups - first with their jeans, then 25 times on an iron bar.)

City Manager Isaiah Hugley seemed to like the idea of banning sagging in public. But City Attorney Clifton Fay warned any rules might have to be limited to public property - since in private, how people wear their pants might be considered a "freedom of expression" issue. That's been true for decades in parts of Alabama. It's called mooning....

The older I've grown, the less of an issue this has become for me. Almost all of my pants and shorts are NOT in danger of sagging below the belt line. Most of them are so tight that I tend to wear a belt only to church services - and that's only so I don't look inappropriate.

But I subscribe to the theory that clothing should be worn as long as decently possible, to save money. A few pairs of running shorts have lost their elastic in recent years, so I've attached safety pins at the waist at jogging time. That way I "close the gap" - in a way I usually don't, around faster runners on the Riverwalk.

By the way, I wouldn't be surprised if WRBL's report on this issue brought some complaining phone calls. All the people who talked about sagging were African-American - as if that's the only ethnic community which wears pants that way. Some white people actually do follow the example of Eminem.

E-MAIL UPDATE: This message reached us last week, but we weren't able to provide an answer until Tuesday night....

What happened to the radio ratings. Did they get blocked again? Are there any Format Changes on the horizon?

I'm sad to report the Columbus spring ratings came out Tuesday - but were blocked from public release AGAIN. This makes three "embargoed" reports in a row. You'd think the WRCG managers would accept their low numbers by now....

The latest embargo means we'll go at least two years between radio ratings reports for Columbus. Without some numbers, it's hard to say if any station will make changes - but if I were guessing, I'd say WIOD-FM "The River" might become a full-time sports talk station. That would free WEAM-AM to run public service announcements 24 hours a day, since it runs them for hours at a time now.

We were able to check the Montgomery radio ratings Tuesday, and couldn't help noticing what happened to Bear O'Brien's new station. WBMA-FM had a big jump in listeners last fall, but lost one-third of them in the spring. So it appears he was a Plasma-pa-Loser.

Here's one more e-mail, about that "man who sleeps with dogs":

Richard, the guy from Hurtsboro, is he really a Constable or is he just full of constant bull?

If he lived in a metropolis instead of the sleepy little town of Hurtsboro, his head would explode! Didn't Mel Gibson portray this guy or someone with the same amount of paranoia in Conspiracy Theory?

R.J. Schweiger really is a legitimate elected Russell County official. And we should note right here - this complaint was NOT signed by Hurtsboro's Mayor.

(Without realizing it, this writer may have found the real reason why R.J. Schweiger keeps living in what he calls a "swill pail" of a town. There's just the right amount of bad stuff for him to handle. Phenix City politics might be a case of overload.)

Now some quick notes about other Tuesday news items:

+ WRBL reported Deputy Bill Thrower has been named Muscogee County's new interim Coroner. But the report left out one critical detail. Is he a right-handed Thrower or a left-handed Thrower?

+ The Atlanta Journal-Constitution reported Michael Vick's attorneys are working on a plea bargain. Oh no - are THEY going to testify against him at the dogfighting trial, too?

+ Columbus High School catcher Chase Weems finally signed a contract with the New York Yankees. In fact, he did it live on the 6:00 p.m. news - but he may have waited too late in the summer, because the Yankees have gained on the Boston Red Sox without him.

+ Instant Message to all teenagers in Opelika: Please learn a lesson from Tuesday's evening news. The only TNT you should have in your bedrooms is the cable channel - and I'm not really sure you should have even that.

COMING SOON: A new neighbor picks up an old, tired habit....

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14 AUG 07: BROWN OUT

Columbus State University employees gathered at the Trade Center Monday, to learn their President plans to retire. Frank Brown announced he'll leave next June -- and given recent history, a top position at Auburn University might be open by then.

Frank Brown made his retirement announcement during a "State of the University" program downtown. The very name of this program says a lot about his legacy. When he became President, Columbus was merely a college - and I'm not sure its sports teams were even known on the other side of the state.

Over nearly 20 years, Frank Brown has overseen a great deal of growth at Columbus State University. Monday's program was evidence of that, as the day included guided tours of the new RiverPark campus downtown. Maybe in 20 years, they'll build a theater so large that the Trade Center won't be needed for State of the University addresses anymore.

The main campus of Columbus State University also has grown immensely, during the Frank Brown years. My first roommate in metro Atlanta talked about using the college pianos for music practice, while on road trips to Columbus. He'd probably have a choice of more pianos these days - but he'd also have to get through a high-tech security system to use them.

The last few years brought the construction of the "Cunningham Center" at Columbus State University. It was placed very cleverly by Frank Brown - so drivers on Gentian Boulevard can't get free peeks at C.S.U. baseball games anymore.

Frank Brown used a major capital improvement campaign to fund the growth of Columbus State University. They include the annual "C.S.U. Day" every spring - while I'm not sure Beacon University even receives a special Sunday at most Columbus churches.

Frank Brown's years of effort have made Columbus State a respectable university, and quietly made him one of the city's most influential people. I suppose there's a campus building waiting to be named after him - although a "Brown Hall" might require spending extra money for repainting.

Our most memorable "blog moment" involving Frank Brown came in 2005, when an e-mail writer declared him "Spanky Franky" [21 Mar 05]. The writer was upset because Brown supported a bill in the Georgia legislature to keep the names of college donors private. At least that's a step above the Western Hemisphere Institute for Security Cooperation - which wants to keep the names of its graduates private.

While some people consider Frank Brown's retirement announcement surprising, I recall Richard Hyatt of the Ledger-Enquirer speculating about his future several weeks ago. Next year marks Columbus State University's 50^th anniversary - and his silver hair after a "golden" celebration might confuse some people.

Frank Brown didn't come right out and say what he plans to do after leaving Columbus State University. But he hinted it will be something close to this area. Hmmmm - can Talbotton even afford its own college right now?

E-MAIL UPDATE: One of last Friday's "it's so hot" punch lines seems to have left a Russell County man puzzled....

Richard:

I can't imagine why you would think things aren't as "icy" between myself and the "mare."

I still consider her an incompetent nincompoop - and I'm sure she cosiders me a persistent pain in a certain part of her anatomy!!!

Rest assured - there's no global warming in "Hurt'sboro!!!

Constable R.J. Schweiger

Of course there's no global warming - not with a Constable hot under a collar practically all year long.

The blog bus's next stop is Buena Vista....

A relative of mine when to Marion County to check on his woods...He discovered some had burned .When talking to neighbors he found out that there had been some arson cases..He goes to the town square asked where the sheriff's office was..He was directed to the court house..He went in the sheriff's office..He could see the sheriff's desk and floor around his desk stacked with moutains of papers..He asked where the sheriff was..He was told the sheriff came in at random about 2 days a week and they didn't know when he would be in ...WHAT????....But,he could leave a message...

So that explains why Sheriff Horace Snider didn't announce the capture of an escaped murder suspect for eight weeks. He may have had arrest warrants from last summer to serve first.

This message adds to the picture already being painted in my mind - that Marion County has one of those old-fashioned stereotypical small-town Southern sheriffs. Maybe Horace Snider needs some help in getting things organized. Might anyone there go by the name of Aunt Bea?

Our last message today is an invitation to an event this weekend:

Mr. Burkard, my name is John Massey.

I am a volunteer with Americans for Fair Taxation, working to inform people of the grassroots movement called The FairTax.

AFFT will have a training session Saturday August 18th from 9-1 at Captain Toms on Macon road, to answer questions and educate anyone interested in Ga. Congressman John Lender's Tax reform Plan.

I remembered your blog spot from Robbie Watson's show on WRCG and thought it would be a good place to get the word out about our training session.

AFFT is a 501 C (4) not for profit legislative education and advocacy organization. We are not selling anything.

If you know about the FairTax, I don't want to bore you and if you do not I hope you will go to FairTax.org and take a look.

If you feel it would be appropriate I hope you will mention the training session on your Blog.

Thanks,

John Massey

Americans for Fair Taxation

Community Coordinator

What's with all this fuss about a "Fair Tax?" Won't that drive the carnival rides away from South Commons in September? Won't it hurt the sales of foot-long hot dogs? Won't it.... oh wait. I guess I should check that web site, shouldn't I?

It's only, uh, fair that the "fair tax" training session is taking place at Captain Tom's restaurant. After all, it charges the same buffet price for everyone regardless of.... hey, wait a minute! I have coupons from Captain Tom's, and they show special prices for "senior citizens" and children. There could be closet Democrats running this place....

Our thanks to all of you who take time to write - and we still have a little time left to write about other Monday news:

+ Our best wishes to former Columbus Mayor Bob Poydasheff, who's recovering from a broken hip. His son told your blog Monday night Poydasheff needed hip replacement surgery, after tripping and falling last week "over a bag of cat litter." There's a lot of political irony there, but I'm choosing to be sensitive....

+ Muscogee County schools opened a new term, including the grand opening of Veterans Memorial Middle School. So how many hours a day is Jim Rhodes teaching U.S. history?

+ Auburn University forestry experts warned some of the tree limbs are dying at Toomer's Corner. It's blamed in part on the use of high-pressure water hoses, to clean toilet paper left by celebrating Auburn sports fans. So if you go to a Tiger football game this fall, spend the big money on your ticket - and buy cheap one-ply rolls at Walgreens.

+ Instant Message to Cal Thrash of Uchee Pines Institute: I hope your seminars on "Coping With Stress" starting today go well. But who wrote the announcement you read on WURY-FM about them? If you go looking for the "Terry L. Mildred Branch" library in Phenix City in a couple of weeks, you may stress out for a couple of reasons.

COMING THIS WEEK: One man's bold prediction about next August.... and what if he's right?....

This blog has thousands of visitors each month, from people in Columbus and around the world. To advertise to them, offer a story tip or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 2232 (- 1, 0.04%)

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12 AUG 07: CHIEFS BEHAVING BADLY

We told you last month that some people are concerned about new hires in the Columbus Police Department. But sometimes, strange things can happen at the top of the force. Chiefs and sheriffs can't advance any higher, so they make new dreams. Some want to become king - while others get in trouble for thinking they already are.

We have examples of both cases today. The first came our way from a regular e-mailer:

Richard:

I haven't contacted you of late, for a couple of reasons. First, it seems that you have plenty to deal with; right in your immediate area. Second, I have'nt had anything worth shouting about - just the same old stuff - rotting garbage, impromptu firings, and no police protection. The Mare keeps on in her willy nilly way and the citizens are like Rip Van Winkle!

One thing caught my eye today. The Union Springs Herald ran an article about one of our past "Hurt'sboro police chief's (we have had many) that solidifies my assessment of the swill pail we live in!

> FORMER LOCAL OFFICER ARRESTED

> Alabama State Troopers and members of The Alabama Bureau of Investigationon July 27'th issued a statement regarding the arrest of a Kinston, Alabama man on two counts of sexual abuse in the first degree, first degree sodomy and first degree rape charges.

> The ABI said the victims were 8 and 9 year old girls.

> The ABI arrested Harold Frost, age 44. He was transported to the Coffee County Jail and later posted bond.

> Frost once served as an officer with the Union Springs Police Department and the Hurtsboro Police Department as well as other police departments in Alabama.He resigned from the local police department in July 2005 and took employment elsewhere.

> He was employed with the Newton Police Department when arrested.

> According to a report in THE DOTHAN EAGLE he was suspended by the Newton Police Department.

> The Department of Human Resources and Coffee County Sheriffs Office assisted in the ABI's investigation, according to the story in the EAGLE.

This guy is just another example of the well traveled "gypsy" cops that seek employment (and get it!) in small towns everywhere!! Frost is the third "officer" that has been exposed as a wrongdoer with "Hurt'sboro connections! It's sad to say - but two of them are still active and will probably continue with their dirty work undetected.

Constable R.J. Schweiger

I have this funny feeling about former Hurtsboro residents -- that when they apply for work in other cities, they don't use the Constable as a reference on their resumes.

We went to the Dothan Eagle's web site Friday to confirm this story, but we couldn't find it. A search for "Hurtsboro" turned up nothing. That might be just as well -- because our blog is approaching one Hurtsboro entry for every three residents.

R.J. Schweiger seems to suggest Harold Frost did something criminal, when he was Hurtsboro police chief. But if that's true, I doubt a nearby town such as Union Springs would have hired him. Someone would have said something, while chasing down a speeder on Highway 51.

But the Constable makes a good point about "gypsy cops." The Columbus Police Department conducts criminal background checks on all its applicants. Do small-town police forces really have time to do that? I guess it depends -- based on whether the biggest local crime problem is Otis the town drunk.

By the way, Columbus police have been embarrassed this year by a few officers facing criminal charges. Does that qualify Columbus for "swill pail" status as well? Or are we large enough to qualify for the bucket title?

Now to the other extreme - a top law officer who may dream of becoming king. Some people in Marion County, Georgia say Sheriff Horace Snider fits that description. For instance, you may have noticed Saturday's big speeding crackdown in Columbus didn't extend to surrounding counties.

It was a bit strange to learn Friday that an escapee from the Marion County Jail had been captured in Austin, Texas. Sheriff Horace Snider openly admitted Daniel Melendez was caught "a month to six weeks ago." A check in Austin revealed it actually was eight weeks ago. But Snider apparently never bothered to tell anybody -- as if he's organizing a big parade for Melendez's return.

Daniel Melendez's escape from Marion County topped the TV news last September. After all, he was awaiting trial for a 1999 murder in Buena Vista. So you'd think the Sheriff would want to reassure residents that Melendez was back in custody. Instead, Horace Snider may have hoped everyone forgot about the case - but then, maybe he did too.

Daniel Melendez is being held in Austin, Texas on a drunk driving charge. Marion County Sheriff Horace Snider says once that matter is settled, he'll be extradited back to Georgia - which gives Snider a few more days to finally fix that jail fence with the hole in the bottom.

Some people in Marion County suspect Sheriff Horace Snider didn't make a big deal about the Daniel Melendez escape because he's protecting illegal immigrant workers. I've heard of a lot of things in the South, but I've never heard of a sheriff doubling as Chamber of Commerce director.

E-MAIL UPDATE: The weekend messages also included another announcement from a local state representative:

Governor Perdue announced today that net revenue collections for the month of July 2007 (FY08) totaled $1,299,683,000 compared to $1,176,085,000 for July 2006(FY07), an increase of $123,598,000 or 10.5%.

July is the first month of Fiscal Year (FY) 2008. The percentage increase year-to-date for FY08 compared to FY07 is 10.5%.

Richard Smith

Representative, District 131

Imagine how strong the August revenue number will be - from people paying sales taxes on all their new air conditioners.

And that leads us to some short weekend highlights....

+ The high temperature in Columbus hit another record Saturday, at 103 degrees F. It was SO HOT that radio announcers were ordered to stop playing Keith Sweat songs.

(WRBL reported Troy University's football team held a scrimmage, with a field temperature of 125 degrees. You'd think some Southern school would take the lead, in promoting a college version of arena football.)

+ The Ledger-Enquirer reported Columbus State University strength coach Gary Gibson is in line to become Muscogee County Schools Athletic Director. How will the school conspiracy theorists explain this one? C.S.U. is located a lot closer to Hardaway High School than Shaw.

+ Columbus State University had a back-to-school party for its RiverPark campus. One event was an ice cream eating contest, with NO hands allowed. I assume a canvas was under all the bowls - and the mess students left will be posted on a wall as "art work."

+ Peachtree Mall hosted local tryouts for "America's Next Top Model." So how many of these young women were bold enough to admit on their applications they attend Beacon University?

+ Georgia Governor Sonny Perdue received a bottle of dry Alabama dirt, to pay off a bet over the Little League baseball regionals. Imagine what Alabama Governor Bob Riley will do, if his state loses the legal fight over river water.

+ Instant Message to Phenix City Police Chief Brian McGarr: I don't get it. How can you get away with mentioning "zero tolerance" for speeding in school zones - while church pastors who preach with that phrase are considered backwards and dangerous?

BURKARD'S BEST BETS: Gas for $2.43 a gallon at Petro, Brown Avenue and Cusseta Road.... FREE entertainment at the Columbus International Festival, at the Civic Center.... and an Oxbow Meadows program on earthworms, carefully placed one month after the "Insectival"....

(BLOGGER'S NOTE: Because of a Sunday road trip, we will have NO entry Monday. And our post time for the next few days will change, to around 8:00 a.m. ET.)

This blog has thousands of visitors each month, from people in Columbus and around the world. To advertise to them, offer a story tip or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

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10 AUG 07: SIZZLE WITHOUT THE STEAK

In 10.3 years in Columbus, I don't recall it ever happening before. The tabletop temperature gauge next to my computer monitor reached 100 degrees F. Thursday afternoon, before I turned on the air conditioning. And I didn't have the radio on, so you can't blame any hot air from talk show hosts.

Columbus officially had its first 100-degree day of the summer. The airport temperature actually was 99 at 4:00 p.m. and 98 at 5:00 p.m., but it jumped up to 100 at 6:00 p.m. So I hope all you afternoon rush-hour drivers are proud of yourselves.

If that wasn't enough, the "heat index" at 6:00 p.m. reached 109 degrees. That's computed by combining the temperature with the humidity. It does NOT count several other important factors - such as whether your home is made with brick, or your car has air conditioning.

Things didn't feel that bad to me when I was out Wednesday afternoon. The high was 99 -- but to borrow a common cliche, it was a "dry heat." Thursday afternoon seemed different - like a convoy of teachers returned from Panama City Beach, to start a new school year in Phenix City.

One sign that Thursday's heat was different came when I returned to my car, as I ran several errands. The car seat burned my hand a little. And when the car seat is cloth instead of leather, that's saying something. [True!]

But let's face it - a heat wave has been building in Columbus for several days. I realized that when I turned on the kitchen tap water one afternoon. I had to wait for the water to cool down, not warm up.

With all due respect to San Francisco's Mayor, these are days when having bottled water is a good thing. It's more refreshing when it's chilled in a refrigerator. Besides, what's that mayor going to do if a freak Pacific hurricane hits his city?

The House of Mercy has opened its doors during the day, as a place of cooling for older people. Don't you wonder if anyone is preaching to the visitors - and using that old line: "If you think it's hot HERE...." ?!

(I'm honestly not sure why the House of Mercy is doing this. Columbus has several senior centers, where older people can go to beat the heat -- and where no one is likely to object, if someone pulls out a deck of playing cards.)

People with outdoor jobs have to be careful in the heat, but they kept working Thursday through it all. A tree trimming service spent much of the day in my neighborhood, clearing limbs from around power lines. So the workers were in the shade - at least for awhile.

The Atlanta newspaper's web site has been inviting readers to post "how hot is it" jokes for several days. Hopefully I'm not stealing anything from there - but in our area, it's SO HOT....

+ Fountain City Coffee is ordering unroasted beans.

+ Hip-hop clubs will refuse to play Snoop Dogg's "Drop It Like It's Hot" this weekend -- because it already is.

+ Some sports fans have stopped talking about college football, and are asking when the Cottonmouths hockey season starts.

+ People are stopping by the Columbus Foundry to cool off.

+ The icy relations between Hurtsboro's Mayor and Constable actually may be improving.

+ GPB Television may change its "pledge month" programming, and raise more money by showing Antarctic penguins.

+ Dancers at the Platinum Club aren't even bothering to go out on stage wearing clothes.

+ The Muscogee County Humane Society is asking people to stop using the phrase "Dog Days," because it makes dogs look bad.

+ Several Baptist churches expect this will be the busiest weekend of the year for baptisms.

+ The first "I Challenge Derek" request on TV is for Derek Kinkade to bring in an Arctic air mass.

+ The botulism investigation at the Castleberry chili plant in Augusta has been suspended - because no one's heating chili right now.

+ I'm turning my running T-shirt over every hour - not for a suntan, but to dry off the sweat.

SCHEDULED THIS WEEKEND: A one-time area police chief gets in trouble with the law....

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9 AUG 07: VENT EARLY AND OFTEN

An arrest was announced Wednesday in a Phenix City home invasion case. An 81-year-old woman claims she was raped by a 19-year-old man. This is one time when suggesting the man pick on somebody his own size clearly is NOT appropriate....

The arrest of Javarous Hall was posted on the Columbus Ledger-Enquirer's web site around 12:00 noon - and in keeping with a recent addition there, a "comments" section was attached to the story. That section had received 45 comments by Wednesday night. That newspaper knows how to keep a blogger like me humble.

But what struck me was what some of the readers wrote in the comment section about Javarous Hall, especially after examining his police "mug shot." One declared him a "retarded animal." How do you know when a cat is mentally disabled, anyway? Does it try to moo?

Several of the written comments were incredibly blunt about Javarous Hall - in some cases too blunt for this G-rated blog. For instance:

+ "Looks fit for the electric chair to me." Did that person say the same thing about Lindsey Lohan's mug shot?

+ "This low down retarded perverted man needs to not only go to prison, but somebody, and I wished it was me, needs to rape.... him with a stick, a mop, a steel pipe or something...." This presumably non-retarded writer needed me to add all his punctuation.

+ "Get the big oak tree and a good sturdy rope!!!!! And save us taxpayers a ton of money!" This almost sounds like a man trying out for The Big Eddy Club.

That last comment reminds me of what someone said the other night on ABC News's special "iCaught." He said the Internet is "like the wild West," with almost anyone able to attack and bring shame on anybody else. That may also explain all the poker web sites which have come along lately.

But the comments on this case also made me ponder something. Are newspaper comment areas such as this destined to replace radio and TV talk shows? In other words, who needs a "Talkline" when you can write your thoughts and feelings on the spot - with multiple people commenting at the same time, and no six-second tape delay for dirty words?

To be fair, other visitors to the Ledger-Enquirer's web site tried to counter the attackers. One called some of the comments about Javarous Hall: "an embaressment to the city of Columbus, the state of GA, and the USA." But then, leaving a comment which misspells "embarrassment" might do the same thing.

Someone is screening the Ledger-Enquirer's comments section, because at least five comments on the arrest of Javarous Hall were deleted. I can only imagine what those people might have said - since you're not likely to see them in the newspaper's "Sound Off" section, either.

Yes, I know -- open online message boards have been around for about a decade. But until now, web surfers normally had to search around for a board or a forum. They weren't directly attached to newspaper stories, as they are now. The difference between one and three clicks can be huge, you know....

We've heard occasionally from people wondering why this blog has no "comment" links. That's mainly because the option wasn't available to us when the blog started in January 2003. But anymore, it's also because I don't know what sort of commenters might show up. They could use dirty language, leave spam offers for prescription drugs - and might even leave better jokes than I write.

E-MAIL UPDATE: From the more civilized side of cyberspace, we have a response to Wednesday's topic about a candidate for Public Services Director:

The Bishops, Creightons, Turners, Huguleys must have run out of true relatives to give the position so Sandford's assistant is the next best thing. The "inside" of our Government in Columbus is running out of control.

WAKE UP COLUMBUS!! NO WONDER THE UPPER CRUST OF MUSCOGEE COUNTY ARE TAKING THEIR INVESTMENT VENTURES TO PHENIX CITY AND HARRIS COUNTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Aw, c'mon - why would these powerful Columbus families give the job to an assistant who lives in Albany? Couldn't Willie or Brenda Dozier be talked out of retirement?

And when you refer to the "upper crust" moving money to Phenix City - I hope you realize some people don't consider that new Alatrade poultry plant that great an investment.

Now for some quick ups and downs from the Wednesday news....

+ The temperature in Columbus went up to 99 degrees F. The morning LOW at the Atlanta airport was a record high 82 - but of course, that could mean more United Parcel Service planes are flying there than ever.

+ The RiverCenter held a "buy one get one free" ticket sale, for Friday night's Dionne Warwick concert. The sale is scheduled to continue today - so feel free to sing "Deja Vu" as you approach the box office.

(Does this mean ticket sales for the Dionne Warwick concert are down, and going slowly? Would they increase if she promised to bring some of her "psychic friends" on stage, to read members of the audience?)

+ Russell County High School officials told WXTX "News at Ten" the school library will be closed for renovation, two weeks past today's start of a new term. About 20,000 books will be put back on the shelves, after the work is complete -- to which many Columbus library patrons said: "Books?! How old-fashioned are they?!"

+ Columbus Councilor and former major league baseball player Glenn Davis told WRBL he believes "the ball is juiced" today, resulting in more home runs. So who smuggled the steroid needles into the baseball factories in Haiti?

+ Instant Message to Shaw High School: I've got it - the perfect "Partner in Education" for you! Have the Raider football team wear home uniforms of "Continental Carbon black...."

This blog has thousands of visitors each month, from people in Columbus and around the world. To advertise to them, offer a story tip or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

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8 AUG 07: CUTTS LIKE A KNIFE

Word spread early in the week that trouble was coming. Something was going to happen at Tuesday night's Columbus Council meeting, to put the Mayor at odds with the City Manager. In fact, some people actually sounded like they were ready to see it - as if we need a new controversy, to replace the library land debate.

The rumor-spreaders turned out to have a grain of truth. Several people at Columbus Council objected to City Manager Isaiah Hugley's choice for a new Public Services Director. I'm not sure why they're so upset - since Kenneth Cutts is just as alliterative a name as Rufus Riggs.

Well, check that - I do know why some people are so upset. They say the City Manager selected Kenneth Cutts based on something besides his qualifications. Cutts is an Albany attorney, who's worked in the office of Rep. Sanford Bishop. Critics say that's not good enough for directing Public Services - unless the city expects a flood of lawsuits about sewer leaks.

Longtime Columbus Council critic Paul Olson made his first media appearance in some time about this matter. He told WXTX "News at Ten" Kenneth Cutts seems to be a political appointment. I think the key letter here is D - as in Democrat, and in Duh.

Former Columbus mayoral candidate Bert Coker complained for days that the choice of Kenneth Cutts smelled like "cronyism." But hold on here - my Webster's New World Dictionary defines a crony as a "close companion." Cutts is in Albany, and that's a 90-minute drive away.

Paul Olson and other critics said the City Manager should appoint someone from inside city government as Public Services Director. These people are never satisfied, are they?! They want an "outsider" Mayor to clean up Columbus's problems, but they want a team of insiders to have the first shot at doing it.

So what did Mayor Jim Wetherington have to say about the Public Services appointment? He tried to come across as a peacemaker - saying he had discussed his concerns about Kenneth Cutts with the City Manager in an executive session. Behind closed doors, you probably can yell as loud as you want....

The Mayor, Council and City Manager agreed in executive session to contact Kenneth Cutts, to discuss some of their objections. For instance: can he spot a 36-inch pipe from a 48-inch pipe without using a tape measure?

The other big issue at Tuesday night's Columbus Council meeting was a topic we promise above to discuss here - the flow of the river. Apparently the city is concerned about it. I haven't noticed any difference lately - but then, I tend to jog alongside it and not IN it.

Columbus Council voted to jump into a lawsuit against the Army Corps of Engineers, about how much water flows down the Chattahoochee River. Georgia Governor Sonny Perdue asked the city NOT to sue - so this vote could mean the governor's about as much of a "lame duck" leader as President Bush.

This lawsuit is the latest step in a long fight over how to divide water between Alabama, Florida and Georgia. There's an easy way to resolve all this, you know - and it could make those college football rivalries in the fall more important than ever....

E-MAIL UPDATE: There's nothing quite like back-to-school time....

I just had a relative register at CSU..HOPE pd everything and gave him a book allowance...Keep buying those scratch-offs...He worked hard in high school to keep his grades up..Many kids do not realize that working for the HOPE starts with 9th grade grades.There are so many kids who get HOPE for the freshmen year.But,along comes the soph.year and they don't qualify..I think if they don't make the grade they should pay back interest on the money they wasted..Not pay the total back,but just what the money would have earned on interest...

It's fair to say HOPE springs eternal for Georgia college students. But if they don't keep their grades up, HOPE scholarships can run dry in the spring as well.

But don't look at me, when it comes to buying lottery scratch-off tickets. I've never purchased one, for several reasons. For one thing, what happens to all that dust people scratch off? Shouldn't it be recyclable - maybe making it from the same ingredients as Roach Prufe?

So I'll save my dollars for cookies, while we consider other news from Tuesday:

+ Our condolences to the family of former Auburn University President William Walker. His name came up often in the first two years of our blog - and perhaps closure will come at the funeral, if football coach Tommy Tuberville can sit down for a chat with Bobby Petrino.

+ An afternoon rainstorm saved Columbus from having its first 100-degree day of the summer. Yet something didn't seem quite right. As I drove around downtown after the storm, I didn't see any steam rise from the pavement. Were drivers actually obeying the speed limit, to make this happen?

+ The annual "National Night Out Against Crime" found Columbus Police visiting several neighborhood watch groups. But did I hear it right - one group held a barbecue at 11:00 a.m.? I've never heard anyone call it a National Day Off.

+ Former Phenix City Central baseball star Doc Brooks was suspended from the South Coast League for ten games. He violated the league's drug policy, and reportedly has had this problem elsewhere in the minor leagues - so maybe it's time to find a new nickname.

This blog has thousands of visitors each month, from people in Columbus and around the world. To advertise to them, offer a story tip or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

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7 AUG 07: THE PAY OF LAFAYE

"Is this your first time with a blog?" At least I think that's what LaFaye Dellinger asked, when she called me on her cell phone Monday. After four-and-a-half years of blogging, that's a bit like asking a family with two children if it's their first marriage.

BLOG EXCLUSIVE: Smiths Station Mayor LaFaye Dellinger filled in more details Monday, about a recently-approved raise for elected officials. She confirmed after the next election, the mayor's monthly salary will jump from $750 to $1,875 -- a jump of 150 percent. And that doesn't even include incentive clauses, if the high school football team makes the playoffs.

LaFaye Dellinger explained there's a good reason for that 150 percent pay raise -- because the Smiths Station Mayor doubles as the City Manager, and the city finally will start paying a salary for both titles. What a difference this is, from other area cities! If Jeff Hardin lived in Smiths Station instead of Phenix City, he'd have to fire himself.

"I attend more meetings as City Manager than I do as the Mayor," LaFaye Dellinger told me. This seems to beg a question -- exactly when IS she City Manager, as opposed to being Mayor? Does the mayoral line end, if there's no ground to break or blue ribbon to cut?

So what about the e-mailed claim from Sunday, that Smith Station's founding politicians promised to serve for free? "He probably didn't mention that it was only for the first term," Mayor LaFaye Dellinger answered correctly. So the city council is working a bit like a discount cell phone plan....

"We can afford it," Mayor LaFaye Dellinger said of the upcoming raises for Smiths Station elected officials. I didn't probe any further into the city finances. My mom taught me long ago NOT to ask people how much money they make - but then, she didn't try to keep me out of journalism school.

(Of course, someone else might wind up affording the pay raises in Smiths Station -- all the new soldiers at Fort Benning.)

You may recall LaFaye Dellinger had some recent health problems, which put her in the hospital. But the Smiths Station Mayor admitted to your blog she's thinking about running for re-election next year. Ms. Dellinger may be in the mood to finish what she started - but then again, she started a new city.

"The citizens will make that decision for me," Mayor LaFaye Dellinger said about running for another term. Translation: if people in Smiths Station run against her, she might step aside and let them have the job. But she added if someone ran merely "for the money," that would be different. So you laid-off mill workers should stay in Columbus and forget about it....

It seemed LaFaye Dellinger called me while driving back to Smiths Station from the Lee County Justice Center. We noted she was on jury duty Monday, but the mayor says she was dismissed from a murder trial. At least no critic can accuse her of a conflict of interest, by considering a case of robbery.

LaFaye Dellinger admits as Smiths Station's Mayor, she could have claimed an exemption from Monday's jury duty. But she believes it's important to fulfill such a civic responsibility. Some men wouldn't enter a jury pool if they were promised all the women would wear bikinis.

In a Columbus political note, former Council candidate Jeremy Hobbs is sending e-mails around town suggesting he might run the Muscogee County School Board. He notes Councilor Red McDaniel is among those suggesting he run for school board - which is interesting, since McDaniel had to defeat Hobbs to keep his seat three years ago.

E-MAIL UPDATE: We thank a blog reader for responding to Monday's entry....

HAPPY BIRTHDAY..........I WAS 56 LAST SATURDAY ON THE 28TH OF JULY....GUESS WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON...WE BOTH LEO'S

Now hold on here! You can keep that astrological zodiac stuff, because I gave it up long ago. I've actually glanced at newspaper horoscopes two days after the fact, and seen how off-base they were about me.

Let's see what signs of the times were making news Monday:

+ WRBL reported the late-afternoon heat index in Columbus hit 105 degrees F. We especially note this for our Third Brigade soldiers serving in Iraq - so they can dream about how cool and comfortable it is back home.

(But a short afternoon shower cooled things off in my neighborhood. You know that kind of rain - just long enough to make the flowers smell like they're close to being cooked as incense.)

+ The Alabama Department of Education reported Russell County High School and Middle School failed to make "annual yearly progress." How can this be? I don't recall a single teacher being arrested since last fall.

+ Phenix City Police reported vandals left extensive damage at Lakewood Golf Course. Among other things, someone drove two golf carts into a lake. What did these knuckleheads do - sit at home and watch "Caddyshack" all weekend?

(C'mon folks, let's be sensible here! If you don't like Tiger Woods winning all those golf tournaments, stop buying Nike products.)

+ Riverchase Drive in Phenix City closed, for 45 days of construction on a new ramp from U.S. 80. Drivers are advised to use an alternate hospital, while the work is.... no wait, some of them already do that....

+ Talbotton Mayor Tony Lamar held two testy public hearings on increasing property taxes 28 percent. Resident Willie Willis whined (OK, said) the city is "trying to tax its way out of all its problems." Huh?! It certainly doesn't look like spending the way out worked.

(Mayor Tony Lamar told WRBL he'll resist the petitions calling for his resignation, and finish his term. I think I know what this means - Talbotton doesn't even have a pension plan for retired elected officials.)

+ Instant Message to Robert Nardelli: Congratulations on your move from The Home Depot to Chairman and C.E.O. of Chrysler. Do you plan to change the car company's commercial slogan - maybe to "You can paint this car; we can help"?

SCHEDULED WEDNESDAY: Is a love affair at the Government Center about to end?....

This blog has thousands of visitors each month, from people in Columbus and around the world. To advertise to them, offer a story tip or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

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6 AUG 07: FINER 49'ER

"You must have walked here," said the woman behind the counter at a Buena Vista Road restaurant. She was staring at a man with sweat all over his head and T-shirt, shortly before 10:00 on a Saturday night. You'd think people living in that neighborhood actually could afford air conditioning.

"I drove here," the sweaty man responded, "from downtown - where I've just jogged three miles on my 49^th birthday." I should mention this restaurant was a Subway - where the food is more likely to help keep off the weight you left on the running course.

You ask who was this sweaty man, who went for a long run on his birthday? That person happens to be I. Yes, I turned 49 over the weekend - and Someone bigger than I provided the strength to run three miles non-stop on the Riverwalk. Call me weird, but that gift of health means more to me than any version of X-Box.

The weather in Columbus allows me to run outside 12 months a year - but three dates have become annual "measuring stick" runs for me. There's the first run of the calendar year on January 1, my Columbus "anniversary run" on April 29 and the "birthday run" on August 4. If you want to sponsor a fourth run to make it a grand slam, please make me an offer.

The January 1 run this year wasn't too thrilling - 1.2 miles non-stop, about half the distance of 2006. The April 29 run probably should have been canceled, because I was fighting pneumonia. So Saturday night's birthday run was a big moment -- not to mention a test of whether I was pushing 50, or that age was pushing me.

The timing of this birthday run couldn't have been more perfect. It came at the end of the seventh-day Sabbath. So not only I was well rested from the day, but the church snack table can be a hidden source for "carbo-loading."

I felt good starting on the Riverwalk course around 9:00 p.m., and the only distracting moment of the first two miles came after my turnaround point. As I headed under the Trade Center, I passed a group of young people - and one man tossed a large boulder into the small pool of water around a support pillar. Some guys need gym memberships, to show off to their girlfriends.

"Why?" I said aloud while I jogged, just after the boulder's splashdown.

"Why what?" a member of the group said.

"Why do that?" I asked. If they had a good answer, I couldn't understand what they said - and I kept on jogging south, realizing the big guy who tossed the boulder probably couldn't even keep up with my slow pace.

The last half-mile of the three-mile course was a bit wearying, because Columbus had a very hot and sticky weekend. So the sweat on my shirt was my part of the work, to reduce the relative humidity.

But the final score of the run was 3.1 miles - my second three-miler since the pneumonia fight in the spring. A check of the records shows it was my longest birthday run in at least eight years. Maybe next August when I turn 50, a recruiter from the American Association of Retired Persons can join me.

By the way, my 49^th birthday is the answer to a "teaser" question we posted the other day. Charlotte and California's Long Beach State have college sports teams nicknamed the 49'ers. And I've decided for this special year, I'm rooting for the San Francisco 49'ers in pro football. Now if someone will sign Julio Franco to a baseball contract, so I can still feel young....

BLOG CORRECTION: Not everything gets better with age, you know. Sunday's e-mail made that clear about my brain....

The Council member last name I think should be Stringer instead of Stallings.

I thought ESPN would be the one to stir things up with names.

On the steel bridge thing for Alabama - I have not heard of this one on the list in Salem, Alabama

The reader is correct, and we fixed the name of the Smiths Station City Council member after we read it. We talked Friday night with George Stringer Jr. Shame on me! George Stallings hasn't coached Alabama football in more than a decade, and that was back when.... no wait....

The e-mailer included a picture of a bridge - one I admittedly didn't recognize. I didn't download it to my computer, either. If it's structurally deficient, who knows how much of my hard drive might collapse from it?

The person who originally wrote about the Smiths Station city council corrected us as well:

Richard, Maybe the reason George Stallings, Jr. doesn't seem to know much about the Smiths Station council members' salaries is that we don't have a council member by that name. Or maybe you are talking about George Stringer, Jr. Yes he is a city council member and a retired school teacher (Driver's Ed). I can't believe he doesn't know what his monthly paycheck is! I wonder what other city business he can't remember. The city council raised their salaries (beginning next year) from $300. per month to $420. I say "their" salaries because none of them had any opponents the last election and with the apathy which is apparent I doubt they will have any opposition next year. But then again - maybe if the information about their pay increases gets much publicity there might be others wanting that "easy money". Two 15 minute meetings a month for $420. - not bad.

Perhaps that Georgia town that's been bouncing city checks needs to check with Smiths Station and find out how they come up with so much money. It may be that they offer no city services except garbage pick-up and they make a profit on that ($19. per mo for once a wk svc). They let the county do everything else.

I won't have to hire Josh McKoon to prove anything. I have the newspaper articles and the campaign flyers.

Thanks for listening and verifying all information you receive.

Now, now - the Smiths Station City Council has more than two "15-minute meetings" every month. Don't overlook that 30-minute work session, before the regular meeting begins.

Before we start pointing fingers at the Smiths Station City Council and its $300 monthly salary, keep something in mind. Some starting pitchers in major league baseball make hundreds of thousands of dollars, yet only appear in games 35 times a year. Has Tampa Bay's Edwin Jackson given back any paychecks, with his 2-11 record?

By the way, we heard from Smiths Station Mayor LaFaye Dellinger Sunday night. She left a short message while we were dining out, and noted she begins jury duty today. So she could make a little extra money - perhaps even enough to buy her lunch, during a trial.

E-MAIL UPDATE: Now back to Columbus, and what remains the top issue on many minds....

Why has crime increased so much in Columbus this summer? Has the price of drugs gone up with the price of gas? This is really a scarey time in Columbus for the elderly..They are afraid to go shopping and afraid to get out and work in their yards..What a way to spend your golden years,behind locked doors and closed blinds...

It's not only the older people who are facing scary times. I'm hearing a local journalist was carjacked in Midtown over the weekend. It's enough to make you wish the carjackers could be given their own version of Safety Cab.

Sunday's Ledger-Enquirer took an in-depth look at the Columbus murder count. It concluded only four of the 17 homicides so far this year were "random" occurrences. For some reason, it ruled out the "Hispanic home invasion" killings of April - as if the defendants in that case plan to use bad landscaping as a defense?!

It was interesting and sad to read that three of the 17 homicides in Columbus this year are "domestic" cases - with relatives accused of killing each other. Three more were declared "crimes of passion." Perhaps we should blame these killings on people imitating the characters on "Family Guy."

WRBL went on patrol with a Columbus Police "Project Safe Streets" team. The officers corrected one claim by Mayor Jim Wetherington - that while much of the crime surge is in drug-infected neighborhoods, the crimes do NOT involve drugs. So maybe people are fighting over the money, weeks after the deals....

Muhammad's Mosque #96 in Columbus took its own stand against crime Sunday - with members going door-to-door, urging people to come together and pray. This sounds like a good idea. But while we're at it, can we ask the Nation of Islam to send a delegation to Pakistan to do the same thing with Usama bin-Laden?

A big crime-fighting event comes up this week in Columbus - as Tuesday is the "National Night Out." Several neighborhoods will hold special events in the evening. And they're all likely to end by 10:30 p.m., before many of the criminals hit the streets.

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5 AUG 07: NO HELP WANTED

Suppose they gave away free money, and nobody came to claim any of it. In Georgia, lottery players would pass out in disbelief - while in Alabama, conservatives would call it a victory for hard work and the state's low unemployment rate.

But which is more amazing: a failed money giveaway, or the giver openly admitting no one took advantage of it? I'm startled by what Publisher Wane Hailes writes in the current issue of "The Courier." He admits no one entered his weekly paper's contest offering $4,000 in college scholarships. At some radio stations, a person in the front office would have called and pretended to win.

The rules for claiming college scholarship money were relatively easy. The Courier asked minority high school graduates to submit a 1,000-word essay, and take part in an "oral interview." Maybe that last part threw the teenagers off - because sad to say, many of them nowadays attach something else (ahem) to the word "oral."

Wane Hailes writes three anonymous minority business owners offered the scholarship money - and they're "frustrated with the lack of response." Can you blame them? Now they have to find another way to claim that tax deduction....

(In a rather confusing sentence, Hailes adds the business owners finally gained a response "through their churches." I'm not sure if the church teenagers actually received the scholarship money, or if they suggested the business owners put the money in the collection plate.)

Wane Hailes's column blames minority parents for the lack of response to the scholarship contest. He says they should "insist our children do all they can to lighten the financial load of college." But maybe the high school graduates already have a plan to do that. It's called a part-time job....

There may be other explanations for the lack of response, which Wane Hailes and The Courier are not considering. For instance:

+ HOPE scholarships allow high school graduates across Georgia to get started in public colleges. Maybe minority graduates aren't thrilled about going to Morehouse or Spelman College anymore.

+ If no one applied for the college scholarships from East Alabama, there's an easy way to fix this. Start leaving copies of your paper on the other side of the river.

+ The explanation Wane Hailes doesn't want to hear - that hardly anyone is reading his paper, so they didn't know about the contest in the first place.

There was another way to handle this lack of response from "minority high school graduates." Open the college scholarships to ALL graduates, regardless of skin color. After all, Chamber of Commerce numbers indicate Columbus has NO "majority" ethnic community right now. If some white teenager had written a 1,000-word essay on this, at least some Ku Klux Klan chapter would have come out of hiding to help.

E-MAIL UPDATE: Now for some other people who apparently aren't concerned about money....

Richard, I wonder how many residents of the small town (approximately 5,000 population) of Smiths Station realize that the city council recently voted to increase the part-time mayor's salary from $750. to $1,875. per month. But that's not all - they voted to increase the council members salaries too. Not bad for a little town that incorporated only six years ago (June 2001). I do recall the citizens being told at the time of the incorporation vote not to worry about the cost of city officials - that they could and would work for free. That didn't last long! Don't believe politicians or in this case it was "wanna-be politicians".

I wonder how this salary compares with the salaries of other area small town, part-time mayors. Maybe some of your enlightened readers can let us know.

Answering that last matter first - at $750 per month, Smiths Station's mayor currently tops Talbotton Mayor Tony Lamar by about $750.

We admittedly waited to post this message until we could confirm what it claims. Smiths Station Mayor LaFaye Dellinger did NOT respond to our call, but city councilman George Stringer Jr. confirmed part of it Friday night. The council approved a pay raise at its 10 July meeting. Hmmmm -- could that explain why no agenda or minutes of that meeting are posted on the city web site?

George Stringer Jr. clearly did not expect a call from your blog about this. He couldn't remember the current salaries for the Smiths Station mayor and council, or the new salaries which were approved. And you thought only Bill Gates could forget about something as insignificant as that....

But George Stringer Jr. added a key detail which the e-mail left out. He says the pay raises in Smiths Station don't take effect until after the next city election. So if you don't like what the city council members did, you can vote them out of office next year - but if you run against them, you have to explain why you're not just as greedy.

I asked George Stringer Jr. about the supposed 2001 statement that elected officials in Smiths Station would work for free. He didn't recall anyone saying that. So the e-mailer is going to have to hire Josh McKoon from Columbus -- since he's so good at keeping track of other people's promises.

Our short conversation ended after I suggested to George Stringer Jr. that if the council is approving pay raises, Smiths Station's finances must be in good shape. He told me to call the City Clerk about that - and we all know how well that sort of trust by council members worked recently in Columbus and Talbotton.

Your donations of money to this blog are always welcome - but before you write a check, consider some weekend news headlines:

+ F.B.I. agents told the Ledger-Enquirer accused Cross Creek killer Michael Registe may have fled to the Virgin Islands. This doesn't seem like a very smart move. Recent history suggests if you want to disappear from the law in the Caribbean, you fly to Aruba.

+ Alabama Governor Bob Riley called for an inspection of the state's "steel deck truss" bridges, including one in Tallapoosa County. After what happened in Minneapolis, officials clearly are spelling "truss" correctly - and not misspelling it "trust."

+ The state of Georgia announced the formation of a "carbon registry," where environmentally-minded people can exchange carbon credits. The Columbus Civic Center could make a fortune from this -- assuming the staff saved all the carbon black which was cleaned off the roof.

+ The Columbus Catfish lashed Lexington 4-2, on the first-ever "Faith Day" at Golden Park. Who knows how many fans misunderstood this -- and were disappointed when Faith Hill didn't sing the national anthem.

(Meanwhile, the Friday night post-game fireworks show at Golden Park increased in length from the last show on 20 July. Compared with six minutes, seven minutes IS a substantial improvement....)

+ Phenix City edged Columbus Northern 4-3 in eight innings, at the Little League regional baseball tournament in Florida. At least I think Phenix City won - but WRBL showed the numbers backwards on the screen. I predict the newsroom phone will stop ringing at about 2:00 this afternoon.

+ The Associated Press pre-season college football rankings put Auburn 13^th, and Georgia 14^th. But when Hawaii is ranked and Alabama is not, it could be time for the Nick Saban supporters to lay off the energy drinks for awhile.

+ Instant Message to City Manager Isaiah Hugley: That's a nice new upright sign at Tenth and Veterans Parkway, marking the Government Center Annex. Hopefully spending money on that sign instead of public safety won't come back to bite you - like if gangs cover it with graffiti.

SCHEDULED MONDAY: Three miles from one major victory....

This blog has thousands of visitors each month, from people in Columbus and around the world. To advertise to them, offer a story tip or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

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NAME CORRECTED 11:43am....

for 4 AUG 07: FEATS OF STRENGTH

(BLOGGER'S NOTE: You may find this item humorous, serious, or a little of both - but we offer these thoughts from time to time, as we keep a seventh-day Sabbath.)

If you spend an extra dollar to renew your car license plate by mail, you don't know what you're missing. All sorts of amazing things can happen at the east side of the Government Center. You might see old friends, spot familiar TV faces - and even children playing ball games in a corner. Columbus Lions managers may be sad to learn they did NOT play indoor football.

When I renewed my car tag this past week, I waited in line behind a mother of two toddler boys. They wore matching green striped shirts, and they seemed to have matching goals - to dismantle and tear down the padded barriers used to keep people in a line. These children have a great future with S.O.A. Watch.

The toddlers worked like tag-team villains, pulling the padded barriers forward like they doing weight work in a gym. When that didn't work, they unhooked the pads from the metal stands to which they're attached. These children were doing to Columbus city government on a small scale what Paul Olson has dreamed of doing at Council meetings.

(At one point, children farther behind the boys succeeded in knocking down half-a-lane of the padded barriers, including a couple of metal columns. Now you know why restaurants such as Arby's make those things of solid steel.)

I couldn't help watching all of this childish destruction - but I tried as best I could NOT to make eye contact with the toddlers. If their goal was simply to get attention, I didn't want to give them any. They can wait ten years for that - assuming YouTube is still around then.

The mother of the toddlers took a low-key approach to all this. She never raised her voice toward her boys, asking them "please" to calm down -- and actually called one of the boys "sir." If I didn't know better, I would have thought I was standing behind the U.S. Secretary of State.

Some of you may be wondering why this mother didn't punish her children on the spot. She seemed to limit that to gripping one hand of her boys very hard - tight enough that the boys complained about it. Painful lessons can be learned in spots other than the (ahem) derriere.

If the mother had slapped her sons' hands in the line or even spanked them, I would have understood and not objected. And for all I know, she may have done that after the family returned home. The toddlers were making enough of a scene, without their mom multiplying it times two.

The family in front of me finally went to a window to obtain a license tag. Then so did I - and I told the woman behind the glass that I'd received something else with my new silver sticker. "I watched a wrestling match at no extra charge."

As I walked back to my car with my new license sticker, I pondered the family in front of me. The toddlers seemed ready to show how physically strong they were -- yet didn't the mother really exercise more strength? She showed strength in her patience and self-control. And she may have realized she had the last word with her children - for instance, by serving bland lima beans for dinner.

The control shown by this mother is the sort of strength we all really need. The Bible puts it this way in Colossians 3: "Be clothed with compassion, kindliness, humility, gentleness and good temper...." If correction or punishment of children is needed, it can wait until you're away from public display. But then again, Kim Basinger may leak your answering machine message to the media....

While the toddlers didn't want to calm down, their mother (at least outwardly) kept her cool. If only all of us did this in tense situations. That might go a long way to reduce the recent crime surge in Columbus - and I think "Project Safe Thinking" is a far better answer than "Project Safe Streets."

BLOG CORRECTION: I didn't realize until the Friday evening news that this weekend is the "World's Longest Yard Sale" - so as it turns out, it DOES coincide with the Georgia and Alabama sales tax holidays. If you want to drive all the way to Fort Payne to save five dollars on a lamp, it's up to you.

COMING SUNDAY: Is a mayor in our area about to get a 100-percent raise?....

This blog has thousands of visitors each month, from people in Columbus and around the world. To advertise to them, offer a story tip or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

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If you mention this blog in public, please be polite enough to let me know.

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