18 JUL 07: REGRETS, I'VE HAD A FEW

"Sometimes in this business, you make mistakes." That quote could have been made by a lot of people Tuesday -- from local law enforcement officials to the top managers of the Atlanta Falcons.

But the quote actually was made by Muscogee County Marshal Greg Countryman, after a very unusual Columbus Council meeting. The city openly apologized to a man who was wrongly arrested for a couple of weeks. Somewhere, the mother of Kenneth Walker must have collapsed on the floor in shock.

Markeith Milner was the first man arrested in April, for a Sunday night assault on a mobile home which left two people dead. But Columbus Police eventually decided he was NOT involved, and let him go. Why do these errors happen so often to police officers on TV dramas, and not to defense attorneys?

Four other people now are under arrest for that deadly home invasion - but as those arrests occurred, someone tipped off the Marshal's Office that Markeith Milner was NOT part of the crime. We're left to wonder who the tipster was. Did one of the real criminals decide Milner was too wimpy to be in their gang?

So even before the murder charges in this home invasion murder case went before a grand jury, it went before Columbus Council. Markeith Milner appeared Tuesday, and received a public apology from both Mayor Jim Wetherington and Police Chief Ricky Boren. This apparently was a first - as not even police officers received this, when they were really underpaid.

Mayor Wetherington admitted to Markeith Milner: "Occasionally we do make mistakes." OK, how many people plan to record that comment in the next few days - in case the mayor runs for reelection in 2010?

Columbus Council didn't stop with a public apology. It approved a cash settlement for Markeith Milner of $31,500. That's about $2,400 for every day Milner spent in jail - which makes you wonder how EconoLodge does it for less than 50 dollars a night.

Markeith Milner was accompanied to Columbus Council by attorney Frank Martin. The sight of Martin may have raised some eyebrows, as rumors went around town during last year's mayoral campaign that he had Jim Wetherington in his hip pocket. These days, of course, it may be more like Martin's belt - assuming his cell phone is clipped there.

It's not clear if Frank Martin even had filed suit against the city, on Markeith Milner's behalf. But Martin said after the Columbus Council meeting that Milner only wanted his good name back. If Milner gives half the cash settlement to local charities, that might be a good start.

There was a time when Columbus Council might hold out for years, before agreeing to a settlement like this. But in this case, a settlement was approved about 90 days after Markeith Milner was arrested. I don't think the state of Alabama processes income tax refunds that quickly.

But is Columbus Council setting a bad precedent with a settlement like this? If the city pays off people kept behind bars for two weeks, what will happen if some of the four current suspects in the home invasion killings are acquitted at trial? Will potential pay raises for detectives go instead to people who can prove the detectives didn't wear gloves around their DNA?

BLOG EXCLUSIVE UPDATE: We revealed last Thursday that Columbus Police had offered employment to the son of the assistant police chief, even though he was arrested for stalking two years ago. Today we hear from the alleged "stalkee":

Richard,

Search no more……………

If you were looking for the "ex-wife" of Brian Rowe, you have found her. I read your blog this morning after being tipped off.

Wow ! Sounds like someone is seriously threatned by Brian joining the dept.

I have no doubts about Brian's capabilities at the Columbus Police Dept. He will do a GREAT job for them; just as he did at the Muscogee County Sheriffs Dept.

The stalking charge was dropped because the D.A. was contacted and asked that it be dropped. The female officer made a mistake. The officer was never told he came onto the property or was stalking anyone. He was simply asked to leave.

I might not be married to Brian anymore, but I certainly wish him well at the CPD.

Kimberly Rowe

AAA Auto Club # 56

We thank you for the explanation - and how interesting is this?! If Ms. Rowe isn't afraid of her ex-husband pulling her over, she must drive at the speed limit all the time.

One of the national evening newscasts noted the other night that police departments across the country are lowering their standards a bit, due to staff shortages. Oakland, California now accepts new officers who admit to prior drug use. But why not - when we elected a President who did the same thing?

Now let's see if any other surprises came our way Tuesday....

+ The Ledger-Enquirer gave Muscogee County Superintendent John Phillips a front-page banner headline - because the school board voted to raise his pay to more than $250,000. The staff at Mattress City will be watching closely over the next few days, for his "Kits for Kids" donation.

+ The evening news revealed two of the three finalists for Russell County School Superintendent may not be qualified for the job. Given the recent history of this position, I wouldn't be surprised if the third finalist flunked a physical exam.

+ The Talbotton City Council took further budget-cutting steps, including a vote to cut the police department from four members to three. Remember when e-mailers to this blog tried to connect Hurtsboro with Talbot County? That connection could come in handy now -- with Hurtsboro possibly doubling its police force.

+ WRBL reported the proposal to abolish the Muscogee County Coroner's office was tabled by Columbus Council. They made it sound like the idea was dead - but it looks simply comatose to me.

(A study was submitted to Columbus Council, indicating cities triple their costs by switching from a coroner to a department of medical examiners. Maybe it's because those examiners are selfish - you know, "It's all about M.E.")

+ Columbus Council received petitions from the group "Dogs Deserve Better." It wants city rules changed, so dogs aren't tied to trees or poles all day long. I assume none of the people who signed the petition work for the U.S. Postal Service....

+ Atlanta Falcons quarterback Michael Vick was indicted by a Virginia grand jury, on charges of involvement in illegal dog fights. Vick is part of a group in Newport News called "Bad News Kennels." It makes you wonder how many of the old "Bad News Bears" are behind bars today.

(This arrest puts the Atlanta Falcons in a tough situation. If they keep Michael Vick on the team, animal rights groups plan to protest. If they release Michael Vick before a trial, civil rights groups probably will protest. And if the team has another poor season, the most important group will protest - as fans give up their season tickets.)

+ Auburn University showed the latest improvement project at Jordan-Hare Stadium. It's adding a new $2.9 million "high-definition" video screen. If only the football players were high-definition as well - as in their literature term papers.

+ Instant Message to all Satan worshipers in Sumter County: You wouldn't have to break into churches and steal valuables if you collected a tithe from everyone in your group. Simply "forget" to tell the new members it's a concept from the Bible.

COMING SOON: A new local business that's keeping very strange hours....

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17 JUL 07: SURGERY OR AMPUTATION?

Summit Hospital executives held staff meetings Monday, to explain its latest round of job cuts. It's the second big reduction since the Phenix City hospital opened 11 months ago. If you didn't know better, you'd think John McCain was running the place.

Summit Hospital confirmed it eliminated 25 jobs last week. I'd go further into exactly how the hospital "eliminated" them -- but we try to keep this blog G-rated.

The reduction of 25 jobs comes three months after Summit Hospital shut down its obstetrics department. So maybe this is a matter of attempting to avoid age discrimination lawsuits....

Spokesman Ian Watson explained Summit Hospital was built with 70 beds, and the managers projected 40 to 50 would be filled on an average day. If you've been on a travel web site and stumbled upon discounted motel room rates in Phenix City, this could explain it.

But while the management expected 40 to 50 beds would be filled at Summit Hospital each day, only about 30 beds are being filled right now. So first not enough Phenix City women were having babies - and now the residents simply aren't getting sick enough?!

Ian Watson says the latest job cuts simply reflect the current needs of Summit Hospital. For instance, the hospital is handling about 100 surgeries per month. So let's see - you only need four or five interns to handle all of those....

Managers believe Summit Hospital's activity will increase, once the Riverchase exit is finished from the Phenix City North Bypass. The way things are right now, the emergency room may be busiest when ambulance drivers get whiplash turning on side streets.

There's one other factor that Summit Hospital's management dares not mention. Base realignment may bring more ailing soldiers to Fort Benning. And the sooner Democrats persuade the President he should pull out of Iraq, the happier the hospital staff will be.

But there's something else working against Summit Hospital. I've read complaints that patients with serious health problems in East Alabama are taken to the Columbus Medical Center, because that's an official "trauma unit." The only trauma at Summit seems to take place when the managers call staff meetings.

BLOG UPDATE: Weeks of tension and concern on two big Columbus issues ended Monday night, at the Muscogee County School Board meeting. For one thing, the board gave final approval to the use of land around the central library. For another thing, board member John Wells returned from "running with the bulls" unharmed.

The school board's vote was unanimous for a "memorandum of understanding" with the city and library system. So it appears there will be a three-way approach to landscaping around the central library on Macon Road. To make this truly an "education park," math students should measure off each section this fall.

But Josh McKoon of the Education Park Coalition still wasn't completely satisfied. He expressed concern the $3 million set aside for landscaping could be spent entirely on "hardscape" [11 Jul]. If McKoon really thinks this will happen, he's assuming the Library Board is filled with hard-heads.

Josh McKoon added the Muscogee County School Board could sell its part of the library land for future development. At least we know there's no demand for an outdoor Library Café....

It suddenly occurred to me Monday that this library land debate has seen a strange role reversal. Josh McKoon chairs the Muscogee County Republican Party, yet he's opposing business development in a small part of Columbus. Teresa Tomlinson of Midtown Inc. is a Democrat, yet she's been accused of being hungry for development and against parkland. Do these two people have evil twins?

Now let's check the good, the evil and the in-between from other Monday news....

+ Which local car dealer appears to have dropped its 30-minute infomercials, right after the 12:00 noon TV news? Could it be that "Mr. Big Volume" plans to become Mr. Walk Softly for awhile?

+ Mayor Jim Wetherington told WRBL Columbus Council is considering asking the Georgia Legislature to abolish the Muscogee County Coroner's position. So with all this talk about next year's election, the council may opt instead for a Coroner-y bypass.

(The mayor explained the county coroner could be replaced by a team of medical examiners. So Ricky Weeks would get the M.E.'s he's proposing -- he simply wouldn't get to be the boss of them.)

+ National Public Radio's "All Things Considered" reported on five days of activity by Fort Benning's Third Brigade in Iraq. Commanders admitted they've changed their approach from kicking in doors to showing "dignity and respect." Please call the insurgents "sir" before they start firing rockets at you.

(The NPR reporter said Third Brigade soldiers shot the wrong man by mistake, in one Iraqi town -- and other military acts led to a comment by Commander Wayne Grigsby that "bullying is not tolerated." Don't put this man on the mailing list for Columbus Cottonmouths season tickets.)

+ Dr. Jay Gogue spent his first day on the job as President of Auburn University. He explained the approach he takes is to "hit the ground listening" - which explains why he wasn't hired to be on the White House staff during the last couple of years.

+ The Georgia Lottery announced it had a record $3.4 billion in earnings last fiscal year. Isn't this wonderful news? Gamblers across Georgia and in surrounding states are losing like never before....

+ The evening sports report revealed two Alabama football players and one Georgia football player were arrested over the weekend. It's enough to make Southeastern Conference coaches lobby for summer training camps, and pre-season exhibition games throughout August.

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16 JUL 07: GONNA DRESS YOU UP

An old yellow truck in the parking lot tells you you're getting close. In fact, that truck looks a bit out of place. They've renovated The Landings shopping center on Airport Thruway a lot in the last two years - but there's no sign of a new car lot anywhere.

That yellow truck came in handy the other night, as it led me to Fuddruckers. The restaurant was part of a one-night-only special, where ten percent of the sales were donated to the Open Door Community House. As I write this, I'm wondering if Fuddruckers went ahead and donated ten percent of the leftovers as well.

It had been several years since I'd eaten at a Fuddruckers - and that one was in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. It was a fun change-of-pace place for a group of single people to go, at the end of a church convention. You don't know how many times the consensus, one-size-fits-all choice is a cafeteria.

If you haven't been to Fuddruckers yet, it bills itself as a gourmet hamburger restaurant. I mean, when the person at the counter actually asks how you want your burger cooked, that comes across as gourmet....

But there's a nostalgia theme to the gourmet burgers. It hits you with old-time rock music outside the door, and really confronts you with old metal coolers of soft drinks along the path while you're in line. You can take milk and IBC root beer bottles now - but they really do have fountains with diet cola hidden around the corner, after you order.

The recommended burger on the Fuddruckers menu board is a half-pounder. At least that's what they highlight - but you can drop down to one-third pound or up to something larger. So you can leave as obese as you want....

(The menu board also includes chicken items, salads and even turkey burgers. But let's face it: you go to a gourmet burger restaurant for burgers. I know from experience that if you go to a pizza restaurant and order spaghetti, you're simply asking for trouble.)

The Fuddruckers server will presume you want fries with your burger, and ask what size. But I've stopped eating fries, since I read online that non-organic potatoes can lead to cancer in areas where they're grown. When that news is posted on a church's web site, I assume it's sin until told otherwise.

So I ordered onion rings with my burger, and found a small table to wait for the order to be prepared. Fuddruckers gives you one of those light-up electronic coasters, like other restaurants do while you wait for a table. The 21^st-century version of watched pots never boiling is: "A watched coaster never glows."

Fuddruckers has filled the walls with memorabilia, for you to consider while you wait for dinner. But some of the items didn't seem quite appropriate for Columbus. I mean, posters for stock cars races are fine - but for races in Zanesville, Ohio?

The wall closest to me at Fuddruckers also included an old poster saying the U.S. Army needs "500 bakers" to bake bread. If you didn't know how to bake bread, it promises "Uncle Sam will teach you how at a Government school." I guess before McDonald's came along, this was all our country could do.

The half-pound burger (I asked for cheese on mine) was ready after a few minutes - and then came one of the most fun parts about Fuddruckers. You go to several counters and build what you want on your burger. OK, so admittedly it's like a glorified trip to a church picnic....

Fuddruckers offered two options for lettuce, and several different kinds of mustard. I took brown mustard over the honey mustard -- remembering brown bread also tends to have more nutrients.

Fuddruckers also lets you pour on ketchup, barbecue sauce and some kind of liquid jalapeno cheese. I could have saved 50 cents if I had known that. But then again, my little carton of milk to drink might not have been enough.

The big burger, regular-size rings and milk cost me a bit less than nine dollars. That's admittedly twice the cost of what Burger King would charge - but then, you're paying for the atmosphere and mood at a restaurant like Fuddruckers. Buying all the pictures of Elvis Presley on the walls through eBay can't be cheap.

I should note I did NOT take a camera to Fuddruckers to record all these things. I remembered visits in metro Atlanta years ago, where signs specifically said photography was not allowed. As if a flash would ruin the nutritional value of the meat?!

OVERHEARD OVER HERE: A church service is over, and a young mother is getting help from Grandma in changing a baby. With no tables available, the women find the closest flat thing they can - the top of an upright piano.

A man watches this from a short distance away. "You're giving new meaning to a 'baby grand.'"

E-MAIL UPDATE: Oh where, oh where has Don Siegelman gone? Oh where, oh where can he be?

Can't believe former AL governor thinks he is too good to be treated as a regular criminal when being housed in OK as he is being moved to a TX prison...I bet he has eaten bologna sandwiches all his life.However,now he says he does not like them,his cell is too small and he is too far from home...As Jessie Jackson says,"You do the crime, you do the time."

First of all: did Jesse Jackson make that statement first? I recall Sammy Davis Junior saying something similar to that 30 years ago. It was the theme song to the TV series "Baretta...."

So since he was sentenced in June, Don Siegelman has traveled from a Montgomery courtroom to a federal prison in Atlanta -- and since then he's been to Michigan and New York. Now he's in Oklahoma, on the way to Texas. Someone should tell him to take notes on all this, and publish a travel guide to pay his defense lawyers.

(In a way, it's too bad Don Siegelman is in federal prison as opposed to the Alabama state system. We're far less likely to see leaked pictures of him in an orange jumpsuit.)

Don Siegelman should be thankful, if the jailers are feeding him bologna sandwiches. I recall the three famous words of a county commissioner in northwest Oklahoma, when asked about jail food: "Beans and cornbread."

Meanwhile, our Sunday topic confused one reader for a moment:

When I saw that title I thought maybe you were liveblogging a funeral, or better yet had figured out a way to liveblog your own funeral.

That would be quite a feat.

Buckblog

This brings up something I hadn't considered before. Should I specify in my will that I want someone to blog my funeral? If the memorial services for Carl Patrick and Lonnie Jackson didn't get live TV coverage, I seriously doubt mine will.

Now a quick check of a quiet Sunday, in terms of news:

+ Flags flew at half-staff across Georgia, on orders from Governor Perdue. It was a tribute to the late Lady Bird Johnson - but sadly, I didn't see anyone climbing the poles to put bouquets of wildflowers on top.

+ An online check revealed the "Columbus 2.0" blog we mentioned in June has left Columbus, and relocated to Atlanta. We are resisting the temptation to post the lyrics to "Another One Bites the Dust."

+ The Columbus Catfish rolled over Rome 8-1. Rome's starting pitcher was ailing Atlanta reliever Tanyon Sturtze. Don't you love a name like that? It sounds so much like a scenic natural attraction in the German countryside....

+ Former Atlanta Falcons quarterback Chris Chandler won the "American Century Championship" of celebrity golf. The fact that I actually watched the trophy presentation should tell you how desperate we are for Sunday sports at this time of year.

+ Instant Message to the two youths I passed on Brown Avenue, who were walking down the street throwing lit firecrackers: Why don't you walk all the way to Fort Benning? You could start a counterinsurgency surge among the young people of Iraq.

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15 JUL 07: BLOG POST OF DEATH

This was a tough decision - which big story to make our top story today. The coroner or the critic? The man who handles death, or the woman who says she wants to save lives? We come down on the side of the coroner, based on A.Y.P. - which in the humor blog world means "average yuk potential."

James Dunnavant says he's resigning as Muscogee County Coroner at the end of the month. Among his reasons, Dunnavant says he's tired of getting calls in the middle of the night. You'd think someone with his job would be paid enough money to afford an answering machine....

James Dunnavant says after 38 years of service, he "needs a break." Yet after he leaves the coroner's office, he's becoming a deputy sheriff in Chattahoochee County. What sort of a break is that -- going after speeders in high-speed chases down Highway 520?

Probate Judge Julia Lumpkin has the job of selecting an interim coroner, to serve until next year's election. But James Dunnavant is endorsing his current deputy, Bill Thrower. Yes, he wants to throw his throne to a Thrower....

But an old familiar name says he wants the coroner's job, and he's already announced plans to run next year. He's Ricky Weeks, who caused a bit of a stir when he was deputy coroner in the late 1990's. Can he have the top position now - or is Weeks beyond his years?

Ricky Weeks told reporters Friday he wants to "restore the reputation" and "restore the trust" of the coroner's office. Maybe I'm missing something here - but I haven't heard people complain about the current coroner being untrustworthy. Unless, of course, all the complainers just happen to be dead now.

(Can't you see the campaign posters now - accusing Bill Thrower of being underhanded?)

From everything I've seen, James Dunnavant has been trustworthy as Muscogee County Coroner. After all, it's not his fault that Fort Benning soldier Richard Davis's body was kept at the morgue all that time....

But we should keep in mind that Ricky Weeks was passed over for coroner several years ago, in favor of James Dunnavant. You'd think someone running for that job would want to keep old differences buried, instead of resurrecting them.

Ricky Weeks says he wants to improve the coroner's office, by adding a Medical Examiner. Of course, he'd need approval from Columbus Council to add that position to the budget - unless he plans to pay for the job by developing a TV reality series on "the real-life Quincy."

So who else wants to run for the job of Muscogee County Coroner? I think the right candidate needs a good nickname, like Russell County Coroner Arthur Sumbry has -- but it's admittedly pretty hard to top "Coroner Pee Wee."

A candidate also needs good campaign managers, who will provide guidance and coaching. They might say, "You look too stiff in that commercial" - and someone running for coroner ought to understand that perfectly.

But let's face it: not everyone is cut out for this job. As even James Dunnivant might put it -- the hours for a county coroner are real killers.

In contrast, Cindy Sheehan says she's trying to prevent the deaths of more U.S. soldiers in Iraq. Her national protest tour went to Fort Benning Saturday, after she was a surprise live guest on Friday's 6:00 p.m. news. When a war protester and a complaint about Bill Heard Chevrolet both make the evening news in the same week, a revolution may be underway in Columbus.

Cindy Sheehan says U.S. soldiers should be brought home from Iraq at once. She suggested in the Friday night interview that Iraq will have a calm political process once the U.S. leaves -- as if the al-Qaeda party ever ran a slate of candidates in Afghanistan.

Cindy Sheehan didn't go to the gate of Fort Benning alone. She was part of a group of protesters, which wants President Bush and Vice President Cheney impeached. OK, they're against the U.S. mission in Iraq - but Republicans set a high standard for this in the 1990's. When did the President and Vice President lie under oath? And when did the President cheat on his wife?

One person in the protest group even recited an anti-Iraq poem, which had a rhyme for Abu Gharib. Other Iraqi cities might be tougher. Let's see: "There once was a brave young Hoosier, who went off to serve in Fallujah...."

Cindy Sheehan's group should have expected opposition at Fort Benning, and it had some. A group called "Gathering of the Eagles" held its own demonstration - no doubt disappointed that Roderick Hood changed teams in the off-season, from Philadelphia to Arizona.

If Eve Tidwell was part of the pro-surge demonstration, I didn't notice her on the Saturday night news. You'll recall Tidwell went to Texas a couple of years ago, to challenge Cindy Sheehan's protests outside President Bush's ranch. She's very much pro-state - but she's against prostate cancer.

(On the other hand, I also didn't notice Roy Bourgeois with Cindy Sheehan's protesters. For some reason, he doesn't seem as fired up about Fort Benning training people to kill insurgents in the Eastern Hemisphere.)

As Cindy Sheehan's group staged its Saturday protest, word came that charges were dropped against another group of anti-war protesters. A judge apparently decided the members of "Iraqi Veterans Against the War" never meant to cross the boundary line onto Fort Benning property. So which military installation has a better PX?

The charges were dropped against three anti-war protesters because the boundary line for Fort Benning is NOT clearly marked. That's what happens when you tear down the Southgate Apartments, and don't build anything to replace them....

BLOG UPDATE: Since we brought up Iraq and Fort Benning's Richard Davis, the movie based on his murder apparently is finished and being shown to critics. Oops, I mean film critics. I don't think they're showing it on Cindy Sheehan's protest bus.

A blog reader alerted us to an online review of "In the Valley of Elah" - but before you click on the link, be warned: if the movie gets an "R" rating, some of the comments people left with the review should get an NC-17.

Richard Davis's father apparently has seen "In the Valley of Elah" as well - because he suggested to one reviewer it's a bright story, compared to what really happened. Yet for some reason, an online comment about the movie declares Lanny Davis "a bully." Come to think of it, District Attorney Gray Conger hasn't appeared in public much lately.

The review I read suggests Tommy Lee Jones could be an Oscar contender, for playing the role based on Lanny Davis. But female lead Susan Sarandon could make "In the Valley of Elah" a contender for something else - the movie most likely to be mocked by radio talk show hosts.

So what else is making news this weekend? We found several other things....

+ Former Columbus Council candidate Jeremy Hobbs declared he's interested in running the café at the Columbus Public Library. In a statement, Hobbs says he'd run it the way Library Director Claudya Muller wants it - with only drinks and pastries. So she's for greenspace, but against green salads?!

+ A family from Tennessee claimed it developed copper poisoning, after swimming in the pool at the Comfort Inn on Macon Road. So that's where thieves dump it, after the recycling centers turn them down....

+ The RiverCenter began selling tickets for this coming season's "Broadway in Columbus" series. One of the touring productions coming to town is "Hairspray" - and the crowd at that musical could be the closest Columbus comes to a "gay pride" event for a long time.

+ An Atlanta judge dropped battery charges against John Mark Karr. Instead, the one-time semi-confessed killer of JonBenet Ramsey must spend 24 weeks in counseling - perhaps starting with a couple of sessions on how to tell the truth.

+ The University of Georgia announced Larry Munson will NOT broadcast football road games this coming season. That's OK, of course - because in the Southeastern Conference, part of the strategy is to schedule as few road games as possible to pad your record.

+ Instant Message to Dale Earnhardt Junior: That's a Bud bummer, dude. But if Budweiser isn't going to sponsor your stock car anymore, I have a suggestion. Make the staff at Talladega Superspeedway happy -- and sign up Hefty trash bags as a sponsor, for fans to throw on the track.

BURKARD'S BEST BETS: Gas for $2.75 a gallon at Marathon on Warm Springs Road.... 20-ounce sodas for 79 cents at Walgreens.... FREE admission to the Jehovah's Witnesses convention at the Civic Center (find another church with no offering baskets)....

COMING MONDAY: An e-mail about Don Siegelman.... and the item about "brown mustard" which we've postponed because of all the weekend news....

This blog has thousands of visitors each month, from people in Columbus and around the world. To advertise to them, offer a story tip or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

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for 13 JUL 07: BULLIES IN BLUE?

Thursday was not the best of days for Columbus Police. A veteran officer talked with reporters about a discrimination lawsuit he's filed against the city and the department. Imagine if I had shown up, with copies with what I posted here hours before....

After 26 years with Columbus Police, Detective Byron Hickey is suing several current former officials. The suit names both Mayor Jim Wetherington and former Mayor Bob Poydasheff. How 2006 write-in candidate Bert Coker escaped is a mystery to me.

Byron Hickey's lawsuit claims higher-ups in the Columbus Police went after him last year, when he spoke out in support of former officer Alicia Davenport. Perhaps he should have taken a more discreet approach - and organized a fund-raising dinner like the Urban League had Thursday night.

Byron Hickey claims he suddenly received a bad job performance report, after he sided with Alicia Davenport's separate lawsuit claiming police harassment. This may all come down to what you mean by "job performance" - and whether that means you nod your head every time the chief speaks.

Detective Byron Hickey specifically accuses police captain J.D. Hawk of threatening him. With a name like J-Hawk, it's hard for a Kansas graduate such as me to be unbiased in this case....

Byron Hickey's lawsuit also says he lost money in January 2006, when he was moved from the Vice/Narcotics Unit to a police desk job. The Ledger-Enquirer reported the switch kept Hickey him from "a potential part-time job." So he wants lost wages for a job he never really had? Then can lottery players sue, if the Mega Millions ticket comes up one number short?

(Hickey says he felt humiliated by the change to an administrative police job. This sounds like true "pride of the badge" - when someone actually would rather spend time around drug pushers and meth users.)

Alicia Davenport's lawsuit was filed in January, and claimed sexual harassment by Columbus Police. Now Byron Hickey's suit contends there's race and gender discrimination. And amazingly, there's no word of David Glisson ever applying to work with the police department.

City Attorney Clifton Fay says he'll contend in federal court that Detective Byron Hickey was treated fairly. So in that view, Hickey's job performance took a sudden plunge at the start of last year - as if narcotics detectives have to meet a monthly "crack quota"?!

We hope we don't get sued, with some comments on other Thursday headlines:

+ A fire during morning rush hour left Shogun Japanese Steak House on Manchester Expressway in ruins. Let's all learn a lesson from this - and put out any fires in our hats, before we turn out the lights for the evening.

+ WRBL reported the level of West Point Lake has dropped seven feet in the last two years. Just wait till the Kia plant starts hosing down new cars....

+ WXTX "News at Ten" gave some local fifth-grade teachers questions from the game show "Are You Smarter Than a Fifth-Grader?" One teacher guessed incorrectly that Ohio shares a border with Illinois. But then, it was a female teacher - and she'd be more likely to check a map first.

+ The Auburn University endowment campaign announced it's reached its $500 million goal with nine months to spare. The drive is called "It Begins at Auburn" - and countless donors would say it should end at the Bowl Championship Series.

+ The Recording Industry Association of America sued Laura Beer [CORRECTED NAME] of Fort Benning, claiming she illegally downloaded music from the Kazaa web site. But Beard says she never had a Kazaa account. For all she knows, Kazaa might be a city her soldier husband has patrolled in Iraq.

+ Felony charges were dismissed against former Alabama Secretary of State Nancy Worley. She still faces misdemeanor charges of attempting to use her office to influence co-workers in the Secretary of State's office. A few well-worded "pay incentives" would get her around that issue.

+ Instant Message to WRBL's Bob Jeswald: Enough is enough! You keep talking about "all of us here in Alabama" - yet it still looks to me like you're in the same Columbus studio as Phil Scoggins and Teresa Whitaker.

SCHEDULED THIS WEEKEND: Where I got all dressed up with brown mustard (among other things)....

Several items this week have been the result of blog readers' tips. To offer a story tip, make a PayPal donation, advertise or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

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12 JUL 07: FIT FOR THE FORCE?

Mayor Jim Wetherington says as of last week, the Columbus Police Department had 17 open police positions. Has the number dropped due to lower standards? Higher starting pay? Or are laid-off mill workers in better physical shape than some skeptics thought?

BLOG EXCLUSIVE: Your blog has learned that the Columbus Police Department has offered an officer's job to a man who was charged with stalking within the last two years. We're told that man happens to be the son of the Assistant Police Chief. And you thought this sort of thing went away when "NYPD Blue" went off the air....

But before you jump to conclusions: it appears Brian Rowe legally can join the Columbus Police Department. That's because the stalking charge against him never went to trial, and was dropped by prosecutors in May. Uh-oh - now officials will have to deny that motto on the C.S.I. shows, that "everything is connected."

Court records which we reviewed Wednesday show Brian Rowe was arrested in November 2005 for stalking and criminal trespass. He was accused of parking outside his ex-wife's house for 30 minutes, "just watching for the purpose of harassing." So it would seem Rowe has experience in conducting surveillance operations.

Brian Rowe had to post a $3,500 bond to get out of jail in November 2005. But during 2006, the Muscogee County District Attorney moved his case to what's called a "dead docket." No, I don't think that means there was another body stored at the morgue for months....

A court clerk tells me a case on a "dead docket" can be recalled at any time prosecutors wish. So the District Attorney may have imposed his own sort of probation on Brian Rowe, waiting to see if he would commit any more crimes. There's no record that he did - so it appears Rowe's boat has been more gently down the stream.

A filing by the Solicitor General's office in May asked for the Brian Rowe case to be declared "Nolle Prosequi." That fancy Latin phrase essentially means the charges were dropped. In other parts of the South, it might be called a "motion to not do nothin'."

The blog reader who tipped us off to the Brian Rowe case clearly was concerned about him joining the police force. Here's part of that reader's e-mail:

I have seen some improvement with the new city Mayor. However, when you still have lower requirements and the "get some bodies in the uniforms" attitude, the department still suffers.... Would you want this person responding to your house in an emergency?

If he's only going to stand outside my home and stare for 30 minutes, of course I wouldn't....

But a check of the requirements for Columbus Police officers shows applicants must have "no felony convictions and no misdemeanor convictions involving moral turpitude." The key word there is CONVICTIONS. Brian Rowe only was charged. So with no conviction, he can apply for the police force. Once he's trained, we hope Rowe WILL have a conviction - to uphold the law.

You may not know about the other requirements for joining the Columbus Police Department. An applicant has to be a 21-year-old U.S. citizen, and has to pass a polygraph test. People with records such as Brian Rowe's should be thankful those tests are NOT admissible in a court of law.

Police applicants in Columbus also have to pass a "physical agility test." It includes a one-mile run, push-ups and sit-ups. The web site says nothing about having to down a minimum number of doughnuts.

By the way, we wanted to learn what the ex-wife of Brian Rowe thought about his potential employment with Columbus Police. We were unable to track her down - but then again, she might have accused us of stalking as well.

E-MAIL UPDATE: The message about Brian Rowe also commented on something we mentioned last Sunday:

To explain why Officers don't jump start batteries any more...the city bought cr*ppy cars and any attempt to assist a motorist with a jump start will kill the cars.

Then maybe the Columbus Police need to learn a lesson from that Bruce Willis movie - "Live Free or DieHard."

Another blog reader spotted a familiar name in a Wednesday message:

Richard, Speaking of "Talkline" do you know how WRCG's morning ratings of Bill Bennett's Morning in America show compare with the former local "Talkline" show? Inquiring minds would like to know!

I have on several occasions tried to listen to Bill Bennetts syndicated show but find his monotone voice boring. Furthermore I get a distracting buzzing sound intermittently during his show on my radio. I'm not sure if it's a problem with WRCG or with the satellite feed.

This area really needs return of "Talkline" or another local call-in show to focus on local issues. Through the years callers to "Talkline" exposed many subjects that never would have come to the attention of area residents without the program. That's probably the reason some area politicians wanted the program off the air.

As a faithful listener for over 25 years I remain saddened by the fact that WRCG abruptly took such a popular local program off the air with no explanation to their faithful listeners.

I saw on TV that another city "Buried the N-word" but WRCG didn't even bother to give "Talkline" a decent burial.

Many of us miss you Robbie!

Barbara

If you're listening before sunrise, that buzzing sound on WRCG might be a wasp flying around the transmitter - and overpowering the weak signal.

The next set of Columbus radio ratings should be out around the end of July. But keep in mind, at least one station put an "embargo" on the public release of the last two reports - so nothing's been made public in more than a year. Even Vice President Cheney shows more openness than that.

Robbie Watson tells me she's doing well, and has recovered from some undisclosed recent health problems. Hopefully she didn't hurt her wrists while ripping apart old Archway Broadcasting paycheck stubs.

Now let's see what made news on Wednesday:

+ FBI agents raided the office of Physical Therapy of West Georgia on Armour Road. All an agent would tell WRBL is that there's been a six-month investigation into some kind of "health care problem." Please don't tell me the canes are made in China....

+ Ground was broken for a new Northwest Harris County Business Park. One site at the park already is reserved for a concrete company - so the community's economic future should be quite solid.

+ The Talbotton City Council approved several steps to handle a budget gap of close to $30,000. Among other things, the city will return two out of three new police cars it recently bought. You'll know which ones they are if you're shopping - because the "new car smell" will be more like used drunk.

+ The group "Concerned Citizens of Phenix City" admitted its petition drive to change the form of city government is dead for now. State officials apparently told group members it's too late to change the government before the 2008 election. So now it's up to City Manager Bubba Roberts - would he dare challenge Jeff Hardin for Mayor?

+ The evening news finally revealed who reported Hurtsboro City Council member Mae Dell McVay to Alabama ethics officials. It was a man named Tag Williams, who says he wanted to bid on surplus city cars. He apparently became annoyed when the council didn't say, "Tag, you're it."

+ Former Alabama Governor Don Siegelman was moved out of a federal prison in Atlanta. Officials would only say he was moved to a different location - perhaps one with a desk, to help him write more letters to Democrats to pay his legal bills.

(Don Siegelman reportedly complained he didn't like the food at the Atlanta federal penitentiary. For once, a politician actually longs for some of that "rubber chicken" at political banquets.)

+ The King Ford infomercial on WLGA CW-66 featured a new mascot -- a real bird called "KFC": the King Ford Chicken. If it can't dance around and wave for 30 minutes like the Rivertown Ford turkey, it's not worth the drive to Valley.

+ Instant Message to the family of Lady Bird Johnson: Our condolences. You may not realize the impact the late first lady had on my family. When we dined out during my youth, we'd notice sprigs of parsley on the dinner plates - and joke it was all part of her beautification program.

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11 JUL 07: THE NOT-SO-GREAT COMPROMISE

The vote came quickly Tuesday, and it was unanimous. Columbus Council finally approved a Library Board budget, which practically settles the issue of land around the main library. So everybody's happy, right? Wellll - not exactly. Some people already are talking like "landscaping" is going to be the greatest thing since Streetscaping.

Columbus Council approved a plan which is based on a "memorandum of understanding," worked out in recent days. It essentially splits the care of acreage around the library three ways - between the city, school district and library board. So depending on which landscaping firm is hired, the lawn could be three different shades of green.

We've obtained a copy of the amended memorandum of understanding, and it says "no less than three million dollars" will be spent on landscaping around the central library. That comes to about $130,000 for each disputed acre - so those meadows had better be drought-resistant.

The Muscogee County School District will pick up part of the landscaping bill, if it builds a new Administration Building next to the central library. The school board could reduce that cost, of course - by putting fountains with statues of Guy Sims and Mary Sue Polleys outside.

The city of Columbus will have a share of the landscaping bill, by sprucing up land around the new natatorium and Citizens Service Center. Considering where those buildings will go, it would be only fair if Sears Craftsman tools were used for the work.

So what do these agencies mean by "landscaping?" Believe it or not, the memorandum of understanding has an 11-line, two-part definition. You can always tell when a government agency is involved, can't you?

The definition of "landscaping" does NOT mean simply plants, flowers and grass. That's called "softscape," while the memorandum also allows "hardscape" such as a concrete patio or a wooden deck. Perhaps some of the asphalt behind the library will stay there, and be called "extra-hard scape."

Given all this, you might understand why Josh McKoon of the Education Park Coalition is a bit puzzled about this compromise. You'll recall he wanted a park around the central library -- but the memorandum of understanding doesn't have the word "park" in it anywhere. When the phrase "parking facility" shows up more often, McKoon might have reason for concern.

You'll recall Josh McKoon defined a "park" as a fenced-in area with walking trails [7 Jun]. The memorandum of understanding suggests tile paths are possible around the central library (that's "hardscape," by the way), but there's no mention of fencing. Perhaps it was left out to avoid giving criminals any ideas.

Josh McKoon was concerned Tuesday that only about $611,000 is committed for landscaping behind the central library. That could be where a planned "Story Telling Plaza" will go -- to be dedicated by telling the story of the 1999 sales tax promises.

Former Library Board member David Rothschild dared to go farther, telling reporters the 1999 sales tax campaign promised a library and a park - NOT a natatorium, Citizens Service Center or anything else. While I understand his frustration, I don't think this is a good time to give terror cells any long-term goals.

The final hurdle to settling the library land question is a vote by the Muscogee County School Board next Monday night. But if recent months are any indication, things might be delayed yet again - for instance, if John Wells falls on his head and gets injured with running with the bulls in Spain.

E-MAIL UPDATE: Yes, we heard you several weeks ago. You said you were tired of "Hurtsboro Mondays." Yet we also keep hearing about interesting stories there:

Richard:

Reliable sources inform that - a member of the "Hurt'sboro City Council was arrested and placed under $40,000.00 bond a few days ago. Do you suppose more arrests are to follow?

First things first: the sources are mostly right. Online records show Hurtsboro City Council Mae Dell McVay was arrested June 30 on ethics charges, and will be arraigned in mid-August. But the records show two counts against her, with a $20,000 bond for each. So she might get a "pay one, get one free" discount.

The Russell County District Attorney's office confirmed to your blog Tuesday that Mae Dell McVay faces two ethics charges. You may recall she was found in violation of Alabama ethics laws back in December [8 Jan]. A grand jury met in April and indicted her. Then she was arrested June 30. This is how Alabama defines a "speedy trial" these days.

The two counts against Mae Dell McVay stem from the sale of surplus Hurtsboro city vehicles to members of her family. Given what we've learned about Hurtsboro in the last six months, it's a bit surprising to think there are any surplus city vehicles at all - at least vehicles that run.

The online form for cases in Alabama has limited space, so we have to guess a bit at the two counts against Mae Dell McVay. One clearly is for using her position for personal gain. But the other reads: "REG BOARD/COMM MEMB-". What does that mean - that she's a Communist?

The District Attorney's office didn't know what "REG BOARD/COMM MEMB" meant, and suggested I call the District Court Clerk. Once I finally figured out that phone number (it's not listed in the white pages), I found out the office was closed for the day as of 4:00 p.m. I didn't know this office matched hours with Tyler's restaurant on 13^th Street.

While we were checking Alabama court records, we took a moment to look up the contempt of court charge against Constable Robert Schweiger. That case has been continued until mid-September - so with enough delays, maybe a Russell County Judge can schedule an "all-Hurtsboro" week of trials this fall.

BLOG UPDATE: Bill Heard Enterprises responded Tuesday to a countersuit from the Georgia Governor's Office of Consumer Affairs. But Kevin in the customer relations department never contacted me. So those letters offering a "potential recall" were a fraud - because Kevin hasn't called me at all.

An attorney for Bill Heard Enterprises explained the dealership did nothing "willfully" wrong with the letters last October, because an advertising firm in Arizona went too far. Given the company's 16-year track record of complaints with the state, maybe it's time to hire a local church group to send out your appeal letters.

It turns out the state complaint is a countersuit. Bill Heard Enterprises sued the Governor's Office of Consumer Affairs first, to find out who reported the phony recall letters. The Atlanta Journal-Constitution noted Bill Heard suspects its competition is filing all the complaints -- and I think Carl Gregory still has room for one more car lot on Northlake Parkway.

We knew about the Bill Heard story before readers alerted us to it late Tuesday with e-mails. This one brings up an interesting side issue:

Hi, Richard! This is front page news in the ATL. The question is will any local tv stations cover this? I'll be watching closely but I suspect once again the airwaves will be trumped by the advertisers. Those fools at Bill Heard aren't fooling anybody and the stations appear shameful in their neglect over the years of this rotten sales saga based right here in good ol Columbus GA! where is Talkline when you need it? Robbie

Robbie may have been surprised to see that not only did Tuesday's Ledger-Enquirer put the business complaint on page one, but both 6:00 p.m. newscasts made Bill Heard the top news story. Well, WRBL actually began the newscast with a weather update - which it now seems to do every time the temperature changes three degrees from the day before.

I suppose the old Talkline radio show would have brought up Bill Heard Tuesday - but then again, Tuesday was WDAK's day for the "Viewpoint" show. I wasn't able to listen, but wouldn't Mike Gaymon of the Chamber of Commerce have mentioned it? Or was he too busy offering short movie reviews?

By the way, we checked the Columbus Better Business Bureau's web site Tuesday - and found it's received 41 complaints about Bill Heard Chevrolet in the last 36 months. But curiously, Bill Heard Cadillac next door has received less than ten. This should prove once and for all which car gets more care from General Motors....

Now before our car gets towed away by Repo Joe, let's get caught up on other news from the last couple of days:

+ An evening thunderstorm moved through Columbus, and Georgia Power told WRBL about 5,000 customers lost electricity. And those were probably all the customers who cared about the baseball All-Star Game....

+ Muscogee County School Superintendent John Phillips received an award from the "Georgia Association of Education Leaders." So take that, you scoffers! At least Dr. Phillips is making "adequate yearly progress."

+ The evening news revealed the city of Talbotton bounced checks worth more than $2,000 over the last 14 months. The city finance director was tracked down for a comment -- at the liquor store he owns. If anybody decides to remake "The Andy Griffith Show," I have a script almost ready....

+ A publicist for Sean "Diddy" Combs confirmed the entertainer has broken up with his long-time love, Columbus native Kim Porter. So if anyone comes up to you and asks, "Diddy dump her?" you can answer, "Yes, Diddy did."

(Let's all hope this romance can be patched back together. Next year should be Porter's Columbus High School 20-year class reunion - and things will be a lot less interesting if she shows up alone.)

+ Craig Stahl signed a contract with the Columbus Cottonmouths, for what he says will be his final year of pro hockey. It's better for the team captain to sign in July, than play a Stahl game in October.

+ Instant Message to the driver who passed me on Macon Road, in a car covered with orange and white checkerboards: If it wasn't for that Florida license plate, I would have thought sure you were Tennessee graduate Andrew Wittenberg.

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10 JUL 07: MR. BIG BLUFFER?

Well, well. It turns out Georgia's Office of Consumer Affairs has been after Bill Heard Chevrolet -- not for one or two years, but 16. Perhaps their commercials were so loud that the managers couldn't hear all of the state's complaints....

The Governor's Office of Consumer Affairs announced Monday it's filed legal papers against Bill Heard Enterprises and several related dealerships, accusing them of violating the "Fair Business Practices Act." Yes, Georgia has such a thing - but for some reason, many businesses don't post it on the lobby wall.

The legal papers posted on a state consumer web site list 16 years of complaints against Bill Heard dealerships. The latest is a letter mailed to 10,000 people last October, which looked like a recall notice from General Motors -- only a phone number in the letter connected callers with a Bill Heard office. The letter had a Norco, California postmark, giving a whole new meaning to "California Dreaming."

General Motors was so upset by this fake recall letter that it sent certified mail to Bill Heard around Thanksgiving. G.M. called the letter "impermissible," and threatened to terminate all dealership agreements if things weren't corrected in 30 days. Why, that could have been enough to make Bill Heard Saab....

The state countersuit accuses Bill Heard of doing nothing to "retract, correct or clarify" the mailings of October. Well, it WAS sent in the weeks before a big election.

The Administrator of the Fair Business Practices Act says based on this, Bill Heard Enterprises constitutes "an immediate danger of harm to the citizens of the state of Georgia." And he never even checked the catalytic converters on the cars....

But the legal papers filed in Fulton County Court last Friday go much farther, citing 16 years of "unfair and deceptive practices" by Bill Heard Enterprises. The first one in 1991 led to a $2,000 civil penalty. In 2004, a penalty was $188,000 -- so Bill Heard had moved up from Nova to Escalade range.

The state countersuit says based on the latest mailing, Bill Heard Enterprises should be penalized "up to a maximum of $5,000 per violation...." That amount times 10,000 letters would equal a $50 million loss. But it could be worse - the administrator isn't demanding the RiverCenter change the name of Bill Heard Theatre.

(The papers were filed in Atlanta, apparently because the Georgia state offices are there. But some of the violations had to occur in Columbus, as Bill Heard dealerships didn't enter metro Atlanta until about 2000. That's the year, not the penalty level.)

On top of that, the state Administrator specifically asks for a "trial by jury" against Bill Heard Enterprises. Do you think the car dealer could get a fair trial in Columbus? Or is "Mr. Big Volume" so loud that the case could only be heard in Savannah?

Your blog called Bill Heard Chevrolet late Monday, for its reaction to the state's complaint. A man named Kevin in the "customer relations" department admitted he hadn't heard about it, and he might not have a response ready until later today. What a switch - as someone gives a car lot the "5:00 surprise."

(For a moment, Kevin thought I was a customer who was making a personal complaint. But the last Chevrolet I owned was the first car I ever owned - a 1966 Impala, which did well to make 15 miles per gallon in the highway.)

When it comes to sneaky mailings, I've received several from car dealers over the years. Some of them had envelopes which made you think they were from the Internal Revenue Service. Talk about a tough choice, for which office you'd rather it be....

I remember one mail offer, which came back to bite Bill Heard Chevrolet in an unusual way. Vaguely-marked white envelopes were sent from Texas, right after the September 11^th attack. Who knows how many people called police detectives, instead of the showroom.

We mentioned earlier this year how a Nashville TV station examined Bill Heard Chevrolet's business dealings there [25 Apr]. WTVF's investigative series has won two national awards - and lo and behold, Bill Heard sold its Tennessee dealerships a couple of weeks ago. So now, the only "Nashville Predators" may be the hockey players.

E-MAIL UPDATE: We need to "fact-check" a couple of tips from readers, so we aren't ready to post those messages quite yet. But let's start at the newspaper rack:

Richard, Have you read the interview with the mayor in today's paper? The L-E advertised this article for several days as if it were something you wouldn't want to miss. I even got up early this morning to read it. I couldn't believe my eyes! That was about the most boring article I ever remember reading in the local paper. Any comments?

Well, that's what happens when the Ledger-Enquirer doesn't send Kaffie Sledge to do the interview....

Mayor Jim Wetherington told the newspaper he doesn't want to give himself a "letter grade" for his first six months in office. But did you notice he said he'll "give it all I've got for the next four years or however long I decide to stick around...."? The table's already being set for a 2010 rematch with Bob Poydasheff.

Let's face it: Jim Wetherington doesn't exactly have the pizzazz of a Barack Obama. The mayor is more of a folksy Fred Thompson type - although he probably wouldn't want to be compared to a Republican....

The only other noteworthy thing to me was that Mayor Wetherington specified "Columbus, Georgia" only once. Have you noticed how he makes absolutely clear he is NOT talking about the capital of Ohio?

Let's take one more e-mail today, about another local leader:

I would like to hear Dr.Phillips explain why some of MCSD schools have not passed the standards set by the state. When ever local media wants a reply from him he is no where to be found.

That's why Superintendent John Phillips put money in the new Muscogee County school budget for an official district spokesperson. I know that person from several years back - and I don't think you'll see Valerie Fuller brush off any questions.

I checked the Georgia Department of Education web site's charts Monday, and several Muscogee County high schools fell short of "adequate yearly progress" this year. They include Carver, Jordan and Spencer - but at least the first two made very good progress in their athletic programs.

Yet the state's charts show Harris County High School also fell short of adequate yearly progress -- and it has Georgia's Superintendent of the Year, in Susan Andrews. As school counselors would tell you: it all comes down to how carefully you prepare that resume....

COMING SOON: What does "REG BOARD/COMM MEMB" mean? (Any guesses?)....

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9 JUL 07: A BETTER VIEW OF HEAVEN

The e-mail reached us late Friday, and caught us quite off-guard:

what is the info on the cave in of the Maranatha Church on Double Churches Road?

It was the first I'd heard about a "cave-in" at a church -- unless some "Primitive Baptists" were getting REALLY primitive, as in Old Testament....

BLOG EXCLUSIVE: The Maranatha Baptist Church in Columbus is holding services in its gymnasium, after part of the sanctuary roof caved in about three weeks ago. This is different from Maranatha Baptist in Plains, the church former President Carter attends - where Habitat for Humanity teams already might have built a new ceiling.

Your blog is the first media outlet to see and show the damage at Maranatha Baptist, at Double Churches and Willett Roads. Part of the roof came down on the pulpit area, late on a Friday night in June. The damage still sat there Sunday, apparently because insurance companies are working out a settlement. Are the agents THAT busy watching for hurricanes to land?

Emory Alexander was cleaning the church with his wife on that Friday night in June. He told me Sunday they finished the sanctuary about 20 minutes before he heard a noise, as he worked in another part of the building. There was no service in progress, so it couldn't have been the Holy Spirit that was falling....

Emory Alexander says the damage started with one piece of broken sheetrock on the floor. But as the minutes went on, the cave-in mounted. There's still a ceiling fan amid the debris, where part of the roof collapsed - which I guess means it's now a floor fan, isn't it?

Emory Alexander pointed out to me how some of the eaves warped, on the outside of the Maranatha Baptist Church sanctuary. This may be evidence of Satanic activity - since the devil is blamed for warped thinking in entertainment all the time.

At first glance, you might think Maranatha Baptist Church's damage was the result of the March tornado. But Emory Alexander says the building seemed to survive that storm without a scratch, so exactly what happened in June remains unclear. Could it be that Someone used the law of gravity, to suggest another Law be taught?

Maranatha Baptist Church members were busy until after midnight on that Friday night, moving pews and other items from the sanctuary to the gymnasium. It's a good thing the board took that "Double Churches" name seriously several years ago....

Emory Alexander assured me the church still is meeting in the gymnasium, at its usual times throughout the week. How long it will be there is unclear -- as rebuilding apparently is in the hands of the insurance company right now. No wonder I heard a minister preach last year that insurance agents won't exist in the Kingdom of God. [True!]

The Pastor of Maranatha Baptist Church was out of town Sunday. I didn't catch the name of the guest preacher, but he came across as quite an entertainer. Here are some of the one-liners he said during his sermon:

+ Some men are so into deer hunting, "your wives can't find you in the backyard for all your camouflage."

+ He looks forward to the sanctuary being rebuilt, because the gymnasium felt freezing cold. "I'm not moving around because I'm excited; I'm trying to stay warm."

+ Some Baptist men are taught "you train your wife like you would train a dog."

+ He admitted he should have had a crooked nose when he was young, from being put in school corners for rebellious behavior. Then he added: "I don't know what that has to do with my sermon - but isn't God good?"

P.S. I made sure to take a Bible, to cover the story at Maranatha Baptist Church. You never know when a member might walk up to you after a service, and ask if you're born again.

BLOG UPDATE: "Columbus, Georgia won't let you live down anything." So Stephen King told me Sunday, as he offered the latest round in a discussion over Thunder on the Hooch. Suddenly I feel like repenting, over half the jokes I've written here....

Stephen King called me after e-mailing a couple of documents relating to Independence Day fireworks shows of years past. One was a 1997 thank-you note of praise from Bridgette Herring, who then managed the Phenix City Amphitheater. This was back when it was merely the "God and Country Celebration" - and all the city of Columbus did was fence off part of the Riverwalk, so no one would be hurt.

The other document sent by Stephen King was a 1999 note from then-Phenix City Parks Director Max Wilkes. It claimed that year's fireworks show brought complaints about viewers "getting hit, or even slightly burned from shells and debris" - but King told me his fireworks shows never have hurt anyone. Sometimes you don't notice the sunburn until hours later, you know....

The Max Wilkes note admitted there was "a problem with the firing boards" in 1999 - but added Stephen King's fireworks show "had some beautiful effects." They happened about 20 minutes earlier than planned, but at least they happened.

Max Wilkes also noted the 1999 fireworks crew had to deal with a "storm front," which Stephen King says resulted in shifting winds at the last minute. Since then, of course, Wilkes has felt the wind shifts on a personal level - and he's suing Phenix City because of that.

This part of the 1999 letter from Max Wilkes struck me as interesting:

Third, the news media seemed to love offering apologies to all of the viewers for the mishap with the finale. This is a large disappointment to the City of Phenix City Management. Whether or not any apologies were owed should have been up to the discretion of City Management since we were paying for the show.

I don't recall if Phenix City ever issued an apology or not. But the letter indicates Stephen King was paid for the fireworks -- instead of the check being ceremonially launched into the Chattahoochee River.

Stephen King went on to clarify that his company hasn't really been "outbid" for recent shows at Thunder on the Hooch. Instead, he indicated the organizers are avoiding his company based on what happened in 1999. Maybe that's a Columbus custom - since S.O.A. Watch has kept a grudge even longer than that.

By the way, Stephen King says his fireworks show at the "Redneck Games" in East Dublin, Georgia went well this weekend - with no rain falling until almost all his gear was put away. He did NOT tell me how many spectators walked up to him afterward, to inhale some of the smoke.

Now let's stop partying like it's 1999, and consider news headlines from this 2007 weekend:

+ Oxbow Meadows held its annual "Insectival," where people let insects crawl on them. Of course, some of us don't have to go to Oxbow Meadows for this thrill. We're the ones whose landlords don't hire exterminators.

+ One-time self-proclaimed JonBenet Ramsey killer John Mark Karr was arrested in Atlanta, on charges of beating his father and girlfriend. When Karr enters a plea in court, expect the judge to ask: "Is that your final answer?"

+ The Ledger-Enquirer reported Georgia head football coach Mark Richt recently took a missionary trip to Honduras. Bulldog fans read the article and were left frustrated - because it never said if Richt recruited any place-kickers.

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© 2003-07 Richard Burkard, all rights reserved.

8 JUL 07: BYE, THE NUMBERS

So can we all calm down now? The day of sevens is over - what the Georgia Lottery declared "the luckiest day of the century." Apparently no one there thought ahead a few decades, to 7-7-77.

Let's think seriously about this. If Saturday really was that lucky a day....

+ Shouldn't the winning Georgia Lottery numbers have been filled with sevens? The "Millionaire Raffle" code had two sevens in 24 numbers - and ball number seven never came out of the Fantasy Five machine at all. So your chances of losing were just as strong as ever.

+ Shouldn't Clint Bowyer have won the NASCAR race at Daytona Beach Saturday night? He drove car #07, but faded out as late as someone who drinks the Jack Daniels whiskey he promotes on his car.

+ Shouldn't Boeing have enjoyed several lucky days this past week? You know, on 7-2-7, 7-4-7 and 7-6-7....

+ Why didn't any supermarket offer a sale on black-eyed peas to go with it?

One Georgia Lottery vendor in Columbus claims its ticket printer was overwhelmed Saturday, because so many people asked for tickets with sevens on them. So the big winner in the short-term should be repair companies....

I happened to be Worship Leader at church this weekend, and noticed weeks ago what day I was assigned. I went to the Presiding Elder in advance, about doing something special for the day - what I carefully called a "Seven-Centered Sabbath Song Service."

I wanted an elder's approval before trying this sort of service, because my church association doesn't really believe in luck. Yet we often note all sorts of sevens in the Bible. After all, how many of you noticed 7-7-07 happened to fall on a "seventh-day" Sabbath?

Several people in the congregation giggled, when I asked them to turn to page seven in the hymnal to begin the service. The song there was the classic "God Speaks to Us" - and thankfully not "Luck Be a Lady Tonight."

The hymns of the day also included page 77 (a number for an Old Testament sacrifice) and page 70 (as in forgiving "70 times seven"). But I admit I could have done more for this special day. Only in the middle of the service did I think about stopping at a grocery store, to buy Seven-Up.

There was a slightly smaller fuss over the numbers on a date last year, on 6-6-06. And for some odd reason, people considered 11's significant in the wake of the September 11 attacks. If the military death count since then in Afghanistan and Iraq was only 11, I might find that number important....

BLOG UPDATE: One of the organizers of "Thunder on the Hooch" disputes Stephen King's claim that King came up with the event's name [4 Jul]. So that issue is in dispute - but King has the advantage of being able to aim rocket launchers at the critic's home.

I'm also told Stephen King was NOT "outbid" for the Thunder on the Hooch fireworks shows - instead he was fired for fouling several of them up. King admitted to me last week he felt like jumping off the Dillingham Street Bridge in 1999, after the "finale" series went off at the beginning by mistake. At least he taught people not to show up late for the show.

By the way, Stephen King put on a fireworks show at this weekend's "Redneck Games" in East Dublin, Georgia. He did not tell me how many old Chevrolet and Ford pickup trucks were launched in the process.

E-MAIL UPDATE: Now an update on our exclusive item from Friday:

Richard:

In your poll your #1 question ACCURACY. My reply sometimes or not always.

I appreciate your follow-up with the city clerk - but as always - she told you what she felt would be acceptable to the "mare" when she finds out about this mess. She is "Hurt'sboro's Tony Snow!!

If you had checked with Lynn Gowan of Sunflower - you would have learned that Sunflower has had absolutely nothing to do with a pick-up in "Hurt'sboro since 5/23/07.

Furthermore - as of 7:00 pm 7/5/07 The "Teusday" trash was still sitting on the curbside!

I've been told that FOX TV 54 is coming to town tomorrow to talk to those who are still waiting patiently for pick-up.

I agree that the "mare" should have a vacation - a permanent one - Donald Duck could do a far better job!!!

Constable R.J. Schweiger....

If there's trouble reported involving Hurtsboro city government, I'm just dumb enough to call the city government first to confirm it. Maybe I should have also called the Court Clerk - to see if that was Sunflower Waste Disposal which stopped by Wednesday, or someone wanting to fire a trash bag from a cannon.

But speaking of accuracy: if WXTX "News at Ten" went to Hurtsboro in recent days for a garbage update, I missed it. But then, the Russell County Sheriff is trying to find the killer of a woman in Cottonton -- and I think the dumping of a human body along a highway is slightly higher priority.

By the way, Constable Schweiger should be thrilled to learn Russell County's Emergency Management Office will install new storm sirens in Hurtsboro. Federal grant money will pay for 20 new sirens across the county -- while people at the outer edges of Americus have to hope no loud trucks pass by during a thunderstorm.

There may be more to come from Hurtsboro, so keep watching this space. Now let's check other interesting items from the weekend:

+ Columbus Police Corporal David Sanders was arrested on battery charges, apparently involving abuse within his family. If it's true, this is sad news. But
maybe it explains why police officers don't even jump-start car batteries anymore.

+ Columbus Police also warned about a new e-mail scam, where writers threaten to hire a contract killer against you unless you pay ransom. I didn't realize those British and African bankers handling accounts of plane crash victims had become so desperate.

(WRBL's report on this scam showed an online warning dated January 11. Which reporter went bankrupt making monthly payments on this threat?)

+ Georgia Public Radio updated the story of a Valdosta woman who was barred from a court for wearing a Muslim head scarf. Believe it or not, the Muslim woman is an on-air announcer - at a country music radio station! Does she cover her ears, every time she plays a Toby Keith song?

+ Aflac's NASCAR entry finished 11^th (not seventh?!) in its first "Busch Series" race at Daytona Beach. I didn't realize Carl Edwards was driving the Aflac car. If he wins a race, he'll need that insurance to cover one of his back-flips off the car roof.

+ Instant Message to Fone-Mart: About your billboard on Veterans Parkway offering a way to "download music wirelessly" - is that what the rest of us call a radio?

SCHEDULED MONDAY: We track down a tip about a cave-in....

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6 JUL 07: THE BIG PILE-UP

What sort of picture does our title bring to mind? A multi-car crash on an Atlanta interstate? A fumble in football? We're actually talking about another kind of pile-up: a big pile of trash. But don't worry -- I think criminals doing community service picked up everything from "Thunder on the Hooch."

BLOG EXCLUSIVE: A Hurtsboro city official confirmed to your blog Thursday that garbage once again was not picked up for more than a week. This makes two delays in trash pickup there in 60 days [21 May]. Of course, those of us who only take trash to the curb once a month probably wouldn't notice a difference...

This time the Hurtsboro city trash truck is fine, but the staffing is not -- as I'm told there's no one qualified to drive the truck. This wouldn't stop crews on a lot of South Georgia farms....

The Hurtsboro Town Clerk named Shavaun (she didn't tell me her last name) explained the city Utility Supervisor quit, and he was the only person on the city payroll with a CDL license to drive the trash truck. This is why they need to build Interstate 12 -- to persuade independent truck drivers to stop in Hurtsboro and earn some fast money.

As in May, Sunflower Waste of Tallassee was called in this week to help. The Hurtsboro Town Clerk says a full city dumpster should have been replaced with a new one Thursday. I assume you can tell the difference by measuring the square inches of rust inside...

Shavaun told me the Hurtsboro Court Clerk's garbage was picked up by Sunflower Waste Wednesday. Yes, they had service on Independence Day -- while Columbus jail inmates who handle trash had a day off, presumably to celebrate our freedoms.

Can you guess who might have tipped us off to this trashy problem in Hurtsboro? Uh-huh - as he sent us a copy of an apparent open letter to the mayor:

Well well! It was bound to happen. Most problems just don't go away or fix themselves. "Hurt'sboro's Mayor seems to think that; "If I sleep on this. In the morning all those trash cans will magically vanish!"

Sorry maam; it just aint goin' to happen! The only magic in "Hurt'sboro is your routine disappearance whenever there's a crisis. I feel sorry for Jannie Jordan (Mayor Pro-Tem) she takes the "heat" when you are out of the kitchen.

As things stand - garbage that's been stagnating since last Teusday (6/26/07) will have a chance to simmer until at least 7/5/07 That's the earliest that you will be able to wave your "magic" wand and conjure up a roadworthy garbage truck and a qualified driver. I'm willing to take a bet that the trash will be there over the upcoming weekend!

It'sunfortunate that the citizens of "Hurt'sboro have to suffer the consequences of your incompetance. You have been offered several realistic solutions to this and other problems. And yet you refuse!

It's becoming more and more obvious that you are the biggest problem in "Hurt'sboro!

Constable R.J. Schweiger....

He should be thankful I only play at free poker tables. Else I might have taken the Constable up on his bet - and made him buy me lunch at some Hurtsboro restaurant he can't stand.

Even city mayors are allowed to go on vacation from time to time, aren't they? I mean, Bob Poydasheff and his wife took trips to Europe when he was Mayor of Columbus. I think he brought back as many jobs as Muscogee County School Board member John Wells will after he runs with the bulls in Spain.

Perhaps R.J. Schweiger can use his connections as an elected official to find a new Utility Supervisor for Hurtsboro. Or maybe when he's heading home from another complaint session with Russell County officials, he can pull into the truck stop on U.S. 431 and recruit qualified drivers.

By the way, I asked Shavaun at the Town Hall if anything else of note was going on in Hurtsboro. It was an open question, where she could have offered me good news or bad - but she couldn't think of anything else to add. So after the trash is picked up, I guess the town will go back to waiting for hunting season.

BLOG UPDATE: Maybe I'm getting better at this poker thing. Thursday night at Lil Kim's Cove was my best outing so far, finishing fifth out of about 15 players at two tables. But a neighbor knocked my big cup of Diet Coke onto the table in the middle of a hand -- and even with one calorie, it still left just as big a mess.

(So I wound up going "all-in" three times while playing poker Thursday night. I won one of them, lost one of them to be eliminated - and the third was from putting my drink at the edge of the table.)

OVERHEARD OVER HERE: A group of teenagers is at a big Columbus department store, and reminding us of two recent e-mails:

"When you say gay, do you mean 'gay' gay - or just gay?"

While you ponder that deep question, we'll check some Thursday news developments:

+ Staff members at the Columbus Public Library confirmed to the blog that the café on the ground floor has closed for the time being. It may reopen if a new manager can be found -- but in the meantime, I hope the recipe for the café's tasty brownies was stored in a book on the second floor.

+ Our sympathies to the family of the late Carmike Cinemas co-founder Carl Patrick. For some reason, they don't give Academy Awards to the theaters which show movies. They could make an exception in Patrick's case - unless Mr. Regal at Regal Cinemas finds out, and demands the top chain goes first.

+ Columbus Police reported a driver crashed through the front door of a dental office on Peacock Avenue. Apparently no one was injured - but for some reason, TV news reports never revealed the status of the driver's teeth.

+ WRBL showed a new electronic sign above U.S. 280 in Cusseta, which measures a driver's speed. In metro Atlanta, the overhead signs warn you of potential slowdowns and wrecks - instead of something speeding drivers already know.

+ The late-night news interviewed several brides who are being married Saturday, on "7-7-07." The Hotel at Auburn University reports it's been swamped with reservation requests for that date since January -- leaving me wondering if they marked up the prices 77 percent.

+ Alabama Power announced because of the drought, lake levels across the state will be reduced to very low levels in late July. So which Baptist church will be the first to hold a "walking on the water" service?

+ Instant Message to everyone at the Wimbledon tennis tournament: Will you please be respectful, and quiet down during points? We've made an audio clip to illustrate what we mean - and no, we're not talking to the fans....

BURKARD'S BEST BETS: Milk for $2.99 a gallon at Walgreens.... FREE air-conditioned sermons at the Jehovah's Witness district convention at the Civic Center (no collections taken).... but no, we will NOT recommend picking 7-7-7 in Cash 3 Saturday....

This blog has thousands of visitors each month, from people in Columbus and around the world. To advertise to them, offer a story tip or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 2119 (+ 108, 5.4%)

If you mention this blog in public, please be polite enough to let me know.

© 2003-07 Richard Burkard, all rights reserved.