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15 FEB 04: MAKE ME OVER

"How about some sweets for the sweetie?" the female cashier at a supermarket near Victory Drive asked me Friday afternoon.

"Now hold on a minute," I answered her. "We've barely met...."

If you were expecting a sweet Valentine's Day posting from me -- sorry, you came to the wrong blog. I haven't kept Valentine's for several years, for several reasons. For one thing, all those cards I passed around in grade school didn't get me
any dates.

It was hard to avoid Valentine's Day, of course. It was promoted all over TV and in stores large and small. In fact, at that supermarket off Victory Drive women rolled around carts with giant Valentine's helium balloons. I had to duck to dodge one - and avoid getting my DNA on it, in case the woman's "special someone" became suspicious.

I happened to lead songs at church this weekend. Since the church I attend declares Valentine's Day pagan and preaches against it, it was a challenge selecting hymns. I didn't dare choose anything with "love" in the lyrics - even though the Bible says that's what God is.

(Then I thought about choosing a series of songs about obedience -- but realized Jesus said those who love Him would obey His commands.)

So how did I spend the evening of Valentine's Day? As the only single person joining several married couples from church at that most romantic of local restaurants - Country's Barbecue in Main Street Village, interrupted three times by clapping attendants singing birthday songs.

For some reason, racial issues were on the minds of several men in this dinner group -- such as whether they'd let their children date someone in another race. I felt like saying I'd be happy to date someone in the HUMAN race.

(In fact, I finally told the group I'm growing so old I'm getting into carbon dating....)

Should I spill my innermost being out on you here, and explain why I'm still a never-married single man at age 45 1/2? Well, maybe I should - because if I don't, I'll die and people will start rumors that I was as homosexual as J. Edgar Hoover
allegedly was.

Here's a list of TRUE reasons why I'm still single, in no particular order of importance:

1. I'm now borderline obese, and need one of those "extreme makeovers" they show on TV. Just this past week, a button on my slacks popped off when I sneezed.

(And before that, a new dress shirt ripped irreconcilably as I was driving. I'd worn it only three times - and I now realize "fitted shirts" don't fit me.)

2. Back when I was fit enough to run in 10,000-meter runs such as Atlanta's Peachtree Road Race (I have five T-shirts to prove it), I couldn't tell people at church about it - because ministers told us to walk humbly.

3. I've attended church congregations in Columbus where there's no one to date in my age range -- and the ministers warn dating someone "outside the church" will corrupt you. By the way, their warnings are why I've never watched a full episode
of "The Simpsons."

4. The vast majority of women never have been romantically interested in me. During college, I went 0-for-9 inviting women to a scholarship hall Xmas dinner -- and I had a full head of hair then.

5. Perhaps relating to #4: Very few women have described me with words such as "handsome" or "attractive." When your own mother avoids such words, you know there's a problem.

6. Women I've met in workplaces only are interested in me as a friend -- or maybe, since I'm a journalist by trade, a "well-placed source."

7. The most enjoyable thing for me about Valentine's Day is February 15 - the day after, when Target sells Valentine's chocolate candy for half-price.

COMING THIS WEEK: A big anniversary downtown.... and what one telemarketer calls "good clean American fun...."

To offer a story tip, make a donation or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post a reply.

If you quote from this in public somewhere, please be polite enough to let me know.

© 2003-04 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.

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14 FEB 04: BLAME CANADA

A Columbus business which sells drugs was featured on the front page of Friday's Atlanta Journal-Constitution. The Chamber of Commerce was disappointed to discover it was NOT a story on Dinglewood Pharmacy's 85^th anniversary.

The front-page story was about Canadian Med Services on Wynnton Road, which helps customers import drugs from Canada at discount prices. The state of Georgia is investigating whether it qualifies as a legal pharmacy. For instance, does it offer discounts on giant chocolate bars - or one-hour film developing?

Ira Meyers of Canadian Med Services told the Atlanta newspaper his fight to stay in business is a matter "between right and wrong." Then it's no wonder some pharmacists reportedly are trying to put him out of business. Canada was on the wrong side in the invasion of Iraq....

Ira Meyers believes U.S. drug companies are overcharging older people who need prescriptions, because the same drugs cost much less in Canada. But wait a minute - does he think those companies are pocketing all that money? The real guilty
parties are the TV companies, running all those prescription commercials.

(I've seen so many of those TV ads for medicines that the next time I see a physician, I'm going to "ask my doctor" about 45 different pills all at once.)

The trouble with Canadian Med Services is that U.S. law bars most companies from reimporting drugs. I frankly don't see what the problem is - because we've imported Canadian hockey players for decades.

The Atlanta newspaper writer gave Canadian Med Services a little slap, noting it has "cheap prints of beach scenes on the walls." So? The company is ready, just in case prescription costs drop in Jamaica.

(Instant Message to AJC writer Andy Miller: Do you really think Canadian Med Services on Wynnton Road is located "on the edge of downtown Columbus?" Just because AFLAC has a tower does NOT mean it's downtown....)

Here's what else is making news this weekend:

+ Cusseta began a yearlong celebration, marking the city's 150^th birthday. I know more than half the city's housing is considered substandard, but I didn't think the houses were that old.

+ Fort Benning shipped the "Iron Mike" statue in front of Infantry Hall to Colorado, for six months of restoration. Perhaps it will return more reflective of today's Army, by having an "Iron Michelle" by its side.

(To be honest, I never knew the statue in front of Infantry Hall was named "Iron Mike." In fact, I never thought it looked like Mike Tyson at all.)

+ Columbus rapper Red Diamond released a song about the killing of childhood friend Kenneth Walker. She told WRBL: "We as rap artists are sensitive to censorship and the Constitution and the withholding of information...." Yes, but usually it's the rapper being censored for dirty language - as opposed to law officers being told to tell all.

(Red Diamond's rap tune is called "December Day" - which is curious, because I thought Kenneth Walker's family was notified of the nighttime shooting before the sun came up. What does she know that the G.B.I. doesn't?)

© 2003-04 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.

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13 FEB 04: JUST THE FACTS

"I want you to put this in your blog!" the woman said to me emphatically after dinner the other night. I went ahead and pinned my back against the restaurant wall - because I was afraid this woman might try to do it for me.

The woman was upset with recent TV news coverage of a police search. She told me a reporter didn't get all the facts before putting the story on the air. I'd tell you more about it - but I'd be guilty of not getting all the facts before putting the story on this blog.

Over the years I've heard all sorts of complaints about how news stories are covered - from neighborhood events to international relations. In this area, it's sometimes the Georgia callers complaining about too much Alabama coverage and vice versa. Maybe the winning state of the Auburn-Georgia game should get the most news for a year.

Perhaps the strangest complaint I've heard in Columbus came one evening when a man in Marion County (I think) called about the use of the word "if" in a newscast. "If implies doubt," the man argued - and he was annoyed by a news anchor saying, "If you're black...." I guess this WAS before DNA testing became commonplace....

So puzzled was I by this caller that I actually pulled out a dictionary and read it to him over the phone. "On condition that; in case that; supposing that...." But the man denied all those definitions, maintaining he had the only proper one -- and amazingly, his last name was NOT Webster.

The man's point was that the phrase "if you're black" made viewers question their ethnic background. I never asked the man if the phrase "if you live in Georgia" sent him racing for a map or a driver's license.

So what's a journalist to do? Callers will tell you if you give them half a chance. "Report the truth," they'll say - but the problem is that people don't agree on what "the truth" is. If they did, President Bush would be running unopposed.

E-MAIL UPDATE: Thursday's item on CNN coverage of the Kenneth Walker case brought this message from "CaSaundra" in Atlanta:

Hello, I recently learned of the Kenneth Walker killing from one person in New York and another person in Phoenix, AZ. Although the subject may seem over exposed in Columbus. It was news to me and my co-worker right here in Atlanta, GA. Everyone who speaks on this subject using any vehicle of communication to do so. Really needs to consider that between September 11th and the war on terrorism. A lot of people of all ages, all races and all different social classes are sensitive right now to senseless killings, children losing parents, women and men losing their life partners and Parents losing their children. (Like that beautiful 11 yr old girl in FL) Even when people have forgotten Mr. Walker's name they will remember the city of Columbus, and the people of Columbus but what they remember them for is up to both of those entities...

You make good points, CaSaundra. Hopefully one of these days you'll know what Columbus wants to be remembered for - as soon as the consulting firm the city hired comes up with a new nickname.

SONG OF THE DAY: What Dale Earnhardt Jr. said after winning one of Thursday's 125-mile races at Daytona made me think of one of my Pastor's favorite Christian songs:

Our car is an awesome car!

We race it all 'round the track.

We'll finish first and not look back.

Our car is an awesome car!

(By the way - Instant Message to Blessed Automotive Service on 10^th Avenue: Was it you who gave Bobby Labonte the idea to put "The Passion of Christ" movie on his car hood for Sunday's Daytona 500? What if the car hits the wall face-first?)

To offer a story tip, make a donation or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post a reply.

If you quote from this in public somewhere, please be polite enough to let me know.

© 2003-04 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.

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12 FEB 04: WET AND WILD

Uh-oh - Georgia Governor Sonny Perdue has withdrawn support for a $1 million grant to Columbus Water Works. It looks like whoever provides port-a-johns for Riverfest in April should keep them around for the state Republican Party convention in May.

Governor Perdue pulled his support for the million-dollar grant after learning Columbus Water Works joined Alabama and Florida, in a water rights lawsuit against the state of Georgia. This should settle the "Columbus: Gateway to Alabama" argument once and for all.

A federal judge in Atlanta ruled in favor of a water allocation plan giving more water to Lake Lanier and metro Atlanta, and less to downstream areas. Well, a lower lake at West Point Dam WOULD make it easier to find fish and catch them....

Billy Turner of Columbus Water Works explained Wednesday he joined Alabama and Florida's side of the case because of how much water metro Atlanta is likely to consume. I suspect there might be another motive, though. Less water for making Coca-Cola might force the company to come home to Columbus.

The million-dollar grant at stake is from the federal Environmental Protection Agency, to help clean the center part of the Chattahoochee River. Maybe the Columbus Water Works can get this money from a more appropriate source - by
demanding Atlanta and Fulton County pay for it.

(No wait, I have a better idea! The Columbus Water Works can have a "Monopoly" promotion! For one month, customers roll dice and pay ten times the amount shown -- just like the "Water Works" card in the game.)

As it happens, I visited the Columbus Water Works office downtown Wednesday -- and whoever's responsible for the lobby has some explaining to do. You simply do NOT block 40 percent of the children's artwork on the wall, to show a big sign listing upcoming bid projects.

BLOG UPDATE: Two months after Kenneth Walker's death, CNN finally presented a segment on it Wednesday night. This should prove TV networks are NOT full of knee-jerk liberals. CNN may have spent more time researching the story than the Rainbow/PUSH Coalition and NAACP combined.

Mayor Bob -- oops, CNN called him "Robert" -- Poydasheff gave the city's side of the Kenneth Walker story to "Lou Dobbs Tonight." He said if an investigation is done "too quickly, it can be very shoddy." For instance, that's why it took more than three years for you to see President Bush's Alabama National Guard records.

CNN's Lou Dobbs told Mayor Poydasheff a two-month investigation into the Kenneth Walker killing is an "inordinate amount of time." Just wait until someone tells Dobbs the Presidential campaign still has nine months to go....

Today's Ledger-Enquirer reports "Lou Dobbs Tonight" found out about the Kenneth Walker case only after someone sent the show e-mail about it Tuesday. That's strange, because your blog saw CNN reporter Eric Philips in Columbus a month ago [13 Jan] talking with Dr. William Howell from Rainbow/PUSH. Sometimes big television networks can be as bad as big government.

The Ledger-Enquirer reports Will Rembert of Midland started an e-mail campaign recently to give the killing of friend Kenneth Walker more publicity. It's amazing that not even a visit to Columbus by Al Sharpton could accomplish that.
Maybe if Sharpton had sung like James Brown again....

As for the probe: a Georgia Bureau of Investigation agent said late Wednesday an interview with Deputy David Glisson about the killing of Kenneth Walker is "unlikely." Given the "health problems" excuse Glisson's attorney used awhile back,
the deputy may be in hospice care by now.

Friends of Kenneth Walker wondered aloud Wednesday why the deputies with David Glisson on the night of Kenneth Walker's death have yet to speak out. Perhaps the Sheriff's Department has a secret code like the C.I.A. - they'd tell you, but then David Glisson would have to shoot THEM.

Kenneth Walker's family has retained an attorney for possible legal action against the Muscogee County Sheriff's Department - an attorney from Florida. So why isn't the family sticking with Columbus lawyer Gary Parker? Does this other man have better TV commercials?

THE BIG BLOG QUESTION: We've posted a new question asking which baseball team name you prefer - Columbus Catfish or South Georgia Waves. One man told me Wednesday night he preferred Waves, because the river isn't really that important to Columbus anymore. Maybe this man thinks the "Waves" were named for what fans do in the stands.

Now other notes from a wet Wednesday:

+ Senator Zell Miller of Georgia compared the Super Bowl halftime show to "running over a skunk with your car." It's a bit hard for Columbus residents to relate to this. Maybe "running over a pedestrian crossing Veterans Parkway against the light."

+ Vanderbilt vanquished Georgia in men's basketball 61-39 - but Bulldogs coach Dennis Felton said in advance the team was "without its brain." [True/WRCG-AM] The fact that Felton was on the bench coaching leaves you wondering about this team's future....

(This game was such a blowout that Georgia didn't cross the 20-point mark until three minutes into the second half. In this day and age, it's not good when a basketball team scores less than an arena football team.)

+ Instant Message to Dale Cox: Thank you for your support the last two years, and your glowing review of my debut CD. Wherever you go from here -- could you please book some concert dates for me?

COMING FRIDAY: Your blog gets pinned against the wall....

To offer a story tip, make a donation or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post a reply.

If you quote from this in public somewhere, please be polite enough to let me know.

© 2003-04 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.

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11 FEB 04: RESPECT YOUR ELDER?

Former Russell County School Superintendent Dr. Phillip Elder has found work. He confirmed Tuesday he's becoming the headmaster of Glenwood School - and he should be thankful those sports teams never play Russell County High, because things might get ugly.

(Instant Message to the Redneckin' blog in Phenix City: I'll give you credit; you beat the TV stations by four days on the Phillip Elder story. But doesn't feel a bit lonely, knowing no one in the media seemed to notice -- not even me?)

Phillip Elder resigned as Russell County superintendent in December, saying he had accomplished much -- including getting all the county's schools off state probation. Now he'll face a new challenge: persuading potential Glenwood families
those schools still really aren't that good.

(Of course, some could call Dr. Elder a wimp - because Glenwood isn't subject to Alabama state supervision at all.)

Phillip Elder says he realized he faced a tough task as Russell County Superintendent, because there was dissention on the school board. Apparently that's one area where he didn't do well, because board members still can't agree on his replacement.

Phillip Elder explains at Glenwood School, he's entering a situation where everyone agrees on what should be done. Maybe they do now - but we'll see what happens if the football team has another losing season.

Somebody's gotta say it: Isn't Phillip Elder slapping Russell County schools in the face by taking the headmaster's job at nearby Glenwood? For one thing, he probably arranged for that grant money to put PlayStation game systems in grade
schools - and now he's going to a school which can afford broadband in every classroom.

BLOG UPDATE: The Columbus Council voted Tuesday to begin "booting" the cars of people with three or more outstanding parking tickets. Councilors could have voted to boot the drivers, too - but then the city would never get the fines paid.

METRA Director Lisa Goodwin says the booting rule for downtown parking will take effect April 1. But first, March will be "amnesty month" -- when people can pay off their parking tickets at face value. If this idea is successful, SOA Watch protesters in November might never face jail time again.

One TV station asked a co-owner of Bonehead's club on Broadway about the downtown parking situation - and he said: "They need to re-look it." [True] Next time you visit this club, the bartender will be happy if you let him re-beer you.

Now a tableful of other Tuesday topics:

+ A jury in Talladega, Alabama recommended Jimmy Lee Brooks Jr. receive the death penalty, for murdering Brett Bowyer. A Russell County judge will make the final decision on a sentence in April -- but will go back to Talladega to do it. What's the point of going back there? Is Brooks's attorney getting paid by the mile?

(Hey, Jimmy Lee - did you blow kisses at the Bowyer family again Tuesday, like you did after the jury found you guilty? Somehow I don't think any of them are going to send you Valentine cards in jail.)

+ WRBL began a special report on unsolved "cold cases" in the Columbus area - complete with mysterious music, and Brian Sharpe standing close to fog. For a second, I almost believed he really was David Caruso....

(I wondered why Brian Sharpe was selected for the series on "cold cases." But then I remembered he's the "Restaurant Report Card" guy, so he reports on problems with cold cases all the time.)

+ State Rep. Calvin Smyre of Columbus spoke against a bill to ban smoking in all Georgia public places. He called the proposal an "unnecessary government intrusion." Now I'm confused! I thought Mr. Smyre was a Democrat - and thus in favor of big government.

+ Meanwhile, the Georgia House session broke down in laughter over a bill granting tax exemptions to worm farmers. [True/GPB-TV] And they accuse the Auburn University trustees of "micro-management...."

+ I discovered the main library in Columbus is letting you print out federal tax forms for FREE. Maybe this explains how places like B&B Tax Services can afford to run TV and radio commercials.

+ The South Georgia Waves baseball team confirmed they've changed their name to the "Columbus Catfish." We predict the weird-looking blue mascot of the Waves will sell for at least $1,000 on eBay.

(The new General Manager of the Cats - er, Fish - said half of Columbus doesn't know the team exists. The other half "thinks we're still the RedStixx." And not one of them has bothered to track down the General Manager who skipped town last summer.)

+ Basketball's Atlanta Hawks traded for Portland's controversial Rasheed Wallace. We DO hope the team keeps him away from Bobby Brown and Whitney Houston's neighborhood....

+ Auburn men's basketball coach Cliff Ellis and his wife are weeklong sponsors of "All Things Considered" on public radio. What makes this strange is, it's TROY STATE Public Radio. Is this how the coach is getting around putting T.S.U. on the schedule?

(To be fair, the only public radio station I've heard in Auburn is run by students - and the music they play is more like "All Loud Rock Considered.")

COMING SOON: Why I need an extreme makeover....

© 2003-04 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.

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10 FEB 04: BIG LOTS

I was simply thrilled (giggle) to learn Monday that the new Bay Avenue parking garage is now open downtown. It's right next door to the River Club - so with a one-dollar parking fee and a sack lunch, it's like a poor man's membership.

The Bay Avenue parking lot rises fives stories above downtown Columbus, between 11^th and 12^th Streets. Sadly, it also rises five stories over the Riverwalk - making that part of the walk a bit more cold and confining.

You can't simply park anywhere you please in the Bay Avenue parking garage. A number of spots are reserved for businesses. So it IS a lot like the River Club - with the big-money people getting the best view of the Chattahoochee.

I've driven down Bay Avenue near this new parking lot, and it feels more a big-city downtown avenue than almost anywhere else in Columbus. Brick and concrete rise high to your west side. Reserved parking spaces are on your east side. And at the end of the avenue, you're stuck under the 13^th Street Bridge and have to turn around.

You may have heard about plans to crack down on downtown parking scofflaws. One idea is to lock wheels with what's called a "Denver boot." Male drivers will want to know this has nothing to do with Broncos kickers.

Are you heading downtown and want to avoid concerns about time limits and parking charges? I'll be happy to help you:

+ Try the T-SYS lot near First Avenue. About 200 spaces should have just opened in the last few days.

+ Roll into the driveway of a downtown church - then explain to the Pastor we're not under law now, we're under grace.

+ Park along 8^th Street. It's free, you're only a one-block walk from the RiverCenter or Government Center - and at noon, you might be able to sell your spot for someone eating lunch at Minnie's.

Here's what else we heard about on Monday:

+ A jury in Talladega, Alabama took only 25 minutes to find Jimmy Lee Brooks Jr. guilty of murdering young Brett Bowyer. Brooks then claimed he was the victim of "malicious prosecution." Apparently seeing your face on tape confessing to a 2002 Russell County killing is malicious.

(Wait a minute -- malicious prosecution?! When Brooks's attorney only calls one witness and rests his case in ten minutes, that sounds like malicious defense....)

+ The Georgia Revenue Department posted a list of delinquent taxpayers - and the Dairy Queen on Macon Road owes more than $620,000! No wonder a simple cheeseburger costs close to two bucks.

+ The Columbus Better Business Bureau presented Knology a "Torch Award" for business ethics and standards. Considering I still haven't heard from the "how's my driving" operator about those fast-moving vans on Crawford Road [5-6 Feb], can we do a public vote on this?

+ Three Russell County grade schools received grant money to put PlayStation game systems in every classroom. We're told they'll be used for educational games, in everything from science to reading. There's nothing like the thrill of zapping a silent "e" out of existence....

+ I went to the Sports Page for Monday night basketball, and found only two TV's tuned to the Atlanta Hawks game - out of more than 20 in the building. But it could have been worse. Not one TV was tuned to "Monday Night Raw" wrestling -- or even the Westminster Kennel Club dog show.

(The Kansas-Oklahoma State game enticed me to visit the Sports Page. Just like my alma mater K.U. in the Tangerine Bowl, I left feeling like a sucker....)

+ Instant Message to whichever Columbus cable company inserted an ad for "Follies 2004" during Fox News Channel's "Hannity and Colmes": Follies ended Saturday night - and so far I have NOT heard a clamor for it to be held over.

To offer a story tip, make a donation or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post a reply.

If you quote from this in public somewhere, please be polite enough to let me know.

© 2003-04 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.

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8 FEB 04: ONE MAN'S TRASH....

While walking down 4^th Street the last few afternoons, I've found several discarded lottery tickets on the street. The Georgia Lottery reminds people to "play responsibly" - but apparently needs to tell players to throw away cards responsibly, too.

I stopped to pick up a two-dollar card on 4^th Street - and much to my surprise, it had a winning combination! In all my years, this never has happened. You may call lottery players stupid with their money, but most ARE smart enough to keep the
winning cards.

This card in the Georgia Lottery's "Hearts and Roses" game showed a match of one number for one dollar. It also had a "Cupid" symbol for two dollars, so I held three bucks in my hand. Since I don't gamble, this would be reported on my taxes as "earned income."

My only concern about the ticket was that most of the serial number was scratched off at the bottom. In some contests, that makes the card void - and I suppose teaches players not to scratch off tickets after they've had several beers.

So Friday morning, I took my lottery discovery to a convenience store to learn if it was still valid. I kept it well hidden in my jacket pocket - not only from the rain, but from the beggars I'm sure winning tickets draw.

Since I already mentioned I don't gamble, I didn't realize until entering the convenience store that lottery tickets can be double-checked. A barcode on the back activates the computerized lottery records - which is really a bit scary. If I hand over a fake ticket, I might get arrested on the spot.

The good news is, the barcode worked on this lottery ticket. The bad news - the woman at the convenience store told me the card already had been redeemed. Maybe this explains why so many churches are against lottery gambling. They preach it's a good thing for someone else to redeem something for you.

So did I put up a fuss and protest what the barcode computer found? Some "players" might have, but I did not. I admitted to the woman I found the ticket on the street, and was checking to see if I was a winner or a loser. Since the card had a Valentine's Day theme, it only figured - I'm again a loser at love.

But enough about me. Let's check other loves from the weekend:

+ The son of Columbus Councilor Evelyn Turner Pugh was married in Atlanta. The ceremony was held at Fort McPherson - but we're waiting for confirmation about whether "Meals Ready to Eat" were served at the reception.

+ Tom's Country Buffet on Macon Road provided a free dinner for all laid-off T-SYS employees. The next time I see a beggar trying to get dinner, I'm going to remember this - and demand the same treatment.

+ The Georgia Force opened the Arena Football season, wearing Bill Heard Chevrolet logos on their shirts. So when will the Columbus Symphony start wearing logos on their tuxedos?

(Did you see what NBC promoted during the Georgia Force game -- an Arena Football FANTASY League? Aw, c'mon! Either this league is starting to take itself too seriously, or football fans truly are addicted.)

+ Instant Message to Swords of Fire International Church: Your people sure sound fired up and "filled with the spirit" during your Wednesday radio broadcast. But are you so fired up that you can't finish spelling the name of your church sign?

© 2003-04 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.

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7 FEB 03: DOES THIS FEEL BETTER?

Columbus Mayor Bob Poydasheff announced two new "race initiatives" Friday at the Government Center. For some people, the only "race initiative" they want is a NASCAR Nextel Cup event at the airport.

For starters, Mayor Poydasheff announced the creation of a scholarship fund for the daughter of the late Kenneth Walker. Truly this move shows wisdom and understanding -- since any civil suit against the Sheriff's Department probably will end with lawyers getting all the money.

The second race initiative will set up free courses for law officers in "servant leadership." The problem with this idea is that some officers will take it the wrong way -- and think they're leading a bunch of servant peons.

Columbus State University will provide the servant leadership courses for local law officers. It'll be interesting to see how many of them show up on campus for the first class, then take a resume to the security office.

Columbus may be a bit late in teaching "servant leadership" to law officers. The church I attend talked about establishing a "Christ-centered servant leadership" program - but in recent months, the name was changed to remove any reference to "servant" or "Christ." Does this mean the ministers are making too much money?

The two race initiatives will be coordinated by a nonpartisan group called "One Columbus." Please don't be confused by this group - because it does NOT operate the "Drive One" car lot.

NAACP President Edward DuBose was unimpressed by Mayor Poydasheff's announcement. He says he's still waiting for answers about exactly how Kenneth Walker wound up dead almost two months ago. We still can't even get a straight answer about Deputy David Glisson's health problem.

A bill in the Georgia Legislature could stop the sort of racial profiling that civil rights leaders led to Kenneth Walker's death. It would require officers to file reports on every driver they stop, including the racial background and specific violation. There's one obvious winner from this proposal -- companies which print new speeding tickets.

As Mayor Poydasheff announced his race initiatives, I happened to pass a little ad on a wall at a South Lumpkin Road shopping center. It openly asks for "one Mexican man" to join a late-night cleaning crew at a supermarket. This might be a first - a U.S. job where you need a card from Mexico to work.

In 2004, this sort of sign seems ridiculous. Only a "Mexican man" is allowed to have this cleaning work? This is obviously job discrimination - for instance, against immigrants from Peru.

BIG BLOG QUESTION: It's "Cats!" Our first online question found voters prefer the Broadway production, over the "Barney" show which played at the Civic Center. I'd thank all of you who voted - except only one vote was recorded. Clearly I'm getting TOO big a head about this thing....

Let's see if we can find other winners from the weekend:

+ The Friday high temperature topped 65 degrees F., after the rain stopped. Perfect weather for the first day of college baseball season - five days after the Super Bowl. Who do we blame for this scheduling?

+ The Georgia High School Association held the state cheerleading championships at the Civic Center. Or as dozens of high school boys called it - a recruiting trip.

+ Instant Message to Columbus Water Works: That's an impressive picture you sent with my latest water bill - an "aerial view of the South Columbus Water Resource Facility." All the better for terrorists to plan their attacks....

To offer a story tip, make a donation or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post a reply.

If you quote from this in public somewhere, please be polite enough to let me know.

© 2003-04 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.

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6 FEB 04: RED ALERT

Sometimes I have to think about humorous items for this blog. But sometimes the humor breaks out right in front of me. That's what happened the other afternoon as I stood in line at the Phenix City post office -- as an older gentleman decided to speak his mind.

"You're looking pretty today," he began (or words to that effect). "Looking really red!" These words puzzled me, because I didn't notice anyone wearing a University of Alabama outfit.

"I may have to take some heart medicine, because you're looking so good!" Now it became cleat - the older gentleman was talking to at least one of the post office's female counter workers. A wife for this man was nowhere to be found.

"You're making me hungry, with all that red!" The gentleman was referring to the counter worker's lipstick. People who weren't giggling in line before were giggling now. I was trying NOT to laugh - presuming the man's senility medicine might be wearing off.

"Just because you wore it to work doesn't mind you have to take it home with you!" Is this one of those people who kept the Super Bowl halftime show on TiVo, and played it over and over?

Not wanting to stop a stand-up comic on a roll, I turned to someone else in line at this point and quietly said, "In some offices, this man would have been fired by now."

But the older gentleman wasn't through. He bought some stamps while he was buttering up the counter workers - yet as he started to step away, he couldn't find them. After a moment, he did. They were in his shirt pocket -- the first gag that seemed unintentional.

The gentleman bid the post office staff a good afternoon, and slowly scooted away. Most of the people in line said goodbye to him as well, even though I doubt anyone there knew him. If a show business agent had been there, this man might have performed Thursday night on "Comedy Night at The Loft."

When I reached the Phenix City post office counter, the woman who helped me didn't know the older gentleman's name. But she said he's a regular customer, and talks this way all the time. The only way he avoids the old-fashioned title "Dirty Old Man" is by keeping his hands to himself.

BLOG UPDATE: Dozens of police officers showed up at the Trade Center Thursday for a job fair. But to our surprise, they were NOT there to keep unruly former T-SYS workers under control....

At least 50 Columbus police officers visited the job fair to fill out applications and hand over their resumes. It could have been a historic moment in city history - but the Rainbow/PUSH Coalition didn't have a booth set up for them.

Seven different law enforcement agencies had booths set up, taking applications from Columbus-area police officers. Who knows how crowded the Trade Center would have been, if fire departments had been hiring as well.

(But hold on a second - LaGrange and Macon Police had booths at this job fair. If LaGrange can pay more than Columbus, it proves only one thing: they don't have a property tax freeze.)

A spokesman with the Police Benevolent Association said Columbus has become the most heavily-recruited city in Georgia for law officers. Now we're having second thoughts about welcoming the "Georgia Police and Fire Games" to town....

One TV station showed statistics putting the average starting salary for a Columbus police officer at $25,000. Starting pay is about $3,000 higher in Atlanta -- but keep one important thing in mind. After long daily commutes from safer suburbs such as Douglas County, the net income there probably is lower.

Columbus Mayor Bob Poydasheff said police officers should focus on serving the community, instead of possible pay raises. Drivers who like to break the speed limit on J.R. Allen Parkway probably have a different opinion....

As it happened, a Muscogee County Marshal's car passed me Thursday afternoon with the words "pursuit of excellence" on it. What slogan belongs on the Columbus Police cars - maybe "pursuit of low-life crooks?"

As it also happened, I stumbled upon an online "salary wizard" this week - one which lets you figure the pay for all sorts of jobs, in all sorts of metropolitan areas. In Columbus, the "median expected salary" of a police patrol officer is $38,645. For that much money, they could eat far better than fast food on their shifts.

The "salary wizard" offers some eyebrow-raising "median expected salaries" for other Columbus jobs:

+ Firefighter: $32,231. But remember the perks you get with this job - like free car washes.

+ Government speech writer: $53,875. Is THAT the extra duty the assistant city managers are doing?

+ Broadcast or print entry-level reporter: $24,298. My friends at church will be disappointed to know I did NOT find a salary for news anchors.

+ TV Producer.... well, I'd rather not post that one. I'll save that for the meeting about a raise....

Here's what else we learned Thursday, while waiting for promised rain which never came:

+ Spanish-language programming finally returned to TV-16 - only it was a talk show from Atlanta, with a panel of lawyers discussing worker's compensation. If no one's singing salsa music or playing in a mariachi band, I'm out.

+ Columbus State University suspended the Tau Kappa Epsilon fraternity, after a member reportedly threw a beer bottle at someone. I was NOT in a college fraternity, but this is just like I heard about them years ago. You can't spell "turkey" without T-K-E.

+ Georgia State School Superintendent Kathy Cox reversed her position about changing the word "evolution" in textbooks to "biological change over time." So does that reversal qualify as a biological change - or evidence of a working mind from a creator?

+ Troup County middle school teacher Tom Mills announced he's running for Congress as a Republican. Somehow, this doesn't seem right. Republicans believe in "leave no child behind" - and this man may leave dozens of them.

+ The Knology "how's my driving" hotline never returned my message, about Wednesday's two fast-moving vans in Phenix City. The announcer on the hotline promised to return my call within four hours. So there's the problem in a nutshell - the drivers are faster than the supervisors.

+ Instant Message to The Nursery at Ty Ty: Could you send copies of your muscadine commercial to the Massachusetts Supreme Court? You know, the one where only male and female muscadines can reproduce and be happy....

COMING THIS WEEKEND: Someone threw money out the window.... and left it just for me....

To offer a story tip, make a donation or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post a reply.

If you quote from this in public somewhere, please be polite enough to let me know.

© 2003-04 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.

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5 FEB 04: BIG CHURCH, LITTLE CHURCH

Drive east from Peachtree Mall on Manchester Expressway, and you can't miss it -- a big red billboard promoting Cascade Hills Baptist Church. But please do NOT be concerned. The red represents romance and Valentine's Day - and NOT Mel Gibson's movie "Passion of the Christ."

The big billboard on Manchester Expressway struck me as odd for a couple of reasons. For one thing, it's promoting a four-week series of sermons called "Soulmates." Some people might misunderstand, and think it's a series of singles dances.

But what really struck me about the Cascade Hills Baptist Church billboard is its location - next door to Gentian Baptist Church, where Gentian turns into Milgen Road. Perhaps Cascade Hills believes the sign is on the Milgen side, so it's not violating anybody's space.

I couldn't help wondering if the Gentian Baptist staff was upset by the presence of another Baptist church's billboard practically in its backyard. After all, I know some Pastors who still mutter in their sermons about wrongs that happened ten years ago.

My first call to the Gentian Baptist office for a comment came Monday afternoon - but there was only a receptionist in the building. She said she saw nothing wrong with the giant Cascade Hills billboard. But we all know how soft-hearted and mushy some women can be....

The Pastor would be in Wednesday, the receptionist said. So Wednesday afternoon, I called Gentian Baptist again - and Pastor Steve King was very polite about that big billboard. He didn't use my call to warm up for a Wednesday night sermon against stealing.

Gentian Baptist Pastor Steve King says the big Cascade Hills billboard is "not that important," because the two churches are NOT in "some sort of competition." Well, at least not until recreational softball season starts....

The Gentian Baptist Pastor says he knows several Cascade Hills Baptist staff members, and they're good people. And as when it comes to that big billboard, Steve King told me, "I hope it helps them." God may call Himself "Jealous" in the Bible, but church Pastors can't afford to admit to that trait.

Gentian Baptist Pastor Steve King says his church and Cascade Hills share the same goal: winning people to Jesus Christ. Maybe so, but I can't forget what former St. Mary's Road United Methodist Pastor James Swanson said two years ago. "Ministry can be a very competitive business" - and he wasn't laughing.

The sight of that billboard is a big reminder of one issue in U.S. religion these days - the growth of "mega-churches" with thousands of members, and all sorts of fancy tempting extras. I recall a "Doonesbury" cartoon years ago where a young couple turned down one church, because it didn't have racquetball courts.

BLOG UPDATE: T-SYS confirmed Wednesday it's laying off 237 employees. If the managers have any compassion, they'll offer laid-off workers their own platinum cards with a $2,500 credit line and no annual fee.

T-SYS spokesman Eric Bruner said the laid-off workers will be offered severance packages, because these are permanent job cuts. We're not sure what that means besides money. Maybe that can still rent the Mott House for parties.

The strange thing is, T-SYS is laying off more than 200 workers at the same time it's hiring 200 new employees for its call center. I think we can safely guess which positions pay more....

If there's any good news, the T-SYS layoffs come at a good time. A big six-hour-long job fair is planned at the Trade Center today. For some of the dismissed employees, it may the first time in years they've had to wear a suit and tie.

Now other news wisps from Wednesday:

+ The Russell County Commission voted to take legal action against Probate Judge Al Howard, for interfering in the drawing of election districts. What's the matter, judge -- isn't anyone signing your recall petitions?

+ Testimony began in the trial of Jimmy Lee Brooks, for the murder of Phenix City child Brett Bowyer. I don't know if Brooks is guilty or not -- but from the TV coverage I've seen, at least he got a better-looking haircut out of it all.

+ NBC-38's Al Fleming declared Justin Timberlake and Janet Jackson "low-life worms" for what happened during halftime of the Super Bowl. It makes you wonder what he called some of the performers at Al Who's.

(OK, since Al Fleming brought it up - isn't it amazing how no one is talking about the pay-per-view Lingerie Bowl now?)

+ Former reporter Latrina Patrick returned to WRBL - only this time speaking for a local "Tobacco-Free Coalition." Do you think they did the interview on a tape-delay, in case she mentioned something about her old bosses?

+ Instant Message to two unknown drivers of Knology vans: You drove by me quite quickly on Crawford Road in Phenix City. But you didn't drive fast enough - because I DID write down the "How's My Driving" phone number on your bumper stickers.

COMING FRIDAY: So this older man walks into a post office....

© 2003-04 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.

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4 FEB 04: FALLEN ARCHWAYS

Why are they smiling at the top of the hill on 13^th Avenue - but they're frowning down the hill? Because new Columbus radio ratings show Clear Channel stations did very well, while most Archway stations fared badly. As they'd say at that other "Archway," that's the way the cookie crumbles....

For the first time in who knows how many years, WSTH "Rooster 106 FM" had better ratings than WKCN "Kissin' 99.3" in the fall battle of country music stations. But the folks at Kissin' soon may get a boost - since Valentine's Day is only ten days away.

But that's not all: among talk radio stations, WDAK beat WRCG in the ratings. The last time WDAK did that, I believe Dee Armstrong still was reporting there....

This week marks one year since WRCG made some big changes in its programs. Since then, its ratings have dropped by more than one-third. It makes you wonder if the managers believe in recycling - as in "Morning Magazine" recycling.

On the other hand, WDAK's rating number has more than doubled in the last year. You don't think the fall total actually was higher because Rush Limbaugh was in rehabilitation?!

To be fair, not all the news is bad at Archway. WCGQ "Q-107" had a nice gain in the fall ratings, to sit fourth among radio stations. So you might say the "Q" has found the "A...."

Clear Channel managers also can smile because of the breakthrough by WHAL "Hallelujah 1460." Its fall ratings tripled the score in the spring, when that spot on the AM dial had a mix of "Southern gospel" music and sports-talk. Maybe people in Columbus really do want music without a Southern twang to it.

(But c'mon, WHAL - are you serious when you say on the air you've become "Central Alabama's choice" for gospel music? I can't hear your station after dark at the north edge of Columbus, so I really doubt they're hearing you in Montgomery.)

I couldn't help noticing WMLF-AM 1270 didn't show up on the ratings report at all. If Jim Foster isn't careful, his "Southern gospel" music will be replaced by something even farther south - as in Mexican or Puerto Rican.

There's no surprise at the top of the radio ratings for Columbus. "Foxie 105" is the winner and still champion, with almost 18 percent of the listeners. This station is so dominant that some white musical acts might file a reverse discrimination suit against it.

Let's see what else crossed our eyeballs on Tuesday:

+ Columbus Mayor Bob Poydasheff called for a four-percent pay raise for all city workers, with an extra one percent for public safety employees. Instead of automatically doing this with a tax increase, how about asking the Assistant City Managers for a donation first?

(Councilor Skip Henderson said it's too early to talk about a four-percent city pay raise, since a one-cent sales tax hasn't been approved by voters yet. That's sure not stopping the Republicans in Congress....)

+ The Columbus Times held a community forum on police brutality issues, and only about 50 people showed up. Well, the number of shootings by Sheriff's deputies IS down so far this year -- by 100 percent.

+ Muscogee County school Superintendent Dr. John Phillips said his district has received more awards for excellence in the last two months than any other in Georgia. Maybe now the School Board will approve a Chief of Staff, to keep track of them all....

+ Backers of the proposed World Children's Center withdrew a lawsuit against Harris County. I think I know the deep-down reason why some residents oppose this project. With "Children" in the name, they're afraid Michael Jackson might show up.

+ Promoters of the "Leadoff Classic" softball tournament announced for the first time, both Georgia and Georgia Tech will play in the late-February tournament at South Commons. We estimate this news will increase attendance at the event by about 50.

To offer a story tip, make a donation or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post a reply.

If you quote from this in public somewhere, please be polite enough to let me know.

© 2003-04 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.

Click here to vote on our new Big Blog Question!

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3 FEB 04: GOT SINGINGS?

Still looking for ways to promote my debut CD, I drove Monday night to Central Baptist Church - located at 8303 Whitesville Road. What that church is in the "center" of, I have absolutely no clue. Big-money executives, maybe?!

I drove practically to Williams Road for the monthly meeting of The Chattahoochee Valley Southern Gospel Music Association. Members call it "TCVSGMA" for short - either that, or it's a musical warm-up drill no one's taught me.

"Have any prayer requests?" a teenage-looking girl asked as I entered the church sanctuary. I hadn't come prepared with any - and it seemed a bit selfish around so many musicians to ask for all my CD's to sell out.

Next question from the girl: "Got any singings?" This stopped me cold -- a singing?! Is that what other people call a lymph node problem?

"It's my first time here," I told the girl. Then an adult nearby explained what she meant: is my church having any gospel singings in the weeks to come? Sorry, my congregation is not. In fact, it's a good day when everyone sings loudly during a service at all.

Two "fests" were the big topics at Monday night's association meeting - Riverfest in late April, and an inaugural "Gospelfest" being planned for early June. The name "Gospelfest" could change, because the association is having a "Name That Day" contest. Let's see, it's June 5 - so how about Saturday?

It appears gospel music groups will be able to perform at Riverfest this spring. The association President reported from what he's been told, the "Pig Jig Stage" for free entertainment is coming back. Of course, musicians could face tough competition if it's located near the smell of the actual Pig Jig....

The main competition for the Pig Jig Stage at Riverfest appears to be someone named "Riverboat Bob." All we know or sure about him is that he works with children. We're not sure if he took the riverboat that used to be docked near the Trade Center.

As for the proposed "Gospelfest," Phenix City officials are not making it easy for the association to use the amphitheatre. For instance, you can use the facility's sound system - for only $5,000! [True] Well, you wondered how Phenix City was able to lower garbage rates....

(This music association's treasury stands at well under $2,000 - so it appears this event will be BYOB: Bring Your Own Boombox.)

But that's not the worst of it. Phenix City will let you use the amphitheatre's lights and stage cover - for a $10,000 charge. For that price, never mind having the lights blink on and off during songs. Get your money's worth....

A Columbus church has agreed to cosponsor the June 5 gospel music event. That means the music association won't have to worry about Phenix City's requirement of $1 million in liability insurance. Of course, some churches would have handled this differently - by guaranteeing instant faith healing for anyone who gets hurt.

By the way, I found the answer to a radio question in the foyer of Central Baptist Church. Jim Foster keeps asking on WMLF AM-1270 if you'd be willing to spend 50 cents a day "to keep Southern Gospel music alive" in this area. Part of me wondered if doing this would make a needy child go hungry in Africa....

Pledge slips in a rack explain if you pledge at least $10 per month to Central Baptist Church, the church will send the money to WMLF-AM to help it stay on the air five days a week. Of course, you could send the money directly to the radio station. Several businesses do that now - in what's called advertising.

(So why funnel the money through Central Baptist instead? Because donations to the church are tax-deductible. Now I start to see why some people want the laws changed, to let churches endorse political candidates.)

The pledge slip also hints at a "Plan B" for fans of this sort of music. It says: "If we are unable to keep WMLF a Southern Gospel music station, would you be willing to help support a noncommercial FM Gospel Station in the Valley Area?" Columbus already has two religious "public radio" stations. Should that much right-wing thinking be on the left side of the radio dial?

I left the TCVSGMA meeting with a membership application in my bag, but questions in my head. Considering it has only about 120 members, and its monthly newsletter goes to about 90 people, would joining this group be like singing to the choir? If you keep passing around the same money to each other, you only FEEL wealthy.

Now other notes from a wet Monday, which at least left farmers smiling:

+ AFLAC revealed its fourth-quarter earnings dropped 61 percent, to about 14 cents a share. It's enough to make the company duck let go of the tree limb, even before Wile E. Coyote plunges by him.

(AFLAC explains it lost more than $250 million because its holdings in Parmalat stock dropped when that company was caught in an accounting scandal. So we can say the company took a milk bath....)

+ WRBL's Jack Rodgers held a post-Super Bowl "tailgate party" outside the station for his late-night sportscast -- complete with food on the grill. First of all, it was after midnight when he appeared. Second of all, who holds a tailgate party AFTER games? Any sports fan knows that's when you brawl in the street.

+ Instant Message to the North Columbus Branch Library: Some of your Internet computers are weird. In fact, one of them displays four different "search bars." I've seen blocks of Broadway with fewer bars than this.

To offer a story tip, make a donation or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post a reply.

If you quote from this in public somewhere, please be polite enough to let me know.

© 2003-04 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.

Need a musical lift? Check the "local artists" shelf at Mustard Seed in Columbus and buy my debut CD, "One God Many Moods." Or even easier, click here for music samples and details on online ordering. Hear full-length cuts by calling WMLF AM-1270 Monday-Friday mornings and requesting them. But while you're here, enjoy some humorous thoughts about my "home turf."

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2 FEB 04: EXPRESS YOURSELF

"Do you want to get in with us?" This offer came to me Sunday afternoon from local TV reporter Gretchen Bartelt and meteorologist Joshua McKinney. Before you point fingers - no, I was NOT at a Super Bowl party, gambling on who would score first.

"No, thanks, I'm in the express lane," I smiled in reply to their offer. I was standing in aisle 3 at the Kmart on Macon Road, holding a new pair of running shoes I was buying. What does it say when my jogging shoes lose their soles in less than a year, while I've failed to lose any pounds running in them?

But it was already apparent to me that the express lane wasn't moving very quickly. Two people ahead of me stood a woman with hair bushier than a "before" picture at MasterCuts - and she was taking her good sweet time paying for several bags of items. It's a lot like driving -- people with slow bodies should keep away from "fast lanes."

At one point, Mary the Kmart cashier counted out a big stack of one-dollar bills this woman in the express lane was using to buy her items. I've heard the hippie-era line, "Never trust anyone over 40" - but this customer apparently didn't trust any bill bigger than a ten.

(A stack of coins was on the counter, in addition to the dollar bills. I suppose this woman could have been down to her last bit of spare change. But outside the express lane, she never would have brought so much attention on herself.)

I knew it would happen and sure enough - Gretchen Bartelt and Joshua McKinney from aisle 7 wheeled past my aisle 3 with their items, before the bushy-haired woman was finished. I simply waved at them. "It wasn't very 'express,' huh?" Bartelt said to the entire lane. Some of us have learned to keep our mouths gracefully shut at moments like this.

At last the bushy-haired woman paid for her purchase - and while Mary the cashier said "I'm sorry," the customer did not. Maybe she was embarrassed by what had happened. Or maybe she was too overjoyed by how much her paltry savings could buy.

It happened the next woman in line could relate to what Mary was doing, because she's a cashier at a Piggly Wiggly store. From what I could hear, Mary said she counted all those one-dollar bills extra carefully in case the customer was trying to confuse her. And any business owner would tell you, too many bills can spoil the profits.

(Keep in mind, this happened at a Kmart - where they've very sensitive about ethical business, with Martha Stewart currently on trial.)

Once my new sneakers reached the checkstand, things went very quickly: $19.99 plus tax on my credit card. But I left Kmart with a new idea for express lane rules: maximum ten items - AND ten pieces of currency to pay for them.

BIG BLOG QUESTION: "The big question of the coming week - Barney or Cats?" I put this issue to the father of several young children after church this weekend. These two national productions come to Columbus this week, practically at the same time. Is it purple with hugs - or yellow with scratch marks?

"Not 'Cats,'" the dad answered. "Maybe 'Barney' with David," referring to his young son. I didn't ask if his decision is due to ticket prices, target age groups - or whether "I Love You, You Love Me" is easier to sing than "Memories."

This battle of stage shows has inspired me to post our blog's first poll - what we're calling THE BIG BLOG QUESTION!
Click here for our multimedia page, and vote for your choice: Barney or Cats. You can base your answer on whatever standard you wish - and in fact, I'd like you to leave a comment explaining your vote. It's certainly more fun than guessing whether or not Jimmy Lee Brooks is guilty of murder.

BIG PREDICTION UPDATE: So New England won Sunday night's Super Bowl on a last-second field goal, eh? My pick was wrong - but I still don't feel like I missed much. The ending was just like two years ago.

The Super Bowl(tm) came up in other places Sunday night, even though I tried to avoid it. During the taped Peaceful Baptist Church telecast on TV-16, the Pastor asked if worshippers had brought their husbands with them, "or were their minds on the Super Bowl today?" Does this church have a six-hour-long worship service or something?!

But we're moving on from the Super Bowl to other Sunday things....

+ Columbus Mayor Bob Poydasheff told the Ledger-Enquirer the city's pay situation is a "problem, not a crisis." How many T-SYS employees would like to hear him say that in a hallway over the next few days?

(Councilor Nathan Suber admitted to the newspaper he "hasn't listened to WRCG since Tuesday," when the big pay raises for Assistant City Managers were accepted. This admission may cost Mr. Suber any special favors from Davis Broadcasting.)

+ The Sunday Ledger-Enquirer had a ballot for its "Oscar Pickin' Contest" - without the final "g" in picking. Yes sir, that's the way to move Columbus forward to become a progressive Southern city....

+ Instant Message to the woman at the main library whose cell phone ring tone is "I'm a Barbie Girl": Do you REALLY want people to connect that song with you in public?

COMING THIS WEEK: The big billboard and the little church....

To offer a story tip, make a donation or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post a reply.

If you quote from this in public somewhere, please be polite enough to let me know.

© 2003-04 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.

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1 FEB 04: CREDIT OR DEBIT?

This must be a troublesome weekend for employees of Total System Services - because managers have confirmed layoffs could be coming. We don't know yet if they'll happen, or how many there could be. So this might be called a T-SYS tease.

A spokesperson for T-SYS says right now, managers are evaluating every job at the company. It makes you wonder what they were doing BEFORE now - and how many jobs the managers were letting slide.

Revenues at T-SYS reportedly have dropped in the last couple of years -- which sounds strange for a company which processes credit cards. Haven't people been increasing their credit card debt? Well, maybe they've been doing that on ONE card, instead of five or six....

The curious thing is that T-SYS stock had the biggest percentage gain of any area company last year. Now we hear revenue is down and there might be layoffs?! I thought this was Columbus, not the Silicon Valley.

If T-SYS winds up laying off employees, it could leave empty space in that fancy new office complex on Broadway. But there could be a silver lining for downtown residents and commuters. The employee-only Starbuck's Coffee Shop finally might open to everyone.

So what should we do, to prevent layoffs at T-SYS? I suppose I could sign up for every credit card offer that comes in the mail or by phone. But I don't need that many cards to buy things - and I already have more than enough bookmarks.

Now some other bits and pieces from the end of January:

+ Columbus police chased down a man who allegedly crashed a car into a mobile home near Victory Drive. The residents probably wish now their home really WAS mobile....

+ Cusseta-Chattahoochee County officials asked for federal help, after a survey found more than half the homes in Cusseta are "substandard." Nice try, folks - but somehow I suspect Habitat for Humanity will keep its headquarters right where it is in Americus.

+ Dawson City Council member Joseph Breedlove was arrested on charges of pistol-whipping a teenager. If he has the same sort of luck as Dawson's Mayor, he'll be cleared at trial -- and he's about to win a big lottery jackpot.

© 2003-04 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.

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31 JAN 04: BOWL-COTT!

True confession: I hardly ever get invited to Super Bowl parties. I've been invited to someone's house a couple of times, but I was scheduled to work. And the one time I actually went to a party in 1981, I annoyed people by practicing my play-by-play skills during the game.

Given my history, it's tempting to go to Callaway Gardens this weekend. It's promoting a Super Bowl party starting at 2:00 p.m. Sunday, complete with giveaways and free food at halftime. Halftime?!?! Isn't part of the purpose for this party to have food from pre-game to post-game?

It would be a bit of a drive for me to go to Callaway Gardens simply to watch a football game on TV. So this year, I'm doing something different - I'm boycotting the Super Bowl. Yes, I said boycotting. We know how well that works for the Columbus Rainbow/PUSH Coalition....

So why should you boycott Sunday's Super Bowl? Glad you asked that question....

1. MTV is producing the Super Bowl half-time show. Do you really want to risk your family seeing another Britney Spears-Madonna style kiss?

2. The Super Bowl promotes militarism. I didn't realize this until I discovered a column online this past week, written by a British reporter. You may have thought those Air Force flyovers were patriotic -- but in North Korea, they're called government propaganda.

3. We all have more important things to do. Start on your income taxes, and you'll get your refund faster.

4. The emphasis on commercials. You say you only watch the Super Bowl for the ads? You can see full-length infomercials on Columbus TV stations at least four-and-a-half hours per day, from Monday through Friday -- and the weekend total is probably higher.

5. Related to that: WRBL is showing the game - which means important on-screen statistics will be missed at least once for the "Columbus Transmissions" time and temperature.

6. New England has a linebacker named Teddy Bruschi, pronounced BREW'-skee. How much drunk driving will this name encourage?

7. This year's game is in February - on purpose, not due to a postponement after a terror attack. Playing important outdoor football games this close to President's Day simply is wrong.

8. The alternative "Bud Bowl" practically has disappeared. It once had dueling Budweiser beer bottles and million-dollar giveaways - but this year it's down to a coupon booklet at Publix.

9. We can do more loving, outreaching public service projects instead. For instance, how about a card shower encouraging Muscogee County Deputy David Glisson to get well enough for that G.B.I. interview?

10. BIG PREDICTION: I'll tell you now, Carolina will win. N.F.C. teams have won the last four Super Bowls played in Presidential election years -- and if you count "old N.F.L." teams like the Steelers, they're 8-1 overall. Oh, if only Michael Vick had stayed healthy....

BLOG UPDATE: WRBL's Weather Team conceded Friday evening, in that showdown over the weekend forecast. It lowered the predicted high temperatures down AGAIN, to the high 40's the other guys expected for days. I never knew Triple Doppler Radar had the ability to read highs as well as rain.

(But it turns out today's high was 56 degrees F. So which station would you rather watch -- the one that's right but backs down, or the one that's wrong all along?)

Now while you plan or execute your weekend strategies, let's send some Instant Messages to East Alabama:

+ To Smiths Station High School: I can understand why you bought billboard space to salute your champion junior varsity cheerleaders. But why are two of them located on U.S. 431 in south Phenix City? Are you trying to rub it in to Russell County High?

+ To the LETA trolley driver in Opelika: Just because your trolley is cute does NOT mean you can block three or four parking spaces at Sonic by parking long-ways. Pick a spot, please!

+ To Café 123 in Opelika: So you have "country cooking" at lunch and "fine dining" for dinner. Does that mean the chicken-fried steak gets a fancy sauce poured on it?

AHEAD THIS COMING WEEK: We learn whether anyone knocked off a Columbus champion....

To offer a story tip, make a donation or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post a reply.

If you quote from this in public somewhere, please be polite enough to let me know.

© 2003-04 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.

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30 JAN 04: JUDE LAWLESS

The first thing I noticed were the green cloths. They hang down as if they're covering humans - though some children might think a group of ghosts drank that new "Diet Coke with Lime."

But this exhibit is anything but child's play. I was looking at a Holocaust display currently in the library of Chattahoochee Valley Community College. The green cloths obviously represent people killed by the Nazis. The "bodies" are much too thin to be people enrolled in Weigh Down Columbus.

Each green cloth in the exhibit has a small "star of David" attached, and the word "Jude" on each star. That word made me think first of the short New Testament book, instead of Jews. Despite my last name of "Burkard," most words in German are, well, Greek to me....

What really drove home the Holocaust message for me was what rests below the green cloths: several pairs of empty shoes. The "bodies" seem vaporized. I knew the Nazis sent thousands of Jews to gas chambers, but I never considered they would turn into a form of gas afterward.

The display of Jewish bodies is surrounded by photos from the World War II era, and quotes from Holocaust survivors. To be honest, I didn't read the quotes. I was too distracted trying to figure out how those cloths hung so neatly, while some of my clothes never do.

CVCC's Holocaust display includes a rack of library books about World War II which students can check out. A table has several booklets for browsing, which tell you the Holocaust involved more than Jews. Even Jehovah's Witnesses were killed - though I doubt readers will remember that when members knock on their doors early on a Saturday morning.

In front of the display is a placard listing "three commandments" learned from the Holocaust. Uh oh - when is the lawsuit going to be filed, to move that to a library closet?

As I considered this powerful display, I reminded a library employee many people believe anti-Semitism is increasing again in Europe. Synagogues have been burned. Newspaper writers have claimed Israel has no right to exist. And have you noticed how much more expensive all-beef hot dogs cost at the supermarket?

As it happened, Chattahoochee Valley Community College hosted a forum Thursday on renovating downtown Phenix City. Mayor Sonny Coulter and other city officials now plan to visit downtown Atlanta for some ideas. That's just what this area needs - 25-story skyscrapers on Broad Street.

FREE FOOD FINDER: "God is good all the time!" my fixed-income neighbor said Thursday as she got in my car after loading the trunk with groceries. But then she added, "White folks will help you. Coloreds won't - black people." This African-American woman slowly is becoming the latest person to believe "one Columbus" really CAN happen.

I drove my neighbor to St. Anne's Outreach, a food pantry located in a house down the hill from St. Anne's Catholic School and Pacelli High. Somehow I doubt any students come here to eat - since if you can afford to send children to private schools, they don't need subsidized lunches.

Before the stop at St. Anne's Outreach, my neighbor and I stopped at the Health and Human Services Center on Comer Avenue. I'd never been here before - and it may be the first city government building I've ever seen with a labeled "Food Court." [True!]

Big signs are present around the Health and Human Services Center promoting employment. One of them said, "Think work, not welfare." So why aren't these signs posted in the management offices of area mills?

The Health and Human Services Center handles a variety of local concerns. One of them is domestic violence - and in fact, it helped arrange several forums on that topics last October. I know this because the flyers promoting the forums still haven't been taken down from bulletin boards, almost four months later.

Speaking of FREE FOOD, that's practically what the RaceTrac station on Victory Drive is offering right now. You can get free candy with a fountain drink - or any size fountain drink and a hot dog for one dollar. A 44-ounce soda will wash away that weiner in no time at all....

BLOG-BLAH-BLAH: Have you seen a place with free food, either for one night or year-round? Please write us, to help build an online Free Food Finder for our area.

Now for other things that happened on Oprah Winfrey's 50^th birthday (and oh yes, my home state of Kansas's 143^rd):

+ Columbus Mayor Bob Poydasheff explained the city can afford big raises for the two Deputy City Managers, because the city is saving money trimming costs in other areas. You won't mind if jail inmates come out to fight fires, do you?

(City Manager Carmen Cavezza told WRBL his deputies were given raises to about $90,000 a year partially because that will "keep them in town." If I had that much money, I'd be tempted to take a vacation even farther AWAY from town.)

+ WRBL's Weather Team backed down a bit, in a TV showdown over the weekend forecast. News 3 was predicting Saturday and Sunday highs around 60, while the other guys said 40's. Now News 3 has dropped its prediction to around 55 -- and if that's wrong, the meteorologists probably will borrow a Howard Dean speech and still declare victory.

(But then again, there's Jim Devitt on NBC-38 - who admitted at 11:00 p.m.: "I don't analyze this stuff. I rip it. I read it." If only he knew what other newsrooms tend to do....)

+ Cusseta Road Elementary School held "Dynamic Dad's Day." This sounds like a great idea to get fathers involved in education. If we had more Dynamic Dads, our schools might have fewer Dropout Duds.

+ Country singer Kenny Chesney gave a benefit concert at Auburn's War Eagle Supper Club. It raised an estimated $3,000 for Lee County Boys' and Girls' Clubs - which reportedly serve 800 children. So this show's benefit comes to four bucks a child. Chesney might as well have given the clubs a stack of autographed programs to sell.

+ The Columbus Riverdragons lost by three points to Charleston, in a game played at Fort Benning's Audie Murphy Gymnasium. But c'mon now - isn't it a stretch to call this "the first professional basketball game ever played at a U.S. military installation?" Somehow I suspect the Harlem Globetrotters played inside a base at least once.

(As part of the NBDL's tribute to the military, the rap group "Nappyroots" promoted reading at Fort Benning's Faith Middle School. I can't help wondering whether any of those students have ever heard of the book "Roots.")

+ Instant message to the last circus to appear in Columbus, wherever you are: Did you forget something when you left town? I found some things you left behind, at the Oakland Park Shopping Center. You might consider them souvenirs, but some of us call it litter.

BLOG CORRECTION The Junior League's Follies actually will begin February 5^th, not February 6^th. So the cast can put its acting lessons from "Cats" to work even sooner....

© 2003-04 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.

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29 JAN 04: ACCORDING TO THEIR FOLLIES

First came the billboards. Then came TV commercials. But the last straw came the other day, when I saw a bumper sticker on Wynnton Road promoting "Follies '04." Whoever gave this name to the presidential campaign certainly did a great job....

But seriously: "Follies '04" is a stage production the Junior League of Columbus is preparing for the first full weekend of Feburary. I understand why the group wants to promote this - but members even have put up yard signs around town. What does it say when there are more Follies signs than United Way signs?

A Junior League spokesperson talked about Follies '04 Wednesday on WRBL's "News 3 at Noon." She said it's the first Follies in Columbus in four years. That refers to the show, not the hiring of a Muscogee County school chief of staff.

The Junior League spokesperson said Follies '04 has been in the making more than a year - and any member who tried out for the show was guaranteed a role. We're either in for some big dance numbers, or a choral version of a bad "American Idol" audition.

This year's Follies will take place at the Bradley Theatre, which is where the first Junior League Follies was staged in 1933. From the clips I've seen on television, I wouldn't be surprised if the ladies in this year's show wear MORE clothes.

The theme of Follies '04 is "Big Band, Bold Blues." In most years, this would refer to the Albany State Marching Band's appearance at McClung Memorial Stadium in November....

The proceeds from Follies '04 February 6-7 will benefit the Anne Elizabeth Shepherd Home. The spokesperson said the Junior League has "returned more than $1 million to the community" since 1931. OK, so how much did you smuggle out of town?

I've lived in other cities where the Junior League gets involved in stage productions. During my youth in the Kansas City area, we took field trips to see women perform children's stories such as "Cinderella." I doubt this was performed for grown-ups - because some desperate single guy might try to imitate the glass slipper part.

The Junior League in Enid, Oklahoma used to put on "Follies" productions every year. They must have been good, because some businesses actually posted signs praising them. But of course, in Enid there was controversy over whether a country star should have a Sunday afternoon concert outdoors.

(By the way, why is there a "Junior League" but no "Senior League?" In Columbus, that phrase seems to refer only to tennis or bowling.)

It strikes me as strange that Follies signs seem to be all over town, while the national tour of "Cats" doesn't have as much publicity for next week's shows at the RiverCenter. You'd think the Muscogee County Humane Society would be selling discount tickets or something....

(I realized only Wednesday that "Cats" will visit Columbus at the same time "Cat on a Hot Tin Roof" is playing at the Springer Opera House. Please don't get these plays mixed up - or you'll have a lot of explaining to do to your children.)

Now other notes from a winter Wednesday:

+ Columbia Forest Products announced it will close its Cuthbert plant - which reportedly employed more than half the people in town. Maybe some of those workers should have chopped down trees around Randolph County on their weekends.

+ ShopWise sent a mass mailing across Columbus with coupons from Schlotzsky's Deli. Trouble is, the ad listed a store on Auburn Avenue - which has been closed for weeks! To borrow from the Schlotzsky's slogan: "Funny Name, Seriously Misinformed."

+ Soul singer Faith Evans appeared in an Atlanta courtroom, after she was arrested on drug possession charges. Considering who her former husband was, she's in B.I.G. trouble....

+ Instant Message to B&B Tax Services on Macon Road: what do you mean when you say in your radio commercial I'm "more than a tax return?" Does that mean I'm a credit card number, too?

COMING SOON: A small, but powerful display.... and why you should boycott the Super Bowl....

To offer a story tip, make a donation or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post a reply.

If you quote from this in public somewhere, please be polite enough to let me know.

© 2003-04 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.

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28 JAN 04: SPANKY-PANKY

A grade school assistant principal near Warm Springs has been arrested, because he punished a troublesome kindergarten student by spanking. What's going on here? Are Meriwether County schools running low on Ritalin?

Anthony Crawford of Mountain View Elementary School is charged with abusing Chase Youngblood, by giving him a paddling. He had to post a $5,000 bond to get out of jail - and avoid hearing jokes from other inmates about being put in "time out."

Mother Debby Youngblood said Tuesday she gave permission for her son to be spanked at school - but the bruises on her boy's (ahem) bottom went too far for her. This family should be thankful it lives in Meriwether County. In Muscogee County, the principal might threaten to call a sheriff's deputy.

Anthony Crawford reportedly is back on the job as assistant principal at Mountain View Elementary. He hasn't even been put on leave, despite the arrest! Considering Crawford is African-American and the boy he spanked is European-American, now we'll REALLY see if area civil rights groups are color-blind....

The Muscogee County School District has specific rules for corporal punishment. Among other things, a witness must be present -- and spanking cannot be the "first line of punishment." I guess that means the student gets a long, boring lecture first.

So, you may be asking, where do I stand on spanking? Anywhere I can - because that way, it's easier to avoid....

I was never spanked at grade school when I was young - but a couple of times I was put "on the line." That meant while the other children enjoyed recess on the playground, I had to stand at the edge of the blacktop facing the other way. It turned out to be great practice for some of the surprisingly sexy moments nowadays on prime-time TV.

For years, I've heard ministers say spanking is necessary for teaching discipline - but they also say it should be done in love, not in anger. But then again, I've never heard of a mom or dad who kissed the spot before spanking it.

Here's what else caught our eyes and ears on Tuesday:

+ Former Tonight Show host Jack Paar died at 85. I mention this because practically my first childhood memory involves him. I sat in my preschool playpen in a bedroom on a sunny afternoon, and the name "Jack Paar" kept going through my mind. To this day, I don't know if it was because I woke my parents up at 11:30 p.m. one night.

+ Fourth Street Baptist Church had an unusual funeral - as parked right behind the hearse on Fifth Street was a stretch limousine. No, I don't know which rap star died....

+ At the corner of 11^th Street and Third Avenue, a yellow Volkswagen smiled at me. Really, I can prove it! Now I know I've been working in front of computers too long.

(It's either that, or I finally found one of those cars which get nothing but Chevron gasoline with Techron....)

+ A Winterfield neighborhood group submitted petitions to stop a proposed car wash and detailing shop on 32^nd Avenue near Cusseta Road. Neighborhood spokesman Willie Phillips said that business would have loud music, and "attract all kinds of people..." Well, we certainly can't have that - because that might actually bring Columbus together.

+ Columbus Council heard a proposal to set up a 3-1-1 phone number, for city services. I'm not sure this is a good idea. For one thing, residents might move to other cities, ask "what's the 311?" and get laughed at.

+ Russell County Commissioner Tillman Pugh was jumped from behind and mugged by several people. We hope the suspects didn't do anything worse to him - like utter some sexually harassing comments.

+ Governor Sonny Perdue was given a Georgia Force arena football jersey, complete with shoulder pads. He even put the uniform on for reporters -- which probably was a big mistake. Democrats already think he's padding the truth about his use of state helicopters.

(Why would Governor Perdue put on something like this? Only last year, he made such a big deal about losing weight.)

+ Instant Message to the Ledger-Enquirer: It's nice to see your Wednesday issue has an article on the missing live TV lottery drawings. I guess I can understand you not reading this blog for an entire week, since we mentioned it first - but doesn't your staff watch evening television, either?

BLOG-BLAH-BLAH: Did you go to Russ Whitney's highly-promoted Columbus "wealth building seminar?" We'd like your thoughts about it (good or bad), to share on the blog. Please write us with your comments.

© 2003-04 Richard Burkard, All Rights Reserved.