13 JUN 08: NOT UP MY ALLEY

Columbus was the scene of a "world movie premiere" Thursday night. Let's see, what could the hot title be - Fountains and the City?

The Carmike 15 at Columbus Park Crossing hosted the premiere of a film called "The 13^th Alley." Considering the Carmike Cinemas headquarters is on 13^th Street, the location of this event on the other side of town is one more slap at Uptown Columbus....

I heard someone say Thursday that The 13^th Alley had a "star-studded cast." Then I looked at the promotional invitation cards to the premiere, and I hardly recognized any of the names. It's about as star-studded as Porter Wagoner's old outfits.

The only acting name which seemed to ring a bell was Robert Carradine. He must be related to David Carradine, from the old "Kung Fu" TV series. But then again, I thought one of Bruce Lee's distant cousins was presenting the morning weather on TV....

The other top-line star in The 13^th Alley is Shayne Dahl Lamas, who gained fame in May when she was selected by a British man on "The Bachelor." There are rumors in Hollywood that the couple will wed in Las Vegas shortly. But I suspect the smart photographers at Callaway Gardens should ignore the flowers for a few days, and hang around the chapel.

Shayne Dahl Lamas said she was impressed by how green Columbus is. I'm not sure if she meant the trees throughout the city -- or the fact that fans who didn't know better showed up for the premiere of such an unknown movie.

Shayne Dahl Lamas signed autographs outside the Carmike 15 - and even signed a guy's chest. Now there's one celebrity autograph I hope never shows up for sale on eBay....

So what is The 13^th Alley about? An online summary says it's a horror movie set at a bowling center. It's a wonder there wasn't a special appearance at the premiere by Columbus's most famous bowling movie fan - as the folks at WLTZ call Jeremy Moss.

The 13^th Alley opens nationwide today - but the authoritative movie web site IMDB didn't even show an opening date for it anytime this summer. Perhaps the web site expected this film to follow the example of "2001 Maniacs." That horror film was shot at Westville - then went directly to video, as if all the
movie chains were scared to death of it.

Carmike Cinemas clearly wanted this movie - and that's about the only way to explain why Thursday's world premiere was in Columbus. The Myspace section for The 13^th Alley lists all the theatres showing it, and nearly half of them have "Carmike" in their names. Our local cinema company is committed to providing R-rated nightmares for small cities across the country.

No theatres in New York or Los Angeles are listed as showing The 13^th Alley this weekend. So that may explain why the premiere wound up in Carmike's home city. Well, that and the fact that the Cannes Film Festival didn't give it any major awards....

Your blog could have gone to Thursday night's premiere. We could have stood on the red carpet, provided the paparazzi pictures that TMZ desperately desires -- and made enough money selling them to finally replace our 14-year-old car.

But I honestly didn't realize who Shayne Dahl Lamas was, until it was too late to drive to Columbus Park Crossing. Yes, it's my financial loss. But then again, how many fashion magazines really would care about what Sandra Okamoto of the Ledger-Enquirer wears on the red carpet?

(BLOGGER'S NOTE: So where we Thursday night, instead of this premiere? Come here Sunday, and we'll tell you.)

E-MAIL UPDATE: I'm overdue to get new glasses, and this correction of a Wednesday item is proof....

Richard,

Hope you are doing well. I couldn't tell if you were joking or not but its Reba Rae not Ruby Rae.

On another note, I have attached for your information the letter from the State Ethics Commission to Senator Harbison's attorney letting him know his case has been sent to the Attorney General for prosecution.

Regards,

Josh

My apologies to Muscogee County Republican Chair Josh McKoon, for not being able to read a name that's right in front of me on the screen. If Ms. Rae (there, that's safe) doesn't win the Superior Court Clerk's seat, I might hire her to proofread this blog.

As for that letter - it sparked an interesting story on the TV news Thursday night. State Senator Ed Harbison is refusing to pay a fine, for filing incorrect campaign records. But should we really expect the Georgia Attorney General to prosecute Harbison for this? Thurbert Baker didn't even bother to take up the Kenneth Walker case, which was a bit more serious.

The attorney for Ed Harbison calls the whole matter a "clerical error." Stephen Hyles wondered if the point of this pressure is really transparency in government - or whether it's to say "gotcha" for making a paperwork mistake. Countless other local attorneys jotted down that comment, in case Hyles unseats Judge Haywood Turner in the upcoming election.

Stephen Hyles says the matter over incorrect campaign reports is going to an administrative law judge. So Georgia's Attorney General may not have to be as "tough as nails" against Ed Harbison. As irritating as nails across an old-fashioned chalkboard could suffice.

Now for other news items, from a Thursday when a passing shower was very welcome....

+ Embattled Columbus Fire Chief Jeff Meyer assured WRBL he's made several changes since his reprimand a month ago. For one thing, Meyer says all firefighters are required to read from the policy handbook every shift. This makes sure they stay professional - and might allow them to fill in this summer at a library story hour.

(Jeff Meyer added fire department supervisors have been told not to get too "chummy" with the staff. I think that means they're appointing someone to bring the main dish on chili night, instead of having a potluck dinner.)

+ A groundbreaking ceremony was held for the expanded Mildred Terry Branch Library - well, sort of. Several people dug into pails filled with confetti. I guess this is what happens when the environmental impact study isn't finished yet.

(A schematic drawing for the inside of the new Mildred Terry Library is on display in a computer room. I didn't check to see if the library director will have her own private bathroom, as the next Muscogee County school superintendent may well have. But then, the library director can check out a home improvement book and build one herself.)

+ The Columbus Lions prepared for Sunday's home football finale against Huntington, West Virginia. But the Civic Center was occupied, so the team practiced on the lawn between the Civic Center and Fourth Street. It's actually a clever way to promote the team and sell tickets - but I hope the Catfish don't copy it, and launch fly balls into the middle of the street.

+ Instant Message to Boston Celtics forward Paul Pierce: It truly is the year of the Jayhawk. Kansas won the Orange Bowl in January, then the college basketball title in April. Now you - a former Kansas star, on the brink of a National Basketball Association title. My question to you is this: Where DID the Jayhawk baseball team go wrong this spring?

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BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 841 (- 33, 3.8%)

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

© 2003-08 Richard Burkard, all rights reserved.

12 JUN 08: FIRST TIMOTHY

The big decision was made Wednesday, on the next president of Columbus State University. A college dean was selected -- only his name isn't Dean. Someday I'll figure out why colleges don't have titles such as Fred and George, to go with deans.

The Georgia Board of Regents selected Dr. Timothy Mescon to succeed Frank Brown as Columbus State University President. Mescon is currently dean of the business school at Kennesaw State University. Since Kennesaw has an ordinance requiring residents to own guns, he'll be happy to find Shooters right down the street from campus.

Timothy Mescon told WXTX "News at Ten" he's looking forward to an "exceptional journey," moving from Kennesaw to Columbus. Welllll - we'll see about that. The only good doughnut shop on the way is a Dunkin Donuts, along Interstate 85 in Newnan.

WLTZ aired part of an interview with Timothy Mescon, which apparently was recorded during the recent interview process. Mescon indicated Columbus State University needs more housing. How many foreclosed homes can you buy, with the pledges from C.S.U. Day?

Dr. Frank Brown seems pleased with the choice of his successor. He told WRBL Timothy Mescon will offer "a great mix of personality and experience" - almost as if Mescon's second job option should be to work as a TV news anchor.

(In fact, an online check found Timothy Mescon has presented one-minute business commentaries on public TV in Atlanta. Who knows how many Kennesaw State business students wished his lectures were that long....)

Frank Brown predicts Timothy Mescon will be active in the Columbus community. But he may keep some ties to metro Atlanta, because he's a director of that area's United Way campaign. The Chattahoochee Valley United Way chapter will be pleased to learn Mescon doesn't seem to be a big fan of mergers.

Timothy Mescon will make a base salary of $267,000, as Columbus State University's new president. You may be wondering how the university can afford to do this. There's a simple three-word answer - no football coach.

If Timothy Mescon needs some extra money, he gives speeches for $5,000 and moderates business programs across the country. One of his areas of emphasis seems to be "cuddling your customer." Do that too much with Columbus State students, and Mescon may face an ethics investigation.

Timothy Mescon also has written or co-written three business books. One has the interesting title, "Showing Up for Work and Other Keys to Business Success." What does it say about today's workforce, when he has to put that first basic point in the title?

But an online check Wednesday night revealed Timothy Mescon's career has had a stumble or two. He admitted feeling "horrendous" in the 1990's, after then-House Speaker Newt Gingrich began teaching a business course at Kennesaw State. The course followed Gingrich obtaining government contracts for Mescon's private business. Yet look who's becoming a President, and who isn't....

(If you ask me, this Newt Gingrich situation with Mescon seems more like a mess than a con.)

Then there's the complaint from a women's group that Timothy Mescon failed to take action against a Kennesaw State business school teacher, for alleged crude behavior toward an administrative assistant. The group actually suggested Mescon enter a diversity program - as if the fact that Kennesaw State has a female president wouldn't remind him of that.

Yet Timothy Mescon has survived these things, and will become Columbus State President this summer. He'll be only the fourth president in C.S.U. history. And based on the pictures I've seen, he'll look more imposing in a business suit than Frank Brown has in recent years.

Not much else thrilled us in the news Wednesday, but here's what did....

+ The Columbus Fraternal Order of Police endorsed the one-percent "streets and safety" sales tax question. If you think about it, that's no real surprise. The group behind "Shop with a Cop" for children is now in favor of everyone shopping FOR them.

+ "Pioneer Xtreme" won the Jack Cook tournament major softball title. There, you see - we mentioned the good news about Pioneer Little League, too. Of course, most of the e-mails we've received from there have been about the OTHER extremes. Like the name-calling and arrests....

+ Atlanta's baseball team put pitcher Tom Glavine on the disabled list - then fellow starting pitcher Jair Jurgens sprained his ankle in Chicago, by tripping on stairs. Never mind getting Roger Clemens to supply John Smoltz with medicine. Can he start a game this weekend?

+ Instant Message to Seohan: That was impressive! You opened your new Auburn auto supply plant only days after your new movie premiered. How did you get Adam Sandler to star in "Don't Mess with the...." oh wait....

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BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 874 (+ 27, 3.2%)

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

© 2003-08 Richard Burkard, all rights reserved.

11 JUN 08: A TIGHTER SHIP

This may come as a shock to you -- but my family background is NOT in joke-writing, or even in writing at all. My late father and older brother have spent their careers as freight drivers. Yes, you can say I come from a truck line....

My father had a small business hauling freight around the Kansas City area. My older brother now has a regular route between Kansas City and St. Joseph, Missouri. But I'm a very different son - who trembles a bit at the idea of driving a stick-shift car up any kind of hill.

I bring this up today because the price of fuel is making it expensive to have any kind of business involving trucks or shipping. While most Columbus stations still have unleaded gas below four dollars a gallon, diesel can cost more than $4.50. In fact, I'm a bit surprised BMW dealerships haven't switched to selling Kias.

Shipping costs often are added to the items you buy, and that's leading some people to drastic action. Columbus fireworks maven (and blog patron) Stephen King tells me he recently drove to Michigan to pick up explosives personally. I assume he drove home very carefully - dodging every pothole he could....

Stephen King says it was cheaper for him to drive to Michigan and back, than order fireworks up north and pay the shipping costs. So imagine how much fireworks stands are paying for items made in China. You almost wonder if we should postpone Independence Day celebrations until Labor Day, so U.S. athletes can get better calls at the Beijing Olympics.

Another business feeling the pain of higher fuel prices is landscaping. WRBL talked Tuesday with one company, which estimated its fuel prices have gone up 350 percent in the last five years. You'd think there was an easy way to respond to this. It's called push mowers....

Aesthetic Landscape Services increased its prices as much as 20 dollars in May, because of the high cost of fuel. Co-owner Barry Deal says as a result, some churches are limiting their business - or maybe making their members feel guilty about only showing up for one worship service a week.

Barry Deal adds his landscaping business lost a big customer way back in January - an unnamed group of local banks. But I'm not sure we should blame that on the cost of gasoline. After all, foreclosed houses cost a whole lot more.

So the high price of fuel is affecting our local economy in all sorts of ways. You'll know things have gone too far if engaged couples set up a bridal registry at Circle K.

By the way, the e-mailer who has called here for Columbus to cut garbage collection could get his wish. I'm hearing a reduction to one day a week is being considered - and again, fuel costs are the reason. It's either pick up less or pay more. Unless you're the city recycling director, and your name is Les Moore....

E-MAIL UPDATE: Sometimes I need to check my InBox early in the day. Otherwise, I miss things....

Today at 11 am at the plaza level of the government center, Mrs. Reba Rae will announce her candidacy for the office of Clerk of Superior Court. Refreshments will be provided.

Sent from my iPhone

That's the iPhone of Muscogee County Republican Chair Josh McKoon. So much for the theory that Apple is to Microsoft as blue states are to red states....

I wondered who Ruby Rae was, when I saw her name listed Monday at the Muscogee County Election Board's web site. It was the first time I'd heard of a challenger for Superior Court Clerk Linda Pierce. Rae is a deputy clerk in Harris County Court - so her main goal in running is energy savings.

Ruby Rae told WLTZ she would keep accurate court records, if she is elected. Her disclosure forms online show how important that is, as Rae crossed out a line on one form and wrote over a number on another. What IS the monthly budget in Superior Court for liquid paper?

But some might say the timing of Tuesday's announcement was terrible for Ruby Rae. After all, there's a health alert right now for ruby red tomatoes - and confused voters might think she's developed salmonella.

Now some other jewels from the Tuesday news....

+ Columbus Council approved the city budget for next fiscal year. City employees will receive a raise in September. If they can recruit people to vote for the one-percent sales tax in July, the raise will have a lot less guilt attached.

+ Russell County officials announced more caution lights will be added around Ladonia Elementary School. They're needed because U.S. 80 can be very busy in the morning - and there's still no Starbucks Coffee shop to provide a natural traffic break.

+ The Jack Cook Little League All-Star tournament had several games in Harris County. Wow - we haven't heard from any Little League parents in about three months. Is everybody happy now? Or have the parents been distracted by other things - like making sure the children play well?

+ The Associated Press reported about 30 people staged a Native American rain dance on the steps of the Georgia Capitol building. Talk about going back to your roots! These days, you're more likely to hear about gamblers staging victory dances in tribal casinos.

+ Instant Message to Mi Casa Mexican buffet on Woodruff Road: The server left me a bill that said about $9.95. I gave you a 15-percent discount coupon. So why was the final total still $9.74? I hope your staff doesn't have side work helping immigrants with their tax returns.

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BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 847 (+ 26, 3.2%)

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

© 2003-08 Richard Burkard, all rights reserved.

10 JUN 08: OFF OR RUNNING?

As of today, we're only five weeks away from the Georgia primary. You'd think races would be heating up like the Columbus temperature. But so far, many of them seem as meager as a low-funded candidate at a four-dollar gas pump.

To look at business signs around Columbus, you'd think there's only one candidate for Muscogee County Coroner. Ricky Weeks endorsements have been up for.... well.... for a lot of days, but not quite months....

There actually are two Democratic candidates for Coroner, and they don't have to file campaign financial statements for three more weeks. But preliminary documents posted online show something interesting. Ricky Weeks owns two properties, while incumbent Bill Thrower claims none. In fact, Thrower lists no financial holdings of more than $10,000 - so maybe he needs the job a little more.

The financial disclosure statement requires candidates to list a variety of things. Neither candidate for Coroner received "monetary fees or honorarium" last year. Wow - they weren't even asked to speak at a murder mystery dinner theater.

When it comes to the Muscogee County Sheriff's race, incumbent Ralph Johnson is ready to run. His latest campaign report shows as of March 31, he had a war chest of almost $40,000. Johnson could save the city budget some money, and run the commercials for wanted criminals out of his funds.

Speaking of the Sheriff's race - who is Mike Lajoye, and why is he running as a write-in candidate? I found a professional-looking sign promoting his campaign the other day on South Lumpkin Road. But Lajoye isn't listed in the phone book, and an online search Monday night turned up nothing. Even Bert Coker promoted himself a bit better than that.

Mike Lajoye doesn't have to run as a write-in candidate for Sheriff. The qualifying week for independents is two weeks away. That's when Ralph Johnson will file his papers. And with five days to file, I think Lajoye can sneak into the Election Board office without exposing his true identity to Johnson.

There's one financial disclosure report on the Election Board's web site which admittedly had me puzzled. It's the "State Fund for Effective Leadership" set up by Synovus -- and a summary statement says it "supports candidate who will protect and preserve the Constitution...." Anyone trying to get the al-Qaeda Party on the Georgia ballot might as well not even apply.

That "Campaign Money" web site turned up some very surprising information. Did you know Dr. Georgina Asante donated to a "Podiatry Political Action Committee?" I've heard of voting with your feet, but this is ridiculous....

That web site also reveals Aflac Chair Dan Amos donated recently to the campaigns of Republican lawmakers Saxby Chambliss and Lynn Westmoreland - but also Democratic Presidential candidate Hillary Rodham Clinton. Amos may secretly be a big fan of political debates on C-SPAN.

(But ouch - the results of the Democratic Presidential primary season must have hit Amos like a ton of Baracks....)

If there's an organized campaign to promote the one-percent "streets and safety" city sales tax, it isn't listed with the Muscogee County Election Board. Apparently Mayor Jim Wetherington is taking on the task himself -- speaking Monday with the Ledger-Enquirer's editorial board. The way some staff members took notes on pads of paper, they could use an extra one-percent for laptops.

(New F.B.I. crime numbers released Monday might help the mayor's cause. Sad to say, the number of rapes in Columbus tripled last year. Maybe some of the 100 new police officers can go after spammers selling Viagra without a prescription.)

Columbus Council candidates will file for office in two weeks. The Election Board's reports show Skip Henderson's campaign is using "Michael Baker" as a Treasurer. So one Councilor is handling the funds for another Councilor's campaign?! Get donations from a third member, and you could have the makings of a political machine.

But poor Glenn Davis - the Columbus Councilor's latest financial report still shows him with a campaign debt of close to $22,000. And imagine how much in potential donations he may have lost, when Jeremiah Wright canceled his hotel reservation in May.

In one other campaign note, Richard Hyatt's web site reported Monday Alonza Whitaker plans to run for Kenneth Followill's seat in Superior Court. Whitaker already has served on Environmental Court and Recorder's Court - and if he joined a league at Cooper Creek Park, he could umpire a tennis court.

BLOG UPDATE: We now understand Brent Rollins is appealing his firing from the Columbus Police Department to the city's Personnel Review Board. So he isn't filing suit against the city yet. Perhaps Rollins is deferring to the pedestrian he reportedly hit.

E-MAIL UPDATE: Last Tuesday we mentioned what happened with our humble Honda on Interstate 70 in Missouri. That brought back memories for one reader....

My first car was a 78 Nova. Once when my father and I changed the oil, there was about 2 quarts extra and it was really thin. (Do you change your own or get it done in a Jiffy?)

Turns out there was gas in the oil and had the have the carberator repair/rebuilt. I was surprised it didn't cost too much. Consider this your very own advice from Click and Clack the Tappet Brothers.

Best to you

In this crankcase, my oil was changed by a business on Veterans Parkway with no "Jiffy" in its name. But why would anyone mix gasoline in motor oil these days? Isn't that a little like adding cognac to a wine cooler for flavor?

Speaking of gasoline, let's check other Monday discoveries....

+ Many Columbus gas stations raised their prices ten cents a gallon, pushing the price of regular unleaded to Pizza Hut range. You know, like those old commercials said -- "four bucks, four bucks, four bucks."

(I don't want to say inflation is getting out of hand - but before long, the "Three Dollar Cafés" in Atlanta may be forced to change their name.)

+ Former Phenix City Utilities Director Greg Glass came out of retirement, and declared he may sue the city for openly accusing him of mismanagement. Trouble is, I'm hearing Glass may have signed an agreement NOT to sue the city - which made officials free to borrow from the Eurythmics, and start "Walking on Broken Glass."

(Greg Glass openly suspects Phenix City officials are trying to make him a scapegoat for tight city funds. But if Glass files suit, I think that effort will increase - thanks to all those fees to the city attorney.)

+ Muscogee County Superintendent John Phillips proposed allowing high school students to graduate one semester early, if they have enough credits. Phillips apparently granted personal approval for DeRon Furr to leave Carver High School for Auburn University - but if Furr isn't the top quarterback on the depth chart, was it really the right decision?

To offer a story tip, make a PayPal donation, advertise to our readers or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 821 (+ 23, 2.9%)

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

© 2003-08 Richard Burkard, all rights reserved.

9 JUN 08: GOING GA-GA

An e-mail debate here recently focused on the old Columbus Welcome Center on Victory Drive. I stopped there one morning last week, and didn't notice anything unusual. The shrubs were trimmed. No paint was peeling. And there was no sign Port Columbus had turned its cannons in the wrong direction.

But when was the last time you stopped by the current Columbus Visitors Center? I went there Friday, after learning it was "Georgia on My Mind Day." Free hot dogs for lunch usually are worth a short drive - especially if no high-pressure salespeople are there offering cars.

The Columbus Visitors Center is located near Interstate 185 and Williams Road. It's an easy exit for southbound travelers, but a bit complicated for northbound drivers like me. Apparently visitors from Albany and Tallahassee have a choice -- be impressed by what you happen to see, or move on to LaGrange.

It had been 11 years since my last visit to the Columbus Visitors Center. I picked up a small city map that day, on the way to a job interview. That map is still in my car - and one of these days I should get Shelby Guest to autograph it.

Several tents were set up outside the Visitors Center, to mark Georgia on My Mind Day. People in the tents promoted various attractions around the state. The Columbus Convention and Visitors Bureau had its own table, with a sign promising "10,000 great seats" at the Civic Center. And unless a country music star is in town, half of them are always available.

The other Columbus representative at the Visitors Center was Country's Barbecue -- offering free cups of iced tea, but no barbecue. Apparently too many people are "eating fine for $3.99."

The free hot dogs were offered by the DeKalb County Convention and Visitors Bureau. That area also gave away free boxes of popcorn -- and I was amazed how warm it still was, after several hours in my steamy trunk.

And the giveaways just kept on coming - ranging from pens and note pads to an Olympic lapel pin from the Atlanta History Center. It was an Atlanta 1996 pin, promoting the "Cultural Olympiad." I guess some of those pins haven't turned into valuable collectibles after all.

A tent promoting Georgia forests provided me a hand-held "Trees Columbus" fan. As hot as it's been, I would have been happier taking home a shade tree.

The big moment for me came at the Atlanta baseball table. I spun a big wheel for a prize, and wound up with an Atlanta ball cap. I never had one of those when I lived in metro Atlanta. And it certainly beat one of those other prizes on the wheel - because I'd have to defend that foam tomahawk for a long time to come.

But amidst all the giveaways and free food, I learned some interesting information about Georgia tourist attractions....

+ Albany has giant turtles set up, to lead you to important places. That downtown statue of Ray Charles might point you in the wrong direction - since he was blind, after all.

+ The Southeastern Railway Museum in Duluth is "Georgia's Official Transportation History Museum." I forgot to ask if Governor Perdue vetoed money for that project, like he did some others.

+ A book of Georgia "History Rhymes" has a poem about female golfers trying to win a green jacket. Now hold on here - they still don't have female members at Augusta National, much less any invitations for Michelle Wie.

I wound up with four handfuls of goodies, not to mention the Atlanta baseball cap on my head. "Georgia on My Mind Day" reminded me of an old-fashioned county fair, the sort of thing Columbus hasn't had in years. Well, except no one considered my old car trashy and started pounding it in a fund-raising project.

Yet for all I enjoyed, there's one thing I didn't do. I never walked inside the Georgia Visitors Center at all. So I can't tell you what's changed there in the last 11 years - or whether they've updated the city maps to show Columbus Park Crossing.

BLOG UPDATE: Brent Rollins informs your blog he is appealing his firing from the Columbus Police Department. The Friday evening news confirmed he was dismissed for misconduct, after hitting a pedestrian with a patrol car last fall. There's a lesson here for all of us. Just because the sign says "PEDS XING" does not mean you should them X them out.

Brent Rollins is NOT commenting on his dismissal, on advice of his attorney. But he tells us it will "all come out in the wash." Rollins needs to help me get the antiperspirant stains out of my dress shirts....

Brent Rollins gained fame here by writing the "Is Our City Safe" e-mails against Columbus city government before the 2006 election. Now he's off the police force, less than two years after a "pro-public safety" mayor was elected. The question may become whether the city is safe from lawsuits.

Now let's get caught up on events from the weekend....

+ Who left a black ski mask with a couple of small eye-holes on the ground, at one corner in the Historic District? Did that person finally decide global warming is real?

+ The June heat wave produced a record Sunday high in Columbus of 98 degrees F. I saw signs around town showing 100 and 101 - and at least was thankful those triple digits didn't match the price of gasoline.

+ A Sunday evening stroll found young skateboarders using the new skate park in South Commons - even though there's still a construction fence and piles of dirt around it. But no, they were NOT chanting something like: "We can't wait, we have to skate."

+ The Ledger-Enquirer reported Judge Kenneth Followill will leave the bench at the end of the year, and wants to become some sort of "senior judge." He'll be needed, to handle all those appeals by high school students who fail the CRCT exams.

(So who will run for Judge Followill's seat? Will Roxann Daniel try again, after losing to Bobby Peters four years ago? And how much pressure will the successor face to.... well, you know.... Follow-well?)

+ Auburn University announced it wants to increase tuition 12 percent, because state funding has been cut. I have a better idea -- keep tuition as it is, by moving 12 percent of the funding for that new basketball arena. The only time those extra 1,000 seats will matter is at commencement time, or when Alabama comes to town.

+ A WLTZ viewer poll found 56 percent of online voters can watch their newscast in high-definition. The other 44 percent like Calvin Floyd's face on "Rise N Shine" just the way it is.

+ Singer Michael Martin Murphey performed at the Phenix City Amphitheater. I'm told he did a good job with the classic Marty Robbins tune "El Paso." And the song apparently was NOT cleaned up, to have the main character Tasered instead of shot.

+ Columbus State baseball player Rodney Rutherford was drafted by the Oakland A's. Rutherford learned the news while he was waiting for a ride at Six Flags Over Georgia. Someone should remind him NOT to spend all of his signing bonus too early.

+ Georgia advanced to the College World Series by annihilating North Carolina State 17-8. The Bulldogs scored nine runs in the first inning - which leads me to think they watched tape of last January's Sugar Bowl before the game.

+ Instant Message to Hillary Rodham Clinton: I admittedly didn't hear much news over the weekend - so what did you finally do? Did you throw the support of all those voters behind Big Brown?

SCHEDULED TUESDAY: An e-mailed "Car Talk" moment....

To offer a story tip, make a PayPal donation, advertise to our readers or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 798 (- 3, 0.4%)

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

© 2003-08 Richard Burkard, all rights reserved.

7 JUN 08: THE CHOICE IS YOURS

(BLOGGER'S NOTE: You may find this item humorous, serious, or a little of both - but we offer these thoughts from time to time, as we keep a seventh-day Sabbath. And by the way, we'll have NO blog entry Sunday.)

"Don't get me started on abortion," the man told me as we watched an evening newscast together. "It's about a woman's choice, not about the government." Which makes you wonder about the women serving in government, who choose to think differently....

Our lives are filled with choices. That's even true for people who live in Communist countries. People in Cuba can listen to at least seven different national radio stations - which makes the four Columbus stations owned by Archway Broadcasting look sort of puny.

The question becomes which things in life should be a matter of choice. Of course, governments have put limits on those choices for a long time. You might choose to do what a man near Birmingham did early Friday -- but walking around naked claiming to be both Jesus Christ AND President Bush probably will get you arrested.

But when it comes to a touchy issue such as abortion, should it be a matter of choice? Believe it or not, I agree to some extent with that man -- but I believe the choices need to begin much earlier in the process. For instance, it's still OK to settle for a goodnight kiss to end a date.

Here's something else which might surprise you - I've concluded God is pro-choice. Really. If He wasn't, lightning bolts would have struck down a lot of seven-year-olds for lying to their parents about their homework.

Remember when the British pop band Wham! hit it big in 1984? Their first hit song with George Michael was "Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go" - which an Atlanta radio station turned into a song about its morning host: "Wake Me Up, McKee, You Bozo."

But what struck me about the video of that Wham! song was the T-shirts group members wore. They said in giant letters, "Choose Life." Yet I don't recall anyone making an issue about it, or any abortion rights group calling for a boycott of the band. Nowadays, those T-shirts would be the subject of extensive debates on Fox News Channel.

I don't know if George Michael realized it or not, but his 1984 T-shirt endorsed the view of the Bible. The book of Deuteronomy quotes Moses as saying: "I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live...." Yet admittedly, conservatives who take this verse to oppose abortion don't seem to apply it to capital punishment.

Why are we supposed to choose life? Moses went on to explain: "....that you may love the Lord your God.... For the Lord is your life...." God wants people to have eternal life, and the book of Ezekiel says He takes no pleasure in people dying. Come to think of it, that seems to put God at odds with Dr. Jack Kevorkian....

In fact, God may have chosen YOU. His children are called "a chosen generation" in the book of I Peter. The big question may be whether you will choose Him, and choose to walk in a new.... uh, well.... a new "way of life." Let's face it: the way of death can be a real killer.

P.S. We decided on this topic well before we watched the Friday evening news - and heard about the killing of a seven-month pregnant woman on 23^rd Street. Emergency crews were able to deliver her baby, which was alive last time we heard. If the crew went to that much trouble in behalf of life, and God went even further to provide you eternal life, what do you think the right choice really is?

SCHEDULED MONDAY: Where I found free hot dogs, cookies, Cracker Jack and more....

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BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 801 (- 17, 2.1%)

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

© 2003-08 Richard Burkard, all rights reserved.

6 JUN 08: STUMP THE STARS (AND STRIPES)

The people of Columbus were invited to Front Avenue Thursday - and the main reason was a bit unusual. The Army tested new technology in a city environment. But it was a bit disappointing - because it wasn't Sync technology with a soldier saying, "Fire cannon."

Fort Benning personnel sent a Bradley Fighting Vehicle downtown, equipped with cameras that soldiers could watch. The Army wanted to see if cameras can replace people in the turret. And of course, we don't want any more soldiers wounded by turret's syndrome....

Fort Benning wanted as many people along Front Avenue as possible, to test the cameras' effectiveness. So a bit before noon, I walked toward the river to see what would happen. Only now as I'm writing do I realize how strange this was. Normally the people who want soldiers to stare intently at them are single women.

Officers explained downtown Columbus had the traffic and tall buildings for this test, while Fort Benning does not. And there's another reason why this made sense -- Bradley Fighting Vehicles rolled past the W.C. Bradley headquarters.

The test zone for the Bradley Fighting Vehicle was supposed to be from Ninth to 13^th Street, on Front Avenue. But there was no sign of soldiers when I arrived at Ninth Street. In fact, there were no throngs of people at all -- not even a group from God Bless Fort Benning waving flags.

"Bradley Fighting Vehicle zone?!?" I asked two Columbus police officers I encountered on the sidewalk.

"Somewhere down there," one said. Either the officers were part of the Army experiment, or they were guarding the RiverCenter parking garage from all those "Go Diego Go" fans -- and I thought Diego Maradona retired from soccer years ago.

A suspicious vehicle was parked in the middle of Front Avenue at Tenth Street. But no, this was NOT a Bradley Fighting Vehicle. It was a delivery truck from Courier Express. I don't know if police checked the truck, before allowing it to park there. Maybe the Army quietly had experimental shells inside the vehicle as well.

I kept walking north on Front Avenue, looking for this promised Army vehicle. Instead I found....

+ A pile of sand on the sidewalk, outside a parking garage. How nice to provide a small reminder of Iraq.

+ A yellow construction vehicle. Nope, that wasn't it - but maybe it was sniffing out IED's.

+ A television live truck, with its microwave dish extending several stories high. Now THIS is what the Army needs - for firing laser beams from miles away.

I was well past 11^th Street before I found the right item. The Bradley Fighting Vehicle was preceded up Front Avenue by a pickup with soldiers aboard and a "Wide Load" banner across the drill. The soldiers could have been arrested for sitting in the bed of that truck without a seatbelt - unless Columbus Police decided it qualified as a parade.

The Army vehicle apparently cruised up and down Front Avenue several times. But it was surrounded by regular weekday traffic, and honored all traffic lights. My top concern apparently did NOT happen - as on a hot June day, the vehicle didn't leave imprinted tracks on the asphalt.

But what surprised me most about this experiment was what was missing. The number of people standing along Front Avenue may have totaled 20 - even during the lunch hour. So much for any "welcome-home parade" for the Third Brigade....

Was it the lack of advance notice? Was it the heat wave? Whatever the reason, very few people helped the Army by standing along Front Avenue for this experiment. For Columbus, this seemed appalling. It was almost as if the veterans organizations were on a big gambling junket to Biloxi.

Only a couple of days before, WWCG-TV 11 showed old 1950-era newsreels. When the President of France visited Washington, 250,000 people lined the streets to greet him. When General Douglas MacArthur returned home from the Far East, big crowds welcomed him like a hero. But in Columbus in 2008, there might have been a longer line at Minnie's Restaurant for lunch.

E-MAIL UPDATE: Since today is the anniversary of Dee-Day (did I spell that right?)....

I talked to Dee last night and she said she had 30 more days at the station.

She did not give a hint as to her replacement.

Terrillyn in Columbus

So Dee Armstrong will be on the air a few more weeks - giving WRBL's Teresa Whitaker more time to prepare that audition tape.

Now let's see what else people talked about Thursday, besides the heat....

+ Muscogee County School Board member Joseph Roberson told WRBL he will NOT run for re-election. He's the second opponent of the Educational Services Center to decide to leave the board. To some people, they seem so progressive - but to the Columbus establishment, they come across as sore losers.

+ Lee County's school superintendent announced he'll join the move to a four-day work week for staff members. It will save energy through mid-July. But once the new school year starts, that approach won't work - because having Thursday afternoon pep rallies for Friday night football games wouldn't seem quite right.

+ WLTZ showed Muscogee County inmates working on another governmental renovation project. They're improving parts of Recorder's Court. Mayor Jim Wetherington needs to pay attention to this - and if the one-percent sales tax passes, he'll save a lot of money on those new fire stations.

+ The Phenix City Council decided to increase monthly garbage collection fees. They'll go up from 13 dollars this fall - suddenly making 13 seem like a nice lucky number.

+ Mary Nell Rollings died in Florence, Alabama at age 81. She was one of the first female police officers in the state, and rode a Harley-Davidson motorcycle on patrol duty in the 1950s. Talk about ground-breaking! I don't think Erik Estrada ever rode with a female on "ChiPs" two decades later.

+ Reports from Atlanta indicated the suburban mansion of boxing champion Evander Holyfield is in foreclosure. I frankly don't understand this. Why doesn't Holyfield open it to the public, as a resort and day spa?

+ Atlanta flattened Florida 7-5 in major league baseball, as Chipper Jones hit his 400^th career home run. The people at Keep Columbus Beautiful were unimpressed - because they get more than 400 trees "for the Chipper" every January.

To offer a story tip, make a PayPal donation, advertise to our readers or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 818 (- 31, 3.7%)

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

© 2003-08 Richard Burkard, all rights reserved.

5 JUN 08: REED AS IN MISDEED?

Uh-oh - the Russell County District Attorney wants to review Tuesday's primary results. Wouldn't it be ironic if the numbers for U.S. Senate candidate Vivian Figures didn't add up?

But another Democratic primary race seems to be on the prosecutor's mind. WRBL reported Wednesday the District Attorney plans to subpoena the District 4 Commission results - the four-way race where Ronnie Reed won a majority. When Pastor Johnnie Robinson doesn't even make the runoff in a "Bible Belt" county, that's suspicious.

It turns out 80 percent of Ronnie Reed's votes in Tuesday's primary came from absentee ballots. C'mon, folks - he's been pardoned for that burglary conviction. You didn't have to dash for the Mississippi line after voting for him.

Russell County Democratic Chair J.W. Brannen said the casting of 200 absentee votes in a primary is NOT unusual. But he admitted one candidate receiving 200 votes is unusual. And if we learn all those votes were cast by members of Reed's "New South Coalition" chapter, that might also qualify.

Ronnie Reed tried to stay above the buzz of rumors Wednesday, saying his expunged burglary conviction should NOT have played a factor in Tuesday's Russell County Commission race. Plenty of voters apparently agreed - as Larry Screws may join Reed on the commission, so they can compare defense attorneys.

To quote Ronnie Reed about his pardoned felony burglary conviction from the 1970s: "We've all done something, whether we pleaded guilty or not." There's a lot of truth in that statement. But some of us thankfully didn't go beyond a speeding ticket.

There's something else to keep in mind, with this review by the Russell County District Attorney. Results from the primary election were not released until very late in the evening, well after the 11:00 p.m. news began -- and some races had only four precincts. If things went that slowly for the primary, the November vote count might last until Thanksgiving.

And besides, less than 15 percent of the eligible voters went to the polls in the Alabama primary. If the Russell County Courthouse staff can't handle that in a timely fashion, maybe they should bring in another group that can - the ticket-takers at Garrett-Harrison Stadium.

Meanwhile, Georgia Rep. Sanford Bishop told Wednesday's Ledger-Enquirer it's time for Democrats to unite behind Presidential candidate Barack Obama. Hmmmm -- is this a subtle message to Bishop's wife? The Hillary Rodham Clinton supporter?

E-MAIL UPDATE: When the title says "PC Utilities," I tend to think it's an offer for a computer security package. But then I looked more closely....

Did I miss the PC waterworks manager giving up the fight? He was going to get folks from all over to evaluate the way he ran the office after being asked by the city manager to resign.

Here's a job posting

Glad you had a safe trip.

We missed the end of the fight as well, because it happened while we were on the road. The Phenix City Utilities Department confirmed to your blog Wednesday that Greg Glass left the director's office 27 May. So now we can officially say it - the Glass broke.

The Ledger-Enquirer reports Greg Glass "retired" from Phenix City government, at age 60. Of course, the decision followed a demand to resign from City Manager Bubba Roberts. There's probably a big difference in that wording - a difference in pension money, that his banker can count.

But Greg Glass may have left a Utilities Department filled with problems. The Phenix City Finance Director claims an outside audit is needed, because Glass violated all sorts of city and state rules. And since it's no longer Glass's house, he feels free to throw stones.

We have one other e-mail, which we insist is NOT a paid commercial message:

Richard,If you like true Italian food you have to try the Villa Nova on Veteran's Parkway by Marvin's Market..The Nocera family opened the original here in the 50s. This re-opening is the same great recipes..

You need to name your car,or does it already have a name..suggestions.. Chug-a-Lug,Road Warrior,and even Richard's Rocket...

I've tried the Villa Nova once or twice - only at that other location. It's the one at Fourth Street and Second Avenue, where the drive-through lane is always busy on Saturday evenings. And the only "Italian food" people seem to buy there are bottles of wine.

But c'mon now -- "Richard's Rocket?!" If you were behind my humble Honda going up a hill, you wouldn't be calling it that. So many drivers have passed me over the years that a better name would be "The Little Engine That Could."

Transportation tops our look at other Wednesday news....

+ METRA Director Saundra Hunter revealed the bus service is pursuing a grant, which could allow for extended hours. Buses would run past 8:30 p.m., and all the way to midnight -- which could change the aroma on downtown trolleys dramatically.

+ WLTZ reported a new study shows arts programs provide about 600 full-time jobs in Columbus. This total apparently includes the Springer Opera House - which makes me wonder if the researchers counted all the alleged ghosts.

+ Golden Park turned into "Camp Catfish," with an 11:00 a.m. baseball game for busloads of children. The Columbus Catfish responded by sinking Savannah 2-0, to break a 12-game losing streak. This was especially good news for the youngsters who have trouble counting past ten.

+ Atlanta pitcher John Smoltz announced he'll undergo season-ending surgery. Smoltz hopes to come back next season, as he turns 42 - if someone would kindly give him Roger Clemens's home phone number.

+ Instant Message to Georgia Power: You should not charge any summer electric rates until today. The last several days should NOT count, because it's not officially summer until the National Hockey League finals end.

To offer a story tip, make a PayPal donation, advertise to our readers or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 849 (+ 28, 3.4%)

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

© 2003-08 Richard Burkard, all rights reserved.

4 JUN 08: THE BIG DIG

Tuesday brought a major step toward political reconciliation and healing. It was potentially risky in terms of an upcoming election, yet probably had to happen anyway. And here's the amazing thing -- hours after Mayor Jim Wetherington did it, Hillary Rodham Clinton did somewhat the same thing.

Mayor Jim Wetherington joined the dignitaries, at the groundbreaking for the new Muscogee County Schools administration building. The official name of the building is the "Educational Services Center" - and it now seems there's no ESC-ape from building it.

Mayor Wetherington told WLTZ if Columbus is going to become a high-caliber city, it needs to improve its public education system. He apparently believes a new administration building will help accomplish that. And who knows - maybe some students will watch the construction, and be inspired to become architects.

But Mayor Jim Wetherington took a bit of a chance, by showing up at this groundbreaking. Some people in Columbus are arguing for the city sales tax proposal, and against a similar proposal for Muscogee County schools. If the mayor backs the latter, could it cost him the former? But I was hoping to save the "LOST" jokes for July....

Plenty of other officials attended Tuesday's groundbreaking ceremony on Rigdon Road. Former School Board President Mary Sue Polleys noted the Educational Services Center "always was going to be controversial." That's true, of course - since any suspension of a student can lead to a school board tribunal.

State Senator Ed Harbison and Rep. Calvin Smyre attended the groundbreaking. In fact, it looked a bit like a Democratic party convention - because Muscogee County Republican Party chair Josh McKoon had to e-mail a news release against the building, to get any attention.

The news release from Josh McKoon called the Educational Services Center a "monument to excesses." Of course, Republicans said the same thing about the Georgia state Capitol for decades - and now they run the place.

Josh McKoon says the new Educational Services Center will cost $240 per square foot to build. This is the man who's opposed "greenspace" around the central library - and now he's against spending a lot of green, for a little space.

But Superintendent John Phillips says the new Educational Services Center has been "needed for decades." Then why didn't predecessor Guy Sims talk about it very much? He seemed to be satisfied with communications by telephone....

Muscogee County School District officials note administrative buildings are scattered over several locations now. This new building presumably will save on fuel expenses, as staff members won't have to drive back and forth. But the district could go one extra step - and park all the school buses in that big parking lot, instead of miles away on Whitesville Road.

Skeptics may have found it ironic that the groundbreaking came only hours after the Muscogee County School Board approved a tentative budget - a record- breaking budget of almost $289 million. The bulk of that money is for salaries. So when August comes, find the teachers you think have the biggest paychecks - and ask if they'll buy your children breakfast.

The pay must be good in Muscogee County schools, based on Tuesday night's sportscasts. Pacelli baseball coach Chris Leak is moving to Northside High School, and essentially admitting it's for the money. The Pacelli board apparently needs to schedule more spaghetti dinners next school year.

(Pacelli High School decided in late April it would NOT rehire Chris Leak. Then all he did was coach the Vikings to a state baseball title -- as if he was trying to work his way out of purgatory.)

But anyway: it turns out the Muscogee County schools are hiring 156 teachers for the summer, to help students pass make-up CRCT exams. If this will help some students on the English section - remember, you can't spell "correct" without CRCT.

BLOG UPDATE: The numbers left me shocked - SHOCKED! Hurtsboro Constable Robert Schweiger did NOT come in first Tuesday night, for Russell County Commission. In fact, he was third - even behind school principal Larry Screws. And Screws's arrest received much more news media attention.

Numbers posted online by WRBL at our deadline showed R.J. Schweiger with 23 percent of the vote for Commission District 4. Surprisingly, Larry Screws came in first - and apparently is heading for a runoff with incumbent J.D. Upshaw. Maybe Screws is promising to dissolve Pittsview, as well as Hurtsboro.

So Robert Schweiger potentially is in a position to play "kingmaker" in a Russell County Commission race. Which man will he support in a Democratic runoff? The minister who was the subject of rumors by Schweiger's friends? The school principal who was acquitted in court of misconduct? Or the choice which seems more up Schweiger's alley - none of the above?

The online numbers also indicate Ronnie Reed will return to the Russell County Commission seat he had to vacate two years ago. He led a four-way race, with incumbent Johnnie Robinson finishing third. I don't dare say Robinson was as weak as his recent health problems....

The statewide voting in Alabama found Senator Jeff Sessions winning the Republican nomination by a wide margin. His only challenger was Smiths Station native Earl Mack Gavin, who's a retired postal worker. If Gavin promised to freeze his salary like a "forever" stamp, he might have done better.

Incumbent Jeff Sessions will face State Senator Vivian Figures in the fall. Figures is a female African-American candidate - which means she doesn't have to worry about bringing Alabama Democrats together. Barack Obama can only wish it was that easy....

Let's see what else made news on a steamy June evening:

+ The Washington Post had a front-page story about Fort Benning, where several soldiers complained the Warrior Transition Barracks are too close to live-fire ranges. The soldiers said the gunnery practice aggravates their post-traumatic stress disorder. Come to think of it, how many overweight Columbus residents live downwind from barbecue restaurants?

(A Fort Benning commander defended the Warrior Transition Barracks, telling WRBL they're new and top-quality. That's nice -- but he didn't mention anything about them being soundproof.)

+ WLTZ reported Muscogee County Marshal Greg Countryman recently renovated his department's offices with inmate labor. I'd better not hear any opponents of the one-percent public safety sales tax suggest that as an alternative....

(Greg Countryman explained when Columbus Council approved renovations for the Marshal's Department offices, it included NO money for labor. Maybe the Council thought that's what the Junior Marshal's program is for.)

+ Instant Message to Lee County Sheriff Jay Jones: Did I read it correctly - you want to get rid of the Constable's position? You could do what Russell County's Tommy Boswell has done with that man in Hurtsboro. Ignore him, and he might go away.

To offer a story tip, make a PayPal donation, advertise to our readers or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 821 (+ 23, 2.9%)

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

© 2003-08 Richard Burkard, all rights reserved.

3 JUN 08: HARD-DRIVING MAN

Any long road trip can be an adventure. When you're driving a 14-year-old car, it can become more anxious than usual. But you don't dare state that classic line from "Sanford and Son" years ago - "This is the big one, Elizabeth. This is the big one!"

BLOG SPECIAL EVENT WRAP-UP: I'm thankful to report my humble Honda made it all the way to Kansas and back, with hardly any problems. In fact, my first two tanks of gas on the interstates computed to 42.7 and 42.9 miles per gallon. That's what happens when you only pack one suit.

But on the second day of the trip, two hours from my destination.... well, I said "hardly any problems" for a reason. In the middle of Missouri, my speedometer went from 60 to zero in less than a second. It happened in Columbia, the home of the University of Missouri -- so the car might have known it was in Kansas enemy territory.

I wondered for a second if my Honda was dying -- yet it kept running, as the speedometer gyrated back and forth a bit. So the second thought was that it suddenly became demon-possessed....

Eventually the speedometer dropped to zero and stayed there. Yet my car didn't slow down at all -- which actually was a bit dangerous. The car does NOT have cruise control, and I had to control my right foot more than ever to keep from speeding.

After a few more miles on Interstate 70, I noticed something else had changed. The odometer stopped working when the speedometer did. So I had an Alamo Rent-a-Car situation -- you know, all the miles are free.

While the car kept running normally, I was obviously concerned. When it was time to stop for gas, I exited the highway in Boonville, Missouri -- and the "check engine" light came on as I did. Had my Honda finally had enough? Without any need for a GPS voice to tell me so?

I decided to fill the gas tank first, and check under the hood. All the fluid levels were fine, except the oil stick was a bit runny and smoked a bit when I touched it. It wasn't even close to looking like a legendary NASCAR loser, such as Dave Marcis.

Thankfully, the gas station was across the street from a Dodge dealer. But not so thankfully, I arrived at 12:00 noon - and the service department in Boonville, Missouri shuts down for a one-hour lunch break. I didn't realize auto service workers had unions.

So I had a seat in the tiny "lounge area" of the dealership and waited for an hour. Then the service crew came back, and admitted it was too busy to help me that afternoon -- especially since I didn't have a Dodge. Honda needs to develop NASCAR team in a hurry....

The service team recommended a small family-run repair shop on the other side of Interstate 70 -- and despite my apprehension and almost turning my back on it, GAPS Tire served me well. In fact, the workers found something surprising: two extra quarts of extra oil in my crankcase. They were surprised I didn't blow a gasket. I should have demanded a rebate, for the pricy oil they drained.

In about an hour, GAPS Tire gave me my answer: the problem was nothing more than the speedometer. So I can brag for years to come that I drove so hard on vacation that the speedometer gave out - even though I hardly ever went faster than 70.

The speedometer came and went for the rest of the road trip. I noticed it tended to give out when my car battled to shift between top gears, even when I kept a steady foot on the gas. Maybe a tune-up would solve this problem. Maybe local repair shops can help me solve it, by sending tune-up coupons in the mail.

I was all set to take my Honda to a Columbus shop to fix the speedometer this week. But now that I'm home and hardly ever driving on a freeway, my speedometer is working fine. It's as if nothing ever happened - and as if I somehow traveled to Kansas and back by taking a shortcut of several hundred miles.

We mentioned on the road that we traveled to Kansas City for a niece's wedding. Because I was The Wedding Singer, I had one of the best seats in the church for taking pictures of the ceremony. But of course, I had to be discreet - no cameras as big as the pipe organ I sat behind.

The trip also included stops on Memorial Day, at the graves of my parents. My dad is buried in the Leavenworth National Cemetery, and I arrived too late for the special service. But the organizers made sure everyone knew it took place - with a noisy 21-gun salute at the end.

We spent a special day in northern Kansas -- visiting my younger brother in Topeka, and stopping at the Dwight Eisenhower Presidential Library in Abilene. There's one big difference between the Eisenhower complex and Jimmy Carter's special area in Sumter County. Mr. Eisenhower's teeth aren't painted on a giant peanut.

If you don't mind, we'll get back to local news coverage Wednesday. (Blame a distracting three-overtime playoff hockey game for that.) But let's bring closure to this big road trip with some little notes we jotted down along the way:

+ College Park, GA -- down the street from where I lived for years, a sign says: "Caution: Blind Drive." You'd think the state legislature would pass a law to stop that.

+ Nashville, TN - Why is the football stadium for the Tennessee Titans named LP Field? Don't people in the "Music City" know MP-3's are in vogue now?

+ Paducah, KY - the city with a "Stone Mountain Carpet Mill Store." I didn't stop to tell them Stone Mountain doesn't have any carpet mills.

+ Southern Illinois - Interstate 57 passes the Rend State Prison, which has a few outside baseball fields. But I assume when a home run is gone, it's really gone.

+ Olathe, KS - the city with a "Black Bob Road." I quietly wondered how that street gained its name. In Columbus, there would have to be a "White Fred Avenue" intersecting it at some point.

+ Bonner Springs, KS - where I exited the Kansas Turnpike to hear Kansas City Royals radio announcer Bob Davis declare a Minnesota pitcher is used "in situational situations." Somehow, I think that describes us all....

To offer a story tip, make a PayPal donation, advertise to our readers or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 798 (+ 20, 2.6%)

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

© 2003-08 Richard Burkard, all rights reserved.

2 JUN 08: SLEEPY TIME DOWN SOUTH

Maybe it's because we left town on a road trip. Maybe it was due to Memorial Day last Monday, followed by Jefferson Davis's birthday today. But things have seemed much too quiet in this year's Alabama Primary season. No finger-pointing? No tough accusations? Surely the Presidential candidates haven't taken all the good insults.

Tuesday is primary day in Alabama. Yet over the last several weeks, our InBox has been quiet about the local races - almost too quiet. When more people are commenting about high school yearbooks than local politics, something strange is going on....

We received a hint several weeks ago that one particular Russell County race might turn raucous. We received postal mail with allegations about Commissioner J.D. Upshaw, which he quickly denied [30 Mar]. But no more accusations have reached us since - and no wild videos of Upshaw's preaching have been posted on YouTube.

Commissioner J.D. Upshaw is being challenged in the Democratic primary by Hurtsboro Constable R.J. Schweiger. Schweiger may be known better for his e-mails to this blog than his work as Constable - yet he hasn't written us for a couple of months. Either he's been very busy campaigning, or that former Hurtsboro police officer finally had him arrested.

(We actually went to the Alabama Court web site Sunday night, to see if the promised arrest of R.J. Schweiger ever happened. But we were unable to log on, as the site apparently made some adjustments in May. Perhaps the court system borrowed from prime-time TV, and now requires a million-dollar password.)

There actually are three Democratic candidates for Russell County Commission District 7. R.J. Schweiger and J.D. Upshaw are joined on the ballot by Larry Screws. We're not sure what's most unusual about Screws - his work in local schools, his arrest in 2006, or the fact that his name lacks two initials.

There's another Russell County Commission race which you'd think would gain even more publicity. Ronnie Reed is trying to reclaim the seat he lost two years ago, because of an old felony conviction in Columbus. That conviction is now expunged from Reed's record - so this race may come down to how long voters hold grudges.

Ronnie Reed has been busy in recent months forming a Russell County chapter of the "Alabama New South Coalition." Amazingly, the political group endorsed Reed for county commission! This is almost as shocking as Muscogee County Republican Chair Josh McKoon serving on the board of Common Cause, as it investigates Ed Harbison.

Ronnie Reed is challenging Pastor Johnnie Robinson, who was appointed to the Russell County Commission seat by Alabama's Governor. But the four-way race also includes Isaiah Sumbry - and in east Alabama, that's almost like having a Kennedy on the ballot. Almost, because it's easier to imitate the Kennedy accent....

Democrats across Alabama have three choices, to challenge U.S. Senator Jeff Sessions. One of them is listed on the ballot as Mark "No NCAA" Townsend. When a candidate's big issue is how college football champions are crowned, you have to wonder about.... well wait, this IS Alabama.

So what about Alabama's Republican primary? There's even less buzz about those races - either because there are few real races, or the candidate running against Senator Jeff Sessions isn't even good comedy relief.

There are no competitive Lee County or Russell County races involving Republicans. But Barbour County Republicans have six choices for replacing retiring Rep. Terry Everett. So which ones have promised a Congressional investigation of the county's new school superintendent?

E-MAIL UPDATE: Around here, football truly is never out of season....

Richard,

Did you hear Steve Bartkowski is coming to town? And he's still way HOT after all these years. Check out the Billboards, Bartkowski's billboard ranks right up there with the "Trust God", way to go Second Harvest! Maybe he'll help me clean up the old Welcome Center for a small fee....

But seriously..... Where is Dee? Was Friday really her last day? RW

I noticed those billboards, too - as Bartkowski will be the guest speaker at Thursday's "Feed Columbus" luncheon downtown. But how old is that photo of the former Atlanta Falcons quarterback? A color picture could tell us if he's really still hot, or ember gray on top.

(Be careful now, RW - ranking Steve Bartkowski too close to God could be trouble. After all, the only Atlanta Falcon quarterback to start in the Super Bowl was Chris Chandler.)

Assuming you're asking about Dee Armstrong: I think she's supposed to be on the TV job one more month. But before rumors start, I'll make a prediction right now - I do NOT think Dick McMichael is coming back to replace her.

Now for other things you may have overlooked over the weekend....

+ Columbus Police reported the Captain D's restaurant on Victory Drive was robbed at gunpoint. The fish which smacks people in the face with its tail must have been patrolling another location.

+ Country singer Dierks Bentley headlined the annual "Denim and Diamonds" fund-raising concert at the Columbus Civic Center. The price of your ticket probably determined which fashion item you wore.

+ The Columbus Catfish were grounded by Greenville 7-6. The Catfish now have lost ten games in a row - and I feel guilty about listening to Kansas City Royals games on radio during vacation, because I probably brought home a jinx.

+ Alabama was eliminated from the NCAA baseball tournament. It's one thing to lose a game to East Carolina -- but to lose 16-1?! Does Nick Saban need to give pep talks to ALL the sports teams in Tuscaloosa?

+ Instant Message to WBOJ-FM "103.7 The Truth": Have you listened to your new Sunday morning Christian music show "Sonrise?" It had a commercial this weekend for a hangover medicine -- and the ad didn't mention anything about prayer or repentance.

To offer a story tip, make a PayPal donation, advertise to our readers or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 778 (- 36, 4.4%)

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

© 2003-08 Richard Burkard, all rights reserved.

1 JUN 08: WINNING TOO MUCH

Columbus gained yet another baseball champion Saturday evening - and it has a lot in common with the last one. The Columbus Catfish surprised a lot of people last September. And be honest: when you picked the picks of the parks this spring, did you pick PAC? Or put PAC in the back of the park pack?

Pacelli picked up the GHSA Class A baseball title, by beating Landmark Christian in Fairburn 10-5. It was the sort of conflict we're not used to seeing in the South - especially with the Catholics prevailing over the evangelical Protestants.

Pacelli was powered at the plate by Matthew Rossi, who hit three homers and drove in five runs. But of course, 60 percent of the runs he drove in were Rossi himself. Political candidates would dismiss this as an example of extreme selfishness.

(And here's the amazing thing: Matthew Rossi is a freshman. Imagine all the recruiters who will be knocking on his door this summer - you know, from Russell County, Columbus High and Shaw....)

I'm not sure if he was the official winning pitcher, but Stuart Wilkerson had more than four strong innings for Pacelli. Yet someone should have told him about the bad "eye black" job under his right eye. He'll never succeed on America's Next Top Model with a runny look like that.

Chris Leak managed Pacelli to a state championship in his first year on the job. Don't you wonder if his contract has some "incentive bonuses" included? For instance, for every player he persuades to enter a seminary....

Pacelli succeeded in winning a state baseball title this year -- while Brookstone, Columbus High and Shaw fell short. Supporters of Ronald Reagan should be thrilled by this. It shows the concept of "trickle-down economics" sometimes really works.

So Pacelli may well have its state baseball title mentioned on highways leading to Columbus, to honor.... well, hold on a minute. I checked carefully on I-185 as I drove home from vacation, and there's still no sign honoring Carver High School's state football title. It was promised in late December [24 Dec 07]. Do we need to add that to the one-cent sales tax list, too?

When the Northern All-Stars won the Little League World Series in 2006, signs marking the historic moment were posted within a couple of weeks. Carver fans are entering their sixth month of waiting. Have the Muscogee County Prison inmates been THAT busy cutting lawns?

I'm hearing the city of Columbus is developing a set of large signs, to honor ALL local sports champions. That would mean not only Carver football, but Jordan boys and Kendrick girls basketball from the last couple of seasons. Add all the high school baseball titles, and drivers could become so distracted reading the sign that they'll get into crashes.

E-MAIL UPDATE: While we were away on vacation, a reader informed us about another high school surprise. The message was titled: "Sports Illustrated ain't got nothin'"....

check out Northside's 2008 yearbook....page 233(if that isn' t the correct number just flip thru the senior collage pages and you won't miss the pic I am referring too..... .....A HIGH SCHOOL YEARBOOK??????????????...........I would hope that the school administration also finds that inappropriate...........Call me a prude but enough already....A HIGH SCHOOL YEARBOOK???????????????????????????????????????????????

I don't think local libraries keep high school yearbooks, so I'm not sure how to track one down. But this reader makes it sound like some Northside seniors belong to the Classless of 2008.

One Northside parent told me about other problems with this year's yearbook. It reportedly has bad misspellings, including wrong versions of "faculty" and "principal." This may explain why Georgia contestants never seem to make the final night of the National Spelling Bee.

(And you'd think the Northside yearbook staff would be extra-careful with spelling. Their book is called the "Amor Patriae." Foul up one or two letters, and people will think it's about Aflac and the Amos family.)

Did you realize the 2007 Northside High School yearbook was a national award-winner? It joined Hardaway High in receiving second-place honors from the American Scholastic Press Association. Maybe this year's staff decided to "go all the way" - only they went the wrong way to do it.

We've also heard in recent days from a community activist, and occasional candidate:

Mr. Burkard,

I just recently heard about your blog and its references to me. I must say, I am somewhat honored to have you write anything about me or my concerns.

As I am sure by now you know that I have HIV. I have been dealing with it for a few years now. In life, when you are told your health is failing and the current medications your taking are not working, you tend to have a lot of regrets which in turn make people run out and try to live it up. Dealing with HIV and AIDS has been a true trial and test to my character as a person and a human being. I see so many things that need to be changed and fixed as I am sure you and each one of your readers see things you wish you could change as well. I'll do whatever I can to help others and make life better here for residents and businesses. We learn to live with our flaws and work around them as I intend to do for the rest of my life. I cannot let an illness hold me back from doing what my heart and soul are leading me to do. Regardless if I choose to run and then not to, my voice is still heard. I urge everyone to add their voices and make them heard. We have so many people who restrain their will and bite their tongues when they should stand up and speak out for what they believe. That's the beauty of being an American. Each one of us can do what I do everyday and make our thoughts, our feelings, and our emotions known.

The town of Columbus has leadership that treats our city as a small one and never looking ahead to tomorrow. We are a large city and we must start thinking ahead instead of always working from behind. The city and the school board have made some real blunders in their decision making, but so has every other government in every other city and state and country. People continue to vote down the tools needed for this city to effectively operate and protect its citizens. That is what I meant by Columbus holding grudges [15 Jan]. Citizens continuously want to complain about the decisions their leaders have made, but then turn around and re-elect those same leaders again and again. This city council needs terms limits as well to help keep fresh minds at work in our cities government. We have to correct the problems our city faces and we must do it soon. We need a public transit system that will connect us to Lagrange, Newnan, West Point and even across the bridge to Phenix City, Opelika and Auburn. We must overcome our dependence on oil. We can have people get up in Columbus and hop on the train to West Point and go to work at the Kia Plant everyday instead of driving back and forth or students who live in Columbus and attend Auburn. This will save on dorm costs alone. We must start now working with our neighbors while the lands that sit in between remain rural and undeveloped. Now is the time to begin construction, not seven years from now when gas prices are expected to be around $7 to $8 a gallon. We need proactive thinking at work in our cities government.

As far as the Protect our Kids program went, undoubtedly you didn't get my report on how Columbus is exceeding the expectations on the safety of our kids. They already have surveillance equipment installed in all High Schools and most Middle Schools which I believe are now fully done. The only thing at that point that wasn't were the Elementary Schools. Fife Whiteside explained the cost and time changes that would have to take place for metal detectors to be put into place which was astronomical not to mention how early kids would have to get to school to be checked in. The MCSD has drills now for things like school shootings or disasters. I was most impressed with the procedures that have already been put into place.

As far as Shley's seat is concerned, he doesn't run till next year. So, that is time for me to adjust to this new medication. Let me explain something to you about AIDS medications and ask any doctor if you wish, the cocktail that we take is just like taking chemotherapy in many ways. The main reason I chose to run again this year when I said I would not was simply due to problems that this city faces that never seem to change. We need to clean this city up and be working with our neighbors and other states on bringing new jobs to Columbus, something our current administration isn't doing. The only thing our Mayor has on his agenda is beefing up our public safety. "I was elected to make our city safe and that's what I am going to focus on doing now." Wetherington has said that to me time and time again. That's not enough. We need our leaders to be working to attract businesses to Columbus. Aflac and TSYS (and all sister companies) is it. How many more positions can they fill before they are "Not Hiring"?

I at least thank you for taking interest in what I have to say and my actions here in the city. I care a great deal about this city that I was born and raised in. I want to see Columbus succeed and surpass all others. But most importantly, I do not want to see our great city fail. My time right now should be spent on doing what I feel in my heart to be important. When I was told I shouldn't run, it broke my heart because I want to leave behind a legacy. I want to work to help others live a better, fulfilling life. I want people to be happy. These are very trying times for everyone. God has a way of guiding us and directing our lives. And I believe right now His purpose within me is to help those who are already suffering with HIV and AIDS. So many walk with their heads hung down in shame and hide their illness from others because of the ignorance people still portray. We have nothing in Columbus geared at helping those with HIV and AIDS live better healthier lives with the exception to District Clinical Services. I will send you the Mission Statement to my new Non Profit awaiting 501(c) 3 approval. I will also send you the speech that I gave the other night at the AIDS Candlelight Memorial. Right now, I am concerned with helping out my brothers and sisters who are living with HIV and AIDS. AIDS currently infects 3000 each year in Georgia alone. There are currently 30,000 living with HIV in Georgia now. Yet, AIDS is ignored in the US and that is why there are 40,000 new infections here in our country each year. Anyhow, this is all in the speech I will send to you.

Regardless of what I choose to do with my life, know that it will be spent helping others. I just wish people could see each other as I do. We are all the same in one way because we are all one race, and that is human. Live Well and God Bless!

Sincerely,

Jeremy Hobbs

Jeremy may be like many people we've mentioned in this blog over the years. They're "somewhat honored" to be included - with the "somewhat" added after they read the punch lines.

Jeremy Hobbs lists some interesting ideas in this e-mail. The idea of a regional public transit system sounds great. But maybe we should start small -- like having METRA add a bus stop at the Columbus Airport.

Isn't it a sad commentary on our society when people are talking about installing metal detectors at grade schools? I realize children enjoy drinking 12-ounce cans of soda, but really....

Philip Schley's term on the Muscogee County School Board actually expires in 2010. So Jeremy Hobbs has extra time to check how his HIV medication is working. Maybe Hobbs will turn out to be a local version of Magic Johnson - and not only live well with HIV for more than a decade, but open his own chain of movie theaters.

We thank all of you who discover us, read us and write us. Now let's check other highlights of the weekend....

+ Columbus had its hottest day of the year so far, with a Saturday high of 92 degrees F. I finally succumbed, and turned on my air conditioner in the evening -- which means I should thank all the copper thieves for not stealing it during the off-season.

+ Zachary Allen made the evening news again, as he was arrested for drunk driving on Veterans Parkway. At least this time, he wasn't stopped by the Fire Department....

+ WLTZ reported the Food Network will do a program about the Lance Foods plant near downtown Columbus. The plant makes "Late July Organic Classic Peanut Butter Sandwich Crackers." Which means they're made here, and probably not sold at any store closer than Auburn.

(Let's face it - ask many people in Columbus if they want something "organic," and they'll think of a church sanctuary.)

+ Instant Message to the staff at Golden Park: What happened with the national anthem, before Friday night's Catfish game? Did the singer choke up, and forget the words? Did the singer's microphone give out? Or does some baseball player from Venezuela need to be sent home, to do political work for Hugo Chavez?

To offer a story tip, make a PayPal donation, advertise to our readers or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 814 (- 9, 1.1%)

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

© 2003-08 Richard Burkard, all rights reserved.