The Blog of Columbus, Georgia

Thursday, April 14, 2011

14 APR 11: Liquor vs. Luquire

Today marks the final day of the 2011 Georgia legislative session. The budget work is finished. The "birther bill" which caused a stir has died in committee. And I can't wait to ask State Senator Josh McKoon what happened to that first bill he planned to introduce about charter schools - because I can't find a record of it anywhere online.

One of the biggest bills of the 2011 session will have aftershocks across Georgia for months to come -- and is likely to make one Columbus man very busy. Georgia Christian Coalition President Jerry Luquire says he'll keep fighting to stop Sunday alcohol sales in stores. Luquire can look for a nice check in a few days from the Phenix City-Russell County Chamber of Commerce.

Jerry Luquire ~~prophesied~~ predicted to the Atlanta Journal-Constitution local voters across Georgia will resist the alcohol sales question. And he used a phrase we're likely to hear a lot in coming months: "Keep Sunday safer." Now if Luquire can persuade Morley Safer to comment about it some Sunday evening on "60 Minutes"....

(Some would say the bill on the Georgia Governor's desk actually does keep Sunday safer. It limits alcohol sales in stores to 11 hours, beginning at 12:30 p.m. But that means churches still might have to make a Saturday night "wine run" to prepare for communion services.)

The Georgia Christian Coalition may find some "loyal opposition" to Sunday alcohol stores in rural counties -- the same places which refused to sell tickets, after Georgia voters approved the lottery two decades ago. Those convenience store owners probably are the ones thrilled to see gas prices so high.

But if Jerry Luquire isn't careful, his continued efforts against Sunday alcohol sales could divide the Georgia Republican Party. This week's Georgia House vote was evidence of that, as Rep. Kip Smith voted for the local-option question while Rep. Richard Smith voted no. If Richard Smith is against liquor, does that mean the "Tea Party" is more likely to support him?

Richard Smith's opposition matched that of several Columbus liquor store operators Wednesday. One manager told WRBL the Sunday sales question was pushed by supermarkets and convenience stores, since they're already open seven days a week -- and they don't bother taking down Bud Light signs on Saturday nights as it is.

(Isn't it interesting to hear these store owners admit they prefer to be open only six day a week? Small liquor stores actually have something in common on Sundays with Chick-Fil-A.)

Governor Nathan Deal says he'll sign the bill allowing local-option votes on Sunday alcohol sales in Georgia stores. But if his city or county actually puts the question on the ballot, Deal admits he'll vote no. Does that make the governor a hypocrite - or make him eligible for double the campaign donations?

Governor Nathan Deal says local governments have a "better feel" for the issue of Sunday alcohol sales in stores. This tells me he's not a big alcohol drinker - because on hot summer Sundays, all the cans of beer in an ice chest feel the same way.

So which Columbus Councilor will step forward and offer a proposal to put Sunday alcohol sales in stores on the ballot? I would have put Red McDaniel near the top of the list, but he told the Ledger-Enquirer recently he sees "no need for it." McDaniel is living up to his name politically, isn't he?

For informational purposes only (because you realize the Christian Coalition also would oppose gambling), here are my current odds of which Columbus Councilor will sponsor the Sunday store sales proposal....

+ Glenn Davis - 7:5. Do you really think they only served soft drinks in the baseball clubhouses?

+ Mimi Woodson - 3:1. Columbus South businesses need to grow and flourish, you know.

+ Bruce Huff - 5:1. Drunk drivers on Sunday could keep him busier on Monday - which is sad to say, since he operates a funeral home.

+ Jerry Barnes - 10:1. He actually supported the proposal in the newspaper, even though his profession is nursing. He must not have worked in an emergency room recently.

+ Mike Baker - 40:1. I don't think he's introduced any proposals in four years on Council, anyway.

By the way, it's nice to see Josh McKoon was able to work with fellow State Senator Ed Harbison on a few bills during the Georgia legislative session. They cosponsored a resolution approved by the Senate Tuesday, noting Mayor Teresa Pike Tomlinson's election. Does this prove once and for all McKoon did NOT write "The Truth About Teresa"?

Senators Ed Harbison and Josh McKoon also cosponsored a resolution honoring Muscogee County Coroner Bill Thrower. Did you know he was named 2010 Coroner of the Year by "Child Fatality Review"? The resolution says that - but somehow, I don't think Thrower will put that on his resume if he ever runs for Columbus Council.

-> Our other blog starts with poker, then goes in directions you might not expect. Visit "On the Flop!" <-

E-MAIL UPDATE: We've given a Phenix City Councilor ample opportunity to respond. But we've heard nothing, so we now post a reader's follow-up to a Sunday Soapbox claim that Jimmy Wetzel plans to run for mayor....

Richard, Rep. Vance is NOT the money man that I referred to. It is a man that has control of not only the one I mentioned, but controls at least one other PC Council member that I know of (and holds the mortgage to her home). He is a man with a long criminal track record and his last name sounds as though he competes in thge circles of that "fancy" checker game, you know the one with kings and pawns. You may not want to publish this email but sadly cr*p such as this does still exist in every town's political circles.

Oh boy - a guessing game! But I thought Richard Bishop worked with Uptown Columbus....

We left two messages with Jimmy Wetzel in the last few days, seeking more details on his peacemaking with the Phenix City School District. But he has yet to reply - as if he's going to be a key character witness in the trial of Arthur Sumbry Sr.

Let's see what else grabbed our interest Wednesday....

+ WRBL witnessed a visit by state and local NAACP leaders to Port Columbus. Edward DuBose admitted he's never toured the Civil War Naval Museum, and opposes any "commemoration" of the 150^th anniversary of that war. Hopefully he's complained to Congressman Sanford Bishop -- since his office is giving away calendars "celebrating" every event of 1861.

+ Richard Hyatt's website reported controversial author David Rose will appear at Barnes & Noble next week, reading from his book "The Big Eddy Club." Rose says he's written a revised ending, based on new developments in the Carlton Gary case. If he dares to say Gary's next-door neighbor did it....

+ An inside source confirmed to your blog what we suspected a few weeks ago - Books-A-Million is trying to relocate its Columbus store to Peachtree Mall [25 Mar]. The old WaldenBooks site now is occupied by a clothing store. But the former Parisian space remains unused - and simply waiting to become the site of a news conference by the mayor.

(The Books-A-Million location in Cross Country Plaza closes Friday. I stopped by Wednesday, and a woman immediately asked me if boxes of items near the door were "priced as marked." Considering I was wearing a T-shirt and shorts, maybe this store's real problem is in customer service.)

+ A tour bus organized by the Columbus Times attended a taping of "America's Got Talent" in Atlanta. It was a fund-raiser for the Liberty Theatre - so perhaps the three stars on the theatre "walk of fame" finally will be joined by David Hasselhoff and Sharon Osbourne.

+ Instant Message to "Ralph1942," whoever you are: I know you like to write "gotcha" comments to Ledger-Enquirer stories. But this time the joke's on you. I saw your reply to something I wrote Wednesday - and no, I am NOT really Columbus Councilor Gary Allen.

More than 54,700 unique people visited The Blog of Columbus last year! To advertise to them, make a PayPal donation, offer a story tip or comment about this blog, write me - but be warned: I may post your e-mail and offer a reply.

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 933 (+ 12, 1.3%)

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

13 APR 11: Diary of a Dumpy Truck

For several weeks the complaints came in -- and I was helpless to do anything about them. My best effort to get some kind of response was turned away. I felt almost as forlorn as a videocassette recorder salesman....

But this week, my personal schedule finally is allowing time to play "catch up" on several accusations from former Hurtsboro Constable Robert Schweiger. Of course, Schweiger he makes so many accusations that he seems to comment on Phenix City government when he runs out of issues at home.

Robert Schweiger's most recent big issue with Hurtsboro involved the city's one garbage truck breaking down, then being parked on Main Street for a few weeks [13 Mar and 3 Apr]. You'd think a town like Hurtsboro would qualify for a discount membership with AAA.

Is this report true, or so much "trash talk?" I made several calls about it Tuesday, beginning at Hurtsboro Town Hall. By the time that call was over, the city official had guessed correctly I'd been in contact with Robert Schweiger. Grumbling can spread across a small town almost as fast as tornado damage.

Hurtsboro Town Magistrate Jim Baxley told me the city trash truck is still not working, more than a month after it broke down. Even in a small town, a delay like this seems hard to believe. Couldn't some city official flag down a passing NAPA delivery truck?

Jim Baxley says the Hurtsboro garbage truck is NOT sitting idle because money is tight. Baxley explained repair crews can't figure out what the problem is. Of course, there's no second trash truck for making a comparison -- and this case is a little too unusual even for calling "Car Talk."

What about the complaint that Hurtsboro violated a state "Open Dump" law, in the way Russell County workers handled trash from the stuck truck? Jim Baxley said as best he knows, the county approved the situation on a second visit. Things had to be cleaned up from a first visit, though. I didn't ask how many cans of air freshener that took.

I also called the Alabama Department of Environmental Management Tuesday, to see if an "open dump" complaint had been filed about Hurtsboro's garbage. "Not to my knowledge," answered spokesman Jerome Hand. He promised to double-check, but did not call us back with an update by Tuesday night. So we don't know if there's a file on Hurtsboro, with one page for each resident.

The hopeful news is that Hurtsboro's garbage truck is off Main Street, and now is in a repair shop. Johnny Burrell with the Russell County Health Department told me that Tuesday. Now all that's left is to find the source of the problem - other than Robert Schweiger's mouth, of course.

In the meantime, Russell County is providing garbage collection in Hurtsboro. Johnny Burrell told me the next pickup is today. He's not sure how much each weekly trip costs the county -- but if the driver looks a bit too polished, it might be an undercover sheriff's deputy.

On another matter, Jim Baxley confirmed the Hurtsboro Police Chief retired at the end of March. Jimmy Martin actually re-retired, since he came back to serve a couple of years ago. The comeback trail in a town the size of Hurtsboro is only a few blocks long.

So Hurtsboro needs a Police Chief - as well as a Town Clerk. Im Baxley admitted he's been filling that role since granddaughter Kymberly Key gave up the job. Maybe that's a role Robert Schweiger could fill. He seems to know so much about so many Hurtsboro residents that he might know who's behind in making utility payments.

I'm giving one other set of accusations 24 more hours before I post them, to allow for messages to be returned. So let's see what made news in the big city (Columbus) Tuesday....

+ A morning jog on the Riverwalk found an "Incident Management" van at Tenth Street and Bay Avenue, then a Russell County Sheriff's boat loaded with people in the Chattahoochee. Officers say they found a possible weapon in a murder case. I didn't think they were looking for more 21-pound catfish.

+ Columbus Police arrested three women for operating a massage parlor inside Sun Spa in the Plaza North shopping center. By that, I mean an old-fashioned massage parlor. The ones they had years ago -- way back when they were located next to adult bookstores.

(The case caused a national stir online because one of the suspects accused of prostitution is named Suk Kim Ho. I'll let the amateurs come up with the obvious punchlines for that one....)

+ Yet another employee of Columbus Parks and Recreation was placed on administrative leave. Margaret Brown could be fired, perhaps because she was closely involved with the Georgia Blazers and Innovative Sports Program.

+ WXTX reported the new South Commons ice rink will open to the public 29 April. Deputy City Manager Lisa Goodwin says it will be free to use for the first week. Now will someone please put large photos of city officials along the boards, so opponents of the rink can crash into them?

+ The Georgia Lottery launched a new scratch-off game called "$100 Million Cash Blast." Do parents of college students get to move to the head of the line to buy tickets?

+ The Georgia Legislature gave final approval to a bill allowing local-option alcohol sales in stores on Sundays. In related news, Columbus convenience stores could have a collection of used locks and chains on sale soon....

+ Instant Message to the Greater Columbus Chamber of Commerce: Aw, c'mon - a two-day "intra-city" bus tour of Columbus neighborhoods for 350 dollars?!?! I know fuel prices are high. But is Bludau's catering all the meals?

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 921 (unchanged)

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

12 APR 11: Blogger's Believe It Or Not

Before anyone tries to use it as an excuse -- the moon is NOT full right now. It's in the first quarter. Perhaps the strange events are following what I heard one analyst say Monday about gasoline prices. They're peaking early, and will go down in a few weeks.

Monday brought three curious sights to my attention. The first one came when I stepped outside the back door at late-morning. "Whoa!" I exclaimed - because it was a sight I'd never seen in the neighborhood before. No, Kurt Schmitz was NOT there begging for money....

A large fish was hanging against the fence, across the driveway from my back door. I've had neighbors hang laundry there to dry. But I didn't think there would be enough sunshine during the day to bake a fish.

Several minutes later, I spotted my next-door neighbor and made the obvious conclusion. He caught that fish - and that surprised me, because I didn't know him to do any fishing. He's carried a shotgun around the courtyard before [7 Nov 06]. But I thought his only other "sport" involved driving his old Volkswagen back and forth in the driveway.

"How big is that?" I asked my neighbor with a good amount of wonder.

"Twenty-one pounds," he answered. And he'd caught the catfish that very morning from the Chattahoochee River, a short walk from our homes. In April 2013, he might be more likely to catch a runaway raft.

"It took me 30 minutes," my neighbor said of his fight to reel in the giant catfish. "I had a 20-pound test line, but I broke that." Fishing is a lot like blackjack - with 21 beating 20 every time.

"I'm glad I brought my net with me," my neighbor said. That's how he finally snagged his 21-pound catfish. My neighbor is retired and skinny - but if he can make a catch of the day like that, there might be hope for me with women yet.

My neighbor did NOT offer to share his catfish with me. But that's OK - he earned every pound of it. Now if more people in the downtown area would fight fish, instead of other human beings....

This fishy discovery at the back fence would make a blogger's day all by itself. But then the evening TV news had curious sight #2 - a beer truck which rolled downhill without a driver, crossed Manchester Expressway and crashed into a furniture store. I've heard of rolling out the barrel, but this is a little extreme.

Police say the beer truck was parked outside a Chevron station at Manchester Expressway and Armour Road, when it somehow began rolling in reverse. It crossed ten lanes of roadway, then rammed into the Dream Center furniture liquidation center. A few people mistakenly thought the truck smashed into the old J.D. Kinder's Furniture - perhaps hoping for one extra "scratch and dent" sale.

Yet despite all this, the runaway beer truck apparently didn't injure anyone. One witness told WTVM she told the driver: "God was guiding his truck...." That indeed could have happened -- but comments like that one make scoffers shake their heads about Christianity. For one thing, Southern Baptists would say God has nothing to do with sin-filled beer trucks.

The smell of beer reportedly filled the air around Manchester Expressway, after the truck crashed into the furniture store. If this had occurred on parts of Second Avenue, crowd control officers certainly would have been required....

The runaway beer truck had an estimated 600 cases of beer inside. Clean-up workers were able to salvage some undamaged cans and bottles from the crash site -- so if I were you, I'd point unopened containers of Coors Light and Keystone Light away from my face for the next few days.

Of all the times for this disaster to occur - Monday morning, before the 7:00 a.m. "rush hour." That's not exactly prime-time for alcohol consumption. It's normally Thursday evening in Columbus before the interest in beer comes to a head.

The sights of fish and beer would have been enough to blog about - but then a surprise guest walked into my Monday night poker tournament at The Red Barn in Phenix City. He looked familiar, but no one mentioned the reason why. That darkened right eye on the man could have been a "psyche" job to scare opponents off the pot.

After double-checking the WXTX newscast, my suspicion was confirmed. It was the former Fort Benning soldier who was assaulted in downtown Columbus over the weekend. The newscast claimed he was still in a trauma unit - yet there he was playing poker. Either that's a sign of addiction, or this young man needs every dollar he can win to pay his medical bills.

The TV newscasts said this young man was beaten so badly, he could wind up with some memory loss. After watching him play poker, it doesn't appear he will. But part of me wished he'd forgotten how the game was played....

WRBL offered surprising statistics Monday night on the Uptown Columbus area. The number of "serious crimes" there has dropped by more than one-third since 2007. So the neighborhood may be safer than anyone realizes - except the mixed martial arts ring needs to be set up on days besides "Boots on Broadway" day.

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 921 (+ 25, 2.8%)

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

Monday, April 11, 2011

11 APR 11: Downtown and Dirty

The last time I went running at the start of the day was 31 Dec 10. First it was too cold, then my schedule did not allow it -- but Sunday morning it was time. The loud talking of neighbors outside my open window was all the "alarm clock" I needed....

Given the warm, humid conditions, the run was OK - 1.1 miles non-stop. I might have gone farther, but a chance to turn off Dillingham Street behind the Columbus State University RiverPark area was denied by a temporary fence. No, accused attackers were NOT on the other side clamoring for freedom.

Morning runs in the downtown area tend to be peaceful and uneventful. But this weekend proved the predawn hours can be dangerous. Two attacks within two blocks of each other left six people injured, six people under arrest -- and the nearest hockey game to blame was a good mile away.

Columbus Police say four Fort Benning soldiers attacked a driver on Tenth Street near the Government Center early Saturday. A fifth soldier reportedly only watched the beating, but was arrested for not reporting it to authorities. Was he resting for a combatants competition or something?

It's not clear what led to the beating, but the charges suggest two of the accused soldiers may have been drunk. And you simply do not tease a drunken soldier about losing paychecks in a possible government shutdown.

About 24 hours later, a Phenix City man reportedly drove to the 1000 block of Broadway and fired shots at four people. WTVM reported it happened outside Mario's restaurant. WRBL reported it occurred "next door to the Columbus State University bookstore." Hmmmm -- which TV station needs every advertiser it can keep these days?

One woman who says she was beaten by the soldiers admits she's scared to go downtown anymore. Yet police reportedly have increased their presence in that area on weekend nights. It's enough to bring calls for an "escort service" downtown -- only this one would be staffed with muscular bouncers.

Yet it seems there's an easy way to avoid becoming caught in these downtown attacks. Simply leave Broadway and First Avenue early. Both weekend incidents occurred well after midnight -- and as former pro football coach Tony Dungy likes to say, few good things happen after midnight. Anyone who's worked long stints on an overnight shift knows this too well....

There are other steps downtown businesses could take, in the wake of the weekend violence. Is it time to consider ending alcohol sales on Broadway earlier - perhaps at 12:00 midnight, instead of 3:00 a.m.? And shouldn't at least one law office in the Historic District stay open around the clock?

One downtown event which could be affected by the weekend attacks is the Frogtown Hollow Bluegrass Jam. That was the reason for the fencing along Dillingham Street. While the party included hot air balloon rides and people on stilts, organizers were wise enough NOT to set up a climbing wall to allow freeloaders practice.

The violence happened well after the Frogtown Hollow Bluegrass Jam ended for the night. Yet there could be some guilt by association - even though a martial arts display only lasted 15 minutes Friday evening.

-> Our other blog starts with poker, then goes in directions you might not expect. Visit "On the Flop!" <-

E-MAIL UPDATE: A message titled "Rapper's Delight" indicated one reader could relate to our Friday topic. But....

Richard,

If your readers take your April 8th advice on trying the Courier to read a review on rappers appear at Spring Fling I think they will be very disappointed. Actually, you seem to know a lot about Tung Twista and Waka Flocka Flame not to be into rap or rappers. You certainly know more about them than I do or anyone I know. Never the less, the Courier is not a source for the latest rap news and reviews, but does cover and uncover stories that others in the Columbus news media either do not know about or refuse to report. To each his own they say. It is certainly a free country, which is truly the beauty of it all. Say hi to Flocka and Twista for me.

Be well,

Brother Love, Director

Grassroots Unity Movement for Change

All I know about those rap stars is what I heard on National Public Radio or found on Wikipedia. Otherwise, I might have guessed "Waka Flocka Flame" was a chicken dish at Outback Steakhouse.

But hold on -- why not add "rap-ups" to The Courier? That tabloid used to have "Courier Cuties" in each issue. Why wait a month to see if Playgrounds Magazine even showed up at the concert? And why wait for mug shots of arrested performers to appear first in The Joint?

I'm holding one other e-mail until calls can be made about it - so let's see what else made news over the weekend:

+ Britt David Park hosted a "kickball for the cure" event to fight women's cancer. Isn't it amazing how this grade-school game has gained such a following among young adults? Maybe I should prepare for the next wave, and corner the market on tetherballs.

+ Oxbow Meadows held its annual "Reptile Fest," including a "Hiss Columbus Pageant" for lizard owners. Set those contestants loose in the middle of a Miss Georgia rehearsal, and you'll have the ultimate test of poise.

+ Augusta edged the Columbus Cottonmouths 3-2 to win the decisive third game of their hockey semifinal series. After a slow start to the season, the Snakes would up winning their first playoff series in several years. But I guess it's too late now to challenge the Atlanta Thrashers for the title, "Second-Best Hockey
Team in Georgia."

+ The Columbus Lions came from behind and kicked a last-second field goal to edge Fayetteville 29-28. The opponent for next Saturday night has changed to Mobile Bay, because Lafayette suspended its season due to a lack of workers' compensation insurance. Aw c'mon - real football players fight through pain, instead of filling out forms at a doctor's office.

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 896 (- 36, 3.9%)

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

Sunday, April 10, 2011

10 APR 11: Cross Over Into Campground

The good news is that I found my way to and from West Point Lake this year without any major problems. The bad news is that a couple of outside factors almost did me in - and for the first time in my life, I found myself praying that officials in Washington would allow me to attend a worship service.

For the third year in a row, the church group I attend held a weekend camp-out at West Point Lake. Trouble is, the leaders reserved space at Holiday Campground - an area managed by the Army Corps of Engineers. The way some fellow church members complain about the federal government, they must have overlooked this little detail....

I wondered if West Point Lake's parks might be affected by a partial federal government shutdown. Then WRBL confirmed it Friday evening -- Army Corps of Engineers facilities would close. But my church group already had a couple of dozen people at the campground. Thankfully, most of the strongest gun advocates didn't make the trip.

When I woke up Saturday morning, I didn't know if there would be an afternoon worship service at West Point Lake or not. I turn off my television Friday evenings for the Sabbath, and only turn it on for weather emergencies. And if the federal government really did shut down, I probably wouldn't notice until collection agents asked why I hadn't mailed bill payments.

(No, I did NOT join the campers for the entire weekend - only driving to Troup County for the day. I inherited a futon from a former roommate years ago. But I don't own a tent - and told friends for years my idea of "camping" was a Holiday Inn.)

After a morning stroll in the neighborhood, I went to my computer to see if the presiding elder had sent a message calling off the worship service. Only then did I learn another one-week federal budget deal had been reached Friday night. So did my prayers make the difference - or did too many soldiers threaten to stage a mutiny if they didn't get paid?

With Plan A for Saturday restored, I loaded the car and drove toward West Point Lake - but a tempting decision awaited me in LaGrange. A colleague told me Friday about a new bypass around the city which would save me time. I found it, and decided to turn onto it - even though the "road closed" signs dominated the westbound lane by a two-to-one margin.

The new Pegasus Parkway takes its name from the logo for ExxonMobil - but my colleague apparently didn't realize it isn't finished yet. When I saw a second "dead end" sign, I decided the road was right and the tipster was wrong.

A second delay occurred on Georgia Highway 109, which connects LaGrange with West Point Lake and Chambers County. One section had only one lane open, because a work crew was paving the highway. On a Saturday afternoon? In spring? Was this team expecting a cutoff of state road funding, too?

The delay only lasted a few minutes, and the rest of the trip went smoothly. The woman who gave me a three-dollar parking pass for Holiday Campground was happy a settlement in Washington occurred. "We would have been closed," she told me, "and had everyone out by Sunday noon." So there still would have been a worship service -- only without enough cable for speakers to reach me at the entry gate.

My church group seemed a bit oblivious to how the drama in Washington affected them -- even though a couple of men took laptop computers and "smart phones" to West Point Lake. If you're taking a laptop to a weekend camp-out, is this a sign of addiction?

We'll see if the budget tension persuades my church group to change its plans next year - perhaps to reserve a private campground at West Point Lake or state park spot, instead of an Army Corps of Engineers location. In the meantime, there's good reason for soul-searching. This group has taught for decades when worship services stopped in the U.S., Catholics from Europe would be behind it.

-> Our other blog starts with poker, then goes in directions you might not expect. Visit "On the Flop!" <-

SUNDAY SOAPBOX: Thursday's pronouncement of peace in Phenix City has at least one reader skeptical....

The only reason Jimmy Wetzel is playing nice (for a change) and "not letting sugar melt in his mouth" as the old folk used to say is...next year is election year and he plans to run for Mayor! He's got to say what he thinks the citizens want to hear and besides Mr. Lowe is African-American and he's got to get back on their good side to obtain votes across the racial lines also. Wetzel's "money man" backer is a man with a shady reputation and that's fact not fiction. If elected, he'll be back to his ways of "change" again, but not for the good I am afraid. Oh those politics and their strange bedfellows. I'll take bedbugs instead, at least you can fumigate them!

This alleged mayoral campaign was news to me, so I called Jimmy Wetzel -- but a message left Friday afternoon was NOT returned by Saturday night. I didn't tell him all the details of this e-mail, but I'm wondering if Wetzel's "money man" is Rep. Lesley Vance - the man responsible for that city council raise.

Our next reader noticed a free plug for a Columbus business at an unlikely place:

I was watching Animal Planet on Thursday and the show rescued an injured white duck..When they got him back to the shelter and a vet treated his wound they were trying to think of a name for him..One attendant suggested Donald,they all agreed that was too common..Then one suggested AFLAC..So,AFLAC got some free air time on a much watched TV cable channel..

As if Aflac needs free air time these days? The in-person search for a new duck voice has covered five U.S. cities, and even gained a mention in The New York Times. Put that newspaper together with a Twitter feed mentioning a birthday cake for Buddha, and it seems this duck flies far to the left.

The New York Times article claimed the new voice of the Aflac duck will be paid a six-figure salary. Well, that's certainly not chicken feed....

Our last message is from someone who thought we'd appreciate college basketball humor:

I saw Jay Leno last night and he commented on the Kentucky vs Butler game that he hadn't seen shooting that bad since Dick Cheney went hunting.

Huh?! Did the teams shoot so badly that men's national champion Connecticut is hiding its real identity?

When I wrote LaughLine for a national audience about ten years ago, I considered Jay Leno my unofficial competition. My older brother said he'd hear my online jokes from the morning on The Tonight Show that night. If only Leno paid me for them, the way he supposedly did for others....

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 932 (- 9, 1.0%)

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

Friday, April 08, 2011

8 APR 11: Waka-Whatta?

So has anyone asked the Columbus Civic Center staff why they held Spring Fling in South Commons one week before the Muscogee County Schools' spring break? Even Brookstone, Pacelli and St. Luke coordinated their vacation times to match the public schools -- although no one's bothered to turn off the St. Luke school zone lights on 11^th Street.

Perhaps the Columbus Civic Center held it early because of Thursday night's event - a "2-K-11" spring concert featuring several rap stars. It probably would sound too old-school and corny to promote it as the "tip-top in hip-hop."

True confession: I know very little about rap and hip-hop music. I liked the first couple of songs by The Sugar Hill Gang 30 years ago, but a downward spiral seemed to start from there. When I heard someone named Eminem had an album, I asked if it was the red one or the yellow one.

Even when I hear "Christian rap" music on WBOJ-FM, I change the station. And I'm a bit surprised country music fans have accepted Jason Aldean's "Dirt Road Anthem" - which has rapping at the speed of a pickup, as opposed to C.W. McCall's "Convoy" 18-wheeler.

But I suspect a big crowd attended Thursday night's rap-a-rama at the Civic Center. Reserved floor tickets cost 55 dollars - but for a show like this, it was almost worth pawning one of your gold teeth.

The biggest star at Thursday night's was a rising rapper whose name I actually knew. Waka Flocka Flame was featured awhile back on National Public Radio news. His home base is Atlanta, although some East Alabama residents can be forgiven for thinking someone named "Waka" is from Montgomery.

(Waka Flocka Flame actually gained that first name from a catch phrase of Fozzie Bear on "The Muppet Show." And that middle name makes me wonder if he submitted an audio clip to be the voice of the Aflac duck.)

Waka Flocka Flame was joined at the Civic Center by another rapper named Twista. Someone will have to tell me if he brought up the departure of Kurt Schmitz....

Twista rose to fame almost 20 years ago under the name "Tung Twista." Now this is truly bizarre - a man being required to cut off his Tung to enter a witness protection program.

Another act at the Civic Center rap roundup was the team of 8 Ball and MJG. I was surprised to read this duo has been rapping since 1992. Why, Kobe Bryant hadn't even started wearing number eight for the Los Angeles Lakers then....

I grew up in the Kansas City area, so I'm "big-city" enough to realize "8 Ball" used to be what people called Old English 800 malt liquor. Perhaps they still do, and I'm missing it now. My big beverage number these days is far below 800 - it's a Coke Zero.

But if you're waiting to read a review of the rappers -- sorry, try The Courier. While I went to Winterjam at the Civic Center in March, I stayed home Thursday night to continue Serious Spring Cleaning. Perhaps someone with a 55-dollar ticket will be "gangsta" enough to post pictures on the big star's website - you know, Flocker.

The rap concert meant the Columbus Cottonmouths couldn't practice inside the Civic Center Thursday, to prepare for tonight's semifinal series opener in Augusta. WTVM showed the team using the new skating rink next door. So apparently the rink finally is fit to use - and the Cottonmouths won't have to worry about any "checks payable."

SCHEDULED THIS WEEKEND: An interesting theory behind recent events in Phenix City....

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 941 (- 65, 6.4%)

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

Thursday, April 07, 2011

7 APR 11: Peace In Our Time

The future of Libya may be in serious doubt. The U.S. government may be at the brink of a partial shutdown. But there was a glimmer of hope for the future of the human race Wednesday - and of all places, it came from Phenix City. It was a moment worthy of shooting fireworks. With the proper notification and permits, of course....

There was Phenix City Councilor Jimmy Wetzel on WRBL, declaring it was time to end the "blame game" between the council and school district. Wow - maybe Wetzel actually WAS at Tuesday's council meeting. And maybe someone from the Pastoral Institute went to Phenix City to conduct serious counseling sessions.

I thought Jimmy Wetzel was the man who said Phenix City voters wanted change in November 2008. He voted for the removal of school board president Eddie Lowe last year as part of that change [6 May 10]. Now Wetzel apparently doesn't mind if Lowe returns to the board - unless, of course, no one else wanted to serve there.

Jimmy Wetzel admitted the Phenix City Council and school board didn't communicate with each other well, after the current council took office in 2009. You may recall a letter exchange between Wetzel and Superintendent Larry DiChiara, which included an intentional misspelling of DiChiara's first name [24-25 Nov 09]. Perhaps someone finally programed Wetzel's cell phone to put DiChiara on speed-dial.

Jimmy Wetzel added it's time for all sides in Phenix City "to put our energies toward moving forward." This indicates to me he's accepting last November's court ruling that the City Council cannot get involved in school district affairs [30 Nov 10]. Leave that microscope for the high school biology students, please....

For his part, Superintendent Larry DiChiara said he's pleased with this week's two new school board appointments by the council. He said a happy relationship "just makes sense." For DiChiara, it probably does - but for the people who consider political feuds a great spectator sport, it doesn't.

WRBL even tracked down a former Phenix City School Board President. Frankie Horace said he applied for another term on the board, but has NO hard feelings about this week's vote. Of course, he now has more free time to work on the tell-all book about the last couple of years....

So as they say in kindergarten, it appears Phenix City officials will all live happily ever after. But I'm left to wonder what happened to end the council-school district tension. Was there a hush-hush meeting somewhere, with leaders on both sides? Or did Dr. Phil McGraw offer to fly everyone to Hollywood for a televised intervention?

It's only a guess, but perhaps Jimmy Wetzel has discovered Phenix City schools really aren't doing as badly as critics claim. When the high school dropout rate is only three percent [16 Mar], that would appear to be a sign of success. Well, until someone e-mails Wetzel to claim Central High teachers are giving students the answers in advance.

-> Our other blog starts with poker, then goes in directions you might not expect. Visit "On the Flop!" <-

E-MAIL UPDATE: Our last post apparently left one reader disappointed - but not with me....

So,after reading your Wednesday blog I take it to mean we are stuck with our present city manager..Perhaps the money his lack of efficiency in office has cost the city can be deducted from his salary..

Huh?! What lack of efficiency? Why, Deputy City Manager Lisa Goodwin is overseeing so many things right now that I'm not sure she ever sleeps.

Another reader found an online plea stunning:

can u believe this....

this is one for the record books

The Craigslist ad warned "two adorable puppies" would die Wednesday, unless someone hurried to Columbus Animal Control and adopted them. I was unable to call that office during the day to learn what happened to them. If People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals rushed an emergency response team to Columbus, it would have been on the evening news.

Here's what else made news Wednesday....

+ The Alabama Department of Transportation announced U.S. 431 is finally a four-lane highway all the way from Phenix City to Dothan. This is a moment countless beach travelers have waited to see - but I have a funny feeling the smiles are even wider at the Russell County Sheriff's Department and Alabama State Patrol.

+ LaGrange Police reported a man robbed the Charter Bank branch inside a Piggly Wiggly store. TV news viewers across Columbus were stunned to hear this. They said out loud: "There's a Piggly Wiggly store with a bank branch inside it?!"

+ Three of the four former Auburn University football players accused of armed robbery appeared at a preliminary hearing. Three of the four may apply for "youthful offender" status with the court, because they're younger than 21. Aw, c'mon - they wouldn't get that privilege if they were caught holding.

+ Instant Message to Bermuda Tan on Macon Road: I noticed your sign promoting "hot new bulbs" for spring. Is it safe to assume you're NOT talking about tulips?

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 1,006 (+ 26, 2.7%)

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

Wednesday, April 06, 2011

6 APR 11: A Power Play Goal?

Last year's Columbus mayoral campaign had dozens of forums and debates -- and not one of them invited me to be a panelist/questioner/judge. I had the perfect question ready to ask, too. If you're elected mayor 2 November, should the city manager start e-mailing resumes 3 November?

In reality, the Columbus mayor has no authority to fire the city manager. But that could change in the next couple of years. Tuesday's Ledger-Enquirer reported a charter review subcommittee is discussing whether the mayor should have the power to fire not only the city manager, but the Police Chief and Fire Chief. Your vote for mayor could throw out more rascals than ever.

The current city charter states the Columbus mayor can "recommend the removal of the city manager and the city attorney." It's up to Columbus Council to decide whether or not to fire them. This way more people share the blame - a bit like the Butler basketball team in the NCAA men's final.

But the proposal in the charter review subcommittee would let the mayor directly fire the city manager, city attorney and public safety chiefs. A majority of Columbus Council could override that decision. But let's face it - you don't see METRA riders demanding bus drivers change their routes.

There's a big difference between recommending the removal of a high-ranking city official and actually doing the removing. The charter review subcommittee in effect is deciding whether the Columbus mayor should treat the city manager like a high school senior or a middle school newcomer.

Mayor Teresa Pike Tomlinson has contended all along her office has more power than some people think. But surprisingly, she's NOT embracing this proposed charter change. Tomlinson explained it's not good for a new mayor to make wholesale changes in personnel. This explains why President Obama kept George W. Bush's Secretary of Defense. Nobody else, but him....

Mayor Teresa Pike Tomlinson added the current format of "recommending" changes in key city positions requires her to build a consensus with Columbus Council. Translation: four or five smoke-filled rooms, instead of one with loud arguments.

Those comments may not settle the charter review question, but they suggest something else is settled. The new Columbus Mayor is satisfied with her city manager. After all, the 90-day probation period for Isaiah Hugley ended a few days ago....

Any proposed changes in the Columbus city charter would be subject to voter approval in a referendum. That vote probably won't occur before next year, so there's plenty of time to sort through the arguments - but I'll note one thing. If the subcommittee's idea was on the ballot in Venezuela, the State Department probably would condemn it once a week from now on.

Oh yes - if the Columbus mayor really has so much power, why is it taking so long to nominate a new Parks and Recreation Director? Aflac might select a new "duck voice" in a lot less time, and despite having thousands more candidates.

-> Our other blog starts with poker, then goes in directions you might not expect. Visit "On the Flop!" <-

E-MAIL UPDATE: Tuesday's admission about popcorn at the "picture show" brought a little skepticism....

I think that the info given you from a Carmike rep was a little "off base". The chain has changed names over the years from Martin Theatres to Carmike. When Carl Patrick ( Mikes Dad ) was CEO and the Beverly Theatre was operating in the Columbus Square Mall, Real butter was used on the popcorn there. Other theatres called theirs Buttered, but legal advice caused the term to be changed to Buttery Flavored.

Being associated with all the theatres in this area permitted me to eat lots of free popcorn over the years. That ended over 20 years ago, and at that time I believed that Theatre popcorn was the best you could get. Still do, although I haven't been inside a Movie Theatre since then.

I really enjoyed what you wrote about the butter.

Don P.C. Al.

Carmike Cinemas has existed since 1982. I moved to Columbus in 1997, so I can't speak for what happened before then. But if real butter leads to nasty-tasting popcorn, we may have uncovered a hidden reason why Columbus Square went out of business.

A place which longs for Carmike to come back to town tops our review of other Tuesday news....

+ The Phenix City Council approved two appointments to the school board. One of them is Eddie Lowe, who was removed by the council while serving as President last May. I admittedly didn't attend the council meeting - but this vote leads me to conclude Jimmy Wetzel must have been absent.

(Mayor Sonny Coulter said the council and school board will make a renewed effort to work together. Translation: we've officially reached the point where Phenix City Councilors are thinking about next year's city election.)

+ WLTZ also reported the Phenix City Council is considering new rules for yard sales. You could only hold them twice a year for three days at a time, after obtaining a free city permit. Mayor Sonny Coulter said some people are setting up tables in their front yards every weekend. High gas prices have made trips to the Lee County Flea Market cost-prohibitive.

+ WTVM reported Columbus Regional Healthcare produces $916 million in revenue each year. The good news here is that city funding for The Medical Center can be eliminated. The bad news is that even with the "great recession," too many Columbus residents keep getting sick.

+ A Floyd County, Georgia father was placed on probation and fined $300 for giving his son a tattoo. Eugene Ashley did it when the boy was three years old. So what's the official minimum age to start redneck training -- five or six?

(Ashley admitted he was drunk, when he tattooed the letters "DB" on his son's shoulder two years ago. If Ashley had been sober, things might have been different - and "Bud" would have been tattooed with the proper spelling.)

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 980 (+ 26, 2.7%)

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

Tuesday, April 05, 2011

5 APR 11: Butter Me Not

It's time again to see how old-fashioned I am. Am I the only person in Columbus who still has an "air popper" for popcorn? One which lets you melt butter on the cap, while the kernels heat at the base with no oil? I didn't say I still use one -- I simply have one, in case the microwave shuts down.

We're talking about popcorn today -- and it's all because the reader who gave us last week's earth-shaking news tip offered us one more....

Richard,

Glad you took the tip on Kurt Schmitz and made something of it.

Just a few notes...

I emailed Derek Kinkade (the same night as I did you) asking what had happened to old Kurt, and mentioning the ancient practice of cartouche-chisling. He (now, not surprisingly) has not yet responded, lol!

I am pleased that you got all that traffic from the story but... you should probably be glad that Sin City is gone because it may have beaten you to this! (Hat tip to that blog of yesteryear!)

Here's one more to chase down if you take the notion...

Severe rumor has it that Carmike Cinemas has discontinued serving real buttered popcorn in a number of their theaters (notably: Auburn, AL) and that has led to a number of angry complaints that are being routed away from public view.

Sincerely,

M. Krebbles

Opelika

We'll get to those references at the top -- but when someone invites me to have a big "scoop" of popcorn, I simply cannot resist.

If you think Carmike Cinemas recently made a big adjustment in its popcorn.... sorry, but I'm going to disappoint you. An executive with the theater chain told me Monday the recipe has NOT changed. In fact, it hasn't changed in decades. Where can moviegoers find a good taste bud specialist these days?

"We have not changed our formula in 20-plus years," Carmine Cinemas General Manager Greg Krannicker told me. He's also the Vice President of Operations - so this is a little like issuing a denial in stereophonic sound.

"We're using the same topping that we've always used," Greg Krannicker assured me. And to borrow from an old TV commercial: if you think it's butter.... but it's NOT. The special effects stretch beyond the screening rooms to the concession stands.

"We have never in the history of the company used real butter," Greg Krannicker admitted. Yet visitors to Carmike Cinemas can choose popcorn with "extra butter" on it. Let's face it -- asking for a bucket with extra margarine simply doesn't sound the same.

So why doesn't the "extra butter" on the popcorn contain any butter? Greg Krannicker explained it "has a terrible shelf life." If it sits too long, there's a "nasty effect" on the taste. And we certainly don't want any nastiness spreading from those R-rated films.

Greg Krannicker didn't reveal the entire recipe for the Carmike popcorn topping - but he said the chain uses canola oil, which is lower in fat than other options. You drive to the movies to get away from concerns about "big oil," and it's still lurking in the food.

I went to my pantry and checked two boxes of microwave popcorn for a comparison. Publix "Light Butter" is similar to Carmike Cinemas, containing canola oil. Kroger's "Butter" flavored bags actually have "partially hydrogenated soybean oil." Talk about wimpy - either go all the way with your hydrogen, or don't go at all.

A registered dietitian recently did her own analysis of Carmike Cinemas' popcorn, and concluded a small bag has 27 grams of total fat. While most of that fat is unsaturated, a small bag of air-popped corn has about 90 percent less fat. But of course, you'd look a lot fatter smuggling it into the theater under your jacket.

So do we have another big blog exclusive here? Welllll - a little bit. Carmike Cinemas admits its popcorn has NO real butter in it. But then again, it never has. So this is a little like revealing new details about the years when Frank Martin was Columbus Mayor.

Back at the top of the e-mail: WTVM's Derek Kinkade hasn't responded to my recent message, either. He's been busy, of course - doing weather reports six nights a week, and staying late Monday night watching for severe storms. It's one thing to allegedly plot a coup, but another thing to rule after that.

Lee County once had a blog called the "Sin City Inquisition and Bar-B-Q." It had an impact in the Columbus area for a while, but it disappeared a couple of years ago without explanation. Phenix City has its own inquisitor these days, of course -- and Jimmy Wetzel could have new accusations to offer at today's Phenix City Council meeting.

-> Our other blog starts with poker, then goes in directions you might not expect. Visit "On the Flop!" <-

E-MAIL UPDATE: Now from inquisition to "Inquirers." Another reader thought the newspaper made a big mistake Monday, and sent a message to us with the news. But this follow-up came later in the day....

Richard..Earlier today I sent you an e-mail that the Ledger Enquirer had the word Enquirer spelled as Inquirer...I now admit my mistake...That is the name given the article that investigates problems in the city..Look on front pg. of section B..A cool play on words...

So this is NOT a typographical error -- and I'm not sure many readers would think there's much of a difference, anyway. WTVM's spelling error Monday night was different. It showed on the screen a proposal for "tool booths" in Alabama. Lowe's and The Home Depot ought to introduce those at the upcoming NASCAR race in Talladega.

It's also not a mistake on the order of what The Columbus Times did two years ago -- when it somehow left the word "Times" out of its front-page masthead [17 Jul 09]. If Wane Hailes of The Courier stole it as a prank publicity stunt, I don't think it worked....

But this new Monday feature in the newspaper raises a question - why was it called an Enquirer in the first place, and not an Inquirer? The words practically have the same usage and meaning. Maybe the editors had trouble spelling 100 years ago, too.

Thanks to everyone who writes us. Now for some more quick write.... oops, not quick enough; we lost power from severe storms or more than two hours:

+ A Columbus Police officer was placed on administrative leave, after being arrested over the weekend. Authorities say Joel Reed slapped his 20-year-old daughter twice across the face, after a car crash near Lakebottom Park. That Coke Zero "blidd taste test" commercial during the basketball tournament obviously is to blame for this....

+ Muscogee County Republican Chair Seth Harp told WXTX President Obama could be announcing re-election plans early because he'll have opposition from within the Democratic Party. Really now - I think Hillary Rodham Clinton has made more trips lately to Iraq than to Iowa.

+ Aflac held a duck voice "casting call" in Atlanta. Candidates were asked to portray the duck with a variety of emotions. Let's hear the reaction after Gilbert Gottfried files a wrongful termination lawsuit.

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 954 (+ 30, 3.2%)

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

Monday, April 04, 2011

4 APR 11: Later For the Party

Didn't Columbus Police hear those campaign statements by the mayor? Don't officers realize all sorts of underutilized land on the south side need to be put to productive use? Can't a nightclub have a "sneak preview," like Macy*s does with one-day sales?

Columbus Police would have none of those arguments - as officers raided a new club on Cusseta Road over the weekend. The owner of the Parlay Lounge was arrested. This reminded of an old children's song - Hinky Clink-y Parlay Vous.

Columbus Police say the owner of the Parlay Lounge operated for two months without proper business licenses. Trina Boykins reportedly applied for them, but didn't have them yet. And I don't think "learner's permits" are allowed in Columbus for nightclubs.

Officers told the Ledger-Enquirer they raided the Parlay Lounge Friday night, because the owner was advertising it as "the hottest new club in C-town." So hot that public safety was called to put it out....

But on top of that, police say Trina Boykins advertised the Parlay Lounge as BYOB. That may violate a 2003 "brown-bagging" ordinance - which strikes me as strange, because Dunkin Donuts puts its baked goods in brown paper bags all the time.

Trina Boykins may have been so anxious to open her lounge that she asked customers to bring their own alcohol. She also reportedly wants to give exposure to Columbus rappers. Drink too much beer, and a rap artist might say what he really feels about law enforcement.

(Of course, if she really was so anxious, she should have set down in one of the lounge chairs and relaxed....)

Officers seized several bottles of alcohol as evidence against Trina Boykins. Now there's some evidence to liven up the next Columbus police auction - two-thirds full bottles of Jack Daniels.

Trina Boykins told the newspaper she still plans to reopen the Parlay Lounge, once she has all her licenses. She admitted she was not surprised by the raid, since "It's Columbus...." In other words, officers in this city are so weird that they enforce laws.

Take a drive down Cusseta Road, and you'll see there truly is plenty of room for new development. But somehow, I don't think a BYOB nightclub is what Mayor Teresa Pike Tomlinson has in mind. Especially since Memory Lane in MidTown actually sold alcohol, and still went out of business....

-> Our other blog starts with poker, then goes in directions you might not expect. Visit "On the Flop!" <-

BLOG SPECIAL EVENT: Our Original Big Blog Duck Hunt concluded Sunday night. Congratulations to Greg Atkins, a.k.a. "Duck #1" - as he gained more votes than three other candidates over the last two weeks. He shut out his final opponent. And since that other voice happened to be mine, I feel quite humbled right now.

Friday night was the deadline to submit entries in Aflac's "official" search for a new duck voice. The duck wrote on Twitter more than 11,000 people applied - which humbles me even more, since the only way a duck can write anything is with "you talk it types" software I don't have.

A few celebrities may be among the 11,000 duck entries. Cincinnati Bengals linebacker Dhani Jones said publicly he'd submit an audition tape - which should show how desperately football players need employment, since the National Football League locked them out.

The next step in finding a duck voice is by holding casting calls in several cities. Aflac's Twitter feed reports the new voice will be selected by late April, after finalists are posted on Facebook. Shouldn't potential ducks be waddling around Farmville?

So whatever happened to the fired Aflac duck voice? Gilbert Gottfried used his own Twitter feed over the weekend to apologize for "insensitive.... mean.... cruel" jokes - about shoes. Gottfried simply doesn't learn, does he? After all, "Cruel Shoes" was taken by Steve Martin years ago.

Let's flap our wings around the rest of the news landscape....

+ Playboy magazine held a talent search of its own in Auburn, looking for new college students to be "Girls of the S.E.C." It's enough to make some football fans long for the return of tearaway jerseys.

+ The Columbus Cottonmouths completed a two-game sweep of Huntsville, to advance in the Southern League playoffs. The Cottonmouths will meet Augusta in the semifinals beginning Friday -- a team with the Coach of the Year, Most Valuable Player and Rookie of the Year. And amazingly, all of those titles are held by different people.

+ The Georgia Dome in Atlanta was packed for WWE's big event of the year, Wrestlemania XXVII. I understand State Senator Josh McKoon was in the crowd - which means we'll probably have a hearing soon on how professional wrestling defrauds hard-working customers into thinking the matches are real sports events.

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 924 (- 33, 3.4%)

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

Sunday, April 03, 2011

3 APR 11: April Love

After a tumultuous week on Wynnton Road, the WTVM staff probably needed some good news. It came Saturday, with not one but two familiar names getting married. But alas, I was not invited to either event - so I couldn't act like TMZ and yell, "What about Kurt Schmitz?" from afar.

The local wedding of the weekend involved WTVM anchor Cheryl Renee. She became married to a man who's not a public figure, in a ceremony with only relatives and close friends -- so close that apparently some co-workers were not invited. Now that's the way to prevent leaks of vital information....

But some well-known WTVM personalities were on Cheryl Renee's invitation list. Greg Funderburg (who provides this photo) came back from Greenville, South Carolina. He works at the Fox station there, and has lost 66 pounds since leaving Columbus more than a year ago. Funderburg gave us "Get Moving Mondays" -- but maybe he really needed to move out of town.

Greg Funderburg invited me to join several current and former WTVM employees for a reunion dinner Friday night at the Cross Country Plaza El Vaquero. These days, the parking lot there offers a scenic view of the bulldozed former Service Merchandise store.

But much to my surprise, two WTVM reunion dinners were underway in the same restaurant at the same time. The other one had several current and former employees welcoming back former reporter Gretchen Bartelt. But while she brought a boyfriend, she was NOT the second person getting married. Bartelt was heading to that other wedding -- which makes all this about as complicated as an ABC soap opera.

"I'm working for the man," Gretchen Bartelt (shown with Jason Dennis) told me about her current "corporate communications" job in Milwaukee. But she got there by an unusual route - after working in Beijing, helping the country launch its first English-language newscast. So some might say Bartelt indirectly worked for "the man" years before. A man named Mao Zedong....

(I've heard one local pastor ask during a service why no one calls the country "Red China" anymore. Perhaps it's because no one calls the state "Red Georgia" for turning so Republican.)

But walking into this reunion put me in an awkward spot. A couple of current WTVM anchors greeted me - and I realized I might as well have dragged an invisible gorilla in the door. "Maybe I need a demilitarized zone," I said of the dining room tables.

But the current employees were friendly, and I said nothing more about the Kurt Schmitz departure to that group. The surprise guest star at that reunion was Richard Hyatt, who made an April Fool's joke at my expense. But if I'm posting the details first, maybe I have the last laugh.

After a short appearance, I eventually joined the other reunion party inside El Vaquero. We were joined by another former WTVM reporter, Chauncy Glover (together here with Curtis McCloud). Glover now is in Jacksonville, and gave me credit for breaking the Kurt Schmitz story here. For some reason, no one from the Ledger-Enquirer has done that yet....

Sports Director Dave Platta made a short drop-in at our group. He rolled his eyes when I used the moment to declare him "the winner of Survivor: WTVM."

So what about Saturday's second wedding? That was in Birmingham, and the blonde blushing bride was former WTVM reporter Ashley Nix (photo courtesy Facebook). As far as I know, there was NO satellite feed set up to coordinate this as a doubleheader.

Ashley Nix has been a TV reporter in Birmingham for several years. She's an Alabama grad, while new husband Keith Daniels is an Auburn man. Wherever they live, he'd better hide the pesticide.

-> Our other blog starts with poker, then goes in directions you might not expect. Visit "On the Flop!" <-

SUNDAY SOAPBOX: Now for the latest about the biggest controversy in Columbus - directly from one of the parties involved....

Richard,

Just for the record, I was eventually granted permission to take away my personal things from my office at WTVM, with employee "escort" who actually wound up helping me a lot. I completed this task yesterday (Thursday).

Kurt Schmitz

This could have ended much worse, you know. His belongings could have been offered in a yard sale outside the St. Jude Dream Home.

Meanwhile, your blog also has learned Kurt Schmitz has hired Columbus attorney Mark Casto as his legal counsel. His background includes all kinds of complaints which might be filed against WTVM - from age discrimination to "wrongful termination." But critics might say the station can hire its own "professional malpractice" attorney, since Schmitz didn't always get the forecast right.

Let's head back to Auburn Avenue, for something I did NOT see Friday night....

As I was leaving Deorios and a fine spaghetti dinner at Cross Country, I was approached by an older well-dressed woman who asked if she could "express my (her) constitutionally protected right to free speech." How could I say "No" to that?!

Sure enough, she went on a stemwinder that Senator Blutarsky hisself could have given. I knew full well the point of all this was that she wanted cash. To her credit, she managed to complete the circuitous linguistic route she was taking and asked for $50. My first thought was that many degreed folks who get paid five or six times that per hour would do well to observe and learn from her.

I told her I wouldn't help her today and she thanked me for my kind attention and then moved along down the hill.

This woman would fit in quite well down on Broadway with all the CSU folks. She'd also make any councilor who dared disagree with her at a meeting soon regret doing so.

Hmmmm -- a well-dressed woman in MidTown asking for 50 dollars. But I wouldn't consider Mayor Teresa Pike Tomlinson "older" at all....

I've met a few beggars who seem to use a "pay me to shut up" approach. One man near the Civic Center wanted money for something to eat - and when I offered him a brownie from my bag, he started talking about serving in Vietnam and having an attorney handle his finances. If he thought he could negotiate his way up to fried chicken, it didn't work.

But yeow - a woman asking a stranger for 50 dollars?! Either beggars are believing those warnings about approaching hyperinflation - or this is a prostitution who lost her way, after being chased off Victory Drive.

And it wouldn't be a Sunday these days without a message from this man....

"Sir" Richard:

No matter - what you call it! "Soapbox Sunday, or "Hurt'sboro Sunday! If it walks like a duck, swims like a duck or quacks like a duck - IT'S A DUCK!

Let me apologize for my past indiscretions, in sublety as far as any hurtful things I may have posted in regard to you. But I will remind you (of course it was in jest) that you haven't always been too kind to me either.

Many things have occured since I last posted - things that will have to be handled in the Russell County Circuit Court before I can divulge further information. Suffice it to say - "It aint over, 'til the fat lady sings.

One thing is certain though - "Hurt'sboro's garbage truck (as of this writing) sits disabled, with a full load of rotting garbage aboard, on Main Street in our fair town. Russell County agreed to furnish a truck and driver to pick up last week's garbage for $1,500.00, and it disappeared as if by magic.

Only time will tell what next week will bring!

As if the town didn't have enough problems with its finances and garbage - the Police Chief served notice that he's leaving at the end of March.

That's it for now, my dear sir. I certainly hope that you will get over your ruffled feelings, I enjoy jousting with you.

R.J. Schweiger

"This writing" actually was almost a week ago. For all I know, the Hurtsboro police chief's new job may involve fixing the garbage truck.

But to be fair, it's probably difficult for any small town to keep a police chief for long. It's a bit like the world of television news - with the temptation of larger salaries in larger cities. Columbus lost plenty of police officers to metro Atlanta in recent years for that reason. Sadly, they're more likely to be lost these days to charges filed by the District Attorney.

The only news mainstream journalists found in metro Hurtsboro this past week was nickel-sized hail from a storm. How many residents wished the hail really came in the form of nickels?

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 957 (- 72, 7.0%)

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

Friday, April 01, 2011

1 APR 11: Unsettled Airwaves

Of all the times to need a day off from blogging! Our apologies to everyone who looked for a Thursday post, but were disappointed. Please blame it on the needs of Serious Spring Cleaning - NOT any threats by WTVM's staff or management.

I should also note right away that I realize what day of the year this is. But it's my long-standing policy NOT to post prank or fake news items. After all, I write for laughs here about 300 days a year. And the world has enough liars already, without my adding to the trouble once a year.

A lot of new visitors have stopped by since we broke the news of Kurt Schmitz's firing Monday night. And a few people have asked me for the "real scoop" (or words like that) about what happened at WTVM. Sorry, but I've posted practically all I know. So far, no one has dropped off Schmitz's personal items on my doorstep.

Indeed, Kurt Schmitz told the Ledger-Enquirer at mid-week he has yet to regain his personal belongings from the Storm Team 9 Weather Center. It's as if WTVM managers found a special "clicker" Schmitz could use to zap the station off the air.

Many people have been commenting on the departure of WTVM's Chief Meteorologist - and here's one more thought from our InBox:

Kurt Schmitz was by far the best weather man on any Columbus station..I hope the powers that be at Channel 9 realize what a huge fan base he has..No more Channel 9 news ,weather and sports for me..Kurt you are a good man !!

If the managers didn't know it before, they should know by now. I even found a WTVM Weather post on Facebook which became filled with comments by Kurt Schmitz supporters. Now all they need is a public commitment of support by President Obama....

But that's not the only media outlet to shake things up this week. PMB Broadcasting ditched "The Ride" at 106.9 FM, and replaced it with a harder rock sound which seems designed to compete with WVRK-FM "Rock 103." The website sounds like some people's short driveways - 1,069 rocks.

If this news seems a bit familiar, it should. One year ago today, we reported on WRCG and 106.9 FM switching from news-talk to oldies music. Time has proven the "True Oldies" channel to be a false positive....

The True Oldies turned into Boomer 95.3, in a heads-up trade with "The Ride." Now WRCG and 1069.FM have made their third format switch in 365 days - and they might as well keep playing "Karma Chameleon" by Culture Club until they find something that works.

Some might call what's happened at WRCG and 106.9 FM evolutionary. It went from oldies rock-and-roll to "classic rock." It went from classic rock to "real rock." And before all that, WRCG rocked the local politicians with conservative talk shows.

But at this point, WRCG is NOT part of the switch to "real rock" It's off the air - but PMB Broadcasting manager Joseph Brannan told me Thursday night it's only temporary. He says parts are needed for the station antenna. And in AM radio these days, that's probably a bit like ordering parts for my 17-year-old car.

(I asked Brannan if WRCG was going the way of WIOL-AM 1580. The sports talk simulcast of 95.7 FM has been silent for about four months - as if it's been put on injured reserve until basketball season is over.)

Now let's get caught up on other news items from a fascinating week....

+ The Ledger-Enquirer tracked down the health problem of Columbus Councilor Judy Thomas. She was hospitalized with a heart condition - which is potential trouble in a city which still leans toward voting for Democrats.

+ Columbus Police reported someone stole $10,000 worth of copper from the Ledger-Enquirer building downtown. Isn't this amazing? The reporters have been so busy following police officers to find crimes that someone snuck in the back door.

+ A school bus caught fire while taking Hannan Academy students home for the afternoon. Hannan is a magnet school for "gifted and talented" students, so I'm a little surprised the children didn't create water on the spot to put the fire out.

+ The annual "drug-free" conference for sixth-grade students was held at the Columbus Trade Center. You could tell at a glance the pressure to behave was on this year. Not toward the children - toward McDonald's, which had a much smaller logo on the free T-shirts.

+ Phenix City school administrators showed off their new iPads for WXTX. Officials say they were purchased in part with local funds set aside for technology. But they'd better be careful - because Phenix City Councilors might decide to get even and ask the state legislature for another pay raise.

+ Winn-Dixie held a job fair for managers at one of its Columbus stores. So much for the speculation about Winn-Dixie possibly leaving the area. Job applicants are "Winn-ing" like Charlie Sheen.

+ The annual "Spring Fling" opened outside Columbus Civic Center. One promoted event this year is an appearance by "Statue Viva." Leaving a statue made of paper towels outside on rainy mornings had to be dangerous.

+ The Columbus Cottonmouths opened playoff action by handling Huntsville 4-2. Only 526 fans could watch at a practice rink in Huntsville. Wow - even the Columbus RedStixx topped that on a bad night.

+ The Columbus Sports Council announced the Peach Belt Conference baseball tournament will be played at Golden Park in mid-May. If it's good enough for this conference, why wasn't it good enough for the Columbus Woodbats last summer?

+ Alabama lost in the finals of the National Invitational Tournament. The Crimson Tide was whipped by Wichita State 66-57 - and after what happened to my alma mater Kansas in the NCAA tournament, the Jayhawks might want to stay on their own side of the Flint Hills for a while.

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The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

30 MAR 11: Back to You, Wayne

It appears our Blog Exclusive about the firing of Kurt Schmitz was the talk of the town Tuesday. For one thing, our blog "hit counter" had its busiest day for visitors since November 2008. The big topic then was Frank Lumpkin III, and an alleged victim's mother accused of shoplifting. I'm glad we've become a less crime-ridden city, so we can focus on other things.

Because of a tight Tuesday schedule, I only have time to offer a couple of e-mail reactions to the dismissal of Kurt Schmitz. The first comes from one of Schmitz's former colleagues at the WTVM anchor desk....

Hey Richard;

I was sorry to read about Kurt Schmitz's situation at WTVM. Unfortunately, I knew it was coming. Dee was forced out the door just as uncermoniously and I'm sure I would have been next if I hadn't chosen to retire early instead. I should have probably forced their hand. Dee got six month's pay and benefits. All I got was a BBQ picnic. They even forced me to sell back my Raycom stock at zero value. These people are ruthless!

I understand the ratings have declined since Dee and I left and they probably will sink further now that Kurt is no longer there, but I'm not sure WTVM cares. If you can produce a product cheaply enough, you don't need ratings to make a profit. The younger kids will work for less and are easily manipulated by management. No one talks about Journalistic ethics or credibility anymore. It's all about being famous. Dancing with the Stars or the Nightly News, it's all the same.

I worked a lot of years in a profession that I loved, but in the end, I was glad to be out of it. The days of Cronkite and Brinkley, i am sad to say, are no more.

Wayne Bennett

Dee Armstrong's departure in 2008 led to a lawsuit, which was settled outside federal court [17 Aug 10]. But I didn't know Wayne Bennett had to sell back Raycom Media stock. In fact, I didn't know you could buy Raycom Media stock -- unless you consider it's a branch of Retirement Systems of Alabama, and Bennett is paying Alabama income tax.

I don't have easy access to television rating reports, so I don't know if WTVM's numbers have dropped or not. But based on the online comments I saw Tuesday, some viewers plan to change stations because Kurt Schmitz is gone. Time will tell if it turns out to be a major cold front....

There's at least one place which still is concerned about journalism ethics. The Federal Communications Commission is cracking down on TV stations which show "video news releases" - news segments provided by businesses, which air without any on-air notice. Business leaders should act like President Obama, and face one news anchor at a time.

(By the way, "Dancing With the Stars" has become part of the evening news. WTVM seems to have a new in-depth report on the contest every week at 5:30 p.m.)

Wayne Bennett talked of retiring to Panama after leaving WTVM. But he lives in central Florida these days, because Panama didn't turn out to be the paradise he expected. That's too bad - because I don't think I ever formally wished him a "merry isthmus."

The Ledger-Enquirer ~~caught up with us~~ interviewed Kurt Schmitz Tuesday. Schmitz said he still loves weather, and has no plans to leave Columbus. Of course, he probably also had no plans to hire an attorney to work out a settlement on his new contract....

WTVM General Manager Lee Brantley told the newspaper's website he can't comment on what happened to Kurt Schmitz, because it's a "confidential personnel" matter. So you may have to settle for more editorials about the TV station's Facebook page.

Another reader was more surprised by the news about Kurt Schmitz:

"Sir" Richard:

I was stunned by the contents of your BLOG today! Thanks for giving us all an insight into what really goes on behind the camera.

The information you posted today just further confirms my contention that you are the only true source of news in our area. I certainly hope that my spate of E-mails; had no connection with your leaving WTVM, But if it did I'm sorry.

I should have known that I was putting pressure on the media workers - when one reporter disappeared from the scene, and others no longer followed my every move.

Today, I cannot get any attention at all, except from you. I'm certainly not guilty of causing Kurt Schmitz's problems but it underscores the careful line that folks in the media must walk to keep their jobs.

"Sir" Richard, I'm unable to give you any information about my problems with "Hurt'sboro for exactly the same reasons as those the reporter's and Bloggers face. But, when the lid comes off! You will be the first to know!

R.J. Schweiger

Let the record show Robert Schweiger's continuing comments on Hurtsboro did NOT lead to my departure from WTVM. In fact, a couple of his news tips wound up being "spoilers" -- taking scoops away from WRBL. In a town that small, secrets are much harder to keep.

There are several reasons why Kurt Schmitz is receiving so much attention while Robert Schweiger does not. Schmitz is a familiar face, and arguably the most trusted weather voice in the area. Schweiger wasn't even trusted enough to make the runoff of a three-way race for Russell County Commissioner.

(I'm a little surprised Schweiger didn't offer me the obvious follow-up story - and reveal all the imperfections of Hurtsboro's WTVM "Weather Watcher.")

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The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.