24 DEC 09: The Butler's Done It

Right when I think I've visited every nice restaurant in Columbus, I'm reminded of one or two I've missed. My last chance to try one of them vanished Wednesday -- like so many potato peels down a garbage disposal.

The Butler's Pantry closed its two Columbus locations, after 24 years in business. The deli on Auburn Avenue was especially popular - and now the staff at Temple Israel may have to cast lots to determine the most kosher place left for lunch.

WLTZ showed a "memory wall" inside the Auburn Avenue location, where customers left going-away messages. Several heaped special praise on the chicken salad at The Butler's Pantry - which only proves we're in the South, where many residents are programmed to eat chicken at least every other day.

But if all goes well, the chicken salad will not disappear completely. The Butler's Pantry plans to shift its focus away from delis, to products for grocery stores and other restaurants. That seems to be a trend in the food business - although I'm still waiting for supermarkets to carry something from Dunkin Donuts other than coffee.

The Butler's Pantry will partner with Columbus Gourmet to put its most popular items in grocery stores. I knew Columbus Gourmet was over Kendrick Pecans - but I didn't realize until I checked online that it also offers "Dodge City Steaks." That's yet another sign we're in the South. I grew up in Kansas City, where no one ever referred to steaks as coming from western Kansas.

But there's an intriguing side story at The Butler's Pantry, which you might have overlooked. The business has been owned for about six years by Trip and Teresa Tomlinson - yes, the Teresa Tomlinson who's in charge of MidTown Inc. So she's closing her own deli in the heart of her own beloved neighborhood. But please, pay more attention to the nice new trees and brickwork on Wynnton Road.

On top of that, Columbus Gourmet opened a new office earlier this month in the Corporate Ridge Industrial Park. That's on Cargo Drive - well outside the MidTown Inc. boundaries. But come to think of it, Schatulga Road has had a shortage of retail shops for even more years than MidTown....

The Butler's Pantry web site was NOT updated Wednesday night, to reflect the closing of its retail shops. But it includes this quote from Teresa Tomlinson: "The Butler's Pantry is part of the character of this community." So was the Kinnett Dairy - which is now down to a wayward cow outside a Best Buy store.

Keep in mind that Teresa Tomlinson has been rumored as a possible candidate for Columbus Mayor next year. Could a shift in business strategy for The Butler's Pantry hurt Tomlinson's image with voters - that she doesn't love MidTown enough to keep her own business there? Or will male voters ignore that, and simply consider her the best-looking candidate in decades?

Fans of The Butler's Pantry will be able to make one last "pick-up" sometime in January, when the furnishings from the two locations go on sale. I'm more curious to learn who will get custody of what the web site calls "an extensive collection of small, eclectic" wines. Will the Tomlinsons keep them - or perhaps ship them to Eclectic, Alabama?

Now let's see if we can make chicken salad out of sense of other Wednesday news:

+ Which areas of Fort Benning are making employees work today, when they've supposedly been off on 24 December in other years? I really can't imagine soldiers are going to stage a Benning Tea Party, to mark the health care reform vote.

+ Georgia Governor Sonny Perdue asked Attorney General Thurbert Baker to examine whether the state can file suit, to block the Senate's health care reform bill. The governor should look on the bright side. The way it's written right now, low-income people could flee Georgia for Nebraska in record numbers.

+ Acquitted attorney Mark Shelnutt told WLTZ he put in "20-hour days" preparing for his federal trial. He shouldn't really complain about that - because all those "20 hours" kept him from receiving 20 years.

+ The Russell County Commission voted 4-3 to accept a merger agreement of animal shelters with Phenix City. Commissioner Peggy Martin said it came down whether the county would buy out the city's shelter, or the city would buy out the county's shelter. About 60 years ago, this might have been settled with a big poker game on Broad Street.

(Members of the Russell County Animal Shelter board don't like the merger. They say Phenix City doesn't want to pay for a veterinarian to visit the animals every day. Maybe city council members plan to stop by, after hanging around City Hall for hours each day.)

+ A nightclub on Broadway held a contest to find the "tackiest Christmas sweater." If you have one that's a mix of bright red and forest green, remember something -- it's also appropriate for Cinco de Mayo, because you'll look like the Mexican flag.

+ The University of Alabama announced a lack of money will prevent 25 alternate members of the marching band from traveling to California, for the Bowl Championship Series title game. Isn't this amazing? Even the "Million Dollar Band" has lost some value to inflation.

+ Roundball Night in Dixieland (tm) featured Georgia's men flattening Florida Atlantic 77-60. The Stegeman Coliseum scoreboard malfunctioned at one point, and showed 1:82 to play [True/WHAL-AM]. Die-hard Athens rock fans saw that time, and blinked.

(Am I the only one who thinks it's weird to hear Dennis Felton as an analyst on the Bulldog Radio Network? He was Georgia's head coach less than a year ago -- and he was fired, instead of resigning. Is Felton talking up the Bulldogs with severance payments, or hush money?)

+ Instant Message to the organizers of the Tour de Georgia bike race: Too bad you've called off the event again for 2010. Columbus has a challenging new course nearly ready to use - and I'm sure the contractors could leave a few railroad ties on it, to make things more challenging.

2009 IN REVIEW CON'D: May was marked by several major moves in Columbus. The Mildred Terry library branch was moved to a new location. Wayne Bennett moved off the TV anchor desk, and tried to move to Panama. But amazingly, no one seemed moved enough to protest a revival by Dr. Jeremiah Wright.

(We say "tried to move" because Wayne Bennett is telling friends he now lives in Florida. If I had to choose, the Panama City in Florida probably would be more in my comfort zone as well.)

This blog broke a big education story in May - the suspension of a Georgia teaching certificate for once-praised Rigdon Road School Principal Phyllis Jones. So does anyone know what she's doing these days? Is Jones living out her retirement dream, by attending the wrestling matches in Phenix City?

The Muscogee County School Board voted in May to begin a new health curriculum for ninth-graders, promoting abstinence. But it's being implemented over four years - so for awhile, "WAIT-Training" is more likely to refer to the Carver High School football team.

May also was the month when Mark Shelnutt was indicted on 40 federal counts -- including alleged bribes involving University of Georgia football tickets. Shelnutt wound up 40-0, while the Bulldogs went 7-5. So you tell me who's more likely to be the "hot ticket" in 2010.

May was a historic month in Phenix City. The mayor and council voted themselves a big pay raise, only weeks after two members quarreled in the middle of a meeting. Love may conquer all, but a profit-sharing plan can come pretty close....

But not all was well in Russell County during May. The Boys and Girls Clubs lost their charter. Phenix City Mayor Sonny Coulter declared the Phenixian project as good as dead. And the discovery of an eight-foot-long alligator in Fort Mitchell should have been a sign that many lawns would become swamps.

May was the month Columbus lost the Spanish-language radio station "Viva 1460." I miss that station at this time of year - because if they're playing annoying Christmas music, I'm much less likely to know it due to fast-talking singers.

But not all the news was depressing in May. Restaurateur Scott Ressmeyer went on a cross-country motorcycle ride for charity. Lance Foods announced an expansion in Columbus. And the "Fountain City" nickname gained new popularity - albeit when Deputy Fire Chief Jerry Fountain was arrested.

A new amateur baseball team for Columbus gained a nickname in May - the Woodbats. So far, the managers are living up to their promises. I've yet to hear a single threat to move the team to Kentucky.

SCHEDULED FRIDAY: Since so many others are doing it, we try a cost-cutting experiment....

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The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

© 2003-09 Richard Burkard, all rights reserved.

23 DEC 09: Moving Out, Moving Over

There was a big news event in Columbus Tuesday, involving a local business. But several readers have made clear I must not joke about it, because a relative of a key figure is dead [8 Dec]. Let's hope nothing bad happens to anyone in Phenix City government for the next three years....

(Maybe WTVM received the same complaints I did. They didn't attend Tuesday's big news event. The other TV stations made it a top story, so they apparently have nothing to lose.)

Given this guidance, we had to look outside Columbus for a main topic Tuesday. Thankfully a couple of politicians cooperated, by announcing surprising decisions. One week after visiting Columbus to promote her bid for Georgia Governor, Karen Handel announced she's resigning as Secretary of State. Critics will say she can't Handel two things at the same time.

A statement from Karen Handel says she's leaving the Georgia Secretary of State's job one year early to avoid any appearance of a conflict, as she runs for Governor. That's strange - former Secretary of State Cathy Cox didn't do that in two different elections, and she lost both of them.

Karen Handel adds she wants to show she's "all in," when it comes to a campaign for Governor. There, you see - if a Republican like Handel can use poker phrases, it must not be gambling.

But WRBL pointed out one interesting aspect of Karen Handel's decision. Georgia state law bars elected officials from campaign activities during a legislative session. By leaving the Secretary of State office at the end of December, Handel doesn't have to worry about that rule. She can follow Sarah Palin's example, and appear on the Oprah Winfrey Show during January.

One poll suggests Karen Handel is second place right now, among Republicans running for Georgia Governor. So she might need those extra weeks to campaign - because the G.O.P. has yet to conclude Handel's "Messiah."

The second surprising announcement Tuesday came from north Alabama. Congressman Parker Griffith announced he's switching to the Republican Party, one year after he was elected as a Democrat. Never underestimate the example of Senator Richard Shelby....

Rep. Parker Griffith told reporters a year in Washington has shown him "the differences between the two parties could not be more clear...." Did Griffith really need to be elected to Congress to learn this? He could have scanned the cable television dial on an average weeknight.

Rep. Parker Griffith faulted the Democratic Party for promoting "massive new spending, tax increases, bailouts...." What IS the deal with these politicians - focused on nothing but money?

Parker Griffith was considered a "Blue Dog Democrat," much as Rep. Sanford Bishop is. But Bishop remains loyal to the Democratic Party - which I guess makes him Northside High School dark blue, while Griffith was a Carver High School light blue.

-> Our other blog starts with poker, then goes in directions you might not expect. People around the world visit "On the Flop!" <--

E-MAIL UPDATE: Our review of 2009 brought a challenge from a reader Tuesday....

Sir-

Actually, you are mistaken when you say there isn't a nice restaurant within 300 feet of the new National infantry Museum. There is a very nice restaurant inside called the Fife & Drum! Have you visited the new museum?

Also, there is a chapel on the property although I think it is probably more than 300 feet from the museum.

The entire place is amazing and a fitting tribute to those who have served and sacrificed.

- D. Thompson

Yes, I've been inside the museum several times. In fact, this blog reviewed The Fife and Drum only weeks after it opened [10 May]. But I don't really consider that "close to" the museum (as we worded it), because it's actually inside the building. It's a bit like keeping your kidneys close to your body.

I'm also aware of the "Chapel and Mess Hall" on the National Infantry Museum grounds. The chapel can be rented for weddings and memorial services. I don't know if any church group is using it for weekly services -- but I assume pacifist Quakers would NOT be welcome.

Before we continue our year-end reflections, let's check other Tuesday headlines:

+ The Literary Alliance handed out free books to children at seven Columbus housing complexes, accompanied by police officers. Huh - police again?! Have that many grown-ups been stealing gifts, then selling them on eBay for fast money?

+ The Eufaula Tribune reported Quitman County will receive five million dollars in federal stimulus money to improve Union Church Road - an eight-mile road with one church and 12 houses. These rumors about new Wal-Mart SuperCenters are getting out of hand....

(Quitman County Manager Larry Clark admits no one in the county asked for the federal stimulus money. It's not even on the federal government's "Recovery" online map. But Rep. Sanford Bishop apparently lobbied for it - and come to think of it, there's still no area highway named in his honor.)

+ Troy Public Radio's "Community Focus" featured an official with the Alabama State Parks system. He said the renovated Lakepoint Resort near Eufaula includes a shower that measures four-by-five feet. He actually seemed impressed by that - but compared to where I live, it's the equivalent of a double-wide bathtub.

+ ABC "World News" showed a recent taxpayer-funded party by Federal Aviation Administration officials in downtown Atlanta. In fact, it occurred in the atrium of CNN Center - which leads me to ask why CNN didn't have this story first. The cable network must be so low on money that everyone is taking a lunch to work.

+ The Columbus Cottonmouths were handled by Huntsville 4-2, in a game which had a fight after only three seconds of play. So much for those hackneyed platitudes about "peace on earth" and "good will...."

+ Atlanta's baseball team traded pitcher Javier Vazquez to the New York Yankees, for outfielder Melky Cabrera. Some Atlanta fans are enraged by this move - but look on the bright side. When someone goes up to a player next season and asks, "Got milk?" he can answer, "Well, sort of."

2009 IN REVIEW CON'D: April was a scary month in some ways. First a tornado cut through downtown Columbus and Phenix City. Then a giant Columbus Water Works tank collapsed. Perhaps the installation of a "hurricane simulator" at Peachtree Mall prevented things from being even worse.

This blog had a couple of surprising exclusives in April. First we broke the news that Fiesta Columbus was canceled "never scheduled" by the Civic Center for 2009. Then an official with the Columbus NAACP blew up the excuse that President Bill Madison resigned due to an "ailing wife." Simply because the agency's budget is ailing doesn't always mean a wife is.

The lack of a "fiesta" wasn't the only news from South Commons in April. Golden Park hosted a college baseball tournament which had hardly any publicity. And a skateboard park had its "grand opening" ten months after the real opening - which doesn't really help with that "Columbus is behind the times" stereotype.

A tight economy forced the city of Columbus to order a hiring freeze from April through June. Some people wanted it continued until the end of the year - but the new Crime Prevention Director was approved, anyway.

The parent company of Peachtree Mall filed for bankruptcy protection in April. But despite some rumors, the mall remains open this week - with sales which could drive credit card customers bankrupt.

Even local media were affected by the tight economy in April. WDAK fired morning show co-host Chris Weber. WRBL dropped 90 minutes of daily newscasts. Yet WLTZ found the money to broadcast The CW Network on a second channel - so those "Vampire Diaries" marathons must not cost an arm and a leg.

April was the month "Columbus Tea Party" protests began downtown. I still don't understand why a barbecue restaurant isn't sponsoring those things....

April was also the month when Muscogee County school officials decided to tear down Carver High School, and build a replacement. The school board showed it had learned a lesson - that one historic high school sitting idle with peeling paint is enough.

The crime blotter in April included a federal raid at the Ritmo Latino nightclub. The managers' next big event might be billed as "So You Think You Can Dance - wearing leg shackles."

One of the most curious sights in April involved Auburn city council member Arthur Dowdell, picking up Confederate battle flags from cemetery plots. Amazingly, he never offered them to people attending the Sticks country music festival.

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BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 379 (+ 17, 4.7%)

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

© 2003-09 Richard Burkard, all rights reserved.

22 DEC 09: Fire and Fur

Today we borrow from Charles Dickens, and present a tale of two hospitals. Monday was the best of times for one, and the worst of times for the other. One had an event which was warm all over -- while executives at the other feared things would become much too hot.

The first hospital to get attention Monday was Columbus Regional Medical Center. A fire broke out in a kitchen, while workers prepared breakfast for patients. The smart-aleck patient who requested oatmeal fajitas needs to stop that....

Fire calls to The Medical Center happen all the time - but the vast majority of them turn out to be false alarms. This one was real, as smoke from the kitchen reportedly could be seen miles away. Besides, the hospital can't possibly have THAT many employees smoking outside the door at once.

(The fire apparently was declared a "Code Red." Either that's a really serious emergency, or Columbus Councilor Red McDaniel is there for an inspection.)

Columbus fire crews kept the damage to a Medical Center kitchen. Some people on the first floor were evacuated, but no patients had to be moved out. In fact, a few probably hoped their expensive medical records were going up in smoke.

Deputy Fire Chief Greg Lang says the Medical Center fire was traced to a flexible natural gas line behind a stove. The gas line ruptured - and suddenly the hickory flavor to the bacon was replaced by something else.

Until the Medical Center kitchen can be repaired, patients will have their meals delivered from Doctors Hospital. If Rose Hill Seafood served breakfast, the managers could have enjoyed a year-end windfall.

The scene was very different later in the day at St. Francis Hospital. This time the visitors were not firefighters, but law enforcement officers. And in a bit of a surprise, the officers did NOT try to persuade hospital security director Joe McCraa to return to a public safety job.

A mix of law officers continued a 20-year tradition, by delivering gift teddy bears to patients at St. Francis Hospital. A Georgia State Patrol officer explained it was an opportunity to show law enforcement in a "different light." You know, as opposed to flashing blue....

But something seemed missing from this event. Maybe I'm showing my age -- but if you're going to give away teddy bears, shouldn't an Elvis Presley impersonator be there to sing about them?

While we're talking about hospitals, the Ledger-Enquirer had a story the other day about the old Phenix Regional building. It's been vacant for years, its future apparently is still in doubt - and there's not even talk about putting a combined city-county animal shelter there.

-> Our other blog starts with poker, then goes in directions you might not expect. People around the world visit "On the Flop!" <--

BLOG UPDATE: We were first to mention last week that Jason Dennis is becoming the 5:00 p.m. and 6:00 p.m. co-anchor on WTVM. Now he's disclosed online Barbara Gauthier will continue to anchor the 11:00 news by herself. Dennis DOES look young, after all - and Columbus has city curfew rules.

Now we operate without an anchor (or even a paperweight), in reviewing other Monday news....

+ The morning low in Columbus was the coldest of the season, at 27 degrees F. Atmos Energy employees finally feel comfortable about holding a holiday party.

+ Acquitted attorney Mark Shelnutt filed a motion in federal court to have the government pay his expenses for his recent trial. If you think about it, this is shocking - because Democrats don't often support "loser pays" rules in court cases.

(Shelnutt's motion claims the legal fees and other bills come to about $250,000. There's another way to raise that money, of course. But this time, Shelnutt would have to stand at the doorway of a Publix store with a box - instead of walking around the parking lot.)

+ A court hearing in Connecticut considered whether Pratt and Whitney can be blocked from transferring hundreds of jobs to its Columbus plant. The machinists' union claims its contract requires the company to make "every reasonable effort" to keep jobs in Connecticut. So when does NCR plan to file a "friend of the court" brief?

+ Russell County Sheriff Tommy Boswell was named to the Alabama Historical Commission. Then Boswell asked county commissioners to hire an architect to expand the jail - perhaps forgetting the county firing range already is named after him.

+ Parts of Hurtsboro were added to the National Registry of Historic Places. They include a downtown bank which is now the library, Perry Hardware - but for some reason, former Constable Robert Schweiger and his horse were left out.

+ Auburn University football coach Gene Chizik suspended two running backs, after they were arrested on drunk driving charges. They could have played in the Outback Bowl - but now they're simply out.

+ Instant Message to the Columbus Civic Center: That's some uncanny timing you have - holding your next mixed martial arts card on 15 January. You know, the day when Martin Luther King Junior was born....

2009 IN REVIEW CON'D: March began with an unusual sight in Columbus - a Sunday morning snowstorm. So has anyone checked local hospitals this month, to see if the birth rate is higher?

The snow was followed by a five-inch mid-March rainstorm, which led to flooding in some Columbus neighborhoods. This should have been a sign that a wet year was ahead -- but local officials kept stalling on making the Chattahoochee River a kayaking course.

As it happened, Columbus Water Works marked "Fix-a-Leak Week" during March. The utility later realized how much it costs to do that -- hundreds of thousands of dollars, to settle lawsuits near River Road.

March was a difficult month in some ways for Columbus Police. One officer was charged with helping in a bank robber. Another officer was the target of NAACP calls for a state investigation. So when a program called "Cops and Clergy of Columbus," was announced, a few people expected it would include confessionals.

Not even the Muscogee County Marshal was immune, as rumors surfaced about political favoritism in the Junior Marshal program. Those rumors eventually were dismissed - but Greg Countryman probably wished the robotic talking dog he introduced in March was equipped with real teeth.

In a stunning move, the editor of the Ledger-Enquirer turned against District Attorney Julia Slater in March with a scathing front-page commentary. But that strategy must not have done much good. If newspaper employees had to take furloughs later in the year, cranky Republicans still must be staying away.

Several curious crimes made news in March. Federal agents raided the Joche and Associates tax offices. Someone was charged with cattle rustling in Hurtsboro. And a brawl broke out at Chuck E. Cheese in Columbus - which we're happy to report had nothing to do with using rustled cattle to top pizzas.

Aflac stock hit a low price of $10.83 per share during early March. It closed Monday at $46.18 - which optimists see as a sign the economy has recovered well recently. Of course, pessimists see that big nine-month jump as evidence of hyperinflation.

Columbus Council voted in March to have the city buy the Legacy Terrace apartments, east of downtown. Perhaps in 2010 they will be converted into luxury flophouses for recovering panhandlers.

Columbus Council also approved new rules for restaurant alcohol sales in March. Drinks now can be served within 300 feet of schools and churches - yet there still isn't even a church close to the National Infantry Museum, much less a nice restaurant.

Columbus received a top national ranking in March from U.S. News and World Report - the best U.S. city for older single people. By some definitions, I'm one of those. Yet I lack one key element for finding older single women - membership in a military veterans club.

The Columbus Cottonmouths took an unusual break from their playoff drive in March, by traveling to metro Atlanta for a NASCAR race. So why haven't any NASCAR drivers returned the favor? I can think of a couple who could give the hockey players a good fight in the middle of the rink.

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BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 362 (+ 10, 2.8%)

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

© 2003-09 Richard Burkard, all rights reserved.

21 DEC 09: Bandz on the Run

The church congregation I attend had a chili supper over the weekend - and a woman at my table talked about Columbus stores being completely out of something. Given the way 2009 has gone, I would have guessed there was a regional umbrella shortage.

But the woman mentioned an object which was completely knew to me. She'd seen a report on WTVM that Columbus stores are completely out of "Silly Bandz." In a way, this didn't surprise me - because the game show "Jeopardy!" stopped the "Silly Songs" category a long time ago.

An online check confirmed the woman's statement - that for a time, no Columbus stores seemed to have Silly Bandz. They're rubber bands molded into shapes, such as stars or animals. Since activist groups are likely to declare "animal crackers" abusive sooner or later, this could be a safe alternative.

The idea is for you (well, really your children) to buy a package of Silly Bandz, then wear them on your wrists. Gladys Griffin of Main Street Toy Store says some youngsters wear 15 or 20 at a time -- almost making Lance Armstrong with his single yellow wristband look like a wimp.

Gladys Griffin says Main Street Toy Store faced a two-month back order for Silly Bandz recently. Once they came in.... well, I'd say they sold like hotcakes. But these things come in packs of 24 or 36, so they may be selling even faster than that.

I don't really have a need for Silly Bandz. But I'm more intrigued about the thought of Columbus having "silly bands" - as in musical groups. You know, the sort of groups that the Columbus Symphony and George Corradino might want to run all out of town.

Several bands performing at Columbus clubs have names which strike me as silly. Consider some of the groups on this month's schedule at Soho Bar and Grill:

+ Groove Stain. You shouldn't be gulping down energy drinks near the turntable in the first place.

+ Double Barrel Democracy. Some would say this describes the transition of power in Iraq.

+ Manmade Sea. I did something like this when I was a boy - except I pretended the kitchen sink full of water was a motel swimming pool.

+ Refuse the Fall. Aw, c'mon - go without college football season?!

-> Our other blog starts with poker, then goes in directions you might not expect. People around the world visit "On the Flop!" <--

E-MAIL UPDATE: It didn't take long for a nomination to arrive in our 2009 "Joke of the Year" contest....

The Witch Hunt, Shelnutt Trail and Fed Prosecutors- -This may be the biggest Joke of the Year!

Oh Yeah ... and plenty of jobs....LMAO

Maybe we should combine those two -- since the Mark Shelnutt trial provided daily payments for a dozen federal jurors.

We're really more interested in your ideas for the best joke we've posted in 2009. But keep the nominations coming anyway - and let's check other discoveries from the weekend:

+ Ledger-Enquirer reporter Sonya Sorich's blog announced the former Memory Lane club in Midtown is now the "Sky Night Club." It didn't last long under the name Aqua - especially once all the rain started falling.

+ The Atlanta Journal-Constitution web site had a headline: "LEGISLATURE TO FOCUS ON ETHICS IN 2010." If Georgia lawmakers want to start a couple of weeks early, most people probably wouldn't mind.

+ The Atlanta Falcons scored a touchdown in the last two minutes to jolt the Jets in (New) Jersey 10-7. At least I think the Falcons won - but when the Fox scoreline said 10-7, Dick Stockton claimed for about 30 seconds the score was tied. This may explain why Stockton's wife Lesley Visser is in the Pro Football Hall of Fame, and he isn't.

(The Falcons gained what Fox called their first "regular season outdoor cold-weather win" since 1982. I'm amazed pro football teams keep detailed statistics such as this. Someday I fear we're going to find out they keep win-loss statistics for individual cheerleaders.)

+ The Auburn men's basketball team lost at home to Sam Houston State 107-89. Sam WHO-ston?!?! Talk about embarrassing - the Tigers can't even win a game against Sam's club.

2009 IN REVIEW CON'D: February was marked by major changes in Columbus. A new school superintendent took over. WLTZ and GPB made "The Big Switch." And the weather changed from tornadoes to snow in 24 hours, as if the Columbus area had moved to Colorado.

OK, the snowfall actually occurred on 1 March. But severe storms the day before damaged a school and homes in Salem. Maybe the drive-in theater which opened there earlier in the month should have shown "Twister," to get that scare out of the way.

Speaking of east Alabama, Russell County officials moved into a new Government Center during February. Perhaps Commissioner Ronnie Reed will revise one of his February proposals in 2010 - and have the building named after President Obama, instead of Broad Street.

Phenix City announced an economic development agreement with Troy University in February. You can see the fruit of that already - or did you notice the old Wendy's on the 280 Bypass is now the second location of Shark's Fish and Chicken?

The economy remained a concern in February. Aflac's stock dropped so low that Dan Amos gave up his annual bonus. And WRBL's news ratings apparently dropped so low that the 12:00 noon and 5:00 p.m. newscasts started evaporating on sunny days.

An unusual media feud fired up in February, when the publisher of The Courier challenged Piggly Wiggly over its advertising decisions. It's a good thing that was settled before Frank Myers filed his lawsuit - because a tabloid paper can only hold so much news at one time.

All sorts of education news made headlines in February. Muscogee County schools received a donation of musical instruments and computers from the rock band Widespread Panic. Then Valley High School faced Montgomery Carver in the boys' basketball playoffs - and there was a real widespread panic on the court.

Columbus High School announced the retirement of its principal in February. Then reporters discovered Susan Bryant's teaching certificate had been suspended by the state. Then Bryant received an award from the Georgia PTA. About the only thing she didn't do was set off fireworks at a football game.

Then there was the parent who called on the Muscogee County school board to remove library copies of the book "My Brother Sam is Dead." This was way back in February - when it was OK for this blog to crack jokes connected with that sort of thing.

In higher education, a merger of programs in February allowed Columbus Technical College to begin certifying truck drivers. I'll assume the new billboards warning a Columbus firm sues "careless truckers" is simply a coincidence....

The big local sports story of February came from Carver High School. All-state linebacker Jarvis Jones announced he would play college football at Southern California. So why doesn't Jones have his own reality show yet?

(BLOGGER'S NOTE: The jokes for today are concluded - but you're welcome to read on for details about a special request.)

BUT SERIOUSLY: We received a shocking and sad call Sunday from a blog patron we've mentioned here several times. Columbus fireworks show specialist Stephen King was clearly not well -- and he explained it was because he was assaulted after a mid-November show in Richland. The attacker remains at large.

King thought a few days of rest would ease the pain he felt -- but doctors then put him in the hospital, saying he broke his back. The delay in seeking treatment apparently spread the damage to other parts of his body, as King says he's now barely able to walk.

King fears he may never be able to do fireworks show in this area again. He asked me to pray for him, as he goes through treatment. I'm doing that, and going one step farther - praying the Richland attacker is found, arrested and properly punished.

To offer a story tip, make a PayPal donation, advertise to our readers or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 352 (- 15, 4.1%)

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

© 2003-09 Richard Burkard, all rights reserved.

20 DEC 09: Law of the Land

Silly me -- I thought the Mark Shelnutt trial ended in mid-November. But the repercussions keep coming, one month after his acquittal. And they keep coming from federal court, as opposed to drug suspects doing testimonial ads for Shelnutt's law firm.

Federal Judge Clay Land has caused a stir, by tacking extra years onto the recommended sentence of a drug suspect who agreed to testify against Mark Shelnutt. That suspect simply made bad choices - first by dealing drugs, then by cooperating with federal prosecutors.

The Ledger-Enquirer reports Judge Clay Land now has issued a 19-page order, explaining why he increased the sentence for Shawn "Biscuit" Bunkley. He's the man who claimed to give Mark Shelnutt $125,000 in a Publix parking lot. You'd think Land would be impressed by the fact that such a large amount of money was NOT exchanged outside a Kmart....

Federal prosecutors recommended a sentence of three to four years for Shawn Bunkley - but Judge Clay Land gave him more than nine. The court order actually says "110 months." Sometimes I wonder if the sentences are done that way to help inmates improve their math skills.

But anyway: Judge Clay Land's order admits to "concerns that the judgment of the U.S. Attorney's Office may have become clouded by its zeal to bring down a prominent criminal defense attorney." He seems to think visions of Rudolph Giuliani were dancing in their heads....

The court order also notes the admission of an Assistant U.S. Attorney that he "attempted to surreptitiously tape an interview" with Mark Shelnutt, and lied when Shelnutt asked if taping was underway. As we all know, that sort of conduct should be reserved for TV series such as "Dateline NBC."

An interesting footnote in Judge Clay Land's court order explains why he does NOT mention the prosecutors of Mark Shelnutt by name. He calls them "competent professionals," and says he "does not seek to publicly embarrass any of these public servants...." Of course, the acquittal of Shelnutt already did that.

As for the suspect himself, Judge Clay Land concludes Shawn Bunkley "was a major player in one of the largest drug conspiracies" in Columbus, and deserving of much more than a "modest street-level dealer" sentence. In other words, this Biscuit shouldn't be buttered up - he's closer to toast.

Federal prosecutors had no comment for the newspaper about Judge Clay Land's order. But the order reminds me of another federal trial in Georgia from the 1980's. Prosecutor Bob Barr put Rep. Pat Swindell in prison, then won election to Congress himself. After the Mark Shelnutt trial, it appears Rep. Sanford Bishop's job remains safe for awhile.

But the extended sentence certainly is unusual for federal courts in this part of the country. Clay Land comes across as one of those "activist judges" Republicans love to criticize - only this is a veteran Republican, being tougher on crime than the prosecutors themselves.

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E-MAIL UPDATE: Friday's Streetscape topic provokes a reader to turn off Veterans Parkway, and head down Tenth Street....

Where was "Trees Columbus" when those beautiful Bradford Pears were cut down on the side street by the Springer..I heard 2 stories on this one...#1. Attorneys complained about the leaves on their cars..#2. A house moving company said it could not get a house down the street .. I think both excuses are lame...

We haven't called Trees Columbus for an answer to this. And to be honest, I didn't know any trees had been cut near the Springer Opera House. I try to keep track of local news, but asking me to watch over every tree in the city is asking a bit much.

So let's consider other news from the last official weekend of autumn:

+ The Ledger-Enquirer reported on the Phenix City fireworks letter exchange between Superintendent Larry DiChiara and Councilor Jimmy Wetzel - nearly four weeks after this blog broke the story [24-25 Nov]. One of these days, I'm going to get in the habit of e-mailing press releases to the newspaper.

+ Interstate 185 was narrowed to one lane between St. Mary's Road and Victory Drive for weekend construction. It's a good thing this was delayed until after the Toys for Tots motorcycle ride - because the bikers might have been forced to ride single-file.

+ Atlanta's WSB-TV reported a federal lawsuit accuses Georgia Insurance Commissioner John Oxendine of attending the 2007 Academy Awards for free, thanks to an Indiana doctor. That was the year "An Inconvenient Truth" won an Oscar for Al Gore - but I don't recall Oxendine making any statements against him winning.

+ The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention issued a happiness ranking of all 50 states. Alabama came in ninth, while Georgia was 19^th. Hmmmm - can you guess which college football team had the better season?

+ Georgia's basketball team edged Illinois 70-67. The game was played in Gwinnett County, yet Bulldog broadcaster Scott Howard estimated the crowd was "nine to one" in favor of Illinois. Maybe Georgia coach Mark Fox needs to teach his team some gymnastics routines to perform at halftime.

+ Alabama was crushed by Kansas State 87-74 in Mobile. In a way, I don't mind this - because this will make the Wildcats overconfident, before my alma mater Kansas crushes them in a month or two.

2009 IN REVIEW: This past year began with many people concerned about the local economy. Synovus announced more than 600 job cuts in January. And when word came out that Columbus Bank and Trust planned to share a building with a Columbus Police precinct, a few people wondered if the police actually were in better financial health.

Columbus Bank and Trust found enough money in January to buy the foreclosed Green Island Hills mansion of Bill Heard. I've heard speculation Heard still lives there - but I certainly couldn't approach a long-time Chevrolet dealer by parking my humble Honda in his driveway.

January also brought a major change at Carmike Cinemas, as Mike Patrick was removed from an executive position. As we mentioned last week, the new leadership seems much more interested in the community -- as if they're trying to be better than some movie stars.

The strangest financial story of January involved a man named Roy Dent, who wanted to drill for oil in Lee and Russell Counties. Amazingly, the cash-poor mayor of Hurtsboro never took him up on it.

The big national news story in January was the inauguration of President Obama - but two Columbus Councilors were barred from the event by security guards. Jerry Barnes and Mimi Woodson have yet to get a make-up visit to see the President. Maybe if they pretended to be married, and stood around a state dinner....

A televised forum on racial diversity brought many Columbus officials together in January. But when State Senator Seth Harp proposed mergers of "historically black" Georgia colleges, he faced resistance. Harp hasn't even able to convince the Fountain City Classic to change next year's matchup, so Albany State faces Brigham Young.

Another racially-tinged issue in January involved the use of a Ford Expedition by Russell County commissioners. It brought the Columbus NAACP President to a commission meeting, which the Phenix City-Russell County NAACP President told this blog was out of line. By mid-year, the Columbus NAACP board agreed with the Phenix City leader - but stopped short of hiring him as a consultant.

Signs of controversy surfaced in Phenix City government during January. Police Chief Brian McGarr announced plans to retire, which critics claimed were made under duress. But give McGarr credit for one thing - he's about the only former Phenix City official who hasn't filed a lawsuit recently.

The mayor of Columbus announced members of a Crime Prevention Commission during January. We're now waiting for the names of a brand-new Crime Prevention Board - and plenty of people are waiting to say "I told you so" if Frank Myers is one of them.

The most curious Columbus crime story in January involved a substitute bus driver, who reportedly joked about shooting students. I never heard if that man was reassigned to Fort Benning, to train the Third Brigade for missions in Iraq.

A cold wave in January caused a two-inch water main to break on Harbison Drive in Columbus. Who could have guessed it would be the start of a record-breaking year for Columbus Water Works? Oops - take the hyphen out between record and breaking....

Columbus came close to claiming a national star in January, when Chasity Hardman was named first runner-up at the Miss America pageant. The last 11 months must have been frustrating for Hardman - waiting for nude photos of Katie Stam to surface on Facebook.

The sports headlines of January included Georgia winning a New Year's football bowl game -- while Alabama lost not only its bowl game, but its men's basketball coach to resignation. Doesn't that seem like 11 years ago, instead of 11 months?

(BLOGGER'S NOTE: As is our custom, our review of 2009 will continue over the next several days.)

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The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

© 2003-09 Richard Burkard, all rights reserved.

19 DEC 09: Oral Exam

(BLOGGER'S NOTE: You may find the following item humorous, serious, or a little of both - but we offer these thoughts from time to time, as we keep a seventh-day Sabbath.)

A Monday memorial service is planned for legendary preacher Oral Roberts. It will be held in Tulsa, Oklahoma, where he founded Oral Roberts University. Critics might say that name is evidence of ego and arrogance. After all, St. Anne didn't have a Columbus school named after her until long after she died.

Oral Roberts indeed was a lightning rod in the religious community. As someone who once reported news in Oklahoma, I realize he gave Tulsa national attention. It was known for decades as the "Oil Capital" -- but Roberts went farther, by offering anointing oil.

My mother had a religious fling with Oral Roberts during my youth, even while teaching United Methodist Sunday School classes. She went on the ministry mailing list for awhile - but she had enough when Roberts offered anointed water from the Jordan River in exchange for a donation. You have to understand, this was back when bottled water was only found in upscale office buildings....

(I think it was around that time when I started asking if Oral Roberts had a brother named "Written.")

I lived in Oklahoma when Oral Roberts battled the state for approval to build the City of Faith Medical Center. But even then, the university campus included the nicest sports arena in Tulsa - nice enough to be used for state high school basketball playoffs. It's called the Mabee Center. Come to think of it, Mabee isn't exactly a word of faith....

But I admittedly lost a lot of respect for Oral Roberts on a Sunday morning in January 1987. While I waited to watch another religious telecast on cable superstation WWOR, Roberts made his infamous "God will call me home" appeal for money. He later said he meant phrases like "save my life" spiritually -- but churchgoers knew better than that. Shouldn't this long-time minister be saved already?

I mentioned Oral Roberts's TV appeal to co-workers at CNN Headline News the next day. Little was made of it in the newsroom - but by Wednesday it was a national sensation. This may explain why CNN was considered the superior channel to Headline News for decades....

A woman in the newsroom made a comment about that incident which I remember to this day: "He gives religion a bad name." I repeated that statement when Roberts came up in a church speaking club "Tabletopics" session, and added: "He gives God a bad name." Yes, I meant that - because Jesus never made appeals like that. In fact, the Bible indicates He healed people without asking for money first.

Jesus Christ never asked people to preserve His life, by making financial pledges. Instead, Jesus gave His life willingly when the proper time came. His only final appeal was directly to God the Father in the garden of Gethsemane - and it was for God's will, not a thousand-dollar seed offering.

Oral Roberts indeed met his 1987 financial deadline, and went on to live 22 more years. But this past week, God DID finally take his life. And the truth of life is that we're all bound to die someday. The book of Hebrews warns after death comes "the judgment" - and what Judge Clay Land is giving federal prosecutors may be only a taste of what Jesus could give you.

It's important to have that judgment in mind now - and Acts 2 says it begins by repenting of sin, and being baptized in the name of Jesus Christ. If you examine your life carefully, you might find there's plenty of things needing repentance. At this time of year, some people only need to examine their credit card statements.

From what I see on the Oral Roberts University athletics web site, the side of the basketball court no longer has one of its founder's favorite phrases: "Expect a miracle." It's good to expect miracles from God - but one lesson of Oral Roberts's death is that God sometimes will say no. My years seeking romance taught me that lesson a long time ago....

But God promises the final miracle of all - that after death, there's eternal life for those who find favor at God's judgment seat. You can only pass if you turn from sin to the One Isaiah 9 calls the "wonderful, Counselor." With Jesus as your intercessor, forgiveness of sin can come - and we all can give God a good name by the lives we live.

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BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 354 (- 51, 12.4%)

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© 2003-09 Richard Burkard, all rights reserved.

18 DEC 09: Trees? If You Please....

Remember that midday drive I took Wednesday through downtown Columbus? I saw more than that traffic island flowing with water. I saw a preview of an upcoming traffic mess. You might want to avoid one particular intersection for the next several months - unless you really enjoy the two-lane driving on Whittlesey Road on shopping days.

As I drove south on Veterans Parkway, I came upon a logjam at 13^th Street. A line of southbound cars was stopped in front of me. A long line of eastbound cars was stopped for the traffic light as well. This might be expected at 4:00 p.m., but this was around 12:00 noon - and without a $1.05 gas discount gimmick at the Chevron station.

With the way in front of me blocked and not moving, I admittedly pulled a driving stunt. From the right through lane, I turned right onto 13^th Street to get around the problem. It's an approach I don't take very often - but I've watched enough drivers on Atlanta freeways to know how it's done.

As I made the right turn, I saw what was causing the logjam. Southbound traffic on Veterans Parkway was forced to merge into one lane, south of 13^th Street. At 15^th Street there are three southbound lanes - so to get to those new "funnel cake sticks" at the downtown Burger King, you have to drive through a funnel of sorts.

Expect more bottlenecks on Veterans Parkway downtown, because ground was broken Thursday for the latest Columbus "Streetscape." Improvements are planned for several blocks, beginning with 13^th Street -- so the city's strategy is a bit like starting with the toughest questions on "Are You Smarter Than a Fifth-Grader."

The latest Streetscape promises all sorts of things for Veterans Parkway....

+ More medians. Veterans Parkway already has them from Fourth to Eighth Street -- and driving is more mentally stimulating when you realize someone might try a U-turn in front of you.

+ Wider sidewalks. They'll be welcomed by frustrated drivers, who are stuck so long in construction traffic that they decide to park their cars.

+ More than 100 new trees. Yes, Trees Columbus is involved with this - and all the rain this year has given the group new clout, because trees might actually find water to grow.

Columbus Councilor Mimi Woodson is glad to see to new Streetscape begin. She told WRBL Veterans Parkway downtown is "the entrance to our city." It is? Then why aren't these improvements happening at the Harris County line?

Mimi Woodson added the Veterans Parkway Streetscape work will encourage people in "South Columbus" that their area is on the rise. Maybe I don't know the boundary lines, but I don't really consider 13^th and Veterans Parkway part of South Columbus. After all, Gateway Lincoln-Mercury one block east claims to be in Uptown -- which helps to sell its upscale cars.

But let's face some facts here. Sections of Victory Drive have had trees in the median for years - yet that corridor is still straining to make an economic turnaround. More drivers might have to make turnarounds to reach businesses, but I don't think that counts.

Besides, Veterans Parkway downtown has plenty of thriving businesses now. Burger King and Arby's built new restaurants there. Even Dunkin Donuts has a stand downtown - apparently bringing in coffee so good, Starbucks is scared to buy the abandoned Krystal building.

Another Streetscape project also comes to mind - the work in downtown Phenix City which lingered far past the original deadline. I'd guess Veterans Parkway is a busier road than Broad Street, since it leads to the Civic Center. Do we really want the hockey night fights starting before the game, between stuck drivers?

There are thankfully ways around the Streetscape work at 13^th and Veterans Parkway. Those of you who remember the parkway bridge work several years ago know the top two detours. One is Second Avenue. The other is Fifth Avenue - assuming the rain finally will stop, so parts of that road don't become giant ponds.

But if you have to drive down Veterans Parkway, allow a few extra minutes in getting to Civic Center events. And don't be surprised if beggars realize what's going on, and start walking along the lines of trapped cars selling packages of tube socks.

Let's walk around other top stories from Thursday....

+ The Nash Finch Company announced it will open a new Columbus plant, and add 175 new jobs. The company services government commissaries, such as the ones at Fort Benning. This news surprised me - and made me wonder how soldiers are punished these days, if outside firms peel the potatoes.

+ Walden Books announced it will close the Peachtree Mall store in January, as part of a nationwide cut. Stocking financial management books simply isn't good enough - you have to read and apply them.

(Before you ask - no, that other chain of bookstores has NOT announced plans to change its name to Books-Two-Million.)

+ WLTZ showed a new design and logo for the Columbus Red Lobster restaurants. It's being premiered here, then will spread across the country. As long as they don't change the design of the cheese biscuits, customers probably won't care.

+ The Georgia Lottery presented a million-dollar check to Seale mother and college student Casandra Dixon. She won a scratch-off jackpot at a Citgo station on South Lumpkin Road. See, this proves it - there's plenty of hidden money in "Columbus South." You simply have to pay a couple of dollars to get it, then be very lucky.

SCHEDULED THIS WEEKEND: Thoughts on the death of a famous name.... and we begin our review of 2009's most interesting stories....

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BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 405 (+ 17, 4.4%)

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

© 2003-09 Richard Burkard, all rights reserved.

17 DEC 09: Spill a Spell

A midday drive through downtown Columbus Wednesday led to a curious sight. Water flowed across First Avenue, between the Government Center and RiverCenter - and it flowed from a grassy median in the middle of the avenue. It seemed like a very strange spot to test for a new drinking fountain.

I sadly did not carry my blog camera at the time - but city workers apparently lifted the sod from a corner of the First Avenue traffic median, to let water drain from it. Come to think of it, maybe I shouldn't disclose this. A thief might drive by in March, and try to help himself to a new front lawn.

That release of water seemed to be intentional -- but Columbus has been dealing with several which are not. WTVM reported Wednesday the Georgia Environmental Division is investigating several recent local sewage spills. The last time this much "brown" was out of control, Rihanna reported it to police....

Columbus Water Works has dealt with two big sewage spills in the last two weeks. The latest one occurred this week, and put thousands of gallons of sewage in Lake Oliver. So if you noticed this, don't be confused - the brown tint is NOT an attempt to promote some kind of organic fishing.

On top of that, a sewage spill last week at Oxbow Meadows sent 64,000 gallons in the Chattahoochee River. It reportedly left a mess on part of the Riverwalk - and may have led some Fort Benning soldiers to go shopping for studded bicycle tires.

State investigators and Columbus Water Works executives seem to agree on one thing: all the rain has been a factor in all the sewage spills. A year with more than 75 inches of rain has put the sewer system under a lot of stress - not to mention the drug stores which stocked up on sunscreen.

But the sewage spills could wind up costing Columbus Water Works a lot of money in fines. The utility was fined $56,000 four years ago -- and this time, Georgia state government needs even more cash to balance the budget.

Columbus Water Works officials insist there's nothing structurally wrong with the sewer system. They say the spills have occurred in only a few spotty areas. You know, the ones with the big brown spots....

Long-time Columbus residents will remember when we pointed fingers at Atlanta's continual sewage spills. People complained all the muck was sent down the Chattahoochee River to our area. If we're not careful, some unusual recycling is going to happen - with the old Columbus complaints being picked up by Eufaula and Dothan.

The sewage spills only add to a difficult year for Columbus Water Works. The utility already had to reach settlements, stemming from the big water tank explosion in the spring. Executives now probably wish the sewage spills had happened first -- because a burst rush of water might clean up most of the damage.

By the way. this blog broke the news last summer of a similar sewage spill in Phenix City [2 Jul]. The last time I jogged on the Phenix City Riverwalk, a sign was still posted along Holland Creek warning of potential trouble. You'd think a smart aleck might have moved that sign by now, to the main City Hall entrance.

-> Our other blog starts with poker, then goes in directions you might not expect. People around the world visit "On the Flop!" <--

E-MAIL UPDATE: Here's a news item from earlier this week that we admittedly let slide....

Do you know if the man who chairs the 2009 Splost Committee, Hemingway, is related to the real Hemingway?

Apparently not - since I don't even see a Hemingway on the Muscogee County School District's list of committee members. There's a Lance Hemmings, who's a veteran banker. But simply being named chair does NOT mean everything will go Hemmings' way.

(Oh, by the way - the single guy in me is assuming the "real Hemingway" is Margaux....)

Let's check other news items we uncovered Wednesday - well, other than the story some readers don't want me to mention:

+ A blog reader called our attention to an unusual furniture sale at Columbus State University's Cunningham Center. One item is a "Harvest Cherry" double pedestal desk which is "new, never used." OK, which secretary was fired for not saluting Carmen Cavezza?

+ Columbus Technical College reported a record fall enrollment of 4,171 students. Does this explain why Miller-Motte Technical College has bought a billboard on Manchester Expressway, right next door to the campus? Is it trying to recruit students who can't find a place to park?

+ Muscogee County School District officials told WLTZ they don't have to worry about the new three-ton weight limit on the Brown Avenue Bridge, near Cusseta Road. They said school buses have not used that bridge in years. My concern is with all the Church's Chicken lovers who do - and what might happen if they drive on the bridge with too many boxes.

+ The Columbus city Personnel Review Board revoked the firing of Chris Brown. Brown was fired as Deputy Director of Public Services in September, after approving payment for dozens of police cars which had not arrived yet. Isn't this amazing? Brown was a bit overenthusiastic about crime prevention, and the city manager found him guilty.

(Brown will remain on suspension through January, but he told WTVM being fired for one "honest mistake" in the spending process is too harsh. That doesn't stop some Republicans from calling for a new Treasury Secretary.)

+ Goodwill Industries revealed Columbus has one of the highest percentages in the country, of people receiving "rapid refund" tax anticipation loans. But can you really blame all these people? They're tired of Columbus getting things several months or years after Atlanta does.

+ The Atlanta Symphony Orchestra named David Coucheron as its new concertmaster. Coucheron is 25, and a native of Norway. But he isn't taking over the position until next fall - which makes me wonder if the orchestra bothered stopping by the local unemployment office for some interviews.

+ Atlanta Falcons linebacker Jonathan Babineaux apologized for being a distraction to the team. The apology came after police records were released, indicating Babineaux admitted to driving while smoking marijuana. Some Falcon fans are ready for him to give that marijuana to Matt Ryan, to ease the pain from that toe injury.

+ Roundball Night in Dixieland (tm) found Georgia Tech's men advancing past Arkansas-Pine Bluff 65-53. I'm old enough to remember when "putting out an A.P.B." simply meant a police all-points bulletin.

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BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 388 (+ 10, 2.6%)

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

© 2003-09 Richard Burkard, all rights reserved.

16 DEC 09: Reindeer in the Closet

We mentioned Tuesday there's a campaign proposal to put limits on gifts to Georgia elected officials. So have YOU put a limit on year-end gift-giving -- especially with the economy tight? Have you cut spending to the point that you're waiting for Chia Pets to be marked down 40 percent?

BLOG EXCLUSIVE: The President of Carmike Cinemas revealed to your blog Tuesday night the company chose NOT to display Christmas decorations downtown this year, in a cost-cutting move. He talked with us, after an e-mail to the blog asked....

Hi Richard:

What became of Santa and his reindeer? They didn't stop at the Carmike headquarters this year.

My first reaction to this was one you might not like to read. Maybe the Carmike management suddenly became like a nine-year-old boy - and realized the only real living Santa Claus is a tourist-trap town in Indiana.

Drive by the Carmike Cinemas headquarters on 13^th Street in past Decembers, and you would have found an airborne display outside the building. Reindeer and a sleigh appeared to be in flight, with no visible strings. It was probably the closest thing to movie "special effects" that Columbus could afford.

But Carmike President David Passman told me Tuesday night it cost money to put up and operate that airborne display. Without giving an amount, he said it cost the equivalent of a "full-time employee." No, I did NOT ask if this was a choice between eight reindeer and an elf.

So with the economy tight and Carmike Cinemas trying to avoid layoffs, David Passman says the sleigh display (if I might say) is in storage for the holidays. Uh-oh - I'd better be careful, or this is going to become one of those poems people recite at parties after drinking spiked egg nog.

The Carmike Cinemas President explained the sleigh display is one of several "discretionary expenditures" which have been cut this year. When we asked what the others were, David Passman didn't say. Hmmmm - do employees have to bring their own popcorn now, and use the microwave to heat it?

David Passman doesn't want people to get wrong ideas. He says Carmike Cinemas has had a "good year," and movie attendance is strong, from people saving money and taking "stay-cations." But revenue is being trimmed because customers aren't buying "that extra box of popcorn, that extra cup of soda...." So they're sharing with each other, instead of the general manager....

Carmike Cinemas has done some retrenching over the last couple of years. David Passman says about 15 new theaters have opened, while about 60 have been closed as long-term leases expire. For some reason, those closed theaters were not revamped as year-round haunted houses.

David Passman hopes 2010 will be a stable year for Carmike Cinemas, with an equal number of theater openings and closings. While Passman can see Phenix City from his office window, he's not ready to promise a new theater will be built there. That's OK - developers of the Phenixian shouldn't have been ready to promise that building, either.

"We're very happy to be here in Columbus," David Passman said concerning the Carmike Cinemas headquarters. Passman admitted he's fairly new to the area. It showed when he told me the IMAX Theatre at the National Infantry Museum is "far enough away from the city" not to hurt local business. Yes, there ARE Columbus residents south of Victory Drive.

When our phone conversation ended, I admittedly was stunned - and not really about the lack of reindeer. The President of Carmike Cinemas returned the call of a blogger?! Wow -- this never would have happened in the era of Carl and Mike Patrick. In fact, I might have been expected to pick up a paper statement in the headquarters lobby.

This conversation actually shows what a year of change 2009 has been at Carmike Cinemas. David Passman clearly has made the theater chain more outgoing in the community. Carmike even sponsored one area of the Steeplechase in November - so the managers still like horses, even if the reindeer are hiding.

So to sum up our e-mailer's question: David Passman assures me the reindeer and sleigh display are somewhere in what he calls Carmike Cinemas' "black building" on 13^th Street. For some Christmas lovers, that title probably seems more fitting than ever.

We should note not everyone is going unplugged at this time of year. Soldiers and their families lit a tree Tuesday evening on Kelley Hill at Fort Benning. Oops - I should explain that. This tree was inside a recreation center, and decorated with Christmas ornaments. At other times of the year, tree-lighting at Fort Benning is called "controlled burning."

-> Our other blog starts with poker, then goes in directions you might not expect. People around the world visit "On the Flop!" <--

OVERHEARD OVER HERE: A man is walking through an office, saying one word over and over: "Delete, delete, delete, delete, delete."

Another man sitting nearby responds. "Thank you, Mr. Woods."

Now let's "alt-control" some Tuesday news topics....

+ Jason Dennis announced via Facebook he'll become the co-anchor of WTVM's 5:00 and 6:00 p.m. newscasts in January. Apparently Charles Gibson was NOT persuaded to "retire" to Columbus.

(Jason Dennis writes he'll continue to co-anchor WXTX "News at Ten," after sharing the anchor desk with Barbara Gauthier at 5:00 and 6:00. But he did NOT say anything about WTVM's 11:00 p.m. news. Please don't tell me Chuck Leonard is going to start pulling all-nighters.)

+ A Columbus Police car caught fire while parked outside the Macon Road Waffle House. The evening news blamed the fire on a faulty cigarette lighter. Thankfully it wasn't the alternative - someone running over from Viva El Toro with fresh fajitas.

+ Quitman County Sheriff Steve Newton admitted to WXTX he's practically run out of money, with two weeks left in the year. Newton says he's trying to operate the department "as cheap as I can." So if you see a hitchhiker at the edge of Georgetown, it could be a deputy on duty.

+ Columbus Council voted to allow 18 hours of use per day on the "rails to trails" path being built across town. It will be open from 5:00 a.m. until 11:00 p.m. The other six hours are reserved for undercover drug operations.

+ Wachovia Bank unveiled what it calls a "green" automated teller at its Medical Center branch. It's called green because you can deposit money without envelopes. But I won't believe it's really "green" until Wachovia gives some money back to its customers, and stops charging them simply to have an ATM card.

+ The 988^th Military Police Company held a final ceremony at Fort Benning. It's being moved to Fort Leonard Wood, Missouri - which could mean the soldiers coming here with base realignment are tougher than anyone expected.

+ The governors of Alabama, Florida and Georgia held a meeting on water-sharing in Montgomery. They predict a compromise will be worked out by the end of next year. Translation: they're all praying for another record-breaking year of rain.

+ The Phenix City Council awarded retired linebacker Woodrow Lowe a key to the city, and departing WTVM reporter Greg Funderberg a proclamation declaring a special day. Hmmmm - which one do you think council members want to become Central High's next football coach?

+ WRBL reported Georgia's football players will receive Blu-Ray DVD players as gifts, for playing in the Independence Bowl. If the bowl organizers made the same offer to Bulldog fans, they might actually drive to Shreveport to watch the game.

+ Instant Message to the announcer in the "Georgia Saturdays" commercial for Ford trucks: I keep hearing you say, "Believe ME" - and I keep asking: Who ARE you? I never even see you, to determine if you're related to Coach Mark Richt.

Today's main topic was the result of a blog reader's tip. To offer a story tip, make a PayPal donation, advertise to our readers or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 378 (+ 15, 4.1%)

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

© 2003-09 Richard Burkard, all rights reserved.

15 DEC 09: 25-Dollars Fine?

The ads like to say we're in a "season of giving" - but a woman came to Columbus Monday suggesting sharp limits be put on gifts. And amazingly, that woman's name was NOT Suze Orman....

Georgia Secretary of State Karen Handel talked about giving, as she made a campaign appearance in Columbus. Handel is a Republican running for Governor - so of course, she was expected to talk about giving Georgians as many tax cuts as possible.

But Karen Handel's current top issue involves something else - ethics reform in Georgia government. The Secretary of State announced her ideas last week, after House Speaker Glenn Richardson announced he would resign. Before then, Republicans focused any talk of "ethics reform" on anyone connected with Speaker Tom Murphy.

WLTZ caught my attention with one of Karen Handel's ethics proposals -- a 25-dollar limit on gifts to Georgia's elected officials. Handel's online news release says a ban on bigger gifts would eliminate "steak dinners" lobbyists offer lawmakers. First of all, Handel needs to stop by a Waffle House -- because you can get a nice steak there for much less than 25 dollars.

I'm not sure where Karen Handel came up with the gift limit. But let's be honest here -- if you're buying gifts for close friends right now, are you limiting the amount to 25 dollars per person? If I stayed in a guest room of one of my nieces and her family, I'd feel cheap and guilty to leave a gift card worth less than 40.

To be honest, there are times when I've probably been a cheapskate giver without realizing it. Several years ago, I won a radio giveaway for two Atlanta Thrashers hockey tickets. I took a date. I drove the car to and from Atlanta. I think I even bought popcorn for us at the game. Since she had me stop at an ATM on the way, shouldn't I have expected a nice gift in return?

But I digress: Karen Handel's 25-dollar gift limit raised a question in my mind. Is she applying the limit to herself - as in her own campaign for Governor? Not if you check her "donate" page. It suggests 25 dollars as the minimum contribution -- and under Georgia law, you can go as high as $12,200. That odd number must allow for a $200 credit card processing fee.

A review of Karen Handel's latest campaign report shows two donations this year from people identified as "lobbyists." Both of them gave much more than 25 dollars - and one actually donated $3,000. That amount is way above "steak dinner" range. That might cover two entire families dining at Ruth's Chris Steak House.

(By the way, that report from the end of June shows NO Columbus addresses donating to the Handel campaign. Yet there are a couple of large donations from Americus. I'm assuming those are from people who didn't want Jimmy Carter's name put on the airport.)

Here's my point in all this: is it really "ethics reform" to put a 25-dollar limit on gifts to elected officials, when some lobbyists donate thousands to help those officials get elected in the first place? Lawmakers don't need to be reminded of "friends" with T-bone steaks - as an e-mail address book should be enough.

Karen Handel made her Columbus campaign stop at the River Mill events center, and apparently only one TV station covered it. Another Republican candidate for Governor would have gained more attention in that same area. John Oxendine simply would have walked around the Bibb Mill fire damage first, in one more search for clues.

Let's see what else fell our way Monday, besides the rain....

+ Another line of storms moved through Columbus, bringing at least 1.5 more inches of rain. Georgia state climatologist David Stooksbury told GPB Radio Columbus is the big winner in 2009 rainfall, with 155 percent of its annual average. But it's a bit like Alabama playing Chattanooga in football - a big win is still only one win.

(As of Monday night, Lake Lanier was one foot ABOVE full pool. That has to stun the doomsayers, who didn't expect that to happen again -- and it has to frustrate Atlanta city officials, because they might get in trouble for touching any of that extra water.)

+ Uptown Columbus offered a $1,000 reward for information in a recent graffiti-spraying spree. WXTX "News at Ten" showed graffiti on a support pillar for the 13^th Street Bridge, which appeared to be surrounded by fencing. Someone needs to tell Fort Benning soldiers to leave paint cans at home, if they're going to drink a lot downtown....

+ Lee County School Superintendent Stephen Nowlin told WTVM about a plan to update the district policy on cell phones. They're allowed in schools for emergencies only - which is different from Muscogee County, which has a serious case of cell-block.

(Stephen Nowlin admitted a few teachers have been caught using cell phones to check Facebook pages during class. They'd better not be playing "Mafia Wars....")

+ Lee County Humane Society director Heather Meadows began the annual "no more wasted lives" fundraiser. Meadows is locked in a giant outdoor metal cage with a dog, until $24,000 is raised. Once the money is in, I assume that cage will be moved to Phenix City for a pro wrestling main event -- dog optional.

+ A Birmingham News survey found 80 percent of Alabamians think Auburn football coach Gene Chizik was a good choice for the job. One year ago, the number was 15 percent -- and if the Tigers miss a bowl game next season, that number probably will come back.

+ Instant Message to anyone who expected Carlton Gary jokes: Unh-unh. Sorry, I'm listening to the blog readers - the ones who say I lack compassion and sensitivity when it comes to death [10 Dec]. I'm trying to repent, and avoid any jokes which might be connected in some way. In fact, I may have to stop writing about churches - since most of them are based on a dying Savior.

COMING SOON: Is something missing downtown? We're waiting for an answer to an e-mail....

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BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 363 (+ 8, 2.3%)

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

© 2003-09 Richard Burkard, all rights reserved.

14 DEC 09: Six-Foot-Two, Wet Are You

When I awakened in bed around 6:30 Sunday morning, the rain was falling. That wasn't really a surprise. The surprise was that I woke up -- because isn't rain supposed to help you sleep?

When I officially began the day around 9:00 a.m., the rain was still falling. It made me wonder if Sunday would be like Saturday -- dark enough that I almost didn't mind people hanging colorful lights outside their homes. Those people apparently haven't studied the "carbon footprint" research from that conference in Copenhagen.

The weekend rain gave Columbus a new record - the wettest year in the city's history. WTVM reported as of Sunday afternoon, we've had 74.77 inches of rain in 2009. That's more than six feet of moisture - which I doubt even Columbus State basketball players that tall can produce in sweat.

The rainfall total in Columbus this year is now about 30 inches above average. This ought to benefit local shoppers sooner or later - yet I haven't heard of any discount prices for Callaway Blue bottled water.

So what's changed from a couple of years ago, when fountains were turned off across the "Fountain City" due to drought? Local weather experts put the source in the middle of the Pacific Ocean - a change in weather patterns from "El Niño." I'm a bit surprised Derek Kinkade hasn't claimed it for himself, as El NINE-o.

About three inches of rain fell on Columbus over the weekend - apparently not enough to cause flood damage, but enough to leave puddles on sidewalks all over town. Trouble was, no children were outside to jump in them and clear a path for me.

The December rain has been more than some trees can handle. A LaGrange woman told me over the weekend about a tree that fell onto her house, during last Wednesday's early-morning storm. She says the deck on top of her home "now has a sunroof." Now if the sun would stay out awhile to confirm that....

The good news is that by 11:00 a.m. Sunday, the rain had stopped in my neighborhood. It remained that way for the rest of the day, which allowed me to get outside for some exercise. And even better - I was able to hang a sweater along a fence for about 30 minutes, without a single rust stain forming on it.

The bad news is that another rainy day is expected Tuesday, to add to our record year. But in the meantime, you can prepare for that by telling your friends it's been SO WET....

+ The "red hat ladies" plan to buy red parasols as a backup plan.

+ Supporters of a Columbus natatorium may give up on the city building them one, and simply dig up a carport.

+ The developers of Columbus Park Crossing could begin looking for a giant retractable roof.

+ The "dry counties" in Alabama are getting the message, and could start serving alcohol.

+ A special Ossahatchie pow-wow could be convened in Harris County, to have all members dance in reverse.

+ The next Leadoff Classic softball tournament might be sponsored by Action Buildings - with games inside some of them.

+ Kayaking in the Chattahoochee River will be out - while high diving into the river from the Chattahoochee Promenade will be in.

+ Churches divided about the proper form of baptism will gather at Lake Oliver, and decide they're covered either way.

(BLOGGER'S NOTE: The jokes for today are concluded - but you're welcome to read on, for details on some news we apparently were first to post online Sunday afternoon.)

BUT SERIOUSLY: We received word Sunday of two notable deaths. Author Cilla McCain informed us Lanny Davis died in the early morning, several weeks after we learned he developed lung cancer [8 Nov]. He was the father of Fort Benning soldier Richard Davis, whose murder has been the subject of everything from magazine articles to the movie "In the Valley of Elah."

Cilla McCain has taken a personal interest in the family, as she's written a book on the Richard Davis case. "Murder in Baker Company" is scheduled for release in February. She told us in 2006 it didn't seem right for no one to receive a death sentence for Davis's killing [15 Sep 06].

We've documented the trials of Lanny Davis often in this blog. He came to Columbus several times after the 2003 killing, making a personal appeal to the District Attorney for the remains of his son [15 Mar 07 and 20 Apr 07]. He and his wife created the Richard Davis Foundation for Peace (where we found this photo), which wants to build an Iraqi War Memorial in the Columbus area.

The second death Sunday was a historic name in Columbus television. Penny Leigh died at St. Francis Hospital - the woman who gained fame as a weathercaster on WTVM and WLTZ. She used the married name Penny Leigh Short, when she worked in television sales with WRBL and advertising with Jay Auto Mall.

I never saw Penny Leigh on television, except for reunion events. But if she was able to stay on the air in Columbus for several decades, she must have gained a following. And unlike many TV personalities these days, Leigh liked Columbus enough to remain to the end.

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BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 355 (- 27, 7.1%)

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

© 2003-09 Richard Burkard, all rights reserved.

13 DEC 09: Turn the Funderburg Loose

If you were searching for celebrities in Columbus Saturday night, the hot spot was NOT the Cottonmouths game. It was NOT the RiverCenter. It wasn't even Green Island Country Club -- well, unless your idea of a "celebrity" is a retired business executive.

Plenty of local celebrities gathered at La Margarita in The Landings shopping center. The main event was a farewell dinner for two WTVM employees, including morning reporter Greg Funderburg. I'd say Funderburg is "slipping away" to a new job -- but he's gained fame in recent weeks for slipping and falling live on the air.

Greg Funderburg is heading to the Fox station in Greenville, South Carolina -- the same station which picked up Jade Hindmon from WTVM [7 Jan 07]. He'll leave the morning news at the end of this week. You'll notice Funderburg scheduled his departure one week after Diane Sawyer left "Good Morning America," to avoid upstaging her.

You may not know Greg Funderburg has had a "second job" in Columbus. He worked part-time at the Mildred Terry Library. Yet for some reason, he's never done book reviews on television. They really don't need to have a fireplace lit behind his chair....

The farewell dinner for Greg Funderburg came at the end of a long busy Saturday. It started with the Davis Broadcasting toy giveaway at the Columbus Civic Center. Then he drove to Childersburg, Alabama to give a speech to young people, before driving back to Columbus. Trips like this explain why Funderburg is NOT in the running for Russell County School Superintendent.

This in part explains why the farewell dinner for Greg Funderburg attracted several familiar names. Several fellow reporters and anchors at WTVM were there. Davis Broadcasting personalities such as Vicky James were there. Even Chauncy Glover showed up, in the middle of his move to Jacksonville - but if he did a dramatic reading for the occasion, I missed it.

But another local celebrity made a surprise appearance, which Greg Funderburg probably was not expecting. I admittedly didn't recognize when I saw her. But you HAVE to be a celebrity if you walk into a restaurant wearing a tiara on your head.

Someone at our table identified the tiara-wearing woman as Melissa Blue, a Columbus woman who appeared on the cable TV series "Bridezillas" several months ago. She did NOT show up with an entourage of photographers, so I assume the Blues have not replaced Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson on "Newlyweds."

I didn't stop to ask Melissa Blue any questions, so I have no idea why she was wearing a tiara. Her first wedding anniversary isn't until mid-January - so for all I know, Blue may have been the grand marshal of the Bi-City Christmas Parade.

There were a couple of other surprises at Saturday night's dinner. Did you know WTVM anchor Zaneta Lowe is seven months' pregnant? TV anchor desks are just the right height to hide such things....

The other surprise deals with La Margarita itself. The management apparently heard from enough upset customers that it's brought back much of the menu from the old Mediterranean Café. The Mediterranean items are on one side of the menu, while the "Latin dishes" are on the other side - and that refers to burritos and fajitas, not Penelope Cruz and Shakira.

"I'll be honest with you," the server at La Margarita told our group Saturday night. "We have only one Mexican employee on staff." Hmmmm - does this explain the return of old menu items? Or were several others offered big raises to move to El Vaquero?

Since we've been talking television, several TV questions have come our way in recent days. Maybe you can help answer them....

+ Where has Julie Bercik gone? Actually, we found that answer late Saturday night. She's moved from WLTZ to WVIR-TV in Charlottesville, Virginia. Bercik is working again with former WLTZ anchor Libby Allison - except this time, Allison won't be four states away in Iowa.

+ Which station has posted an online "help wanted" ad for a Sports Anchor? Has WRBL's Shawn Skillman become too skillful?

+ What's this I'm hearing about WLTZ claiming to be equal in the 6:00 p.m. news ratings with WRBL? I don't have access to the numbers to know if that's accurate. But if it's true, it shows how far WRBL has fallen - yet to its credit, Teresa Whitaker isn't noticeably showing any more skin behind the anchor desk.

-> Our Thursday night poker tournament had not one "lightning strike," but two. Read what happened at our other blog, "On the Flop!" <--

BLOG UPDATE: MyChurch Pastor Jeff Murphy officially came down from the boom truck Saturday. He beat the "Bikes or Bust" goal, by raising enough donations for 210 children's bicycles. But Murphy's Twitter feed indicates he actually was lowered Friday at midday, for a "hot shower." I don't recall reading anything in the Bible about Moses taking a break like that.

Let's see what else grabbed our attention on a chilly weekend....

+ The ONLY Saturday 6:00 p.m. newscast reported it took 45 minutes at times during the afternoon, to drive from Bradley Park Drive stores to Columbus Park Crossing. Before you start humming that December song about "busy sidewalks," remember something - there's no sidewalk along Whittlesey Road to connect those shopping areas.

+ Columbus State University hosted a regional "Lego League" robotics competition for children. There's a big difference between Lego League and Little League. For one thing, you don't need a glove to catch Lego blocks thrown at you.

+ The Georgia House Republican caucus met behind closed doors, to discuss how to respond to the stunning resignation of Speaker Glenn Richardson. GPB Radio reported some lawmakers tried in vain to open the meeting to reporters. But that's OK - they could make extra money selling scoops about Richardson to the National Enquirer.

+ Alabama running back Mark Ingram won the Heisman Trophy as college football's outstanding player. Somewhere in Auburn, defensive linemen discussed how they could file an appeal and present overlooked evidence.

+ Atlanta Falcons defensive star Jonathan Babineaux was arrested on several charges, including marijuana possession. Babineaux denies any wrongdoing - but I wouldn't be surprised if it's true. The Falcons' entire season has gone to pot in recent weeks.

+ Instant Message to whomever started the rumor about Wal-Mart building a SuperCenter on the old Plaza Sol site at Victory Drive and North Lumpkin Road: Chamber of Commerce people told me they know nothing about that. So how do YOU know that? Did a customer down the street at Café La Vaca have too many Coronas?

SCHEDULED MONDAY: Columbus sets a record, and you may have seen it happen....

To make a PayPal donation, advertise to our readers, offer a story tip or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 382 (- 20, 5.0%)

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

© 2003-09 Richard Burkard, all rights reserved.