12 NOV 09: No Habla Español

Only six months ago, Columbus had two Spanish-language radio stations. As of this week, it officially has none. The man who told me two years ago "everything in Columbus will be.... controlled by Mexicans" [17 Aug 07] might be ready to return from Montana now.

BLOG EXCLUSIVE: If you love WBOJ "The Truth" on FM radio, get ready for a big switch. An informed radio source tells your blog the Christian station is moving from 103.7 FM to the spot once held by "Tropical 88.5." In fact, a separate test broadcast already is on the air there - which should prove once and for all there can be several different versions of The Truth.

I'm told an official announcement about the "new Truth" should come today or Friday. But the Spanish-language version of WTMQ-FM quietly went off the air about six weeks ago. GPB Radio's WJSP-FM from Warm Springs suddenly became easier to hear - but I confess the opera arias in Italian are tougher for me to understand.

This blog was first to report on the start of "Tropical 88.5" [25 May 07]. The radio station lasted last than two years, and apparently succumbed to a lack of donations and.... well, it was supposed to be a non-commercial station. But it certainly sounded at times like there was advertising for markets and nightclubs. Did anyone spot another raid by federal agents in October?

A leading Hispanic business owner is sure of the reason why both Tropical 88.5 and "Viva 1460" went off the air. Lefty Incarnacion of Millie's Market blames a lack of money in a tough economy - especially "American" money. The declining exchange rate of the dollar for pesos even affects Columbus businesses....

No wait: Lefty Incarnacion means something else. The owner of Millie's Market told me Wednesday the flow of money in the Hispanic community is too one-sided. "American stores want our business. But when we ask them to help US out...." Suffice to say, bilingual signs inside Kmart aren't enough for him.

Lefty Incarnacion knew more about Tropical 88.5's situation than I expected - or at least he sounded that way. "It cost $6,000 a month just to run the antenna," he told me. Before you smart aleck conservatives get wrong ideas - no, I do NOT think day laborers were pedaling bicycles to keep it going.

But here's the thing: I don't recall local Hispanic leaders mounting a fund-raising campaign to save Tropical 88.5. If there was one, I certainly didn't hear about it -- unless they tried passing a hat during Sunday soccer matches at Baker Middle School.

Not even Hispanic advertisers seem interested in reaching the Hispanic community, through the few remaining local options. The latest issue of Eco Latino has only two advertisements in Spanish. But then again, it has only five pages - and the copy I picked up has one of them printed upside-down.

(We tried to contact Columbus Councilor and native Puerto Rican Mimi Woodson for a comment on this Wednesday, but our messages were not returned. Maybe she's waiting for March, to speak up again for Cesar Chavez Day.)

And to top things off, we asked a cashier at Brito's Market on South Lumpkin Road Wednesday if she ever listened to Tropical 88.5. She admitted she didn't. So that's another part of the problem - the "telenovelas" on Univision may be too dramatic and compelling.

By the way: Millie's Market often plays salsa and merengue music - the kind of music Tropical 88.5 often played. When I walked inside Wednesday, the radio was tuned to WCGQ. At least that's the station most likely to play Shakira songs.

You're invited to hear me sing this weekend, at a special "Pre-Thanksgiving" worship service and dinner! It starts Saturday at 2:30 p.m. ET at the Woodmen of the World hall on Milgen Road -- between the post office and Lumber Liquidators.

BLOG UPDATE: Sure enough - there was no Veterans Day break at the federal trial of Mark Shelnutt. Five more witnesses took the stand. WRBL reports one was an Internal Revenue Service employee who came to Columbus from Detroit. Do you think she stopped at the Kia plant on the way home, to look for delinquent taxpayers?

WTVM reported one key prosecution witness Wednesday was a prison inmate, who walked into federal court in leg shackles. The story did NOT reveal whether those shackles had a hidden camera, to record video of sleeping jurors.

Shawn "Biscuit" Bunkley told the court he paid Mark Shelnutt $125,000 in legal fees, on behalf of a convicted drug dealer. Bunkley claimed the payment occurred in the parking lot of a Publix store on Schomberg Road. If you're going to deal with a man named "Biscuit," wouldn't a KFC parking lot be more appropriate?

Shawn Bunkley claims he made the payment for Torrence Hill, who had to sell a $50,000 race car. Wow - next time a driver speeds by me on Cusseta Road, I'll pay more attention to how that car is built.

Shawn Bunkley was one of the drug suspects at a February 2008 Harris County court hearing, where an attorney accused Mark Shelnutt of involvement in a conspiracy. Bunkley testified the suspects later went to Shelnutt's law office and were told to "keep their mouths closed." So? I thought speaking out of turn could lead to a contempt of court charge.

Mark Shelnutt's attorney revealed Shawn Bunkley had to testify twice before a federal grand jury in Macon, because he lied to prosecutors. Yet Bunkley is a government witness - so the prosecution must think "Biscuit" isn't toast.

The defense also challenged the character of Derrick Wright, the attorney who used the word "conspiracy" about Mark Shelnutt in the February 2008 court hearing. It turns out Wright has lied to an investigative panel in the past. Wow - an attorney lying?! Is this why so many of them run for political office?

Another prosecution witness Wednesday was a girlfriend of Torrence Hill. She testified she once left $14,000 for Mark Shelnutt at his law office, in a gift- wrapped box. I suppose it beats those giant-sized checks they hand to lottery winners....

Prosecutors played wiretapped conversations between Mark Shelnutt and Columbus attorney Mark Casto. Casto's law firm has an ad on the back cover of the latest Yellowbook - but there's no picture there for Shelnutt supporters to add devil's horns.

Mark Casto told the court he once considered Mark Shelnutt a sure bet to become Muscogee County Superior Judge. That could happen, no matter what the verdict in this trial is. If Don Siegelman can run for Alabama Governor despite a federal indictment, anything is possible....

A blog reader directed us to a law-focused web site, which has detailed stories about the Mark Shelnutt trial from an Atlanta legal journal. A Wednesday report revealed Shelnutt's legal secretary is named Joanne Strickland. So the "J.S." mentioned in his indictment truly is NOT District Attorney Julia Slater - and Slater's apparently in the clear to coach Shelnutt during courtroom breaks.

-> Tuesday was a big day for us in online poker. Check what happened at our other blog, "On the Flop!" <--

BLOG SPECIAL EVENT: While you may have marked Veterans Day Wednesday, I marked an anniversary. It's been 25 years since I moved to Georgia from Oklahoma - a two-day trip which led to a one-bedroom duplex in College Park on this day in 1984. A quarter-century later, I've moved all the way up to a two-bedroom apartment. I "sleep" in one of them when I conk out while blogging.

CLASSIC BLOG/11-12 NOV 04: It was the 11^th month, 11^th day, 11^th hour - not in 1918, but 1984. Twenty years ago today at about 11:00 a.m., I said farewell to Oklahoma and began a move to Georgia. It was a classic trade -- red dirt for rednecks.

Our story really begins in the summer of 1984. I'd spent more than two years doing radio news in Enid, Oklahoma, and the situation was going downhill quickly. When the management cuts costs by asking the on-air staff to clean bathrooms, that's not a good sign....

I found out CNN Headline News in Atlanta was looking for news writers, so I mailed a resume and some writing samples. For those of you younger than 25 -- this was before the Internet. Back then, "e-mail" could have meant an enormous package.

I was a bit surprised when CNN Headline News expressed an interest in my work, and asked me to travel to Atlanta for an interview. The network even paid for my airline ticket -- well, half of it. The assistant to the boss forgot to buy me a ticket back to Oklahoma My credit card saved me from potentially staying overnight at Ted Turner's house.

The one-day round-trip between Oklahoma City and Atlanta marked my first time in an airplane. It was such a new experience for me that for awhile, I couldn't figure out the right way out of the Hartsfield Airport transportation mall. Yes, you DO have to go up an escalator....

CNN covered my cab fare to midtown Atlanta from the Atlanta airport, for an interview and a writing test. This test was done on an electric typewriter - the ones with ribbons you can only find now at locally-owned office supply stores, before they go bankrupt.

Two months later in October 1984, the late CNN Headline News manager Paul Amos called and offered me a job. I didn't have to think about it long - because by this point, I had become THE radio news department. One person working long days and split shifts - sort of like some gift shops will do it for the next six weeks.

My new boss wanted me to start in Atlanta as soon as possible, but I had to give two weeks' notice at the radio station. I also had to prepare for the move - but I had some practice. The apartment complex required people to take dishes out of the kitchen cabinets every month, for bug spraying.

I still have a farewell pen-and-pencil set from KXLS-FM, given to me on my final Friday evening November 9, 1984. I also still have memories of a last trip to the newsroom the following night - and finding all the tape cartridges were removed. I never have called the Smithsonian, to check into that....

With a mover arranged and everything in some semblance of order, I left Enid for Georgia on that Veterans Day Sunday morning. As I drove east on U.S. 64, the AM radio had Christine McVie singing, "I've been down, I've been used/ Now I know that I just can't lose." The words seemed fitting for me -- even if they were incredibly out of context.

I stopped for exercise at Oklahoma State University, on the way to Atlanta. This was when Jimmy Johnson was coaching O.S.U. football and becoming a famous name - and long before a NASCAR driver named Jimmie Johnson made many sports fans forget him.

I allowed two days for the drive from Enid to Atlanta, since a good deal of the trip would involve no interstate highway. My Sunday night stop for rest was a Holiday Inn in West Memphis, Arkansas. This was back when Holiday Inn's headquarters was in Memphis, not Atlanta - and WAY back, when it was considered a discount motel.

(With no dream of an Interstate 22....) The direct route by car from Memphis to Atlanta in November 1984 meant a two-lane drive on a winding U.S. 78 through northern Mississippi. It also meant an introduction to "Academies" in small towns - opened as alternatives to desegregated public schools. How many of these are run by Southern Baptists, anyway?

The road to Georgia bypassed Tupelo, Mississippi. I decided I didn't have time to stop and tour Elvis Presley's hometown. Years later I stopped there on vacation one evening and jogged downtown - and by comparison, downtown Columbus could be a marathon course.

I stopped for lunch in northwest Alabama, and received a rude culture shock. I should have known I was in trouble at a barbecue restaurant when all the menu items were listed on decorative wooden pigs -- with not a steer in sight.

The barbecue sandwich I ordered tasted strange to me -- because growing up in Kansas City and living for years in Oklahoma, barbecue meant beef. Once I discovered this sandwich was pork, I felt like half the town was in the restaurant. And they were all watching me dump that sandwich in the trash.

(In the next town down the road, I didn't repeat that mistake - getting a safe chili cheeseburger.)

A large table lamp was lodged between the seats of my car on that Monday in November 1984. When I reached Birmingham, one of the ramps leading to Interstate 20 surprised me - and the lampshade ripped. When I moved to Columbus 13 years later, I settled for clothing and suitcases.

In late 1984 I-20 was NOT completely built across Alabama. That meant a detour of several miles between Birmingham and Anniston. It took several more years for me to realize a large number of Alabamians actually don't mind living behind the times....

The moving trip finally reached the Georgia line in late afternoon. And for the first time, I began to live on Eastern Time instead of Central. I still dare to say Central is the time zone God prefers - since the late news comes on at 10:00 p.m.

I stopped for fuel in Douglas County around sundown - and began to understand the busyness of Atlanta traffic. A long line of cars extended down a two-lane road from the I-20 exit. This was so long ago, I'm not sure this exit even had a Waffle House.

As part of my preparation for the move to Georgia, I contacted an Atlanta church pastor in the denomination I used to attend. He announced at church I needed a roommate for awhile -- and a single man offered to take me in. The fact that I was hired by CNN made me trustworthy, I guess. But remember, this was before Fox News Channel....

I followed the pastor's directions and a map, I found the duplex in College Park which would be my first Georgia home. But as I rolled into the driveway, the next-door neighbor on my left was handling a fierce-sounding dog -- and I couldn't tell in the darkness if it was leashed or not. I'd driven hundreds of miles, and now couldn't be sure of the last 20 yards.

After waiting a couple of minutes in uncertainty, I developed a strategy: drive up the road to a Church's chicken stand for dinner, then return to the duplex and BACK my way up the driveway. The dog would have to run around the car. And if all else failed, I could throw bones at it.

It turned out the scary-sounding dog WAS on a leash - and I was able to get out of the car, find the man's hidden key and get inside the duplex in one piece. I guess that animal was designed to get me used to Atlanta's southside. The duplex was close to Hartsfield Airport, and in the flight path of all sorts of planes.

The first Monday night watching Georgia television in 1984 was memorable as well. Forrest Sawyer and Pam Martin co-anchored the news on WAGA -- and the big 11:00 p.m. story was how the homeless would cope with the coldest night of the fall. I saw that and gained the false impression Atlanta was only slightly chillier in winter than Miami.

Over the last 20 years in Georgia, I've learned many things -- yet I remain puzzled by many things:

+ I'm now familiar with most of the NASCAR drivers. But when I hear "a round of wedge," I wonder why they're carrying golf clubs in the cars.

+ I've learned Georgia tea comes both sweetened and unsweetened. But I still don't know how restaurants sweeten the tea in advance -- especially without opening all sorts of sugar packets.

+ I'm more careful making right turns after stopping at street corners - because many drivers feel like they HAVE to turn left into a right-hand lane.

+ I've discovered if you answer a phone and the first thing a caller says is "Lookee here," you're probably in trouble. But I still can't grasp why people say "hey" instead of "hello."

+ I now know college football games in the South are not games. They are mini-wars -- or "us versus them." Thanks, Larry Munson.

+ I've learned you don't step on a gas pedal -- you "mash" it. But no one has offered me "corn meal mash" yet.

COMING SOON: Why a national group is demanding a local judge give up his seat.... or at least his flag....

To offer a story tip, advertise to our readers, make a PayPal donation or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 434 (+ 18, 4.3%)

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

© 2003-09 Richard Burkard, all rights reserved.

11 NOV 09: Hill or Molehill?

Happy Veterans Day to you. I thought it was a federal holiday -- but apparently the federal trial of Mark Shelnutt still will be in session. Maybe Judge Clay Land is trying to get a big holiday crowd, to break an attendance record.

Testimony began Tuesday in the Mark Shelnutt trial - and one of the main witnesses was the ex-wife of a convicted drug dealer. From what I'm reading online, that very description could bring accusations of bias. Some of Shelnutt's supporters would want me to go the Glenn Beck route, and call her a floozie.

Tamika Hill told the court she collected money from drug dealers, then gave some of it to Mark Shelnutt. At this point, the spin begins. Was it money simply to pay off an attorney's bill? Was it part of a money laundering plot? And if the money was dusted for fingerprints, how white would the dust be?

Not only did Tamika Hill testify in person - she was part of a video played by prosecutors. Hill somehow wore a hidden camera, during a meeting in Mark Shelnutt's office. Yeah, right. I'll believe that when the video appears on YouTube - and that site doesn't even have a video of Shelnutt playing music.

(WTVM suggests the hidden camera was in an ankle bracelet Tamika Hill wore. On a government informant, I suppose this camera would be legal. In the women's clothing departments at Peachtree Mall, Hill would have been arrested.)

The prosecution claims Mark Shelnutt gave Tamika Hill a list of drug suspects, and told her to get money from them. The defense claims Shelnutt showed the list to ease concern that Hill might be prosecuted. After reading these competing explanations online, I have one question - why didn't someone in the courtroom turn up the audio?

Well, let's try to answer that -- Mark Shelnutt apparently made himself hard to hear. He asked Tamika Hill about the ankle bracelet, then started whispering and wrote on notepads. For an attorney, that's highly unusual - because the only time they normally keep quiet is when a witness is testifying in court.

Defense attorneys claim Tamika Hill never was given a laundering list names of drug dealers by Mark Shelnutt. Their own recordings were played, with Hill's then-husband telling her who had drug money. With both sides pulling out trick plays, this trial already is turning into a New Year's Day bowl game.

Mark Shelnutt's defense lawyer says the prosecution is basing its case on criminals who made plea bargains, and are accusing Shelnutt to avoid long prison terms. I wonder what Mike Massey thinks of that. He was the first government witness - and he's a major in the Muscogee County Sheriff's Department.

But prosecutors accuse Mark Shelnutt of lying to the F.B.I. about receiving large sums of money. There's apparently a law that requires payments of more than $10,000 have to be reported -- which makes me very doubtful that major league baseball players fill out their own tax returns.

Outside court, Mark Shelnutt told WRBL he's "waited years" to explain his side of this story. Now wait a minute -- is this the same Shelnutt who told us last year he had only heard "rumors" of a federal investigation? [21 Aug 08] Why not speak out and put the rumors to rest? Oh wait -- that hasn't satisfied the "birthers" who oppose President Obama.

-> Tuesday was a big day for us in online poker. Check what happened at our other blog, "On the Flop!" <--

E-MAIL UPDATE: We told you people in Columbus are split about the Shelnutt trial. You're welcome to keep score on the messages we receive...

The newspaper reports it being strange a few from Marks church were potential Jurors.. but not strange that Judge Land gave one of the dope dealers of this mess a lighter sentence(reduced)..

How is Land sitting as Judge at this Trail.... something sure stinks...just saying.

Prayers & Positive Thoughts for Mark Shelnutt & his Family!

Gina Colbert

Richard Hyatt's web site noted Tuesday either side in the case could have asked Judge Clay Land to recuse himself. But neither side did - not even the defense, despite the judge attending the same church as the defendant. So maybe we've uncovered the first grounds for appealing a conviction.

Let's move on to a Veterans Day complaint involving Muscogee County court. We've received at least ten messages since Sunday about the ailing father of a murdered Fort Benning soldier. They're practically all alike, and all addressed to District Attorney Julia Slater. This one is typical:

We are members and friends of the Home Of The Brave parents group. A group devoted to seeking justice for members of the armed services who have died due to non-combat related circumstances, including all to often MURDER. Lanny Davis, father of Army Specialist Richard Davis is one of our cherished members and for that reason we are asking for your time and attention to an important matter that cannot wait a moment longer.

Lanny Davis has requested that the court system of Muscogee County GA return his son's personal belongings for years now. We want to sincerely thank you for returning Richard's long lost dog tags,but as you know there were other items of Richard's recovered. They may seem small and insignificant to others but to Lanny Davis it is his path to closure. As you also know, Lanny Davis is suffering from terminal lung cancer and is not expected to live for much longer. Despite his condition he continues to ask for issues like the missing belongings of his murdered son to be returned.

As a member of the Home Of The Brave parents group I implore you to do the right thing or at the very least open an investigation into the reasons why items recovered from the scene of a murder are lost in the first place.

Sincerely,

Bonnie Palecco

We called the District Attorney's office about this, and learned the items are NOT stored in the name of Richard Davis. We had to tell a receptionist the names of two suspects in Davis's killing -- and to be honest, we had to look up those names. No one seems to be promoting a "foundation for peace" for healing Jacob Burgoyne's mind.

We asked what sort of personal belongings are being sought, and what is being done about the e-mails. But our message for an assistant district attorney has NOT been returned since Monday afternoon. Perhaps he's personally flying the items to Lanny Davis in California - to avoid acting like Britain's Prime Minister, and misspelling words on a get-well card.

Our last e-mail today was inspired by Tuesday's big rainstorm:

I wish James Walker,of the MCSD Board, would go to a school that has portables today and change classes with the kids in the rain..Oh,I forgot,Mr Walker said,"I talked to all principals and these conditions do not exhist."....Or,perhaps Dr.Andrews would like to change classes in the rain . She said at schools where construction is going on covered walks will be built..What about schools with multiple portables,new and old,where construction is not going on? One new portable leaks so badly the carpet stays soaked after a rain. The school was told they can't fix the window that leaks because the work is still under contract with the portable supplier..So, when the mold starts growing will the supplier replace the portable?

I don't think this will console the writer -- but from what I've seen of the new Public Education Center, it's also without covered walkways. If Superintendent Susan Andrews doesn't carry an umbrella, she'll have some idea.

The remains of Hurricane Ida dropped more than five inches of rain on Columbus Tuesday. It was almost enough for kayakers to stay away from the Chattahoochee River, and paddle around Lakebottom Park.

As the rain fell, Columbus Water Works officials were before Columbus Council. They said water rates will keep going up through 2012 - so if you haven't set a rain bucket outside in your yard, stop reading this and do it before it's too late.

Let's see what else had people talking Tuesday....

+ Business Week magazine listed Columbus and Auburn among the top 12 "next recovering job markets." It claims the "first quarter of recovery" in Columbus will not occur until January - which tells me Mike Gaymon at the Chamber of Commerce needs to add one more magazine to his mailing list.

+ WRBL reported the Georgia Department of Transportation has decided against expanding Interstate 185 from Columbus to the Florida line. Police in Cusseta will celebrate this with champagne, after they collect a few more speeding fines.

+ The U.S. Transportation Department reported 86.2 percent of all airline flights arrived on time in September. But we checked online, and found the on-time arrival rate in Columbus is only 76.7 percent. It's only a matter of time before travelers start calling ASA "Always Slow Airlines."

+ WRBL reported the Kia plant in West Point will open its doors for public tours during December. Is this why Rob Doll looks like he's growing a beard - so he can sneak inside and take some notes?

SCHEDULED THURSDAY: Columbus's latest broadcasting puzzle, our promised Blog Special Event.... and oh yeah, maybe more from the Shelnutt trial....

To offer a story tip, advertise to our readers, make a PayPal donation or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 416 (+ 10, 2.5%)

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

© 2003-09 Richard Burkard, all rights reserved.

10 NOV 09: Mark-Key Attraction

What could be the trial of the decade began in Columbus federal court Monday -- and the title is on a case few people could have imagined two years ago. Why, the family of Kenneth Walker probably won't even bother to travel downtown and watch....

Opening statements are planned today in the federal trial of attorney Mark Shelnutt. A 12-person jury was seated Monday evening - but in a move which seemed a bit unfair, Judge Clay Land then had the jurors stand up and go home.

The day of jury selection included a surprising admission. If I heard WTVM correctly, Judge Clay Land attends the same church as Mark Shelnutt. But it's a United Methodist Church -- so the judge can't pull an even bigger surprise, and claim Shelnutt confessed sins to him.

Several potential jurors also were excluded, because they attend St. Luke United Methodist Church. Do they attend because of the contemporary praise band, which has Mark Shelnutt as a member? Or is it something deeper -- like those nice Wednesday night suppers?

Several students also were excluded from serving on Mark Shelnutt's jury. I don't quite understand the reason for this - because Shelnutt doesn't quite have the "beatnik" look of a few years ago.

Judge Clay Land has put this trial on an unusual schedule. Instead of working "nine-to-five," the daily sessions will last from 8:00 a.m. to 2:30 p.m. ET. That should give TV reporters plenty of time to prepare their reports for the 6:00 p.m. news - if they can find anyone who legally can talk under a gag order.

The run-up to the Mark Shelnutt trial has made one thing clear: Columbus is split about whether he's guilty of the 36 counts against him. Former Mayor Frank Martin doesn't think so -- and he said that despite the fact that Shelnutt chose someone else for a defense attorney.

If you've followed the Mark Shelnutt case from the beginning, you know this blog was given some interesting items concerning it - a package left at our front door, with a DVD of court videos and transcripts [9 Dec 08]. But I doubt the videos will be used as evidence in Shelnutt's trial. The people who accused him of wrongdoing then probably will be in the gallery watching now.

The expected two-week trial may clear up all sorts of mysteries about Mark Shelnutt and his actions. For instance, he allegedly tried to influence the grand jury testimony of someone with the initials J.S. Prosecutors have said that's NOT Muscogee County District Attorney Julia Slater - so who could J.S. be? Shelnutt may love music, but he wasn't around to talk with J.S. Bach.

One reader has asked this blog to sit in federal court, and follow the Mark Shelnutt trial. We actually did that with a lawsuit against WRBL four years ago. But in this case, plenty of reporters will be in court. And this time, they'll cover the case in the gallery -- instead of testifying on the witness stand.

(Besides, I'm focused on more pressing personal business right now. I won't belabor you with details about that. And some readers who know what that business is will get the joke in that last sentence.)

You're invited to hear me sing this weekend, at a special "Pre-Thanksgiving" worship service and dinner! It starts Saturday at 2:30 p.m. ET at the Woodmen of the World hall on Milgen Road -- between the post office and Lumber Liquidators.

E-MAIL UPDATE: Well before we wrote Monday's item about a Phenix City subdivision, a former city official was writing us....

After reading the Kirsten Barnes article in reference to the Tuesday November 3, 2009 Phenix City Council Meeting, I feel compelled to offer the following. Mayor Pro Tem Arthur Sumbry was quoted as saying, "The people have been waiting 24 years for us to do something." I would like to "attempt to communicate" with the esteemed councilman of the following.

1. The Cochgaleechee Sewer (Sanitary) was replaced in that area at a cost of $400,000.00 eleven years ago.

2. The U.S. Corps of Engineers authorized a feasibility study for the construction of a watershed in that area. The result being the cost benefit (number of direct beneficiaries) was not acceptable when leveraged against the amount of money involved in cost for the project.

3. I personally procured a $300,000 grant (no match) which provided for the dredging of the creek from Crowell Park to Brickyard Roads. The final recommendation on that project was that in order to be effective, this creek should be dredged all the way to the Chattahoochee River.

4. During the tenure of Sam Howard as Mayor, we reached an agreement with the Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA) whereby any resident wishing to sell their home at fair market value could do so. This project was over a one million dollar venture where the city provided a 25% match.

The bottom line regarding this issue is as follows; Crowell Park and lower Meadowview were constructed in a flood plain, and such construction was approved by the city of Phenix City. The city, by maintaining (dredging) the creek through these residential areas can mitigate or eliminate such problems. The city has the equipment (track hoes, etc.), but must use the equipment which the taxpayers have provided. Thus this is a management problem of the city Public Works and Engineering Department. A maintenance schedule should be adhered to in this most problematic area.

In conclusion, Crowell Park is in a flood plain, and was in a flood plain when the City of Phenix City approved it years ago. It will remain in a flood plain unless Arthur Sumbry could orchestrate a seismic event or divine intervention. Federal funding for watershed development as a result of prior attempts is questionable at best. Some councilmen are probably most effective when they remain "at sleep."

The Citizens of this community deserve more consideration on an investment of $144,250.00.

Sincerely,

Greg Glass

This is the same Greg Glass who used to be Phenix City's Utilities Director. Last time we heard about Glass, he was suing the city after leaving office amid controversy [5 Jun 08] - but he's apparently not satisfied simply with communicating through his attorney.

Greg Glass seems to be saying the Army Corps of Engineers played a numbers game in Crowell Park. Not enough people would be helped to justify spending money on improvements. That doesn't seem to stop Senator Richard Shelby, when it comes to federal money for Alabama.

I don't recall any of Greg Glass's four points being mentioned during last week's Phenix City Council work session. City Manager and longtime city employee Wallace Hunter didn't even mention them -- but then again, the former Fire Chief didn't have to worry much about fires in rain-soaked neighborhoods.

Oh, by the way -- Arthur Sumbry is a funeral director by trade. If he really wanted to "orchestrate.... divine intervention," he'd lose a lot of casket sales.

Our next e-mail involves a sighting in the sky:

Hi

Around 2 o'clock Monday afternoon - coming in from the west , looked like a painted up B-29 landing in Columbus. What's the occassion.

The occasion is called Veterans Day. TV newscasts reported the "Wings of Freedom" tour has brought several World War Two-era fighter planes to the Columbus Airport through Thursday. But they mentioned B-17's and B-24's, instead of B-29's. Admittedly, I thought the planes stopped at B-15 - based on standard bingo cards.

If you want a close-up look at the historic planes at the Columbus Airport, it will cost around ten dollars. If you want to take a flight in one, it will cost about $400 -- and you'll notice the "Honor Flight" program for World War Two veterans is staying away from that.

While we're thinking historically: Monday marked 20 years since the opening of the Berlin Wall. It was a memorable day for me, for the wrong reason - as CNN picked that day for a building-wide fire drill. When the big announcement came in East Berlin, practically every CNN Center employee was lined up outside the building. I should sell that story to "The Office"....

We have SEVERAL e-mails about one other topic, but I'm waiting for a call to be returned on that. So your patience is appreciated, as we check other Monday musings:

+ Columbus began feeling the rainy impact of Tropical Storm Ida. We've had so much rain already this year that the storm isn't needed. In fact, there's a much more appropriate place for it -- Ida-ho.

+ WXTX "News at Ten" reported Lee County is changing its tornado siren policy to a "Storm Based Warning System." So much for those weekly and monthly tests, which make some people think they live in North Korea....

+ Georgia's Governor announced the city of Columbus will receive almost two million dollars in stimulus money, for a new network of traffic cameras. They'll be set up along Veterans Parkway, and monitored from the Government Center Annex. Maybe now a radio station will bring back traffic reports, so the rest of us can know what's happening.

+ Alabama cornerback Javier Arenas was named Southeastern Conference Defensive Player of the Week. After even further review, the league still didn't think that Louisiana State player made a great interception....

(I'm a bit surprised Arenas won the defensive award - since L.S.U. radio announcer Jim Hawthorne mistakenly said Saturday Arenas caught a long touchdown pass, instead of Julio Jones. Alabama's program hasn't been stripped of THAT many scholarships.)

+ Instant Message to the producers of "Jeopardy": Thanks for sending a member of your "Clue Crew" to Fort Benning's Loyd Elementary School Monday. But why didn't she visit a Muscogee County school, too? Are you implying Muscogee County educators are clueless?

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BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 406 (+ 12, 3.0%)

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

© 2003-09 Richard Burkard, all rights reserved.

9 NOV 09: A Climate for Change

The Alabama coast was under a hurricane watch Sunday night - and if the forecasts are right, Hurricane Ida could bring a lot of rain our way by Tuesday. But of course, the forecasts could be wrong if the hurricane changes course. It could come down to a meteorologist admitting, "Ida'nt know."

There's one section of Phenix City which is hoping heavy rain from Hurricane Ida stays far away. It's the Crowell Park neighborhood, near South Girard Middle School. Some residents say flooding is a constant problem. So if the drought of recent years upset you, people in Crowell Park may have been praying for it.

While we attended a City Council work session last Monday about the Phenix "Friday football fireworks flap," we heard an appeal from residents of Crowell Park. Well, make that the latest appeal. Councilor Arthur Sumbry says residents have complained for more than 20 years. So? I heard Sunday on the radio that health care reform goes all the way back to President Truman.

Kathy Lewis spoke for several Crowell Park residents, and showed the Phenix City Council several pictures of flooding yards. She said the subdivision is "nice when it's not raining." Doesn't that describe most places on the planet - except maybe the forests of Brazil?

"This looks like a little Grand Canyon," Phenix City Mayor Sonny Coulter commented when he saw one picture of Crowell Park after a rainstorm. Coulter stopped short of offering to turn the subdivision into a tourist attraction - you know, an east Alabama version of Providence Canyon.

Yet Kathy Lewis told Phenix City Council long-time residents of Crowell Park were never told the homes they bought were in a flood plain. "The city has a moral obligation to help us," Lewis said. It always comes back to that in Phenix City - whether to be "Sin City" or not.

This appeal combined with another to make the Phenix City Mayor declare climate change will bring even more rainfall to flood-prone areas. A 1997 University of Alabama study backs up Sonny Coulter's thinking, as average annual precipitation has increased more than ten inches statewide since 1895. So why haven't more stores opened to sell umbrellas and Thompson's Water Seal?

(In fact, the rainfall total in Columbus this year is about 20 inches above average. Yet the water garden in Heritage Park downtown was drained over the weekend -- making room for Ida, I suppose.)

Yet that 1997 study has another chart that's surprising. The average temperature in Alabama actually went down one degree F. between 1895 and 1995. Perhaps that's why the experts don't call the trend "global warming" much anymore - or maybe that's done to protect jobs at heating repair companies.

But I digress: Councilor Arthur Sumbry says after years of "begging and begging" for help in Crowell Park, "now we've got help." That's apparently thanks to a sympathetic Phenix City Manager, who plans to spend $140,000 to study putting a watershed in the area. Perhaps it will be renamed the Hunter's Duck Zone - after Wallace Hunter, of course.

While a possible watershed could stop a creek from flooding in Crowell Park, residents may have to go to court to solve another part of the problem - water coming down a hill from nearby homes. The Phenix City Attorney says Alabama state law allows the city to set rules for grass-cutting, but NOT rules on the flow of water. Which lawmaker made that rule - and did his wife serve on a water board?

Phenix City's Mayor and City Manager assured Crowell Park residents improvements are coming - but NOT overnight. In the meantime, people in this subdivision should look on the bright side. While tropical storms may flood their yards, they might not have to water their lawns at all.

You're invited to hear me sing this coming weekend, at a special "Pre-Thanksgiving" worship service and dinner! It starts Saturday at 2:30 p.m. ET at the Woodmen of the World hall on Milgen Road -- between the post office and Lumber Liquidators.

BLOG UPDATE: Rep. Sanford Bishop wound up voting for the health care reform plan which passed the House early Sunday. I hope his Columbus office staff enjoys drinking tea, because a lot of it may be coming - albeit in protest.

Let's see what else made news on a picture-perfect Sunday in the South....

+ The Ledger-Enquirer printed a big front-page story touting Federal Judge Clay Land, "known as fair, evenhanded judge." Forget about the upcoming Mark Shelnutt trial - Land might read that headline and resign from the bench to run for Governor.

+ The Ledger's web site reported five men were arrested for gambling in the South Commons parking lot, before Saturday's Fountain City Classic. A man reportedly set up a shell game and a card game - which tells me fantasy football leagues with small-college teams simply don't work.

+ The annual Phenix City "arts and craft fair" concluded at Idle Hour Park. At least that's how the banner outside the Amphitheater spelled it - with plenty of arts, but only one craft. Perhaps some truly crafty person stole a letter "s" from the sign.

+ The Atlanta Falcons whipped Washington 31-17 -- in a game broadcast on not one Columbus radio station, but two. WDAK had the Falcons radio network. WHAL had a small-time national network's broadcast. And WEAM-AM aired the Baltimore-Cincinnati game -- with no new Bengal players demanding to be called by their numbers in another language.

(Former Atlanta cornerback DeAngelo Hall now plays for Washington. He claimed after the game Falcons Head Coach Mike Smith threatened him. I thought "throw a bomb" was still a part of basic football slang.)

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BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 394 (- 16, 3.9%)

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

© 2003-09 Richard Burkard, all rights reserved.

8 NOV 09: Shuffling and Dealing With It

"How much money did you make today?" I asked my next-door neighbor when I returned home from church Saturday afternoon. He was sitting outside near the street.

"Fifteen dollars," he told me. "Three people asked me to watch their cars for them. The rest are on their own."

For five dollars a car, my next-door neighbor was selling a "security watch" over cars parked at our complex for the Fountain City Classic. My neighbor proved by this he's not very skilled at entrepreneurship. At my alma mater, the going rate on football game days is simply ten dollars to park -- and I'm not sure you even tip for security.

This is one 15-dollar example of how Saturday's Fountain City Classic football game was supposed to be an economic boost for Columbus. But a potentially more significant booster shot came Friday - the "Fountain City Classic Career Fair" at the Trade Center. So many potentially employers had booths that the outlook may be turning "career fair," after months of clouds.

We joined more than 3,000 people at the Trade Center for this career fair. The crowd was so big that two "holding areas" were set up before people could visit the booths - as if crowds were going to break down the doors, to get to the computers connected to Kia.

Because we arrived a few minutes after the opening time, we sat in Holding Area #2 for several minutes. A giant-screen TV in front of us showed factoids and slogans about modern-day job hunting - such as, "Change is the law of life." So why did longtime Rep. Calvin Smyre give a welcoming speech?

We could hear a series of short speeches by dignitaries in the main holding area, next to ours. Rep. Calvin Smyre ended his welcoming remarks with a 15-second pep rally -- leading workers in a chant of, "Fired Up! Ready to go!" Trouble is, Wal-Mart and Kmart didn't have managers on hand to appreciate such things.

Before entering the career fair, workers had to sit through a ten-minute explanation of how the Trade Center was arranged. People in Holding Area #2 heard it, then walked to the main holding area to hear it again - this time with papers and Powerpoint, but no Calvin Smyre. If we arrived later, didn't we need that speech more?

"Let's see some smiles! You never know who might be watching!" said a woman wearing a white Georgia Department of Labor shirt as we departed the main holding room. Another state employee referred to her as "our motivator." For some of us, she seemed like the boss we hoped did NOT have a booth.

The blue carpet was out for all pathways at the career fair. The one leading to the main hall had booths for "Career Development Services" -- and for some reason, one of those booths promoted the National Cemetery Administration. If you're out of work and desperate for employment, do you really want to be reminded you're going to die?

(We stopped at that booth, and was told it was promoting burial plans for veterans at places such as Fort Mitchell National Cemetery. There are NO present openings for gravediggers.)

At least the National Cemetery Administration was giving away blue cloth bags, for holding everything else you might pick up at the career fair. Handle it with care, and the bag might even earn you that new five-cent discount at Target.

One nice fringe benefit of career fairs is all the consolation prizes free items various employers give away. Ink pens with company logos are commonplace. Free chocolates in candy bowls are becoming rare. And the best deal of the day was at the booth of the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission - free giant "chip clips." Yes, in a full rainbow of colors....

A few other things stood out, as we strolled and stopped at booths for dozens of potential employers....

+ The Flowers Foods booth disappointed us. It had several loaves of bread on the table, but was NOT giving them away.

+ The Columbus Police booth stunned us, because the fancy banner placed outside the table had the "Protect Columbus" web site address misspelled. It says "PROCTECT Columbus.com" - and almost tempted me to stop and see if they were hiring proofreaders.

+ The Waggoners Trucking booth had a sign on a table - but nothing more. No papers to pick up. No people to answer questions. Not even a toy truck for jobseekers to try out.

+ The Columbus Times booth seemed to be in a giving mood, with Executive Editor Carol Gertjegerdes handing out free papers. But then I got home, and discovered my copy was from the first week of September. [True!]

(That edition had a column by Carol Gertjegedres which began: "Wedding anniversaries come after the wedding." That's why I like the Columbus Times - it's educational.)

The career fair also offered free critiques and reviews of resumes. The waiting area there consisted of two long tight rows of chairs. I told the men around me it was great practice in sidestepping - assuming country music clubs still do line-dancing.

It was in the resume line that I was reminded of an old Eddy Arnold western song. What the thousands of job-seekers went through at the Trade Center was a "cattle call." And we may never know how many workers were judged "blue ribbon steers," and offered jobs on the spot.

An even bigger crowd showed up for Saturday's Fountain City Classic football game. The Ledger-Enquirer reported more than 25,000 fans filled McClung Memorial Stadium - which explains why cars were parked at my complex, a five-block walk away. Cars also filled the Rotary Park lot. For one day, Bulldog Bait and Tackle should have sold steaks and ribs.

(Fourth Avenue Car Wash hedged its bets - putting a welcome message to Albany State and Fort Valley State on one side of its sign, and a message about the Steeplechase on the other side. But I think something still was wrong. Next year, the Steeplechase message should face the northbound traffic.)

As for the game itself: Fort Valley State stunned Albany State 35-13. It's Fort Valley's first win in the Fountain City Classic in eight years - and I think it means the turned-up car stereos after the game passed through Talbotton instead of Richland.

As I jogged on the Riverwalk in the twilight Saturday night, I asked two groups of walkers who won the game. Both groups knew it was Fort Valley - which beats the guys I saw with drinks a couple of years ago, who didn't know who had one. If they're walking, they probably actually attended the game.

The Fountain City Classic weekend ended back at the Trade Center. It hosted an "after-party" until 2:00 a.m. - which may explain why the special church services celebrating the weekend were held last Sunday.

Now for other highlights from a very active weekend:

+ Our best wishes to Lanny Davis and his family. We're told the father of murdered Fort Benning soldier Richard Davis (whose death inspired the movie "In the Valley of Elah") has terminal lung cancer. May history NOT repeat itself - with Lanny Davis's body sitting in a District Attorney's office for weeks.

+ Richard Hyatt's web site suggested former District Attorney Gray Conger has applied for the open federal magistrate judge position. Maybe this explains those rumors last year about Conger dating Julia Lumpkin - he's being coached in how to do a new job.

+ A new hair salon opened on Broadway, called PHD. Someone needs to tell the manager Columbus State does NOT offer doctorate degrees to the RiverPark arts students.

+ Auburn piled up the points on Furman in college football, winning 63-31. To use TV "score-box" shorthand, AUB-bie scalped some FUR.

(An Alabama agriculture roundup was held on the Auburn campus during the day -- yet for some reason, no one bothered calling the game the "Bowl Weevil.")

+ Georgia Tech won over Wake Forest 30-27 in overtime. This may have marked the first time a Georgia Tech game had a female play-by-play announcer. I'm talking about Pam Ward of ABC/ESPN - not Wes Durham screaming at the top of his lungs.

+ Alabama clinched the Southeastern Conference Western Division by leashing Louisiana State 24-15. Our Eli Gold "cliche of the day" on Alabama radio was, "You can't coach speed." Of course, this explains why Lake Speed was a lousy NASCAR driver - and Scott Speed hasn't won a major race yet.

+ Instant Message to The Landings shopping center: I think you're cheating. You had that big "holiday kickoff" Thursday night - and now you're stopping the special activities until after Thanksgiving?! At least you could replace toy soldiers with real ones for Veterans Day.

To offer a story tip, advertise to our readers, make a PayPal donation or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 410 (- 42, 9.3%)

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

© 2003-09 Richard Burkard, all rights reserved.

6 NOV 09: 911 LOL

The news from Fort Hood, Texas Thursday was shocking and sad -- certainly nothing to joke about. So I was pleased to see the late-night news went ahead with a special report on local emergency hotlines. Strange as it may sound, some calls to 911 really should be dialed 5-6-5 - the numbers for "LOL."

The WTVM report on "911 Emergency Stupidity" borrowed from a Jay Leno feature on "The Most Ridiculous 911 Calls Ever Made." Many of the recorded calls were taken by operators in Columbus and Auburn. Since each city has only one university, the number of stupid callers in Columbus should be about four times as high.

An Auburn 911 operator said about 60 percent of the incoming calls are NOT real emergencies. They involve people asking for information, or simply sounding weird. And we're approaching the time of year when 911 is a much easier number to remember than the one for Safety Cab.

The promotional ad for the special report had a call to Columbus 911 from a man who claimed he "just stepped off a spaceship in Florida." And for some reason, he did NOT want to report to the staff at the Space Science Center.

The supposed spaceship rider in Florida claimed he had traveled to parts of Asia, Africa and Mexico. Why you dial Columbus 911 from the middle of Walt Disney World's Epcot Center, I have no idea....

Another recording in the report had what sounded like an older woman. She asked Columbus 911 to recommend a drugstore which was open after 7:00 p.m. Really now - do all the Walgreens pharmacists dream of being bankers, and keep their hours?

Some people apparently also call the 911 center to get the phone number for the Muscogee County Jail. I can understand this a little, since both departments have a role in public safety -- but compared with ambulance workers, the jail can seem at times like a loony cousin.

Then there's the man who dialed 911 to report problems with other phone calls he made - to a 24-hour "sex talk" line. This case could be worse, of course. If he called from certain nightclubs on Victory Drive, he might have been subject to arrest.

We've shared stories from time to time here about unusual Columbus 911 centers. A man once told us he asked for police assistance with a wrong chicken order, so things wouldn't get out of hand [6 Feb 06]. It turns out the man had mental health problems - so this was a bit like calling firefighters to talk you out of committing arson.

But by playing tapes of ridiculous 911 calls, TV stations may be asking for trouble - because viewers may stop calling 911 and start dialing newsrooms instead. We've taken plenty of curious calls there over the years [9 Sep]. But the news departments bring it on themselves. Sometimes reporters act like they know more than everybody else -- and even show off seals to prove it.

(One afternoon I took a call from a man asking for the speed of light. He was disappointed and dissatisfied when I rounded off the number to the nearest thousand miles per second.)

I have a theory about why people dial 911 or the TV stations for phone numbers. A call to directory assistance costs extra money, while a call elsewhere doesn't. But why don't those callers have one of those telephone directories we mentioned the other day? Have they doodled over all the listings, while chatting with their friends?

In the Internet age, you'd think the number of 911 callers asking for ordinary information would go down. People can "Google" for the answers, after all. But I suspect these curious calls come from people who don't have computers - and even though they can't read this blog, I still will not call them names.

There's an old-fashioned information source that many people seemingly forget to call. It's the reference desk at the public library. Workers there are surrounded by all sorts of books - while some TV newsrooms do well to have a dictionary sitting in plain sight on a desk.

By the way, public safety workers can encounter stupidity without taking phone calls. Did you hear about the man Morgan County, Alabama deputies stopped last weekend? He reportedly climbed out of a vehicle and declared, "I just stole this truck." Truly alcohol is the world's leading truth serum....

Now let's get caught up on some news items from the last couple of days:

+ Pam Fair with the Columbus Health Department told WTVM her agency now has a "flu operator." Uh-oh -- we should explain something to those silly 911 callers. You CANNOT reach the flu operator by dialing H-1-N-1.

(Shouldn't the Health Department prepare a special commercial promoting the flu operator? It could bring Sade out of hiding - since the swine flu truly is "coast to coast, L.A. to Chicago.... across the north, and south to Key Largo.")

+ The Columbus Chamber of Commerce held a seminar on small retail businesses. Speaker Cinda Baxter promoted something called "The 3/50 Project." I never heard exactly what that meant - but if stores want to sell everything for $3.50, I'm in favor of it.

+ Opelika Mayor Gary Fuller said he's working on developing a city-run cable and Internet service, to compete with Charter's high prices. I've heard similar complaints from Phenix City - except the city supposedly gave Cable TV of East Alabama a 99-year exclusive contract to use city lines.

+ On the other hand, Alabama Gas Company filed notice with the state that residential prices will go down. This should have a ripple effect on the state's economy - because this obviously means we'll have a warm winter, with more visits from cold Northern tourists.

+ Hardaway was humbled by Macon Westside in high school football 22-17. It appears the only way the Hawks can make the playoffs is by getting through a "mini-game" next Monday. Aw c'mon - either play the entire "arena football" season indoors, or not at all.

+ Georgia Tech head football coach Paul Johnson told reporters he will NOT allow the Yellow Jackets to wear all-yellow uniforms. Johnson explained he doesn't want players looking like "giant french fries." Especially if it gets Georgia players thinking about adding "ketchup" on top -- as in their red helmets.

+ Instant Message to O'Reilly Auto Parts on Veterans Parkway: What's that thing with the sale price you posted along the road? I mean, what's a "PB Blaster?" Can't you simply spread peanut butter on sandwich bread?

COMING NEXT WEEK: A Blog Special Event, marking a big anniversary for us....

To offer a story tip, advertise to our readers, make a PayPal donation or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 452 (+ 15, 3.4%)

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

© 2003-09 Richard Burkard, all rights reserved.

5 NOV 09: Who're You Calling Yellow

It happened again Wednesday - another call from a confused electric customer. Someone dialed my number because the defunct sports league Power Frisbee of Georgia is listed under "Georgia Power" in an online directory. I don't think "glow in the dark" frisbees are even battery powered....

People using the old-fashioned Columbus phone books should NOT be confused. Power Frisbee never has been listed in the white pages - but yes, I checked the new 2009-10 books to be sure. Does PowerHouse Power Sports on Linwood Boulevard get these calls as well?

The latest Yellowbook reached me a couple of weeks before the AT&T phone books did -- so to be honest, I didn't even open the orange plastic bag with the AT&T books until after I started writing this Wednesday night. AT&T may promise "your world delivered," but the other guys deliver faster.

So which phone directory is better? As we've done here from time to time, let's do a comparative "book review" in several key areas....

1. Price. Thankfully, both are still absolutely free -- unless they prepare special hardbound coffee-table versions to sell at Barnes and Noble.

2. Size. Yellowbook has reduced its book this year from the standard 8.5-by-11 inches to about seven-by nine inches, calling it "eco-friendly." And the yellow section with business listings has 80 fewer pages -- which could mean it's not as advertiser-friendly.

Again this year, AT&T delivered two phone books to my door: the standard large-sized directory, and a smaller "companion." Trouble is, the smaller book has no residential listings - so your "companion" had better have at least a part-time job.

3. The front cover. Both books have refrigerator magnets attached - and the magnets promote competing law offices. Salespeople might come to your door, and fearfully conclude they have to be truthful.

The large AT&T book has a nice picture of the new National Infantry Museum on its cover. The attorney ad which was on part of last year's cover is gone - because the Third Brigade doesn't seem to be using lawsuits to keep order in Iraq.

The Yellowbook cover includes three small ads and a smaller U.S. flag - as if visitors might think there's also a Columbus, Saskatchewan in Canada.

4. The white pages. This is why I usually turn to a phone book, and the Columbus listings in both books essentially are the same. But AT&T includes outlying areas such as Hurtsboro - despite the fact that most movers and shakers in Hurtsboro still have unlisted numbers.

AT&T's large book fits the white pages for Columbus-Phenix City into 304 pages. Yellowbook requires 406 pages, even though the city government numbers are moved to a separate section of the book. Is Yellowbook being told first about all the base realignment transfers?

5. City maps. AT&T wins by default, as Yellowbook has removed a multi-page map which covered a wider part of the Columbus area. But then again, maybe Yellowbook is trying to get male customers - you know, the ones who never look at maps.

6. Access to government phone numbers. Yellowbook wins easily with its "blue pages" section, similar to what Atlanta has done for years. AT&T scatters government numbers throughout the white pages. Hmmmm - does centralization mean Yellowbook is run by Democrats?

7. Money-saving coupons. Yellowbook has several pages of them. AT&T's coupon section has a grand total of one - and someday I need to find out how many deliveries Steak-Out really makes.

8. The yellow pages. In this key moneymaking area, Yellowbook wins with 469 pages to AT&T's 461. Trouble is, one full-page ad has the menu for Hotlanta Wings - where business is so cold that both locations seem to be shut down.

-> Wednesday night turned into a late night of poker - and that was good. Read what happened at our other blog, "On the Flop!" <--

E-MAIL UPDATE: This seems to be a follow-up to our latest Big Blog Question....

This morning, just after reading your always entertaining Columbus Blog I went through my cacophony of E-newspapers, until finding this little gem---what a hoot ;)

Regarding the Taj Mahal:....

Genuine representation generally recognizes a pay-as you-go system, or at least a repayable debt system, in which each expenditure is justifiably necessitated. When we point to the Taj Mahal, with ridicule for the fiduciary radicals who created it, we cannot wait for the election results to roll in from Mrs. Boren's office. The Columbus citizenry is anxiously awaiting the apocalyptic political fall out of the Taj Mahal.

The Okey-Dokey Conservatives in Green Island, the hard core leftists, the children of the Bibb Mill workers, the teen kids who work at McDonald's, the minority populations, most black and most white Columbusites, and the military retirees, might all agree on only one thing - the School Board election will impact the way the School Board approaches spending on themselves. The average person opposed the Taj Mahal, and the School Board did not care what the voters wanted, they over spent, over did, and now those who are in contested races will be voted out of office. I leave you with this very quotable quote.

Regarding the Taj Mahal:

"It is equipped with the same high tech vote tabulation system used by the United Nations ..."

This was hysterical even before I had my mocha, and I just keep coming back to it and experiencing that hysterical laughter again and again. Yes, it is one of the funniest lines Hyatt has ever E-printed. Hyatt is right, let them defend it, and let us laugh all the way to the voting booths! I wish I could send you the laugh track from my house right now!

This actually was an article by former Muscogee County School Board member Fife Whiteside - and we should look on the bright side about this. Columbus State University won't need to host the annual "model United Nations" for teenagers anymore.

But before you lose sleep over "apocalyptic political fallout" in the 2010 election, let's have a lesson in current history. Two Muscogee County School Board members were reelected last November, after voting for building the new Public Education Center. Maybe the folks in Green Island Hills decided those members still were - well, okey-dokey.

And don't take Fife Whiteside out of context with that short quote. He went on to write it's "dead wrong" to conclude the Muscogee County School Board is "narcissistic, self-centered and out of touch with the public." This apparently means the plaque at the door of the Public Education Center does NOT include board members' photos.

To offer a story tip, advertise to our readers, make a PayPal donation or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 437 (+ 13, 3.1%)

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

© 2003-09 Richard Burkard, all rights reserved.

4 NOV 09: Talk, Don't Run

If talk show hosts such as Rush Limbaugh and Glenn Beck know what this country needs, why don't they run for office themselves? A special election in Harris County, Troup County and parts of Columbus Tuesday may have revealed the answer. While they brag about a lot of listeners, they don't have the only radio station in town.

Former Columbus radio and TV talk show host Jerry Luquire ran for an open Georgia House seat, and finished last in a four-way race. Voters apparently decided they don't want a lawmaker who's overly.... uh, well.... Luquacious.

Jerry Luquire became well-known in Columbus for hosting talk shows -- first in the evenings on WRCG radio, then with the Monday night "Open Mic" back when TV-16 was WCGT. So he had the potential for providing great soundbites in the Georgia House. Too bad for him that the Senate is the legislative body which has filibusters....

Jerry Luquire told WTVM Tuesday he expected to win the open Georgia House seat if "all the Christians and pro-life voters" went to the polls. But the Columbus and Harris County election boards reported turnout was light - so maybe those voters were in meetings preparing for the January anti-abortion rally.

To be fair: Jerry Luquire focuses on a family publishing business these days. He appeared once or twice on WLTZ's "Rise n Shine" during the special election campaign - but he had some tough competition there. Al Fleming can make comments every bit as startling and jaw-dropping.

So the "star" of the Georgia House race finished last, but who came in first? The leader was Kip Smith, who ran for the seat his father Vance held for years. People who say we don't have "royal families" in this country ought to check how some political offices seem to stay in families for generations.

But Kip Smith did NOT win the Georgia House seat Tuesday. Final unofficial returns show he had 49.4 percent of the vote, falling 28 votes short of a majority. If only the Urban League had provided free rides to the polls in north Columbus....

Kip Smith will go to a runoff 1 December against Steve Earles. Did I hear Earles right on the Tuesday afternoon news -- that he expected to receive about 65 percent of the vote? He did well to finish first in Troup County. This may explain why many Republicans like to say they "don't govern by the polls."

(Am I the only one who thinks Steve Earles looks and sounds a lot like Governor Sonny Perdue? They even seem to have the same barber - who apparently resists the modern trend to call his job a "stylist.")

Several other local offices were on ballots across the area Tuesday. Chattahoochee County voters approved their own special school sales tax - a tax WXTX "News at Ten" showed as being for "educatin." Before you laugh, that IS how some people in the South would pronounce the word....

A mayoral election in Atlanta had some people asking a touchy question. Is it acceptable to vote for candidates simply because of the color of their skin? At least one East Alabama blogger says that makes you a "bigot" - which in 2009 almost sounds like a politically correct way of saying "racist."

Mary Norwood led the voting for mayor of Atlanta, but fell short of a majority. Norwood would become the first European-American mayor of Atlanta in 36 years - and at no point has she called for removing Martin Luther King's name off streets and MARTA stations.

Mary Norwood will meet African-American state Senator Kasim Reed in a December runoff. Reed admitted some people have trouble pronouncing his first name -- and I imagine a few think he's the son of Casey Kasem.

ABC's "Nightline" showed election night parties with both candidates, and it was reassuring to see a racial mix at both of them. But a couple of political scientists caused a stir in recent weeks, by suggesting voters to reject Mary Norwood because she's "white." Kasim Reed rejected such reasoning - and apparently did NOT announce it with Andrew Young standing next to him.

One European-American voter told ABC if Mary Norwood is elected Atlanta mayor, "we won't be known as the A-T-L anymore." This woman must have never taken luggage on an airplane flight from Atlanta, because those letters are on the tags. And does she really think the city would be better, by being known for its "Real Housewives?"

The racial questions raised by the Atlanta mayoral contest could be a preview of the Columbus mayoral election a year from now. But the roles would be reversed, as Columbus never has elected an African-American mayor. Can a candidate gain the same number of votes at both Country's and Chester's Barbecue?

THE BIG BLOG QUESTION on the November 2010 election closed Tuesday night. Five out of eight voters agreed with the idea that all incumbent Columbus Councilors and Muscogee County School Board members should be voted out of office next year. We'll now have to see how many of those five voters actually run for office.

People reading our comments may have already figured it out - but in the sake of full disclosure, this question was posted at the request of School Board candidate Charles Lawhon. He's running against incumbent John Wells next year. Given this outcome, he might start recruiting an all-P.T.A. slate.

The comments section of our poll became inflamed in the last couple of days. A voter brought up the Georgia PTA award in July for suspended Columbus High School principal Susan Bryant, and asked if then-state board member Charles Lawhon supported it. That voter apparently wanted the Georgia law changed for Bryant to ONE strike, you're out.

Charles Lawhon responded by writing he did NOT support the Georgia PTA award for Susan Bryant, and only learned the state President would give her the honor one hour before it happened. But another commenter contended Lawhon and the board should have stopped the award, and perhaps learned about it earlier. It's a classic education question - when should you peek at other people's work?

Another curious comment in our poll was this: "We need pics of the soaked children." C'mon now - the new school sales tax is supposed to "soak" their parents....

Oh wait: this appeal for pictures involved whether Muscogee County schools need covered walkways connecting portable classrooms with main buildings. A writer claims children get soaked often, yet School Board member James Walker maintains that's not true. Nonprofit groups might take a break from providing school supplies next year, and donate umbrellas.

-> Last Sunday turned out to be dramatic for us, in an online poker tournament. Read what happened at our other blog, "On the Flop!" <--

BLOG UPDATE: There may yet be some "Phenix Friday football fireworks flap" fallout. A local pyrotechnic expert told your blog Tuesday a statement made by the President of the Phenix City Central Booster Club can't possibly be true. Uh-oh - now every Troy University injury report by Chris Blackshear might be considered a plot to "psych out" the other team.

Stephen King took issue with Chris Blackshear's claim that the Central Booster Club obtained $10 million in insurance, to shoot fireworks at football games. King says NO one offers that much coverage for fireworks - "not even Lloyd's of London." Lloyd's might provide that much protection for Beyonce's legs, but not for that.

Meanwhile, the Phenix City Council had its regular session Tuesday. Councilor Jimmy Wetzel stole the show, by claiming Mayor Sonny Coulter didn't set foot in his City Hall office for two weeks. Coulter denied it - but why should he have to do that? If you only pay a salary for a part-time mayor, a part-time mayor is what you're going to get.

That's probably more than enough politics for one day. Let's move on to other Tuesday items....

+ A source I tend to trust claims the Darius Rucker concert at the Civic Center 15 November is about to be canceled, because ticket sales are slow. When a promoter sings "Don't Think I Don't Think About That," he's probably referring to his profits.

+ Ground was broken in Americus for the new Phoebe Sumter Medical Center, replacing the building ruined by the 2007 tornado. The new center should open in the summer of 2011 -- even though it's in the hometown of Habitat for Humanity, and you'd think its volunteers could build it much faster.

+ WRBL reported the Auburn City Council voted to allow a second cable TV service. Knology will compete against Charter - and I suppose the agreement has something in the fine print about blacking out all talk shows featuring Nick Saban.

+ Montevallo stunned top-seeded Columbus State 1-0, in the first round of the Peach Belt Conference women's soccer tournament. That's pretty sneaky of the Cougars - making sure they get plenty of extra rest before the NCAA tournament.

To offer a story tip, advertise to our readers, make a PayPal donation or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 424 (+ 10, 2.4%)

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

© 2003-09 Richard Burkard, all rights reserved.

3 NOV 09: Booms Busted

Sure enough - some serious words were exchanged during Monday's Phenix City Council work session. In fact, we can expand the tongue twister we started last week. The Phenix Friday football fireworks flap turned into a time of tense terse talk.

"This City Council has a lot more important stuff to deal with than fireworks at the high school football games." So said Phenix City Mayor Sonny Coulter Monday - but he was outnumbered when it comes to Friday night's playoff game. Three Councilors spoke out against a pyrotechnic display. So Central High students will have to drive to the edge of town, and shoot explosives themselves.

Chris Blackshear of the Phenix City Central Booster Club tried to offer a compromise. He proposed only shooting fireworks when the football team takes the field Friday night, with no explosions after touchdowns or at the final whistle. In other words, Blackshear offered the Oklahoma plan -- Boomer Sooner.

But if Chris Blackshear didn't understand the concerns of fireworks opponents before Monday, he heard personally about them at a crowded work session. One Phenix City resident said the explosions had dogs near the football field "going wild." Considering Phenix City Central was playing the Opelika Bulldogs, one purpose was accomplished.

Retired real estate agent Helen McCullar lives north of Garrett-Harrison Stadium. She told the work session the fireworks at a football game in October sounded to her like a storm erupting. She may not know the running backs known as "Thunder and Lightning" left the New York/New Jersey Giants several years ago.

Retired Sergeant Major Carlos Sellers next said several older people had complained to him about the fireworks. But he reported they were reluctant to appear at the work session, because they feared some kind of retaliation. You can't really blame them - because most of today's high school students know how to find homes with Google Maps.

Carlos Sellers listed three reasons why the fireworks are shaking homes around Garrett-Harrison Stadium. One of them was meteorological, and involved barometric pressure. I didn't catch all of it, but I think we've found the "Ask Derek" weather question for next week.

Carlos Sellers reported the fireworks were SO LOUD that his home ceiling lamp shook, and a U.S. flag in a box was knocked off a shelf. Do Fort Benning soldiers ever have this problem during live-fire exercises? Or are they well-trained enough to make sure everything has extra screws?

Scheduled to follow those comments, Chris Blackshear clearly considered himself on trial. He said the fireworks shot during football games were NOT the loudest boom available. If those had gone off, the Phenix City hospital would have switched to emergency mode....

Chris Blackshear defended the fireworks by saying it's about 89 teenagers on the Central football making "the right choice." He explained there isn't much in Phenix City for young people to do, besides play high school sports. Exactly when the bridges to Columbus became toll bridges, I'm not sure.

Chris Blackshear admitted he should have communicated the Booster Club's plans better to residents around Garrett-Harrison Stadium. But he said the fireworks are bringing back football fans who have stayed away for several years. Apparently Central's 9-1 record isn't good enough to attract a crowd anymore.

Chris Blackshear explained the Booster Club took out a $10 million insurance policy on the fireworks displays. But an unimpressed Leon McCullar responded: "You broke the law, you're putting people in danger...." He almost seemed ready to throw a flag and call a 15-yard personal foul penalty.

But then the work session took an unusual turn. Phenix City Manager Wallace Hunter said he took "full responsibility" for the fireworks displays. By permitting the pyrotechnics for two October games, "I took a chance.... I stuck my neck out...." Not close enough for the ash stains to get on his hands, though....

Wallace Hunter revealed he was asked to approve a third night of Friday fireworks by Phenix City School Superintendent Larry DiChiara. DiChiara was NOT at the work session - as he's apparently trying to figure out how Phenix City parents which oppose school taxes can afford to write checks in the hundreds of dollars to have fireworks shows.

The Phenix City Manager said he drew a line at a third Friday night fireworks show - "That's it." He added Central High School boosters should be true to their word, and NOT request one more display for a playoff game. But as most of us know, sports fans want every call to go in favor of the home team.

Wallace Hunter explained he fulfilled his promise to allow fireworks at two Phenix City Central football games -- and in fact went one game beyond. Now he wants to fulfill a promise to nearby residents, by stopping the displays for the year. If you can't please everyone, have everyone kindly take turns.

The work session then devolved into a sharp exchange between Wallace Hunter and Chris Blackshear. It involved personal meetings to get approval for displays, campaigns on Facebook to demand one more show, football coaches asking players to sign petitions in favor of the fireworks -- yet Councilor and veteran football referee Max Wilkes never intervened.

But the final lid on the fireworks box may have come from the Phenix City Attorney. He pulled out the city ordinance banning fireworks, and noted it allows NO exceptions for special events - not even on Independence Day. That's why Columbus firefighters oversee Thunder on the Hooch, while Phenix City settles for flag-waving songs and a water slide.

(Columbus fireworks maven Stephen King tells me Phenix City has held NO organized pyrotechnic show since the early 1990s. That may explain why WWE wrestling fans don't show up in big numbers for those weekly local cards at the roller skating rink -- they have to settle for fireworks on tape recordings.)

Phenix City Mayor Sonny Coulter admitted he thought the fireworks during the football games were "great." He liked the entry-only compromise for the playoff game, as did Councilor Max Wilkes. But the other three Councilors did not - so this Friday night, it's BYOB: Bring your own boombox.

While no formal vote was taken at the work session, the 3-2 NO result is surprising on a couple of levels. The two men who seem to be "elder statesmen" in Phenix City government supported fireworks for high school football players - yet the three younger Councilors sided with older and critical residents, who confined their big racket to telephone calls.

Booster Club President Chris Blackshear tried a line of reasoning which many conservatives have come to abhor - the "it's about the kids" argument. Yet Phenix City Council members which some might consider liberal decided against the fireworks display. They seem to think older people have rights, too - especially since they're more likely to hold the city liable for property damages.

(BLOGGER'S NOTE: Monday's work session had another interesting discussion, but we're choosing to hold that item for another day.)

BLOG UPDATE: Last Friday we sent an Instant Message about our failed sports league, Power Frisbee of Georgia. We discovered Monday what's causing several confused phone calls about it. If you type in "Georgia Power" and "Columbus" at the Yellow Pages web site, Power Frisbee is the top listing! Maybe those energy-sniffing dogs chase frisbees in parks to stay in shape.

Since we're sports-centered today, that might as well lead off our wrap-up of other Monday news....

+ The Atlanta Falcons fell to unbeaten New Orleans 35-27. The Saints scored two touchdowns in 23 seconds, late in the second quarter -- then the second half had six video reviews which seemed to last for hours.

+ Georgia head football coach Mark Richt reported Joe Cox will start at quarterback next weekend. If he can't turn the offense around against Tennessee Tech, then we'll know it's time for a change.

+ Aflac showed off a new foam recycling device it calls a "densifier." Single guys like myself could use a modified version of this - to identify which blondes in nightclubs are dense and dumb, as opposed to the geniuses.

+ A weeklong tour of Muscogee County grade schools began, by a guest promoting the "magic of recycling." You mean it's magic?! Area police officers have another name for it - air conditioner theft.

To offer a story tip, advertise to our readers, make a PayPal donation or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 414 (+ 14, 3.5%)

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

© 2003-09 Richard Burkard, all rights reserved.

2 NOV 09: Aren't They Special?

One year from today, the Columbus Election Board office will be busy. There will be all sorts of candidates on the Election Day ballot - from Columbus Council to the Georgia Governor's office. It'll be all poll workers can do to keep "tea parties" from breaking out at polling places all over town.

But in this off-year, there's a special election in Harris and Muscogee Counties on Election Day. Tuesday's vote is SO special that only parts of Columbus can vote in it - and not a single member of President Obama's party has felt emboldened to run.

The vote is for Georgia House District 129 -- the district served by Vance Smith of Pine Mountain, before he was named Georgia Transportation Commissioner. You may have noticed Smith has returned to Columbus a couple of times since taking that new job. Is he checking the quality of the roads, or whether candidates are taking the high road?

Four Republicans are on the ballot, hoping to succeed Vance Smith. One of them happens to be Smith's son Kip - whom I presume has used the phrase "Kip off the old block" in campaign appearances at least 25 times.

We went to a site set up by the League of Women Voters to see where Kip Smith stands on issues. Trouble is, Smith sent in no information - so either you're supposed to copy and paste his father's views, or he's been too busy running to take a stand on things.

The League of Women Voters also received no information from Earl Davis. Davis last served in the Georgia legislature 35 years ago. He may be in the G.O.P., but he also appeals to the G.O.B.'s - you know, the Good Old Boys.

Earl Davis might contend a vote for him Tuesday is a vote to bring back the "good old days" to Georgia politics. The days when Jimmy Carter was Governor, and could only get national attention as a contestant on "What's My Line."

Steve Earles's campaign signs along Bradley Park Drive tout his "experience" for a House seat. It includes a place on the Georgia Board of Massage Therapy - which could mean he merely rubs down people for campaign donations, instead of shaking them down.

The League of Women Voters guide shows Steve Earles has some old-fashioned proposals for Georgia government. He wants the school year to begin in September, and term limits on elected officials. So it's just as well Vance Smith resigned his house seat after 17 years - he probably had been there too long.

The best-known name on Tuesday's ballot is undoubtedly Jerry Luquire. He lists his occupation as "publishing consultant," but his career includes years hosting Columbus radio and TV talk shows. I'm a bit surprised Luquire's opponents haven't brought up some of his more colorful quotes - like when he called hurricanes "little" weeks before Katrina struck.

Jerry Luquire told the League of Women Voters he opposes a statewide sales tax - but he supports a new sales tax on lottery tickets. You know times are tough in Georgia when someone wants to tax the losing gamblers, along with the winners.

There's been little buzz about this four-way House race, aside from a TV appearance or two and scattered radio ads. Perhaps it's because all the candidates are Republicans - or perhaps it's because Josh McKoon has been too focused on his own 2010 State Senate race to dig up dirt on anyone else.

If Republican House member Richard Smith has endorsed a candidate in this special election, I haven't heard about it. His web sites don't mention it, and state financial reports filed two weeks ago don't indicate Smith has donated money to any campaign. This probably stems from the knowledge that Smith will have to work with the winner, whether he likes that man or not.

-> Sunday night turned out to be dramatic for us, in an online poker tournament. Read what happened at our other blog, "On the Flop!" <--

BLOG UPDATE: Today might be called "D Day" in the Phenix Friday Football Fireworks Flap. It might - but they're shooting off fireworks, not dynamite.

We heard from a Columbus fireworks show expert (and blog patron) Sunday about the controversial Central High School fireworks displays. Stephen King says all the Booster Club needed to do was gain permission from the Phenix City Fire Marshal, without going to officials in Montgomery. But the more approval slips you have, the more likely you are to shut up upset Council members.

Stephen King encouraged the Booster Club to shoot off fireworks during Friday night's Phenix City Central playoff game. He said there's no risk of anything burning - and besides, they'll always face "people trying to complain about everything." Does this mean the Phenix City Council will get a surprise visit from Paul Olson?

So we've looked ahead to Monday and Tuesday - but what happened Sunday? Several things....

+ The Ledger-Enquirer asked Columbus Councilor Gary Allen where he stood on the proposed Crime Prevention Director - but he didn't give a direct answer. How many more things in Columbus does he want named after his dad?

. + The Columbus Civic Center hosted a rock concert by REO Speedwagon and Styx. The last time Styx played in Columbus, I think the group wore baseball jerseys....

+ The annual "Christmas Made in the South" show closed at the Trade Center. Organizers told WXTX News at Ten Mountain Time after baseball attendance was up 30 percent this year.-- which I fear will only encourage WGSY-FM "Sunny 100" to start the Christmas music even earlier.

(Doesn't this show set a terrible example, when it comes to rushing the seasons? Now I'm seeing signs for an "Ultimate Guys' Expo" in mid-November - seven months before Father's Day.)

+ The new Oasis Hotel opened in Shorter, Alabama, next to Victoryland. After staring at slot machines mindlessly for hours, you're going to need a nice place to sleep.

+ Jamie McMurray won the NASCAR race at Talladega. Wild crashes in the last ten laps sent two cars flipping onto their roofs - making me wonder if the sponsor of this race shouldn't be Amp Energy drinks, but a company specializing in upside-down mortgages.

+ An Atlanta jewelry store began an unusual offer tied to the Georgia-Georgia Tech football game. If a player runs a kick back for a touchdown during the rivalry game, any item purchased at Solomon Brothers during November will be free [True/Tech Radio Network]. This is about the only chance Georgia players still have for "getting a ring" this season.

To offer a story tip, advertise to our readers, make a PayPal donation or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 400 (- 19, 4.5%)

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

© 2003-09 Richard Burkard, all rights reserved.

1 NOV 09: Odds, Ends and the Weekend

We're conceding the floor for the most part to someone else today. But before we do, here are some scattered thoughts and news from an unusual weekend:

+ Continuing a rather new tradition, I changed my clocks back to standard time Friday. For more than 36 hours, I lived on Central Time as people in Opelika and Eufaula do -- and I think this worked out to give me two extra hours of sleep.

+ Then I fled the house Saturday evening, to avoid you-know-what. But I was at a worship service as usual during the afternoon - and I told the pastor I was there to give the devil his DON'T.

+ The U.S. Postal Service announced Columbus Postmaster Jerry Schafer is on administrative leave, and is seeking to retire. He's accused of violating privacy rules, by misusing some kind of government information. If my brother would kindly send me the serial number of my missing birthday gift card....

(It's not clear what sort of postal information may have been misused -- but if you happened to see President Obama's picture on a wanted poster, please let me know.)

+ WRBL reported the attorney for Mark Shelnutt has filed a motion to bar real-time "tweeting" of his federal trial on Twitter. If I was Shelnutt, I'd be more concerned about clients-turned jailbirds singing on the witness stand.

+ Columbus Police announced an arrest in a prostitution sting. Undercover officers reserved a room at a hotel near Columbus Park Crossing to capture a female suspect. If she wanted a wild time in Columbus, she should have stuck to Buffalo Wild Wings.

+ Valley Police posted signs in the yards of convicted sex offenders, to mark homes where children should NOT stop for Halloween candy. It's tempting to ask why these homes aren't marked all the time -- but that probably would invite "tricks" throughout the year.

+ WTVM reported City Manager Isaiah Hugley has canceled this year's Columbus city employee "holiday social," to save money. And if that's not bad enough, there's still not a well-paid Crime Prevention Director who can donate half his salary to pay for one.

+ Lisa Rowe of Uptown Columbus told WLTZ a new dance studio will open there soon -- and a new bar will open on Broadway next weekend. This indicates 50 percent of all downtown entrepreneurs have new and distinctive ideas.

(There's already a Club Oxygen on Broadway. So what should the new club be called - Nitrogen? Or will police watch it so closely that it will be named Copper?)

+ The BF Goodrich tire plant in Opelika closed for the last time. Mayor Gary Fuller seems to be doing all he can to help the hundreds of laid-off workers. He could have simply said, "That's the way the rubber tire bounces."

+ Florida flattened Georgia 41-17 in their annual Jacksonville showdown. The Bulldogs took the field wearing black helmets - which shows Coach Mark Richt didn't learn the lesson from last year's "blackout night" loss to Alabama. Clothes might make the man, but they don't always make you a winner.

(WDAK played a soundbite Friday, in which Mark Richt said he likes the atmosphere in Jacksonville for the Florida game. Then why did he want some of the games moved to the Georgia Dome in Atlanta? Does he like the sports bar at CNN Center even more?)

+ Georgia Tech vanquished Vanderbilt 56-31, to advance to 8-1 on the season. If this keeps up, Jimmy "Yella Fella" Rain finally might root for the Yellow Jackets.

+ The Columbus Cottonmouths completed a weekend sweep of Knoxville. The Snakes won 2-1 in an unusual 1:00 p.m. Saturday game. It drew about 1,900 people - proving sports fans haven't given up on the Auburn football team as much as we thought.

+ Instant Message to the driver I saw on Veterans Parkway with the words "Stupid hurts, Honda" on the spare tire cover: Why is that on the back of a Chevy Blazer?

-> Our other blog starts with poker, then goes in directions you might not expect. Visit "On the Flop!" <--

OK, that ends our contribution for the day. Now we want to share a slightly edited chain e-mail, which was sent our way by blog reader Larry Waldrup:

I just want to thank all of you for your educational e-mails over the past year. I am totally screwed up now and have little chance of recovery.

I no longer open a public bathroom door without using a paper towel or have them put lemon slices in my ice water without worrying about the bacteria on the lemon peel.

I can't use the remote in a hotel room because I don't know what the last person was doing while flipping through the adult movie channels.

I can't sit down on the hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed.

I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking ones nose (although cell phone usage may be taking the number one spot).

Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of Trans fats I have consumed over the years.

I can't touch any woman's purse for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public bathroom....

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's Novena has granted my every wish.

I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

THANKS TO YOU I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

BECAUSE OF YOUR CONCERN, I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer can buy gasoline without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.

I no longer use Saran Wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

AND THANKS FOR LETTING ME KNOW I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face.... Disfiguring me for life.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or Fed Ex since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.

I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.

THANKS TO YOU I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites....

AND THANKS TO YOUR GREAT ADVICE I can't ever pick up $5.00 dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.

I can't do any gardening because I'm afraid I'll get bitten by the brown recluse and my hand will fall off.

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 p.m. tomorrow afternoon, and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician . . .

Oh, by the way...

A German scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse.

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.

To offer a story tip, advertise to our readers, make a PayPal donation or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 419 (- 37, 8.1%)

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

Portions © 2003-09 Richard Burkard, all rights reserved.