11 NOV 08: LUMPKIN CENTERED

Happy Veterans Day to you. Today we mark 90 years since the end of World War I. Some called it the "war to end all wars" - but those people obviously haven't lived in Columbus for any length of time.

The latest issue which has people taking sides is the case of Frank Lumpkin III. Well, it's really more than his case - because I found out Monday the teenager he's accused of shooting was also arrested, on a much higher bond. The teen's attorney is unhappy with that, even though in some gangs a big bond would be a bragging point.

Attorney Derrell Dowdell gave several interviews Monday about the Frank Lumpkin III case, including one with this blog. Among other things, Dowdell said he's "appalled but not shocked" that his client was assessed a $35,000 bond while Lumpkin's bond was $2,500. Some would argue the teen's bond is 14 times higher because he has that many convictions....

Derrell Dowdell maintains Frank Lumpkin III should have been held on a much higher bond for shooting the teenager. He wants more charges imposed, yet he also wants the District Attorney to step aside, in favor of a special prosecutor. Don't simply go away, Gray Conger -- go away mad.

Last week's election has NOT changed one thing in Derrell Dowdell's view. He told me he wants incoming District Attorney Julia Slater to recuse herself from the Frank Lumpkin III case, as he wants incumbent Gray Conger to do. Oh dear - this could spark rumors about which judge Slater is dating.

Derrell Dowdell used to be an Assistant District Attorney under Gray Conger. He says it was "known" in recent years that Conger was romantically involved with Judge Julia Lumpkin, who's the brother of Frank Lumpkin III. Known?! I guess I need to stop by the 12^th Street Tavern more often after work.

But Derrell Dowdell says there are more important reasons why all local prosecutors should recuse themselves. He says too many prominent Columbus families are involved -- and he doubts District Attorney Gray Conger is competent to handle the case. There's an easy way to settle that doubt, of course. Delegate the case to one of those assistants....

We asked Derrell Dowdell about the issues raised in an e-mail posted here Monday. He argued if his teenage client has 15 prior arrests, that should have dissuaded Frank Lumpkin III and his friends even more from attempting a "citizen's arrest" over a stolen SUV. This assumes something, of course - that Lumpkin knew who did it, and conducted a background check first.

"They're just kids!" Derrell Dowdell contended about the people accused of stealing Frank Lumpkin III's Navigator. He said there was no justification for Lumpkin's group to show up at a convenience store with weapons. Here's hoping he makes the same comment at high schools and recreation centers -- as people there could be more likely to have that idea.

Derrell Dowdell also told me he's trying to arrange a meeting with Police Chief Ricky Boren. He wants to know why the people riding with Frank Lumpkin III were not arrested. At least no one can accuse the police of rushing to make false arrests THIS time....

In addition to that, Derrell Dowdell discussed a civil suit against at least Frank Lumpkin III. "Anyone who knows me knows I'm going to file civil action." Silly me - asking an attorney if he's going to file a lawsuit is like asking the chef at Bludau's if he plans to prepare a dinner.

Derrell Dowdell was ready to talk about all kinds of fine points, involving facts and evidence in the Frank Lumpkin III case. He seemed surprised that I haven't analyzed every detail of the surveillance tape. I eventually had to explain something to Dowdell -- I do NOT work for the newspaper.

Richard Hyatt's web site noted the other day that the Frank Lumpkin III case will go to a grand jury. But given the transition in District Attorneys, it's hard to believe that will happen quickly. The Kenneth Walker case didn't go before a grand jury until 11 months after the shooting - making that "speedy trial" slower than a baseball season.

For now, I'm content to let both sides in the Frank Lumpkin III case pile up their stacks of facts and bags of evidence -- and from what I'm reading online, they're doing exactly that. But Darrell Dowdell is sure that Lumpkin will be punished at some point. We'll see if Lumpkin owes damages, goes to prison - or if he's simply barred from the family reunion.

What do we think of the World Series of Poker's grand finale? Find out at our poker blog, "On the Flop!"

E-MAIL UPDATE: It seemed at times Monday like we couldn't please anybody. Our exclusive interview with former Rigdon Road School Principal Phyllis Jones brought a response from the reader who first raised questions about her:

Interesting Blog.

I think you better let someone else deal with the investigative reporting...you are not very effective at it. To trusting and to gullible. Of course that is better than the other so called reporting agencies around here. They are just to dishonest and under the thumb of the powers that be.

Might wanna let someone else handle the comedy because I ain't laughing. It was my tax money that was stolen...even though at least some of it was paid back.

Thanks.

Wow - I'm too trusting?! If I ever try online dating, I'll be sure to include that quote in my profile....

At least we don't trust the rumors we receive in our InBox, especially when they involve well-known people. We try to get their side of the story, so they don't get a lawyer and sue us for libel.

But at this point, the burden of proof seems to be on the rumor-spreaders. If they have evidence beyond what they've heard, we invite them to send it to us. But mere rumors usually aren't allowed in a U.S. court of law - and in Britain, Hear'Say went out of style about six years ago.

One week after the vote, the debate also continues about the Muscogee County Sheriff's race:

Richard, Only jerk is the reader who wrote that comment on your blog, the bottom line is John Darr has no leadership abilities or any ideas on what he needs change first in the Sheriffs Office. "You can't learn that by putting a leadership book under your pillow at night". Only plan that John had during his campaign was to work with his employees a novel idea considering this is where most of the changes must occur first. Never once did he mention what he going to about the over crowding issue or how is going to reestablish community relations and public trust of the Sheriffs Department.

John had once asked me outside the 4th Street Baptist Church during the campaign if would hire him back once I won the race, my response to him was "sure I would be glad too". We all know that the vote came down to party line and I could have ran as democratic and won that race. no great surprise there. John Darr could have never won that race without my consistent and relentless' attacks on Ralph Johnson, just ask anyone that attended our Candidate Forums. Ed Dubose and Greg Countryman also stated that they were very impressed with ideas I had, but they promised their support to John before they knew I was in the race. The demographics in politics will change again in 2012 and will be back with plenty of support and win this race. www.marklajoye.com

Only days before the election, outgoing Sheriff Ralph Johnson gave William Howell of the Rainbow/PUSH Coalition a tour of the Muscogee County Jail. Howell wanted to see if overcrowding was a problem. It was noteworthy that he didn't offer to house any inmates himself, to ease the problem.

So to hear Mark LaJoye tell it, he was the "pit bull" in the Sheriff's race. But I would never compare him with Sarah Palin, by suggesting he wear lipstick....

But if Mark LaJoye expects Ed DuBose of the Georgia NAACP and Muscogee County Marshal Greg Countryman to change their allegiance in 2012, he could be sadly disappointed. I've only known DuBose to back a Republican on one occasion - when he bought that car from Rob Doll Nissan.

So what else made news Monday? Let's check around and see....

+ Richard Hyatt's web site reported two Columbus High School students have set up a Facebook group which denigrates President-Elect Obama with racist language. This again shows the lack of a news-related local talk show on Columbus radio - because countless rednecks would want to learn about this, and add racist comments of their own.

+ WRBL showed a wrecking ball knocking down walls at the fire-damaged Bibb Mill. The front facade facing 38^th Street will NOT be knocked down for the time being. This could be the most unusual racquetball court I've ever tried....

+ Columbus State University reported a record fall enrollment of almost 8,000 students. There's only one way Columbus Technical College can keep up with this - and I'm not sure Brookstone School would share its football field during the fall.

+ The Columbus Cottonmouths lost to Huntsville 4-2, in an unusual Monday night game. You'd think Monday night hockey could be as successful as Monday night football. There's hard hitting. There are dramatic moments when scores are more likely. If only hockey would allow players to punt the pucks with their skates....

COMING SOON: Why blogging on weekends may become more difficult than ever....

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The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

© 2003-08 Richard Burkard, all rights reserved.

10 NOV 08: MORE EBONY THAN IVORY

"I'm so happy that Barack Obama won...." So said a speaker Sunday at the Liberty Theatre, during the premiere of the Columbus Walk of Fame. And no, there was NO hurried effort to find a Republican and make it an official political forum....

It's probably no surprise that someone would talk about the presidential vote at the Liberty Theatre. But the big surprise was who said those words -- not Calvin Smyre, not Ed Harbison and not Carolyn Hugley, even though they all spoke during the program. It wasn't even Sanford Bishop, because he entered the theatre right as an aide said he could NOT attend.

The only speaker who dared to utter Barack Obama's full name during the Columbus Walk of Fame ceremony was Don Nahley. The 78-year-old former co-host of Rozell and Coffee Break declared: "I don't want to sound political, but I'm so happy about it." As I told someone sitting next to me, "Leave it to a white guy to steal the show...."

Don Nahley was on the program to offer a tribute to Walk of Fame inductee Fredye Marshall. She was a regular singer on Rozell's midday TV show, and Nahley recalled he sometimes gave her a ride home from WRBL. Marshall gave a command performance for the British royal family - yet METRA couldn't work out a special bus ride?!

But Don Nahley decided other speakers on the stage had told Fredye Marshall's story well, so he decided to use most of his three minutes to talk racial history. He noted his mother-in-law in south Georgia didn't like Ed Sullivan presenting African-American artists. Nahley's wife told her bluntly: "This world will be a lot better when your generation is gone."

Connecticut native Don Nahley hopes Barack Obama's election will bring the "dawning of a new age." He also wondered due to segregation, "How many geniuses have we missed....?" Not to mention the wanna-be geniuses, who make up stories about why they need handouts on street corners.

Nahley's words were noteworthy because the Liberty Theatre was packed for the Columbus Walk of Fame ceremony - and almost everyone there was African-American. Mayor Jim Wetherington described it as a future tourist attraction. So maybe the white people are waiting for the crowds to dissipate.

Walk of Fame Chair Jacquelyn Egins told your blog after the ceremony she expects it eventually will honor artists of all ethnic backgrounds. Maybe if the Jake Hess fans started holding gospel hoedowns at the Liberty Theatre on Sunday afternoons....

The Columbus Walk of Fame begins with stars for three musicians. In addition to Fredye Marshall, there's a star for Ma Rainey -- but the program for Sunday's ceremony showed her year of death as 1929, ten years too soon. If you tell relatives a woman died at 43 instead of 53, is that a compliment?

The third musician honored Sunday was 19^th-century pianist Thomas Wiggins, better known as "Blind Tom." He gained fame not only as a composer, but for his ability to repeat piano pieces others played merely by hearing them. So 100 years ahead of his time, Wiggins was a pioneer of "instant replay."

Thomas Wiggins was remembered at the ceremony by Russell County Judge George Green. Green declared he has the largest collection of "Blind Tom" material, which soon will be available to the public at his "Green Museum." I wondered what they were planning for the Russell County Courthouse, once some offices are moved.

(The judge's "Green Museum" in Phenix City is available now by appointment only. Research into Blind Tom probably has to be worked around George Green's personal attempts to be blind - as in finalizing plea bargains.)

Robert Anderson with the Liberty Theatre Cultural Center told the audience he dreams of building a museum on the other side of Eighth Avenue, to tell the stories of people on the Walk of Fame. Based on how long it took to make Ma Rainey's house into a museum, look for it to open around 2025.

Besides Don Nahley, the other unexpected star of Sunday's ceremony was Miss Georgia 2008. A few people in the audience stood up when Chasity Hardman was introduced to sing. I overheard one woman saying, "Aren't you supposed to rise for royalty?" Just because she's wearing a crown does NOT mean she's ruling the state....

Chasity Hardman went on to present an inspirational song which had people rising to applaud in the middle, then sitting, then rising again at its conclusion. Either these people thought they were at a Pentecostal church service, or they've watched "American Idol" a bit too much.

Miss Georgia also received the most embarrassing moment of the day - as she was introduced as someone who has "a secret crush on John Travolta." What does mother and minister Ann Hardman think of her daughter quietly longing for a Scientologist?

(BLOGGER'S NOTE: We regret to report our camera batteries died, so we have no pictures of the Walk of Fame ceremony. We may post some shots of the walkway Monday or Tuesday on our picture page.)

E-MAIL UPDATE: Two messages were sent us several weeks ago, which inspired a Big Blog Question on what direction this blog should take. Today we finally feel comfortable posting them....

Lets just say the principals book FAIR wasn't FARE and it is not the first time "accounting practices" have come into question at Rigdon Road Elementary....

I have heard that the principal misappropriated funds from the sale of books at a school book fair. I also heard that this is Not her first indiscretion when it comes to MCSD funds.

It seams that in Columbus anytime a person of color is accused of a crime inside the government or school district it is swept under the rug in fear that the public will cry Racism. The law would suggest that everyone is innocent until proven guilty, although I know it really doesn't work this way. However Red, Yellow, Black or White, theft is theft.

The allegations that I have heard suggest that books were sold by this principal at a book fair that belonged to MCSD and were not intended for sale. The money from the books was in turn pocketed by the principal with no records kept of the sale of books. I have also heard that a similar event took place with the same individual, not sure of the outcome of that.

In addition. It is obvious that the Ledger is controlled by the powers that be in this town. You would be hard pressed to find any truth in this publication when it comes to any of those powers.

We happened upon former Rigdon Road School Principal Phyllis Jones, outside Sunday's Walk of Fame ceremony. You may be happy to know she heard those rumors, too....

Phyllis Jones denies she reached into any accounts at Rigdon Road School for personal gain. Jones also denies speculation that she somehow manipulated test scores, so Rigdon Road students did so well. "They did the same thing to Jesus," she pointed out. That's true - except He didn't have the option of taking a nice retirement package.

So why did Phyllis Jones suddenly decide to resign as Rigdon Road Principal last month? "It was TIME!" she said with a smile. She's 55 years old, and wants to have free time to enjoy life. I should have asked her where she's stashed all the investment money to afford that....

Phyllis Jones decided it was time to retire over Labor Day weekend. She says she was with her husband and friends in Charleston, South Carolina - and she had to get to Columbus before seeing all the historic homes. Do you see the sacrifices people have to make, when they're in charge of year-round schools?

Even though she's retired from Muscogee County schools, Phyllis Jones tells me she's keeping busy. She's doing consulting work for a couple of rural schools in south Georgia, and has finished more than 80 pages of a book. So wait a ew months, and Jones may answer all the other Rigdon Road rumors - for a price.

In the meantime, Phyllis Jones is planning vacations to Canada and Alaska. She also has other things to do: "I want to go to a wrestling match...." Yes, as in professional wrestling. Somehow I can't imagine Jones holding up a sign saying, "Rigdon Road fears the Undertaker."

We promised one other e-mail today, which relates to the Frank Lumpkin III case:

Hi, Richard!

Just curious if those fine television reporters you work with are going to now do a followup with the heartbroken mom of the teen shot by Mr. Lumpkin? Afterall, it was the newsleader's exclusive featuring mama cryin about her little boy wasn't it? Here are some suggestions for the "newsleader" to ask this mother of the year! What kind of mother let's her child skip school for three years? There ARE laws against it. And how is her precious baby so innocent with a rap sheet a mile long including 15 priors? Enquiring minds want to know the rest of the story Richard, please track mama down for some real must see TV!

Good Luck!

Robbie

This is referring to a story in the Ledger-Enquirer last week, which detailed the teenager's juvenile court record. But if prior convictions automatically mean someone is guilty of stealing a car, then President Bush must have been drunk at all his White House state dinners.

The phone number of the teenager's mother is NOT made clear by the Columbus phone book, so we called the teen's attorney. As of Sunday evening, two calls to Derrell Dowdell had not been returned. Perhaps we'll have to wait for the next news conference - where the mother might appear with the head of a home schooling committee.

Let's wrap things up with some other sights from a lovely fall weekend....

+ An afternoon walk near South Commons found a crew watering down the warning track at Golden Park. What a nice reminder that.... hey, wait a minute! Why do that at a baseball stadium, when there's no current team there? And besides, doesn't that water risk another flooded outfield?

(The Golden Park lights have been on after dark a few recent evenings. Either the city is trying to attract another baseball team, or we've found this year's holding pen for SOA Watch demonstrators.)

+ Georgia State Senator Emanuel Jones told WRBL he's working on a deal to buy Bill Heard Chevrolet. Is this really a good solution? If a customer tries to sign an agreement for a car, Jones may propose three amendments and one committee substitute.

+ The Atlanta Falcons nipped New Orleans 34-20, and are now 6-3 on the year. Did you see Joey Harrington on the Saints sidelines, backing up quarterback Drew Brees? I'm sure Harrington is more comfortable there -- with so many more clubs for playing the jazz piano he loves.

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The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

© 2003-08 Richard Burkard, all rights reserved.

9 NOV 08: SEEKING STRIKE THREE

If you thought we could get a breather from local politics after Election Day, think again. Saxby Chambliss and Jim Martin already have TV commercials on the air, for the Georgia Senate runoff in December. And suddenly, Martin has the courage to mention the name Barack Obama in his ads.

BLOG EXCLUSIVE: Today we present the first candidate for Muscogee County School Board in 2010. The indefatigable Bert Coker reveals to your blog he plans to run. We should stop here, to allow Coker to look up the word "indefatigable" - to learn how to say it, and see if that's a compliment.

Bert Coker was a write-in candidate for mayor in 2006, and received less than 100 votes. Then he ran for Columbus Council this week, and received about 30 percent of the vote. Now Coker says he'll attempt the trifecta, by running for school board -- and if his support grows another 30 percentage points, school board meetings may become the most entertaining event in town.

Based on the map of school board districts, it appears Bert Coker will challenge John Wells in 2010. One man wears cowboy hats. The other has run with bulls in Spain. Are we in Columbus or Fort Worth?

(But hey, I've got an idea - let's arrange a debate, the next time Pro Bull Riding comes to the Civic Center.)

Bert Coker disclosed his plans for 2010 when we called him about a very different issue. A source told us Coker never called Skip Henderson, to congratulate him about winning the at-large Council race. "That shows you what sort of man he is," the source asserted - and unlike the big word above, that was not a compliment.

Yes, Bert Coker admits it - he did NOT call Skip Henderson to congratulate him Tuesday night. But Coker has an explanation for it. And surprisingly, it's NOT because Coker plans to do it in person at the next Columbus Council meeting....

Bert Coker says he called Skip Henderson twice during the campaign, seeking a gentleman's agreement to not turn negative. Coker claims Henderson never called him back, even though Henderson had called several times to answer Council-related questions. Maybe Henderson feared revealing some deep campaign secrets - like how he supports base realignment.

"He didn't act like he knew me," Bert Coker contends - claiming in Skip Henderson's eyes, "I was a piece of meat." And in the eyes of many politicians, Coker is tough and stubborn enough to require a full can of Adolph's tenderizer....

On top of that, Bert Coker claims Skip Henderson's son pulled up some of his campaign signs. This not only is unethical - it ruins a perfectly good opportunity to aerate soil.

But Councilor Skip Henderson gave a very different story, when we called him Friday afternoon for a reply. Henderson says Bert Coker only called him once during the campaign - and went on to conduct a race filled with "personal attacks." I didn't dare ask Henderson whether or not his mother wears Army boots.

Skip Henderson added Bert Coker has a tendency "to fabricate facts from time to time." For instance, the Councilor seriously doubts his son pulled up campaign signs. But he'd better be careful - because Coker has all of 2009 to call police for fingerprint dusting of those signs.

(But then again, Skip Henderson could be right about his son. This election year has taught us if any hanky-panky happened, Josh McKoon would have alerted the news media right away.)

Skip Henderson recalled when Gerald Ludwig ran against him in 2004, Ludwig picked up 18 percent of the vote. Henderson says the 30 percent or so collected by Bert Coker this year simply reflected votes against an incumbent. Gray Conger must be wondering how Coker made so many other voters angry at him.

Bert Coker offered one other interesting campaign story, which you may or may not choose to believe. He says on election night at the Marriott Hotel, an eight-year-old boy came up to him and offered a 50-dollar bet on the outcome of his Columbus Council race. No wonder I heard a church pastor declare this weekend the Internet is "terrible" - it's spawned a wave of young gamblers.

Bert Coker told the boy he couldn't accept a bet like that, since he was running for office. You'll notice Sarah Palin didn't put a case of Alaskan salmon on the line this past week, against the Obama daughters' puppy....

The boy's family apparently backed Skip Henderson in the Columbus Council race - but as the night wore on, the boy became sleepy. Bert Coker says when he saw the child on a couch, he covered the boy with his coat. The coat had Coker's name tag on it. He should be thankful the stunned family which found it didn't press charges.

How did our Thursday night of poker go? The answer awaits you at our other blog -- "On the Flop!"

E-MAIL UPDATE: Another defeated candidate suddenly is the hottest topic in our InBox. First we have this follow-up from that candidate....

Richard, I will be be running in as a Conservative Republican in 2012. www.marklajoye.com

This certainly will be a change, when it comes to the Muscogee County Sheriff's Race. Ralph Johnson made it a point to run as an independent. Sheriff-Elect John Darr and Robert Taylor in 2004 ran as Democrats. The last "Law and Order" Republican in Columbus became a police chief in Chattahoochee County - and now Ken Suddeth must be in hiding somewhere.

But another reader has a different view of Mark LaJoye:

This guy is a total jerk and everyone in the Sheriff's Office was opposed to him. No one likes him and that's why he had no chance and will have no chance again in 4 years. John Darr will succeed and will be a great leader. He has the morals and attitude that anyone would want in their leader. John Darr will succeed and will bring respect and honor back to the Sheriff's Office. Thank you.

Everyone's opposed to him?! But a Mark LaJoye supporter claimed John Darr's election will lead to an exodus from the Sheriff's Department [7 Oct]. So maybe a personnel shuffle was inevitable - with Columbus Police salaries suddenly looking much more tempting.

We have one other e-mail which is more of a dare, and we'll address that Monday. Now let's check some other weekend discoveries:

+ Which area town is demanding a man dressed as Santa Claus appear to promote a December activity - and unless Santa appears, no one will show up? Fort Valley State doesn't get this desperate, and demand the team mascot recruit students.

+ A jog downtown revealed the old Bradley Theatre plans to reopen soon, as "The Fat Cat" nightclub. So much for asking for diet soda there....

+ WRBL reported local sales of assault rifles have jumped since Tuesday's election. One man told me this weekend President-Elect Obama wants to impose a tax on ammunition. If the estate tax can be called the "death tax," would something on ammunition be called an "attacks tax?"

+ Columbus High School won the Georgia AAA cheerleading championship at the Civic Center. WRBL showed part of the squad's routine, where a girl walked across the arched backs of her teammates. This is what happens when a team is sponsored by a chiropractor.

+ Alabama won "Saban Bowl II" at Louisiana State, 27-21 in overtime. With Florida winning over Vanderbilt, an Alabama-Florida meeting for the Southeastern Conference title already is settled. The "parity line" in college football must extend up Interstate 85, from Auburn to Athens.

(Alabama radio announcer Eli Gold declared the official announced attendance which "the fire marshal allows" was 92,400. But CBS announced a record Baton Rouge crowd of 93,039 - which must have included all the photographers along the side of the field.)

+ Auburn won its "Senior Day" game in college football. The final score was 37-20 over Tee Martin, which must have been.... no wait. It was T-N-Martin. Like Tennessee....

+ Instant Message to the person running a funnel cake tent on Second Avenue, outside the Villa Nova package store: I noticed you didn't have the overflow cheerleading crowd this weekend, compared with the Fountain City Classic. So what sort of wine goes best with a funnel cake?

BURKARD'S BEST BETS: Gas for $2.09 a gallon at Fuel Tech on the 280 Bypass in Phenix City.... milk for $3.28 a gallon at Wal-Mart.... and Barack Obama's name to come up during every African-American church sermon in Columbus....

Our number of unique visitors is now up 31 percent from last year. To advertise to our readers, offer a story tip or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

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The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

© 2003-08 Richard Burkard, all rights reserved.

8 NOV 08: THE EXTRA 100 YARDS

(BLOGGER'S NOTE: You may find the following item humorous, serious, or a little of both - but we offer these thoughts from time to time, as we keep a seventh-day Sabbath.)

"Did your cashier greet you today?" A little computer pad asked me that question Friday afternoon, as I checked out of a Wal-Mart store. But I thought they already had greeters stationed at the entrance. Uh-oh - is there another layoff announcement coming?

I had to click on the NO button to that computerized question, which came up while my list of groceries was on the screen. The cashier directed me to her lane, but she didn't really say hello. That's partly my fault - as I wandered across several checkout lanes, trying to save five cents on 20-ounce soda bottles.

If you're not familiar with Wal-Mart checkout lanes, the plastic bags are arranged in a triangular set-up on a turntable. Cashiers can spin the turntable around, to fill three of them in a hurry -- as if they could double as DJ's at a nightclub on weekends.

Several bags of groceries quickly filled my shopping cart - but I took care to double-check the turntable one last time before I left. A bag might not have been turned in my direction. Yet the cashier moved on to the next customer, so I presumed all was well. Well, except that she didn't seem to greet THAT customer, either....

As I rolled my cart out the door and toward my car, I heard a voice say, "Sir! Excuse me!" For a moment, I chose to ignore it. Beggars standing outside Wal-Mart have a wide range of people to approach....

But then I turned around - and the cashier who had checked me out was walking quickly toward me in the parking lot. She had a bag of canned goods, which I had left behind. We had both missed it. Of course, I would have spotted the error once I returned home - and I might NOT have "greeted" the cashier, after making the long drive back.

Some grocery cashiers never would have done what that woman did. They would have stuffed the extra bag under their counter - and it's anyone's guess what could have happened from there. My can of cranberry sauce might not have even wound up at the House of Mercy.

My thanks to that woman for displaying good customer service. It's something we ALL really should do - and when we do, we follow another legendary example. Jesus said in Luke 22 He came "as one who serves." He served all the way to death - and believers have faith He's still serving today. If you start believing in Jesus through prayer, you may wind up with eternal life. And that's far better than a bag of groceries.

COMING SUNDAY: Leftover accusations about the local election, and an announcement about 2010.... all from the same person....

Our number of unique visitors is now up 31 percent from last year. To advertise to our readers, offer a story tip or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

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The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

© 2003-08 Richard Burkard, all rights reserved.

7 NOV 08: CHEF TELLS

So I'm watching the 12:00 noon news Thursday, and learn something I never knew before. Mr. Food declared it was "National Men Make Dinner Day." That's easy for him to say - since he makes dinner during the news almost every day of the week.

In most regular families, it's probably a big change of pace when the man of the house prepares dinner. When I was a boy, Mom had to spend occasional stints in the hospital - and Dad seemed to make only one real specialty. Toasted bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwiches admittedly became old after a couple of days.

My late father wasn't the sort of man who would put on an apron and fire up a grill during the summer. In fact, we didn't own a grill. And this was in the pre-microwave era, when a toaster oven in the kitchen was a VERY big deal....

But I've surprised some people over the years, who think Mr. Single Guy goes out to eat all the time. In a typical week, I do it only once - on Saturday nights, after my twilight run. I replenish all those burned calories as fast as I possibly can.

During the recent vacation blogging, I noted I took a "Chef's Class" in eighth grade. It was a bit like home economics, except it was males-only and emphasized cooking. Our big "coming out event" was a field trip one morning to a supermarket.

Then during college, I lived in a "scholarship hall" where about 50 students did all the duties - including teams preparing lunches and dinners almost every day. We were on our own to prepare most breakfasts. But there was a special incentive to wake up early on Saturday mornings. Otherwise, the specially-delivered doughnuts might be gone.

I don't really remember how it happened -- but in the transition after college, I started cooking for myself on a regular basis. People ask if I "cook from scratch," but that can be a tough question to answer. If you follow the instructions on the Hamburger Helper box, does that count?

Through hand-me-downs from my mother followed by her death, I gained a full set of pots and pans - then a nice complete set of Corning dinnerware. I also inherited her set of stainless steel.... uh, well.... if it's stainless steel, you can't call it "silverware". And if the spoons and forks are arched, why do people call them "flatware?"

I still use those hand-me-down items today, almost 25 years after my mother died. And my cooking schedule has become relatively routine. On this Friday, I plan to make a nice big dinner to start the seventh-day Sabbath. Since I'm single, there probably will be enough leftovers to last three or four days beyond that.
And as a result, they actually do NOT "know me at Applebee's."

If there are days left over in the week after eating leftovers, I'm prepared. My kitchen pantry is stacked with canned items for dinner - primarily cans of chili. It's inexpensive to buy. It's simple to heat and eat. It fills me up. And the beans make sure my body is (ahem) properly cleansed.

Then there's the freezer, which has several dinners waiting. For years that meant store-brand frozen pizzas or Banquet chicken dinners, but that trend is changing. Lean Gourmet dinners are becoming an inexpensive alternative -- although they seem weird to buy, because I'm neither lean nor a gourmet.

There's a shoe box filled with recipes in my home. But it's stashed under the TV set in the living room, and I hardly ever bring it out to prepare anything special. Shame on me for that - as I get too busy watching TV to pull out anything under it for dessert.

As it happens, today is my twice-a-month big grocery trip. So if you run into me at the supermarket, keep Mr. Food's announcement in mind - as this man makes dinner more than one day a year. In fact, it would be nice to find a girlfriend willing to volunteer on a fill-in basis for Thanksgiving weekend....

How did our Thursday night of poker go? The answer awaits you at our other blog -- "On the Flop!"

E-MAIL UPDATE: Your campaign comments keep on coming. We start with one about an Election Day construction crisis....

From the who gives a cr*p file...Bill Madison's complaint about the paving project keeping voters from getting to the polls just goes to prove how uninformed and misinformed anybody can be. First of all, the employees of Robinson Paving didn't schedule the paving project on election day. They are hired to do a job. Their job has to be done when the weather permits. Election day is just another work day, plain and simple. As to the "inexperienced workers" handling traffic, that's not Robinson's job. I'll match Robinson's workers and their "experience" in what they do as compared to what Madison does with his "inexperience" in his job any day of the week and twice on Sunday, as the old saying goes. Once again it comes down to Madison just doing what he is definitely most "experienced" in....complaining. He no doubt has labeled a complaint against the DOT and Robinson Paving in the past for referring to their job as "blacktopping" the road surface.

The road work at Buena Vista and St. Mary's Road had been underway for at least a couple of weeks before Election Day. I drove through that area one Saturday night and noticed that. If the crew followed the Atlanta approach and worked on a Saturday night, we might not be having this discussion.

NAACP President Bill Madison may be among the people who want Election Day made a holiday, so everyone gets the day off to vote. Actress Kerry Washington expressed this view, when she made a campaign trip to Columbus in January. Republicans might go for this under one condition - that it be combined with Veterans Day.

When I was young, I heard a Methodist pastor give a sermon warning about pejorative "black" phrases in our society. But Bill Madison might not mind "blacktop" right now - since a "black man" is on top of the polls.

Speaking of "That One" on top....

President Elect Obama may be the best thing to happen to generations of boys that no longer can fall back on the absent father excuse. And to think I voted Republican.............................

Thoughts along that line have occurred to me, too. If I see an African-American person doing something wrong, I'll simply ask: "What would Barack Obama think?" It could work like those Santa Claus threats in December - except Mr. Obama is real.

Dropping down to the Muscogee County Sheriff's race:

hey-rich-

you know that mark la joye person who is writing you, are you sure he is the real thing, lajoye! I mean he has very unprofessional language, and he is very well, not what you might expect from a sheriff. do you think it is someone else impersonating him? If not, maybe it is a good thing he did not get sheriff- seems kinda mean. and, the constable, tell him to come on over to this side of the river and do his thing here.

I have no evidence to indicate our messages from Mark LaJoye were bogus. In fact, 12 e-mails came from an address which matches the contact page on LaJoye's web site. Based on that, Sheriff-Elect John Darr might replace my "Idiot of the Week" title with one for Special Online Investigator.

Let's take one more e-mail, about Muscogee County schools:

Richard..When do the new members of the MCSD board take office,before or after the supt.selection? The Ledger said the candidates are interviewed by different boards around town..Do these board make suggestions as to their selection for the position?

A check online of the school district's policies shows the new board members officially take office 1 January. But I recall newspaper stories from recent years, where at least one board member hurried to a judge in December and took the oath early. Yes, the distrust is THAT deep....

Exactly when the school board will select a new superintendent is an open question. Keep in mind the position was posted on a Georgia state web site back in February. But when a special meeting was held Wednesday to trim the field of candidates, some thought that was a big post-election rush.

Didn't the Columbus Chamber of Commerce send a letter to the school board, offering to help find a superintendent? Groups such as that might be offering some advice. But State Senator Seth Harp advised against building the new administration building, and we know where that stands....

We still have a phone call to make on another e-mail. So we thank all of you for writing, as we move on to some Thursday headlines:

+ The Columbus Ledger-Enquirer announced it will have a special edition Sunday, on the presidential election. Some would say this proves the newspaper has a bias - but look at it the other way. If the Republican ticket had won, barbecue restaurants would be under pressure to add moose to the menu.

+ Georgia Lieutenant Governor Casey Cagle spoke at the Columbus Diabetes Summit. But he said it's too early to talk about him running for Governor in 2010. From what I saw, Cagle also thinks it's too early to wear a "Saxby in the Runoff" button.

+ WRBL revealed Phenix City Fire Chief Wallace Hunter is filling in, as interim City Manager. We don't want to hear any department manager complain about getting "hosed" with their budgets....

+ Federal agents ended their on-site investigation of the Bibb Mill fire. They left without making any definitive statement about a cause. But I suppose with a fire this big, finding the cause is like finding a matchstick in a haystack.

+ The late-night news revealed the Metro Narcotics Task Force helicopter now has a "thermal imaging" device. One officer said it can spot someone "smoking a cigarette from 10,000 feet." So stay out of those no-smoking sections downtown or else....

(The Sin City Inquisition and Bar-B-Q blog reported the narcotics helicopter flew over part of Ladonia during the afternoon -- and Columbus Police cars were there as well. It's not clear why they were there. But this seems like a lot of effort to track down a runaway police recruit.)

+ The Landings shopping center on Airport Thruway turned on its holiday lights. Aw, c'mon - this is getting ridiculous! Isn't there a rule that Sunny 100 FM has to start playing Christmas songs first?

+ Shaw clobbered Kendrick in high school football 43-6. The Raiders will make the playoffs with a 4-6 record - which for several years has been about the only way Kendrick could do it.

+ Instant Message to all evangelicals: You know, maybe there IS something to this stuff about Barack Obama being a messiah. Did you notice his Chief of Staff is named Emanuel?

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6 NOV 08: LET'S PLAY TWO

Obama-mania overwhelmed parts of Columbus Wednesday, in the wake of the presidential election. WLTZ reported Barnes & Noble ran out of several newspapers within 30 minutes of its opening. So Barack Obama already is turning around the economy -- at least for the Ledger-Enquirer.

But just when you thought the campaigning is over, it's not. It appeared likely Wednesday night that we'll have a U.S. Senate runoff in Georgia. Dave Platta coined a phrase for this several years ago - News Overtime.

The latest numbers from the Georgia Secretary of State show Senator Saxby Chambliss below the required majority by about 9,000 votes. That's not exactly the strikeout Jim Martin's supporters urged in those campaign commercials. If anything, Chambliss fouled off a 3-2 pitch.

Libertarian Allen Buckley seems to have received enough votes to force Saxby Chambliss and Jim Martin into a runoff. Buckley received nearly 1,800 votes in Columbus - or nearly all the eligible voters who can pick up Neal Boortz's talk show on WRCG.

This would be Georgia's second U.S. Senate runoff in 16 years. The last one found Democrat Wyche Fowler leading the general election, only to have Paul Coverdell win the runoff three weeks later. But that race is remembered more for something else - the old woman on TV singing, "Let's put Paul Coverdell in the Senate and kick Wyche Fowler out!"

Georgia Democrats were so upset by Paul Coverdell's win that they changed the state election rules. The standard for winning a race dropped from a majority vote to 45 percent. When Mary Sue Polleys won a tight Muscogee County School Board race through that rule, only the Ledger-Enquirer realized it for several days.

When Republicans took control of the General Assembly a few years ago, the victory standard went back up to "50 percent plus one." So the G.O.P. may not raise your taxes, but it might raise other things....

Paul Coverdell seemed to benefit in 1992 from Libertarian voters drifting to him. Based on that theory, Saxby Chambliss should have the advantage in a Senate runoff. The Libertarian vote Tuesday may reflect a protest against Chambliss's support for the federal bank rescue bill. You could say those voters were G.O.Peeved.

But Jim Martin suggested Wednesday President-Elect Obama could come to Georgia in the next four weeks, and give his runoff campaign a boost. Martin couldn't say this with 100-percent certainty. But if Mr. Obama really lives by his book title "The Audacity of Hope...."

Of course, the President-Elect will be busy with other things over the next few weeks. Mr. Obama has a cabinet to name, an inaugural speech to prepare - and with the campaign over, he probably can't use all that donated money to fly to Hawaii for his grandmother's funeral.

I'm hearing the Saxby Chambliss campaign approached Columbus media outlets on Tuesday, about buying commercial time for a runoff. Oh goody - we'll have several more weeks to hear how Jim Martin killed children to hoard state money, while Chambliss killed soldiers in Iraq so we could have a tax cut.

There actually will be a couple of other races on the Georgia runoff ballot 2 December. There's a close fight for a Public Service Commission seat, between Democrat Jim Powell and Republican Lauren McDonald. McDonald doesn't call himself "Bubba" anymore - which may show he's hung around downtown Atlanta a bit too long.

A runoff also is needed for an open seat on the Georgia Court of Appeals. Troup County lawmaker Michael Meyer von Bremen ran for this seat, but wound up last in a seven-way vote. In fact, he was last in Troup County. Not even John McCain was embarrassed that badly Tuesday night....

E-MAIL UPDATE: We promised leftover e-mails about the election - and it turns out two "write-in" candidates, well, wrote in. The first has become familiar here in recent months:

"Richard, no one gives a cr*p about your poll" or what it's results came out to be, let me remind you the entire community of Columbus decides who the next Sheriff will be, not you. John Darr is great person but he lacks the leadership abilities to lead a large agency the size of Muscogee County Sheriffs Department and in time our assessment will prove we to be true. I think congratulations are in order for Richard; you have won the Idiot of the Week Award again for the second time this year. "See you again in four years"

www.marklajoye.com

So there you have it - a gracious, humble concession speech from the third-place candidate for Sheriff....

Mark LaJoye may consider me an idiot for offering a Big Blog Question on the Sheriff's race. (No, I did NOT cast a vote in it.) But did you notice the outcome in "the entire community of Columbus" somewhat matched our poll's result? Give each individual voter on Tuesday an Idiot of the Week prize, and LaJoye could be busy for the next 100 years.

To be fair: Mark LaJoye must have realized he faced an uphill fight by waging a write-in campaign. If he's leaving military service as he has claimed, he'll be able to file normally for Sheriff in 2012 - and he'll probably receive more votes. Why, even Bert Coker picked up 30 percent of the vote in a Columbus Council race.

As for the Sheriff-Elect, John Darr said Wednesday he hopes to make the office more responsive to the people. One way he plans to do that is by holding more community forums -- which makes me wonder if he learned Ralph Johnson's lesson from a week-and-a-half ago.

Then there's the man who ran a campaign Tuesday, which I never even knew about:

"Sir" Richard:

Well, election day has come and gone - and with it my hopes for a successful Write-In victory at the polls and another four years as Constable. The man who succeeds me is Tom Smith. He opposed me four years ago - simply because he didn't want me to have the position.

Tom Smith has been unsuccessful in several endeavors here in "Hurt'sboro. He has run a video rental store, dabbled in coon hounds, delivered pizza, worked in an auto parts store, tried his hand at the horse breeding business and finally left the volunteer fire department in disgrace. I doubt that he will do much better as Constable. He most certainly will not keep you posted on the "events" that occur here in the "hood."

As for me. Leopard's do not change their spots, and I intend to continue the quest to "air" out Town Hall. It certainly needs it!

As surely as the sun has set on my political career and activities as a constable; I'm certain when the sun rises tomorrow, it will be the first day of activity as a "concerned" citizen, and I will wait with bated breath for the appearance of "Big" Tom in full uniform, with blue lights flashing. God help us all!

R.J. Schweiger

Isn't this amazing? Robert Schweiger never told us he was trying to win back the Constable's job, after losing a race for Russell County Commission. Maybe he needs to call Mark LaJoye, and schedule a meeting on how to publicize a write-in campaign better.

Even if Robert Schweiger doesn't, we wish Tom Smith well as Hurtsboro Constable. Maybe he'll make a big comeback - and become the 2009 version of Abraham Lincoln, if not the Atlanta Falcons.

Now for other things we noticed on The Day After:

+ District Attorney-Elect Julia Slater said one change she plans is a separate trial schedule for less complicated cases. She calls it a "rocket docket." Now there's a way to get more visitors to the Space Science Center....

+ The Muscogee County School Board had a special meeting, and reduced the list of candidates for Superintendent to a final three. But we still don't know who the finalists are -- so how are students supposed to vote by text-message for the winner, like they do on TV?

(School board members revealed only that 43 people applied for the Superintendent's job. I can't help wondering how early in the process Bert Coker was eliminated....)

+ Columbus Police arrested Archie Washington, and claimed he's responsible for 64 different car break-ins. If this is true, Washington clearly missed his calling - and he should do community service time helping stranded fans after Cottonmouths games.

+ Delta Air Lines announced it will begin charging 15 dollars to check a bag. That's OK - I may begin charging myself 12 dollars in gas to drive to Birmingham, and fly Southwest.

+ Instant Message to WRBL sports anchor Shawn Skillman: The agency is called United Way. What you showed on the screen has nothing to do with that -- but "United Away" would make sense for a story about the airport.

COMING SOON: Why has a radio station moved all the way across the dial? We're asking about it....

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5 NOV 08: NEW HEAD, SAME BODY

Talk about an amazing moment in U.S. history! For at least the next four days, two 'Bamas will be ranked number-one in the country - Ala'Bama of college football and O'Bama of politics.

The victory party for Muscogee County Democrats turned out to be bigger than expected Tuesday night. The crowd became too large for the storefront headquarters on Macon Road, and spilled into the parking lot. A few doors down, Kmart could have made some big bucks by holding a sidewalk sale on Barack Obama novelty greeting cards.

(I sent my older brother an Obama greeting card for his birthday in September. The fact that I found it at Wal-Mart should tell you how that department store chain has changed. The fact that Wal-Mart's exclusively selling an AC/DC album simply confirms it.)

But Georgia and Alabama remain firmly Republican, when it comes to presidential politics. John McCain won both states -- but while McCain carried Harris and Troup Counties, Columbus preferred Barack Obama. I think the area from Manchester Expressway to Airport Thruway remains the political demilitarized zone.

And to think some people smelled a sneaky plot in part of Columbus Tuesday, to keep people from voting. To the untrained eye, it looked like something else -- a road paving project....

A statement from the Columbus NAACP says President Bill Madison complained "forcefully" to the mayor and police chief, because a paving project blocked four lanes of traffic around Buena Vista and St. Mary's Roads. Madison says the construction work hindered people from getting to polling places. To him, it may have been a high-tech tarring without the feathering.

The NAACP statement says Bill Madison personally went to the paving site and persuaded Robinson Paving's "inexperienced employees" to help traffic flow better. But the statement also notes Madison wanted the work stopped completely until the polls closed. He hasn't learned the art of the filibuster, as well as Senate Republicans....

Republicans prevailed in the area's two U.S. Senate races. What's that - you only knew about one of them? The Democrats didn't do much in East Alabama, to stop Senator Jeff Sessions from winning another term. Perhaps challenger Vivian Figures's nickname should have been "It."

As of our deadline, Georgia Senator Saxby Chambliss was barely holding a majority of the vote in a three-way race. That could mean a runoff in December against Jim Martin - and another windfall for radio and TV stations, from all the extra campaign commercials.

Yet for all the talk about "change" from the presidential candidates, voters didn't want a lot of it below the top of the ticket. All of Georgia's U.S. House members won re-election. So did the three incumbents on Columbus Council who had challengers. That "trickle-down" way of thinking doesn't disappear all at once, you know.

There were exceptions to that rule, of course. A big exception locally was the Muscogee County Sheriff's race, where John Darr defeated Ralph Johnson by about 10,000 votes. Mark LaJoye's effort to gain free publicity through writing this blog apparently didn't work -- but I wouldn't dare pass on that "Idiot of the Week" award he gave me.

We well could have a complete "Law and Order" shakeup, as it appears Julia Slater defeated long-time District Attorney Gray Conger. Slater may not be the only winner here. Bail bonding companies could benefit, as bonds set in Recorder's Court suddenly double and triple.

Julia Slater dominated Gray Conger in Muscogee County, leading there by more than 11,000 votes. So what did the D.A. in? Was it the impact of low bonds, in the Frank Lumpkin III case and others? Was it the way he handled the body of Richard Davis? Or was it the fact that Slater wears her hair in an up-do, like Sarah Palin?

Julia Slater may try some cases before a new Superior Court Judge. Gil McBride defeated Alonza Whitaker, even though Whitaker was backed by outgoing judge Kenneth Followill. At least Whitaker can drown his sorrows in those souvenir water bottles he offered in July, at "Thunder on the Hooch."

Speaking of judges, attorney Stephen Hyles ousted Municipal Court Judge Haywood Turner. Turner didn't help his cause by airing a TV commercial in which he struggled to say a few sentences on-camera. In the era of TV judges like Joe Brown and Greg Mathis, you need more pizzazz than that....

In Russell County, it appears Peggy Martin will keep her seat on the county commission. It also appears Tillman Pugh will return, defeating Gordon Cox. But of course, this IS Alabama - where a big box of absentee ballots could show up on a table today, and change everything.

And did you hear about the Marion County vote on general obligation bonds and a sales tax? It ended in a dead-heat tie - 1,440 votes for it, 1,440 votes against it. There's a good way to settle this tie, and attract tourists at the same time. Get the voters together for a tug-of-war in downtown Buena Vista.

E-MAIL UPDATE: Long before the polls closed Tuesday, a reader expressed concern about a couple of Muscogee County races....

Yesterday as I watched another portable classroom being added at Richards Middle School I could not help but hope all the school board members who voted for that new administration building get defeated..I know who is going to win the Presidental race. Tonight on TV I will be watching to see who becomes our new board members..I think all those running said "I put the kids first."...I sure hope so because the present board has not...

That TV viewer probably went to bed disappointed - because incumbent board members Pat Hugley-Green and James Walker were reelected. Both of them voted for the administration building. So the people have spoken, and they want private third-floor bathrooms.

As it happens, Richard Hyatt's web site reports the Muscogee County School Board is holding a private meeting today on the search for a new superintendent. Let's see - Dr. John Phillips is in his third "interim" month. Isn't it about time for Robin Pennock to have a turn in the job?

We spotted some more election e-mails at our deadline, and we'll get to those Thursday. But now for some final notes from 2008's big day of decision....

+ Which woman in Russell County showed up at a polling place, apparently for the first time - and asked which of the two lines was for Barack Obama voters?

+ Linda Pierce was reelected Muscogee County Superior Court Clerk. If you saw the campaign signs with her picture, you'd understand why. Pierce probably won 96 percent of the vote among single guys.

+ Libertarian Presidential candidate Bob Barr consoled supporters in Cobb County. The former Congressman declared the Libertarians the "party of the future" - before an audience of about 100 people. Even the Columbus Riverdragons drew bigger crowds than that....

+ Instant Message to everyone wondering if I'm worried about a Barack Obama presidency: Now now, calm down. Mr. Obama and I share the same birthday - and now I can take comfort in the fact that sooner or later, my birthday will be a national holiday.

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4 NOV 08: I LOVE PARIS IN THE FALL

When you tell people in 2008 you're planning to visit Paris, two things probably come to mind right away. The first thing is France. The second thing is Hilton.

But for my fall vacation this year, I went to a different Paris - Paris Landing State Park, in northern Tennessee along the Kentucky border. I stayed in the city of Paris, 17 miles west of the park. But no, this Paris does NOT have a Hilton. Sadly, this southern town doesn't even have a Waffle House.

Paris, Tennessee has a population of about 10,000, which makes it a bit smaller than Eufaula. But unlike Eufaula, Paris has a daily newspaper - with the surprising name of the "Post-Intelligencer." Huh?! You steal a city name from France, then a newspaper name from Seattle?!

Click on the newspaper link, and you'll probably notice the Eiffel Tower logo. I noticed it in several locations, including the sign outside the Paris Chamber of Commerce office. It's as if they think tourists will confuse that Tennessee town with the big city in France. The lack of an elegant French restaurant should clear up that confusion....

I was all set to go inside the Paris Chamber of Commerce office, and jokingly ask where that tower was. But as I drove through town on a Sunday morning, I actually found it! The Tennessee city has a small-scale Eiffel Tower in a park, with a "no climbing" sign next to it. In France, you're welcome to climb their tower - and I think nowadays it costs about ten dollars.

(No, the French flag was NOT flying from atop Tennessee's Eiffel Tower. But at the other extreme, I didn't really notice any Confederate flags. The only real "rebel" I saw was a man standing on a street corner, with a sign demanding President Bush be impeached.)

Yet if you drive into Paris, Tennessee from the south, you're welcomed to town by a big fish. The city claims to have the "world's largest fish fry" every year. But I'm sorry to report I never found the largest fish cooker for preparing it.

Paris, Tennessee has a nice compact downtown courthouse square. I jogged there before dawn one morning, and found the city's version of Uptown Broadway only a block away. I counted a grand total of three clubs - none calling itself a "sports bar," much less offering poker games.

Paris, Tennessee offered some other nice surprises. It's a low-price pocket for gasoline, apparently now below two dollars a gallon. It has sidewalks along main streets, stretching well east of downtown. And when this town has a Kroger store while Columbus still doesn't, something is definitely wrong.

I traveled to Tennessee's Paris for a religious convention at a state park along Kentucky Lake. The main meeting hall was down the hill from an inn, which had a restaurant and smaller breakout sessions. A couple of days felt like I was back in college - except the only textbook was a Bible.

The daily commute to and from the park must have cost me some sleep. One morning I ate breakfast at the Paris Huddle House, and went to the end of the counter to pay the bill. A young woman reminded me after a moment, "Our cash register is here at the other end."

But there was still some free time to watch TV in my motel room - all 12 channels of basic cable. I could see stations from Nashville and Jackson, Tennessee as well as Paducah, Kentucky. There's nothing quite like the thrill of watching Dr. Phil on three different stations at 3:00 p.m.

(By the way, I found former WRBL news anchor Heather Jensen reporting news on Nashville TV. Or as morning host Charlie Chase said after being corrected: "FOX-17'S Heather Jensen. I forgot her first name.")

The small Swiss Villa Motel was quiet, and barely in use except for me. Maybe that's why the housekeeper was unusually vigilant. When I took the Gideon Bible in the night stand drawer to the convention for a worship service, it was replaced with another Bible! C'mon - I HAVE read that section about not stealing....

Let's wrap up our blog travelogue with some other things we noticed along the way....

+ One emcee at the church convention was a down-home Texan, who said he has cows with names like Sirloin and T-Bone. I turned to someone next to me, and noted how the steers in Pro Bull Riding never seem to have names like that.

+ I laughed at the thought of supermarkets still selling "Bunny Bread" after all these years. But then I found out from a billboard that it's the "choice of the Tennessee Titans" - which is still the only unbeaten team in pro football....

+ I traveled to Paris by exiting Interstate 24 at Clarksville, Tennessee - the home of Austin Peay State University. Dinner at McDonald's on a Sunday night in a college town is always a recipe for slow service.

+ Clarksville also had a different breed of Pizza Hut -- a "Pizza Hut Italian bistro." Aw, c'mon! To borrow from a convention speaker, that's almost like calling Taco Bell a Mexican restaurant.

+ Dalton, Georgia has a car dealership called Adventure Chevrolet. How many Bill Heard customers think that name would have been appropriate in Columbus?

Our newest blog starts with poker, then goes in directions which could surprise you. Visit "On the Flop!"

As we stay campaign-free on this Election Day, let's come back home and check some Monday headlines:

+ Phenix City's new mayor and City Council took office. I'm not sure what four-time Mayor Sonny Coulter's first goal will be - to find a new city manager, or get his office chair reset in the proper position.

+ Fort Benning confirmed a soldier has been discharged from the Army, after being accused of harassing a Jewish soldier. Well, the phrase used for the action was "administratively separated" - which sounds like what happens when an attorney leaves a major firm to open his own office.

+ Richard Hyatt's web site reported the Top Hat Café will reopen for the first time in years. But it apparently will be located on 12^th Street, not Ninth -- and if KFC's chicken is a much closer walk for residents of the Booker T. Washington Apartments, this café could be in big trouble.

+ WXTX "News at Ten" offered a special report on "70 proof sweet tea." It's a tea-flavored vodka, which was approved for sale by Alabama's Alcohol Beverage Control board. And you thought that different taste came from peach nectar....

+ Instant Message to Auburn football coach Tommy Tuberville: Did you watch that news conference Monday in Tennessee? Find a better offensive coordinator, or that could be you in about 11 months.

SCHEDULED WEDNESDAY: We may not have the most comprehensive local election coverage, but we'll try to have the funniest....

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3 NOV 08: A DATE WITH THE JUDGE?

As I drove home from vacation, I realized I'd be entering a two-week political whirlwind. But at the local level, things had been relatively quiet - until an e-mail reached us over the weekend about the Frank Lumpkin III case:

Just to throw another coal into the fire. Judge Julia Lumpkin, Frank Lumpkin's sister, is dating the current DA, J. Gray Conger.

Oh dear - of all the years to skip the Steeplechase....

Since the District Attorney is up for re-election Tuesday, this short message prompted a flurry of phone calls on our part Sunday. The Ledger-Enquirer has noted Gray Conger "previously has dated" Judge Julia Lumpkin, and the judge is in fact Frank Lumpkin III's sister. But "IS dating" - now, present tense? Not even Judge Bobby Peters had a leak like this, before he became married.

If this relationship is still going, there could be all sorts of implications. It could explain the $2,500 bond Frank Lumpkin III received on aggravated assault charges -- that perhaps after months of complaints, the District Attorney's office finally intervened in Recorder's Court for a change.

If this relationship is still going, it could be the REAL reason why the attorney for alleged shooting victim Rodney Matthews wants a special prosecutor. But then again, is love supposed to be every bit as blind as justice?

We called District Attorney Gray Conger Sunday and left a message. He called us back later in the afternoon - but wouldn't you know it? He called during a 25-minute period while we stepped out for jogging. Next time, I'll keep watching pro football games through the overtime period....

A second message left when we returned was not answered as of Sunday night. But as I think the District Attorney would point out, the burden of proof here is on the accuser. We need some evidence that Gray Conger actually is dating Judge Julia Lumpkin now, besides a one-line e-mail. Did they hold hands in the latest Columbus and the Valley magazine?

Trying to get to the bottom of this rumor, we made other calls Sunday. We tried reaching Darrell Dowdell, the attorney for the teenager Frank Lumpkin III is accused of shooting. But the phone book only has a home phone number for a "D Dowdell," so we may have called the wrong person -- but it sounded like that person could afford the same fancy answering machine voice as Gray Conger.

We even called Gray Conger's opponent in the District Attorney's race. Julia Slater seemed thrown by our question about the District Attorney's love life - so I seriously doubt the rumor about Judge Julia Lumpkin began with her.

Julia Slater told me when she worked under the District Attorney, Gray Conger and Julia Lumpkin were "friends" - and the judge would show up at the office from time to time. But Slater added that was about five years ago. And let's face it - Britney Spears went through a couple of husbands in the last five years.

It's important to add a detail from the Ledger-Enquirer article. Julia Lumpkin is a Probate Judge -- NOT someone who normally handles criminal cases. There's only one way she might get involved in her brother's case. Trouble is, then that case would change from "low bond" to NO bond - as in a murder charge.

THE BIG BLOG QUESTION on the Muscogee County Sheriff's race ended Sunday, with results I considered surprising. We closed the poll blindly during the lunch hour with Democrat John Darr receiving 64 percent of the votes, topping Independent incumbent Ralph Johnson (9-5). Only one more vote would have made it a Double-Darr....

But here's the biggest surprise of this question - write-in candidate Mark LaJoye received NO votes at all in our poll. After all the messages we received over the months from LaJoye and his backers, where did they go? Did they decide the more effective approach was to act like John Darr - and in effect go undercover?

One commenter in our week-long poll wrote Ralph Johnson has the credentials to remain Sheriff, but was "a day late and a dollar short" with his recent statements about the Kenneth Walker case. Johnson's campaign might argue the settlement of the Walker lawsuits actually came two weeks early - and right on time for the election.

Another comment about Ralph Johnson concerned "muted emotions." The writer said of the sheriff: "Warm and fuzzy he are not!" About the only "warm and fuzzy" law enforcement officer who comes to my mind is Deputy Dawg - and he wasn't always that effective.

Then there was the comment that Sheriff Ralph Johnson doesn't know all his employees -- even veterans of several years. So you see, there are two reasons why deputies wear badge numbers. It's not only for citizens to file complaints....

Other than this poll, have you been part of any campaign surveys this year? I received one in the mail a couple of weeks ago. It actually combined presidential politics with questions about my media and technology habits. Some of us can remember when a "mobile phone" only meant a call from south Alabama.

The survey from the University of Michigan asked me to rate several statements about "The Daily Show with Jon Stewart." But I don't watch that show, because I don't have cable TV. I've seen bits and pieces of Stewart in motel rooms -- but he's normally on at the same time of local newscasts, and I want to see if other cities have better-looking reporters than Columbus.

Then came a long list of statements to rate, concerning politics and candidates. They included six emotional reactions to the presidential contenders: "When I think of John McCain [or Barack Obama], I feel hopeful." Or proud. Or angry. I get the feeling that this year, some Republicans would answer BOTH men make them angry.

The survey also asked about political news coverage: "The media tend to favor the Democratic [or Republican] party in their reporting." Well, that depends. Did the candidate show up in Columbus when nothing else was going on - or after the old Bibb Mill caught fire?

Other statements were more generic - such as: "I could do a better job than our elected officials." The people most likely to agree with this probably are running for office. The people most likely to disagree with this probably are donating money to the incumbents.

There were other thought-provoking statements as well....

+ "I can trust the government in Washington to do what is right." If you say yes, there's only one candidate for you in this election - and President Bush is barred from seeking a third term.

+ "Most politicians are boring." This is why only a few select candidates were invited to appear on Saturday Night Live.

+ "It should be illegal to fly the Confederate flag on public buildings." These rabble-rousers -- trying to get me chased all the way to Michigan to join them.

The survey company offered me a one-dollar bill to fill out and return this survey. But this is one time when I do NOT plan to fill it out. The statements gave me six degrees of agreement or disagreement. If there were five, I could give a true response to most of them - down the middle and neutral. But "fair and balanced" apparently only exists with Bill O'Reilly, on Fox News Channel.

I wound up in another presidential poll the other day, without realizing it. I made my annual trip to Waffle House, which is offering "red state" strawberry waffles and "blue state" blueberry waffles. Are the pecan waffles for Cynthia McKinney supporters -- you know, the ones who are a little nuts?

This normally would be the point where we'd give you a fun pre-election quiz. But we're so burned out after ten months of campaigning that we'll give you a break this time. We'll simply ask this -- if 100 people saw pictures of Gil McBride and Julia Slater side-by-side on billboards, how many would think they're the same person?

Now for other things which crossed our path this weekend....

+ Which Columbus church had a worship band sing "Don't Worry, Be Happy" - during the service? And even more curious, it was for the grownups and not the children....

+ The Columbus Public Library opened an exhibit on the Montgomery bus boycott of the 1950s. But I fear some people are going to be upset - because the exhibit is titled "381 Days," and it's scheduled to end in less than 90.

+ The Columbus Hispanic soccer league held its "gran final" matches of the season at Baker Middle School. People who visit these games might get a big surprise - as the players don't say "gooooooooooooool" for 15 seconds at a time when they score.

+ Alabama climbed to first place in the major college football polls, for the first time in 16 years. It comes just in time for "Saban Bowl II" next weekend at Louisiana State. Let's all hope the Tigers are looking ahead a week, to that make-up game against Troy.

+ The Atlanta Falcons overwhelmed Oakland 24-0. The Raiders picked up only three first downs - prompting fans to suggest they pick up three new quarterbacks.

(COMING TUESDAY: Since we're politics-free on Election Day, we'll talk about our search for the Eiffel Tower....)

Our number of unique visitors is now up 31 percent from last year. To advertise to our readers, offer a story tip or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

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The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

© 2003-08 Richard Burkard, all rights reserved.

2 NOV 08: THUS SAITH THE....

Here's hoping your weekend is going as wonderfully as mine is. I'm getting extra sleep. I'm enjoying Sister Schubert's cinnamon rolls for breakfast. I picked up half-price post-Halloween chocolate at stores Saturday night. And the negative campaign commercials have only three days to go!

"I voted for John McCain. I voted early." Plenty of people probably could make this statement in Columbus. But it surprisingly was made Saturday night by a church pastor, in the middle of a worship service. And no, it was NOT revealed during a prayer of confession.

Pastor David Rathel told worshipers at Rivertown Church John McCain is a "little better" when it comes to the issues of "gay marriage" and partial-birth abortion. But he openly longed for a presidential candidate who's "a lot better," and wished James Dobson was on the ballot. Of course, critics say "Focus on the Family" focuses too much these days on the ballot box....

David Rathel admits as he grew up, he wondered why all our U.S. Presidents were all the same - white men. We should note Rathel IS a white man. Apparently his family wasn't close to anyone from The Big Eddy Club, who could have put his thinking in line.

David Rathel admits his dream is to have "somebody run this nation who's of a different gender." He likes Barack Obama's message of hope - but said in the middle of his sermon: "I'd rather have him, with a different mind." Rathel wasn't specific about what that meant. But he stopped short of declaring Mr. Obama a Muslim.

The Rivertown Church Pastor invited worshipers to pick up photocopied "Presidential Voter Guides," supplied by the Family Research Council. They list the candidates' positions on many issues. While there are plenty of differences, both John McCain and Barack Obama oppose a constitutional amendment to define marriage. Their dictionaries must be 30 years old, like mine is....

After attending Rivertown Church for most of the last two months, the election was admittedly the last topic I expected to come up this weekend. Pastor David Rathel hardly ever brings up topics in the news. After the big stock market drop, he didn't even give a pep talk for members to keep tithing.

So did David Rathel cross a line, by announcing his choice in the Presidential race and his reasons why? The Rivertown Church Pastor stated his personal political views, which could risk the church's tax-exempt status. But he didn't tell his congregation to do what he did - unless you noted the title of his sermon: "Thinking Like God."

This statement wasn't quite like the Columbus pastor I heard in October 2000, who told his congregation during a service: "Let's all pray George W. Bush wins the election." I stayed away from that congregation the next week, protesting such a blatant political statement. But you know, maybe that group was closer to God than I realized....

Pastor David Rathel held what he called a short "town hall meeting" with his small Saturday night congregation about the election. Rathel said he stood in line more than two hours, before casting an early ballot. But one member said she only waited 20 minutes. There truly are advantages to living in Harris County....

No one else in the congregation dared to speak up, about who received their vote. Perhaps they were stunned at how open the Rivertown Church Pastor was -- even declaring John McCain the "same old same old." Yet if Mr. McCain received David Rathel's vote, maybe Rathel is older than he looks.

(David Rathel did NOT say how he voted in any other races. But he half-jokingly said after seeing the names of some "jokers" down the ballot, he considered writing in his own name for a couple of positions.)

Meanwhile, the NAACP organized a march from South Commons Saturday. It's part of a campaign across the South called "Vote Hard." And if you don't use the restroom before you get in a long line, it could be exactly that.

In a bit of a surprise, the Barack Obama campaign announced it's buying one last round of commercials across Georgia before Election Day. I saw one ad during the ABC Saturday night football game. So there, you see - the Democrat is redistributing wealth already. That campaign money ought to be spent in Florida and Ohio.

The Barack Obama campaign explained commercial time was purchased in Georgia because the state is now "within the realm of possibility." Why don't they save that money for something more important - like the health care improvements the candidate is promising after Election Day?

(BLOGGER'S NOTE: It's our custom to be politics-free on Election Day - so if you have a last statement to make about the campaign before the polls close, send it to us today.)

Our newest blog starts with poker, then goes in directions which could surprise you. Visit "On the Flop!"

E-MAIL UPDATE: Friday's newspaper had a big front-page picture of the Bibb Mill fire. But something else caught a reader's attention....

I like the way the L-E had a picture of the carjacker, thief, thugs, mother in this mornings paper, describing her as THE VICTIMS MOTHER. The poor victim.

Of course, this was an error on the Ledger-Enquirer's part. The teenager is an "alleged victim" in journalistic terms, based on whether Frank Lumpkin III is convicted in court. If he goes on The Tyra Banks Show, the "alleged" title somehow would disappear.

We have another upset blog reader - although that's not really unusual for him:

"Sir" Richard:

I'm going to refer to my copy of the dictionary and get the definitions of three words. Foolhardy, stupid and crazy. I'm certain that I fall into one or more of those categories and probably all three!

#1 Foolhardy = Daring, impetuous,or ventursom. Hmmmm, I can live with that!

#2 Stupid = Dumb, assinine, or idiotic. Ow, that one stings, but if the shoe fits------

#3 Crazy = Mad, loco, or looney. .I won't capitulate to that one - but I'm certain that there are those who would concur!

Looking back at the past six years; I was foolhardy enough to belieive that "Hurt'sboro was worth saving. Boy, was I wrong! It was stupid of me to even think that the citizens would support an effort to clean out the Town Hall, attend council meetings, and exhibit any kind of civic pride.

Only a mad man would e crazy enough to pursue the cause any further. but I firmly believe that persistence will bring justice; not tomorrow, nor anytime soon but in the short lived future.

The news I received today about the proposed Hysterical District, was both numbing and spine stiffening. It seems that an Alabama Review Board has overruled the outcry of objections to any such district in favor of the smattering of self serving idiots that want it. In essence, it was foolhardy to object,because there was no doubt that the members of that board were too stupid to recognize the overall squalor in "Hurt'sboro! You would have to be crazy; to think that a sign along the highway designating a district in "Hurt'sboro as historic, will convince wayfarers to traverse our potholed streets, or to chance being mugged, raped, or shot while visiting there.

Constable R.J. Schweiger

Perhaps when the Hurtsboro Historic District is created, it will include several markers identifying key locations - such as the last person to hold the title of Constable there.

The Alabama Historical Commission Review Board met Thursday. The results have NOT been posted at the commission's web site, but for some reason only one historical marker is listed in all of Russell County. The commission may be too embarrassed to list the one about "Indians hanged," which probably scares people away from the Phenix City Riverwalk.

Rayford Tapley becomes the new mayor of Hurtsboro Monday. In a TV interview during our vacation, he promised to seek an audit of the city's finances. I somehow doubt Robert Schweiger will be satisfied by this - unless his own representative is allowed to count the dollar bills personally.

One other e-mail must be held, because it has a claim requiring further review. Now before I hurry off to bed for that extra hour of sleep, let's check some weekend headlines:

+ WRBL reported someone stole a Fletcher Oil Company tanker truck. These stupid criminals - haven't they noticed the price of gas has dropped below $2.30 a gallon, because demand is way down?

+ Columbus Police kept 38^th Street closed west of Second Avenue, while firefighters watched for new flare-ups at the River Mill fire. Authorities say several underground floors kept burning, after the main fire was contained. This news inspired several local Baptist preachers to revise their sermons for today.

+ Synovus Financial confirmed it's applying for federal bailout money. Trouble is, the money requires an exchange for preferred stock - and Synovus doesn't have any. We're simply of common stock in Columbus, you know....

+ The soul band "Maze" with Frankie Beverly performed at the Columbus Civic Center. I like their song "Joy and Pain" - but if this is the closest Columbus can come to a cornfield maze, there's still some work to be done.

+ Albany State felled Fort Valley State 31-7 in the Fountain City Classic football game. I live near South Commons, and never have seen so many cars parked on my block. Someone charged five dollars for parking - and I'd like to thank that person for not leaving an envelope on my windshield.

+ Mississippi mashed Auburn 17-7. The Tigers now have lost four games in a row, their chances of a bowl game are in serious doubt -- and it might be time to start watching the Auburn trustees, to see if they're making trips out-of-state.

+ Florida flattened Georgia 49-10 in Jacksonville. This win was more difficult for the Gators than the score indicates. It was all they could do NOT to jump around on the field after every touchdown.

+ Instant Message to whomever found a 20-dollar bill in a First Avenue parking lot: You should thank me for that. I saw it first, but left it there because of the Saturday Sabbath. The Bible condemns people even picking up sticks on the Sabbath - and you could buy some large-sized firewood with that money.

Our number of unique visitors is now up 31 percent from last year. To advertise to our readers, offer a story tip or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 954 (+ 63, 7.1%)

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author -- not necessarily those of anyone else in Columbus living or dead, and perhaps not even you.

© 2003-08 Richard Burkard, all rights reserved.