12 JUL 07: FIT FOR THE FORCE?

Mayor Jim Wetherington says as of last week, the Columbus Police Department had 17 open police positions. Has the number dropped due to lower standards? Higher starting pay? Or are laid-off mill workers in better physical shape than some skeptics thought?

BLOG EXCLUSIVE: Your blog has learned that the Columbus Police Department has offered an officer's job to a man who was charged with stalking within the last two years. We're told that man happens to be the son of the Assistant Police Chief. And you thought this sort of thing went away when "NYPD Blue" went off the air....

But before you jump to conclusions: it appears Brian Rowe legally can join the Columbus Police Department. That's because the stalking charge against him never went to trial, and was dropped by prosecutors in May. Uh-oh - now officials will have to deny that motto on the C.S.I. shows, that "everything is connected."

Court records which we reviewed Wednesday show Brian Rowe was arrested in November 2005 for stalking and criminal trespass. He was accused of parking outside his ex-wife's house for 30 minutes, "just watching for the purpose of harassing." So it would seem Rowe has experience in conducting surveillance operations.

Brian Rowe had to post a $3,500 bond to get out of jail in November 2005. But during 2006, the Muscogee County District Attorney moved his case to what's called a "dead docket." No, I don't think that means there was another body stored at the morgue for months....

A court clerk tells me a case on a "dead docket" can be recalled at any time prosecutors wish. So the District Attorney may have imposed his own sort of probation on Brian Rowe, waiting to see if he would commit any more crimes. There's no record that he did - so it appears Rowe's boat has been more gently down the stream.

A filing by the Solicitor General's office in May asked for the Brian Rowe case to be declared "Nolle Prosequi." That fancy Latin phrase essentially means the charges were dropped. In other parts of the South, it might be called a "motion to not do nothin'."

The blog reader who tipped us off to the Brian Rowe case clearly was concerned about him joining the police force. Here's part of that reader's e-mail:

I have seen some improvement with the new city Mayor. However, when you still have lower requirements and the "get some bodies in the uniforms" attitude, the department still suffers.... Would you want this person responding to your house in an emergency?

If he's only going to stand outside my home and stare for 30 minutes, of course I wouldn't....

But a check of the requirements for Columbus Police officers shows applicants must have "no felony convictions and no misdemeanor convictions involving moral turpitude." The key word there is CONVICTIONS. Brian Rowe only was charged. So with no conviction, he can apply for the police force. Once he's trained, we hope Rowe WILL have a conviction - to uphold the law.

You may not know about the other requirements for joining the Columbus Police Department. An applicant has to be a 21-year-old U.S. citizen, and has to pass a polygraph test. People with records such as Brian Rowe's should be thankful those tests are NOT admissible in a court of law.

Police applicants in Columbus also have to pass a "physical agility test." It includes a one-mile run, push-ups and sit-ups. The web site says nothing about having to down a minimum number of doughnuts.

By the way, we wanted to learn what the ex-wife of Brian Rowe thought about his potential employment with Columbus Police. We were unable to track her down - but then again, she might have accused us of stalking as well.

E-MAIL UPDATE: The message about Brian Rowe also commented on something we mentioned last Sunday:

To explain why Officers don't jump start batteries any more...the city bought cr*ppy cars and any attempt to assist a motorist with a jump start will kill the cars.

Then maybe the Columbus Police need to learn a lesson from that Bruce Willis movie - "Live Free or DieHard."

Another blog reader spotted a familiar name in a Wednesday message:

Richard, Speaking of "Talkline" do you know how WRCG's morning ratings of Bill Bennett's Morning in America show compare with the former local "Talkline" show? Inquiring minds would like to know!

I have on several occasions tried to listen to Bill Bennetts syndicated show but find his monotone voice boring. Furthermore I get a distracting buzzing sound intermittently during his show on my radio. I'm not sure if it's a problem with WRCG or with the satellite feed.

This area really needs return of "Talkline" or another local call-in show to focus on local issues. Through the years callers to "Talkline" exposed many subjects that never would have come to the attention of area residents without the program. That's probably the reason some area politicians wanted the program off the air.

As a faithful listener for over 25 years I remain saddened by the fact that WRCG abruptly took such a popular local program off the air with no explanation to their faithful listeners.

I saw on TV that another city "Buried the N-word" but WRCG didn't even bother to give "Talkline" a decent burial.

Many of us miss you Robbie!

Barbara

If you're listening before sunrise, that buzzing sound on WRCG might be a wasp flying around the transmitter - and overpowering the weak signal.

The next set of Columbus radio ratings should be out around the end of July. But keep in mind, at least one station put an "embargo" on the public release of the last two reports - so nothing's been made public in more than a year. Even Vice President Cheney shows more openness than that.

Robbie Watson tells me she's doing well, and has recovered from some undisclosed recent health problems. Hopefully she didn't hurt her wrists while ripping apart old Archway Broadcasting paycheck stubs.

Now let's see what made news on Wednesday:

+ FBI agents raided the office of Physical Therapy of West Georgia on Armour Road. All an agent would tell WRBL is that there's been a six-month investigation into some kind of "health care problem." Please don't tell me the canes are made in China....

+ Ground was broken for a new Northwest Harris County Business Park. One site at the park already is reserved for a concrete company - so the community's economic future should be quite solid.

+ The Talbotton City Council approved several steps to handle a budget gap of close to $30,000. Among other things, the city will return two out of three new police cars it recently bought. You'll know which ones they are if you're shopping - because the "new car smell" will be more like used drunk.

+ The group "Concerned Citizens of Phenix City" admitted its petition drive to change the form of city government is dead for now. State officials apparently told group members it's too late to change the government before the 2008 election. So now it's up to City Manager Bubba Roberts - would he dare challenge Jeff Hardin for Mayor?

+ The evening news finally revealed who reported Hurtsboro City Council member Mae Dell McVay to Alabama ethics officials. It was a man named Tag Williams, who says he wanted to bid on surplus city cars. He apparently became annoyed when the council didn't say, "Tag, you're it."

+ Former Alabama Governor Don Siegelman was moved out of a federal prison in Atlanta. Officials would only say he was moved to a different location - perhaps one with a desk, to help him write more letters to Democrats to pay his legal bills.

(Don Siegelman reportedly complained he didn't like the food at the Atlanta federal penitentiary. For once, a politician actually longs for some of that "rubber chicken" at political banquets.)

+ The King Ford infomercial on WLGA CW-66 featured a new mascot -- a real bird called "KFC": the King Ford Chicken. If it can't dance around and wave for 30 minutes like the Rivertown Ford turkey, it's not worth the drive to Valley.

+ Instant Message to the family of Lady Bird Johnson: Our condolences. You may not realize the impact the late first lady had on my family. When we dined out during my youth, we'd notice sprigs of parsley on the dinner plates - and joke it was all part of her beautification program.

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11 JUL 07: THE NOT-SO-GREAT COMPROMISE

The vote came quickly Tuesday, and it was unanimous. Columbus Council finally approved a Library Board budget, which practically settles the issue of land around the main library. So everybody's happy, right? Wellll - not exactly. Some people already are talking like "landscaping" is going to be the greatest thing since Streetscaping.

Columbus Council approved a plan which is based on a "memorandum of understanding," worked out in recent days. It essentially splits the care of acreage around the library three ways - between the city, school district and library board. So depending on which landscaping firm is hired, the lawn could be three different shades of green.

We've obtained a copy of the amended memorandum of understanding, and it says "no less than three million dollars" will be spent on landscaping around the central library. That comes to about $130,000 for each disputed acre - so those meadows had better be drought-resistant.

The Muscogee County School District will pick up part of the landscaping bill, if it builds a new Administration Building next to the central library. The school board could reduce that cost, of course - by putting fountains with statues of Guy Sims and Mary Sue Polleys outside.

The city of Columbus will have a share of the landscaping bill, by sprucing up land around the new natatorium and Citizens Service Center. Considering where those buildings will go, it would be only fair if Sears Craftsman tools were used for the work.

So what do these agencies mean by "landscaping?" Believe it or not, the memorandum of understanding has an 11-line, two-part definition. You can always tell when a government agency is involved, can't you?

The definition of "landscaping" does NOT mean simply plants, flowers and grass. That's called "softscape," while the memorandum also allows "hardscape" such as a concrete patio or a wooden deck. Perhaps some of the asphalt behind the library will stay there, and be called "extra-hard scape."

Given all this, you might understand why Josh McKoon of the Education Park Coalition is a bit puzzled about this compromise. You'll recall he wanted a park around the central library -- but the memorandum of understanding doesn't have the word "park" in it anywhere. When the phrase "parking facility" shows up more often, McKoon might have reason for concern.

You'll recall Josh McKoon defined a "park" as a fenced-in area with walking trails [7 Jun]. The memorandum of understanding suggests tile paths are possible around the central library (that's "hardscape," by the way), but there's no mention of fencing. Perhaps it was left out to avoid giving criminals any ideas.

Josh McKoon was concerned Tuesday that only about $611,000 is committed for landscaping behind the central library. That could be where a planned "Story Telling Plaza" will go -- to be dedicated by telling the story of the 1999 sales tax promises.

Former Library Board member David Rothschild dared to go farther, telling reporters the 1999 sales tax campaign promised a library and a park - NOT a natatorium, Citizens Service Center or anything else. While I understand his frustration, I don't think this is a good time to give terror cells any long-term goals.

The final hurdle to settling the library land question is a vote by the Muscogee County School Board next Monday night. But if recent months are any indication, things might be delayed yet again - for instance, if John Wells falls on his head and gets injured with running with the bulls in Spain.

E-MAIL UPDATE: Yes, we heard you several weeks ago. You said you were tired of "Hurtsboro Mondays." Yet we also keep hearing about interesting stories there:

Richard:

Reliable sources inform that - a member of the "Hurt'sboro City Council was arrested and placed under $40,000.00 bond a few days ago. Do you suppose more arrests are to follow?

First things first: the sources are mostly right. Online records show Hurtsboro City Council Mae Dell McVay was arrested June 30 on ethics charges, and will be arraigned in mid-August. But the records show two counts against her, with a $20,000 bond for each. So she might get a "pay one, get one free" discount.

The Russell County District Attorney's office confirmed to your blog Tuesday that Mae Dell McVay faces two ethics charges. You may recall she was found in violation of Alabama ethics laws back in December [8 Jan]. A grand jury met in April and indicted her. Then she was arrested June 30. This is how Alabama defines a "speedy trial" these days.

The two counts against Mae Dell McVay stem from the sale of surplus Hurtsboro city vehicles to members of her family. Given what we've learned about Hurtsboro in the last six months, it's a bit surprising to think there are any surplus city vehicles at all - at least vehicles that run.

The online form for cases in Alabama has limited space, so we have to guess a bit at the two counts against Mae Dell McVay. One clearly is for using her position for personal gain. But the other reads: "REG BOARD/COMM MEMB-". What does that mean - that she's a Communist?

The District Attorney's office didn't know what "REG BOARD/COMM MEMB" meant, and suggested I call the District Court Clerk. Once I finally figured out that phone number (it's not listed in the white pages), I found out the office was closed for the day as of 4:00 p.m. I didn't know this office matched hours with Tyler's restaurant on 13^th Street.

While we were checking Alabama court records, we took a moment to look up the contempt of court charge against Constable Robert Schweiger. That case has been continued until mid-September - so with enough delays, maybe a Russell County Judge can schedule an "all-Hurtsboro" week of trials this fall.

BLOG UPDATE: Bill Heard Enterprises responded Tuesday to a countersuit from the Georgia Governor's Office of Consumer Affairs. But Kevin in the customer relations department never contacted me. So those letters offering a "potential recall" were a fraud - because Kevin hasn't called me at all.

An attorney for Bill Heard Enterprises explained the dealership did nothing "willfully" wrong with the letters last October, because an advertising firm in Arizona went too far. Given the company's 16-year track record of complaints with the state, maybe it's time to hire a local church group to send out your appeal letters.

It turns out the state complaint is a countersuit. Bill Heard Enterprises sued the Governor's Office of Consumer Affairs first, to find out who reported the phony recall letters. The Atlanta Journal-Constitution noted Bill Heard suspects its competition is filing all the complaints -- and I think Carl Gregory still has room for one more car lot on Northlake Parkway.

We knew about the Bill Heard story before readers alerted us to it late Tuesday with e-mails. This one brings up an interesting side issue:

Hi, Richard! This is front page news in the ATL. The question is will any local tv stations cover this? I'll be watching closely but I suspect once again the airwaves will be trumped by the advertisers. Those fools at Bill Heard aren't fooling anybody and the stations appear shameful in their neglect over the years of this rotten sales saga based right here in good ol Columbus GA! where is Talkline when you need it? Robbie

Robbie may have been surprised to see that not only did Tuesday's Ledger-Enquirer put the business complaint on page one, but both 6:00 p.m. newscasts made Bill Heard the top news story. Well, WRBL actually began the newscast with a weather update - which it now seems to do every time the temperature changes three degrees from the day before.

I suppose the old Talkline radio show would have brought up Bill Heard Tuesday - but then again, Tuesday was WDAK's day for the "Viewpoint" show. I wasn't able to listen, but wouldn't Mike Gaymon of the Chamber of Commerce have mentioned it? Or was he too busy offering short movie reviews?

By the way, we checked the Columbus Better Business Bureau's web site Tuesday - and found it's received 41 complaints about Bill Heard Chevrolet in the last 36 months. But curiously, Bill Heard Cadillac next door has received less than ten. This should prove once and for all which car gets more care from General Motors....

Now before our car gets towed away by Repo Joe, let's get caught up on other news from the last couple of days:

+ An evening thunderstorm moved through Columbus, and Georgia Power told WRBL about 5,000 customers lost electricity. And those were probably all the customers who cared about the baseball All-Star Game....

+ Muscogee County School Superintendent John Phillips received an award from the "Georgia Association of Education Leaders." So take that, you scoffers! At least Dr. Phillips is making "adequate yearly progress."

+ The evening news revealed the city of Talbotton bounced checks worth more than $2,000 over the last 14 months. The city finance director was tracked down for a comment -- at the liquor store he owns. If anybody decides to remake "The Andy Griffith Show," I have a script almost ready....

+ A publicist for Sean "Diddy" Combs confirmed the entertainer has broken up with his long-time love, Columbus native Kim Porter. So if anyone comes up to you and asks, "Diddy dump her?" you can answer, "Yes, Diddy did."

(Let's all hope this romance can be patched back together. Next year should be Porter's Columbus High School 20-year class reunion - and things will be a lot less interesting if she shows up alone.)

+ Craig Stahl signed a contract with the Columbus Cottonmouths, for what he says will be his final year of pro hockey. It's better for the team captain to sign in July, than play a Stahl game in October.

+ Instant Message to the driver who passed me on Macon Road, in a car covered with orange and white checkerboards: If it wasn't for that Florida license plate, I would have thought sure you were Tennessee graduate Andrew Wittenberg.

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10 JUL 07: MR. BIG BLUFFER?

Well, well. It turns out Georgia's Office of Consumer Affairs has been after Bill Heard Chevrolet -- not for one or two years, but 16. Perhaps their commercials were so loud that the managers couldn't hear all of the state's complaints....

The Governor's Office of Consumer Affairs announced Monday it's filed legal papers against Bill Heard Enterprises and several related dealerships, accusing them of violating the "Fair Business Practices Act." Yes, Georgia has such a thing - but for some reason, many businesses don't post it on the lobby wall.

The legal papers posted on a state consumer web site list 16 years of complaints against Bill Heard dealerships. The latest is a letter mailed to 10,000 people last October, which looked like a recall notice from General Motors -- only a phone number in the letter connected callers with a Bill Heard office. The letter had a Norco, California postmark, giving a whole new meaning to "California Dreaming."

General Motors was so upset by this fake recall letter that it sent certified mail to Bill Heard around Thanksgiving. G.M. called the letter "impermissible," and threatened to terminate all dealership agreements if things weren't corrected in 30 days. Why, that could have been enough to make Bill Heard Saab....

The state countersuit accuses Bill Heard of doing nothing to "retract, correct or clarify" the mailings of October. Well, it WAS sent in the weeks before a big election.

The Administrator of the Fair Business Practices Act says based on this, Bill Heard Enterprises constitutes "an immediate danger of harm to the citizens of the state of Georgia." And he never even checked the catalytic converters on the cars....

But the legal papers filed in Fulton County Court last Friday go much farther, citing 16 years of "unfair and deceptive practices" by Bill Heard Enterprises. The first one in 1991 led to a $2,000 civil penalty. In 2004, a penalty was $188,000 -- so Bill Heard had moved up from Nova to Escalade range.

The state countersuit says based on the latest mailing, Bill Heard Enterprises should be penalized "up to a maximum of $5,000 per violation...." That amount times 10,000 letters would equal a $50 million loss. But it could be worse - the administrator isn't demanding the RiverCenter change the name of Bill Heard Theatre.

(The papers were filed in Atlanta, apparently because the Georgia state offices are there. But some of the violations had to occur in Columbus, as Bill Heard dealerships didn't enter metro Atlanta until about 2000. That's the year, not the penalty level.)

On top of that, the state Administrator specifically asks for a "trial by jury" against Bill Heard Enterprises. Do you think the car dealer could get a fair trial in Columbus? Or is "Mr. Big Volume" so loud that the case could only be heard in Savannah?

Your blog called Bill Heard Chevrolet late Monday, for its reaction to the state's complaint. A man named Kevin in the "customer relations" department admitted he hadn't heard about it, and he might not have a response ready until later today. What a switch - as someone gives a car lot the "5:00 surprise."

(For a moment, Kevin thought I was a customer who was making a personal complaint. But the last Chevrolet I owned was the first car I ever owned - a 1966 Impala, which did well to make 15 miles per gallon in the highway.)

When it comes to sneaky mailings, I've received several from car dealers over the years. Some of them had envelopes which made you think they were from the Internal Revenue Service. Talk about a tough choice, for which office you'd rather it be....

I remember one mail offer, which came back to bite Bill Heard Chevrolet in an unusual way. Vaguely-marked white envelopes were sent from Texas, right after the September 11^th attack. Who knows how many people called police detectives, instead of the showroom.

We mentioned earlier this year how a Nashville TV station examined Bill Heard Chevrolet's business dealings there [25 Apr]. WTVF's investigative series has won two national awards - and lo and behold, Bill Heard sold its Tennessee dealerships a couple of weeks ago. So now, the only "Nashville Predators" may be the hockey players.

E-MAIL UPDATE: We need to "fact-check" a couple of tips from readers, so we aren't ready to post those messages quite yet. But let's start at the newspaper rack:

Richard, Have you read the interview with the mayor in today's paper? The L-E advertised this article for several days as if it were something you wouldn't want to miss. I even got up early this morning to read it. I couldn't believe my eyes! That was about the most boring article I ever remember reading in the local paper. Any comments?

Well, that's what happens when the Ledger-Enquirer doesn't send Kaffie Sledge to do the interview....

Mayor Jim Wetherington told the newspaper he doesn't want to give himself a "letter grade" for his first six months in office. But did you notice he said he'll "give it all I've got for the next four years or however long I decide to stick around...."? The table's already being set for a 2010 rematch with Bob Poydasheff.

Let's face it: Jim Wetherington doesn't exactly have the pizzazz of a Barack Obama. The mayor is more of a folksy Fred Thompson type - although he probably wouldn't want to be compared to a Republican....

The only other noteworthy thing to me was that Mayor Wetherington specified "Columbus, Georgia" only once. Have you noticed how he makes absolutely clear he is NOT talking about the capital of Ohio?

Let's take one more e-mail today, about another local leader:

I would like to hear Dr.Phillips explain why some of MCSD schools have not passed the standards set by the state. When ever local media wants a reply from him he is no where to be found.

That's why Superintendent John Phillips put money in the new Muscogee County school budget for an official district spokesperson. I know that person from several years back - and I don't think you'll see Valerie Fuller brush off any questions.

I checked the Georgia Department of Education web site's charts Monday, and several Muscogee County high schools fell short of "adequate yearly progress" this year. They include Carver, Jordan and Spencer - but at least the first two made very good progress in their athletic programs.

Yet the state's charts show Harris County High School also fell short of adequate yearly progress -- and it has Georgia's Superintendent of the Year, in Susan Andrews. As school counselors would tell you: it all comes down to how carefully you prepare that resume....

COMING SOON: What does "REG BOARD/COMM MEMB" mean? (Any guesses?)....

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9 JUL 07: A BETTER VIEW OF HEAVEN

The e-mail reached us late Friday, and caught us quite off-guard:

what is the info on the cave in of the Maranatha Church on Double Churches Road?

It was the first I'd heard about a "cave-in" at a church -- unless some "Primitive Baptists" were getting REALLY primitive, as in Old Testament....

BLOG EXCLUSIVE: The Maranatha Baptist Church in Columbus is holding services in its gymnasium, after part of the sanctuary roof caved in about three weeks ago. This is different from Maranatha Baptist in Plains, the church former President Carter attends - where Habitat for Humanity teams already might have built a new ceiling.

Your blog is the first media outlet to see and show the damage at Maranatha Baptist, at Double Churches and Willett Roads. Part of the roof came down on the pulpit area, late on a Friday night in June. The damage still sat there Sunday, apparently because insurance companies are working out a settlement. Are the agents THAT busy watching for hurricanes to land?

Emory Alexander was cleaning the church with his wife on that Friday night in June. He told me Sunday they finished the sanctuary about 20 minutes before he heard a noise, as he worked in another part of the building. There was no service in progress, so it couldn't have been the Holy Spirit that was falling....

Emory Alexander says the damage started with one piece of broken sheetrock on the floor. But as the minutes went on, the cave-in mounted. There's still a ceiling fan amid the debris, where part of the roof collapsed - which I guess means it's now a floor fan, isn't it?

Emory Alexander pointed out to me how some of the eaves warped, on the outside of the Maranatha Baptist Church sanctuary. This may be evidence of Satanic activity - since the devil is blamed for warped thinking in entertainment all the time.

At first glance, you might think Maranatha Baptist Church's damage was the result of the March tornado. But Emory Alexander says the building seemed to survive that storm without a scratch, so exactly what happened in June remains unclear. Could it be that Someone used the law of gravity, to suggest another Law be taught?

Maranatha Baptist Church members were busy until after midnight on that Friday night, moving pews and other items from the sanctuary to the gymnasium. It's a good thing the board took that "Double Churches" name seriously several years ago....

Emory Alexander assured me the church still is meeting in the gymnasium, at its usual times throughout the week. How long it will be there is unclear -- as rebuilding apparently is in the hands of the insurance company right now. No wonder I heard a minister preach last year that insurance agents won't exist in the Kingdom of God. [True!]

The Pastor of Maranatha Baptist Church was out of town Sunday. I didn't catch the name of the guest preacher, but he came across as quite an entertainer. Here are some of the one-liners he said during his sermon:

+ Some men are so into deer hunting, "your wives can't find you in the backyard for all your camouflage."

+ He looks forward to the sanctuary being rebuilt, because the gymnasium felt freezing cold. "I'm not moving around because I'm excited; I'm trying to stay warm."

+ Some Baptist men are taught "you train your wife like you would train a dog."

+ He admitted he should have had a crooked nose when he was young, from being put in school corners for rebellious behavior. Then he added: "I don't know what that has to do with my sermon - but isn't God good?"

P.S. I made sure to take a Bible, to cover the story at Maranatha Baptist Church. You never know when a member might walk up to you after a service, and ask if you're born again.

BLOG UPDATE: "Columbus, Georgia won't let you live down anything." So Stephen King told me Sunday, as he offered the latest round in a discussion over Thunder on the Hooch. Suddenly I feel like repenting, over half the jokes I've written here....

Stephen King called me after e-mailing a couple of documents relating to Independence Day fireworks shows of years past. One was a 1997 thank-you note of praise from Bridgette Herring, who then managed the Phenix City Amphitheater. This was back when it was merely the "God and Country Celebration" - and all the city of Columbus did was fence off part of the Riverwalk, so no one would be hurt.

The other document sent by Stephen King was a 1999 note from then-Phenix City Parks Director Max Wilkes. It claimed that year's fireworks show brought complaints about viewers "getting hit, or even slightly burned from shells and debris" - but King told me his fireworks shows never have hurt anyone. Sometimes you don't notice the sunburn until hours later, you know....

The Max Wilkes note admitted there was "a problem with the firing boards" in 1999 - but added Stephen King's fireworks show "had some beautiful effects." They happened about 20 minutes earlier than planned, but at least they happened.

Max Wilkes also noted the 1999 fireworks crew had to deal with a "storm front," which Stephen King says resulted in shifting winds at the last minute. Since then, of course, Wilkes has felt the wind shifts on a personal level - and he's suing Phenix City because of that.

This part of the 1999 letter from Max Wilkes struck me as interesting:

Third, the news media seemed to love offering apologies to all of the viewers for the mishap with the finale. This is a large disappointment to the City of Phenix City Management. Whether or not any apologies were owed should have been up to the discretion of City Management since we were paying for the show.

I don't recall if Phenix City ever issued an apology or not. But the letter indicates Stephen King was paid for the fireworks -- instead of the check being ceremonially launched into the Chattahoochee River.

Stephen King went on to clarify that his company hasn't really been "outbid" for recent shows at Thunder on the Hooch. Instead, he indicated the organizers are avoiding his company based on what happened in 1999. Maybe that's a Columbus custom - since S.O.A. Watch has kept a grudge even longer than that.

By the way, Stephen King says his fireworks show at the "Redneck Games" in East Dublin, Georgia went well this weekend - with no rain falling until almost all his gear was put away. He did NOT tell me how many spectators walked up to him afterward, to inhale some of the smoke.

Now let's stop partying like it's 1999, and consider news headlines from this 2007 weekend:

+ Oxbow Meadows held its annual "Insectival," where people let insects crawl on them. Of course, some of us don't have to go to Oxbow Meadows for this thrill. We're the ones whose landlords don't hire exterminators.

+ One-time self-proclaimed JonBenet Ramsey killer John Mark Karr was arrested in Atlanta, on charges of beating his father and girlfriend. When Karr enters a plea in court, expect the judge to ask: "Is that your final answer?"

+ The Ledger-Enquirer reported Georgia head football coach Mark Richt recently took a missionary trip to Honduras. Bulldog fans read the article and were left frustrated - because it never said if Richt recruited any place-kickers.

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8 JUL 07: BYE, THE NUMBERS

So can we all calm down now? The day of sevens is over - what the Georgia Lottery declared "the luckiest day of the century." Apparently no one there thought ahead a few decades, to 7-7-77.

Let's think seriously about this. If Saturday really was that lucky a day....

+ Shouldn't the winning Georgia Lottery numbers have been filled with sevens? The "Millionaire Raffle" code had two sevens in 24 numbers - and ball number seven never came out of the Fantasy Five machine at all. So your chances of losing were just as strong as ever.

+ Shouldn't Clint Bowyer have won the NASCAR race at Daytona Beach Saturday night? He drove car #07, but faded out as late as someone who drinks the Jack Daniels whiskey he promotes on his car.

+ Shouldn't Boeing have enjoyed several lucky days this past week? You know, on 7-2-7, 7-4-7 and 7-6-7....

+ Why didn't any supermarket offer a sale on black-eyed peas to go with it?

One Georgia Lottery vendor in Columbus claims its ticket printer was overwhelmed Saturday, because so many people asked for tickets with sevens on them. So the big winner in the short-term should be repair companies....

I happened to be Worship Leader at church this weekend, and noticed weeks ago what day I was assigned. I went to the Presiding Elder in advance, about doing something special for the day - what I carefully called a "Seven-Centered Sabbath Song Service."

I wanted an elder's approval before trying this sort of service, because my church association doesn't really believe in luck. Yet we often note all sorts of sevens in the Bible. After all, how many of you noticed 7-7-07 happened to fall on a "seventh-day" Sabbath?

Several people in the congregation giggled, when I asked them to turn to page seven in the hymnal to begin the service. The song there was the classic "God Speaks to Us" - and thankfully not "Luck Be a Lady Tonight."

The hymns of the day also included page 77 (a number for an Old Testament sacrifice) and page 70 (as in forgiving "70 times seven"). But I admit I could have done more for this special day. Only in the middle of the service did I think about stopping at a grocery store, to buy Seven-Up.

There was a slightly smaller fuss over the numbers on a date last year, on 6-6-06. And for some odd reason, people considered 11's significant in the wake of the September 11 attacks. If the military death count since then in Afghanistan and Iraq was only 11, I might find that number important....

BLOG UPDATE: One of the organizers of "Thunder on the Hooch" disputes Stephen King's claim that King came up with the event's name [4 Jul]. So that issue is in dispute - but King has the advantage of being able to aim rocket launchers at the critic's home.

I'm also told Stephen King was NOT "outbid" for the Thunder on the Hooch fireworks shows - instead he was fired for fouling several of them up. King admitted to me last week he felt like jumping off the Dillingham Street Bridge in 1999, after the "finale" series went off at the beginning by mistake. At least he taught people not to show up late for the show.

By the way, Stephen King put on a fireworks show at this weekend's "Redneck Games" in East Dublin, Georgia. He did not tell me how many old Chevrolet and Ford pickup trucks were launched in the process.

E-MAIL UPDATE: Now an update on our exclusive item from Friday:

Richard:

In your poll your #1 question ACCURACY. My reply sometimes or not always.

I appreciate your follow-up with the city clerk - but as always - she told you what she felt would be acceptable to the "mare" when she finds out about this mess. She is "Hurt'sboro's Tony Snow!!

If you had checked with Lynn Gowan of Sunflower - you would have learned that Sunflower has had absolutely nothing to do with a pick-up in "Hurt'sboro since 5/23/07.

Furthermore - as of 7:00 pm 7/5/07 The "Teusday" trash was still sitting on the curbside!

I've been told that FOX TV 54 is coming to town tomorrow to talk to those who are still waiting patiently for pick-up.

I agree that the "mare" should have a vacation - a permanent one - Donald Duck could do a far better job!!!

Constable R.J. Schweiger....

If there's trouble reported involving Hurtsboro city government, I'm just dumb enough to call the city government first to confirm it. Maybe I should have also called the Court Clerk - to see if that was Sunflower Waste Disposal which stopped by Wednesday, or someone wanting to fire a trash bag from a cannon.

But speaking of accuracy: if WXTX "News at Ten" went to Hurtsboro in recent days for a garbage update, I missed it. But then, the Russell County Sheriff is trying to find the killer of a woman in Cottonton -- and I think the dumping of a human body along a highway is slightly higher priority.

By the way, Constable Schweiger should be thrilled to learn Russell County's Emergency Management Office will install new storm sirens in Hurtsboro. Federal grant money will pay for 20 new sirens across the county -- while people at the outer edges of Americus have to hope no loud trucks pass by during a thunderstorm.

There may be more to come from Hurtsboro, so keep watching this space. Now let's check other interesting items from the weekend:

+ Columbus Police Corporal David Sanders was arrested on battery charges, apparently involving abuse within his family. If it's true, this is sad news. But
maybe it explains why police officers don't even jump-start car batteries anymore.

+ Columbus Police also warned about a new e-mail scam, where writers threaten to hire a contract killer against you unless you pay ransom. I didn't realize those British and African bankers handling accounts of plane crash victims had become so desperate.

(WRBL's report on this scam showed an online warning dated January 11. Which reporter went bankrupt making monthly payments on this threat?)

+ Georgia Public Radio updated the story of a Valdosta woman who was barred from a court for wearing a Muslim head scarf. Believe it or not, the Muslim woman is an on-air announcer - at a country music radio station! Does she cover her ears, every time she plays a Toby Keith song?

+ Aflac's NASCAR entry finished 11^th (not seventh?!) in its first "Busch Series" race at Daytona Beach. I didn't realize Carl Edwards was driving the Aflac car. If he wins a race, he'll need that insurance to cover one of his back-flips off the car roof.

+ Instant Message to Fone-Mart: About your billboard on Veterans Parkway offering a way to "download music wirelessly" - is that what the rest of us call a radio?

SCHEDULED MONDAY: We track down a tip about a cave-in....

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6 JUL 07: THE BIG PILE-UP

What sort of picture does our title bring to mind? A multi-car crash on an Atlanta interstate? A fumble in football? We're actually talking about another kind of pile-up: a big pile of trash. But don't worry -- I think criminals doing community service picked up everything from "Thunder on the Hooch."

BLOG EXCLUSIVE: A Hurtsboro city official confirmed to your blog Thursday that garbage once again was not picked up for more than a week. This makes two delays in trash pickup there in 60 days [21 May]. Of course, those of us who only take trash to the curb once a month probably wouldn't notice a difference...

This time the Hurtsboro city trash truck is fine, but the staffing is not -- as I'm told there's no one qualified to drive the truck. This wouldn't stop crews on a lot of South Georgia farms....

The Hurtsboro Town Clerk named Shavaun (she didn't tell me her last name) explained the city Utility Supervisor quit, and he was the only person on the city payroll with a CDL license to drive the trash truck. This is why they need to build Interstate 12 -- to persuade independent truck drivers to stop in Hurtsboro and earn some fast money.

As in May, Sunflower Waste of Tallassee was called in this week to help. The Hurtsboro Town Clerk says a full city dumpster should have been replaced with a new one Thursday. I assume you can tell the difference by measuring the square inches of rust inside...

Shavaun told me the Hurtsboro Court Clerk's garbage was picked up by Sunflower Waste Wednesday. Yes, they had service on Independence Day -- while Columbus jail inmates who handle trash had a day off, presumably to celebrate our freedoms.

Can you guess who might have tipped us off to this trashy problem in Hurtsboro? Uh-huh - as he sent us a copy of an apparent open letter to the mayor:

Well well! It was bound to happen. Most problems just don't go away or fix themselves. "Hurt'sboro's Mayor seems to think that; "If I sleep on this. In the morning all those trash cans will magically vanish!"

Sorry maam; it just aint goin' to happen! The only magic in "Hurt'sboro is your routine disappearance whenever there's a crisis. I feel sorry for Jannie Jordan (Mayor Pro-Tem) she takes the "heat" when you are out of the kitchen.

As things stand - garbage that's been stagnating since last Teusday (6/26/07) will have a chance to simmer until at least 7/5/07 That's the earliest that you will be able to wave your "magic" wand and conjure up a roadworthy garbage truck and a qualified driver. I'm willing to take a bet that the trash will be there over the upcoming weekend!

It'sunfortunate that the citizens of "Hurt'sboro have to suffer the consequences of your incompetance. You have been offered several realistic solutions to this and other problems. And yet you refuse!

It's becoming more and more obvious that you are the biggest problem in "Hurt'sboro!

Constable R.J. Schweiger....

He should be thankful I only play at free poker tables. Else I might have taken the Constable up on his bet - and made him buy me lunch at some Hurtsboro restaurant he can't stand.

Even city mayors are allowed to go on vacation from time to time, aren't they? I mean, Bob Poydasheff and his wife took trips to Europe when he was Mayor of Columbus. I think he brought back as many jobs as Muscogee County School Board member John Wells will after he runs with the bulls in Spain.

Perhaps R.J. Schweiger can use his connections as an elected official to find a new Utility Supervisor for Hurtsboro. Or maybe when he's heading home from another complaint session with Russell County officials, he can pull into the truck stop on U.S. 431 and recruit qualified drivers.

By the way, I asked Shavaun at the Town Hall if anything else of note was going on in Hurtsboro. It was an open question, where she could have offered me good news or bad - but she couldn't think of anything else to add. So after the trash is picked up, I guess the town will go back to waiting for hunting season.

BLOG UPDATE: Maybe I'm getting better at this poker thing. Thursday night at Lil Kim's Cove was my best outing so far, finishing fifth out of about 15 players at two tables. But a neighbor knocked my big cup of Diet Coke onto the table in the middle of a hand -- and even with one calorie, it still left just as big a mess.

(So I wound up going "all-in" three times while playing poker Thursday night. I won one of them, lost one of them to be eliminated - and the third was from putting my drink at the edge of the table.)

OVERHEARD OVER HERE: A group of teenagers is at a big Columbus department store, and reminding us of two recent e-mails:

"When you say gay, do you mean 'gay' gay - or just gay?"

While you ponder that deep question, we'll check some Thursday news developments:

+ Staff members at the Columbus Public Library confirmed to the blog that the café on the ground floor has closed for the time being. It may reopen if a new manager can be found -- but in the meantime, I hope the recipe for the café's tasty brownies was stored in a book on the second floor.

+ Our sympathies to the family of the late Carmike Cinemas co-founder Carl Patrick. For some reason, they don't give Academy Awards to the theaters which show movies. They could make an exception in Patrick's case - unless Mr. Regal at Regal Cinemas finds out, and demands the top chain goes first.

+ Columbus Police reported a driver crashed through the front door of a dental office on Peacock Avenue. Apparently no one was injured - but for some reason, TV news reports never revealed the status of the driver's teeth.

+ WRBL showed a new electronic sign above U.S. 280 in Cusseta, which measures a driver's speed. In metro Atlanta, the overhead signs warn you of potential slowdowns and wrecks - instead of something speeding drivers already know.

+ The late-night news interviewed several brides who are being married Saturday, on "7-7-07." The Hotel at Auburn University reports it's been swamped with reservation requests for that date since January -- leaving me wondering if they marked up the prices 77 percent.

+ Alabama Power announced because of the drought, lake levels across the state will be reduced to very low levels in late July. So which Baptist church will be the first to hold a "walking on the water" service?

+ Instant Message to everyone at the Wimbledon tennis tournament: Will you please be respectful, and quiet down during points? We've made an audio clip to illustrate what we mean - and no, we're not talking to the fans....

BURKARD'S BEST BETS: Milk for $2.99 a gallon at Walgreens.... FREE air-conditioned sermons at the Jehovah's Witness district convention at the Civic Center (no collections taken).... but no, we will NOT recommend picking 7-7-7 in Cash 3 Saturday....

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5 JUL 07: FOURTH WE GO

"Happy Fourth of July!" my neighbor yelled Wednesday toward someone on the street I couldn't see. "And I hope next year you have a full head of hair on your head." Only in America could someone see the need for a product like Rogaine....

That was one of several unusual sights I noticed in the downtown area on Independence Day 2007. It was a great day for me to leave the car parked and walk to places - thus declaring my independence from high-priced gas, if only for a couple of extra days.

I did my civic Columbus duty Wednesday afternoon, and walked to the Dillingham Street Bridge. Of course, that was the site of the big annual Independence Day celebration - you know, the one WRBL tries to avoid mentioning at all costs....

Space was a bit restricted at last year's "Thunder on the Hooch," because Columbus State University's RiverArts campus was under construction. This year the work was finished - well, maybe. Orange plastic fencing was still up on the Tenth Street side. And for some reason, the arts students didn't hang any portraits there to sell.

There's a large open area near the Dillingham Street Bridge, where the RiverArts construction equipment once sat. But that area was downright dangerous for walking, as hidden metal poles were scattered around in the dirt. It's supposed to be GREEN-space, not rusty brownspace.

The usual vendors were scattered around the grounds at Thunder on the Hooch, selling everything from T-shirts to funnel cakes. But was it only a coincidence that the Dixie Outfitters table was on the Phenix City side of the bridge?

While some tables sold bottled water for two dollars, one actually offered FREE water to people who passed by. These Christian ministries can be such show-offs....

Then there was the surprise in the parking lot of the Phenix City Amphitheater - where a restaurant sold traditional Thai food on U.S. Independence Day. I shudder to think how many conservatives went up to their booth, and demanded to see green cards first.

I thought I heard an organizer of Thunder on the Hooch say no one was allowed to hand out pamphlets or literature there. Yet I found two men on the Dillingham Street Bridge offering Columbus Catfish pocket baseball schedules. For all I know, the one who handed out the most might have been the starting pitcher Wednesday night.

That rule about pamphlet distribution may explain why one booth was all by itself, more than two blocks from Thunder on the Hooch. A petition drive for a "Fair Tax" (a.k.a. national sales tax) was set up south of the Space Science Center - which from what I could tell wasn't even open. Is the proposal considered THAT far "out of this world?"

I'm not really a "people-watching" person, but one man stood out to me as I strolled around Thunder on the Hooch. He wore an Orlando Magic basketball jersey with the name and number of Anfernee "Penny" Hardaway. Hardaway retired from the N.B.A. a year ago - and after the trouble Tim Hardaway caused with his mouth, he might have changed his last name.

There was one other thing we wanted to check, in the middle of Thunder on the Hooch. The "Millennium Clock" at Tenth Street and Bay Avenue still isn't working properly, on any of its four sides. Once Uptown Columbus is finished with all those adjustments on Broadway, it needs to find 50 bucks to put up a few atomic clocks.

The evening brought the big fireworks show - along with a couple of small preliminaries. If you're shooting rockets above the trees along the river in Phenix City, you're simply asking for police officers downtown to test their radios.

But the biggest challenge for fireworks watchers may have come after the show, as they tried to leave downtown Columbus. A car passed me on one-way Fourth Street near Broadway, going the wrong direction. Either he was an out-of-towner who was confused, or someone who had too many beers at a Broadway bar.

A few other things made news around the area on Independence Day....

+ Valley, Alabama switched from holiday fireworks to a laser light show, primarily to avoid sparking a brushfire. One child told WRBL it was "extremely important" to her that fireworks were shot - as if her ears needed a certain minimum amount of deafness.

+ The Lee County Fraternal Order of Police held a holiday fund-raiser, by cooking about 700 chickens. Hopefully they handled this in a humane way - by not using stun guns on any of the chickens, or assigning them names of jail inmates.

+ A runner from Kenya won Atlanta's Peachtree Road Race, for what my mom would have called the "umpteenth year" in a row. The Kenyans have become so dominant that there's a special cash prize for the top U.S. runner - so we hope Zell Miller doesn't mind if they wear running shorts resembling the U.S. flag.

+ Instant Message to the three people I saw having a picnic at the old amphitheater above the Columbus Riverwalk: That's a good shady spot you found. Hopefully you left before the homeless people showed up to eat your scraps, then sleep on the wooden bleachers.

This blog has thousands of visitors each month, from people in Columbus and around the world. To advertise to them, offer a story tip or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 2011 (+ 70, 3.6%)

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4 JUL 07: UP WITH THE KING

Happy Independence Day - or as Columbus resident Stephen King might call it, Marathon Day. He'll be up at 7:00 a.m. He won't return home until 2:00 a.m. And he'll be so busy, I'm not sure he'll even have time to eat a plate of barbecue all day.

We're not talking about the author Stephen King -- who was a question Tuesday on "Who Wants to be a Millionaire" for his nickname, the "Master of Horror." This Stephen King lives in Columbus, and specializes in fireworks. So I suppose you can give him the nickname "Master Blaster."

Stephen King suggested I talk with him about fireworks safety for Independence Day -- but I really was more interested in King and his business. Over 15 years, he's developed a local home-based company which stages fireworks shows across the Southeast. One key to business success is generating a lot of noise, you know....

"I came up with the name, 'Thunder on the Hooch,'" Stephen King told me by phone the other day. This name came to him back in 1999, but "I didn't copyright it or anything." Maybe he should have - so people wouldn't confuse today's big event in downtown Columbus and Phenix City with the weather forecast.

But Stephen King's Sky-High Pyrotechnics will NOT present the fireworks show at Thunder on the Hooch tonight. King says he was outbid by another fireworks company. I'm thankful these companies seem to be friendly rivals. Otherwise, it might feel like Fort Benning soldiers brought some of the Iraq violence home with them.

Stephen King says his company is handling 27 different Independence Day fireworks shows today. He didn't list them all, but the Eufaula Tribune reports he's presenting the event there. I'm still waiting to find out if the noise of fireworks makes Lake Eufaula fish so scared that they want to be caught.

While 27 fireworks shows in a day sounds like a lot, Stephen King admits it's actually six fewer shows than a year ago. And on top of that, he has 31 crews - so four of them may be standing outside East Alabama fireworks stands, holding "Will Explode for Food" signs.

Sky-High Pyrotechnics puts on shows in big cities such as Atlanta and Nashville. But this Independence Day will find Stephen King in Wetumpka, Alabama - because their holiday event is apparently extra-large, and apparently they couldn't arrange a rematch of that State Senate fistfight.

Stephen King told me things about fireworks shows I never realized before. For instance, did you know some shows are now computerized? King can sit at a laptop, and press keys to fire explosives. Let's all pray those al-Qaeda doctors in Britain never find out where he lives.

Fireworks shows can be run from a laptop computer if the explosives have electronic firing mechanisms. Stephen King notes that costs extra money, takes extra time to prepare - and he probably still has to carry a matchbook, in case the computer batteries die.

Stephen King also told me East Alabama fireworks stands actually do more business for New Year's Eve than Independence Day. That's because there are no "First Night" events in the Columbus area. There used to be - but that "Last Sunset in Georgia" in 1999 turned out to be more accurate than we thought.

Stephen King says he tries to make safety a priority in his fireworks shows. But he called the Golden Park displays after Columbus Catfish games "an insurance claim waiting to happen," because the explosions occur very close to cars and fans. And if the debris on your hood says "Made in China," be especially concerned....

Stephen King describes his fireworks business as "part-time work," but he has plenty of shows scheduled throughout the year. King says his company already has at least ten bookings for Labor Day weekend - when you'd think the most explosive activity would be finding a place to park, for the new college football season.

That reminds me -- mark your calendar now for April 5, 2008. Stephen King revealed to me he's already been asked to stage a fireworks show on that Saturday, to celebrate the 50^th anniversary of Columbus State University. From the way he talked, I think he's going to light something more than 50 sparklers....

Stephen King ended our conversation in a rather surprising way. He asked for prayers that he and his crews will be safe with all their fireworks shows. King reminded me of an old saying in the fireworks show business: "Paranoia is a normal feeling."

You might want to spend some time on this Independence Day reviewing the Declaration of Independence. It specifically mentions many faults of "the King of Great Britain," including "a history of repeated injuries...." May another King much closer to home learn to avoid his example....

Wishing all of you a safe and happy holiday, let's check what made news on the Third of July:

+ The high temperature in Columbus was a ridiculously comfortable 81 degrees F. It was SO MILD for July that a few women turned on barbecue grills outside simply to keep warm.

(The air conditioner never came on at my house Tuesday. If I can save money on my electric bill, I'm absolutely a member of that "Fan Club,")

+ Online reports indicated Clear Channel Radio will give up ownership of WAGH-FM "Magic 98.3." The new owners will be a group called the "Aloha Station Trust" - so don't be surprised if Edgar Champagne starts singing or talking about "Tiny Bubbles."

(Also at Clear Channel, Alan Quin is becoming Program Director of both WGSY "Sunny 100" and WSTH "Rooster 106." Oh no - does this mean six weeks of non-stop Xmas music on TWO stations?)

+ The 362^nd Engineer Company returned to Fort Benning, after a year-long tour in Iraq. The soldiers spent the last 12 months building bridges - so they're home just in time to help with BRAC construction.

+ The Harris County Commission voted 4-1 to approve "The Grove" development along Interstate 185. Some people fear it will ruin Harris County's quiet rural feel -- and we all know how the arrival of a roadside McDonald's has ruined other parts of our country....

+ Delta Air Lines announced it will end Atlantic Southeast service to Macon in October. This will leave Macon with no airlines at all - so now the Columbus Airport staff is asking ASA to make that jet plane noise a little louder.

+ The Columbus Little League All-Star tournament found Pioneer winning the title in junior softball. The "over-and-under" is now 4.5 - as in how many e-mails we'll get about Pioneer Little League this time.

+ Instant Message to First Georgia Bank: I've seen your commercial about bringing back "old-fashioned banking" - but how far are you going with this? Will you be closed every Wednesday afternoon, so the managers can play golf?

This blog has thousands of visitors each month, from people in Columbus and around the world. To advertise to them, offer a story tip or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 1941 (+ 87, 4.7%)

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3 JUL 07: LIKE FATHER, UNLIKE DAUGHTER

Things seemed to have returned to normal for Muscogee County Sheriff Ralph Johnson. Then came the Monday evening news - and we learned the sheriff's daughter is engaged to marry a convicted felon. It's enough to make him look up the psychiatrist for "The Sopranos...."

The romance came out in the wake of a rowdy incident Sunday at a Columbus intersection. Witnesses say the daughter of Sheriff Ralph Johnson was forced out of a truck by a crowd and beaten at 42^nd Street and Seventh Avenue. No one deserves to have that happen -- not even Scooter Libby, after having his prison time commuted.

There were three people in the vehicle which was stopped, including Cassady Johnson. It happens that her fiancé and her two friends' husbands all served time together in prison for burglary. Did the sheriff take his daughter along to a support group meeting at a halfway house?

It also happens that the three men "attached" to the women in the truck were a block away from the attack, and ran to the rescue. Normally this would only happen in a movie - and only if Spiderman's sense of hearing was turned up extra-high.

But for coming to the aid of their women, the three convicted burglars could be in trouble all over again. Columbus Police charged everyone at the scene with disorderly conduct - even the rescuers. The reasoning here seems to be: when in doubt, let Recorder's Court sort it out.

The trouble is that the three convicted felons apparently are still on probation -- so the disorderly conduct charge could get them tossed back behind bars. If their judge is as tough as Paris Hilton's, Cassady Johnson might have to postpone the wedding for a long while.

One of the rescuers actually is upset with Columbus Police for another reason. I'm hearing he wants one of the attackers charged with aggravated assault, for beating women with an Asian-style Kendo Stick. I would be more concerned about people doing other things with those sticks - such as making a second belly button in my stomach.

This case raises all sorts of questions, and we'll start with the sheriff's family. Even though Kevin Williams has been out of prison for years, don't you think Ralph Johnson winces a bit at the thought of his daughter marrying him? But the sheriff bit his tongue very well several years ago, when the Kenneth Walker case was raging....

I'm sure Sheriff Ralph Johnson has tried to bring up his children as best he could. But we've documented his son Adam's problems with the law, and now we learn his daughter Cassady is engaged to a former prison inmate. If only his teenagers had rebelled in another way - such as picketing gun shops.

Then there's the matter of that big crowd on a street corner on a Sunday. I'm told 18 people stopped Cassady Johnson at 42^nd Street and Seventh Avenue. Do you think they were annoyed, because their stickball game was interrupted?

News such as this brings the phrase "mob rule" to mind. I've never heard of unruly crowds like this on a Columbus street, not even in housing projects. Maybe in the Civic Center parking lot on Sunday nights, but not on a street....

Is this incident the first sign of what presidential candidate Barack Obama has called a "quiet riot" brewing in some cities? Is there some gang activity happening on 42^nd Street? Or should next year's Rod Hood Football Camp be moved to a different part of town?

E-MAIL UPDATE: Let's not all jump onto that "virtual floor" at once....

You asked for it!!!

#1 ACCURATE - Not Always!

#2 INTERESTING If you have the material.

#3 ACCEPTABLE It's your BLOG - we aren't forced to read it!

#4 INTERESTING To some - on certain things.

#5 IN KEEPING WITH SOCIETY I don't have a clue?

#6 COUNTER CULTURE That's too deep for me!

#7 EXTREMIST Not in my mind.

#8 ENRAGING Not to those with self-control.

#9 FUNNY Dark humor bordering on satire.

#10 DRAMA QUEEN Wrong gender

#11 HONEST Forthright.

#12 LIKEABLE We have never met!

#13 COMPASSIONATE Now you ARE being funny!

#14 RELIGIOUS Apparently.

#15 ANGRY No.

#16 KIND You mix well with panhandlers.

#17 WELL INFORMED You should be!!

#18 INFLAMMATORY You like to stir the pot.

#19 RESPECTABLE I haven't talked to your neighbors.

#20 TRUSTWORTHY Not with a juicy secret.

#21 INSPIRE CHANGE Oh, how I wish!

#22 MAKE ME COMFORTABLE As comfortable as if I were in combat.

#23 MAKES ME UNCOMFORTABLE See #22

#24 TALENTED I've never heard you sing!

#25 VERSATILE Oh so very!!

#26 SHOWING PROMISE How COULD you get any better?

#27 LIKELY TO SUCCEED Not at Frisbee.

#28 HELPS OTHERS Your BLOG is a great service!

#29 INSPIRES EMULATION I don't want to be in a foxhole with you.

#30 CREDIT TO THE COMMUNITY You don't seem to have a criminal past.

Constable R.J. Schweiger

Thank you for - well, maybe two or three of those points, Mr. Constable. But did you really look me up in the F.B.I. database for #30?

Let me help the Constable with a couple of points on this "personality survey." When it comes to #6 "counter culture," it does NOT refer to where people dine in Hurtsboro.

And as for #10 "Drama Queen" - this answer seems to even the score at 1-1, on whether this blog is "gay" or not.

We'll see if others wish to comment - and while we wait, we'll comment about some other Monday news:

+ Rep. Sanford Bishop presented a $25,000 check to the House of Mercy. The check reflects money raised at the Black History Month breakfast - which was held February 20. So why does it take more than four months to give the charity its money? Are the 90-day rates on certificates of deposit THAT compelling?

+ WXTX "News at Ten" reported Ranger Joe's has opened a coffee shop on Victory Drive called "Cup-O-Joe." Owner Paul Voorhees also sells military goods, has a barber shop with 12 chairs - why, it's no wonder Wal-Mart doesn't build south of Buena Vista Road.

+ Columbus Civic Center manager Dale Hester told WRBL he sold 4,500 tickets to Saturday night's "World Indoor Bowl I." Yet the league declared the attendance online as 3,529 -- so did this game have about 1,000 no-shows?! Did that many people decide they had to see Fort Benning's fireworks show first?

+ Former Auburn University men's basketball coach Cliff Ellis was named the head coach of Coastal Carolina. He moved into his new office Monday morning - after Alabama House Republican leader Mike Hubbard probably helped him pack, so Hubbard doesn't have to run against Ellis's wife for reelection again.

+ Instant Message to anyone who might be running the Peachtree Road Race Wednesday: I've done it a few times, so learn from my experience. The left side of Peachtree Street in Atlanta will reduce your distance. Run under all the water sprays you can. And don't put your MARTA token anyplace where it can fall onto the street, in front of thousands of other runners.

COMING WEDNESDAY: Probably the busiest man in Columbus on Independence Day....

This blog has thousands of visitors each month, from people in Columbus and around the world. To advertise to them, offer a story tip or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 1854 (+ 79, 5.0%)

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© 2003-07 Richard Burkard, all rights reserved.

2 JUL 07: WHO ARE YOU? WHO-WHO? WHO-WHO?

Some readers become annoyed when this blog gets personal. Others seem ready to know every little detail about me. Today is a day for the "know-it-alls" - but I'm drawing a line here, and refusing to post my Social Security number.

THE BIG BLOG QUESTION inspires this topic - and our week-long poll ended Sunday afternoon with good news for me. Two-thirds of the voters decided I am NOT an "immature b*****d," as someone involved with Pioneer Little League called me in a voice-mail message. Of course, that could mean many people think I'm a mature one.

The count was three votes in favor of the "I.B." title, eight against, and one voter who asked of being immature: "Aren't we all sometimes?" That's probably true - but if you ask me when I am, I'm not tell-iiiiiin'. Unh-unh!!

One voter referred back to our look inside Pioneer Little League, which led to the accusation: "Anyone who instigates stupid things doesn't make you a b*****d, but it tells the world that you have no life.... or a wife!" As if husbands never instigate stupid things?! Such as saying the wrong thing about their wives' dinner?

The question inspired an e-mailer, who seemingly wanted me to dig a little deeper:

R- instead of that funky question ---

Why not ask something - such as: Have you gotten to know me well enough to describe my personality, if so how would you describe me?

Blogger Personality Survey

Compared to a radio talk show host (or you could substitute one of the following- national politician, local politician, the DC Madam, or a local political appointee), am I more or less:

1. Accurate

2. Interesting

3. Acceptable

4. Dealing with Interesting Topics

5. In Keeping with Societal Values

6. Counter Culture

7. Extremist

8. Enraging

9. Funny

10. Drama Queen

11. Honest

12. Likeable

13. Compassionate

14. Religious

15. Angry

16. Kind

17. Informed on My Topics

18. Needlessly Inflammatory

19. Respectable

20. Trustworthy

21. Inspiring Change

22. Make You Comfortable

23. Make You Uncomfortable

24. Talented

25. Versatile

26. Showing Promise

27. Likely to Succeed

28. Helping Others

29. Inspiring Emulation

30. A Credit to My Community

Yeow - 30 Big Blog Questions?! If I did a separate weekly poll on each of these areas (and I'm not sure how else I would do it), we'd be focusing on me through the end of January. Not even pro football stars are that egotistical.

This is one of those 30-part surveys which I used to face on the telephone, before online "panels" came along offering points for prizes. But the survey-takers hardly ever asked these things about me. Usually they asked if those traits applied to my favorite pizza.

I'll go ahead and open the virtual floor. Feel free to write the blog if you'd like to offer an opinion on where I stand on these 30 points. Of course, about the only local radio talk show hosts you have left for a comparison are Mike Gaymon and Mike Vee.

But this reminds me of those "rate-yourself" surveys which are all over the Internet - the ones supposedly revealing everything from your lucky lottery numbers, to which Spice Girl you are. Yes, I hear you critics already. You say I'm Baby Spice....

A wise man once wrote you should let someone else praise you, and not yourself. But I'll dare to examine myself, on several items in this 30-point survey:

+ #4: We try - but what I find interesting and what you find interesting may be two different things. For instance, I've lost all track of the going prices for Beanie Babies.

+ #7: I don't think I am. But these days, simply knowing conversational Spanish could get you labeled an extremist liberal.

+ #8: Drive behind my car up a hill, when I have the air conditioner going. You'll answer yes.

+ #9: That's actually our main goal here. Some people don't seem to grasp that at first. Maybe if I added an embedded laugh track....

+ #10: I used to eat ice cream treats there all the time, but not anymore. They're simply.... no wait....

+ #14: Well, our hit counter DOES seem to take a dip on Saturdays.

+ #18: Go to the Little League All-Star tournament and ask around. You'll get that answer in a hurry.

+ #30: After four-and-a-half years of blogging, the count still stands at one speech to a civic club.

BLOG CORRECTION: So much for survey item #1 -- as one person left a comment in our question area noting Guy Hunt never went to prison, for his conviction as Alabama Governor. He only served probation, the writer says. OK, I'll accept that - although all the years Hunt spent seeking a pardon might lead you to think otherwise.

E-MAIL UPDATE: Speaking of Alabama Governors, this message is about a declaration by the current one:

I am all for prayer any time and any place...but please refresh my memory.....The Alabama Gov. is involved with the 8 days of prayer so my question is this....did they remove or keep the ten commandments in the Montgomery Capitol building?

Assuming you really mean the Judicial Building where the controversy developed, the answer to that question is "yes and no." The big monument installed by Roy Moore was hauled away four years ago [28 Aug 03]. It then went on a national tour - and now waits for some Republican Presidential candidate to hug it, and win the conservative vote.

But a smaller version of the Ten Commandments actually was posted inside the Alabama Judicial Building a short time later. It was part of a series of historic documents, including the Magna Carta. Former Chief Justice Roy Moore opposed that, saying the commandments should stand by themselves -- but somehow forgetting God gave Moses a lot of other instructions, too.

By the way, the prayers across Alabama for rain may be doing some good. A strong storm Sunday evening toppled a tree onto a house in Opelika. An atheist's house, we have to assume....

Now let's check what else happened Sunday:

+ A nice thunderstorm dumped rain on downtown Columbus for several hours around dinnertime. Now the landlord finally may see a need to bring someone out to cut the grass - even though a few weeds were approaching waist-high, anyway.

+ A bus marked "Iraq Veterans Against the War" was driven to the main gate at Fort Benning. Two men were arrested when they walked onto post wearing allegedly anti-government T-shirts. If this bus had shown up on Saturday, the veterans might have persuaded Bo Bice to join them.

+ On the other hand, Evangel Temple welcomed Fort Benning soldiers on "Military Appreciation Day." So when does the local Unitarian church plan to invite retired General Paul Eaton to give a lecture?

+ The first Atlantic Southeast jets landed and took off from Columbus Airport. But the event was a bit disappointing for me - because I hoped some Miss Georgia contestants might hang around one more day to sing, "Leaving on a Jet Plane."

This blog has thousands of visitors each month, from people in Columbus and around the world. To advertise to them, offer a story tip or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

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1 JUL 07: iDON'T THINK SO

The route home from work made it irresistible. I drove down Tenth Street around 9:00 a.m. Friday, to pass the Cingular-Has-Become-The-New-AT&T (tm) store downtown. A bright yellow chain divider was set up on the sidewalk, three police cars were in the parking lot - but no one was in line outside the door. None. Maybe the Columbus State arts students were getting their lattes first.

Where was the line in downtown Columbus for iPhones? Some places in big cities had people waiting for days - but at i-minus-nine hours, all I saw was a set of squad cars. Either police officers were buying the fancy new phones first, or they were waiting for Miss Georgia contestants to show up for a photo opportunity.

Maybe people didn't realize the iPhone was being sold at the AT&T store downtown. After all, the Cingular sign outside the building on Tenth Street was replaced by AT&T only a few days before - as if it was held hostage to that strange NASCAR lawsuit.

A drive on the north side of town during mid-afternoon presented a different story. It appeared about ten people were sitting on the sidewalk, outside the AT&T store along Whittlesey Road near Target. I say "appeared" because the store is a bit away from the road, and cars blocked my view - so it's an estimate based on open umbrellas.

No, I did NOT join the line to buy an iPhone - and I have no plan to buy one anytime soon. In fact, I don't even have an old-fashioned cellular phone. Wow, it seems strange to put "old-fashioned" and "cell phone" in the same sentence....

Yes, I know I'm now in the minority when it comes to cell phones. I read a survey the other day which said two-thirds of U.S. adults now have one. Sometimes it seems like 95 percent of the teenagers do as well....

But I don't own a cell phone for a couple of reasons. The biggest reason is that I can think of only a few times when I really have needed one. My blown-out tires on business road trips last summer are good examples - but it was either buy a cell phone for me, or buy advertising promoting something hardly anyone wanted.

There have been a couple of times when I've seen drivers in trouble along the highway, and could have dialed 911 on a cell phone. But highway patrol troopers doing their jobs would have helped them eventually - at least back when there wasn't one trooper for every interstate highway in a state....

The other main reason why I don't have a cellular phone is that I'm not sure who I would call with it. I don't make that many calls from my home phone now. All my "close relatives" live hundreds of miles away. And I'm for someone to accept my blog book proposal, before I sign an agent to schedule my TV tour.

So if I don't even have a basic cell phone, why would I want to spent 500 dollars or more on an iPhone? The Apple people show off how I can send pictures with it, and adjust their size in several directions. So? At my home computer, I can move my chair a bit closer to the screen.

The iPhone also allows me to call up web sites, check e-mail, send text messages and listen to iPod music. In short, Apple is trying to move us from laptop to pocket-top. But the price is so high that most people probably will choose "pop-a-top" -- as in spending their hard-earned money on beer and soda.

So we've had the iPod and the iPhone. What sort of high-tech gadget will Apple try next? I'm prepared to offer some suggestions....

+ An extra-large device for displaying what deer hunters catch - an iRack.

+ A phone with special channels for watching sports events - called the iBalls.

+ A device so optometrists can conduct long-distance exams - called iSeeYou.

+ A hand-held scheduler of golf outings - the iFourGet.

+ An extra-small device to help students get a passing grade on tests - the i85.

BLOG UPDATE: "Who's winning?" I asked a man standing outside one of Saturday night's big events. The man was smoking a cigarette, and didn't have an answer. But I didn't really expect one - because the Miss Georgia contestants always are kept in the dark about those things.

Columbus went 0-for-2 on a big Saturday night of showdowns. Local native Chastity Hardman won two nights of preliminary events at the Miss Georgia pageant, but lost the crown to Leah Massee. Move away to compete as Miss Atlanta, and you're asking for trouble....

Then again, Leah Massee noted to WRBL she was "Miss Thomasville" at last year's Miss Georgia pageant. This year, she won the prize as "Miss Capital City." Can you spot these touring pageant contestants, by the evening gowns dangling from their car trunks?

(So much for my Big Prediction about Ashley Foster winning the Miss Georgia pageant. But can I still offer a consolation prize - and buy her dinner, with no parents present?)

By the way, I passed one of those police-led processions of Miss Georgia contestants. It went north on Veterans Parkway Saturday afternoon, as I drove home from church - and every car had lights on, as if they were heading to a funeral instead of Golden Corral.

Some people were disappointed that the Miss Georgia pageant was not televised this year. At least World Indoor Bowl I Saturday night was on local radio. For some reason, pageants with swimsuits and evening gowns don't get broadcast on radio very often....

Regular-season champion Columbus lost a heartbreaker to Augusta 63-60, in the World Indoor Football League's first championship game. It actually was more than a heartbreaker - because if I understood the WEAM-AM announcers properly, a Lions receiver broke his arm in the fourth quarter.

It was a big night for that Lions receiver, as Jarwarski Pollock caught several touchdown passes. I heard that name on radio, and could not believe my ears. I actually thought there was a football player named after former Super Bowl quarterback Ron Jaworski - but I knew better than to write any "Pollock jokes."

A Columbus Lion drive for a winning touchdown was stopped by an Augusta interception in the end zone with 3.9 seconds left. A field goal would have tied the game and forced overtime. But when you're that close to a big lottery ticket seller, I suppose you're more prone to gamble.

The attendance at the Civic Center for World Indoor Bowl I was a noisy 3,529. Despite a month of hype and preparation, thousands of seats were empty. Maybe if the Miss Georgia swimsuit competition had been moved, and held during halftime....

The World Indoor Football League's talent pool may improve next year, as the National Football League killed "N.F.L. Europe" the other day. Don't be surprised if Columbus Lions coach Jason Gibson shows up for a German class at Columbus State University.

E-MAIL UPDATE: Here's a reader who's interested in sports and more:

-you know.........the letter written by Richard Bishop's daughter I hope is not representative of her reariing....a little more class and style would carry that spirit in her a lot further.............

Something so great as Frank's 500 and he had to go and blow the whole thing with his attitude........guess what he will be remembered more the most......again an issue for class and style........................

Be careful, now - make too much noise about that young woman, and she might come after you.

I think 20 years from now, more people will remember Frank Thomas for all those home runs than that one untimely ejection from a game. The numbers for Bobby Cox in Atlanta are somewhat reversed - and I think his career will be treated in reverse as well.

It was interesting to hear an ESPN Radio host say Thursday night he does NOT consider Frank Thomas a lock for the Baseball Hall of Fame. Despite 500 home runs, this host considered Thomas's career good, but not great - and added he's a hard player to "wrap yourself around." So?! Thomas isn't called the SMALL Hurt, after all....

Maybe if Frank Thomas actually had played in the World Series two years ago when the Chicago White Sox won it all, this radio host's opinion might be different. But Thomas was on the disabled list, and wound up leaving the team after the season. He's now in Toronto -- and hopefully his agent doesn't have to remind him to wish people a happy Canada Day today.

On this busy weekend, other things were happening as well....

+ Fort Benning held its early Independence Day celebration, featuring a concert by former "American Idol" finalist Bo Bice. The soldiers must have been stunned to see a man with hair that long, being allowed on post.

+ Columbus Police held a "relationship-building" party outside Plaza Sol on North Lumpkin Road. I saw this on TV and wondered two things. First, did anyone ask for green cards? Second, when is Sheriff Ralph Johnson planning a similar party with the NAACP?

+ Alabamians marked the first of eight days of prayers for rain, called by Governor Bob Riley. Yeow - EIGHT days of prayer?! Does Mr. Riley expect another election match against Roy Moore?

+ Auburn University's trustees approved the building of a new basketball arena. The "over-and-under" for how much Bobby Lowder will spend to have the building named after him is $2.25 million.

BURKARD'S BEST BETS: Gas for $2.75 a gallon at Dolly Madison on Victory Drive.... skim milk for $3.59 a gallon at Target (but watch out for overcharging at the checkout).... and FREE posters of would-be Miss Georgias waiting for pick-up, around the RiverCenter....

This blog has thousands of visitors each month, from people in Columbus and around the world. To advertise to them, offer a story tip or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 1930 (- 131, 6.4%)

If you mention this blog in public, please be polite enough to let me know.

© 2003-07 Richard Burkard, all rights reserved.