13 JUN 07: THE WAITING ROOM IS THE HARDEST PART

"You're great." Those were the first two words the doctor said, when she opened the examination room late Tuesday afternoon. Such a simple diagnosis, for a payment of more than 100 dollars....

I'm thrilled to say Tuesday marked my fourth and final trip to an Urgent Care center, for treatment of my pneumonia. I was asked to make the fourth trip for a follow-up chest X-ray, to make sure all the fluid is out of my lungs. That's why I didn't dare drink water while I was in the waiting room.

But the big story of Tuesday's trip to the Urgent Care center was how long I spent in the waiting room. I arrived at 2:20 p.m., but didn't go to the back room for basic tests until around 4:45. Why, I've seen college baseball games which took less time than this....

The waiting room was almost filled with people when I arrived. It seemed crowded for a Tuesday afternoon - and none of the patients appeared to have tree limbs stuck in their bodies, from the thunderstorms.

At the check-in window, I noticed a sign I hadn't seen before. It said people with appointments for workers' compensation cases get priority over "urgent care" patients. Then maybe this clinic needs to use a synonym for urgent -- and call itself a "heartfelt" or "dire" care center.

A few men brought backpacks with them to the Urgent Care center. This seemed unusual, and a bit disturbing. Either they expected the service to be so slow that they needed a change of clothes -- or they had a long walk, after crashing during the Bike Ride Across Georgia.

The waiting room at the Urgent Care center has a vending machine offering cans of famous-name soda. "It's 60 cents," one man said to another.

"I remember when they used to cost a quarter," the other man said.

"You don't look that old," I said to the second man who approached the machine.

"I'm 31."

The 31-year-old man went on from there, to reflect on how inexpensive other items used to be. It was amazing how someone so young was already practicing the "bringing up teenagers" speeches.

(Actually, there are a few places in Columbus where you still can get a can of soda for 25 cents. But it's getting harder to find those vending machines of store-brand soda at Wal-Mart and Kroger....)

My only contact with the waiting room staff for almost two-and-a-half hours came shortly before 3:00. A woman had me hand over my driver's license, because she couldn't read what I had written on the check-in papers. And I even used plain block letters, like I was entering a sweepstakes.

The crowd seemed to be quietest at 3:40, when Fox News anchor Shepard Smith talked on the waiting room TV about a mid-1990's proposal in the military. Someone suggested dropping a "gay bomb" with aphrodisiacs on enemy forces, so they would make love to each other instead of fighting U.S. soldiers. If the enemy had dropped this on President Clinton first, it might have been even more dangerous.

But at last I was allowed to enter the back area of the clinic. My vital signs seemed normal, except for my weight. I'd filled out one of those online health surveys on Monday, and discovered the scale at the clinic showed me six pounds heavier than the one in my bathroom. Maybe if I'd removed my wallet - and avoided going to the bank first....

I was sent to an exam room, and finally found what I'd needed for a couple of hours. I could lay back and try to sleep on the padded exam table. I almost nodded off a couple of times in the waiting room chair -- and if I missed the staff calling my name, I might have sat there all night long.

"How are you doing?" the doctor asked a few minutes after I landed on the exam room table -- and as I reclined on my back.

"I'll tell you as soon as I can get up."

The update was good for the doctor. There's no shortness of breath anymore. The coughing and spitting up of fluid only seem to happen at the end of my jogging time. And the symptom of sweating - well c'mon, it's mid-June in the South....

The doctor confirmed for me what a man at church told me last weekend. Several physicians in the Columbus area postponed spring vacations, because there was a large number of "walking pneumonia" cases. Those fancy hotels in Cozumel apparently don't have the right Internet hookup for exams.

After a breathing test, I walked to the X-ray room - and the results turned out fine. There's no more fluid in my chest. And I'm not the type of person who jogs outside without a T-shirt, to encourage any false reports.

With my body "back to normal" (the doctor's words), I was asked to head back to the waiting room while the paperwork was prepared. At about 5:50, there wasn't a crowd there anymore - yet I wound up waiting another 25 minutes. That made it a four-hour trip to the Urgent Care clinic. No wonder the sign outside doesn't promise to be "quick" anymore.

My long afternoon at the doctor meant missing out on a lot of local news. But here's what we noticed....

+ The official gauge at the Columbus Airport measured 2.51 inches of rain from a night of thunderstorms -- and amazingly, storm damage in the nearby Windsor Park subdivision looked like it totaled $25,100.

(Another line of thunderstorms reached Columbus around midnight Tuesday night, at our post time. Only two or three more of these, and area farmers will have something new to complain about - that it's too wet to plant their peanuts.)

+ Columbus Council approved a fiscal 2008 budget. Amazingly, there was little debate and fuming compared with recent years. Perhaps Mayor Jim Wetherington has told the police officers to go work on cold cases.

+ A drive down Manchester Expressway revealed Matt's Catfish and Steakhouse has suddenly closed. The people next door at Dunkin Donuts probably don't mind - because it means more open parking spaces on weekend mornings.

(Matt's Catfish and Steakhouse opened only a few months ago, on the site of the original B. Merrill's. It even had special nights when the spouses and children of deployed soldiers could eat for free. Don't tell me this restaurant failure will be blamed on President Bush....)

+ WKCN-FM afternoon host Terry T declared on the air he's getting a tattoo today. So why not have it done live in the studio? Does Archway Broadcasting only allow screaming announcers on WCGQ?

+ Instant Message to WLTZ NBC-38: It only makes sense that you're showing the U.S. Open golf tournament this weekend. After all, you've just finished replacing your Devitt....

This blog has thousands of visitors each month, from people in Columbus and around the world. To advertise to them, offer a story tip or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

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12 JUN 07: LET THE HEBREWS GO

For the first time in a couple of years, Fort Benning declared a couple of businesses "off limits" to soldiers Monday. The good news is that neither of them are restaurants - so the Chinese delivery places must be learning to "wok the wok."

Fort Benning banned contact with two investment companies registered in South Carolina. One of them is Capital Consortium Group - and this is understandable. New soldiers might get its initials confused with Columbus Consolidated Government, and pay the wrong people for a license plate.

But it's the name of the other banned company which caught my attention: "Three Hebrew Boys L.L.C." Talk about playing to soldiers' emotions - since many of them probably think the mission in Iraq is designed to protect Israel.

(There's an old joke about how you can tell a Jew lives in the South -- He-brews....)

Fort Benning commanders warn agents from the two banned companies could try to persuade people to invest thousands of dollars. But it's all allegedly a financial pyramid scam known as a "Ponzi" scheme -- which should NOT be confused with what the star of "Happy Days" used to do, which was a Fonzie scheme.

Fort Benning fears soldiers and their families have lost more than $100,000 in this investment scheme. How dare these companies rip off G.I.'s of their hard-earned cash! This should be left to the tattoo parlors and men's clubs....

The banned companies actually may be two firms in one -- and they know they've been closely watched. A statement posted on their web site two weeks ago admits they received a "cease and desist" order from the Securities and Exchange Commission. To borrow from long-departed sportscaster Bruce Snyder, the message was: "S-E-C-Ya."

But the "3 Hebrew Boys" claim they're not selling securities. In fact, they claim to be a "ministry" for the glory of God that's teaching "how to create generational wealth." Give them enough money, and they might be wealthy for several generations....

The online statement talks about "saving souls," and refers to several New Testament verses. It makes you wonder if the "3 Hebrew Boys" are only guilty of teaching soldiers how to tithe - to them.

Soldiers at Fort Bragg, North Carolina apparently also have been warned about the "3 Hebrew Boys." You have to admit, those boys are pretty clever - because they're smart enough not to call themselves "3 Jihad Joes."

Monday's announcement made me think back to when the first "off-limits" list was announced by Fort Benning three years ago [30 Jun 04]. The Traffic Light Inn, Cellar's Lounge and Coach's Corner sports bar now are out of business. The Memory Lane club was on the list, but then removed. And the Platinum Club keeps things so private, I'm not sure where it stands.

E-MAIL UPDATE: The Muscogee County School Board approved a budget last week. But that doesn't mean our readers approve of it:

Here we go again... MCSD adding another administrator when we still have children going to school in run down mobile homes,not portable classrooms,but 10' wide shaky. leakey, smelly, falling apart,trailers that would be condemned if they were in a park...

Now now - you'll be glad to hear the school district has a budget for "capital improvements." And as soon as its new central office building is built, those portables might go away.

The Muscogee County School Board examined the first sketches Monday night for a new central office building. It has three floors, 85,000 square feet, what appears to be Spanish tiles on the roof - why, you'd think John Wells outlined it on a trip to Spain several years ago.

The proposed central office building would replace the old Sears store at Macon and Rigdon Roads, next door to the central library. But the reports on the late news didn't answer one very important question. Will there be greenspace in between, or a park?

The proposed central office for Muscogee County Schools would cost about $17 million to build. Trouble is, the district only has about $13 million to spend at this point. I can see it now - Columbus's biggest car wash and bake sale ever....

Speaking of that old Sears store: if you drive down Macon Road, it may appear that the last restaurant from Columbus Square Mall has shut down. But the American Deli actually has moved a short distance away, to a location on Auburn Avenue next to Cici's Pizza. So it's for people who need nachos with cheese twice a week, as an alternative to cheap pizza.

Now a quick warm-up of other Monday news....

+ The "pray for rain" day designated by Georgia's Governor ended with a late-night thunderstorm in Columbus. If you joined in the prayers, thank you. If you're like some church pastors who never knew this special day had been called - don't be afraid. This blog really is NOT that sinful.

+ ABC News "Nightline" finally presented its report on Aflac and executive compensation, one month after taping the annual shareholders' meeting. Apparently reporter Jessica Yellin finally gave up on interviewing the duck....

(Aflac C.E.O. Dan Amos was shown at much more than the shareholders' meeting. He also took ABC's Jessica Yellin fishing at his lake house. They caught so many fish that when Amos retires, he could become the successor to Tom Mann at Lake Eufaula.)

+ Business owners along St. Mary's Road complained to WRBL a planned widening of the street could force them to close. There, there - plenty of available storefronts from the Broadway streetscape project are waiting for you right now.

+ Instant Message to the girl who ran over to my car window, as I waited for the light to change at Airport Thruway and Veterans Parkway: I assume you were part of the group holding signs, promoting a car wash. If not, you were bolder than any woman I've ever seen on Victory Drive.

This blog has thousands of visitors each month, from people in Columbus and around the world. To advertise to them, offer a story tip or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

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11 JUN 07: THE BATTLE OF BULL RUN

An e-mail reached me Sunday, which had me scratching my blogger-head at first....

Now I can't wait for the part of Wells' story in Spain where he visits a school so he can deduct his trip from taxes This mental thinking is what has been running our schools for how long?

The Sunday Ledger-Enquirer filled in the gaps. Believe it or not, Muscogee County School Board member John Wells plans to join in the "running of the bulls" in Spain this summer! If the school district had an active Future Farmers of America program, I might understand this....

John Wells says he'd heading to Pamplona in July to run with the bulls -- at age 67. Well, the 900-yard road course in Pamplona IS a lot shorter than the Peachtree Road Race in Atlanta.

John Wells explains he became fascinated with Spain and bullfighting by reading the works of Ernest Hemingway. Our e-mailer apparently wishes Wells would read those works a little differently, and retire to Key West.

John Wells admitted to the Ledger-Enquirer his wife is trying to talk him out of running with the bulls. But he says he wants to touch one of the animals. There's a very different way to do this - and Harris County will have its annual rodeo sometime in September.

In fact, John Wells could have touched a "fighting bull" Sunday without even leaving Muscogee County. The Plaza Sol shopping center on North Lumpkin Road is holding Mexican-style rodeos called "jaripeos" about once a month. No, I don't know if they serve jaripeo jalapeños.

I haven't been to a jaripeo, but I assume the Columbus events are held in the area set aside for the Plaza Sol Flea Market. So this could be a bit like Pamplona, Spain. If you're shopping for jewelry, don't turn your back on the aisles.

But I digress: John Wells says you only have to dodge the bulls in Pamplona, Spain for about three-and-a-half minutes at a time. This makes a middle school hallway between periods sound like a marathon.

So do you see the e-mailer's point? John Wells arguably could visit a Spanish school, and declare the whole thing a deductible business trip. But the federal tax rules for Schedule C were changed several years ago, to state the trip has to be for "a bona fide business purpose." And bona fide is Latin, not Spanish....

John Wells never talks in the Ledger-Enquirer article about visiting schools in Spain. But he says he's already making plans to visit the Great Wall of China next year. I can hear the critics now - warning he's going to come home with a discount-priced CharBroil grill.

John Wells is not the only person connected with Muscogee County Schools with an interest in unusual travel. Remember a few years ago, when Superintendent John Phillips went hunting in Wyoming - while school was in session during the fall? Maybe this is what led to Northside High School having a marksmanship team.

Then there's former School Board Chair Mary Sue Polleys. Her husband, former City Attorney Hardy Polleys, has hiked the Appalachian Trail. I suppose that's less dangerous than running with the bulls in Spain - unless a bear or a family of deer come running across while you're sleeping.

By the way, congratulations are in order for Mary Sue Polleys. She's been named Georgia "Educator of the Year." This follows Susan Andrews of Harris County being named Superintendent of the Year - so Muscogee County's Teacher of the Year had better ace the interview for the state title, or she might be asked to give back that free car.

Our thanks to the e-mailer who tipped us off to this story - because the weekend news didn't provide much else:

+ The annual Bike Ride Across Georgia began at the Columbus Civic Center. Did you see the people riding those "low-rider" bikes, which look like they're in reclining chairs? All they need are baskets on the side, filled with tortilla chips and soda bottles.

+ The Ledger-Enquirer reported Jay Toyota will be upgraded to become a "supercenter." So?! Bill Heard Chevrolet has been running "super shows" on TV for years....

+ Oxbow Meadows held a Second Sunday program on the pastime of "geocaching." If you can get cash for an old Geo these days, you're probably doing very.... no wait....

+ A brushfire started on an island in the middle of Lake Martin. Somewhere in New York, a CBS executive had an idea - to put state lawmakers on that island, and call it "Survivor Alabama."

+ Instant Message to everyone in Hurtsboro: I miss you - really.

BURKARD'S BEST BETS: Gas for $2.89 a gallon at Dolly Madison on Victory Drive.... Whopper Juniors for one dollar at Burger King.... FREE prayers for rain today, per Georgia Governor Perdue (hey, it couldn't hurt)....

This blog has thousands of visitors each month, from people in Columbus and around the world. To advertise to them, offer a story tip or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

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© 2003-07 Richard Burkard, all rights reserved.

10 JUN 07: NO ROOM AT THE INNS

The price posted outside left me stunned, as I drove down Victory Drive -- $53.99! Now before you have a heart attack, the price of gasoline did NOT jump over the weekend....

That price of $53.99 was posted Friday afternoon outside a place I never wound have expected - the Motel 6. Only a few dollars more, and this place might as well change its name to Motel 60.

Whatever happened to Motel 6 claiming to have the "lowest price of any national chain?" That's what Tom Bodette used to say on radio. Maybe the light they're leaving on for you nowadays is one of those expensive energy-saving kinds.

Motel 6 may have jacked up its prices this weekend because there are a lot of events in the Columbus area. The biggest one gets underway at sunrise, as the Bike Ride Across Georgia starts at the Civic Center. Hopefully everyone has been told NOT to sound their bells and air-horns at once - because some people across the street at the Booker T. Washington Apartments might retaliate.

About 2,000 cyclists will travel from Columbus to Savannah over the next week, during the Bike Ride Across Georgia. As if this trip takes seven days?! Once you head east of Albany on Highway 520, there are hardly any hills to.... oh wait, I forgot. Lingering smoke from the wildfires could get in everyone's lungs.

Some cyclists brought travel trailers and motor homes to Columbus, and spent Saturday night in the Civic Center parking lot. That beat paying a high price at Motel 6. But I hope all those noisy Fort Benning soldiers at the Columbus Catfish game didn't cost the cyclists any sleep, and make them crash on post.

(I live close enough to Golden Park that I could hear the soldiers yelling during the Catfish 4-1 loss to Charleston. In fact, there were a few times when I couldn't make out what they were yelling - so they actually seemed to be watching the game.)

Another big event in Columbus is the Senior State tennis championships, which continue through Monday at the Cooper Creek tennis center. It's nice to see older people outside exercising - but for some strange reason, Maria Sharapova keeps getting the endorsement deals.

(They play on clay courts at Cooper Creek Park, you know. So after some hard matches, these older tennis players might be clay-achin'.)

Then there's a regional youth soccer tournament, which is wrapping up at the Woodruff Farm complex. This tournament actually has lasted two weekends - which still makes the National Basketball Association finals seem tame.

Put all these activities together, and Columbus motels probably are filled and active this weekend. But $53.99 for a room at Motel 6 doesn't seem quite right. In fact, it smells like price-gouging - especially considering the S.O.A. Watch protesters in November probably get better rates than that.

It's good to have all sorts of events coming to the Columbus area. But it's NOT good when motels take advantage of the situation, to jack up prices. If tourists and visitors want that sort of treatment, they'll go to New York -- or maybe to Auburn on football weekends.

If you're heading toward Columbus and want to avoid price hikes like this, there's at least one hotel where rooms may have opened suddenly this weekend. I'm assuming a few customers walked out of the Hilton Garden Inn, to protest the Paris Hilton fiasco....

E-MAIL UPDATE: We've been meaning to mention this, but we'll defer to a reader....

I heard on Channel 9 that Mitch Baria was locked up on charges today. They also said he had some charges (new ?) in Mississippi. I'm going to call Ch. 9 tomorrow, as well as the Police Dept. Hope they don't lynch him until I get my money back....

Jim Kimbrough

In fact, Mitchell Baria of Liftech was arrested by Columbus police on charges relating to home repair fraud. Maybe commercial spokesman Scott Whaley will hock that impressive-looking baseball ring, to bail him out.

But hold on here: Mitch Baria being lynched?! This case doesn't seem big enough for The Big Eddy Club - unless Liftech did some work in Green Island Hills....

Here's one more message about questionable repair work:

Came back in today from Waverly Hall on the [Manchester] expressway...The paving company has started to grind up the asphalt that they just put down...what a dusty mess..

This was a big issue in late April, when many drivers thought crews had left a repaving job on Manchester Expressway near Miller Road unfinished. At least the workers are back now - and critics ought to be happy that they're sweating a lot more.

A little rain fell along Manchester Expressway Saturday, to calm down the dust. Here's what else we've noticed from the last couple of days:

+ Columbus city officials had a meeting, on how to prepare for a possible natural disaster. For instance, if Paris Hilton ever gets arrested inside the city limits....

+ WRBL reported three of the "To Catch a Predator" suspects want their trial moved out of Harris County, because of all the media publicity. Someone should tell these suspects NBC-38 doesn't have that many viewers, unless Oprah Winfrey's on.

+ The Phenix City Amphitheater had a good crowd for a concert by 1960's pop star Gary Puckett. Puckett made a wise move for a concert in Alabama - and didn't bring his old band, the Union Gap.

(I jogged by the Amphitheater during the Gary Puckett concert, and counted about a dozen people standing outside the fences watching the show. Not even Puckett singing "Lady Willpower" was enough to convict them to buy a ticket.)

+ The NAACP announced its Atlanta regional office will close. The organization's budget is so tight that Georgia state president Ed DuBose might raise extra money by putting one of his suits up for auction.

+ Governor Sonny Perdue asked all Georgians to pray for rain on Monday. Governor Joe Frank Harris made the same request about 20 years ago, and it worked -- which must have stunned some Baptists, because he was a Democrat.

+ Columbus High School catcher Chase Weems was drafted in the sixth round by the New York Yankees. He should consider this carefully - because New York already has a bank named after him, ready for an endorsement deal.

+ The Jack Cook Classic Little League tournament had a team advance to the "Coach Pitch" finals named the Muckdogs. How many players have parents employed by Columbus Water Works?!

+ Instant Message to the pickup truck driver who was second in line at a red light on Weems Road, then suddenly decided to turn around in the middle of the street: Of course I let you come out of the grass and go ahead of me. Who knows what you would have done, once you discovered I drive at the speed limit?

This blog has thousands of visitors each month, from people in Columbus and around the world. To advertise to them, offer a story tip or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

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9 JUN 07: DEE'S DAY

(BLOGGER'S NOTE: You may find this item humorous, serious, or a little of both - but we offer these thoughts from time to time, as we keep a seventh-day Sabbath.)

Saturday is a big day for a long-time friend - so we offer best wishes to TV news anchor Dee Armstrong. She's the star act in an evening "cultural show" at the Liberty Theater, which includes everything from singing and dancing to hairstyling. You'd think a TV news anchor would specialize in the hairstyling part....

I didn't realize until I read the promotional material for this show that Dee Armstrong is a songwriter. I can't wait to hear what she came up with, to rhyme with Wayne Bennett.

The Columbus Times reported last week that the Saturday night cultural show would mark Dee Armstrong's "singing debut" - but that's not really true. She's sung the national anthem at various local events for several years. But then again, I guess everyone who sang along with her can say they made a "debut" as well.

(In fact, awhile back someone on WDAK radio's "Morning Show" was reading a story about heavy metal legend Dee Snider - and misspoke the name as Dee Armstrong. To which Scott Miller properly declared: "Dee Armstrong probably would have sung it a lot better.")

Dee Armstrong also has sung at area churches with her children. One Friday evening in 1997, I went to the church they attended on Hamilton Road -- and they sang "I Have Decided to Follow Jesus." I'm sorry if that stuns the critics, who claim the news media have nothing but godless liberals....

Dee Armstrong sang at a Columbus church I used to attend. In fact, we sang a duet on February 12, 2000 - the modern Christian song "Via Dolorosa," about the crucifixion and death of Jesus. We sang mostly in English, but a bit in Spanish. Thankfully the verses repeated, so no interpreter of tongues was required.

I remember that date very well, not only because I sang a duet with Dee Armstrong. I got back up a few minutes later at a church service, and gave the sermon. Yes, I've been a "lay preacher" a few times in my life -- although in recent years, the congregation where I attend has chosen to have me lay low.

The duet was scheduled on rather short notice, so I felt compelled to tell the worshipers I did NOT plan for the church service to be "all about me." In fact, my sermon topic was the New Testament character Martha -- a woman who often gets a "bad rap" from pastors. At least she allowed Jesus to visit her home. Some churchgoing folks won't even let Jehovah's Witnesses onto their porch.

By the way - have YOU done what Dee Armstrong has mentioned in music? Are you following Jesus down the "Via Dolorosa," which translates as "the way of suffering"? That's admittedly not a popular way to go. Suffering usually isn't much fun - unless you're one of those strange people who prefers a prison term to trying to live in the free world.

Yet right off the bat, the apostle James writes in the Bible that we should "consider it pure joy.... whenever you face trials of many kinds...." He explains trials make a believer complete. That's not always true in our world, of course - where after you go through time trials, there's still a race to run.

Jesus went through a trial of suffering worse than many of us will ever experience, when He walked the Via Dolorosa. But when He completed it, He was resurrected to eternal life -- and if we follow Jesus, so can we. Review the books of Matthew, Mark, Luke and/or John to learn how to follow that way. To paraphrase Ted Turner: let Jesus lead, choose to follow - and don't get out of The Way.

This blog has thousands of visitors each month, from people in Columbus and around the world. To advertise to them, offer a story tip or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

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8 JUN 07: FLOAT ON

Maybe you think it happened on the last day of school, or the Memorial Day weekend. But as far as I'm concerned, Thursday marked the unofficial start of summer. Of course, that's because the National Hockey League playoffs are finally over....

Sonic Drive-Ins seemed to agree with my perspective, because they offered a summery special Thursday night. For four hours, they gave away FREE root beer floats. And given their fancy new electronic promotional signs, it's a wonder car crashes didn't happen around their restaurants as this was advertised.

True confession: Until Thursday night, I had never tried any sort of an ice cream float. In fact, my life has been so sheltered that I've never even ridden on a float in a parade....

I grew up in a family which was more into malts than floats. Trouble was, McDonald's led the fast-food world in the direction of milk shakes instead of malts. Apparently that was because shakes were faster to prepare. Malts made from scratch need time for mixing. Shakes can come out of a spigot connected to a giant plastic tub.

But anyway: our family was so malt-centered that we didn't really experiment with the other items in the ice cream world. We ate sundaes once in a while, and went all the way for a banana split on rare occasions. But floats never really crossed our minds - except when I was struggling with swimming lessons at the YMCA.

So Sonic's offer of free root beer floats Thursday night allowed me to have a "first" in the world of desserts. And it allowed me to make up for the "free cone" day at Ben and Jerry's which I missed several weeks ago. I might have needed a lengthy explanation of some of their funny flavor names, anyway....

It was exactly the 8:00 p.m. starting time when I pulled into Sonic on Wynnton Road - and a big crowd already was on hand. In fact, a church van pulled in moments before I did. So I might be in for a long wait, and the staff might be in for a long night.

Instead of pulling into one of the "car hop" stalls at Sonic, I parked in the small parking lot behind the restaurant. That area is for those who prefer "patio dining" - even though in your car, you probably don't have to worry about the Georgia smoking rules.

A fitting old song played on Sonic's radio system as I walked toward the patio - Leslie Gore's "It's My Party." Well, the title seemed fitting. But then I remembered the song's next line: "....and I'll cry if I want to."

It was a true family night at Sonic, as several mothers with children were waiting at the patio tables. It was comforting to know I was not alone - and they weren't planning to buy any food with the floats, either.

The Sonic serving team had trays filled with root beer floats ready to go. But the first two trays emptied just before the servers reached me. But I tried to keep that Sandra Bullock movie in mind - about "Hope Floats."

One reason why the first two trays emptied in a hurry was that some people seemed to be taking not one root beer float, but two or three. It was as if they secretly worked for Wendy's, and were trying to bankrupt the competition.

"You owe me a dollar, you owe me a dollar, and YOU owe me a dollar," one of the Sonic servers said to three young men near me at a patio table.

"The price of a free root beer float is not free?!" I asked.

"I want them to leave me a tip."

The third tray had one root beer float left for me. But then the server completely threw me with a question. "Straw or spoon?" Uh-oh - I knew there was a catch to this free offer. I didn't know how to answer, because I didn't know exactly what I was getting. I was truly a float freshman.

"A straw," I guessed after thinking for a moment. Then I mumbled to the server, "I didn't know I'd have to make such a big decision."

It turned out the straw was the right decision for me. I was able to slurp down the root beer at the bottom of the cup as I drove home. Then I pulled out my own ice cream spoon at home, for the hard vanilla ice cream on top. Trouble was, my stainless steel spoon was too heavy for Sonic's foam cup -- so I ruined the delicate balance of the dish.

My first-ever float was quite tasty and good -- and the free ten-ounce size was the right one for me, before eating a late dinner. I'll keep them in mind on future trips to drive-ins or ice cream shops. But I hope I never have to bring up floating things at the optometrist's office.

Speaking of cheap cool treats: penny-pinchers will be disappointed to learn Columbus Spectrum stores have ended their fountain drink discount for "refill cups." There's now one price for everyone - yet I still consider my 2005 Talladega Superspeedway cup a bit of a collector's item.

The new leader in the low-priced soda contest is Raceway, at Interstate 185 and Victory Drive. It still accepts refill cups, and 32-ounce fountain drinks in those cups cost only 49 cents. That beats Spectrum by 40 cents - except you might burn up that much in gasoline, to reach the store.

Come to think of it, maybe summer is NOT quite here yet. One week into June, I still haven't turned on my air conditioner. I expected Thursday would be the day, but then ominous clouds brought a little rain and cooled things off. There's a big difference between 87 degrees F. and 91, you know.

On a day when root beer floats dominated my attention, it's clear not much news was happening....

+ The Russell County School Board named Lillian Baker its interim superintendent for the second time. Board members say replacing the late Vivian Carter could take months - especially since this time, they realize they need to find a mixed-race candidate to satisfy everybody.

+ The final day of the Alabama Legislature's session included a fistfight between two state senators. I thought the state had enough revenue to avoid any fights about who gets the pork-barrel spending.

+ A fire destroyed several old buildings in downtown Talladega, Alabama. But the worst moment came when NASCAR fans showed up, and started throwing beer cars at slow-moving firefighters.

+ Instant Message to any Republican who might be enraged by Paris Hilton's early release from jail: At least she spent three days there. If she can spend time in jail, why can't Scooter Libby?

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7 JUN 07: PANHANDLE GAS

The price of gasoline seems to have peaked in Columbus. The low price in my neighborhood was $2.94 a gallon Wednesday night. Of course, some of us still have the budget figured at $1.50....

BLOGGER BEGGAR #9: "Can I have a couple of dollars, to get some gas?" the man mumbled just outside a convenience store door on Fourth Street the other afternoon. In fact, this man was in precisely the same spot as the last beggar I encountered [1 May]. Maybe it's time I walked out the east door, instead of the west one.

I didn't notice this man at the door as I walked to Spectrum with my soda refill cup. But he was waiting as I left -- and he caught a break, as I actually carried my wallet with me. Yup, I left the house without thinking first.

"Drive your car over here, and we'll get it done," I told the man as I pointed to an open spot next to a gas pump. It felt for a moment like I was a NASCAR crew chief.

With that, the man began walking around the Spectrum station -- and for a moment I walked behind him. I wanted to make sure he was heading for a car, and not to some kind of team leader with three other beggars waiting to come out.

Walking back to the pumps, the man drove up a moment later -- driving a slightly rusty 1980's-model Buick Regal. He had a disability license plate, which from what I saw was more fitting for the car than the driver.

I put my refill cup filled with diet cola on the gas island, and swiped a credit card on the pump to give the driver what he wanted. But only then did I notice a problem. "This is diesel," I told the man. Shame on me for not checking. But shame on the driver for having to ponder for a few seconds if his engine could handle it.

An unleaded pump was next in line - and after canceling the first credit card transaction, the second one began well. But the driver reached a "couple" of dollars in gas in a big hurry. We were probably both old enough to remember when that could have filled half-a-tank.

"You said a couple, sir," I noted as the driver went past two dollars. I let him go up to three - rounding the price to the nearest dollar, in honor of Bob Barker's final days on "The Price is Right."

It's sometimes hard to stop a fast-moving pump, and the gas bill actually totaled $3.01. Have you noticed convenience stores never leave those "take a penny" bowls out at the pumps?

With that, the driver and the helper both went on their way. The man said something under his breath about "getting back to the house." I hope he wasn't heading to the House of Mercy, in a stolen car.

This beggar was unusual on two counts: he actually wanted gas in his car, and didn't mind if I used a credit card to get it for him. Some beggars are so "cash-only" that they put Family Dollar stores to shame.

But this man accomplished something else. He pushed our count of meetings with beggars above the total for all of 2006 - and this year isn't even half-finished. It's enough to make me want to start jogging under the Second Avenue Bridge.

And that's not all: four of the nine beggars we've met this year have been outside the same Spectrum store on Fourth Street It's the one currently displaying a sign, boasting about selling a five-million dollar Georgia Lottery ticket. It's too bad the winner didn't share part of his big paycheck....

BLOG UPDATE: The next step in the library land controversy may come today, when the Library Board chair meets with an attorney. Will the board be able to arrange a special meeting, before the Columbus Council deadline of June 19? If it can't, can patrons argue against library fines for returning books late?

The debate about the land around the central library continued Wednesday on WRBL. Josh McKoon of the Education Park Coalition said his idea of a "park" involves a fenced-in area with walking trails. Huh - a fenced-in park?! There's no fence around Lakebottom or Britt David Parks. I mean, other than around the baseball and football fields....

Josh McKoon also accused the Library Board of suddenly doubling the amount of money for books on its sales tax spending list. He called it the fastest increase in spending he's ever seen - which tells me he hasn't been to Iraq.

Teresa Tomlinson of Midtown Inc. suggested Columbus Council catch its collective breath, and come to a "comfort level" on the Library Board's proposed budget. Its "greenspace" plan includes an outdoor learning area and meadows - so if you can walk laps around the learning area, couldn't that be a compromise?

While that wrangling continues, here's what else made news Wednesday....

+ Columbus Police searched for an armed robber, who stole money from Forest Road Seafood and Chicken Tuesday night. Why do these robbers always take the money - but they never demand any of the food? Isn't this an insult to the cooks?

+ Columbus city officials opened the bidding process for a software system, so people can pay parking tickets online. Has the city really thought this through? Make a violator drive back downtown to pay, get him stuck in a long line at the Government Center, and you might double your money.

(Maybe I should develop my own software package for people to pay parking tickets. I could call it "Pay-Up-Pal.")

+ The Phenix City Council approved an August 28 vote on a property tax increase for school construction. It would be a seven-mill increase - which surprises me, because I didn't know Phenix City still had seven mills open.

(Phenix City schools stand to gain almost four million dollars from a statewide school construction bond package, which Alabama's Governor plans to sign. So do they really need $1.2 million more in higher property taxes? Should we start watching Garrett-Harrison Stadium for signs of skyboxes?)

+ The Phenix City Council also approved the construction of a soccer complex at the city industrial park. That's the same place where a new poultry processing plant is planned - so immigration agents will know where to find suspected illegal workers on their lunch breaks.

+ Columbus resident Tina Baker accused Uptown Columbus Inc. President Richard Bishop of using his former city government connections, to have ATV riding banned on her property. It looks like you shouldn't make any plans for future "Bikes on Broadway" weekends.

+ Instant Message to Aflac: Looks like you missed a golden opportunity. A team named the Ducks won hockey's Stanley Cup Wednesday night, and you didn't have an ad anywhere in the arena.

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6 JUN 07: GROUND TO A HALT

So which big event do you think will happen first? A U.S. Senate vote on immigration reform? A Columbus Council vote to settle the library land dispute? Or will Paris Hilton beat them both, and get out of jail first?

Columbus Council again delayed a vote on the Library Board budget Tuesday night, until at least 19 June. This time Red McDaniel showed up, but the red faces of frustration in the audience refused to go away.

Red McDaniel displayed several documents he's received in the mail in the last week, about the library land debate. I received something along those lines Tuesday as well - only the American Town Marketing coupons are a lot more fun to review.

Columbus Council asked the Muscogee County Library Board to review its list of sales tax-funded projects before 19 June. Trouble is, the board isn't scheduled to meet again until 28 June. If you didn't know better, you might think the Chamber of Commerce arranged this -- to keep board members in town during their vacation time.

Library Board Chair Bobsie Swift said a list of sales tax projects including greenspace has been approved twice before. She doubted a third vote would change anything. But then again, critics might call such a comment "Swift spinning."

But some Columbus Council members want a compromise to be reached in the "greenspace versus park" debate. I'm starting to think there's only one way to accomplish that. Borrow from the Bible's King Solomon, get that new high-powered saw from the fire department, and cut the 23 disputed acres in half.

The lack of a final decision on the library land is a temporary victory for supporters of a park on the property. Josh McKoon of the Education Park Coalition kept score, and declared a majority of Columbus Councilors would vote down the Library Board's list of projects. So why didn't the council simply do that? Did members decide the Library Board still hasn't recovered from the sculpture embarrassment?

Before Tuesday night's meeting, Teresa Tomlinson of Midtown Inc. told the evening news she has NOT heard anyone oppose using the land around the central library as a park. Yet last summer, she told the Muscogee County School Board the park proposal had the "most negative comments" in community forums [25 Jul 06]. Maybe people liked the park idea, but thought it would be the wrong color.

Library Director Claudya Muller talked with WRBL before the council meeting as well. She explained the idea of a park around the central library was a "concept" during the sales tax campaign several years ago, but NOT a "promise." Are all the 2008 political campaigns taking notes on that one?

Claudya Muller added the proposed Library Board budget provides plenty of additional money for books. She said right now, the Chattahoochee Valley System has only 1.68 books per patron. That number could be much higher right now -- but dozens of reference books somehow evaporated in the last years of the old Bradley Library.

Yes, they "evaporated" - and I may have mentioned this before, but I was at the old Bradley Library enough to confirm it. Plenty of older reference books disappeared, at least in the 200's of "religion." They could have been put into general circulation. Instead, they're gone to -- well, I haven't checked for them yet at the used book stores downtown....

Perhaps over the next weeks, all this will be resolved. Perhaps the Library Board will change its mind about "greenspace." Perhaps it will put a greenspace guarantee in writing, as the pro-park people desire. Or perhaps both sides in this debate will pitch "tent cities" of protest on the asphalt.

Speaking of books: Tuesday's Albany Herald reported Waldenbooks will close its store at the Albany Mall. As far as I know, the store at Peachtree Mall is safe for now. But how can it possibly keep going, without a fancy coffee bar in the back?

Now let's borrow from the sports cliche pile, and close the books on a scarcity of other Tuesday news....

+ Columbus Technical College had its biggest graduation ceremony ever, with 1,500 people receiving diplomas. But President Bob Jones admitted to WXTX "News at Ten" only about 300 graduates showed up at the Civic Center for the ceremony. The rest must have been working make-up evening jobs at local restaurants and department stores.

+ Voters in Alabama approved two constitutional amendments, relating to a new steel plant and public employee health money. But if you could fit all those voters inside the Auburn football stadium, should it really count?

+ Reports from New England indicated a balloon released at the Fort Gaines Nursing Home last Friday floated all the way to Augusta, Maine by Saturday night. Let's see one of those new American Airlines jets at the Columbus Airport make that trip any faster....

+ Columbus clipped Rome 1-0, in an 11:00 a.m. baseball game at Golden Park. The matinee was dubbed "Camp Catfish," and was aimed toward children. There's a reason why these games aren't played on "Thirsty Thursdays."

+ Instant Message to the Georgia Lottery: Your "Mega Millions" billboard next to Golden Park needs fixing. Unless, of course, that lottery ball is cracked open at the top because a "monster game" is going to climb out of it.

COMING THIS WEEK: You know gas prices are too high when....

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5 JUN 07: THE BIGGER DEAL

Columbus Council will try again tonight to settle the library land issue. A preliminary meeting on the Library Board's proposal was held Monday - but one big question remains unresolved. Will Red McDaniel show up this week?

While city activists are divided into "greenspace" and "park" camps, a new report was issued Monday on an issue which seems a little more important. The F.B.I. reported violent crime in Columbus jumped almost 20 percent last year. Considering the national violent crime rate went up 1.3 percent, we look like the central library really should have barbed wire around it.

The F.B.I.'s "Uniform Crime Report" counted Columbus's murder total for 2006 as even with 2005, with 22. But police officers told WRBL that's not quite true, because they only counted 17 homicides last year. So where did the F.B.I. find the other five bodies? Were they floating in the river, and Columbus Police counted them for Phenix City?

Columbus Police guessed the F.B.I. might be including vehicular homicides in its murder count. Which brings us to this reminder: if cars are outlawed, only outlaws will have cars - such as Tony Stewart at a NASCAR race.

The F.B.I.'s report shows robberies are the reason for the big jump in violent crime last year. The number of reported robberies went up 30.2 percent - and who knows how many of those involved people driving off without paying for high-priced gasoline.

When it comes to property crime, Columbus had an increase of about five percent last week. Every category in that division showed an increase -- except for arson, where the F.B.I. number is blank. Perhaps the new Georgia state law allowing sparklers confused the researchers.

Supporters of Mayor Jim Wetherington will look at the 2006 F.B.I. numbers, and say he was elected. The mayor's proposed budget includes money for several new officers and an assistant police chief. Scoffers would say he should give that money to the robbers, and cut out the middleman.

But on Monday, the mayor was analyzing something else - plans for greenspace around the central library. He joined Columbus Councilors and Muscogee County School Board members at a meeting with the library board. I understand news reporters only were told about the meeting 20 minutes in advance - so at least a sunshine law broke out, through a cloudy debate.

Supporters of a park around the central library are wary of what "greenspace" might mean. Councilor Wayne Anthony told WRBL it could refer to meadows and flowers, or could refer to trees. He said nothing about the word meaning green-painted townhouses.

Wayne Anthony said any greenspace plan must include money for three steps: removing concrete around the central library, treating the soil, then "putting something else down." If any Councilors insult Josh McKoon at tonight's meeting, that could resolve the last part.

Whatever is put around the central library, who will make sure it's safe from a higher Columbus crime rate? If trees are planted with either option, will the library security guards eventually turn into forest rangers?

E-MAIL UPDATE: There's another meeting going on today, and our first message refers to it:

I have heard from Channel 9 news this week and they have hired on some new people and they will be coming out to cover our stories soon, in Talbot County. I hope someone is going to cover the Alternative/Charter School board meeting on June 5th. to see what actions if any they are going to take on Mr. Fred Cotton DUI charges. Watch the papers on the updates from this meeting.

Thank you,

Fred Cotton is an assistant principal at Talbot County's charter school, and he was arrested for drunk driving in late March [11 May]. Apparently he's kept his seat on the Talbotton City Council -- so people there are treating him the same way Hollywood is handling Lindsey Lohan.

It's clear that some people think Fred Cotton should be fired from the charter school staff. But the superintendent suggested last month Cotton shouldn't be punished, because the D.U.I. arrest occurred away from the school. It's that sort of "outside the box" thinking which charter schools try to encourage....

We should note this message about Fred Cotton had the title: "What happened to Talbot County Friday?" Given what just happened with Hurtsboro Mondays, it would seem the evaporation process should be the same region-wide.

Speaking of that channel mentioned above, here's an e-mail about the TV feud:

Richard,

Being interested in communications law and having written a paper on the subject, I may be able to clarify what's going on with the Phenix City cable situation.

Cable companies are subject to two sets of regulations applying to local station carriage, must carry and retransmission consent. Under must carry, a local station can demand that a cable system carry that station, but no fees apply. Nowadays, this mostly applies to channels that most people don't want to watch, like ION (the infomercial network). Alternatively, the local station can demand a fee from the cable system for its retransmission consent. This latter option is what WTVM has elected, and it's becoming more and more common. If the cable company doesn't want to pay the fee and drops the channel, their viewers will become outraged because they actually want to watch WTVM's programming.

Usually all the negotiations happen behind closed doors, and the public doesn't know it's going on. But when either (1) the cable company is too cheap to pay the fee, or (2) the local TV station is demanding too much in the way of fees, the parties will go public and try to make the other look like the villain. In this case, I'm betting on (1), since Phenix Cable is a small company that is more likely to be penny pinching.

Note that most of the other basic cable channels show a lot of ads too, yet the cable company has to pay in order to rebroadcast them. However, WTVM and the other local channels put a signal into the air for free that viewers can get in any case. And they show local programming and local advertisements. If anyone deserves support, it is the local station.

The alternative for the cable company is to show an out-of-market station, like WNCF 32 in Montgomery. If the station is "significantly viewed," the cable company has permission from the FCC to rebroadcast it. I don't think channel 32 is significantly viewed in Phenix City, but I think WSFA, the NBC station, might qualify -- I can pick up the latter in Columbus. However, it is still subject to retransmission consent, and NBC will prevent WSFA from giving consent to be retransmitted within WLTZ's market. Unquestionably, WSFA puts out a better product than WLTZ, but they cannot be carried on local cable. (Incidentally, the owners of channel 38 filed a lawsuit trying to kick WSFA out of Columbus back in the 1970s).

I'm one of those people who have "fired the cable company" and purchased a DTV decoder and an outside antenna. It really isn't that hard, and you get a better picture than on cable. For those of you in Columbus, you'll be able to get the Alabama PBS, which is not on cable, among other stations.

Although I come out on the side of the local stations, I am upset with the increasing consolidation in the industry and the fact that most local stations view their broadcast signal as merely a way to send it to remote cable systems.

Thomas

Thanks for the in-depth analysis, Thomas - the sort of thing you're probably most likely to see on cable, either on The Learning Channel or C-SPAN.

A local television executive told me Monday Cable TV of East Alabama DOES have to show WTVM, under the "must carry" rule for local stations. After all, how are the station employees who live in Phenix City supposed to know if they're on the air or not?

It was indeed Cable TV of East Alabama (which still uses the Phenix Cable name online) which went public first, with its letter of complaint to subscribers. The company claims 70 percent of its customers were willing to accept a blackout of WTVM. Many of them must not realize that station will show the final ten NASCAR races this fall.

To be fair: we need to apologize to Cable TV of East Alabama for something. Its programming does NOT include Bravo, which we suggested last week might be worth dropping. So how about ION instead - as in "I Own None of it"?!

Our last e-mail today has one more note about WSHE's Coach B.R. Johnson:

B.R. stands for Benny Rex and he was one of the good old boys who went to Troy..He was an excellent baseball coach at CVCC..His claim to fame is certainly not on the radio.

So if the coach brings up pro football on his sports talk show, co-host Chris Weber should play "Benny and the Jets"?!

We've covered a wide range of topics here - but the Monday headlines still give us a ways to go:

+ The Muscogee County School Board approved a budget, with about four percent more money for textbooks. Maybe THIS time there will be one for every student in a class....

+ The Russell County School Board had an emergency meeting, in the wake of Superintendent Vivian Carter's death. I understand no one shed a tear during the meeting - and after what the school district saw when Jack Russell was Superintendent, perhaps nothing surprises the board anymore.

+ The original owners of "Hogzilla II" appeared on National Public Radio's "All Things Considered." They say the allegedly wild boar shot at an Alabama plantation was a hog named "Fred" which they raised on a farm. They could have rented it to the Fred's discount store chain as a mascot, and made a fortune.

(The couple which lives near Anniston explained they sold Fred the hog last month, on the understanding it would be used for breeding. Instead, it was shot for sport - and used instead for bleeding.)

+ Instant Message to Alanis Morissette: Wow! Not only did you sing two national anthem before Monday night's Stanley Cup Finals game, you sang "O Canada" in two languages! I'm not sure the late Freddy Fender could get away with that on country radio stations in Columbus nowadays.

This blog has thousands of visitors each month, from people in Columbus and around the world. To advertise to them, offer a story tip or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

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for 4 JUN 07: PICK ME, PICK ME

CBS Television

Television City

Hollywood, CA 91123

cc: WRBL-TV, Columbus, GA

Dear Mr./Ms. Network President:

I'm well aware of the job opening you currently have on your day shift, and believe I am the proper person to meet your needs for decades to come. Thus, I am formally applying to become the next host of "The Price is Right."

I'm been dreaming of this job opportunity not for years, but for decades - patiently waiting the retirement of the legendary Bob Barker. The reason no glossy photograph is attached is because my teeth are not sufficiently shiny yet. That matter is in development.

You can be assured, however, that there would be no "dyeing" controversy should I be selected as Mr. Barker's replacement. I have very little gray hair at all -- and the ones I have would be strategically enhanced by your television lights.

Please allow me to explain in further detail why I am your best candidate to host "The Price is Right":

1. I am old enough to remember the show's premiere date: Labor Day, 1972. The college students who fill your stage as contestants today cannot possibly remember that.

2. I have never even applied for free tickets to appear on the program. Thus I carry no outstanding bias against any contestant, pricing game or model.

3. I know the prices of items well enough that I can play with the emotions of nervous contestants -- pretending to reveal prices four or five times, as Mr. Barker sometimes does.

4. During the years when I had pets, I often had them spayed or neutered.

5. I have been developing snappy one-liners for almost every state from which a contestant could come. You may review my four-and-a-half years of blog writing to find examples of this.

6. I am not afraid to have wide-eyed female college students jump all over me, when they win a new car or sailboat. I am also not afraid to have 60-year-old grandmothers do this.

7. My voice range is wide enough that I could also fill in as the show's announcer -- making sure the words "Come On Down!" are said in at least five syllables.

8. I have practiced being host of "The Price is Right" from time to time, in front of the TV set. It's either that, or practice being Joy Behar on "The View."

9. I am willing to personally go into the front row of the audience, and hand the "contestants not appearing on stage" their consolation boxes of Rice-a-Roni.

10. I will ask the program's models for dates in a proper way, instead of flirting with them through suggestive language.

In short, I am ready to move "The Price is Right" into the next generation - the generation when contestants might be guessing the actual retail price of a pickup truck-sized tank of gasoline.

I am well aware that I probably will not be the first person from my city to apply to host "The Price is Right." But to help you make a proper comparison: I know more about television than WGSY-FM's Ed Bostic. And I have an age advantage of close to 30 years on Bob Poydasheff

Please let me know when I can be flown to Hollywood for an audition - and whether I will have to guess the price of such a trip.

Thank you for considering me for this opportunity. And as Mr. Barker used to say: may all your consequences be happy ones.

Regards....

THE BIG BLOG QUESTION is not a pricing game. It's a quick poll which closed Sunday afternoon - and a majority of the voters say the "Hurtsboro Mondays" which we've had since January should end. If you think I agree with this vote, think about this. Do you know how hard it can be to come up with blog topics on a Sunday night?

The final score was seven votes to end Hurtsboro Mondays, three votes to continue them -- and two votes to have even more Hurtsboro news. Constable R.J. Schweiger admitted in a poll comment that he was one of the voters for more news. But if as many Hurtsboro businesses are dying as he says, no one would be left in town to support this blog with advertising.

Constable Schweiger declared in his comment that the e-mail complaint which sparked our poll came from Hurtsboro. All I have to go on is an anonymous AOL e-mail writer, who told me at our deadline he/she was "born and raised in Columbus." But then, he also predicted he'd be the only one to vote for more Hurtsboro coverage - and he wasn't.

If there's a way to track the votes on a Sparklit poll beyond "IP addresses," no one's taught me what it is. And for the Hurtsboro area, it doesn't help that IP addresses don't have rural route numbers.

So perhaps all the voters in our poll were from Hurtsboro. Perhaps some were from Columbus. Perhaps our occasional visitors from Canada weighed in on this topic - with nothing else to do between Stanley Cup Finals hockey games.

The Constable seems to realize this is the "last call" for Hurtsboro Mondays - because over the weekend he sent another e-mail:

Richard:

As promised - I've refrained from writing until the virtual close of your poll. I'm not easily discouraged - but perhaps it's time to throw in the towel. When a BLOG that lists its hits in the thousands can only pique the interest of less than a dozen - the cause becomes less than impressive!!

Couple this with my experience at the hands of a local editor who seems to prefer drivel to breaking news; and who opts to use a personal column to complain about family matters and enviormental conditions. If this individual thinks smoke is choking - she should comingle it with the aroma of rotting garbage.

Your latest BLOG deals at length with the CTVEA issue. This fiasco just amplifies what I've been talking about, for some time! There IS NO PLACE TO TURN in east Alabama to expose wrongdoing. The media in Georgia has plenty of items to disseminate without wading across the river, and Russell County politicos aren't going on safari either. There's a "saying" in "Hurt'sboro; "Its always been this way - and nuthin's goin to change!"

Perhaps it is time to throw in the towel - only a fool would continue - but I'm not quite ready to wave a white flag yet! And now that I know that there's only a handful of dissidents, it makes the odds more to my liking!

Seeya next week!!

Constable R.J. Schweiger

I'm sorry the voter turnout didn't impress the Constable - but he should wait until Alabama has that statewide referendum Tuesday on those two amendments.

I can't force people to vote in our polls, you know. And I don't have the budget of the election office in Selma, to hold a raffle among the voters for a color TV set.

It seems to me the Georgia news media examine East Alabama "fiascos" all the time. Perhaps this is the wrong time to bring it up -- but did you notice while the late Vivian Carter was Superintendent, not one Russell County teacher was arrested?

We also heard late last week from the mysterious "Russell C. Ounti." His latest "snail mail" claimed there was fistfight last Tuesday involving someone who was praised on The Blog of Hurtsboro, and an arrest was made. Trouble is, The Blog of Hurtsboro hasn't been resurrected in weeks. So was the fight at one of the restaurants? Did the hardware store manager pick up a hammer, along with a gun?

E-MAIL UPDATE: Besides the Constable, we also have e-mail from another recent blog subject:

Richard,

I enjoyed reading your post on the going away party at the Olive Garden [29 May]. I did not get a chance to read it until Thursday evening. My German woman and I were in Savannah and Tybee Island all week and I did not have high speed internet access in my room. She wanted me to let you know that her name is Heike, (pronounced High-ka). I think in the blog you indicated her name was Ilka.

By the way, Heike and I enjoyed our week in Savannah. The sun is so much brighter on Tybee Island than on Wynnton Road ! We are going to see Mickey and Goofy in Orlando next.

Roszell Gadson

Thanks for setting the name straight, and our blog picture page has been updated accordingly. What does it say when someone of German heritage such as I can't get a German immigrant's name right? Not to mention the fact that I can't stand sauerkraut....

In the last few days, there's been a very clear reason why the sun was shining brighter at Tybee Island. The wind was blowing smoke from the wildfires in the opposite direction.

We also have a leftover from Sunday's blog - where we wondered about the background of Coach B.R. Johnson:

He was a Coach forever at CVCC.

From the voice I heard on WSHE the other day, he sounds like he still has a whistle around his neck....

Speaking of e-mail, our spam-counting "Burkard Bulk Mail Index" dropped to a new low this weekend - below 2,000! Maybe the arrest of that so-called "King of Spam" made a difference. Or perhaps word finally got around about me to those Nigerian bankers....

Now let's check news headlines from a pleasant June Sunday:

+ Which local fire station is playing raunchy comedy albums - and turning them up so loud, they can be heard across the street? If the alarm goes off, will the crew wait for a joke to finish?

+ The Bayonet reported Fort Benning is receiving a new telephone prefix, because of base realignment. The paper quoted an Army sergeant as saying "DOIM took possession of the new telephone numbers with the 626 prefix in April." This is SO Fort Benning - making it sound like Rangers had to invade the AT&T office to get them.

+ Port Columbus completed a weekend-long history program called "The Battle of Memphis." I'm sorry - but if an Elvis Presley imitator wasn't at this event, how authentic WAS it?

+ WEAM-AM was off the air all weekend. That meant no Columbus Lions broadcast, no updates on the basketball or hockey playoffs - why, it was almost like "The Zone" had been told to go to a man-to-man.

+ The Pastor of Mount Moriah Baptist Church in Auburn was locked out of the building, as was most of the congregation. The deacons changed the locks, because they say they've fired Pastor Tyrone Edwards. The Pastor should have responded by preaching from that verse in Revelation - "Behold, I stand at the door and knock."

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3 JUN 07: B.R. 549

"We're just rookies at this," said B.R. Johnson Friday afternoon. If you listened to WSHE-AM, that quickly became obvious. Columbus High School has experience in baseball championship series. At least one of the radio announcers did not - and amazingly, it seemed to be the older one.

I'm not sure when "Coach B.R. Johnson" was a coach in Columbus, but in recent years he's used that title to host a daily sports talk show on WSHE. Because Scott Miller was busy with Columbus State's championship game, Johnson was asked to do play-by-play for the first game of the Georgia AAA baseball finals. It's too bad Robbie Watson couldn't be lured back into doing sports....

Coach B.R. Johnson brings a down-home country-boy to the "High Noon Sports Show." But it sounded downright funny at times, during the first Dunwoody-Columbus game. He was SO FOLKSY that I almost expected the coach to pull out a mandolin between innings, and start singing bluegrass tunes.

Oh, excuse me -- they weren't innings. Coach B.R. Johnson called each one an innin'. The great Georgia native baseball announcer Ernie Harwell learned better than that -- but I don't know if he ever did high school games, like we do in Columbus.

Coach B.R. Johnson's talk show partner Chris Weber joined him for the Dunwoody-Columbus game -- and as I listened in the car, I knew right away the roles should have been reversed. The coach should have been the "color commentator" all day long, not simply in game two. After all, he declared one day the San Francisco Giant home uniforms were "more of a cream," and not white.

It was far more than the drawl which had me stunned by Coach B.R. Johnson. It was the things he said....

+ For one player, it was "not his first radio." He then corrected himself, to say "rodeo" - but visitors might have wondered if it was the coach's first in either one.

+ A Dunwoody player threw a "nice high school pitch." The coach never really told you if it was a ball or strike - but at least it was nice.

+ A player late in game one hit a "poop-up." When the Columbus Catfish had "Bark in the Park" night Saturday night allowing fans to bring dogs, I might have understood this.

+ He praised one player who hit a ball "really good." At this point, Chris Weber corrected the coach to say "really well." Columbus High has strong test scores, after all.

(But I'm not sure why Chris Weber bothered to correct the coach's grammar. Val McGinness does that all the time on WDAK's "Morning Show," and Weber says nothing.)

Coach B.R. Johnson apparently didn't even bring his own scorebook for the AAA finals, as he talked about having a scorekeeper alongside him. This puts him a cut above the Atlanta broadcasters, I guess....

Game two sounded much better with Chris Weber handling the play-by-play, but the outcome was not good for Columbus High. Dunwoody swept them 7-5 and 6-0 for the AAA title. But maybe Columbus had it coming - with "Blue Devil" baseball games on a radio station which plays Southern gospel music.

Plenty of businesses sponsored the AAA finals on WSHE - but why was one of those businesses Big Mama's Fireworks? Do they want all the Columbus teenagers to go buy firecrackers in Lee County, take them back to Georgia and break the law?

The outcome also was disappointing for Columbus State, as Tampa topped the Cougars in the Division II World Series finals 7-1. So the only big baseball title of the spring in this area goes to Glenwood, following its two state titles in high school basketball. Imagine if anyone there ever figures out how to make room around the football field for a running track.

E-MAIL UPDATE: Now we move from radio to television....

Richard, Who are the subscribers to Cable TV of East Alabama (formerly Phenix City Cable) supposed to believe? Is it our monopoly cable company or Channel 9? First we get a letter last Sat informing us that Ch 9 is requiring Cable TV of E Ala to pay them for each subscriber or they will cut Ch 9's signal. They urge us to let them know if we want to pay an increase in monthly rates or if we want Ch 9 dropped. Then the following Tues. we get June bills in the mail with the announcement that our cable bills will increase next month. They were certainly mailed out before CTV of EA had time to tally the results of their survey. And by the way we just had a cable increase in January. Then we hear the General Manager of Ch 9 saying on TV that CTV of EA is not being truthful to its subscribers. Now the newspaper says that we will continue to receive Ch 9 and that we will not get an increase in rates - that CTV of EA will pay Ch 9 the fees they want to continue to carry their signal without passing the increase on to their customers.

And at the same time we're told that the majority of subscribers who replied to the survey want Ch 9 dropped from our line-up if it increases our monthly bills.

Then we hear through the "grapevine" that Mr. Roy Greene, owner of CTV of EA has purchased the Phenix Citizen newspaper and that he wanted to get his cable subscribers to pay for his newspaper purchase.

By the way we pay $43.53 a month for basic cable! All of the consumer magazines say that if you only have one cable company in your area you are paying too much for cable. Why do you think we have only one company? I believe Columbus has at least three companies and the Auburn/Opelika area has several companies. Cable TV of East AL serves Phenix City, Russell County( including Seale, Ft. Mitchell and Hurtsboro), Smiths Station, the whole Smiths area and Salem. Surely the population of this area is more than the Auburn/Opelika area.

Some people say they have a monopoly because of the political clout of the owner and some say the City councils of Phenix City and Smiths Station and the county commission in Russell County have given CTV of E Ala exclusive rights.

And maybe you can answer this question. Can CTV of E Ala legally drop Ch 9 or would the "must carry" rule apply?

I would like to have Alabama channels offered but I'm told the "must carry" rule requires our cable provider to carry the local stations (even though they are in GA). I've been told that Ch 38 filed legal papers to keep us from receiving WSFA in Montgomery because it is an NBC affiliate like Ch 38.

Because our cable company is not allowed to carry Alabama stations those of us in East Alabama miss out on the many public service programs and news of our state. Oh yes, I do realize Ch 9 and Ch 3 carry some AL news. I realize their dilemma. If they carry too much their GA viewers get upset.

And to make matters worse, Georgia Public Television comes in much clearer on our cable than AL Public Broadcasting.

I wish I knew the percentage of residents on this side of the river who have just given up and are now dish/satellite subscribers.

Thanks for listening Richard (I know this was lengthy).

For now a Cable TV of East Alabama subscriber

What we have here is a classic feud between broadcast stations and cable TV. Believe it or not, it's been going on a lot longer than the "greenspace versus park" feud.

The newspaper has the most current version that I'm aware of - that Cable TV of East Alabama will go ahead and carry WTVM, without raising rates or blocking the signal. An e-mail to that effect was sent to subscribers the other day, explaining the company chose to "err on the side of caution." Something it didn't do, when it included WXTX in the blackout talk....

Your blog has seen a copy of Cable TV of East Alabama's e-mail to subscribers. It says the business made an "unintentional error" by including WXTX in its warning of a possible blackout - yet it took exception to WTVM's General Manager calling the claim "false." Which former government official wrote this e-mail, anyway?

I've also heard the story about new ownership at the Phenix Citizen-News being connected to Cable TV of East Alabama. Perhaps the two will combine, to offer more Alabama news to its customers. After all, those Opelika-Auburn News reporters seem so comfortable and at home on WRBL....

You may think Auburn and Opelika have several cable options, but they really don't. The Yellow Pages lists only one company in each city -- and we noted here last year the cable systems have NO public access channels [27 Jan 06]. So you can't even go on the cable system and rant about its monopoly status.

I'm no attorney in broadcast law -- but I think Cable TV of East Alabama legally can cut off WTVM's signal. But given what happened with WLTZ, I doubt the business could substitute another ABC station. That's probably a good thing, because the station in Montgomery has very little local news -- and awhile back, it had a "fairy" presenting the morning weather. [True!]

(By the way, did you know WSFA in Montgomery is owned by the same company which owns WTVM? So Cable TV of East Alabama could have found itself in double trouble - and you may have wound up watching Atlanta stations.)

We'll have to get to other e-mails another day, because the hour is late - and we need to wrap up other news of the weekend:

+ Rain fell across Georgia for the first time in weeks, as Tropical Storm Barry moved north. How many firefighters along the Florida line had a "Saturday Night Live" flashback, and declared the rain was "Barry Barry good to me"?!

+ Someone found an unexploded bazooka in Columbus - and decided to take it to a friend at the Springer Opera House. Someone needs to spread the message that "We Were Soldiers" is a movie, NOT a stage play.

+ The U.S. Border Patrol held two days of job interviews at the Columbus Trade Center. There should have been a lot of applicants and hiring here - since so many people in Columbus seem able to spot illegal immigrants 100 yards away, simply by looking at them.

+ The Muscogee County School Board held a retreat at Columbus State University. WRBL showed Carmen Cavezza of C.S.U.'s Cunningham Center leading one discussion - leaving us remembering the good old days in Columbus, when city managers and school boards actually got along.

+ The Chattahoochee Valley library system's summer reading program began with a day of outdoor fun at the central library. So which table had more children pick up souvenir buttons and petitions - the greenspace table or the park table?

+ The Bradley Theater hosted a 12-hour marathon, with 12 different bands. If you meet someone who sat through all of this, be sure to speak loudly and slowly in their ears for the next two weeks.

+ Instant Message to the driver of a Toyota with the license tag "EMANU L:" I'd never seen that before - a flag outside the car window for a church, similar to what college sports fans show off on game days. How close can you park to the church door with that?

This blog has thousands of visitors each month, from people in Columbus and around the world. To advertise to them, offer a story tip or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

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1 JUN 07: CHAMPIONS MONTH?

The calendar has reached June. Muscogee County schools have been out of session for two weeks. Columbus State's commencement was almost three weeks ago. So why are some just-graduated seniors still hanging around? Why haven't they started their "year off to find themselves" yet?

There's a very good reason why a few seniors are still hanging around. They're playing today for baseball titles. Columbus High School will seek the Georgia AAA title. Columbus State will go after the NCAA Division II title. And perhaps sometime next week, we'll find out if the Columbus Catfish are even near the top of their division.

The first team to take the field will be Columbus High, as it hosts Dunwoody in the AAA finals. Have you noticed the clever psych-out job Columbus coach Bobby Howard has been doing this week - wearing a cap at practice with a Dunwoody "D" on it?

The AAA baseball final round is a best-of-three series. Columbus High catcher Chase Weems is a senior, and put things rather bluntly Thursday: "Two more wins and I'm outta here." There's a name to cross off the invitation list for Homecoming weekend this fall....

In a surprise, the AAA baseball finals are being played at Randy Jordan Field. That's where Columbus High normally plays - but in recent years, title series have been moved to Golden Park. The Catfish are on the road tonight, and have a home game at 7:00 Saturday night. Wouldn't that allow for a Columbus-Dunwoody third game Saturday afternoon? Or is the Golden Park grounds crew suddenly that drought-conscious?

Another alternative was moving the AAA finals to Columbus State University's home field - but that wasn't done, either. It's as if C.S.U. administrators expect the Cougars to win tonight, then have all the fans tear up the diamond when they get home.

The Columbus State baseball team plays at 8:00 p.m. ET for the Division II national title. The Cougars have won eight playoff games in a row - something Atlanta's baseball team hasn't come close to doing since 1995.

As for Columbus State's opponent: the team tackles top-ranked Tampa in the title tilt tonight. If you can say that sentence three times fast without stumbling, you could be the successor to C.S.U. sportscaster Scott Miller....

You can show how "green" our city is, by taking a Columbus State team bus to the Division II title tilt. The round-trip ride will cost ten dollars, PLUS the price of a ticket - and from what I've been reading about the tournament, any scalper outside the gate will be wasting his time.

The Montgomery Advertiser reported the other day that attendance at the Division II World Series hasn't been that strong this year. And that's with Columbus State fans driving in, from less than 100 miles away. Are sports fans across Alabama's capital distracted by Nick Saban THAT much?

So Columbus could have two sports champions by sunrise Saturday - and it could end the month of June with a champion team as well. Perhaps you haven't been following indoor football's Columbus Lions. And I can't say I blame you, since the team has had about three bye weeks this season....

The Columbus Lions have clinched the regular-season title - and that means the Columbus Civic Center will host the World Indoor Football League's championship game June 30. Yes, Columbus will have a "bowl game." Maybe not the Super Bowl, but more like the "Pretty Neat Bowl."

There's only one problem with Columbus hosting a bowl game on June 30. It's the night of the Miss Georgia pageant at the RiverCenter. What's a red-blooded single guy to do - especially since neither event is likely to be televised, so you can tape it?!

But anyway: I read some statistics on the Columbus Lions Thursday. The team's top passer is ranked fifth in the World Indoor Football League - which sounds good, until you remember the league only has four teams. [True!]

E-MAIL UPDATE: Thursday's virtual mailbag brought no comments on the library land debate. But it did settle one question we asked - Is Teresa Tomlinson a Democrat?

A quick visit to opensecrets.org reveals she is a regular contributor to candidates such as Howard Dean and John Edwards as well as left wing Emily's List. Yeah,she's a democRat.

That's with a capital R?! As opposed to the Re-Pub-licans?

Considering Josh McKoon chairs the Muscogee County Republican Party, this D-tail about Teresa Tomlinson suggests the feud over the library land may be deeper than the asphalt around the building. It may not be so much about "greenspace" as it is "red" space and "blue" space.

Another message Thursday was about a completely different topic....

I was in Peachtree Mall today from noon until 2M...It was like a ghost town,completely deserted...Clerks in Dillard's were standing around talking to each other,and the food court was about ½ full...There were small groups of families following around their baby faced sons in military uniforms...How young they were to be facing Iraq or Afghanistan.

There, there - don't worry. Peachtree Mall will be filled and busy again before long. After all, Family Day in the Park is only two weeks away.

We thank all of you who write us, and now let's write a little more about events on the last day of May:

+ May ended with only 0.26 inches of rain at the Columbus Airport. WRBL's Bob Jeswald called it the second-driest May on record. So what sin was God punishing around here in the spring of 1962 - segregation?!

+ Continental Carbon announced in a statement it's paid $3.4 million in damages and attorney's fees, stemming from the "soot suit" of several years ago. Oh yes, I forgot - the company which spread haze across Columbus, before the wildfires did.

(Continental Carbon is appealing $17.5 million in punitive damages to the U.S. Supreme Court. The company contends other companies which were ordered to pay less in damages inflicted "far more serious harm." Why a carbon company would dare to compare itself to big tobacco corporations, I'm not quite sure.)

+ Cable TV of East Alabama sent an e-mail to its customers, announcing it will go ahead and pay retransmission fees to WTVM. It will NOT raise rates, and there will be NO signal blackout next week - so we'll miss the challenge of trying to watch a "National Blackout Bingo Night."

+ The Western Hemisphere Institute of Security Cooperation held its graduation ceremony at Fort Benning. Diplomas were given to 45 officers from various countries -- and S.O.A. Watch activists may be surprised to learn none of them received souvenir brass knuckles.

+ A new traffic light began operating on Bradley Park Drive, at J.R. Allen Parkway. This will give visitors an extra 15 seconds or so to figure out a big decision - to eat at Cracker Barrel or Waffle House.

+ The Lee County Commission approved plans for another new traffic light, at U.S. 280 and Lee Road 379. That's the corner where the Lee County Flea Market is located - so shoppers will have an extra 15 seconds or so to figure out if those outdoor tables really sell legitimate NASCAR souvenirs.

+ Columbus resident David Huff was presented with a five million dollar check from the Georgia Lottery. Huff hit it huge, thanks to a scratch-off ticket in the "$500 Million Club" game. Yeah, but is it enough to get him in The Big Eddy Club?

+ Instant Message to Atlanta attorney Andrew Speaker: OK, we know who you are. Now we'd like to do a movie about your rare case of tuberculosis, and how you seemed to be in denial about it for several weeks. The working title is, "My Big Infectious Greek Wedding."

This blog has thousands of visitors each month, from people in Columbus and around the world. To advertise to them, offer a story tip or comment on this blog, write me - but be warned, I may post your e-mail comment and offer a reply.

BURKARD BULK MAIL INDEX: 2413 (+ 94, 4.1%)

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